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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then dares you swipe right.

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Speaker 1: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

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Speaker 3: It's the dating game show whose favorite Star Wars movie

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Speaker 3: is the one where Luke and Leah kiss while Yoda

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Speaker 3: watches Tongue You Must It's Battle of the Tender Dates,

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Speaker 3: where two of our listeners go head to head to

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Speaker 3: find out whose dating life is the most tragic. We'll

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Speaker 3: explain the rules in just a second, but first let's

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Speaker 3: meet today's contestants. In this corner, he doesn't blend his

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Speaker 3: protein powder into a smoothie like a wimpally, he snorts

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Speaker 3: it off his dates chest like a man.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why they call him milkshake.

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Speaker 4: Jake has gotta be so sticky.

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Speaker 3: And in the other corner, he's been banned for seven

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Speaker 3: different airlines for joining the mile high club so many times,

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Speaker 3: So why all the hot flight attendants know.

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Speaker 2: Him is lavatory? Cory Wow, I went, I went. Here's

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Speaker 2: how the game works.

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Speaker 3: One contestant we'll start by telling one of their worst

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Speaker 3: date stories, than the other will try and counter with

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Speaker 3: a nightmare story of their own. We're going back and

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Speaker 3: forth for three rounds until we declare a winner. Starting

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Speaker 3: it off with milkshake, Jake, let's go.

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Speaker 4: I met this girl at a coffee shop that she

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Speaker 4: worked at.

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Speaker 1: Huh.

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Speaker 4: It was closed, so it was kind of nice to

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Speaker 4: have it to ourselves and everything. And she showed me

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Speaker 4: how to make coffee, which is kind of cool. Actually

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Speaker 4: though it was a cute date.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's nice.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was nice until her boss came in and

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Speaker 4: he said he was calling the cop.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, it sounded like you two broke

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Speaker 2: in the cops.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we did not break in, but he's calling

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Speaker 4: the cops because apparently she didn't work there anymore. She

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Speaker 4: even fired weeks ago for stirring the customer's coffee with

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Speaker 4: her fingers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, isn't that what you used, Alexis when you

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Speaker 3: were coffee?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: No, she used her tongue.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Corey, can you counter?

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Speaker 1: So I go, like on this date to sushi play

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Speaker 1: with the girl, and don't judge me for this, but

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Speaker 1: like as we're sitting down, I tell her, like, I've

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Speaker 1: not had sushi before. Its super bown to try, but

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Speaker 1: I not had it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well though, I mean it shows that you're adventurous.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a bad thing. Yeah, okay, that was

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Speaker 1: not her reaction. She freaks out. She tells the waiter like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're really gonna need some time. So she gives the

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Speaker 1: waiter like twenty minutes. She teaches me then how to

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Speaker 1: like properly eat it. She made me watch like a

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Speaker 1: YouTube video that took the whole time.

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Speaker 2: So you were at to dinner with Jose Yeah, doubt.

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Speaker 3: To be fair, you don't want to look like a

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Speaker 3: dork while eating your sushi for the first time.

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Speaker 2: YouTube video while eating it makes.

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Speaker 1: You look like I got probably fifteen minutes through the

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Speaker 1: YouTube video. It's like I got it. Let's just corner

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Speaker 1: not to mention. She kept like rewinding and saying like,

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Speaker 1: did you get that part? That was import I.

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Speaker 2: Don't want to miss it the sushi. Did you ever

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Speaker 2: eat the sushi?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: She looks at me, and she says, you're not ready,

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Speaker 1: and I doubt you'll ever be.

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Speaker 2: That's all right. On the round number two, Jake throwing

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Speaker 2: it back to you.

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Speaker 4: I went out this girl who claimed to be an artist,

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Speaker 4: So we go to an art gallery where she spent

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Speaker 4: the entire time commenting loudly for everyone to hear about

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Speaker 4: how she could totally do better than the film that

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Speaker 4: we were looking at.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I will say some of the artists just like

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Speaker 3: two lines.

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Speaker 2: That's like a five million dollar painting.

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Speaker 1: It's not about realism, Jeff.

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Speaker 2: Okay, sometimes it's about the relationship of just color on

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Speaker 2: a page. Okay, Brooks supports your date so far.

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Speaker 4: I mean, sure there were your fair share of like

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Speaker 4: nosebleeds on a white canvas kind of crap. But the

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Speaker 4: worst part of the night was that she started fixing

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Speaker 4: the artwork by attempting to hang it, so I know.

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Speaker 4: Oh and needless to say, we were sported out, but yeah,

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Speaker 4: oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: She'd out pretty quick that way. It would look so

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Speaker 2: much better from this Yeah, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: They really do need an interactive art museum, though we

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Speaker 3: are allowed to like play in touch with some of

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Speaker 3: the art pieces.

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Speaker 2: But lavatory, Corey back to you.

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Speaker 1: So me and this girl we go to a cafe. Okay,

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Speaker 1: for some reason. She brings a blender though, and she

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Speaker 1: puts it up. She pulled it off her back and

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Speaker 1: she puts it on the table. Okay, blender and I

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Speaker 1: can find an outlet.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Oh wait, an actual plug in one.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking maybe it was like battery powered or

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Speaker 1: what are those like nutrab bullets? The bullets right, it's

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Speaker 1: like a full blown, like industrial chen style.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what's with the blender?

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Speaker 1: She was like, the food's really good here, but the

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Speaker 1: smoothie stuck. I make the best smoothies. I promise it's

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Speaker 1: gonna make.

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Speaker 2: Us smoothie in the cafe. Wh my god.

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Speaker 1: God, yeah, I don't want have like docs or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But the waiter comes out and he's like, oh, hi, Sarah.

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Speaker 2: At least it's just what happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, here's the crazy part. They go back into the

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Speaker 1: kitchen together. She comes back with one of the best movies.

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Speaker 1: I've ever chased it in my life.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't see that coming. Actually, I know she

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Speaker 2: really should open one.

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Speaker 3: We're onto the third and final round here, gentlemen, so

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Speaker 3: we need your best stories.

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Speaker 2: Milkshake, Jake, what have you got?

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Speaker 4: I went to an arcade with this girl that I

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Speaker 4: met off Tinder. We tried the claw machine, which I'm

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Speaker 4: pretty good at, and I ended up winning a stuffed

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Speaker 4: animal on the very first try.

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Speaker 2: Masters.

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Speaker 4: But here's the kicker. It got stuck on the edge

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Speaker 4: when it dropped, but she says to me, Oh, I

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Speaker 4: really want that stuff. Monkey. Can you go to like

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Speaker 4: the attendant and tell them that I have a terminal

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Speaker 4: illness and I only have four days left to live.

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Speaker 2: Zero one hundred.

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Speaker 3: It's not good if they believe you like you look

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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he does look pretty bad. Lavatory Corey Last Chance.

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Speaker 1: So I meet this girl. We're going for a hike, okay.

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Speaker 1: I offered to hold her backpack for her, and she's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that's so sweet. We start walking and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, whoa, it's so heavy. But I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: be like funny about it, so I just set to

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Speaker 1: say the classic line, like, woman, there's a full of rocks.

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Speaker 2: Don't tell me it's blender girl number two.

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Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. I open it. She's like, check

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Speaker 1: this out. It's pull of rocks.

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Speaker 2: Literally full of rocks.

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Speaker 1: Literally pull of rocks. She's like, I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: see how the throng you are.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I like to add a couple to my husband's

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Speaker 2: pack just so that it slows him down and I

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Speaker 2: can keep up.

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Speaker 3: That's it. That's the final bell. It means the match

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Speaker 3: is over. Judges, we need to score at Alexis.

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Speaker 2: Who's it going to, Jake. It's hard to get over

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Speaker 2: the terminally ill claw machine. Yeah, so we got one

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Speaker 2: for Jake, Brooke.

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Speaker 1: I think Jake for the fired from a coffee shop

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Speaker 1: girl that shirted with a finger.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's congratulations, milkshake, Jake, you are our bro

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Speaker 3: of the week and as a prize. As a prize,

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Speaker 3: Brook is going to tell you one type of roadkill

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Speaker 3: that's secretly an aphrodisiac armadillo. There you go, milkshake, Jack,

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Speaker 3: you enjoy that armadillo off the road and text in

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Speaker 3: to seven eight, five, nine two if you want to

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Speaker 3: appear on the next edition of Battle of the Tender

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Speaker 3: Dates your phone taps coming up right after this

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Speaker 1: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning