WEBVTT - The Case Of The Missing Yogurt 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:05.040 Attention, Shoppers. Employees Only is an improvised podcast about a 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:09.080 fictional superstore. Any similarity to a real store or real 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:11.680 people is completely coincidental. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:21.160 Way does the breakroom smell like fish? Was Victor microwaving 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:24.520 SeaBASS again? I told him this is a common area. 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:28.120 Okay, Now that I have y'all in the breakroom, I 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:31.960 just want to make some lunchtime announcements. Okay. First of all, 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:36.600 we have completed one sixteenth of our sales goals for 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:37.240 the quarter. 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:41.440 Hell yeah, all right, that is a whole cup out 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:41.960 of a gallon. 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:44.040 That's a good way to look at it, Arnold, And 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:45.800 I think we have two more days, so I think 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:49.800 we're gonna hit the goal, all right. Second, y'all, we 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:52.480 are missing a lot of shopping carts and we think 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.920 a local gang is using them to do street races. 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:59.440 So a local gang, Yes, sounds like coded language a 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:02.040 little bit, Jerry, what do you mean by a local gang? 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:02.840 Teenagers? 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:03.120 Yeah? 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.400 I just mean teenagers, Liz, I don't mean a certain 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.160 ethnicity or anything like that. Well cool, I don't know 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:09.160 what color, Robert. 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:13.000 Does anyone know what astrological sign? If there are cart 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:15.039 racing batties out there. Somebody has to. 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.440 Tell me they're out there, Shilah. They're out there, and 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:19.039 they are not the kind of boys you want. I've 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:20.800 seen them out there. I've seen them out there on 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.720 my smoke break because you can see where they're doing it. 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:25.880 They take all four wheels off or they lock. 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:28.399 Them up, and then they're sparking down the parking lot. Okay, 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.760 and they're just jumping around. They're doing tiktoks. 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:33.280 You don't want boys like that. I've done it. I 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.039 did it. Of course, back in my day, it was 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:36.160 a mustang. 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:38.720 Do don't go watch them race the carts. 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:40.039 They tell us what to watch. 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:44.039 I can ask you to as an employee of this store, Jerry, 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.240 then you've got to give people something else to watch. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:48.760 You turn on the TV and it's closed circuit. What 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:50.520 else are you watching? It's the same thing we go as. 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:52.440 Thank you for bringing up the TVs. That brings me 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:56.920 to my final announcement. Okay, someone keeps going into electronics 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:01.000 and making all of the TVs play the movie Venom 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.240 Let there be Carnage. Okay, that movie is rated King 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:07.400 thim Uh Liz. Something wrong. 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:11.360 Someone has taken my yogurt that I just put in 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:14.760 the fringe this morning. Oh lord, this is a major 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:20.079 betrayal of trust. This is my Activia probiotic yogurt that 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:24.280 I eat after lunch to keep everything moving. I need it, Okay, Shila, 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:28.160 Robert Arnold, you were all in here before we all 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:29.680 got in here, So it's one of you. 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:31.000 I'm gonna find you. 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:32.400 Honey. 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.200 You can put that arthuritic puff knuckle back in your 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.520 holes throw, okay, because you know it ain't me. You 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:39.239 know it ain't me. You know I'm a total top 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:40.600 with me. It is fruit on the top. 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:41.120 Okay. 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.520 I'll honestly take that, Arnold because it is a fruit 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:44.080 on the bottom. 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:47.000 Shila, Do you have an excuse? What's your alibi? 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:50.480 I don't eat yogurt. Yogurt is old people food. Are 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.920 you sure you didn't eat it and forget it? I 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.520 mean that happens to my grandma all the time, Shila. 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:59.000 Isn't there like a TikTok tutorial about hair extensions you 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:00.000 could be watching right now? 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.040 Oh my god, that's such a good idea, Robert. 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:05.480 You're gonna blame it one black person in the break room. 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.639 Black people don't even eat yogurt? 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.880 Is that true? Is that true that black people don't 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:12.360 eat yogurt? Because I had never heard that. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.120 Jerry, How to hell? You're gonna tell me what black 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:15.120 people do and don't do? 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:17.320 Mm hm, Well, I got a book for you. It's 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.640 a book written by Thomas Sole where he says that 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.200 black people should be eating yogurt. 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:21.799 I don't. 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:23.880 If I were to eat a yogurt, it would be 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:27.720 ad animal or a yogurt. I'm not eating no old 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:29.400 white lady yogurt. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:33.440 All right, guys, this is really serious, Okay. When someone 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:37.600 has their lunch stolen out of the fridge, we take 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:40.960 it very seriously here at Bywell, so, Liz, I am 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.040 on the case. Okay. When you have eliminated the impossible, 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:49.760 whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:51.720 Jerry, what is that? What are you talking about? 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:51.840 That? 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.440 It's Sherlock Holmes. It's something Sherlock Holmes said. 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:56.720 Okay, but like, how does that even apply here? 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.720 Okay, that specific quote might not apply to this situation. 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:02.400 Can you know, can you just let me do my 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.560 thing and find your find your yogurt thief? 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.560 So oh, okay, yoga goes missing and it turns into 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.840 a whole episode of Scooby Doo SVU. But when they 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.840 ate my lemon pepper wings, nobody knew nothing. 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:18.800 From mistakes to right on lewis nothing. We don't sound 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:25.680 everything by. 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:37.920 Ooh DC, sweet carbonated heroin running through my veins. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:41.719 I love this stuff. Anyone need me to cover their shift? 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.520 This week, they're ending all the COVID era relief, so 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:47.480 my uh student loans are do again for the first 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:48.320 time in three years. 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.000 Oh my god, Liz, you went to college. What did 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:52.440 you major in grocery cards? 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.400 No, Shilah, I was a woman studies major with a 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:57.640 minor in art history. 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:00.520 I also studied women in college, but I filmed it, 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:01.440 so I made money. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:04.680 Well, honey, I posed for pictures, and some of them 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:05.919 were even in black and white. 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:07.040 I posed for pictures. 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.800 I am so glad that there is no AI bringing 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:10.520 that to life. 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:12.480 Well, I'm on track to pay off my loans by 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:15.000 twenty forty eight, and I figure by then I don't 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:16.839 really even have to worry about it because the world 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.760 will have been destroyed by climate change. 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:21.760 So well, work is good, work is good. Everybody should 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.960 be working. I in my opinion, they never should have 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.760 made everybody stay home because of that COVID. It was 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:30.320 just an excuse for laziness. It was laziness from the 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:33.080 top on down. You all know when I had COVID. 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:34.960 I came into work, y'all remember. 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.080 Yeah, we remember, it was a full outbreak. 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.400 Wait, is COVID actually done? Because I was planning on 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.480 having COVID next Wednesday unless somebody can cover my shift. 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.520 I got invited to be a part of Post Malone's 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.320 harem and I will be a Sunday. 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.119 Well, I can cover your shift. I need the money. 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:52.160 Oh perfect. 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.359 I know it's gonna hurt you a little bit, Liz 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.279 in the short term, but I think it's good that 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.000 we have work requirements to get food stamps. You can't 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.239 just lay around coffee and say I'm fat and sick. 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:02.200 If you can. 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:04.880 Survive any virus, I think you can survive forty hours 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:06.160 a week working at Burger Kink. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.200 Yeah, the loans was cool and everything, and everybody ran 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.599 through those and eight crab legs for two months straight. 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:13.839 What's messing me up now is the price of stuff 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.640 going up. Daycare costs more. You know, they were getting 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:18.840 government relief and now I gotta pay more for to 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:19.560 wash the kids. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:20.919 Now they they in the car. 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:22.359 Could you crack a window? 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:24.400 You think I left them in there with the window 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.400 rolled up? No, of course I cracked a window. And 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:29.320 I gave some of them little ice packs that you 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:32.560 put on your injuries when you hurt yourself as soccer. 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.920 They'll be good. It's expensive, man, everything went up. Why 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.320 did eggs go up? If I pay this much for eggs, 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.599 some chickens better hatch out these bitches. You hear me, 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:45.440 Why do cereal go up? It's a Crunchberry shortage. Cap'm 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.159 Crunch died of COVID. I guess huh. 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:49.239 I knew Captain Crunch back in New Orleans. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.120 And let me tell you, he pretends to crunch, but 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.039 when you get down to it, he is soft on 0:06:54.080 --> 0:06:59.920 the inside. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:07:05.799 By Arnold, your boy Trump got indicted for the January 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:06.520 sixth riot. 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:09.400 No no, no, no, no, no, no, he's not my boy. 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.800 I leaned towards him. I leaned towards him, and if 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.200 he was in the room, I would lean forwards for him. 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:19.000 They're saying, oh, he did an insurrection. Honey, it didn't work. 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:21.640 You can't hold somebody accountable if it didn't work. 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.160 I love that. I love that so much. We should 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:25.480 apply that to my criminal record. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.400 You try to murder somebody, you go to jail for 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:29.520 attempted murder. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:33.520 Yeah, honey, it wasn't attempted murder. It was just they 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:34.680 were playing a game like. 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:40.760 It was redneck Freaknick and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:44.440 watching it at the house. I saw people trying to 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.360 crime walls where there were stairs, and. 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:49.720 Some of them were black. Some of them were black. 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:51.440 You can't deny it. One or two or three of 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:54.000 them were black. You saw what he had people doing. 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:56.640 Them dudes went down there and took a dunk on 0:07:56.680 --> 0:08:00.680 the floorida Capitol. They went and dookie for freedom. That's ridiculous. 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.320 And it was the first thing they did too. That 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:05.720 shouldn't be the first thing you did. That was terrible planning. 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.760 You don't go in somewhere and doodo on the floor first. 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:10.960 They probably ate Lisa's activity yogurt. 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:12.480 Yeah, Shilah, it's effective. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.320 If that man goes to prison, I'm gonna need a 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.800 couple days off because it's just gonna be me and 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:22.920 my magic wand and MSNBC for a few days at 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:23.560 home together. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.600 Mmm, Mike can kiss choking. 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.560 Okay, Shila, you need to respect yourself, Honey. 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:29.320 We all do it. 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.280 Honey. There's there's five hundred ways I've been choked. I 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:34.440 used to live in Ashville. They used to choke me 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.959 all night long in Ashville. And let me tell you, 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.160 you can get choked. But don't ever let them shut 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.560 you up. They're trying to shut Trump up, and I 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.199 just can't go for it. He never even said to 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.480 storm the capitol. All he said was that they stole 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.480 an election and Mike Pence could fix it, and he 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:51.240 was in the Capitol building and they need to fight 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.120 like hell. And then everybody jumped to the conclusion that 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:55.920 that meant they should storm the capitol. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.960 Didn't he say, I see y'all down there. I'm on 0:08:59.080 --> 0:08:59.400 the way. 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:04.480 There was different sentences, Robert. I know you're just hearing it. 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:07.360 You're not seeing it printed out in the transcript, honey, 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:12.320 But they were separate sentences. He said, these guys are 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.680 down there, Let's go down there. He's in there, he 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.720 can fix it. They stole it, period paragraph. And then 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:20.200 he said I'm gonna see you down there. Maybe that's 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.480 a different day, honey, he's talking about picnic. 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:25.840 I just can't believe this man will still be allowed 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:26.880 to run for president. 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:29.000 I mean, they wouldn't hire you at by. 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.240 Well, if in the job interview you go, oh, by 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.880 the way, I might be indicted on a few federal charges. 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:35.679 That's not true. I literally said that. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:39.080 One time I was in Jacksonville and there was a 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.320 very strong man and we disagreed about politics. He was 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.679 a liberal, a Democrat, but he was strong and he 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.120 kept me overnight, two nights in a hotel room. 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:49.640 I couldn't leave. It felt like prison. 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:51.720 He tied a T shirt around me, and he'd made 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.800 me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for him for about forty 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:56.480 eight hours. Right there in Jacksonville. 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:58.600 You told me you were going to your great aunt's funeral. 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:00.560 I covered your whole weekend. 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:02.280 Well, honey, she's in the ground. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:03.000 Bye. 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.240 All right, everybody, squeeze into my office here. Please close 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:12.800 the door behind you. Okay, take a seat, folks, Shilah 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.679 Arnold Robert. Now, Shilah, that's my seat. Don't sit in 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:20.559 my that's my that's my wheelie chair. Don't sit there. Okay. Now, 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.360 I've brought you in here to question you about the 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.719 case of the missing yogurt Arnold. Let's start with you, 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:27.360 my friend. 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:29.600 Oh, I know you're gonna start with I am gonna 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:31.680 start with you, Arnold, because I know for a fact 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:35.360 that you have been looking for ways to promote better gut. 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:35.600 Hell. 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.760 Hell, honey, you're I know what you're I know what 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:40.760 you're saying. Is that because I need to clean it 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.880 out more than everybody else, I'm gonna be eating eating 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:45.400 yogurt with fruit on the bottom. 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:49.400 I would never use the term fruit even to describe 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:52.520 bananas or apples or anything like that. So that's now, 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:53.040 that's why. 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:55.360 I use the term fruit. Don't come at me like 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.640 you don't ever say it. There's fruit on the bottom 0:10:57.640 --> 0:10:59.760 and there's nuts on the top. I know how it works. 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:01.800 One of these days, I'm gonna slap you with a 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:02.960 civil rights lawsuit. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:05.240 That's why I don't want to get into to fruit 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:07.680 and nuts and things like that with you, Arnold, because 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:10.720 every time we start talking those words, you start you 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:12.240 start threatening lawsuits. 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.600 So, honey, I do not need to be stealing yogurt 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:17.160 from lez and refrigerator. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:18.240 I work in the dala. 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.559 If I'm hungry, honey, I just take a little slap 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:23.560 of that turkey. I put some mayonnaise on it, right 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:25.280 on my hand, and I just put it right in. 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.640 How do you think I make it from three pm 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:28.079 to seven? 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:29.360 All right? 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:34.480 I think I'm satisfied with your answers for now. Arnold Robert, 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.080 what let's talk about yogurt? 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.360 Robert, what about yogat? You accusing me of stealing yogurt? 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.480 Well, I just know that on a couple of different 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:46.840 occasions you have accidentally eaten something that belonged to somebody 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:53.040 else in the fridge. Specifically, one time you drank a 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:57.200 sunkissed orange soda that I had specifically earmarked for myself 0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:57.880 in the fridge. 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:02.160 You put a soda in the fridge of a break 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:06.520 room of a store that employs over one hundred damn people, 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.720 and you expect that same soda to be in there 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:10.760 when you come back. 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:11.200 I did, right. 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:13.600 You don't even be running around like that, like you 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:15.920 don't even lift nothing. I ain't never seen you really 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.440 grab nothing heavy, and you want to talk about it. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.000 I know if I was to steal something, I would 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.240 take it out the register. You have to understand my 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:26.000 stealing is prioritized. 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:29.040 Don't say that you would steal out of the register. 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:31.520 I have to as a manager. I'm not allowed to 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.240 hear that and just be cool with it. 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:35.880 You're saying I stole. I'm telling you, if I were 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.760 to steal, it wouldn't be No damn Yogurt. 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:40.560 I'm out of here, all right. 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:46.440 Okay, don't leave, please, you can't. All right, he's he's gone. Okay, 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:48.000 Let's let's talk, Shilah. 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:49.720 Jerry, why are you sweating. 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:54.520 I'm you know, it's a it's an interrogation situation. 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:58.000 People sweat, Jerry, wipe your forehead before you talk to me. 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:01.200 Oh my Godna, just eye up here just a little 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.880 bit now, Shilah. I gotta be honest. You are my 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:08.160 number one person of interest because according to your employee record, 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:12.319 you have been caught stealing from the store five times. 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.360 Oh wow, Okay, so we're just gonna bring up old shit. 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:17.880 Can I bring up how the old general manager told 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:19.839 me I how to really fit bod. 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.760 Yeah, and we all agreed we weren't gonna bring that 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:26.640 up again. We talked to the administration, and we talked 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:28.800 to corporate and we're not We're not gonna get into 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:29.400 that anymore. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:33.480 Jerry, Yogurt is old people food? Are you calling me old. 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:37.319 Uh No, I'm just saying you. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.560 You're saying I'm young and supple. Jerry, that's disgusting. What's 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:41.160 wrong with you? 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.920 I wasn't saying. I did not use the word supple 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:44.920 at any point. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.120 I mean, go look at my locker right now, open 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:49.320 my bag. The only things I've stolen are two things 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:51.640 of eyeshadow and a watch. I bet you feel stupid. 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.200 You just gave me an idea. I think a thorough 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:59.760 search is a good idea, Shilah. So you know what, 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:03.800 I'm just gonna go and see if it's according to 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.080 the rules. Okay for me to do that, And when 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:08.160 I get back, we are gonna go through all of 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:11.320 these lockers and find out what's really going on here. 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:20.280 Bye bye, Hey man, y'all gonna have to start cleaning 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:22.320 up after yourselves. This don't make no sense. There's no 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.360 clean cups. It's looked like an episode of Hoarders in here. 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.160 And who the hell is eating spaghettios out the coffee bugs? 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:33.200 This ain't even spaghettios, This spaghetti loops. This is the 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.520 Bywell brand. They have got to stop playing Taylor Swift 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:38.480 over the pa man. 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:43.360 I'm a hater and I hate, hate, hate, hate this song. 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:45.720 Listen, Robert, she's having a moment. I mean, the Era's 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:49.560 tour is happening. It's huge, and I read that she 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.600 just passed Barbara Streissan for female artists with the most 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:53.480 number one hits. 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.480 Yeah, it's the Errors tour, all right. You get that 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.000 ticket price that you'd be like, there's an error. There's 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.800 a financial air right here. It's ridiculous. 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:03.360 Yeah. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:05.840 My daughter's Tory and Annie wanted to go to that 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:09.000 Era's concert, but I told him we don't support Taylor 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:12.280 Swift because she was notably silent on political issues early 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.160 in her career, which honestly just sounded better than saying 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:17.800 I can't afford one thousand dollars per ticket, get out. 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.800 Of here with that. I saw her am Pittsburgh and 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:23.200 it was five hundred dollars, but it was totally worth 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.480 it just for the Instagram alone. Oh my god, anytime 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:29.480 I can make white women jealous, I am on boy. 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:31.760 Did you even watch the concert or did you just 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:33.160 look at it through your Instagram? 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:33.360 Fee? 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:33.640 Oh? 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:34.040 I did? 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:35.840 I tape the whole thing on my phone? I got 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.800 my money's worth. You guys want to watch look, she's 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:39.680 that little whipe blert. No, that's my finger. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.080 Now you're not gonna see me there. I'll be at 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:46.040 home watching a Strisand video. I'll just watch Funny Girl 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.600 on a loop rather than go waste any money on 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:52.680 Taylor Swift. Damn girls, probably damn near thirty five years old, 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.560 still trying to look like she's doing sleepover parties. She's 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.800 got no pool with gay people. You know that gay 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.400 people don't go for Swift like we did for Barbara 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:05.280 Strice's hand. Hell, Tinky Winky from the Damn Teletubbies has 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:07.520 more gay icon status than Taylor Swift. 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.680 Listen, I'm all for Taylor being a girl boss, but 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.920 she's not half as good as Brandy Carlyle or Melissa 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.320 Etheridge or the Indigo Girls. We all have to just 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:20.600 realize that lesbians make better songwriters. If huge parts of 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:24.640 society can't handle you kissing in public, that's where the 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:25.280 music comes from. 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.160 Bitch, Now you had to drag this into your liberals shit. 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.680 You know, The Indigo Girls is the only concert that 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:35.240 I ever threw tomatoes at. What I was out at. 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:38.160 I was out in Athens, Georgia. I was doing well. 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:41.640 The only damn song they have closer to fine. I 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.200 was out in Athens, Georgia. It was supposed to be 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.120 a gay festival. We had to sit through that. I 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.800 threw the tomatoes. They dragged my ass out. 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.440 But uh huh, Liz, why did you get him started? 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.840 You know, lesbian's and gay men is the new age 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:58.320 East Coast West Coast rivalry. They are beefed out. 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:00.520 You know, Robert is right. I see that. 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:03.480 I see that it's the lesbians versus the gays, just 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:05.920 like East Coast West Coast with that rap stuff back 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:08.760 in the nineties. And I wouldn't be half surprised if 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.280 Melissa Ethrit's got gunned down in Las Vegas and then 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:12.520 they blamed Barry Manilow. 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:18.439 Bye, okay, everybody. I checked with corporate and it is 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.720 completely permissible for me to conduct a locker search. So 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:24.520 let's get them open and let's see if we can 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:25.320 find that yogurt. 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.320 Yeah, pop those babies open. I'm ready to go in. 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.600 I'm gonna find this yogurt. You guys are not going 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:30.680 to get away with this, all. 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.800 Right, Liz? Can you back up a little bit? Uh? 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.480 You know you're supposed to be the walks into my home. 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:40.120 You're coming in really hot. Okay, so back up here 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:42.320 and I will take care of this. Let's take a 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.480 look here, and Arnold, you got your locker open here? 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.640 Mm hmm, Okay, you can see there's nothing in there 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:51.680