1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: If you're listening to this podcast on your iPhone, please 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: make sure to leave a five star review on the 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,160 Speaker 1: Apple podcast app. All you gotta do is just type 4 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: in my podcast the PhD Podcast grow to the bottom. 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: You'll see right a review. You can either write a 6 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: review and leave a five star or you can just 7 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,959 Speaker 1: leave a five star. Support your home girl. Every little 8 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: review counts. We are trying to grow the PSD Podcast 9 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: and some bigger and better things, and I cannot do 10 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: it without your support. So thank you so much for 11 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: supporting me. And let's begin this week's episode later. Welcome, 12 00:00:32,400 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: you are now listening to the Professional for Sure. Hey guys, 13 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. This 14 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 1: is your girl at eban A and as always, I 15 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: am super excited about this week's episode. Um, before we begin, 16 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,400 Speaker 1: you know the routine, let's do a little housekeeping. Please 17 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: make sure to follow me on Instagram at the Professional 18 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: home Girl at the PSD Podcast and last but not 19 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: least at eban a Beauty. Please make sure to follow 20 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: me on Twitter at th h E pH G Underscore. 21 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: Make sure you show the web site some love at 22 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 1: www dot the PhD podcast dot com, and last with 23 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: at least. If you have any questions, comments, or concern 24 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: please make sure to email me at hello at the 25 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. Now, please keep in mind that 26 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: all of my guests are anonymous. So let's begin this 27 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: week's episode. To my guests, how are you feeling. I'm 28 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: doing good. I'm feeling great. Yeah. Well, I just want 29 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 1: to say thank you so much for hearing your story 30 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: on the podcast with me. I think this is a 31 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: topic that we definitely need to discuss more within our community. 32 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: So thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank 33 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: you for having me. Thank you. So let's start from 34 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: the beginning. So what is bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is 35 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 1: what used to be called manic depressive. It is when 36 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 1: you have super high highs where you're feeling like you 37 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,239 Speaker 1: can take on the world. You can do fifteen different 38 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 1: things at one time and not get tired, and then 39 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 1: you're serotonin drops and you feel super low. You don't 40 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 1: you don't want to get out of bed, you feel 41 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: like the world is ending. You may be having thoughts 42 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 1: of suicide. You may be feeling like I'm not doing 43 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: anything with myself, and you could be on top of 44 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 1: the world, as far as your career, your goals, and 45 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: your family. But your serotonin levels in your body decrease 46 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 1: and you're feeling like you're at your lowest point ever? 47 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: Is it something in particular that causes bipolar disorder or 48 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: polar disorder? Can be genetic. You can also be the 49 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: only one in your family for twenty centuries to ever 50 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: have it. It is um psychological, it is economical, it's crazy. 51 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,920 Speaker 1: It's also um. You can just be a product of 52 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: your environment, so they can just be like many triggers. Yes, um, 53 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: What are the misconceptions you would like to clear up? 54 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: Clear up about being bipolar? About being bipolar, It does 55 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 1: not make you crazy. I think everyone that's a good 56 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: one puts mental illness under one umbrella, and that umbrella 57 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: is crazy. Anyone can whig out. You can be having 58 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: a great day, you can have no mental issues, and 59 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: you can reach your limit with a trigger, and you 60 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: can go crazy. The definition of crazy is delusional and 61 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: delusional and mental health or mental illness is not the 62 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: same thing. I wish we could disconnect those two. Why 63 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: do you think people connected so much? I think it 64 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: is connected so much because of TV. What is seeing 65 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: on the media, every time it's on the media and 66 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: it's exposed that someone has a mental illness, it's after 67 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: they have committed a murder or after they've committed a crime. Right, So, 68 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 1: what are from common symptoms of bipolar disorder. Common symptoms 69 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: of bipolar disorder include um manic depression, which is basically 70 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: a bunch of depression, just constant phases of depression like two, three, 71 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: four or more days of constant depression, not wanting to 72 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 1: get out of the bed, not wanting to interact, having anxiety, 73 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: having um to palpitate heart palpitations where your heart is 74 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,839 Speaker 1: just racing that that's on the depression side, and then 75 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: euphoria is on the mannic side, where you could be 76 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: having risky, promiscuous sex. You could just be doing things 77 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: that are a danger to yourself, such as driving at 78 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: high speeds just for fun or yes, exactly or just 79 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: or just you could be both. Some people have episodes 80 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 1: of mannic and depression at the same time. That's why 81 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: that's where they got the word manic depressed. It from 82 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 1: where you're feeling super high, like you can go to 83 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: the grocery store. You're feeling like you can join the 84 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: army and you're feeling like you can write three papers tonight, 85 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: but inside you're really feeling like I don't love myself 86 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 1: right now. I'm not happy about myself. I may have 87 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 1: not brushed my teeth this morning or taking a shower, 88 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,799 Speaker 1: but I'm still going to go out here and interact 89 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: with people, knowing your hygiene is not up to part 90 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,559 Speaker 1: that was just the depressed side of you not wanting 91 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,279 Speaker 1: to conduct those things this morning, but knowing that you 92 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: had some things that you needed to get done. So. 93 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: I know there are different types of within this disorder, 94 00:05:54,960 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: right correct. I believe there are two, and I think 95 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 1: they just keep it more towards like manic depressive, which 96 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: is bipolar one, and then there's bipolar too, which means 97 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: you have two or more episodes a month of bipolar. Yeah, 98 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,359 Speaker 1: I want to talk about episodes, but I have that 99 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: later on down the line. Okay, I know one question 100 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: I really want to ask you, because I know within 101 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: our community we like to joke a lot um. How 102 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: do you feel when people make jokes about people being bipolar? 103 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: I used to feel really closed in and I wouldn't 104 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: say anything, and I would just kind of be mad 105 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 1: on the inside and not say anything out loud. But 106 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: now I'm such an advocate for it, I speak up 107 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, that's not funny. That could be 108 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: a trigger for someone around us who may not want 109 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: you to know they have bipolar disorder. Or I'll say 110 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: something to the extent of, you know, do I act 111 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 1: like that because I'm bipolar if they if they don't know, 112 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: and if they do know, then you know, I'll just say, like, 113 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,279 Speaker 1: you've seen me in that state before it you also 114 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: knew that I was in an episode during that time, 115 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: so you know, let's not take me back. Be my 116 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: be my motivation to keep going. Let's not joke about that, right. 117 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: I don't find any bipolar jokes funny anymore now that 118 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: I take it more serious, because when I was younger, 119 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: I did not take it serious. I was ashamed of it, 120 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: and I was like, doctors are just being doctors. I'm 121 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: not bo polar. So what at what age did you 122 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: realize you were bi polar? I went to the doctor 123 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: on my own insurance as an adult at nineteen, and 124 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: I was diagnosed as manic depressive, and that is when 125 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: it was called manic depressive. So I was on a 126 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: couple of different medications. I did not want to be 127 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: on them, so I did not take it serious. But 128 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: over the years, several doctors and psychiatrists and therapists have 129 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 1: told me that I was bi polar, and I began 130 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: to take it serious. So the onset age for me 131 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: was nineteen. Now did certain events lead up to you 132 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 1: being diagnosed that would make you to the doctor. When 133 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: I was younger, I stayed in my room a lot. 134 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: I was very sheltered as a child. I always felt secluded, 135 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: and I also always felt excluded from things because I 136 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: couldn't do things. So at school, in high school, I 137 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: would hear, you know, this happened on the weekend, that happened, 138 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: this happened, This happened, that happened, And I'm like, I'm 139 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: excluded from these events because I can never come out. 140 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: I can never do anything, and I'm always in my 141 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: room making up all these plans about how to get 142 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 1: out and what I'm gonna do when I get out, 143 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: and so um, that was one thing that played into it. Also, 144 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,679 Speaker 1: my father was abusive verbally and physically, so that played 145 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: a role into it. So basically, you're just having all 146 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: this downtime to think and you're having all this downtown 147 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: where you're just depressed. You're in your own head exactly. 148 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: You're in your own head, and you're just creating all 149 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: these things that are not real, like, oh, if this happens, 150 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: this is how I'm going to react. You're planning all 151 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: these events that are not reality. Mm hmm. So I 152 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: know we had a conversation prior to this, and you 153 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: mentioned that your parents knew about your disorder growing up. 154 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: I think that my mom knew about it because I 155 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 1: think that my mom, or excuse me, I know that 156 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: my mom suffered from depression. I don't know if they 157 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: knew the terminology. I don't know if my mother knew 158 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: the terminology. And I to this day my father. I 159 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: don't believe that my father believes in mental illness or medicine. 160 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: So how did your mom take you growing up? For 161 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: me or for herself? For you? For me, she would 162 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: always try to talk to me. She would always ask me, 163 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: you know, how is my day at school? What happened? 164 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: She'd always try to tune into me, But I was 165 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: already tuning out from her because in my mind, you're 166 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: married to this man who's causing these issues for me 167 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: so you must agree with his parenting style. So although 168 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: she was tuning into me, I was tuning out of her. 169 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: So I would tell her certain things. I tell her things, 170 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 1: you know, as all children do. I tell her the 171 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 1: things that I want her now. Right Then, in high school, 172 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:18,079 Speaker 1: I started getting into physical altercations yearly, to the point where, um, 173 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: it was recommended that I go to therapy, and she 174 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 1: put me into therapy. But in my mind, the therapist 175 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: was working with my parents, so I wouldn't tell her. 176 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: So it really wasn't for the benefit of you. It wasn't. 177 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to give you limited information 178 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 1: because you're just gonna tell my parents, because unfortunately, as 179 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,679 Speaker 1: a child, you don't know that confidentiality that a counselor 180 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: has with the client. You're a child, so you're thinking 181 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: all adults talk to each other. And I was thinking, 182 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: anything I tell you you're just gonna tell my parents, 183 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: is going to get me a more trouble. I'm going 184 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: to be grounded even longer, so I don't have anything 185 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: to talk about. But my mom did try to put 186 00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: me into therapy and then she pulled me out. Eventually, 187 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,079 Speaker 1: I think I went to therapy one time, and then 188 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: I was pulled out of it. Yeah that's not fortunately, 189 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 1: because a lot of kids don't know, like you're client. 190 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: So if you tell your therapist something, that's between you 191 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:16,199 Speaker 1: and your therapist, Right, how did your dad take it? 192 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: Wont why you growing up bipolar or the therapy bipolar. 193 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: I don't think that my father cared. I think that 194 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: everything that wasn't done to his liking was a trigger 195 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: for him. Mm hmm. So for me it would end 196 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,560 Speaker 1: up being a whooping or some people say a beating 197 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: or spanking, however you define getting whooped with a bill 198 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: or being punched or being choked. However you described that 199 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: outside of abuse, those would be how those things is 200 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: how those things would be the way he handled what 201 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: was going on with me, right, Yeah, And when you 202 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: told me that, you was like, um that he would 203 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: try to beat it out of you, and I'm just 204 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,839 Speaker 1: like damn, Like I could just imagine how many other 205 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: kids went through that exactly. To this day, I do 206 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: not what my son spank my son any of that 207 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm trying to discipline me out 208 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,200 Speaker 1: of him. I also have a d h D, so 209 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: I get the fidgeting and the jittering and the hyperactivity. 210 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: So when he's he's you know, he's getting into that, 211 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, you know, let me just step back, 212 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: let him run around the house, let him do whatever 213 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,559 Speaker 1: he's gonna do. Because had I not been grounded, I 214 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: would have been wanting to run around the house. I 215 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: would have been wanting to make noise and beat on things. However, 216 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: I knew better, it had already been taught to me 217 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: that this is what you're not gonna do, right, um, 218 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: And you do think it's we're not things. Do you 219 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 1: think that bipolar disorder is the hereditary I do think 220 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: it is. I do. Do you think that maybe your 221 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: mom and your dad have I do? I think that 222 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: my father is my polar m It was several times 223 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: growing up where he'd be like a happy camper and 224 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: five seconds later it was hell. And I remember as 225 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: a child, my mom would always joke that he's like 226 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: doctor doctor Jekyl and doctor Hyde. Mm hmm. And as 227 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:26,839 Speaker 1: I got older, I started thinking, and I started looking 228 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: back on certain situations, and I think to myself, like, 229 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 1: that's been on an off suite, on an off switch. 230 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: That's the happy, that's the load, that's my polar right, 231 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 1: but it was like an ongoing joke in my family, 232 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: in my household. So what did your relationship with your parents? Now? 233 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,560 Speaker 1: Me and my mother, I think that we are closer 234 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: than we have ever been. I'm twenty eight and she's fifty, 235 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 1: and I feel like at this point, if I wanted 236 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,599 Speaker 1: to talk to my mom about sex, that's something I 237 00:13:58,640 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 1: could come to her and talk to her about. Right. 238 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: I do not feel like ever in my lifetime there 239 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 1: was a time where I could come to her, even 240 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 1: as an adult, and say anything about that. Me and 241 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: my mom, I have allowed myself to let the past 242 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: be the past and let her be my mom. Mm hmm. 243 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: I have realized now that my mom was depressed in 244 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: her marriage, she was unhappy in her marriage, and she 245 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: was scared in her marriage. Yeah, I have stepped back 246 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: from that and let my mom be my mom. I 247 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 1: don't want to say start over with her anything like that, 248 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: because I don't want to say that. I want to 249 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: say that I'm allowing my mom to be my mom. 250 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: As far as my father, we've never had a good relationship. 251 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 1: My father is incarcerated and I've only been to see 252 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: him once, and that was only to take my son 253 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: and I do not have plans on seeing my father 254 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: m there is that's a dead relationship there. It's just 255 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: so crazy because it feels like within our generation, we're 256 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: more prone to taking better care of obe done to 257 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: help and just investing more in ourselves because you know, 258 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: times are hard, and I feel like back in the 259 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: day it wasn't the same for them, that they didn't 260 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: have the same tools and resources. So like when you 261 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: try to explain to older people or a different generation, 262 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: like they just don't get it. I agree. I think 263 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 1: now that, like you said, we have so many resources 264 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: and there are so many campaigns talking about mental health. 265 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: It is taken more serious now. And I think back 266 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 1: in the day, not even like way back in the sixties, 267 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: but just as recent as like the seventies, eighties, and nineties, 268 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: I don't think that it was such a huge deal 269 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: because people were afraid to talk about it. I think 270 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: everyone had that stigma that if you had a mental illness, 271 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: you were crazy. That's that's sad. It is sad. It's unfortunate. Yeah, 272 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 1: I know that you said that you took the medication before, 273 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: so are you on medication now? I did take medication before, 274 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: and I was also self medicating. I completely stopped. Sometimes 275 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: sometimes I take it. Miss a day, take it, miss 276 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: a day, missed three days? Take it? Oh, I remember 277 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: I'm on medication. You could take it. I was up 278 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: and down. But currently I am medicated and I do 279 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 1: take my medication daily. I do not miss a dose. 280 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: And if I think that I missed a dose, I 281 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: take it as soon as possible. What you were doing? 282 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: He was smoking weed? No, at one point I did 283 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: get into um narcotics. As far as pills, I've never 284 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: been weed never. That's never been my thing. Pills have 285 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: always been my thing. Some people say they jumped off 286 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: the porch with like weed and then they upgraded. I 287 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: jumped off the porch with pills m H. And it 288 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: was in an attempt to commit suicide when I was third, 289 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 1: when I was thirteen. And how long you been a medication? 290 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: I have been on medication. It's nineteen years old and 291 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight. So how does the medication help you? 292 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 1: For me? I know when it comes to my A 293 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 1: d h D and I take my adderal, I'm able 294 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 1: to focus. I don't take more than I'm supposed to. 295 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 1: I don't take less than I'm supposed to. I take 296 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:22,919 Speaker 1: it as prescribed, and I only take it when I'm 297 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 1: at work or at school. I don't take it when 298 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: I'm out of school because I want to be myself. 299 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: I want to you know, I want to have fune 300 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: with my friends. I want to have fune with my family. 301 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to be so so focused that I'm 302 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: missing out on what me and my friends are talking about, 303 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: or what me and my family are doing. When I 304 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 1: take my antidepressants, they just keep my stereotone serotonin levels up, 305 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: so I don't have that dip to where I'm filling down. 306 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: They just keep me balanced. So are there any side 307 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: effects for the medications? Every time I talked to my psychiatrists, 308 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,239 Speaker 1: I always remind them that I don't want any thing 309 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 1: that's gonna make me gain weight. That is what you know. 310 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,199 Speaker 1: Women don't play. Don't play unless I'm gonna gain it 311 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: in my hips. I don't want the weight or but 312 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 1: or in my but. If it's not gonna be that, 313 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: don't give it to me. UM. So that is a 314 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 1: side effect of UM antidepressant medication weight gain and low libido. 315 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,920 Speaker 1: Libido and UM I haven't had any area, any problems 316 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 1: in that area. But there has been a medication that 317 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: I was on where I felt like no sexual stimulation 318 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 1: at all, and I knew something was wrong because I 319 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: was in a relationship and I remember feeling like I 320 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 1: just rather not and I knew something was wrong because 321 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 1: before that, I always felt like I'd rather so I 322 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 1: knew that was I knew that was a side effect 323 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,719 Speaker 1: of it. I knew that was a side effect of it. 324 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: But that is one of the that Those are two 325 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: of these symptoms or side effects that you can have. 326 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: Or a metallic taste in your mouth where you feel 327 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: like you're you're tasting coins or pennies. I heard that one. 328 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 1: I read about that, and I have had that one 329 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,160 Speaker 1: before on a specific medication. M hmm. So what would 330 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 1: happen when you don't take your medication. Um, When I 331 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 1: was younger, I would notice that I'd be feeling good. 332 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 1: So I've stopped taking it because I'm like, oh, I'm better, 333 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 1: I'm healed. I don't need this medication. I was just tripping. 334 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: I wasn't you know, in my right mind at the 335 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 1: time when I went to the doctor, and that's what 336 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: they did. They slapped the medication on me, and now 337 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 1: look at me. I don't I don't need it, I'm healed. 338 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: I'm thinking. And then I noticed, you know, I go 339 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: a couple of days, and you know, it wouldn't be 340 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: like skip it one day and now I don't feel 341 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: good it go. I'd go a couple of days, a 342 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 1: couple of weeks, and then I noticed like I'd be irritable. 343 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: I'd feel like everything someone says I wanted. I wanted 344 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 1: to argue. I wanted to know, why do you feel 345 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: like that? Well, why are you saying that? Why do 346 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 1: you think that? Where where'd you get that thought from? 347 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 1: I'd be argumentative, and I noticed that I just feel 348 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 1: down on myself. I feel like, okay, yes you're in school, 349 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 1: but look at this person there at this age there 350 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 1: in school, they have two cars and they bought a house. 351 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: I nitpick and I compare myself when I wouldn't know 352 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: my medication m I noticed that about myself. Or I'd 353 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: have friends saying, you know, like you're beinge drinking. You know, 354 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: at one point you're not drinking. The next thing, you know, 355 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: like two bottles to yourself, and everyone else is like, oh, 356 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: it's time to go home, and you still want a party. 357 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: So I noticed that I would myself and people around 358 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: me would notice. I know that you mentioned when you 359 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 1: were younger that you were taking pills, So who how 360 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:54,439 Speaker 1: did you have access to those kills? I was in 361 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,160 Speaker 1: I was thirteen, so that was eighth grade, ninth grade 362 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 1: for me. My birthday for it's late. I can't remember 363 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: it was thirteen about to be fourteen, or if it 364 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: was the summer of eighth grade going into the ninth grade. 365 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: So all of my friends have always been older than 366 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,640 Speaker 1: me because I have the late birthday, so i'd get 367 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: it from them. I had grandparents who were older, who 368 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: had you know, multiple um surgeries and wouldn't take the 369 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 1: pills or would have pills laying around. And I've always 370 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: been smart. I've always read the D S. M. Nine. 371 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 1: I've always loved mental health. I always wonder why somebody 372 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 1: would call somebody crazy, because to me, it was like, 373 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: I'm crazy too, So what does crazy mean? And I 374 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,120 Speaker 1: look it up? So if someone had pills around, I'd 375 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: look it up. I'd see what the pills were, and 376 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,479 Speaker 1: I'd see what the side effects were. And I noticed, 377 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: you know, may cause drowsiness, and I noticed like, Hey, 378 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: that's what I want to do. I want to take 379 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: a long, long nap. And if it said drowsy on it, 380 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: I'd take it. And I mean that's just kind of 381 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: how it started. If it would make me drowsy, I'd 382 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 1: keep taking them. If it didn't make me drowsy, I 383 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: wouldn't take that pill with right, So basically still in 384 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,639 Speaker 1: you know, it's all funny enough because I feel like 385 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: a lot of parents, like you know, kids are smart 386 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,439 Speaker 1: these days, they are. I don't keep anything out around 387 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: my son, especially what Google. Like it's nothing for a 388 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: kid to go google some ship and figure out how 389 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: to use it. And that's what I did. I would 390 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: just Google. I didn't have a cell phone, but we 391 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: have a family computer, right, so hey, it was nothing 392 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 1: to log onto the computer before my parents got home. 393 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 1: And like I said, my mom was on antidepressant. So 394 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 1: before she admitted that she was on antidepressants, I knew 395 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: what she was on. I had already read her pillbox. 396 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 1: So what are your thoughts on people when it comes 397 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: to their negative views on medication, Because I know a 398 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,880 Speaker 1: lot of people, especially people within our community, don't think 399 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: that you should take medication for your mental health. My 400 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 1: personal thing on medication is that it works, but your 401 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,119 Speaker 1: lifestyle has to fit. You can't be taking medication for 402 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: antidepressants or bipolar or skill sophrenia or anything and then 403 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: still be out drinking, doing drugs, living in a household 404 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 1: where you're arguing, you're being abused, or you're seeing things 405 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 1: that are traumatic to you. That medicine isn't gonna take 406 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: an effect on anything because your brain is still seeing 407 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: the same things. You're not being exposed to positivity, but 408 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: you're taking a pill hoping that you have a positive 409 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: outlook on your depression. It's not gonna work like that. 410 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: That is true. So have you ever had any episodes? 411 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: And also can you explain what episodes are for those 412 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 1: that are not familiar with So an episode is just 413 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: a time kind of like you know when you're watching 414 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: an episode on TV at last thirty minutes, the last 415 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 1: an hour, or if you watch Netflix series, that episode 416 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: last however long. An episode is a timeframe. So there's 417 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 1: manic episodes, which is episodes when you're just timeframes where 418 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 1: you're going you're just in complete euphoria, and then there 419 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 1: is a time frame where you're just completely depressed. So 420 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: those are episodes, just timeframes. That's just how that's just 421 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:15,880 Speaker 1: how you mark them. So have you ever had an episode? 422 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: And so how often would you be UM? When I 423 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: was younger, I felt like I was just in a 424 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: constant episode of depression all the time. I don't feel 425 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: like I ever had any mania until I was about 426 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 1: twenty in my twenties, where I would just I was 427 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 1: just promiscuous. I just felt like, this is what I 428 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: want to do, and this is what I want to do, 429 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,160 Speaker 1: and this is what I want to do, and I'm 430 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: just gonna do it because at this time, I'm grown. 431 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 1: I don't have to ask anyone. I don't have to 432 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 1: come in at a certain time. I don't have to 433 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 1: tell anywhere where, tell anyone where I'm going. I don't 434 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 1: have to I don't have to tell anyone anything. I 435 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 1: don't have to give anyone an explanation, not even to 436 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 1: the person that I'm being promiscuous with. I don't have 437 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: to tell you why I'm doing these things. I'm my 438 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: own person. I was just in that manic episode of 439 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,199 Speaker 1: it feels good, so I'm gonna do it. And in 440 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: my twenties I had that I would be medicated. I 441 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: would self medicate. I'd be off meds during that time. 442 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 1: That's just what it was. And then after it, I 443 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,679 Speaker 1: feel super low because I'm like, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, 444 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:26,160 Speaker 1: I have a lot going for myself. Like those are 445 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:34,400 Speaker 1: just not the type of things that ladies do. That's 446 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: just not how a lady behaves. It's like, I feel 447 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: like you would do it, but then you know you wouldn't. 448 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: I know I wasn't supposed to be doing it before 449 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,639 Speaker 1: I did it, but in my mind, it was like, 450 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: this is gonna feel good, and this is what I 451 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: want to do it this time, so I'll deal with 452 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: the consequences afterwards. And that's just what I did. My 453 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: most recent depression episode was in November of nineteen, where 454 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 1: I actually checked myself into a UM. I voluntarily committed 455 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 1: myself into a mental hospital. That is a time where 456 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: I was just having an episode of depression and mania 457 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: to the point. I'm older now, so I'm not going 458 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: to go have a bunch of sex. I also have 459 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 1: a nine year old. It's just not appropriate. I'm also 460 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: not gonna binge drink because I have work in the morning, 461 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: I have two jobs. I'm just not going to do that. 462 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 1: I'm also not going to go off on a random 463 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 1: person in a store just because they triggered me. I'm 464 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: just not gonna go off on a tangent. It was 465 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: just like an inner batterle battle with myself. I'm not 466 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 1: going to do these things because I know they're wrong. 467 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 1: But I was just how long I was there for 468 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 1: a whole week? M hmm yep, And how was how 469 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: was that experience? That was my first time being there 470 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: for a whole week. I've been there before overnight and 471 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 1: the first time I went, I thought that's what I 472 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 1: wanted to do, and when I got there, I got scared, 473 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: so I said all the right things to leave. So 474 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: can you explain in the process of checking yourself? In 475 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 1: checking myself into the hospital, So what happened was I 476 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 1: drove to a mental health facility. I let them know 477 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,840 Speaker 1: that I was bipolar, that I was medicated, and what 478 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: I was going through. I spoke to a psychiatrist. UM. 479 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 1: Then they put you back out in the waiting room. 480 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: They have you come, they have you speak with a 481 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 1: clinical psychiatrist. That is someone who doesn't just do UM 482 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 1: Q and A with you. They actually tap into what 483 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: meds you take, how long you've been taking them? What 484 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,240 Speaker 1: things are you getting into? Why do you feel like this? 485 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 1: What does your support system look like? They go deeper 486 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,719 Speaker 1: into what's going on. I sat back out in the 487 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: waiting room. Um. Then I spoke with the therapist. I 488 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,399 Speaker 1: go to therapy weekly, so I let them know. You know, 489 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:59,160 Speaker 1: I already have a therapist. I'm not gonna start from 490 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: the bottom with you and tell you my whole life story. 491 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: And in this little bit of time, I go to 492 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: a therapist weekly. You can contact her. You can let 493 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: her know. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I've 494 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 1: been doing this since nineteam. I'm heavily in the game. 495 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: I'm not new to this. I know why I'm coming. 496 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 1: I'm coming exactly. Like it's kind of one of those 497 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: things like are you done or are you finished? Like 498 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: I'm finished at this point. You know, you can contact them, 499 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:26,919 Speaker 1: they can go over my history with you, let you 500 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,640 Speaker 1: know like I'm in the game. After that, I spoke 501 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:37,399 Speaker 1: to a intake counselor where Um, basically, the intake counselor 502 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: was like, you know, is there anyone we need to call? 503 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: Do you have kids? And I was like, you know, 504 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: I've already let my mom know I was gonna do this. 505 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 1: She's gonna get my son off the bus. My son 506 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 1: is safe, he has somewhere that he's going to be. 507 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: And at that point, I didn't give a damn about 508 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: my job. So I was like, as far as the 509 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: job goes, you don't need to contact anybody. This is 510 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,120 Speaker 1: what it is. I'm here for me. Nobody needs is 511 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: to know anything else that I need some help, and 512 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: I'm here to get myself some help. I'm not worried 513 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 1: about hr. I'm not worried about having a job to 514 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: go back to. This is what I'm here for. So 515 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 1: after I spoke to the intake counselor, they basically gave 516 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 1: me a room. I came in there in my scrubs. 517 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,640 Speaker 1: They were like, you know, we can give you some sweatpants. 518 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: And at that time I had been crying all day. 519 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 1: I was out of it. I was like, give me 520 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,440 Speaker 1: a pillow and a blanket. I don't want dinner, turn 521 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 1: my light off. That's how it went as far as intake. 522 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: And when I woke up the next morning, they told 523 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,280 Speaker 1: me they were going to involuntarily commit me, which means 524 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 1: it's no longer your choice to be committed. We think 525 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: you need to be committed. In watched over a period 526 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 1: of time. So when I did an interview, I did 527 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: an interview with a UM with my guests, and I 528 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: think her the name of her story was UM I 529 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,400 Speaker 1: tried to commit suicide. So she was telling me how 530 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,520 Speaker 1: when she got committed that she for the first time 531 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 1: she felt like herself. She felt I was comfortable as ever. 532 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: I was just tell of my mom this yesterday. I 533 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: was in there for five days. I did not call 534 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: my son. When I did call my mom, I kept 535 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: it so short with her, to the point she'd say 536 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 1: something and I'd be like, all right, by I didn't 537 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 1: want to talk. I wanted to be free from all 538 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,880 Speaker 1: of my responsibilities. I felt so comfortable in there. She 539 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 1: brought me five pair underwear, five pair. We could only 540 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 1: have five pair of anything, five pair of softs, five 541 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 1: pair underwear, five pair of shirts, or five pair of sweatpants. 542 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: We couldn't have anything with alcohol, so all my deodorant 543 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 1: was like powder deodorant. One toothbrush and they had to 544 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: give us the toothpaste because it couldn't have alcohol in it. 545 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 1: And I was comfortable I woke up every morning because 546 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 1: people use anything with alcohol in it to drink to 547 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: get drunk. Yes, because sometimes people in there suffer from 548 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 1: um substance abuse. So while I was in there, you know, 549 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,320 Speaker 1: I woke up every day at six thirty. I went 550 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: to bed every night. It was lights out at ten. 551 00:30:58,480 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: You didn't have to go to bed, but the lights 552 00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 1: were completely out, So what else could you do? And 553 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: while I was on that routine, I loved it. I 554 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: even tried to do it when I came home because 555 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,240 Speaker 1: I felt like, this is some structure I can try 556 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,160 Speaker 1: because it didn't kill me. Mind you, I'm not not 557 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: at all saying I think I could go to jail 558 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 1: with prison and survived. I'm not saying that. I'm just 559 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 1: saying I felt comfortable because it wasn't like prison. I 560 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: was just in my own mind. I got the therapy 561 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: that I wanted. I went to group. We had wrecked time. 562 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: I felt like myself and a lot of the thoughts 563 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: that I were having I was having. I didn't have 564 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: those thoughts when I came home, Like at one point 565 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 1: I was thinking, like I don't want to be a 566 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: mom anymore. Maybe I want to give myself up. For adoption. 567 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: Maybe I want to have my mom adopt my son 568 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: and I figure out who I am in life. Like 569 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight, I have a degree, but in my mind, 570 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: I feel so old because I've piste off so much 571 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: of my time doing other things, because you know, I 572 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 1: was playing catch up from being sheltered. And then sometimes 573 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: it was kind of like I'm not into a lot 574 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,640 Speaker 1: of things that people are into because I've had a 575 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 1: lot of time too mature, because I didn't get to 576 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 1: be childish as a kid. M I was always in 577 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 1: my room, grounded. I didn't have those you know, I 578 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 1: have two brothers. I have an older brother and a 579 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: younger brother. I'm the middle child and the only girl. 580 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 1: That's the liar, that middle kid. Yeah, and then the 581 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: fact the only the only girl. I feel like both 582 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: of my My older brother never lived with us. He 583 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,120 Speaker 1: wasn't in the household, but we knew him. He came 584 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: over all the time. It wasn't like, oh I have 585 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: a brother somewhere. No, we had a relationship. All of 586 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: us had a relationship. But I feel like they definitely 587 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,480 Speaker 1: had some life experiences that when I hear it now, 588 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, when did you do that, oh were you 589 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 1: when you did that? And then they I'm pretty sure 590 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: they look at me like are you serious? Come on? 591 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,880 Speaker 1: But I didn't have those experiences because I was the girl, 592 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 1: So I had I had the curfew with twelve o'clock, 593 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 1: you know, I had the can't go anywhere moments. You know. 594 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,280 Speaker 1: At one point, my dad wasn't gonna let me go 595 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: to prom in the eleventh grade when I was asked, 596 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,720 Speaker 1: because he told me you're not gonna be fucking in 597 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 1: eleventh grade and twelfth grade, and I thought to myself, like, 598 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: it's prom, Yeah, what do you mean? So when you 599 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: know he said that to me, I told my mom 600 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,479 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to prom senior year. She basically like 601 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 1: pushed me into prom, like what do you mean you're 602 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,600 Speaker 1: going to prom? Bought me this nice expensive dress and 603 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: everything like her and my grandmother coached me into it, 604 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 1: like you're going to prom, like this is your senior year. 605 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,480 Speaker 1: But that's how my childhood was, so a lot of things. 606 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, I feel like an old 607 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:53,320 Speaker 1: soul in a twenty eight year old body, right, and 608 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: you in therapy now, I am, Yes, How has therapy 609 00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: been benefecial to your growth super beneficial. I'm honest, completely, 610 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 1: completely honest. I live my truth completely. I have no 611 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,480 Speaker 1: problem telling anybody at work, in a group, chat on 612 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 1: the street, I will yell it. I'm in therapy and 613 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,480 Speaker 1: I love it. I have tried to get my younger 614 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:19,760 Speaker 1: brother to go to therapy. My mom has recently began therapy. 615 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,160 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get my seventy five year old grandmother 616 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 1: to go to therapy. My son was in therapy for 617 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,880 Speaker 1: a year because I just felt like I'm so callous 618 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,560 Speaker 1: and he's so caring. Some of my callousness will rub 619 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,359 Speaker 1: off onto him, and as a child, I don't want 620 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,719 Speaker 1: him to have that. I want him to still be 621 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 1: carefree and loving as a kid. So I had him 622 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,839 Speaker 1: in therapy because I'm thinking, like, you know, maybe had 623 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 1: I taken therapy seriously when I was younger, and maybe 624 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:51,319 Speaker 1: had I stayed in it, I would have not made 625 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 1: a lot of choices that I made because I would 626 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: have had better guidance. I would have had an outlet. Yeah, 627 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,240 Speaker 1: so what are you teaching your son about mental health? 628 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,480 Speaker 1: I'm completely blunt with my son about my bipolar disorder, 629 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 1: so he knows, you know, when I'm down let me 630 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: have that time to myself. Let me go in the 631 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 1: bathroom and cry, punch the air, invent, just let me 632 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,319 Speaker 1: do that. It's nothing you did. There's nothing you can say. 633 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 1: And I always tell him you're a child. It's not 634 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 1: appropriate for me to vent to you. So let me 635 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,080 Speaker 1: have that moment. If I want to just be in 636 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 1: my bed, let me have that moment. But of course, yeah, 637 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: come check on me. You're my baby, Come check on me, 638 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: you know. But when I'm short with you, take that 639 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 1: as a hint that mom is tired. My mind is tired. 640 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 1: Let me have that time. Oh and I was just 641 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:50,280 Speaker 1: gonna say, when I'm up, I'll fly him to the Bahamas, like, hey, 642 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: if I have lived exactly, if I have the money. 643 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,400 Speaker 1: Oh baby, we're going to the Bahamas for two days. Okay, 644 00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,840 Speaker 1: hey boom, We're going to Miami, Like, I'll take him somewhere. 645 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: We go to museums, we do things. He can tell 646 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,399 Speaker 1: when I'm up and when I'm down, because he'll ask me, Mom, 647 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 1: have you taken your medicine? Mom? Did you talk to 648 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,360 Speaker 1: your therapist? Mom? Do you want to go somewhere? Do 649 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:14,240 Speaker 1: you want to get something to eat? He chased he's nine, 650 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 1: but because he's very he's a Gemini. I'm very big 651 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:23,160 Speaker 1: on zodiacs. I'm a Leo and he's a Gemini. And 652 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,320 Speaker 1: I'm very honest with him. So I think a little 653 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: bit of all of that, and and the way I'm 654 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: teaching him and talking to him. I talked to him 655 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:35,040 Speaker 1: like an adult without the adult words. So I let 656 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: him know, you know, you're taking medication for a d 657 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,759 Speaker 1: h D right now, but you will not be on 658 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,160 Speaker 1: it the rest of your life because you are going 659 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,879 Speaker 1: to learn to accommodate yourself. So he knows, like, right now, 660 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,719 Speaker 1: this is something I need to do. I need to 661 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: take my medication for bipolar disorder. I need to have 662 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 1: that time to myself every now and then. He needs 663 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: to have that time to himself every now and then 664 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:59,440 Speaker 1: because kids have emotions and everything too. So we just 665 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:04,920 Speaker 1: had that dialogue between us. Um so I know I 666 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: took I was starting taking my mental health seriously when 667 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,640 Speaker 1: my grandmother transitioned like four years ago, and I was 668 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,640 Speaker 1: having like anxiety attacks, like I would just really like 669 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: at my words when it came in total health, and 670 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 1: I didn't understand it. So when I was trying to 671 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: explain to my friends and stuff. They're just like, oh, 672 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 1: it ain't nothing wrong with you. You just in your feelings. 673 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,359 Speaker 1: It's a natural Like what are your thoughts with that? 674 00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: Because you know you having um bipolar disorder. I can 675 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: imagine how many people was telling you that nothing was 676 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,000 Speaker 1: wrong with you. Like you and you're feelings like this, 677 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:37,839 Speaker 1: stop acting like that? What did you do with those situations? 678 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,640 Speaker 1: So my grandmother really irks my nerves when she says 679 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 1: things like exactly, she's got the mentality like just get 680 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 1: over it. But unfortunately minorities have that mentality of just 681 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 1: get over it, just get out your feelings, just prey 682 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: on it. And I'm thinking, like, I've prayed to die 683 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: before or so at one point I was feeling like 684 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,960 Speaker 1: prayer doesn't work because I didn't die. But but then 685 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,400 Speaker 1: but then on the other the flip side of that, 686 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,839 Speaker 1: I had prayed for things that I got and that's 687 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 1: just God's grace. But you can't just get over mental 688 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,680 Speaker 1: illness because it's your mind. You have to be mindful 689 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,799 Speaker 1: of what you're dealing with, and you have to go 690 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: and seek some help otherwise you are gonna go crazy. 691 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,759 Speaker 1: You are going to become delusional. You are going to 692 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:33,399 Speaker 1: start not seeing reality for what it is. You are 693 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,560 Speaker 1: going to start having other problems around. You are going 694 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 1: to lose your job, you are gonna have strained relationships 695 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 1: with people because you're not working on your mental health. 696 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,640 Speaker 1: So at one point when she used to say that, 697 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 1: I used to get so I used to feel like 698 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 1: she's so irky right now, what do you mean get 699 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,960 Speaker 1: over it? If I could just shut my brain off, 700 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,920 Speaker 1: I would. And then I remember sometimes you know, my 701 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 1: mom would be like, oh, you just have an attitude, 702 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, I do have an attitude, but 703 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: I don't know why I haven't atted. I don't know 704 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,400 Speaker 1: why this just jumped on me. I remember feeling like 705 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,000 Speaker 1: a tug and pool inside my body when I was younger, 706 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: and it would be like it would cause me anxiety 707 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 1: because it's like, if I don't get myself together, I 708 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: am about to get beat. But the exactly it's like 709 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 1: I am about to get beat, but then it's like 710 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:18,719 Speaker 1: I don't know how to make it stop, so I 711 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,680 Speaker 1: guess I'm just about to take an ass whooping. But 712 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,160 Speaker 1: then it's like I don't want to get beat, so 713 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,759 Speaker 1: I need to change it. But it's like er. So 714 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: when I got on my own insurance and I told 715 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,240 Speaker 1: the doctor all these things, and he's like, it's obvious, 716 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,400 Speaker 1: you don't have to keep explaining it. But I'm like, 717 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 1: you know, I'm want to tell you everything because you know, 718 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 1: you've always been taught to be honest with the doctor 719 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 1: or they can't help you. So from nineteen up until now, 720 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, I swear, I'm so glad 721 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,600 Speaker 1: I went and got myself checked out because nobody was 722 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:54,040 Speaker 1: gonna get it done for me. Listen, if you don't 723 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: stand up for you, nobody else, no one. And I 724 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 1: tell my son that all the time, like, if you 725 00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,759 Speaker 1: feel like this medicine makes you feel x y z, 726 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,239 Speaker 1: say something to me, because I'm going to be the 727 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 1: one to tell the doctor x y z x y z. 728 00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 1: Like I know he takes a d h D medication 729 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,360 Speaker 1: and its suppresses is appetite. My a d h D 730 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:15,480 Speaker 1: medication suppresses my appetite too. That comes with it. But 731 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,279 Speaker 1: when he told me he started feeling, you know, like 732 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,360 Speaker 1: he was getting a headache, I immediately told her, like 733 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,320 Speaker 1: I text her like, hey, he's starting to get headaches. 734 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,279 Speaker 1: I'll also suffer from chronic mirograine. So for me, I 735 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,480 Speaker 1: don't know if it's the medication or he's having some 736 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 1: symptoms that I've had, so I'm on it. I'll tell him. 737 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,040 Speaker 1: If you don't tell me everything, you're not honest with me, 738 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:39,440 Speaker 1: I can't be that voice for you. You can't help them, no, 739 00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,040 Speaker 1: So I'm just always like, I'm just so glad that 740 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,120 Speaker 1: I was that voice for myself, because some people just 741 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,520 Speaker 1: they go off what people say in their family, or 742 00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,239 Speaker 1: they just go off what other people say, or they 743 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,279 Speaker 1: just say, hey, you know somebody else is dealing with 744 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,759 Speaker 1: this in their fine, so I'll be okay. But I'm 745 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,720 Speaker 1: just proud of myself for being that voice for myself. 746 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:02,400 Speaker 1: I've always been blunt, I've always been outspoken. My personality 747 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:08,120 Speaker 1: is loud, So you know, I have no problem telling 748 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 1: a friend go get some help. I have no problem 749 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: recommending a therapist. I have no problem advocating for somebody 750 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,960 Speaker 1: or being that resourceful person like I'll look it up 751 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,879 Speaker 1: for you. If I don't have the answer, I'll talk 752 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: to some of my colleagues who work in different fields 753 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: and I'll find that cardiologist that you need. Like, I 754 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:30,360 Speaker 1: don't mind, do you always feel the need to always 755 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,799 Speaker 1: tell your friends or your your partner about you being 756 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:38,600 Speaker 1: UM bipolar. I don't always feel the need, and I 757 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,920 Speaker 1: have not always been up for and honest I recently, 758 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,319 Speaker 1: you know, just through starting my blog and everything, I've 759 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,319 Speaker 1: recently look back and I thought to myself, like I 760 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,160 Speaker 1: was toxic in my twenties. I'm pretty sure my last relationship, 761 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he had sometimes where he was like, 762 00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,399 Speaker 1: she is wigging out for no reason, but he didn't 763 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 1: know I was bo polar because I was ashamed and 764 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: I didn't talk about it. But going forward, I will 765 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:10,279 Speaker 1: be telling anyone that I date UM. So I know 766 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:16,319 Speaker 1: that this is your career focuses on bipolar and mental health. 767 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,080 Speaker 1: So how does it make you feel when you see 768 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:24,319 Speaker 1: family's reactions to their loved ones diagnosis UM. Sometimes when 769 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,680 Speaker 1: they're very supportive, I'm so happy for that family member 770 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,320 Speaker 1: because I'm like, you have a strong support support system 771 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,560 Speaker 1: behind you, You're gonna be fine. And then sometimes I'm very, very, 772 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 1: very very upset of the reactions of some family members 773 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,600 Speaker 1: because I don't yeah, because it's like you already know 774 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,840 Speaker 1: I'm going to see you back in here for a 775 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 1: mental breakdown because you have no support, you have nobody 776 00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,759 Speaker 1: that has your back, you have nobody that you can 777 00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: reach out to, or in the cases where people who 778 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:04,279 Speaker 1: can't afford therapy, my heart just hurts because it's like 779 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,719 Speaker 1: you have no outlet, you have nobody who understands you 780 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,319 Speaker 1: have no help, you have no resources. Or for people 781 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:11,799 Speaker 1: who don't have a car and they have to get 782 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,799 Speaker 1: the ride to the doctor, I'm just like it just 783 00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:20,919 Speaker 1: saddens me because it's like sometimes I have been there 784 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,000 Speaker 1: where I didn't have the support, and then sometimes it's 785 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: just like I can't imagine not having a car, or 786 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:30,520 Speaker 1: I can't imagine not being able to afford my medication. Yeah, 787 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 1: well I can't imagine not being fault to my therapist, right, 788 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,200 Speaker 1: Like that's such a part of my normal routine now 789 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:47,520 Speaker 1: weekly text many situations. Seriously, I remember a couple of people. 790 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,239 Speaker 1: I remember when I no want to check myself in, 791 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,000 Speaker 1: I call my therapist and I let her know, like 792 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,720 Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do, and I just remember 793 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 1: her thinking or I remember her saying like I've been 794 00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 1: thought that this is something that you needed to do, 795 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,319 Speaker 1: and I'm like, what you say, It's something She's like 796 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,160 Speaker 1: I did but remember you you talk over me sometimes, 797 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,520 Speaker 1: so you may have missed it. And I'm thinking like, yeah, 798 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 1: that's when I'm in a manic phase where like I 799 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,400 Speaker 1: want to tell you this, and I want to say that, 800 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,640 Speaker 1: and I want to tell you this, I wanna say this, 801 00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:17,439 Speaker 1: and I only have fifty five minutes. Yeah, that's a fact. 802 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 1: I want to let you know. How, especially if I 803 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,920 Speaker 1: talk to you on a Monday versus a Friday, the 804 00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:30,240 Speaker 1: week just beginning? Yeah, how can families be more supportive 805 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,560 Speaker 1: when it comes to those individuals? Families can be more 806 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 1: supportive when it comes to anyone with mental illness by 807 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:41,440 Speaker 1: you know, asking the simple questions, are you okay? Have 808 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,960 Speaker 1: you ate today? Because you know, a lot of times 809 00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,760 Speaker 1: when you're depressed, you don't eat. Sometimes when you're anxious, 810 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,000 Speaker 1: you don't eat. And when you don't eat, that says 811 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,360 Speaker 1: a lot about you. Because sometimes when we're busy and 812 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,560 Speaker 1: we don't eat, we forget. But sometimes when we're sad 813 00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,919 Speaker 1: and we don't eat, we have no appetite. Mm hmm. 814 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,040 Speaker 1: The simple questions, are you okay? Have you eight? Are 815 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:04,840 Speaker 1: you doing all right? Is there anything you want to 816 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,200 Speaker 1: talk about? You know, how's your day going? How's your 817 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,680 Speaker 1: week going, how's your months going? Depends me on when 818 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,239 Speaker 1: you see that family member, how is it going? The 819 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:17,000 Speaker 1: simple questions, just the just the just the just the 820 00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,959 Speaker 1: check in questions. I mean, how are you doing going? 821 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,879 Speaker 1: The long way? It does because hey, you might say 822 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,440 Speaker 1: how are you doing it? Somebody might spill it all 823 00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,800 Speaker 1: out and you're like, oh yeah, I had no idea. 824 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:29,680 Speaker 1: You might say how are you doing it? Someone's like good, 825 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,680 Speaker 1: and you know, right, then are you good? Good? Or 826 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:38,600 Speaker 1: you don't want to talk good? Right? Based off your experience, 827 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,120 Speaker 1: do you feel like the black and brown community could 828 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,720 Speaker 1: do more when it comes to mental health? For sure? 829 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,000 Speaker 1: For sure, I think that if we had the resources, 830 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,279 Speaker 1: and I feel like if we had the um the 831 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,960 Speaker 1: open mind, if we were more open minded, I feel 832 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,840 Speaker 1: like we could get further in this mental health community. 833 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: I feel like we could come together. I've to like 834 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,799 Speaker 1: I feel like we were closed minded when it comes 835 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,640 Speaker 1: to mental health. M It's like you said, I feel 836 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,040 Speaker 1: like everything is based off of pray about it. You know, 837 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,600 Speaker 1: do you have faith? Go to church and that's just 838 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,799 Speaker 1: not always the answer or push through? Yeah, push through 839 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 1: or you got it, you got it, or you know, 840 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:21,600 Speaker 1: Unfortunately I was telling my mom, you know, recently, Unfortunately, 841 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 1: when people say I'm going to pray for you, that 842 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:27,680 Speaker 1: was the prayer. They don't actually sit down at night 843 00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,960 Speaker 1: and pray for you or take some time before something, 844 00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,840 Speaker 1: before they leave or after they leave you and pray. 845 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,680 Speaker 1: When they said I'm gonna pray for you, that was 846 00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 1: the prayer they just sent up. Right. We we we 847 00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:40,839 Speaker 1: gotta we gotta be more hands on. We gotta get 848 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,279 Speaker 1: out into the community. We have to go to the 849 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:48,200 Speaker 1: meetings at school, the ptsting. Yeah, we gotta open up. 850 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,000 Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to be a social worker soon. 851 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,959 Speaker 1: And you know, one of the things I keep telling 852 00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:58,000 Speaker 1: myself is I hate to hear minority say what happens 853 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,040 Speaker 1: in this house stays in this house. No, we gotta 854 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:02,920 Speaker 1: start telling what's going on in the house, because if 855 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,839 Speaker 1: you're being molested or if you're being assaulted in the house, 856 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 1: that doesn't need to stay in the house. It needs 857 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,439 Speaker 1: to come out of the house to get you some help. 858 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:14,280 Speaker 1: If you're being mentally or physically abused, that's not something 859 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:18,040 Speaker 1: that needs to stay in the house. If somebody at 860 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,680 Speaker 1: home is struggling with substance abuse, that's not something that 861 00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:22,759 Speaker 1: needs to stay in the house. How can we get 862 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:27,440 Speaker 1: that person help if it stays in the house. It's 863 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:31,440 Speaker 1: not necessarily telling your business, but it's a testimony to 864 00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,880 Speaker 1: get that person or yourself some help. Yeah, and to 865 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,279 Speaker 1: get you safe, to get you saved. You know, if 866 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:42,960 Speaker 1: you see something, say something, we gotta start using that. Last, 867 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,120 Speaker 1: and not least, what is the advice you would give 868 00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:49,319 Speaker 1: her our listeners that are bipolar less but not leave. 869 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,440 Speaker 1: Some advice that I would give to listeners that are 870 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:56,880 Speaker 1: bipolar are to create yourself a self check in sheet. 871 00:47:57,719 --> 00:47:59,400 Speaker 1: Make a list of some things that you want to 872 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,640 Speaker 1: take more pride in doing with yourself, whether that is 873 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:08,359 Speaker 1: taking thirty minutes a day to put everything up. And 874 00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,480 Speaker 1: listen to what your body is saying. Your body maybe saying, hey, 875 00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,239 Speaker 1: we're unhealthy, we need to eat better, we're tired, we 876 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,719 Speaker 1: need to take a nap, we're tired, we need to 877 00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,960 Speaker 1: start going to bed at this time. Listen to what 878 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,280 Speaker 1: your body is saying, Listen to what your mind is saying. 879 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,680 Speaker 1: Take a break from some things. You know, start exercising. 880 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:31,440 Speaker 1: You know, when your body sweats, you're opening up your pores, 881 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:36,560 Speaker 1: You're getting that fresh air in. It's opening your mind. No, 882 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,520 Speaker 1: just just take some time out to take care of yourself, 883 00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,399 Speaker 1: because you can't pour from an empty cup. You stull 884 00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,879 Speaker 1: can't try. And when you are completely depleted, you can't 885 00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:50,680 Speaker 1: be of service to anyone else. You You don't even 886 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:54,000 Speaker 1: have the right words to give someone because you're completely depleted. 887 00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 1: When you're up, when you're uplifted, when you're encouraged, when 888 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:03,960 Speaker 1: you're motivated, you spew out positivity mm hmm. But when 889 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,000 Speaker 1: you don't have it, you don't have it. Kind of 890 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,960 Speaker 1: like a bill, you can't pay it till you have 891 00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:12,759 Speaker 1: the money. I ain't got it. It ain't even on 892 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,920 Speaker 1: me right now. You know, you gotta you gotta take 893 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:19,800 Speaker 1: time out for yourself, whether that means get a haircut, 894 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,040 Speaker 1: you know, buy yourself some clothes, take yourself to dinner, 895 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,040 Speaker 1: take yourself to lunch once a month, once a week, 896 00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:28,880 Speaker 1: however you need to do, you know, get your nails 897 00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,279 Speaker 1: done for the guys, you know, take a god trip. 898 00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,160 Speaker 1: I don't want it all to be focused on what 899 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:34,960 Speaker 1: women do as far as getting your hair done, getting 900 00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,200 Speaker 1: your nails. Son, I tell my brother this all the time. 901 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:41,279 Speaker 1: Go somewhere by yourself, if you have kids, go buy 902 00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,279 Speaker 1: yourself something in that day and that time. Don't buy 903 00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,239 Speaker 1: your kids anything, even though that's hard to do. Go 904 00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,840 Speaker 1: buy yourself something if it's nothing but a pair of socks. 905 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,120 Speaker 1: Maybe you need some new underwear, go get yourself some 906 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:56,120 Speaker 1: new boxers or underwear. If you're a female, take some 907 00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,680 Speaker 1: time out for yourself because at the end of the day, 908 00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,640 Speaker 1: if you're not your best, you're not going to perform 909 00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:06,360 Speaker 1: your best, and that's at work. In family time and 910 00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:10,239 Speaker 1: friend time, you're not gonna be yourself. Your headspace is 911 00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,399 Speaker 1: going to be so clouded you you're not even gonna 912 00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:16,919 Speaker 1: be yourself. Mm hmm. Well, I just want to say, 913 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,760 Speaker 1: you know, thank you so much for sharing your story. 914 00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,759 Speaker 1: I'm really big on mental health and I know that 915 00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:25,000 Speaker 1: you are. And she really just um launched her blogs. 916 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,960 Speaker 1: So for those that are interested in connected with my 917 00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:30,120 Speaker 1: guests on this week's episode, please make sure to email 918 00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:33,719 Speaker 1: me at hello at the PhD podcast dot com because 919 00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,239 Speaker 1: I think that, like you said, we need to not 920 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,719 Speaker 1: keep things in the house and we need to be 921 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:39,920 Speaker 1: a little bit more vocal about things so we can 922 00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,839 Speaker 1: all look out for each other. And you know, when yah, 923 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,719 Speaker 1: mental health is not nothing to be playing with. How 924 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,960 Speaker 1: at all at all. You don't want anyone to snap, 925 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,239 Speaker 1: and you don't want to snap yourself exactly. So if 926 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,759 Speaker 1: you have any questions, comments, or concerns for me or 927 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,319 Speaker 1: my guests, reach out to me. And until next time, 928 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:00,760 Speaker 1: guys leaven