Speaker 1: Break up with her. That's what you would say to
Speaker 1: any of your best friends. You would be hating your
Speaker 1: friend if you said stay with her, just please her
Speaker 1: as much as you can. Luke, you would hate your
Speaker 1: friend if you told him that you know this. If
Speaker 1: this was you, you'd say, break up with her. Well,
Speaker 1: what's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for coming
Speaker 1: back or being here for the first time. What I
Speaker 1: do here is answer your questions. You send me anything
Speaker 1: to Grainger Smith podcast at gmail dot com. Any subject
Speaker 1: will do. We see him all over the place about life, love, relationships, god, work, career, dreams,
Speaker 1: really could be about anything, songwriting, guitar playing, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: We'll put it into the cue. My only thing is
Speaker 1: don't say don't ask the same question twice in two
Speaker 1: different emails, and don't make it too long because it
Speaker 1: makes it hard to read for the podcast itself. But
Speaker 1: I love doing this. I don't have any notes in
Speaker 1: front of me, any you know, famous quotes or anything
Speaker 1: to quip back to you. I'm just gonna speak what's
Speaker 1: on my heart as if we're just riding in the
Speaker 1: truck together. And the first question here subject line says
Speaker 1: writer's block, it says. I've been following you and your
Speaker 1: family's YouTube channels for a bit now, and I feel
Speaker 1: like you have a lot of irons in the fire.
Speaker 1: I've been a caregiver three years now for my husband
Speaker 1: who is suffering with dementia, and I feel like my
Speaker 1: creative life has come to a screeching halt. Do you
Speaker 1: ever experience writers or creative creators block for whatever reason?
Speaker 1: Do you ever experience writers or creator's block for whatever reason?
Speaker 1: And what do you do to overcome it? Susan Uma,
Speaker 1: Arizona man. First of all, Susan, thanks for emailing you.
Speaker 1: Remember that movie three ten to Yuma. Loved that movie
Speaker 1: so much. There's an old prison from the West that's
Speaker 1: in Yuma, and I've always wanted to visit it. It's
Speaker 1: so far down south that usually if I'm going west,
Speaker 1: Yuma is below me and I don't make it that
Speaker 1: far south south. And so of all the towns in
Speaker 1: the US that I've been to, which is thousands of
Speaker 1: towns we've traveled to, I've never been to Yuma, Arizona,
Speaker 1: and I've always wanted to just because of the old
Speaker 1: West connection there. So shout out to a really cool town.
Speaker 1: And thank you for sharing something so vulnerable on a
Speaker 1: podcast like this where you could just be completely exposed
Speaker 1: something that's something that's weighing on your mind here. And
Speaker 1: God bless you for being the caregiver for your husband
Speaker 1: suffering with dementia. We stand with you, We hear you.
Speaker 1: That's not easy to do, and so my hat's off
Speaker 1: to you. Now. Your question is how, so how do
Speaker 1: you get past writer's block when you are in a
Speaker 1: situation where all of your energy and mental strength that
Speaker 1: is being poured into one situation and as you say,
Speaker 1: you feel like your creative life has come to a
Speaker 1: screeching halt. Understandable. I have felt that many times in
Speaker 1: my life. You are not alone in thinking that or
Speaker 1: feeling that. So let's dive into a few things that
Speaker 1: maybe I've tried over the years. And one thing right
Speaker 1: off the top of my head is taking walks. Man,
Speaker 1: I have to take walks. And you're right, as you
Speaker 1: said at the beginning of your email, I have a
Speaker 1: lot of irons in the fire, and I go a
Speaker 1: lot of different directions. I have to really time block
Speaker 1: and make sure that, okay, between this hour and this hour,
Speaker 1: I'm doing this, and then at this hour, I'm doing
Speaker 1: the podcast, and then I'm moving on to after Midnight,
Speaker 1: and then I'm doing promos for after Midnight. Then I'm
Speaker 1: shooting the Smiths, and then I have another promo video
Speaker 1: to shoot for a truck video. And then I have
Speaker 1: to work on the set list, and then I have
Speaker 1: to work on you have to talk to about stage production.
Speaker 1: Then I have to do my studying, which is takes
Speaker 1: hours and hours and hours. Then I have to worry
Speaker 1: about songwriting or then I have to get this post
Speaker 1: ready for social media. I also have to be a
Speaker 1: dad and a father, and there's there's a lot of stuff,
Speaker 1: a lot of irons in the fire. I have to
Speaker 1: take walks. I have to shut down and take everything
Speaker 1: out of my ears and off my plate and get
Speaker 1: out and just walk. And I like to do this
Speaker 1: for like a mile minimum. I like to go out
Speaker 1: and I use my watch to time myself. I'll get
Speaker 1: out there and walk for a mile with just the
Speaker 1: birds singing and cars passing by occasionally that that seems
Speaker 1: to be a good way to clear some stuff out.
Speaker 1: And then I get back and I'm usually refreshed that way.
Speaker 1: I have I have a limit, and I typically will
Speaker 1: push that limit. If for doing two hours of deep work,
Speaker 1: I'll dive in. In about two hours, I'm just crushed,
Speaker 1: Like my brain just feels numb. It feels like I've
Speaker 1: been working out that muscle like it like I'm working
Speaker 1: out in a gym and I'm just over exercising the
Speaker 1: brain mine does that, it just starts to turn to mush.
Speaker 1: So if I get it to the two hour mark,
Speaker 1: which I hate to do a lot of times, I
Speaker 1: get there, I got to pull back and go get
Speaker 1: a walk. That doesn't always help right right right off
Speaker 1: the bat, Susan, There's another thing to be said for
Speaker 1: writer's block, that sometimes it's just gonna happen and you
Speaker 1: got to let it go. For six months a year
Speaker 1: I've been in I've been in a writer's block for
Speaker 1: fifteen months before, sixteen months before. Absolutely I cannot remember
Speaker 1: the last song I wrote before my song Forever Forward
Speaker 1: for the Moonrise soundtrack, but it was about fourteen months
Speaker 1: before I wrote a song. And when I say that,
Speaker 1: sometimes time will go by and I will try, but
Speaker 1: nothing really good is coming. It's not a lack of trying,
Speaker 1: but so one way to look at this, Susan is
Speaker 1: it's okay if you have writer's block for whatever kind
Speaker 1: of thing you're writing. I'm writing a book right now,
Speaker 1: and the book that i'm I'm pretty much finished. But
Speaker 1: I've noticed that that part of my brain to write
Speaker 1: the book is very similar to writing a song. It's
Speaker 1: the same part of the brain. It utilizes a different
Speaker 1: creative tool, but it's the same part of brain that
Speaker 1: you have to access through writer's block. And you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to realize, Susan, this sometimes you just can't access it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's the door you just can't get in. Sleep
Speaker 1: has a lot to do with it. We got to
Speaker 1: bring that up. Sleep. You know, I usually get about
Speaker 1: six and a half hours every night consistently. I wake
Speaker 1: up at my alarm goes off at five point fifteen,
Speaker 1: and I'll hit snooze once and I usually get out
Speaker 1: of bed at five twenty five. A lot of times
Speaker 1: I think that's not enough. I need to get up
Speaker 1: earlier because there's too much stuff going on in the
Speaker 1: day to accomplish. And this is seven days a week.
Speaker 1: I don't have. I don't have like a day where
Speaker 1: I just I get to sleep longer. There's not that
Speaker 1: there's not that day. Ever, there's three sixty five for me.
Speaker 1: So if I don't get seven, though, that's kind of
Speaker 1: the key for me, seven hours. If I don't get seven,
Speaker 1: I'm hurting. And so if I'm preparing maybe maybe I'm
Speaker 1: writing a sermon. I'm preparing a sermon, which I just
Speaker 1: got finished delivering a sermon this past Sunday at the
Speaker 1: San Antonio Rodeo. So I delivered that sermon, and I
Speaker 1: find myself in writer's block, just like the book, just
Speaker 1: like songwriting, and I could trace it back a lot
Speaker 1: of times too, just the sleep I got the night before.
Speaker 1: And if I get my seven hours, which is what
Speaker 1: my body loves. If I get my seven hours, then
Speaker 1: riding the sermon all of a sudden is easier that
Speaker 1: next day. So let's kind of recap here, take a walk,
Speaker 1: realize that sometimes you can't get through that door. And
Speaker 1: number three, sometimes you just didn't get enough sleep. You
Speaker 1: could retry the next day. I hope that helps. That's
Speaker 1: like the light brush of what writer's blot could be.
Speaker 1: And we could talk more about that. If you want
Speaker 1: to discuss it more, we can go deeper. All our
Speaker 1: next question subject line says pending divorce. Hey grangeur try
Speaker 1: to make this quick. Here. My name is Brian. Oh,
Speaker 1: excuse me, pronounced Bren. Good. My name is Bren. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty eight years old. I've been married for two almost
Speaker 1: three years. My wife and I have been together for
Speaker 1: a total of five We have two beautiful children and
Speaker 1: what I thought was a strong family. I've been a
Speaker 1: stay at home dad for the last year and a half.
Speaker 1: Last December, she told me one day out of the
Speaker 1: blue that she was filing for divorce and I had
Speaker 1: two weeks to get out. I was absolutely devastated, but
Speaker 1: I understood because for the past five years I did
Speaker 1: nothing but treat her terribly. I lied to her constantly,
Speaker 1: stole money I saw, stole money that I saw laying around,
Speaker 1: racked up some credit cards, decided to emotionally cheat on
Speaker 1: her by texting and sexting women probably twelve times. Truth is,
Speaker 1: I love my wife with everything in me, and I'm
Speaker 1: so ashamed of this me that I have become. Recently,
Speaker 1: I've rededicated my life to Christ. But she still says,
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in you and I'll never take you back.
Speaker 1: She says. The most recent thing she told me is
Speaker 1: that if I could hold a job for a year
Speaker 1: and be an adult, she would consider starting over with
Speaker 1: with me. How can I save my marriage, how can
Speaker 1: I show her that I am a new man of Christ?
Speaker 1: And most importantly, how can I survive a year apart
Speaker 1: from my family and kids. I'm hurting right now. Side note,
Speaker 1: you have high five me at your concert in Huntington,
Speaker 1: West Virginia. It was one of the most awesome moments. Thanks, brother.
Speaker 1: I hope to hear from you soon. Bren Cooper, Bren,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email. Brother, Thanks for opening up something
Speaker 1: that's heavy, heavy on your heart, and I feel for you. Man.
Speaker 1: I'm going to recap in my head because I read
Speaker 1: these for the very first time, as you guys hear them.
Speaker 1: So you're twenty eight. You've been twenty eight years old,
Speaker 1: been married for two almost three years, we'll call it
Speaker 1: three three years. You've been together with your wife for
Speaker 1: five you have two beautiful children. And then we're talking
Speaker 1: about last December, she files for divorce. You say, out
Speaker 1: of the blue, but we come to find out it
Speaker 1: wasn't really out of the blue because you had a feeling.
Speaker 1: You also found out you had two weeks to get
Speaker 1: out when she filed. So this is all happening quickly,
Speaker 1: even though you probably knew you were playing with fire,
Speaker 1: and it's not a huge surprise. You're not surprised at
Speaker 1: all because of your actions. What has happened. You don't
Speaker 1: expect to get out of jail free card here. You
Speaker 1: know that, I know that everybody listening knows that you
Speaker 1: don't get off free here, Brot. You don't get a
Speaker 1: lot of times. Second chances are hard to come by.
Speaker 1: It's George Strait song, by the way. So you're asking
Speaker 1: this interesting two sentences here that stuck out to me
Speaker 1: that you put back to back. You said, here, here's
Speaker 1: the first sentence, she told me that if I can
Speaker 1: hold a job for a year and be an adult,
Speaker 1: she would consider starting over with me. The next sentence
Speaker 1: directly after that, says, how can I save my marriage?
Speaker 1: I'm not a counselor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not
Speaker 1: a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a sociologist.
Speaker 1: I'm just a normal dude, bran. But when you put
Speaker 1: those sentences back to back, it's like it's like saying
Speaker 1: the dog is the dog is sick. You take the
Speaker 1: dog to the vet right and you, and the vet
Speaker 1: says the dog is sick. You gotta change the dog food.
Speaker 1: And then you ask me, Bran, Hey Granger, how do
Speaker 1: I save my dog? I go, the vet just told
Speaker 1: you to change the dog food. Your wife just told
Speaker 1: you give her a year, basically, hold a job for
Speaker 1: over a year and be an adult, and she will
Speaker 1: consider starting over with you. So the first thing I
Speaker 1: would say into saving your marriage, the first step, is
Speaker 1: that that's what she needs you to do. You say, here,
Speaker 1: I hope you know I'm not dogging on you. I
Speaker 1: would not answer this question if I didn't love you, Brin,
Speaker 1: if I didn't feel for you, if I didn't see
Speaker 1: you in this hurting position, I would just skip over
Speaker 1: the email. I would delete it. But I'm doing this
Speaker 1: because I love you, man, and I know you're a fan,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate you listening, and I want to give
Speaker 1: you the hard truth. If I give you anything less
Speaker 1: than hard truth, anything less than tough, love is not love.
Speaker 1: It's just me pacifying you, right, It's just me trying
Speaker 1: to be cool and hope that you like me. I'm
Speaker 1: not concerned whether you like me or not. Brand I
Speaker 1: just want to tell you the truth. Here. Look what
Speaker 1: you said, the truth everything, It's all revealed in your language.
Speaker 1: In your email, you said, I've been a stay at
Speaker 1: home dad for the last year and a half. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: what you've been a stay at home dad for the
Speaker 1: last year and a half. That's the language you're gonna use.
Speaker 1: And then she comes back and says, look, dude, I'll
Speaker 1: consider coming back if you could hold a job for
Speaker 1: a year. That tells me that the truth is you
Speaker 1: can't hold down a job. You're being a child. You're
Speaker 1: twenty eight years old, but you're acting like a child.
Speaker 1: You call it stay at home dad. She says, you're
Speaker 1: a bum. Dude, you can't hold a job. That's what
Speaker 1: your wife said. I'm not saying she's perfect. I'm sure
Speaker 1: she's made mistakes too, but looking at the situation from
Speaker 1: the outside, you say I've been a stay at home
Speaker 1: dad for the last year and a half and my
Speaker 1: wife leaving me, she says, you're a bum. Get a job.
Speaker 1: I didn't ask for this stay at home dad thing,
Speaker 1: that's what she says. I didn't ask for you to
Speaker 1: be a stay at home dad. I asked for you
Speaker 1: to be a husband. And a provider, get a job,
Speaker 1: hold it, stop sexteen twelve women. Stop treating your wife terribly.
Speaker 1: You say you've rededicated your life to Christ. Show me,
Speaker 1: Paul says, test yourselves. Test yourselves, make sure you're in
Speaker 1: the faith. Are you in or you out? Test yourselves.
Speaker 1: You'll know them by your fruits. You will know by
Speaker 1: your fruits. One of the fruits of the spirit is
Speaker 1: self control. Control yourself, briand be a man, act like
Speaker 1: a man, get a job, respect yourself, respect others. Hold
Speaker 1: this thing down. You say, how do I save my marriage?
Speaker 1: First of all by meeting the first criteria? She says,
Speaker 1: hold a job for a year. That's what she says.
Speaker 1: You say, yes, ma'am. You want to save this marriage.
Speaker 1: You love this woman. Say yes, ma'am, whatever it takes.
Speaker 1: Be honest with you. Brn. I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: gonna do that, though your track record says you won't.
Speaker 1: And I say that in a way to dig at you.
Speaker 1: You're gonna take that from me. You're gonna take me
Speaker 1: declaring that on this podcast in front of all these
Speaker 1: people that are listening right now. You're gonna take me
Speaker 1: saying that I don't think you could do it. Brn.
Speaker 1: The reaction I want you to have is, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it. Okay, let
Speaker 1: me hold you accountable. Then email me twelve months from now.
Speaker 1: I challenge you, Bren. Email me twelve months from now
Speaker 1: and say, man, I did it. I held down a job.
Speaker 1: I did exactly like she told me. She says, hold
Speaker 1: down a job and be an adult, insinuating two things.
Speaker 1: One you can't hold down a job. Two you're acting
Speaker 1: like a child. Test yourselves. Don't know them by their fruits.
Speaker 1: That's what Jesus said. Rededicate your life to Christ. Let's
Speaker 1: all talk unless you show me, unless you show her,
Speaker 1: show us. We'll see. Let's take a break. Beer right back. Hey,
Speaker 1: thank y'all for listening to the podcast. It really makes
Speaker 1: my day. I love being able to share this platform
Speaker 1: with you in this kind of form, and I appreciate
Speaker 1: that you could also check out Amber. Did you know
Speaker 1: she has her own podcast now. It's called A Rise
Speaker 1: with Amber, So wherever you're listening to this, you can
Speaker 1: find on the same format Ambers Arise with Amber. You
Speaker 1: could also find me on cameo. Cameo dot com allows
Speaker 1: you to go and get a video message from me,
Speaker 1: made custom for anybody, one of your friends, or your
Speaker 1: family members, or even for you yourself. You tell me
Speaker 1: what to say on my phone on the video and
Speaker 1: I send it to you. Super simple. Cameo dot com
Speaker 1: slash Grangersmith could also download the cameo app and search
Speaker 1: for me granger Smith. Love you guys. Back to the podcast.
Speaker 1: All right, back to the podcast. We're gonna jump right
Speaker 1: back in here. If you want to email me and
Speaker 1: have your question read on here, email me Grangersmith podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. A promise I won't be mad
Speaker 1: at you if you do. I promise I won't yell
Speaker 1: at you much. Next question, subject line says working as
Speaker 1: a girl. Hello. My name is Sadie. I live in
Speaker 1: northern Idaho. I'm fifteen years old. People around here in
Speaker 1: my church and community tend to say that a girl
Speaker 1: should just help around at home and not work, or
Speaker 1: go to college, or just wait to find a husband
Speaker 1: who can provide for them. Let me read that again.
Speaker 1: People around here in my church and community tend to
Speaker 1: say that a girl should just help around at home
Speaker 1: and not work, or go to college and just wait
Speaker 1: to find a husband who can provide for them. It
Speaker 1: really frustrates me when they say this. I believe that
Speaker 1: you should try and save as much as you can
Speaker 1: until you get married, so that then you could have
Speaker 1: something to kickstart your married life. What are your thoughts
Speaker 1: about this? How much money do you think people should
Speaker 1: save before getting married? Thanks for all you do. I
Speaker 1: really love the podcast. God bless you and your family.
Speaker 1: She has a little asterisk here it says a quote
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to live by. Is this earn all
Speaker 1: you can say, all you can give, all you can
Speaker 1: John Wesley. All Right, Sadie, thank you so much. I
Speaker 1: just love it when a fifteen year old emails me
Speaker 1: some pretty deep thinking questions, and the first thing I
Speaker 1: think is, Man, I was so dumb at fifteen, Sadie.
Speaker 1: I was so dumb at fifteen. I was not thinking
Speaker 1: like you at all at all. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: football and girls and guitars. Football, girls and guitars pretty
Speaker 1: much preoccupied my stupidity of my fifteen year old brain
Speaker 1: that I had at the time. So man, so encouraging
Speaker 1: that you're thinking you have some future thoughts like this,
Speaker 1: So let's dive into it. Okay, let's dive into your question,
Speaker 1: and I really like that quote. By the way, Earnli
Speaker 1: can't say, but you can't give all you can. I
Speaker 1: think that's I think that's pretty good first part of
Speaker 1: your discussion. Here. People around here in my church and
Speaker 1: community tend to say that a girl should just help
Speaker 1: around at home and not work, or go to college
Speaker 1: and just find and just wait to find a husband
Speaker 1: who can provide for them. Let's just start with just that.
Speaker 1: What do you think, Sadie, you're fifteen. I don't like
Speaker 1: that you are kind of left with this stuff to
Speaker 1: wrestle with as a fifteen year old girl. But I
Speaker 1: would ask you if we were sitting in a truck
Speaker 1: driving down a road you brought this up, I'd say,
Speaker 1: what do you think? What does your heart tell you?
Speaker 1: When you hear that, it sounds like it sounds like
Speaker 1: a community that's stuck a little bit. It sounds like
Speaker 1: a community that not moving forward in anything that they're
Speaker 1: thinking about. It sounds like people that haven't really been
Speaker 1: involved too much in the culture. And that is not
Speaker 1: a bad thing. By the way, we don't need to
Speaker 1: get involved with the culture. We don't need to always
Speaker 1: be forward thinking when it comes to culture. But I
Speaker 1: want you to realize that you are not that generation.
Speaker 1: You're not your mother's generation or your grandmother's generation or
Speaker 1: your great grandmother's generation. They had very different ways of
Speaker 1: life than because of the circumstances surrounding them, which equals culture.
Speaker 1: So you are in a different circumstance. College is different
Speaker 1: now than it was for the previous three generations when
Speaker 1: it even existed. It's different now. A current lifestyle is
Speaker 1: just different now. So without bringing the word culture into
Speaker 1: this is a different time. You know this. That's why
Speaker 1: you're bucking against it and you're emailing me this kind
Speaker 1: of question. Right, So let's say this, God makes man
Speaker 1: and woman very unique in different ways so that they
Speaker 1: can excel and compliment each other. Like that's the ultimate goal,
Speaker 1: is to compliment each other in what they do. When
Speaker 1: you are not married, right, when you aren't married yet
Speaker 1: and you don't have anyone to compliment, then that's kind
Speaker 1: of irrelevant. Does that make sense? So if you're not married,
Speaker 1: then you're not a homemaker. If you don't have kids,
Speaker 1: you're not a mother. That sounds ridiculous, but we're just
Speaker 1: got to start with the facts here. If you don't
Speaker 1: have children, then you don't have to act like a mother.
Speaker 1: If you're not married, you don't have to act like
Speaker 1: a homemaker. Right Also, if you want to make plans
Speaker 1: to go to college because you're not married yet, you
Speaker 1: don't have children at all, do it. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what your community says, because you'll deal with that. You'll
Speaker 1: deal with giving your best attribute as a mother, as
Speaker 1: a wife, you'll deal with that when you are a
Speaker 1: mother and a wife, which you're not, and you don't
Speaker 1: need much preparation for that because you just know how
Speaker 1: to do it. That's what makes it so beautiful is
Speaker 1: that one day God will and you'll get pregnant and
Speaker 1: you will just know what to do. Right now, it's
Speaker 1: springtime and Texas, early spring time in Texas, right very
Speaker 1: early spring right now. I love this time of year
Speaker 1: because I see all the birds starting to gather for
Speaker 1: their nest. And every time that happens every year, it
Speaker 1: just amazes me that these mama birds start collecting just
Speaker 1: the right pieces that they need to put together for
Speaker 1: the nest that that species of bird uses like some
Speaker 1: birds use trash like yarn, hair from animals, little pieces
Speaker 1: of scrap that they find like pieces of paper like
Speaker 1: some birds use that. Some birds will use only straw,
Speaker 1: some birds use only grass or little sticks. But they
Speaker 1: go out and they start getting ready. They start getting
Speaker 1: this already because they know that it's coming, that those
Speaker 1: little babies are going to start growing inside them, and
Speaker 1: they're gonna need a place months ahead of time. It
Speaker 1: doesn't that that just blows me away. You were gonna
Speaker 1: this is you. You're no different and we are no
Speaker 1: different than that animal instinct that starts preparing when the
Speaker 1: time is right, when the when the springtime comes, when
Speaker 1: the seasons change, you will know, your body will know,
Speaker 1: your brain will know, and you'll step in beautifully. You'll
Speaker 1: step into the role. But it's not springtime for you.
Speaker 1: This is not the time to be thinking about being
Speaker 1: a homemaker or what did you say, helping around the home,
Speaker 1: not working, not going to college, waiting for a husband
Speaker 1: who's going to provide for them. It is not the
Speaker 1: season for that. You're hearing me. You're fifteen. It's another season.
Speaker 1: So learn to live in the season and that you're in.
Speaker 1: Don't listen to a community that tells you that to
Speaker 1: be living for a season you're not in yet. You
Speaker 1: have to recognize that you have to have ears to
Speaker 1: hear what they're saying. They might be speaking to another
Speaker 1: generation or to another group of girls, but you are
Speaker 1: not that. You are fifteen, and you have to learn
Speaker 1: to be fifteen. I love the John Wesley quote earn
Speaker 1: all you can, save all you can, give all you can,
Speaker 1: but that is not that quote. John did not mean
Speaker 1: that for a fifteen year old girl. He didn't mean
Speaker 1: it for a fifteen year old boy. That's not what
Speaker 1: he meant. It's a wonderful piece of advice and a
Speaker 1: nice little quote to hang on the wall, but it's
Speaker 1: not something to worry about or to think about. When
Speaker 1: the season changes, and it will, you'll be ready. You're
Speaker 1: not in that season yet. Just be fifteen, Just be fifteen,
Speaker 1: all right? Say it is this that makes sense? Let's
Speaker 1: hit another one here to the subject line, says traveling
Speaker 1: Pipeliner at Grande. I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: years old from South Louisiana. Me and my girlfriend have
Speaker 1: been together for a year. I was wondering, with all
Speaker 1: the traveling you do for concerts, how do you keep
Speaker 1: motivated and stay on path doing what you love without
Speaker 1: missing your family and friends. I'm currently sixteen hours away
Speaker 1: from home working on a pipeline, and I'm wanting to
Speaker 1: give up my dreams to be with my family and friends.
Speaker 1: Thanks for the advice, all right, mister anonymous. I appreciate you, buddy,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for emailing shout out to South Louisiana.
Speaker 1: And let me dive into this. You are twenty, you
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend, you're not married, and you're missing your family.
Speaker 1: I would like to dive in a little bit deeper
Speaker 1: about what you mean here, because I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: you're talking about your girlfriend specifically that you miss her
Speaker 1: and you love her and you're sixteen hours away from her,
Speaker 1: or if you're talking about mom and dad, brother, sister,
Speaker 1: stuff like that, and there's a difference. I believe. I
Speaker 1: believe there's a difference. And so that's what I kind
Speaker 1: of want to dive into, is that I think, well,
Speaker 1: first of all, you can't compare me in my travels
Speaker 1: with yours, because there's twenty three years difference and a
Speaker 1: lot of life different between us. I was once twenty
Speaker 1: living fifteen hours away, so almost exactly the same scenario.
Speaker 1: When I was twenty, I was living fifteen hours away
Speaker 1: from my family, and I missed them. But those years
Speaker 1: that time away was so valuable for me and what
Speaker 1: I learned earned when I got out of the house.
Speaker 1: When I was twenty and I got out and I
Speaker 1: went into a new state. I went to the state
Speaker 1: of Tennessee. I didn't know anybody in the whole state.
Speaker 1: And as I was working and meeting people and learning
Speaker 1: to make money and save money and give money. Just
Speaker 1: like the last question, I had to learn that. I
Speaker 1: had to learn how to earn, learn how to save,
Speaker 1: learn how to give through I love how these two
Speaker 1: questions have suddenly connected, but I had to learn that
Speaker 1: through making mistakes. Like uh oh, I can't save if
Speaker 1: I don't earn, I can't give if I don't save,
Speaker 1: I can't earn unless I get a good job. This
Speaker 1: job I have right now is not good. Okay. Now,
Speaker 1: I made some money and I spent it. I didn't
Speaker 1: save it. I have nothing to give. It's like you
Speaker 1: have to make those mistakes, and you make those mistakes
Speaker 1: away from your family, so that a you're not hurting
Speaker 1: anybody in your family and b they are not there
Speaker 1: as a safety to grab you and lift you up.
Speaker 1: They've done that for eighteen years plus. We've got a
Speaker 1: little boy right now, Maverick. He's a year and a
Speaker 1: half right now. We're gonna constantly catch him. When he falls.
Speaker 1: We're the safety net. We're gonna get him when he's
Speaker 1: going down the stairs. We're gonna pick him up to
Speaker 1: make sure he doesn't go too fast. When he goes
Speaker 1: out and he's he's heading for the road, we're gonna
Speaker 1: grab him. We're gonna be around him constantly, creating that
Speaker 1: safety net. That's what we do. But once he gets
Speaker 1: to be a certain age, you have to go out
Speaker 1: on your own. And that's that's where you are now.
Speaker 1: So being alone, here's what I want to say, being
Speaker 1: sixteen hours away, being twenty years old, missing your family
Speaker 1: like crazy and your friends is good for you. That's
Speaker 1: all I say all that to say, it's good for you. Man.
Speaker 1: You're being refined. You need this. I know you miss
Speaker 1: your friends, I know you miss your girlfriend, I know
Speaker 1: you miss your mom and dad. But this is something
Speaker 1: that needs to happen in your life right now, and
Speaker 1: it needs to happen to everyone around your age. In
Speaker 1: my opinion, you can't stay in the house in mom's
Speaker 1: basement and have her bring your meat loaf while you're
Speaker 1: playing video games. You can't do that. You got to
Speaker 1: get out. You have to tackle the world. You have
Speaker 1: to fall and pick yourself back up. Mama's not around anymore,
Speaker 1: Girlfriend's not around, your friends, your buddies are not around.
Speaker 1: You fall, you pick yourself up. That's how you learn.
Speaker 1: That is so valuable. To do this. You need to
Speaker 1: be where you are right now. It needs to hurt
Speaker 1: a little bit, needs to sting. You need to lay
Speaker 1: your head on your pillow and go. This kind of sucks.
Speaker 1: I miss Mom. I feel like crying right now. It's
Speaker 1: my birthday today. I remember that I was eighteen years old.
Speaker 1: I was in the Core Cadets at Texas A and M.
Speaker 1: And I was a freshman and the core Cadets it's
Speaker 1: a military academy at Texas A and M. And I
Speaker 1: remember as a freshman, we didn't know anybody that they
Speaker 1: put you. They give you a roommate that you don't
Speaker 1: know at all, and they're just there's all these rules
Speaker 1: and they're yelling at you, and you got a shaved head,
Speaker 1: and that you don't have anything except this tiny foot
Speaker 1: locker and what's in it. And you gotta keep a
Speaker 1: perfect bed with perfect, perfect foldings all on the edges
Speaker 1: of the bed, and you got a safety pennant and
Speaker 1: stuff so that doesn't come out. And then you got
Speaker 1: to sleep on top of the bed because you don't
Speaker 1: want to sleep in the bed because it messes it up.
Speaker 1: Then you're just living in this world. It's like a prison.
Speaker 1: And I remember laying there one night and I started
Speaker 1: thinking about where I was and the perspective of where
Speaker 1: I was, and looking up. I was on the bottom
Speaker 1: bunk looking up at the top bunk. My roommate up there.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know him. His name was really's good
Speaker 1: friends with him. Now, I just all of a sudden
Speaker 1: it occurred to me, out of the blue, it's my birthday.
Speaker 1: I'm nineteen today. I'm nineteen today. And I started crying, y'all.
Speaker 1: I started crying, I'm nineteen, and I forgot. This is
Speaker 1: the first time Mama didn't come in and say happy birthday.
Speaker 1: First time I didn't get a big old handshake from
Speaker 1: Dad saying happy birthday, son. First time I didn't go
Speaker 1: to like a school and people said, hey, it's Granger's birthday.
Speaker 1: Nobody knew. I was laying in that bed looking up
Speaker 1: at that bunk above me, and I thought, Man, this sucks.
Speaker 1: It's my birthday and I forgot. I forgot my own
Speaker 1: birthday because because of the pain I've been living in.
Speaker 1: I'm exaggerating, but I needed that. That was good for me.
Speaker 1: Here I am, all these years later telling that story
Speaker 1: because it was good for me. It mattered. You don't
Speaker 1: need to have Mama cooking meat loaf for you all
Speaker 1: the time. This good that you're missing her. I love
Speaker 1: that you're on this PI. I love that you're sixteen
Speaker 1: hours away. I love that it hurts a little bit.
Speaker 1: I love that you're about to have a birthday or
Speaker 1: you just did. And you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Guess what all this is gonna resolve one day. You're
Speaker 1: gonna take what you learned. You're gonna take this refinement
Speaker 1: and go back back into your life. Maybe you're gonna
Speaker 1: marry this girl, but you're gonna be better for it.
Speaker 1: You will have gone on this adventure and you'll be
Speaker 1: better for it, better equipped now to move forward. Good
Speaker 1: on you, Anonymous, Stay where you are, brother. It's another
Speaker 1: question here. Subc decline on this one says, I know
Speaker 1: you're really busy, but please read this. I need your help.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm here for. Hey, grange'er, sorry in advance
Speaker 1: for this email. But my name is Luke. I'm nineteen.
Speaker 1: I'm in Indiana. My girlfriend and I have been off
Speaker 1: and on for five years. She's very attached to her
Speaker 1: parents and feels that they need to It shows that
Speaker 1: she needs to rely on them for everything. We're currently
Speaker 1: both in college. I'm looking to join a trade but
Speaker 1: she felt the need to ask her parents how they
Speaker 1: felt about me doing such a job, and they do
Speaker 1: not like it because they're not manual labor people like me.
Speaker 1: My parents are divorced. She gets mad when I go
Speaker 1: to my dad's to visit with him, and when I
Speaker 1: do stuff with my friends or my family. But for
Speaker 1: her it's okay. I got into I got her into church,
Speaker 1: and I feel guilty if I leave her after showing
Speaker 1: her what it's like to be loved by God. I'm
Speaker 1: just lost and I need help. I've prayed for this
Speaker 1: for many nights, but I haven't seen any results yet
Speaker 1: as my strength or in my relationship. Sorry, my reading's
Speaker 1: not very good on this. Emil but my patience is growing.
Speaker 1: Any advice for the situation and what to do, think
Speaker 1: you in advance. Luke. Okay, Luke, let me recap because
Speaker 1: I just did some really bad reading on this. You
Speaker 1: are nineteen. I've been with this girl for five years.
Speaker 1: She is attached to her parents and she feels the
Speaker 1: need to rely on them for everything. You're both currently
Speaker 1: in college, but you're looking to join a trade. She
Speaker 1: asked her parents how they felt about that. They said no,
Speaker 1: because they are not manual labor people. Your parents are divorced.
Speaker 1: She gets mad if you go to your dad's and
Speaker 1: visit and do stuff with him and your friends or
Speaker 1: your family. But it's okay for her to do the
Speaker 1: same thing. You got her into church. You don't want
Speaker 1: to leave her because that would be hypocritical in your mind,
Speaker 1: because you have showed her what it's like to be
Speaker 1: loved by God, and now you're gonna leave her. You
Speaker 1: feel lost. That is your email. Okay. It's also important
Speaker 1: that you said I've prayed for this for many nights,
Speaker 1: but I haven't seen any results. Okay, let's start with
Speaker 1: the prayer. Let's start with your prayer. You prayed for
Speaker 1: this many nights with no results. Well, that's nothing new.
Speaker 1: That doesn't sound out of character for God to have
Speaker 1: you hold on and hold on and hold on until
Speaker 1: you start wondering. Am I asking the right thing? Have
Speaker 1: you thought about that? God's not answering my prayer? Am
Speaker 1: I asking the right prayer? Because God is sovereign, He
Speaker 1: is purposeful, He is all planning. He knows every hair
Speaker 1: on your head, he knows your exact days. So sometimes
Speaker 1: when we pray, if we're forgetting that, if we're forgetting
Speaker 1: that he's sovereign that it's his will, not ours. If
Speaker 1: we forget that, then we start getting frustrated until we realize, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just praying what I want, like Santa Claus, like
Speaker 1: a Genie in the bottle, I'm just rubbing the bottle, saying, Genie,
Speaker 1: come out and grant me my wishes, and he goes,
Speaker 1: don't tell me how to get my glory. I am sovereign,
Speaker 1: I am planning, I am purposing. I know my plans
Speaker 1: I have for you. When are you going to learn
Speaker 1: to pray for a sovereignty situation? Like Gott? I know
Speaker 1: you're working something right now. I know you're doing something.
Speaker 1: I know you're teaching me. I know you're disciplining me.
Speaker 1: I know you're churning something deep inside of me, refining
Speaker 1: me so that I could be closer to you, so
Speaker 1: that I can glorify you better. When is that prayer
Speaker 1: going to start being in your nightly prayers? Here? Gotta
Speaker 1: I love this girl, you know my heart. I don't
Speaker 1: need to tell you. You know my heart. God, you
Speaker 1: know I love this girl. But I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: hitting a brick wall right now. Show me what you're
Speaker 1: doing in this so that I could better glorify you.
Speaker 1: If it's being with her or not, I'm gonna continue
Speaker 1: walking down this path. Close it off, and I feel
Speaker 1: like you're doing that right now. Change my heart, God,
Speaker 1: renew me from the inside out, because my flesh wants
Speaker 1: this and that's not always aligning with what you need.
Speaker 1: Show me, God, show me your way, your path, not mine.
Speaker 1: Don't let me get in the way here, God, when
Speaker 1: are you gonna start praying that Luke outside looking in
Speaker 1: this girl? Selfish this girl? What's what she wants? You've
Speaker 1: been with her five years meaning you're nineteen, meaning you've
Speaker 1: been with her since you were fourteen. Bro, she's no
Speaker 1: good for you. That's what I see. You're telling me
Speaker 1: you want to join, you want to go into a trade,
Speaker 1: and her parents say no, they don't like it because
Speaker 1: they're they're not manual labor people. Do you know how
Speaker 1: crazy that sounds. If your friend told you this, you'd say,
Speaker 1: bro dump her, break up with her. That's what you
Speaker 1: would say to any of your best friends. You would
Speaker 1: be hating your friend if you said stay with her,
Speaker 1: just just please her as much as you can. Luke,
Speaker 1: you would hate your friend if you told him that.
Speaker 1: You know this. If this was you, you'd say, break
Speaker 1: up with her. Your parents are divorced. You want to
Speaker 1: go see your dad, and she gets mad when you
Speaker 1: do stuff with him or your friends. Yet she gets
Speaker 1: to do it. Dump her. She is too self involved.
Speaker 1: This is not love. You're just You're just a pond
Speaker 1: in her little dream. You just you are are making
Speaker 1: her little world go around because you are. You have
Speaker 1: stepped into her kingdom lower case K, and you are
Speaker 1: providing what she needs as a servant of her kingdom.
Speaker 1: You're meeting a criteria that she needs in a man.
Speaker 1: Time to leave the kingdom, break the gates, get out,
Speaker 1: don't worry about this whole thing. You took her to
Speaker 1: church and you've shown her what it's like to be
Speaker 1: loved by God. No no, no, no no, that's not
Speaker 1: to be loved by God has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: any of the stuff you've just mentioned. You feeling me.
Speaker 1: I understand that sometimes you're in a situation like this
Speaker 1: and it seems like the walls are closing in. You say,
Speaker 1: I'm lost and I need help. I'm praying, my strength
Speaker 1: is waning. I understand when you're in it, but when
Speaker 1: you're outside and I'm reading it and all these people
Speaker 1: are listening on this podcast, everyone is saying, Luke, leave her,
Speaker 1: leave her. You're nineteen, no kids yet, no kids yet.
Speaker 1: You got a clean slate, a new chapter, turn the page.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for emailing Luke. I appreciate you brother,
Speaker 1: all you guys for being vulnerable and opening up. I
Speaker 1: love you for that and we'll see you next Monday.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yi