WEBVTT - Cheating Red Flags

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Bill and Juliana the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey guys, welcome to the Bill and Juliana Podcast. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's been a little bit of a nutty couple of weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>I relived my past from twenty two years ago. And

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to go into it a lot because

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<v Speaker 2>like we've already gone into it so much.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I've had to relive your past.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, you've been good about it if you didn't tune

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<v Speaker 2>into our last two episodes. Basically, I brought up the

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<v Speaker 2>story of how twenty two years ago my ex cheated

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<v Speaker 2>on me and it's.

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<v Speaker 3>A long story. You guys just have to go listen.

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<v Speaker 1>To this podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, what we thought is this week we would do

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<v Speaker 2>an episode on cheating red flags. And the reason we're

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<v Speaker 2>bringing this up is because we've kind of become relationship

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<v Speaker 2>experts since last week, good.

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<v Speaker 1>That look at you.

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<v Speaker 4>We've gotten a lot of comments on social media, and

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<v Speaker 4>everyone is an expert in relationships. We are learning a lot,

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<v Speaker 4>not from my personal experiences, but from all the wonderful

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<v Speaker 4>comments that people.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, now we don't like just so you know, we

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<v Speaker 2>don't have like a PhD in psychology or a BA

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<v Speaker 2>or a BS maybe a BS but we don't.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, we're very lucky. We have an amazing panel. Yes,

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<v Speaker 4>we do some of Chicago's finest, the world's final. Yes,

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<v Speaker 4>and the world's finest for that matter. And we have

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<v Speaker 4>a second time guest, Kate M. So thank you Kate

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<v Speaker 4>M for coming on this.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, Kate on you guys might recall from the last

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<v Speaker 2>podcast is part of the Witness Production program. So we

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<v Speaker 2>just say, called her Kate M. And then we have

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<v Speaker 2>someone else from the Witness Production program here, Brad, who.

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<v Speaker 3>We just called Brad no last name.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited to be here.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you okay, Brad no last name, no even initial

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<v Speaker 2>in the last name.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Then we have someone who we are Yes, we we

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<v Speaker 2>are totally open to talk about Stephen Galanis, who is,

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<v Speaker 2>of course the founder, president head of Cameo. You created Cameo, right,

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<v Speaker 2>I did so Cameo if you guys don't know, is amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like when people send video messages to their friends.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, Stephen, we've talked about that.

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<v Speaker 5>I know.

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<v Speaker 3>We remember we were going to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>Cami request last week for some woman's sixtieth birthday?

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<v Speaker 3>Did you do it?

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<v Speaker 1>I forgot? And then expired, so I have to I

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<v Speaker 1>got to do more on cameos.

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<v Speaker 5>We even money on the table.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, no, it was It's a shameful.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>Stephen would be very upset with me. He's looking down like,

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<v Speaker 1>what are you doing?

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<v Speaker 3>Stephen?

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<v Speaker 2>I was actually thinking, I've never done one, but I

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<v Speaker 2>want to do one. But can I donate it all

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<v Speaker 2>to animal Rescue?

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<v Speaker 5>Yes? Okay, and you hit the rid off.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh there we go. Okay, I'm doing it exactly. Part

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<v Speaker 3>two of this is Taxes Red Flags.

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<v Speaker 2>And then we also have Janet Mandel back with us

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<v Speaker 2>on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 6>I thank you for having me again.

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<v Speaker 2>So Janet, of course is stylis fashion easter extraordinary. Who

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<v Speaker 2>started this incredible business called the Janet Mendel Showroom or

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<v Speaker 2>Jane Mendel, And she has these incredible showrooms around the

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<v Speaker 2>country and she does very very high end lung.

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<v Speaker 1>Worry called missus Worldwide Luxury Fashion.

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<v Speaker 6>Lee mind.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, if you want to borrow a tom Ford dress

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<v Speaker 2>and not buy a tom Ford dress, you go to

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<v Speaker 2>Janet Mendel.

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<v Speaker 6>Hi, Jane, Hi, Juliana, Hi, Bill Hi. Everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's dig right, let's die in. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>So here's the deal. The reason we thought this would

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<v Speaker 2>be a good episode. This is really organically how it happened.

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<v Speaker 2>So we had taped our podcast last week and then

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<v Speaker 2>we went back to the office and I was sitting

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<v Speaker 2>with Breonna and Ava, and I was saying, gosh, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we're just talking about the whole thing. And I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, thinking back to twenty two years ago, there

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<v Speaker 2>were red flags. Because they asked me like, were there

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<v Speaker 2>any red flags? And I never really thought of that.

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<v Speaker 2>So one thing I remembered is that you guys are

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<v Speaker 2>going to die. In a lot of our email correspondence,

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<v Speaker 2>we would have these like lovey, gushy emails and then

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<v Speaker 2>at the very end, my ex would write, PS, please

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<v Speaker 2>don't ever cheat on me.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's not ruin this. Nothing was wrong with the relationship.

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<v Speaker 4>I can I stop for a second. So this X

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<v Speaker 4>cheated on her one we're not saying who that is.

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<v Speaker 4>And then she took him back, you know, and then

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<v Speaker 4>during this rekindling of the relationship, she brings him to

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<v Speaker 4>the Hot Maximum one hundred party. That's like releasing a

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<v Speaker 4>wolf into a hen of chickens.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes. Yes, When Bill said that I had this aha

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<v Speaker 2>moment on the podcast last week, I was like, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>Bill is like very smart, he's quite a relationship accent.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you're overselling me.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, there were definitely red flags. There were definitely things

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<v Speaker 2>I could have done differently. I was so confident in

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<v Speaker 2>our relationship on my half, like I would never cheat

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<v Speaker 2>on him, that I was confident, like I didn't care

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<v Speaker 2>that I was bringing him to a hot one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>party or that again. And then when I saw him

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<v Speaker 2>sign off, PS, don't cheat on me. I love you

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<v Speaker 2>so much, let's not ruin this, I honestly thought, Oh, he.

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<v Speaker 7>Thinks you're and you're reading it as he thinks you're

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<v Speaker 7>too good for him, and like, please don't leave me

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<v Speaker 7>because I can't get do any better ever than you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, or I honestly, brit I was honestly thinking, Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's so sweet.

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<v Speaker 3>Like he wants to make sure we never ruin this,

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<v Speaker 3>and like we're both never going to cheat on each other.

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<v Speaker 2>But what I honestly saw was, oh, he's so happy

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<v Speaker 2>in our relationship. He doesn't want us to ruin it.

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<v Speaker 2>But really, now I look back, I go, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 2>He was totally projecting. That was him knowing he was

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<v Speaker 2>capable of it. But I never even thought for a

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<v Speaker 2>second because I was incapable of it. I never cheated

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<v Speaker 2>on him, do you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 3>Does that make sense? Steven?

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<v Speaker 5>I think he you guys got it.

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<v Speaker 8>Sounds like he was projecting there or or you know,

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<v Speaker 8>maybe giving a little clue what was going to happen?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, which is projecting foreshadowing?

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<v Speaker 5>Right?

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<v Speaker 3>And then Janet, what do you think?

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<v Speaker 6>Number one? Are men that no offense to men here?

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<v Speaker 6>But are they that detail oriented where they would think, yes,

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<v Speaker 6>I'm going to do this because I know that she

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<v Speaker 6>you know, she won't cheat on me if I tell

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<v Speaker 6>her not to cheat on me. You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 3>It was strategic?

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<v Speaker 6>But yet was are they that strategic? But again, I

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<v Speaker 6>don't know. It depends on his mood. I guess at that.

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<v Speaker 3>Point, I think he was projecting.

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<v Speaker 9>I think he was probably projecting or just very insecure

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<v Speaker 9>and insecure people end up cheating.

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<v Speaker 3>So yeah, good point.

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<v Speaker 8>I also think it's funny going back to that time

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<v Speaker 8>that it was like emails, right, and how different like

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<v Speaker 8>the email like long distance relationship is versus the texting one.

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<v Speaker 5>That's so true. It's definitely not putting that in a

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<v Speaker 5>text message.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, you're right, and we weren't really texting back then

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<v Speaker 2>because back then, this is the early two thousands. Remember

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<v Speaker 2>you had to like write, you had to click a

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<v Speaker 2>three times.

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<v Speaker 1>Everything was short.

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<v Speaker 3>Went back, everything was short.

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<v Speaker 2>And we had razors, the motoral eraser and the T

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<v Speaker 2>mobile sidekick.

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<v Speaker 3>It took a lot, you know, you did. You had

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<v Speaker 3>like a purple one.

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<v Speaker 1>I got it for free. He took them back in

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<v Speaker 1>the day when people would send me things for free.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, so and then it's so funny because when

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<v Speaker 2>I went back to our emails, like I had a

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<v Speaker 2>Yahoo account, he had an Aol account, and so like

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<v Speaker 2>that was you know, we just emailed and spoke on

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<v Speaker 2>the phone. But it was a lot of that. So

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<v Speaker 2>what are some other cheating red flags? So first of all,

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<v Speaker 2>to start with this, have have you guys ever been

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<v Speaker 2>cheated on?

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<v Speaker 3>Anyone ever been cheated on?

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<v Speaker 2>Bill?

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<v Speaker 3>Have you been cheated on?

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<v Speaker 4>Not to my record, I mean perhaps not that I

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<v Speaker 4>caught anyone red handed, you know, with paparazzi walking hand

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<v Speaker 4>in hand together, okay for an event, so not that glaring.

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<v Speaker 3>What are you trying to wait? Did you just bring

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<v Speaker 3>it back to what happened to me? I forgot I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, who would do that?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, no, not to my record, but I'm sure someone

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<v Speaker 4>on our illustrious panel here has been cheating on Steven.

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<v Speaker 8>In my early twenties, I had a girlfriend that I

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<v Speaker 8>caught cheating that.

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<v Speaker 1>How did you catch her?

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<v Speaker 5>So she was she was.

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<v Speaker 8>In college still, I was maybe a couple of years

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<v Speaker 8>out trading, and she a couple of nights a week.

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<v Speaker 8>All of a sudden, she started having Zuma lessons, like

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<v Speaker 8>to be like a zumba the dance whatever.

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<v Speaker 5>The dance thing.

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<v Speaker 8>This would have been like twenty twelve, sometime in that era.

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<v Speaker 8>Zooma was hoppy and it was like a hot thing

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<v Speaker 8>and it was just as like and she was having

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<v Speaker 8>to go like seven am. So she'd like she'd be like, hey,

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<v Speaker 8>I can't like stay over tonight because I've got this

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<v Speaker 8>like zoomba thing.

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<v Speaker 5>And she was like do you want to come? And

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<v Speaker 5>I was like, no, I don't want to go.

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<v Speaker 3>Janet Mendel, I have a good one.

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<v Speaker 1>I can only imagine I have a good one.

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<v Speaker 6>So I was dating this Sky it was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 6>we were getting serious towards the end, like six seven

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<v Speaker 6>months later. So he's like, you know, I don't like

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<v Speaker 6>to share my bathroom, So do you mind using the

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<v Speaker 6>guest bathroom? I'm like sure. So I'm in the bathroom

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<v Speaker 6>getting ready. I opened a drawer and there's like a

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<v Speaker 6>tampon in one of the drawers, and I'm like, okay, well,

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<v Speaker 6>I'm thinking, okay, maybe that's from his previous girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>Sure.

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<v Speaker 6>Men don't usually like clean the guest bathrooms, right, they

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<v Speaker 6>don't pay attention. So months go by and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 6>you know, I don't feel you know, we have our

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<v Speaker 6>intuition women, and I'm like, I'm not feeling really settled

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<v Speaker 6>with this tampon in the drawer. No expiration.

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<v Speaker 1>Left it?

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<v Speaker 2>In the.

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<v Speaker 6>Of course, because being strategic.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you say no expiration date?

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<v Speaker 6>I was thinking, like, was there like a package in

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<v Speaker 6>a box?

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<v Speaker 3>You're like looking for this.

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<v Speaker 6>And I'm like was it open? Disgusting? But anyways, he's

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<v Speaker 6>just like one tampon in there. I'm looking for like

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<v Speaker 6>boxes and stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, how many times can we say Tampa.

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<v Speaker 6>I'm sorry, guys. So I'm apologetic.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 6>So, like about two months go by and he invites

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<v Speaker 6>me to a softball game and I'm like, okay, So

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<v Speaker 6>I go to a softball game. He's playing. We had fun,

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<v Speaker 6>blah blah blah. And I've noticed that he plays two

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<v Speaker 6>two times a week, right and Thursday he didn't invite me,

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<v Speaker 6>and I'm like hmmm, and I didn't ask him. So

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<v Speaker 6>this is like two weeks of me going to his

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<v Speaker 6>game consistently, but one Thursday he decides not to invite

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<v Speaker 6>me and I didn't even ask him. So crazy me

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<v Speaker 6>drives by the park and there he is with another

0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:25.240
<v Speaker 6>girl and she's at the game. But it wasn't me.

0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.760
<v Speaker 3>Did this this the same tampon brand fall out of

0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:28.040
<v Speaker 3>her back?

0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:29.600
<v Speaker 5>I was.

0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:31.920
<v Speaker 6>I was actually going to get out of my car

0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.079
<v Speaker 6>and go up to her and be like, did you

0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:39.520
<v Speaker 6>leave a tampon at the drawer of But I didn't.

0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:44.360
<v Speaker 6>So I was so upset because I was like, he lied.

0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:47.199
<v Speaker 6>He told me he wasn't dating anybody else, Like in

0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:50.160
<v Speaker 6>my face, I to die, And so I was upset

0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.800
<v Speaker 6>and I stopped calling him. I was like, we're done,

0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:54.280
<v Speaker 6>and then you.

0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.200
<v Speaker 1>Know, wow, you didn't get out of the car and

0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:56.920
<v Speaker 1>storm the game.

0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.720
<v Speaker 6>I was going to trust me, I was. I was

0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.680
<v Speaker 6>fired up and I was so angry because I made

0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.160
<v Speaker 6>like this guy. But I'm like, damn.

0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.960
<v Speaker 8>It, how did you know what the relationship dynamic was there.

0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.480
<v Speaker 6>Well, she was standing there, he would you know, he

0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:15.199
<v Speaker 6>would pitch or hit, he would come back to her

0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:17.600
<v Speaker 6>and you know, he would like put his arms around her.

0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:26.800
<v Speaker 6>It was like totally I was being that crazy girl like,

0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:28.760
<v Speaker 6>oh my god, is he going to make the move?

0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:30.560
<v Speaker 6>Is she going to do something? Are they going to kiss?

0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.840
<v Speaker 6>Because I need evidence. You were hiding in the bushes,

0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:34.200
<v Speaker 6>literally in the car.

0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:37.560
<v Speaker 5>Did they kiss? Did you see them kissing?

0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.000
<v Speaker 6>No, they didn't kiss, but he had his arms around her,

0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:41.560
<v Speaker 6>yeah enough to know.

0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:42.199
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:43.960
<v Speaker 6>And then I'm like, I need to know what car

0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:46.440
<v Speaker 6>she's in because next I'm going to drive by his

0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.600
<v Speaker 6>house and see if her car's parked in front. You know,

0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:50.920
<v Speaker 6>my mind was going like a little.

0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:52.160
<v Speaker 5>Crazy detective mode.

0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:53.439
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I lowly detective.

0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 2>I love detective mode. I've been there, done that one

0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:56.720
<v Speaker 2>hundred times.

0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:59.320
<v Speaker 6>It's fun at the same time as well as you

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:00.079
<v Speaker 6>know Sad.

0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:04.040
<v Speaker 2>And then Janet, well Janet, Janet is quite the relationship

0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.880
<v Speaker 2>expert because you know, do you guys know her story?

0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:08.640
<v Speaker 3>Janet? You got to tell them the story.

0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.360
<v Speaker 6>So I do you remember that guy that was here earlier,

0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.160
<v Speaker 6>the blonde? So he's my ex husband, but we're now

0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:20.520
<v Speaker 6>boyfriend and girlfriend. And so we were married for like

0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:26.360
<v Speaker 6>eighteen years, filed for divorce. Within three months we were divorced,

0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.120
<v Speaker 6>and then about a month and a half later we

0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:33.640
<v Speaker 6>got back together. That's crazy, but you know, I never

0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:37.560
<v Speaker 6>left my house, Like in the in the divorce settlement,

0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:40.200
<v Speaker 6>it says I'm allowed to live there for a year

0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.840
<v Speaker 6>and a half. So that was a divorce settlement. She

0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:44.240
<v Speaker 6>gets to live there for a year and a half,

0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.120
<v Speaker 6>run free, blah blah blah, blah blah. Mostly for my kids.

0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.240
<v Speaker 6>I wanted to make sure that they were acclimated with

0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:53.959
<v Speaker 6>the transition. So we never left. And then the reason

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 6>we got back together was because I was jealous that

0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:58.760
<v Speaker 6>he was dating some other girl.

0:12:58.760 --> 0:12:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Like.

0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:04.319
<v Speaker 6>In front of me, talking to her, text messaging her.

0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.360
<v Speaker 6>You know, he's like, we're divorced. I'm like, uh huh,

0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.240
<v Speaker 6>And here's me, like, never went on one day, never

0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:13.520
<v Speaker 6>even had sex with anybody, and here's I know it's

0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.120
<v Speaker 6>my fault, but I was like, I wasn't ready mentally

0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:21.040
<v Speaker 6>right here he is gallivanting with you know other yeah,

0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:23.839
<v Speaker 6>whatever they were, and I got jealous.

0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.559
<v Speaker 5>And you bring them home to the house, living a

0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:27.360
<v Speaker 5>great questions.

0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Yes, no, no, no, no.

0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:31.760
<v Speaker 5>Question.

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:34.440
<v Speaker 6>You're asking if he no, Well that to my knowledge,

0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.840
<v Speaker 6>I don't think so. But we were only broken up

0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:41.600
<v Speaker 6>for like what almost five months, right, So I mean

0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:46.680
<v Speaker 6>I don't think so. That's my cause. No, the cheating

0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.840
<v Speaker 6>didn't cause the divorce. I think the dynamic of being

0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:53.560
<v Speaker 6>in business together caused us to separate, and menopause. I

0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:57.800
<v Speaker 6>was fully on menopause with I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm

0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:58.559
<v Speaker 6>gonna need to bring.

0:13:58.440 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 3>Up so much was in your tampon?

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:02.920
<v Speaker 6>I mean, there is correlations.

0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.719
<v Speaker 1>I just hit the pool. Sorry, So then you get

0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:10.400
<v Speaker 1>remarried to him?

0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.760
<v Speaker 6>Now, hell no, I'm never getting married. I'm never getting

0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.960
<v Speaker 6>remarried to him or anyone else?

0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:16.199
<v Speaker 8>Are you?

0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:16.760
<v Speaker 5>Are you?

0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:18.640
<v Speaker 1>Yes?

0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.120
<v Speaker 6>There, we're still business partners and.

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:22.080
<v Speaker 5>Everything.

0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:25.280
<v Speaker 6>I mean, I think things got better after we decided

0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:28.520
<v Speaker 6>there was no strings attached. Like we have the best

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:32.440
<v Speaker 6>communication now, which we didn't have before. We are best friends.

0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 6>We were always best friends. Sex was always great. It's

0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:39.360
<v Speaker 6>got better, and we do a lot of things together now.

0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 6>You know, before we are like okay, I'm going to

0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:43.240
<v Speaker 6>work by okay, see you later.

0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:45.320
<v Speaker 2>You go down a lot of like they'll go. They

0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:46.880
<v Speaker 2>live in the suburbs. Now they move from the city

0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.160
<v Speaker 2>to the suburbs. But you'll do a weekend in the city.

0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.720
<v Speaker 2>It'll stay like live an insula, you like, you hang

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:53.080
<v Speaker 2>out all weekend and it's so cute.

0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 3>You just hang out in your robes.

0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.800
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, And I support him, like he's he loves music,

0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.560
<v Speaker 6>he's in a band, So I support him. And I

0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.640
<v Speaker 6>think that's what was missing, is that he felt that

0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 6>I wasn't supportive of him. It was always about the business,

0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:08.800
<v Speaker 6>and you know, the business is always it's my name

0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.120
<v Speaker 6>on the business. So he's always felt like he was

0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:12.360
<v Speaker 6>sort of left.

0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:18.280
<v Speaker 4>Oh second fiddle metaplause to which enhanced the you know

0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.080
<v Speaker 4>where you're just you know what's interesting?

0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.040
<v Speaker 6>I took What does that mean?

0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm just asking a simple quick what are you asking? Really?

0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:26.000
<v Speaker 3>Okay?

0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.800
<v Speaker 6>Sorry, no, I think I think I learned a lot

0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:32.800
<v Speaker 6>from that divorce and how to deal with my emotions

0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:35.880
<v Speaker 6>and when things get red hot. Now I'm just like, okay,

0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:40.360
<v Speaker 6>take a deep breath, boundaries, you're not comfortable, just leave

0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:53.120
<v Speaker 6>the room and it works.

0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.120
<v Speaker 3>But Janet, are you guys exclusive to each other?

0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:56.480
<v Speaker 10>Yes?

0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:58.760
<v Speaker 6>We are exclusive to each Okay, Okay, we don't date

0:15:58.840 --> 0:15:59.280
<v Speaker 6>other people.

0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.160
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that That's great. I'm glad it worked out for

0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:03.320
<v Speaker 1>you guys a family.

0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.040
<v Speaker 6>I know it's not normal and we're just not normal

0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:09.360
<v Speaker 6>people in general, so it works for us. But people laugh,

0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:13.920
<v Speaker 6>they're like, wait, what, you're still back with your Wait?

0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:14.960
<v Speaker 6>What is I don't.

0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:16.120
<v Speaker 3>Understand you're dating your exit?

0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.400
<v Speaker 6>Like, are you guys remarried? I'm like no, They're like,

0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:19.920
<v Speaker 6>what how are your kids with that?

0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, fine, that's so interesting, isn't it. Let me

0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:25.720
<v Speaker 2>ask you guys this, what are some signs?

0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:26.360
<v Speaker 3>For instance?

0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so my ex woyfriend saying hey, don't cheat, that

0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:30.520
<v Speaker 2>was projecting.

0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.120
<v Speaker 7>I think the biggest sign of starting fights because you're

0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:36.880
<v Speaker 7>starting a fight with the girl because you're cheating on her.

0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:40.200
<v Speaker 7>Out you're cheating on her, and you start a fight

0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.600
<v Speaker 7>so that you can tell yourself, oh, she's a bit

0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.280
<v Speaker 7>like look at her, like that's fine, she's just as bad,

0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 7>and go and do your own thing on the side

0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:51.280
<v Speaker 7>you're right, and just justify it in your own head

0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:53.960
<v Speaker 7>by making her seem more difficult than she probably is.

0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:54.960
<v Speaker 3>That's a good one.

0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.400
<v Speaker 4>I think I mad not because I was cheating, because

0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:01.240
<v Speaker 4>I wanted to end a relationship it's like an easy out.

0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:02.840
<v Speaker 1>So that's actually a really good point.

0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.840
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm, Stephen, do can you think of any.

0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I've got one.

0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:11.200
<v Speaker 4>So I did the girl, and I noticed that romantically,

0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:17.840
<v Speaker 4>like things were changing and like there was more god,

0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:18.560
<v Speaker 4>how do I say this?

0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:19.120
<v Speaker 1>Words clean?

0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.199
<v Speaker 4>But like there was some new tricks in them, like

0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.760
<v Speaker 4>this is unusual. Like so a ninety nine point nine

0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:30.199
<v Speaker 4>percent sure that those tricks were being learned outside of

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.160
<v Speaker 4>my arena.

0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:38.879
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh there were some moves. Yeah, someone was someone

0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.320
<v Speaker 1>was giving her a college education, you know.

0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.919
<v Speaker 2>She suddenly showed up with new moves like yeah, I

0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.719
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, this this is very unusual.

0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:50.200
<v Speaker 4>So like I thought, Okay, hindsight I look back, I'm like,

0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:52.080
<v Speaker 4>oh god, yeah no, now it makes sense.

0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:54.920
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, that is so scandalous.

0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:55.680
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you.

0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:56.520
<v Speaker 3>What's her name?

0:17:56.640 --> 0:18:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I can't I said that he was a public figure.

0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:04.679
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to bring anyone into this.

0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.720
<v Speaker 3>We know she wasn't a public figure.

0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:11.640
<v Speaker 5>Or a bill.

0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:13.760
<v Speaker 3>Can I be on it? Can I play Devil's advocate though?

0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 2>Or she was reading a book or watching videos or

0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.719
<v Speaker 2>something like, oh, bring tricks to the bedroom to your

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.239
<v Speaker 2>guy happy research.

0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 4>Yeah no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Now there were

0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.320
<v Speaker 4>other factors that when I look back, I'm.

0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.000
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh duh, Like now it's making sense.

0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:34.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh interesting, Okay, what do you think is worse to you, guys,

0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.800
<v Speaker 2>physical cheating or an emotional affair?

0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:38.119
<v Speaker 1>Define an emotional affair.

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.520
<v Speaker 3>I've never had an emotional affair. I really haven't. I

0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:43.440
<v Speaker 3>don't have like a emotion neither.

0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:46.920
<v Speaker 2>So not physical like you never make out or anything,

0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:48.640
<v Speaker 2>but like you guys are opening up to each other

0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:50.520
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, oh my god, I talked to you

0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:53.000
<v Speaker 2>like I can't talk to my husband this way, Like

0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.399
<v Speaker 2>you're so amazing you make me feel a certain way.

0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:59.120
<v Speaker 2>Or just meeting someone on an airplane, you know, hey,

0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:01.120
<v Speaker 2>I have like a few hours before my meeting, let's

0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:01.560
<v Speaker 2>hook up.

0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.879
<v Speaker 1>Well that's cheating, yes, physical cheating.

0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:06.560
<v Speaker 3>So which one would be worse?

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:11.600
<v Speaker 2>A physical cheating like Wambam done, or like an ongoing

0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:14.160
<v Speaker 2>emotional affair I've had.

0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:18.640
<v Speaker 8>I've had two situations in my life where they were

0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:22.480
<v Speaker 8>bacherette parties. One was they were in Chicago, another one

0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:24.920
<v Speaker 8>was bacherette party in Miami.

0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:26.560
<v Speaker 5>Ended up kind of.

0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:29.320
<v Speaker 8>With my group of friends at a table, et cetera,

0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:34.679
<v Speaker 8>where the bride this happened where the bride actually like

0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.199
<v Speaker 8>came out and was like I don't really want to

0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:37.560
<v Speaker 8>do this.

0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 5>And then like after like long nuted talking, I had won.

0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:43.400
<v Speaker 8>That was like I think you're my soulmate, like crazy

0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.840
<v Speaker 8>crazy crazy what yeah?

0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:52.480
<v Speaker 1>Whoa? And what was there any any physical contact.

0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:53.720
<v Speaker 5>One of them? Yes, the other one now because I

0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:54.920
<v Speaker 5>learned my lesson from the first.

0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:56.399
<v Speaker 3>Wait, this happened twice.

0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:58.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the bride came to.

0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:02.760
<v Speaker 5>You different different different brides, like unbelievable.

0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:06.240
<v Speaker 8>First one was wait, like similar to twenty twelve, twenty thirteen,

0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:10.160
<v Speaker 8>Area Social twenty five. They were, you know, big table there,

0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:14.240
<v Speaker 8>big bachelrette party, comes have a really fun night. And

0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:17.240
<v Speaker 8>that one the bride like left. I think she left

0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.760
<v Speaker 8>her shoes or something. So she had like come back

0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.359
<v Speaker 8>the next day up to my house and was like

0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:24.440
<v Speaker 8>so the maid of honor. All of them were like

0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 8>where the hell did she go?

0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:26.480
<v Speaker 5>Right?

0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:29.399
<v Speaker 8>And she had to like go come back the next

0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:31.959
<v Speaker 8>morning and she like told me, She's like, you are

0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:32.840
<v Speaker 8>the love of my life.

0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:35.040
<v Speaker 5>I just met this person, right.

0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:36.960
<v Speaker 1>And then she said I had.

0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:43.679
<v Speaker 8>I had a second similar type of situation in Miami,

0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:46.080
<v Speaker 8>but I'd left, I'd learned my lesson for the first

0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:48.840
<v Speaker 8>time and just didn't let that go anywhere.

0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:49.400
<v Speaker 10>Wow.

0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:51.879
<v Speaker 8>But but those bachel parties, I'll tell you what, Like

0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:54.160
<v Speaker 8>things get out of hand. Things get out of hand.

0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:57.119
<v Speaker 9>Will you allow your fiance one day to go on

0:20:57.160 --> 0:20:58.040
<v Speaker 9>a bachelor party?

0:20:58.680 --> 0:20:58.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:00.600
<v Speaker 8>I think you have to be able to trust the

0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:03.240
<v Speaker 8>person that you're with. Like, I'm not a I'm like

0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:06.720
<v Speaker 8>a full trust person. I don't I don't have any

0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:09.560
<v Speaker 8>issues with that. But there are people like if they're

0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.919
<v Speaker 8>really really unhappy. And in both these cases, it was

0:21:13.000 --> 0:21:15.560
<v Speaker 8>like they were supposed to get married to these people.

0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:18.160
<v Speaker 8>I think one of them ended up calling off the wedding,

0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:20.920
<v Speaker 8>which was good, but the other one he like went

0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:23.479
<v Speaker 8>through it and is like married with kids. But like

0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:26.560
<v Speaker 8>it was there was a lot of pressure because all

0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:28.840
<v Speaker 8>her friends were there and like they were just like

0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 8>too far down the pipe and she just decided to

0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:32.399
<v Speaker 8>go through with it.

0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:34.920
<v Speaker 3>Anyways, Wow, are they still together?

0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:38.920
<v Speaker 8>I mean, I like, I haven't talked to I haven't

0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:42.800
<v Speaker 8>talked like ten to fifteen years. There's a long time ago.

0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:45.639
<v Speaker 8>But I remember seeing that she was married, she had kids.

0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:47.960
<v Speaker 8>Like this is Facebook era, right, Oh my.

0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:51.400
<v Speaker 3>God, wow, Facebook era, I'm dead. Wow, that's Wild.

0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:54.119
<v Speaker 1>Anyone else have an opinion on which is worse. I

0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:56.520
<v Speaker 1>think physical cheating is always worse. It's worse.

0:21:57.040 --> 0:22:00.960
<v Speaker 8>I think emotional is worse actually for a variety of

0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.200
<v Speaker 8>reasons because a lot of times, I think it's that,

0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.359
<v Speaker 8>you know, it's that feeling that your partner can't give

0:22:06.400 --> 0:22:09.920
<v Speaker 8>you what you know, what you want, and that trust

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:12.320
<v Speaker 8>and that it's like they're the person they're going to

0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:15.320
<v Speaker 8>instead of it. And I've seen this happen, like in

0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:18.480
<v Speaker 8>work situations where you know someone's got their like work

0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:21.159
<v Speaker 8>what like their work wife or their work husband, and

0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:23.399
<v Speaker 8>they're going to them, you know, over everything, and that

0:22:23.520 --> 0:22:27.719
<v Speaker 8>eventually either materializes or not. But I think that's I

0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:30.320
<v Speaker 8>personally think that's worse because it's like more ongoing, it's

0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:31.000
<v Speaker 8>a slow burn.

0:22:31.200 --> 0:22:34.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, would you cigar in our cigar talk here.

0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Is hiding texts cheating or depends on what's in the texts? Well,

0:22:39.760 --> 0:22:43.040
<v Speaker 2>I was gonna say, if nothing physical has happened, but

0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.720
<v Speaker 2>you don't want your significant other to see you texting

0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:49.480
<v Speaker 2>with someone, so you're like hiding the text or deleting them,

0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:50.280
<v Speaker 2>is that cheating?

0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:53.000
<v Speaker 4>We knew a guy and I won't mention names, but

0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:55.439
<v Speaker 4>he left his phone on the counter, someone that we

0:22:55.560 --> 0:23:00.400
<v Speaker 4>both know, and this cell phone was the cleanest one

0:23:00.560 --> 0:23:04.000
<v Speaker 4>he would delete the text. There was not one deleted

0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:07.720
<v Speaker 4>every text. It was clean, empty, like zero inbox. Like

0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:10.800
<v Speaker 4>we're like, oh shit, like this is this doesn't seem

0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:11.720
<v Speaker 4>normal to us.

0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:14.800
<v Speaker 5>That and then if somebody like changes a name.

0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:18.760
<v Speaker 8>Right, oh, interesting, that's actually that first story, Like that's

0:23:18.800 --> 0:23:22.480
<v Speaker 8>how that's how I ended up catching that person because

0:23:22.520 --> 0:23:25.879
<v Speaker 8>they started getting texts from like somebody that I knew,

0:23:25.880 --> 0:23:27.800
<v Speaker 8>but like I checked the number was it? And they

0:23:27.920 --> 0:23:32.160
<v Speaker 8>deleted like hundreds of text messages going back and oh

0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:34.959
<v Speaker 8>and I think, like there's really no reason other than

0:23:35.000 --> 0:23:37.800
<v Speaker 8>if you have a spam text like I've I personally

0:23:37.920 --> 0:23:41.840
<v Speaker 8>I have as many text as anybody probably honest podcast. Yeah,

0:23:42.000 --> 0:23:44.520
<v Speaker 8>like I've never deleted a text before, Like I just

0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:47.000
<v Speaker 8>don't think there's any reason to go do that. Yeah,

0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:50.160
<v Speaker 8>but you know, when you see people changing names or that,

0:23:50.160 --> 0:23:51.640
<v Speaker 8>that's a big red flat to me at.

0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:54.880
<v Speaker 4>Least, I would agree, Yeah, that seems very suspicious. Yeah,

0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:55.840
<v Speaker 4>you're changing a name.

0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:58.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah that is How about flirting is flirting cheating? Would

0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:00.320
<v Speaker 2>you guys consider flirting cheating?

0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:01.639
<v Speaker 6>I think flirting is not cheating.

0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:04.240
<v Speaker 1>I think Kate Kate has a different opinion of us.

0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:06.200
<v Speaker 1>I saw you, Km, What do you think.

0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:10.760
<v Speaker 9>I think, like being friendly is one thing, and like

0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:14.720
<v Speaker 9>having conversations is one thing, but if you're consistently flirting

0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:16.040
<v Speaker 9>with someone, that's a little weird.

0:24:16.160 --> 0:24:17.919
<v Speaker 3>I agree that's weird.

0:24:18.200 --> 0:24:22.280
<v Speaker 6>But don't you think some people have that flirtatious personality? Yeah,

0:24:22.440 --> 0:24:25.320
<v Speaker 6>you know what I mean, Like they're harmless, they're just

0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:26.679
<v Speaker 6>they want to engage with people.

0:24:26.880 --> 0:24:28.879
<v Speaker 1>Or some people just like the attention. That's it.

0:24:29.000 --> 0:24:30.960
<v Speaker 7>They're going to a party and they're married, and I've

0:24:30.960 --> 0:24:33.639
<v Speaker 7>been to a lot of parties with like certain people's

0:24:33.680 --> 0:24:35.560
<v Speaker 7>wives just like to go over to the other girls

0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:37.439
<v Speaker 7>husbands and like flirt with them, and they like the

0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:38.800
<v Speaker 7>attention for whatever reason.

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 6>I think it's when you're touchy feely, right or like

0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:47.760
<v Speaker 6>or like you're talking to them for the whole night

0:24:48.400 --> 0:24:50.520
<v Speaker 6>instead of anybody else. That's a redflec.

0:24:50.720 --> 0:24:53.560
<v Speaker 5>Yes, I think that's just much more of a personality trait.

0:24:53.600 --> 0:24:56.560
<v Speaker 8>There's certain people that are like that all the time,

0:24:56.600 --> 0:24:59.240
<v Speaker 8>and then there's other people where it's like if you

0:24:59.320 --> 0:25:02.159
<v Speaker 8>have if you're like super introverted and all of a sudden,

0:25:02.200 --> 0:25:03.879
<v Speaker 8>like you're spending the whole night in the corner with

0:25:03.880 --> 0:25:06.399
<v Speaker 8>that other person that might be different than the person

0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:09.000
<v Speaker 8>that's just kind of you know, there all the time

0:25:09.119 --> 0:25:09.800
<v Speaker 8>doing the same thing.

0:25:10.040 --> 0:25:13.080
<v Speaker 2>What about this, you guys, if your friend knew that

0:25:13.119 --> 0:25:16.119
<v Speaker 2>your partner was cheating, would you want your friend to

0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:16.600
<v Speaker 2>tell you?

0:25:17.520 --> 0:25:18.399
<v Speaker 3>This kind of came up.

0:25:18.920 --> 0:25:23.040
<v Speaker 2>One of my friends recently found out about possible infidelity

0:25:23.040 --> 0:25:26.400
<v Speaker 2>with her sister. That you know, the brother in law

0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:30.800
<v Speaker 2>and her sister, can we I can't tell you you

0:25:30.840 --> 0:25:33.040
<v Speaker 2>don't know them, And so, yeah, one of my friends

0:25:33.080 --> 0:25:35.400
<v Speaker 2>recently had this situation and we talked about it, and

0:25:35.920 --> 0:25:38.480
<v Speaker 2>where she decided that she didn't want to tell the

0:25:38.600 --> 0:25:41.200
<v Speaker 2>friend is because they have kids and she was a

0:25:41.240 --> 0:25:45.480
<v Speaker 2>little nervous about just the long term effects of breaking

0:25:45.560 --> 0:25:46.920
<v Speaker 2>up not only a relationship but.

0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:49.400
<v Speaker 3>Of a family. So I thought that was kind of interesting.

0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:52.560
<v Speaker 9>Yeah, that is interesting, especially if there's kids, because like

0:25:52.640 --> 0:25:55.200
<v Speaker 9>maybe they she already does know about it.

0:25:55.440 --> 0:25:56.160
<v Speaker 3>That's true.

0:25:56.280 --> 0:25:58.560
<v Speaker 9>I think you should maybe allude to it a couple

0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:01.760
<v Speaker 9>different ways and see if they their response.

0:26:15.400 --> 0:26:16.200
<v Speaker 1>So let's role.

0:26:16.080 --> 0:26:22.320
<v Speaker 4>Play hypothetically Brad and Janet are married. Okay, how would

0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:25.080
<v Speaker 4>you how would you address Janet? Because this is a

0:26:25.080 --> 0:26:28.480
<v Speaker 4>good this is good. Brad was cheating on Jane Janet.

0:26:28.560 --> 0:26:31.760
<v Speaker 9>I saw Brad out the other night. He was very

0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:34.680
<v Speaker 9>busy talking to some girls like things like that where

0:26:34.720 --> 0:26:38.040
<v Speaker 9>you could kind of mate your reaction. If she like

0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:40.040
<v Speaker 9>shut it right down, I would say, like, maybe this

0:26:40.160 --> 0:26:42.639
<v Speaker 9>is something between them, they're working it out. She doesn't

0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:44.440
<v Speaker 9>want to talk to other people about it, so.

0:26:44.440 --> 0:26:46.080
<v Speaker 2>Kind of fuel it out a little bit alto it,

0:26:46.119 --> 0:26:47.440
<v Speaker 2>but don't say anything until you.

0:26:47.359 --> 0:26:47.840
<v Speaker 1>Feel it out.

0:26:48.080 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 9>You know. If it was me, I'd be like, you know,

0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:52.440
<v Speaker 9>what are you talking about? I need information and then

0:26:52.480 --> 0:26:53.399
<v Speaker 9>you could get into it.

0:26:53.480 --> 0:26:55.479
<v Speaker 3>I agree, because I think some people don't want to know.

0:26:56.160 --> 0:26:57.679
<v Speaker 7>I mean I think most people don't want to know,

0:26:57.800 --> 0:27:01.760
<v Speaker 7>especially if they have young kids at home or blow up.

0:27:01.920 --> 0:27:04.800
<v Speaker 7>Most people don't want their lives to blow up overnight. Yeah,

0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:07.520
<v Speaker 7>so you have to be very careful when bringing that up.

0:27:07.560 --> 0:27:09.840
<v Speaker 7>And I would probably say only if it's one of

0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:12.879
<v Speaker 7>your closest friends where you feel that comfort level.

0:27:13.400 --> 0:27:14.639
<v Speaker 1>Would you potentially bring.

0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:16.080
<v Speaker 7>It up someone that you sort of know when you

0:27:16.119 --> 0:27:17.800
<v Speaker 7>see you sort of stay away?

0:27:18.000 --> 0:27:18.879
<v Speaker 1>I would think.

0:27:18.960 --> 0:27:21.720
<v Speaker 2>Would you ever maybe write an email? That's what I

0:27:21.720 --> 0:27:23.240
<v Speaker 2>said to my friend. I said, maybe do you do

0:27:23.359 --> 0:27:26.120
<v Speaker 2>like an anonymous letter or email. I mean, I don't

0:27:26.119 --> 0:27:27.800
<v Speaker 2>know then you're not tied to it, you know.

0:27:27.840 --> 0:27:30.840
<v Speaker 8>I think that's just like a very unfair thing because

0:27:30.880 --> 0:27:33.439
<v Speaker 8>there might be like a good explanation for it. But

0:27:33.480 --> 0:27:36.280
<v Speaker 8>I agree with you that I think the pecking order

0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:38.960
<v Speaker 8>is like how close of a friend they are? Yeah,

0:27:38.960 --> 0:27:41.640
<v Speaker 8>and also like which of the people in the relationship

0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:44.040
<v Speaker 8>are you better friends with? I think makes a big

0:27:44.080 --> 0:27:46.960
<v Speaker 8>difference on those because the truth is too like you'd

0:27:46.960 --> 0:27:49.760
<v Speaker 8>never know what type of what's going on in somebody

0:27:49.760 --> 0:27:53.160
<v Speaker 8>else's bedroom. You don't know what the relationship dynamics are. Yeah,

0:27:53.200 --> 0:27:55.680
<v Speaker 8>it's just a really hard thing to like jump into.

0:27:56.000 --> 0:27:57.760
<v Speaker 8>But if it's it's like you're the best man at

0:27:57.800 --> 0:28:00.760
<v Speaker 8>that person's wedding and you know you saw uh, you

0:28:00.800 --> 0:28:03.439
<v Speaker 8>know her with the tennis instructors something like, there's a

0:28:03.600 --> 0:28:05.600
<v Speaker 8>threshold for it, but I think it's got to be

0:28:05.600 --> 0:28:06.080
<v Speaker 8>pretty high.

0:28:06.119 --> 0:28:09.359
<v Speaker 4>Those tennis instructors, by the way, Wow, there's a lot

0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:16.439
<v Speaker 4>of infidelity with the with the tennis teachers. Multiple especially

0:28:16.880 --> 0:28:20.159
<v Speaker 4>play tennis, especially in the I know people, That's what

0:28:20.240 --> 0:28:21.680
<v Speaker 4>I mean, right, I know people.

0:28:21.440 --> 0:28:22.200
<v Speaker 5>Friends and neighbors.

0:28:22.280 --> 0:28:25.520
<v Speaker 6>You know, that shows they're very bored in the suburbs.

0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:28.040
<v Speaker 8>You know, it's like and like that's that's the thing.

0:28:28.080 --> 0:28:30.160
<v Speaker 8>And then I don't know if you guys ever see

0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:31.439
<v Speaker 8>that guy pee guy on.

0:28:33.040 --> 0:28:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Watched him.

0:28:33.680 --> 0:28:36.520
<v Speaker 8>That's like one of the big themes always is like yeah, wife,

0:28:36.520 --> 0:28:39.480
<v Speaker 8>he's you know, doing two days with the tennis instructor's happy.

0:28:39.640 --> 0:28:42.840
<v Speaker 5>But like he's making that joke because that's like a thing.

0:28:44.240 --> 0:28:48.360
<v Speaker 2>Okay, what about the old saying, once a cheater, always

0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:52.400
<v Speaker 2>a cheater. Do you think that's true? Or can people change?

0:28:52.480 --> 0:28:55.000
<v Speaker 4>I think people of all, they can redeem themselves to

0:28:55.080 --> 0:28:58.239
<v Speaker 4>become better. I think there's growth with age, you know.

0:28:58.360 --> 0:29:01.560
<v Speaker 4>I think if you cheat any your twenties, you know,

0:29:01.920 --> 0:29:04.520
<v Speaker 4>men are still kind of developing their brains in the

0:29:04.560 --> 0:29:07.400
<v Speaker 4>early twenties, and you know you have more to.

0:29:07.320 --> 0:29:09.720
<v Speaker 1>Lose as you get older. Yeah, and you have a family,

0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:11.480
<v Speaker 1>you have kids, you know. I think it's different.

0:29:11.520 --> 0:29:13.360
<v Speaker 6>What do you guys think, Well, how about if you're

0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:14.320
<v Speaker 6>in your forties?

0:29:14.520 --> 0:29:14.800
<v Speaker 1>Different?

0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:15.600
<v Speaker 6>Yeah? Different, right?

0:29:15.720 --> 0:29:16.000
<v Speaker 1>Different.

0:29:16.440 --> 0:29:19.080
<v Speaker 6>I think I just think that it's situational, Like it

0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:22.000
<v Speaker 6>depends on the person, right, Like.

0:29:22.480 --> 0:29:24.440
<v Speaker 1>I see the people I know who are cheaters or

0:29:24.480 --> 0:29:25.160
<v Speaker 1>serial cheaters.

0:29:25.280 --> 0:29:27.560
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and whoever they're with me too, Yeah, yeah, it

0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:32.280
<v Speaker 6>doesn't matter if she's a five or a ten. It's yeah,

0:29:32.360 --> 0:29:36.040
<v Speaker 6>they it's something about them. It's like an addiction. Yes, right,

0:29:36.080 --> 0:29:37.720
<v Speaker 6>it's just a cheater addiction.

0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:38.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:29:38.720 --> 0:29:40.600
<v Speaker 2>And by the way, just going back to something you said,

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:43.160
<v Speaker 2>you said, most people don't want to know if someone's

0:29:43.280 --> 0:29:45.320
<v Speaker 2>doing as my friends, please tell me.

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:47.640
<v Speaker 1>Okay, if my world.

0:29:47.320 --> 0:29:50.040
<v Speaker 3>Blows up overnight, if I as long as I know.

0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:51.040
<v Speaker 1>The truth, that's not good.

0:29:51.280 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 3>I don't want my world to blow up overnight.

0:29:53.000 --> 0:29:55.920
<v Speaker 2>Bill, But you and I hope we stay together forever

0:29:55.960 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 2>and every are the one thing though that we tear.

0:29:58.600 --> 0:30:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, I'm just as bad as my ex.

0:30:08.400 --> 0:30:09.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but you know what I mean.

0:30:10.480 --> 0:30:11.479
<v Speaker 6>I agree with you.

0:30:11.520 --> 0:30:13.640
<v Speaker 2>So I'm not even saying, like Bill, I would never cheer,

0:30:13.720 --> 0:30:15.800
<v Speaker 2>you never cheat on me. It's like it's so funny.

0:30:15.800 --> 0:30:20.120
<v Speaker 2>So Bill and I I never ever ever, like look

0:30:20.120 --> 0:30:23.520
<v Speaker 2>at his messages. I'm never insecure. He can do whatever

0:30:23.560 --> 0:30:25.200
<v Speaker 2>he wants you and go wherever he wants, just because

0:30:25.200 --> 0:30:26.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm really confident.

0:30:26.160 --> 0:30:28.640
<v Speaker 4>All like I don't even know my pass codes and stuff.

0:30:28.680 --> 0:30:30.720
<v Speaker 4>She has this APPA.

0:30:32.080 --> 0:30:33.160
<v Speaker 3>No, that's not why, but.

0:30:37.360 --> 0:30:40.320
<v Speaker 2>Because we never say to each other, Okay, well, everything

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:41.880
<v Speaker 2>gonna be okay. I hope you don't cheat on me, like,

0:30:41.920 --> 0:30:43.520
<v Speaker 2>I hope you don't have to be worried about anything,

0:30:43.560 --> 0:30:45.240
<v Speaker 2>do I We never do that because I think we

0:30:45.440 --> 0:30:47.840
<v Speaker 2>just I think you know who you are and I

0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 2>know who I am, and I know like I wouldn't

0:30:49.480 --> 0:30:50.800
<v Speaker 2>cheat on you, and you know what, you wouldn't shoot

0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:51.040
<v Speaker 2>on me.

0:30:51.520 --> 0:30:53.920
<v Speaker 3>But if it ever did happen, can you guys please

0:30:53.960 --> 0:30:54.200
<v Speaker 3>tell me?

0:30:54.240 --> 0:30:55.720
<v Speaker 4>Would you want to know when we when we were

0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:57.120
<v Speaker 4>about to get married, I was going to go to

0:30:57.120 --> 0:31:00.479
<v Speaker 4>dinner with this lifelong girlfriend of mine and you're like,

0:31:00.560 --> 0:31:01.640
<v Speaker 4>what what?

0:31:01.880 --> 0:31:03.400
<v Speaker 1>Like now, we've been friends.

0:31:03.280 --> 0:31:08.720
<v Speaker 4>Like college, like we've been very close friends, platonic and

0:31:08.800 --> 0:31:11.760
<v Speaker 4>she made me bring someone to the dinner and none

0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:13.560
<v Speaker 4>of my friends were available, and I wound up calling

0:31:13.600 --> 0:31:16.760
<v Speaker 4>like this seventy year old buddy of mine like we

0:31:16.800 --> 0:31:18.920
<v Speaker 4>have cigars together. I'm like, hey, you want to come

0:31:18.960 --> 0:31:24.160
<v Speaker 4>to dinner And my friend's like, why is this older

0:31:24.200 --> 0:31:26.200
<v Speaker 4>man having dinner with us tonight?

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 1>From your previous relationship?

0:31:29.240 --> 0:31:34.160
<v Speaker 2>Kid, I was about to say, I don't want to name.

0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:35.360
<v Speaker 1>But like this is going to be really fricking weird.

0:31:35.120 --> 0:31:36.560
<v Speaker 2>Because it was at the beginning of the relationship and

0:31:36.600 --> 0:31:39.800
<v Speaker 2>I think I did have you know, a little stress

0:31:40.000 --> 0:31:43.920
<v Speaker 2>PTSD from him cheating, and it was like such a shock.

0:31:44.520 --> 0:31:46.920
<v Speaker 2>So you're right, But now all these years later, do

0:31:47.000 --> 0:31:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I ever question anything.

0:31:49.000 --> 0:31:49.240
<v Speaker 3>Never?

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:51.560
<v Speaker 9>He doesn't have to go out with the chaperone anymore.

0:31:53.320 --> 0:31:56.320
<v Speaker 2>No, kid, he does not have to go no more chaperones.

0:31:56.640 --> 0:31:58.920
<v Speaker 2>If the guy is not introducing you to our girls,

0:31:58.920 --> 0:32:01.040
<v Speaker 2>on introducing you to our friends, that is definitely a red.

0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Flag in your current marriage or only marriage.

0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:08.520
<v Speaker 4>Kate, how long did it take for your husband to

0:32:08.800 --> 0:32:10.400
<v Speaker 4>introduce you to his friends and his family?

0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:11.040
<v Speaker 3>Great question.

0:32:11.480 --> 0:32:12.680
<v Speaker 9>I think it was our second date.

0:32:12.760 --> 0:32:14.560
<v Speaker 1>Second date, okay, yeah, and then.

0:32:14.440 --> 0:32:15.960
<v Speaker 9>I met you guys soon after.

0:32:15.760 --> 0:32:16.400
<v Speaker 1>Yes you did.

0:32:16.480 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 10>Yeah.

0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:30.720
<v Speaker 1>Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an insecure person.

0:32:30.880 --> 0:32:31.480
<v Speaker 1>It's the worse.

0:32:31.960 --> 0:32:35.280
<v Speaker 4>I think it's also the partner who has to help

0:32:35.320 --> 0:32:38.160
<v Speaker 4>with that insecurity and make that person feel secure, right,

0:32:38.240 --> 0:32:43.000
<v Speaker 4>So I think it cuts both ways. So perhaps if

0:32:43.040 --> 0:32:45.880
<v Speaker 4>you're insecure in a relationship, it may not be your fault.

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:49.720
<v Speaker 4>It may be the person you're dating is not providing

0:32:49.760 --> 0:32:52.600
<v Speaker 4>you with the affection and the love and the attention

0:32:52.720 --> 0:32:54.480
<v Speaker 4>that you should have in that relationship.

0:32:54.040 --> 0:32:58.560
<v Speaker 7>And then it's probably not the right relationship.

0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:02.360
<v Speaker 4>No, I'm being honest, like I've been in relationships where

0:33:02.360 --> 0:33:05.600
<v Speaker 4>I felt insecure and it's like, oh, well I wasn't.

0:33:05.800 --> 0:33:07.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, I wasn't, But it's the wrong relationship. It

0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:09.720
<v Speaker 1>was the wrong relationship. Yeah.

0:33:09.920 --> 0:33:11.800
<v Speaker 4>I think it was Maya Angelou. And someone shows you

0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:13.080
<v Speaker 4>who they are, you got to believe them, you know.

0:33:13.160 --> 0:33:15.280
<v Speaker 4>That was her famous quote, and I think that's true.

0:33:15.640 --> 0:33:18.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, someone shows you their true colors. Yeah, it's a

0:33:18.440 --> 0:33:19.520
<v Speaker 2>great quote.

0:33:19.760 --> 0:33:24.120
<v Speaker 6>I feel like sometimes insecurities within people stem from like upbringing.

0:33:24.240 --> 0:33:28.160
<v Speaker 6>You know, maybe they're insecure because they never had the

0:33:28.240 --> 0:33:31.960
<v Speaker 6>affection or the love from you know, their family, their parents, like,

0:33:31.960 --> 0:33:35.240
<v Speaker 6>it could be multiple reasons. I feel that everybody has

0:33:35.240 --> 0:33:38.880
<v Speaker 6>a level of insecurity. It just depends on how you

0:33:39.760 --> 0:33:42.760
<v Speaker 6>portray that insecurity. Like a lot of people are insecure

0:33:42.760 --> 0:33:45.959
<v Speaker 6>in communications with you know, their other half or their partner,

0:33:46.040 --> 0:33:49.200
<v Speaker 6>right because they don't want to fight. But it's part

0:33:49.240 --> 0:33:52.240
<v Speaker 6>of insecurity as well. You're afraid to have a meaningful,

0:33:52.320 --> 0:33:56.000
<v Speaker 6>true conversation that needs to happen, but you're insecure, and

0:33:56.040 --> 0:33:57.120
<v Speaker 6>that leads to other things.

0:33:57.400 --> 0:33:59.280
<v Speaker 4>The men here, I'm going to ask you guys this question.

0:33:59.400 --> 0:34:01.880
<v Speaker 4>You know, if you have a buddy who's married, you

0:34:01.920 --> 0:34:07.200
<v Speaker 4>know and out having affairs, You pull them aside and

0:34:07.240 --> 0:34:09.000
<v Speaker 4>be like what the are you doing? Or do you

0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:12.720
<v Speaker 4>not bring it up? Like hey man, like this isn't cool?

0:34:12.920 --> 0:34:15.759
<v Speaker 4>Like I don't because if you're going to cheat on

0:34:15.800 --> 0:34:18.719
<v Speaker 4>your wife and your kids, you're gonna cheat on me

0:34:18.760 --> 0:34:21.759
<v Speaker 4>as a friend or as a business partner or and

0:34:22.480 --> 0:34:24.680
<v Speaker 4>I think you owe them that respect, although then it

0:34:24.760 --> 0:34:27.120
<v Speaker 4>violates the bro code, you know, like where do you

0:34:28.000 --> 0:34:28.960
<v Speaker 4>how do you feel on that?

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:32.719
<v Speaker 7>I'd like to say that of course, you pull the

0:34:32.760 --> 0:34:35.960
<v Speaker 7>person aside and you have that conversation. It's not always

0:34:36.000 --> 0:34:38.160
<v Speaker 7>the easiest thing to do. They don't always want they

0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:40.719
<v Speaker 7>don't ever want the conversation, and they know what they're doing.

0:34:40.920 --> 0:34:43.880
<v Speaker 1>There's no surprises. They know they're being shitty, so they

0:34:43.920 --> 0:34:44.920
<v Speaker 1>don't need you to tell them.

0:34:45.840 --> 0:34:47.600
<v Speaker 7>You just sort of put a mental note in your head,

0:34:47.640 --> 0:34:49.640
<v Speaker 7>so you know more about this person than you did

0:34:49.680 --> 0:34:51.680
<v Speaker 7>before and you move forward accordingly.

0:34:53.000 --> 0:34:56.240
<v Speaker 5>I think it also again it's situation. It's situational.

0:34:56.800 --> 0:34:59.799
<v Speaker 8>I think that it depends a how close you are

0:34:59.840 --> 0:35:03.520
<v Speaker 8>with that person and what you know about the dynamic,

0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:06.880
<v Speaker 8>because sometimes again there's things that are happening that you

0:35:06.960 --> 0:35:07.960
<v Speaker 8>have no idea about.

0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:10.120
<v Speaker 1>They might have an arrangement.

0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:15.080
<v Speaker 9>I think with like the serial cheaters too, that people

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:19.280
<v Speaker 9>may know them socially, but they're maybe not great friends

0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:21.960
<v Speaker 9>with them. The serial cheater never has like the really

0:35:22.000 --> 0:35:25.880
<v Speaker 9>great friends because they can't they can't manage their relationships.

0:35:26.320 --> 0:35:28.239
<v Speaker 9>So we might like a group of people might know

0:35:28.280 --> 0:35:31.719
<v Speaker 9>them socially, but no one's extremely tight with them.

0:35:31.760 --> 0:35:34.400
<v Speaker 2>Interesting if it was me and like it was my

0:35:34.480 --> 0:35:37.120
<v Speaker 2>good friend and suddenly she started on this pattern and

0:35:37.320 --> 0:35:40.879
<v Speaker 2>was like having an affair or cheating, I mean, at

0:35:40.960 --> 0:35:43.960
<v Speaker 2>some point I think I'm her good friend. That's one

0:35:44.000 --> 0:35:47.920
<v Speaker 2>of my duties is to actually help her. If you

0:35:48.000 --> 0:35:51.439
<v Speaker 2>want to be with this other person, just let your

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:53.160
<v Speaker 2>husband go or your boyfriend go.

0:35:53.320 --> 0:35:56.279
<v Speaker 3>You got to be honest with them. It's not right, Bill.

0:35:56.320 --> 0:35:57.439
<v Speaker 1>Don't you think I would hope?

0:35:57.440 --> 0:36:00.960
<v Speaker 4>So you know, I mean speaking in our relationship, I

0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:02.680
<v Speaker 4>would want to know. I would want to be able

0:36:02.719 --> 0:36:05.360
<v Speaker 4>to move on and you know, yeah, I'd rather that

0:36:05.520 --> 0:36:06.360
<v Speaker 4>than you cheat on me.

0:36:06.480 --> 0:36:08.960
<v Speaker 8>You know, the related the related thing on that is

0:36:09.000 --> 0:36:12.320
<v Speaker 8>a lot of times with those relationships and every friend

0:36:12.480 --> 0:36:16.200
<v Speaker 8>is like, oh, you know, I knew or this person

0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:19.280
<v Speaker 8>was so bad for you, like and then that's always

0:36:19.280 --> 0:36:21.239
<v Speaker 8>where people are like, well, why didn't you tell me

0:36:21.680 --> 0:36:24.880
<v Speaker 8>in the time. And and you know, the reason people

0:36:24.920 --> 0:36:26.560
<v Speaker 8>don't do it a lot of times is because if

0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:29.120
<v Speaker 8>they do work things out, you know, and it gets

0:36:29.160 --> 0:36:31.640
<v Speaker 8>back to their partner, then it's like, oh, that's the

0:36:31.680 --> 0:36:34.839
<v Speaker 8>person that like trying to you know, bust our relationship

0:36:35.080 --> 0:36:36.520
<v Speaker 8>like people have that.

0:36:36.520 --> 0:36:37.319
<v Speaker 5>That happens a lot.

0:36:37.560 --> 0:36:41.719
<v Speaker 6>It creates drama and confrontation. Yeah, and trust sometimes trust.

0:36:41.680 --> 0:36:43.560
<v Speaker 7>Or if you tell the spout or if you tell

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:46.520
<v Speaker 7>them your husband your wife is cheating on you and

0:36:46.560 --> 0:36:48.719
<v Speaker 7>they end up staying with them or going back to them,

0:36:49.080 --> 0:36:52.759
<v Speaker 7>then they're embarrassed to be with you and poisons the world.

0:36:52.920 --> 0:36:55.480
<v Speaker 2>The other Yes, the flip side, which you just brought up,

0:36:55.560 --> 0:36:58.160
<v Speaker 2>is a much tougher scenario. So I was saying it

0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:01.439
<v Speaker 2>more like if it was my best friend and and

0:37:01.520 --> 0:37:04.520
<v Speaker 2>she was doing the cheating, I'd be like, dude, you've

0:37:04.520 --> 0:37:07.720
<v Speaker 2>got to make some life changes here, like just figure

0:37:07.760 --> 0:37:10.360
<v Speaker 2>this out. Like if it's my best friend's husband, that

0:37:10.520 --> 0:37:12.560
<v Speaker 2>makes it a lot tougher. I mean, best friend, of

0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:14.080
<v Speaker 2>course I might have to tell her, But if it's

0:37:14.120 --> 0:37:16.319
<v Speaker 2>a friend's husband, it's like that's tougher because if they

0:37:16.360 --> 0:37:17.960
<v Speaker 2>stay together, you're the one.

0:37:18.080 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 7>And then you're usually out, you're out there.

0:37:23.000 --> 0:37:27.120
<v Speaker 2>That's why the anonymous email, back to the anonymous letter,

0:37:27.160 --> 0:37:27.960
<v Speaker 2>anonymous email.

0:37:28.160 --> 0:37:29.879
<v Speaker 3>But I think that yeah, I don't know. The whole

0:37:29.880 --> 0:37:30.880
<v Speaker 3>thing is so crazy, is.

0:37:30.880 --> 0:37:33.520
<v Speaker 9>Not Juliana Ransick? Yeahho do cat.

0:37:36.640 --> 0:37:36.920
<v Speaker 2>Email?

0:37:37.560 --> 0:37:40.920
<v Speaker 1>How do you know when you're with someone that is

0:37:40.920 --> 0:37:41.920
<v Speaker 1>not a cheater? You know what?

0:37:41.920 --> 0:37:45.359
<v Speaker 4>What are the signs of someone who is loyal? You

0:37:45.400 --> 0:37:48.279
<v Speaker 4>know that you can yourself, but you.

0:37:48.239 --> 0:37:51.880
<v Speaker 1>Know, open book, having the code yes house is or

0:37:51.920 --> 0:37:54.000
<v Speaker 1>girlfriend or boyfriend's cell phone.

0:37:53.840 --> 0:37:55.479
<v Speaker 3>Number, like I think an open book.

0:37:55.520 --> 0:37:58.200
<v Speaker 2>I think when you find the person that you want

0:37:58.200 --> 0:38:00.640
<v Speaker 2>to be with and that you're going to marry and

0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:03.200
<v Speaker 2>that you're super confident in, that's when you're just okay,

0:38:03.239 --> 0:38:03.840
<v Speaker 2>open book.

0:38:04.480 --> 0:38:06.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't think the majority of people are cheaters, right.

0:38:06.640 --> 0:38:08.960
<v Speaker 7>I think most people, if they're in a relationship with someone,

0:38:08.960 --> 0:38:11.320
<v Speaker 7>they want to be in a relationship with that person, yes,

0:38:11.760 --> 0:38:13.840
<v Speaker 7>and they want to put all their energy into that.

0:38:14.520 --> 0:38:18.000
<v Speaker 7>So it's only when things go askew somewhere that things change.

0:38:18.120 --> 0:38:20.560
<v Speaker 7>But most people that I at least post people that

0:38:20.600 --> 0:38:23.719
<v Speaker 7>I know, seem pretty happy and stable and comfortable in

0:38:23.760 --> 0:38:24.640
<v Speaker 7>their relationships.

0:38:24.719 --> 0:38:28.320
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, but I think some of the cheaters are cheating

0:38:28.320 --> 0:38:32.279
<v Speaker 6>because they're unhappy obviously, but sexually they're not fulfilled. There's

0:38:32.320 --> 0:38:35.440
<v Speaker 6>a lot of marriages where sex is a big issue,

0:38:35.480 --> 0:38:37.880
<v Speaker 6>like they don't have sex anymore, and we all know

0:38:37.960 --> 0:38:41.279
<v Speaker 6>men need sex, right like, so they they need to

0:38:41.320 --> 0:38:42.399
<v Speaker 6>fussings to women.

0:38:46.480 --> 0:38:50.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm good, just put on like Love Island UK episode

0:38:50.800 --> 0:38:52.879
<v Speaker 2>thirty nine hundred and I'm fine.

0:38:53.000 --> 0:38:55.080
<v Speaker 6>We've got our dogs and our kids and this kid.

0:38:55.400 --> 0:38:56.400
<v Speaker 3>I love the dogs.

0:38:56.640 --> 0:38:59.240
<v Speaker 6>But anyways, yes, I think a lot of not saying

0:38:59.400 --> 0:39:02.120
<v Speaker 6>all men or you know, all women, but they're just

0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:05.799
<v Speaker 6>not sexually fulfilled. Instead of having this conversation with your

0:39:05.840 --> 0:39:09.360
<v Speaker 6>other have hey I'm not sexually fulfilled and.

0:39:09.239 --> 0:39:12.719
<v Speaker 4>It's well, but I think some men want the strange,

0:39:13.080 --> 0:39:14.799
<v Speaker 4>you know, they want the new, the excitement.

0:39:15.320 --> 0:39:17.160
<v Speaker 1>That's what I don't get same like that.

0:39:17.920 --> 0:39:19.960
<v Speaker 7>But that's that's when the flings come in in the

0:39:20.000 --> 0:39:22.400
<v Speaker 7>random one night's stamp things. And I don't think those

0:39:22.440 --> 0:39:25.120
<v Speaker 7>guys and we know those guys are looking to leave

0:39:25.160 --> 0:39:26.760
<v Speaker 7>their wives or leave their family.

0:39:26.800 --> 0:39:29.640
<v Speaker 1>No, it's a one off thing. Sometimes you have to see.

0:39:30.640 --> 0:39:33.560
<v Speaker 8>Shack was on a podcast recently and he had this

0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:34.840
<v Speaker 8>like unbelievable.

0:39:35.520 --> 0:39:38.560
<v Speaker 5>So the hostess was like, is it possible.

0:39:38.120 --> 0:39:42.160
<v Speaker 8>For one of these NBA superstars to actually be monogamous,

0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:45.239
<v Speaker 8>and Check basically was like no, and he goes, but

0:39:45.800 --> 0:39:49.319
<v Speaker 8>in my experience, there's three types of cheaters. I may

0:39:49.360 --> 0:39:51.920
<v Speaker 8>butcher this, but I'll get some of it right. The

0:39:51.960 --> 0:39:56.400
<v Speaker 8>first one was the it was basically the serial cheater. Right,

0:39:56.680 --> 0:39:59.240
<v Speaker 8>this person like every time they go to another city,

0:39:59.440 --> 0:40:00.680
<v Speaker 8>they have the rules lined up.

0:40:00.719 --> 0:40:01.719
<v Speaker 5>They're just gonna do that.

0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:05.200
<v Speaker 8>There is no if aans or butts, it's just part

0:40:05.200 --> 0:40:08.240
<v Speaker 8>of the program. And that their wife either knows or doesn't.

0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:11.359
<v Speaker 8>But it's just they're gonna be no matter who they're with,

0:40:11.560 --> 0:40:14.640
<v Speaker 8>they're always going to be that cheater. The second one

0:40:14.719 --> 0:40:18.720
<v Speaker 8>he calls the James Bond cheater, and he goes, this is, uh,

0:40:18.800 --> 0:40:20.839
<v Speaker 8>you know, you're in a hotel room and you're at

0:40:20.840 --> 0:40:24.279
<v Speaker 8>the hotel bar on the road in Portland and you're

0:40:24.360 --> 0:40:26.440
<v Speaker 8>you're just sitting there and some little thing comes up

0:40:26.600 --> 0:40:28.399
<v Speaker 8>and it's like a one night stand. You never talked

0:40:28.400 --> 0:40:30.920
<v Speaker 8>to them again, and it's like the James Bond cheater

0:40:31.280 --> 0:40:33.400
<v Speaker 8>and you're just onto the next one and you know

0:40:33.440 --> 0:40:36.600
<v Speaker 8>you had that night, never spoken about again, never no

0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:40.799
<v Speaker 8>additional context. And then the third one he's like, there's

0:40:40.840 --> 0:40:43.520
<v Speaker 8>also the ones that are the guys that are forced

0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:45.360
<v Speaker 8>to cheat and the host is like, what do you

0:40:45.440 --> 0:40:46.360
<v Speaker 8>mean forced to cheat?

0:40:46.600 --> 0:40:48.360
<v Speaker 5>You know, you're on the road for seven days.

0:40:48.400 --> 0:40:51.680
<v Speaker 8>You come back, your wife's bitching about, you know, ten

0:40:51.719 --> 0:40:54.319
<v Speaker 8>different things, like they're not in the mood to you know,

0:40:54.440 --> 0:40:56.359
<v Speaker 8>to be in a mint with you, to take care

0:40:56.400 --> 0:40:58.000
<v Speaker 8>of you, and all of a sudden you're just like, well,

0:40:58.000 --> 0:40:59.959
<v Speaker 8>what the fuck am I doing? Like I'm on the road,

0:41:00.320 --> 0:41:02.600
<v Speaker 8>I'm trying to be good and I come home to

0:41:02.680 --> 0:41:06.200
<v Speaker 8>this rationally and they rationalize it, and you know, I

0:41:06.239 --> 0:41:08.799
<v Speaker 8>think that's like that's probably like that was a really

0:41:08.800 --> 0:41:10.120
<v Speaker 8>interesting list.

0:41:10.160 --> 0:41:11.239
<v Speaker 5>I think, yeah, that.

0:41:11.239 --> 0:41:15.080
<v Speaker 2>Is interesting if there's like intimacy missing in the relationship

0:41:15.080 --> 0:41:19.160
<v Speaker 2>and one half of the relationship is not fulfilled. Instead

0:41:19.200 --> 0:41:22.720
<v Speaker 2>of keeping like pushing each other away away, away away,

0:41:23.800 --> 0:41:26.319
<v Speaker 2>come together and figure out how do we solve this

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:29.879
<v Speaker 2>problem before mistakes are made? Right?

0:41:30.000 --> 0:41:30.720
<v Speaker 3>Is that? Basically?

0:41:31.120 --> 0:41:34.319
<v Speaker 8>I think communications like really important there too. If there's

0:41:34.320 --> 0:41:37.840
<v Speaker 8>something you know to your point you're not getting Like

0:41:37.880 --> 0:41:40.000
<v Speaker 8>if you don't tell the person that you can't fix

0:41:40.040 --> 0:41:41.800
<v Speaker 8>problems that you don't know exist.

0:41:42.200 --> 0:41:43.959
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because in.

0:41:43.880 --> 0:41:46.400
<v Speaker 6>All honesty, I think a lot of problems that arise

0:41:46.440 --> 0:41:50.839
<v Speaker 6>in a relationship is because they one feels like they're

0:41:50.840 --> 0:41:53.920
<v Speaker 6>not fulfilled, right, and so then there's a pile of

0:41:54.040 --> 0:41:57.279
<v Speaker 6>issues that pile up because you have a lack of communication.

0:41:57.719 --> 0:41:59.839
<v Speaker 6>And I mean, I get it. It's hard to have

0:41:59.880 --> 0:42:03.520
<v Speaker 6>to difficult conversations with your other half. It's hard. I

0:42:03.560 --> 0:42:06.280
<v Speaker 6>mean it's much easier to have conversations with your friends,

0:42:06.360 --> 0:42:08.920
<v Speaker 6>right because there's like no judgment and there's no emotions.

0:42:09.200 --> 0:42:11.160
<v Speaker 6>But when it comes to your husband or your wife

0:42:11.160 --> 0:42:14.600
<v Speaker 6>and you're talking about something serious like this, it's like, well,

0:42:14.640 --> 0:42:17.000
<v Speaker 6>it's your fault. No, it's your fault. It's blame. You know,

0:42:17.080 --> 0:42:19.000
<v Speaker 6>all you do is blame each other. And where is

0:42:19.000 --> 0:42:19.560
<v Speaker 6>that going to go?

0:42:19.680 --> 0:42:20.040
<v Speaker 1>Nowhere?

0:42:20.320 --> 0:42:25.200
<v Speaker 6>Nowhere? So there needs to be needs to be checked out, correct, correct,

0:42:25.239 --> 0:42:26.719
<v Speaker 6>and most people don't know how to do that. I

0:42:26.719 --> 0:42:28.080
<v Speaker 6>mean I have a hard time doing that. I'm not

0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:28.600
<v Speaker 6>gonna lie.

0:42:29.239 --> 0:42:31.880
<v Speaker 4>Well, I think the bottom line is don't cheat, folks. Yeah,

0:42:32.040 --> 0:42:32.440
<v Speaker 4>you get.

0:42:32.320 --> 0:42:33.080
<v Speaker 1>One takeaway here.

0:42:33.480 --> 0:42:35.640
<v Speaker 4>Life's a lot easier when you take the high road

0:42:35.840 --> 0:42:37.480
<v Speaker 4>and you communicate like.

0:42:37.640 --> 0:42:40.640
<v Speaker 8>Just being honest, being the same person, and like all

0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:43.919
<v Speaker 8>the time it's just you know, you asked earlier about

0:42:43.920 --> 0:42:46.680
<v Speaker 8>the like red flags that you see, and I remember

0:42:46.719 --> 0:42:48.960
<v Speaker 8>my very first job, like trading on the floor of

0:42:48.960 --> 0:42:51.880
<v Speaker 8>the Chicago Board of Trade. First day of work, are

0:42:52.680 --> 0:42:55.680
<v Speaker 8>the managing partner of the firm goes, it's only two things.

0:42:55.680 --> 0:42:57.959
<v Speaker 8>We can fire you for one if you're ever late

0:42:58.200 --> 0:43:00.879
<v Speaker 8>opening Bolls eight thirty. Never missed that, but too if

0:43:00.880 --> 0:43:02.959
<v Speaker 8>you lie about anything. It's like, if you lie about

0:43:03.000 --> 0:43:05.640
<v Speaker 8>little things, you lie about the big things. And I've

0:43:05.680 --> 0:43:08.480
<v Speaker 8>just seen that like at work in relationships, that just

0:43:08.680 --> 0:43:10.240
<v Speaker 8>is consistently true.

0:43:10.920 --> 0:43:14.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, if you just are honest about it, there's nothing

0:43:14.680 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 2>that I think a couple can't overcome, right, And the

0:43:17.760 --> 0:43:20.160
<v Speaker 2>couple might just decide, hey, then we should split up,

0:43:20.200 --> 0:43:22.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, And that's better than just like going down

0:43:22.719 --> 0:43:26.719
<v Speaker 2>this horrible path of lies and deception and pain. It's like,

0:43:26.920 --> 0:43:28.080
<v Speaker 2>just what the hell does that lead to?

0:43:28.200 --> 0:43:28.719
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean?

0:43:28.800 --> 0:43:31.319
<v Speaker 1>One lie leads to another one.

0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:35.960
<v Speaker 2>To just be honest, don't cheat, and tell the person

0:43:36.760 --> 0:43:37.239
<v Speaker 2>he's got.

0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:39.080
<v Speaker 5>The mental capacity to remember all those.

0:43:40.520 --> 0:43:42.240
<v Speaker 1>The older you get to, the harder it is.

0:43:45.200 --> 0:43:49.120
<v Speaker 6>People say in reality, hey guys, or hey, by the way,

0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:50.000
<v Speaker 6>I'm gonna cheat.

0:43:49.800 --> 0:43:54.640
<v Speaker 3>To me, you know, don't imagine if they did a

0:43:54.680 --> 0:43:55.400
<v Speaker 3>lot of problems.

0:43:56.080 --> 0:43:57.279
<v Speaker 6>Thanks for telling you.

0:43:58.280 --> 0:44:02.000
<v Speaker 2>I've told you I have a BS in Relationship Expertise

0:44:02.040 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Psychology because absolutely.

0:44:04.640 --> 0:44:07.239
<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys so much. We appreciate the.

0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:10.720
<v Speaker 2>Time, thanks for listening.

0:44:10.760 --> 0:44:11.239
<v Speaker 3>Bye guys,