Speaker 1: Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Angler and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Podcast. Hello and welcome to this week's episode
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck At Dating. My name is Jared
Speaker 1: Haven and I am with the wonderful Dean Dean Say hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 1: Um so Dean, I figured we jump right into it,
Speaker 1: getting into the nitty gritty. Uh. There was some news
Speaker 1: this week that another couple from the Bachelorordin Games has
Speaker 1: broken up and that involved you. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you wanted to kind of take the platform and and
Speaker 1: discuss it a little bit, or just if you had
Speaker 1: anything on your chest. Yeah, I've been kind of dreading
Speaker 1: this moment for the past four or five days. To
Speaker 1: be perfectly honest with you. Um. Yeah, Leslie and I
Speaker 1: decided to part ways, and UM, I don't I don't
Speaker 1: really want to talk too much about it to be
Speaker 1: perfectly honest with you guys. I want to respect her privacy.
Speaker 1: UM And I know that kind of with this podcast
Speaker 1: comes the territory of everyone expecting me to share every
Speaker 1: once in my life at all times, and I think
Speaker 1: that I'm going to forego that this time and just
Speaker 1: not really speak too much about that specifically. UM, I
Speaker 1: will say that, you know, the last four or five
Speaker 1: days have been credibly challenging. Uh. Fortunate enough to hang
Speaker 1: out with Jared actually on Saturday night and he was
Speaker 1: able to kind of like talk with me through a
Speaker 1: lot of things. But it's been tough. It's been tough
Speaker 1: for both of us. And um, yeah, I don't even
Speaker 1: just like talking about it right now. It's kind of
Speaker 1: getting me a little sad. But no, of course, like
Speaker 1: and I could see it on Saturday, I could see
Speaker 1: all right here that you know, it's it's an emotional
Speaker 1: time for you right now. Um, and it always is
Speaker 1: going through a breakup, and uh, I think it's even
Speaker 1: heightened when you're going through a public breakup. UM. So
Speaker 1: you know, maybe a question I had for you was
Speaker 1: because you do and I do respect your privacy and
Speaker 1: and I think that's um a great quality to have
Speaker 1: to keep things, you know, Uh, some things don't need
Speaker 1: to be public. Um. But having said that, you did
Speaker 1: post something a couple of days ago. Um, I just
Speaker 1: kind of had a question about like where you were
Speaker 1: coming from when posting that and and why you felt
Speaker 1: the need to um post uh something so um emotional
Speaker 1: like that on Instagram. Yeah, I I think because Less
Speaker 1: he posted something as well, and she's like, I don't
Speaker 1: know why I have to feel the need to post
Speaker 1: something like this, and it's like this the sentiment is
Speaker 1: mimicked on my side too. It's kind of like I
Speaker 1: don't really feel like I have the need to share
Speaker 1: that but for semantic sake, for due diligence sake. I
Speaker 1: guess maybe I don't know, But um, it was weird
Speaker 1: because the News published that uh split article before either
Speaker 1: of us said even even even talked to the news
Speaker 1: or talk to anyone about it, Like it was basically
Speaker 1: an hour or two old at that point, um, And
Speaker 1: so it was just it was a weird dynamic to
Speaker 1: introduce to the breakup. Um. But yeah, I mean the
Speaker 1: post that I had, it's like it's like I've always
Speaker 1: had this idea that you kind of, like, like I
Speaker 1: said in my post, like you live your life, you
Speaker 1: do your things exactly how you want to do them, um,
Speaker 1: and then eventually, at some point in your life, you'll
Speaker 1: be introduced to the person that lives their life the
Speaker 1: way that they want to live their life, and you
Speaker 1: kind of just like come together and become this one. Um.
Speaker 1: I guess A couple where you guys are being very
Speaker 1: into pendant of each other and you kind of just
Speaker 1: build each other up in so many ways and there's
Speaker 1: no real like work that asked you put into it.
Speaker 1: And as I'm getting older, I'm starting to realize, like
Speaker 1: love takes a lot of work, and it takes you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of time and a lot of compromise and
Speaker 1: a lot of effort on both sides, and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was weird. It's it's funny too, because like I
Speaker 1: thought about what I wanted to say coming into this
Speaker 1: podcast and like the things that I'd be willing to share,
Speaker 1: and um, one of the things, so my friend asked
Speaker 1: me before going into Bachelor Winter Games, He's like, what's
Speaker 1: like the one thing that you want out of a
Speaker 1: relationship going into Winter Games? And I like that was,
Speaker 1: like the one thing that I want is just to
Speaker 1: know that I feel loved back, Like I want to
Speaker 1: feel loved and like I feel like I belong all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And what's what's the worst part
Speaker 1: about all of this is like I know that Leslie
Speaker 1: did feel that way about me, regardless of everything. Like
Speaker 1: I knew that she she did love me, and so
Speaker 1: it's like here, I am like, now, it's that's what
Speaker 1: I wanted. Like I got the one thing that I
Speaker 1: wanted and still didn't end up working out, you know,
Speaker 1: which is like the one of the worst things to
Speaker 1: to come to the realization of. And so like now
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here and I've like taken a few steps back.
Speaker 1: Over the past four or five days, I've um, you know,
Speaker 1: spent a lot more time alone. I think that that's
Speaker 1: one thing that I really need to do, is start
Speaker 1: spending a lot more time alone and just kind of
Speaker 1: focusing on myself and and kind of come to terms
Speaker 1: with a lot of the issues that I have in
Speaker 1: my life and from my past that are are very
Speaker 1: much affecting my dating life nowadays. And you know, I've
Speaker 1: been like meditating more and um, I sought out therapy.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start going to therapy this week. UM. And
Speaker 1: even like as I was, it was kind of like
Speaker 1: a postmortem with with um one another, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't really think I've ever had
Speaker 1: a strong example of a good relationship in my entire life.
Speaker 1: Like my parents didn't really like each other when I
Speaker 1: was growing up. My brother is in a good relationship
Speaker 1: now with his girlfriend, but I don't really see or
Speaker 1: hear from them very often. All my friends are, you know,
Speaker 1: more or less going from one field relationship to the next.
Speaker 1: So like, I've never really had a relationship to look
Speaker 1: up to, and I think that that takes a big
Speaker 1: toll on on kind of what I think a relationship
Speaker 1: should be. Like, UM, I think I have like this,
Speaker 1: And sorry for just I'm rambling and I'm just kind
Speaker 1: of talking about what comes to mind. But UM, I
Speaker 1: like this crippling fear of like turning out like my father.
Speaker 1: I think I realized the other day too. I was
Speaker 1: like sitting on the beach and I was like doing
Speaker 1: my breathing exercises, and I was like, damn if I
Speaker 1: end up like him, I'm gonna be really really sad
Speaker 1: at myself for that. Um. And so you know, I
Speaker 1: have like this, I guess instinctive defensive thing to like
Speaker 1: kind of push away from the good things in my life.
Speaker 1: And um, hopefully there are people end up helping me
Speaker 1: out with that. And UM, I think I just need
Speaker 1: to come to two terms with a lot of the
Speaker 1: issues that I have ah or have dealt with personally.
Speaker 1: And like face myself and like look myself in the
Speaker 1: mirror and be like, you went through this, and so
Speaker 1: now you need to, like people to build from this.
Speaker 1: And obviously all we can do is like, once you
Speaker 1: recognize a fault, if you don't like take action to
Speaker 1: make it better, like, that's the worst thing you can do.
Speaker 1: And I think that I've kind of done that in
Speaker 1: the past, where I'm like, oh, I have this problem,
Speaker 1: but it's going to fix it self kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But now it's more of a matter of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have all these problems. I need to like take
Speaker 1: action actually make them better for myself. And of course
Speaker 1: you learn from your mistakes. Um and yeah, like like
Speaker 1: the guilt, the the remorse, the depression and anxiety that
Speaker 1: I feel right now, it sucks. But um, I think
Speaker 1: if you know, if the relationship up going, it's it
Speaker 1: would have been much worse if it got to this
Speaker 1: point again, you know. Um So, so all of these
Speaker 1: feelings are a fraction of what I assumed would have been. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, if a breakup happened in six months, when
Speaker 1: just relationships or I'm sorry, emotions continue to kind of
Speaker 1: grow and grow, and um and I said, I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna talk much about this. But again, all of this
Speaker 1: boils back down to I think my issues, my securities,
Speaker 1: like my incredible fear of abandonment and like needing to
Speaker 1: be belonged somewhere all that kind of stuff. So um,
Speaker 1: nothing Unleslie. Like Leslie was an incredible girlfriend, and I
Speaker 1: know one day she'll be an incredible wife of a
Speaker 1: wonderful mother. She's a great uh aunt to her two nephews,
Speaker 1: and um, you know she she's she's a great girl.
Speaker 1: So um, I don't know, it's tough. It's been a
Speaker 1: rough couple of days. Yeah, man, uh you know we
Speaker 1: I was, like I said, I've seen you the beast
Speaker 1: couple of days, and I can kind of see you
Speaker 1: going through a very emotional difficult time right now. And
Speaker 1: I think you're handling it as best as you possibly can.
Speaker 1: I think you're handling it very maturely. And and also
Speaker 1: I wanted to say that like you've been nothing, you
Speaker 1: have nothing, You have nothing but nice things to say
Speaker 1: about Leslie. Like that's I mean even talking about it.
Speaker 1: The past few days, you have said nothing but just
Speaker 1: wonderful things about her. Um, and I think that's very respectable.
Speaker 1: And I also think that you going through the self
Speaker 1: reflecting reflecting time right now is also very important because
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people that go through
Speaker 1: breakups they kind of they can maybe blame the other
Speaker 1: person too much, and you're not doing that. You're taking
Speaker 1: a lot of responsibility for yourself. Um, and you're learning
Speaker 1: from that. And even by you know, you're saying going
Speaker 1: to therapy, by the way, but you know, like going
Speaker 1: in interviews in the batchelors like exactly like going through
Speaker 1: therapy right now, and so UM, trust me, we've all
Speaker 1: been there, and I think you're doing the best you
Speaker 1: can and that's all you can do. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't. Like I said, it's it's
Speaker 1: one thing to recognize the faults that you have in
Speaker 1: your relationships. But I'm working hard and diligently to focus
Speaker 1: on fixing those problems, and I don't necessarily know where
Speaker 1: to start. I think therapy is a good place to
Speaker 1: start for me. I always kind of like, I always
Speaker 1: kind of knock therapy. I one of my former girlfriends
Speaker 1: from a three year few years ago, I mentioned that
Speaker 1: she went to therapy and um and how beneficial it
Speaker 1: was for her, and I was I was kind of
Speaker 1: wrote it off as like, oh, I always kind of think,
Speaker 1: like week, will people go to therapy, like just people
Speaker 1: that can't really deal with their own emotions, etcetera, etcetera. Um,
Speaker 1: but going through this breakup and like the amount of uh,
Speaker 1: I guess things that came to surface throughout it, like
Speaker 1: it was like I need to go to therapy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I went to therapy for about two years really, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: just to uh kind of went through a difficult break up.
Speaker 1: This is before the Bachelorette and um, kind of going
Speaker 1: through the same thing you're going through right now. Where
Speaker 1: I was just doing a lot of self reflecting and
Speaker 1: questioning my own, um decisions that I've made and the
Speaker 1: person that I am today. And I was trying to
Speaker 1: exactly kind of focus on the things that I don't
Speaker 1: like about myself and and try to fix those things.
Speaker 1: And so therapy really helped me just being able to
Speaker 1: It's amazing how a thought can go through your head
Speaker 1: and it feels like the worst thing imaginable, and then
Speaker 1: all you do is say it and you just kind
Speaker 1: of put it out into the world and get it
Speaker 1: off your chest, and then you realize. Wow, Okay, I
Speaker 1: feel aho lot better right now just from saying that. UM,
Speaker 1: And so I am a total advocate therapy, and I'm
Speaker 1: also a total advocate of UM, you know, looking inward
Speaker 1: for answers. Yeah, and that's something I maybe you haven't
Speaker 1: done so much. I've I've been alone before, like I've
Speaker 1: been on my own for you know, however long, but UM,
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever really dived in and like
Speaker 1: I asked myself the difficult questions, and so over the
Speaker 1: past four or five days, like I'll like be sitting
Speaker 1: there and thinking, like I'll have like a like an
Speaker 1: epiphany You're like a revelation about UM, something about my
Speaker 1: childhood or something about my past where I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't want that and I don't want that to happen again.
Speaker 1: So like what are the necessary steps to ensure that
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen? Yeah? Absolutely, I think you're showing a
Speaker 1: lot of vulnerability right now. And we've talked about it
Speaker 1: on this podcast before. I mean, I think we've all
Speaker 1: said vulnerabilities a sign of strength, not weakness. So I
Speaker 1: think you're exuding a lot of strength by going through
Speaker 1: this public ar right now and I want to thank
Speaker 1: you for talking about it with us, um, and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're being a little hard on yourself
Speaker 1: to be honest with you. I mean, aren't all breakups
Speaker 1: snately a mutual situation, don't matter who did the breaking up.
Speaker 1: And I don't know in your situation. I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about your situation, but it seems like it's just
Speaker 1: these things. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I
Speaker 1: think you maybe shouldering too much of the blame. I
Speaker 1: think I've done that before in the past, and I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes I do end up taking too much
Speaker 1: of the responsibility and like allowing myself to kind of
Speaker 1: be that sponge to absorb that. But I mean that's
Speaker 1: just kind of maybe that's again something that I can
Speaker 1: work through therapy, but it's just like that's my I
Speaker 1: guess default. Like when things go wrong, like the easiest
Speaker 1: thing to do is to blame yourself, because at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, like you control how you react
Speaker 1: to everything, You control your actions to to every situation,
Speaker 1: and so it's in a sense always entirely my fault.
Speaker 1: But then obviously if you look at from the other
Speaker 1: side of that that person can be like, oh, it's entirely
Speaker 1: my fault too, So, UM, I understand where you're coming from. Um,
Speaker 1: But to bounce off that, I would absolutely agree with you.
Speaker 1: Any relationship that breaks off, it's on both people, right,
Speaker 1: A relationship is a two way street. Having said that,
Speaker 1: I think for me personally, it was just more it
Speaker 1: was more difficult to put to talk about Leslie's side
Speaker 1: for the simple fact that Leslie's in here and so
Speaker 1: she can't really articulate her own feelings about things. And
Speaker 1: that's one of the main reasons why I demand that demand.
Speaker 1: Whatever I demand, I demand it that that the breakup
Speaker 1: itself is at least as private as possible, to respect
Speaker 1: her privacy because she doesn't have a voice in the situation.
Speaker 1: And of course you could go to a news outlet
Speaker 1: whatever share her side of the story if she so
Speaker 1: intend to. Um, But like, just because she's not here to,
Speaker 1: I have no right to talk about that, I don't
Speaker 1: think I would agree. Well, could Rachel Lindsay talk about it? Yes,
Speaker 1: because she has some thoughts. So before we entered Marketad
Speaker 1: informed me that Rachel was on the Almost Famous podcast
Speaker 1: with Benn and Ashley, another I heard radio podcast and
Speaker 1: if you haven't listened to it yet. Give it a listen.
Speaker 1: So here is Ashley I asking Rachel about this. Well,
Speaker 1: speaking of things not being sunshine and rainbows, we just
Speaker 1: recently had two big Bachelor Winter Games breakups this week
Speaker 1: Claire and Benoir and Diana and Leslie. Um, Rachel, did
Speaker 1: you see these coming? I never thought had report to
Speaker 1: work now and Leslie, I actually thought they were. I
Speaker 1: thought that they had to have along with the same
Speaker 1: interest like personalities that messed really well together. And I
Speaker 1: thought that they were going to work out. Like. I
Speaker 1: didn't think that they were going to be running down
Speaker 1: the eye only any time soon. But I thought that
Speaker 1: they were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend for a while,
Speaker 1: so I would it ended so quickly. That's pretty much
Speaker 1: my thoughts on it too. I thought Dean Leslie would
Speaker 1: be together for a while and think they were each
Speaker 1: other's forever person. I think he was going to lead
Speaker 1: to marriage, but I thought it would be maybe maybe
Speaker 1: become more months actually in rachel thoughts on your situation
Speaker 1: is that it's gotta be weird to just to hear
Speaker 1: people on other shows talking about your personal life, right,
Speaker 1: Is that weird? Well, yeah, it's weird. But my question
Speaker 1: with that, and I would love to obviously give the
Speaker 1: floor to you guys. In in response to that, so
Speaker 1: actually said, and they both kind of seemed to agree
Speaker 1: that we would date for you know, maybe another year,
Speaker 1: a year and a half. But where if you if
Speaker 1: you kind of see it coming to an end eventually,
Speaker 1: if it's not your forever person, why why keep going
Speaker 1: along with the process and keep it I absolutely agree.
Speaker 1: I think that they probably thought that you both of
Speaker 1: you would not realize that you weren't each other's forever
Speaker 1: person for a little while. That's my only defensive theirs.
Speaker 1: But having said that, as they're saying two different things,
Speaker 1: are saying, I knew they were never gonna get married,
Speaker 1: but I was shocked they broke up. Well, it's kind
Speaker 1: of the opposite thing, isn't it. Yes, especially especially at
Speaker 1: this age, right when you're getting to your late twenties
Speaker 1: early thirties, you're like, well, if this is not my
Speaker 1: forever person, that it's better to end it earlier rather
Speaker 1: than later. And I think, um, for them, they probably
Speaker 1: were just saying that because they thought that you guys
Speaker 1: were in day for a while and you guys maybe
Speaker 1: would fade out. I'm not really sure, but for you, uh, Dean,
Speaker 1: I think the fact that you realized that Leslie might
Speaker 1: not be your forever person and that you ended it
Speaker 1: earlier rather than later, uh, was the right thing to do,
Speaker 1: because it's not good to drag these things on because
Speaker 1: all you're doing is hurting each you know, not only
Speaker 1: hurting yourself, but hurting um, you know, your partner as well.
Speaker 1: So and that goes back to the point that I
Speaker 1: made earlier, of all of these horrible feelings that I'm
Speaker 1: going through, unless you are going through right now, is
Speaker 1: there there a fraction of what they would potentially be
Speaker 1: if if you happen in a year too, of course,
Speaker 1: because then feelings grow then turned you know, you're turning
Speaker 1: into like, you know, deeper love and families being a
Speaker 1: part of each other, and potential like you know, other
Speaker 1: things you know, moving in that just would really complicate
Speaker 1: the issue. So and it's also like, you know, like
Speaker 1: with Rachel, as much as a respect her, like, she
Speaker 1: just doesn't know. She didn't know the inner workings of
Speaker 1: your relationships, so she's just saying like, yeah, I thought
Speaker 1: it would work out for a while, and then I
Speaker 1: thought they probably wouldn't be you know, married or anything,
Speaker 1: but I thought they'd be together for a while. And
Speaker 1: so it's just an outsider speaking on a relationship, just
Speaker 1: like if you know, if I was speaking upon it,
Speaker 1: i'd be announcer. I don't know the inner workings of
Speaker 1: your relationship with Leslie. So the only two people that
Speaker 1: know that are you and Leslie, right, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: competing you a little bit. And that's another thing too,
Speaker 1: especially with like social media and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: is everyone has an opinion about everything. I've I've gone
Speaker 1: to the extent of just deleting my Instagram and deleting
Speaker 1: my Twitter, not like de activating my accounts, but just
Speaker 1: deleting the apps and I'll reinstall them. And I have
Speaker 1: to you know, post for a brand or post to
Speaker 1: promote this podcast. But I just like it. I had
Speaker 1: like this digital dependence of like every time I picked
Speaker 1: up my phone, the first thing I would do is
Speaker 1: open Instagram totally. And so so now I just want
Speaker 1: to if I pick up my phone, it's going to
Speaker 1: be either to answer a phone call, call someone, text someone, etcetera,
Speaker 1: and not just go on social media. Um again, it's
Speaker 1: it's not so much about like listening to like the
Speaker 1: negativity that's out there about people talking about the relationship,
Speaker 1: and I think that it's just a matter of it's
Speaker 1: just it's a waste of time in so many ways,
Speaker 1: and I think, like, right now, I just need to
Speaker 1: realign my focus and my priorities because of that. And
Speaker 1: everyone's got an opinion, and that's gonna be the hardest
Speaker 1: part about going through a public situation like this is
Speaker 1: everyone you've actually met those people actually, and Rachel, so
Speaker 1: many hundreds of people you've never met hav an opinion
Speaker 1: on this, and that's Oh, it does driving nuts, right.
Speaker 1: Everybody's like, you were right, you were wrong. She's the best,
Speaker 1: you're the worst. You're the best, she's the worst. And
Speaker 1: it's just like, no, that's not how it works. You
Speaker 1: guys don't understand that it's just a relationship. It's a
Speaker 1: normal relationship. Yes, that it was. It was on TV,
Speaker 1: and it was for the public eye. Having said that,
Speaker 1: it was a very normal relationship where feelings happened, We
Speaker 1: were together and it was a very difficult breakup, but
Speaker 1: it just needed to come to an end. And so
Speaker 1: I think people forget that, right they look at you
Speaker 1: and they look at Leslie and you guys are like, oh,
Speaker 1: these aren't real people. These are just characters that I've
Speaker 1: seen on the television show. No, these are real people
Speaker 1: with real feelings and real emotions. And while we try
Speaker 1: not to look at comments or people's opinions, like, of
Speaker 1: course we're going to hear them and see them and
Speaker 1: it's gonna affect us and either make us sad or
Speaker 1: happy or well, probably not happy. But um, like I
Speaker 1: think people just forget that they see you on TV.
Speaker 1: They immediately think that you're just a character and that
Speaker 1: you're actually not a real person. People forget that this
Speaker 1: is reality television. It's not just television, and you can
Speaker 1: filter out only so much. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day to to that point as well, it's like
Speaker 1: the most important thing that I've I guess, I mean
Speaker 1: not the most important thing, because I I'm trying to
Speaker 1: see the value and being alone, but like my friends
Speaker 1: and uh, the people that are close to me have
Speaker 1: been incredibly supportive, like if if, if, and when I
Speaker 1: need to talk about anything, like they're the first ones there,
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, I mean the people that know you
Speaker 1: are really the only ones that should have an opinion
Speaker 1: to value and and the ones that you at least
Speaker 1: the only people that the people that know you, sorry,
Speaker 1: are the ones opinions that you should only really carry
Speaker 1: any weight in your life. Of course, yeah, you should
Speaker 1: value the opinions of the people that are important to you,
Speaker 1: you know, not the people that have no idea who
Speaker 1: you are and the only thing they know about you
Speaker 1: is either through television show or social media. Of course,
Speaker 1: I wholeheartedly agree. Before we start the rest of the show,
Speaker 1: we have a psychicon in a minute, because you have
Speaker 1: one more question you want to ask, Oh, do I
Speaker 1: know I was God Dean? Well, now I feel like
Speaker 1: a jerk asking I was gonna joke around and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: well Dean, what about Paradise? But now I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: ask about that. That's I'll put it out there right now.
Speaker 1: There is a zero percent chance there we go. Zero
Speaker 1: was seeing Dean on Bachelor? Zero percent chance. And I've
Speaker 1: seen before I leave on my Twitter, which just was
Speaker 1: last night, so it's it's like a fresh thing to me.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm slowly trying to learn how to be
Speaker 1: less engaged with that type of stuff. Um, I saw
Speaker 1: people saying things like Uh, if Dean goes on paradise
Speaker 1: and it's proof that he's just chasing the fame and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, And it's like, I want
Speaker 1: to be with someone like I I wish that I
Speaker 1: met my person five years ago and I was twenty one,
Speaker 1: that I could spend the rest of my life with
Speaker 1: or eighteen, and so I could spend the rest of
Speaker 1: my life with them from that point forward. But there's
Speaker 1: a point where I want to be with someone, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a very big fear of
Speaker 1: being with the wrong person, And maybe that's something that
Speaker 1: I need to work on again. Honestly, it's the key
Speaker 1: to life. And I don't mean to put that kind
Speaker 1: of pressure on you, but as a happily married man,
Speaker 1: I've always said the key to life is marrying the
Speaker 1: right person right, because then everything else falls into place.
Speaker 1: What's your fear of being with the wrong person. Don't
Speaker 1: you find that if you were with the wrong person,
Speaker 1: you would end it right? So what is your fear?
Speaker 1: Is your fear of marrying the wrong person? No? No,
Speaker 1: So I guess the point that I'm trying to say
Speaker 1: is is I want to be with someone and I
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in that relationship if it's not with the
Speaker 1: person that I see myself really spending the rest of
Speaker 1: my life with. So are you more afraid of being
Speaker 1: with the wrong person or are you more afraid of
Speaker 1: being alone for the rest of your life? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like you're the type of person that would never
Speaker 1: marry the wrong person. You're the more of the type
Speaker 1: of person that would just never marry anybody because you
Speaker 1: don't think that they're the right person. Well, so that's
Speaker 1: the thing, and that goes back to my Instagram caption
Speaker 1: of this utopian idea of what a relationship is. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't I want to be married at some
Speaker 1: point in my life, Like I I don't think that
Speaker 1: I think that marriage has a lot of issues just
Speaker 1: fundamentally as as a institution whatever it is. And it
Speaker 1: dates back to you know, archaic ages where they were
Speaker 1: bringing together two farms so that the families could have
Speaker 1: more sheeps and all that kind of stuff, and it
Speaker 1: just kind of snowballed into what it is now and
Speaker 1: that's probably fine, but there I do have, like the
Speaker 1: longing to be with one person for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. I want to meet the love your life
Speaker 1: and spend the rest of your life with them and
Speaker 1: share your life with them totally, whether that be marriage
Speaker 1: or just being with each other. Well, I mean I
Speaker 1: want marriage, but be married alright, perfect, you want marriages. Well,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to judge people that are like
Speaker 1: I'm never getting married, and and even my roommates. So
Speaker 1: my roommates, Um, I was talking to me the other
Speaker 1: day and he's like, yeah, like I don't know if
Speaker 1: I ever want to be married. And I was like,
Speaker 1: really like that surprising. He's like, yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: if I ever want to have kids. And he looks
Speaker 1: at his father, and his father is kind of the
Speaker 1: same way where his father lived in Germany, and you know,
Speaker 1: just kind of like dates around and all this stuff
Speaker 1: and all this stuff and environment was like usually like
Speaker 1: when I'm I guess single, I'm happier and I feel
Speaker 1: more liberated and more freed all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: And um, I can see obviously like if he's happy
Speaker 1: because of that, then that's great, But um, I just
Speaker 1: think that again back to that that utopian idea of
Speaker 1: of kind of two people coming together to creating the
Speaker 1: best forms of both of themselves. Um. That's that's what
Speaker 1: I want, is like I want to like, I want
Speaker 1: to find someone who's whose strengths or my weaknesses my weaknesses,
Speaker 1: or there's my strengths or their weaknesses. Um, and we
Speaker 1: can just kind of build each other up and grow
Speaker 1: off of each other all that kind of stuff. And um,
Speaker 1: you know, not to say that I haven't found that
Speaker 1: in people that I've dated, Like Leslie is is so
Speaker 1: strong in areas that I'm so weak, and I'm trust me,
Speaker 1: I'm a weak in a lot of areas, but you're
Speaker 1: also strong in a lot of areas as well. Give
Speaker 1: yourself some credit. Let's focus on the weaknesses though. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just it's it's a fear. It's a
Speaker 1: fear that I need to just kind of continue to
Speaker 1: to conceptualize and realize and understand why it's there and
Speaker 1: hopefully fix it one day and get rid of it
Speaker 1: and be comfortable. She she sent me like an article
Speaker 1: of I wish I could pull it up right now.
Speaker 1: It's kind of long, but it's like it was saying, like,
Speaker 1: you should never compare relationships to other relationships. You should
Speaker 1: never um think about the the one in quotation marks, Um,
Speaker 1: you should never do any of that type of stuff
Speaker 1: because all that does is pull you away from the
Speaker 1: current relationship that you're in. Absolutely should be living in
Speaker 1: the moment right. Absolutely A great because I suffer from
Speaker 1: the same thing where sometimes if I'm starting off dating
Speaker 1: somebody ver earli early on that I start projecting into
Speaker 1: the future and thinking, is this person I could spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with? And I start thinking
Speaker 1: about that on the second date, and I'm like, Jared,
Speaker 1: you're insane. Don't think about that. Just have fun because
Speaker 1: feelings grow, right, like turns into love and then love
Speaker 1: changes over time. Um. And that's so that's the thing too.
Speaker 1: It's like I was actually thinking about this morning, was like,
Speaker 1: I haven't like insane attachment issues, Like on a second date,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to like just blur out I
Speaker 1: love you, like that type of stuff. Sometimes. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: then there's also like the mixture in of like, oh,
Speaker 1: like okay, slow down, Like this is you've known this
Speaker 1: person for however long and you can't really get that
Speaker 1: far ahead of yourself. And then it's hard because you
Speaker 1: can't tell the difference between love and lust, especially if that,
Speaker 1: if it's that early on where you're on the second
Speaker 1: day and you're like, I just want to say I
Speaker 1: love you, then it might be just this infatuation rather
Speaker 1: than actually strong love feelings. True. Um So that's also
Speaker 1: something that you need to think about as well, and
Speaker 1: that we all need to think about. Right well, anyways,
Speaker 1: long story short, not going to paradise perfect to I
Speaker 1: don't I doubt they'll let her ask me again I
Speaker 1: once I know if they did. Um So, if any
Speaker 1: of the the producers are listening, just please don't ask that'd
Speaker 1: be great. Thanks. Perfect Well, you're gonna probably gonna get
Speaker 1: a phone call right after this after he said that
Speaker 1: the door was closed. Door was closed? All right? On
Speaker 1: the show today, we have a matchmaker coming up in
Speaker 1: a little bit. You'll be very helpful to all the
Speaker 1: singles listening if they need any advice on finding the
Speaker 1: right person. And we have a psychic coming up. He's
Speaker 1: going to be here in just a minute. His name
Speaker 1: is Reginald Lewis. And before we get into the psychic,
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you guys what your level of
Speaker 1: belief skepticism is about the whole thing. Jared, where where
Speaker 1: do you stand with psychics. I've never got I've never
Speaker 1: been to a s kick. I've gotten my palm read before,
Speaker 1: which I think are very two different things. I could
Speaker 1: I'm a skeptic, Like if I'm being honest, I am
Speaker 1: a skeptic because I think, like I've looked into psychics
Speaker 1: a little bit, and there's something called cold reading. Have
Speaker 1: you ever heard of this where it's like they give
Speaker 1: it's pretty much like a film in the blank. And
Speaker 1: so if I ever went to a psychic, I would
Speaker 1: be I would be open to the idea. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have my doors closed having said that I would go in,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say anything. I would want them to tell
Speaker 1: me specifics without me answering any questions. But I don't
Speaker 1: really think that's how it works. So I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: But I'm definitely open to the idea of believing a psychic.
Speaker 1: But I am definitely a skeptic, okay. And I think
Speaker 1: Jared and I are very much on the same page
Speaker 1: in that I don't necessarily if I were to go
Speaker 1: to a psychic, no matter the circumstance, I don't think
Speaker 1: I would ever believe what they have to say as gospel.
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't be like if the psychic was like,
Speaker 1: in two years, this is gonna happen to you, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like, oh, in two years, like I have
Speaker 1: to plan for that because it's happening to me now
Speaker 1: because the psychic told me that. Um, I don't necessarily
Speaker 1: believe in like extra terrestrial, not extra Rassically I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: because I do believe in actually show but like after
Speaker 1: like ghosts, ghosts, I don't believe in so much. If
Speaker 1: they do exist, I don't think they can interact with physical,
Speaker 1: physical things around us. I don't necessarily believe in like
Speaker 1: that type of stuff. I agree. I'm much more of
Speaker 1: a believer in like energy, that we are filled with
Speaker 1: energy and when we die, our energy would be transferred
Speaker 1: into something else. Whether that means like an afterlife, I'm
Speaker 1: not really sure, or like how are like we could
Speaker 1: be able to connect with the dead or talk to
Speaker 1: the dead. I don't really believe in a lot of
Speaker 1: that stuff. Having said that, I still would never mess
Speaker 1: with Luijibar, just because God forbid if I'm wrong, Like
Speaker 1: it's not even just Stine worth, it not even worth.
Speaker 1: And I think I think a lot of that blows
Speaker 1: down to experience because I know Eastern before we even
Speaker 1: started the podcast, had mentioned he was kind of in
Speaker 1: the same boat as Jared and me, and then he
Speaker 1: met with a medium and she completely blew his mind.
Speaker 1: So I think if you experience something that is utterly
Speaker 1: like mind blowing, then that's kind of caused to change
Speaker 1: your mind about certain things with a Long Island medium
Speaker 1: and on the Secret Show, and we didn't set anything
Speaker 1: up ahead of time, there was nothing, We didn't know
Speaker 1: who she was going to talk to in the room anything,
Speaker 1: and she started naming some things that really hit home
Speaker 1: with East and East and take it from there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was wild. I wasn't even supposed to be there today.
Speaker 1: I was covering for somebody else and she Um, she
Speaker 1: started talking about she was She was just kind of
Speaker 1: like throwing things out to the room and then she
Speaker 1: looked at me and she said, you had a close
Speaker 1: friend die recently, and uh, and I said, yes, I did.
Speaker 1: And then she told me about my friend that had
Speaker 1: drowned um a couple of years earlier, and it was
Speaker 1: very hard for me to deal with and she got
Speaker 1: very specific. And you know, I'm a I'm a skeptic.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't buy that kind of thing, but
Speaker 1: she got really it was very specific, um and so
Speaker 1: that made me like, I left going like, what's you know?
Speaker 1: She's either got a crazy team of Googlers, which is
Speaker 1: equally impressive, or she's tapped into something. Uh and and
Speaker 1: that's on YouTube. So if you want to check out
Speaker 1: my experience, go to on earth Ryan dot com. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. It was wild. And now I'm I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'm a believer now, but I'm definitely there's
Speaker 1: something there. I think. I guess I'd have to experience
Speaker 1: for myself before I can say I'm believer, because, like I,
Speaker 1: I do hear stories of people like I never believed
Speaker 1: in that kind of stuff, and then I went to
Speaker 1: one and they blew my mind. I guess maybe I
Speaker 1: just haven't been to one, so it's still hard for
Speaker 1: me to be like, I don't know. Well, let's see
Speaker 1: if he blows your mind. The age old seeing is believing.
Speaker 1: Let's bring him in here. This is Reginald lewis psychic.
Speaker 1: So Reginald, do you mind tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: more about yourself? Yes, So I'm a psych in the medium.
Speaker 1: A lot of people see me on Steve Harvey. You know,
Speaker 1: I've done guests appearance on Steve Harvey. So a lot
Speaker 1: of people want to know what is a psychic in
Speaker 1: the medium. Most people don't understand that, you know. Most
Speaker 1: people want to think about, you know, tarot cards and
Speaker 1: crystal balls, and you think about the old weird gypsy
Speaker 1: lady reading your future. Uh's nothing like that as far
Speaker 1: as the real deal of what a psyching medium is. Basically,
Speaker 1: as a psychic, I'm able to read energy. So if
Speaker 1: you think about it, we all know physics, everything is energy.
Speaker 1: Everything has a vibration to it, So I just have
Speaker 1: a sensitivity where I can pick up on those frequencies,
Speaker 1: those vibrations and kind of tell stuff about people. You know.
Speaker 1: The next part of it is a medium. Now, a
Speaker 1: medium is a whole another level. So there's a difference
Speaker 1: between a psychic and the medium. As I get reads energy, potential, past, present, future,
Speaker 1: a medium actually connects with spirit, so they actually have
Speaker 1: the ability to connect with our loved ones, you know,
Speaker 1: and those who are around you. So basically that's my work,
Speaker 1: That's what I do. You know, I've been doing over
Speaker 1: ten years. I was born this way. A lot of
Speaker 1: people say, did you go to school for this? You
Speaker 1: know how I was born with it. It's something that's
Speaker 1: actually hereditary for me. I'm Puerto Rican and black. My
Speaker 1: mom's Puertorican, my father's black. Uh, they're very spiritual Catholic
Speaker 1: and Baptist background. For me, it was just something that
Speaker 1: I just naturally had. And as I got older, it
Speaker 1: just became stronger and stronger, and I decided just to
Speaker 1: you know, follow it and embrace it, because, um, I
Speaker 1: tried to run away from it. I'm not gonna be
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna lie. I tried to run
Speaker 1: away from it because doing what I do is not easy.
Speaker 1: When you're being somewhere and you're picking up on stuff,
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff, having to deal with death. Then
Speaker 1: if someone is sad and picking up on other people,
Speaker 1: it's overwhelming. You know. Think about it, your fourteen years old,
Speaker 1: your puberty, and not only you're dealing with your own stuff,
Speaker 1: but you're literally like you have the weight of the
Speaker 1: world around you, you know. And and so as I
Speaker 1: got older, you know, practicing meditation and prayer, studying, I
Speaker 1: start to learn more about my gifts through you know,
Speaker 1: books and studying up about you know, esp and psychic abilities,
Speaker 1: and I learned how to kind of hone it, you know,
Speaker 1: and so that's what I do now, help to council people,
Speaker 1: help people and guide them. Okay, So and that was
Speaker 1: right around you said eighteen nineteen is when you started
Speaker 1: to fully accept it and kind of take it off
Speaker 1: in well, fifteen, actually fifteen in middle school. Was fifteen
Speaker 1: when you first started realizing that you could potentially be
Speaker 1: doing this uh like thing. Yeah, about fifteen, because in
Speaker 1: middle school that's when I started to share with friends, family,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you start to grow
Speaker 1: from there and everyone found out about my gifts. So
Speaker 1: we have to ask you to come in and read
Speaker 1: the room a little bit. You got to mark me,
Speaker 1: Jared Easton, Erica is back there, Erica back there in
Speaker 1: the in the operating room. H um, whatever you call
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure what that thing is called, but
Speaker 1: the pucer. Okay, So I guess just initial energy pickups
Speaker 1: that you get from us walking in here, are we? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, you guys have awesome energy synergy. I
Speaker 1: like to call it awesome connection here. I like that
Speaker 1: it feels like home. It's fine. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: been here before, so I feel extremely comfortable exactly. So
Speaker 1: the way that it works is I actually have an
Speaker 1: ability to read or us. Okay. I discovered this ability
Speaker 1: and all elementary school. So basically, when I would watch
Speaker 1: the teacher up in front of the black chalkboard, I
Speaker 1: would see I would be very distracted. They used to say,
Speaker 1: as you used to daydream and and you know school
Speaker 1: a lot um. I would be distracted by this white
Speaker 1: light around my elementary you know, school teacher. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: what is this white light that's following her, you know,
Speaker 1: and I can see it because she's in front of
Speaker 1: the black chalkboard, which basically emphasized it. Well, I realized
Speaker 1: it's like I older, I kept seeing this more and
Speaker 1: more colors and lights around people. You know. My eyes
Speaker 1: never had any issues, you know with my eyes, nothing
Speaker 1: like that. Well, I find out that I have an
Speaker 1: ability to read or So that's one of the first
Speaker 1: abilities that I found I had as I could read ours.
Speaker 1: So that's the most easiest way for me to connect
Speaker 1: with someone. When I read them, I basically look at
Speaker 1: your ore and basically what ore is your energy field?
Speaker 1: We all have an energy field, Okay, a psychic or
Speaker 1: a sensitive or a medium, they have the ability to
Speaker 1: see it physically with their eyes. And so basically the
Speaker 1: colors represent your emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental state of being.
Speaker 1: So I can tell, okay, where are you at emotional? Okay?
Speaker 1: Like when I look at you, for instance, Yeah, when
Speaker 1: I look at you, you have a lot of red
Speaker 1: and blue around you. Okay. So what that shows me
Speaker 1: is red shows a lot of drive, a lot of
Speaker 1: dry sometimes a little too much dry. Sometimes you jump
Speaker 1: in head first and a lot of things and you
Speaker 1: get yourself in trouble and you need to slow down.
Speaker 1: You know. That's the energy I get because you have
Speaker 1: a lot of red, meaning you're always anxious. Are is
Speaker 1: ready to go? It's like, oh, I'm ready to do this,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go to you know I do have
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety. Yeah, and it's like slow down,
Speaker 1: slow down. So you know, it's like you need to balance.
Speaker 1: Everyone needs a balance. Sometimes it's bad to have a
Speaker 1: little bit too much of one color, and you know
Speaker 1: you need to have some good things that you have
Speaker 1: blue okay around you, which shows me that you have
Speaker 1: a little bit of balance there where you're trying to
Speaker 1: learn a little be a little be a little bit
Speaker 1: more relaxed, you know, around you. The other thing too,
Speaker 1: that I keep getting is you have a gift for
Speaker 1: writing that you need to exercise more. That keeps coming
Speaker 1: up around you. And also your voice, other than obviously
Speaker 1: doing this um, music comes up around you really really strong. Okay,
Speaker 1: that comes up extremely strong. That's something I feel that
Speaker 1: you need to exercise more. Do you play any instruments
Speaker 1: or anything like that? I don't. I did when I
Speaker 1: was little, but i've since What did you play? I
Speaker 1: was a first chair recorder in first chair, Uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know, some other instrument in like fifth grade or
Speaker 1: something like that, and everybody at first chair recording might
Speaker 1: have been a specialist chair. But no, it's been a
Speaker 1: while since I've actually practiced the musical instrument. What about writing?
Speaker 1: Uh No, I don't really write that much either. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what you need to do. But that's you're saying that.
Speaker 1: He's saying that I should. Yeah, exactly do because what
Speaker 1: I see one of my gifts is telling other people
Speaker 1: gifts and talents that thing, do your size more, and
Speaker 1: I'm seeing that with you. I can see it's kind
Speaker 1: of repressed because it's like a pale blue. So the
Speaker 1: fact that it's not a very strong blue that shows
Speaker 1: this is something that you need to emphasize the strength
Speaker 1: that you need to work more on, you know, And
Speaker 1: I think as you do it, it's going to help
Speaker 1: you in other areas of your work. Because you're definitely
Speaker 1: meant to be a writer. I don't see you writing
Speaker 1: in a book or anything like that. I don't see
Speaker 1: that around you, but I definitely see you writing more material.
Speaker 1: You're like producing something like that. I see you doing
Speaker 1: that more of that. I read some pretty good instagram captions.
Speaker 1: Every once in a while, I'll see my own horn
Speaker 1: for a second. Gift, Um, what about what about Jared?
Speaker 1: Well before? Where do you see these colors? Questions? I'm
Speaker 1: so interested, Like when you look at Dean, where do
Speaker 1: you see like the red and the blue? How do
Speaker 1: you yea? So it's a flash. It's almost like it's
Speaker 1: a flash. Sometimes I can see you physically sometimes in
Speaker 1: my mind's eye, you know, and it's like a flash.
Speaker 1: I'll see red or blue or orange. It it flashes
Speaker 1: around individual. Now when I look at you, when you
Speaker 1: ask that, I kept seeing orange orange flashing, which is
Speaker 1: you're extremely creative. I'm actually on fire right now. You
Speaker 1: know you're extremely creative. You have all extremely strong creative
Speaker 1: energy about you, Okay. And one of the things I
Speaker 1: see is that you love traveling. Traveling is a major
Speaker 1: thing with you, okay. And I see you doing a
Speaker 1: lot of traveling. And I just heard this in the
Speaker 1: next two months. So this is what April June June time. Okay,
Speaker 1: I do see you doing some traveling that comes up
Speaker 1: around you. So I know there's a trip or something
Speaker 1: that you have planned. But I see this coming up
Speaker 1: around you around in June because it feels like some
Speaker 1: traveling something coming up around you. Now I want to
Speaker 1: go back to you for some reason, because what happens
Speaker 1: is I'll get put. So I have to go to
Speaker 1: where I'm being put. It's where do your parents live?
Speaker 1: Not live like in the same state. My mom passed away,
Speaker 1: but my father lives in Colorado, okay. Because I kept
Speaker 1: picking up on an energy of a parent that's in
Speaker 1: a different state, okay, And I kept feeling the energy
Speaker 1: of visitation or visiting Okay. Uh, this kept coming up
Speaker 1: really strong. So that kept coming up. Now you said
Speaker 1: your mom has passed, Okay, when I hear first names
Speaker 1: that me to actually connect. So if you just say
Speaker 1: a first name for me, her name is Debbie okay,
Speaker 1: Debbie okay um okay, wow is it? Does she have
Speaker 1: a brother? Do's de cease this? Well? I don't. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm not close with that. I'm not close. Okay, she
Speaker 1: got assisted that's pasted, okay, because I kept feeling sibling
Speaker 1: next her. I also kept picking up at brother energy
Speaker 1: and spirit next to her as well. Okay, that kept
Speaker 1: coming through. I know I had an uncle or two
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure about there. They're okay, Um, I
Speaker 1: do feel mom. Mom's energy is around you a lot. Um.
Speaker 1: It's quite interesting because she keeps bringing up the month
Speaker 1: of May. Okay, So she keeps ringing up the May
Speaker 1: connection okay, so that she's me celebration that comes up
Speaker 1: in May really strong with her also as well. This
Speaker 1: is interesting, keep hearing this, um. But she also keeps
Speaker 1: mentioning connection to a Sarah okay um on her side
Speaker 1: of the family. So this is blood relations okay, Sarah,
Speaker 1: connection to her side of line that she keeps in
Speaker 1: living not deceased okay living. Um. Also, the other thing
Speaker 1: she keeps showing me as a dog. There's a dog
Speaker 1: that's in the spirit that's actually around her, which is
Speaker 1: really interesting. So this someone had lost a dog at
Speaker 1: some point, and I feel like this is a while back,
Speaker 1: so this is not even feel recent. I feel like
Speaker 1: this would have been a dog that they ceased a
Speaker 1: long time ago. We had a family dog, I guess
Speaker 1: that passed away, what eight years ago ago? Okay, And
Speaker 1: I feel like I see this dog running around her.
Speaker 1: So I do pick up on pats too as well,
Speaker 1: that it's true that dogs go to happen too. We
Speaker 1: always we always like to assume that. Um no, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: we had a we had a dog growing up, a
Speaker 1: miniature long hair dogs and my mom definitely loved her
Speaker 1: to the fullix extent that anyone could love an animal.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm sure that's what you're talking about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this dog is with her because I kept seeing running
Speaker 1: around this woman around her. The other thing too, which
Speaker 1: is interesting, is I come from a Catholic background. Okay.
Speaker 1: For some reason, I keep feeling a Catholic connection coming through. Okay,
Speaker 1: So mom was mother of a Catholic background, she was Presbyterian, Okay, okay, Um,
Speaker 1: because she kept showing me. I kept seeing rosary beats. Okay,
Speaker 1: I kept literalte rosary. So this will you know that
Speaker 1: someone actually have a cross of hers okay, a rosaries
Speaker 1: of hers? What you know who would have that? My
Speaker 1: sister probably has something like that, Okay, I guess she
Speaker 1: keeps referring to that. The other thing, too, is she
Speaker 1: keeps showing sports around you. Okay, so I don't early
Speaker 1: if you played like football, okay, football, basketball, because I
Speaker 1: feel like this is one of her like major memories
Speaker 1: of you is sports. And I keep saying I kept
Speaker 1: seeing football in particularly for some reason. So it seems
Speaker 1: like for something she has a major connection with you
Speaker 1: and and sports or remembering you with sports. The only
Speaker 1: I guess remember that I could think of it was
Speaker 1: actually passed her passing. But on the anniversary of her death.
Speaker 1: When I was a senior, it was like a senior
Speaker 1: night football game and I had, like I just remember
Speaker 1: I had like a nine yard touchdown catch or something,
Speaker 1: and I remember I was across the end zone. I
Speaker 1: remember like pointing up to this guy and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my mom had my back on that one. Like
Speaker 1: it was just kind of a cool connection that we had.
Speaker 1: It was like three months after she three years after
Speaker 1: she passed um. But in terms of her watching, I mean,
Speaker 1: she definitely came to all my sporting events, but I
Speaker 1: was definitely never much of a highlight, real guy. But
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You know, A mom is a mom.
Speaker 1: You know. Moms are always your biggest fan, no matter what.
Speaker 1: And so this is her way of showing that she
Speaker 1: still is your biggest fan, you know, and she's rooting
Speaker 1: for you, you know, and she's just very proud. She's
Speaker 1: extremely proud. That's great. So I'm gonna leave you with that.
Speaker 1: I'm sucker. I don't know. I don't even know how if.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I can continue right now,
Speaker 1: you know. And the funny thing, you know, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I can tell people who are skeptical and
Speaker 1: not skeptical or in between, and I always say skeptical
Speaker 1: it is a great thing to be. I'm very skeptical.
Speaker 1: Anyone who tells me they're just like, I mean, I'm like, yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: show I prove, you know, prove it I want, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't I take it. I take my work very serious,
Speaker 1: you know, And I tell people it's great to be
Speaker 1: a skeptic. You know, don't ever just believe anything and everything,
Speaker 1: but don't don't be a cynic. It's a difference between
Speaker 1: a skeptic and a cynic, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: As long as you're if you're skeptical and you're open minded,
Speaker 1: I can read you and I can connect. That's not
Speaker 1: even a problem. Like with you, I did feel a
Speaker 1: little bit like hmmm, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But then I saw your or a change. I saw
Speaker 1: you shift, so it's like, wow, okay, you know what. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think it's something here. I can feel your energy shift,
Speaker 1: like I can actually tell when the person is kind
Speaker 1: of shifting or their perspective on what I do, which
Speaker 1: is really great. Um, I do want to connect with
Speaker 1: you with me yeah, okay, I don't want to connect
Speaker 1: with you. Mark for the listening, Thank you. There's two
Speaker 1: energies that's actually coming through for you. Um there's a
Speaker 1: grandfather energy that comes through Okay. I feel like this
Speaker 1: is on maternal side. Okay, that's coming through with you
Speaker 1: and I get a very extremely strong military connection that
Speaker 1: keeps coming up Okay around him. So you have a
Speaker 1: father grandfather that he seas in your mom's side. Yes, Okay,
Speaker 1: he had military background. I don't think he did. Okay,
Speaker 1: my father was in the military. Okay, So okay, your
Speaker 1: father he's alive. Okay. So what I'm picking up is
Speaker 1: on two energies at the same time. Okay, Um, I'm
Speaker 1: definitely getting military connection comes to in American flag, which
Speaker 1: also a law enforcement military connection that keeps coming through. Um,
Speaker 1: your grandfather comes through definitely your mom's side. He comes
Speaker 1: through a lot. Now, did you not have a very
Speaker 1: close relationship with him, because okay, great, because I get
Speaker 1: this energy of him being distant, but it's like he
Speaker 1: knows you, but I feel like you don't know him. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know him except that I know that I'm
Speaker 1: going to have his hairline. So I look at pictures
Speaker 1: of him sometimes because that's my because your mom's father
Speaker 1: is your hairline, and so I'm watching for that and
Speaker 1: it's not gonna be pretty. Yeah, but he was bringing
Speaker 1: that up, that relationship. Okay, I didn't feel very close
Speaker 1: because I actually that with him, But he's there, and
Speaker 1: you know, whether he was close to him or not,
Speaker 1: he's there with you in spirit. Is actually a guiding
Speaker 1: uh force or a guiding spirit with you, whether you
Speaker 1: realize it or not. Um. The other thing too comes up.
Speaker 1: You have a daughter, I do, okay, because your daughter
Speaker 1: energy kept coming up. So just letting you guys know
Speaker 1: how here this, I literally will hear words in my head.
Speaker 1: So I'll get daughter energy, dog energy, mom energy, and
Speaker 1: then I'll get concepts and words and feelings. Have two daughters. Okay,
Speaker 1: I kept pringing daughter with you. Okay, so I want
Speaker 1: to go to maybe older daughter energy. Okay, school and
Speaker 1: keeps coming up around her for some reason. Okay, college
Speaker 1: or school and graduation comes up. So did your older
Speaker 1: daughter just literally like graduate or she's going in schooling
Speaker 1: because the program or something keeps coming up. This this
Speaker 1: is what this could be is next week she's going
Speaker 1: to outdoor school where she has to spend three nights
Speaker 1: away from home. And that's a very stressful thing for
Speaker 1: all of us because she has anxiety issues, she has
Speaker 1: nighttime issues, sleep issues, and we're really concerned about how
Speaker 1: that's going to go next week. And this is the
Speaker 1: first time that she's not staying at home. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: because that I feel that around her, I got daughter energy.
Speaker 1: I kept hearing school, school and energy and literally heard
Speaker 1: it and felt it. They call it outdoor school. Okay,
Speaker 1: perfect Um. I feel like she's gonna be okay, Like
Speaker 1: I feel like parents are going to be parents. We
Speaker 1: all know that, but she's gonna be okay. I think
Speaker 1: I feel like she can handle this. I feel like
Speaker 1: she can handle this. But I think the thing with
Speaker 1: her is this is obviously something completely new for her.
Speaker 1: Obviously with anything new is it's going to be nervous
Speaker 1: and there's going to be some anxiety. But I think
Speaker 1: this is something that she's been wanting to do for
Speaker 1: quite some times. She is excited about it. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: for her to get there. When she actually gets there,
Speaker 1: I feel like she's going to fall in love with
Speaker 1: it and she's going to come back with so many
Speaker 1: great stories and it's going to be just an awesome experience.
Speaker 1: I just get that with her. How do you typically
Speaker 1: practice this this gift of yours? Is it mostly via TV?
Speaker 1: Is it? Um? Like? I don't know, Like, how do
Speaker 1: you get introducing new people that kind of Well? I
Speaker 1: have a private practice. So what happened with me is
Speaker 1: how I first got my exposure is doing missing person cases.
Speaker 1: So that's how I actually started getting exposure in the public,
Speaker 1: so you would work with like the law enforcement used
Speaker 1: to work with law enforcement, yes, over yeah, national working
Speaker 1: with law enforcement. In the way that that began is
Speaker 1: there was a show on ANY called Psychic Kids or
Speaker 1: Psychic Children, and some of you might might remember that,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe not, but they had a few seasons on
Speaker 1: Any and it was called Psychic Kids. Were basically they
Speaker 1: would go to these kids that were gifted, you know,
Speaker 1: and they would talk to their parents who didn't understand
Speaker 1: the gift to help them to understand gifts and abilities. Well,
Speaker 1: there was this one episode. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. UM.
Speaker 1: There was this one episode that was actually in Ohio,
Speaker 1: and these two kids were working with a psyche detective
Speaker 1: that was really well known across the nation. And first,
Speaker 1: first off, I was very excited because it was in
Speaker 1: Ohio and I never met anyone with my gift my age.
Speaker 1: One was eighteen years old, another one was probably fifteen. UM.
Speaker 1: And first of all, they were in Ohio and they
Speaker 1: were gifted my age. So when the show was over with,
Speaker 1: I have to find these people. I had to find
Speaker 1: this lady. I went on Google, I went online. I
Speaker 1: found the woman who was on the show. Um, I
Speaker 1: reached out to it and I told her about my
Speaker 1: gifts and abilities. She contacted me within twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: She said, I want you to work on the case.
Speaker 1: So what she did is she gave me two pictures
Speaker 1: of cases that they already worked on that they had
Speaker 1: notes on. She said, just sit write notes, whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: you get, just sit there and write it. Then sent
Speaker 1: it back to me. So I'm a little bit nervous
Speaker 1: because I've never done anything, like what do I do?
Speaker 1: So the only thing I know is meditation. So I
Speaker 1: sit there with these pictures a meditating. I write these
Speaker 1: notes down, I said them back to her. She comes back,
Speaker 1: she shows me their notes and my notes, compare them
Speaker 1: and literally they're all the same. My notes and they're
Speaker 1: notes so the same. So that really opened up my eyes,
Speaker 1: the fact that I was able to pick up on
Speaker 1: stuff that I had no idea what I was doing.
Speaker 1: So she took me under as an apprentice. And she's
Speaker 1: a very well known, you know, psychedective girl, Saint John
Speaker 1: that's actually her name, if anyone was to look. And
Speaker 1: she took me under his apprentice, and uh, one of
Speaker 1: the most well known cases that we worked almost the
Speaker 1: Kaylie Anthony case, you know. And the crazy thing about
Speaker 1: this at the time, UM, I used to go on
Speaker 1: site for the cases of Search and Rescue team. I
Speaker 1: couldn't go on site with that because I was in
Speaker 1: college at that time, but I worked at a distance. UM.
Speaker 1: They were in you know, Florida at that time, and
Speaker 1: there's a video where they located the body. They located
Speaker 1: the location of the body, which was discovered I think
Speaker 1: it was probably three weeks later, and my notes and
Speaker 1: everything were saved and we documented everything. Uh and all
Speaker 1: the notes on my says you know, garbage bag, wht area, field, everything,
Speaker 1: and this is recorded. It's it was showed. It showed
Speaker 1: like this is where she's at. You know, she was
Speaker 1: discovered you know, three weeks or whatever, you know, in
Speaker 1: this field in the bag. And that's actually on YouTube.
Speaker 1: So you can't deny something like that, you know, the
Speaker 1: fact that we worked on this, we recorded everything. Three
Speaker 1: weeks later, they find a body and it's everything that
Speaker 1: we said. Quick question before we wrap Erica back there.
Speaker 1: She has a first date this week, a second date
Speaker 1: this week, and has a crush on her orthodonta, her
Speaker 1: orthodonic surgeon. Whatever you call it oral surgeon seven a
Speaker 1: good week. So the question is which of those three
Speaker 1: iff Any is the man for her. The truth is
Speaker 1: it is none of them. She's still independent. She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want a man. If hey, car, She's like, alright,
Speaker 1: just don't go on the dates. Then it's not the issue.
Speaker 1: I really don't want a man right now because like
Speaker 1: you want a man, but you're independent, you don't. The
Speaker 1: thing is you don't. You don't want to settle right now,
Speaker 1: as much as you want to, man, I know you
Speaker 1: don't want to settle right now. Tell me in my line, No,
Speaker 1: you're not on at all. This is the conversation I
Speaker 1: had with myself exactly meditating. All right, REGI, well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for coming in. Is there anything that
Speaker 1: you're working on right now that you want to let
Speaker 1: the listeners know about. Well, I have a new website launching.
Speaker 1: So my website is Reginald Lewis dot com. That was
Speaker 1: my name, Reginald Lewis dot com. People can follow me
Speaker 1: on social media Twitter, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Reginald Lewis, Reginald
Speaker 1: Lewis Medium. It's not hard to find me, so very awesome, awesome, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Great, thank you.
Speaker 1: I think you mentioned it. Both Jared and I were
Speaker 1: skeptics coming in. I think Mark was a little bit
Speaker 1: as well. But it's uh, it's always a humbling experience
Speaker 1: to hear something spoken about yourself that you definitely shouldn't know.
Speaker 1: But thank you so much for coming in. Honestly, it
Speaker 1: was al would we love to have you back sometime?
Speaker 1: So great, Yeah, thank you, thanks mat So Gean, how
Speaker 1: do you feel after Reggie. I'm gonna be honest with you, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm still pretty skeptical about same here. Reggie was awesome.
Speaker 1: I loved his vibe. There were certain things that I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed listening to him about, and I think it's
Speaker 1: very knowledgeable. Having said that, there were just you know,
Speaker 1: with anybody who's the psychic there there's just a lot
Speaker 1: of like, oh is there you know, there's a daughter
Speaker 1: or there's a mom, and there's a father, and it's
Speaker 1: very you know, very general general assumptions about people like,
Speaker 1: for instance, to look at Marc, he's the wedding ring,
Speaker 1: you're married, you probably have a daughter, that type of stuff. Again,
Speaker 1: not to take anything away from me, because he he
Speaker 1: is incredible and you can definitely I feel like I
Speaker 1: obviously don't sense oras like he does, but I definitely
Speaker 1: sense an aura about him when he walks into the room,
Speaker 1: like they're comfortable with it in here. I am less
Speaker 1: of a skeptic than I was prior to when he
Speaker 1: walked in the room. I will say that, like, I'm
Speaker 1: a little bit more open to it. Having said that,
Speaker 1: it wasn't like my entire viewpoint was just changed. I agree.
Speaker 1: He kind of leads you to it and lets you
Speaker 1: fill in the blanks, right, It's exactly. And so that
Speaker 1: was the only issue I had, even like with the
Speaker 1: grandfather thing with the military and you're like, well, no,
Speaker 1: my father, Okay, it's like, well that's you know, it's
Speaker 1: kind of connected. I don't know, but yeah, all around,
Speaker 1: I definitely see the appeal. I think maybe, uh maybe
Speaker 1: the more like session more the more time you spend
Speaker 1: with him, I'm sure like the more accurate he could
Speaker 1: become reading you. It's it's hard to walk into a
Speaker 1: room cold like that, I'm sure and say that you this, this, this,
Speaker 1: and this, especially in the room with four guys, right,
Speaker 1: So he's probably getting a lot of different vibes a
Speaker 1: lot of different ras, so it's kind of coming at
Speaker 1: him very quickly and then he's on the you know,
Speaker 1: on the mic, having to do it right in the spot. So, UM,
Speaker 1: it would be something that I would be interested in
Speaker 1: doing one on one, like meeting him in person and
Speaker 1: seeing how he's talked to everybody. I would be open
Speaker 1: to the idea of of meeting with him one on
Speaker 1: one to get a better sense of what he's vibing
Speaker 1: with me. Yeah, I agree with that. So yeah, So
Speaker 1: that was Reggie Lewis. Um again, great guy. I think.
Speaker 1: Next up we have Nora, who is a matchmaker with
Speaker 1: the three day Rule. UM. One thing I want to
Speaker 1: talk to you guys about before jumping in with Nora, though,
Speaker 1: is Beach Body on Demand. And I know you guys
Speaker 1: have heard me talk about it before. Basically what it
Speaker 1: is is on demand workouts in your house wherever you
Speaker 1: are on the go. Um. I personally, like I think
Speaker 1: we mentioned at the top of this podcast, I was
Speaker 1: just traving through India for seventeen days and one of
Speaker 1: my big things that I'm trying to focus on more
Speaker 1: and more is is to just kind of be active
Speaker 1: and be fit. And I'm not doing a very good job.
Speaker 1: But Beach Body makes that a lot easier, especially when
Speaker 1: you're traveling internationally. Um. You know, it's hard to wake
Speaker 1: up in a different country, would in a hotel that
Speaker 1: doesn't maybe have a jam or anything like that, but
Speaker 1: Beach Body lets you do that. Um. They have hundreds
Speaker 1: of effective workouts for all fitness levels, ranging from like
Speaker 1: bodybuilding to weightlifting to cardio, even dance workouts. Because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to work on my uh my ballet ballet a
Speaker 1: little bit, I've seen him practice in the corner. He's
Speaker 1: quite good. It's getting better, it's getting better, and I perfect.
Speaker 1: I owe. That's a Beach Body. Um. But again, the
Speaker 1: biggest appeal to me personally is that you have access
Speaker 1: to it anytime, anywhere. You can watch on your computer,
Speaker 1: your tablet, your TV, your smartphone, your Roku, your Apple TV,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. I really want you guys to give
Speaker 1: it a try as well. I promise you won't regret it. Uh.
Speaker 1: There's definitely something to be said about this, just because
Speaker 1: it's been around for so long and so many people
Speaker 1: swear by it, myself included. So be sure to text
Speaker 1: Dean to thirty thirty. That's d E A N to
Speaker 1: three zero three zero three zero. You'll get your free
Speaker 1: trial membership. I promise you're gonna love it enough that
Speaker 1: you're gonna on or renew, You're gonna pay for the subscription.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be looking good in time four summer. They
Speaker 1: see page two here the program matrix, the program. There's
Speaker 1: so much good stuff on here. I mean, look, it's
Speaker 1: a sample of some of the things that you get
Speaker 1: access to, like the one Day Fixed and P ninety X.
Speaker 1: I mean it's program forty five minutes a day, seven
Speaker 1: days a week. You got body Beast, you got a
Speaker 1: yoga treatment Focus. I mean all this stuff with legit
Speaker 1: trainers names, you know, and it's all available to you
Speaker 1: wherever you go. That's the coolest thing too, because like
Speaker 1: I find it difficult to have time to go to
Speaker 1: the gym, but if I could just work off from home,
Speaker 1: then there saves me the time. Right there. Likes the gym,
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, no, I hate it. It's it's disgusting.
Speaker 1: I go in there and some guys let in like
Speaker 1: three pounds, and I'm like, I'm just gonna go on
Speaker 1: the treadmill for a half hour and get the hell
Speaker 1: out of here. I'm not just saying this for the
Speaker 1: sake of saying it. I did definitely, I literally cancel
Speaker 1: my gym membership. I'm just I can't do the gym anymore.
Speaker 1: You don't need it anymore with beach Body, and that's
Speaker 1: a great thing. Locker rooms. I mean, there's so much
Speaker 1: to deal with at the gym. You don't have to
Speaker 1: anymore because you got beach Body at home, and not
Speaker 1: just at home, wherever, where you go, wherever you go.
Speaker 1: But you only get it if you textan to thirty
Speaker 1: thirty thirty a's t e A N too three zero
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Speaker 1: good shot. Promise you won't regret it. I promise you'll
Speaker 1: definitely start seeing some results, just like I am. So
Speaker 1: check it out. Okay. So next, we're joined on the
Speaker 1: phone by Nora de Kaiser. Nora, are you there? Hi'm here? Hi?
Speaker 1: How are you? Thank you so much for calling in? Hi? No,
Speaker 1: this is Jared. Yes, Hi, guys. You're joined by both
Speaker 1: me Jared market easton Art in studio as well, but
Speaker 1: they're kind of more passively listening today. Um yeah, whole
Speaker 1: team today just for you Nora. All right, Nora, So
Speaker 1: tell us a little bit more about you. So we
Speaker 1: understand that you began kind of your matchmaking career as
Speaker 1: a three day rule matchmaker in New York, but um,
Speaker 1: we understand that you kind of have spun it off
Speaker 1: into a little bit more than that. So do you
Speaker 1: mind filling us in as listeners to kind of what
Speaker 1: you've been up to. Yeah, for sure. A lot of
Speaker 1: people when they hear I'm a matchmaker, they're like, wait, no,
Speaker 1: massmakers are supposed to be old woman. Um, and I'm
Speaker 1: pretty young. And it's it's one of those things where
Speaker 1: if this is a passion, it's something I always set
Speaker 1: up my girlfriend, my friends, and I was doing it
Speaker 1: really successfully. Um. So I started with the company, like
Speaker 1: you said, in New York City and did that for
Speaker 1: about two and a half years and moved out to
Speaker 1: l A. Now I've been working with a lot of
Speaker 1: celebrities and CEOs and people who want to who have
Speaker 1: a high profile but want to keep it a low profile,
Speaker 1: um and actually find love that's gonna last. Or you
Speaker 1: said you were pretty young, how old are you? Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: you are a young matchpaper So you're kind of like
Speaker 1: the riot of matchmakers ceties. Yes, you know, there's there's
Speaker 1: really a part of dating for people that don't want
Speaker 1: to go on bumble and have their face plastered everywhere
Speaker 1: and a lot of people know them publicly, um, so
Speaker 1: they want to keep it more quiet, um, but actually
Speaker 1: find someone who aligns with them and not go on
Speaker 1: a ton of that date love it well. I think
Speaker 1: this also relates to people that aren't celebrities, because I
Speaker 1: think there's just a lot of people that don't want
Speaker 1: to put themselves on bumble and hinge for the simple
Speaker 1: fact of like they just don't want to put themselves
Speaker 1: out there. So I think whether you're or not, I
Speaker 1: think you would work for a lot of different people.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, we don't just have celebrity clients. It's
Speaker 1: all over the place, but um, it really is for
Speaker 1: people who don't want to waste their time anymore, are
Speaker 1: kind of too busy to the online dating things. To
Speaker 1: Jared's point, one of my great friends just broke up
Speaker 1: with his girlfriend of two and a half years or so,
Speaker 1: and and he's like, I don't want to get on
Speaker 1: tender bumble anything like that because I'm worried that her
Speaker 1: or her friends would see me on it and then
Speaker 1: like that's obviously another ordeal to deal with, but um,
Speaker 1: it is there's definitely something to be said about kind
Speaker 1: of like the uh, I don't know how to say,
Speaker 1: like the stigmatism. I don't know. I'm just saying, like
Speaker 1: the appeal of working with a matchmaker is is that
Speaker 1: your face isn't plastered out there on all those dating
Speaker 1: sites all that kind of stuff. Exactly, You're working on
Speaker 1: a more personal level rather than just putting yourself on
Speaker 1: an online dating one site and then kind of like
Speaker 1: going through all these people that you don't know. At
Speaker 1: least you're working with somebody that you've met, like if
Speaker 1: nor you know, if people reach out to you, they
Speaker 1: can sit down, get to know each other, and then
Speaker 1: you can assess like what's best for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the classic definition of insanity is doing the
Speaker 1: same thing over and over again but expecting it if
Speaker 1: am adults, and that's what a lot of people do
Speaker 1: with online dating. I'm sorry for your friend's big break up,
Speaker 1: but he'll probably get online dating eventually, um and get
Speaker 1: to the point where he's sick of it. He's not
Speaker 1: meeting someone who's connecting with And oftentimes you hear your
Speaker 1: friends say I'm gonna take a break from dating, um,
Speaker 1: But in reality, that's that's not going to do anything,
Speaker 1: because you're going to get back on a month or
Speaker 1: two later and do the same thing with a different person. UM.
Speaker 1: So what we try to do is interject and actually,
Speaker 1: you know, tell someone what they're really looking for. Because
Speaker 1: a lot of people think they know themselves the best
Speaker 1: out of anyone, but um, we're biased to ourselves. We
Speaker 1: know what we're good at, we know what we're bad at,
Speaker 1: but we try to hide that a little bit. And
Speaker 1: having an unbiased person, not your mom, not your best friend, um,
Speaker 1: but someone who doesn't know you yet really get to
Speaker 1: know you. Um. We have a lot of ways to
Speaker 1: be able to figure out who's gonna be a good
Speaker 1: fit for whom. Well, you're talking to two people that
Speaker 1: have been on multiple bachelor shows, so we are the
Speaker 1: definition of uh. Nor, can you tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit more about this three day rule? Yeah, you mean
Speaker 1: why it's called that? Yeah, I would love to hear
Speaker 1: more about that. A lot of people have questions about that.
Speaker 1: So it's from the movie Swingers and Vince n says
Speaker 1: you have to three days different. Um, we're kind of
Speaker 1: poking fun at modern deciding rules and saying there are
Speaker 1: no rules. You don't have the least three days. If
Speaker 1: you like her, let her not. If you don't also
Speaker 1: let her note. Um, so it's kind of poking fun
Speaker 1: at at modern dating. Well, you just said if you
Speaker 1: don't like her, let her know. But how do you
Speaker 1: know if you truly like someone after one day? Like,
Speaker 1: do you as a as a professional, you know somebody
Speaker 1: that matches people up? Would you give the advice? Say
Speaker 1: you go on a date with somebody that you're kind
Speaker 1: of not that excited about and it went fine, do
Speaker 1: you give that another day or do you just call
Speaker 1: it quits after one day? Totally? I always say go
Speaker 1: on at least three days because as you guys, probably
Speaker 1: not your first time on The Bachelor talking to who
Speaker 1: you were matched with. Um, you're nervous and you probably
Speaker 1: weren't yourself. You probably said, think you're like, what did
Speaker 1: I just say? Why did I just say that? That
Speaker 1: was constant for the entire season though for me personally,
Speaker 1: But that's how people are our first days. It's nerve
Speaker 1: wracking to put yourself out there and say yes, I'm
Speaker 1: single and I'm trying to find a partner. Um. So
Speaker 1: a lot of times pop will come back to me
Speaker 1: and they'll say, hey, he was funny, he was nice,
Speaker 1: but oh my gosh, it's just like there were so
Speaker 1: many awkward pauses. And when I hear that, I said, well,
Speaker 1: give another shot, because I've gotten known him well and
Speaker 1: he's really an awesome guy. But on a first date,
Speaker 1: it's really hard to bring everything to the table. I
Speaker 1: think it usually takes about three days to decide if
Speaker 1: you have chemistry or not. Yeah, that makes a lot
Speaker 1: of sense. So so what kind of questions do you
Speaker 1: typically ask? Me? What are the foundational questions that you
Speaker 1: ask someone that you're trying to match. Well, we get
Speaker 1: to do the fun stuff because normally on a first date,
Speaker 1: not many people are going to ask the tough questions
Speaker 1: like so do you want kids? Or what are your
Speaker 1: costing religion? Um? So we get to ask the foundational
Speaker 1: value questions. UM So I get to know the person
Speaker 1: on what they value. Um But the real question that
Speaker 1: tells me what's really going on is when I asked
Speaker 1: them why they think they're single? Because that's really a
Speaker 1: moment where they get to turn the mirror on themselves
Speaker 1: and say, all right, yeah, I have been been more
Speaker 1: for five years, and what is the real reason, Because
Speaker 1: a lot of times it's not lack of dating apps
Speaker 1: or not lack of dates in general. If it's something
Speaker 1: going on with you, whether you have wolves up, you're
Speaker 1: going out for the wrong person, um, or you're not
Speaker 1: over your ex um. So that's really the first part
Speaker 1: where we can dive into how we can change the
Speaker 1: pattern that they're going through. Interesting. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think that's great. Um So, so let's put the
Speaker 1: topic on Jared for a second. Let's let's kind of
Speaker 1: shift the subject here. So Jared, who has been single
Speaker 1: for quite some while. I know I've gotten so last
Speaker 1: week I said I was single for six years and
Speaker 1: people were like, what about Kala, technically, can I were
Speaker 1: never boyfriend girlfriends? When I was thinking back up the
Speaker 1: past six years of when I was single, it's been
Speaker 1: you know, I've I've been thinking boyfriend girlfriends. So I've
Speaker 1: been single. I I was single for quite some time.
Speaker 1: Um So if I was, yeah, if I was coming
Speaker 1: to you and I wanted you to match, make me
Speaker 1: like what some of the questions that you would ask me. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I was asked, why do you think you're single? On
Speaker 1: the talent? Great question, goodense, never but I don't want
Speaker 1: to do this Jared single. I mean, I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of reasons as to why uh I was
Speaker 1: single for so long was because I I think the
Speaker 1: major one is stands from my own insecurities. And I
Speaker 1: think a lot of the reasons why I'm afraid to
Speaker 1: really make a move or kind of dive deep is
Speaker 1: that there are times where I'm really unwilling to let
Speaker 1: my walls down for the simple fact of I'm too
Speaker 1: scared that people, or at least somebody that I really
Speaker 1: care about in value their opinion, will find out how
Speaker 1: much of a mess I really am. Because you try
Speaker 1: to live up to people's expectations and I, you know,
Speaker 1: and we put like this idea of who we are
Speaker 1: out into the world. We try to be funny and
Speaker 1: charming and confident in all these things. And we talked
Speaker 1: about this last week on the podcast, like the idea
Speaker 1: of you know, trying to be the Wizard of Oz
Speaker 1: when you're really just a sweaty guy behind the curtain.
Speaker 1: And I think for me, That's always been my problem
Speaker 1: is that I'm really nervous about letting people in because
Speaker 1: I'm nervous about them finding out how much a mess
Speaker 1: I really am. And I've been called out on it before,
Speaker 1: Like I've had girls tell me like, You're gonna end
Speaker 1: up alone because you just don't let anybody in, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're right, and I understand that this is
Speaker 1: a problem and I need to try to actively fix
Speaker 1: this um, which I'm doing. I'm I'm, I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm working on it. Do you think it's part partially
Speaker 1: a perfectionism thing where you're kind of like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: I want to be perfect and I want to do
Speaker 1: this right and I want this relation to be perfect,
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't go right, that's I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's failure. I don't think it's a
Speaker 1: perfect thing. I think it's more of I want to
Speaker 1: be the man that I expect to be, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to be um. You know, I want to
Speaker 1: provide the life for the woman that I love, like
Speaker 1: the best life that she can possibly have, and so
Speaker 1: sometimes I doubt whether I can be that person. And
Speaker 1: I think because of that, I've been unwilling to really, um,
Speaker 1: you know, dive into a relationship because I've been too
Speaker 1: scared that I've been I will be unable to provide that.
Speaker 1: That actually reminds me of a client I worked with
Speaker 1: UM recently who you know. I was like, why do
Speaker 1: you think you're single? And he didn't have as perfan
Speaker 1: as an answer that you just had. You've definitely thought
Speaker 1: about this and done the work. But his reason was,
Speaker 1: you know, he dat someone for a couple of months,
Speaker 1: then he'd get bored UM and he couldn't really figure
Speaker 1: out why. And as we started we're together, I realized, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's really afraid to not be that man that he
Speaker 1: thinks he should be because he's going after girls that
Speaker 1: he's not working that hard to get. He's going after
Speaker 1: the girls that are kind of easy and just coming
Speaker 1: in very quickly and it's just easy. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to work very hard for it. So he's not he's
Speaker 1: not he's not vulnerable in a sense UM, and he's
Speaker 1: not going to fail because it was easy in the
Speaker 1: first place. UM. So we really worked at Okay, So,
Speaker 1: so what is your ideal girl? So I would ask you, Jared,
Speaker 1: could you give me a top five must have in
Speaker 1: a partner, and your top five like to have, well,
Speaker 1: at least top five for Jared, I'm excited to hear this.
Speaker 1: For myself, I have to give five or just one
Speaker 1: of five that comes to we need all five five
Speaker 1: top five or we're making him, we're holding accountable to
Speaker 1: give us the five. Oh good god, all right, I
Speaker 1: have to be taller than her when she's wearing heels. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: now what top five? That's the thing less the one
Speaker 1: you read with taller than hers? The number one. Now
Speaker 1: I I was, ah, God, that's so hard to really articulate,
Speaker 1: because I love all types of people, Like, there's so many.
Speaker 1: I would never really say I need this in a
Speaker 1: woman in order for me to develop a relationship with there,
Speaker 1: because if there was a strong enough connection and strong
Speaker 1: enough love, I could look past certain things, like because
Speaker 1: I like people for different reasons, you can eliminate them systematically.
Speaker 1: Do you need a woman to be nice? Of course
Speaker 1: the clichiate to be like, yeah, I wanted to be nice,
Speaker 1: and it's a launching bad all right, Well, she certainly
Speaker 1: has to, uh, alright. One thing I really look for
Speaker 1: on a date at least is if we go out
Speaker 1: to a date to a bar or a restaurant, how
Speaker 1: they treat the bartender or waiter is a huge factor
Speaker 1: of how I look at them on the first date,
Speaker 1: because I've there's nothing that turns me off more than
Speaker 1: if I'm on a date with somebody and the bartender
Speaker 1: or waiter will come over and the be like, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you, and then she she just won't even
Speaker 1: look him in the eye and be like, oh, I'll
Speaker 1: take this, and it's like, all right, well this is
Speaker 1: not going to go well. So that's certainly something I
Speaker 1: look for. Somebody that treats uh, you know, it's very personal,
Speaker 1: can talk to somebody, have eye contact, is a conversationalist,
Speaker 1: because I definitely, um, I need someone who can challenge
Speaker 1: me in a lot of different ways. I'm also very
Speaker 1: easy going and laid back, so I definitely need someone
Speaker 1: to push me and be like you need to do
Speaker 1: this and that and this, because if I don't have
Speaker 1: somebody to push me in that way, I don't think
Speaker 1: I will accomplish the things that I think I'm capable
Speaker 1: of accomplishing. I'm the same way. I didn't even realize
Speaker 1: that until you just said that. Yeah, So I think
Speaker 1: I definitely need someone who's not afraid to call me out.
Speaker 1: That's one thing as well. I really need someone to
Speaker 1: be like, you need to get this done, or like
Speaker 1: not even like, but just more so of like, you know,
Speaker 1: even if we're talking, there are a lot of times
Speaker 1: where I'm uh, not afraid, but like unwilling to talk
Speaker 1: about my feelings or things that uh, you know are
Speaker 1: bothering me. Um. And so I need someone to be like,
Speaker 1: you know, tell me yes, don't, don't just say whatever,
Speaker 1: don't move past this conversation, talk to me. And so
Speaker 1: that's certainly something I guess I could put that on
Speaker 1: the top five right after to be shorter than you
Speaker 1: wearing heels, no, I mean, And that's it's so interesting
Speaker 1: to see that you were pruggling with that because oftentimes
Speaker 1: people say, oh, love will happen when you least expect it.
Speaker 1: But that's my least favorite um dating advice, because it's
Speaker 1: not gonna have when when you least expect it. And
Speaker 1: that's why a lot of people go after what they
Speaker 1: feel is right rather than what they know is right. Um.
Speaker 1: And so you end up going after a girl who's
Speaker 1: like you're playing the game. It's hard to get and
Speaker 1: it feels like luss, but it's really that's not gonna
Speaker 1: laugh versus Okay, you know the first thing you said
Speaker 1: nice to the bar center. So you want someone kind,
Speaker 1: You want someone who really has a heart to care
Speaker 1: about people who, um, she doesn't really need to be
Speaker 1: nice to exactly care enough people to treat them like
Speaker 1: human beings, like no matter what they do, Like I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't stay when uh, somebody, whether a man or
Speaker 1: a female, just treat human beings as if they are
Speaker 1: a lower class. And it's like the person that's bagging
Speaker 1: your groceries as the same quality of person as the
Speaker 1: person that's you know, I don't know is that owns
Speaker 1: the grocery store exactly like you should treat them one
Speaker 1: and the same. And so it's very difficult for me
Speaker 1: when I see either friends or even a potential partner
Speaker 1: treat people differently depending on you know, their quote unquote
Speaker 1: importance in life. And I think that's absurd and ridiculous
Speaker 1: and something that really turns me off. And or in
Speaker 1: your professional opinion, what is your what do you think
Speaker 1: the number one reason why relationships fail being a matchmaker.
Speaker 1: I guess uh, you know, I think the number one
Speaker 1: reason the reason that relationships sale is is because one,
Speaker 1: you're going after the wrong person, So you're not thinking
Speaker 1: logically about what you're looking for and you're just thinking
Speaker 1: I was just hot, Like I'm going to go after that,
Speaker 1: because that has nothing to do with the values that
Speaker 1: are going to be long term. Once you're actually in
Speaker 1: a relationship and it is working and it fails, usually
Speaker 1: that's because of communication. Um, and you aren't just being
Speaker 1: open and honest with what you want and what she
Speaker 1: not want. Those conversation is going to be awkward, but
Speaker 1: that's exactly how relationship is going to flourish. Interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and north to your point earlier. Sorry, I kind of
Speaker 1: had this weird epiphany, uh the other day, And I
Speaker 1: don't want to necessarily rub you in for un necessary reasons,
Speaker 1: but I have this weird epiphany that I was like
Speaker 1: when I was younger, I used to think that falling
Speaker 1: in love with someone and spending the rest of your
Speaker 1: life with them was like a birthright that everyone should
Speaker 1: have at any like, like the second you're born, that's
Speaker 1: what you're deserve to have. And I do think that
Speaker 1: everyone needs to have that but I think that there
Speaker 1: also takes a lot of effort on both sides. And
Speaker 1: that's something that I've I've kind of slowly learned over
Speaker 1: the past maybe a year or so, is that we
Speaker 1: all have the obviously the right to fall in love
Speaker 1: and be with someone for the rest of our lives,
Speaker 1: but we also have to earn that and then learn
Speaker 1: that as well to to to you know, make it
Speaker 1: right for both people. And it's just kind of this
Speaker 1: weird thing that I was thinking about the other day.
Speaker 1: I think maybe I read it in a book that
Speaker 1: I was reading about or something like that, and I
Speaker 1: think you had kind of you know, I was reading
Speaker 1: a book one time. It was really good. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you knew this. I was reading the dictionary.
Speaker 1: I read the book. I read a book. You guys,
Speaker 1: I know how to read. But no, you said you
Speaker 1: mentioned something like that too, and it kind of coincides
Speaker 1: with that thought, and I was like, yeah, that definitely
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. I feel like, so, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, love is still exciting and it's so important.
Speaker 1: I think it's the most important thing in life and
Speaker 1: in the world. Um, but we get to choose the
Speaker 1: type of love we're going to have and we get
Speaker 1: to choose how we're going to teach people to treat us. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's why you know, you knew what you wanted,
Speaker 1: but it just wasn't kind of upfront. So I would
Speaker 1: tell you that, really write those down and know what
Speaker 1: you're looking for. And if you go on a first
Speaker 1: date and it's going okay, but one of those top
Speaker 1: five he doesn't have, that's okay. You can be a friend,
Speaker 1: no worries at all, but don't waste your time going
Speaker 1: after someone that doesn't have those values that you want.
Speaker 1: It's not so much I don't think I didn't know
Speaker 1: what I wanted. I think it was more so the
Speaker 1: guts to go after what I wanted, you know, because
Speaker 1: I knew what I wanted, but I didn't I don't
Speaker 1: think I had the conviction to actually go through with
Speaker 1: it because I was always too scared of the outcome,
Speaker 1: which is a ridiculous mindset to have, but it's true.
Speaker 1: I was just I was. I was fearful. I was,
Speaker 1: you know, for a very long time and so um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I totally agree. I think when you were
Speaker 1: talking about relationships and love and like I think about
Speaker 1: this is of more bid a little bit. But I
Speaker 1: always think about being on my deathbed and thinking about,
Speaker 1: you know, my life, and like, what am I going
Speaker 1: like if I was on my deathbed right now? What
Speaker 1: are the moments that I would look back on my
Speaker 1: life and cherish the most? What are the memories that
Speaker 1: I would do anything to go back to? And I've
Speaker 1: always gone back to moments that I've spent with the
Speaker 1: people that I love, Like it's not my job, it's
Speaker 1: not you know. Sure, there's some you know, adventures that
Speaker 1: I have that are wonderful, but the reason so many
Speaker 1: times those adventures are great is because of the people
Speaker 1: that I'm with, and so like more so than anything,
Speaker 1: when you're talking about love being the most important thing
Speaker 1: in life, I do agree with you because I've I've
Speaker 1: always thought about this, like what is the most important
Speaker 1: memory in my life? And why is that so important
Speaker 1: to me? And I always go back to because it's
Speaker 1: the person that I'm with, whether that be you know,
Speaker 1: my father, my you know, my girlfriend at the time,
Speaker 1: my sister, um, so on and so forth, And so
Speaker 1: I do completely agree with you there. And then I
Speaker 1: also agree with you when you were talking about relationships
Speaker 1: and to go back doing what you were saying about
Speaker 1: how as you've gotten older you thought, you know, as
Speaker 1: a young age, you thought it was a right to
Speaker 1: fall in love, and then he's gone older, you're like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: this is actually something you have to work for, work
Speaker 1: for And I think people forget about that. I think
Speaker 1: people forget whether they're single or in a relationship, that
Speaker 1: they actually have to actively put work into love, like
Speaker 1: you know, marriage and and and you know, being in
Speaker 1: in in a relationship is it can be very difficult
Speaker 1: at times, and you're gonna have doubts and you're gonna
Speaker 1: have times where you really second guess whether you should
Speaker 1: be in this relationship with this person. And then that's
Speaker 1: where you have to actively put work in and really
Speaker 1: try to make this relationship better. And I think you
Speaker 1: know obviously there's a line, right, I'm sure that at
Speaker 1: some point you'll know what line that is, and if
Speaker 1: you guys still haven't come together, then you should probably
Speaker 1: end the relationship. But I think so many people give
Speaker 1: up so easily these days. Yeah, no, I mean you
Speaker 1: hit that right in ahead. Especially with dating in l
Speaker 1: A and dating apps in general, there's so many options
Speaker 1: and there's so many choices, and I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people when it gets a little bit weird or
Speaker 1: a little bit taught, like Okay, I'm over there, let's
Speaker 1: see what else is out there. Um. And a way
Speaker 1: to stop that is what we're just talking about, is
Speaker 1: being very intentional about what you want in a partner.
Speaker 1: Because if you know what you want and you get it,
Speaker 1: you're gonna want to keep it and you're gonna do
Speaker 1: anything you can to keep that relationship. If you don't
Speaker 1: know what you want and you're flifinitly dating, um, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be very quick to let go of the relationship
Speaker 1: pretty fast. Yeah, Yeah, I agree. I mean I always
Speaker 1: say this, but I firmly believe love evolves and changes
Speaker 1: over time, and so as long as you're aware of that, UM,
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with uh putting some
Speaker 1: work in Well, Nora, this has been in a very
Speaker 1: enlightening conversation, I think, more so than I personally expected,
Speaker 1: not just because Jared has some really insightful points. Now,
Speaker 1: Dean is always the insightful one off points right, Um.
Speaker 1: For the listeners that want to maybe pursue Nora's advice,
Speaker 1: a skill set, anything like that, people free to shoot
Speaker 1: an email Nora. I think it's okay if they shoot
Speaker 1: your email at Nora at three day rule dot com. Um.
Speaker 1: If you have an Instagram, be sure to follow her
Speaker 1: on Instagram at matched by Nora. Um and yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean check her out. Nora. Is there anything you are
Speaker 1: working on currently besides obviously all this matchmaking stuff that
Speaker 1: you want to talk about real quick? Um? No, I
Speaker 1: just I mean just basically putting people together. So if
Speaker 1: you have any friends that you need to be set
Speaker 1: up and Jared, if you need me help, I'm happy
Speaker 1: to help. Oh well, thank you. Well, I think Dean
Speaker 1: and I have plenty of friends from the Bachelor franchise
Speaker 1: that could use help with. Yes, should just be milking
Speaker 1: the Bachelor franchise because of the people that go on
Speaker 1: that show are perpetually single, it seems like exactly, so
Speaker 1: I really, yeah, we'll say, we'll send him your way.
Speaker 1: Don't you worry about how your people call our people?
Speaker 1: And yeah, we'll put you in touch, all right, Nora. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in again, and best
Speaker 1: of luck moving forwards. Talk to you guys here. Thanks Nor,
Speaker 1: what a sweetheart. It's great. She was great. She's wonderful,
Speaker 1: and look at that. You were so hesitant to to
Speaker 1: talk about the five things that you needed a woman,
Speaker 1: and then you just rambled on for five minutes. It's
Speaker 1: amazing too. When somebody asked you a question, you're like,
Speaker 1: I have no idea, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: it's just somebody else will say something and in the
Speaker 1: conversation involves and you're like, oh, that's right. No, that
Speaker 1: is something I look for. Oh that's right, that is
Speaker 1: something that turns me off, So you know, I just
Speaker 1: need a little work. One of my biggest pet pieces
Speaker 1: with this entire podcast is always talk about something uh
Speaker 1: at nausea for like ten fifteen minutes. It's nonsense called jargon,
Speaker 1: bs whatever. And then I'll get home, I'll be laying
Speaker 1: in bed at night and I'm like, damn, I should
Speaker 1: have said this, and I should have said that, like
Speaker 1: so many things that you know you're probably not going
Speaker 1: to talk about again, and then you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I totally forgot about the most like uh central points
Speaker 1: to that point that I was trying to make. Do
Speaker 1: you ever regret from that one right there? I won't
Speaker 1: know until later tonight. Okay, let us okay, and we
Speaker 1: can start it. Can we like start a segment of
Speaker 1: things that I wish I said the first time around? Yes,
Speaker 1: yes we can. That would make it, and that can
Speaker 1: go back to Reggie's point of needing to write things
Speaker 1: down Moore and express my stuff to be writing, so
Speaker 1: totally good mental note that way. All right, how about
Speaker 1: an emails, gentlemen, Let's do it. People value your opinion
Speaker 1: on relationships and want to know advice and why the
Speaker 1: heck wouldn't thing they've obviously seen us. I do think
Speaker 1: it's valuable sometimes for women, and I believe all four
Speaker 1: of these are from women to get a guy's perspective
Speaker 1: on this, because they don't know how guys think. And
Speaker 1: your guys that know how guys think. We know how
Speaker 1: guys think. I know how a guy thinks. That's singular one. Okay,
Speaker 1: a guy questionable. See if you can help Tasha. She's
Speaker 1: been a long term relationship with an amazing guy for
Speaker 1: about three years now. We're quite young, twenty three, but
Speaker 1: Tasha here has had a pretty bad relationship in high school.
Speaker 1: She was cheated on, lied to, and abused her current
Speaker 1: boyfriend and her med in high school. So she knows,
Speaker 1: he knows all about that past relationship. They're both very
Speaker 1: mature for their age, she says, But then she says,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty confident he's who I want to spend my
Speaker 1: life with. But we're having a conversation recently about different
Speaker 1: political topics, how we would raise our kids and so forth,
Speaker 1: and I found out we have pretty different views on
Speaker 1: a lot of things. I can't help but think that
Speaker 1: when it comes to our future and raising a family together,
Speaker 1: this would be difficult. I know how I want to
Speaker 1: raise my kids and how I want them to treat
Speaker 1: others and be receptive towards differences. I guess my main
Speaker 1: question is do you think this is something that is
Speaker 1: minor or do I need to think more about this
Speaker 1: before I commit to a possible life with him. Love
Speaker 1: and blessings from Tasha I Atasha, thank you for emailing
Speaker 1: the podcast. Foremost Um, I personally think that you're kind
Speaker 1: of making a big deal out of something that doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily have to have a big deal made out of it.
Speaker 1: Have you guys ever seen Parks and rec one of
Speaker 1: my personal TV fantastic so An and Chris and Perkins
Speaker 1: and Chris Traeger are talking about having a baby um
Speaker 1: and they go through like the uh, the compatibility tests,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, and they score like fIF
Speaker 1: on all the compatibility tests. And then by the end
Speaker 1: of the episode, Chris like looks at and and Or
Speaker 1: he answer one piece of paper with one question on it.
Speaker 1: And the one question is will you love our child
Speaker 1: unconditionally and hope nothing but the best for them? And
Speaker 1: obviously the answer to that is yes. And so if
Speaker 1: Tasha can see the man that she's dating now have
Speaker 1: the love in his heart for a potential child that
Speaker 1: they might have, I think that's the most important thing.
Speaker 1: There's obviously semantical differences and being raised raised religiously and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, But I think, like, if
Speaker 1: you love this man and you want him to be
Speaker 1: the father of your children, and you know that he's
Speaker 1: going to treat those children with love, that's all that
Speaker 1: should be necessary for you guys to move to that
Speaker 1: next step. I totally grant. I would just ask Tasha
Speaker 1: how important that your political views are for you because
Speaker 1: and for him, because yes, if he is like, listen,
Speaker 1: these are the ways that my kids are gonna raise
Speaker 1: This is the only thing they're going to watch or
Speaker 1: believe in. And then of course those are questions that
Speaker 1: you need to ask him before you guys start having kids,
Speaker 1: because if he's so stout on it and says no,
Speaker 1: there's I'm not open to any other ideas, and that's
Speaker 1: the conversation you need to have. Having said that, I
Speaker 1: do believe that this is more minor than it is major,
Speaker 1: because I do think that it is something it seems
Speaker 1: like you can move past if he is such a
Speaker 1: you know, amazing guy as you describe, which I don't
Speaker 1: doubt he is. I'm sure if you guys are open
Speaker 1: and honest and you want your kids to kind of
Speaker 1: get both sides of whether it be politics, religion, whatever
Speaker 1: however you want to raise them and let them make
Speaker 1: up their own mind, then you know that's best for everybody.
Speaker 1: So I do believe, yeah, it's more minor as long
Speaker 1: as love is the primary thing for your kids, and
Speaker 1: that's the most important thing. I'm a little concerned about it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be contrarian here, but especially the line.
Speaker 1: I know how I want to raise my kids and
Speaker 1: how I want them to treat others and be receptive
Speaker 1: towards differences. That concerns me a little bit. Well, it
Speaker 1: seems like if he's not receptive towards differences, I'm not
Speaker 1: even sure what that means necessarily, but does that have
Speaker 1: to do with ethnicities, that that have to do with races, genders,
Speaker 1: ages like that he might not be quite as open
Speaker 1: minded as he wants him to be. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: raising a kid with one parent giving you that one
Speaker 1: parent giving you the other side, I mean, honestly reminds
Speaker 1: me of my grandparents. But so maybe things will be okay.
Speaker 1: But I'm a little bit concerned about this. I would
Speaker 1: agree with that just but the only thing is it
Speaker 1: does seem different political topics. So I'm assuming that that
Speaker 1: would mean he's conservative and she's liberally vice versa. And
Speaker 1: so as long as he's you know, I I you
Speaker 1: know that I think about that as well, because I'm
Speaker 1: far more open minded. And if I was with a
Speaker 1: stout conservative that was like, no, my kid is going
Speaker 1: to believe one thing and that is the only thing
Speaker 1: they're gonna believe. That would bother me and that would
Speaker 1: cause a red flag as well. Having said that, I
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine with a life partner and love, hopefully that
Speaker 1: would be not something we couldn't talk about and kind
Speaker 1: of wrote it together, right, and especially with a kid,
Speaker 1: kind of letting them not make up their own mind,
Speaker 1: but giving them all the information you can give them
Speaker 1: and let them decide what they want. And Tatasha to Tasha,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're main initiative is for your child,
Speaker 1: your children to be open minded. I don't think money
Speaker 1: things could be more open minded than having a liberal
Speaker 1: mother and a conservative whether than to liberal parents or
Speaker 1: two conservative parents, because it kind of shows your both perceptives.
Speaker 1: That's very true. Unless this guy was like, he's not
Speaker 1: going to hear your side of it in terms of
Speaker 1: like you like, my kids aren't gonna like you're not
Speaker 1: gonna brainwash my kids, but your political views. They're only
Speaker 1: going to listen to my views. Or that would be
Speaker 1: a huge red flag. Or let's flip this entirely upside
Speaker 1: down and say, maybe she's grasping at straws and trying
Speaker 1: to find reasons to break up with this guy. That's interesting, Tasha,
Speaker 1: think about that one. Maybe she actually figure eternally And honestly,
Speaker 1: there was a time, fairly recently that different political opinions
Speaker 1: among parents wasn't that big of a deal today, it's huge.
Speaker 1: I've never lived in I mean, Grinton, I'm still only
Speaker 1: twenty nine, but I've never lived in a society that's
Speaker 1: been more divided right now. It's just insane. You can't
Speaker 1: even say anything without somebody just be rating him like
Speaker 1: you're wrong, blah blah blah. It's it's intimidating to even
Speaker 1: I've always been one that I'm always open talk about whatever, politics, religion,
Speaker 1: I don't really care. But with politics these days, it's
Speaker 1: just like you can't even get a word in edgewise
Speaker 1: without them. You can honestly present facts towards somebody and
Speaker 1: they're like, no, that's not true. Well, I don't know
Speaker 1: what else to say, because it's a fact. Do you
Speaker 1: think it's better than to have no strong opinions one
Speaker 1: way or the other on that, because then you're less
Speaker 1: inclined to even care so much about it, and like
Speaker 1: that's less divisive of you to be just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I see your point, but I see your plant. You know, well,
Speaker 1: I think that's the best outcome, is to be able
Speaker 1: to have your opinion while also still being open minded
Speaker 1: to other people's opinions. I think that's obviously in my opinion,
Speaker 1: that would be the best outcome for everybody to be
Speaker 1: like I have my beliefs, I have my opinions. I'm
Speaker 1: still listening to yours. Not say my mind can't be changed,
Speaker 1: but you know, have an open mind towards things. Jesse,
Speaker 1: I recently moved from San Francisco to Washington, d C.
Speaker 1: Around six months ago. About a month before I moved,
Speaker 1: I had a guy through a friend and spent the
Speaker 1: whole day getting to know each other. At the party,
Speaker 1: I was going through some personal family stuff at the time,
Speaker 1: and I quickly felt comfortable enough to confide in him.
Speaker 1: We're drinking all day. We ended up hooking up by
Speaker 1: the end of the night. I really saw him at
Speaker 1: another group event a few weeks later, but nothing really
Speaker 1: came to it since I was moving away anyway. Well,
Speaker 1: now that I've moved, he's been calling me every few
Speaker 1: weeks late at night. The first few times he was drunk,
Speaker 1: but last weekend he called he wasn't drunk. His book
Speaker 1: for over an hour in a pretty deep, deep conversation.
Speaker 1: What are his motives for calling? It's not a booty
Speaker 1: callerve across the country from him, and it's not very
Speaker 1: often I meet people that click with like this, So
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with if I should try to pursue this
Speaker 1: or what I should do. I would love to hear
Speaker 1: your input. This is a good one to put yourself
Speaker 1: in the mindset of this guy. What do you think, Dan, Jared?
Speaker 1: Why is this guy calling her all the time late
Speaker 1: at night, Dean? After you? I love him the last one?
Speaker 1: So I figured on and Ali, then I think this
Speaker 1: guy might be just so if she doesn't gets a
Speaker 1: booty call, it depends on what her meaning of deep
Speaker 1: conversation is like, is that just you guys talk about
Speaker 1: very insightful things or I don't have I don't have
Speaker 1: our long phone conversations with anyone. Yeah, so any conversation
Speaker 1: that goes past five minutes I think on the phone specifically,
Speaker 1: I'm saying totally, of course, deeper, not that's something to
Speaker 1: be said, of course. So maybe this guy just really
Speaker 1: likes her, but also is playing it cool because he
Speaker 1: lives across country. He doesn't really know what to do,
Speaker 1: so this is the best thing he can think of,
Speaker 1: just kind of like stay in touch and maybe she'll
Speaker 1: be back on his side of the country. I think
Speaker 1: this is more of a stay in touch thing. Personally,
Speaker 1: if I were to stay in touch with someone that
Speaker 1: just moved across the country, I text them, I don't
Speaker 1: I think that he just enjoys talking to you. I
Speaker 1: don't think that they're I don't think you really should
Speaker 1: read into it more than that. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you really need to put the pressure on yourself to
Speaker 1: say that you need to pursue it or not. I
Speaker 1: think that you should just continue talk to him and
Speaker 1: enjoy it and have fun and see what happens like yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: You don't have to push it in any direction. It's
Speaker 1: not going to naturally go right exactly. I do think
Speaker 1: it's a weird combination of loneliness and fear of commitment,
Speaker 1: which I think describes a lot of twenty something men.
Speaker 1: As as as weird as those two things might see him.
Speaker 1: I think it's a lot of people, especially twenty something men,
Speaker 1: who are lonely and want someone to talk to. But
Speaker 1: knowing that she lives across the country makes it completely safe.
Speaker 1: He knows that it's not going to necessarily be a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: She's not gonna expect anything from him. They don't have
Speaker 1: to have the talk and all this stuff that he's
Speaker 1: afraid of, but it's somebody that he can open up to. Agree.
Speaker 1: And here's kind of the weird, awkward beauty of it,
Speaker 1: because you guys have already hooked up, so you know
Speaker 1: that he's not doing this just so he can hook
Speaker 1: up with you, because you guys have already hooked up exactly,
Speaker 1: So it's definitely more well intentioned, I think, and I
Speaker 1: think that you should just continue to kind of let
Speaker 1: it happen naturally. It sounds like it's a good thing
Speaker 1: that you have going on, So just let it keep going.
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to see other people, let him see
Speaker 1: other people, don't put too much pressure on this thing.
Speaker 1: Just let it be what it is, and who knows,
Speaker 1: if it's meant to be, it'll happen somehow. Good luck,
Speaker 1: good luck. This is Morgan, similar deal. What is a
Speaker 1: guy thinking in these situations? So my best friend and
Speaker 1: roommate and I have been we've been hanging around this
Speaker 1: group of guy friends for the past couple of months. Well,
Speaker 1: I've been crushing hard on one of the guys in
Speaker 1: the group for a few years now, but he's really
Speaker 1: hard to read. The last weekend, this guy that I
Speaker 1: have a crush on. He tried to kiss my roommate.
Speaker 1: She said to him, I can't do that. You're off limits.
Speaker 1: He said, why does Morgan like me? Then he asked
Speaker 1: do you like me? To the roommate. Then he asked
Speaker 1: who likes me more? Then he asked would it be
Speaker 1: weird if I kissed you the roommate, and then kissed
Speaker 1: Morgan later. Then he admitted he likes both of us,
Speaker 1: but didn't want to make the wrong choice. My roommate's
Speaker 1: attracted to him but doesn't like like him. I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do with this new information. Is this
Speaker 1: going to be weird the next time we hang out?
Speaker 1: Why did he try to put himself in a love
Speaker 1: triangle with my roommate and me? What if he actually
Speaker 1: does like me? I'd be willing to accept any thoughts
Speaker 1: or advice to help me navigate this terribly weird situation.
Speaker 1: Everyone involved is twenty four years old and intoxicated while
Speaker 1: confessing their feelings. Well, I think that last line is
Speaker 1: the most important one of the entire email. You guys
Speaker 1: are twenty four years old, and you guys are intoxicated
Speaker 1: while confessing all these feelings, And I do. I do
Speaker 1: want to say, out of all vachelanation, I think Jared
Speaker 1: and I are the least qualified to be giving advice
Speaker 1: on this specific one. Uh. Yeah, I I agree with
Speaker 1: that one. Yeah. I mean I think, yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: take it too seriously if I was Morgan, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you like him, I wouldn't really pursue him too hard.
Speaker 1: I think you should just get the hell away from
Speaker 1: this guy. Yeah, I entirely your friend as well, this
Speaker 1: this line right here. Then he admitted he likes both
Speaker 1: of us, but he didn't want to make the wrong choice,
Speaker 1: and that's the biggest red flag any woman should need
Speaker 1: to get out of that relationship. Exactly. I agree. He's
Speaker 1: a twenty four year old guy. He likes you, he
Speaker 1: likes your roommate, he likes anybody that he's got a
Speaker 1: shot with. Exactly. He's gonna be liking a lot of women,
Speaker 1: and you guys are just so happening to be two
Speaker 1: of them. Not to say, you know, that doesn't make
Speaker 1: you special in any way, But think about it this way,
Speaker 1: say Morgan, say, under happenstance you end updating this guy.
Speaker 1: He's always going to be thinking, well, what if I
Speaker 1: ended up dating your roommate's dead. He's always gonna be
Speaker 1: comparing the two, and not only that, you're going to
Speaker 1: be thinking that way, you're gonna be like, I wonder
Speaker 1: if he still likes more, not Morgan, your roommate. I
Speaker 1: wonder if he's still likes my roommate. There's a it's
Speaker 1: a net law situation. No one's ever gonna win, especially
Speaker 1: if you guys were drunk while you're talking about this,
Speaker 1: and it's like this awkward situation where he's asking you, like,
Speaker 1: who likes me more? It's almost it's like a like
Speaker 1: an ego thing for him at this point, It's like, well,
Speaker 1: who likes me more? Who's going to really come back
Speaker 1: for me more? So? I totally agree with Dean, stay
Speaker 1: with from this guy. He's twenty four. I think a
Speaker 1: twenty year old girls should date at twenty eight year
Speaker 1: old minimum. I agree. I've always thought that, Yeah, just
Speaker 1: for just maturity levels. What about a twenty six year
Speaker 1: old dating thirty year old twenty six year old girl
Speaker 1: thirty year old guy? No opposite, opposite? Well, what happens
Speaker 1: in a six year old guy year old girl? I
Speaker 1: see trouble down the road. Oh, Okay, I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: say it right now. Regyards disagree. Alright, one more, Jenna.
Speaker 1: I've been single almost three years now, with a few
Speaker 1: almost relationships during that time. Didn't really have the intention
Speaker 1: of dating anyone while here in grad school, but I
Speaker 1: did end up meeting somebody recently. I've wondered if he
Speaker 1: might be interested in me, because he's always kind of
Speaker 1: awkward and nervous and usually poking fun at me and
Speaker 1: then I do it right back at him. He's mentioned
Speaker 1: interested in another girl he's known since high school, but
Speaker 1: we both said we're content to be on our own
Speaker 1: right now. There's other girls also seeing somebody else, so
Speaker 1: I don't see her as a factor anyway. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure what to do here because the other night we
Speaker 1: went out, we were pretty drunk and we held hands
Speaker 1: in the uber on the ride home. We talked about
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that night, some of which I
Speaker 1: can't remember because I was pretty drunk too. So what
Speaker 1: do I do. Do I bring this night up, Do
Speaker 1: I address that there maybe unspoken feelings and both of
Speaker 1: our rounds, and do I just appreciate having a close
Speaker 1: guy friend that I can open up to and stick
Speaker 1: to being on my own. This is this is Jenna,
Speaker 1: and this is similar, isn't It's a similar drunk male confessions.
Speaker 1: It's certainly different though, just for the simple fact of
Speaker 1: they these two seem a lot on better terms. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's more potential here. It's like a friendship I could
Speaker 1: turn into something. Promise to Jenna right now that if
Speaker 1: she doesn't pursue it, I think that she'll kick herself.
Speaker 1: Not that she won't kick yourself, but she will harbor
Speaker 1: a lot of romantic feelings towards him down the line,
Speaker 1: and I think that they might both act on it eventually.
Speaker 1: But I just think that if you really feel this
Speaker 1: way about this some guy, obviously you know it's a
Speaker 1: drunken night, you really have to take those with a
Speaker 1: big grain of sault. So you have to do that
Speaker 1: as well. But um, I've had a friend in a
Speaker 1: situation before where him and this girl were very close friends,
Speaker 1: and they their friendship continued to grow together, and she
Speaker 1: had always kind of expressed interest in him, but he
Speaker 1: obviously wasn't very into it himself, and they eventually like
Speaker 1: drunkenly hooked up one night and then like they kind
Speaker 1: of put a strain on their relationship a little bit,
Speaker 1: so I think that you need to. But the issue
Speaker 1: with that was that there was never the sober conversation
Speaker 1: of hey, this is what we did, this is what
Speaker 1: the how I feel about you? You know, we held
Speaker 1: hands in an uber, we had this deep philosophical talk
Speaker 1: with each other. So what happened with your friend after
Speaker 1: they hooked up? I think they're still friends. But you
Speaker 1: said to put a strain on their relationship. Well, it's
Speaker 1: a temporary strain. I mean you could, like she says,
Speaker 1: at the very end, do I want to have a
Speaker 1: close guy friend who I can open up too and
Speaker 1: stick being on my own? It's very difficult to have
Speaker 1: a close relationship with a guy who you've at least
Speaker 1: one time been romantically interested in or are continuing to
Speaker 1: have romantic interests. For um, I was gonna say, I
Speaker 1: think more so like, yeah, you sure of course you
Speaker 1: could have a close guy friend. But this close guy
Speaker 1: friend that you have you actually have romantic feelings with,
Speaker 1: so are you? There's always going to be that what
Speaker 1: if factor? And if you do have any type of
Speaker 1: romantic feelings, if I were you, I would articulate them,
Speaker 1: because yes, you might lose him as a friend, But
Speaker 1: what's what's better losing him as a friend or always
Speaker 1: having him as a friend and always wondering is there
Speaker 1: something more between us? Yeah? I agree. I think you
Speaker 1: just got to go for it, and I think the
Speaker 1: best way to go about it. And what we've kind
Speaker 1: of seen a trend in these emails at least today
Speaker 1: is a lot of people have been drunk, and I
Speaker 1: think the best thing you can do for yourself is
Speaker 1: to stay sober. Stay sober and have a conversation with him. Um,
Speaker 1: maybe go out to drinks with him and have a conversation.
Speaker 1: That way, by the end of the conversation you're at
Speaker 1: least feeling a little tipsy and that can maybe alleviate
Speaker 1: some of the pressure and stress. Um, just my two
Speaker 1: cents and Jared two cents. That's four cents total. Were
Speaker 1: one penny short of a nickel. But that's not too bad,
Speaker 1: too bad at all, And I agree with Dean. I
Speaker 1: would definitely actively put effort into hanging out with him,
Speaker 1: just one on one, not like having a random setting
Speaker 1: where you guys are out one night and you're like,
Speaker 1: by the way, like, I don't know if if I
Speaker 1: should tell you this or not like actively be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to hang out, you know, let's grab dinner
Speaker 1: or something like that, and then you know have a
Speaker 1: moment to be like, this has kind of been bothering me.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you remember this night, which I'm
Speaker 1: sure he probably remembers too. So he's the thing is, Jenny,
Speaker 1: he might be going through the same thing you are
Speaker 1: right now where he doesn't know exactly what to do.
Speaker 1: And I had back to the friend thing. My friend
Speaker 1: still she tells me all the time about how me,
Speaker 1: her and my other friend hooked up and they still
Speaker 1: have had zero sober conversations about it, and it's driving
Speaker 1: her insane. Every time I hang out with her, She's like,
Speaker 1: I still haven't talked to about it. I still don't
Speaker 1: know where we stand. It's like, just go talk to
Speaker 1: him about it. And it's weird because like obviously if
Speaker 1: you're in the same friend groups and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, it adds a little different dynamic to it.
Speaker 1: But um, Jenn, I just take that. Take Jared's advice
Speaker 1: and my advice. No, it's all the same. It's all
Speaker 1: the same. So it take Jared mind's advice. Just have
Speaker 1: a sober conversation with him. At least put it out there.
Speaker 1: You're gonna regret it if you don't. UM. But also
Speaker 1: to say, like, if you do put it out there,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that the friendship is over. No, not
Speaker 1: at all. Like exactly, you guys could have adult conversation,
Speaker 1: talk about it, maybe realize that you're not right for
Speaker 1: each other, and like Dean said, that friendship will become stronger.
Speaker 1: So you're not really sure. I think it'll be far
Speaker 1: worse if you do hold onto these feelings and never
Speaker 1: really articulate them, because I think it'll just it'll just
Speaker 1: build towards something that you don't want, right. I agree.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thank you all for joining us for
Speaker 1: this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. UM.
Speaker 1: Sorry for making you sit through that minute monologue of
Speaker 1: the things that are just afflicting my life. We worry,
Speaker 1: We we love you, Dean, and we worry about you
Speaker 1: sometimes will make sure you're okay. I appreciate it, and
Speaker 1: I will say that as much as I was dreading
Speaker 1: coming in here today to talk about it, it it is
Speaker 1: still nice to like talk and get things off your chest.
Speaker 1: And that's what we're here for you're among friends, and
Speaker 1: I think of the listeners of this podcast also consider
Speaker 1: themselves your friends. They know you're pretty well at this
Speaker 1: point among friends, but still it's kind of scary to
Speaker 1: sometimes just fell your share your absolutely personal issues they
Speaker 1: public format. Yeah, I think you just forget that, Like
Speaker 1: it's not just for people you're talking to rights, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like forever. Okay. Anyways, Uh, I really like to
Speaker 1: thank Reginald Lewis for coming on today. Be sure to
Speaker 1: follow on on Instagram at Reginald Lewis. UM. Big thank
Speaker 1: you to match maker Dora de Kaiser or sorry Nora
Speaker 1: de Kaiser, who works with the three Day Rule dot com.
Speaker 1: The word three not the number three, so th h
Speaker 1: R E E day Rule dot com with Nora de Kaiser.
Speaker 1: Keep the emails coming, Um, I say it every week.
Speaker 1: I'll say it this week as well. That's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite parts of this podcast. Um. You know, it's
Speaker 1: it's nice to hear kind of about what's going on
Speaker 1: your guys life. So keep them coming. I suck at
Speaker 1: dating at I heeart Media dot com. Big thank you
Speaker 1: to the emails today Morgan, Jenna, Jesse and Tasha of course,
Speaker 1: big thank you to our sponsor, Beach Body. Uh. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I've been doing it quite a bit. I
Speaker 1: canceled my gym gym membership and have been using them
Speaker 1: pretty much exclusively and eating right because of their nutrition plan.
Speaker 1: And I've already feel a lot better physically. Um and
Speaker 1: you can too, So go to Beach Body. Text Dean
Speaker 1: to thirty thirty. That's d e A N too three
Speaker 1: zero three zero three zero. And of course, big thank
Speaker 1: you to my man Jared for being here with me today.
Speaker 1: Be sure to next week. And uh yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: Dean for no but seriously, thank you Deane for coming
Speaker 1: in and talking about everything that's going on in your
Speaker 1: public life right now, because I know it wasn't easy,
Speaker 1: and um, so a big thank you. Thanks, yeah, thanks Dean,
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, Thanks for sharing Deane on Tuesday, help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.