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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: I refuse to move in with my boyfriend because of

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Speaker 2: my cat.

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Speaker 3: Cat sober boys.

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Speaker 2: You're allergic to both twenty third of June twenty eighteen,

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Speaker 2: Throwaway and I'm on mobile. Sorry for the formatting. I've

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Speaker 2: been dating my twenty four female boyfriend twenty six male

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Speaker 2: for a bit over a year now, and he really

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Speaker 2: wants me to move in with him. The problem my cat.

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Speaker 2: My cat is sixteen and passing away. The vet says

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Speaker 2: it would be unwise to hope for anything past six months.

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Speaker 2: I've had this cat since I was a child. He

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Speaker 2: was there for me through everything. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from user cat throw Away one two three, five

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Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime subred it and submit them.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning, we got a sick cat in the story.

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Speaker 2: There are a few reasons I don't want to move.

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Speaker 2: Number one, moving is extremely stressful for cats, and I

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Speaker 2: don't want to cause any unnecessary stress from my old

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Speaker 2: boy and number two. My boyfriend has a fairly energetic Rottweiler,

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Speaker 2: but my cat has never been good with dogs. He

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Speaker 2: was almost unlive at two years old, resulting in a

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Speaker 2: severely crushed leg that had to be amputated. I understand

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend wants me to be close to him, and

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Speaker 2: I want that too, But is it really so much

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Speaker 2: to ask for a few months for my cat to

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Speaker 2: pass away. It hurts me so much that he keeps

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Speaker 2: calling me unfair and not committed in the relationship. But

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Speaker 2: I am. But my longest friend is passing away and

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Speaker 2: I want him to be comfortable. He doesn't seem to

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Speaker 2: grasp how important my cat is to me. He has

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Speaker 2: never liked cats, and even made the joke when he's gone,

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Speaker 2: I will finally be your number one man.

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Speaker 3: He's jealous of a cat.

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Speaker 2: This guy's a loser. I don't know how to handle

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Speaker 2: this at all. All advice as welcome. Celendra says, if

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Speaker 2: he has a dog, how can he not understand what

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Speaker 2: it's like to love an animal. Op says he doesn't

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Speaker 2: think cats actually have emotions or something. He's one of

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Speaker 2: those people who thinks cats are evil and dogs are

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Speaker 2: saving Grace which was fine before. I understand not liking

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Speaker 2: cats is almost as common as liking them. Cilendra also replies,

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Speaker 2: I get that he might not like the cat himself,

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Speaker 2: but not why he doesn't understand how you feel about

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Speaker 2: the cat. A reply to that, I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: unreasonable after sixteen years. The cat is part of the family.

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Speaker 2: Of course, you want to make his passing as easy

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Speaker 2: and safe as possible if he doesn't get it. Frankly,

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Speaker 2: he sounds like a tool. First of all, let me

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Speaker 2: say I'm still shaking, so if this is a rambled mess,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Well, all of your kind words from yesterday

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Speaker 2: made me cry. Thank you all so much. I thought

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Speaker 2: I would give some backstory to how my boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: I met. It was through a support group. As I mentioned,

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Speaker 2: growing up until age seven, I had a very dad.

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Speaker 2: When I was seven, he tried to unalive my mother

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Speaker 2: and I, and luckily the cops intervened and took him away.

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Speaker 2: My mom charged him and he got put away. When

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Speaker 2: the trial was done, we moved and my mom came

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Speaker 2: gave me mumou. Don't judge the name. I was eight.

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Speaker 2: We got Mumu from a local shelter. I didn't fit

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Speaker 2: in at the new school, and Mumou was the best

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Speaker 2: thing in my life. Back to the support group, I

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Speaker 2: shared my story and my boyfriend confronted me after saying

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Speaker 2: that he also had parents growing up and we bonded

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Speaker 2: over our similar situations. I didn't realize how much control

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Speaker 2: he had over me until recently. He convinced me to

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Speaker 2: stop seeing my therapist. We also stopped going to group.

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Speaker 2: He used to tell me what to wear, how to

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Speaker 2: style my hair. It's very curly, and recently I've been

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Speaker 2: straightening it because he would always say it looked better.

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Speaker 2: And what do we have to say about that? Sofia,

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Speaker 2: break up, break up with this stinky mass of garbage

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Speaker 2: that is congealed into the shape of a man. Bye.

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Speaker 2: A few hours ago, I invited him over for lunch

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Speaker 2: and to talk. Luckily, Mumu was in my room sleeping.

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Speaker 2: I told him what you guys said, saying that if

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Speaker 2: it was his dog, he would be upset. He blew up.

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Speaker 2: He told me that wasn't the point. The point was

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Speaker 2: I wasn't committed to him or didn't care about us.

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Speaker 2: He started throwing things like a glass and some books

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Speaker 2: I had lying about and some picture frames. It was terrifying.

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Speaker 2: I had never seen him this angry before, and I

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Speaker 2: just reverted back to what I used to do as

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Speaker 2: a kid. Curl up, cover yourself up as much as

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Speaker 2: you can, and stay quiet. And let me just put

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Speaker 2: another trigger warning here, because it seems like there's been

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Speaker 2: a lot of talk about households growing up. If you

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Speaker 2: can't hear that, skip to the next story. Bless my roommate, however,

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Speaker 2: who came home during this fit. She had brought the

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Speaker 2: security guard because as she was walking in she heard

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Speaker 2: the shouting and the item's breaking. My boyfriend was escorted out,

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Speaker 2: hopefully by the scruff of his neck, and as he left,

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Speaker 2: I just screamed, don't come back. I hope it sticks.

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Speaker 2: I've blocked his number and my landlady has been notified

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Speaker 2: not to let him in, as have the guards. Next

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Speaker 2: step is neighbors. I don't really know what to do

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Speaker 2: from here. I emailed my therapist, hopefully she will let

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Speaker 2: me come back. My mom is on the way over

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Speaker 2: right now, and my roommate is with me too. I'm

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Speaker 2: so terrified. I didn't realize how much control he had

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Speaker 2: over me. I thought all his early behaviors were just

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Speaker 2: because he had clingy issues from his own upbringing. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to have a bath, relax and let my hair

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Speaker 2: go curly again, and cuddle my baby. I'm really glad

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Speaker 2: Mumoo was in my room. Thank you all for the help.

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Speaker 2: I didn't think any of this was wrong until you

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Speaker 2: guys brought it up. I still love him and feel

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Speaker 2: bad for him. He had a crap upbringing too, and

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Speaker 2: I'm sure he's messed up from it. But I'm going

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Speaker 2: to try to move on after my cat passes away.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to move out from this place to somewhere

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Speaker 2: he doesn't know about. Thank you all again, and there's

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Speaker 2: an edit for anyone who wants to see Moomoo. I

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Speaker 2: don't want to be identified in case anyone I know

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Speaker 2: or in the future no would find this. That's why

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Speaker 2: I made it a throwaway, as I do have a

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Speaker 2: regular Reddit account. But just imagine this a pretty big tomcat,

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Speaker 2: mainly white, with three huge black spots on his back leg,

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Speaker 2: inside of his head minus the back right leg, and

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Speaker 2: yellow eyes. An eight year old me thought he looked

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Speaker 2: like a cow and cow's moo, hence the name Moo Moo.

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Speaker 2: He's pretty dirty, but he's mine. Another edit here moved

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Speaker 2: to tears again by all your comments. Thank you. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to log off this account now and hopefully never

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Speaker 2: have a reason to use it again. Thank you all

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Speaker 2: so much for the help. I love you all, And

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Speaker 2: we have some comments from Azukar. As distressing as it

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Speaker 2: must have been for you, I'm so glad he finally

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Speaker 2: showed his true colors, but even more so that you

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Speaker 2: were brave enough to end things for good. You're a

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Speaker 2: strong woman, and getting back to therapy will make you

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Speaker 2: stronger and more aware of the intentions of any future

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Speaker 2: who may want to prey on you because of what

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Speaker 2: you've been through. By the way, curly hair is gorgeous.

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Speaker 2: Seriously wear your curls with pride. I also wish I

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Speaker 2: had curly hair. I wish I had Alex's hair. For

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Speaker 2: your hair, I've always wanted that hair.

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Speaker 3: You have, curly hair, Get out of here.

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Speaker 2: Lemonhead six twenty nine says sorry you had to find

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Speaker 2: out he's that way. Ope sticking to your pew pews

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Speaker 2: and don't let him back in. He's controlling and most

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Speaker 2: likely could have become physical if not for your roommate

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Speaker 2: coming don't let the sob stories from him get to you.

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Speaker 2: And another comment says, Yep, he was trying to separate

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Speaker 2: op from Mumu because they always tried to take away

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Speaker 2: our support systems. He couldn't stand there was anything you

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Speaker 2: loved more than him. Good riddance and stay strong, Ope,

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Speaker 2: And that really is true.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean he even said that he was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: finally be your main man.

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Speaker 2: Literally, just a vile, just rotten black mass at the

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Speaker 2: center of somebody for feeling that. It's crazy and there

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Speaker 2: are a lot of comments here. Ope replies to this one.

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Speaker 2: Relecki says, I'm pretty sure this comment will get lost

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Speaker 2: among the others, but maybe you'll see it, and I

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Speaker 2: think you need all the support right now, no matter

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Speaker 2: how small. I'm sure it's hard to let him go

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Speaker 2: and you still love him. It's not like you can

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Speaker 2: fall out of love in a matter of seconds. But please, please,

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Speaker 2: please stay strong and don't take him back under any circumstances.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you already know this, as you seem like

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Speaker 2: an extremely bright and sensible lady. Just maybe you need

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Speaker 2: to read this in a weaker moment, surround yourself with

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Speaker 2: all of the support you can family, friends, therapy and

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Speaker 2: take legal action if needed. I don't care how crap

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Speaker 2: his upbringing was. It might be a reason, never an excuse.

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Speaker 2: Don't let history repeat itself. Take care and cuddle your buddy.

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Speaker 2: OPI says, thank you. My mom got here a while

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Speaker 2: ago and she said the same thing. Don't end up

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Speaker 2: like she did. It's scary how I almost went into

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Speaker 2: the same cycle. It's actually extremely common. I love him,

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Speaker 2: but some of the things he screamed at me, like

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Speaker 2: I hate that cat out unalive him, amongst others, scared me. Well,

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Speaker 2: he'd end up in a hole, buried in my backyard

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Speaker 2: if that happened to me, I'm sorry. I could never

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Speaker 2: expose my cat to that. I won't go back to

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Speaker 2: someone it would hurt something so close to me. Update

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Speaker 2: two six and a half years later.

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Speaker 3: Oh, this is gonna be a happy update. This is

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Speaker 3: gonna be like, I'm doing really well. My cat passed away,

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Speaker 3: but I got a new cat named Mumu too.

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Speaker 2: It's just gonna be moo. But then the second moo

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Speaker 2: is in the square position. Hi, everyone, this is kind

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Speaker 2: of crazy. I was on my regular Reddit account. I'm

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Speaker 2: an avid follower of the subreddit. When I saw my

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Speaker 2: own post on here, I thought I would give some updates.

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Speaker 2: Mumu passed away around four months after this post. He

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Speaker 2: was put down since his quality of life was declining rapidly,

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Speaker 2: and while he could have lived maybe another three or

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Speaker 2: four months, I didn't want that for him. He was

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Speaker 2: in the last stages of kidney disease and needing so

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Speaker 2: many injections of subcutaneous hydration to just keep him going.

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Speaker 2: I miss him every single day. I still have his

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Speaker 2: ashes with me, and I make sure to keep him

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Speaker 2: in a sunbeam on the window. That was his favorite thing.

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Speaker 2: That's so sweet. You truly loved Mumu, and it shows

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Speaker 2: regarding my Axe, who we all hate. The embarrassing part

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Speaker 2: of it is I still felt so badly for him

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Speaker 2: for so long. I saw a comment on the original

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Speaker 2: post that said it sounded like I was just looking

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Speaker 2: for validation that his behavior wasn't okay, and I think

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Speaker 2: that's true. Besides controlling my hair, he also pretty much

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Speaker 2: decided everything in our relationship, what we did together, what

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Speaker 2: we ate, the shows we watched. It seemed so small

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Speaker 2: at the time that him never wanting to go to

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Speaker 2: the places I picked or listened to the music I liked.

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Speaker 2: It seemed normal. He always had a reason at first,

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Speaker 2: but then eventually it was just because he didn't want

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Speaker 2: to do those things, and for some reason I let

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Speaker 2: that happen. I did try to go back to that

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Speaker 2: therapist and the group, but even after I told her

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Speaker 2: and then what happened, I felt unsafe being there. For

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Speaker 2: the first a few months, he would stake out my

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Speaker 2: apartment and I couldn't trust he wasn't also following me

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Speaker 2: to therapy. Maybe steakout isn't the right word, but he

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Speaker 2: would leave letters and packages and stuff outside my building,

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Speaker 2: so I knew he was there, could be there at

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Speaker 2: any time. Cops were not helpful, since he never made

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Speaker 2: himself known to me, although my roommates swear she saw

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Speaker 2: him a couple times across the street. Basically just said

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Speaker 2: to be careful. Cops are so useless when it comes

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Speaker 2: to stalking.

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Speaker 3: Or like they're like, oh, I can't do anything until

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Speaker 3: something happens, and then it's like, well, so something's happened.

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Speaker 2: Essentially right now, stalking law is like until they we

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Speaker 2: can't arrest them. My therapist and I moved to phone

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Speaker 2: calls for a While I don't know if this will

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Speaker 2: surprise anyone, but turns out ex boyfriend was into the

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Speaker 2: uh noseclams a lot of our flights. I now think

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Speaker 2: that he was high for at least some of them,

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Speaker 2: especially the last blow up. He ended up getting in

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Speaker 2: a fistfight with some dudes at a bar, and he

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Speaker 2: was so effed up when he was booked. This was

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Speaker 2: probably about a month or so after Mumu passed away.

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Speaker 2: I broke my which my roommate, who I am still

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Speaker 2: friends with, was really nice about. I moved back in

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Speaker 2: with my mom, who lives in a different town, for

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Speaker 2: a few months before finding another job just one town

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Speaker 2: over from her. This was her suggestion. She wanted to

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Speaker 2: keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't

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Speaker 2: let him back into my life. She was and is

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Speaker 2: my rock to the stick. He got out after only

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Speaker 2: a few months for good behavior and while he didn't

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Speaker 2: know where I lived. I'm extremely thankful for my mom.

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Speaker 2: There are times when I would hear that his experience

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Speaker 2: changed him via people I knew, and I would think

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Speaker 2: maybe he was changed. I was so lonely without Mumu,

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Speaker 2: but my mom nipped those in the bud Every time,

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Speaker 2: she would ask me things like, even if you go back,

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Speaker 2: what then you get married and have kids? Do you

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Speaker 2: think he would be a good father. It was sobering

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Speaker 2: to think of what I experienced as a child being continued. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: I steeled myself with the help of a new therapist

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Speaker 2: suggested by my old one, and worked on my self

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Speaker 2: confidence a lot, which is what I deserved. When the

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Speaker 2: VID hit, I had a lot of time to kind

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Speaker 2: of break down parts of my life that I didn't before.

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Speaker 2: I have tried being in relationships since, but there was

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Speaker 2: this underlying feeling of stress in each one. About two

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Speaker 2: years ago I figured out I think I am a

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Speaker 2: spec identity. Spicy sleep was always so uncomfortable for me,

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Speaker 2: even when it was physically enjoyable. I never really wanted

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Speaker 2: the act. I just assumed this was trauma and fear

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Speaker 2: of intimacy. That is what most people and therapists had

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Speaker 2: told me. I am currently in a relationship with a

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Speaker 2: lovely person who's non binary, and we are both a

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Speaker 2: spec identity. We do kiss, but we rarely ever moved

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Speaker 2: beyond that. With them, there is no expectation for more.

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Speaker 2: They are also from a less than happy childhood they

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Speaker 2: were in the foster system, but that isn't my story

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Speaker 2: to share. Just know that I am happy. We have

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Speaker 2: been together for a year and they are so considerate

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Speaker 2: and kind. They bring me flowers at least once a month.

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Speaker 2: They make sure I can express myself, and they encourage

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Speaker 2: my interests and actually want to hear about them. Most

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Speaker 2: of all, they love my curly hair, and they love cats.

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Speaker 2: I never adopted another cat after Mumu. I think I

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Speaker 2: was terrified for a long time that if I did,

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Speaker 2: they could be used again to me. A partner has

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Speaker 2: two cats who I love. We are currently trying to

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Speaker 2: work out moving in together. My place has a better location,

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Speaker 2: but theirs is larger. We've decided to try and find

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Speaker 2: a completely new place together that we can both agree on,

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Speaker 2: but the process for rentals right now is horrid. There

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Speaker 2: have been two places so far that we applied to

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Speaker 2: and didn't get and by the way, we promise you'll

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Speaker 2: get in if you apply to listening to full episodes

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Speaker 2: with stories like this, and all you need to do

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Speaker 2: to apply is to search for Okay Storytime on iHeartRadio

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Speaker 2: or Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts, and

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Speaker 2: there you will find the archives so much, fifty consecutive

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Speaker 2: days worth. And we do have a little bit more

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Speaker 2: story left here.

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Speaker 3: What a lovely update.

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Speaker 2: Good update. We like that update to.

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Speaker 3: Find out like, oh, he's still working through a lot

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Speaker 3: of trauma and you know stuff, but like as a

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Speaker 3: really good partner living with cats is ready to move

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Speaker 3: in with someone again.

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Speaker 2: That's really exciting, exciting times. My life is going great.

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Speaker 2: I still have lots of trauma that I live with,

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Speaker 2: but I know I can get back up when I fall.

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Speaker 2: I have people I love who also love me. And

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Speaker 2: I probably won't respond to any comments. I'm most likely

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Speaker 2: delete this count in a few days. I don't need

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Speaker 2: it anymore. But before I did, I thought leaving one

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Speaker 2: last update was called for. Thank you for all your

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Speaker 2: kind words in helping me find confidence to get out

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Speaker 2: of that relationship. Much love to everyone. And that is

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Speaker 2: the end of that story. And it is a great story,

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Speaker 2: a great ending. And you know what, you didn't adopt

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Speaker 2: another cap, but now you got two cats.

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Speaker 3: You got two cats and a partner, So who's winning now?

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Speaker 3: My partner finally proposed without a ring. That's not how

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Speaker 3: you do that, Like my bos says, we have been

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Speaker 3: together for three years, live together for a year and

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Speaker 3: a half. We bought a house together and have a

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Speaker 3: daughter together. I have a five year old from a

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Speaker 3: previous relationship, but her dad isn't in the picture. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Throwaway two two four, four, six,

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Speaker 3: six seven seven seven, and if you want to spend

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to our slash shokey story time Separate.

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Speaker 2: It so backs.

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Speaker 3: We met at work, weren't friends before we started dating.

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Speaker 3: At the beginning of the relationship, he made sure that

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Speaker 3: I want to get married one day, as that was

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Speaker 3: something he definitely wanted in his life. So while I

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Speaker 3: wasn't in a rush to get married, I felt like

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Speaker 3: I had met a guy who wasn't afraid to commit.

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Speaker 3: About a year into the relationship, we were discussing moving

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Speaker 3: in together. We spent seventy five percent of our nights together,

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Speaker 3: so it just seemed logical. He was enthusiastic about the idea,

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Speaker 3: but I had trouble getting him to fully commit and

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Speaker 3: tell me, yes, I want you to move in. I

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Speaker 3: started getting anxious because my lease was about to be up,

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Speaker 3: and per the lease agreement, I had to give sixty

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Speaker 3: days notice before I vacated. I tried several times to

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Speaker 3: get a straight answer from him, but he said I

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Speaker 3: was pressuring him and that my pressure was making him

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Speaker 3: not feel ready. And that's when you gotta look at

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Speaker 3: the relationship and you go, okay, is he ready for

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Speaker 3: a relationship?

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Speaker 2: That's the kind of phrase that makes me go, I

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Speaker 2: know exactly why this person is writing this story.

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Speaker 3: Finally, I had a very frank conversation with him. If

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Speaker 3: you don't want to move in together, okay. Won't mean

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Speaker 3: the end of our relationship. However, it will mean that

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Speaker 3: I take a step back and not spend so many

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Speaker 3: nights with him, since it was starting to get confusing,

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Speaker 3: especially if we weren't serious enough to yet to live together.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 3: A few months after that conversation, I found out I

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Speaker 3: was pregnant, so he asked me to please move in.

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Speaker 3: I said no, if he wasn't ready before this, then

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Speaker 3: a baby doesn't magically fix that. After another month, I

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Speaker 3: finally agreed and we moved my stuff in. We initially

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Speaker 3: had some hiccups, but quickly settled into a routine. We

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Speaker 3: had lived together for about six months when he asked

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Speaker 3: me if his cousin could move in with us with

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Speaker 3: his cousin's wife from out of our province. I had

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Speaker 3: met them before and liked them, so I said that

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Speaker 3: would be fine. How long could it take a working

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Speaker 3: couple to get back on their feet right? Ten months

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Speaker 3: and many arguments later, they finally moved out. Now here

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Speaker 3: we are damaged goods. I pretty much hate his cousin

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Speaker 3: for the stress they caused us without remorse the problem

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Speaker 3: I want to get married. I know he is the

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Speaker 3: man I want to marry, but he still has asked

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Speaker 3: me to marry him.

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Speaker 2: He said.

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Speaker 3: The only things holding him back are one money and

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Speaker 3: to the fact that I brought it up so regularly

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Speaker 3: money wise. I went back to work after staying home

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Speaker 3: with the baby for a few months, and now his

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Speaker 3: cousin is out of the house. But it seems like

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Speaker 3: money is just as big of an issue as ever.

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Speaker 3: I resent his cousin even more now because we are

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Speaker 3: now saving five hundred dollars a month on groceries with

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Speaker 3: them gone, which means that over the course of ten

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Speaker 3: months we blew five to six k on food for them.

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Speaker 3: Who did I mention they didn't pay rent? As far

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Speaker 3: as me bringing up I wrote on the calendar the

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Speaker 3: last time we discussed it, so that I would remember

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Speaker 3: not to bring it up. I have promised myself that

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Speaker 3: I will not bring it up for the rest of

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Speaker 3: the year, to allow him the chance to think it

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Speaker 3: through without me pestering him. That was five weeks ago.

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Speaker 2: Pause.

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Speaker 3: He is gaslighting you into thinking that like he's gonna

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Speaker 3: propose if you just play the right cards and if

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Speaker 3: you'd you know, follow his rules, or if they have

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Speaker 3: enough money, he just want to propose.

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Speaker 2: To you like a proposal, or like the getting married

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Speaker 2: during game should be like a moment of joy and

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Speaker 2: like togetherness, and it shouldn't be like a Okay, you've

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Speaker 2: passed the test, now we're allowed.

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Speaker 3: It should be a conversation where you say, hey, are

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Speaker 3: we at this point? It doesn't seem like he wanted

404
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,240
Speaker 3: to move into with you, doesn't seem like he wants

405
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Speaker 3: to marry you. You need to look at this relationship

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Speaker 3: and see does he even want to be in this relationship.

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Speaker 3: Is this something that he sees going long term? Because

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Speaker 3: right now it doesn't feel that way. It feels like

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Speaker 3: you guys are a little bit together because you have

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Speaker 3: a kid. Could be very Unfortunately, that's not enough time

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Speaker 3: for me to justly say he hasn't said anything, But

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Speaker 3: he still hasn't said anything. What a girl I am,

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Speaker 3: I swear, But I just keep reminding myself that it's

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Speaker 3: not worth mentioning, and I've been really good about it.

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Speaker 3: I know I'm rambling, but all of this is relevant. Basically,

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Speaker 3: now I feel his reasons for not asking are gone,

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Speaker 3: and he still isn't even considering asking. He's not the

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Speaker 3: guy that will secretly plot to surprise me with something romantic.

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Speaker 3: That's just not him.

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Speaker 2: Oh so he's a bad partner.

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Speaker 3: He's not the guy to treat his partner.

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Speaker 2: Sorry. I mean, like, I guess not doing that does

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Speaker 2: automatically make you a bad partner. But it's like what

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Speaker 2: you just described is like just fundamentally, like you care

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Speaker 2: about somebody, so you want to do nice things for them,

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Speaker 2: like and you're like, ah, he doesn't do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And romance doesn't have to mean like he flew

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Speaker 3: you out to Paris. It just means like, hey, did

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Speaker 3: you tell your partner that you love them?

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Speaker 2: Like? Come on, So the spectrum of what you can

431
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,439
Speaker 2: do under that is so large.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm getting more and more sure that he just

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Speaker 3: doesn't want to marry me before anyone gets all uppity

434
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,880
Speaker 3: about the fact that I want to get married. Yes,

435
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,399
Speaker 3: I would like to it. Is it a requirement for

436
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 3: me to stay with him? No, But you need to

437
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 3: ask yourself if that's true, because that's okay if it is.

438
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 3: And it also seems like you I've been asking him.

439
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 3: It's been on your mind for the year. So you

440
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 3: need to figure out if you're going to resent him

441
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 3: if he doesn't ask you, because he may never ask you.

442
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 2: It's true. It's like he's already getting exactly what he wants.

443
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 2: He's like, now, I got to tie up half my

444
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 2: assets in it as well. I don't think so.

445
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,439
Speaker 3: He told me he wants to remarry, so to me,

446
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 3: it scares me that he still does doesn't know if

447
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,880
Speaker 3: he wants to marry me, when that's definitely a part

448
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 3: of his life plan. We have discussed marriage. He says

449
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,479
Speaker 3: he knows he wants to marry me, he knows. It

450
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 3: bothers me that he stillsn't ask. He says he wants

451
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 3: to spend the rest of his life with me, but

452
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 3: he won't make a move. He doesn't want to get

453
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 3: married into a courthouse. He doesn't want to lope. He

454
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 3: doesn't want a big wedding. He doesn't want a destination wedding.

455
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,439
Speaker 3: He said a year ago when I brought it up,

456
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 3: that he feels like it puts him in a tough position.

457
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 3: He knows I love surprises, but he also knows that

458
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 3: I need reassurance. He said that he wants to be

459
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 3: able to surprise me, but that if he reassures me

460
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,399
Speaker 3: then it ruins the surprise. But that was over a

461
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 3: year ago. He's making excuses, Dude.

462
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 2: This guy's weaponizing his language so hard.

463
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't surprise you if I comfort you in

464
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 3: any way.

465
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 2: Babe. I'm going to reassure you right now. I'm gonna

466
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 2: marry you sometime in the next twenty years, and you'll

467
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 2: never know when it's gonna happen.

468
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,119
Speaker 3: Ah, you're complaining, He said, you want something romantic. You're surprising,

469
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 3: and I try to do that. What more do I

470
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 3: need to do? I tolerated his much cousin for almost

471
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 3: a year. I am the mother of his child. We

472
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 3: have a life in a house together, but he's not

473
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 3: sure if he wants to commit to me to the

474
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 3: degree of marriage. Am I being stringed along?

475
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:08,160
Speaker 4: Yes?

476
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 3: Am I being pushy. Probably not. I admit that I

477
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,199
Speaker 3: brought it up regularly. He's a guy who knows what

478
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,679
Speaker 3: he wants, so when he said my bringing it up

479
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 3: hindered him asking me, I didn't believe him. He always

480
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 3: goes for what he wants, no matter what anyone tells him.

481
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 3: And there are some comments.

482
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 2: If you know that, then you know that he doesn't

483
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 2: want to marry you.

484
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 3: If he wanted to, he would.

485
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 2: But you already know that, which is why you've written

486
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 2: this story, which is why you put it on the internet,

487
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 2: because you needed the reassurance. I'm not saying that this

488
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 2: is bad. A lot of people need this, but you

489
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 2: felt instinctively that something was wrong here, and now everybody's

490
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 2: about to tell you that something is wrong here.

491
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 3: But there are some comments. Common one you say you'd

492
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 3: stay with them even if you don't get married. I

493
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 3: would just assume you're not going to get married. Like

494
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 3: you say, if he wanted to marry you, he would,

495
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 3: regardless of money or what you say or don't say.

496
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 3: He doesn't want to marry you. It might have nothing

497
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 3: to do with you personally. He might have just decided

498
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,399
Speaker 3: marriage isn't for him. You have a child, a house

499
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 3: and soon a common law marriage depending on your province.

500
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 3: If he thinks this is somehow less permanent, slash easier

501
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 3: to dissolve than a marriage, the joke's on him. But

502
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 3: for you, you have two options. He doesn't want to

503
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 3: marry you. If that's okay with you and you still

504
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 3: want to be with him, then stay with him. Stop

505
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 3: asking about marriage. If it's a deal breaker, then leave him.

506
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 3: But stop asking about marriage. I think that's actually a

507
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 3: great comment because you can't pressure him into getting married

508
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 3: to you, or at least it won't be healthy for

509
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 3: the relationship if he doesn't want to get married.

510
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 2: To you at the end of the day. Yeah, because

511
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 2: we've all been with someone who's just like this thing,

512
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 2: and we're like, can we not do this thing? But

513
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: then they just keep going this thing, and it's like, oh,

514
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,159
Speaker 2: and I told you not that thing, let's not do

515
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 2: this thing.

516
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 4: The worst part is when you tell him and they say, yeah,

517
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 4: I'll do that, and then they keep doing it.

518
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 3: I think you just have to be like, you gotta

519
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 3: stop asking. You got to set yourself a timeline. If

520
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 3: he doesn't ask me to marry him by this time,

521
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 3: then I don't want to continue the relationship.

522
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,679
Speaker 2: What's the over under that this guy got red pilled

523
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 2: and is not marrying because he's like, well, I have

524
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 2: to look after my own interests. It's very fishy, Ope,

525
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 2: he says.

526
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 3: The thing that has me so hung up on it, though,

527
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 3: is the fact that he insists he wants marriage and

528
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 3: has said so from the get go and many time since.

529
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 3: It worries me that he doesn't want marriage with me

530
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 3: but does want marriage. Does that make sense? I think

531
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 3: he's telling you what you want to hear so that

532
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 3: you stay with him. Honestly, I think he wants to

533
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 3: stay with you, but he doesn't want to get married

534
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 3: with it.

535
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,360
Speaker 2: Oh pee learning what lying is right now?

536
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 3: Comment two, Oh my gosh, it must be hard to

537
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 3: wait like that. I understand you must feel vulnerable and

538
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 3: also like you've been waiting forever. I can't give you

539
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 3: perfect advice, only tell you what I would do. Don't

540
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 3: make getting married a goal you have to work toward.

541
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 3: Make building a marriage a goal you are working towards.

542
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: Build that connection, build that relationship, and build that marriage.

543
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 3: Then the actual party and ring and all that will

544
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 3: be a happy addition, not something you need in order

545
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: to validate your relationship to yourself. I think that I

546
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 3: would probably focus on the things that show you he's committed,

547
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 3: the way he makes your house feel like a home,

548
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 3: the things he does for your children, the things he

549
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 3: says that make you feel loved, the way he helps,

550
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 3: and things about your life together that you particularly enjoy.

551
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 3: Then show appreciation for those, tell him you love that

552
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 3: he's committed to you, and you really appreciate him and

553
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 3: the relationship that you're in just as it is mean it.

554
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 3: Then I would focus on being somebody he'd want to

555
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 3: commit to, not in terms of meaning a checklist of

556
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 3: marriage requirements, but being inside yourself, a person who would

557
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 3: be lovely to share life with. Find those parts of

558
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 3: yourself and give them to him. Living in a difficult

559
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 3: circumstance can end up with those parts of you a

560
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 3: little bit missing. This really isn't about what more you

561
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 3: need to do, because that's not how this should work.

562
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,679
Speaker 3: But that being said, you should be more than just

563
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 3: a house, co owner, a co parent, and a tolerator

564
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 3: a family. You should be a partner as well. I

565
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 3: would think that focusing on what makes him a good partner,

566
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 3: appreciating this and letting him know and concentrating on being

567
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 3: a good partner will be the most rewarding thing you

568
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 3: could possibly do. Waiting must feel so long and intermittable.

569
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: But he doesn't sound like he's stringing you along. I'm

570
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 3: kind of just screw them. He sounds like the both

571
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 3: of you have had a rough time of it lately.

572
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 3: Try taking time off from trying to move the relationship

573
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 3: forward and try to enjoy solidifying and enjoying where it's at.

574
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,360
Speaker 3: And there is an update.

575
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 2: That comment really led him off the hook, really.

576
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 3: Let him off the hook. Like in parts I understand

577
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 3: what they're saying. Someone agree like, yeah, you know, you

578
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 3: can't just force a relationship to like turn into a marriage.

579
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 2: In the context of a healthy relationship. All if that

580
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 2: made perfect.

581
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 4: Sense, But we're missing the big thing here.

582
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 2: I have suspicions about Opie's boyfriend. Yeah, I think he's.

583
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 3: I think just like the fact that the whole like

584
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 3: moving in stuff that was weird too.

585
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 2: Moving in was weird, And the weirdest thing to me

586
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: is the way that he's like, oh, well, the fact

587
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: that you keep bringing up marriage is making me like

588
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 2: not do it. So it's like, just stop talking about

589
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: that and then maybe it'll happen, and then maybe you

590
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: stop talking about it forever and you never get married.

591
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 3: What he should say is like, I'm not at that space,

592
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,719
Speaker 3: Like that's an answer, not oh, you bringing it up

593
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 3: makes me not want to get married.

594
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 2: His response is literally like ten year old boy level response,

595
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 2: Just like, just stop saying that, dude.

596
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 3: But there is an update. So I had posted here

597
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 3: a few months ago about my now fiance and myself.

598
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 3: He finally popped the question a couple of weeks ago.

599
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 3: It was us and the kids at home, very simple

600
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 3: and laid back, but it was beautiful. He said he

601
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 3: had wanted to wait until the holidays passed, and that

602
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 3: he had been trying to figure out a way to

603
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 3: go about doing it but was coming up blank. So

604
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 3: maybe we should stop overthinking it and just move forward.

605
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 3: Of course, I said yes, couldn't think of a single

606
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 3: thing that my now fiance would enjoy, so I just

607
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 3: did nothing.

608
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 2: You might as well live in a tent made out

609
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 2: of red flags.

610
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 3: Again, you don't have to like do something crazy expensive,

611
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 3: but like you should know your partner a little bit.

612
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 4: You should also know yourself and know your worth.

613
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, to know.

614
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 2: What your partner would want to be proposed to the

615
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 2: person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

616
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 2: Just said, I even know what you like, but I

617
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 2: guess I'll just tell you. I've heard the opposite of

618
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 2: this story before, where it's like a guy trying to

619
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 2: propose and like the proposal is just like never good enough,

620
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: even though it was like so super thoughtful antithesis of thing.

621
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 3: The thing is didn't even get her a ring. Of course,

622
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 3: I said yes to me. It was everything I had

623
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 3: ever wanted. When he proposed, he did so without a ring.

624
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,959
Speaker 3: He gave her a shut the f up ring without

625
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 3: the ring part. He said he felt overwhelmed trying to

626
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 3: pick it out and couldn't figure out my size.

627
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 2: Anyway, this guy don't marry this guy.

628
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 3: He put in zero effort. He said, I didn't even

629
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 3: know what you wanted, so instead of asking any of

630
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 3: the people in your life around you, I just didn't

631
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 3: do anything.

632
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 2: Is it possible to put in negative effort? Because if

633
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 2: it is that this guy did that.

634
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 3: So he suggested we pick it out together, which will

635
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 3: be a fun adventure. He's a marketing genius. He's like,

636
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 3: I thought it would be way better if you picked

637
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 3: it out and I was there.

638
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 2: However, you don't have no ring at the beginning where

639
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: you propose with a ring and then you're like, all right,

640
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 2: the real deal ring. We're gonna go pick out together.

641
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 2: Because I wanted to be something you'd love.

642
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 3: I've never gotten to shop for fancy jewelry. I had

643
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 3: to go on a few websites and dig around to

644
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 3: even have an idea of what I like because I'm

645
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 3: so clueless. Sope, he doesn't even know. I feel hurt

646
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,239
Speaker 3: that he hasn't suggested we go. Look, he hasn't sent

647
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 3: me any links of items he thinks are nice, despite

648
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 3: it being a slow time and work and him regularly

649
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 3: saying that he has lots of free time. So again,

650
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: you're picking out your own ring completely. He's not even

651
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 3: a part of the process. It's not even a fun adventure.

652
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 3: It's just you going online and picking out a ring.

653
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 2: Opee, leave this man. Get married to somebody who actually

654
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 2: loves and cares about you. Please.

655
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 3: He did mention he thinks I should look on eBay

656
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 3: for a ring.

657
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 2: Stop leave this man. Everyone should be screaming at you

658
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 2: at the top of their lungs to leave this man.

659
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 3: And also asked if I could get my sister to

660
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,119
Speaker 3: give up the heirloom bridle set she has in her

661
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 3: possessions so we don't have to buy a ring. He

662
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 3: hasn't mentioned any ideas as far as what we should

663
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: do when we get married.

664
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 2: Hey, Op's fiance. I went over to the bad partner factory.

665
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 2: They love you over there. You're the blueprint at the

666
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 2: bad partner factory.

667
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 3: And any mention I make is met with how much

668
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 3: will that cost? I work and have every intention of

669
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 3: footing most, if not all, of the bill of whatever

670
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 3: we end up doing. It seems as so, so if

671
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 3: this takes too much energy or time or any money

672
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 3: at all, he is uninterested. That includes the very act

673
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 3: of getting a ring. This is rambling, and I apologize.

674
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 3: My main concerns are these. I'm worried that he didn't

675
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 3: mean the proposal. He didn't. He decided that he was

676
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 3: tired of me being bummed out about it and went

677
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 3: for it. He says that a ring is not in

678
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 3: the budget right now. To give a clear picture, the

679
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 3: ones I've been looking at are nine hundred to fifteen

680
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 3: hundred for the full bridle set. But he sold an

681
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 3: expensive item, think six point fifty on Code Simon and

682
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,479
Speaker 3: turned around and bought something new with that money, so

683
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 3: he's not even trying. I did talk to him about

684
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 3: why this hurt my feelings, but he said I'm being

685
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 3: a typical woman and overthinking to totally unrelated topics. He

686
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 3: said that the new item costs seventy five dollars more

687
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 3: than the old, so it's a wash. So instead again

688
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 3: of selling this item and buying his fiance a ring,

689
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 3: he bought a over seven hundred dollar thing that he

690
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 3: probably didn't need.

691
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 2: Do not normalize this man's behavior. This is like if

692
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 2: an eighteen year was getting married, even they would have

693
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: more sense. This is just someone getting married to you

694
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 2: to make you shut up.

695
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 3: He expects a good chunk of cash in the next

696
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 3: couple of months, and before was mentioning that's when he

697
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 3: would get the ring, but now he's saying he plans

698
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: to use that money for other stuff, no mention of

699
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: the ring at all anymore. I suppose this is what

700
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 3: I get for being worried about him not proposing. He proposed,

701
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 3: but now isn't enthused about it, and I'm back to

702
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 3: square one. Please just tell me I'm being a shallow

703
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 3: person for worrying about this. In my mind, I guess

704
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 3: I thought he would have tried to save up some

705
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 3: money for a ring, or that since he proposed with

706
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 3: that one, he would be gung ho to make sure

707
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 3: we get that taken care of. It's not the ring

708
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 3: that I'm worried about, it's the general disinterest. I'm starting

709
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 3: to consider saving up to buy my own ring because

710
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: he's so disinterested.

711
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: Oh pie, sweetie, Now I think the opposite. I think

712
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 2: your instinct is screaming at you that it's wrong, but

713
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 2: you want someone to tell you it's okay. Op.

714
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: He's literally saying, tell me I'm being shallowed. You're not.

715
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: This person is terrible and you deserve better.

716
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 3: I am a romantic at heart, and while I knew

717
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 3: that he was not the kind of guy to do

718
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 3: any sort of grand gesture and that a surprise was

719
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 3: out of the question, I still find myself hurt that

720
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 3: he still is giving this no thought whatsoever. Once this

721
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 3: guy is interested in a topic, he dives in and

722
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 3: finds out everything he can. He asks questions and does

723
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,239
Speaker 3: his homework. As far as I know, he's never done that.

724
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 3: Relating to the engagement, I am content with how the

725
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 3: proposal went down, but was for some reason holding out

726
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 3: hope that he would dive into the wedding and engagement

727
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: talk rather than continue on his usual apathetic regarding this topic.

728
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 2: Path.

729
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 3: Are you guys even talking about the wedding either?

730
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 2: I would doubt it. He's like, yo, can we just

731
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 2: do it in the backyard.

732
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 3: Since my last post, we have begun seeing a counselor

733
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 3: to work on our communication and things are much better.

734
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 3: My fiance is of the opinion that if things were

735
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 3: going really well, we would never argue. I disagree with that,

736
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 3: although I think we can work to understand each other

737
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 3: better and be more receptive to hearing about each other's

738
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,719
Speaker 3: concerns and feelings and not have such dramatic arguments. They

739
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 3: are infrequent, but in my opinion, no argument should get

740
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 3: to the point of yell because it's pointless. I agree,

741
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: and I also agree that you guys can listen to

742
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 3: full episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,

743
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app and search a

744
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 3: Pogus story time and there is.

745
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: A little bit left to this story. I don't even

746
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: have anything to add outher then like leave or at

747
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 2: the very least don't get married.

748
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 3: The thing is that you should not be fiances if

749
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 3: you're in counseling right now for these issues.

750
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 4: For opiece cases like first, aren't you exhausted? You keep

751
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 4: pushing in like it's like you're pushing against a wall and.

752
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 3: You're the only one trying to fix this relationship. He

753
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 3: doesn't care.

754
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 4: You should know you're worth It's like the fact that

755
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 4: no one is defending you or no one's helping you,

756
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 4: like get out of that. That's what I feel bad

757
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 4: about too.

758
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 3: They're both settling in a relationship that one he doesn't

759
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 3: seem to care about, and she is not being you know,

760
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 3: treated correctly, and they're both like settling in this.

761
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: He's not valuing you and you're not valuing yourself.

762
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 3: Generally, when the arguments result in yelling, it is because

763
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 3: one of us is dismissing how the other feels. He

764
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 3: says that I voiced my concerns too much, and that

765
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 3: there are many many topics he chooses not to address

766
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 3: with me, issues he may be having with my behavior

767
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: and whatnot. So that tells me that he feels nitpicked,

768
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 3: but also that he isn't helping me to be the

769
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 3: best partner I can be by letting me know when

770
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 3: I do things to hurt him. Instead, he just keeps

771
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 3: them to himself.

772
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 2: As the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone say, so

773
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 2: unbelievably dumb.

774
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 3: I am one hundred percent sure it is because I'm

775
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 3: doing something wrong. So any guidance, suggestions, or tips from anyone,

776
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 3: especially males, would be so greatly appreciated. Comment one. If

777
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 3: you don't have either one a ring, or two an

778
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: actual date set for a wedding, then you don't really

779
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 3: have an engagement. The ring shows a financial commitment towards

780
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 3: getting married. A wedding date shows a firm commitment to

781
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: actually getting married. You don't necessarily need both of these,

782
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 3: but if you don't have at least one, then all

783
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 3: you really have from him is an empty promise about

784
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: getting married at some point in the future, with no

785
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 3: real commitment to work towards doing it. He's doing the

786
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 3: exact same thing that he said before he did the proposal,

787
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 3: of being like, yeah, I'm really interested in getting married him,

788
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 3: except now he's just said do you want to get married?

789
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 3: That's it. He's done nothing else.

790
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 4: And I guarantee you OPI took that and was like, yes,

791
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 4: finally that's what I want.

792
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 2: He's done it. I changed him.

793
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 3: I'd suggest pressing him to get an actual date set

794
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 3: for the wedding. No leave him, OPI. He was talking

795
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 3: about us getting married this summer, no sense in delaying

796
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 3: it in his mind. But when I mentioned ideas for

797
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 3: a wedding, he says that we don't have the money.

798
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 3: I crudely planned a ten thousand dollars wedding, including the

799
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 3: engagement and wedding rings, just looking at random venues and

800
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 3: menus and such to get a ballpark in idea of

801
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 3: what a wedding will cost. His response was, I don't

802
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 3: have ten thousand dollars. I said that I work and

803
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 3: would be covering at least half. He said that he

804
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 3: doesn't even have five thousand dollars for a wedding.

805
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 2: But you know what, boy, I heard that, give me

806
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: a thousand dollars wedding tops.

807
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 3: Okay, I suggest be wait until next year. I could

808
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 3: more easily frugal it up and really get the price down.

809
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 3: Plus we could not do it in summer and it

810
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 3: would be even cheaper. I want our anniversary to be

811
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 3: in the warm months, summer months, not when it's cold.

812
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 3: Oh so that's what he say. So my efforts in

813
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 3: that area I have been pointless. He says that I

814
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 3: need to relax. It's only been a couple of weeks

815
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,919
Speaker 3: and we don't need a rush. But then he still

816
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 3: mentions getting a hitch this year, as though that wouldn't

817
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 3: involve some level of preparation. Mention of the ring is

818
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 3: a touchy subject because he won of the funds for

819
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 3: at least six weeks. But that was before he started

820
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 3: talking about using the money for other things. And that's

821
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 3: the end of this.

822
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 2: Leave this man. Please tell me that you left girl,

823
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 2: even if you take marriage out of it. Period. If

824
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 2: he's acting like that about anything that you really want

825
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 2: in your relationship, that's just someone who does not care

826
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 2: about you at all. And you should not be in

827
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: a partnership with this individual because they literally treat you

828
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,240
Speaker 2: like second fiddle.

829
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: John Here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story,

830
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break of.

831
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 2: Ads from our sponsors. I convinced my sister to break

832
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 2: up with her rude fiance. Now my family is disowning me.

833
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 3: Break up with them too.

834
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 2: My sister was set to marry a guy who was

835
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 2: a complete clown. Is this the about the last story?

836
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

837
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: He seemed like a nice catch to any outsider. He

838
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: was tall, handsome, very confident, a doctor, basically the sort

839
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 2: of guy any woman would swoon over. By the way,

840
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 2: this comes from a user, sister fiance is a clown,

841
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

842
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 2: to the r slash okay storytime subreddit and submit them.

843
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:32,800
Speaker 2: They're so Unfortunately. He was a sociopathic, unrepentant, self absorbed person,

844
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 2: devoid of any empathy, who would take out his anger

845
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 2: on anyone he felt beneath him and seemed to enjoy

846
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,399
Speaker 2: doing it. You know how. Basically they say, don't look

847
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 2: at how your partner treats you, look at how he

848
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 2: treats others, and that's how he'll eventually treat you. My

849
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: sister didn't pick up on that. I picked up on

850
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 2: it early. This guy was really mean. He would berate

851
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 2: and insult people for the smallest thing, and would lose

852
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 2: his cool with anybody who looked at him the wrong way.

853
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 2: He started doing it to me, and I told my

854
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 2: sister early on, this guy is an a hole. She

855
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 2: was like, Nah, you two will eventually get along, you

856
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 2: just got off on the wrong foot. I told him

857
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 2: I've seen him do that to other people, but she

858
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,439
Speaker 2: seemed to think, Oh, but he's nice to me. I'm

859
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 2: the special one. Maybe I can change him, or I

860
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:26,439
Speaker 2: just have no idea what he's thinking. After about two

861
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 2: years together, when they were engaged, the cracks were evident.

862
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 2: My parents loved him. His dad and my dad go

863
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 2: way back and they went to the same medical school

864
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 2: together and have been close friends for decades. Her fiance

865
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 2: is also good friends with my two older brothers. After

866
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 2: two years, my sister was realizing this guy was an

867
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,839
Speaker 2: a hole, that he's always been an a hole and

868
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: he won't change. There was a really painfully obvious example

869
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 2: one day when we were having dinner and my sister's

870
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 2: fiance and my dad were having a discussion about something political.

871
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 2: My sister tried to offer her opinion into the discussion

872
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 2: and they both snickered. Then this guy just started berating

873
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 2: her and ripping into her in front of everyone, making

874
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 2: her feel this small aw I could sense her pain.

875
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 2: She was just quiet and just sat there taking it.

876
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 2: I was thinking, what are you doing with this guy?

877
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,839
Speaker 2: He has no respect for you, He has no love

878
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:26,760
Speaker 2: for you. Another time, our family was at this dinner

879
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 2: function where a lot of big people were around. My

880
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 2: sister's fiance completely left my sister alone at the table

881
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 2: with me and was sitting at this other table with

882
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 2: two women, very obviously flirting with them. Semi wasted. He

883
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 2: just left her all alone at the table. I asked

884
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 2: her what was wrong? Why was he ignoring her? She

885
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 2: told me they had an argument earlier and this was

886
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 2: his way of punishing her. You see what I mean

887
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 2: when I say this guy is a complete sociopath. My

888
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 2: sister and I are really close, and even though I'm

889
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 2: younger by far, little brothers aren't devoid of wisdom. And

890
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: I've been urging her from day one to break up

891
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 2: with this guy before she gets into deep. Well, now

892
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 2: that she'd spent two years with him and was engaged,

893
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 2: she was obviously into deep, and she used to tell

894
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 2: me about all the outbursts he hads and how he

895
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 2: treats her with no respect.

896
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 3: Dude, if anyone liked that I was super close with

897
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 3: told me to break up with my partner, I'd be like, yeah,

898
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 3: I'd consider it pretty hard, because I feel like that's

899
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 3: not Oh sure. An angle it was not really something

900
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 3: that you just say, I got it for no reason.

901
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,919
Speaker 2: Yeah. We often had long discussions just me and her,

902
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 2: where she'd spill open like a can of beans and

903
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,240
Speaker 2: just divulge all the bs that he's put her through recently.

904
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes she'd cry and I'd be there to help her out,

905
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 2: but she still seemed to want to stick with him.

906
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 2: She actually convinced herself that he loved her behind all

907
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,280
Speaker 2: of that horrible treatment, and couldn't pull herself to cancel

908
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 2: the engagement. What with our parents and his parents and

909
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 2: everyone counting on it. She knew they'd all say she's

910
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 2: crazy turning down this smart, handsome doctor. Who does she

911
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 2: think she is? I kept urging her to break up,

912
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 2: but she's stuck with the he'll change or deep down

913
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 2: he loves me excuses. It all came to a head

914
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 2: one day when she very publicly exploded at him. We

915
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 2: were having a huge dinner, both sides of our families,

916
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 2: and I was sitting next to him. He kept bullying

917
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 2: me the entire night.

918
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 3: Move your elbows over.

919
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 2: Couldn't you wear something a bit more presentable? Stop sticking

920
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 2: your hand out like that. It's rude, don't you think

921
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 2: You've had enough of that. If I asked him to

922
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 2: pass a bowl or the sauce or something, he'd hand

923
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: it over it, but then pull away and be like,

924
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 2: say please, say thank you.

925
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god, he sounds like good.

926
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 2: He was smiling the entire time, laughing. My two older

927
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 2: brothers were also snickering, and they didn't seem to mind.

928
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 2: This guy was publicly bullying me and having fun with it.

929
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 2: He and my dad started having one of their conversations again,

930
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 2: and my dad started airing out all his general frustrations

931
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 2: and disappointments regarding me, and they started both talking about

932
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 2: my life openly in front of me. Say then turned

933
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: to me and started openly lecturing me. And when I

934
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 2: tried to ignore him, Hey, are you listening to me?

935
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 2: What's the matter with you? Your dad never taught you

936
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 2: any respect. My sister just then basically exploded. She was

937
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 2: sitting at the other side of the table, guessing she

938
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 2: didn't want to be near him, but she was watching

939
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 2: what was going on the entire time. She just stood

940
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 2: up and completely exploded. It was horribly frightening and scary.

941
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 2: She started shouting at him, leave him alone. He hasn't

942
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,359
Speaker 2: done anything to you, Why are you picking on him?

943
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 2: Leave him alone?

944
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 3: Unfortunately for you, this is what she needed. She needed

945
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 3: to see him being mean to someone else that she

946
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 3: loves and realize, Okay, yeah, I'm done.

947
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 2: I've never seen her shout like that or explode like

948
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 2: that in my entire life. It was absolutely terrifying. We

949
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 2: were all stunned, silent. She had tears in her eyes

950
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 2: and ran upstairs crying. I wanted to go upstairs to

951
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 2: speak with her and comfort her. My dad was like,

952
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,760
Speaker 2: where are you What an idiot? I told my dad,

953
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 2: I just wanted to see how sister was doing and

954
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 2: check up on her. He was like, no, you stay here,

955
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 2: you stay seated, So he made me stay seated until

956
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 2: the end of the dinner for hours. My sister was

957
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 2: up there and I didn't even know how she was.

958
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 2: My dad and mom didn't care. My two older brothers

959
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 2: didn't care. I had to wait hours until everyone left

960
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 2: before I could slip up and go talk to her.

961
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 2: She was an absolute mess, crying, Mescara running all down

962
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 2: her face like Darth Maul Star Wars mentioned. I told

963
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 2: her that she has to end this. She's going to

964
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 2: jeopardize her entire life if she continues with this guy,

965
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,280
Speaker 2: she has to do the painful thing now and rip

966
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 2: off the band aid. I told her, you might think

967
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 2: it's okay if he just does this to you because

968
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 2: you can take it, but you really want to bare

969
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 2: his kids. What if you have his kids and then

970
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 2: he starts treating them the same way. She finally agreed

971
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 2: with me and said she would end their relationship and

972
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 2: break up. That only option. Truly, you're right, I just

973
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 2: asked one thing that she doesn't tell anyone that I

974
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 2: convinced her to do it, because they all already seemed

975
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: to have it in for me enough already. Well, the

976
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 2: one thing I asked her to do, she couldn't hold

977
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 2: up her end of the bargain. She still somehow let

978
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 2: everyone know that I was the one who so graciously

979
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 2: helped her make the right decision. Oh no, of course

980
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: this immediately made everyone hate me. Aside from my dad

981
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 2: occasionally going off at me and shouting, it was mostly

982
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: just the silent treatment and people giving me glares, which

983
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 2: was easy enough for me to bear. Is your whole

984
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 2: family built out of sociopaths? Like? Why did no one

985
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 2: else have an issue with this guy? Yeah?

986
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 3: They seem pretty awful.

987
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 2: Your sister literally ran upstairs screaming and crying, and nobody

988
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 2: went to check on her.

989
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 3: Nop.

990
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 2: My sister moved all her stuff over the next few

991
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 2: days out of her fiance's place back into her own apartment,

992
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 2: which apparently she's going to live in indefinitely now. Her

993
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 2: old room in our house has been converted into a

994
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: billiard slash pool table room. Anyway, my dad and brothers

995
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 2: were making my life terrible, and they blamed me for everything.

996
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 2: My mom was occasionally nice to me, but she's nice

997
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,760
Speaker 2: to everyone. I could feel her disappointment with me. Deep

998
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 2: do it again a close up. Ah, She didn't offer

999
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 2: any words or comfort or advice, even though she knew

1000
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 2: my dad and brothers hated me. Right now, my brother's

1001
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 2: basically flat out refused to talk to me. Aside from

1002
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 2: a few sentences here and there, they didn't want to

1003
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 2: engage with me on any level, even when I'd try

1004
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 2: to start conversations with him. My dad I just tried

1005
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 2: to avoid so he doesn't have any angry outbursts. Why

1006
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 2: are they what are they? Did they all? Were? They

1007
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 2: all in love with your sister's fiance.

1008
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 3: Who's I think they're all bullies, and they liked that

1009
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 3: this little bully man was similar to them.

1010
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 2: This all erupted eventually into a huge fight between me

1011
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 2: and him. He was just shouting at me, on and

1012
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 2: on and on, telling me I was a pathetic loser

1013
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 2: in disgusting and my brothers told me how much they

1014
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 2: hated me. My dad kept saying, it's not enough that

1015
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 2: you ruin your own life and turn yourself into a failure.

1016
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 2: Now you have to drag your sister down and ruin

1017
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 2: her life. Why do you hate everyone and try to

1018
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 2: ruin our family. No matter how much I tried to

1019
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 2: explain how this guy wasn't a good guy, they seemed

1020
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 2: to think it was just a personal vendetta I had

1021
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: against him. My brother told me that I didn't deserve

1022
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 2: to have my sister as my sister. I told him

1023
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 2: to go at himself. Good job. My dad was like,

1024
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 2: what did you say? I told him he could go

1025
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 2: at himself as welly, good job. Admittedly, I lost my

1026
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 2: cool after hours of all of them attacking me, and

1027
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said that.

1028
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 3: You should have said that. You should have said that.

1029
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 2: My dad absolutely lost it with me and told me

1030
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,800
Speaker 2: to get out of his house. He never wanted to

1031
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 2: see me ever again. That's why I go you've got it,

1032
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 2: Pops out. I tried to apologize, and he basically just

1033
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: told me to get out, even though I was on

1034
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: the verge of tears. I left the house and they

1035
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 2: locked the door behind me.

1036
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 3: These people are monsters to kick out an eighteen year old.

1037
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 2: I called my sister and she came and picked me

1038
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 2: up and drove me to her place, where I explained

1039
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 2: to her everything that had happened. She told me that

1040
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 2: she'd call them the next morning and talk to Dad

1041
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 2: once he'd cool down, and then he'd be happy to

1042
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 2: take me back. I'm not going back. Sorry, I'm not

1043
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 2: going back.

1044
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 3: Also, I understand that she's in a very hard place,

1045
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 3: and that's very fair, but she did kind of cause

1046
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 3: this a little bit by telling everyone that Op convinced

1047
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 3: her to break up, so she has a little bit

1048
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 3: of responsibility to take care of a people.

1049
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 2: I was still kind of teary, and she comforted me

1050
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 2: and told me I shouldn't hate myself or take too

1051
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 2: seriously what my dad says. And I had been the

1052
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 2: only one brave enough to convince her to do the

1053
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 2: right thing. Her place isn't big, but she let me

1054
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: stay there. Her double bed is just wide enough for

1055
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 2: two people, but it was cozy, so we slept well

1056
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 2: and fine, and the next morning she called up my

1057
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 2: parents home. She wanted to try to talk to them

1058
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 2: reasonably and see if she could make amends and get

1059
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 2: them to accept me back. She told me to wait

1060
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 2: in the bedroom while she had a really long conversation

1061
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 2: with my parents over the phone. It went well over

1062
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 2: an hour, and there was a lot of shouting. She

1063
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 2: told me she was stunned, and she had spoken to

1064
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 2: both of our parents and our brothers too, and she

1065
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 2: said that she couldn't believe it and was appalled at

1066
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,800
Speaker 2: what clowns they were being. They said they were serious

1067
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,919
Speaker 2: about not letting me back into their home, no matter

1068
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 2: how much she pleaded with them, and had said she

1069
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 2: had to go pick up my stuff from my parents' house.

1070
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 2: Oh my god, My sister drove over there and picked

1071
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: up whatever stuff would fit in the car. I didn't

1072
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: have that much aside from my laptop, books, clothes, and

1073
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 2: we brought it back. She herself seemed horrified at the

1074
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 2: way they were acting and seemed to be barely able

1075
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 2: to believe it. She tried calling them again later and

1076
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 2: the next day even and they had all calmed down,

1077
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 2: but they were still adamant that I couldn't return. No

1078
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 2: matter how much she tried to reason and plead with them,

1079
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 2: she eventually got pretty angry with them too. They were

1080
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 2: seriously trying to cut me out of their life. My

1081
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 2: sister told me as a result, she was going to

1082
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: cut the rest of our family out of her life.

1083
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 2: Good nice is why would you want to keep these

1084
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 2: people around all? I told her that she doesn't have

1085
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 2: to do that, and she told me she does have

1086
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 2: to and she wants to. Honestly, if I'm her, I'm

1087
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 2: cutting them out anyway. Based on how much they loved

1088
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 2: my fiance, I think.

1089
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 3: She needs to tell her brother like this, Honestly, I

1090
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 3: love you and I hate the way that treated you.

1091
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 3: But also this is for me.

1092
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're terrible, truly. She said she was permanently cutting

1093
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 2: off all relations in contact with our father, mother, and

1094
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,280
Speaker 2: both brothers until they apologized for the way they treated

1095
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 2: me and accepted me back into their family. I told

1096
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 2: her she doesn't have to do that, but she insisted

1097
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 2: it's the least she could do. Instead, of making me

1098
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 2: feel good, it just made me feel worse and more guilty,

1099
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 2: like I was responsible for the permanent fracturing of our family.

1100
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: It's not your fault. Now, my sister has completely cut

1101
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 2: herself off from the rest of the immediate family and

1102
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 2: cut them out for life. She told me, I'm welcome

1103
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 2: to stay with her and live here indefinitely as long

1104
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 2: as I want, even though I barely have any money

1105
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 2: and I'm a full time student, so there's not many

1106
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 2: ways I can compensate aside from doing chores. She said,

1107
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 2: now that she's actually seriously completely cutting her family off,

1108
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,439
Speaker 2: she'd like to have the one remaining family member close by.

1109
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys need to stick together, So these are

1110
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 3: the only ones who actually care about each.

1111
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 2: Other here I am now, I honestly feel responsible for

1112
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 2: this whole mess of a situation, which makes sense because

1113
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 2: you're eighteen and you have a good head on your shoulders.

1114
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 2: I think it's good that I helped my sister get

1115
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 2: out of that horrible relationship with that awful guy, But

1116
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 2: now look at the fallout. I'm cut off from the

1117
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 2: rest of the family. They hate me and don't want

1118
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 2: anything to do with me, and I'm not welcome back there.

1119
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 2: My sister has done the same to them, cutting them

1120
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 2: all off, she said, even for the rest of her

1121
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 2: life if need be. And by the way, you can

1122
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 2: listen to full episodes with stories like this for the

1123
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 2: rest of your life. Just go to iHeartRadio or Apple

1124
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 2: Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts and search Okay

1125
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:36,439
Speaker 2: story time, and then you will have fifty days worth

1126
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: of podcasts to listen to, fifty days worth the stories

1127
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 2: to peruse, and as long as you only listen to

1128
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 2: like one or two a day, it'll last basically the

1129
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 2: rest of your life. Yeah, because we were constantly adding

1130
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 2: more stories. It all feels so horrible and terrible. I

1131
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 2: didn't want it to end up like this. Our family

1132
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 2: permanently fractured, a part in everyone hating each other, But

1133
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 2: it's not your fault. It's not because of you. That

1134
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 2: might be what happened, but it's not because of you.

1135
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 2: I just want to make peace for the family and

1136
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 2: for everyone to love each other again and get back

1137
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 2: and forgive each other. I really wish there was something

1138
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 2: I could do to reconciliate, but it seems so unlikely,

1139
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 2: especially since nobody seems to want to and I'm at

1140
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 2: the center of it all. Any ideas for what I

1141
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 2: can do to help heal this huge rift and reconciliate

1142
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 2: my family or should I just leave things the way

1143
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 2: they are and get on in my life? Yes, for

1144
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 2: better or for worse? For better is what that would be.

1145
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 2: Nothing I can do to help mend the situation.

1146
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 3: Oh peace.

1147
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 2: And that is the end of the story. And there's note.

1148
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og Host. We're going to get back

1149
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 1: to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads

1150
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 1: from our sponsors to help support the show.

1151
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 3: My sister kept asking to talk to my husband, but

1152
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 3: refuses to tell me why. It's just the secret. So

1153
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 3: it was my birthday a few days ago. Have your

1154
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 3: birthday and all the act? Did it end terribly? I

1155
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 3: don't care about my birthday, but my kids do, so

1156
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 3: I let my husband do the bare minimum for me,

1157
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 3: more for my kids to be able to sing and

1158
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 3: eat cake. By the way, this comes from where it

1159
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 3: rains And if you want to submit your own stories,

1160
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 3: go to our slash shokey storytime severed it. So anyway,

1161
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 3: I am the middle of three older sister, younger brother,

1162
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 3: and per my request. Only my mom, my siblings, their

1163
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 3: significant others, and their kids were invited for a quick

1164
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:20,359
Speaker 3: little dinner party to celebrate another lap around the sun.

1165
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,800
Speaker 3: After dinner, everyone scattered through the house and the yard,

1166
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 3: just hanging out, you know, normal gathering stuff. Dude, Oh,

1167
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 3: this makes me want to have a little family gathering,

1168
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 3: like a really chill one. Then out of nowhere, my

1169
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 3: sister came to me asking where my husband was. I

1170
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,320
Speaker 3: told her I had no idea. Probably in the garage

1171
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 3: where he tends to be a lot of the time

1172
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 3: messing with his tools. Since her husband was unable to

1173
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 3: join for dinner because he worked late, my husband was

1174
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: more doing his own thing during the festivities. Our husbands

1175
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 3: get along well, so when we all get together like this,

1176
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 3: they just hang out together. She told me she had

1177
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 3: already checked there and he wasn't there, So I said

1178
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:02,240
Speaker 3: I don't know and went back to talking with my brother.

1179
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,400
Speaker 3: She came back shortly after and again asked me for

1180
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 3: my husband. I still didn't know. I had been inside

1181
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 3: the same spot with my brother the whole time. When

1182
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 3: she asked me a third time, I told her I

1183
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 3: still hadn't seen him and asked it, why did she

1184
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 3: need to know?

1185
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 2: Why do you need to know?

1186
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 3: She straight up told me that it was none of

1187
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 3: my business. Like what, I felt so disrespected.

1188
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,280
Speaker 2: It's literally my husband. He's like half of my business, dude.

1189
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 3: All I said was that it's sure as heck was

1190
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 3: my business why she needed him because he is my

1191
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 3: husband and she is only connected to him through me.

1192
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 3: I did have a bit of an attitude when I

1193
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 3: said it not gonna lie, but her reaction threw me off.

1194
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 3: She basically accused me of accusing her of wanting my husband,

1195
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 3: not where my brain was at at all. It turned

1196
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 3: into an argument, and I got called a witch a

1197
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: few times. We didn't yell at one another, but there

1198
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 3: was an attitude, and I dropped a few at thumbs.

1199
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 3: I tend to have a sailor's mouth even when I'm

1200
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 3: not angry. My mom was by and said my reaction

1201
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 3: was uncalled for. My brother said that her saying it

1202
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 3: wasn't my business wasn't that big of a deal. He

1203
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 3: thought maybe she wanted him to help her surprise me

1204
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 3: or something since it was my birthday. He didn't think

1205
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 3: I overreacted, but he felt the entire argument was pointless.

1206
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 3: My sister gathered her kids and took off angry at me.

1207
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:23,799
Speaker 3: Was I the a hole who knows? Considering she was

1208
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 3: looking for him for a while and asked me about

1209
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:28,240
Speaker 3: him multiple times. I didn't think I overstepped and asking

1210
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,799
Speaker 3: what she needed him for, Maybe I could have helped her.

1211
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 3: Little backstory my sister tends to bug my husband for favors,

1212
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 3: like checking her car. He's a hobby mechanic, helping carry

1213
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 3: havy stuff from one place to another even if her

1214
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 3: husband is present that's weird. Or if we're at my

1215
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 3: mom's house and she shows up with a lot of stuff,

1216
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 3: she'll ask my husband for help. My husband is very

1217
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 3: active and is used to making himself useful no matter

1218
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 3: the situation. All of his brothers are like this. He

1219
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 3: also doesn't like being rude, so he never says no.

1220
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 3: Maybe this played a part in why I was bothered.

1221
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,839
Speaker 3: Her husband is not like mine, and I don't feel

1222
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 3: the need to ask him for favors the way my

1223
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 3: sister always asks my husband because I have my own husband,

1224
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 3: and even if I were to ask her husband for

1225
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 3: anything and she asked me what for, I would obviously

1226
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 3: tell her he's her husband. Comments Comment one says not

1227
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:20,280
Speaker 3: the a hole and it almost sounds like your husband

1228
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 3: was avoiding your sister. Possibly a reply your husband really

1229
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,399
Speaker 3: needs to stand up for himself, have boundaries and say

1230
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:31,280
Speaker 3: no without explaining why. He's a role model for your kids.

1231
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 3: They need to have autonomy, choices and their voices heard.

1232
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,919
Speaker 3: Plus other adults will continue to manipulate and disrespect him.

1233
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 3: In turn, this disrespects you. Comment to not the a whole.

1234
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 3: If she said it all cute, none of your business,

1235
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 3: birthday girl, then yeah it was for your birthday. But

1236
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,400
Speaker 3: she didn't. She was straight up for rude, and the

1237
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:52,480
Speaker 3: updates clinched it. Well, she wants a favor and anything

1238
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 3: that has to do with your husband is your business.

1239
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 3: Next family gathering, just have you, your husband and your kids.

1240
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 3: Maybe just invite his family instead. Opie says that was

1241
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 3: my initial thought. The first time she asked me, I

1242
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 3: was like, okay, wait, she's making it too obvious. Now,

1243
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 3: I know to expect something if it would have been playful,

1244
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 3: cool obvious ha, But then that whole attitude and tone

1245
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 3: just confused me. Comment three says, I guess if you

1246
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 3: ever go back to talking and she asks for your husband,

1247
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 3: I would just repeat what can I help you with?

1248
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 3: And what can I get your husband to do for you?

1249
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 3: Opie says she never goes through me to get to

1250
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 3: my husband because that is what I already do. Another

1251
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 3: reason her continuously asking me for him tripped me up.

1252
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 3: Comment for why did your family side so quickly and

1253
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 3: easily with your sister is their history? Opie says. I

1254
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 3: can be harsh when I'm mad and she is sensitive.

1255
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,399
Speaker 3: My mom only saw her ask about my husband once,

1256
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 3: I think, and there is an update. Oh wow, I

1257
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 3: did not think this post would have so much traction. Oh.

1258
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 3: I haven't talked to my siblings or mom since it happened.

1259
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 3: For starters, you guys are funny. My husband wasn't in

1260
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 3: hiding or avoiding anyone, lol. I think it's important to

1261
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 3: note that we live in a house with a pretty

1262
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 3: big yard, like a ranch, but without the animals. My

1263
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 3: sister probably just didn't go far enough to find him.

1264
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 3: I did ask him after it all went down where

1265
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 3: he was. He came and confused after my sister took

1266
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 3: her kids to ask why they left. Turns out he

1267
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 3: was all over the place throughout the festivities. He was

1268
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 3: playing with the kids for one bit, then was at

1269
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 3: the gate with the neighbor whom he shared adult soda with,

1270
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 3: since they're cool with my dad. For another bit, was

1271
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 3: indeed in the garage. Yet another bit, I told her

1272
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 3: to go look there because that's where he usually is

1273
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 3: when he goes missing. When my brother in law is around,

1274
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 3: they're easy to find because they tend to punt it

1275
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,799
Speaker 3: in one spot, drinking and whatnot. Like I said in

1276
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 3: my post, my husband is always in motion. He chills

1277
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 3: when he's with someone there to chill with. If not,

1278
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 3: he is never in the same spot. Makes sense. Also,

1279
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 3: people seem to think he just set up the gathering

1280
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 3: and took off, which wrong. He did celebrate with me

1281
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 3: and interacted with everyone throughout and whatnot. We're just not

1282
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 3: together at every single moment. People also said I seemed controlling.

1283
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 3: I'm not my husband keep her, as many stated, and

1284
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,319
Speaker 3: I do trust him. I don't keep tabs on him,

1285
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 3: which is why wherever he was, I was unaware, nor

1286
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,880
Speaker 3: did I care, because I was under the impression he

1287
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 3: was just hanging out somewhere else.

1288
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 2: Right. The issue came not from that, but just the

1289
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 2: principle of like, where's your husband, Oh, I don't know

1290
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 2: what do you need Do you need him for some Yeah?

1291
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 2: I want to tell him something. Oh what do you

1292
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 2: need to tell him? None of your business.

1293
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 3: And I only asked her why she needed him, because

1294
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 3: of her persistence and to see if maybe she needed

1295
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 3: something I could help with them instead. I have talked

1296
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 3: to him about continuously helping her in the past, and

1297
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 3: I've told him that she has her own husband she

1298
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 3: could ask him, to which he always responds.

1299
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:40,200
Speaker 2: I know, but I'm right there.

1300
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 3: I don't mind. My brother in law is kind of lazy,

1301
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 3: and my husband sees it more as a favor to

1302
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 3: his buddy than to my sister. He isn't like that

1303
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 3: with just her, for the record, He's like that with everyone.

1304
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 3: I do find it annoying sometimes, but his brothers and

1305
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 3: his mom are the very same. I get more annoyed

1306
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 3: at my sister because I do agree that she takes

1307
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 3: advantage of his helpful nature, but so does my mom.

1308
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 3: My dad is fragile, can't lift heavy things, et cetera,

1309
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 3: so same thing. My husband sees it as doing it

1310
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 3: for my dad. Yeah, that's tricky because it seems like

1311
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 3: he's gonna help if people ask him to help. Yeah,

1312
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 3: and you don't say anything about it. Everyone's like, why

1313
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 3: are you complaining? He can do what he wants. He's

1314
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 3: an adort man.

1315
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,360
Speaker 2: Which is true, just true. But you're just standing for him,

1316
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 2: which is also true.

1317
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 3: Now, as some people mentioned, if it would have been

1318
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 3: a playful not of your business, I would have reacted

1319
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 3: differently because my mind did go to a possible surprise too,

1320
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,480
Speaker 3: like so many of you. But she had a tone

1321
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: when she said it, and it seemed less wait and

1322
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: see yay and more mind your business. And yes, I

1323
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 3: was annoyed. I am also the type of person that,

1324
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 3: depending on the way things are said to me, is

1325
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 3: how I will react. That's everybody person, I think.

1326
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 2: I would like to think that most people react differently

1327
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 2: based on how's every week. So Sophia, I'd be like, oh,

1328
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:09,000
Speaker 2: I'd be like hello. But if I went hi, Sophia,

1329
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:12,400
Speaker 2: I'd be like hello, be like what okay?

1330
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 3: If it was something she felt she didn't want me

1331
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 3: to know, like something about her own husband, that's all

1332
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 3: she had to say. And I would have understood about

1333
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 3: my family siding with my siss that's just how it is.

1334
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 2: That sucks.

1335
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 3: I tend to be more monotone when I'm mad, but

1336
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 3: I can't be harsh like I said, I curse a lot.

1337
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 3: My sister is more sensitive and cries easily. My brother

1338
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 3: didn't side with anyone. I don't think he just didn't

1339
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 3: think it was that big of a deal to lead

1340
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 3: to a whole argument.

1341
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 2: Yes, we were right, we would correct about that.

1342
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 3: And OMG, I really hope everyone is wrong about her

1343
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 3: actually wanting my husband jealous that her husband isn't more

1344
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:50,520
Speaker 3: like my husband. Maybe, and hopefully this is why she

1345
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 3: said that. I choose to believe it's the latter for

1346
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 3: my own sanity. I think. I think that's true.

1347
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, we can do.

1348
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 3: That thanks to this post. I had to ask him

1349
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 3: if she has ever been weird him or made him

1350
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable, and he said no, and I had to

1351
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:07,080
Speaker 3: tell him what she said. His conclusion is what I

1352
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 3: hope is true, and more jealousy than a crush about

1353
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 3: his phone. Him and my brother in law have each

1354
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 3: other's numbers, but not him and my cyst. I will

1355
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 3: not go through his phone. I don't need to. If

1356
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 3: he's driving and he gets a text, he will have

1357
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,440
Speaker 3: me grab his phone to see who's messaging him. If

1358
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 3: he has to respond right away. He will have me

1359
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 3: to it. He doesn't even have a password on his phone.

1360
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: That's how secretive he is.

1361
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:31,919
Speaker 2: My goodness again, it's like the reverse. It's like it's

1362
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 2: so not secret.

1363
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's even weirder.

1364
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 2: He's got a second phone with only WhatsApp.

1365
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'll update this as needed. Thank you all for

1366
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 3: your replies, and uh, there is an update. So I

1367
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,680
Speaker 3: talked to my husband about the situation extensively over the

1368
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 3: last few days. Haven't talked to my sister still as

1369
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 3: of this post. Turns out my sister's husband and my

1370
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 3: husband briefly talked on their own about this whole ordeal

1371
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 3: few days back. What do you think they said?

1372
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 5: I think they were like, she'd tell you about the thing,

1373
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:08,439
Speaker 5: and then he was like, tell me about the thing,

1374
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:09,960
Speaker 5: and they were like, do you want to come over

1375
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 5: and build stuff in the girlag drink and he was like, yeah,

1376
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:16,160
Speaker 5: let's do that, and then they just built a contraption together.

1377
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1378
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 3: I think so. According to her husband, it was indeed

1379
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 3: some sort of surprise. You couldn't specify what was planned,

1380
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 3: as she didn't tell him and he didn't know, but

1381
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 3: that as far as their exchange went, you didn't mention

1382
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 3: her accusation of my accusation, which I found odd since

1383
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 3: if the scripper flipped, I would definitely tell my husband

1384
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 3: because no just know, my brother called to tell me

1385
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 3: it was for a surprise too, as he had initially thought.

1386
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:44,360
Speaker 3: After these exchanges, I felt like the biggest day hole.

1387
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 3: Despite her tone, I ended up attempting to meet with

1388
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 3: her at our parents' house earlier today. My mom watches

1389
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 3: her kids after they get out of school, so she

1390
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 3: goes there every day during the week, and the outcome

1391
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 3: was not what I expected at all. I texted Sis

1392
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 3: that I would be there when she got her kids

1393
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 3: if that would be okay, to which she did not respond.

1394
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 3: I went anyway to clear the air. Her husband went

1395
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 3: to pick up the kids instead of her. She won't

1396
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,959
Speaker 3: respond to my text or answer the call I gave her,

1397
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 3: and my mom just keeps saying I need to apologize

1398
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 3: for being mean, but to give her time because I

1399
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 3: really heard her.

1400
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:19,919
Speaker 2: Okay, but grow up, Come on, what do you mean

1401
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 2: she sounds like an idiot. I'm sorry, but you're planning

1402
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 2: a surprise for someone, and then the person you're planning

1403
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:29,720
Speaker 2: the surprise for you go and ask them where their

1404
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:30,240
Speaker 2: husband is.

1405
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 3: I don't know how much of the initial argument my

1406
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 3: mom heard, but I am sure I never accused her

1407
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 3: of any foul play with my husband. I never thought

1408
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 3: that and still don't, although many of you do. I

1409
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 3: had to call my brother to confirm, to which he

1410
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 3: remembers her being offended that I asked her what she

1411
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:48,640
Speaker 3: needed a husband's name for and instantly went to her

1412
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 3: thinking that grossness is what I meant, but that that

1413
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 3: accusation never came out of my mouth, except to tell

1414
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 3: her that I never said anything remotely close to that.

1415
01:02:58,480 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 3: He tried to tell her that I did not say

1416
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 3: anything like that, but she told him to butt out,

1417
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 3: so he did.

1418
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: All right, Well, that's a smart man.

1419
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 3: The brother's like, no, she didn't a chap and he's like.

1420
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, my I'm leaving.

1421
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 3: Please don't judge my brother for this. But he is

1422
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 3: close to a decade younger than us, and my mom

1423
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 3: has always gone in on his case when he tries

1424
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 3: to defend me, because then he's picking sides. He gets

1425
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 3: along better with me than says yeah, because your sister's

1426
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 3: kind of a lot. I will be giving my sister

1427
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:29,360
Speaker 3: her space and will distance myself from her. Overall sad

1428
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 3: for all the children involved. I know I tempted to

1429
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:35,440
Speaker 3: apologize for my crappy attitude and that if it was

1430
01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 3: for a surprise, I'm sorry that I ruined it. No

1431
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 3: one could tell me what the surprise was, so there

1432
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 3: goes that I was also going to tell her. I

1433
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 3: was not upset that she was looking for my husband.

1434
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 3: I was more upset at the way she told me

1435
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 3: it was none of my business. I took offense to

1436
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 3: that as disrespectful to me and as an individual and

1437
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:56,960
Speaker 3: as the person in questions wife, probably due to some

1438
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 3: underlying issues I do have with my sister. I could

1439
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 3: go in to detail and vent about it to strangers

1440
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 3: on the Internet, but wouldn't know what part of Reddit

1441
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,440
Speaker 3: to post. You loll. By the way, I know that

1442
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 3: you can find full episodes with stories just like this,

1443
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 3: just a word to go Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your

1444
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 3: favorite podcast app in search of.

1445
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:21,160
Speaker 2: What okay story time.

1446
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:21,880
Speaker 3: There we go.

1447
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:23,919
Speaker 2: It's on his head right.

1448
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 3: In conclusion, I can accept I overreacted, but based on

1449
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 3: the conversations with my husband and my bro and the

1450
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 3: comments on here, I was not necessarily an a hole. Also, yes,

1451
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:35,919
Speaker 3: I do use humor as a crappy way to cope

1452
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 3: with my problems.

1453
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 2: I'm working on stop, don't we all? Don't we all?

1454
01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:41,880
Speaker 2: Don't work on that? Make it a core part of

1455
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,560
Speaker 2: you and never let go of it.

1456
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,120
Speaker 3: Thank you to everyone that read and responded, whether you

1457
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 3: believe I'm justified or if you thought I was the

1458
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 3: A hole. I don't mind being called out on my

1459
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 3: crap if such crap exists. I read every comment and

1460
01:04:54,840 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 3: took all feedback into consideration, and that is the end

1461
01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 3: of the story.

1462
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 4: That is