1 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: What up, y'all. Welcome to the Cheeckens and Chill podcast, 2 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: your favorite podcast, I know. Thank you. On today's episode, 3 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about emotional intelligence. What is 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: emotional intelligence, why is it valuable? How can you get 5 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: better at it? We're going to talk about all of 6 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: this and more so stay tuned. Okay. So, emotional intelligence 7 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: is something that is fairly new for me. I heard 8 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: it for the first time with Emilio believe it or 9 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: not a few years ago, and now in retrospect, I 10 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: feel like in certain areas of my life I've been 11 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent, and in others I have not. I have 12 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: been quite the opposite. I don't know if this is 13 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: like a new term, but it is something that I've 14 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: been hearing a lot more. And I was talking about 15 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: it with my trainer, Cody, who has also been on 16 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: Cheekys and Chill, and we always have very deep conversations, 17 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: funny ones and deep ones while I'm working out, and 18 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 1: it came up emotional intelligence and I was like, I 19 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: want to do an episode on that because it is 20 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: something that I feel that is very valuable, like I said, 21 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: and it can really help you in your relationships in 22 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: business and friendships in every area of your life. But 23 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 1: let me start by defining what emotional intelligence is. Okay, 24 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:40,400 Speaker 1: emotional intelligence is a set of skills that help us recognize, understand, 25 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: and manage our own emotions, as well as recognize, understand, 26 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: and influence the emotions of others. So being emotionally intelligent, 27 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: what are the benefits being a better communicator, being better 28 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: at conflict and resolution, being empathetic, Okay, being better at 29 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: understanding other people, getting out of our own feelings, and 30 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: putting yourself in other people's shoes. You guys might think 31 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: my relationship is perfect, and honestly, it's the best relationship 32 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: I've ever been in. But no relationship is perfect, and 33 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: I've had to learn that because he's not perfect, I'm 34 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: not perfect. And it's two people coming together and trying 35 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: to coexist. And his mind is one mind and my 36 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: mind is another. And this is where I have felt 37 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: that I have benefited the most with being emotionally intelligent. 38 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 1: It's taking a breath when we're arguing and I'm like, 39 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: I don't agree with what he's saying right now, but 40 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna breathe. I'm gonna breathe. And he didn't understand 41 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 1: this for a long time because I'd be like, you 42 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: know what, I need some time, let me process. I 43 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: need to process my emotions because if I don't process 44 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 1: my emotions, then I'm going to be impulsive and I'm 45 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: gonna lash and I'm going to say things that I 46 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 1: don't want to say. And he would get upset, like 47 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: you're just walking away, like you're not listening to me. 48 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 1: And I'm like, this is the way I process things. 49 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: And I didn't even know that I was being quote 50 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: unquote emotionally intelligent. It's just something that I'm like, if 51 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: I want this relationship to be different from the others, 52 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: I need to do things differently. And so that was 53 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: my way instead of cause I can argue, Oh, and 54 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: I can yell and I could get ugly. Oh I can. 55 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 1: And it's not something I'm proud of. But I've come 56 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: to a place where I'm like, if there is anyone 57 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: in my life that brings that out in me more 58 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: than being kind, I can't have you in my life. 59 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: I don't care who you are. Thank God, that's not 60 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: the issue. Thank God that's not a problem. Do I 61 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: get ugly? Yeah, can you do it once in a while. Yeah, 62 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: uh huh. But I've learned through my emotional intelligence that 63 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: I need to breathe and I need to excuse myself 64 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: and go outside and sit on my favorite chair that 65 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: I've been sitting on for months now, and I'm looking 66 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: at my trees and I'm just like, okay. Instead of 67 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: just thinking about what he said that hurt my feelings 68 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: and what he needs to change, I sit there, I'm like, Okay, 69 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: what did I do to add to this problem? You 70 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: look inward? So many people want to point fingers, and 71 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 1: trust me, I used to do it all the time. 72 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: It's them, it's them, it's them, it's them, them them 73 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: them them them them. Uh girl, what about you look 74 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: at these four fingers that are pointing back at you. 75 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: You obviously did something to cause this. Like in certain circumstances, 76 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: people are just mean and you know, ugly, and you 77 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: don't want those people in your life anyway, But when 78 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: things get heated or you know that. I mean, I 79 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 1: love Emilio and I think he's a great guy, and 80 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: you know, but it does take a lot for him 81 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 1: to get to a certain place. And I also have 82 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: to accept that I have done things to make him 83 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 1: feel that way. So that's what I do. Now. I 84 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: sit outside and I'm like, I need to think. I 85 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: need to calm down first and foremost, and I need 86 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,280 Speaker 1: to figure out what I did and what I can 87 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: do differently, and how can I speak to him in 88 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: a different way so that things don't get even louder 89 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:16,239 Speaker 1: and worse. And that is having emotional intelligence, guys. But again, 90 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: it wasn't always like that. So anything I share on 91 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: this podcast, it's because it's come from my personal experience, 92 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 1: my life, and I just want to be vulnerable and 93 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: transparent with you, guys, because that's the only way that 94 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 1: I can help you. So don't ever feel like I 95 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: have it all together, because I don't. I strive every 96 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: single day to be better. Some days I am, sometimes 97 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:41,159 Speaker 1: i'm not, And now I'm better with expressing that and saying, hey, 98 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: I'm not in my best self right now. I can't 99 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,479 Speaker 1: do this today, So if you can just give me 100 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: some time, that's having emotional intelligence. If I force myself 101 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: to do things because I have to in certain cases, Yes, 102 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,040 Speaker 1: I mean is my podcast. Like last week, I had 103 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: to cancel a date because I was like, hey, I'm 104 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,359 Speaker 1: going to be talking about a certain subjects and I 105 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: just I'm not feeling it right now. Can you please 106 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: excuse me? Because I want to be in a good 107 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: place when I'm talking about this, because i want to 108 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: be one hundred percent honest, and if I'm not feeling good, 109 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to make my people 110 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: feel good. And my producer was like, absolutely, totally understand. 111 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: That's being emotionally intelligent. Now, there are certain things that 112 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: we have no choice, but I mean, we got to 113 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: go to work. If not, we get fired. I get that. 114 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: But instead of walking into work with the problems that 115 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: you have at home, sit in your car for a 116 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: little bit, breathe, get yourself in alignment, and just say, Okay, 117 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: no things are messed up at home or I'm not 118 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: having a good day, but I'm not going to bring 119 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: this into work. I'm not going to take it out 120 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 1: on other people. That is having emotional intelligence, just being 121 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: upset and treating everyone else mean because you're having a 122 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 1: bad day, that's not cool. It's not anyone else's fault. 123 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: And that's why you just have to sit in your 124 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: car before you walk in and just take deep breaths 125 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: and be like Okay, it's okay. I'm going to leave 126 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: it here. I'm not going to bring it into work 127 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: with me. I'm gonna walk in there and I'm gonna 128 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,840 Speaker 1: be my best self and smile because these people deserve 129 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: my best self even if I'm not feeling it right now. 130 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: The best thing for me to do is not fake it, 131 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: but just smile, because once you smile, it's contagious and 132 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: you feel a little bit better when you force yourself 133 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, my smile. You know it's not 134 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: as beautiful as it is every day, but at least 135 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: I'm trying, you know. So those are just small examples 136 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: of emotional intelligence. And I'll give you more examples because 137 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: I wrote a bunch of stuff down and it has 138 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,239 Speaker 1: nothing to do let me tell you, Okay, because people 139 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 1: think intelligence, oh my gosh, it has to do with 140 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 1: me being smart. No, no, no, this is something that 141 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: you work through. This is something that you learn through experience. 142 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: I mean, if you were just born with it and 143 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, you're just awesome, and that's great. But 144 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: I had to learn it. I had to learn to 145 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: calm myself down. I had to learn to not be impulsive. 146 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: I had to unlearn a lot of things that I 147 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: learned from my parents, from my family, and because I 148 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: want to be better, because I want to really be better. 149 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: So if you're here to be better at Cheeks and Chill, 150 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 1: then this episode is for you, because it will really 151 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 1: be life changing, guys, if you really practice these things 152 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: in whatever situation you're in. But before I get into 153 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: like examples and stuff like that, I do want to 154 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: share with you guys, because I really admire Oprah, someone 155 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: that I have admired for a long time, and it's 156 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: because of my mom. But Oprah once said guys that 157 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: she thinks that she's been very successful in her career 158 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: because she's so emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and compassionate. And I 159 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: really do feel that that has to do with my 160 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: success and everything that I've been able to accomplish. And 161 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,839 Speaker 1: I remember watching Oprah on television and she was always 162 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: so giving and in her talk shows she would cry 163 00:08:56,160 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: with her guests. She was connected, and that's what made 164 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: her so special and so magical and so different was 165 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,719 Speaker 1: because she wasn't just like news reporters just cold and 166 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,199 Speaker 1: like giving you the news and like not one tier, 167 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: not no compassion and granted, that's how they have to be. 168 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: I would never be able to be a news reporter. 169 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: I would never be able to be a doctor. I 170 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 1: would cry probably every day, like there's just no way 171 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: God gave me this platform that I have because I'm 172 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 1: able to connect with people the way Oprah did. And 173 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: I didn't learn that from her. It's just something that 174 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,160 Speaker 1: that's how I was born, you know. And but I 175 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,680 Speaker 1: love that I connected with Oprah because she was like that. 176 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: She was also so giving guys. She would give away 177 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: cars to all her audience. I'm like, there's so many 178 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: people going through so much in life right now. I'm like, 179 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 1: if I was a billionaire like X, Y and Z 180 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: and we all know who they are, dude, I would 181 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: do so much for the community. It's crazy. I'm like, 182 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: where are all these billions that can help out and 183 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,839 Speaker 1: they have this money to spare. But anyway, I do 184 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: think that because I'm compassionate and I'm an impath, it 185 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: has helped me and I've been able to have this 186 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: longevity in my career because I'm real and that is 187 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 1: part of being emotionally intelligent, like feeling other people's pain 188 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 1: and even if you don't feel it, saying damn, like 189 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: I can't even imagine being in that position, trying to 190 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: put yourself in those people's shoes. A lot of people 191 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,719 Speaker 1: just turn the other way, the other cheek, like, Oh, 192 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: that's not my problem. I don't got to worry about immigration. Well, 193 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about starvation. I don't have 194 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,319 Speaker 1: to worry about X, Y and Z because I'm good, 195 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: I'm chilling. Yeah, but you never know what can happen tomorrow. 196 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:53,720 Speaker 1: You just never know. And it is all connected, guys. 197 00:10:54,120 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: It's all intertwined. Being compassionate, being emotionally intelligent, and feeling people, 198 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 1: putting yourself in their shoes, all of it, guys. Okay, 199 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: now that I've said all that, let me share some 200 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 1: key components just as a refresher and to bring everything together. Okay, 201 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: So again, what is emotional intelligence? The ability to understand, manage, 202 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: and express your own emotions in healthy ways. Okay, Now, 203 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:34,199 Speaker 1: self awareness, knowing your emotions and triggers, self regulation, managing impulses, 204 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: not letting emotions control you. Motivation, staying positive and resilient 205 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: through challenges, Empathy, understanding others feelings without words. H We 206 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: need more empathy in this world. More love right now. 207 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 1: Don't let me get into that. Social skills, communicating, listening, 208 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: and resolving conflict peacefully. I've had to learn that, especially 209 00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: in this relationship. Yeah, it's been great because you know what, 210 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: he's also very emotionally intelligent. And again he learned that 211 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: therapy and then taught me that, and I was like, 212 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: oh wait, it all makes sense. So now I'm teaching you. Okay, now, 213 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 1: how do you know? If you're emotionally intelligent? You can 214 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 1: name what you're feeling instead of just reacting. You pause 215 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 1: before responding when you're upset. It's a good one. You 216 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 1: take responsibility for your emotions instead of blaming others. That's 217 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: a huge one. Guys. It took me a long time. Okay. 218 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: It's not easy to look at yourself in the mirror 219 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: and say like, okay, what do I do to cause 220 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: these problems and attract this to my life. It's not easy, 221 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: but it is life changing. When you face yourself stop 222 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: blaming other people. You can apologize sincerely without excuses. Mm hmm. 223 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: You truly listen not just to words, but tone, body language, 224 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 1: and energy. You see emotions as information and not weakness 225 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 1: and one that I did not write down just came 226 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 1: to me. Listen to understand in any situation, Listen to 227 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: understand instead of to react. That for me was a 228 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: big one as well, having to learn this. Someone would 229 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: tell me something and I was like, oh my god, 230 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 1: they're just being mean, They're being mean and blah blah blah, 231 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: that I would just like make it about myself, and 232 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 1: it's like, wait a second, let me understand, let me 233 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: read between the lines. I want to understand. I don't 234 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: want to just listen to you so I can have 235 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: something to tell you because I want to win, because 236 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: I want to have the last word, like no, that 237 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: is not cute. I did that for a long time. 238 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: It takes all your energy, guys, stop it right now. 239 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: As soon as you can listen to people to understand 240 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 1: and have compassion. Because we all have dark places, dark 241 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: areas in our life. We've all been through something and 242 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 1: it causes us to act and react a certain way 243 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: and to express ourselves in a certain way. And once 244 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: we heal that and once we understand, then we're able 245 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: to just really understand why certain things are happening. And 246 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: just a little personal thing that I wrote when I 247 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 1: was kind of writing this for you guys and preparing 248 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: for this episode like my own realization about my emotional intelligence, 249 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 1: and I like, you know, to write it down, because 250 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 1: then I'll forget Okay. So I realized I was becoming 251 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: more emotionally intelligent when I could admit I'm upset right 252 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: now without lashing out, or when I could sit with 253 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 1: someone else's pain without rushing to fix it. Emotional intelligence 254 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: isn't about being perfect or always calm, no, no, no. 255 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: It's about knowing yourself so well that you can navigate 256 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: situations with more love, patience, and honesty. And I think 257 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: it's really important to state that you're not always going 258 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: to be emotionally intelligent in every situation. Every day. I'm 259 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: not for sure, And I think it's just now that 260 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: you know what it is, you're able to recognize it 261 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: and correct it. And that's what it's all about. We 262 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: talked about how to know if you are emotionally intelligent. 263 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: Now let's talk about the other side of the coin, 264 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: which is signs of someone not being emotionally intelligent. Here 265 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: we go. They can't handle criticism, They get defensive, angry, 266 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: or shut down. That was me, especially in my relationships. 267 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: I wanted to be perfect and I was like, wait, 268 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: what I'm wrong, You're trippin'. Yeah, yeah, it was bad. 269 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: They blame everyone else and never take accountability. And I've 270 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 1: shared this with you guys with my relationship with Emilio, 271 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: that I had to face myself when I first met 272 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: him because I was like, wait a second, like I 273 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: have someone here. He was doing therapy. He was pretty good, 274 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: you know, a lot better than my past relationships. And 275 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: I think cause I was so consumed with what my 276 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: past part were doing wrong and they did really bad 277 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: things that I never really had the energy or the 278 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: time to look at myself. And in this relationship, I 279 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: was able to see myself and realize, oh shit, I'm 280 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: not perfect. So I stop blaming everyone else and I 281 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: started looking inward. How we talked about earlier. They don't 282 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: notice how they affect others with their words, their tone, 283 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 1: The timing just doesn't register. Okay, got to just breathe 284 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: take some take Like if you're at a ten, then 285 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: you bring it down to like a seven and be like, 286 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: oh hold up, I'm really upset right now. Let me 287 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: just bring it down so that I am not like 288 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 1: because a tone oh, a tone can do a lot, 289 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: and words they're piercing, guys, So you got to just 290 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 1: breathe and take your time. I'm telling you, all these 291 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: things that i'm naming are things that I dealt with. Okay, 292 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: So yeah, don't feel bad if there are things that 293 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,480 Speaker 1: you're you're hearing right now and you're like, oh my gosh, 294 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: I do that. Girl. We all do that. We've all 295 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: done it. It's okay, we're human. We're gonna correct it. Okay. 296 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: They avoid emotions, saying things like stop crying, it's not 297 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: a big deal, or I don't do feelings. I haven't 298 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 1: really struggled with that because I am an impath. So 299 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: if someone's crying, I just like right away want to 300 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: just hug you and fix it. I'm like, oh my god, 301 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But there are people 302 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: who are like, okay, you're crying, like stop, Like that's 303 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: they're just rude. I'm very dismissive, and that sucks. That's 304 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: not being emotionally intelligent. Like if someone is crying, that 305 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:33,880 Speaker 1: is like an actual indication tears that you they're really hurt, 306 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,960 Speaker 1: you know, So it's like stop and try to like 307 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: you know, like, listen to people's feelings and emotions. They're 308 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 1: not always going to be like right, but at least 309 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: if you listen, you're gonna make the person feel better, 310 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 1: you know. Okay, they dominate conversations and rarely listen. We 311 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: talked about that already. Okay, listen to understand and not 312 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,399 Speaker 1: just to react. They struggle with conflict, either avoiding it 313 00:17:54,440 --> 00:18:02,439 Speaker 1: completely or escalating into arguments. That was me. I was like, 314 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: I don't like confrontation. I'm just gonna like brush it 315 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: under the rug. It'll go away. And then all of 316 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: a sudden, you have a huge amountain of just freaking 317 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 1: crap underneath that rug and you can't freaking deny it anymore, 318 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 1: and it just comes up and just makes a big 319 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: ball of like dust. And I would just do that 320 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 1: a lot because I was like, oh, I don't like confrontation, 321 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 1: I don't like conflicts. I'm just gonna be quiet. I'm 322 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: not gonna tell my feelings. I'm just gonna excuse this. Okay, 323 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: we'll just move on because we're just gonna have a 324 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 1: better day. No no, no, no, it builds up and it comes 325 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: out like a volcano, So be careful with that, and 326 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: I would also not breathe and take my time to 327 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 1: breathe and process and reflect, and then I would just 328 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:48,440 Speaker 1: go bananas and have these outbursts that were just ridiculous 329 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 1: and say things that I did not mean, and not 330 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 1: only was I hurting myself, of course, I was hurting 331 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: the other person. So it's just like those things, guys, like, 332 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: it's gonna take time. And again, don't feel bad if 333 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 1: I've mentioned and a few and you're like that's me 334 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,679 Speaker 1: or all of them, are you? It's all right. That's 335 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: why you're here. We are going to correct this and 336 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 1: little by little get it right, and this is the 337 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: first step. And with all that being said, now I 338 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: just want to leave you guys with some reflections before 339 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: we conclude this episode, so that you can think of 340 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: these and maybe journal about them and write them down 341 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 1: or come back to the episode and listen. When was 342 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 1: the last time I reacted emotionally instead of responding calmly. 343 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,400 Speaker 1: I did that five days ago, yep. And I had 344 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: therapy yesterday and I was corrected and it's okay, I understand, 345 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: and I'm emotionally intelligent enough to say, okay, yeah, you're right. 346 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: I was wrong I'm sorry, babe. Okay. Do I take 347 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 1: accountability for my emotions or do I blame others? How 348 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: do I handle criticism? Do I get defensive or do 349 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 1: I listen? Do people feel heard and safe when they 350 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: talk to me? That was one thing that Emilio started 351 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 1: expressing that he wasn't feeling very safe to talk about 352 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: certain things that were happening or in the house, or 353 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: certain things that he wanted to bring up to me 354 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: because he was afraid that I was going to get upset. 355 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: And I don't like him to feel that way. So 356 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,479 Speaker 1: now we're finding ways to speak to each other so 357 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 1: that he feels safe to talk to me, because I 358 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: don't want him feel like I'm his mom. I don't 359 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: want to feel like I'm with like a child and 360 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: that's not cool, like he should be able to express himself. 361 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:24,639 Speaker 1: I think it was just we went through like a 362 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: little rough patch and things were happening, like that's just 363 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: a relationship that happens. But yeah, I was like, okay, wait, 364 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 1: what can I do differently so that he feels safe 365 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,679 Speaker 1: to talk to me because I don't want him bottling 366 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,679 Speaker 1: these things up and then it turns into resentment, you know, 367 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: and last one, what's one area where I can practice 368 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 1: more empathy this week? Yeah, we need a lot of 369 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,160 Speaker 1: empathy right now, guys, and love in the world and light. 370 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 1: There's a lot happening. Oh anyway, guys, that is it. 371 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: That is this episode. And I just want to tell you, 372 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: guys and remind you that emotional and intelligence is a 373 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: life time practice. Okay. It's about progress, not perfection. When 374 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: we know ourselves, honor our emotions and respect the emotions 375 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:15,199 Speaker 1: of others, we create more love, peace and strength in 376 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,919 Speaker 1: our lives and in the world around us. Okay, and 377 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: remember as well that emotional intelligence has nothing to do 378 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: with your IQ at all. Thank you guys for listening. 379 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that you're here, that you choose to 380 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 1: come back to listen to Cheeky's and chill and dear 381 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 1: Cheeky's and now sincerely Janee, thank you guys for allowing 382 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: me to express myself and for taking the time. It 383 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,680 Speaker 1: means a lot. And if you know someone that would 384 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,440 Speaker 1: benefit from this episode, please share it. Poor for war 385 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,720 Speaker 1: and yeah, that's all. I love you, I appreciate you, 386 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: I thank God for you that I am now on 387 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,520 Speaker 1: my fourth season, going on our fifth season of Cheeki's 388 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: and chill y'all. Thanks to you, so yeah, I have 389 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 1: a beautiful day. And be compassionate with yourself. Okay, be 390 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,399 Speaker 1: patient with yourself. We got this. We got this. I 391 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 1: love you, Talk to you soon. This is a production 392 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and the Micaela Podcast Network. Follow us on 393 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's, That's 394 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,119 Speaker 1: c h I t U I s. For more podcasts 395 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:25,159 Speaker 1: from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 396 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite podcast.