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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode about me. I'm your host,

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Speaker 1: Kevin Paul. Here's that Kevin? Can I use the third wish? First? Yeah? Great,

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Speaker 1: talk to you tomorrow. But I digress. Let's meet Aracola?

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Speaker 1: Shall we? No particularly order? Say a lot of Craig

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Speaker 1: cast keep the cow favorite book as a teenager. Oh,

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Speaker 1: probably Stephen King's The Stands, which is the reality that

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Speaker 1: we're now living in. Test right, Well, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I could have gotten through that one. I was a

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Speaker 1: very advanced reader. Still happy now, James, Yeah, I struggled

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Speaker 1: with that book. I didn't finish it until after college. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to get to you in this order

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Speaker 1: of introduction so we can talk about don't throw a

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Speaker 1: Mama from the train. It's christal Vado Cree free to be.

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Speaker 1: When was the last time you measured your height? I? Um,

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Speaker 1: it was about six months ago. Because I'm I'm six three,

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Speaker 1: and people always they go like like, no one believes me. Sometimes. Um,

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Speaker 1: So I had a physical done and while I was there,

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Speaker 1: I said, will you measure me? They're like okay, And

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Speaker 1: so we went over and I said, go ahead and

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Speaker 1: push that thing right really nice and hard down on

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Speaker 1: my head. What's my height? I'm six three, So everybody relax.

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Speaker 1: Can I offer up a couple of comments observations. First

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Speaker 1: of all, people in your life were not believing your

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Speaker 1: six three. Lose them their quick sand They gotta go.

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Speaker 1: Second of all, how did you get a doctor's appointment

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Speaker 1: three weeks ago? That sounds awesome. No, not three weeks.

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Speaker 1: I think I said three months ago. You probably did

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Speaker 1: trick question stuff. I've got to stop dozing off during

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Speaker 1: these replies before all, before the things we're in now,

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Speaker 1: I just had yeah, my normal physical Yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: went to a doctor during it, and it was not

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Speaker 1: easy getting in. They don't want to hear from you

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Speaker 1: unless you've got serious problems. Uh, movie Krumba, it's Carla

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Speaker 1: Kakowski c C and me. What's the best time for

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Speaker 1: Joey Greer to call you? Um, three am? Because I

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Speaker 1: definitely won't pick up. Oh hey, here comes James end h.

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Speaker 1: What's your problem with tomatoes? Uh? Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: it's not really that it's a problem with tomatoes, but

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Speaker 1: they're so acidic they can ruin a cast iron pan.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't really uh made sure to break it

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Speaker 1: incorrectly with cast iron oil. But after that, it's just

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Speaker 1: that they're dangerous. Tomatoes are dangerous. Period. Is cast iron

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Speaker 1: oil different from castor oil? I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I got a cast iron pan and it came with

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Speaker 1: cast iron oil, and I've been breaking it in then

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Speaker 1: very carefully, not making pasta sauce in the newcast iron

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Speaker 1: PANU alright, I knew this was the question for you

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Speaker 1: and last, but mayor style be crimpt if you think

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Speaker 1: of least it's Joey Greer, Margie. What was the longest

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Speaker 1: car ride you were on and what do you remember

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Speaker 1: from it? The longest car ride I've ever taken is

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Speaker 1: from Los Angeles to Miami, Florida. Did that twice, And

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Speaker 1: what I remember from that is uh, annoying the hell

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Speaker 1: out of my friends the last leg of the trip.

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Speaker 1: I cannot believe they didn't know that was coming. I

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Speaker 1: remember what I did. I kept on repeating the monologue

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Speaker 1: from taking I have a very particular set of skills,

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Speaker 1: skills I have acquired over a long time, skills that

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Speaker 1: will make me a nightmare for people like you. If

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Speaker 1: you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end

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Speaker 1: of it. But if you don't, and I just kept

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Speaker 1: doing that. And on your way to Miami, where whereabouts

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Speaker 1: did that stuff that started in about Louisiana. Louisiana, Okay,

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Speaker 1: and it's a it's a long drive down Florida. It's

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Speaker 1: a straight shot. There's not much so I had one

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Speaker 1: of my buddies microt it was highlight of the trip.

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Speaker 1: Bless us all, everyone, Let's do a damn show. Most

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Speaker 1: of our scene suggestions come from your listening emails. The

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Speaker 1: rest of our patron v I p s. If you'd

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Speaker 1: like your listener email scene suggestion read on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: please send one to us. I love reading them and

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Speaker 1: replying right to your name here at alchemy this dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's your name here. See. Number one comes from listener Danny,

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Speaker 1: who wrote, Hello you wonderful, funny folks. Not going to

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Speaker 1: bore you with a long story about my love for you, Danny.

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Speaker 1: The least worthy suggestions are the best. Here goes but Pizza,

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Speaker 1: small town Sheriff, Oh, small town southern Sheriff. Sorry, keep

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Speaker 1: up the great work. Danny from Canada. Order up. I

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Speaker 1: welcome to Butts Pizza. I'm sorry, I was just saying

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Speaker 1: I can't stop eating pizza. Yeah, I get that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so um, what would you want this time? Cheryl? Do

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Speaker 1: you want mozzarella? You want to button? Just a regular?

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Speaker 1: But yeah, just regular? But pizza, candy, candy, candy, candy?

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Speaker 1: Hate up? Let me let me take take Sheryl? Hey, Cheryl, Hey, Tom? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love it. I I can't stop eating it. I've

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Speaker 1: gained so much weight and I don't even care because

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Speaker 1: but pizza is for me. When are you gonna give

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Speaker 1: me your phone number? When are you gonna get divorced?

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Speaker 1: I sat up working on that. Okay, okay, well let

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Speaker 1: me know. So have the kids? Where the kid for

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Speaker 1: a little bit, you know what I mean? And then

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Speaker 1: boom bang the world is Tom? Do you mind if

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Speaker 1: I go on break? I'm just like really prag My

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Speaker 1: feet are killing me. Okay, do a little spin before

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Speaker 1: you leave you poo Candy. I have to know, like,

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Speaker 1: what are you going to name your baby? Oh? Regardless

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Speaker 1: of gender? Tom, because I just love my husband so much.

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Speaker 1: He's my husband. Okay. You know, I think you're such

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Speaker 1: a good singer. I think you should get back together

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Speaker 1: with your band. Oh my god, I would love to.

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Speaker 1: I love to get back together with my band when

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Speaker 1: we were in high school. I thought for sure you

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Speaker 1: were going to be the next Aerosmith. Yeah, we all did.

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Speaker 1: And then um and then I waited a long time

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Speaker 1: to get married, to get pregnant. And that's life. So

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Speaker 1: you're break your break or is a breakover? Or what's

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Speaker 1: were we at? Candy? I want to give you my number.

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Speaker 1: You can call me any time, but only you, Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, all right, I'm writing it down. Here's your pizza,

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Speaker 1: sliding it across the counter. I'm taking my butt pizza

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Speaker 1: and I'm going home. Thank you, Tom to man holding

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Speaker 1: onto this number, the paper is just too heavy for me,

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Speaker 1: right now? Sure? Sure? Yeah, Well I reckon, I'd like

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Speaker 1: to get myself a slice of pizza. Okay, which one

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Speaker 1: of you guys? Can I order a slice of pizza

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Speaker 1: from me? I'm the owner? Alright, oh the owner? Well

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Speaker 1: what do you reckon? Uh? Not to interrupt you, but sheriff,

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Speaker 1: I think you should order the butt pizza. It's just

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Speaker 1: a recommendation, is it? Can I ask? What is that

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Speaker 1: on that? But pizza? You cannot? It's a secret, family

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Speaker 1: family secret. Can you just don't one thing? Is it? Actually?

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Speaker 1: But because I don't, I reckon. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: have any butt in my mouth. Is but family secret,

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Speaker 1: and my secret. You can always go with the cheese

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Speaker 1: if you like, Sheriff. Cheese is so boring, Sheriff, I

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Speaker 1: thought we were going straight to the jail. Could you

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Speaker 1: at least take the handcuffs on while we're in on,

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Speaker 1: I gotta get myself a pizza. It's a it's a

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Speaker 1: mandatory break, and I'm gonna order some pizza. What say

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Speaker 1: you about a butt pizza? Would you eat a butt pizza?

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Speaker 1: I would not eat a butt pizza? What what? What

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Speaker 1: crime did this man commit? Exactly? That's been my point.

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Speaker 1: You called that, I read you. You're right, Okay. What

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Speaker 1: the thing is is we don't know for sure that

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Speaker 1: he is the perp that did it, but he is

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Speaker 1: very strikingly similar to somebody that's been selling fraudulent insurance

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Speaker 1: around that ain't me. Well, we're gonna find out. The

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Speaker 1: court of law will tell us. I mean, everybody needs insurance.

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Speaker 1: You have, you're having shirts here and at this at

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Speaker 1: this pizza. Shut up about your goddamned shirts there so

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Speaker 1: but pizza. You wouldn't need it. I'm not gonna eat it.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'll just don't jump it until you've tried it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. One slice of cheese, one slice of

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Speaker 1: butt pizza? Look, I don't know if you're gonna which

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Speaker 1: one am I having? Well I'll let you try on

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Speaker 1: a beach and then we'll split the pizzas. Pizza. Don'ty

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Speaker 1: running out of butt back here? Okay, that's what we got.

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Speaker 1: Eighty six but pizza. You can eighty six but pizzas

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Speaker 1: on the sign? Yeah, well, what do you want me

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Speaker 1: to do? Run out of butts? Okay? Get some more butts?

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Speaker 1: How simple is this? Some more bucks? Man? I've been

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Speaker 1: going to the goddamn and digging up bodies and ship

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Speaker 1: and they're trying to get these butts. Man, all right,

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Speaker 1: there's no more. You've been going where to good? How'm

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Speaker 1: going to the more at a mortuary? And what we

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Speaker 1: mean when we say butt pizza? These are cow butts,

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Speaker 1: you fucking asshole. Oh fuck, we've been serving human I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get into so much trouble if you keep coming

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Speaker 1: by and buying all the butts. My boss, My boss

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Speaker 1: is really suspicious. We haven't let the families know because

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Speaker 1: they're covered with clothes, their butts are covered. But my

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Speaker 1: boss knows. My boss sees the body's naked, and he

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Speaker 1: notices that the butts are gone. What do you want

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Speaker 1: me to do? How do you want me to give

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Speaker 1: you guys a lifetime and supply free butt pizza? Done? Done,

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Speaker 1: I can do that. I just feel like it's kind

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Speaker 1: of gross. Come on, now, you're gonna turn like this

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Speaker 1: a couple of New Years. Do you know what we

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Speaker 1: were doing before? You said? Yes? Oh yeah, but it

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Speaker 1: was good money and I don't make a lot of

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Speaker 1: money here. I don't know. I feel real bad about

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Speaker 1: putting those bodies in the grail without any foots. Come on,

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Speaker 1: come on, relax, relax, relax. We all know, we all

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Speaker 1: know when you go up to heaven you don't need

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Speaker 1: a butt, but you're useless in heaven. Okay, because how

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Speaker 1: are they gonna sit? I've heard you're the best mortician

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Speaker 1: in town, and uh, this is a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a wild card. But my sister was was a dancer

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Speaker 1: for many years and she was known for her for

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Speaker 1: her prominent, strong dairy air. And could you arrange the

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Speaker 1: casket so that she's uh, how do I put this

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Speaker 1: butt up? Um? Well, are you sure that that was

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Speaker 1: her best feature, because oftentimes with dancers, it's the nose

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Speaker 1: that people compliment. The nose. The nose, I mean typically

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Speaker 1: if the legs or the butt. I think, I mean

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Speaker 1: she was she was not a looker. She was not

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Speaker 1: a looker. So we're really trying to de emphasize the

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Speaker 1: face and emphasize the butt. So no face all, but

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Speaker 1: is what you're asking. Yeah, you are the mortician. I'm

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Speaker 1: the mortician's assistant. Oh, sinday, is her problem, No sir,

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Speaker 1: no problem. We're just talking about how to display a body. Oh,

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Speaker 1: very well, we can display it however you'd like. They

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Speaker 1: were here too to we We aimed to please, as

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Speaker 1: they said, her butts gone. She has no but she

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Speaker 1: has no butt anymore. It's gone. Listen, just because these

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Speaker 1: struct are deceased doesn't mean that. No. Literally, I cut

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Speaker 1: her butt out and gave it away. Gave it away. So, sheriff,

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Speaker 1: what do you think, do you? I reckon, it's like

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Speaker 1: a hooting nanny in my mouth. I really I lack

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Speaker 1: butt pizza. In fact, I'd like the whole I would

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Speaker 1: like to order a whole pie. But shareff, come on

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Speaker 1: in here, pizza for everybody, pizza down. There's a case

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Speaker 1: that you gotta hear about. Somebody over you right here.

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Speaker 1: Let me stop you right there. I've got my hands

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Speaker 1: fulled with this possible insurance for all salesman. All right,

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Speaker 1: young man, young man, before you leave, how about a slice?

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Speaker 1: Yeah me give him one of those slashes of the

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Speaker 1: butt pizza. Okay, but pizza, Hey, Tony, we got any

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Speaker 1: more but pizza back? You're ready to go? But beza,

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Speaker 1: come up? Six were eight? Six? But pizza? But what

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Speaker 1: are you talking about? I told you just sucking kidd

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Speaker 1: and look at this primo ass. Yeah, that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. I'm sorry. I need my butt back. I

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Speaker 1: need but back. What are you doing? I need my

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Speaker 1: butt back. There's really she's a dancer. They want to

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Speaker 1: see your butt. This is pre look pizza her body.

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Speaker 1: I just need the butt. The rest of the body

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Speaker 1: is useless to me. I just need the But this

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Speaker 1: is but pizza so much other body, Cindy, this is

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Speaker 1: butt pizza. This is an elbow pizza. This isn't going

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Speaker 1: to the back here. What is going on back here?

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Speaker 1: I need my pizza. I need it now. I need

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Speaker 1: my butt. I need it now. That's what I need

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Speaker 1: to we need but pizza? What do you need any

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Speaker 1: But I don't care what it is. It doesn't have

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Speaker 1: to be that. But if that's not the butt that

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Speaker 1: you can give right now? What's what's somebody? Explained's going

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Speaker 1: I'm the owner, obviously, what's going on here? Tony, Tony,

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Speaker 1: you're you're you're my head pizza guy? What's who's your

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Speaker 1: who's your supplier here? What's going on? Talk to me,

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Speaker 1: Jimmy here gets all the butt, sir. And he made

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Speaker 1: some joke earlier about he couldn't go back to the

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Speaker 1: graveyard or the morgue or whatever the funk. I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to put the butts into seats, if you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So, what's what's the what's the what's

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Speaker 1: the joke? Yeah, Jimmy, what's the sectuary? Mortuary? Yeah? I

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Speaker 1: said mortuary. And Jimmy, what where are you getting these

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Speaker 1: cowbuts from? They're not cow butts? Boss? There are you getting?

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Speaker 1: Are you getting me? Pick butt? Pig butt is inferior.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna know No, No, I'm getting you top of

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Speaker 1: the food, but don't get the lava. But I'm giving

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Speaker 1: you a human but what I thought, he said, a

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Speaker 1: human bud. Everyone's been eating human butts. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what else to tell you. Yeah, oh, here's what you

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Speaker 1: can tell us. Uh, do you get a good lawyer? No? No, no, no, Tony, Tony, Tony,

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Speaker 1: are sounds have been up? Yeah? I'm the fucking demon

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Speaker 1: Barber of Fleet Street. If you know what I mean here? Huh?

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Speaker 1: I kind of do you know? Sweeney Todd? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know? Okay, a musical, sure, I mean I prefer

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Speaker 1: swing the Green if we're gonna talk about eating humans.

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Speaker 1: But let's go with this, Sweeney Todd. Dude, Fine, look

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Speaker 1: the point is I'm into it now, you miss what

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Speaker 1: what are you coming here for this? For this butt? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I need my butt back. I'm so sorry. I can

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Speaker 1: maybe get you some more next week. Why don't I

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Speaker 1: give you some dope you can form a butt? Everyone's happy, sheriff. Ohyo,

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Speaker 1: he huh? Your mouth ate full? Okay, alright, fine, if

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Speaker 1: you want to tell me whatever you want to tell me,

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Speaker 1: you got thirty seconds. But I'm trying to enjoy my

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Speaker 1: state required break. All the bodies at the mortar are buttless?

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Speaker 1: What that sounds like a real crime? Wall Hell, it

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Speaker 1: also sounds like I could be an insurance problem. Is

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Speaker 1: it something you set up? Your son up? A bitch?

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Speaker 1: You think I set it up? Sheriff, You've ever wondered

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Speaker 1: about the irony of my twin brother works for you

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Speaker 1: as a deputy, and you y'all bring me in with

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Speaker 1: it with all these wild accusations of crimes all the time.

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Speaker 1: I do that. I reckon that might be something that's

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Speaker 1: a problem. What do you do about butts? But but

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Speaker 1: oh no, oh my god, is this but pizza human?

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Speaker 1: Oh god, oh dear, that's right, Tony locked the door.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll look at myself. I got it. I

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Speaker 1: got it. It's all locked up. What do you want

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Speaker 1: from all right, Sheriff, We're in a real situation here.

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Speaker 1: Give us your ass. I giving nobody my ass. And

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm pretty angry because I feel like

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Speaker 1: I've been eating ass all morning. You have, you've been

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Speaker 1: enjoying it, right, So that's what the kids mean today

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Speaker 1: when they say they love eating as. Not Tony, I

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Speaker 1: keep telling you they mean actual Oh yeah, serving actual ass.

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Speaker 1: I've been eating ass out of this shop all day,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not happy about Wait wait, wait, wait, where's

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Speaker 1: my wife? Anybody seen my Wife's seen one? No, I refused,

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Speaker 1: where's my wife? So? S two comes from Patroon v

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Speaker 1: I P. Who wrote Kevin an Amazing Alchemists. I have

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Speaker 1: listened to all the others many many times and was

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Speaker 1: really confused. How come this is so funny? What is

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Speaker 1: the alchemy? But now I'm onto you. You just took

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Speaker 1: three of the absolute best improvisers in the world, Craig,

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Speaker 1: Chris and James. Then you added an absolute, complete, unpredictable

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Speaker 1: madness from Joey and Vanessa. For everyone else to combine

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Speaker 1: madness from Joey and Vanessa would kill the scenes. But Craig,

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Speaker 1: Christ and James are true champions and always find the

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Speaker 1: funny route. Enough fast kissing. Here's my scene suggestion. I

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Speaker 1: love this guy. I'm unbelievable. Count excuse me, A confident

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Speaker 1: Count Dracula asked for directions and Sarah sort sort of Florida.

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Speaker 1: Sarah Sota Florida. Please keep doing the podcast forever. All

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Speaker 1: Rich from Copenhagen, Denmark. Yes, sir, how many of your party? Uh? Two? Alrighty,

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Speaker 1: right this way? No, no, sir, we're seating every other

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Speaker 1: their table. Oh so if I could put you a

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Speaker 1: little further away from these thongs. Uh well um, and

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Speaker 1: thank you for wearing your mask. And I ask where

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Speaker 1: you got that one? My wife made it very cool.

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Speaker 1: How's this table? Folks? Well, it's fine, maybe it's fine.

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Speaker 1: It's you got the view of the alligator pond? Yeah? Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you. All right, Synthy will be your server, so

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Speaker 1: she'll be by shortly. Thank you again so much for

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Speaker 1: coming to Larry's House of Pain. Thank you? How's the pain?

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Speaker 1: What was that? Nothing? Babe? I just want to say

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Speaker 1: I'm really proud of you. I know it's been weird

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Speaker 1: recently and you're kind of having a funk and I

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Speaker 1: like that. You're like, we're going out. Look, we're out,

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Speaker 1: we are out, We're doing it. This is nice. This,

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Speaker 1: it's nice. It's it's nice to get out. I just

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Speaker 1: feel did you hear what that guy said? How did

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Speaker 1: you paint? Do you even see? How's a pancakes? To

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Speaker 1: be honest, that's what Okay? I thought it was crazy.

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Speaker 1: What can I get to drink for you? You guys

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Speaker 1: look great? Thank you? Is it too early to drink? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: Do it? Do it? Can I just say that you

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Speaker 1: seem very confident. What you seem very confident? Yeah, like

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Speaker 1: when you walked in, I kind of noticed you right away,

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Speaker 1: Like you walked in like you ruled the roost. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm not hitting on him, don't worry. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying, please, hey, I get it. I get it.

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Speaker 1: This man is confident. It just seems like the kind

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Speaker 1: of guy who knows what he wants and when he

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Speaker 1: wants it. So if you want to drink at eleven am,

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Speaker 1: do it, buddy, and you know you have bloody mary.

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Speaker 1: Look at him. Furthermore, this guy knows everything. He's like,

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Speaker 1: he's like a human encyclopedia. I mean, do you know

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Speaker 1: what encyclopedias are. I've never heard of that. It's like

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Speaker 1: wick Pedia. But go ahead, go ahead. Why don't I

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Speaker 1: explain this? Why I don't explain this? Yeah, you're right,

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00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: I have it. So encyclopedias, we're back when we used

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00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 1: to have all of our information and found books paper. Uh,

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00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: and well it was like that, but it's like Wikipedia,

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00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,360
Speaker 1: but separate and not as much. By the way, are

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00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: specials today? Okay, wait, but we could count on what

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00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 1: was inside of the encyclopedia to be right. Oh, no

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Speaker 1: matter what, m are you? Sure, yes, yes, you're confident exactly.

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Speaker 1: But steaks are the special today. So if you want

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Speaker 1: a butt steak, just let me know. But steaks, but steaks,

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Speaker 1: and I'll have an orange an orange juice please, and

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00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 1: an orange juice soeless sunrise, baby, baby, baby, it's a disease.

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Speaker 1: I have a drinking problem. He thinks I can just stop.

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Speaker 1: I don't know when he says it, though, it seems

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Speaker 1: like it's the right answers. Bring it to me, well,

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Speaker 1: and we'll give it a shot. Actually, on second thought,

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Speaker 1: you're right. I shouldn't push that on you. Just orange

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Speaker 1: bloody mary. Okay, okay, bloody mary, orange juice. But steak

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Speaker 1: anyone but steak, Oh gosh, confident, confident, confident steaks right now? Yeah, right, Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'll be back and enjoy your time at

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Speaker 1: House of Pain. Thank you. Maybe maybe, maybe maybe nobody

355
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: knows it's in your head. What do you mean nobody

356
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: knows you're a vampire. I am so sorry. It is

357
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 1: over at the table. But I saw Cyndy over here

358
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Speaker 1: and I thought, you know, there's just some kind of

359
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: something about you, sir that is just so attractive I'm

360
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: not hitting on him. I am not hitting on him.

361
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Speaker 1: But I get it. I get it, I get it.

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Speaker 1: I tell you what. Oh my gosh, sir, I think

363
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 1: you're the best. I want to be your loyal follower.

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00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: I'll do anything you ask and anything you want me

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Speaker 1: to do. Okay, okay, okay, calm down. This is a

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Speaker 1: public place, all right. Okay, I'm cutting my hand. I'm

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Speaker 1: cutting my hand open right now at the table, at

368
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Speaker 1: the table, under the table. Go go go go go

369
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: go go go go go go. Okay, okay, time to

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Speaker 1: sit back down, sir. Bye bye. Look at you, Look

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Speaker 1: at you. Look at my man. You're been flourishing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just nice to be able to wear a mask

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Speaker 1: in public, cover up when you go out. I think

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Speaker 1: that's it. I love what I'm saying. All the two

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Speaker 1: thousand years i've been alive, nothing has been quite this exhilarating.

376
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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, and I'm sorry I

377
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: never let you buy me in the neck. And I'm

378
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: one day I'll die and you'll have to live on

379
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: without me or no. So I'm looking over here at

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00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:59,679
Speaker 1: your different things to do in Sarah Sota, and I

381
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: was wondering if there's any information you have about Dracula

382
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:12,919
Speaker 1: about Dracula, Yes, um no, we do have you know,

383
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: we do have access to the beach. Uh. You know

384
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 1: we also have There's there's ten different microbreweries in town,

385
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: so you know there's a beer walking tour that I

386
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: can set you up with. I have hunted Jackal and Hide.

387
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 1: I've hunted all the beasts obvious, the old world, and

388
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 1: the one that still eludes me. Jacklin had the same guy. Yes,

389
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: but it's too You're actually dealing with two different things.

390
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: It's not just one guy. So it's two different whole

391
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 1: two different personalities you have to contend with to angle.

392
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, I am. Everyone always wants to debate

393
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: this everywhere I go, everywhere. I really don't want to.

394
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: You you don't, Oh I brought it up. Well maybe

395
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 1: I fucking died, Okay, but no one talks about thing, sir.

396
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: Oh isn't to give a ship to this fucking kids? Here,

397
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 1: there's a wolfman on the loose. It's gonna fucking eat

398
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: your kids. How about that scary ship? Okay, Now there's

399
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: a wolfman on the loose, Yes it is. Okay, there's

400
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: always a fucking wolfman on the fucking loose. Okay, she

401
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: spreads like fucking wildfire. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna need

402
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: you to I'm gonna need you to leave the Sarah

403
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: Soda Tourist. I guess I'll fucking get out if he's

404
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 1: an't give me a fucking second? Hello? Hello? How how

405
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 1: do I answer this? Hello? Hello? Hello? Can you pix?

406
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 1: Can you answer this phone? I suppose this could be

407
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: my Is this my phone? Okay? Sorry? Well, first of all,

408
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: I need you to leave, sir, and I am going

409
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,920
Speaker 1: to answer this phone call, which clearly the landline on

410
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: my desk. Answer my phone, please, Sarah Sota Tourist Bureau. Yes,

411
00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: I was wondering if you could recommend the hotel in

412
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: your area? Uh? Sure? What price point? Are you looking for?

413
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:10,719
Speaker 1: Skies the Limit? Does? Sky is the Limit? Well? Into

414
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: a Dracula? Very late chicken? Okay? How later are we talking?

415
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: Need night? Midnight check in chut? Okay? What one second? Now?

416
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: Stop whispering things at me, sir, I'm trying to sky

417
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 1: is the Limit? Come on? Who says that I told

418
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: my dad to come visit us? Since well, I told

419
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: him to come visit us I've been able to go

420
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: out in public wearing my mask. He's getting a hotel nearby.

421
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: Oh god, it's not gonna be bad. He's gonna treat us.

422
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 1: It's going to be wonderful. Bloody Mary to kill as

423
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: sunrise or is it orange juice? I brought both. I

424
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: wasn't sure. I'll drink. I'll drink on a beach and

425
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 1: just another orange jew out. Just sorry, I got you.

426
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 1: Let's just kiss and make it better under the table,

427
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 1: on the table the tele okay, how go baby, go

428
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: co co co co co. Just okay. I need all

429
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: the information on the hotel that you provided this my phone. Hello, Hello, Hello,

430
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 1: is this a pope? No, No, this is Carl. Look.

431
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: How are your insurance going? How's mind shut? Honestly not

432
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: so good. Uh. I've changed different providers over the centuries,

433
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, fluctuating and prices in my return

434
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: but not Yuh. What if I told you for just

435
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 1: fourteen dollars a month you can get a one million

436
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: dollar insurance policy on anything you own. Holy hold on

437
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 1: one second, just give me one second. I have to

438
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 1: take the second was just like moved to the back

439
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: of the line. I just need information on sea World. Okay, yeah, okay,

440
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: there's a lot of pamphlets. I just pick one up.

441
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: Lady Jesus cry specific questions about are the dolphins abused?

442
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 1: Like it will my children feel unsafe? Don't you have

443
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: a Wikipedia? Just look at that up? Hello, Yes, I

444
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: I can answer that the dolphins are abused, your children

445
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: will feel unsafe? And SeaWorld in Orlando. I know it's okay,

446
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: but that's not You're at the Sarasota Tourist Bureau. Okay,

447
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 1: far that's three hours. We're Gulf coast. Yeah, I mean

448
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 1: it's three hours. I've literally lived in Florida my whole life.

449
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: I've lived before it in my whole life. Well then,

450
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: alrightist guide, so it's not a competition. Please bring the

451
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: phone back to your ears. Oh sorry, I didn't realize

452
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: you were still no, clearly you did not. Okay, Well,

453
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: there is a four seasons that and they do have

454
00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: availability tonight. Which seasons are the least thing? I imagine

455
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 1: all four being? Uh? Is this a test? Spring? Summer, autumn,

456
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: and winter? Damn it? Well those four seasons? Name? Please

457
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: count blood count vlod Okay, I have you here? Uh

458
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: one room, single queen smoking. Is that correct? I'm study

459
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: it sounded like you said, queen. Yeah, yeah, I have

460
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: you here for queen balcony smoking. I specifically requested, let

461
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 1: me see what and what's your budget here, sir skies

462
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: the limit? Sky is the limit? Okay? Well we do

463
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: have the penthouse available, that's the one. Okay, okay, terrific.

464
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: Well you're all set up here. That will be Did

465
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: you get my request for a very very late check Yes, yes, yes,

466
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: anybody who stays in the penthouse can come and go

467
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: as they played frankly, neither day, midnight, midnight. Sure that

468
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: works for time I would check out. Okay, okay, we're

469
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: I know that accident. Is that Austian Europe? Oh? I

470
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: thought it was Australian, let's say Eastern Europe. Betwin us okay,

471
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: fourteen dollars and that's it has a million dollars for

472
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: life insurance. Is that right? Yeah? Yeah, that's that's right.

473
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: Just I'll send you a paypaling and then you you

474
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: send me the fourteen dollars and then well a million

475
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: dollars on anything you own. Yeah, yeah, okay. So I

476
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 1: normally work in gold coins. I have a lot of

477
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: gold coins I'll be able to sell you one second.

478
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 1: Feel free, feel free to step out of the tourist

479
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: bureau to take this call at any point. Free. I

480
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: do feel free to step out, but I found to

481
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: stay in because apparently did anybody caught in line? Okay,

482
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: there's not fucking rules here, are you Irish? Alright? Baby? Um,

483
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 1: so you've had your fill, you had a couple of steaks,

484
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: you ate two bodies. Do you think him to go

485
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: home or well? That was the thing I wanted to

486
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: just surprise you. We're going straight to the hotel to

487
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: see dad. With this newfound confidence, I'm not gonna take

488
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: no for an answer. Okay, yes it is. Do you

489
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 1: know how to get there? Yeah? It's the four Seasons?

490
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: Which which East or West? Ring? Ring? Ring Ring Ring, Ring, Ring,

491
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: Ring Ring, the second ring Ring Ring. Hi? Oh, I'm sorry.

492
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: I was trying to get in contact with Rubusha Rambusha.

493
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 1: Y Okay, hold on a second, here you go, Hello,

494
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: Hey Rubusha, Hey, what's up? We're getting the band back together.

495
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: Don't mess around. I'm serious. I'm on my break right now.

496
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: We're getting the band back together. I thought you were pregnant.

497
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: I am I am, I am I am Oh my god,

498
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: that is so arrowsmith of you. Right, got it? Listen? Okay,

499
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 1: where where? Where? Where? When? Where? When? Where? Right now?

500
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: Okay I'm in a small town, my husband. Where we meeting?

501
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: Start the band back up? Oh my god? Oh of course. Yeah. Okay,

502
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm thinking exactly where we left it off. Okay, the warehouse,

503
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: right out the warehouse. Okay, okay, I have one more

504
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: question for you. I have a tequila sunrise and orange

505
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: juice right in front of me. Which one should I drink? Well,

506
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: you have that you have a drinking problem. Okay, you're seriously,

507
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: seriously just drink the o j Okay. If that's in

508
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: front of you, just just walk away. Okay, okay, just

509
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: see you. Wait, so you tell me where you didn't

510
00:32:54,400 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: tell me when? Okay, I'll talk to you later. Yes,

511
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: is this room southings? Uh? Huh? Was the front desk,

512
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's the kind of the same thing. What

513
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: kind of get it? I'm waiting on my buttstak extremely Okay,

514
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: let me call the kitchen real quick. In one second,

515
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: brin brink, brink, brink, brin brink, brink, kitchens and tourist,

516
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 1: You're gonna get it. Hello, I think the lines across.

517
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: Who's who's on the other line calling the kitchens? This

518
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: is the Sara, this is the kitchen, the kitchen. Who

519
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: who's on the line. Okay, happening? I have had a day.

520
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,719
Speaker 1: Why it's too eight am? Why am I still doing this? Kids?

521
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: This is great. We're having a good time. The dolphins

522
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: are totally safe mine. Okay, they're they're not there. There

523
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: there's a wolfman in the pool. Scenes a lot of

524
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: money on these tickets. Okay, you're safe, You're safe, You're safe.

525
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:22,439
Speaker 1: That is seen too scanty skitty time. Scene three, let's

526
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 1: see who do we see? Three? Comes those from becks

527
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 1: who wrote Hi guys, Becks again, I suggested the taxa

528
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: dermos who was taking animals from the zoo. I am

529
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: just finishing law school and cannot tell you how many

530
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: times this podcast has given me the break and distraction

531
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 1: I needed from school, especially in this last year. I

532
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: have a suggestion. An aspiring criminal finally gets selected to

533
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 1: commit his first crime, which he successfully does. Misunderstanding what

534
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: a crime scene clean up crew does, he calls one

535
00:34:53,000 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: to cover his own tracks. Thanks becks. Alright, alright, alright, um,

536
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 1: so we have a couple of things to do today.

537
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 1: We gotta still um one trans am. We gotta still

538
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: trans am. We gotta break into that paunch shop on Third.

539
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: We need a couple of necklaces there. And it's about it. Tommy.

540
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:23,240
Speaker 1: I thought Tommy two shoes was taken the the last

541
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: one there. Yeah, yeah, Tommy. He's having Tommy issues, he said.

542
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 1: So Tommy's having tem Mey issues. He's gonna get the

543
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: nickname tell me issues Tommy. Well, that's up to you.

544
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 1: So listen, I don't know either one of us can

545
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: do it or or that kid be in the bar. Now,

546
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: it'll be one of us, all right. So who wants

547
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 1: the Who wants to take the punch up? Yeah? Um,

548
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's okay, but I would I

549
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: would like to take the paunch up. I've been to

550
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 1: that paunch up a hundred times. This kid, get over here.

551
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: I used to smoke in the alley behind it. I

552
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: could you know the building pretty well? Yeah? I know

553
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: the building pretty well. First of all, you heard him,

554
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: he said, come in get over there. Okay, okay, all right, Jesus,

555
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 1: look at this. I've played Assassin's Creed. I've a lot

556
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: of g t A. I I think I'm ready for

557
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:20,800
Speaker 1: I could do this paunch shop thing. When does it

558
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: have to get done by this afternoon? Oh? My god,

559
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,879
Speaker 1: this afternoon. Look, look, fellas, I don't know. I think

560
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 1: this gets funny, killing me funny funny? Uh? Also, um,

561
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 1: mask or uh, let's you guys? Have you guys have

562
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: to wear a mask? Am I gonna do it solo?

563
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So your question was mask and

564
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 1: you wanted to stay answer if you were doing it

565
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 1: solo or not? Well, if we were doing it as

566
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: a group, are we all going to wear the same time,

567
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: we'd all have like the same bask on and listen, kid,

568
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: you got this, Okay, whatever you want to do, you

569
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: got the green light. Whatever you want to look at that,

570
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: get the green light. Okay. Wow, A lot of people

571
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 1: wait all day for the green light. I got it. Okay.

572
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: How can I help your kid? Oh? Hey, um, well,

573
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 1: I do you have any acoustic guitars that are just

574
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: motherfucker freeze? Motherfucker? Okay, put your hands up, put your

575
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 1: hands up, motherfucker. Okay, Okay, what do you want? Oh,

576
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: give me all the money in your register first, that's

577
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: the first thing. And uh, it's uh, it's ten am.

578
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: You're the first customer today. Okay, that makes sense. I

579
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 1: mean I've got a drawer of you had about fifty

580
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 1: bucks in the drawer. Okay, Hey, Duncan, Duncan, I need

581
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 1: my wedding ring back. Man, I need my wedding ring back.

582
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 1: Put your hands up, motherfucker. Okay, I need Come on, yeah,

583
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 1: he better get his wedding ring back. I'm gonna see

584
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 1: you mother. Okay, all you motherfucker's I have a gun. Okay, everybody,

585
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 1: put your hands out. If you calm down for one second.

586
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: This guy is willing to pay cash to get his

587
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: ring back. You might get that cash, okay, okay, okay,

588
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 1: but you gotta let me handle this transaction. I'm sorry.

589
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Now he's going to use our grocery money

590
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: to get his ring back because he made bad decisions.

591
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, baby, I'm here now, right all right, Duncan.

592
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: What what do I are you for? The for the ring?

593
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 1: It's seven the ring Jesus Christ. She gave me four

594
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: the door. We paid two fifty from Walmart. Oh shit, shit,

595
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: oh shit shit, oh ship, oh shit, you wait did

596
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 1: you just shoot me? I shut everybody, I shut everybody. Okay,

597
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: maybe it's just a baby gun. You're fine, that's a

598
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 1: pop gun. Pop gun. That hurt. She just stung a

599
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: little bit. But I've been through childbirth three times, so

600
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: whatever do you mind if I praise that gun? This

601
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,959
Speaker 1: bb gun? Yeah, this is this is nice. It looks

602
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,879
Speaker 1: like an antique. This is a vintage baby gun. This

603
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: is a this is the red Ryder gun like from

604
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: Christmas story. I love that. Oh yeah, it's I didn't

605
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: know it was. It was that old. You know, I'd

606
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: be willing to take this off your hands for baby.

607
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 1: Steal that gun. You gotta steal that gun. That's my gun.

608
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 1: I work for an organized crime group. Guys. H no,

609
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: I've been working with a lot of guys. Back, hold

610
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: on one second. I'm gonna pull them up on the phone. Okay, okay, okay,

611
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: hold on, somebody's gonna answer. Duncan. I gotta get that

612
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 1: rifle from you, man, Come on, look, I don't have

613
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: the rifle yet. You know. Transaction at a time online.

614
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: If you'd like to be transferred to a Boss Press one,

615
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: If you'd like to be transferred to a Edie Press too,

616
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 1: If you'd like to be transferred to a representative. Press

617
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: This is more organized than most organized crime. What's does

618
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 1: anybody know what a consiculary is? You're in the crime family.

619
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: You don't know what a console areas? Okay, you know

620
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna go with. Three? Okay, hold on your

621
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: motherfucker's hold on. You're gonna really regret this. You have

622
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 1: selected speak with a representative? Which representative? Would you like

623
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 1: to speak to? Clean up crew? Would you like to

624
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: speak to a clean up crew? Yes? Press one? I

625
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: thought it was there one press Press one, I pressed it.

626
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: It's uh, you have selected dirty boys? Shall I help you? Hi? Uh?

627
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: This is uh. I don't want to use my real

628
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: name right now because I'm in the middle of a robbery.

629
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: It's kind of gone bad. Make sure you get his names?

630
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: Did get his name? Listen? So we can't we can't

631
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: move forward with that without a name. It's Philip. It's Philip. Okay, okay, Philip?

632
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: Which one third? Yeah, that's the one. Um, So probably

633
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: it needs some people to put a couple on the

634
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: back of the heads of these coconuts. What are you

635
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: talking about? Sorry, boys, clean up crew? You know what

636
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: that means. It means when you make a mess. We

637
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: clean it up. Yeah, Oh, there's a big mess here there. Whatever, No,

638
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: they got my they got my gun. Lookay, I'm gonna

639
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: put you on a hold. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna

640
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: put you and you should listen to the press star

641
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: and you know, to get a menu again. Give me

642
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 1: one second. Okay, alright, guys, you guys are all going

643
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: to regret it. I'm think they talked to the boss

644
00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: press one alright, six six hundred. That's my final offer.

645
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: Get a gun for me. I want that gun. You

646
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 1: I canna rob me. I'm part of a big crime family.

647
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 1: To conticularly selected, use your muscles, okay, okay, now Tom Hagen,

648
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 1: Oh hi, this is Philip. I'm at the pawn shop

649
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: and uh I need I need a cleanup crew to

650
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 1: help me out here. Philip, I need the last name.

651
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 1: Oh jeez, I really shouldn't because I'm in the middle

652
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: of in the middle of a crime. Sorry, please, I'm

653
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: on the phone. I need your daddy. Yes, what's the

654
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: last name, Spencer? It's Philip Spencer. Spencer. Well, now we

655
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: got your full name. I think you're gonna be dead

656
00:42:54,480 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: no time since. Yeah, well that was a mistake. You

657
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: have a question. Question, listen. I wanted to use concierge

658
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: to bring in a cleanup crew. I need come. This

659
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: is not a hotel. Do you have a question. Oh please,

660
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of a box trappery. Okay, I

661
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 1: really need some help, and I'm looking address. I'm too scared.

662
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:26,879
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we are done for real this time.

663
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: There's no crawling back on your knees. I'm sending a crew. Oh,

664
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: you guys are fucked. All right, I'll just wait now,

665
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: you guys are you guys are in big trouble. You're

666
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: gonna regret this. I demand respect. I'll give you a

667
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: seven hundred for the rifle, but they're they're hard to

668
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:51,280
Speaker 1: move their specialty items, you know. Okay, pardon me. Which

669
00:43:51,400 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: one of you is the proprietor's old medallion? I would

670
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 1: like to say, Oh my god, baby, you got to

671
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: get that from me. You gotta get it. It's older

672
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 1: than you would to be even imagine. Can I take

673
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: a look, take a guess and a loom. Man, It

674
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: is bright outside, isn't it. Uh? Listen, listen, I I

675
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 1: don't want to get you into trouble, old man, I'm

676
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: not a monster of any sorts, but there's gonna be

677
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: some serious problems soon here, so you might want to

678
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: take your medallion and leave. Look into my eyes, girls, girls,

679
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: we got our first gig. Okay, parents, we're gonna go

680
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: to a pound shop and we're just gonna do those

681
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: set all right. We gotta clean it up, all right. Hey, hey, hey,

682
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: this feels right? Yeah? Alcohol, Oh my god, you do

683
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: you smell like fucking tequila? Are you drinking? I'm saying

684
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 1: this feels right, Oh my god, feelings and you're really drunk? Oh?

685
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: Fun school, let's play, let's shres. Okay, look, okay, okay,

686
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: just do what we rehearsed. Okay, this up so big.

687
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: Comeback doing exactly as we rehearsed, and if you do

688
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: it even a little bit wrong, you're out of the band. Okay,

689
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 1: I got it. I feel good. Okay, great, Okay, I

690
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 1: don't get in the car. Let's go from Bush. You're driving.

691
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 1: Just the price, The price is all I ask. I

692
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, this is uh, pick a crazy number.

693
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 1: I mean I can go with highest to fifty. Really

694
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: all right? Okay, uh, you men have to go into

695
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 1: the safe. If that's alright? I only yeah, I would

696
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: assume as much to have two and fifty thousand dollars

697
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: about No, no, no, no to two d and fifty

698
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 1: we had the deal. No we didn't. I didn't. Thousand

699
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: the word was the word thousands said and said to

700
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: fifty to fift? Yeah, two hundred fifty dollars. Oh you

701
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: are You never mentioned the safe earlier, sir? You didn't

702
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: mention the safe earlier, sir? Well it didn't come up,

703
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,800
Speaker 1: did it? So you're a shady businessman. You would be begun.

704
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: Look into my eyes. You ought to getting sleepy baby.

705
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to get him for me. Can you get

706
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:31,439
Speaker 1: him like him? No? Yeah, he's like magical sevent Not yet,

707
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: God dammit, Oh my god, O my god, I made

708
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 1: a mistake. Oh my god, this is houck. Does that

709
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 1: ster bomb it all over? Be good? Damnit? Holy ship.

710
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: She vomited in the amp. But we can't use the ampa.

711
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: Now what are we supposed to do? I got amps

712
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: over here if you need more? Oh yeah, oh god?

713
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 1: How much of the amps? Oh you know? Let me guess.

714
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: Two fifty? I could go his eyes two fifty, Danny, Yes,

715
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? Like my nephew, Danny I'm

716
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: actually married to your son. Life has taken a turn

717
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 1: for a long time. Wait a second, you look like

718
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 1: his cousin or someday. Is that right? Yeah? Did you

719
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: know that when you got married? Just a typical day

720
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: at a Sara Soda punch right show? Oh my god,

721
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: I almost passed out and then I had a little

722
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 1: tiny stars around my eyes. Okay, alright, let's thank rockas

723
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 1: please for our very last show recording of May, just

724
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: of May good one to go out on in the merry,

725
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 1: merry month of May. We thank carlicke Atkowski. Thank you

726
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: so damn much. Carla, thank you, Kevin, You're the best

727
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 1: I'm at Carla Kakowski on Instagram. Perfect and folks, please

728
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: check out all the shows twitch, Slash, west Side Comedy

729
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 1: ye and west Side Comedy dot com. They're up there

730
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 1: as well, so you can check it out. Yeah, several

731
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,320
Speaker 1: of folks here in this very podcast are teaching classes.

732
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: When I say several, I think to at least James,

733
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 1: are you also teaching Joey Craig? No, James, but if

734
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: he wants to, he's allowed. James, Why aren't you teaching classes?

735
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 1: For good reason? So hard with all the stuff going

736
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:56,360
Speaker 1: on point taking. Thank you Carlin, Chris Alvarado, thank you

737
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 1: so very much for joining us. Thanks for having me

738
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: working folks right, who to get one of those shirts? Uh?

739
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 1: These I don't think they're not We're not up to

740
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: quality standards yet. Yeah, yeah that's right. But you can

741
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: look at my shirt at Chris Overado on Instagram and yeah,

742
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: like what Carlo was saying, I was just thinking, what

743
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: a fun opportunity, uh, in the middle of all this

744
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 1: weird stuff to take a class from somebody you listen to.

745
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: Absolutely let's all try to better ourselves somehow. And it's

746
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 1: a one stop shop over there. Yeah, improv, stand up, sketch, comedy,

747
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: I mean tons of stuff over there, So check us

748
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 1: out Westide Comedy dot com. Thank you for that, Craig Atkowski. Yeah,

749
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 1: I asked for some chatter on the the Alchemy This

750
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: subreddit and you all really delivered because I know that

751
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: all of you are unable to convert your friends, family,

752
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 1: and significant others to Alchemy This, so this is your

753
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 1: opportunity to meet like minded people. It's working out. Thank

754
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: you for that. James heeney Ah, thanks for having me.

755
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 1: What a blast to do improv every Wednesday, seven pms

756
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: Pacific Standard time. Uh Twitch Westside Comedy Theater. It's forward slash,

757
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 1: and every time I hear somebody say backslash, I correct

758
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 1: it in my head and I've been doing a pretty

759
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,320
Speaker 1: good job of not saying it out loud. It's forward slash.

760
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: You just did it, though, thank you when you said

761
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 1: it wrong. Nobody said it wrong, so I was just,

762
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 1: you know, I was taking this opportunity when no one

763
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 1: said it. You're a hero, and you're a real hero, James,

764
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 1: and we love you for James Red, Heeney Jones, Geez Joe,

765
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 1: thank you for having me at Jeffy Greeber on Instagram.

766
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: You're gonna find more conspiracy videos about James red hair

767
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,759
Speaker 1: and that the truth will reveal itself. It's out there.

768
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 1: I'm like so close to just shave my head to

769
00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 1: end the argument, you know, or maybe died a different

770
00:50:55,800 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: color than red red. Let's thank our engineering producer with

771
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 1: the stars man, the fine folks that I heard mediampumpum.

772
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: I'm Kevin Pollic, your host. We'd love to hear for

773
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: you if please continue to write to us at your

774
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:13,839
Speaker 1: name here too, to this dot com. Until next time,

775
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:22,320
Speaker 1: I'll baby,