Speaker 1: Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris.
Speaker 1: The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
Speaker 1: like yourself, are esteemed sponsors, and the all powerful, all
Speaker 1: knowing Random Sentence Generator, which inspires the stories you're about
Speaker 1: to hear. Yes, whenever you hear this sound, the next
Speaker 1: sentence you hear is a random sentence provided by our
Speaker 1: revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator or more This American Laugh.
Speaker 1: Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh. I guess
Speaker 1: and now your first random sentence. He played the game
Speaker 1: as if his life depended on it, and the truth was,
Speaker 1: and it did. It's kind of a rich man poor
Speaker 1: man's game, a little bit like Hard Target with John
Speaker 1: glad pan Damn, where he had to survive as a
Speaker 1: rich man hunted him. But this was a different kind
Speaker 1: of game. This was more of a corporate style hunting game.
Speaker 1: I've brought you here today to see if you would
Speaker 1: like to buy thirty seconds worth of advertising time on
Speaker 1: late night TV, and we think your company would benefit
Speaker 1: from it. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, guys, I like yourself,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you a question flat out, Are you
Speaker 1: guys on coke? No? Well, no, no, no, do you
Speaker 1: have coke while you're asking? Or or what can I ask?
Speaker 1: Do you have coke? And that's why I'm asking. The
Speaker 1: answer is no, we are not on coke right this second,
Speaker 1: the second. Okay, Yes, we work hard. We play hard
Speaker 1: at Peco. Okay, okay, work hard, play hard. Hard. Let's
Speaker 1: not get into those lawsuits. So what I'm saying is,
Speaker 1: if you guys want to run with the big dogs, yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to bring the big dog food. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: we can offer you the afternoon day part now because
Speaker 1: it's late night TV. Fuck heyck blow blowing it. He's
Speaker 1: trying to tell something. What I'm saying is is if
Speaker 1: I go to the bathroom right now and I come
Speaker 1: back and there's cocaine on this table, we've got a deal.
Speaker 1: Oh ship, that's a good thing. Okay, I'm sorry. I
Speaker 1: think I'm trying to be extremely clear. Let me be
Speaker 1: explicitly clear here. I like cocaine. If you bring me cocaine,
Speaker 1: we will work together. Okay. So what you're saying is
Speaker 1: if we if we take the contracts and we we
Speaker 1: roll them, then you'll get then you'll du what is it?
Speaker 1: I'm not No, it's not a metaphor. Guys. Listen, I'm
Speaker 1: going to walk out that door. I'm gonna go take
Speaker 1: a piss. Hey guys, Hey guys, Hey guys. We don't
Speaker 1: play by the same rules everyone else does. All right,
Speaker 1: we're Petco. We make the rules. So what I want
Speaker 1: you guys to do is produce a little cocaine on
Speaker 1: this table so I can have a good time. We
Speaker 1: can sign some paper work whatever y'all need, and we'll
Speaker 1: work together. Okay, I think we got it figured out. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, do you need me to leave back there
Speaker 1: to the letter right, I'll be back. Okay, it takes
Speaker 1: me a good five minutes to five minutes, alright, circle
Speaker 1: back and five. You know, what the fun is she
Speaker 1: talking about? How do you have cocaine? I'm having trouble
Speaker 1: understanding what it is that she wants. She wants me
Speaker 1: to put my cocaine on the on the table, the
Speaker 1: table representing the overall deal that is ped Co airing
Speaker 1: spots on. Yeah, we've got it figured We've got a
Speaker 1: handle on it. What what's gonna happen next? Yeah? This
Speaker 1: table is empty, so that tells me one of two things.
Speaker 1: One you don't have cocaine or too you guys like
Speaker 1: to go harder. You guys got something else, some sweeter
Speaker 1: for me? Yeah, what do you mean, something bent at all?
Speaker 1: Or you guys, you guys really funk around. Yeah, I'd
Speaker 1: like all H is essentially lays the fence at all
Speaker 1: this point. I mean, it's like, let's just be clear,
Speaker 1: we're basically all doing fent and all know what's doing heroin? Anymore? Hard?
Speaker 1: Is the H? Like? Is that stand for high high
Speaker 1: volume for heroin? Yeah? Alright, I get this. You guys
Speaker 1: play hard. I like you guys. I like you guys.
Speaker 1: All right, you guys you know how to make a
Speaker 1: girl dance. I'm gonna go take another little piss and
Speaker 1: when I come back, there better be something even harder
Speaker 1: on this table. All right, all right? You know what
Speaker 1: I don't know that I have cocaine H, which technically
Speaker 1: is spent and all if you test it because it's
Speaker 1: all laced with fenton. Oh, now you're on board. Well
Speaker 1: before you're like is this a metaphor? Now you know
Speaker 1: what's going on. We gotta put on the table if
Speaker 1: we wanted to get her to sign a contract. It's
Speaker 1: pretty easy with the table ripped, and I don't know
Speaker 1: my my table represents glemen, my got this table is empty.
Speaker 1: You come back, you shoon, And that's the that's the problem,
Speaker 1: you know. Oh my god, you guys are blowing my mind.
Speaker 1: I thought I've done some of the craziest things. But
Speaker 1: if you guys want to play even harder, how about this.
Speaker 1: I want to hunt a man. I want a squid
Speaker 1: game a bit, all right, can we make that happen?
Speaker 1: Let me talk to my pardner. Here's all right, you guys,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go take one more piss. Are you sure? Oh?
Speaker 1: You're getting me excited? You get me excited? All right,
Speaker 1: I'm sure of anything. So, just like the hunted man
Speaker 1: represent the target audience for the pet co, she's giving
Speaker 1: us a blueprint how to get this deal signed. So
Speaker 1: we gotta find fucking schmo who doesn't know anything and
Speaker 1: then put them up to fucking be hunted by her. Hi.
Speaker 1: Here is this the focus group for the advertising? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. Are you gonna give me the now after?
Speaker 1: How about this before we go in? Because it is
Speaker 1: a focus group, I'm gonna need you to give me
Speaker 1: your phone on your wallet. Oh, also, do you have
Speaker 1: any family? Yeah, I have two daughters and are the
Speaker 1: new wife. I just got married. Okay, um, if it
Speaker 1: will probably best is just if we get your phone,
Speaker 1: your I d okay? Any cash you might have on you? Wow?
Speaker 1: Could you write down your family's names for us? And
Speaker 1: this is for twenty five dollars. I will get the
Speaker 1: twenty five. Yeah, and it's going to be in cash.
Speaker 1: It will be in cash, so don't worry about any
Speaker 1: like and five easy okay? Or we could do two
Speaker 1: tens and of five five five, any denomination you want,
Speaker 1: you do one? And then do you have any identifiable
Speaker 1: and build work. We should probably a little bit tattoos.
Speaker 1: I have a crown and uh I still have one
Speaker 1: of my baby teeth. Interesting information for just focus group.
Speaker 1: Any tattoos, anything that would be on your body that
Speaker 1: you've added or augmented. Yeah, I have a tattoo on
Speaker 1: my forearm that has my social Security number on it.
Speaker 1: We take a phone, yes, and you will be giving
Speaker 1: me the twenty Yeah. Hey man, I'll give it to
Speaker 1: you in quarters if you want. That's pretty good. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: it's a hundred quarters right, I don't know, times four,
Speaker 1: that's a hundred. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of I knew that mess. Wow, do a lot of
Speaker 1: laundry with that machine. Are you going to be asking
Speaker 1: me any questions? This is a focus group, is yeah.
Speaker 1: And so you're going to work with us for a
Speaker 1: little bit, and then you're going to get into that van.
Speaker 1: It's parked in front. And I said, where you watch
Speaker 1: the dogs groom the dogs in the van? We sometimes
Speaker 1: do you well well grooming. That's true, that's that's cool. Yeah, cool,
Speaker 1: So just take off your shoes and socks for us, please, okay, right,
Speaker 1: and then um, okay, then just go ahead and get
Speaker 1: in the vand and the van will take you to
Speaker 1: more questions. Yeah, I don't know. Way, that's so funny. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: it'll take you to more questions. Okay, great, So thanks,
Speaker 1: you're going to know, is that right? Of course? Of course,
Speaker 1: at the very end of the all the questions after
Speaker 1: that test is completely crocked. You will have okay by what? No? No,
Speaker 1: all right, we got your guy nice smokes a tattoo
Speaker 1: of his own source security number in his arm. Wanted
Speaker 1: more on love it? Okay, So so you want to
Speaker 1: do this, you want to do bone arrow style, you
Speaker 1: want to just I'm gonna do a crossbow? Sweet? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So quick question. He has no idea where he's going around.
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure that this man isn't
Speaker 1: aware that I'm about to sneak up and kill him. Look,
Speaker 1: we just hired this focus properm to like buying us
Speaker 1: a dude, and oddly enough, we told him exactly what
Speaker 1: it was for. They said, Yeah, let's fucking party. Hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: you guys. To you, I'm making you guys the official
Speaker 1: advertisers of Peco hold account. I just want more? Is
Speaker 1: this American laugh? I mean honest? All in Producer Andy
Speaker 1: guest contributor for this episode is the man to said
Speaker 1: co show. We'll be using our trustee sentence generator to
Speaker 1: bring you a story in three improve I dec this
Speaker 1: week's team strategy. It's important to have one. If you don't,
Speaker 1: sometimes you need to make one up on the fly,
Speaker 1: right there on the spot. Let stay with us at one.
Speaker 1: She wrote him a long letter, but he didn't read it.
Speaker 1: It was a letter she wrote, is the therapeutic more
Speaker 1: of a cathartic? Things she did and I cope, a
Speaker 1: lot of problems sent it to him, but you just
Speaker 1: never read it, or maybe he did. I just didn't
Speaker 1: tell her. He read it pretty hungry for tonight? I
Speaker 1: guess mac and cheese. Dada. Nobody asked me why I
Speaker 1: want it? Elizabeth? What do you want for dinner tonight? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: what is your daughter? One? I think that's what do
Speaker 1: you want? Honey? And Elizabeth? And I guess it's mac
Speaker 1: and cheese? Right again? Yeah? So sweet? Do you want
Speaker 1: me to put the milk in it? Or do you
Speaker 1: want just the butter? I like it when it's just
Speaker 1: the butter, just a splash a bill. It's good. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's what the instructions say. I feel like we should
Speaker 1: go with work rap. Okay, what's what's the problem? Know nothing,
Speaker 1: I just us just blow it out my ask because
Speaker 1: I'm lactose intolerant, as you know, because you're my husband,
Speaker 1: and um this my stepdaughter, sweetheart? Can you can you
Speaker 1: give your stepmother night some? I prefer Elizabeth? Please? Is
Speaker 1: it a stepmother part that's that's upsetting you? Still? Yeah? Still? Still,
Speaker 1: it's been like two months or something, Dad like, it's weird. Well,
Speaker 1: it wasn't very weird for us. Well, I'm going to
Speaker 1: go I'm just saying that, okay, Sorry, no go no, no,
Speaker 1: you want to every time I say something, you try
Speaker 1: to say something, Sweetie, I'm just gonna go ahead and
Speaker 1: set the microwave, and then if you could just just
Speaker 1: watch it and just make sure that there's no problems
Speaker 1: with the microwave. Maybe what's wrong? What is it? What
Speaker 1: do you mean what's wrong? I just was very open
Speaker 1: about what's wrong. When when I said what was wrong
Speaker 1: earlier about the up at the macaroni, did I not
Speaker 1: give you the tone that lets you know that I'm
Speaker 1: a pretty perceptive guy. But just having to constantly read
Speaker 1: between the lines with you, it's a little bit tough. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to keep the piece here. It's only been
Speaker 1: a couple of months. My daughter here, she's still clearly
Speaker 1: having some some trouble adjusting to this new life. If
Speaker 1: you could do me a favor and we could just
Speaker 1: kind of keep the pizza here, you know what, how's
Speaker 1: it going over there, sweetheart with the microwave? Microwave is fine? Dad,
Speaker 1: Do you mind if Elizabeth and I have a little
Speaker 1: conversation my wife? Yes, yeah, your wife. Okay, yes, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go watch the microwave ahead. What you want
Speaker 1: to talk about girl stuff? No, I just want to
Speaker 1: let you know that I'm keeping a list of what
Speaker 1: every time that you anger my dad. I don't think
Speaker 1: I anger him. You don't think you anger my dad.
Speaker 1: I think I bring a lot of joy to his life.
Speaker 1: If I didn't, do you think he might not have
Speaker 1: put this on my finger. I think what you don't
Speaker 1: understand is that my father is actually just a child.
Speaker 1: He needed a woman who could run a house. He
Speaker 1: was drowning before he met. Sounds like maybe you're running
Speaker 1: the house a little more than I am because we've
Speaker 1: had macaroni and cheese for two weeks now. Don't you think?
Speaker 1: How are my girls doing? You guys working it out? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think things are great. Good, Okay, we got them
Speaker 1: progress to you give us maybe five more minutes he
Speaker 1: minus thirty seconds with that mac and cheese. But you
Speaker 1: know what yeah, yeah, yea, yeah, yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I bet it's yeah. Okay, go yeah, We're gonna have
Speaker 1: mac and cheese every day until I'm satisfied. Okay, Oh
Speaker 1: maybe sometimes your mac and cheese taste a little different.
Speaker 1: Maybe one day you're not gonna want mac and cheese.
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do to it? Just that some
Speaker 1: flavor flavor that's wrong with that? Are you insinuating that
Speaker 1: I would do something wrong? Are you insinuating you're gonna
Speaker 1: like pissing my mac and cheese? First of all, that's
Speaker 1: a very sophomoric thing to do to someone's mac and cheese,
Speaker 1: to piss in their maga cheese. I think you'd taste that.
Speaker 1: I think what I would do is very special, and
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that the silly would taste it. Try me.
Speaker 1: Let's just eat tonight, just see how this night goes. Sweetheart,
Speaker 1: my wife, would you like to say grace months? Yes? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Do you want to hold my hand with pleasure? I'll
Speaker 1: put mine in prayer position? We can still hold hand? Yes,
Speaker 1: we can? Okay? That tickles, Okay, prayer position is all right.
Speaker 1: Dear Lord, thank you for this mac and cheese. Thank
Speaker 1: you for just this roof over our heads. Thank you
Speaker 1: for this wonderful husband's caring and loving and not upset.
Speaker 1: I don't upset you. I think I'm okay for now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: why do I seem with you, you wouldn't be upset
Speaker 1: about anything I did. But I think I'm okay, and
Speaker 1: thank you for this lovely, young, blossoming young lady who's
Speaker 1: in our home, in our home, and uh is growing
Speaker 1: up before my very eyes. And I'm very thankful for
Speaker 1: that opportunity to see her grow into something that's very
Speaker 1: beautiful until the end. Okay, it's getting cold, all right,
Speaker 1: sounds really great, wasn't Wasn'tizabeth your my my? What? You're
Speaker 1: the woman who married me, and who is I mean
Speaker 1: technically assumes the role of stepparent to you whenever you're
Speaker 1: comfortable enough calling her that. It wasn't that great with
Speaker 1: Elizabeth did just now? I guess I like my prayer
Speaker 1: a little more. Okay, Okay, some poetic, I guess, but
Speaker 1: that's what I thought. You're gonna say, mac and cheese.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I really a little more cheesy, maybe with
Speaker 1: the Macaronian. Okay, I think Elizabeth should take the first bite. Okay,
Speaker 1: you didn't want to add anything to the to the grace,
Speaker 1: so you're happy with what she did. I am thinking
Speaker 1: it's fine. It's fine. One. We're all getting closer. I
Speaker 1: can feel it. Okay, I am going to uh. I
Speaker 1: think maybe I'll take the first bite. You should I
Speaker 1: take the first bite. You want her to take the
Speaker 1: first bite. I think that's interesting. You want me to
Speaker 1: take the she takes the first You know what, I
Speaker 1: think it would be a nice sign of solidarity for
Speaker 1: Elizabeth to take the first bite if she really does
Speaker 1: want to join this family. Technically she has already join
Speaker 1: this family because she's This is a good point, I
Speaker 1: would say legally. And I'm a little full, you know what, umath,
Speaker 1: just take a bite of head please, and this hell
Speaker 1: is my life. That's good. Good, It's really good. It's
Speaker 1: really good. Okay, yeah, that's really good. I like it.
Speaker 1: Taste it tasted your turn, Yeah, taste. I think we
Speaker 1: have this little lazy Susan table. Yeah you think you okay?
Speaker 1: M m m yeah. Why is it metaller? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just followed the instructions of the box. It tastes metallic? Metallic?
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Metallic? These kids are crazy metallic?
Speaker 1: You mean like metallica or something, or you know, it
Speaker 1: tastes metallic, tastes like metal? No, Dad, are you implying
Speaker 1: that you're step what that you're my wife did something
Speaker 1: to the n It was very clear that the mom
Speaker 1: was slowly poisoning the child. Stepmother, stepmother, Sorry, my producer, Andy,
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, I just wanted to slowly poisoning the child,
Speaker 1: but not a moon chaws and style, more like I
Speaker 1: get out of my waystyle. Let's go back to see
Speaker 1: what we have to Dad, ask you a question. He's
Speaker 1: a little personal, but I don't feel comfortable talking to Elisabeth.
Speaker 1: I'm fifteen now, shouldn't I have gotten a period? You
Speaker 1: should be developing a little bit faster than you are
Speaker 1: right now. And you should remember you did have a
Speaker 1: full head of hair this time last Thanksgiving. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'm sure that's just you know, it's just nature. I mean,
Speaker 1: I suppose, I don't think so. Dad. You said he'd
Speaker 1: go to the local physician see what was going on.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm looking over your daughters. That your daughter.
Speaker 1: Stop stop stop stop, I'm his daughter. I'm his daughter. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is my daughter and it's your step daughter. Am
Speaker 1: I reading this other? Sorry? You call that woman Elizabeth
Speaker 1: my daughter? Your daughter? So I a quick question. She
Speaker 1: been ingesting and unusually high mac and cheese. That's just
Speaker 1: every day. That's all she wants. It's mac and cheese. Okay.
Speaker 1: Because I'm this panel, there's a high concentration of acadmium
Speaker 1: and it's aum element the periodic table aluminiums a lot
Speaker 1: of aluminium in her blood. Are you doing drunks? I'm
Speaker 1: not even close to being finished listing the medals that
Speaker 1: I'm not doing. She's doing more medals? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Can you help me get emancipated? Please? Well, at first
Speaker 1: I'd like to do a little bit more investing. Maybe here,
Speaker 1: here's some mac and trees. Doctor. Can I talk to
Speaker 1: talk to my husband for a quick minute. Yes, honey,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you I think she's doing drunks. I think
Speaker 1: a boarding schoolould be appropriate for her. I think if
Speaker 1: she goes right there, I'm telling you it's going to
Speaker 1: be boarding school or the State's going to board her
Speaker 1: in one of their own facilities. I think you know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. Can I take her aside? Real quick?
Speaker 1: Take her my daughter? I can come with you, would
Speaker 1: you mind could be a little bit more, you know,
Speaker 1: get more done having remind you guys, want me to
Speaker 1: just hang back outside until you figure it out? Or
Speaker 1: do you want me to doctor. Can I just have
Speaker 1: a moment alone with my father? Okay, yes, lecture, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll be out here looking over my notes
Speaker 1: because a lot of notes, a lot of medals. There's
Speaker 1: quite some time, I actually, Dad, Yes, she's trying to
Speaker 1: kill me. The nurse no, Elizabeth, Dad? Do you think
Speaker 1: the nurse's name is Elizabeth? Elizabeth? Who you your wife? Dad?
Speaker 1: My wife? You're trying to trick me into sting stepmother
Speaker 1: right now? Dad? Come on, she is trying to kill me. Okay, Dad,
Speaker 1: But I want to tell you something. Yes, I know
Speaker 1: she's trying to send me to boarding school. Have you
Speaker 1: ever read the play of the Visit? Do you understand revenge?
Speaker 1: Have I read the play The Visitor? Seen the play
Speaker 1: Bring the Red? Or the plot? Dad? Dude? Well the
Speaker 1: answers to both is now? Okay? Well, I just know
Speaker 1: that if I go away, I'm only coming back stronger. Okay.
Speaker 1: I guess it's win win for everybody. Because my wife
Speaker 1: is rid of you. You become stronger, you come back,
Speaker 1: and then you start calling her your stepmother. Dad. I
Speaker 1: just I want you to know that I love you,
Speaker 1: and no matter what happens, you know that. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: then we are some at school and then became a
Speaker 1: doctor where I'm bam, I'm a doctor. Are you? Are
Speaker 1: you in here now or not enough time? Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: just for medical we are whatever you want your hand,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we have to go for it. So what's
Speaker 1: going on? I guess we're going to send it a
Speaker 1: boarding school? Yea, welcome to the same thing, Nat. She
Speaker 1: is boarding school for troubled young ladies who are not
Speaker 1: willing to accept the fact that their father has remarried,
Speaker 1: also unwilling to all right, all right now name please, Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Samantha. So I'm Samantha. Do you have any allergies?
Speaker 1: Maybe two side dishes or metals? Not that I know. Well,
Speaker 1: I will say this. My hair is falling out. I
Speaker 1: haven't gotten a period and there's something growing out of
Speaker 1: my side. I don't understand a positive to what was that? Nothing?
Speaker 1: I can? Can I ask you a question? Yes, why
Speaker 1: is there a mail that's allowed in this email? Boarding school?
Speaker 1: It's unclear? Okay, Well, sister Kathleen, I just want to
Speaker 1: make sure that I'm rooming with a girl, just because
Speaker 1: Keith is coming on a little strong noted, would you
Speaker 1: mind terribly. If I sideboard with Keith for just a moment,
Speaker 1: will straighten all this out? Keith, she doesn't seem into
Speaker 1: it all right, Well you know, I'm just I think
Speaker 1: you might be wrong. But she's throwing you all the
Speaker 1: signals that she doesn't really love it. So here's what
Speaker 1: we're gonna do. She's throwing me all right to but
Speaker 1: that's just me. I don't know because she remedy that
Speaker 1: she did that with her one strand of hair. Just
Speaker 1: just try to just hang back a little bit. Then
Speaker 1: the litter. She does have a legitimate question. How are
Speaker 1: we going to answer that? Why am I here? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll make something up. Hi, Hi, I am back? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I I sideboard with Keith, and actually turns out
Speaker 1: that Keith is a you know how installs they have
Speaker 1: secret chaps, right, he's like one of those. He is
Speaker 1: like he's here for lost prevention. Well, I mean he's
Speaker 1: like auditing the facility. Okay, he wasn't supposed to blow
Speaker 1: his cover that early, and he is a can I suggest, male,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't mean to overstep my bound or
Speaker 1: if you want them to audit this, I feel like
Speaker 1: maybe a wig? Yes, two people. He need wigs that
Speaker 1: we can all agree. No, I have a medical condition.
Speaker 1: Al right, I thought it was punk rock, Keith, let's not.
Speaker 1: What did we say about harassing and insulting the other?
Speaker 1: Don't do it while you're around? Yet, No, don't do
Speaker 1: it while you're around. They do not do it? Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, So so what are we going to do
Speaker 1: to help you work on yourself? Honestly, I think I
Speaker 1: don't need to work on myself. I'm pretty sure that
Speaker 1: the reason I'm here is because the woman who married
Speaker 1: my dad is a bitch, and she's been slowly trying
Speaker 1: to force me out, and I think a little time
Speaker 1: alone with her my dad's going to realize how bad
Speaker 1: she really is. I'm in a similar situation. My my
Speaker 1: mom and my dad don't want me. Okay, we know
Speaker 1: that this isn't true. We were established. I write letters
Speaker 1: adding every day you do. Yeah, it's actually kind of sweet, Keith. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I never sent it to them, but I write them.
Speaker 1: Ok why don't you send them? Yeah? Because there for
Speaker 1: me before you like therapeutic for you, and so you
Speaker 1: don't know, bingo, how is that helping? You're still hear it?
Speaker 1: But I'm different than I got here? Think about it?
Speaker 1: Are you stronger than you were? What? Else? You know? What? Miraculously? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Keith has some good advice. Have you considered writing a
Speaker 1: letter to your your father and your step what are
Speaker 1: we calling her? Elizabeth? Okay? Well, have you considered writing
Speaker 1: a letter to Elizabeth and your father and telling them
Speaker 1: how you feel as opposed to just exploding in fits
Speaker 1: of rage and hurling accusations towards them, thus winding you
Speaker 1: up in a facility such as this one? I haven't okay,
Speaker 1: so what should we should do? That? All that stuff? Then,
Speaker 1: now that I said I want you to Keith, can
Speaker 1: you you transcribe spill spill your feelings? And Keith, please
Speaker 1: transcribe what she says ft down right down the things
Speaker 1: she says. I don't want to sound awful when I
Speaker 1: say this, but I just want to make sure if
Speaker 1: you know how to write like I know you said
Speaker 1: you've written letters to your mom and dad, but I
Speaker 1: want to make sure you want you know how to
Speaker 1: write words down right like or you didn't keep ribbling?
Speaker 1: He she a, you oh shit, yea? How to write? Okay? Okay,
Speaker 1: depends outside down because I'm checking to see if it works. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say my letter for my dad and if
Speaker 1: you could just write it down, please? Which one start
Speaker 1: with the first letter? Please? Can do you have like
Speaker 1: an iPhone or something that you can just record this with?
Speaker 1: Just say what you want to say and now remember it.
Speaker 1: Keith Christ Okay, I guess I want to say, Dear Dad,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth's drawn out, long game murder plot must come to
Speaker 1: an end, right. I think that it's very suspicious that
Speaker 1: you met her right before mom died, and then the
Speaker 1: second she died, Elizabeth just moved in. I think that's weird.
Speaker 1: Like whose caregiver who's on hospice, Like what hospice nurse
Speaker 1: ends up marrying the dude that she cared for his
Speaker 1: fucking dying wife. That's weird. Okay, Um, you know what
Speaker 1: I you hang back. I'm going to relay this to
Speaker 1: plot for a movie to it is, yes, Keith, yes,
Speaker 1: it is. Could you please could you please stop mining
Speaker 1: the personal tragedies of our clients for plots movie ideas? Please?
Speaker 1: All right, thank you. I'm gonna go relay all this
Speaker 1: to your to your parents if you don't mind the
Speaker 1: party confidence with your parents, Okay, Elizabeth. Yes, Dad, I
Speaker 1: would like to relay a letter that your daughter and
Speaker 1: stepdaughter has has written you care go ahead, I Elizabeth.
Speaker 1: First of all, this is way too long. It's like
Speaker 1: twenty minutes long. Alright, take that letter. Can see this letter.
Speaker 1: Your your daughter has your stepdaughter has written this letter
Speaker 1: for Let read this letter. I'll give it to my
Speaker 1: husband later. About that cases keep her there like we're ranged, Okay,
Speaker 1: please don't change. All right, Well we plan alright, thank you, Okay,
Speaker 1: good meeting. We'll get your weekly cash. So I spoke
Speaker 1: to your Elizabeth Elizabeth. UM, I'm gonna go ahead and
Speaker 1: keep you here for a while, if that's all right. Okay,
Speaker 1: I see how this goes. I want to warn you,
Speaker 1: sister Kathleen. Whatever you're eating, whatever you're drinking, it's going
Speaker 1: to have aluminum minute and something that sounds like cardamum
Speaker 1: had me um cad me yeah. Yeah. So it just
Speaker 1: heads up because this woman will not be stopped. But
Speaker 1: don't worry. I will spend my life making sure that
Speaker 1: she dies of painful, sad death. I have hitched my
Speaker 1: wig into the wrong horse eventually, real VI is it this?
Speaker 1: You have to have a second be for this for sure.
Speaker 1: It's so competite. Coming up back to the first the
Speaker 1: word from our esteemed sponsors, stay with us. Back to
Speaker 1: the interview today's guests. Contributor mandasid Coat, thank you for coming.
Speaker 1: I long have you been listening to the show? I
Speaker 1: have heard it once and you loved it. I did
Speaker 1: so much and that just made you say I have
Speaker 1: to do this show. Nice. That's about yourself you're from.
Speaker 1: I'm from a small farm town in northern California called Davis. No,
Speaker 1: it's called Morgan Hill. How far is it from Davis?
Speaker 1: A couple of hours? Did you ever go to Davis? No,
Speaker 1: I've not been to Davis. That's in like Sacramento area, right,
Speaker 1: I'm like a Bay area. It to me like like
Speaker 1: Bay areas, NorCal. I would say, why would you try
Speaker 1: and get it from that? Davis about an hour hour
Speaker 1: and a half. Okay, So tell me about your hidden
Speaker 1: hills face Hill. Um, we are the mushroom capital of
Speaker 1: California and right next to Gilroy, which is the garlic capital.
Speaker 1: They're a little more famous. I've been there. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: guys compete. No, um, but yeah, I think I got
Speaker 1: to live in California. But have like a like live
Speaker 1: in the Silicon Valley, but still have like a really
Speaker 1: like wholesome upbringing. So we're talking about produced type mushrooms.
Speaker 1: So we're talking about psychedelic produce. Do you want? If
Speaker 1: you want psychedelic, you go up to like Eureka and Humboldt, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which I've had. Like one of my best friends from
Speaker 1: high school was a trimmer up in Humboldt for a while.
Speaker 1: She buds. She said she would get picked up in
Speaker 1: a van blindfold and then take it to a farm
Speaker 1: and then she would just sit in chain smoke joints
Speaker 1: and trim weed. Yeah, she came home with a like
Speaker 1: a black trash bag full of weed. I think she's
Speaker 1: a concierge at a hotel. We actually have that in
Speaker 1: our archives, what she's doing now. We have footage of
Speaker 1: her and her new job. It's a concierge and he gains.
Speaker 1: We're gonna look at it now. Yeah, you want to
Speaker 1: hear it. Can I get a table for two? Please? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A table for two? Me and my wife? Yeah, listener
Speaker 1: name Tager names Janet, Yeah, Janet right there on my
Speaker 1: chest there. You need a need a table for two? Okay?
Speaker 1: Are you not focused on what's going on. No, I'm
Speaker 1: totally totally fine, totally fine. I also I hate to
Speaker 1: tell people what to do with their jobs, but could
Speaker 1: you put down the rice Crispy treat my holding a rice?
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. So it's just yeah, I realized I
Speaker 1: was doing that. I'm so sorry. It's okay, Janum yeah
Speaker 1: am I? Hey, am I wearing shoes? Lean over the counter.
Speaker 1: I'm right, Okay, you are wearing shoes. I don't know
Speaker 1: our Tiva's shoes. Would you call a Tiva's shoe or
Speaker 1: is it? I believe it's a sports sandal. I mean,
Speaker 1: you do constitute shoes. I guess they're coming your feet,
Speaker 1: that's true, so I don't think they're appropriate for the restaurant. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm so Me and my wife are coming here for
Speaker 1: quite some time, and please don't put that in your
Speaker 1: re you when you leave. You need this job. After
Speaker 1: My husband leaves reviews on both Google Yell and then
Speaker 1: sometimes they'll take out personal ads just to kind of
Speaker 1: a little bit more analog. But I like it. Well,
Speaker 1: he wants He applied for a job at the paper
Speaker 1: and got denied, so he took matters into his own hands. Wow,
Speaker 1: and I don't regret it. Please don't do any of
Speaker 1: those after this, or if you do, don't don't don't
Speaker 1: talk mention. Please don't mention the tv US. But it's
Speaker 1: okay if I mentioned the Rice Crispy, just I just
Speaker 1: don't mention anything that's happened so far. It looks like
Speaker 1: you're really watching su is that? Also? I turned my
Speaker 1: phone over. I'm so sorry my phone that I don't have.
Speaker 1: I don't have a phone here right, sure, Janet, Okay,
Speaker 1: table for two. Okay, I'm just gonna take you right
Speaker 1: here past the giraffe and I actually I'm say I
Speaker 1: don't know that we would have quoted that Jane Is,
Speaker 1: but we did. And that's what she's been after. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what she's up to. That's how she That's really
Speaker 1: nice to know. I haven't talked to her in a
Speaker 1: long time. We keep dads and some be you know, randomly,
Speaker 1: and then we have those dabs. Yeah, if it would
Speaker 1: have if we would have kept playing it, we would
Speaker 1: have seen that clearly. Still. Yeah, I mean I kind
Speaker 1: of got that. So at one point you said this down,
Speaker 1: I'm moving to Los Angeles. Um. I always told myself
Speaker 1: like I hate l A. Funk out like I'll never
Speaker 1: live in l A. That and then um, I was
Speaker 1: living in San Diego working at the Old Globe because
Speaker 1: I was a theater major, and I told myself, like,
Speaker 1: I gotta work in regional theater. Didn't like it. And
Speaker 1: then I kind of realized like what regional theater really
Speaker 1: was and it wasn't what I thought I was. And
Speaker 1: I bumped into a professor of mine from cal Poly.
Speaker 1: I went to cal Poli San Luis Obispo. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Pam Melkin. She changed my life and I mentioned her.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, there's this comedy theater I follow
Speaker 1: called UCB that just opened in l A. And she
Speaker 1: just said, well, why don't you move to l A.
Speaker 1: And I literally walked in the other room and called
Speaker 1: my parents and said I'm moving to l A. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then that was it. And then say they were
Speaker 1: just like okay, but I mean you've always talked about
Speaker 1: hating I was just like yeah, but like I gotta
Speaker 1: do this thing, and so move there. Started taking classes
Speaker 1: within like a week, and that's all I've been doing.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden you're on stage. Oh God, no,
Speaker 1: but I had like a lot of I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm one of those people that's had a string of
Speaker 1: weird jobs in l A. Like my first job in
Speaker 1: l A. I worked for the Beverly Hills Fire Department.
Speaker 1: I was the only civilian the work there, and I
Speaker 1: ran the front desk. I wasn't allowed I wasn't allowed
Speaker 1: to go to the barracks, so he never got to
Speaker 1: see the actual fireman. Um, but I would sit in
Speaker 1: front with Chief LaForge and answer the phone and then
Speaker 1: UM process like fire permits for like wedding, like if
Speaker 1: you ever get married, Um, you have to like prove
Speaker 1: that your centerpieces aren't gonna light on fire. And so
Speaker 1: they literally just do this thing where like your planner
Speaker 1: brings your centerpiece to the fire department and then they
Speaker 1: light the candles and hold a tissue two feet above
Speaker 1: and if it catches fire, they're like, no, I can't
Speaker 1: have that, Like that was part of my job. We
Speaker 1: actually have a new you can say this. We actually
Speaker 1: have a footage of your first day working at the
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills Fire Department. Are archives. Hey, Chief Beforage, welcome, Well,
Speaker 1: we were happy to have you here here at the
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills Fire Department. A few rules ground rules. First
Speaker 1: phone rings, answer it. That's rule number one. Rule number
Speaker 1: two you take no no, thank you, Gregory, thank you.
Speaker 1: Rule number three you are not, ever, under circumstances allowed
Speaker 1: to come back to the period. No barracks. Do you understand?
Speaker 1: Break room is over here on the left side. Okay,
Speaker 1: the restrooms are on the right side. Okay. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: are you guys always going to be this intense? No,
Speaker 1: we don't. We don't have any reason to be this intense, unless,
Speaker 1: of course, you come back the barracks. And if you do,
Speaker 1: gotta have a problem, big problem, big problem. Do you
Speaker 1: understand I do? Can I ask what happens in the barracks?
Speaker 1: None of your business. You will not ask what happens
Speaker 1: in the barracks. And if you find out, you're supposed
Speaker 1: to forget immediately. Do you understand? Sure? Posted notes, other
Speaker 1: office supplies are right here in this drawers have a water,
Speaker 1: everything's triple filtered. It's very nice. What are you looking
Speaker 1: at it? Just look the door right here. Yes, you're
Speaker 1: looking doors. You're not looking at the bar. You will
Speaker 1: not look at the barracks. Sorry, you will get a
Speaker 1: parking pass. You get a parking pass, you will unfortunately,
Speaker 1: have to park across the street at City Hall on
Speaker 1: the other side of record. Yeah, well you'll have to
Speaker 1: park there. Um, there's a vending machine that's right over here.
Speaker 1: They also have them honey buns, and if you see
Speaker 1: those with a white blaze. Nothing people ever come in
Speaker 1: here and they're asking if they can get a permit
Speaker 1: to build on their land. That's in city Hall on
Speaker 1: the other side right as a building. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: scared to ask. But if someone comes out of that door,
Speaker 1: which door better not be the barracks. Doore that you're
Speaker 1: talking about. No one's ever coming out of that door.
Speaker 1: Never you mind if anybody comes out that door, So
Speaker 1: help me Christ Almighty. If you even think about the
Speaker 1: barracks door even existing, we're going to have a problem. Also,
Speaker 1: if you could just not raise your hand like that
Speaker 1: when you talk to me, it's just make a fist. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm serious about two things. Weddings being up to code
Speaker 1: firewise with the center pieces. The second thing is you're
Speaker 1: not going those barracks come out of those bars, not
Speaker 1: going those barracks. Gonna wake up and apologize. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay. Also, I know that you go by
Speaker 1: Chief Gregory. Is there something I should be using when
Speaker 1: you call me Gregory? Okay? I can't help, but notice
Speaker 1: your eyes are drifting from making eye contact with me
Speaker 1: towards the door to the It's just just really intimidating.
Speaker 1: And I feel like if I looked down, I looked disrespectful.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to look at the side, but they
Speaker 1: were literally the only place to look is that door.
Speaker 1: You can also look up. You can also look diagonal.
Speaker 1: I can't do that. My eyes don't work that way.
Speaker 1: Mine do look well. And also there's a Collie's Fudge
Speaker 1: right across the street if you'd like to have some
Speaker 1: Collies Fudge situation for you. There, Um only like seven
Speaker 1: eight months, and would you do that? Seven eight months
Speaker 1: because I had to be a permanent temp and I
Speaker 1: needed healthcare. And so then I went and I was
Speaker 1: the executive assistant to a celebrity chef. UM, and I
Speaker 1: worked at his restaurant, and um, I'd never worked in
Speaker 1: the restaurant world before, and I didn't realize, like that's
Speaker 1: a whole fucking thing. Like what was his name, Chef
Speaker 1: David Myers? He was a James Beard winner. We won
Speaker 1: the Wine Grand Award from One Spectator the year that
Speaker 1: I worked there. Yeah, so like they just needed someone
Speaker 1: to work in the office and so I same thing,
Speaker 1: like handled paperwork for the employees at the actual it
Speaker 1: was any any crazy things happen. The thing I loved
Speaker 1: about working there was every night at five pm, I
Speaker 1: got to go to family meal, which I also I
Speaker 1: had never worked in a restaurant before, so like to
Speaker 1: a poor person pursuing comedy, like getting a free dinner
Speaker 1: every night was huge. Oh and then there was one
Speaker 1: night where we I newly started working there, and there
Speaker 1: was also a new bookkeeper and they came to us
Speaker 1: and they were like, we want you to know, like
Speaker 1: this is like high fucking level dining, like should I've
Speaker 1: never seen before. And they were like, we wanted to
Speaker 1: know what it's like to eat here. So each of
Speaker 1: you can bring a guest and you can have dinner here.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, me and my best friend
Speaker 1: are gonna have the best night of our lives. And
Speaker 1: then the bookkeeper was like, well, why don't we just
Speaker 1: go together, so then it's just the two of us,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, you fucking dick, Like, why
Speaker 1: would you do that? So then I had to just
Speaker 1: sitting and have dinner with a coworker and it was
Speaker 1: one of the best meals I've ever had in my life.
Speaker 1: It just didn't know him, and he got really drunk
Speaker 1: and cried and said we were gonna be the best
Speaker 1: of friends, and then we ended up not getting along
Speaker 1: the time I worked there. I think we have I
Speaker 1: think we have. Yeah, I think we have that that dinner,
Speaker 1: that magical dinner in the archives. So this is rabbit
Speaker 1: and deer I've never had. You know what I like
Speaker 1: about you? What's up, Derek? I think that you are
Speaker 1: a very special person. Hey Derek. Yeah, we've only worked
Speaker 1: together a couple of days, I know, and I feel
Speaker 1: just like you have to finish your sins. I'm connected
Speaker 1: to you. Okay. Also, this is the final course and
Speaker 1: we're gonna have dessert. I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're gonna Are you okay to go home? Are you
Speaker 1: okay to get home? No? No, no, no. I just
Speaker 1: want to make sure you're gonna get home safely, you know,
Speaker 1: because like we drove here, we're hanging out after work,
Speaker 1: you know, Like my car has parked around the corner. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not propositioning you, and
Speaker 1: I'm saying you or because you'd be very inappropriate if
Speaker 1: you if you did. Yeah, Hello, welcome everybody to family night.
Speaker 1: I started to want to make a toast to Dick
Speaker 1: and the Man that I think it's been so beautiful
Speaker 1: to watch your love blossom over the course of this meal,
Speaker 1: and I know the two of you are going to
Speaker 1: have very happy again. Congratulations to the happy love birds
Speaker 1: walk enjoy much mind mind mine. Derek, just to be clear,
Speaker 1: we are not dating. I didn't say we are. People
Speaker 1: think that we should clearly. Oh God, hold my hand
Speaker 1: and telling me that you don't feel the same, Derek,
Speaker 1: You just like dribbled a bunch. This is why I
Speaker 1: need someone like you to take care of me, because
Speaker 1: you are concerned about my dribbling again. Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: this is a very unorthodox to make two toss, but
Speaker 1: I would just like to make an unpresented to the
Speaker 1: second toss to Ideic and Amanda. May you love last
Speaker 1: at longest the flavors of my abundant I don't know,
Speaker 1: I didn't Hi, everybody, I'm told. Okay, I just want
Speaker 1: to clarify because you know we're all gonna be working
Speaker 1: together and this meal has been phenomenal. I cannot thank
Speaker 1: you enough. Um, Derek and I are not dating. We're
Speaker 1: not in love. Okay, okay, I'd like to make a
Speaker 1: toasters a rebuttal to the toasted that Amanda just amid
Speaker 1: that I can see in the both of your is
Speaker 1: that you're both going to get the long very well
Speaker 1: the rest of your life, long, happy manage. You can
Speaker 1: know what you got, Amanda, Just really quick. You guys, Derek's,
Speaker 1: first off, not my type. And I just want to
Speaker 1: say that I would never date a coworker because that's inappropriate.
Speaker 1: Toast hold on macadetic, I got this. Why do you
Speaker 1: think it's not your type? Boy? You think you're the
Speaker 1: good voted that you know. It's like I'm like your
Speaker 1: glass if you call so sorry, Derek, this has nothing
Speaker 1: to do against you. I just like I like like again. No,
Speaker 1: I like barrel chested men, men with like strong big hands,
Speaker 1: and he's got like computer soft hands. Anything you having
Speaker 1: the floor? Oh yeah, yes, yeah, man. The pleas to
Speaker 1: clean up with that except moment that there's now a please,
Speaker 1: it was bad. It was bad, So it tells a
Speaker 1: bit more about So you and I managed it USTv
Speaker 1: and you liked it there, I loved it. It really
Speaker 1: is my home. I don't know what I would do
Speaker 1: without of it, you know, Like it was where all
Speaker 1: of my best friends came from, and it gave me
Speaker 1: like something to go to every night and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So it was like the best time.
Speaker 1: And he used to keep in with other people pretty close,
Speaker 1: like talk to them almost every day. It's beautiful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was a group of us that formed an email
Speaker 1: chain about like a weekend trip up to my parents
Speaker 1: house that like the chain went has still kind of
Speaker 1: like existed, but like for a while it was like
Speaker 1: it's over a decade old. The same email on Gmail
Speaker 1: that keeps going sounds like a movie idea. Has anything
Speaker 1: that is going and you want to tell us about
Speaker 1: that's important? Are you plugging anything you want to talk about? No,
Speaker 1: I'm just plugging staying healthy and safe, guy, which is
Speaker 1: very important for people because other people are not doing
Speaker 1: that right now. Thanks safe. You know, there's a new
Speaker 1: thing coming out. It's strain, invariant, variant. Everybody's to be
Speaker 1: massed up. Just prepare, you know, and just be healthy,
Speaker 1: be good to yourself. Get vaccinating. Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1: That get that booster. Yeah, it's important to get the booster.
Speaker 1: Amanda sid COO, thank you so much for coming, Thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. Guys coming up at three. But first
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors who make this high quality
Speaker 1: program possible. Stay with us. Had three Hi hi in
Speaker 1: the water. Fisherman's hope for dinner soon turned to despair.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting for a excluded fish. It is fishy jeans.
Speaker 1: Good things are running dry, little desperate laird's gotta eat.
Speaker 1: My wife's gotta eat. Something's gotta eat, My daughter's gotta eat.
Speaker 1: You gotta eat, and you gotta eat, and you gotta eat,
Speaker 1: and we all gotta eat. The fish gonna come by
Speaker 1: her hook. Do you know when Walter maybe maybe singing
Speaker 1: this song and is not helping us getting the fish?
Speaker 1: Where do you think you're scaring him? Just doing something?
Speaker 1: Because I don't. I ain't got nothing. I have a
Speaker 1: lying out, I have a net out, and I have
Speaker 1: a ship on a bait and nothing. Yes, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I must look crazy that you guys right,
Speaker 1: now I'm not wearing shoes. Um, could you keep me safe?
Speaker 1: What I wanted to be? I think I'm being a hut.
Speaker 1: Are you guys supposed to give me the twenty five
Speaker 1: dollars or am I just supposed to keep going to
Speaker 1: five dollars? Who I had twenty five bucks, I would
Speaker 1: not be sitting here fishing, finishing? Okay? Please? Did you
Speaker 1: just get me to safety? So when it is following
Speaker 1: me a crossbow, please calm yourself. Calm yourself. We'll work
Speaker 1: on your breathing. Focus on your breathing. Okay, until it's
Speaker 1: get that. Where would I get the five dollars if
Speaker 1: somebody promised it? Do you have you ever signed up
Speaker 1: for a focus group? I have a long time ago.
Speaker 1: You remember I signed both for it that place, the
Speaker 1: pitt place, the pet place for the taste test, Yeah,
Speaker 1: taste testing for the food for the dogs. They wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure that it was okay for me. I
Speaker 1: signed up. I thought I was gonna be eating dog food.
Speaker 1: But I got taken to a room where they took
Speaker 1: all my personal blo and they put me in a
Speaker 1: van and they drove me out here. And as I
Speaker 1: was walking through the forest, arrows started raining down on me,
Speaker 1: and I don't understand what's happening, Like, didn't they give
Speaker 1: you the twenty five dollars first? Yet they haven't? You
Speaker 1: need to run run? I'm running with you. Oh god,
Speaker 1: this van. You guys are right. We're being hunted right
Speaker 1: now with arrows. Let me just kind of She's being
Speaker 1: hunted and I'm being hunted by by osmosis, by proxy proxy?
Speaker 1: What what I start at the beginning? How did this start?
Speaker 1: Why are they hunting you? I got promised twenty five dollars, right,
Speaker 1: and so I showed up for a focus group. Nobody
Speaker 1: gave me twenty five Do you didn't get Why didn't
Speaker 1: you get in front? I wasn't thinking, and they just
Speaker 1: told me take off your shoes, give us your stuff.
Speaker 1: Getting this van and I started walking through the forest,
Speaker 1: I started being hunted. I met this dude, this other
Speaker 1: guy died, and now I'm here and I don't know what.
Speaker 1: Let me see if I get this stream dry, I
Speaker 1: have all these out effects. Sorry, we're gonna go. I
Speaker 1: don't even know where to go. Take take take a
Speaker 1: left down here storage court line. What you're gonna go
Speaker 1: back to? Get your fishing line. We gonna get fish.
Speaker 1: I will buy you a fishing line with Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: turn out your storage run okay, okay, okay. This is
Speaker 1: Elizabeth's house. It's a woman. I know she's gonna help us. Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: bring the doorbell. Hi, Hello, Hi, so sweaty both of you?
Speaker 1: Is everything? Okay? Can we speak to Elizabeth? Elizabeth? Elizabeth here,
Speaker 1: she's so high? This is Elizabeth, my husband. Yes, Hi, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: you remember when you knew me as a little girl.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, No, I'm sorry, Elizabeth, we've missed you know.
Speaker 1: You know who I am? No, you know who I am.
Speaker 1: This is her. I know what happens to my daughter.
Speaker 1: She's been Well, it's time for you to read what
Speaker 1: you sewed. What is that supposed to mean? What is
Speaker 1: that supposed to mean? All I know? Is it? Something
Speaker 1: terrible is going to happen to you? Lizabeth. I'm so sorry, dad, No, No,
Speaker 1: it's fine. What's about I would like to pay you
Speaker 1: dollars just getting this woman off my hand. So it
Speaker 1: produced you to Andy and especially guest contributor in manest though,
Speaker 1: I'm your host. Sorry, And this was this American laugh
Speaker 1: with Aristatatari and Andy Harris join us next time. This
Speaker 1: American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris can be
Speaker 1: found wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe,
Speaker 1: rate and review. You can also find us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at This American Laugh and on Twitter at a American
Speaker 1: Laugh with three Hes. That's American Laugh with three Hes.