Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off InStyle. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Colgareff.
Speaker 5: We are all in different locations, different states, different cities.
Speaker 1: We're representing every slice of America.
Speaker 5: A large at least, the Pacific Northwest, the western edge
Speaker 5: of the Midwest, and in California has its own Yes,
Speaker 5: the coast, this history, Yes.
Speaker 1: The dust bowl is represented. All serial killers are represented. Nature,
Speaker 1: the best of nature, the worst of nature all represented.
Speaker 5: You really, we are covering all the areas that you
Speaker 5: really need to see in America. Oh, that's going to
Speaker 5: make a bunch of people mad. I'll take it back
Speaker 5: because of.
Speaker 1: What we leave out. Yeah, yeah, I hear it's he
Speaker 1: left out. Yeah, so many. Oh we left out the
Speaker 1: Devil's tombstone.
Speaker 5: Yeah we left Oh.
Speaker 1: We left out the upper Peninsula in Michigan and the
Speaker 1: very beautiful mountain ranges.
Speaker 5: I'm sure that are in North Carolina.
Speaker 1: Oh, can you imagine? Yeah, and just gone. We left
Speaker 1: him out.
Speaker 5: We neglected those gorgees that are in the upper part
Speaker 5: of New York State.
Speaker 1: How about any part of Maine. To leave any part
Speaker 1: out is a mistake, it is, and we did it. Yeah.
Speaker 5: It was careless of me and reckless. Hey, I started it.
Speaker 5: Stephen is in Oregon in a trailer. Yes, he's in
Speaker 5: a classic trailer.
Speaker 4: Classic RV camper style situation. I've got air conditioning, i
Speaker 4: have a kitchen, a bathroom.
Speaker 1: It's a college boys dream.
Speaker 5: In your camper.
Speaker 4: I'm stealing the Wi Fi from my mom's house next door.
Speaker 5: Wow, that's a risky move. That's two walls.
Speaker 1: Steven your three quarters. The Way of being Woody Harrelson
Speaker 1: in the Great John Cusick film twenty twelve.
Speaker 5: Hell, oh, it is an enjoyable film. I can't believe
Speaker 5: you've seen that film. I've seen it recently.
Speaker 1: I've gone through a spate of watching disaster films. Yes,
Speaker 1: and yeah. Woody Harrelson does a radio show from the
Speaker 1: Caldera in uh, you sent Yellowstone and then it explodes
Speaker 1: as you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sure now I remember the movie. That was
Speaker 5: one of his best character workings.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was an incredible character of a conspiracy theorist, edge
Speaker 1: edge writing radio host who says the end of the
Speaker 1: world is coming and then witnesses the end of the
Speaker 1: world coming.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's and loves it as it's happening. He
Speaker 5: feels so privileged the way would for it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: he loved it.
Speaker 1: If a bear attack.
Speaker 5: Too, Yeah, it's a privilege. It used to be a fear,
Speaker 5: and I talk about it a lot, but I'd like
Speaker 5: to think when it finally happens, a calm will wash
Speaker 5: over me and I will accept that the bear chose me. Yes,
Speaker 5: but I also have spent too much time in Montana,
Speaker 5: and I don't know that I took your advice. I'm
Speaker 5: definitely staying all month. Great, but I have nothing to
Speaker 5: get back to till the twelfth of September.
Speaker 1: Is that a great feeling?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it really is. And I have done the most
Speaker 5: Montana shit. My friend bought some land and there's a
Speaker 5: trailer on it, much like the one Steven's in, but
Speaker 5: it's more permanent, so it's nothing like it's a seventies trailer.
Speaker 1: Well, the thing I was just going to say before
Speaker 1: I interrupted you was that when you started talking about
Speaker 1: fantasizing about being eaten by a bear, then you were
Speaker 1: talking about giving up in the last moment and just
Speaker 1: giving yourself over to it. Then I pictured you kind
Speaker 1: of like one of those Renaissance sculptures where you then
Speaker 1: right as the bear has you, then you just tip
Speaker 1: your head and open your neck so toward him, like
Speaker 1: here you go, take it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a combination of having the vapors, yes, and
Speaker 5: sexualizing the bear.
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 5: Like oh, I declare, And I'd throw my hand back
Speaker 5: and then back of my hand on my head, and
Speaker 5: then I'd drape and whatever schmock I have draped over me,
Speaker 5: whatever cloth over one shoulder just kind of drifts over,
Speaker 5: revealing one last nipple.
Speaker 1: Yes, your camping scar you're camping scarf. I'd say, Oh,
Speaker 1: aren't you an alpha? As I turned my neck, Oh
Speaker 1: are you alphaing me? I would say, as he killed me.
Speaker 5: And they would yeah, they are, they are apex predators.
Speaker 1: It's like a great white shark on land, totally step
Speaker 1: better at breathing, more appealing looking, you'd actually like to
Speaker 1: hug it a little bit.
Speaker 5: I went up to the lake and my friend Ross's
Speaker 5: sister said, you should come see our cabin and their
Speaker 5: entire culd a sack of manufactured homes and or trailers
Speaker 5: and cabins were all Trump flags. Of course. Oh it's
Speaker 5: kind of lake behavior. I feel like a lot of
Speaker 5: these people don't take it home with them. It's it's true,
Speaker 5: let's fly a flag on our boat, but we'll stay
Speaker 5: quiet in liberal Missula. So they get to let their
Speaker 5: freak flags fly fly at the lake.
Speaker 1: They get to let their dictator flags fly. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a real freak out. How he's taking away everyone's voting rights. Cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, let's keep it. Let's keep it at the lake
Speaker 5: where we still like him. And but everyone's on meth. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: oh god, there's plenty. Yeah, that's where there are billboards about, hey,
Speaker 5: here's an idea, don't do math.
Speaker 1: That's you know, in California. It's the same in the
Speaker 1: Lake Lake County near where I grew up, which I
Speaker 1: feel like everyone has one and I think it's very
Speaker 1: typical for some reason. I think it's far enough away
Speaker 1: that people can actually manufacture myth and like out on
Speaker 1: their land and not get caught. But then it's in
Speaker 1: the town.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really horrible and it becomes like a you know, well,
Speaker 5: we're just boating today. It's okay to do a little bit.
Speaker 1: Of meth, just a tad of meth.
Speaker 5: I don't. I never would do meth. And you own
Speaker 5: a boat. I hate realizing that thing that some of
Speaker 5: these meth heads are. You know they own boats. Anyway,
Speaker 5: They have a door bell with a camera on it
Speaker 5: at their cabin and they've caught three giant grizzly bears
Speaker 5: in their front yard. My first shit or amy, Yeah,
Speaker 5: like how big? They were? Huge and clear? Oh, each
Speaker 5: three hundred to five hundred pounds, huge ars.
Speaker 1: Like a car, like a little car size bear.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, like it where it would be adorable if
Speaker 5: you saw it crawling into a Volkswagen, but horrifying if
Speaker 5: you saw them getting out, like at an intersection, angry
Speaker 5: that you cut them off. Driving bears. These aren't your
Speaker 5: novelty unicycle bears.
Speaker 1: No. They could do hand eye coordination. They know how
Speaker 1: to signal and take lefts. They know how to let
Speaker 1: that juggle.
Speaker 5: And then the minute you turn your eye or make
Speaker 5: a sudden move, they open your face. It's just grizzly cloth.
Speaker 5: It's so scary. And they're up just a flathead lake.
Speaker 5: There's grizzlies.
Speaker 1: I told you, I'm sure this. I would guess if
Speaker 1: I had to make a friendly wager on how many
Speaker 1: times I've told you the story, I'd say four. But
Speaker 1: one time we were up in the redwoods, like Avenue
Speaker 1: of the Giants, and we were walking through one of
Speaker 1: the famous ones that has I think it's supposed to
Speaker 1: be Paul Babe the Blue Ox, and Paul Bunyon, right,
Speaker 1: the giant guy. There's all them.
Speaker 5: Fell over to create the Grand Canyon, certainly.
Speaker 1: So would that be there, I don't. Anyway, there's a
Speaker 1: big statue near like a cafe, and then you go
Speaker 1: and the redwoods are right there and you can just
Speaker 1: walk through and there's there are thousands of years old
Speaker 1: or whatever. We go walking through and there's we're on
Speaker 1: the lower path here, and there's tourists everywhere. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's just people everywhere. I look up on the path.
Speaker 1: That's abu us. That's like through some brush. There's a
Speaker 1: baby bear on the upper path, which means there's a
Speaker 1: fucking mother nearby, ready to kill anyone that comes near
Speaker 1: that baby. Then I look forward and here come a
Speaker 1: family with its grandparents and like five year old kids,
Speaker 1: and I'm like stop, stop, stop, stop, like just walking
Speaker 1: straight into like almost a bear trap of here. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think it was. They wanted to kill people that day.
Speaker 5: That is so scary. Yeah, seeing a baby bear without adnarents.
Speaker 5: Just run, don't get away at it. Don't act on
Speaker 5: these people at Yellowstone Park and try and become friends
Speaker 5: with it.
Speaker 1: Run away, run away from any baby bear. You do
Speaker 1: not want Because if you've happened upon a mother and
Speaker 1: she was just dout eating blueberries as they are, wont
Speaker 1: to do. I mean, you correct me when I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: but that would just be.
Speaker 5: Like what raspberries, but carry on.
Speaker 1: By herself. She would She might choose to not charge
Speaker 1: you and kill you, but if that baby's around, no,
Speaker 1: all bets are off. She's going to kill you, so
Speaker 1: that baby stays alive.
Speaker 5: Yeah, get away. It's so scary, and they move so slow.
Speaker 5: I think people forget when they're at Glacier Park and
Speaker 5: they're like, oh, he's just a slow, friendly bear. The
Speaker 5: minute you think it's baby is docile and you go
Speaker 5: to pettit, I will become a lightning fast circus bear.
Speaker 5: And you don't have a top hat and a whip.
Speaker 1: It will not a cycle towards you at speeds you
Speaker 1: have never witnessed. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, even the experts at Barnum and Bailey wouldn't know
Speaker 5: what to.
Speaker 1: Do, would go nowhere near.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I want to see those pictures of how big that
Speaker 1: those bears were on a fuck? Could you imagine a
Speaker 1: front porch bear.
Speaker 5: I'll get front yard bear. I will make them send
Speaker 5: me the.
Speaker 1: Video and then have your dad do a painting of it.
Speaker 1: Chris was just showing me more Jim Fairbanks paintings. He's
Speaker 1: in a different room this time. People loved that episode,
Speaker 1: by the way, Chris, they were so thrilled by Here
Speaker 1: from your dad.
Speaker 5: I know, it was so funny, great, It made me
Speaker 5: feel great. I read all of the comments and messages
Speaker 5: and showed them to my dad and he's like, oh maybe,
Speaker 5: I'm like, no, they're talking about you. I had no
Speaker 5: other dad. Maybe yeah, yeah, he doesn't. We'll see Yeah,
Speaker 5: he doesn't want to get a big head, but I
Speaker 5: know it made him feel good.
Speaker 1: Yes, good, Well you know what it was. I don't
Speaker 1: you know. I think we've talked about this. I don't
Speaker 1: like other people's parents. I don't want to get involved
Speaker 1: in your family. I don't want It's always there's always
Speaker 1: people that are like, my family's coming town. When you
Speaker 1: want to go to dinner, No, I don't you go
Speaker 1: have conversation with your parents whatever. But you know there's
Speaker 1: certain exceptions because there's some people's parents who get it
Speaker 1: and they know what they're doing, they know how to
Speaker 1: deliver a parent style. And Jim Fairbanks is absolutely one
Speaker 1: of those people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, he's effortless. I will meet your parents, but
Speaker 5: I won't look forward to it, but I know they'll
Speaker 5: like me, and it takes work, and I don't want
Speaker 5: to do that work. Noice like, oh, I don't want
Speaker 5: to meet your parents who will ultimately like me because
Speaker 5: I make eye contact and I'm a kiss ass. But
Speaker 5: my dad it's like, it's just like one of my
Speaker 5: my friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great, it's chill, and he's not trying. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I feel like, if my dad did this podcast,
Speaker 1: he would get very self conscious because he's the funniest
Speaker 1: I truly. He said things in my life that are
Speaker 1: the funniest things I've ever heard, and no one's ever
Speaker 1: come close. But he doesn't do it around strangers or like,
Speaker 1: he doesn't do it performatively. He won't do it performatively,
Speaker 1: so he it takes like you have to go to
Speaker 1: dinner of three or four times at our house before
Speaker 1: he'll start doing it in front of like certain company, right,
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He won't dance for people.
Speaker 5: So all of all of my best friends, all of
Speaker 5: the comedians I look up to, our guys that I
Speaker 5: went to school with or worked in a T shirt
Speaker 5: shop with, that never I mean, with a little practice,
Speaker 5: you can learn how to turn it on. I had
Speaker 5: to learn how to turn it on. But if you don't,
Speaker 5: most people act like humans and they don't want to
Speaker 5: be on.
Speaker 1: Most people don't have this deep pit of need inside
Speaker 1: of them where I've turned. I turned it on when
Speaker 1: I was about four, and it's never gotten turned back off.
Speaker 1: It's a problem. It's been a consistent problem. I don't
Speaker 1: know where the switch is. But there's other people I
Speaker 1: admire them so much where like Jim Fairbanks can come
Speaker 1: in and deliver, but he also is in self conscious.
Speaker 1: It's probably because he had just done it so much
Speaker 1: and he's actually a true professional, but he was just
Speaker 1: like he didn't feel the need to do extra because
Speaker 1: he knew he was going to be fine. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: my favorite. That's the best. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I'm always impressed that he's comfortable in his own shoes.
Speaker 5: And that's why, as someone that's nervous or second guessing
Speaker 5: myself all the time, I'm like, Okay, eventually I'll be
Speaker 5: like my dad because he became that way over time.
Speaker 5: It wasn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it takes experience, and it takes like a bunch
Speaker 1: of stocked up good experiences. And you and I are
Speaker 1: the kind of people that we have one bad experience
Speaker 1: and it knocks out eight good experiences and we have
Speaker 1: to start the building all over again. It's very hard
Speaker 1: for other people to understand. I mean, you know, very
Speaker 1: hard for other people. What's more interesting and more fun
Speaker 1: is that I'm not on Twitter. I went off Twitter
Speaker 1: for Twitter break.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm an Instagram guy. It's positivity. Facebook's the worst Twitter.
Speaker 1: Facebook. Delete Facebook?
Speaker 5: You got to yeah right, Yeah, God, I'm just getting
Speaker 5: into TikTok and dancing and lip syncing.
Speaker 1: And then the pedophiles found you.
Speaker 5: I know, wait what yeah yeah, I uh yeah, I've been.
Speaker 5: That's what's been the best about the strip is interacting
Speaker 5: with my friends, my closest childhood friends, and you know,
Speaker 5: Brooks Wheeland was just driving around camping and I haven't
Speaker 5: hung He's my friend, but I don't see him all
Speaker 5: the time in LA. Like a lot of comics, you
Speaker 5: just you see them at a party or do their
Speaker 5: podcast and you're like, man, they're fun, and then months
Speaker 5: go by. But he was passing through and I was
Speaker 5: just with my three friends that maybe aren't the most open,
Speaker 5: they're like quiet. We were all sitting staring at a wall.
Speaker 5: He walked in and thought that we were watching TV
Speaker 5: and we were looking at these curtains, just talking, and
Speaker 5: Brooks immediately went over my friends and we had so
Speaker 5: much fun up in good Phillipsburg, crawling through mine shafts
Speaker 5: and looking at these old buildings and climbing on structures
Speaker 5: that are one hundred and fifty years old.
Speaker 1: It's nice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's been the best, so pretty and great.
Speaker 1: But Brooks really loves camping doesn't he it's this whole thing.
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, those guys to where there's like, look,
Speaker 5: I don't have camping equipment. I don't. I'm thinking about
Speaker 5: acquiring it now because it really is the best. I
Speaker 5: can't pretty in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: You can.
Speaker 5: I'm going floating tomorrow and inner tubes, inner tubes, inner tubes,
Speaker 5: I said, river the Clark Fork.
Speaker 1: Is that a good one?
Speaker 5: There is? There's three good ones that go through Missoula
Speaker 5: because a river runs through it. We got the Clerk Fork,
Speaker 5: we got the foot, we got the bitter Root three river.
Speaker 1: Did that movie really get filmed there?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't know that. I don't think I realized that.
Speaker 5: Yeah. The youth group where we would go travel around
Speaker 5: the US and pretend to help people as children was
Speaker 5: at the Presbyan Presbyterian church in that movie where Tom
Speaker 5: Scarett was like the pastor yeah, show it. So people
Speaker 5: are always going up to that church and taking pictures.
Speaker 5: I was just going there on Wednesdays to get a
Speaker 5: free meal. But it turns out I really liked that experience.
Speaker 5: As far as churchy things go, my time in the
Speaker 5: teen youth group at the Presbyterian Church was enjoyable.
Speaker 1: I feel like Presbyterians do it right. I feel like
Speaker 1: the Episcopalians do it right. There's certain Protestant and sorry
Speaker 1: forgive me Grandma Anne, because she'd be very angry at
Speaker 1: me for saying any of this positive stuff about Protestants,
Speaker 1: But I feel like we went to an Episcopalian summer
Speaker 1: camp and they do just enough religions so you're like, hmm,
Speaker 1: the Lord loves me, but none of the fucking fire
Speaker 1: and brimstone. Its like he can see how you're touching
Speaker 1: yourself and your sleeping bag or whatever, where you're like,
Speaker 1: oh no, the Lord, there's none of that shit. So
Speaker 1: it's all very like guitars and campfires and blessings, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel so yeah.
Speaker 5: That's all I remember from Presbyterian interactions A lot us singing, yep,
Speaker 5: even if it was in a do wop fifties style.
Speaker 5: At a lady's prison, we were forced to sing a
Speaker 5: lot I told you about that, I had you.
Speaker 1: I don't remember.
Speaker 5: My sisters sent a hometown about this girl Lucy Red Crow,
Speaker 5: who I might as well tell it now. Lucy Red
Speaker 5: Crow was her friend that in school or she fell bad.
Speaker 5: This girl was poor, and she didn't have a lot
Speaker 5: of friends, and my sister said, you want to sleep
Speaker 5: over at my house when they were like eight or nine,
Speaker 5: and she stayed at our house and stole some things
Speaker 5: from my sister, like a ring and some other things,
Speaker 5: and Lisa said, she's her at school and she's just
Speaker 5: wearing the ring, and cut to her being eighteen years
Speaker 5: old and she stabbed someone many, many, fifty times for
Speaker 5: wearing a jacket that she thought was her friend's jacket.
Speaker 5: But she just and it's a myth or some guy situation,
Speaker 5: so she killed someone, and then cut to a few
Speaker 5: years after that. I'm with my youth group singing at
Speaker 5: this prison this musical where my hair was slicked back
Speaker 5: and I had cigarettes in my sleeve, and instead of
Speaker 5: let's go to the hop, it was let's go to
Speaker 5: the rock, Oh Jesus, like it was a religious And
Speaker 5: I looked up front and I saw Lucy in the audience,
Speaker 5: and I got immediate stage fright because that's the murderer
Speaker 5: that stayed at my house and I thought she recognizing me,
Speaker 5: even though I was only four or five years old.
Speaker 5: But yeah, that's but we had to we had to sing,
Speaker 5: and they had their arms were crossed. All the prisoners
Speaker 5: there did not want to see a bunch of glowing,
Speaker 5: blonde haired white church kids sing about God. Oh it
Speaker 5: was or they did.
Speaker 1: Or they did, but they couldn't express their true joy
Speaker 1: because you'd get beaten up.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: None of them walked out, right, You all did walk
Speaker 1: the room.
Speaker 5: They all stayed till the end for the sockhop scene.
Speaker 1: Did they did they yell at you? Did they hackle
Speaker 1: or throw anything at you?
Speaker 5: Not at all. They stood in silence with their arms crossed.
Speaker 5: The Eyebrowser Kimbo.
Speaker 1: Sure, Look, you have to keep the eyebrows in a
Speaker 1: ready position, just in case, just in case emotion hits you.
Speaker 1: If haven't you watched Orn is the New Black. You
Speaker 1: got to know that there's certain systems in place. You
Speaker 1: can't just be there crying because the children come to
Speaker 1: I'd be mad too if I heard let's go to
Speaker 1: the rock, Oh Jesus, I would be really pissed off.
Speaker 1: That's just stupid.
Speaker 5: But they had to see that we were just normal
Speaker 5: kids that were like basically mouthing I'm sorry. In between
Speaker 5: each number. They a handful that were way into.
Speaker 1: It, Like did you sell those cigarettes, cigarettes.
Speaker 5: And that was a nod like, hey, I bet you
Speaker 5: wish you had these on the inside. I understand what
Speaker 5: it's like, ladies. Wink wink.
Speaker 1: I know Lucy.
Speaker 5: I'm friends with Lucy, and I managed to slide those
Speaker 5: cigarettes through. You know, we know that those weren't approved
Speaker 5: by pastor. When I put those cigarettes in my sleeve,
Speaker 5: that was my character decision.
Speaker 1: He saw you across the room smuggling cigarette in and
Speaker 1: he went, oh Jesus, I'm gonna have that song's stuck
Speaker 1: in my head for days now. I'm saying like, hey, we.
Speaker 5: We were buddies. He let me get away with a lot,
Speaker 5: like never cracking open the Bible. He let me get
Speaker 5: away with.
Speaker 1: That, like never really figuring out why you were there,
Speaker 1: to who you were serving, what the idea was.
Speaker 5: Exactly, an eyes open about that. I'm like, I don't know, Yeah,
Speaker 5: do people from other countries really go to Hell because
Speaker 5: they don't know about Jesus? And he'd be like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I don't think so. I'm like me either.
Speaker 1: All right, Okay, great, thank you. Buy another few weeks,
Speaker 1: but we did some really thank.
Speaker 5: The community things. It was great go to church.
Speaker 1: Also, sorry, we're really pushing church hard this yeah we
Speaker 1: are episode. What I was going to ask you was
Speaker 1: this was also in Missoula.
Speaker 5: Yeah, when I was yeah, ninth tenth grade.
Speaker 1: Nice. Oh. I asked even earlier, Stephen, would you tell
Speaker 1: us how far away all of us are from each other?
Speaker 1: Did you figure it out?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 4: From Los Angeles to where I am and Sisters, Oregon,
Speaker 4: it's eight hundred and thirty two miles you're near Bend,
Speaker 4: and then yeah, I'm just outside of Bend, and then
Speaker 4: in there lunch, and then from Los Angeles to Missoula
Speaker 4: it's one thousand, one hundred. Yeah, it's one thousand and
Speaker 4: two hundred and fifteen miles. Wow, Okay, and then from
Speaker 4: Sisters to Missoula it's five hundred and seventy nine. So
Speaker 4: I'm actually closer to you right now than we are
Speaker 4: to Karen.
Speaker 5: Now, you described a I believe in I Sauclese. That
Speaker 5: sounds like or no, that's say I don't know, I
Speaker 5: don't I'm saying it's a forty five degree acute triangle.
Speaker 5: I believe, Yeah, two acute, one obtuse, which is.
Speaker 1: Actually the accurate to our personalities on this show.
Speaker 5: How am I being obtuse which one bam we go
Speaker 5: right into that Shoshanks scene.
Speaker 1: All right, cool, I like that. I like that in
Speaker 1: a pandemic, in a COVID nineteen era of this new
Speaker 1: reality that's very difficult sometimes to even be a part of.
Speaker 1: We can all go to our separate corners. We can
Speaker 1: all go find go be with our families, get away,
Speaker 1: get out of town, and we can still throughout all
Speaker 1: of it.
Speaker 5: Podcast it is not beautiful, thank god. Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 5: And I'm doing these little cameo videos for people and
Speaker 5: it brings me. You're right, I don't need to be
Speaker 5: on Twitter. I'm going to get off too, or just
Speaker 5: not look at it. I don't have to log off.
Speaker 1: No, I haven't like deleted my account or anything. It's
Speaker 1: just like taking a bit of a cleanse, I think.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense for summer.
Speaker 1: It's still summertime.
Speaker 5: What are you doing that summery?
Speaker 1: Well, it's been crazy hot.
Speaker 5: I don't know if you've seen in the news why
Speaker 5: I delayed coming back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like one hundred and six one day and
Speaker 1: my phone said one hundred and six feels like one
Speaker 1: hundred and eight because it was humid, so it's been
Speaker 1: very like straight up tropical weird. Yeah, so I do.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of systems place throughout my day
Speaker 1: because we still have lots of kind of business stuff
Speaker 1: we have to do all the time. Yeah, so there's
Speaker 1: lots of work, which is good. And then at a
Speaker 1: certain point every day, I know when I'm done, I
Speaker 1: just walk straight into the pool and I just spend
Speaker 1: an hour. So I've been doing that a lot, just
Speaker 1: because it's so soothing and so nice in this crazy weather,
Speaker 1: just to be able to kind of get out there.
Speaker 5: And do you ever walk march towards your pool like
Speaker 5: one of those gun routines where you stop and immediately
Speaker 5: spin and then do it backwards nasty plunge into it.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I take a bunch of iced tea into.
Speaker 5: The pool with me, and that always bothered me. I
Speaker 5: know it was yourself the glass, but.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so funny, it's so hot. I mean, sorry,
Speaker 1: I think most I've bragged about having a pool before,
Speaker 1: and I do apologize to a.
Speaker 5: Lot of people have pools.
Speaker 1: Karen, No, I know it's not I I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I'm better than everybody. I'm saying I'm better than you guys.
Speaker 5: But anyway, Okay, your old house was a piece of
Speaker 5: shit and it had a pool. It was a piece
Speaker 5: of See haven't I made things better with that insult?
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you. You really let me off the hook. So,
Speaker 1: but it's been so hot that algae is growing in
Speaker 1: the pool.
Speaker 5: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: So when my pool guy came, I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what I did. Literally the because it's
Speaker 1: like a pool that hasn't like a hot tub. They
Speaker 1: built it along with the pool. It's all one thing
Speaker 1: kind of and it turned dark green like a pond
Speaker 1: in one day. And I was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I did. I'm so embarrassed because it's like I
Speaker 1: want to go. I'm not peeing in the pool, like
Speaker 1: I'm so defensive about it. And he just started laught.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, no, this happened. It's too hot, Like
Speaker 1: it's all like all this, you know, the environmental situation.
Speaker 5: And then he walked away under his breast saying pool pisser.
Speaker 1: I walked a waving like I have to get away
Speaker 1: from this job. I have to stop having to work here.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it has been like even when it's in the
Speaker 5: nineties here and there's all these skate parks around. I've
Speaker 5: been skating with my friends, and it is so dry
Speaker 5: that I don't realize how hot it is and how
Speaker 5: humid it is at home. And that's why I've had
Speaker 5: black mold in my kitchen.
Speaker 1: And oh, that's very bad for you.
Speaker 5: There's a lot that I don't miss right now. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and I'm having the best time.
Speaker 1: I really be careful with that black mold in your
Speaker 1: kitchen because.
Speaker 5: I moved out of that place. That's Nate Craig's kitchen.
Speaker 1: Oh good, Oh good, good, guys, Zazi actually affects you.
Speaker 5: Why do I call the bath it's the bathroom where
Speaker 5: the mold was. Sometimes I cook, I ate burritos, will
Speaker 5: I shower, and I forget what the room I'm in.
Speaker 1: Both are very humid, both have a toilet. I can't
Speaker 1: tell the toy the kitchen from the bathroom horrible, but
Speaker 1: they I When I sold my old house just recently,
Speaker 1: I found out that there was black mold in the kitchen,
Speaker 1: in the TV room closet where I used to keep
Speaker 1: like this, sleeping bags and the games and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: It was kind of like a you know, multi use
Speaker 1: closet or whatever. But I found out on their inspection
Speaker 1: that there was black mold in there, which I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: because after like in two thousand and eight or whatever,
Speaker 1: when I left a very stressful, terrible job, I went
Speaker 1: and laid on that couch and I didn't get up
Speaker 1: for nine months, and I thought, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think I have clinical depression, And now I think
Speaker 1: I was being poisoned by the black mold in the closet,
Speaker 1: which was two feet away.
Speaker 5: It's the only because I've seen mold that is black
Speaker 5: in color, but black mold has to be a specific
Speaker 5: type of noxious or yes, toxic, yeah, noxious as a weed.
Speaker 5: The most I had in my bathroom was very dark
Speaker 5: and seemed black, but it probably wasn't black mold. Although
Speaker 5: Nate and I all we did all day is sneeze
Speaker 5: loudly ew, just two dudes scream sneezing, And since I
Speaker 5: moved Taco Park, I wunt sneeze all night and all
Speaker 5: day and threw my sleep anymore.
Speaker 1: You must have been allergic to like the bush, the
Speaker 1: bush right outside your window or something.
Speaker 5: Goddamn shrubberies, mostly cactie.
Speaker 1: Cactie. You're super allergic to cactuses.
Speaker 5: Just yeah, the dryness, the knee. Just the needles if
Speaker 5: I get the needles in my face or on my eyes. Oh,
Speaker 5: the sneezing, oh god, and the bleeding because it's neat.
Speaker 1: I told you about the time at the dog park
Speaker 1: where it was right I had just gotten Frank. He's
Speaker 1: the little one.
Speaker 5: Sure's you've never got swiveled over to a dog before.
Speaker 1: Look at there. He it's Frank.
Speaker 5: Hey, Frank, can you hear me? Frank?
Speaker 1: So from one time Frank at the dog park ran
Speaker 1: up the hill. So the dog park was almost like
Speaker 1: a football stadium where there was the flat part and
Speaker 1: then it went up on every side, and the Hollywood
Speaker 1: sign was right above us. It was it's that dog park.
Speaker 1: And he went straight up one of the one side
Speaker 1: of it. And George used to go up all the time,
Speaker 1: run around and come back just fine. Frank wouldn't come
Speaker 1: back this one day, and I kept sending George back
Speaker 1: up to get and go. You better go get that dog,
Speaker 1: and then she'd turn and run back up the bill. Well,
Speaker 1: it turned out these these hikers that were up top
Speaker 1: were closer to him than I was, because he was
Speaker 1: almost to the street to the ridge of it. Uh huh.
Speaker 1: He had walked through a patch of cactuses and he
Speaker 1: was covered in cactus needles. So that's why he wasn't
Speaker 1: moving is because he had cactus needles from like his
Speaker 1: front legs back. He looked like a little cactus himself.
Speaker 1: They were like, oh that long. It was really bad.
Speaker 1: I had to sit there and pick out cactus needles
Speaker 1: all night.
Speaker 5: Oh and I've I've just bumped into a cactus where
Speaker 5: a couple are they quills? It's a portant needles. But
Speaker 5: they there's like poisoning them. They are so painful. They
Speaker 5: and they leave painful serum, pain causing serums.
Speaker 1: But if you get them in your face.
Speaker 5: Yeah, under the eye, amazing, amazing. It's like a vampire
Speaker 5: facial from the desert.
Speaker 1: A desert vampire facial.
Speaker 5: And that you described to me once. I don't know
Speaker 5: if you got one, but you just knew about them.
Speaker 5: Where they take your blood or someone's blood, maybe a
Speaker 5: baby's platelets, poke your face and then massage blood in
Speaker 5: your face. Am I wrong?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: I don't know if that exists. If it does exist,
Speaker 1: I assure you baby platelets are not involved. That's some
Speaker 1: kind of quanon thing.
Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's not the r knee surgery. Okay, gotcha.
Speaker 1: But I got microdermabrasion one time, and it is called
Speaker 1: the vampire the vampire facial okay, where the thing that
Speaker 1: they they scrub your face with is five prongs of
Speaker 1: tiny needles. And what they're doing is they just basically
Speaker 1: wreck the top layer of skin, like they scratch it
Speaker 1: up so bad, and so you have a super red face.
Speaker 1: Blood comes up, for sure, I think I've sent you
Speaker 1: that picture. Your face is covered with blood. And then
Speaker 1: when they wipe all that away, your face is super red.
Speaker 1: And then when it heals, like in a couple of days,
Speaker 1: it's not that red anymore, like a week. But then
Speaker 1: your body sends collagen too your face to repair all
Speaker 1: of that damage, right, and then you get this influx
Speaker 1: of like basically new baby baby skin. That's where the
Speaker 1: baby part comes out. Yeah, yeah, all of.
Speaker 5: That like where you confuse your body and oh you
Speaker 5: want to get ripped, you got to confuse and tear
Speaker 5: your muscles to hear the muscles in half. Yeah, and
Speaker 5: no one's going to think I'm a real man after this.
Speaker 5: But is that is it a jade roller with little
Speaker 5: needles on it.
Speaker 1: No, that's like you mean that thing I just described you.
Speaker 5: If I did it to my face hard enough and
Speaker 5: there was blood, I think I've done it to my
Speaker 5: face and then you just put sierram in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, except for you shouldn't have your own at home.
Speaker 1: That would be I think only doctors should do that
Speaker 1: one on you.
Speaker 5: I don't you know what. I don't think doctors are
Speaker 5: that much more talented than me, especially skin doctors, dermatologist
Speaker 5: like you wish. Yeah, you might as well be a dentist. Oh,
Speaker 5: so many offended people. You know, I'm kidding. I rely
Speaker 5: on you.
Speaker 1: Stop it. You know we're joking. There it is, I
Speaker 1: got you. Here's the picture, sending it to both of
Speaker 1: you right now. This is me and the elevator after
Speaker 1: I got Oh there it is. No. This is me
Speaker 1: on the table when I got my vampire facial Stephen Chris.
Speaker 5: And it's they do not rub. They do not they
Speaker 5: don't rub blood into those abrasions.
Speaker 1: Oop, Stephen Clerky. That's my cousin, Stephen. I'm not sending
Speaker 1: it to him.
Speaker 5: Maybe got it for no reason.
Speaker 1: It's like, are you okay? And fair Banks? There you
Speaker 1: go and you know what, I'm gonna also Senate, so
Speaker 1: I also send it to Margaret Joe. Okay, she came
Speaker 1: up too.
Speaker 5: I'm going to forward all of this to benefit.
Speaker 4: Oh I remember this, I remember you showing Georgia, and I.
Speaker 1: Of course I send it to Steve in the second
Speaker 1: it happens.
Speaker 5: Because this is your face. You have a beard of blood,
Speaker 5: and it's one of the best pictures I've seen.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's such a good picture of me. Really,
Speaker 1: it's one of the better ones I've ever seen.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like you have a bunch of I want
Speaker 5: to I'm like a lady from the sixties. Rouge what
Speaker 5: do you call? It looks like a rouge just put
Speaker 5: on like a raccoon, did makeup on your face.
Speaker 1: With as little like I got drunk, and then put
Speaker 1: a bunch of blush on my lower cheeks, not my upper,
Speaker 1: my chin and lower cheeks. And also this was after
Speaker 1: he wiped the blood off, so that your hair is
Speaker 1: all cool.
Speaker 5: It looks like you had a blowout.
Speaker 1: I mean that's and I'm wearing some big diamond earrings
Speaker 1: that make me look rich, but they're actually from CVS.
Speaker 1: You guys, we're going to post this picture.
Speaker 5: It's yeah, I approve. Yeah, rid picture.
Speaker 1: Now let's just do a quick Chris hair check in
Speaker 1: because I feel like, now it's I don't know if
Speaker 1: you cut it, but it's now shaped really well.
Speaker 5: It is. It's because I put in some some conditioner,
Speaker 5: leave in stuff that makes it that says, hey, you
Speaker 5: want curls. Put this in.
Speaker 1: Oh it looks good.
Speaker 5: It is not, yeah, it but it is huge. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I have shots from this weekend where it's offensive. It
Speaker 5: just is is eraser head.
Speaker 1: Now do you have skateboard friends in Missoula? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, my best of skateboard friends, the ones that
Speaker 5: are nice to me while we do it together. They
Speaker 5: don't act too cool. They cheer me on as I
Speaker 5: slowly try and do what I used to be able
Speaker 5: to do.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so they like the hair. The skateboard all look
Speaker 5: like we've been living under a rock.
Speaker 1: Oh okay.
Speaker 5: My buddy Justin Grew's hair it is down past his
Speaker 5: shoulders and he wears Andre Agassy Headman's Yes, and it's
Speaker 5: funny because my other friend Kurt always has long hair
Speaker 5: like he's been living in the woods, and he has
Speaker 5: a nice clean haircut. I think this quarantine is just
Speaker 5: making everyone do the opposite of what their hair does.
Speaker 1: I think it's a time to explore. Yeah. Me, for example,
Speaker 1: I have been exploring trying to smell as disgusting as possible.
Speaker 1: If I haven't warned the odorant for six months in
Speaker 1: a row. There's been a couple days where I've thrown
Speaker 1: on some toms of Maine, almost as a gesture like, oh,
Speaker 1: if one person is coming over, that is.
Speaker 5: Just enhances bo It's like adding a spice to your
Speaker 5: body odor toms of ma. I have some that is
Speaker 5: I don't know how. I just grabbed it at a
Speaker 5: natural food store, but it is paturely. Ugh it is,
Speaker 5: and I've been using it. It's like, hey, no one's
Speaker 5: around to judge my pits.
Speaker 1: True and Patulli does cover. I mean it actually gets
Speaker 1: the job done for that. But I have so if
Speaker 1: you grew up in like late eighties nineties, especially in
Speaker 1: San Francisco, paturely because smell is the strongest sense, the
Speaker 1: recall sense that I have memories of being at parties
Speaker 1: where someone had like that. There was a petuli culture
Speaker 1: through the party and it was such a bummer to
Speaker 1: be I was just like I don't belong here. I'm
Speaker 1: like a drama kid and I'm at the hippie party
Speaker 1: and I don't want.
Speaker 5: To be here, and I no longer have any animosity
Speaker 5: towards the hippies. I'll play footbag. I will watch you
Speaker 5: dance and pretend there's an invisible sphere in front of
Speaker 5: your body. But Petuli still is upsetting to me. That
Speaker 5: smell is so overpowering right now. And Sisters, he could
Speaker 5: just lean his head out at RV and it will
Speaker 5: waft through the the the Mount Bachelor Valley, down past
Speaker 5: Sisters into Bend, past the Shoots Brewery. I wish I
Speaker 5: was with you, Skeevi, and I love that.
Speaker 4: I love the Shoots. That's nice there. A few times
Speaker 4: they give they give a nice tour.
Speaker 5: I would go outside and and wave to my friend
Speaker 5: that got paid the snowboard as I drank through a flask.
Speaker 5: But I did enjoy my time in Bend.
Speaker 1: It's nice up there.
Speaker 5: It's so great.
Speaker 1: I've been there for a couple New Year's Eves and
Speaker 1: the snow. Being in one of those triangle shaped cabins
Speaker 1: with snow coming down is maybe my very favorite vibe.
Speaker 5: Yeah, all of all the cabins around where my friend
Speaker 5: just he was living in an apartment for ten years
Speaker 5: in Golda. He's my friend that lived right near those
Speaker 5: four murders Golden State murder. And they said you have
Speaker 5: to get out. We're going to make a roundabout here
Speaker 5: or whatever, and then gave him eighty grand to either
Speaker 5: find a place or find an equal place of value
Speaker 5: to rent. And the only place you can buy a
Speaker 5: house with land for eighty grand is in Montana. So
Speaker 5: there was like five choices, and he kind of took
Speaker 5: it side unseen. No, he didn't see the site, and
Speaker 5: then he's seen it and then got it. But all
Speaker 5: of the apartments around them are those a frames because
Speaker 5: snow so snow, you know, skiffs off. Yeah, and it is.
Speaker 5: You can walk to a ski area. There's this mine,
Speaker 5: these mine shafts that I mentioned, there's a lake where
Speaker 5: people ice fish. It's like, if I was a different person,
Speaker 5: i'd be I just didn't grow up appreciating all that stuff.
Speaker 5: But now when I go back, I'm like, I want
Speaker 5: to be an ice fishing miner.
Speaker 1: Well, but don't you think because I grew up in
Speaker 1: an area that's equally Now it's like becoming fancy for
Speaker 1: how rural and and like non gmo, free range kind
Speaker 1: of the whole thing. Like pedlumas itself. It has clover
Speaker 1: store netted Dairya is in Pedaluma and that's the main
Speaker 1: milk brand at Whole Foods. Right, So like it's all
Speaker 1: becoming fancy. But when I was growing up, it was
Speaker 1: just what was there, and so you didn't you can't
Speaker 1: appreciate it because you think everyone has a dairy in
Speaker 1: their town. You think everyone lives kind of close to
Speaker 1: the beach and kind of close to a major city
Speaker 1: and kind of blah blah blah, Like we had no
Speaker 1: idea how good we had it at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that I noticed that when I was
Speaker 5: in Pataluma, like I imagine what it was like, kind
Speaker 5: of like Bozeman, Montana. But then people with money come
Speaker 5: there because they appreciate it, and it kind of becomes
Speaker 5: this money making parody of itself, and it well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we I think I've said this, but we
Speaker 1: grew up carpooling to school with the family that owned
Speaker 1: that dairy. They were just they had like a regular car.
Speaker 1: And of course that dairy has only succeeded and done
Speaker 1: great because it's essentially all the way they farmed, and
Speaker 1: like their whole thing of non gmo milk production and
Speaker 1: like free range milk or whatever however they do it,
Speaker 1: no hormones, all that stuff became the pricey way to
Speaker 1: do it, whereas before it was just like I used
Speaker 1: to always say that to my friends, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm so weirdly spoiled because we grew up with chicken
Speaker 1: ranches everywhere, so like, I have a very high expectation
Speaker 1: of what a breast of chicken is to compare to
Speaker 1: some people where I'm like, yeah, I can't eat this.
Speaker 1: I don't know what this this isn't because it's not
Speaker 1: like fucking hormone free, free range. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's why you haven't been pumped with the
Speaker 5: steroids your whole life. That's why you don't have a mustache.
Speaker 1: I'm working on it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, you can grow a mustache. I'm saying you
Speaker 5: could not.
Speaker 1: I'm trying.
Speaker 5: Do they still deliver in a glass bottle and put
Speaker 5: it on your doorstep that way?
Speaker 1: No, but they they did in the eighties. They did
Speaker 1: up through like our next door neighbors used to have
Speaker 1: milk delivered oh fresh, like literally dairy fresh milk in
Speaker 1: glass bottles. They had that delivered up through the early eighties.
Speaker 5: It was so normal. Some apartments, if it's like from
Speaker 5: the thirties or forties, they'll have a door next to
Speaker 5: the mailbox that is for male or for milk to
Speaker 5: be placed there by a milk professional.
Speaker 1: That's how much milk everyone drank.
Speaker 5: I know, not anymore. Not me.
Speaker 1: No, can't do it.
Speaker 5: I don't know should I if I have a baby,
Speaker 5: or an act access to a baby, or let's say
Speaker 5: someone gives me a baby and says, take care of
Speaker 5: this baby. I'm not bragging, but I had really good bones.
Speaker 5: I never oh yeah, I'd like I would hurt my ankle,
Speaker 5: but never break it.
Speaker 1: I'd never have you never broken a bone?
Speaker 5: Well, yes, but the times I did, I deserved it.
Speaker 5: It was it was something traumatic.
Speaker 1: God.
Speaker 5: But I really feel like or my teeth. I've always
Speaker 5: been lucky with teeth stuff, never cavities or anything. I'm
Speaker 5: not Bragging's here's some other things that I but I
Speaker 5: really think it maybe had something to do with milk.
Speaker 5: But maybe that's someone something someone tells you.
Speaker 1: I think it is does have to do with milk.
Speaker 1: It's all that calcium, vitamin D. There's a bunch of
Speaker 1: good stuff in there. It's like you're being a baby calf.
Speaker 5: For your whole life, right. But now, I would never
Speaker 5: drink milk. Now, I'm like, I'm one of these weirdos
Speaker 5: that thinks it's weird to drink milk from another animal.
Speaker 1: Well, that's fine. I mean having your pot cereal because
Speaker 1: there's nothing weird about that.
Speaker 5: No, I put almond milk my cereal. I'm going on
Speaker 5: ten years, but hey, look at me. It's good though
Speaker 5: I eat cheese. You think I don't eat cheese. I
Speaker 5: just I'm yelling at myself. Now, I don't want milk
Speaker 5: unless it's salty and I'm biting into it.
Speaker 1: I'm just I want a cube of milk. It's older
Speaker 1: than average milk. It's actually old cubed milk.
Speaker 5: If someone said, oh, really, so here's some almond milk cheddar,
Speaker 5: I would slap it out of their hands.
Speaker 1: So fast, have you had? I mean I think we
Speaker 1: all have. But vegan cheese is like melting a little
Speaker 1: piece of plastic on something and being like there you go,
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself and like just take it off.
Speaker 1: I don't want, don't bother.
Speaker 5: I'll defend it a little. It's gotten a remember just
Speaker 5: a handful of years ago. If you melt, it just
Speaker 5: gets crispy and hard and shrinks. It's like shrinky Dinks
Speaker 5: that plastic you put in the oven. Yeah, that's like
Speaker 5: prettych It's like, oh, look at all this cheese, and
Speaker 5: then it's and then you just peel it off and
Speaker 5: it's a it's a cheese frisbee. Yeah, it's gotten better.
Speaker 5: I've seen it get better, along with gluten free bread
Speaker 5: and all these other things. They they're you know, the
Speaker 5: impossible meats. I'm a bit fan.
Speaker 1: Yeah. People love the impossible meats. They really believe in them.
Speaker 5: I think getting You know, Starbucks has an impossible breakfast sandwich. Really, Uh,
Speaker 5: I've been eating them.
Speaker 1: And what's it like?
Speaker 5: I brought a bunch of cards with me. You think
Speaker 5: I haven't still gone to Starbucks every other day?
Speaker 1: Karen? You think I don't go to the drive through?
Speaker 1: What's a week? Look at our cards? Go wow, this
Speaker 1: is not just for me, and then use it anyway.
Speaker 5: Yeah, don't get closer to the screen to me when
Speaker 5: I'm about to tell you. Do you think Karen, get
Speaker 5: closer to the screen. Do you think that I haven't
Speaker 5: driven all the way across town just to find the
Speaker 5: drive through?
Speaker 1: Get closer, clos Do you actually think I'd go to
Speaker 1: the drive through and use my own money? You're crazy, Karen.
Speaker 5: Do you think that's being close to the screen? Look
Speaker 5: at this. You can see my eyebags. I look terrible.
Speaker 1: I can't I can't get that close to this. Oh,
Speaker 1: look who came? She didn't like the energy? Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: the matter? You don't like the energy? Was I being
Speaker 1: too weird and freaked you out? Okay, George, you're fine,
Speaker 1: You're fine. When I yelled Frank, George is the one
Speaker 1: that look Frank is not. Frank's feeling under the weather today.
Speaker 1: His stomach was growling this morning and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you must be hungry, and then he didn't eat, so
Speaker 1: I think he's a he's got some gust or intestinal issues. George,
Speaker 1: on the other hand, is more of a nervous She
Speaker 1: doesn't like conflict. She doesn't understand comedy. She thinks we're
Speaker 1: just yelling at each other.
Speaker 5: I miss when I would go to your house every
Speaker 5: time we would podcast, And then I was getting so
Speaker 5: close to both dogs not barking and jumping. The last
Speaker 5: few times, I feel like they bark like twice and
Speaker 5: then they're like they got used to me. Now I'd
Speaker 5: have to start all over.
Speaker 1: Well, but I think George is a little bit calmer
Speaker 1: because she's getting old, so she doesn't do the front
Speaker 1: door jam. Is not the drama it used to be
Speaker 1: because man also heard bark is so loud that it
Speaker 1: like echoes. He used to echo in that front room
Speaker 1: in the old house. But now she does like she'll
Speaker 1: do two barks in a jump. Maybe she always needs
Speaker 1: to try to see if she can lick the inside
Speaker 1: of her.
Speaker 5: Are you sure he dog isn't a third base coach?
Speaker 5: I it just seems like a signal. I yeah, sometimes
Speaker 5: that's the only thing with dogs that I'm because I
Speaker 5: love dogs now. But the bark, the loud echoee, I
Speaker 5: didn't know that was coming, and so I drop what
Speaker 5: I'm holding bark. I gotta get used to that. I'm
Speaker 5: used to the quietness of cats, and which brings me
Speaker 5: Steven and Karen. I was in my friend's trailer in Phillipsburg,
Speaker 5: and there's a tiny kitten, a very tiny kitten without
Speaker 5: a caller or anything, but clearly a clean kitten that
Speaker 5: was just knocking on the door asking to come in.
Speaker 5: And my buddy Ross was there and he loves cats,
Speaker 5: and it was just a little, perfect tabby cat that
Speaker 5: just came in and started partying, laying in our laps,
Speaker 5: taking little naps, playing. We had this little air mattress
Speaker 5: where he's riding on it and then jumping but not
Speaker 5: using his claws. And then I'd pat the cat and
Speaker 5: he'd start to sleep and snore, and then it's time
Speaker 5: to party again. And the whole time, my buddy Justin
Speaker 5: doesn't really like cats, he's not. But I'm like, you
Speaker 5: have a cat now?
Speaker 1: This is oh because it was his house.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and the cat sleep it slept, oh, slept in
Speaker 5: my face until morning. But then they went, oh, this
Speaker 5: cat slept and would wake me up just to be
Speaker 5: like hi, and would stare at my face. I'm like,
Speaker 5: either I have a cat or that I'm going to
Speaker 5: have to fly on a plane with. I was going
Speaker 5: to keep the cat, I'd know, I knew, but Justin
Speaker 5: was like, yeah, that cat's pretty damn cute. And he's
Speaker 5: not a cat guy. That's how cute this cat was
Speaker 5: but then they're responsible. And in the early in the morning,
Speaker 5: curtain Raw went door to door and they immediately found
Speaker 5: a woman that was worried about her cats. She had
Speaker 5: a bunch of cats and she was She came in
Speaker 5: and saw some lunatic laying on a floor on an
Speaker 5: air mattress holding her cat with my murder hair, and
Speaker 5: she's like, I'll take my cat now. I what a
Speaker 5: nice kitty. I just woke it up. Oh but we
Speaker 5: gave the cat back. Oh oh, I was so close.
Speaker 5: I would have flown back with that cat.
Speaker 1: You could have also rented. It would have been fun
Speaker 1: to rent a truck. Fill the truck with furniture. I want.
Speaker 1: That's in Missoula. Yeah, just shop for me a little bit,
Speaker 1: get some cool items.
Speaker 5: Oh it's here. I'll take pictures at the antique mall.
Speaker 5: I'm going to go. Oh tomorrow, I'm rafting, but I'll
Speaker 5: go on Sunday. And there's amazing stuff, beautiful antique stuff,
Speaker 5: all affordable.
Speaker 1: You could I'll give you a Starbucks card to rent
Speaker 1: a truck on and you can go and get me.
Speaker 5: I can find you were gonna say, rent a truck
Speaker 5: and filled the back with kitty litter and drive the
Speaker 5: cat back in a giant litter box. Why don't you
Speaker 5: get him there? He's playing Room two. He arrives potty trained.
Speaker 1: He completely knows how to do it. What the world
Speaker 1: is like? That's so disturbing. I knew there were frack
Speaker 1: guys I knew in college, or did I know them
Speaker 1: personally or did I just hear the story? They would
Speaker 1: rent U haul trucks and they would all get into
Speaker 1: the back of the truck with a keg and then
Speaker 1: drive to places partying in the back of a U
Speaker 1: haul like with no just just in the dark, drinking
Speaker 1: beer while somebody drove the truck.
Speaker 5: That sound really scary, but yeah, no of me. A
Speaker 5: bunch of my friends pulled ten friends. I wasn't even
Speaker 5: one of them, but they all had copies of a
Speaker 5: key to a black van that had the Metallica logo
Speaker 5: on the outside but it said Montana and there was
Speaker 5: all the bench seating in the back was coolers and
Speaker 5: they would drive around and dank in the back of
Speaker 5: that windowless truck. So it's the same as renting a van. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's very serpeted though, and I kind of wish I
Speaker 5: own that van.
Speaker 1: Today, I think it's best you don't vans. I feel
Speaker 1: like vans they've had their time and there and there's
Speaker 1: so much more threat and negativity attached. Just get an SUV.
Speaker 5: If I took a photo of this van, you would
Speaker 5: I know you well enough to know you changed your
Speaker 5: mind because it really four wheel drive, It was jacked up,
Speaker 5: it was all but it looked like the A team
Speaker 5: van and it was. I really wish I had it,
Speaker 5: but only to drive to wherever big bear. I wouldn't
Speaker 5: drive it through town like a low netack.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry, I pick I guess I was picturing
Speaker 1: like one of those production vans that's white with no
Speaker 1: windows and like metal all in the anti y okay,
Speaker 1: it's so scared.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, thanks, no anytime. I classic.
Speaker 1: I had love that I do have leftover from going
Speaker 1: out with someone who is a complete gearhead for you know,
Speaker 1: Pete was a huge, big into cars.
Speaker 5: Had he had a Volkswagen.
Speaker 1: He rebuilt a Volkswagen bus from the seventies he did,
Speaker 1: I mean, he was super super into it. So I
Speaker 1: have this leftover like from his interest. Just I almost
Speaker 1: kind of know about them, and then I do know
Speaker 1: about like when people rebuild cars like that and make
Speaker 1: them super bad us. They're undeniable, like a van that
Speaker 1: would have just slightly bigger tires on the back. So
Speaker 1: it's there's something about it that's almost like seems evil.
Speaker 5: That's the great uls car. Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 5: love that. And here's this is the most ridiculous thing.
Speaker 5: And it almost falls in line with if we were
Speaker 5: being asked trivia questions, which probably Stephen had some ready.
Speaker 5: But my dream car is an AMC Eagle, that wagon
Speaker 5: car with wood paneling that just came stock with four
Speaker 5: wheel drive. I've always wanted one.
Speaker 1: Did they run? Okay, do you know anything about them?
Speaker 5: About the AMC company. I know they're called the American
Speaker 5: Motor Company. No, I don't. They made the Gremlin, Yeah,
Speaker 5: made the uh maybe the Pacer, and then they made
Speaker 5: this four wheel drive wagon and I've seen a few
Speaker 5: of them that have been turned into monster trucks, and
Speaker 5: I just want one. I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 5: when I would use it, though.
Speaker 1: I somehow got myself onto a gun website trying to
Speaker 1: find the AMC Eagle. I don't know what I did.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just all it's just now an assault rifle,
Speaker 5: same factory.
Speaker 1: Well, oh look at this, look at that.
Speaker 5: See you like it? I know what you like? Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: see that car, and that's a classic roadster. It's four
Speaker 5: wheel drive though like before subar Us or around the
Speaker 5: same time as suber Us. That is just a car
Speaker 5: that goes into four wheel drive.
Speaker 1: It sure does.
Speaker 5: Look at that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like out in the desert. God damn right.
Speaker 5: You take it to the desert and there's groceries in back.
Speaker 5: I love that car.
Speaker 1: That's a mother of four.
Speaker 5: Oh, I want one.
Speaker 1: I think if I had to get any let's do
Speaker 1: a pick right now, because you've already talked about the
Speaker 1: AMC Eagle and the Van. So let's do a pick.
Speaker 1: If I had to have any old car, so like,
Speaker 1: say a rebuilt car, say it's before nineteen seventy or something.
Speaker 1: You can't choose boxy Volvo, can't, oh, because we already
Speaker 1: know that.
Speaker 5: That's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so good idea, good idea. I think, well, shit.
Speaker 5: You really want a boxy Volvo, don't you.
Speaker 1: I mean, it is my favorite, but no, if it
Speaker 1: were muscle on the Mustley side, I would I'd want
Speaker 1: to have my cousin Lisa's old Chevy Chevelle, Chevelle, I
Speaker 1: think Super Sport or Chavette, Yeah, a Chavette. It was.
Speaker 1: It was I think it was actually like a boyfriend's
Speaker 1: car that she ended up driving, But it was totally.
Speaker 1: The back wheels were way bigger than the front wheels. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it went up. You pressed on the gas. It was
Speaker 1: immediately going ninety miles an hour. It was really loud.
Speaker 1: It was custom painted midnight blue, so it sparkled in
Speaker 1: the sunlight. It was badass. It was really it was crazy.
Speaker 5: It's so funny how that even and I thought about
Speaker 5: doing it recently because I got new tires. I just
Speaker 5: wanted to paint the letters on my tires white, just
Speaker 5: because letters on the tires combined with big and back
Speaker 5: smaller upfront for some reason, even on eight Honda Cord
Speaker 5: just looks cool.
Speaker 1: It's shit because isn't that a little bit white letters
Speaker 1: on the tires is a match boxy thing with the detailing. Yeah, yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: Like good dear.
Speaker 5: They don't do that to tires anymore unless it's like
Speaker 5: big four wheel drive tires or a NASCAR car. But
Speaker 5: I want letters on the tires.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna have to go out there and hand
Speaker 1: paint it or get your dad to.
Speaker 5: I have already bought tire markers in white for really
Speaker 5: like two years ago. I bought a bushel of them.
Speaker 5: This is a plan that I've had planned out, but
Speaker 5: I just won't pull the trigger.
Speaker 1: Sorry, then are the letters there they're just not painted?
Speaker 1: Or do you have to then put the letters on yourself.
Speaker 5: It's a very good question. One year I had a
Speaker 5: normal tire, like a Falcon tire, and I made a
Speaker 5: stencil that said bad year. Two thousand and four for
Speaker 5: some reason was a bad year, so it said two
Speaker 5: thousand and four bad year with the winged boot. Yeah,
Speaker 5: And I but I'd get compliments all the time, like haha,
Speaker 5: bad year opposite a good year, good one. But I
Speaker 5: do think that I just want to do a good
Speaker 5: job this time and outline the existing letters on the tires.
Speaker 5: But I know that one time i'd do a bad
Speaker 5: job parking, it's going to rub off and then all
Speaker 5: those hours of work gook.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not going to rub all of them
Speaker 1: off at once. So let's really get right sized with
Speaker 1: this problem. Should you park badly one time? And look,
Speaker 1: we all do it yeah, you smear off ear right,
Speaker 1: you can get right back in there with that, right
Speaker 1: and right.
Speaker 5: You've talked me into it. Periodic touch ups, do it.
Speaker 5: You know what, I'm gonna spray paint my hubcaps too.
Speaker 5: This is I'm really glad we talked about this because
Speaker 5: I've been putting it off, like one curb rub is
Speaker 5: going to scrape the whole thing. No start from.
Speaker 1: Scratch unless you like do that thing where when you
Speaker 1: put in reverse and then you just drive back along
Speaker 1: the curb almost like you hear it. You hear the scraping,
Speaker 1: you hear everything, and you're like, I'm just going to
Speaker 1: keep going until I fit into this parking spot. I've
Speaker 1: never done those.
Speaker 5: If that happens, you better look for a tranquilizer dart
Speaker 5: in my neck because I would never hug the curb
Speaker 5: unless I am passed out.
Speaker 1: Because you're such a good parker.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm good. I'm really good. I'm really good at parking.
Speaker 1: I am too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you have to be. Once you move to Los
Speaker 5: Angeles people, you have to be.
Speaker 1: And I also think there's a there's a part of
Speaker 1: you that has to give it over to the universe
Speaker 1: that you're not actually the one parking. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: you make the right kind of you know, don't go
Speaker 1: until you completely turn the wheel entirely, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. There's things like that that you can help yourself,
Speaker 1: but ultimately you are in Jesus' hands.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, you mean Jesus is your co pilot,
Speaker 5: because that's how I every time I go to parallel park,
Speaker 5: I'm like, let's do God have to do half this work.
Speaker 1: God, you go to ten, I'll go to two. Let's
Speaker 1: get this taken care of.
Speaker 5: I know I haven't talked to you for two years
Speaker 5: since I lost my wallet and I asked you to
Speaker 5: help me find it.
Speaker 1: God me Chris from Episcopalian camp.
Speaker 5: We are at a tailgate football party, a thing I
Speaker 5: never go to, and these are real men. They are
Speaker 5: watching me right now. And if you don't help me
Speaker 5: park right now, I swear I'll never believe in you.
Speaker 5: That's what I say.
Speaker 1: You need me more than I need you, God, So
Speaker 1: you better park this car for me. Uh huh. God's
Speaker 1: like yest's stay current.
Speaker 5: You need me more than I do.
Speaker 1: Old School, we see how the world's going. I'm the
Speaker 1: I'm it's supply and demand friend.
Speaker 5: Well, I've gone into a mode where I just thought
Speaker 5: we were talking, but we've been doing a podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, should we wrap it down next time?
Speaker 5: Can we do questions? Steven?
Speaker 1: Oh you don't have any Oh good, Okay.
Speaker 5: Next time we'll do it. We'll do like a full
Speaker 5: on just so it's different. I just called my dad
Speaker 5: back in, but I think he's just watching TV.
Speaker 1: You know what, if you nail it the first time,
Speaker 1: don't go back try to recapture that glory.
Speaker 5: I agree.
Speaker 1: This is when he comes in and he's wearing black
Speaker 1: face and we're like, no, j yeah, please.
Speaker 5: God, I forgot about this bit. My dad didn't do
Speaker 5: cool again.
Speaker 4: Well, that was fun.
Speaker 5: This was I don't know. I mean, this was one
Speaker 5: of the funner times I've had funner, Like funner is
Speaker 5: a word now, a lot of people will call you out. Yeah,
Speaker 5: they put it in the dictionary a few years ago.
Speaker 5: Love it. It replaced more fun I've had fun. I mean,
Speaker 5: on I felt like I was just talking to you.
Speaker 5: I really did kind of forget we're podcasting.
Speaker 1: I think that's the best kind of podcasting, except for
Speaker 1: we were opening a door for people to be offended
Speaker 1: by the things we were discussing about things we know
Speaker 1: are offensive these days, so please understand, just as a
Speaker 1: final recap, these are things we're discussing, we're saying are offensive,
Speaker 1: so nobody has to come and tell us they're offensive,
Speaker 1: just as a quick fyi. And also you can I
Speaker 1: won't be on Twitter to accept a message.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, so let them do. Let her rip. She
Speaker 5: ain't gonna see him. Go ahead, be an armchair general
Speaker 5: and fire them off. But Karen's out, explore, she's swimming.
Speaker 1: I like, I very much appreciate the people I get
Speaker 1: to talk to and hear from on Twitter. It's I'm
Speaker 1: not too plainning because it's really cool, but it's not
Speaker 1: the best. None of us should be open to anyone,
Speaker 1: just anyone's opinion or anyone's anything.
Speaker 5: I think just everyone's looking for it now because we
Speaker 5: don't get to be around people. But I, yeah, I
Speaker 5: have lately, and good god, I've missed it. And I
Speaker 5: hope I come out of that shit a changed person
Speaker 5: because I like human interaction and I think like a
Speaker 5: year ago, I would have said like I just want
Speaker 5: to be at home. I don't want to be around
Speaker 5: to anyone, or I sometimes say like, oh, I hate people.
Speaker 5: I will never say that ever.
Speaker 1: I same here. I spent years and year skipping parties,
Speaker 1: being invited places, telling myself, you can't go, you're not
Speaker 1: blank enough, you're not blob, it'll be bad whatever, or
Speaker 1: it'll be boring or yeah or somehow. I would just
Speaker 1: weirdly talk myself out of it every time, and I
Speaker 1: swear to God, I will never do it again. Either
Speaker 1: go to every dumb fucking party there is.
Speaker 5: Pinky swear. I'll put my face close to the screen again.
Speaker 1: I don't fucking go to this party right here and
Speaker 1: tell you this is the party, or I'm telling you
Speaker 1: I'm going to parties, all.
Speaker 5: Right if I'm not there first? Who's that character? All right?
Speaker 1: The confrontational Yeah, I'm sorry. You know what those characters are, bears.
Speaker 5: It's a competition. That's how it's confrontational.
Speaker 1: So it's actually it's who needs people more. It's a
Speaker 1: codependence competition.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, Steven's light went out, and I think
Speaker 5: he's actually going to bed.
Speaker 1: Stephen's driving his trailer away from this podcast because it
Speaker 1: won't end.
Speaker 4: It's getting dark over here.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's Steven's very subtle way of saying wrap this
Speaker 1: bullshit up. Everyone's done. We will and we are, Oh
Speaker 1: just really quick. Do you follow Thrasher on Twitter or
Speaker 1: any of this? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah and Instagram?
Speaker 1: Sure, I just started. I just wanted to, well, I
Speaker 1: want to look for Milton Martinez because I missed him
Speaker 1: and I hadn't heard anything about him lately.
Speaker 5: And then it was just like, you like, get into
Speaker 5: Mason Silva. Oh yeah, yeah, I mean they hang out together,
Speaker 5: but uh, you'll like his eyebrows and all that shit.
Speaker 5: I won't be able to they really get after it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm gonna do. This is what I
Speaker 1: do these days. I'm going to google him Mason and
Speaker 1: is he does he do all the same kind of
Speaker 1: crazy trick?
Speaker 5: They are both Yeah, very similar, just very raw fast,
Speaker 5: almost scary, almost hard to relate to. Let's be honest.
Speaker 5: Yes I never came close to any of it. But yes,
Speaker 5: you'll very very much enjoy.
Speaker 1: Oh Mason Silva is so cute.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, he also happens to be like yeah, one
Speaker 5: of these It didn't hurt that he's a good looking dude,
Speaker 5: but his cousin Listen Start Podcast said, oh my, oh
Speaker 5: my cousin Mats and Silva's or I'm he's my cousin.
Speaker 5: I'm like, he's the best, and she's like, he's so nice.
Speaker 5: So also, no, he's nice.
Speaker 1: He does, and he doesn't have to because you should
Speaker 1: see how cute he is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's in his latest raw files on Thrasher. He's
Speaker 5: very nice to like people that are trying to kick
Speaker 5: him out of places, or security guards or these people
Speaker 5: at a bus stop, he disarms them with his charm.
Speaker 1: With his charm. He was probably raised well by a
Speaker 1: strong woman.
Speaker 5: Yep, yep, love it. Yeah he does.
Speaker 1: Like I've noticed, though, there are lots of skateboarders who
Speaker 1: also could be models, which I think is super fucked.
Speaker 1: That's not fair.
Speaker 5: It's just but I swear it's the luck of the draw.
Speaker 5: No one is looking at a headshot and deciding who succeeds.
Speaker 5: It's just no people are people are It's not like showbiz.
Speaker 5: You're right, though, it has.
Speaker 1: To help, it has I mean, well, but what I
Speaker 1: love about skateboarding and this, this will be the final.
Speaker 1: It's just such an individual thing, right, So it's like
Speaker 1: yours good as you just practiced to be yours good
Speaker 1: as the hours you put into it, or whatever, So yeah,
Speaker 1: you it doesn't. It's not a obviously a beauty pageant
Speaker 1: or whatever, and so you can't. No one's gonna let
Speaker 1: some hot guy get away with anything. But it just
Speaker 1: surprises me because I was like, oh, I was thinking
Speaker 1: in my head that'd be kind of funny and cute
Speaker 1: if I fell a thresher, And then I started looking
Speaker 1: at things that I'm like, now I want to take
Speaker 1: a shower. I feel like a creepy old woman. It's
Speaker 1: like weirdly like, you know, shopping.
Speaker 5: Boys, and I still do. I still skateboard, and I
Speaker 5: feel that way a little like I'm just watching. Yeah,
Speaker 5: if you're just sitting around watching people in their prime,
Speaker 5: well you're cooking bacon in your bathroom, all right. You've
Speaker 5: been listening to Do you need a ride? Uh? D
Speaker 5: w n ar ar.
Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either
Speaker 1: way you want to be.
Speaker 2: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us
Speaker 2: time and they turning on and gage.
Speaker 3: Do you want to send you off in style? We
Speaker 3: want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: Were you scared or was it fine? Melbourne? Do you
Speaker 1: need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride, Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need with Karen and Chriss