1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: This is Alec Baldwin and you're listening to here's the thing. 2 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: If it is fish up fishes. Much like the staggering 3 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:37,599 Speaker 1: beauty of her singing voice, Audrem McDonald is impossible to ignore. 4 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,919 Speaker 1: The only person to sweep all four acting categories at 5 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 1: the Tony's, she's one of the most decorated Broadway stars 6 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:51,200 Speaker 1: of all time. Reviews of her award winning performances overflow 7 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: with accolades. She's spelled binding, radiant, and wrenchingly human. This year, 8 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: the Juilliard graduate took on her first voice over role, 9 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 1: playing Madam Guardrobe in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. The 10 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: performance was so great one critic wrote that her name 11 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: and the credits prompted theatergoers to erupt and cheers. I 12 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: sat down with Audre before her debut this summer in 13 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: London's West End, where she takes on Billie Holiday, whose 14 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,199 Speaker 1: life as a black female performer hits close to home 15 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: specifically for me. I would say that there was an 16 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: expectation on my part that things would get easier as 17 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: a result of being successful. You know, well, what do 18 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: you mean, I They're going to make more money than 19 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,839 Speaker 1: I am, and yet we're doing the same thing we're playing. 20 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: We're basically equal as far as the roles are concerned. 21 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: Or um, what did you do to address that? If anything? 22 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: I didn't. For I didn't do anything for a while 23 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: I should have and I didn't. I just went along well. 24 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: And especially you know, when you're an accurates, like you're 25 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: always being told you should be grateful you've the job. 26 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: You know, you're being told that if you if you 27 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: push too much, you're going to get a bad reputation 28 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: from being yes, yes, and I there's actors that are 29 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: infinitely less talented than you work all the time. You're 30 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: just easy to be, easier to work with, and they don't. 31 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: They don't. Cause in terms of being an African American performer, 32 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: did that change? Well, I tell you, I mean, let 33 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: me give you an example of how in some ways 34 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: it changed and didn't change. I have to I have 35 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: to acknowledge the fact that I am someone who has 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: had uh an incredible opportunity in terms of sort of 37 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: breaking down barriers as far as like color blind casting, 38 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: being color blind cast as Carrie Pepperidge in in Carousel, 39 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: you know, or the fact that I played mother Abbess 40 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: and the sound of Music Live, you know, and um, 41 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 1: you know a lot of people have issues with that, 42 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: but you know I was the one that got the 43 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: opportunity to do that. You know. Um, when I was 44 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: doing Annie for ABC, they did a version of that 45 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: with Kathy Bates and Victor Garber and m Alan Cumming 46 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: and Kristin Cheneworth, and they cast me as Grace Ferrell. 47 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: And there was a scene at the end where Grace 48 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: Ferrell and and and Daddy Warbocks proposes to Grace Ferrell. 49 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: At the end, the happy ending is happening, you know. 50 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: Victor Warbox, Yes, he was my daddy. I love him too. 51 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: And actually you'll appreciate this. We were sitting around one 52 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: day on the set and uh, you know, in the 53 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: big gorgeous mansion that Daddy Warbos has and we were 54 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: sitting between takes and I was sitting next to Victor 55 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 1: and I just got a little emotionally said, Victor, what 56 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: if this was really our house and we were really 57 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: getting married and we had all this money in this life? 58 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: And he said, in the just true Victor fashion, Darling, 59 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: get ahold of yourself saying that, right. But anyway, so 60 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: we were film breaking, Yeah, we're filming. We're filming Annie 61 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 1: and UM, so we shot the scene where you know, 62 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 1: Daddy Warbocks gives Grace Ferrell the ring and it's lovely, 63 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: and then UM, we get word that we have to 64 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: come in on a Saturday to do some reshoots. And 65 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: Rob Marshall was directing UM and Neil Marin and Craigs Aiden, 66 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: who are wonderful, wonderful producers and have been very kind 67 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: to me over the years and give me a lot 68 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: of work that cast me in Sound of Music as 69 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: a mother abbesss and UM they said we have to 70 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: do some reshoots, and then they took me aside and said, 71 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: it turns out that Disney might be a little uncomfortable 72 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: or the powers that be. I don't know if it 73 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: was Disney ABC, I don't know. We're comfortable. There might 74 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: be some issues with Daddy Warbucks actually marrying Grace, so 75 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: so we need to reshoot the scene and do it 76 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: without you're hooking up with Daddy Warbucks giving and I. 77 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: I was devastated. I was I was devastated. It was 78 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 1: one of those things where you know you're starting to 79 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: feel good, You're starting to feel like, oh, there's really 80 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: change coming things are happening here, I am playing this 81 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: role and and it's it's Annie, but nobody cares and 82 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,359 Speaker 1: it's wonderful. Nobody else feel including Victor, I think everybody, 83 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: and I think they were all kind of horrified. And 84 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,039 Speaker 1: you know, also, did they use in the product in 85 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: the film? Rob said, Okay, so we're all going to 86 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: come in on a Saturday. And you know how expensive 87 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: that is when you're only shooting Monday to Friday, coming 88 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 1: on a Saturday just to reshoot the scene. So everybody 89 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: comes in and we get dressed up in that moment 90 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: for that scene, and Rob does one big master take 91 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,799 Speaker 1: of Daddy Warbucks, just sort of going, hey, and everybody, anybody, 92 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: it's great and this is great. This happened. Okay, looking 93 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: at you kid, exactly you over there, you person, you 94 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:42,119 Speaker 1: and he got one shot, one master take, one shot, 95 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:45,479 Speaker 1: and then Rob said, okay, got that, so while we're here, 96 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: and then he proceeded to reshoot other things that he 97 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: thought he could make it, so he tanted the tank it. 98 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: He did tank it so they couldn't use it, so 99 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: they ended up using where So you look in the 100 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 1: film and Daddy Warbucks proposes to Grace Ferrell in that 101 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 1: and that's because that's because of Rob, you know, and 102 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: his courage. His courage. Absolutely. And then at the end 103 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: of the year when the film came out, Time magazine 104 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: said something or maybe it's a newsweek um, and he 105 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 1: said that in Things that Happened this Year, Daddy Warbroocks 106 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: marries a black Grace Ferrell and nobody cares. So I 107 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 1: don't know what that's the answer to, but it's just 108 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: an issue of things that you know, you think, you 109 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: get to a certain point where you know things are changing, 110 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: and then boom, you're sort of slammed back into that reality. 111 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,479 Speaker 1: What are you in the middle of doing now? I 112 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: can't remember what you're doing You're rehearsing some show? Yes, yes, yes, 113 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 1: I've got a Lady Day was on the West End. 114 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,480 Speaker 1: You're gonna go to London? Yeah, I've never been. No, not, 115 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,919 Speaker 1: I've never performed on the West End. That's that's what 116 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: I mean. You've never performed over there? Not I performed, 117 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: but never on the West End. I've never I've done 118 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: like concerts and stuff that I've never done a show, yeah, yeah, yeah. 119 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: What of the places outside of New York have you 120 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 1: performed that's an interesting thing to think about. Well in 121 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: terms of like concert work everywhere, but actual shows I've 122 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,919 Speaker 1: only done, well, that's not true. I did the Secret 123 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: Garden Tour a million years ago, so you know, you know, 124 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 1: you do kind of a national tour, you go all 125 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: over the place. Yeah, I did, but as you know, 126 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: ensemble member, you know, and then I did Master Class 127 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: is the only other one that I did. We did 128 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: that in l a And at the Kennedy Center. We 129 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: did the taper at the Kennedy Center, and Plays and 130 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: Players in Philadelphia before we came into New York. But 131 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: that's been the nineties. Do you find that you stay 132 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: in New York and try to stay in New York 133 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 1: with that's home and that's easier for you, and well, yeah, 134 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: I mean it is Broadway. It's Broadway, and that's where 135 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: I want to be. Yeah, but especially since you know, 136 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: since having kids, you know, well, I have a six 137 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: month old, and I have a sixteen year old, and 138 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: I have two stepsons who are sixteen and thirteen. So 139 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: it's a have a sixteen year old and that's yours, 140 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: that's mine, and you have a six month old that's mine, 141 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: that's yours. Yes, yes, you know what that's like, having 142 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: a bit of a spread in between. She read a 143 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: kid when you were very young, the sixteen year Well, 144 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: that's very kind of you to say, Oh, I was 145 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: thirty when I had my first and now I'm forty 146 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: six and you want to have another baby, you know, 147 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: I or you were drunk on a sailboat with your husband? 148 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: What happened? Which is it? Which is it? It's it's 149 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: it's somewhere in between. It's really that the Broncos won 150 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: the Super Bowl. Seriously, Oh my god, and my husband 151 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: is a big Broncos fan. And nine months later the 152 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: rest is Sally James McDonald swinson. Yeah, what are you 153 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: gonna do? How was that for you? Because I mean 154 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: I don't always want to ask. I was saying, how 155 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: I want to do another show, but I don't want 156 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: to be away at dinner time every night for four 157 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 1: to six months. What's that like? Do you bring the 158 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: kids to the theater? I did, Well, I certainly did 159 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: with my sixteen year old um when she was little, 160 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 1: she was at the theater all the time with me. 161 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: That was kind of the only way. And I imagine, well, 162 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: I know for a fact, when I'm in London. Um, 163 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 1: I'm staying very close to the theater, and she'll be 164 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 1: at the theater. And and if I were to get 165 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: another Broadway show, I would just bring her there because 166 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: you don't want to you don't want to miss anything, 167 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: and you don't you don't want to make them feel 168 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,359 Speaker 1: like what about the baby? But yeah, the baby will come. Absolutely. 169 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 1: She has to be with you right until the half hour. 170 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 1: That's what I've been doing now this year, you know, 171 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: since i've had her, I've started back concertizing and literally 172 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: I've had her backstage with either my husband when he 173 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 1: can join me, or my babysitter, and um, I will 174 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: sing and then run off stage and nurse her and 175 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: then you know, go do your meet and greet or whatever. 176 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: And actually during one concert she was really really fussy, 177 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 1: and so my husband went on and performed, and I 178 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: ran off stage and and and nurse her and called 179 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 1: her down and the right back on stage. Crazy crazy. 180 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: Where did you meet him? Your husband? We met doing 181 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: in the Shade, the show on Broadway back in two 182 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: thousand and seven, so yeah, a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 183 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,560 Speaker 1: it was crazy time too. I Um, I met him 184 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: and then my dad was killed in the plane crash 185 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: like a couple of like about six weeks later. He 186 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: was a high school principal. And when you grew up 187 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: in California, but here we were born in Germany. I 188 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: was born in Germany. What was she doing over there? Here? 189 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: He was in the he was in the army. And then, um, yeah, 190 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,839 Speaker 1: I was raised in Fresno, California. My dad was a 191 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 1: high school principle and then he went on to become 192 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: an associate superintendent of schools there. But his passion was flying, 193 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: and he flew small planes and he had his own 194 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: and he was he had just recently retired and he 195 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: had his own plane that he was flying, And um, yeah, 196 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: he where were you when you found that about that? 197 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: I was actually walking. I just finished the matinee of 198 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: The Shade. We were still in previews, and I was 199 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: walking with um my husband. He wasn't my husband at 200 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,839 Speaker 1: the time. He was just a friend at the time. 201 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: We a bunch of us were walking to meet the 202 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: rest of the cast to have you know, a post 203 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:53,199 Speaker 1: you know, Sunday matinee drink with the entire cast. And 204 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: my step mom called and said my dad was remarried. Yes, 205 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: he was remarried and your mom still alive. Yes, my mom. 206 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 1: First she lives next door to me in the yeah yeah, yeah, 207 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: in Westchester. And when she retired and left town, yes, yes, 208 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: but yeah, my stepmom called me and said, and I 209 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: was just I was on fifty three Street between eighth 210 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: and ninth Avenues, and it was it was it's interesting, 211 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: you know in those moments, you know, you see what 212 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 1: happens in film and you think it will be similar, 213 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: you know, in real life, and it's it seldom is 214 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 1: you know, as an act. Well, I didn't it didn't 215 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: compute what she was saying. You know. She said, your dad, 216 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: dad had an accident while he was flying the plane 217 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: and he didn't make it. And I kept saying, oh, 218 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: I said, okay, so where is he now? And she said, Audre, 219 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: he didn't make it. It's like, okay, well where Yeah. 220 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: But I wasn't. It wasn't computing either, you know, and 221 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: I was just really stunned. And it took it took 222 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: a day for me to really start to cry, you know, 223 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: because it just it was close to him, yeah, yeah, 224 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: very close, and it just wasn't making sense, you know. 225 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: So it's interesting. I mean, it's it's been ten years 226 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: on it will be ten years actually next week that 227 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: his since his passing, and um. But it's just interesting. 228 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 1: As an actor, this sounds so cold and callous and 229 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 1: it's not. It's not meant to be. But as an actor, 230 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: there was a part of me that was sort of 231 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: floating away from my body watching the scene, going, I 232 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 1: don't think you're having the right reaction, you know, I don't. Yeah, yeah, 233 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 1: that's not you know, if this were seen, you'd fall 234 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: to the ground and and you know, break into a 235 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: million pieces. And you're not doing that. You're you're playing 236 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: the scene wrong. It's so strange. But actually I know 237 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: exactly when I really started to cry about my dad's passing, 238 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: and it was I had I found out. We were 239 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: getting ready to open a ten of The Shade, and 240 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: so we're getting ready to go into a critics week 241 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,920 Speaker 1: where critics are coming and they're saying I'm saying I 242 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: have to go, and they're saying, you're the star of 243 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: the show. You can't leave as I have to. And 244 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: so they canceled a couple of shows so I could 245 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: fly home to California. This is for their profits funeral, 246 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 1: and you can leave well, they know, they were just like, 247 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: how do we do this? You know? And actually was 248 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: at the end of it was like right at Tony um, 249 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,319 Speaker 1: what's it called? When it's the cut off times? Qualification time? 250 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: So everybody was like, we what do we do? So 251 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: they were kind enough to cancel enough shows for me 252 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: to run home for the funeral and trying to work 253 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: that out with my step mom who was devastated and 254 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: you know, really broken, and trying to keep her together 255 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,839 Speaker 1: and keep the family together and figure it all out. 256 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: And it wasn't until after the funeral you're saying hello 257 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: to everybody, and I just kind of kept it together 258 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: the whole time. And then as soon as I greeted 259 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: like the person or something like a thousand people at 260 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: his funeral. He was very very well known and very 261 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: loved in Fresno, California, and his older sister came and said, 262 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: how are you doing? And that's when I lost. When 263 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: you emptied out, I emptied out. But it was you know, 264 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: but once again, that's not how I mean. Maybe maybe 265 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: a good director, but that's not how I just imagined 266 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: the film. An actress, you're always controlling and managing your 267 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 1: feelings anyway, lovers and knobs and dials inside of us 268 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: there was in the playing with all these were paid for, 269 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: you know, So you moved to Fresno. When you grew 270 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: up in Fresno beginning at what age? I was nine 271 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,959 Speaker 1: months old? Here's your little baby. So you're a child. 272 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: And so there's there's the Order McDonald who grows up 273 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: in California. There's the Order McDonald who now is one 274 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: of the princesses of the Broadway Theater. Yeah, there's like 275 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: a mount Rushmore. It's you and burn it out and 276 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: all these chicks. Now, who are these the greatest singers 277 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: in the world? And I want to talk about the 278 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: auder in between. So the order in between when you 279 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: first start under the business, when people are hiring you, 280 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: and as you're building your career in New York and singing, 281 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: what were they hiring you? Four? Well, I think it 282 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: had more to do with if I look back on 283 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: it now, and no one's ever asked me this, So 284 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,400 Speaker 1: kudos to you. Well, I do try, You've got you've 285 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 1: got the talent um, But I think it had more 286 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: to do with I wasn't what people were expecting. Um, 287 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 1: you know, back in those days, can I say back 288 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: in those days, yeah, the early nineties. Um, you know, 289 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: you'd go on audition for something and they'd see an 290 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: African American girl and her twenties walk in, and I 291 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: think they'd expect some big gospel voice or you know, 292 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: they're like, can you be streets part you know, all 293 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: those code words and whatnot, and I would sort of 294 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: break out with the pseudo operatic voice that had Broadway 295 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: qualities and was a bit goofy um and so I 296 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: think it just intrigued people more than anything. I think 297 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: that's even how I got into Juilliard. When I auditioned 298 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: for Juilliard, and I wasn't you know, I wasn't really 299 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: wanting to pursue classical music, but I thought, I'll audition 300 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: on the strength of my voice. That's that's my my strength. 301 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 1: Was that a goal to go to Juilliard, Well, I 302 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: wanted to go to New York. I wanted to live 303 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: in New York. Juilliard was at Lincoln Center, you know, 304 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: you know, the good beginning. Yeah, um, and I thought 305 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: I'd be able to get like my acting classes in 306 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 1: nancing classes while I was there. I didn't realize that 307 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: once you're in a program once you're in a department, 308 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,479 Speaker 1: you know, you shall not stray, you stay in that department, 309 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: and you know. So I just went in there an audition, 310 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: didn't really know what I was doing, and kind of 311 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: riffed at the end of a Mozart area. You're not 312 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: supposed to riff with Mozart, and I did, And I said, 313 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: I was a mezzo soprano, and I'm singing subrette, you know, 314 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: roles for them, showing them. I sang a subrette aria 315 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: from the note to de Figuro marriage Figuro. And so 316 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: for people who don't know what soubrette is, what is that, 317 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: I'm one of those people. By the way you do well. 318 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: Soubrette is sort of like a really high light soprano, 319 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: not necessarily coloratura, but she's like a young, sweet heroine 320 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: type lighter sound, not like a full lyric soprano. And 321 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: um so it's a lot of people say the ena 322 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: rolls Despina or Celina, the little cute roles. So anyway, 323 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: that's what I sang. I sang one of those areas. 324 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 1: But then I said, I'm a metzo soprano, which I 325 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: just I was just that, just showing how much I 326 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: didn't know how how little I knew. And they laughed 327 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: at me and they said how old are you and 328 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: I said, I'm said teen, and they just said okay, 329 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 1: And I thought, well, I blew that. And then two 330 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: weeks later they called me and said, we want you 331 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,679 Speaker 1: to come to Juilliard. But I don't think I think 332 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: it was just intrigue on their party. You're there for 333 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: four years, Well would you start working? No? I was 334 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: there for five years, but you finished there, you graduated 335 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: from the Yeah, I had. I took a leave of 336 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: absence because I had a suicide attempt actually while I 337 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: was there, so I took a leave of absence. There's 338 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: a lot that happened between the Order and Fresno, California 339 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: and the Order who's on Broadway. Now, okay, we're going 340 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: to cover as much of that as you care to 341 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: in the time. I'm completely open about it. But so 342 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 1: you're in Juilliard. What years was that? That five years 343 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 1: was from when to win? It was from So when 344 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: you're there, was it trouble for you fitting in? Did 345 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable and out of place? There? Absolutely was 346 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 1: that a part of what led you to do what 347 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,359 Speaker 1: you did. Yeah, I felt out of place artistically. I 348 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: felt all my life growing up in Fresna, California, all 349 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 1: I wanted to do was beyond Broadway. And and then 350 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,719 Speaker 1: I thought, you know, let me audition for Juilliard. Just 351 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: didn't think it through audition got in. So everybody back 352 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,800 Speaker 1: at home was like, Wow, Ordre got into Juilliard in 353 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: New York. She's you know, she's gonna make it. And 354 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,880 Speaker 1: then I get to Juilliard and I'm studying classical musing, 355 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, this isn't what I want to do. I 356 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,360 Speaker 1: don't want to be an after singer. Why surely they're 357 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: gonna let me go take some acting classes, surely it, 358 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: and go do some dance less and surely it and 359 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: go an audition for Broadway shows. No, you have to 360 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: just study, you know, if you are enjoying it. No, 361 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,640 Speaker 1: I and I felt I felt lost. I felt completely lost. 362 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 1: I felt like I was off at But that that alone, 363 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 1: I'm assuming, and tell me if I'm wrong, didn't lead 364 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 1: you to do something drastic. What else? No? I mean, well, 365 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: you know, to the extent you can say, yeah, well, 366 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: you know, like I said, I'm open about it, because 367 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: you know, I think I'm a case of it it 368 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,679 Speaker 1: gets better, you know. But I so I was lost 369 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 1: in terms of that, and then feeling like I couldn't 370 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 1: just quit and go back home because I would look 371 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 1: like a failure back at home. And you know, I 372 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: had boy trouble while I was there. And so the 373 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: culmination of being where I wanted to be in New 374 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 1: York City, thinking I'm finally going to realize my dreams, 375 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 1: stuck and failing miserably at Juilliard, not being able to 376 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: admit to anybody at home what was going on, not 377 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: being able to go home because I would have looked 378 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: like a failure. Living literally on Broadway on Broadway my 379 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: apartment and my address was Broadway Broadway, the residentially the 380 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 1: old Broadway I called the wild wild West, and in 381 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: anything north of eighty six Street, forget it. You did 382 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: not in your shield and a sword to go to 383 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,360 Speaker 1: the grocery store right, and to look at it now, 384 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: Oh my goodnes. But what I'm curious about is that 385 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: the woman, the young woman from Fresno, who goes to 386 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: New York and and and again let me put a 387 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: fine point of this before you answer, which is, and 388 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,439 Speaker 1: you say you have boyd troubles? Are you dating a 389 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 1: different kind of boy. Now, what, Julie, are the boys 390 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: that were hard for you to understand? So I was, 391 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,959 Speaker 1: you know, I was that all the same? Well, I 392 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: was just not be treated well by a boy. Yeah, 393 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: boys are the same, alloy, Thank you, my guest has 394 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,199 Speaker 1: been ever good night everybody. But but but, but but 395 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: the reason I asked this, I want are you a 396 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,199 Speaker 1: fish out of water in every way? Yes? I was 397 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,199 Speaker 1: a fish out of water in every way except for 398 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: the fact that I was in New York, which is 399 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 1: what I knew I wanted. I knew that much was right, 400 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:26,119 Speaker 1: but everything I kept grounded, Yes, but everything else was wrong, 401 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 1: and so in you know, in those days I was. 402 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: I couldn't see past the fact that I had gotten 403 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: here and everything up to up to now had gone swimmingly, 404 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,919 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden it was all falling apart. 405 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: And um, if you don't know my asking, what the 406 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: what were the the the ramp up the time, and 407 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: what you were thinking and feeling? And the only reason 408 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: I asked this for people who listen to this, who 409 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,480 Speaker 1: might be young people and artists who are experienced a 410 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: certain kind of pain that you experience in this business 411 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,879 Speaker 1: that I think is very unique because you exude in 412 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: your work. You seem so confident and so powerful. Well, 413 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: I think it's because I'm now, I'm I'm where I'm 414 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: supposed to be. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. 415 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: I'm doing what I think. If you want to get 416 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: I don't know, you're not playing the inna roles anymore. No, no, no, 417 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 1: But I mean it's it's more about I'm artistically fulfilled. 418 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,119 Speaker 1: I think my artistic soul is fulfilled. It's doing what 419 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 1: it's supposed to do. You greet them what kid look 420 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: copy to me? Not that she doesn't still find challenges 421 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,120 Speaker 1: coming up. Ardo McDonald talks about a song that's been 422 00:21:56,280 --> 00:22:00,879 Speaker 1: rather hard to sing. Ardo McDonald isn't the only star 423 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: who struggled to find her voice. I mean when I 424 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,679 Speaker 1: tell people I was extremely shy that nobody believes me. 425 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 1: Now that I think that people have to overcome yes, exactly. 426 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 1: You know. I found a lot of comedians to be 427 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: serious and and was withdrawn sometimes. So yeah, I think 428 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: sometimes we overcome things by going after the very thing 429 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: that really eludes us. To hear more about Renee Fleming story, 430 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 1: go to Here's the Thing dot Org. This is Alec 431 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,160 Speaker 1: Baldwin and you're listening to Here's the thing. If ever 432 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 1: there was a track record that warranted Diva doom, it 433 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: is Audre McDonald's. But despite her unparalleled fame, the Queen 434 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: of Broadway is disarmingly humble, perhaps the mark of a 435 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 1: person who has endured great pain in her case. While 436 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: studying at Juilliard, this was my third year and it 437 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: had been just yet another year of floundering and doing 438 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 1: poorly in all my class is, and teachers just saying, 439 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,080 Speaker 1: you know, you've got to get give over to your 440 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: operatic sound, and me not wanting to, not knowing what 441 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 1: that was, um. And when I would get close to 442 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: an operatic sound, I'd say, I don't want to sound 443 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: like that. So I felt like I was just being 444 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 1: pushed and they were doing their job rightfully. So this 445 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: is like, this is your Juilliard to study. This is 446 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: what you're gonna do to push me into a place 447 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 1: that just wasn't me artistically. So that coupled with being 448 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: one by yourself in New York and being treated poorly 449 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 1: by um whatever his name was, what's his name, I 450 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 1: were so going to say that no, no, no, no, no, 451 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 1: he's he's fine. He's a great guy now, but in 452 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:48,400 Speaker 1: any rate. Um, so all of that combined with me 453 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 1: being sort of like the great hope from my my 454 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 1: hometown too. You know, Ordre is gonna make it. If 455 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 1: anybody's gonna make it on Broadway, it's going to be Audre. 456 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: I the boy was the catalyst. That's sort of like, 457 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: sort of broke that. It was a straw that broke 458 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: the camel's back. But it was three years of I'm 459 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. I'm failing miserably, 460 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: but I'm here in Disneyland, where I'm supposed to be 461 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,880 Speaker 1: where I said I wanted to be. So I I 462 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:20,159 Speaker 1: I slit my wrists one night, and what happened? And 463 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 1: about this? Have you written about this? I haven't. I 464 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: guess I should. I speak about it all the time, 465 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,439 Speaker 1: but maybe one day I'll write about it. And found, Um, 466 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,199 Speaker 1: I slit my wrists and then realized what I had 467 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 1: done and called the student affairs director who I had 468 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: become close with, and said, I helped me, and someone 469 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,119 Speaker 1: came and helped you, and they helped me, and they 470 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 1: took me to a mental hospital. Um, it's interesting, this 471 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 1: mental hospital still there. Um, Gracie Square Hospital. It's next 472 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 1: door to um my uh my O B G y 473 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: n who delivered my six month old uh circuit that 474 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,200 Speaker 1: so I almost didn't make it, and now I made it. 475 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,800 Speaker 1: And it was I had to pass it, you know, 476 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: every week to go to my O. B G y 477 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: n appointment, I had to pass Gracie Square Hospital. And 478 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: every time I passed it, there was a part of 479 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,959 Speaker 1: me just you know, waddling down the street. Pregnatives can 480 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 1: be some twenty nine years later, I would, um, I would. 481 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,680 Speaker 1: I felt such relief and joy and and you know 482 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 1: a sense of yes, I I get I get the 483 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: big picture. Now one month in the school year was 484 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,639 Speaker 1: that that that happened. It was January or February. So 485 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,919 Speaker 1: at the midpoint, let's say, and you take off obviously, 486 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 1: and you come back when you come back the following fall, 487 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: you don't. I came back, um the following fall for 488 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,880 Speaker 1: a little bit, and then I got an opportunity to 489 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: audition for something that ended up end up being the 490 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:52,400 Speaker 1: Secret Garden actually, and I asked the you know, administration 491 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 1: office and my the dean, what I should do, and 492 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,400 Speaker 1: they said, you know, go do that It's okay, take 493 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,199 Speaker 1: the time off to go do that. It seems like 494 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,879 Speaker 1: that's where you want to be. So and they they 495 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: probably didn't want to disappoint you at that point. At 496 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: that point you want to go and do it. Yeah, 497 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,679 Speaker 1: we don't ever want to get your way. You know. 498 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: The thing is there was actually a lot, not a lot, 499 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 1: but they had a special arrangement with Gracie Square Hospital. 500 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: They were a couple of other Juilliard students there that 501 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 1: I had wondered what had happened to I was there. 502 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,960 Speaker 1: I was at the hospital for mean Gray Square I 503 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: think is private hospital. I was there for a month. Um. 504 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: They evaluated me and said you you're not going anytime soon? Um, 505 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,679 Speaker 1: and did that change you? I was so heavily medicated, 506 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: they I was heavily medicated. When you say that, it's 507 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: so compelling to me because when I see you, I 508 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 1: think of you. I think of you like you know, 509 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: you're so strong, your personality and performed. I view you 510 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,880 Speaker 1: as the person that's going to go I'm going back 511 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: into the burning building to save the baby. Well that 512 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,639 Speaker 1: is me now, but I think maybe that experience helped 513 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,239 Speaker 1: make me that now. I mean, look, I'm still. I mean, 514 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: everybody's a mess, always a mess, I you know, and 515 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,639 Speaker 1: I what, I understood a lot going on. Yeah, and 516 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 1: I realized, you know, I'm someone who suffers from depression, 517 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 1: and but I've learned in the years a how to 518 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,280 Speaker 1: deal with it be to find you know, find my 519 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 1: joy and see you to realize that, like alcoholism, it's 520 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: something that you wake up every day and you say, yeah, 521 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 1: that's still something that I have to deal with, as 522 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,160 Speaker 1: opposed to saying, oh, I'm just not depressed anymore. Just 523 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: but to learn how to cope with that. And my 524 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: my art gives me a lot of joy and keeps me, 525 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,360 Speaker 1: keeps me strong. So what's the first job you do? 526 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: This is a tired question, but I can't help back asking, 527 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: especially with something like you, what's the first job wouldn't 528 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 1: you do? When you sit there and go I got this. 529 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 1: I think I got this, Like I'm over the no 530 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 1: known meaning you know that the sky is the limit 531 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 1: for you. You're out there and you're doing it and 532 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: you're connecting to that material you know, and you go, 533 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: I think I really really have a shot at my 534 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 1: dream coming true. Here. It was Sally Murphy and she 535 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 1: was she was Julie Jordan and I played Carrie Pepperridge. 536 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: And who was the guy Michael Hayden was Yes, yes, yes, Nick. 537 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 1: Lincoln Center, which is also crazy for me to then open, 538 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: you know, in in Carousel at Lincoln Center, where at 539 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: Vivian Momont Theater where you can look up and I 540 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 1: can see the school that I, you know, had a 541 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 1: hard time in. And and I remember standing in those 542 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 1: in those windows at Juniiard looking at Vivian Beaumont, seeing 543 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 1: Patti Lapone performing there, and going why am I not 544 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 1: doing that? And then how do you feel? Um like 545 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: luckiest survivor in the world. I mean, and I felt 546 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: a sense of gratitude, a sense of relief, and a 547 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 1: sense of Okay, I get it. I now get that 548 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 1: I was on my path. Out the window of one 549 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: place is your future. Out the window of Juilliard where 550 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: you try to snuff yourself, is the Vivian Beaumont where 551 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: you're going to do Carousel. Across the streets, always a 552 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: vistaf you what might have been, what have been? What was? 553 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: Which was something not bad and wonderful? Yeah, I mean 554 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: babies and Tony Awards and all that stuff. I think, 555 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 1: I think what I realized is there's a bigger picture. 556 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: And I think, you know, it's very easy to you know, 557 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: just get into tunnel vision, especially when you're young and 558 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: you know it's only you that you're having to think about. 559 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,959 Speaker 1: And not that that's a bad thing, but it's just 560 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: easy to get buried very quickly, um, under emotion and 561 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 1: and fear and disappointment and all that. And um, I 562 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: just think that I learned to have a bigger picture 563 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: about life. Once you become extraordinarily successful in the You 564 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: won your first Tony Award for what show Carousel? And 565 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: you how old your child and you when you were 566 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 1: you were fresh out of that situation, went far that 567 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: far removed from that situation. It was two and a 568 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 1: half years away from that two and a half years later, 569 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 1: which is nothing. Yeah, you win a Tony Award and 570 00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: you've won six Tony Awards. Yes, you won the most 571 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: Tony Awards of anybody. Are you tired with somebody? You're 572 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: tired with you? No? Not, that's true. You know. I 573 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,840 Speaker 1: love when people. I love when people sit there and 574 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 1: they go, oh, I don't know, I don't keep tracking that. 575 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:17,959 Speaker 1: I go, you liar, your Tony's lined up. Not you 576 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: people in general. I doubt you do actually, but to 577 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 1: embarrass you even more than I already had, good God, 578 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 1: you are enormously talented and everything clicks, and you're very 579 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: very successful, and you're a gorgeous woman. Well you're you're 580 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,520 Speaker 1: a gorgeous woman. And what did that do in terms 581 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: of your career, meaning that you could have gone and 582 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,640 Speaker 1: made films and done a television series? Did you have 583 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 1: a lot of offers to do that you swept aside? No, 584 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,640 Speaker 1: I've never had those offers. I mean, I did one 585 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: television series series once where I played the best friend 586 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: in Private Practice to the main character Private Practice. Kate 587 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 1: Walsh played Addison Montgomery and I played her. Did you 588 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 1: do that? I did it for five six years. The 589 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: show ran for seve in years, and I did it 590 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: for five or six years. But No, Hollywood is never 591 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 1: really banged down to my doors. And I think that's because, um, 592 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: you're very kind to say I'm gorgeous, but I don't 593 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 1: think i'm the typical sort of look. I'm also a 594 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: big girl, and I'm proud of that, and I'm fine 595 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: with that. But you know, it's it's interesting when you 596 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: go to Hollywood, and you see these people on the 597 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: movie screens your entire life, and then you see them 598 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 1: in person and they're all like one fourth of that 599 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 1: paper airplane. What the hell? You don't look well a cheeseburger, No, No, 600 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 1: I mean in the same will look terrible. But it's 601 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 1: just for me. It's just like I. I you know, 602 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 1: I think size wise that has something to do with it. 603 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: And I and I don't know that that's where I'm 604 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: at my strongest, you know, And I think we works 605 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 1: so hard to develop this perchure in Now what's that 606 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 1: like for you to have to go out and ring 607 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 1: yourself out again? Well? The process for me, I I 608 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: go really inside. I get really quiet. People around me 609 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: think that I'm angry with them before I do a 610 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: show because I just get very quiet, and I go 611 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,000 Speaker 1: inside and and stay still. And I'm not I'm not 612 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 1: one to kind of jump around and go visit other 613 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: dressing rooms. I just I have to kind of go 614 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 1: in and be super super super quiet and still, because yeah, 615 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 1: because in a minute, you're gonna have to turn all 616 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 1: of your insides out. And so if I'm giving all 617 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 1: that out beforehand, I will have nothing to get the 618 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 1: hardest ones for you, Lady Day. Absolutely that was by 619 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: myself on stage for an hour and forty five minutes, 620 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:30,160 Speaker 1: just having to give it and especially living that life 621 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 1: that she lad I have have to live that on 622 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: stage every night. Um that I was no fun to 623 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: be around before the show. After the show, I was involved, 624 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 1: because that's very common. Yes, because I was real that 625 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: was over until the next You know, it's interesting. I 626 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 1: know I can remember who. Oh maybe it was Kathy Bates. 627 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 1: I can't remember who said this to me, but I said, well, 628 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: why don't you ever come back to Broadway or do 629 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 1: a show on Broadway? And I think it was Cathy 630 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,080 Speaker 1: Page said, oh, honey, oh that's hard. It's hard, and 631 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,160 Speaker 1: she's right, you know it is because especially when you think, Okay, 632 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: I've done it, I've given in good performance. I got 633 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: through that. You know, when you're doing a film, you're like, great, 634 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 1: it's in the can, and now I'm off to Cabo 635 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 1: or whatever, you know. But Broadway it's like, and now 636 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: I have to do that again tomorrow night, and then 637 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 1: the next night after that, in the next and it's 638 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 1: a blessing. At the end of every day. I got 639 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: to go to work you have that whole day and 640 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: what happens in that day in the world. The worst 641 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: thing for me when I was acting was when I 642 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 1: have a wonderful, fun day and then I had to 643 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,120 Speaker 1: go to work and ring myself out and so I'm 644 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 1: trying to go do the Scottish play. Yes, for me, 645 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,240 Speaker 1: it was always on Sunday Mattenee's. When you're headed to 646 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: your Sunday Mattinee and you're walking down Ninth Aven and 647 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: you're seeing everybody outside either at a street fair or 648 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,719 Speaker 1: having wine and runch, and I can't tell you how 649 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,720 Speaker 1: many sun in the sun. I can't really tell you 650 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: how many times you're walking down Ninth Ave and you 651 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: just want to take your hand and swipe a lot 652 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: of food off at those sidewalk tables. To say that's 653 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: not fair, of course not. I mean it's I'm doing 654 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: what I wanted to do my entire life. But there 655 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: is that people are counting on you. Yes, that's amazing. 656 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,160 Speaker 1: When I did Street Card, I got really sick and 657 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,560 Speaker 1: I missed the show. I was out for it for 658 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 1: a weekend, but to say, out of days in the 659 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 1: Sunday and I missed the show, But I go downstairs. 660 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 1: I lived on Central Park West. I go downstairs. I 661 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,920 Speaker 1: crossed over to Broadway on eighties six and Broadway on 662 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: the northeast corner. I'm going to cross over to William's 663 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: Chicken and get my soup. Yes, And I'm there and 664 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 1: this little woman looks up to me. It's like seven 665 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,719 Speaker 1: o'clock at night. It's a it's a Friday night or 666 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,799 Speaker 1: a Saturday night rather, and she looks up at me, 667 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,240 Speaker 1: this little owlish from when she goes, aren't you supposed 668 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:30,240 Speaker 1: to be on Broadway right now? Us town? Flipping town. 669 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 1: I have a story like that too. I mean, we 670 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 1: were it was a New Year's Eve and Ethan Hawk 671 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,879 Speaker 1: had been able to we were doing Henry the Fourth 672 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:39,520 Speaker 1: at Lincoln Center, and he've been able to get the 673 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: entire cast invited to the plays and Players Club with 674 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: a what's the club over on the Players Club? Players Club? Yes, 675 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: for New Year's Eve. So we're all there and we're 676 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,400 Speaker 1: all celebrating, and it's wonderful, but we're, you know, in 677 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: and amongst you know, the actual members of this club. 678 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: And it's New Year's Eve and I'm doing a play. 679 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: And I was still young, and I thought I'm going 680 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,560 Speaker 1: to have a cigarette, you know, whine, I'm gonna have 681 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 1: a cigarette. And I don't smoke as a rule, but 682 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 1: I just decided as New Year's Eve, I'm going to 683 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 1: have wine and cigarettes and it'll be fun. So I 684 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,359 Speaker 1: was smoking out on the little terrorists they have out there, 685 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 1: smoking my cigarette. I'm chatting with some of my cast 686 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,880 Speaker 1: members and an older woman who's a member of the 687 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: players come. She comes up to me and she said, 688 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,880 Speaker 1: I'd say, your order, McDonald, but it couldn't possibly be 689 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:27,440 Speaker 1: home because she wouldn't be smoking, destroying her instruments. She 690 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 1: wouldn't be smoking. And then she just sort of marched off. Now, 691 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,840 Speaker 1: who are people who in your life? In your career, 692 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,480 Speaker 1: one might assume you've sung the song, sang the songs 693 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: of pretty much everyone you want to sing. Where there's 694 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 1: there one that's gotten by. Is there some composer whose 695 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,319 Speaker 1: music you want to sing that you haven't? Say No, 696 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that. I mean there's always young I 697 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,840 Speaker 1: I have always championed the work of new young musical 698 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,399 Speaker 1: theater composer, So I'm always looking for new work to do. 699 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:57,200 Speaker 1: There are certain songs that I stay away from um 700 00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,720 Speaker 1: because I don't feel that I can do them properly. 701 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 1: For example, um one that I have not been able 702 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: to conquer that I have tried a couple of times 703 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 1: and never done in public because I can't conquer it 704 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: is being alive. I saw in time. I cannot as 705 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,480 Speaker 1: much as that song moves me, as much as it 706 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 1: means to me. Every time I try and sing it, 707 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,120 Speaker 1: I fail. So I I have not done it in 708 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,520 Speaker 1: public and I and I won't until I figure it out. 709 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,680 Speaker 1: And that is that strange. No, No, I mean, I'm 710 00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,320 Speaker 1: sure there's people it's like in place. I mean, I'm 711 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,719 Speaker 1: trying to I'm trying to think of writers. Do you 712 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,960 Speaker 1: have writers whose work you steer clear of as a 713 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 1: performer because you don't you don't get it, so you 714 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 1: don't know how to bring it to life. Not that 715 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,880 Speaker 1: you don't enjoy watching. I might enjoy watching, you know, whatever. 716 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 1: I want to have in the theater. Life itself is 717 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: so filled with oddities now and surreal crap going on 718 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 1: with the government and everything. I want to see something 719 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: which is really I want to honesty now. I need 720 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,120 Speaker 1: to have a like auction. I need a big hit 721 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 1: of honesty. You know that's interesting I was listening to 722 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: a performer on the way down here who I absolutely meyer, 723 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,160 Speaker 1: whose work I admire, and they were singing a song 724 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,759 Speaker 1: that didn't, in my mind, seem quite right for them. 725 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: Not that they weren't singing it beautifully, but I thought, 726 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,279 Speaker 1: I don't think they believe this. I don't. I think 727 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,319 Speaker 1: they're trying something and they don't believe it. And and 728 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,200 Speaker 1: there's a part of me that thought, why am I 729 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,880 Speaker 1: thinking that about them? I do that stuff all the time. 730 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: But I think you're right. There is something going on 731 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,879 Speaker 1: right now, and the zeitgeist as sort of like you're, 732 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 1: everybody is needing truth and needing needing something to ground them. 733 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:31,040 Speaker 1: And where is reality any satire? And my last question 734 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,960 Speaker 1: for you is, first of all, describe for me, if 735 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,200 Speaker 1: you would, as I try to always think about people 736 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,359 Speaker 1: in your profession and who do what you do as 737 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,200 Speaker 1: well as you do, a moment when you're on stage 738 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:43,759 Speaker 1: and you used to go out there at night and 739 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,440 Speaker 1: you'd sing a song and you knew you were going 740 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,319 Speaker 1: to kill these people, you know, the minute that you 741 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,759 Speaker 1: sang that song, the way you said that you could 742 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,520 Speaker 1: almost feel the people just getting destroyed by that song. 743 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 1: Is that in a Lady Day as well. Well, I 744 00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 1: think in the beginning with Lady Day, because I think 745 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,239 Speaker 1: no one thought that I could find her voice, you know, 746 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,239 Speaker 1: because I'm a soprano. So it's like, what are you 747 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,279 Speaker 1: doing with the soprano doing Lady Day, you know, trying 748 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 1: to be Billy Holiday. She doesn't have it in her, 749 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,120 Speaker 1: and I didn't think I had it in me. And 750 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 1: so some nights, you know, the show opens and the 751 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,160 Speaker 1: first thing I do is sing before I even start speaking, 752 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:18,840 Speaker 1: and so the audience and you can tell that the 753 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: audience is waiting to hear is she gonna get it? 754 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,880 Speaker 1: And on nights that I really felt that I was 755 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,560 Speaker 1: really lined up, really lined up with Billy. I had 756 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,880 Speaker 1: had enough, you know, of her perfume on, and I 757 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: had the makeup right, and I had the gin behind 758 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,799 Speaker 1: my ears so I could smell like what she must 759 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,399 Speaker 1: have smelled like in those days. And I would open 760 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,319 Speaker 1: my mouth and sing the first all I know is 761 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,720 Speaker 1: I'm in love with you, um, and you'd hear sometimes 762 00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:49,280 Speaker 1: i'd hear the audience gasp, and that's when I'd be like, Okay, 763 00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 1: I got that right now, sustain it for the next 764 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: hour and forty five minutes, you know, and I'd feel that, 765 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,920 Speaker 1: I'd think, Okay, they're they're taking the journey with me. 766 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: And there were nights where that wouldn't happen. I think, okay, 767 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:02,759 Speaker 1: I gotta drag him on this journey to you know. 768 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: But every once in a while there'd be that moment 769 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 1: of and every every once a while here people go, 770 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:15,320 Speaker 1: oh my god, oh no is I'm in low you 771 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: eve in the you said that we are through. I 772 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:34,520 Speaker 1: know that's your lave. Yes can't go I under whew. 773 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:42,399 Speaker 1: Lad has got the final line of a review from 774 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 1: The Evening Standard for her recent West End debut as 775 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:51,280 Speaker 1: Billie Holiday doubles as a review of Audre herself quote 776 00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: yet still she stands broken but indomitable to the last unquote. 777 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 1: This is Alec Baldwin and you're listening to here's the Thing, 778 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:08,120 Speaker 1: and darling, if that's not enough, I'll luin. If things