1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: Wind down and I heard radio podcast Mom January continues 2 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: so excited um in studio repeating for the third time. 3 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: This week we have Kristen Breast and Sweet Catherine Miss 4 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: Catherine Woodard. Um. Yeah, a lot of love last week, Kristen. 5 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: I have to say, I'm real thankful for that because 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: I felt like, you know, isn't it burnet that talks 7 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: about the vulnerability hangover? Yes, I think so. I had 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: it for probably three days, Like I left and I 9 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: was like, yikes, that was too much. I said too much. 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: I cried too much. I mean, it was intense listening 11 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: back though it was just honest, it did feel wrong 12 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: it well because it was honest and it was just like, yikes, 13 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: but I had so many moms that reached out and 14 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: we're like, I'm crying with you and interesting, right, how 15 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: shame makes us feel like we shouldn't admit that we 16 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: have ambition? Yeah? No, I mean I loved it. I 17 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people. You know. I got 18 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: this message from we have like a Mom's and babes 19 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: um Facebook group. Which would you want to be on 20 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 1: the group with us? Kristen, I'm sorry you on the group? UM, 21 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: so this one mom was like, so I sent the 22 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: podcast to my husband because this podcast was me. I 23 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: felt everything they said, from my four year old asking 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: how his brother got in my belly to feeling stuck, 25 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 1: to wanting to get tested because my grandpa, my uncle, 26 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: and my grandma died from cancer. Today's podcast was by 27 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: far my favorite. Felt so close to home. I cried 28 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,839 Speaker 1: so much. Um, I feel very stuck with debts, staying 29 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: at home with the kids when in the past I've 30 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: been to go get her work, two jobs, all getting 31 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: my degree in an awesome job. Um. And yes, I 32 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: love my tiny humans, all my heart and soul soul, 33 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: but I miss being me. I don't know who I 34 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: am other than a mother. I always wonder if that's 35 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: all I'm ever gonna be. And she sent the podcast 36 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: her husband and she said, UM, so thank you Janna 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: for your amazing podcasts and girlfriends. You really help today. 38 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Know that you may have changed my marriage for the better. 39 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: He finally listened to what I'm needing, so I'm thankful. 40 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: I was like, that's awesome. I know, shocking. I got 41 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: choked up when you read that, just emotional when I 42 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: guess that's like my new role. But I think it's 43 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: I think it's stuck because I think it's it's a 44 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 1: real conversation feeling stuck and not knowing you know, is 45 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 1: it okay to feel like this isn't enough even though 46 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: being a mom is incredible, but still feeling that weird 47 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: stuck feeling and not feeling um, not feeling fulfilled enough 48 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: for challenged enough for especially I don't know about you. 49 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: And I know called Catherine, I know for sure. I 50 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: was talking to her. I was like, it's been a 51 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 1: real rough month with Jolie. She's just been the worst 52 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: she's ever been with her temper tantrums. And it's just 53 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 1: like it wears on me too, and like my soul 54 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: in our marriage, and so it's just very it's just hard. Yeah, 55 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: I think parenting is I think just parenting is hard. 56 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,959 Speaker 1: Raising little people's hard. Trying to be an example for 57 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: a little people while you're raising them is hard. I 58 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,399 Speaker 1: do think there's a lot that Mel said to me too, 59 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: when when she said asking for how it really hit 60 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 1: home like I just don't ever ask for help. I 61 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: mean truly, I would try to change a flat tire 62 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,239 Speaker 1: by myself before or even it's ridiculous, like it's and 63 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: what's the point. And when she said that there's patterns 64 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: that you have that no longer serve you, it just 65 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: I've listened to that segment probably three or four times 66 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: at this point because I just felt like, I'm like, man, 67 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: she says, it was such conviction and certainty, you know, 68 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: So what are you doing though, to like take that 69 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 1: first step? So Preston and I talked a little bit, 70 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: and I was like, these are the things I need 71 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 1: to do, and I need to be podcasting, I need 72 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: to be creating. I miss creating, you know, And I've 73 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: I've channeled so much of that creativity into stuff that 74 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: I do with the kids, and it's awesome and we 75 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: have a pretty fun life at home. But I'm just 76 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 1: I want to say this because I think people need 77 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: to hear this. And um, I had a talk with 78 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: my best friend yesterday and she has an eight month 79 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: old little boy and she's in the thick of it, 80 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: she owns a business. She's tired, and I said, I 81 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: think it's I think we just need to be okay 82 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: saying I'm a better mom when I get breaks from them. Absolutely, 83 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: but it's hard for some of us to admit that 84 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: you know, like I stay at home all the time 85 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: and I want to miss them sometimes. You know, it's 86 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: like even that way with my husband a bit. Why 87 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 1: has that become such a negative thing though, Like why 88 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 1: are people afraid to admit that. I don't know, I 89 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: think we I think everyone out there's so many, you know, 90 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: the world is noisy, and people have a Jannah knows 91 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: probably better than anybody. But it's like people are just 92 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: afraid to say that that I just need a break 93 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: and I need help and I want to be It 94 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 1: doesn't make you a bad mom to get away from 95 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: them when I think that's any relationship. Amen. You know, 96 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: sometimes you just need a break, Yeah, your marriage, your kids. 97 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: We're not lucky enough probably to hang out with our 98 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: friends enough to need a break from them, but you know, 99 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: sometimes just need a break. I think it's hard though, 100 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: because it's hard, especially with Jason and even Jolie Um 101 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 1: today I was like, okay, baby, Like I took her 102 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: to gymnastics this morning and I was like, all right, 103 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: I'm dropping you off now with with our nanny Kylie, 104 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,840 Speaker 1: and you need to speak a girl screaming And it's 105 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: like that when they have that reaction and that then 106 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: temper tantrum and just it's like mommy has to go 107 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: to work, baby like, and then you know, Kylie tries 108 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: to take her, but she's like throwing down, kicking, screaming, 109 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 1: oh mommy, And then then she upsets Jason and he 110 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: sees me and then he wants me, and it's just 111 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,280 Speaker 1: that like then then then but its attention. But then 112 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: also then there goes my that instead that that goes 113 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,600 Speaker 1: my guilt, like there there it happens. It starts like that, 114 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a bad mom for leaving. I know 115 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: I'm not because I know this is my job and 116 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 1: I have to show up and do my own thing. 117 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: But then I'm also in the same breath, I'm letting 118 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: my kids down by leaving and and then having that reaction. 119 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: I feel like when they're younger like that though it's 120 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: more of like an immediate reaction of their just trying 121 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: to get you to stay in the moment, you know, 122 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: Like I don't think it's more as I get older, 123 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: it gets a little bit, you know whatever, But it's 124 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: like they're not really thinking through, Oh my gosh, Mom's 125 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: going to work. I can't believe she's leaving today. It's 126 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: really just I want you in that moment, you know, 127 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: and then they move on and then you come home 128 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 1: and it's all good. So I don't I think we're 129 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: putting undo shame on ourselves then and then initial reaction, 130 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,840 Speaker 1: because that's what little kids do. They you know, they 131 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: want like an immediate response. They want to get their 132 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: way in that moment, you know. So we're also kind 133 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: of teaching them like I love you, but I have 134 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: to go. I'm so sorry, but you know, like they 135 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: don't always get exactly what they want, you know. So 136 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: I think that it's also a way of kind of 137 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 1: teaching them and explaining to them I will be back, 138 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: I'll see you in a few hours. And I think 139 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 1: it's good for him. Yeah. Absolutely, So we're going to 140 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: talk about this a lot. Um. We have Joe Frost. 141 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: Do you guys remember The Supernanny? Oh yeah, I used 142 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 1: to watch it. So she's going to be our guest 143 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: um for today's episode, and I'm I know we have 144 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: a very short window with her, but I just I'm like, 145 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: I have so many questions. I'm just gonna like rapid 146 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: fire at her because I just feel like there's so 147 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 1: much in the season that I'm going through right now. 148 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,920 Speaker 1: I know with you girls too, So I'm really excited 149 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: to have her. And we're gonna be talking about this 150 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: a lot because Kristen, UM, Mike and I we are 151 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: going UM We're doing a wine down tour in March 152 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: and we are going to Texas, UM. We're gonna go 153 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: to Austin, Houston's, UM, San Antonio, Dallas in the beginning 154 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: of March, and then the end of March we're gonna 155 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: be in l A in Sacramento. We're gonna be talking 156 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: all about mom life, married life, the ups and downs. 157 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: We're gonna have some fun too, So Kristen is gonna 158 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 1: join us for those dates and it's gonna be a 159 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: lot of fun. So you guys can get your tickets 160 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: at Jane Cramer dot com. It's going to be a blast. 161 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: Let's take a break and then let's talk to Joe Frost. 162 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: She's walking into the building and nervous. Why are you nervous? 163 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: I don't know her heels or something. Totally, Yes, I 164 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: did you you took some stuff from her? Though, yes 165 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: I did. I absolutely used her time out method. I 166 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: don't know if she calls it anything or not, but 167 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: just like putting them back certain amount of time, not 168 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 1: talking to them, setting them back in time. Is there 169 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: a certain spot for the time out? Yeah, okay, so 170 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: it's it's not like in their room. Was it in 171 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: the room or is it mine? Wasn't, But I can't 172 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: remember if I got that. I don't know. I don't 173 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: think it's supposed to be in the room. But how 174 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: many minutes? Because I'm like, if I tell Julie to 175 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: sit in for a time out, it's like I have 176 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: to keep it in her age, like or so three minutes, yeah, 177 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: a minute for three minutes for the three year old, 178 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: and then with and if they don't, If they don't, 179 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: you do, not say a word, take them back, put 180 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: them time out starts over. That's the hardest part. So 181 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: you have to keep restarting it. I don't always do that, 182 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: but that just sounds first fading with with Julie. I 183 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: mean the other day she's like, oh what, I go 184 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,839 Speaker 1: to school and I'm like, and mind you, I had 185 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: I had to get her there by a certain time 186 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: because if not, I was going to be late from 187 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: my appointment. And it was just like, baby, I'm so sorry, 188 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: you're having those feelings and those are the emotions, but 189 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: we have to go to school, so let's go get 190 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: your shoes on, just like kicking and screaming, and I 191 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: was just like, I mean the amount of times I 192 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: walked away, and then finally I had to. I grabbed 193 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 1: her and just you know, basically chucked her into the 194 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: car because we had to go, and she's just I'm 195 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: getting you know, I probably have bruised in my face 196 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: because she was kicking me. Like, but I was like there. 197 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,080 Speaker 1: I tried everything to like rationalize with her and sit 198 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: on go on her level and say, you know, say baby, 199 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you're having those feelings. Like I wouldn't 200 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: want to do this either, but we have to. Like 201 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 1: I was just like, I what else? What else should 202 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: I have done in that moment? I tried everything. It's hard, 203 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: especially in that time, like I had to leave at 204 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 1: a certain time, and I even gave myself enough time, 205 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 1: like I warned her, Hey, five minutes till we have 206 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: to leave, two minutes till we have to leave, get 207 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: your shoes on. What does Joe have to say? I 208 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, you could do time him out, 209 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: but I do feel like but we don't have found 210 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: time to give the time out. Well that's what our 211 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 1: busy lives has created is a bunch of put the 212 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 1: SmackDown on us kids. What do you mean because we're 213 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: busy and there were so busy that we don't have 214 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: time to take the extra time to do that. So 215 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: it's like consistent the whole Yes, being consistent the whole 216 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: thing about Like if you're in a store and they're 217 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: acting up, you say, if you do that, we're gonna leave. Well, 218 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,599 Speaker 1: like you got to really be willing to leave, you know. 219 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 1: It's like life is just too crazy. That's like at 220 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 1: the pool this past summer, I think it was you, 221 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: I can't remember, but you were let's just say it 222 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 1: was you. But like Ramsey, if you keep acting this way, 223 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: we have to leave. And I'm like, well that'll suck 224 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: if you have to leave, Like we're having a really 225 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 1: this is a really fun pool party. I know. But 226 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: it's like, but then you have to follow up on it, 227 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: and then that's a bummer because then you want to 228 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: stay at the pool party. But you just told your 229 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: kid life sucks for parents when it really does. I 230 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: mean I would have if that were me. I would 231 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: have left if I said it, Yeah, I will say it. 232 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,719 Speaker 1: My husband, he would have I don't know if it's 233 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: the Capricorn Capricorn with Love and I like we are 234 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: head to head and super stubborn, but like it's war 235 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 1: the wheels and I'll always win. I'm like, we'll do 236 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: this a thousand times, Chick, we'll be late. You will 237 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: do a thousand times. But the time out now, I 238 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: just have to say, do you need a time out? 239 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: And I don't even honestly don't even phrase it early 240 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: as punishment. At this point, I'm just kind of like 241 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: I tell her, I'm like, you need to get ahold 242 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 1: of your emotions. So I put her in a chair 243 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 1: and I'm like, you just got to get a grip 244 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,559 Speaker 1: on your emotions. Joe is gonna probably have something to 245 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: say about this. Four minutes doesn't work for us, so 246 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 1: a minute for each age. Love will throw herself into 247 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: a spiral for twenty minutes. She gets that for me too. 248 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: I remember watching one of the episodes, Oh it was good, 249 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,439 Speaker 1: where this person was just this kid was giving her 250 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: a run for her money, and it's like it went 251 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: on it like did like the time lapse for forever. 252 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: She stuck it out, she stuck it up. So now 253 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 1: because I'm just like, okay, well, then you're just gonna 254 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 1: sit until you can just get ahold of your emotions 255 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: like you can't. I need you to calmly talk to 256 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: me and then we'll figure out what we need to 257 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: do next. But I'm that's kind of what I started 258 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: with Jolie too, where I when I have the time, 259 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: I'll you know, I'll say, Okay, I'm not going to 260 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: have this conversation with you because you're not talking to me. 261 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: You know, you're not being a nice girl. And until 262 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 1: you can talk to me like a nice girl, I'm 263 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: going to leave the room. And then she'll take and 264 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: so I'm like, so you you come to me when 265 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: you're ready, and Mommy will be ready to listen. And 266 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: lately that has been working. She'll come to me and 267 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: she'll say I'm ready now, and I'll say, okay, I 268 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: want to talk about it, and then she'll say, like, 269 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: you would not listening to me, and I said, oh, baby, 270 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: you weren't listening to mommy and that's a problem. But 271 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: I will say one thing about Jolie because I feel 272 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,439 Speaker 1: like I've just like said, you know, all of her 273 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: tantrums and stuff, but she's really good at coming back 274 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: and saying sorry without having to say sorry, like without 275 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: me having to ask, Like she'll be like she'll even 276 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,719 Speaker 1: in the car the other day when she was having 277 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: a terrible temper tantruments, you know, going into the car 278 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 1: for school. You know, I'm just like just like so 279 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: aggravated and I'm driving. She was I'm sorry, mommy, and 280 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: I was like, thank you, Jolie. Like she acknowledges when 281 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: she's doing something wrong. And I think that's a pretty huge, 282 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: a pretty cool thing yourself too. It was a mom 283 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: that she's developed that well, y, we say a lot 284 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: of a lot of sorriies in our house, so that 285 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: you know, but I think it, Yeah, I think that 286 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: is it kind of like what our therapists said is 287 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: like there's there's gonna be maybe some um communication flaws 288 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,640 Speaker 1: and we might not say things properly. And you know, 289 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: I've come back to her too and I've said like, honey, 290 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry that Mommy raised her voice at you. That 291 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: wasn't right. So I think maybe, yeah, okay, yeah that 292 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: was good. Then yeah something the mom patted me on 293 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:42,719 Speaker 1: the back. Thanks, guys, love does not. She's starting to 294 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,959 Speaker 1: learn now to say I'm sorry, but I don't also 295 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 1: want an empty one, so I make yes. You know 296 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: how some kids are like sorry and they just know 297 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 1: that's what's next. That's what My three year old is 298 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: kind of like that immediately and it's sorry, and I'm like, 299 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,439 Speaker 1: what do you You don't even you don't even know yourself. 300 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,439 Speaker 1: What's the biggest challenge that you're going through out? Kristen Um. 301 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,839 Speaker 1: She wants attention, So I feel like you give her 302 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: so much attention though, like you're always with her. I 303 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 1: do too, which is crazy something fun enough, Yeah, it 304 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: feels good that you think that too, Um legend. Our 305 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: little boy is seventeen months and I'm literally raising Will Ferrell. 306 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: So he is so funny, and he's just bigger and 307 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: louder and funnier every day, and he is just a comedian, 308 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: like it's something. He's just why you are different. And 309 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: so she kind of fades a tiny bit and not really, 310 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 1: but she's just not the center of a She doesn't 311 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: like to be center of attention. So we actually had 312 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 1: some issues with the potty she started. We had like 313 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: one day three accidents in a row, and I'm like, 314 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: this is nothing to do with the potty. It just 315 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: has everything to do with you needing some attention, you know, 316 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: whether it's negative or positive. So wait a minute, is Joe? 317 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: Is Joe listening to this? Who I am? I'm listening 318 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: to everyone in studio with this. Mommy, you're here? Is 319 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 1: there anything you want to say in this conversation? Um? 320 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 1: I caught the tail end of um potty training and 321 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 1: a little one perhaps playing with that bow control due 322 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 1: to some defiance just for attention. So what's going on? Well? 323 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: I will man, Joe, I don't really, I don't want 324 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 1: to take up time, so I'm going to say this. 325 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: She she was doing super well on the party. She 326 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: still does not poop in the party, so how old you? 327 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: A little one? Though? She just turned four? Okay, where 328 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: does she though? Where is she doing the number twos 329 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: in the pull up? But now I've made her stay 330 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: in the bathroom while she does it in the up 331 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: because of she just put on a pull up and 332 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: she kind of just roam the house. And I'm like, well, 333 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: we don't all get to just poop where we'd like, 334 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: so you have to stay in the bathroom, which is 335 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: less entertaining. I'm going to you one thing when it 336 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: comes to potty training, and this is so important. You're 337 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: either committed as a parent or you're not. Like you're 338 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: either doing potty training or you're not. It's like either 339 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: they're wearing their big girl pandies or they're not. Meaning 340 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: it has to be. It has to be a decision 341 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: that you make and you follow through from the beginning 342 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: to the end, so that they actually know that this 343 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: is the transition. It's like you go out and you 344 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: buy them little motif underwear that's fun that they enjoy 345 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: that they can pick. You know the signs and symptoms 346 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 1: already because you know you've already done it with bladder control. 347 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: And what you do is you literally follow through and 348 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: you don't give him a pull up because what she's 349 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: doing is holding. And then what you'll do is is 350 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: wait until that pull ups on and then only going 351 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: the pull up. So you have to be committed to it. 352 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: You have to let go of the control. You have 353 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: to be very manchalant rather than focusing on that because 354 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: at that age it becomes a power play because she 355 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: knows what she wants and just let it go, give 356 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 1: her the underwear, let it go, and eventually what's going 357 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,439 Speaker 1: to happen is she's either going to go in the 358 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 1: potty or she's actually going to poop that underwear and 359 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: it's not going to be comfortable, and you're going to 360 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 1: make no big deal about it, and you're gonna say, okay, 361 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: well it's clean up, but you know where to go now. 362 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,680 Speaker 1: So she needs to know that it's the big girl 363 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 1: underwear and that you're following through on it because she's 364 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 1: a big girl. So it's the it's the balance between 365 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: just being firm and given her the praise but not 366 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 1: scolding so that she doesn't use that or feel shame 367 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 1: around that. And I'm telling you you'll do that in 368 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,239 Speaker 1: seven days. Seven days, she'll be done. Okay, great, I'm 369 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: gonna start today. And it took jolly, it took. It 370 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: took our daughter a really hard time, you know. She 371 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: she she caught on real day. We did the three 372 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 1: day method, Joe, and it was just you know, naked 373 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: for three days and it really worked for us. But 374 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 1: she didn't she would not poop. Um. We we we 375 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 1: didn't do overnight. And I don't know how you feel 376 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,959 Speaker 1: about that. She she still wears a pull up at night. 377 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,439 Speaker 1: She doesn't really pee in it anymore than that we 378 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: don't put it on, she ends up peeing the bed 379 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: and then I'm just like three in the morning and 380 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: I'm changing sheets, and I'm just like, well, just put 381 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 1: the pollar back on. But do you think that really worked? 382 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: Like you know, like you said, we did the three 383 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: day method. Like the three day method is supposed to 384 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 1: have you clean in three days, which quite clearly I 385 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,160 Speaker 1: think is unrealistic for most children unless you're a parent 386 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 1: that's very in tune and you can catch your child 387 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: at that moment when you know that it's just exactly 388 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: the right time to be able to follow through and 389 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 1: move past that transition. So even even just listening to 390 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: yourself and the progress that you're having, there are still 391 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: slight backs that are sort of stopping her from moving 392 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: forward when you know that she's capable of being able 393 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: to do it, you know, and that that can create 394 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 1: some sort of mixed messages at times with the kids. 395 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 1: It really is a kind of life skill that when 396 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,640 Speaker 1: you move on and you know your kids ready for it, 397 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 1: you have to kind of be full gusto with confidence 398 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: and you know, positive affirmation for her of how well 399 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 1: they're doing to bring them to that place. So, you know, 400 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's the gray area that 401 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: we're talking about here, ladies that can get a lot 402 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 1: of parents confused, because you know, they start off with 403 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: this sort of hardcore cornerstones of a technique and then 404 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: they forget all the little steps along the way and 405 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 1: just sort of say, well, that's fine and I'm happy there. 406 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 1: But I won't follow through on that because you know, 407 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: you know, I don't really need to, but if we did, 408 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: would actually get the end result quicker. So it's just 409 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 1: something to think about, you know, something to ponder about. 410 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 1: I love that. I have to tell you, though, what's 411 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,199 Speaker 1: going on, um with with my four year old right now. 412 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: She's she's going to be four and and um a 413 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: week and a half and she's um, we probably started 414 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: a couple of months ago, but she's afraid of her 415 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,359 Speaker 1: room and so in her rooms beautiful and I'm like, okay, 416 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,159 Speaker 1: let's what would you like to cuddle with? Do you 417 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: want you know, your unicorns? And then I would, um, 418 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,919 Speaker 1: we have like this monster spray that people told us 419 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 1: to try, and so you know, I'm doing everything to 420 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 1: make her feel like super comfortable in her room, and 421 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm you know, I and but when it comes to bedtime, 422 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: it's I need you, I need you. And I'm like, okay, Julie, 423 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: you know, I'm right here. Mommy is just downstairs like 424 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: you're okay. She's like I'm scared. I was like, what 425 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: are you scared of? And she's like, I'm scared in 426 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: my room and I'm like, well, baby girl, Like you know, 427 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: we have lights on. I keep you know, a soft 428 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: light on for her. And then there's the sound machine 429 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 1: and that she it's she gets to pick like which 430 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 1: sounds she wants and the color she wants it on, 431 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: and and I'm you know, I'm trying to make her 432 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 1: room just like her her sanctuary of peace. And I'm trying, yeah, 433 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,879 Speaker 1: and and so then I then she'll say five minutes 434 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: in my bed, and I say, okay, baby, So I 435 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: you know, after the stories, we read two books, and 436 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 1: then I tell her a story that of her choosing 437 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 1: and then I lay in her bed for five minutes. 438 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 1: But here's been the problem. I've I will leave the 439 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 1: five minutes and then she'll start crying, Mommy, I need you. 440 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: And then I go up there because her room is 441 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: right next to her brother's room, and if she wakes 442 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: up the baby, like it's it's just not going to 443 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 1: be good for like anybody in the house. And bingo, 444 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 1: that's where she's got you. She's got the baby on 445 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: the chests, it's checkmate. She has the queen on the 446 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:19,439 Speaker 1: chess board, the fresh game, fresh thing. I totally screw 447 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 1: and I'm likely stopped, like you're gonna wake up the baby. 448 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: So she's screaming, she's screaming. What we do? We keep 449 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 1: going back up there, and then then Michael and I 450 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: are getting frustrated because we're like, really, go back to bed, 451 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 1: and she'll get out of bed, like she'll get out 452 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,440 Speaker 1: of bed like fifteen times. And then finally I'm just like, 453 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 1: we'll go up there and we'll lay in her bed 454 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 1: until she falls asleep. And now it's become a thing, right, 455 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 1: so you want to you want to finish that, and 456 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 1: you want to finish that tonight. I want it stopped 457 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:48,880 Speaker 1: how badly, Like I mean, I'm gonna probably you're gonna 458 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: probably think I'm a terrible mom. But like when she 459 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: used to get out of her room, like we locked 460 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 1: her in her room. Like I know that's not okay, 461 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: but like that that was what stopped her when she 462 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 1: was at two getting out of her you know, coming 463 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: out of her room. I was like, we can keep 464 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: blocking her in her rooms, unlocking, but you know in 465 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 1: this house, it's like, no, you're you're you know, you're 466 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,640 Speaker 1: a little girl. You can be fine. So I'm like, yes, 467 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 1: tell me what to do, all right without the baby 468 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 1: waking up. So the reality is is that you know, 469 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: kids are smart, and we've underestimated them quite clearly in 470 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: your house, right because they're negotiating and the babies on 471 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 1: on the chessboard. Here's the really simple answer. You've got 472 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: to take the ransom baby off the chessboard, right because 473 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: you know that's the leverage, and she knows it, and 474 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:35,680 Speaker 1: she knows you know it, right, that's number one. Number two. Look, 475 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,680 Speaker 1: I'm not sitting here judging because most parents have done 476 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 1: the same. Let's face it, they get frustrated, they don't 477 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 1: know what to do. But when you do lock a 478 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 1: child in a bedroom, you actually make them feel scared. Well, 479 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: I haven't done that forever. No, That's what I'm trying 480 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: to say. So I get you know, I get where 481 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,919 Speaker 1: you come from with the frustration of doing it when 482 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,439 Speaker 1: they were young. However, now there's two things that need 483 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 1: to be in play. One is, as a working mother, 484 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: you need to go home and be very present with 485 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: the time that you do spend with your child before 486 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 1: you move into the bedtime ritual. Once the bedtime ritual is, 487 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: you know, in its place, very calm and not rushed 488 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,479 Speaker 1: or interrupted, she will emotionally feel and so will you, 489 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: that you've had quality time together. You've been present, you've 490 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: listened to her, you've read stories together. She spoke about 491 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: little things in a day you have You've had those 492 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,199 Speaker 1: special moments and you know what I'm talking about. You 493 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: know when they're cuddling up and you're snuggy bugging with 494 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 1: the kids. Right, and once you've kissed your child good 495 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:36,719 Speaker 1: night and you've had that little you know tomorrow we're 496 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: gonna do this. It's gonna be a great day, X 497 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 1: Y and Z. Right. If you want to spend five 498 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: minutes in the bed, that's up to you, right, but 499 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: it has to be with the expectation of her knowing 500 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: once it's five minutes, mummy is then going to leave. 501 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 1: And then once you leave, you do the stay in 502 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: bed technique, which means you go downstairs and you carry 503 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,199 Speaker 1: on doing what you're doing, because your daughter can hear 504 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,680 Speaker 1: the white noise of you pottering around downstairs, and she'll 505 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: cry and say I need you, and she may shout that, 506 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 1: and you don't. She also get out of her room, 507 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,919 Speaker 1: and you don't, right, and you don't go up until 508 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: she comes down. And when she comes down, the first 509 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: time you say to her, it's bedtime, darling, and you 510 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 1: take her back upstairs. And the second time she comes down, 511 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: you say bedtime and you take her upstairs. And the 512 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: third time she comes downstairs crying and looking like she's 513 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 1: about to fall apart of the seams, because now it 514 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 1: won't just be the monsters in the room. It will 515 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: be there somebody behind the curtains. There's somebody behind the bed. 516 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,960 Speaker 1: I'm hungry. She'll throw every excuse of the book you want, 517 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: every trust me. I wrote the book they read out 518 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: of trust me. She will throw every excuse, And when 519 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: she does, you say on that third time, you actual 520 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,919 Speaker 1: relutally say nothing, and you take back upstairs and you 521 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: tuck her into bed, and you actively and I use 522 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: the word actively ignore, meaning you do not reward your 523 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: daughter with conversation like you have to teach young children 524 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: how to transition from day to night, and by having 525 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: a bedtime ritual and by doing the little snuggy buggy 526 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: things that you do before they go after bed and 527 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: kissing them good night and having the presence of being 528 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: with them and having that concentrated time before the bedtime 529 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: ritual sends a very clear, lovely message that you're there 530 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: spending time and that there is nothing for them to 531 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: worry about and that it's time for bed. Because I 532 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,120 Speaker 1: can tell you now your child does not have any 533 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:44,879 Speaker 1: separation anxiety whatsoever. So you're not dealing with a child 534 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,959 Speaker 1: who is hysterically in a space of feeling anxious when 535 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 1: they're not with you. What you do have, though, is 536 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,520 Speaker 1: a child that knows how to play that play game 537 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: book right, and she's in it. You hard with it, 538 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,639 Speaker 1: and the baby is the leverage because then once the 539 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 1: baby wakes up, you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna 540 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: get the baby to sleep right. And as soon as 541 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 1: you break that habit of letting her know that she 542 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: has that leverage and you follow through with that. You've 543 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: seen me on my shows resolve that situation in a 544 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: day a day, not two, not three a day that is, 545 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: and it still doesn't work. You haven't done that. I'm 546 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 1: telling you you haven't done it. You know why because 547 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,320 Speaker 1: I have a conversation with her. The reason why it's 548 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 1: because you're having conversations with her. You're justifying to her 549 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,400 Speaker 1: why there's nothing wrong with her room. I mean, I'm 550 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: going to ask you, as a mother, intuitively, you know 551 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,880 Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong. You know she's got a beautiful bedroom. 552 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,120 Speaker 1: You know that you do those lovely little things when 553 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: she comes home from work, When you come home from work, 554 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,119 Speaker 1: you know that you have time where you cuddle up 555 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: together and read stories and talk about all the lovely 556 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 1: little things that you do. You know that she's sleeping 557 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: soundly when she is asleep. But every time you go in, 558 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: you justify that she has a reason to not be 559 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,639 Speaker 1: in that room by the way that you respond and 560 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: the way that you behave And as I said again, 561 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 1: the queen on the chessboard here is the baby. Because 562 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: as soon as you go in and you go don't 563 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: wake up the baby. She's like, oh, I'm waking up 564 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,640 Speaker 1: the baby. Trust me, I'm waking up the baby. You know, 565 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,960 Speaker 1: because kids want more and more of your you know, 566 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,280 Speaker 1: they want more and more of your time. And you know, 567 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, kids need to feel safe, 568 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 1: they need to feel secure and nine out attended. They 569 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:37,120 Speaker 1: really have had some real present time with you. Then 570 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: they're actually very content with that because they know it's 571 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: coming again, and it's coming tomorrow and it's coming the 572 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: next day. So it does take this kind of ying 573 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,639 Speaker 1: yang balance of you being very conscientious of the time 574 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 1: that you spend when you come home from work. You 575 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: can't be in that mummy. That's like, hold on a minute, darling, 576 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna get the phone. Ten minutes later, 577 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,880 Speaker 1: you know, she's sitting there waiting to put the pajamas on. 578 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,879 Speaker 1: And we got to the fifth page, and now you 579 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 1: want to skip to the eighth page. You know, she 580 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: needs you present that I do that. I'm going to say, 581 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,159 Speaker 1: so if you do it, which I don't think she 582 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,120 Speaker 1: knows yet that I'm doing that. She does she does 583 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: by your ye, by your actions, by your actions, by 584 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: what you do every day. She sometimes she picks the 585 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,160 Speaker 1: books that have the longest I mean, it's could be 586 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 1: well there you go, I mean, what does that tell 587 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 1: you me to limit the selection. Okay, that I don't 588 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 1: want to hear it. Miss my daughter's sleeps in my 589 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: bad next question was like waiting for this. I could say, 590 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: now what happened? She never goes to her placed at 591 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 1: the end of the day. And I was just gonna say, 592 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to name names, but we do have 593 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: a co sleeper in here, which i've you know, I 594 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:49,360 Speaker 1: personally that just doesn't work for for anybody. It doesn't 595 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 1: work for me. Why are you doing it? Well, he's 596 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: gone so much so it's kind of like it had 597 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 1: been comforting to me for a while. Oh you mean 598 00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: your baby became the pacifier for me. Yeah, well, I'll 599 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: say I we have such I just want to like 600 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,000 Speaker 1: speed date you, Joe. We're all trying to speed date you. 601 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: Were like, here's asking Joe questions the um so our 602 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: little boy when she really she realized that he was 603 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: in our room. When I brought our little boy home 604 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,240 Speaker 1: from the hospital and she was sleeping in her room. 605 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: She was actually doing great with it, and then she 606 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 1: had her first nightmare. The first week he was home. 607 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 1: It was just the three of us. My husband traveled. 608 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 1: That nightmare looked like uh, like, just it was weird 609 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: because she had never had it, just screaming bloody, more 610 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: like I thought she had hurt herself where someone was 611 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: hurting her. She had never done it before. So I 612 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 1: ran up the stairs and grabbed her, and you know, 613 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: you just cozy them up and you're like it's okay, 614 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,800 Speaker 1: it's okay, it's okay. When she we cozied up in 615 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: my bed, brought her down, she sees that the baby's 616 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: in the bed, and it was game over. She saw 617 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 1: that the baby was in our room. Are you sure 618 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: it was a nightmare? I don't. I don't know. I 619 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 1: think it was. I was just in a you know, 620 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 1: I'm in the postpartum fog at that point, like five 621 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 1: days old, so I was like sleep happening. And I'm 622 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: the only parent in the house. So it's like, okay, yike, 623 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: So grab her, put her in a minute, she saw 624 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: a homeboy in our bedroom, Joe, game over, and she 625 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,960 Speaker 1: has not wanted to go in her bed sense because 626 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 1: we get the baby, how do we get and how 627 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: old your little one is? He still in the bed 628 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: with you? No, Harold, Harold, are your two children? Like? 629 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: What the ages? We're basically the same, Jeanne and I 630 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: are the same. So our little girls are four and 631 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: our little boys or three months apart at minus seventeen months, 632 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 1: seventeen months now, and he is a great sleeper in 633 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: his bed regimen good to go, sleeps like a rock. 634 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 1: She in his own bedroom now though, oh yeah, yeah, 635 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: I call him up at six months. And the irony 636 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: of that, right, the irony of that you had a 637 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 1: little bit of regression from a new edition, right with 638 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: your older one sort of saying, well, where do I 639 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: fit in with all of this? And then she wants 640 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 1: the same mummy love right, because of the bed situation 641 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,479 Speaker 1: and the irony. Now the seventeen month olds in their 642 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 1: own bed, in their own bedroom, and now you're left 643 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: with the older child, right, that still wants to be 644 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,600 Speaker 1: in there. Again, news is, we're not going to have 645 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: a third kid because the four year olds in the 646 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: middle with us, you know what I mean, Like, there's 647 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: no chance of ever making another baby. We've got that 648 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,239 Speaker 1: going for, right, Well, let's change that then, right and 649 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:13,720 Speaker 1: get the other one back in the bed. Look, the 650 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 1: reality is is that most people want to address a 651 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: sleeping problem for what it is on the surface, right, 652 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,720 Speaker 1: But those issues are like bad habits. So you created 653 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 1: a bad habit, right, you just let her in and thought, oh, well, 654 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,280 Speaker 1: what the hell you know, I'm trying to get through it, right, 655 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: I'm trying to muster through this sleep. And now you've 656 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: got yourself into that bad habit. The only way you 657 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: do it is to untangle it again. So you know, 658 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 1: your routine would consist of your younger one going down first, right, 659 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: because it would be an earlier time, which would then 660 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: allow you to have more time with your eldest daughter 661 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: so that she felt like she was getting some of 662 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 1: your individual time, and then you would follow through, like 663 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 1: I've just explained, with your bedtime routine. So the thing is, 664 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: these are very simple. We're doing what you're saying and 665 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 1: day time, but then when it's her bed anything, we're 666 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: going to Mama dada bed. And I'm like, so now 667 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: I just read right now she has to do basically 668 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 1: what you told me, Joe yea go to her bed. Yeah, 669 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 1: because the only reason why she's still doing it is 670 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: because she's still sleeping in your bed doing and I 671 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: don't see she's doing a face right now. I don't 672 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: just I don't think you wanted to think you want. 673 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: I don't want anybody I like. I like. I will 674 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 1: say this though her sleep is not sound, and so 675 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 1: now I'm starting I'm tired. Now I'm like, okay, time 676 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: for her to go to her bed. That's interesting to 677 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 1: hear you ladies say that, like you're like looking like 678 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,280 Speaker 1: you're saying, I kind of like it, Like I'm to 679 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: smell her face and a little creepy. I just love her, 680 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,479 Speaker 1: you know. It's sweet and I but I could do 681 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: that with her in her bed. I love my kids, 682 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,360 Speaker 1: but I like them in their beds. Yeah. The what's 683 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: the comfort that it brings yourself just having another person there. 684 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,479 Speaker 1: I think she's really cozy, and she's she's extra like 685 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: she's just a really empathetic, sweet little human. So she 686 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 1: like rubs, you know, she like in the morning she 687 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: rubs my face, rubbed my arm and a little hand 688 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: around my neck and so the things I love your mama. 689 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,719 Speaker 1: You know you're just like, yeah, I mean, look, the 690 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: thing is is that a lot of people do you know, 691 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 1: a lot of people co sleep. But if it's not 692 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: you know, if it's not really you know, I say, 693 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,959 Speaker 1: if it's not really something that is a priority for you, 694 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: then it just won't be that important, you know, like 695 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: it has. You know, when I go in and I 696 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 1: help families and sometimes you know they have been co 697 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 1: sleeping for years, and one of them is like, oh, 698 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 1: I'm really okay with it, and the other one's like, well, 699 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: I'm not. And when it gets down to really the 700 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: nitty gritty of why one's okay and the other one's not, 701 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 1: it has been sometimes because it was easier to have 702 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 1: a child in the middle of the bed rather than 703 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,640 Speaker 1: address the real issues that were going on between a couple. 704 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 1: And my point is when I talk about that, is 705 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: that if for you it brings a comfort and an 706 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 1: emotional yearning and longing that actually feels really good for you, 707 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,400 Speaker 1: Or if it's a comfort because it addresses maybe a 708 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: form of anxiety that you had a little bit at 709 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: night where your brain is overtired and it's racing, and 710 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 1: actually the tenderness of her being in the bed with 711 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 1: you makes you feel comforted, then it will never be 712 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: a priority to put her back into the bed because 713 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,839 Speaker 1: it brings you the comfort as well. So most times 714 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 1: when I'm helping families, you know it is because um, 715 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,960 Speaker 1: you know, they're the ones that are saying, look, we're 716 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: over this, we're done. We don't want it, especially when 717 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,839 Speaker 1: you've got another kid in your bed sleeping with you. 718 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,439 Speaker 1: So if you're really in a space of saying, look, 719 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: I know that I need to do this, and I 720 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,239 Speaker 1: know all the reasons why I do do it, and 721 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 1: I want to move forward, and it's something that you'll 722 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:40,640 Speaker 1: conquer really really quickly. I mean really quickly, you know. 723 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,919 Speaker 1: But if you're doing it for reasons emotionally that bring 724 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 1: you the comfort, then I would say do. But that's 725 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,520 Speaker 1: not her purpose to serve either, you know, like that's 726 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,440 Speaker 1: not for a four year old too. It feels good 727 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: to have her next to me with my husband's gone 728 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: quite a bit, you know. But also I know, I 729 00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: just have realized lately it's time for her to go 730 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,719 Speaker 1: to her bed, because now I get into bed with 731 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: my husband and I like kind of shove her to 732 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 1: the side and I crawl up next to him because 733 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:06,880 Speaker 1: I'm just missing me next to him, right, So do 734 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: you understand Do you understand that? Then it's like you're 735 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 1: now only realizing it's time for her because actually you 736 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,439 Speaker 1: want to cuddle up to your husband, So you see 737 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,399 Speaker 1: the reasons was about yourself, right rather than sane. Look, 738 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 1: I want to do this for my daughter because actually 739 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 1: I know she needs to be comfortable and secure and 740 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 1: as she feels really okay and confident being in her 741 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 1: own bed and a beautiful bedroom, because it's good for her, 742 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:31,759 Speaker 1: And I'm going to be a mother that's going to 743 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,720 Speaker 1: implement a technique to show her this is absolutely perfectly 744 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:37,719 Speaker 1: you should be doing this, and I can help you 745 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,719 Speaker 1: and give you the guidance to do it. So when 746 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,240 Speaker 1: we can untangle a little bit of honesty within ourselves 747 00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,799 Speaker 1: and saying that why do we really need to do it, 748 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,000 Speaker 1: then what we can do is get on top of 749 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 1: it and resolve it before you end up then with 750 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 1: your daughter sort of feeling a bit of a way 751 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 1: because now daddy's back in the bed and where's my place? 752 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: You know, So get her back in her own interesting point, yeah, 753 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 1: because when she's nine either, like I've heard stories of 754 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 1: people that can never get them out. Oh honey, I've 755 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: seen it. You've heard it. I've seen it. You know 756 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,360 Speaker 1: I've seen it. I've been trying to There was a 757 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: there was an article that came out um Alicia Silverstone 758 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:16,880 Speaker 1: basically about um it's getting them on their level and 759 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: um having respect. And there's so many different techniques that 760 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 1: I've tried with my almost four year old daughter that 761 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,319 Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know if any of them actually it's 762 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 1: like sometimes just none of them work. Even if I 763 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 1: get on her level, even if I do a time out, 764 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,799 Speaker 1: it's just it seems to be exhausting. And I don't 765 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,600 Speaker 1: know what what is the best tip, like for for 766 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,840 Speaker 1: parents in the temper tantrum stage. I know consistency, but 767 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,799 Speaker 1: at the same time, what if none of the things 768 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: work and I feel like I've read everything and I 769 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 1: just don't know how to like in those moments, really 770 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: what to do because I'm starting to lose my patients 771 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:54,680 Speaker 1: and my cool. I'm gonna ask you to be more patient. 772 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you to follow through more. I'm going 773 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 1: to ask you to be more consistent. I think all 774 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 1: the foundations that bring you to being more successful with 775 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: your children are the things that parents do not want 776 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,399 Speaker 1: to do. They want everything in a heartbeat, they don't 777 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:16,000 Speaker 1: follow through, they don't create a framework that creates consistency. 778 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 1: I mean, this is what leads to success. Otherwise you 779 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,560 Speaker 1: end up sort of self sabotaging yourself. So, like when 780 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,480 Speaker 1: we talk about reading everything, you know, this season, I've 781 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 1: helped a lot of families that have said to me, oh, 782 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,880 Speaker 1: I've read this book, and I've read that book, and 783 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 1: I've done this technique. And when I've actually gone through 784 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:38,320 Speaker 1: and fine combed the technique, they now understand why it 785 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,400 Speaker 1: never worked for them. And look, I'm in this arena. 786 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm in the parents in arena. You know, there are 787 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,240 Speaker 1: so many books out there where all of a sudden, 788 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,840 Speaker 1: now everybody has given advice. You know, they've got a 789 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 1: couple of kids, four kids, five kids, They've given advice 790 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: on their own children, but not enough wisdom or expertise 791 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,360 Speaker 1: in being able to have an abundance of these and 792 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: different types of children personalities and temperaments to have the 793 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,360 Speaker 1: experience in the wisdom to be able to give that 794 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,479 Speaker 1: sound advice. And so what I would say to you, 795 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 1: as somebody who is a go to and has been 796 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: in this field in the trenches with families for thirty years, 797 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: is that you have to be able to recognize one 798 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 1: what's a priority for you to following through on a 799 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,920 Speaker 1: technique and not giving up after a couple of days 800 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: and three really recognizing how do you change your own 801 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,439 Speaker 1: behavior to actually lead towards the outcome that you want 802 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,440 Speaker 1: with your own children. Now, when I see a lot 803 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,080 Speaker 1: of people talk about parents talk about wanting to have 804 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: better respect with their children and for their children to 805 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 1: listen to them, I simply teach parents how to look 806 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,640 Speaker 1: at their children's face when they're talking to them, because 807 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 1: a lot of them spend a lot of time giving 808 00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,600 Speaker 1: directions and the child's head, the back of their head 809 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: is facing towards the parents as they're playing with a toy, 810 00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,760 Speaker 1: and a child can be very focused and very present, 811 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: which I think is a wonderful lesson to teach us 812 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,320 Speaker 1: all as parents that they're there and they're focused, and 813 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 1: they're playing and they have selective hearing at times. So 814 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,760 Speaker 1: when you talk to a child's back of their head, well, 815 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,719 Speaker 1: I can guarantee you they're not going to listen. You know, 816 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: they're just going to ignore you until you actually, you know, 817 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,239 Speaker 1: bring them over to you, ask them to come to you, 818 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 1: or you go over to them and you have the 819 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 1: basic principles of communication, which is eye contact and actually 820 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,120 Speaker 1: coming down to a little one's level, because it is 821 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,239 Speaker 1: about you know, not intimidating with our height or our 822 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:40,080 Speaker 1: body language, and just conveying very politely and respectfully what 823 00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 1: you would like them to do and to follow through on. 824 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,520 Speaker 1: And if it's something that is inappropriate behavior, then it 825 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,239 Speaker 1: would be a warning first. And if it's not, and 826 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,480 Speaker 1: it's just like, hey, honey, can you go and you know, 827 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 1: put your well in some boots there in the basket, 828 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 1: then it's done in a conversational manner so that your 829 00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:00,239 Speaker 1: child knows the difference between your tone, because that's they're 830 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,560 Speaker 1: going to be listening to. So it's the smallest, the 831 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,759 Speaker 1: smallest and subtlest of of little techniques and advice that 832 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: make a huge difference in the way that we communicate 833 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,920 Speaker 1: as a whole. And I give that sort of that 834 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,640 Speaker 1: example to parents that if I was talking to you now, 835 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,840 Speaker 1: looking at you, giving you eye contact, and all of 836 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,120 Speaker 1: a sudden you had something very important to say to 837 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,239 Speaker 1: me and I kind of just looked down, as if 838 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,200 Speaker 1: I was looking at my phone or looked out the window, 839 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,560 Speaker 1: you'd feel rather disrespected, like is this woman actually listening 840 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,120 Speaker 1: to me, you know, as she actually heard what I've said? 841 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:39,440 Speaker 1: Is she present? And children need that healthy communication too, 842 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,319 Speaker 1: so that you know they are able to develop their 843 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:47,399 Speaker 1: auditorial skills, so I would it's very easy. I get 844 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,920 Speaker 1: a lot of emails from thousands of parents around the 845 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,000 Speaker 1: world that sort of give me that one line. I've 846 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 1: tried everything, nothing works. I've done this, I've done this, 847 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 1: I've done that. And when I start to say, right, 848 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,880 Speaker 1: tell me what you have done and then tell me 849 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,320 Speaker 1: what the steps are, and I start to find comb 850 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,840 Speaker 1: and break down, what I see is that there's a 851 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:12,280 Speaker 1: human behavior to just add lib, to change the game, 852 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,120 Speaker 1: to move the goal post a little bit, to not 853 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,879 Speaker 1: stick with what you're being told, to make it your 854 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,680 Speaker 1: own version. And that's that's what we're get into trouble. 855 00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 1: To be honest. Sure, I really wanted my nanny and 856 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,840 Speaker 1: I told her that you were coming on. She's just 857 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,000 Speaker 1: like freaking out, said call my I'm our biggest fan 858 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,160 Speaker 1: is there and she couldn't come because she's watching markets. 859 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,480 Speaker 1: But is there something like what's your biggest tip for 860 00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 1: other nanny is that? Is it? Is it being consistent 861 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,120 Speaker 1: or what is it? What is it that would be 862 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:46,120 Speaker 1: the most helpful thing for for Kylie to hear. I 863 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,600 Speaker 1: think that I'm going to give it to you to 864 00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,520 Speaker 1: allow it to her. I think the biggest thing for 865 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,320 Speaker 1: a nanny, and I hear from a lot of nanny's 866 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:58,399 Speaker 1: that have that become very frustrated, is that they want 867 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,560 Speaker 1: to be able to help the parents and support the 868 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,760 Speaker 1: parents the best way that they can, and they become 869 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,200 Speaker 1: a little bit worried to sit down and have a 870 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,680 Speaker 1: conversation to say, hey, look they're ready, I've noticed this, 871 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,480 Speaker 1: or it would be very helpful if you know, we 872 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:15,399 Speaker 1: could do this, um. And I do think that there 873 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:20,279 Speaker 1: is an education in America with respects to parents understanding 874 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,440 Speaker 1: how we can keep the doors open for our nanny's 875 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,040 Speaker 1: to feel freely in being able to have a very 876 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:31,799 Speaker 1: fluid conversation that helps them help us as parents, so 877 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,560 Speaker 1: that they can have a weekly conversation. And I think 878 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,800 Speaker 1: it's something that should be done every week. A parents 879 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,759 Speaker 1: should check in with their nanny and actually say, look, 880 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,560 Speaker 1: you know, if there's anything that you've noticed, is there 881 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,600 Speaker 1: anything that you feel like, you know little Charlie needs, 882 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,160 Speaker 1: you know, um, you know, if you notice anything that 883 00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,239 Speaker 1: we can help with, do you have any concerns? You know, 884 00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,680 Speaker 1: you need to keep the dialogue open. And there's a 885 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:59,319 Speaker 1: very big difference between a professional sole charge nanny and 886 00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,440 Speaker 1: a mother help, you know, somebody who's just there to 887 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,400 Speaker 1: be given instruction of being told what to do, and 888 00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,160 Speaker 1: somebody who's there as a sole charged nanny taking care 889 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 1: of all of your children, scheduling, nutrition, early learning, education, 890 00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,600 Speaker 1: and you know, taking your children to all different classes 891 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,080 Speaker 1: as well. There's a difference between the two professions. And 892 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,839 Speaker 1: in America we do like to throw, you know, throw 893 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,480 Speaker 1: around the world. I have a nanny. I have a nanny. 894 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,120 Speaker 1: But do you do you have a nanny or do 895 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,319 Speaker 1: you have a mother's help or do you have an 896 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,120 Speaker 1: all pair. There's a difference in the job descriptions. And 897 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 1: I think when we can understand on both sides what 898 00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:36,439 Speaker 1: those job descriptions are, I think we can really help 899 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,600 Speaker 1: one another. And every nanny can do her utmost in 900 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,960 Speaker 1: being able to support the family in the way that 901 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:45,000 Speaker 1: she wants to because she's there is a confidant. I mean, 902 00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:49,400 Speaker 1: you know, I started off as a nanny for eighteen 903 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:53,400 Speaker 1: seventeen eighteen going on eighteen years before I became a 904 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,880 Speaker 1: private professional, you know, consultation for parenting, you know, coaching, 905 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,480 Speaker 1: and then what I did for a live and became 906 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,240 Speaker 1: a show and it was very important to be able 907 00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,920 Speaker 1: to Why did the show go away? Were you just 908 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:09,200 Speaker 1: tired like our moms? Were you just like I'm done 909 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,360 Speaker 1: and I can't do this anymore. No, I wanted the 910 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:15,160 Speaker 1: show to open up to the space that it's at now. 911 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,560 Speaker 1: I wanted can you tell us what? Because it's it's 912 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:22,399 Speaker 1: UM on Lifetime again ten nine Central, Supernanni is back. 913 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:26,560 Speaker 1: So what what can we expect UM now and the 914 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,560 Speaker 1: new Supernanny? Yes, Supernanny is a you know, it's a show. 915 00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:34,040 Speaker 1: This show coming back now, UM is very modern, very fresh. 916 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:39,680 Speaker 1: It's looking at the hot topics internally and externally that 917 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:43,480 Speaker 1: we're dealing with in today's society for parents. UM. It 918 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,640 Speaker 1: also UM allows us to be able to look at 919 00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,880 Speaker 1: every different type of family dynamic, whatever that is, however 920 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,920 Speaker 1: you define that in your family, and opening up the 921 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,920 Speaker 1: gates to look in at every type of age. You know, 922 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,120 Speaker 1: Supernanny back in the day, back in two thousand and 923 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,440 Speaker 1: four when it rain for seven was twenty three episodes 924 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:07,400 Speaker 1: for seven seasons, was predominantly looking at you know, naughty behavior, 925 00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: mischievous behavior, and the toddler realm, the toddler age and 926 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:17,960 Speaker 1: my spectrum and professional expertise is with the entire family 927 00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,080 Speaker 1: and with every age, and so it was really important 928 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,239 Speaker 1: when I came back in discussions with everybody, you know, 929 00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 1: a collaboration as an EP on the show as well. 930 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,480 Speaker 1: But it was like, you know, no bar's held. I 931 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,560 Speaker 1: want to be able to help every family in America. 932 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,080 Speaker 1: I don't care if the child is eighteen, still living 933 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,080 Speaker 1: at home and they have you know, maybe a new 934 00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,000 Speaker 1: child from a new marriage, you know, but I want 935 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,240 Speaker 1: to be able to help every type age of child, 936 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,759 Speaker 1: um young adult, from teenager to tween ager, infant and toddler, 937 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,319 Speaker 1: and look at every dynamic because we have grandparents now 938 00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,960 Speaker 1: that are taking care of their grandchildren as co careers. 939 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,920 Speaker 1: You know, we have military families where the whole family serves. 940 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,440 Speaker 1: It's not just the one that's deployed. We have a 941 00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,200 Speaker 1: lot of blended families now you know where we have 942 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,600 Speaker 1: the high divorce rate and we had a lot of 943 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:10,000 Speaker 1: you know, remarriages right and blended the families. We have 944 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,319 Speaker 1: different types of you know, family dynamics. You know, We've 945 00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:17,360 Speaker 1: got you know, families who have been you know, incarcerated, 946 00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 1: you know, and the eldest sister has been looking after 947 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,680 Speaker 1: you know, children, So you know the families are very 948 00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:25,719 Speaker 1: different in many different ways, and so taken a look 949 00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,880 Speaker 1: on this season, it was about saying, right, let's open 950 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:32,920 Speaker 1: up the gates, no bars held, like any family that 951 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,080 Speaker 1: really just needs help in being able to put their 952 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 1: family back on track and knows that they're in a 953 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:42,839 Speaker 1: space where they need the help, and it really, um, well, 954 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,160 Speaker 1: it's worked fantastic. You know, it's allowed me to travel 955 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,960 Speaker 1: and to continue traveling around America in the way that 956 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:52,480 Speaker 1: I do. Anytime you're in Nashville, please let me know. 957 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,839 Speaker 1: And I would just love to have you come over 958 00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 1: to my house and just whip us all into gonna 959 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,760 Speaker 1: hurt Come and help you please, And then John Edward 960 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,359 Speaker 1: can read everything because I saw that we he was, 961 00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:09,719 Speaker 1: he was liking your stuff. He was. He's also been well. 962 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,319 Speaker 1: John Edwood is a very very close friend. We're very different, sweetheart, 963 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,600 Speaker 1: We're very different. So yes, exactly, well, I mean the 964 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,799 Speaker 1: two of us. That's say you're down, So I'm like, 965 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:23,480 Speaker 1: come you come over. He read you know, he'll read exactly. 966 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,319 Speaker 1: We'll just we'll just do a launch the three of us. 967 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,799 Speaker 1: You know, I love it so much. I know you 968 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,520 Speaker 1: have to leave because you're you're out there promoting Supernanny, 969 00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,600 Speaker 1: but I know what I'm doing Every Wednesday. I hope 970 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,640 Speaker 1: all my mom was out there for mom. January Watch 971 00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:38,520 Speaker 1: Supernanny on Lifetime Wednesday's ten nine Central. Joe, I, I 972 00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,240 Speaker 1: seriously can't thank you enough for giving us your time 973 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,600 Speaker 1: and your expertise and your knowledge, and we just we 974 00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:48,000 Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Thank you, Thank you so much. You 975 00:47:48,120 --> 00:48:01,560 Speaker 1: see you and Nashville please come, thank you. Bye. Okay, 976 00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:05,360 Speaker 1: wrap up of Joe. I got work to do. I 977 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,080 Speaker 1: feel like you and I need a hands in on 978 00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:10,600 Speaker 1: three and I meet you on FaceTime tonight at like 979 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,759 Speaker 1: ten pm when everyone's in their own bed and they're 980 00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:16,799 Speaker 1: sleeping in their own bed. It I would love that. 981 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,640 Speaker 1: It's just I honestly, I started just sleeping in your 982 00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,319 Speaker 1: bed because I'm like, it's either she'll fall asleep at 983 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,080 Speaker 1: seven ten. I mean she will, She's so tired by 984 00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,080 Speaker 1: the day. So what happens when she won't fall asleep 985 00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:29,080 Speaker 1: at seven ten and she has to have you there? 986 00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:32,480 Speaker 1: But gets older? Trust me? I know, and that's and 987 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,239 Speaker 1: I totally get it. I'm gonna stop now. But it's like, 988 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,880 Speaker 1: but then it's eight thirty and it's still happening. So 989 00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,479 Speaker 1: it's just like, do I just sit sleep in the bed, 990 00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,440 Speaker 1: and I mean, no, I'm not going to because we're 991 00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,359 Speaker 1: going to do a pack tonight. It's going to be great. 992 00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,120 Speaker 1: I really really think they're not having a conversation thing 993 00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,440 Speaker 1: because it's all about attention. We'll say, when we started 994 00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,719 Speaker 1: getting love in the bed, like before this regression, we 995 00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,400 Speaker 1: didn't talk. We would come in, we would put her 996 00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 1: in the bed, we would walk out. It was like, 997 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:00,759 Speaker 1: and I did it, and manytimes me too. Usually by 998 00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,319 Speaker 1: the fifth time she was so tired. They give up 999 00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,000 Speaker 1: because you're not giving him attention. So it's like I 1000 00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,200 Speaker 1: was like, and then Katherine, I was like, do you 1001 00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,719 Speaker 1: have any questions? Well, y'alls were so good, so I 1002 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:10,879 Speaker 1: didn't want to ask. Well, I already kind of knew 1003 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,440 Speaker 1: the answer, so I was like, it's kind of stupid. 1004 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,839 Speaker 1: But I've seen one that she did. Is it bad 1005 00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:20,480 Speaker 1: to bribe your kids? But I've seen She was like 1006 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,120 Speaker 1: about no, and I don't want to hear the answer 1007 00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,800 Speaker 1: because I'm still going to brab my kids. I really 1008 00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,839 Speaker 1: positive reinforcement bright It's like eat your tomatoes and you'll 1009 00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:29,960 Speaker 1: get this Like that's I mean, I work out to 1010 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,600 Speaker 1: get my wine. I brabed myself, So I don't exactly that. 1011 00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:36,239 Speaker 1: I really do think it probably was the one I 1012 00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:39,200 Speaker 1: was watching, and to the extent that this family had 1013 00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,160 Speaker 1: gone you know, like I think that they were just 1014 00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,359 Speaker 1: having a bunch of candy or something, whatever it was, 1015 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,000 Speaker 1: it had gone too far. And so she was like, Nope, 1016 00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,120 Speaker 1: no more bribing. But I'm all about some positive reinforcement bribing. Man. 1017 00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,920 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's just survival, you know, like I was. 1018 00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,279 Speaker 1: It isn't my now. I love having love in our bed, 1019 00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,400 Speaker 1: but it's I'm just really proud of her for acknowledging 1020 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,920 Speaker 1: like all the family systems because I don't have a 1021 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:06,680 Speaker 1: husband at home like seventy at the time, so it 1022 00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,680 Speaker 1: is cozy to me to have her in bed with me, 1023 00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,319 Speaker 1: and I love it, you know, but I also am 1024 00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:15,560 Speaker 1: like when he is home, we kind of like, you know, reconnected. 1025 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,080 Speaker 1: We got to go away for a couple of nights, 1026 00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,439 Speaker 1: like not too long ago, and when we came home, 1027 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,880 Speaker 1: we were like, God, it was so nice to just 1028 00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:22,920 Speaker 1: like like I just roll overun the middle of night 1029 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,080 Speaker 1: and like just breathe them in a little bit, you know, 1030 00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,120 Speaker 1: or whatever. And I don't get to do that anymore 1031 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,960 Speaker 1: because there's this sweet little like thirty pound I just 1032 00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,000 Speaker 1: think you have to try out the middle of us. Yeah, 1033 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,680 Speaker 1: but I do know what needs to happen, because the 1034 00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:36,399 Speaker 1: older they get, the harder it gets. It feels like 1035 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,280 Speaker 1: I do have something to say about the whole potty 1036 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,000 Speaker 1: training thing for you guys. See for us, get out 1037 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:45,720 Speaker 1: of the get those pull ups off the second person time, 1038 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,680 Speaker 1: no time clean the sheets at three o'clock in the morning. 1039 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,239 Speaker 1: But as long as she's got that on, take it off. 1040 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:57,600 Speaker 1: Having said to you though, but why why? Because my 1041 00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:00,239 Speaker 1: doctor was like, they'll, he'll, they'll just eventually start. So 1042 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,279 Speaker 1: my my pediatrician did kind of say that too, But 1043 00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,160 Speaker 1: like all three of mine, we were just panties and 1044 00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:10,600 Speaker 1: they none of them have paid in the night for 1045 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,600 Speaker 1: more than a week. Why does it matter though, just 1046 00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:14,200 Speaker 1: that because I mean her her pull up has been 1047 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:17,120 Speaker 1: dry pretty much, didn't take it off. She doesn't need it, 1048 00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:19,840 Speaker 1: but it'll be that one night that she does. And 1049 00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:22,160 Speaker 1: then what did she said earlier? It's about us being 1050 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:24,200 Speaker 1: not you know, the stuff that we don't. Why doesn't 1051 00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,200 Speaker 1: matter she's four, Like she's four, Why does she need 1052 00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:33,040 Speaker 1: to pull up, especially if so I have some judgment 1053 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:40,360 Speaker 1: right now, she's hard totally not judging, trust me because 1054 00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:42,680 Speaker 1: I bribed my kids clearly. But you know I was 1055 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,600 Speaker 1: going to say, so Ramsey didn't poop, she doesn't like 1056 00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,360 Speaker 1: her the longest time of water, can I know? Ramsey 1057 00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,960 Speaker 1: did the same thing. She was scared of pooping in 1058 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,200 Speaker 1: the potty and had nothing to do with pull up nothing. 1059 00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,880 Speaker 1: She actually got like clogged up and didn't poop for 1060 00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,160 Speaker 1: a really long time because I wasn't putting a pull 1061 00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:01,920 Speaker 1: up on her so whatever. So I had to, like 1062 00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:04,200 Speaker 1: t m I but like I had to give her 1063 00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:10,400 Speaker 1: like a to make her poop, and it was traumatizing, 1064 00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,160 Speaker 1: traumatizing because she had to go so bad, and I 1065 00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,360 Speaker 1: was literally like had her on the I mean I 1066 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,600 Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, eventually, once she did it that 1067 00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,879 Speaker 1: one time and she saw that she was okay when 1068 00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,120 Speaker 1: the poop hit the body, she did it ever since 1069 00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,319 Speaker 1: after that, it was a struggle to a juel. I mean, 1070 00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,920 Speaker 1: it took at least a year, and the doctor was like, 1071 00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,319 Speaker 1: she will eventually poop in the toilet, but she would 1072 00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,160 Speaker 1: we pull her pull up on and then she'd poop 1073 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:34,880 Speaker 1: in her pull so it's so frustrating, and it's like 1074 00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,880 Speaker 1: baby girl like, and now she's in the bathroom doing it, 1075 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,280 Speaker 1: so it's like she's already in the space. It's closer. 1076 00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:44,839 Speaker 1: She just incidentally pooped one time in the potty while 1077 00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,040 Speaker 1: she was learning to potty train, and it just was 1078 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,960 Speaker 1: like detrimental. Do you guys follow the Real Housewives of 1079 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:53,160 Speaker 1: New Jersey? Yes, okay, there was an article that came 1080 00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:59,200 Speaker 1: out Teresa um Okay says her daughter however different with 1081 00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:02,759 Speaker 1: Teresa says her daughters take Joe whenever side. It hurts 1082 00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,680 Speaker 1: me tremendously. What are you what are your thoughts on that? 1083 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,000 Speaker 1: Because I feel like he was in jail. There's is 1084 00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,160 Speaker 1: a difference. I knew that he got deported. Well, yes, 1085 00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:13,719 Speaker 1: but the show, as it's airing right now, he is 1086 00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,960 Speaker 1: an ice and it's like, so he's an ice. So 1087 00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,879 Speaker 1: he's calling and what's happening is they're picking at each 1088 00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,440 Speaker 1: other when they call. So he's got this little bit 1089 00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:27,279 Speaker 1: of time to talk. He'll say a little jab and 1090 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:30,840 Speaker 1: then she'll completely jab back and the girls are getting 1091 00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,400 Speaker 1: mad at her. So is it fair when parents dragged 1092 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:36,279 Speaker 1: their kids into arguments. We have someone who works with 1093 00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:37,719 Speaker 1: this and at all and their parents do all the time. 1094 00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,640 Speaker 1: So it's like that's another question too, that you know 1095 00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:44,640 Speaker 1: someone had wrote for the show. And I mean, I 1096 00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,080 Speaker 1: don't agree that I've done it before. I've talked through 1097 00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,480 Speaker 1: my kids and I'm like, oh, your daddy, you know, 1098 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,200 Speaker 1: and it's not right one percent. And that's something where 1099 00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,720 Speaker 1: that has stopped between us because it's it doesn't feel 1100 00:53:55,840 --> 00:54:00,719 Speaker 1: respectful either either way. Have you done it before? I mean, 1101 00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:02,960 Speaker 1: I'm not proud of it, but sure I do think too, 1102 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,879 Speaker 1: it's probably harder when you get older, when they get older. 1103 00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,239 Speaker 1: I mean, kids so hard right now. Ours are so tiny. 1104 00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:10,839 Speaker 1: That's kind of like and our kids are getting there though. 1105 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,919 Speaker 1: I mean, if if we when we talk about stuff 1106 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,480 Speaker 1: and we're not arguing, but we're kind of louder people 1107 00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,399 Speaker 1: and it's passionate, she will sit there and go, please 1108 00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,440 Speaker 1: stop fighting, Please stop fighting. And so we had a 1109 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:23,320 Speaker 1: conversation the other day. I'm like, we're not fighting. We're 1110 00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:26,719 Speaker 1: literally either having a debate or just discussing something. We're 1111 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:29,239 Speaker 1: on the same page, and so she automatically and it's 1112 00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:31,239 Speaker 1: freaking me out. But I'm like, you've got to stop 1113 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,600 Speaker 1: saying that we're not fighting, but she'll she'll take if 1114 00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,640 Speaker 1: she thinks for fighting, she'll pick a side. She'll take 1115 00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:38,960 Speaker 1: sides I mean usually. I mean, I think I don't 1116 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,759 Speaker 1: think it's fair to talk with your kids. And again 1117 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,839 Speaker 1: that's something that like, thankfully we have stopped. It's so 1118 00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,560 Speaker 1: hard and not times if I bite my tongue because 1119 00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,000 Speaker 1: I want to say something but I don't um And 1120 00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:50,400 Speaker 1: I'm sure for you know, for Mike too, but I 1121 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,879 Speaker 1: don't think it's fair to talk for kids. But I mean, 1122 00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,719 Speaker 1: I get it. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard, and I 1123 00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:58,400 Speaker 1: would and I would understand if. I mean, again, I 1124 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,719 Speaker 1: don't know the truth and Joe's situation, so I can't 1125 00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,960 Speaker 1: really speak on it. But it would be frustrating if 1126 00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,880 Speaker 1: you know, they were taking Mike's side for certain things, 1127 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,759 Speaker 1: like I guess that would frustrate me. And it's like, 1128 00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:11,680 Speaker 1: well wait a minute, you're not even seeing my point 1129 00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,400 Speaker 1: of view, but it's like, should they be seeing your 1130 00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:14,960 Speaker 1: point of view without at this age? Well, I just 1131 00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:17,239 Speaker 1: think that's why are you having that fight? Well, it's 1132 00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:19,600 Speaker 1: also it's the dad that's gone, you know, It's like 1133 00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:21,239 Speaker 1: the dad that's gone. All the time they take the 1134 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,560 Speaker 1: dad's side. The dad's been at jail for how long? 1135 00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:25,799 Speaker 1: Of course they're gonna and it's like you can watch it. 1136 00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,719 Speaker 1: They don't even seem to hear him jabbing at her, 1137 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,960 Speaker 1: and then she takes it. And then at the end 1138 00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:32,680 Speaker 1: of the day, how long do they get to talk? 1139 00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. Does she get her chance? I mean 1140 00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:37,920 Speaker 1: they're divorced or divorced. Does she have her chance? Or 1141 00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,080 Speaker 1: is it just every time he calls. Everyone's got to 1142 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,800 Speaker 1: get their moment, you know. So they're living their breakup 1143 00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:46,839 Speaker 1: essentially of their marriage over the phone calls that they get. 1144 00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,560 Speaker 1: I don't know how many phone calls she gets. It's 1145 00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,640 Speaker 1: interesting because like when my parents got divorced, my mom 1146 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,200 Speaker 1: and she could have said a bunch of things about 1147 00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,399 Speaker 1: my dad, but that's one thing that she didn't do 1148 00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,600 Speaker 1: that I had so much respect for because I've seen 1149 00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:04,720 Speaker 1: other divorces and hearing the mom talk about the dad 1150 00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,719 Speaker 1: and vice versa, like in front of their kids, and 1151 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:11,279 Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow, that's why, you know, because my 1152 00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,680 Speaker 1: mom's like, you let let you like they she let 1153 00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,800 Speaker 1: me form my own opinion like she didn't. I've obviously 1154 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:20,360 Speaker 1: found things out and then we had, you know, a 1155 00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:22,440 Speaker 1: rough relationship there for a minute, but it wasn't because 1156 00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,879 Speaker 1: she was saying if your dad and this and that. 1157 00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,600 Speaker 1: But I can see how that impacts, Like I know 1158 00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:31,120 Speaker 1: someone that is directly affected in our family that from 1159 00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:34,400 Speaker 1: a divorce, and it's like, well yeah, because she's you know, 1160 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,720 Speaker 1: saying all these things about this person in our family, 1161 00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,480 Speaker 1: and so of course the kids are are going to 1162 00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:41,760 Speaker 1: have those feelings towards him, and that's not fair because 1163 00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,600 Speaker 1: there's they don't know the other side, Like I just 1164 00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,879 Speaker 1: don't know, like it's fair for them mother, how old 1165 00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,520 Speaker 1: they are or not. Yeah, And and for me, I've 1166 00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:53,080 Speaker 1: never taken Preston's a really really good dad, Like he's 1167 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,279 Speaker 1: an awesome dad and he's a good husband. But we've 1168 00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:58,879 Speaker 1: had to work on the husband wife thing, but we've 1169 00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:00,799 Speaker 1: never had to work on the mom data thing. Like 1170 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,440 Speaker 1: we're tight tight on the MoMA data side. So I 1171 00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:06,280 Speaker 1: don't think it's fair for a child to take on 1172 00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:10,240 Speaker 1: our issues the husband's side, Like he's always a good data. 1173 00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,120 Speaker 1: We will always have a front porch party for him. 1174 00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:13,560 Speaker 1: We will always be excited when he comes home. We 1175 00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:16,880 Speaker 1: will whether you're out of him or not. Always because 1176 00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:19,440 Speaker 1: our work too, I've got work to do on the 1177 00:57:19,440 --> 00:57:21,080 Speaker 1: wife's side too, and I don't want him running the 1178 00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:24,440 Speaker 1: campaign against me, you know. I think it's just respecting 1179 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,840 Speaker 1: the fact that like men can be good dads and 1180 00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,520 Speaker 1: maybe not be great husbands, and that's something you guys 1181 00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:31,200 Speaker 1: got to work on. But I don't think it should. 1182 00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,080 Speaker 1: Bringing kids into that just seems so unfair to me. 1183 00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:36,520 Speaker 1: It is, but it's a hard it's a hard bleed, 1184 00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,919 Speaker 1: you know. It's a heart that I can see how 1185 00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,160 Speaker 1: you know it's one of those done Obviously it's not 1186 00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:43,560 Speaker 1: good for him and you don't want to but in 1187 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,080 Speaker 1: the moment you don't always think through it and make 1188 00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:47,760 Speaker 1: sure it doesn't happen. I had a lot of that 1189 00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:50,640 Speaker 1: growing up, so um, I run really tight d with that. 1190 00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:55,200 Speaker 1: Data is a good data. We love our data. I 1191 00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:58,400 Speaker 1: may want to cut him on the side, but they'll 1192 00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,360 Speaker 1: never know that. All right, let's take a breaking the 1193 00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:11,240 Speaker 1: will come back with an email? All right, we got 1194 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,160 Speaker 1: an email from Ashley. Hey Easton, what's the email again? 1195 00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,240 Speaker 1: I always forget because we've changed it a couple of times. 1196 00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:20,560 Speaker 1: It's wind down at iHeart radio dot com from Easton's mouth, 1197 00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:25,040 Speaker 1: wine down at I Heart What is it? I hear 1198 00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:29,560 Speaker 1: radio radio dot com. Okay, um so emails any questions 1199 00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,360 Speaker 1: you guys have. This is from Ashley and the title 1200 00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:35,360 Speaker 1: of anxiety. I'm not sure how we ended up here 1201 00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,680 Speaker 1: or how he became this way, but I'm struggling. I'm 1202 00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,160 Speaker 1: twenty two with an amazing boyfriend, and for the most part, 1203 00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:43,200 Speaker 1: we get along great until it comes to being around people, 1204 00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:46,560 Speaker 1: significantly his people. He is my future, but the one 1205 00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:48,680 Speaker 1: thing that causes a lot of our arguments is spending 1206 00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,960 Speaker 1: time with his friends. I'm going to be blunt here. 1207 00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:57,040 Speaker 1: I don't like people. Wait, sorry, no, no no, no, I 1208 00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:58,880 Speaker 1: just I was. I was thinking she was gonna I 1209 00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,240 Speaker 1: don't like his people. That's what she doesn't like people, 1210 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,840 Speaker 1: because like sometimes like his people, but like, okay, I'm 1211 00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,080 Speaker 1: gonna people on here. I don't like people. I'm the 1212 00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:10,080 Speaker 1: girl at the party hanging out with all the dogs. 1213 00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:12,800 Speaker 1: The reason I'm reaching out now is because it's becoming 1214 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,520 Speaker 1: a problem within my relationship. Every time my boyfriend brings 1215 00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,560 Speaker 1: up hanging out with his friends, I start running a 1216 00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,040 Speaker 1: thousand excuses through my head as to why I can't. 1217 00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:22,439 Speaker 1: I just get bored. I don't have anything to talk 1218 00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,520 Speaker 1: about them. I don't have anything to talk to them about. 1219 00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,479 Speaker 1: It turned into an argument and most of the time 1220 00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:29,680 Speaker 1: him leaving without me and me crying on the couch. 1221 00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:33,800 Speaker 1: I hate that. Um he's never once downplayed my social anxiety, 1222 00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,960 Speaker 1: but I've that's awesome. Sorry, I keep interacting my comments. No, 1223 00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,160 Speaker 1: he's never once, um downplayed my social anxiety. But I've 1224 00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:43,280 Speaker 1: also never been able to completely open and honest with 1225 00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:46,000 Speaker 1: him about it either, And I'm not sure how so 1226 00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:49,840 Speaker 1: there's a lot in that, Um, a lot. That is 1227 00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:54,920 Speaker 1: a lot. I have a little Ashley in me. Yeah, 1228 00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,280 Speaker 1: Preston loves to be around people. I mean, he lives 1229 00:59:57,280 --> 00:59:59,440 Speaker 1: his life on a bus with twelve dudes, loves it, 1230 01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,080 Speaker 1: wants people at the house all the time. I don't 1231 01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,280 Speaker 1: want people at the house all the time. I just 1232 01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:07,000 Speaker 1: kind of don't. And if I do, I like it 1233 01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:10,360 Speaker 1: to be Like I wonder if it's a thing, where 1234 01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:15,320 Speaker 1: does she have to go hang out with them? Yeah? 1235 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:17,320 Speaker 1: Maybe she just as back let him hang out because 1236 01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:19,240 Speaker 1: it ends up in an argument and you're not feeling 1237 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:23,200 Speaker 1: good about yourself, I mean until you're until maybe you 1238 01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:26,520 Speaker 1: want to because I think it's the pressure of you know, 1239 01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:28,840 Speaker 1: I hate going to club. I I don't want to 1240 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:33,080 Speaker 1: go to a club, but maybe one time. No it's 1241 01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:35,080 Speaker 1: not gonna it's just not gonna happen. But they want 1242 01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:36,640 Speaker 1: to go. I'm like that that's just not my I'm 1243 01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:38,919 Speaker 1: not my people, and I'd rather be home alone and 1244 01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:40,720 Speaker 1: sit on my screen and porch and drink a glass 1245 01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,680 Speaker 1: of wine because that's what makes me happy. I do 1246 01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,920 Speaker 1: think there's something I'm gonna probably get just ripped for 1247 01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,080 Speaker 1: what I'm about to say advocate it. I do think 1248 01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,919 Speaker 1: there is something to be said though, for realizing what's 1249 01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:57,080 Speaker 1: important to your partner and loving them well sometimes doesn't 1250 01:00:57,120 --> 01:01:00,960 Speaker 1: mean what it means to you. And so I've learned 1251 01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:04,200 Speaker 1: to like, I'm not, by the way, like not not 1252 01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:07,000 Speaker 1: a hostess. I love if it's my people, I'm like, 1253 01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:10,760 Speaker 1: come over, beautiful cheeseboards and blah blah blah. But his 1254 01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,600 Speaker 1: people sometimes, you know, I'm like, Okay, here's a bag 1255 01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:17,520 Speaker 1: of Frido's. It's you know, just exhausting and you don't 1256 01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:20,120 Speaker 1: feel comfortable. You're just say you don't want to make 1257 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,080 Speaker 1: small talk. You know, if you're a person that's pretty 1258 01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:24,640 Speaker 1: intentional with your time, that's also just kind of frustrating 1259 01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:26,720 Speaker 1: because you're like, what am I doing here again. But 1260 01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:29,600 Speaker 1: I think to learn how to love Preston. Well, I've 1261 01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:32,360 Speaker 1: learned to open up our home a bit more when 1262 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:36,560 Speaker 1: I don't necessarily feel like it, and to learn him 1263 01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:41,080 Speaker 1: wow what wow, Hey guys meet me in the middle. 1264 01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,320 Speaker 1: It's some alarm on my phone to remind me that 1265 01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:44,880 Speaker 1: I have to leave at a certain time to pick 1266 01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:49,440 Speaker 1: up my daughter. Okay, mom, life real Sorry. Um, I 1267 01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:51,640 Speaker 1: just think, like, so he's also met me in a place. 1268 01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:53,320 Speaker 1: He's met me in the middle. That's why that song 1269 01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:55,920 Speaker 1: came on. Um, he's met me a little bit in 1270 01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,160 Speaker 1: a place where, like he doesn't ask if he's only 1271 01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:00,560 Speaker 1: home for two nights off the road, he won't expect 1272 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,760 Speaker 1: me to have people over sure compromise. Yeah, so if 1273 01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,560 Speaker 1: it's like five nights, then we do a little. I 1274 01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,640 Speaker 1: just I think there's something we said for her, maybe 1275 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:13,080 Speaker 1: going now, if it's real anxiety and it's like detrimental 1276 01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,160 Speaker 1: to your health, that's a that's a different talk too. 1277 01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:18,600 Speaker 1: But if she just doesn't want to talk, she doesn't 1278 01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:20,360 Speaker 1: have to go with him every time, but maybe every 1279 01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,720 Speaker 1: third time, she's like the rest. Okay, once a month 1280 01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:26,840 Speaker 1: or however often pick a time. Yeah, however, once every 1281 01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:28,960 Speaker 1: three months she goes and the rest she stays home 1282 01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:32,320 Speaker 1: maybe once a year often, you know. But it's a 1283 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:33,760 Speaker 1: good point to what you said though, Christ And it's 1284 01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:37,600 Speaker 1: about knowing what your partner. That's maybe a way that 1285 01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:40,400 Speaker 1: he receives to know that he feels supported, knowing that 1286 01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:42,360 Speaker 1: you know, he wants you to come, but also like 1287 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,160 Speaker 1: he wants he he wants you to come, and also 1288 01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,120 Speaker 1: it would mean a lot to him if you came, 1289 01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:51,600 Speaker 1: So I think just you know again same And for 1290 01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:53,920 Speaker 1: like my social anxiety, for what I do, it's like 1291 01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:55,800 Speaker 1: I prep myself. I'm like, okay, this is I know 1292 01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:57,880 Speaker 1: what's going to happen. And sometimes when you prep yourself, 1293 01:02:57,920 --> 01:02:59,720 Speaker 1: you end up actually having a really good time because 1294 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:01,040 Speaker 1: it's an as bad as what you think it's going 1295 01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:03,680 Speaker 1: to be. And a little teamwork, like Mel talked about 1296 01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:07,400 Speaker 1: creating intimacy, and one of the recent episodes, like a 1297 01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:09,480 Speaker 1: little teamwork for us is like when I give him 1298 01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:11,760 Speaker 1: a signal that I'm all done, it's time to roll, 1299 01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:15,360 Speaker 1: and we have like that signal like our out signal together, 1300 01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:18,040 Speaker 1: take two cars, yeah, go for a little while. And 1301 01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:19,680 Speaker 1: then if you're just like hey, don't do it anymore. 1302 01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,920 Speaker 1: I need to head. But it is good teamwork. When 1303 01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,200 Speaker 1: you have worked on it together, you go in together. 1304 01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:27,440 Speaker 1: We had to do that a lot with my family actually, 1305 01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:30,760 Speaker 1: so we had like a I mean, listen, I'm a 1306 01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:33,000 Speaker 1: vegetarian that's scared of heights and I'm in a tree 1307 01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,880 Speaker 1: stand most of winter with my hunting husband because it's 1308 01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:37,800 Speaker 1: how to love him well. He loves to be out 1309 01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,280 Speaker 1: in the woods. He loves to hunt. He loves to 1310 01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:43,680 Speaker 1: so we've you know, you're just it. Don't make it sacrificial. 1311 01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:45,640 Speaker 1: As long as it can feel like a good compromise. 1312 01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:48,280 Speaker 1: That's a good thing to do. I love it. Okay, 1313 01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,800 Speaker 1: that was a lot of fun. Um. I have got 1314 01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:52,880 Speaker 1: work to do to come over. And by the way, 1315 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,160 Speaker 1: christ and just started a new podcast and Kristen we 1316 01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:59,560 Speaker 1: breast Um. It's really really really great. So everyone listening 1317 01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:04,040 Speaker 1: to up cast Um and we'll continue to mom January. 1318 01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:06,840 Speaker 1: It's our last week. Next week, what will I do 1319 01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,360 Speaker 1: that You don't know. We need this just as much 1320 01:04:09,400 --> 01:04:12,520 Speaker 1: as maybe we'll do some more episodes about this. But 1321 01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:16,680 Speaker 1: I love you guys, and just know that whether you're 1322 01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:21,000 Speaker 1: a mom, whether you're just like whatever, whoever you are, 1323 01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:23,080 Speaker 1: you're killing the game. You're doing a great job, doing 1324 01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,800 Speaker 1: a great job. You just keep going okay, Bye guys, 1325 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:26,560 Speaker 1: Bye bye