Speaker 1: I really actually, this is a really important podcast that
Speaker 1: I've been wanting to do for a long time. And
Speaker 1: when Tripe elders you real name Trippet legally, I guess yeah,
Speaker 1: maiden name, maiden name um Been is the reason I
Speaker 1: have a podcast, just just a little piece. No, you
Speaker 1: were the reason that I started my podcast, because I
Speaker 1: don't know. Was it like four years ago. I was
Speaker 1: having breakdown and I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do with my life, and You're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you have got to start a podcast because you know
Speaker 1: all these people and podcasts are about to be the
Speaker 1: next big thing and blow up, and you've got to
Speaker 1: start one. And I literally started one like the next day.
Speaker 1: You were like, what is a podcast? I don't even
Speaker 1: know exactly. I love it. We were like, I remember
Speaker 1: we were driving I think home from West Texas and
Speaker 1: we were like stopped to get like, I remember where
Speaker 1: we were when you and I were having the conversation
Speaker 1: on the phone. I think you were asking me about
Speaker 1: blogging and I was like, you really should do a
Speaker 1: podcast instead. That's exactly. I was talking to my sister Catherine,
Speaker 1: and I was like I always call her when I'm
Speaker 1: having a breakdown and she's like, you need to call Win.
Speaker 1: She's the most famous blogger that we know, and she'll
Speaker 1: tell you how to do it. Hilarious. Okay, So I
Speaker 1: kind of want to give a backstory about you. We
Speaker 1: grew up together. I've known you my entire life, and
Speaker 1: you have just blossomed into this beautiful mother woman advocate
Speaker 1: um and your story of becoming a mother. I just
Speaker 1: got fake glashes put on for the first time since quarantine,
Speaker 1: So I hope I don't cry, but your your story
Speaker 1: of becoming a mother is one of the most beautiful
Speaker 1: stories that already fe like I'm gonna cry. Talk to
Speaker 1: me about your journey because I just think it is
Speaker 1: so it's so special and unique, and I mean, I
Speaker 1: just think it's such a cool story. Well, it's so funny.
Speaker 1: I was working on my Instagram bio recent and I
Speaker 1: was telling my friend. I was like, you know, the
Speaker 1: thing that people message me about the most is fertility
Speaker 1: or adoption or i VA and like, you know, my
Speaker 1: story to becoming a mother is really unique and it's
Speaker 1: not normal. It's not typical, and so I mean it's
Speaker 1: so true, Like I feel like this is just the
Speaker 1: crazy story that God has written in our life over
Speaker 1: the past, what you're in since like twenty two thousand
Speaker 1: and nine. Um. I mean I always wanted to be
Speaker 1: a mom, but we Stephen and I got married young,
Speaker 1: and we wanted to wait five to seven years, and
Speaker 1: then a couple of years into it, I was like,
Speaker 1: I really, like literally almost overnight, I had the desire
Speaker 1: to become a mom. And I just felt like it
Speaker 1: was totally from God, Like why do I Why did
Speaker 1: I just change my mind overnight? And you know when
Speaker 1: you all of a sudden want something new, you see
Speaker 1: it everywhere, like you want to buy a new black car,
Speaker 1: and then you see black cars, You're like, everybody has
Speaker 1: a black car and I don't. It was sort of
Speaker 1: like that, and um, I was so excited. I remember
Speaker 1: I had like a little lunch group with a couple
Speaker 1: of friends, remember telling them a lunch that week and
Speaker 1: just thinking like because God game desire, like it's just
Speaker 1: gonna happen. And backstory, my mom struggled to get pregnant
Speaker 1: with me for like four or five years. UM, and
Speaker 1: I guess I always sort of maybe thought that that
Speaker 1: would be my story, but I had no idea. So
Speaker 1: we started trying, and that first year of infertility and
Speaker 1: trying was like the hardest fear of my life. Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell a ton of people that we were
Speaker 1: trying to get pregnant, Like I didn't tell my mom
Speaker 1: or my sisters. I don't think even, And so it
Speaker 1: was really lonely and isolating. And we lived in a
Speaker 1: small town where there was really nothing to do, so
Speaker 1: everybody was having babies. I remember I was in a
Speaker 1: Bunco group and prom Bunco no, but I want to
Speaker 1: It's like that dice game. Anyway, the Bunco group was
Speaker 1: over one night and there a group of us were
Speaker 1: staying staying afterwards, and we made a list all the
Speaker 1: people we knew that were pregnant that we were friends
Speaker 1: with in our town, and it was like twenty five people.
Speaker 1: And so it just was like it was so hard
Speaker 1: to walk through month after month after month of wanted
Speaker 1: to get pregnant and its not happening and not knowing
Speaker 1: why and watching every Like I remember leaving. I was
Speaker 1: at like a triple baby shower dinner one night for
Speaker 1: three friends and I was just all happy and great
Speaker 1: at the shower and then I left and just like
Speaker 1: ugly cried, like had to pull over at a park
Speaker 1: and like cry by myself. I just was so lonely
Speaker 1: and sad and devastated it why this thing that can
Speaker 1: so easily happen for so many people was not happening
Speaker 1: for us. And when I relate to on that because
Speaker 1: Michael and I struggled for a year and had two miscarriages.
Speaker 1: And it's the like you said, when the switch flips
Speaker 1: and you want to become a mother more than anything
Speaker 1: in the world. You see it everywhere and all these
Speaker 1: people start complaining about all their pregnancy she's they're having
Speaker 1: and they can't handle all this stuff, and it's and
Speaker 1: you're like die on the inside because you're like, do
Speaker 1: you know how much I want to feel nauseous right now?
Speaker 1: Like even though sex like you and once you actually
Speaker 1: do get blessed to be pregnant, like you do, realize
Speaker 1: pregnancy issues are for real and like they can knock
Speaker 1: you down to your knees. But it's just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it is so devastating, And you said it
Speaker 1: perfectly isolating and lonely, and you are like why not me?
Speaker 1: Like what have I why not met? Why can I
Speaker 1: not pregnant. Yeah, it feels like I did something wrong,
Speaker 1: which is not true, I mean, but it just it
Speaker 1: can feel that way. So we tried for a year,
Speaker 1: and most of our doctors like wouldn't even talk to
Speaker 1: you about infertility or reasons or climate or anything until
Speaker 1: you've been trying for a year. So I was working
Speaker 1: for this nonprofit to put on summer camp free summer
Speaker 1: camps for at risk youth, and it was like an
Speaker 1: all consuming job when we were like out at this
Speaker 1: camp for a couple of weeks in the summer. So
Speaker 1: I sort of like put trying to get pregnant on
Speaker 1: the show for the summer, Like I just can't even
Speaker 1: think about it, deal with it. I had an employment
Speaker 1: with my doctor. Like the week after camp was over,
Speaker 1: and the last day of camp, this girl named Katie,
Speaker 1: she was she was a Kappa and Baylor at the time.
Speaker 1: She was a senior and her mom was my mentor
Speaker 1: at the time, and I remember we were sitting just
Speaker 1: me and her, and she was like, Okay, when shoot
Speaker 1: it to me straight, like, you're twenty five, you've been
Speaker 1: married for a couple of years, why don't you have
Speaker 1: kids yet, Which sounds ridiculous. But like in the culture
Speaker 1: in Texas, in the culture we live in, like everyone
Speaker 1: was getting pregnant, and normally I would have just like
Speaker 1: made up some you know, I've been like, oh, we
Speaker 1: we don't, We're fine. But for some reason I felt
Speaker 1: compelled to really open up and tell her. And she
Speaker 1: looked at me and she was like, have ever considered adoption?
Speaker 1: And I really had never had. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: know if you could say the same thing, but like,
Speaker 1: we didn't grow up with like a ton of adoptive
Speaker 1: people around us. We didn't. I mean, there were people
Speaker 1: who were adopted, but we didn't know that they were
Speaker 1: adopted because they looked like their parents. Uh. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a part of how we grew up in the people
Speaker 1: that we spent time around. And so I was like nope,
Speaker 1: and she just looked me straight in me, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I think you should print it. I was like, pray
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, okay, okay, fine, I'll pray
Speaker 1: about it. And I did, and like within a week,
Speaker 1: I just knew in my heart that we were supposed
Speaker 1: to adopt. I can't explain it. And it was the
Speaker 1: same as the privacyAt So then we went to Cabo
Speaker 1: right after with my parents and my doctor. Something happened
Speaker 1: and he had to push back my appointment. So just
Speaker 1: the timing of it all was so crazy, but it
Speaker 1: was just like the pregnancy thing, all of a sudden.
Speaker 1: Adoption was everywhere. Like I went to in a bachelrette
Speaker 1: party and the bride's future sister in law was like,
Speaker 1: I always wanted to adopt and was telling me all
Speaker 1: about it. And we went to one of Stephen's best
Speaker 1: friend's weddings and Stephen was in the wedding and at
Speaker 1: the rehearsal, I'll never forget. It was a camp Lucy
Speaker 1: outside of Austin, and they were doing the rehearsal and
Speaker 1: there was a little blonde girl about six or seven,
Speaker 1: and a little boy that was dark skin and I've
Speaker 1: never been in Africa, but I just knew that he
Speaker 1: didn't look he looked like he was maybe from Africa,
Speaker 1: I don't know why. And I'm talking to this little girl,
Speaker 1: her name is Ella. I'm like, Ella, who is that Bennett?
Speaker 1: Is that your brother? Like trying to figure out who
Speaker 1: belonged to who? And she goes, yeah, yeah, that's my brother,
Speaker 1: and like that was it. She didn't say he's adopted,
Speaker 1: he's from Africa. She was like, yeah, he's my brother,
Speaker 1: and I was like, dang. And I remember other people
Speaker 1: at the wedding had ties to adoption and orphanages over
Speaker 1: it just was crazy. It was like, what what is
Speaker 1: happening here? Um? There? It was everywhere, and it had
Speaker 1: been nowhere, and it was just like, Okay, I get
Speaker 1: the picture. And there have been a few times in
Speaker 1: my life where God has spoken so loudly and I
Speaker 1: just feel like He's given me the gift of faith
Speaker 1: to be like all right, Like when we moved to
Speaker 1: the town we live in now. I knew it for
Speaker 1: a year before Steven knew, and I was like, we're
Speaker 1: supposed to move there. We're just like there's several we
Speaker 1: when we live. We lived in Midland and we moved
Speaker 1: to brian College Station in Texas about five years ago.
Speaker 1: That's another crazy God story. Yeah, it's great, well, it's
Speaker 1: it's home now. But it was just one of those things.
Speaker 1: But Stephen was not on board. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you remember this. He why not? What made you want
Speaker 1: to move to Briant College Station? Oh? You want to
Speaker 1: talk about that story? That's a whole different story. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about all the stories. I don't know
Speaker 1: we can what story you gonna talk about first? We
Speaker 1: can keep going with the other one. Then get let's
Speaker 1: get on with the adoption story, because I'll get off track.
Speaker 1: So he even did not want to adopt because he
Speaker 1: just kept saying, I want to have our own kids. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: and we've been trying, you know, to have biological kids
Speaker 1: and to get pregnant. So he just was so set
Speaker 1: on that. And the more I started to know and
Speaker 1: learn about adoption is like we were all adopted, like
Speaker 1: Christ adopted us into his family, and so sort of
Speaker 1: this picture of like this cross like we were adopted,
Speaker 1: and so out of that overflow of love we adopt.
Speaker 1: Like you don't just adopt because you can have kids.
Speaker 1: You don't just adopt, like people adopt for all different reasons.
Speaker 1: But it's because we've been given so much. It's not like, oh,
Speaker 1: we rescue these poor kids. Like when people say that
Speaker 1: to me, I'm like, no, this is not what that was.
Speaker 1: So I was frustrated knowing that if if he knew
Speaker 1: what I knew about adoption, there's no way he would
Speaker 1: say now. But it just wasn't his time. Um, it
Speaker 1: took not only really three months, but you know, like
Speaker 1: when you really want something, three months is like a
Speaker 1: long time. Well, I mean, and you do want him
Speaker 1: to come on board because it is a whole human
Speaker 1: life that you both are agreeing to take on, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a big, huge deal. Yeah, clearly I wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: do it without wanting to do it. Um, but you know,
Speaker 1: I used to be a photographer and I followed this girl,
Speaker 1: Esther Havens, and I you know know she is, she's
Speaker 1: like a humanitarian photographer. I saw she was speaking at
Speaker 1: this conference in Austin, and we were already gonna be
Speaker 1: in Austin for my niece's first birthday, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to this conference. You here Esther. Well,
Speaker 1: it was an adoption conference and there were all these
Speaker 1: people from our town that we're going that I didn't
Speaker 1: I like, was connected to through that job at the camp.
Speaker 1: And so it ended up going to this conference. Stephen
Speaker 1: did not want to go, So the first night he
Speaker 1: dropped me off and actually we had dinner with Katherine
Speaker 1: and Willie that night to celebrate. You're yeah, I think
Speaker 1: we were celebrating Katherine's thirtieth birthday. We went to Matt's
Speaker 1: and we were having Margarita's and like having a great time.
Speaker 1: And Catherine was one of the friends that I had
Speaker 1: entrusted with what we were going there, so she knew
Speaker 1: all about it. Was like, tell me all about the conference, like,
Speaker 1: tell me everything, and I was like, but stop by
Speaker 1: we literally, man, Stephen got in the biggest fight of
Speaker 1: our whole marriage that night and um, like, why are
Speaker 1: you not gonna be able about this? Yeah, he was like,
Speaker 1: We're not doing this. I'm not going like, this is
Speaker 1: not what we're doing. Like he just was so mad
Speaker 1: and um he said that he went like we both
Speaker 1: sort of on our own, were like Chris James that
Speaker 1: says to basically care for the widow and the orphan.
Speaker 1: And he was like, I'll go with you today. Fine,
Speaker 1: Like I'll just go, I'll just check it out. And
Speaker 1: just the coolest thing, Um got like really used that
Speaker 1: conference to speak to him and basically the Holy Spirit
Speaker 1: allowed him to feel what an orphan feels like, their
Speaker 1: loneliness and their hurt. Um. He said he felt it
Speaker 1: for a second in worship, but he was like, we
Speaker 1: have to do this, like we can't not do it,
Speaker 1: and that's like what I just was praying for and knew,
Speaker 1: like if he knew the heart of this, he would
Speaker 1: absolutely want to do it. So we decided that day
Speaker 1: that we were going to adopt, and we decided pretty soon,
Speaker 1: I think that we were going to adopt from Africa.
Speaker 1: And again I don't know why. We had never been
Speaker 1: our mutual really good friend we grew up with always
Speaker 1: had a heart for Africa, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not like that. I'm not like this big Africa person.
Speaker 1: Like I just thought that Africa and adoption or international
Speaker 1: adoption was for like super special Christians, which is so
Speaker 1: not true, Like it is not true at all. So
Speaker 1: it's just crazy two years later, I mean, there's like
Speaker 1: a whole thing, but is it a long process? And
Speaker 1: how did you know that these were your kids? Asher
Speaker 1: and Camp, Like how did you know? Like how do
Speaker 1: you get your kids? Yeah, So we started working with
Speaker 1: At that conference, they had like a ministry fair and
Speaker 1: so they had a bunch of different adoption agencies there
Speaker 1: and we just started talking to people and found our
Speaker 1: adoption agency. We actually ended up switching agencies in the
Speaker 1: middle of the process. But you yeah, you go through
Speaker 1: a rigorous process of like if every person had to
Speaker 1: like go through this process to have a child, there
Speaker 1: would probably be no kids in foster care. I mean
Speaker 1: it's just like it's so intense, like like stacks of
Speaker 1: paperwork and home studies and just so much stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: So we were actually matched with a little boy, and
Speaker 1: we told everybody we had his picture. We named him Camp,
Speaker 1: um all this stuff because you've always loved camps, like summer.
Speaker 1: I always wanted to run my own summer camp. And
Speaker 1: it was crazy that God spoke adoption to us at
Speaker 1: a camp that I was working for, and so it
Speaker 1: just sort of the symbolism of he might not have
Speaker 1: an actual camp for us, but he has a sign
Speaker 1: nive camp. So I love that. Yeah. So we were
Speaker 1: matched with this little boy and then, um, crazy story.
Speaker 1: His biological grandmother didn't know that he existed, and she
Speaker 1: fought found out and she fought for him, which is awesome,
Speaker 1: Like that's what you want, is like reunification of families.
Speaker 1: And so we lost. They called a referral. We lost,
Speaker 1: so we weren't we weren't going to adopt him anymore.
Speaker 1: And in the middle of the whole process. We had said, hey,
Speaker 1: we're actually approved to adopt two kids. It was never
Speaker 1: our intention. We always wanted one little boy. But could
Speaker 1: we is up the all school for us and still
Speaker 1: adopt siblings and before or not siblings, but a boy
Speaker 1: and a girl. And they were like no. But then
Speaker 1: when we lost a referral, they were like, we're going
Speaker 1: to see what we can do. So they gave us
Speaker 1: Camp and Asher referrals we had. They were three, they're
Speaker 1: three weeks apart in age, and we had twenty four
Speaker 1: hours to say yes or no to it's to Camp
Speaker 1: and Asher, just to Asher, to Camp and Asher, which
Speaker 1: we were always going to adopt a boy, but I
Speaker 1: thought Camp was taken away. Yeah, well we still named
Speaker 1: Camp Camp. It was just a different, different child. Oh
Speaker 1: so the original original went back with his grandmother. So
Speaker 1: then okay, sorry, not a new anything. Yes, then they
Speaker 1: match us with these two kids who were not biologically related,
Speaker 1: so they don't have the same moms or dads or anything.
Speaker 1: They've just been together since they were a month old
Speaker 1: in this orphanage, which is very rare to get kids
Speaker 1: they're not related, they're that young. I just think it
Speaker 1: was a total God thing, and so of course we
Speaker 1: were going to say yes to camp because that's what
Speaker 1: we've been waiting for. But like basically going from zero
Speaker 1: to two kids and having twins basically was like pretty terrifying. Wow.
Speaker 1: And you probably just have so much faith involved because literally,
Speaker 1: like even your first your first pair that you're matched
Speaker 1: with then being taken away and now you have another
Speaker 1: sen It's like you just have to trust that God
Speaker 1: is bringing you the kids that are meant for you
Speaker 1: in the situation that He's presenting because you can't control
Speaker 1: any of this. You can't you don't know how any
Speaker 1: of it's gonna play out. Yeah, you know, like did
Speaker 1: you just have to have so much faith in this
Speaker 1: whole process. So we had I had recently been on
Speaker 1: my first like international mission trip to El Salvador with
Speaker 1: our church and we had I remember one day we
Speaker 1: were doing like home visits and we had walked for
Speaker 1: like an hour out in the middle of nowhere to
Speaker 1: this village and they were telling us a story about
Speaker 1: this little kid in their village who had fallen into
Speaker 1: the river and gotten a really bad air infection. There
Speaker 1: was no doctor, there was no medicine, there was no money,
Speaker 1: for any of that. They just had to pray and
Speaker 1: believe that God was going to heal this little kid.
Speaker 1: And I remember coming home and being have access to everything,
Speaker 1: how like asking God, like, how can I have faith
Speaker 1: to trust you when I literally have everything at my fingertips?
Speaker 1: I don't don't have to stay up all my praying
Speaker 1: that You're gonna heal my kid from an air infection.
Speaker 1: Like we could do things. And so it was about
Speaker 1: that time that we got camp in Ash like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I definitely cannot do this on my own. I I
Speaker 1: it takes faith and trust for sure. And so that
Speaker 1: that definitely felt like the answer. So then what happened?
Speaker 1: So you get camp and Asher, Now you have two
Speaker 1: kids and how so I actually lived in Ethiopia for
Speaker 1: three months, um and they were not in my possession yet.
Speaker 1: They were saying it like a foster home. It was
Speaker 1: basically like a home with all kids were being adopted
Speaker 1: in a bunch of nannies and nurses. And so we
Speaker 1: brought them home in October of twenty twelve. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm like totally lives yewelve. They were seven and eight
Speaker 1: months when they came home. So what was that like,
Speaker 1: what was it like living in Ethiopia? And then what
Speaker 1: was it like bringing him home and adjusting to life
Speaker 1: now here you go from nothing to twins. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: So we had been on a couple of mission trips
Speaker 1: to Ethiopia and fall in love with this one area
Speaker 1: in Addis Ababa, the capitol it was. It's called Cora.
Speaker 1: It's in the city trash to area, and it sounds weird,
Speaker 1: but like I we fall in love with. We fell
Speaker 1: in love with that place. We have like teenagers there
Speaker 1: that call us mom and Dad that we've developed a
Speaker 1: relationship with over so many years, kids that we still
Speaker 1: sponsored to go to school there. And so I lived
Speaker 1: with the family who ran the ministry and we spent
Speaker 1: money through Friday in the trashta doing ministry and camps
Speaker 1: and all sorts of stuff. And then on the weekends,
Speaker 1: I mean it was sort of like we went to
Speaker 1: internet cafe and got our nails done and went to
Speaker 1: the movies and just went to church, like had a
Speaker 1: sort of a normal life on the weekend. But I
Speaker 1: loved it. It It was such a cool experience, like one else.
Speaker 1: Am I gonna live in another country by myself? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But they came home that I wrote a blogmost about
Speaker 1: this the trip home. So we ended up I end
Speaker 1: up having to come back to Texas for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks before we went back to get them. And
Speaker 1: so it was me and Steven. We literally went to
Speaker 1: Ethiopia for the weekend and we're like wearing they're little,
Speaker 1: so we're like wearing them in the carriers, Caroline. No
Speaker 1: one told me to bring baby food, like all I
Speaker 1: had was formula. No one was like, oh, babies are
Speaker 1: like eating you know, baby food out of jars or
Speaker 1: like pouches, no food. So on the plane ride home,
Speaker 1: they will both a they both had double ear infections
Speaker 1: and we had no idea. So that is terrible and miserable,
Speaker 1: especially flying that obviously never been on an airplane before. Um,
Speaker 1: Steven and I didn't I get to sit together because
Speaker 1: we sat like in the front where they have like
Speaker 1: a little bassinet. So not joking you, I've sat in
Speaker 1: the middle in between a blind man and a nine
Speaker 1: month pregnant lady, Oh my goodness is and screaming seven
Speaker 1: month old. I remember just like standing up in the
Speaker 1: by the bathroom like bawling like I'm not a good mother.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. This is everyone was
Speaker 1: staring at me like this is terrible. And then we
Speaker 1: got food sickness on the way home. No, yeah, just
Speaker 1: we were We traveled for thirty seven hours to get
Speaker 1: home by ourselves with two little babies, and we're like delusional.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're just you're exilt. We didn't sleep, we hardly.
Speaker 1: We got that you have two humans now that you're
Speaker 1: responsible for for the rest of your life. That's an
Speaker 1: ol feeling. So the thing with adoption is like bonding,
Speaker 1: an attachment, and nobody is really supposed to help you
Speaker 1: for the first couple of months because you need to
Speaker 1: establish that you or their caretaker. So like nobody fed them,
Speaker 1: change your diaper, change their clothes, held them. Really My
Speaker 1: parents came and the plan was for my mom to
Speaker 1: stay at a hotel and just come over and help,
Speaker 1: but we were so sick. It was right on the
Speaker 1: heels of Superstorm Sandy, and so there was like crazy weather.
Speaker 1: I literally don't remember the first two days home, like
Speaker 1: I just was. It was such a blur yah And
Speaker 1: really so much of their like little childhood years I
Speaker 1: know through pictures and videos because just having two kids
Speaker 1: at one time is and that we were going to
Speaker 1: physical therapy, speech therapy, like just you know, they were
Speaker 1: developmentally delayed. And now now we know camps on the
Speaker 1: autism spectrum and there's just there were so many things
Speaker 1: that we were navigating alone and we had so much support,
Speaker 1: but nobody could like actually come in and help us
Speaker 1: for a while. So it was how what did you
Speaker 1: learn in that season of why? Oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: feel like God totally grew my faith. I have a
Speaker 1: sign just like this in my other room that says
Speaker 1: and if not, he is still good because I just
Speaker 1: feel like through my whole journey through fertility and adoption,
Speaker 1: it's like having to choose to believe that his plans
Speaker 1: for me are good and that I'm like, he doesn't
Speaker 1: promise us anything, like we're not promised to have kids,
Speaker 1: we're not promised to have a successful life, but he
Speaker 1: promises that he'll be with us. I learned so much
Speaker 1: about community. I learned so much about asking people for
Speaker 1: what you need and not being shy about it. Like
Speaker 1: when we got the call to go pick up Camp
Speaker 1: and Nasher and Ethiopia, we had like twenty four hours,
Speaker 1: we had like thirty six hours to get to Ethiopia.
Speaker 1: So we basically found out and we had to leave
Speaker 1: the next morning, and I was leaving to be gone
Speaker 1: for god knows how long. I remember like sending an
Speaker 1: S O S text out to our community in Midland
Speaker 1: and being like help, and I wish I'd had a
Speaker 1: picture or a video, but there are probably thirty people
Speaker 1: and at home in our home that night, like helping
Speaker 1: me Hanks stuff in the walls and pack and I
Speaker 1: just sat there, like what do I do? So, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's hard to ask for help, it's hard to know
Speaker 1: what you mean. And I just feel like my whole
Speaker 1: journey to be a mom has helped me be able
Speaker 1: to do that. And I love what you said community,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like community is everything and being in
Speaker 1: a community where you can be honest and speak your
Speaker 1: truth and I have learned in my adult life. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to share. I share a lot with
Speaker 1: everyone because that's just my personality and that's your personality too,
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's helpful, Like I'm happy to
Speaker 1: talk about stuff I'm going through because I'm happy. I'm
Speaker 1: fine with sharing all that, but some I do think
Speaker 1: not everyone wants to share everything all the time. And
Speaker 1: that's totally great too, But I think it is so
Speaker 1: important to have friends that you friends or family or
Speaker 1: someone you can just dump and not in a way
Speaker 1: that you're trying to be this negative nancy, just like
Speaker 1: let me just dump all my ship on you, but
Speaker 1: like you have to be able to dump all of
Speaker 1: your stuff out on someone who's gonna give you good
Speaker 1: advice and help you and help you sort through it,
Speaker 1: get back on track, bring God into it, find the blessings,
Speaker 1: and you know, just like you have to have that.
Speaker 1: I feel like, don't people that are safe and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to judge you and you can be honest and
Speaker 1: it's okay if your life isn't pretty all the time,
Speaker 1: because life isn't pretty all the time. Million percent. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think like saying saying things out loud that
Speaker 1: we're struggling with her that are that's hard and it
Speaker 1: really helps those things lose their power over us, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, I'm struggling with
Speaker 1: anxiety in a situation and all of a sudden, saying it,
Speaker 1: I'm not like it's out in the light and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not with it in the dark. By myself anymore
Speaker 1: because I've spoken it and I told somebody that is
Speaker 1: so true. So okay, so now you have two kids
Speaker 1: at home. Yeah, so we got home and we know
Speaker 1: the story is not even halfway over yet. I know,
Speaker 1: about six months into the kids being home, we started
Speaker 1: talking about fertility stuff again and we ended up thinking
Speaker 1: ready to do that again? You have two kids. I
Speaker 1: mean you are super mom. Oh my god, I don't
Speaker 1: know what I was thinking. Um, but we had a
Speaker 1: doctor in Austin and super context five. It was a
Speaker 1: five hour drive from where we lived, and um, so
Speaker 1: we started going to this doctor and doing oh gosh,
Speaker 1: all the things I don't even know, like multiple surgeries
Speaker 1: and CLOMD and I U Y and um we actually
Speaker 1: got pregnant once on an I U I. And you
Speaker 1: wanted to explain what a ay ways, yeah, give us
Speaker 1: a little synopsis. In our uterine nation, it's basically like
Speaker 1: taking my eggs and steven sperm and like shooting it
Speaker 1: up me. So it's different than in betro I'll talk
Speaker 1: about next, but you can do it like yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not like you don't have to do all the shots
Speaker 1: and stuff before, right like you do. I think we
Speaker 1: did some, but it's not Yeah, it's not. We did
Speaker 1: a couple of use. I feel like it's not nearly
Speaker 1: as um taxing. I mean it's taxing, but not nearly
Speaker 1: taxing as Indie row. Yeah. So we actually got pregnant
Speaker 1: on one. I was supposed to go in for blood
Speaker 1: work on a Saturday to find out if it were
Speaker 1: or not. And I did and they never called me
Speaker 1: to tell me the results, and I was just dying.
Speaker 1: And we were actually at the lake with our best
Speaker 1: friends from Midland who had walked through all of the
Speaker 1: stuff with us, and so I snuck out. I'm even
Speaker 1: tell Stephen. I snuck out and went to town and
Speaker 1: went to the gas station and bought a pregnancy test
Speaker 1: and went in the bathroom and took the pregnancy test
Speaker 1: and it was positive. Like I literally had like a
Speaker 1: baby bottle top that I like stuck the thing and
Speaker 1: and I remember I went to the grocery store and
Speaker 1: got she in pain and sparkling grape juice and we
Speaker 1: told them all that. I drove to Waco and told
Speaker 1: my parents and we told Stevens like we were so excited,
Speaker 1: and they called me on Sunday. They were like you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: but your numbers are not looking great, and so I
Speaker 1: kept having to go back for blood work and it
Speaker 1: went down and down and down, and so we lost
Speaker 1: that pregnancy. And I had somebody stating feeling like I
Speaker 1: know that, I know that, I know that, feeling like
Speaker 1: how did that make you feel? Like? What did how
Speaker 1: did you walk through that? What was really sad? Somebody
Speaker 1: close to us um said pretty immediately, oh, I bet
Speaker 1: you had a chemical pregnancy. I had that with right
Speaker 1: the month before I had so and so it was fine.
Speaker 1: So I think I didn't give myself permission to grieve
Speaker 1: for a while, to think like, this was a miscarriage
Speaker 1: and this is devastating and the loss of like what
Speaker 1: could have been when we've been trying for so long,
Speaker 1: Like it just was. It was so heartbreaking, and then
Speaker 1: it just felt like that whole I'm alone and why
Speaker 1: is this happening for everybody else and not me? And
Speaker 1: I think a couple of my friends were pregnant at
Speaker 1: that same time too, so it's just a reminder of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: their pregnancy succeeded and mine didn't. And it was really sad.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't able to really grieve it until oh gosh,
Speaker 1: I wish I need the timeline like six or eight
Speaker 1: months later, um, right before we started IVY, right before
Speaker 1: we moved on to IVF. UM. Now I'm a seven
Speaker 1: on the Instagram, so I'm like, go, go, go do
Speaker 1: all the things. I literally, just for context, right before
Speaker 1: we did IBF, I go to Atlanta, Georgia for this
Speaker 1: adopted Mom's retreat. I leave from Atlanta the day after
Speaker 1: the retreat to lead a blogger trip to Uganda. I
Speaker 1: am there for how long a week, ten days, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Come back from Uganda, go immediately to speak
Speaker 1: at a conference. Where are the kids with you or
Speaker 1: with Stephen? When you go, the kids are with Steven.
Speaker 1: It was like the first time I had left them
Speaker 1: since we brought them home. So I came and I
Speaker 1: went straight to speak at this conference, this like women's conference,
Speaker 1: and I was leading a small group and the last
Speaker 1: day they ended up leading me because I was like
Speaker 1: a hot mess, like it just somebody said something, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's my mentor, one of my mentors, Casey from Taylor.
Speaker 1: She had had several miscarriages, and she said something. I
Speaker 1: wish I remembered the quote right now, but about like
Speaker 1: basically it gave me permission to really grief and to
Speaker 1: like call it what it was. And I think in
Speaker 1: that moment, I just I finally was able to like
Speaker 1: really break down and feel it. And I'm such a
Speaker 1: huge believer And you can't like stay in that sadness
Speaker 1: and that darkness. But we have to go there too, then,
Speaker 1: like get custed to get out of it. You have
Speaker 1: to you have to give it acknowledgement. You can't. You
Speaker 1: can't deny it. You have to like let it be
Speaker 1: what it is. How did you after this is what
Speaker 1: you are just so capable of so much at one time?
Speaker 1: How did you even think to start trying for a
Speaker 1: baby when you had two kids? Like I was so
Speaker 1: I am just coming out of the woods of sunny,
Speaker 1: But I guess she's eight months now, And so your
Speaker 1: camp and Asher were eight eight months when you got him,
Speaker 1: were a little more capable. So now by the time
Speaker 1: you're trying, they're a little bit more like sturdy. And
Speaker 1: by the time you're trying for kids, were they like
Speaker 1: one or like, yeah, they were over once, Okay, so
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, they're like little humans. I had one
Speaker 1: of them for so long. And you know, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of adopted mama friends who don't have any
Speaker 1: biological kids and they don't have a desire to anymore.
Speaker 1: But I always still had that desire. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: was tempting to feel shame over that for a while,
Speaker 1: but then I was like, no, like, this is a
Speaker 1: desire at my heart and I'm not going to give
Speaker 1: up on pursuing it. So I don't think you should
Speaker 1: feel shame. I just didn't know how you were going
Speaker 1: to handle all these kids at one time. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think probably I was. Probably some of it was fear,
Speaker 1: like I'm getting older and I want to like do
Speaker 1: this while I can. But we did. We went through
Speaker 1: this whole ib F with me and the kids. The
Speaker 1: kids lived with my parents and Waco for like eight
Speaker 1: weeks or something while I drove to Austin basically every
Speaker 1: other day for blood work, and that was probably a
Speaker 1: really sweet time that they got to bond with their grandparents.
Speaker 1: It was really sweet, it was, and I could do that.
Speaker 1: I was running my own photography business at the time.
Speaker 1: They weren't in school, so I was like, we could
Speaker 1: just do that. Um, But the we did. We transferred
Speaker 1: and embryo on Easter Sunday, my thirtieth birthday, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is like the perfect time for God to show off,
Speaker 1: what you know, the start of a new decade, and
Speaker 1: it's Eastern. It's like Eastern my favorite holiday and all
Speaker 1: these things. And it didn't work. And I was devastated,
Speaker 1: just like devastated. I can't do this anymore. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do it. I can't. I don't have the
Speaker 1: energy or stamina to keep to keep going for this.
Speaker 1: For two years we did nothing, and in the middle
Speaker 1: of that, we moved from where we were to where
Speaker 1: we are, So that's another cool God's free Um. We
Speaker 1: had been in Midland, Verst seven almost seven years, and
Speaker 1: about the six year mark, we felt like our time
Speaker 1: was coming to an end because we moved there for
Speaker 1: Steven's job in the oil and gas industry after we
Speaker 1: had spent a year and a half with Catherine and
Speaker 1: Willie and our whole crew in Austin. And I hated
Speaker 1: Midland when we first moved there, um, but grew to
Speaker 1: love it so much. Just built the sweetest community there.
Speaker 1: We just felt like our time there was done and
Speaker 1: we didn't know what we're gonna do. We were gonna
Speaker 1: just like pick a city on a map. We wanted
Speaker 1: to feel like called somewhere. And I was with my
Speaker 1: sister Rachel for her birthday in um Dallas and this
Speaker 1: guy was like church. We had met this guy at
Speaker 1: We met this guy at a sandwich shop and wake
Speaker 1: up at Hooper Thought when we had been there one time.
Speaker 1: We started talking to him. His oldest was adopted. He
Speaker 1: was asking us all about camp and Nasher and um.
Speaker 1: He told us he was a password to villa. Well,
Speaker 1: then like six months later, I'm at the village and
Speaker 1: this guy's preaching and I knew he was like a
Speaker 1: youth pastor, so like, why is he preaching? It was
Speaker 1: church planner Sunday and he was talking about going back
Speaker 1: to his hometown of Brian, Texas too, that God had
Speaker 1: called him to declare and demonstrate what God had done
Speaker 1: for him. And I that day, just like adoption, I
Speaker 1: was like, we're supposed to move to Brian to be
Speaker 1: a part of that guy's church plan. Really that day, Yes,
Speaker 1: I like Texas his church with him? Yeah, yeah, is
Speaker 1: it awesome. Yeah, We've been through a whole lot of
Speaker 1: but it's it's taught us so much. But it's just
Speaker 1: like a year exactly exactly a year later, God spoke
Speaker 1: about us moving here to Stephen and within four months
Speaker 1: good soldier house and moved and we're here. So God
Speaker 1: speaks to you. What is I always love to know
Speaker 1: how God speaks to people, Like when what is God
Speaker 1: doing when he speaks to you? How do you know
Speaker 1: He's speaking to you? What does it feel like? Is
Speaker 1: it audible? Is it just a feeling in busy like
Speaker 1: show you signs like what is God speaking to you?
Speaker 1: So not audible? Um, it's just like a feeling I have.
Speaker 1: And I like with the adoption thing, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was I was reading this book which sort of
Speaker 1: made me think about it and that i'd sell these people.
Speaker 1: I feel like He uses people, he uses scripture, he
Speaker 1: uses experiences. Before that day at the church, I had
Speaker 1: been like watching a video of people who were like
Speaker 1: living with big, bold faith and that had really encouraged me.
Speaker 1: So it feels like there's always like things leading up
Speaker 1: to this thing. But I can only say I can
Speaker 1: only say that that has happened a couple of times
Speaker 1: in my life. But when it has, it's been like
Speaker 1: super profound and I always want to just believe, like okay, God,
Speaker 1: Like this makes no sense. I don't know why we're
Speaker 1: going to move to Brian College station. We don't work
Speaker 1: for this church, we don't have jobs there, we don't
Speaker 1: really have any friends there. I mean, Stephen went to
Speaker 1: college here, but that was so long ago. The guy
Speaker 1: you met in a sandwich shop, Yeah, we met him
Speaker 1: in a sandwich shop, so like, who freaking knows why
Speaker 1: he was driving we were He was just passing through town,
Speaker 1: like he wasn't even he was going somewhere else. They
Speaker 1: just stopped for lunch. So this like something about his
Speaker 1: energy resonated. So what was the experienced moving to Brian
Speaker 1: What has that been like? Um? It was awesome at first.
Speaker 1: We got plugged into this church and I got plugged
Speaker 1: into like a really strong group of women who were
Speaker 1: all leading in their own capacity, just like badass Jesus loving,
Speaker 1: really cool, fun women. We met every week for a while.
Speaker 1: We hadn't wine and stay until one in the morning
Speaker 1: on a Monday night, like talking and praying in life
Speaker 1: and all this stuff. And I loved it. And then
Speaker 1: ship hit the fan and like I don't know, somebody
Speaker 1: moved and there was a breach in trust here and
Speaker 1: there was a breakup relations not not a marriage relationship,
Speaker 1: but like a friend just hard stuff that we walked
Speaker 1: through and I've never walked through. This is also a
Speaker 1: very transient town, like people are coming and going a
Speaker 1: lot because so I've never yeah, but I mean adults,
Speaker 1: like even people our age, Um, I've never lost and
Speaker 1: one since there are some that I've like genuinely lost
Speaker 1: her friendship for hard reasons, and a lot of them
Speaker 1: it's because they've moved. But I've never lost so many
Speaker 1: friends as they have living here in the past five years.
Speaker 1: But our church has it's a smaller church, and it's
Speaker 1: just it teaches me so much about grace. Like it's
Speaker 1: like not like an all prim and proper you have
Speaker 1: to show up and dressed up and like put on
Speaker 1: the front. It's like come as you are. We're like
Speaker 1: call ourselves like a ghetto. Sure, Like it's just full
Speaker 1: of a bunch of imperfect people that are trying to
Speaker 1: love each other and love God. And it's just we're
Speaker 1: just like a hot mess most of the time. But
Speaker 1: it's awesome. That's great because then you can just be
Speaker 1: real because life is a hot mess. And I think
Speaker 1: if we learned a thing in it's that we don't
Speaker 1: have control or anything. Like the world is I mean,
Speaker 1: what in the world is going on in the world
Speaker 1: right now? It's the world is a hot mess, and
Speaker 1: like everybody is like just being raw and real because
Speaker 1: we're all just like being broken down to this bare level.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I ain't trying to be perfect. I
Speaker 1: can't be perfect, Like I don't want to be perfect.
Speaker 1: I don't want that responsibility to be perfect. I don't
Speaker 1: want to put that responsibility on anyone else to be perfect.
Speaker 1: I just ain't able to be real. So I love that.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. So then tell me what happened because obviously
Speaker 1: we have you have rivers, yes, and we maybe on
Speaker 1: the way. Yes. So when we moved here, um my
Speaker 1: short Lafe removed to my sister Rachel, who is not
Speaker 1: married or have kids. But she had been going to
Speaker 1: my this doctor in Dallas for like endocrine like thyroid stuff,
Speaker 1: but he was a reproductive interchnologist, so infertility specialists. And
Speaker 1: she's like, I really think you should call Dr Marinick.
Speaker 1: And I don't know. There's something about sister Earlee like
Speaker 1: you trust your sister. Like you're like, Okay, if some
Speaker 1: random jail on the street told me that, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: thank you for the advice. But it's your sister, so
Speaker 1: you're like okay, unless you need the sandwich shop. And
Speaker 1: then you moved to Ryan and Um, but I call
Speaker 1: this doctor and we went and set up an appointment.
Speaker 1: And the first meeting we have with them, we didn't
Speaker 1: even look at my files. We talked for an hour.
Speaker 1: He to hear all about our story. Um, he just
Speaker 1: was this kind gentle like, let's not jump to surgery
Speaker 1: and fixing you, but let's get to the root of
Speaker 1: what's going on with your body and let's get your
Speaker 1: body ready to be able to carry a pregnancy. And
Speaker 1: he um was able to you. So we had embryos
Speaker 1: from our doctor in Dallas. So when you do in
Speaker 1: betro fertilization and I can't do like a science lesson,
Speaker 1: but if you end up with embryos, so that's like
Speaker 1: you're you and your husband's stuff together. And like we
Speaker 1: transferred one straight into me, but then the rest were frozen.
Speaker 1: So we had four frozen embryos. And this doctor in Dallas,
Speaker 1: Austin Dallas three miles apart from each other or two
Speaker 1: hundred miles. Was willing to use these embryos. So Carly,
Speaker 1: they were fed X from Austin to Dallas. Your children,
Speaker 1: your unboard children were fed X from Austin to Dallas. Yes,
Speaker 1: terrifying day, Like did anybody sign for those? When are
Speaker 1: they there? Could you please call me immediately? It was
Speaker 1: really crazy. So we went through this that most clinics
Speaker 1: wouldn't take embryos from somewhere else because they need them
Speaker 1: in there. Yeah, most most doctors want to have more control.
Speaker 1: They want to know exactly as much as they can
Speaker 1: about the embryos. They want to have more control over
Speaker 1: the whole process. And he was willing to use them.
Speaker 1: And so we're like, Okay, he has an amazing team.
Speaker 1: He's at Baylor in Dallas, and um, we about all
Speaker 1: one day off of one year from our first meeting.
Speaker 1: We had rivers. So did you the first embryo that
Speaker 1: you put in? It worked? So they put into embryos
Speaker 1: and we got pregnant with just hern So yeah, you
Speaker 1: had two embryos left. So we lost one embryo along
Speaker 1: the way and I can't remember if it was in Austin,
Speaker 1: or if it was in Dallas. But they don't all
Speaker 1: survive being flawed, you know, being thought out, Like that's
Speaker 1: just sort of a part of it. But before we
Speaker 1: had started the IVF process, you know, because it's a
Speaker 1: scary thing when you do IVF, you've signed all these
Speaker 1: forms because that's life that you're dealing with. So you
Speaker 1: have to say, like, if we get divorced, who gets those?
Speaker 1: If we both die, who gets the embryos? If it
Speaker 1: was just nuts and so, like my heart was not
Speaker 1: to have to decide, Oh, I have twelve extra embryos,
Speaker 1: what am I going to do with them? We just
Speaker 1: trusted that God was going to give us the embryos
Speaker 1: that we need it. So we had one left, so
Speaker 1: rivers And I wanted to ask you because I have
Speaker 1: other friends who have done IVF, and a lot of
Speaker 1: them struggle with the moral dilemma of the embryos, like
Speaker 1: these are unborn children. What do we do? Do we
Speaker 1: leave them in this freezer? Do we get rich? Do
Speaker 1: we I don't know what you do with them when
Speaker 1: you said you're finished having babies, Like like is in
Speaker 1: my discarding of life if I don't use them? And
Speaker 1: like I mean, did you struggle with that? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean that's why I said. What I was trying to
Speaker 1: say was we just trusted that I was going to
Speaker 1: give us what we needed. And he totally did because
Speaker 1: through losing two well three basically having rivers, and then
Speaker 1: we had one left and so we started going back
Speaker 1: to Dr marrin Nick last June, so almost a year ago,
Speaker 1: and going through the whole process again and we transferred
Speaker 1: only one. Okay, So when you do IVF, they grade
Speaker 1: your embryos like A B, C, D, A plot like whatever.
Speaker 1: There's this whole system they used to grade the quality
Speaker 1: of the embryo. So this embryo was the lowest quality
Speaker 1: of all of them. So I was sort of like,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Like is this kid not going
Speaker 1: to be pretty or smart? Or like what A mean
Speaker 1: that the most quality embryo? And he, of course told
Speaker 1: me the story about one of his patients who's like
Speaker 1: my age and beautiful and successful, and how she was
Speaker 1: like the lowest quality embryo and the lowest quality embryo.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean, I don't know how they
Speaker 1: know just all the cells and who knows very too
Speaker 1: science e way over my head. Um My was always like,
Speaker 1: what are your best chances of it working, and that
Speaker 1: the lower ones maybe weren't as great of a chance.
Speaker 1: So we transferred on Martin Luther King Day January, and
Speaker 1: we found out on Camp's birthday January twenty nine if
Speaker 1: it worked or not. And we were freaking nervous wreck
Speaker 1: because you go, you get I didn't do the home
Speaker 1: test before most people do, but I didn't want to,
Speaker 1: so we did the blog work and then they were
Speaker 1: just like waiting for hours for the nurses to call
Speaker 1: you and tell you if you're pregnant or not. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't eat. I'm like a nervous right.
Speaker 1: I have my phone like volume turned all the way up,
Speaker 1: vibrate like in my hand the whole time, like just
Speaker 1: waiting for them to call. And we're on the way home,
Speaker 1: almost back home, and they called and both the nurses
Speaker 1: at the same time scream you're a pregnant. It was
Speaker 1: just like the best feeling, and I just I felt
Speaker 1: like I knew that it was gonna work. Stephen thought
Speaker 1: it was more of a hail mary, um but I'm
Speaker 1: like I always we always wanted to have a big family,
Speaker 1: and so now pregnant with the baby number four. It's crazy.
Speaker 1: And now on top of it all, you're pregnant during
Speaker 1: the coronavirus and quarantine. What has that been like? Because
Speaker 1: doctor's appointments are nuts and everything's different. I mean, have
Speaker 1: have you? Just have you navigated all that? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: actually wrote a post about this on Instagram today because
Speaker 1: my friend this morning was like, how is it being
Speaker 1: pregnant during She called it the Hunger Games? During running virus?
Speaker 1: So when we were going to Dr Marnick, Um Steven
Speaker 1: still came with me to every appointment. Our last appointment
Speaker 1: with him was sort of at the beginning of all
Speaker 1: of this. But he legit once I moved to my
Speaker 1: provider in town, not in Dallas, Um, he legit hasn't
Speaker 1: even met her. Like he hasn't gotten to come with
Speaker 1: me to any of my midwife appointments. Um didn't get
Speaker 1: to come with me to my ultrasound. He won't get
Speaker 1: to come with me to my ana ultrasound. The first
Speaker 1: of one. I was really scary. I switched from going
Speaker 1: to an obie to a midwife and a totally new provider,
Speaker 1: and he's usually with me, like taking the notes and
Speaker 1: helping me remember my questions that I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: and just for like moral and emotional support. So that
Speaker 1: first time was scary, but I'm grateful. I have a
Speaker 1: couple of good friends that are pregnant right now too,
Speaker 1: and they're going through the same thing, so it's been
Speaker 1: nice to get to support each other. So through all
Speaker 1: of your journey, what is your take on I don't
Speaker 1: even know what I what. I want to know what
Speaker 1: the word is I mean? Like, what is your take
Speaker 1: on family? What is your talk on the point of
Speaker 1: all of this? Like what does your take on navigating
Speaker 1: life and trust in your intuition? Like, what is your
Speaker 1: take on it? Well, what I think is crazy is
Speaker 1: Rivers and this baby, which it's a girl. Um, they
Speaker 1: were embryos together, like they were frozen together for years
Speaker 1: and now Rivers has been alive for over three years,
Speaker 1: which is nuts, Like science is so crazy. And out
Speaker 1: of all out of my three kids I currently have,
Speaker 1: none of them are biologically related to each other, Like
Speaker 1: none of them have the same genetics, the same blood, like,
Speaker 1: none of it. And it's sort of breaking me out.
Speaker 1: And the best way that I'm gonna have two kids
Speaker 1: that potentially look like each other and are related that
Speaker 1: are like biologically related to each other. Um. But I
Speaker 1: think this whole thing is like family is not blood,
Speaker 1: family is not genetics. Family is built in so many
Speaker 1: different ways. And I think this is just the story
Speaker 1: that God had for our family. And I honestly like
Speaker 1: I I believe. I haven't said this while we've been talking,
Speaker 1: but if things would have happened when I wanted them
Speaker 1: to in my plan, we wouldn't have Campanasher, we probably
Speaker 1: wouldn't have rivers, like if I would have just gotten
Speaker 1: pregnant when I wanted to. And there's just a whole
Speaker 1: slew of stories of things that adoption and infertility have
Speaker 1: opened my eyes too and made me passionate about and
Speaker 1: connected me with people all over the world, and some
Speaker 1: of my favorite friends I probably never would have known
Speaker 1: because we connected over adoption or infertility, and so I
Speaker 1: worried any of it for the world. Even though it's
Speaker 1: been like the hardest thing, it's the most beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: I read this memoir a couple of years ago. Um,
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna forget the name of it. I'll have
Speaker 1: to text you the name of it. But it's an
Speaker 1: adoptive of the lucky few, the lucky few, Heather Abos
Speaker 1: and she calls her kids or wildflowers, and they're adopted.
Speaker 1: Several of them have special needs, and she says, because
Speaker 1: they required her to be a different kind of wild
Speaker 1: than she would have been on her own. And the
Speaker 1: first time I heard cry because I'm like, that is
Speaker 1: how I feel like these kids of mine, like only
Speaker 1: God could they have been in my life, and they
Speaker 1: have required me to be a different Actually have a
Speaker 1: if you can see, I have a wildflower tattoo from
Speaker 1: that quote. All my kids have their own wildflower and
Speaker 1: that's what I call them, just because it's been the
Speaker 1: most beautiful journey. And we just as parents like we're
Speaker 1: our kids guides, like they don't belong to us, we
Speaker 1: don't have control, but we have. They've been given to
Speaker 1: us to to love and to raise, and we've been
Speaker 1: entrusted with them. And this is the biggest, the biggest gift.
Speaker 1: It's something I think it was so cool And you
Speaker 1: talked about us when I reiterated again Rivers and this
Speaker 1: child that you're caring right now, we're conceived at the
Speaker 1: same time, their impress were made at the same time.
Speaker 1: But now they're going to be how many years apart
Speaker 1: in age three and a half. Isn't that nuts? It's
Speaker 1: so crazy. And we really thought we were having I
Speaker 1: thought we were having a bull why And I love girls.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm one of three, three girls, and we
Speaker 1: always wanted a brother. But I think I just convinced
Speaker 1: myself that I wasn't going to get to have another girl.
Speaker 1: I just thought we were gonna have a boy. And
Speaker 1: so at our gender reveal, we did a COVID gender reveal,
Speaker 1: like our friends stood in the street and I passed
Speaker 1: out hand sanitizers as party favors. It was hilarious. So
Speaker 1: you didn't know what was No, we didn't know. We
Speaker 1: did not do that genetic testing before, and so we
Speaker 1: didn't know. So I found out. We all found out together,
Speaker 1: Like I had somebody come and take pictures, and my
Speaker 1: face is just like when you had Rivers, you didn't
Speaker 1: know Rivers was a girl. Y'all just put an embryo
Speaker 1: in the healthy. Wow. Yeah, that's amazing. What what is
Speaker 1: motherhood taught me? Motherhood is the most sanctifying. It's the
Speaker 1: most sanctifying thing in the world. Like you have to
Speaker 1: be selfless and you know, my kids teach me so
Speaker 1: much about grace and patience, but also like laughter and fun,
Speaker 1: and I just I want to raise kids that know
Speaker 1: who they are, that are confident in who they are,
Speaker 1: that like us, that like being together and just getting
Speaker 1: to establish our own family stuff has been my favorite.
Speaker 1: Just so fun. What are some of the family things
Speaker 1: that y'all do that you love the most? Oh? Man, well,
Speaker 1: we have pool right now and so we just I
Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like just laughing, and we have
Speaker 1: so many kitchen dance parties. Um really just like putting
Speaker 1: the technology away and having fun. We love to go,
Speaker 1: we have you know, we go to all the same
Speaker 1: vacation spots and have all of our same traditions and
Speaker 1: just we're we liked tradition. I love tradition. Yeah, ah,
Speaker 1: I love that. When what do you want to tell
Speaker 1: mamas out there who are struggling to get pregnant, who
Speaker 1: are thinking about a option? What do you want to
Speaker 1: tell women who are in who are in the big
Speaker 1: of the wilderness right now? Yeah? Um, just I just
Speaker 1: always want wanted to know that they're not alone, like
Speaker 1: whatever they're going through, and maybe you don't share with
Speaker 1: the world like Carolina, I would, but maybe you share
Speaker 1: with one or two really close friends really what you're
Speaker 1: going through and how you're feeling, and just being able
Speaker 1: to trust somebody with that, because like we need each other.
Speaker 1: We need to walk this walk together and um not
Speaker 1: fill alone. And I think my biggest thing is just
Speaker 1: like don't give up. Like I feel like so many
Speaker 1: people spoken into me for a while, I was like,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, like I don't know what I
Speaker 1: can't control what's going to happen. But I think never
Speaker 1: losing hope and not giving up and like keeping your
Speaker 1: mindset healthy and positive is so huge in this journey.
Speaker 1: And I mean also just like I'm so sorry for
Speaker 1: what you're going through, Like every mom I talked to,
Speaker 1: I mean you probably feel the same way, Like any
Speaker 1: mom I've talked to you that I've shared our miscarriage
Speaker 1: story or whatever have been like leaned in, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm so sorry you're going through that, because there's
Speaker 1: something like my mom always says, you don't get it
Speaker 1: till you live it. And so being able to connect
Speaker 1: with people that have walked through what you're going through,
Speaker 1: I think it's really special. What is the biggest blessing
Speaker 1: of adoption, Oh man, so much. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: it's amazing that from the very first day we met
Speaker 1: camp and Asher, their little personalities and you know, we're
Speaker 1: taking videos so you can hear what we're saying. The
Speaker 1: things that we said about them on day one are
Speaker 1: still the same things about the personality and like their
Speaker 1: character traits now, which is so cool. It just shows
Speaker 1: me that like God makes all of us and who
Speaker 1: we are like regardless of where we grew up or
Speaker 1: what our circumstances where and who our parents were like,
Speaker 1: they're still those same people. I love them. You know,
Speaker 1: I grew up I have brown eyes, and I hated
Speaker 1: having brown eyes growing up because everybody else with blonde
Speaker 1: hair had blue eyes. But it's so amazing now because
Speaker 1: keepin atually have brown eyes and it's something that we
Speaker 1: relate to, like we look like, we look like we
Speaker 1: have matching eyes. But they have just opened our open
Speaker 1: our eyes and our worlds to so many things that
Speaker 1: we are passionate about, so many different causes, so many
Speaker 1: different ministries, so many different things in Africa and just
Speaker 1: connected me with so many other adopted families are just
Speaker 1: around the world. It's amazing. I love that, uh, when
Speaker 1: your story is amazing. So I always wrap up every
Speaker 1: podcast with leave your Light. And we've eve been so
Speaker 1: inspiring this whole time. And I kind of just already
Speaker 1: asked you this, but just to wrap it up, what
Speaker 1: do you want people to know? Okay, something that I
Speaker 1: feel like I preach to my people a lot. It's
Speaker 1: just this idea that you are worthy, like whatever it
Speaker 1: is that you are going for, if you're trying to
Speaker 1: have a family, if you're trying to start a business,
Speaker 1: if you're trying to be friends with their neighbor, if
Speaker 1: you're like whatever you're trying to do in your life,
Speaker 1: just knowing your worth and knowing that you are worthy
Speaker 1: of whatever it is you want, and not like holding
Speaker 1: yourself back, but knowing your true worth, knowing your identity,
Speaker 1: knowing your value. And I just like, I just I
Speaker 1: just see so many women we struggle with this so much,
Speaker 1: and so I lead, I lead so many I leave
Speaker 1: so many conversations with women just saying, like looking at
Speaker 1: them in the eye, like you are worthy and I
Speaker 1: want you to believe that. So I love that. When
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sharing your story, thank you
Speaker 1: for your beautiful heart. I cannot wait to meet this
Speaker 1: new baby girl. Oh my gosh. I know they won't
Speaker 1: be in a bar part in age study and studying
Speaker 1: baby and you have taked doubt, but you're not sharing it, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's not like yet, I'm just I'm nervous to commit.
Speaker 1: When did you tell people that her name was Sunny
Speaker 1: when she was born or before? Well, I'm one of
Speaker 1: those people that can't keep a dank secret, say of
Speaker 1: my life's. As soon as Michael and I decided we're neighbor,
Speaker 1: Sunny Grayson Hobby and I'm like, you, I have a
Speaker 1: million best friends, and so I'm like, Okay, I'll just
Speaker 1: tell this person because they're like my best friend, and
Speaker 1: like and I'll tell this person because we're like super close.
Speaker 1: And by the time I was done, I told like
Speaker 1: a hundred people. And then I'm finally like, well, why
Speaker 1: don't do a freaking Facebook post because I already told
Speaker 1: everyone in the world what her name is. Listen, we're
Speaker 1: not telling anybody, but her name is Sunny Grayson Hobby.
Speaker 1: And I said that to like a hundred people. I
Speaker 1: think that's that's how I was with Rivers and never
Speaker 1: offitually announced it until she was born, but like everyone
Speaker 1: who is remotely friends with me knew her name. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it. Well, it's been so fun to get
Speaker 1: to watch your podcast just grow and evolve and the
Speaker 1: change over the past couple of years. I'm just so
Speaker 1: proud of you and all the work that you put
Speaker 1: into the world, and it's it's it's so I'm I
Speaker 1: love it. I'm so proud of finally on it. Do
Speaker 1: you feel a sense of pride that you're the reason
Speaker 1: I have my podcast? You should, No, I just I
Speaker 1: love it. I love encouraging women and their passions like
Speaker 1: that is so much of my heart and I want
Speaker 1: to see women succeed in whatever it is that they
Speaker 1: love and are passionate about, and so it just makes
Speaker 1: me so happy. I'm like, oh it works. When I
Speaker 1: tell how I encourage people, they some people actually listen.
Speaker 1: It's great. You change my life that day when like, seriously,
Speaker 1: you changed my life that day, and I, like you said,
Speaker 1: God has led you. I think for whatever reason, I
Speaker 1: was led to you, and you had such a definitive
Speaker 1: answer for me that a podcast is what I needed
Speaker 1: to do. There's no question about it. And I was
Speaker 1: like okay, and I was like ready to receive direction,
Speaker 1: and I received it from you. And the next day
Speaker 1: I got all the equipment and here I am four
Speaker 1: years later. You are. But you had that confidence and
Speaker 1: belief in yourself and not a lot of people have that,
Speaker 1: So give yourself some credit. Well, I appreciate you and
Speaker 1: I love even and I'll be praying over this little
Speaker 1: baby and family and um, don't hang up. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: hang I'm gonna end this recording, but don't hang up.
Speaker 1: But I love you so much, and thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing your women like women like you're such an encouragement.
Speaker 1: I love your family like you have you have you're
Speaker 1: like Lauren and Thomas Rhett Akins like they have biological children.
Speaker 1: They have they've adopted a child, and it's just like
Speaker 1: I love that you build your family the way that
Speaker 1: feels right to you, that you feel called to do,
Speaker 1: And there's all different ways to have a perfect, beautiful family,
Speaker 1: and I just love that you are that example showing
Speaker 1: the way. Thanks okay, by when don't hang up