Speaker 1: Mister Bruce will start there. It's one more thing, I'm
Speaker 1: strong and getty. One more. I'm going to parent teacher
Speaker 1: conferences for my son over the next couple of days.
Speaker 1: And he's got one particular teacher that he does not
Speaker 1: particularly like.
Speaker 2: Every kid has that, I think in that situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sure, And some of the examples he's given sound
Speaker 1: semi unpalatable. I mean, you know, I the beholder. Sure,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but two sides every story. Of course. I
Speaker 1: was thinking about some of the teachers that I did
Speaker 1: not like as opposed to teachers I liked. I had
Speaker 1: many teachers that I liked a lot, were freaking awesome,
Speaker 1: and I wish I wish I had a way to
Speaker 1: get a hold of them or they were live so
Speaker 1: I could tell them how much I thought they were awesome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: amen to that, But there were there were some So
Speaker 1: I was wondering if Katie Jo Michael can think of
Speaker 1: any examples. I've got a couple that, speaking of mister Bruce,
Speaker 1: either didn't like or were weird. Mister Bruce.
Speaker 2: Would sounds like a gay fashion icon or something consultant.
Speaker 1: I've wondered that over the years he was he he
Speaker 1: was pretty swishy, and I don't know if that had
Speaker 1: anything to do with anything or n was his last
Speaker 1: name Bruce or his first name Bruce. I think his
Speaker 1: last name was Bruce. Okay, all, and mister Bruce is appropriate.
Speaker 1: I don't even remember anyway. I'm in like fifth grade, gladys.
Speaker 1: Maybe one harp since these are all going to be
Speaker 1: from its tiresome. After a while, it was, gosh, she
Speaker 1: got carpal tunnel, and then we'll be on the hook.
Speaker 1: She's on our insurance plan. Mister Bruce. After lunch every
Speaker 1: day he would walk in. He had a locker there,
Speaker 1: and we all knew it. I mean we became accustomed
Speaker 1: to so we'd wait for it. It was part of the act.
Speaker 1: He'd come back after recess, and so we got lunch
Speaker 1: in recess. He'd come in. He'd walk over his turtle
Speaker 1: next wetter and he would open up the locker and
Speaker 1: he would get out a big thing of listine, like
Speaker 1: the old gross yellow kind that wasn't like minty. You
Speaker 1: probably don't even know this, Katie, but it didn't used
Speaker 1: to be minty or whatever. He just didn't even try
Speaker 1: to make it palatin him. No, it's just like taste
Speaker 1: it like caustic chemicals or alcohol, which is what it was. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And he would he would he would take his listerine
Speaker 1: and he would pour himself a big thing of listerine
Speaker 1: and he'd put in his mouth and he'd tilts his
Speaker 1: head back in front of the classroom and go do
Speaker 1: the whole gargle right in front of us, and then
Speaker 1: he would turn and look at us and then he
Speaker 1: would go swallow it down, and we'd all go ew.
Speaker 1: Every day, swallow it yeah, which I now realize was
Speaker 1: him basically taking a shot of whiskey to deal with
Speaker 1: teaching fifth grader's social study. You know who can blame him, wow,
Speaker 1: But every day and it just became a thing, you know,
Speaker 1: ew every single day with that smile on his face
Speaker 1: as he swallowed down his listerine, having just gargled up
Speaker 1: whatever was in his mouth.
Speaker 2: The one the one thing I've realized is I have
Speaker 2: compared notes through my life, is that if you never
Speaker 2: had a band director that through things at the kids,
Speaker 2: you're a rarity. I mean, I thought that was so
Speaker 2: crazy that our band director would get mad and chuck
Speaker 2: his keys and usually it'd be over somebody's head or
Speaker 2: something like that a warning shot. But in comparing notes
Speaker 2: with other musicians, especially through my life, they're like, wow,
Speaker 2: my guy did that.
Speaker 1: Too, Yeah, didn't band director through things? Racers, batons?
Speaker 2: Yeah. The The unspoken message was I was the most
Speaker 2: gifted musician in my town. My dreams went to hell,
Speaker 2: and now I'm here failing to teach music to kids
Speaker 2: who don't care.
Speaker 1: Who don't even care about the thing I'm so passionate about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that would make you mad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to some extent.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's funny now having said that, now I get why
Speaker 2: all my band directors were so nice to me, because.
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, that don't make a difference. Yeah, that don't
Speaker 1: make a difference. I get two examples. This is not
Speaker 1: bad teachers. This is me being dumb, I guess. But
Speaker 1: twice this happened to me in my career. And it's
Speaker 1: funny the things that stick in your mind. Obviously it
Speaker 1: made an imprint on me. My doctor was telling me
Speaker 1: the other day about what they've learned about things that
Speaker 1: are sticky in your brain. Oh, I'd love to hear me, man.
Speaker 1: And it's super interesting, and a lot of it is
Speaker 1: I have memories that are inexplicable. Why would I remember that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not always easy to know, but a lot of
Speaker 1: it is just evolution. It's like to remember this fear
Speaker 1: moment so you don't have it to have it again.
Speaker 1: You know this almost killed you or almost killed you
Speaker 1: or whatever. But a couple of them because I was
Speaker 1: just so frightened. One time, we're in line, so this
Speaker 1: would have been fifth grade, because I can picture the teacher.
Speaker 1: I can picture that she was wearing a blue dress.
Speaker 1: I can picture it like it was yesterday. But the
Speaker 1: fifth grader, somebody said something in line as we're staying
Speaker 1: in line to go out somewhere, and what was that?
Speaker 1: She said? And some kids were you mocking me? Who's
Speaker 1: wocking me? Somebody who's wocking me? Who's I will not
Speaker 1: put up with this. Somebody was mocking me? And none
Speaker 1: of us had the slightest idea what mock meant? I know,
Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, And we were like, what the hell?
Speaker 1: Who did what? And why is she so mad? We've
Speaker 1: never seen her this mad ever? Right, And I can't
Speaker 1: answer the question because I don't know what that. You
Speaker 1: don't know what it is? Who's mocking me? And she
Speaker 1: went one by one, were you mocking me. I did all.
Speaker 1: I may have been or I may not have been.
Speaker 1: Know it depends on the meaning of mocking. But anyway,
Speaker 1: so that sticks in my mind because I was so frightened.
Speaker 1: Maybe I was mocking her and I don't know. Uh,
Speaker 1: there's that one. And then a similar thing with the
Speaker 1: band teacher. I would have been in eighth grade, and
Speaker 1: I should have known the meaning of this world. Just word.
Speaker 1: It just shows you how dumb I am. But uh,
Speaker 1: I was. I was not paying attention. We were supposed
Speaker 1: to be doing something in band. None of us were.
Speaker 1: And uh, and we're laughing about something. You said, cot
Speaker 1: the levity cock the levity right now? Wow, cut it?
Speaker 1: And I thought, I don't know what levity is. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm but I will. I will cut
Speaker 1: it out. You see it, You see me murderously angry.
Speaker 1: So I will. God, there's any levity in this room,
Speaker 1: I'll put it in a bucket and carry it out.
Speaker 1: But I had no idea what he meant. And I
Speaker 1: can still picture the look on his face. He was furious.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, red faced. Yeah, I don't know what
Speaker 1: levity is.
Speaker 2: I appreciate the class with which he was upbraiding you
Speaker 2: all and just stained a little high.
Speaker 1: Oh jeez, Katie, you have.
Speaker 3: Anything, Uh, I I don't. I don't think I had
Speaker 3: like a bad teacher. I had a couple of real
Speaker 3: odd balls though. My I remember my home ex teacher
Speaker 3: my freshman year walked around barefoot and she she was
Speaker 3: a large marge, if you know what I mean, and
Speaker 3: all of us she would walk by and we were
Speaker 3: just going.
Speaker 1: Her feet were hot. She need to let him breathe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that one.
Speaker 3: And then I remember we had a sub for history,
Speaker 3: I believe, who sounded like Toweley from South Park. She
Speaker 3: talked like this, and we were just giving her all
Speaker 3: sorts of hell.
Speaker 1: And I was wearing I.
Speaker 3: Was wearing a shirt that said little miss Muffett sat
Speaker 3: on her toffet until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked her into
Speaker 3: a glacier.
Speaker 1: Wow, you still remember your teacher wordy t shirt? Yeah.
Speaker 3: And she looked at me and she I just remember going,
Speaker 3: what does your shirt say? And I stood up and
Speaker 3: I pointed at the back of it like a real jackass,
Speaker 3: and she just went get out.
Speaker 1: She took me out of the classics. That's what my shirt.
Speaker 4: Said, get out, Get out. Wow, Sory, that's an hot
Speaker 4: T shirt.
Speaker 1: She was. I have no idea what her name was
Speaker 1: because we all called her towly. Wow.
Speaker 2: Was your dad aware of that T shirt? Did you
Speaker 2: ever get a you're not leaving the house in that,
Speaker 2: young lady?
Speaker 1: I know, I think he knew I had it. But
Speaker 1: that's not a scene or anything. No, not at all. No,
Speaker 1: it's it's quirky as hell. I love it. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: it was one of those two parts.
Speaker 3: So, like said, the front of it was little miss
Speaker 3: Muffet sat on her toffet, and then I had to
Speaker 3: turn around and show.
Speaker 1: The back and get out of this class. Wait, why
Speaker 1: all right, fine, I'll leave Tally. Yeah, I was, oh.
Speaker 2: Jeez, wow, juvenile delinquent. Uh yeah wow. On the other hand,
Speaker 2: there were some great teachers.
Speaker 5: Yep. Can I tell you about mister Yoakum, my science teacher? Sure,
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, he was the best. Is I wonder
Speaker 5: he didn't burn down the school or or hurt his student.
Speaker 5: But one time we're out in the playground area and
Speaker 5: also we hear this explosion, like this loud noise. We
Speaker 5: go in to the classroom and there he is, and
Speaker 5: there's smoke coming out from under his arms. He looks
Speaker 5: at us, he goes, damn it, I screwed up again.
Speaker 5: He did this stuff all the time. He'd like to
Speaker 5: take like a model rocket, light it and shoot it
Speaker 5: into the ceiling. The ceiling had holes from all the
Speaker 5: different years that he shot rockets.
Speaker 1: Wow, I like, damn, I screwed up again, son of
Speaker 1: I thought that would work well and for next time.
Speaker 5: For the laws of physics. He would take a bowling ball,
Speaker 5: suspend it from the classroom. I still remember this, and
Speaker 5: he would pull it back and you have a students,
Speaker 5: Oh my god, say stick your face out.
Speaker 1: And write the idea that it can't go further than
Speaker 1: right gravity will Yeah, I'm aware of that.
Speaker 5: It would get within like a half an inch.
Speaker 1: I mean I saw one of these days. It's my
Speaker 1: teacher did that with the tennis ball. But and you
Speaker 1: know there's no chance really of But still, you don't
Speaker 1: need a bowling ball coming in with a hair's breadth
Speaker 1: of smashing your face open.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what if you like lose your balance a little
Speaker 2: and lean forward an inch and a half.
Speaker 1: If you get your skull caved in, try to hold still.
Speaker 3: Michael, we had a teacher like that, as well, who
Speaker 3: I believe listens to the show, mister Lawrence, who I
Speaker 3: will always remember he used to strap Barbie dolls to
Speaker 3: rockets and launch him in the oh the.
Speaker 1: Court like that, I do know, and Joe and I
Speaker 1: have talked about this before. For me, the teachers that
Speaker 1: were the most feared and hated were always my favorite
Speaker 1: because one, they they had discipline, so the class was
Speaker 1: orderly and I could pay attention, and and they were
Speaker 1: usually they were very enthusiastic about what they were teaching,
Speaker 1: and they were good at teaching it. But man, the
Speaker 1: teachers that were legendarily scary were almost always my favorite.
Speaker 2: Yeah regular yeah, and the legend that you'd hear for
Speaker 2: oh yeah, the two years approaching eighth grade before you
Speaker 2: finally had mister mean pans right.
Speaker 1: Oh, he didn't put up with crap, which is fine
Speaker 1: with me. Good. One of my favorite teachers, like I had,
Speaker 1: was a I was a very introverted, not particularly enjoying
Speaker 1: my life kid for all of high school. But my
Speaker 1: ninth grade English teacher totally got me and understood me
Speaker 1: and everything like that in a way no other teacher
Speaker 1: ever had. And it was just I mean, it was
Speaker 1: life changing. That's great. It was fantastic.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I was doodling something I don't remember.
Speaker 1: I was dudeling. I was writing something funny on a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and he saw it over my shoulder
Speaker 1: and he started laughing and he held it up and
Speaker 1: he said, this is Jack. What you see every day
Speaker 1: is not Jack. This is Jack. Wow, he said to
Speaker 1: the class. He knew me, good will, hunting, dead poets,
Speaker 1: society stuff. I think he got fired for uh oh
Speaker 1: oh boy oh dark turn dark turn alert, dark turnal
Speaker 1: art allegedly flirting with a student. I don't know if
Speaker 1: he did or not, but yeah, I'm be unfortunate. Are
Speaker 1: those things don't go together? No, him recognizing my mind, no,
Speaker 1: not at all. Comedic abilities and uh being attracted to
Speaker 1: high school girls don't go together? Is well no, no,
Speaker 1: yes and no no end.
Speaker 2: Yes, he was relating to students as fully human beings,
Speaker 2: as opposed to just someone coming through the class. There
Speaker 2: was an infamy alleged affair between a teacher and a
Speaker 2: student at my high school.
Speaker 1: Really what are the ages here? Way too old and
Speaker 1: a senior, so it wasn't like a twenty year old teacher. No, no,
Speaker 1: which is still, you know, strictly against the rules, and
Speaker 1: you've got to be more disciplined than law.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but yeah, it was eighteen and sixty five.
Speaker 2: No, I'd have to guess at how old this guy was.
Speaker 2: He was certainly forty.
Speaker 1: Ooh and forty year old dude.
Speaker 2: The word was they were seriously close friends. They had
Speaker 2: a deep emotional attachment.
Speaker 1: Huh, which happens? And I don't I.
Speaker 2: Don't actually know about any hanky and or panky, And
Speaker 2: I wouldn't speculate after all these years because my memories
Speaker 2: are fuzzy. But my the birth of my cynicism, well
Speaker 2: maybe not the birth. One of the major chapters in
Speaker 2: my cynicism about human beings was in fifth grade science class,
Speaker 2: where the science teacher was is a halfway. He was
Speaker 2: a mediocrity. I think he couldn't have done anything else
Speaker 2: in life, which is not to denigrate teachers. I know
Speaker 2: in love quite a few. But he was doing this
Speaker 2: thing about the difference between hearing and listening, feeling and touching,
Speaker 2: seeing and looking. But he got the last one backward.
Speaker 2: He got it wrong, and he wouldn't admit it. And
Speaker 2: I argued with him, and he said, no, you're wrong,
Speaker 2: You're wrong, and I'm like, wow, okay, so sometimes people
Speaker 2: in authority are a wrong and.
Speaker 1: B a holes about it. Wow huh that was he
Speaker 1: taught me an important lesson? Is it turned interesting?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Didn't one of you have a teacher that made you
Speaker 5: swim in the nude? No, sir, I thought you.
Speaker 1: I had a story about that.
Speaker 2: That was Josh my dad in like the nineteen Force.
Speaker 2: It's still weird though I was universal at the time.
Speaker 2: I know Catholic school though, yes, so so yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm at the point being Catholic schools are famously unable
Speaker 2: to afford swim trucks. And there was a lineup all
Speaker 2: the way down the hall for who would get to
Speaker 2: be gym teacher that day among certain of the clergy.
Speaker 1: She will line up all the boys naked so you
Speaker 1: can give him the once over and choose one of
Speaker 1: them to be. Oh boy, yeah, sorry, I got it.
Speaker 2: I told you there was dark turn coming and just
Speaker 2: took a little longer than I expected.
Speaker 1: God. And the one thing I liked about mister Champlain
Speaker 1: also my final story would be when we were doing
Speaker 1: we had to give a speech about some literature, and
Speaker 1: he went through this whole complicated thing about introductions to
Speaker 1: a speech to grab people's attention or everything like that.
Speaker 1: You know, set up, you're what you're going to talk about.
Speaker 1: And I stood up to give my speech and I said,
Speaker 1: speaking of Shakespeare from my introduction. And he thought that
Speaker 1: was hilarious and gave me a wow, that's my whole introduction.
Speaker 1: That's nice. Oh well, that's a that's swimming naked thing.
Speaker 1: Oh boy. Oh one more thing about the schools. This
Speaker 1: is interesting at uh one of the schools I'm aware of.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get anybody in trouble. I don't
Speaker 1: even know why they did this. It's weird. It's got
Speaker 1: to be something to do with the modern naked math class.
Speaker 1: The bathroom, the boys' bathroom at the high school.
Speaker 5: The urine.
Speaker 1: Each urinal is individual in a stall with a door
Speaker 1: that closes.
Speaker 2: Oh one, I wonder if they had that like people
Speaker 2: being assaulted thing, because you're rather vulnerable.
Speaker 3: Is that a trans thing?
Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean you're Oh, hell of that,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. What when you mean you're vulnerable?
Speaker 1: It's been the same way forever, but all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: now you have to be yelling.
Speaker 2: At me just because I haven't figured out why they
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: It just seems crazy to me to cut the levity. Next, first,
Speaker 1: and the mocking. First of all, what does it cost
Speaker 1: you belding to build a bathroom like that as opposed
Speaker 1: to just all the urinals side? But I mean I
Speaker 1: went to schools where there was a trough. We all
Speaker 1: stepped up to the same trough. Now a school trough. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's prehistoric. But the individual cement stall, you close the
Speaker 1: door behind you for one single ural, you think it's
Speaker 1: a trans thing. I think it is too. That was
Speaker 1: my first thought. I'll bet it is.
Speaker 2: You know. I was in a business the other day
Speaker 2: where that was it. I walked in the bathroom and
Speaker 2: I'm like, where are the urinals? And I realized, oh,
Speaker 2: those stalls booths.
Speaker 1: Yea, their booths are like a telephone booth for for
Speaker 1: for your nation, which telephone booths are for your nation too,
Speaker 1: if you're.
Speaker 2: As our elevators, if you're riding the bar.
Speaker 3: Hey.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I'm I'm guessing that's a trans thing.
Speaker 1: So just to stay ahead of it and avoid problems, Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll just have doors that close and all the urinal's
Speaker 1: fine whatever, so they can't see.
Speaker 2: The girl's penises and the boys for j J. I
Speaker 2: get sorry, Katie, I interrupted you because of sexism.
Speaker 3: Oh no, well yeah, of course that was the reason.
Speaker 3: But isn't the privacy nice kind of a little bit?
Speaker 1: I like it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah to the next guy in the urinal guy, I
Speaker 2: am immune from his ugly advances.
Speaker 1: I yeah, I suppose. I don't know. The fiscal conservative
Speaker 1: in me just thought, what did it freaking cost to
Speaker 1: remake the bathrooms like this? Yeah, for the one out
Speaker 1: of a thousand kids who got a problem.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and now Jack's the guy in the next doll, going.
Speaker 1: How much do you think? There's things exactly yelling over
Speaker 1: the stall? Unbelievable. We're in our own stalls. So buddy,
Speaker 1: I climb up on the top of this dog to
Speaker 1: peak over. This is crazy, isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 5: Well, I guess that's it.