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Speaker 1: Hey, friends, it is a weird time to be making content,

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Speaker 1: certainly from here in Los Angeles, California. This wonderful episode

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Speaker 1: with Lily we actually recorded a few weeks before the fires,

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Speaker 1: and now it's up and we won't be discussing it

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Speaker 1: obviously on this episode since it hadn't happened yet. But

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows there

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Speaker 1: are so many incredible resources and groups that you can support.

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Speaker 1: I've actually got a really wonderful mutual aid list in

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Speaker 1: a highlight on my Instagram stories and we will put

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Speaker 1: it in the show notes as well. If you have

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Speaker 1: a heart for the people and places that make La

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Speaker 1: so wonderful and special, please consider visiting that and supporting

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Speaker 1: our city. Love you all, I hope you're staying safe.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to work in progress high WIF Smarties. Today we

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Speaker 1: are joined by someone I have been a fan of

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Speaker 1: for such a long time. I am so impressed, and

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Speaker 1: I so admire the way that she carries herself, the

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Speaker 1: things she's willing to talk about, the ways she's willing

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Speaker 1: to sent her really human experiences in a world that

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Speaker 1: doesn't always want to do that. And she happens to

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Speaker 1: be brilliant, stunning, an entrepreneur, a producer, an incredible actor,

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Speaker 1: and an author. Today's guest is none other than Lily

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Speaker 1: ryan Hart. You likely met Lily portraying Betty Cooper on

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Speaker 1: the CW drama series Riverdale. Can't wait to talk to

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Speaker 1: her about our high school experiences on the cedeb. She

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Speaker 1: has worked on incredible films from Hustlers to Chemical Hearts,

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Speaker 1: and she recently launched her own production company. On top

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Speaker 1: of all of this incredible success, Lily released a book

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Speaker 1: of poet in twenty twenty titled Swimming Lessons, and her

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Speaker 1: book explores themes like young love, anxiety, depression, fame, heartbreak.

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Speaker 1: These are the kinds of things she's really heart forward

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Speaker 1: about discussing with her audience. She really welcomes folks in

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Speaker 1: to talk about everything from insecurity to body dysmorphia to depression.

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Speaker 1: And I really think she is doing such an incredible

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Speaker 1: service to the world with the conversations that she chooses

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Speaker 1: to have and the tenderness with which she chooses to

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Speaker 1: have them. And I'm really excited for all of you

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Speaker 1: to hear today's conversation because that tenderness carries through this

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Speaker 1: episode as well.

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Speaker 2: Enjoy.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 1: First of all, it was so much fun to get

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Speaker 1: to see you last.

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Speaker 3: Week of this. I just loved that me too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've admired your work and the way that you

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Speaker 1: use your platform and the things that you choose to

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Speaker 1: talk about for such a long time, so I'm thrilled

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Speaker 1: you're here too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I was really happy. I days of events,

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Speaker 3: I kind of am always going why did I say

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Speaker 3: yes to this?

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Speaker 1: All day long?

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Speaker 3: Because I just I just have the social anxiety, so

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Speaker 3: I have to push, really push myself to leave my

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Speaker 3: house and go to those things. But yeah, but I'm

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Speaker 3: always I'm always usually happy that I do, and then

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Speaker 3: I'm there, so I always walk away. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 3: it was like the fear of going was much worse

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Speaker 3: than the actual thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the anticipatory anxiety is often worse for me than

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Speaker 1: the experiential anxiety. But it doesn't mean I don't have it.

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Speaker 1: I can try to talk myself out of it the

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Speaker 1: whole time, but yeah, it doesn't leave my body till

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Speaker 1: I get to the thing and I run into people

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Speaker 1: that I've been excited to meet or I see friends,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm like, what was I so freaked? Out.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, it's thee I mean, there is like because

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Speaker 3: it's not just go to a party. It's like you're

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Speaker 3: hiring people and you're having to look good and like

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Speaker 3: get the freaking glam photo and make sure you are

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Speaker 3: in a social mood or whatever. And I don't know,

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Speaker 3: it's just it's not like going to a regular party.

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Speaker 3: There's just like it feels like work to me. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so it's like, ultimately I'm going to work in a way.

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Speaker 1: Totally, it is absolutely work. And I also giggled because

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Speaker 1: I'd had to go to something.

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Speaker 3: Before and.

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Speaker 1: The thing I went to earlier to see some friends.

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Speaker 1: As I was leaving, I got caught in like one

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Speaker 1: of those moments of just la rain. So by the

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Speaker 1: time I got back across town to see all of

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Speaker 1: you guys, i'd gotten wet, I was in velvet. I

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Speaker 1: had like a cool hairtuk moment happening. Yeah, And then

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Speaker 1: by the the time I got to our event, I

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Speaker 1: looked at the photos and I was like cool, I

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Speaker 1: just looked like I gently electrocuted myself.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 1: It was like this moment where I was like, you

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Speaker 1: kind of just gotta let it go. Like I don't know, no, one.

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Speaker 3: No one would have ever known.

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Speaker 1: You're very sweet. But it was like this very funny

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Speaker 1: moment where I was like, am I gonna let the

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Speaker 1: fact that like I'm a Frisbell now make me go home?

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Speaker 1: Or am I just going to go see my pals?

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Speaker 1: And I was very bad that I came.

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Speaker 3: To see every You looked so lovely and there was

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Speaker 3: no one would have ever see, No one ever would know,

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Speaker 3: I never know, No one knows, right. I had to

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Speaker 3: have be like safety pinned, like the I did a

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Speaker 3: beauty con in November and the tailor accidentally took the

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Speaker 3: buttons off my sleeves, so we had to like safety

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Speaker 3: pin them, and who gives a shit? That's yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's like a little bit like, oh this sucks, and

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Speaker 3: you're rushing out the door while it's happening and like

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Speaker 3: safety pitting things. But I've had some red carpet moments

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Speaker 3: like that a few times, and that always is it

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Speaker 3: doesn't help the anxiety.

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Speaker 1: My best friend in college split her pants at a party.

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Speaker 1: We were really we were having a great night. It

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Speaker 1: turned into like a dance off moment. Everything was great,

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Speaker 1: and then she forgot how inflexible. Said pair of pants

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Speaker 1: was and split them, and I happened to have safety

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Speaker 1: pins in my bag because I was coming to this

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Speaker 1: thing from class, And ever since, I've always made sure

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Speaker 1: to carry a couple of safety pins in a clutch

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Speaker 1: when I go out to something, just in case it

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Speaker 1: happens to someone else. Yeah, Oh, I feel you on

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Speaker 1: the safety pinage there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've definitely had an entire dress fully break, like

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Speaker 3: and it's like, what I mean some of these things,

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Speaker 3: I just I'm like, I got to give this over

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Speaker 3: to did God here, Like there's really nothing I can

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Speaker 3: do in this moment at the end of the day.

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Speaker 3: It's like a red carpet that no one but me

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Speaker 3: will like ever really remember totally. So yeah, stuff like

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Speaker 3: that where I'm like, actually, no one but me is

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Speaker 3: actually fully paying attention to like me in this moment,

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Speaker 3: If that makes sense. Maybe that's a stupid thing to

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Speaker 3: say when you have like fans who actually are very

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Speaker 3: much paying attention. But I guess I'm like, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to hold on to the things that go wrong and

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Speaker 3: no one else is going to really notice them exactly.

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Speaker 3: And if I look back, if I look bad on

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Speaker 3: a carpet, the only person that that's hurting is ultimately

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Speaker 3: and so.

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Speaker 1: One's really going to care. Yeah, but it doesn't lessen

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Speaker 1: the experience. But I'm so I love that we get

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Speaker 1: to talk about these things, honestly, because I feel like

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Speaker 1: when I started working in TV, nobody wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: about anxiety. Everyone was like, you're so privileged, how dare

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Speaker 1: you talk about stress or whatever? And it's like, I

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Speaker 1: actually think it's quite refreshing to know that everyone is human.

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Speaker 1: I'm really curious for you. I normally dive in with

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Speaker 1: this question, but we we started in the present. I

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Speaker 1: want to know a little bit about your childhood because

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Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting to sit down with people

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Speaker 1: who our audiences know generally from a body of work.

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Speaker 1: And I want to know if if your version of

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Speaker 1: yourself today got to sit down with your eight or

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Speaker 1: nine or ten year old self, would you see the

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Speaker 1: through line from what she was really interested to what

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Speaker 1: you do now? Did you always want to be a

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Speaker 1: performer or did this sort of all come out of

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Speaker 1: the ether?

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Speaker 3: No, it was really I think in my bones, and

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Speaker 3: I always think it was a little bit written in

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Speaker 3: the stars because I never had really a backup plan

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Speaker 3: and I never wanted one, and that's a bit hard

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Speaker 3: to tell your family who's never No one in my

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Speaker 3: family was in this field, and no one was arts

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Speaker 3: and to pursue it from Bay Village, Ohio. It was

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Speaker 3: just sort of a far off dream, seemingly so it

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Speaker 3: was a big, big dream for kind of a small

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Speaker 3: town and to have no connections. It was sort of like, Okay, sure,

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Speaker 3: dream big. And I was never told not to. But

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Speaker 3: I absolutely came into the world liking to entertain people

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Speaker 3: and be funny and goofy around my family, and weirdly though,

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Speaker 3: was shy and had social anxiety, like to the point

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Speaker 3: where when I was very young didn't want to go

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Speaker 3: to birthday parties. I didn't want to be I was

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Speaker 3: nervous to be around I guess the other kids, but

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Speaker 3: more so I think it was like nervousness to be

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Speaker 3: away from my mother. It was very attached to her.

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Speaker 3: But within my family and friends, I was always wanting

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Speaker 3: to perform and be silly, and I grew up making

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Speaker 3: videos on a camera for myself that I would show

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Speaker 3: my family, forcing them to watch. You know, these probably

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Speaker 3: not very entertaining videos, but discovering windows movie maker when

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Speaker 3: I was thirteen or something and editing together my own

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Speaker 3: little movies and adding music to them and making my

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Speaker 3: sister do it with me, and every time my friends

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Speaker 3: came over, we would be like, let's make it. It

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Speaker 3: was like, let's make a video. And I think that

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Speaker 3: seems to be quite common with a lot of you know, actors.

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Speaker 3: I find did that as a kid, so that's it

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Speaker 3: seems to be kind of a common thing. But there

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Speaker 3: was definitely always that desire to perform and be creative.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, I mean if I sat down with my

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Speaker 3: little ten year old self, it would be it would

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Speaker 3: be like, yeah, I'm still you. I'm still this kind

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Speaker 3: of shy, and it's interesting. I've grown up and I'm

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Speaker 3: not I don't love this, but like I've almost turned

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Speaker 3: into instead of like shy, I fear that sometimes it

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Speaker 3: can come off as more of like a Larry David

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Speaker 3: version of myself, where it's a little bit like, uh,

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Speaker 3: maybe I come off as a little cold because of

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Speaker 3: how introverted I am, Whereas I feel when I was

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Speaker 3: younger and I was introverted, it was like, oh, she's shy.

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Speaker 3: Like it's very easy to point to a kid who's

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Speaker 3: introverted and say, she's shy, and when you're older, especially

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Speaker 3: even in high school, maybe I was projecting. But I

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Speaker 3: think I maybe was seen as kind of a bitch

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Speaker 3: because I was shy, and because I was an actor

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Speaker 3: trying to be an actor in this small town. So

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Speaker 3: it kind of gave the illusion of Oh, who does

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Speaker 3: this girl think she is? And she's but I really

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Speaker 3: like I would try to put myself out there, but

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Speaker 3: ultimately I was. I felt shy, but when people gave

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Speaker 3: me a chance, I would be excited and try to

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Speaker 3: be warm. But ultimately I think as I've gotten older,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I've just soured with age, but I've just

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Speaker 3: kind of I guess I can come off a little

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Speaker 3: bit like a little Larry Larry David in me. I'm

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Speaker 3: like a twenty eight year old Larry David. Woman.

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Speaker 1: That's great.

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Speaker 3: There's things to work on, for sure. I mean it's

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Speaker 3: a little to hear. I was given that comparison the

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Speaker 3: other day, and I was a bit like, oh is

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Speaker 3: this this am? I like, I love him and I

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Speaker 3: love kurby enthusiasm, but I'm like to be compared as

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Speaker 3: a human being to like a grouchy old man. I

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Speaker 3: don't know, but ultimately we'll grow from it and be like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: so we've maybe got to like work on the warming

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Speaker 3: up around around people seeming more warmth.

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Speaker 1: I also think there's a really odd thing to a

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Speaker 1: lot of fame so young. For sure, you know, I

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Speaker 1: would imagine for you, you know, you got cast on Riverdale

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Speaker 1: at nineteen, like.

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Speaker 3: I was.

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Speaker 1: I think i'd been twenty one for I don't know,

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Speaker 1: fifteen days or something when I got to Wilmington to

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Speaker 1: do One Tree Hill, Like your prefrontal cortex isn't done

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Speaker 1: developing until you're twenty six. Like it's a lot, you know.

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Speaker 1: I remember feeling like I could really prove that I

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Speaker 1: was an adult. And looking back on it, especially with

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Speaker 1: all of us girls going back to start rewatching the

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Speaker 1: show together.

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Speaker 3: That's fun.

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Speaker 1: We're so shocked. We're like, we were children. We were babies.

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Speaker 1: Who let us out of the house, who let us

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Speaker 1: do this, who put us on a set, who told

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Speaker 1: us to pretend we knew what we were doing so

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Speaker 1: we wouldn't embarrass ourselves. We were children. We should have

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Speaker 1: just been like, we have no idea what we're doing.

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Speaker 3: And I'm sure there was no essence of media training back.

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Speaker 1: Then oh no, I thought if someone asked you a question,

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Speaker 1: you had to answer it.

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Speaker 3: You were thrown to the wolves, and we like we

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Speaker 3: all are because no one ever, no one ever gives

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Speaker 3: you any sort of rule book, And when I think

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Speaker 3: maybe they should, it would have been helpful to have

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Speaker 3: like some basic outlines, but I guess you kind of

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Speaker 3: you're almost like, let me look to my elders, and

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Speaker 3: the people playing our parents on the show were happy

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Speaker 3: to give advice and stuff like that, but you really

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Speaker 3: are like trial by fire, yep, don't mess up.

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Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors who make the

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Speaker 1: show possible. What was that like for you? Like, when

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Speaker 1: you think about that season of life, do you immediately

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Speaker 1: think about what the audition process was like? Do you

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Speaker 1: think about the kind of WHOA, what's happening moment when

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Speaker 1: the show is this huge hit and suddenly you have

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Speaker 1: all this on your shoulders? What kind of comes up there?

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Speaker 3: It's like a big deep breath to think about in

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Speaker 3: a way, wow, because it was seven years, and it

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Speaker 3: was from nineteen to twenty six, and I'm twenty eight

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Speaker 3: now and having time away from it, and I always

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Speaker 3: knew doing it is so hard and being in It

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Speaker 3: is really challenging to fully move and vacate your life

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Speaker 3: that I'm trying to start for myself in la And

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Speaker 3: I remember not even knowing that the show filmed in

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Speaker 3: Vancouver until I was on the phone with my lawyer

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Speaker 3: and he's saying, those shoots in Vancouver, and I din't

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Speaker 3: was like, where is that? So it was a I

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Speaker 3: don't think I'd ever even been through Canada, So it

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Speaker 3: was it was just this pick yourself up out of

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Speaker 3: this chapter of your life and PLoP you down here

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Speaker 3: and figure it out. And it is kind of figured out.

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Speaker 3: And I think people expect people are always shocked. They're like,

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Speaker 3: where did you stay? Like where were they putting you up?

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Speaker 3: And it's like, no, you relocate your life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't put you up. They don't know. They

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Speaker 1: don't pay for anything.

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Speaker 3: They don't pay for anything. They'll give you a relocation

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Speaker 3: fee and that lasts. Yeah, that's last.

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Speaker 1: Day, and yeah that gets you your first plane ticket

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Speaker 1: and maybe if you're lucky, you get to ship your car.

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Speaker 3: I shipped my car to Washington and then I drove

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Speaker 3: it over the border. But I also like at the time,

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Speaker 3: I remember having to tell my publicist I was like,

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Speaker 3: I actually can't afford you at all? Can we can you?

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Speaker 3: Maybe you just can I pay you once I get paid.

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Speaker 3: And it's sort of like this. It wasn't awkward for

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Speaker 3: me to talk about money, but I didn't, you know.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I've never made money like this before,

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Speaker 3: and I don't have I don't know I had. Maybe

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Speaker 3: I don't know how much money I had in my

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Speaker 3: bank account. Not a lot, but I because I had

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Speaker 3: been acting since I was twelve, but like not making money,

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Speaker 3: so it was I don't have the means to be

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Speaker 3: shilling out now thousands of dollars for a publisherally, and

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Speaker 3: no one really tells you how to deal with that

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Speaker 3: as well, when you're making money so young and given

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Speaker 3: that responsibility, that was also trippy weird. It's a weird

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Speaker 3: thing to move very quickly from struggling financially to being

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Speaker 3: the most financially secure person around you. Yeah, it's a

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Speaker 3: bit of a shift, I think, mentally for a young

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Speaker 3: person in their twenties. And luckily I'm very responsible with money,

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Speaker 3: but it is a weird shift. But I think it

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Speaker 3: was more so for me kind of having to move

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Speaker 3: my whole life to a different country, and yes it

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Speaker 3: was Canada, so we're not moving somewhere crazy far away.

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Speaker 3: It's a three hour flight to la but ultimately finding

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Speaker 3: a new apartment, settling the life there. And then that

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Speaker 3: extends to seven years and it is I look back

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Speaker 3: really fondly, working with wonderful people that I love really

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Speaker 3: dearly and will always hold such a I mean, you know,

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Speaker 3: like you just had a special place in your heart

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Speaker 3: for these people that you were on this journey with that.

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Speaker 3: So few people understand what it's like to just be

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Speaker 3: a part of a television show, and so I understand

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Speaker 3: the privilege in that, like, wow, I'm so lucky I

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Speaker 3: have that experience, because I think it's rare and it's

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Speaker 3: wonderful to be on a show for seven years. It's

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Speaker 3: like a blessing and and I look at it as

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Speaker 3: such absolutely, and although it was hard and had its challenges,

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Speaker 3: I really do see it as it's the reason why

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Speaker 3: I'm sitting in my house and it's I'm you know,

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Speaker 3: was able to then have a production company and do

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Speaker 3: everything else that I did. It was a catalyst for

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Speaker 3: my whole career, and so yeah, it absolutely changed my

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Speaker 3: life and was the biggest pivotal moment in my career

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Speaker 3: thus far.

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Speaker 1: So totally yeah, And I think it can be all

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Speaker 1: of those things. You know. It can be something you're

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Speaker 1: so grateful for. It can be something that was incredibly trying.

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, like my heart just swells hearing

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Speaker 1: you talk, because I know what it is to love

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Speaker 1: a group of people and also to be completely isolated

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Speaker 1: and in some senses trapped with a group of people

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Speaker 1: because you do. It's it's sort of like my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: and I were talking about this the other day. She

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Speaker 1: was in La visiting and we hadn't seen each other

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Speaker 1: in a while. I just realized, I'm saying this. I

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Speaker 1: mean one of my girlfriend's from my show, not like

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend, like my romantic party. Must clarify for the audience.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna be like, oh, is she talking about girlfriend? Yes,

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Speaker 1: platonic girlfriend. And and you know, she was out from

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Speaker 1: the East Coast and we were just talking about some

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Speaker 1: things and I said, I said, I have this really

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Speaker 1: crazy kind of visual. It's like when you see those

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Speaker 1: videos of bald eagles plucking salmon up out of the

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Speaker 1: river and it's so majestic, but it's like it's like

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Speaker 1: eagles pluck you out of your life and then they

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Speaker 1: just drop you in a nest and you're like, where

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Speaker 1: am I? Where is water? What is this? And you

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Speaker 1: know everyone's like, aren't you so excited? And you're like, yes,

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Speaker 1: but also I think I'm terrified. Yeah, and it's so surreal,

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Speaker 1: so I.

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Speaker 3: Really And then add having a Twitter a having a

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Speaker 3: Twitter into that equation, I really not And it's or

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Speaker 3: any form of social media, and it's horrible. It's way

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Speaker 3: way scarier just because no one. There's just no one

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Speaker 3: to tell you that you're about to be hated on

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Speaker 3: so hard just existing and what the fuck do you

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Speaker 3: do with that?

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Speaker 1: You know, it's it's a really weird thing because we

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Speaker 1: didn't have that when our show first started. But what

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Speaker 1: existed in the vacuum were the tabloids and they're still around,

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Speaker 1: but they can't completely create a narrative of who you are,

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Speaker 1: because you get to be who you are in whatever

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Speaker 1: way you choose to. I'm social.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: One of the really interesting things for us was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we're all just going to be cast as these archetypes

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Speaker 1: and then that's who you're going to want us to be,

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Speaker 1: by the way, forever, not even when it doesn't really

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Speaker 1: even get to change when we can have our own

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Speaker 1: social media because you made so much money clickbaiting us

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Speaker 1: as these people, yeah, for ten years before it existed,

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Speaker 1: that you're desperate for more of it. And that's an

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Speaker 1: interesting thing too, because, like Hillary always used to say that,

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Speaker 1: she's like, dude, the behind the scenes drama on our

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Speaker 1: show is so extra, like literally, I don't know how

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Speaker 1: true this is for yours, but like everyone on our

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Speaker 1: show dated everyone on our show, And she's like, thanks

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Speaker 1: for taking the tabloid bullets for the rest of us, babe,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, then thanks.

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Speaker 3: You and you yeah, yeah, I mean yeah now.

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Speaker 1: Because it's like we're kids, and what are you going

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Speaker 1: to do? It's like it's literally they put you back

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Speaker 1: in high school.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I would watch some of the things I would just

395
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Speaker 1: see because we're all online about you guys and your world,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, God, I love so much of

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Speaker 1: what you're getting to do and the ways you're at

398
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Speaker 1: least appeared, you know, these incredibly strong female friendships. And

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Speaker 1: I would kind of see the desire for people to

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Speaker 1: clickbait your lives. And I don't know if you want

401
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Speaker 1: to talk about it or not, and you can absolutely

402
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Speaker 1: say now and then we'll just cut it. But it's

403
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Speaker 1: like when I saw just as the Internet surfaces things

404
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Speaker 1: on your explore page like you and Cole falling in

405
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Speaker 1: love as like young kids on a show, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I hope someone protects these babies because

407
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Speaker 1: I've been through it and I don't know. It's in

408
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Speaker 1: one way, I'm so excited you guys got to be

409
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Speaker 1: yourselves in your own space and there wasn't a vacuum

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Speaker 1: that people wanted to fill for you.

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Speaker 3: But also.

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Speaker 1: The fact that you can have your own identity online

413
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Speaker 1: then opens you up to being one singular human. It's

414
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Speaker 1: eving feedback from tens of millions of people a day

415
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Speaker 1: and not normal and it's not sustainable. And I know

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me, and like, you know, I don't

417
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Speaker 1: know what am I fifteen years older than you or

418
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Speaker 1: something like, I can't imagine how hard it is for you,

419
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Speaker 1: how hard it was, so I don't know how did

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Speaker 1: you make sense of it?

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Speaker 3: Well? I also can't imagine living in a world where

422
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Speaker 3: you are not in charge of your own public narrative

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Speaker 3: at all. Like that, I mean, I can't We both

424
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Speaker 3: can there's.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't great.

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Speaker 3: I can't imagine and to feel even that I have

427
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Speaker 3: a platform of my own. That's even now I'm sort

428
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Speaker 3: of sometimes you know, it still is. I think about

429
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 3: social media a lot, especially lately, and I think I

430
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Speaker 3: think it's really bad. Yeah, I think at the end

431
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Speaker 3: of the day, I wish I could have been someone

432
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Speaker 3: who just never had to have it, because I think

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Speaker 3: ultimately it's caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me.

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Speaker 3: On the flip side, when you're starting out in your career,

435
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Speaker 3: this is how you build your career. These days, people

436
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Speaker 3: need to see who you are. International fans need to

437
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 3: be able to connect and follow you. But yeah, I

438
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 3: mean suddenly you're subjected to not that you're not going

439
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 3: to be anyways, because regardless of whether you have an

440
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 3: account or not, people will comment on you forever. So

441
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 3: it's like, either you have a social media or you don't,

442
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 3: people are going to still talk about you. But to

443
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 3: be with my own eyes, viewing like as an almost

444
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 3: an audience member, what people have to say about you

445
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 3: or your life or your relationship, or you what you're

446
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 3: wearing on a carpet, it's just it really does what

447
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 3: this idea that whoever you're seeing on the other end

448
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 3: of social media is just this figure that's moving around

449
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 3: and you're seeing, oh they're there now, Oh they're in

450
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 3: New York. Now, oh they're in LA and they're doing

451
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 3: this thing and they look beautiful, and now maybe they

452
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 3: don't look so good, and now all these other things,

453
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 3: and it really is I say, give about this the

454
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 3: other night, like, no wonder we as a society, I feel,

455
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:24,719
Speaker 3: are dealing with such unhappiness right now and anxiety, Like

456
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 3: the levels of anxiety in young people and depression and

457
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 3: suicide rates are just out of control. And it's because

458
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,160
Speaker 3: we sit on our little black boxes that being an

459
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 3: iPhone and look at this narrative that everyone is choosing

460
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 3: to show the world. It's what narrative are you showing?

461
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 3: You're obviously not going to show the bad parts. Yeah,

462
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 3: and this is not revelatory. I'm not saying anything revelatory

463
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 3: by any means, but it's I think it's a good

464
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 3: reminder because I think when I set on my Instagram,

465
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 3: I feel Instagram. I'm becoming very distant from Instagram because

466
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: I feel that that is the most fake form of

467
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 3: social media currently TikTok for me, I feel is more authentic.

468
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 3: You see people telling real stories. It doesn't feel like

469
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 3: they're trying to present a front. I feel they're genuinely

470
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 3: people that I see or follow are presenting this is

471
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 3: what's going on in my life, this is what sucks.

472
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 3: And then you see camaraderie usually in the comments of

473
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 3: people sharing stories and being there for each other and

474
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 3: just being there's this openness about it. Whereas you go

475
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 3: on this glossy Instagram and everyone, including myself, is you're

476
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 3: writing this image and presenting the prettiest glam photos and

477
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 3: this is me with all my friends, or you're just

478
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 3: presenting the best you know.

479
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 1: Oh well, and it's interesting because yes, absolutely, you're right,

480
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: and it's so weird to My friend Kathleen said something

481
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: the other day that I thought was really wise. She

482
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,120
Speaker 1: was like, here's my catch up, you know, photo carousel

483
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: on Instagram. She goes to be clear, this is the

484
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 1: highlight reel, but the low lights don't go on Instagram.

485
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: They go to the group chat. Yeah, And I was like, yeah,

486
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: because why would you want everybody's opinions on what you're

487
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: struggling with. They're already so horrible to you on what's

488
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: going well, you know, so it's very tricky this. It's

489
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 1: a constant sort of question I have of what do

490
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: I want to open up and what do I not?

491
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many things I don't share, and

492
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: in a way, I think privacy is so important, but

493
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,959
Speaker 1: also when you don't share, there's that vacuum again, so

494
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: it's like I don't know what it is. And I

495
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: think that's why, to go back to what I was

496
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: saying when we first got into the Zoom room together,

497
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: I really appreciate what you choose to share with people

498
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: and how intentional it seems you want to be about it,

499
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: because in a lot of ways, that's something I've been

500
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: trying to do for as long as I've been on

501
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: the internet too, And I appreciate that, yes, you'll go

502
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: to this beautiful event, but be like I was also

503
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: actually really anxious, and last week I was talking about

504
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,719
Speaker 1: what it's like to deal with cystic acne or depression

505
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: or like we aren't paper dolls where everything is perfect.

506
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: We're actually these three dimensional humans and shit's complicated alas

507
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:41,239
Speaker 1: for everyone, and I like that you're willing to discuss it,

508
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: particularly as a woman in your peer group, particularly as

509
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: a person who did launch into success on a hit

510
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: show during social media and not free and then having

511
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: to figure out how to navigate it. I'm curious how

512
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: you felt. Was it sort of obvious of course I'm

513
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: going to talk about the real stuff, or were you

514
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: ever nervous to say I actually am a person who

515
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: suffers from depression and anxiety.

516
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 3: Was that.

517
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: Was that unnerving or did it feel important? Or maybe

518
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: it was a little bit of both.

519
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 3: I well, thank you for everything you said, but I

520
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 3: don't actually ever really remember stopping and thinking, this is

521
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,239
Speaker 3: what I'm going to stand for, and you're almost you

522
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: start kind of having weirdly those conversations when to me,

523
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 3: my experience was like when you meet with when you

524
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 3: meet with publicists, you start kind of talking about your

525
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 3: image and you're sort of for the first time having

526
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 3: to think about your image, like I had never had

527
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 3: to think about it before. Obviously it's so and now

528
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 3: it's like, who do you want? No one. I don't

529
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: think anyone was directly asking me this, but the subtext

530
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 3: was who would you like to be perceived as? Or

531
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 3: what would you like to stand for? And I not

532
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 3: in a bad way people want to know they were.

533
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: They're like, let me help you with this narratives of Ultimately,

534
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: that's literally a PR person, a publicist. It's public relations,

535
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: and it's how you're relating to the public and how

536
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 3: they're going to perceive you. And I think I didn't

537
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 3: really have an answer to that. And I was also

538
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 3: playing this very seemingly perfect I quite literally the girl

539
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 3: next door and playing this girl with energy. I say

540
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 3: that because I'm chronically fatigued all the time. Yeah.

541
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, seven years on a series will do that to you.

542
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 3: Well yeah, but I think just to me, I've since

543
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 3: I was so young, have dealt with anxiety and depression,

544
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 3: and then as I got older, getting diagnosed with add

545
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: and then PTSD and then OCD. It's like, I mean,

546
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 3: the list goes on, and I think, I don't want

547
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 3: to be someone who talks about this chapter of my

548
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: life once it's over. I don't think that really helps people.

549
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 3: And I think I'm in it now. I've talked about

550
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: this stuff for a while now, so it's like I

551
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: might as well keep helping if I can, and to

552
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 3: be in the position that I'm in now where people

553
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 3: may see, oh, look at this great success you've had,

554
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 3: and I go, yes, But also, I'm going to be

555
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 3: real with you, and I'm not going to come back

556
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 3: and talk about how hard this chapter was once it's over,

557
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 3: because first of all, what if it's never over, and

558
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 3: what if I continue to struggle in the ways that

559
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 3: I struggle mentally? Okay, So I don't want to just

560
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 3: put my authenticity or openness about my life and my

561
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 3: experiences on hold until I feel better. I just don't

562
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 3: think that's helping anyone. And ultimately, if I'm going to

563
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 3: I don't want to say suffer because that never feels

564
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: like the right word. But struggle with challenges that millions

565
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 3: of other people face, but I get the opportunity to

566
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 3: do it in a more public sphere and maybe in

567
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 3: a way that people really call, people really call into

568
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 3: question how do you feel that way? And that was

569
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: really difficult for me when I first was stepping into

570
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 3: the spotlight and having people basically tell me that I

571
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,479
Speaker 3: didn't have a right to feel.

572
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors, the idea that

573
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: you are supposed to wait until you feel better and

574
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: then reflect on your experience in a way suggests that

575
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: you need fixing and you don't need fixing, or.

576
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 3: That you need to be quiet until your problems are solved,

577
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 3: or in the public eye that unless you have an

578
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,399
Speaker 3: answer to give people as to how you came out

579
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 3: of it, best just keep your mouth shut. And I'm

580
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 3: the type of person who thinks, well, to me, it's helpful.

581
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 3: It's not fully helpful for me to see someone getting

582
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 3: a golden globe and saying keep going, don't give up.

583
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, yeah, because you're receiving an award now,

584
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 3: and it's like, but how did you feel when you

585
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 3: had to convince yourself to keep going? And I think

586
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 3: that's way more helpful to someone like me who I

587
00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 3: find it inspiring when people open up about their struggles

588
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 3: as they're happening, and to be able to know, Wow,

589
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 3: this person's like really reflecting on their life and being

590
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 3: open with the challenges that they're facing now, not what

591
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 3: they were facing, which is important, but ultimately I think

592
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 3: it just helps you connect to this is a big word,

593
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 3: but humanity better because you're saying I'm in it now,

594
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 3: I'm struggling now, even if I don't have an answer

595
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 3: to give you guys on what to do or how

596
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 3: I'm going to get out of this just to let

597
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 3: people know that I'm still struggling with XYZ. I think

598
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 3: sometimes is enough to make people go, oh, okay, well

599
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 3: maybe that makes me feel better to know that someone

600
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 3: who I think maybe has all these things. And I

601
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 3: would be happy if I had all these things, because ultimately,

602
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 3: and this is the whole point is it's not what

603
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 3: you have. The most successful person in the world, whoever

604
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 3: you want to think of that what success looks like.

605
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 3: I'm pretty one hundred percent positive that person struggles and

606
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 3: whatever your idea of success is someone who has that struggles.

607
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 3: So why do they struggle when they have the things?

608
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 3: Because it's not about externally having things. It's I could

609
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 3: get and I've realized this, I could get everything I'm

610
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 3: looking for in my career because career is a big,

611
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 3: hard stress thing for me, and I could say, Okay,

612
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:52,399
Speaker 3: I could get the thing that I'm for. But if

613
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 3: I got if I got that thing tomorrow, I don't

614
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: think I would be happy still, Like, I don't think

615
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:07,320
Speaker 3: it would just solve every problem because ultimately the issue

616
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:12,720
Speaker 3: is internally, yeah, what I'm going through. So giving someone

617
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 3: an award, I'm just using awards as an example, because

618
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 3: it's like the most clear view of here's success. I'm

619
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 3: here around and it's a trophy. It's like a literal

620
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 3: trophy of success, and I think a lot of people

621
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 3: view that as success. So that's just sort of where

622
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 3: I'm coming from. But I think, yeah, I guess my

623
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 3: whole point is I need to deal with what's going

624
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: on on the inside that's making me unable to be

625
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 3: happy with the success that I have now, because ultimately,

626
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 3: even if I do keep climbing this ladder and reaching

627
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 3: more success, I won't be able. I'll still just want

628
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 3: to keep climbing the ladder and wanting war. So when

629
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 3: isn't enough and you have to be able to receive

630
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 3: and receiving something is challenging because I feel, again it's

631
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 3: like an external usually an external accolade or an achievement

632
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 3: or something externally validating. But ultimately your insides have to

633
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 3: match up with that frequency of validation. And if inside

634
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 3: you're still going, oh I don't deserve this, or oh

635
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 3: I can do better or whatever whatever, it's not going

636
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 3: to land and you're not going to be able to

637
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 3: accept it. And I want to be in a position

638
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 3: where any amount of success could come my way and

639
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 3: I can go, oh, I'm happy with this, and I

640
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:52,760
Speaker 3: can receive this because I'm resolute in my inner work.

641
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: I guess I love that.

642
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: I think it's really important, particularly as you said, in

643
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:04,240
Speaker 1: a career and in an ecosystem inclusive of the world

644
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: of social media and the business of entertainment. It's so

645
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 1: important to figure out how to like your life instead

646
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: of be constantly worried about what you're not doing. Yeah,

647
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: and it's not easy, but to get to to get

648
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: to a point where you realize that that is part

649
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 1: of the work. Yeah, I think enables you to begin

650
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 1: to widen your periphery and have a healthier experience with

651
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: your life in general.

652
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 3: Well so yeah, So, like I'm saying this all now

653
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 3: having not reached that point.

654
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh I'm not either, by the way, So yeah,

655
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 4: but I but that's important to yeah, to emphasize because

656
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 4: I don't I don't have the answer, and I haven't

657
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 4: and I'm working on it.

658
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 3: You could say I'm a work in progress. Hey, hey,

659
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 3: but ultimately I don't have the answer, and I think

660
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 3: it's something that is a journey. They say life is

661
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 3: a journey, and apparently it is because you're just constantly

662
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 3: evolving as you should be. And I don't think this

663
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 3: feeling that I'm striving for this sort of I guess

664
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 3: you'd call it inner peace, or the ability to receive,

665
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 3: or the ability to see my success as enough. I

666
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 3: don't have that yet, and I am working on it,

667
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 3: and I'm sure i'll be working on it until the

668
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 3: day I don't. But at least if I can keep

669
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 3: chipping away at it and keep climbing that ladder of

670
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 3: achieving that feeling, that's what's important. I don't have to.

671
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: You could tell me you'll never fully get there. I'll go, Okay,

672
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 3: well that sucks, But at least I'll know that forever

673
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 3: I will be trying to feel that piece with my self.

674
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 1: And then you know that you're spending a certain amount

675
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: of time practicing gratitude, being introspective, being willing to self interrogate.

676
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: You're not just pac manning around the world. You're in

677
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: the emotional kind of fiber of it, and that I

678
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: think is a really noble pursuit, you know, for ourselves,

679
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 1: but also for the kind of imprint you want to

680
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 1: leave on the world around you.

681
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,280
Speaker 3: Well, to me, my thought is Isn't that the whole point?

682
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 1: I think so, because I.

683
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 3: Think the whole point and for me is this is

684
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 3: a soul's journey, it's not our body's journey. And to me,

685
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm on this lifetime to level up. I

686
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: want to become more conscious and raise my consciousness and

687
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 3: be aware and be someone that people can live up

688
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 3: to as a mentor. And I want to be like

689
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 3: the old wise grandmother. I want that, and I think

690
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 3: so in order to achieve that, I've got to keep

691
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 3: showing and I've got to keep doing this work and

692
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 3: I plan on it, and to me, that's so much more.

693
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 3: That's so much more of a successful life if I

694
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 3: can focus on the internal things than anything external that

695
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 3: is also temporary and fleeting and ultimately, whatever you believe,

696
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 3: if you believe, and I still don't necessarily know what

697
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 3: I believe, but if I think that my soul is

698
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 3: going to continue on into another lifetime, that I'll have,

699
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 3: like as I say, leveled up in a way, and

700
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 3: I can enter this next life with a even higher

701
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 3: consciousness and then even more And again I don't know,

702
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 3: I'm still figuring out what I believe so far as

703
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 3: reincarnation is a scary word, and I don't know if

704
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 3: I like that word, but that's more so, I think

705
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 3: I like the idea that your soul is kind of

706
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:12,320
Speaker 3: just on this forever journey, that even when you aren't

707
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,800
Speaker 3: here anymore, when your body isn't here, your consciousness keeps going.

708
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: And I have a book for you. I'm gonna I'm

709
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:21,879
Speaker 1: going to send you a book.

710
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:23,439
Speaker 3: What is it? What is it?

711
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 1: I'll offline you about it, but yeah, I've got to

712
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 1: send it to you.

713
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 3: I'm a big I'm a big self help book person's

714
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,800
Speaker 3: spirituality book person.

715
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 1: What excites me about it is it's because when you

716
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 1: said that, you know, the word feels scary, I'm like,

717
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 1: I get it. It's why sometimes when the emotion feels

718
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 1: big for me, I need to lean into the data

719
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: or the science. And I think, you know, just some

720
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 1: of the laws of physics, you know, energy ones created

721
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: can never be destroyed, so I can lean on the

722
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: scientific idea. And this book is a sort of merger

723
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: of scientific research and spiritual theory, and it's I'm going

724
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: to send it to you, and I'm excited about it.

725
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 3: I love spirituality books and all that stuff, so I'm

726
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 3: very inteh.

727
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: I just love the I love learning about us and

728
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 1: I it might seem like a weird left turn, but

729
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about it because of the way that you

730
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: want to pursue meaning. And you've talked about mental health certainly,

731
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: and you've also talked about the pressure that comes for women,

732
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: but really all I think all young people because of

733
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 1: social media and then the expectations, particularly that get put

734
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: on us when we're on camera. You know, you've spoken

735
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: about body dysmorphia, you've spoken about acne, and now you've

736
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: found it a skincare line. And I actually feel, and

737
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: I guess this is my question, it feels to me

738
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 1: like you are figuring out a way not just to

739
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: like do a beauty product, but to really lean into

740
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 1: this space of personal identity and self acceptance that you

741
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: struggle with. It feels to me like you thought you've

742
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: thought to yourself, I really struggle with this, and I

743
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: know so many other young women struggle with this, and

744
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: other young people struggle with this, and maybe if I

745
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 1: solve a problem for myself, I can help other people

746
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,760
Speaker 1: solve a problem for them.

747
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:30,320
Speaker 3: Pretty dead on, I think that analysis because because I

748
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 3: when I'm struggling with something, and I think this is where,

749
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 3: to be honest, the openness about my mental health started.

750
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 3: Was when I'm struggling with something, I need to share

751
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 3: that because then that's how I connect with people, and

752
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 3: that's how I feel seen.

753
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 1: Well, you feel less alone, right, yeah, of course.

754
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 3: And I think ultimately when you're struggling, you just want

755
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 3: to feel less alone. That's why we see a therapist

756
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 3: to be like, tell me I'm not alone, and they're like,

757
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 3: I see plenty of it. Yeah, it's like you're not

758
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 3: alone ever. But I think I started sharing because I

759
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 3: was struggling with acne and my body image and my

760
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 3: depression and my anxiety, and and then I just was

761
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 3: received a lot of encouragement when I did that, which

762
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 3: is amazing and sort of encouraged me to just keep

763
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 3: being this open book at least when it comes to

764
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 3: these facets of my life. So I was just pretty

765
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 3: I mean again, I also had people telling me you

766
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,839
Speaker 3: don't have a right to feel anxiety, which is the

767
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 3: craziest thing I've ever heard, that I don't have. The

768
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 3: body image thing was hard and telling, you know, people

769
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 3: telling me I don't have a right to feel a

770
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 3: certain way about my body because I look a certain way.

771
00:46:55,520 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 3: It's it's I understand. But ultimately this is where advocting

772
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 3: steps in. And you have no idea how someone looks

773
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 3: at themselves. And I've seen, I'm sure you've seen some

774
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 3: of the most beautiful people in the world have the

775
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 3: biggest self esteem issues. Yes, And so ultimately you just

776
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 3: have no idea what you think is an ideal beauty.

777
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 3: Someone has that and they aren't happy with it. Yeah,

778
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 3: And for acne in particular, I stepped into this space

779
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 3: where you're not supposed to have that, and people around

780
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 3: me didn't really have it. Of course, always like the

781
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 3: guys always have overren skin and it's annoying. But the women,

782
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 3: you know, we're dealing with hormonal acne and the way

783
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 3: more makeup than all these things. Yeah. And I have

784
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 3: had acne just since I was twelve and thirteen, and

785
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 3: it was like manageable acne and then as I but

786
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 3: even when I would get this reoccurring assist in the

787
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: middle of my forehead, which is this bitch is back again.

788
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: And I remember really hating that my school didn't let

789
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 3: us wear hats because I thought to myself, if only

790
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,439
Speaker 3: could wear a beanie and pull this thing down over

791
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 3: my forehead so no one would see this, or if

792
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 3: we just turned these fluorescent, awful lights off, maybe no

793
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 3: one would notice this crater on my forehead. And so

794
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:34,280
Speaker 3: I'm very familiar with the feeling of acne in everyday

795
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 3: life and what it can do to you mentally. But

796
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 3: then I've also experienced the exacerbated version when I'm literally

797
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 3: in front of a camera with said acne on my

798
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 3: face and people are literally staring at a screen watching me,

799
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 3: and the paranoia around that, and I think I felt

800
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 3: really called to because again, I'm like, everything kind of

801
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 3: stems from me wanting to. It's not selfish by any means,

802
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 3: but I'm like, ultimately, I'm trying to help myself still

803
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 3: as well by helping other people so we can all

804
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:16,479
Speaker 3: collectively feel better because I want to feel better too.

805
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 3: I still have acne, and I want these products that

806
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 3: are not going to trigger my acne. So I know

807
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 3: that people who have the same issues as I do

808
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 3: want that as well. But also important to note that

809
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 3: even people who don't have acne and don't deal with this,

810
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 3: you want good quality skincare that's not irritating you. Causing

811
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 3: any damage that maybe you're not superficially seeing. You want

812
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 3: things that aren't stuffed with bad filler ingredients. You just

813
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 3: that's also not going to be one hundred dollars. I

814
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 3: just think I'm sure we get sent pr boxes of crap,

815
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 3: and I in the beginning of my career was like, oh,

816
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 3: hell yeah, I'm being sent skincare line after skincare line.

817
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to put this on my face and I

818
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 3: absolutely destroyed my skin because I was just trying everything.

819
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 3: And I think ultimately I wanted to create a line

820
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 3: for anyone, but for with actbi prone and sensitive skin

821
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 3: people in mind that they could trust, they could fully

822
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:30,919
Speaker 3: trust a skincare line that wasn't going to make things worse. Yes,

823
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:35,479
Speaker 3: and to be a safe haven, if you will, And

824
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 3: to know that I can top to bottom go to

825
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: this personal day line and know that if I purchase something,

826
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 3: it's going to be free of these bad ingredients.

827
00:50:47,680 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and now a word from our wonderful sponsors. I

828
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 1: think people often forget we're so pressured to have our

829
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 1: skin look a certain way that we forget that our

830
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: skin is our body's largest organ. You know, would you

831
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 1: be like dumping chemical agents on top of your liver

832
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: all day. No, so you don't want to do it

833
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: with your skin either, And I think it's I think

834
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: it's very cool that you lasered in on an area

835
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 1: of personal struggle, understood the larger struggle of that area

836
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 1: for so many people, and then said I think I

837
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: can help fix this and maybe do it more holistically

838
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 1: and more kindly. And some of the other folks out

839
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 1: there are doing it, and I think it's very very cool.

840
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 3: Thank you. I think ultimately I I don't at the

841
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 3: end of the day, this job, as much as people

842
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 3: would like to tell me that I don't have a

843
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 3: right to say, is stressful. Is incredibly stressful and hard.

844
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:05,720
Speaker 3: And unless you're in that position, you can't make that judgment.

845
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 3: You just can't. And if I'm gonna be in a

846
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 3: career that's very stressful. If I have the privilege and

847
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 3: opportunity to help other people, absolutely, And I never ever

848
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 3: wanted to put my face or name on something. My

849
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 3: name isn't even on the brand that created intentionally because

850
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 3: if people are saying, hey, do you want to create something,

851
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,720
Speaker 3: I'm going to go, okay, Well, it has to help people.

852
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 3: And also I would love for people to not even

853
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 3: know that I'm attached to it, because that's how effective

854
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 3: the products need to be. Yes, because I can't would

855
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 3: I mean, it would be very embarrassing to make promise

856
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 3: that made people's skin worse or caused reactions. And it's

857
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 3: been like every day I'm receiving a text message now

858
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 3: because the line's been out since the end of October,

859
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 3: people who have been using the line for a month now,

860
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 3: who are texting me going, I'm getting complimented on my

861
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 3: skin for the first time in my life, and that

862
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 3: is I just think, Okay, that's why I'm doing this,

863
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 3: because I not for truly any other reason than I

864
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 3: also wanted this line of like safe skincare, but to

865
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 3: help other people in the process. I that has been

866
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 3: the most fulfilling. It really is like to receive a

867
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 3: text message from people saying my skin is changing because

868
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 3: of these products. I just know and deeply empathize with

869
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 3: how bad a breakout I make you feel. And to

870
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 3: feel that something is in the world now that people

871
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 3: are it's positively impacting the way that they're viewing their

872
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 3: face when they wake up in the morning is ultimately

873
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 3: very very good for my so I think you feel

874
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 3: very I feel very warm warm about it. I love that,

875
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:09,439
Speaker 3: which is like that's the goal. Yeah.

876
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it makes me think about and I don't even

877
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 1: remember where I said it. I feel like you always

878
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,959
Speaker 1: have your best moment of brilliance when you're not paying

879
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: attention to yourself. And at some point I was talking

880
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 1: about advice I wanted to give to my younger self,

881
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 1: and I said that I wanted to say to her,

882
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,799
Speaker 1: you are allowed to be a masterpiece and a work

883
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:34,720
Speaker 1: in progress simultaneously. And I think what you're talking about

884
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 1: is exactly that kind of energy where you are trying

885
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 1: to be your best self and also make room for

886
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:45,239
Speaker 1: the process of being a human. At the same time,

887
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 1: you want to have gratitude for everything you've done and

888
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:50,840
Speaker 1: still have goals. You want to be able to relish

889
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 1: in where you are today and still dream about your future.

890
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 1: You know, it's the tension of the both, and I

891
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: think when you lean into it and choose to be

892
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,720
Speaker 1: introspective can be so beautiful.

893
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it takes the pressure off, I think, to

894
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 3: remind yourself that you are an ever evolving person and yes,

895
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:17,000
Speaker 3: you've got you've got time to grow and to change

896
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:22,320
Speaker 3: you've got I mean hopefully, but I hope so metaphorically

897
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 3: even you've got, you've got time and space to do it.

898
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 3: And you don't need to be the best version of

899
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 3: yourself by the time you're thirty or by the time

900
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 3: you're whatever. I just think to remind it's a gentle

901
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 3: We all need that gentle reminder of you are really

902
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:49,280
Speaker 3: that ever evolving thing, and that's what life is literally about.

903
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 3: So stop trying to stop trying to meet the deadline.

904
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 3: There is no deadline of that. It's the whole life's journey.

905
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: When you think about that sort of ethos, Is there

906
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:05,399
Speaker 1: something and it can be professional or personal, or maybe

907
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: it's a mix of both. Is there something as you

908
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: look ahead at the new year that's about to start

909
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:12,919
Speaker 1: that really feels like your work in progress right now?

910
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 3: I think lately it's giving myself grace and giving others

911
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 3: grace and kind of understanding what that actually means. But

912
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 3: to me, I think it's the big one for me

913
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 3: has been comparison is the thief of joy, yes, and

914
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 3: again that's the social media of it all. Does not help,

915
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 3: but to be happy for others when they get their flowers,

916
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 3: which is a phrase that I really like, and knowing

917
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:53,319
Speaker 3: that there's space for everyone to have that. And I

918
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 3: think we're just in this industry that hammers into this

919
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 3: competition and if you're not at this certain peak of

920
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 3: your success by this certain time, that you've missed the

921
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 3: boat or that. I think that something that a lot

922
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 3: of people can relate to is obviously you're watching everyone's

923
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 3: lives on social media, and so you're comparing yourself to

924
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: people who have what you want, and if you're not

925
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 3: seeing yourself getting it anytime soon, or if you feel that, oh,

926
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 3: that's so far away from me, or I'll never achieve that,

927
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 3: I think the comparison if you took away if you

928
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 3: sat with yourself and took away everybody else's success and

929
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 3: sat with your own and were able to focus on

930
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 3: how far you've come and what you've achieved without measuring

931
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 3: it against other people, yes, I think your satisfaction would

932
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 3: be exponentially higher. And so giving myself grace because I

933
00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 3: know that I'm literally living in a way world that

934
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 3: tells me to compare myself to every person that I see.

935
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 1: All the time, and it's horrible.

936
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 3: Yes, Like it's like, just remind yourself of that. That's

937
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 3: kind of what that's just what you need give you,

938
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 3: give yourself the grace of knowing that that is the

939
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:21,200
Speaker 3: world that you're in. And so it's understandable that you

940
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 3: feel these things. And I think I've had to just

941
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 3: give myself a break and saying yeah, like we get it, Yeah,

942
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 3: I get it. I can look at my problems and go, yeah,

943
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:36,680
Speaker 3: it makes sense why I feel that way, and then

944
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:43,520
Speaker 3: going okay, well, let's try to eliminate then the factors

945
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:47,439
Speaker 3: of maybe let's be on social media less. Maybe let's

946
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 3: remind ourselves of this phrase, like everyone has room to

947
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 3: have their flowers, Let people have that, Let people have

948
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 3: their thing, and don't be angry or jealous or covet

949
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 3: what other people have. No one is taking away what

950
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 3: you could have by getting by getting what they have.

951
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 3: No one's taking anything away from you. Exactly. There's room

952
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 3: for all of us. It's a big planet, it's a

953
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 3: big world. Yep, there's room for us all. And I

954
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 3: think that, to me is a big thing. That's in

955
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 3: the last half of this year I've been landing on

956
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 3: and so I will be carrying that with me into

957
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 3: twenty twenty five.

958
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 1: I love that I think that's really wonderful.

959
00:59:30,600 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 3: Thanks, we'll see.

960
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 1: I also, I kind of think that this making space

961
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 1: for that truth and realizing that the narrative that there

962
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 1: isn't enough, the idea that scarcity is somehow our destiny

963
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 1: as humans. I just think that's one of those lies

964
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: the patriarchy tells us. So when we are trying to

965
00:59:55,640 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: create a more holistic human experience and lean particularly think

966
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: into generational wisdom, the generational wisdom of women, it's like, oh,

967
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: we're not we're not doing the scarcity thing that those

968
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 1: guys in power told us.

969
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 3: Well, it's the phrase you're too much as a woman.

970
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: No, ma'am, And we're not doing that.

971
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,479
Speaker 3: That doesn't exist, and that's not bad.

972
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: It's someone years ago, when I was we were into

973
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,280
Speaker 1: the sort of real throes of our of our first

974
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:29,919
Speaker 1: big show, said to me, you need to take any

975
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 1: person who's ever said to you you're intimidating, say no,

976
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 1: you're just intimidated. And I was like, oh, it makes

977
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 1: me feel so strong and powerful. So it's all all

978
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:43,240
Speaker 1: those lessons I think that we can glean and you know,

979
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 1: take with us as we start figuring out how to

980
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 1: be these more human, more empathetic people are.

981
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 3: That's a great thing. Whoever said that to you.

982
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 1: Right, it was really good and I was like, oh,

983
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:55,320
Speaker 1: tattoo it on my soul.

984
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 3: It's a perspective. It's just a perspective shift, like there's

985
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with you. Maybe it's how the other person

986
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 3: is perceiving you that's wrong. Maybe maybe that may do that.

987
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well, thank you so much for joining me today.

988
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:12,720
Speaker 1: You're just a jem.

989
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:16,360
Speaker 3: Thank you, well, so are you. And I appreciate you

990
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 3: offering up a space in which people can feel safe

991
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 3: to talk about the things that are not easy. And

992
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 3: I think it's rare that people cultivate a space that

993
01:01:31,680 --> 01:01:36,000
Speaker 3: feels really safe and warm, and you do that really

994
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 3: so well and I and I appreciate that because sometimes

995
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 3: I walk away from podcasts thinking, oh, this is gonna

996
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,800
Speaker 3: hurt me in some way, like this is gonna maybe backfire.

997
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:51,480
Speaker 3: It's gonna maybe backfire. But I just think definitely not

998
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 3: the case here.

999
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 1: So thank you. Yeah, to get to conversationally break bread

1000
01:01:56,440 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 1: with people is a supreme privilege.

1001
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 3: Uh, thanks for you doing you do it well. Yeah,

1002
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 3: thank you for having me