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Speaker 1: She is hating something that's bringing you fulfillment and joy

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Speaker 1: with your family, and I need to point out on

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Speaker 1: this podcast that that is not love. Hey everybody, welcome

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Speaker 1: to the podcast. Thanks for listening and watching. Wherever you

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Speaker 1: came from. I love this profile, this platform that we

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Speaker 1: get to do with you guys, talking things down in

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Speaker 1: long form, answering your questions. I answer your questions you

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Speaker 1: send them to me at Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: And wherever you came from, I'm grateful to be here.

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Speaker 1: Let's get into the first question here. It says subject

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Speaker 1: line my girlfriend hates when I go camping. Interesting question,

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Speaker 1: it says, Hey, granger my name is Cam. I'm from

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Speaker 1: a small town in Ontario. Me and my girlfriend love

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Speaker 1: music and I always look forward to listening to your

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Speaker 1: podcast every Monday during work. Thank you. So. Me and

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend have known each other for two years and

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Speaker 1: we've dated for one of them. Everything is good practically

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Speaker 1: all the time. A few times a year, me and

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Speaker 1: my dad and brothers go camping to ride dirt bikes

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Speaker 1: and quads for half a week, and my girlfriend really

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Speaker 1: doesn't like when I go. She told me that she

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Speaker 1: hates it when I go on these trips. I've been

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Speaker 1: going on these trips since before I even knew her.

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Speaker 1: I know that she gets lonely at home. Her friends

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Speaker 1: are normally busy, so she gets really sad when I leave.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to go with my family, but I

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Speaker 1: really enjoy it and family is important too, So I

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Speaker 1: just want to know what you think I should do.

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Speaker 1: I always try to make her feel better about me

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Speaker 1: leaving and that I'll be back soon, but that doesn't help.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for what you do, ye ee, so Cam, thanks

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Speaker 1: for the email. A very very interesting question. And do

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Speaker 1: you say how old you are? No, you don't say

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Speaker 1: how old you are. I'm assuming that you're a little

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Speaker 1: bit younger as opposed to a little bit older if

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Speaker 1: you're going camping with your parents. I don't like this.

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Speaker 1: I don't like this. I don't like this relationship. You know, guys,

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Speaker 1: we need to find a girl. That my old drummer

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Speaker 1: used to tell me, you need to find a girl

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Speaker 1: with hobbies, someone that has hobbies, because this starts to

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Speaker 1: become a problem when she gets lonely because you're leaving

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Speaker 1: for half a week, Like that's it. You're leaving for

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Speaker 1: half a week and she hates it and she can't

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Speaker 1: stand it, and she's lonely at home. This means that

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Speaker 1: you are providing for her everything that she needs emotionally, physically,

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Speaker 1: You're providing everything, and when you go away, she is

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Speaker 1: missing a lot of her life and so she hurts

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Speaker 1: and she misses you, and it's not a really good

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Speaker 1: beginning of a relationship. Now, this is nothing against her person,

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Speaker 1: it's nothing against your relationship because she's probably great. You

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Speaker 1: guys probably love each other. It seems like you're doing

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Speaker 1: really good other than this camping thing. But it brings

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Speaker 1: up a really big red flag and it's going to

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Speaker 1: come down to communication. You talking with her, ask her

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Speaker 1: questions like can I ask you what it is that

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Speaker 1: bothers you about me going camping? Now, underneath all those layers,

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Speaker 1: I think you're going to find out that it's just

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Speaker 1: the loneliness of her missing you, and that becomes a problem.

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Speaker 1: Like what if you get another hobby. If what happens

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Speaker 1: when you have kids and she starts accusing you of

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Speaker 1: loving the kids more than her, that happens. Where is

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Speaker 1: this going? She is probably really young, So I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to say just break up with her, because this

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Speaker 1: is something that she can grow into. A twenty year

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Speaker 1: old girl is a lot different than the thirty year

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Speaker 1: old girl, Like two completely different women between twenty and thirty,

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Speaker 1: And you could argue that forty is much different than twenty.

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Speaker 1: So she's going to grow into this. This is something

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Speaker 1: that she's going to struggle with at a young age.

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Speaker 1: But I think she's going to get better, but it's

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Speaker 1: going to require communication from you, sitting her down. And

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Speaker 1: the other thing I gotta say is she is hating

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Speaker 1: something that's that's bringing you fulfillment and joy with your family.

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Speaker 1: And I need to point out on this podcast that

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Speaker 1: that is not love. That's not any kind of definition

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Speaker 1: of love for someone that claims they love you but

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Speaker 1: hates when you're happy without them. You see, you see

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Speaker 1: how crazy that is when you put it that way.

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Speaker 1: She should love you and love to see you happy

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Speaker 1: and joysful and love to see with you with your family.

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Speaker 1: You're not taking advantage of her. It's not like you're

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Speaker 1: going out you're saying, hey, I'm going to go for

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Speaker 1: six months out of the year and leave you. You're

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Speaker 1: just taking You're carving a little time and you're going

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Speaker 1: with your family. So I want to point out that

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Speaker 1: this is this is something I'm not I say break up,

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Speaker 1: but if you're my friend, and that's the way this

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Speaker 1: podcast rolls, It's like you're sitting in the cabin my

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Speaker 1: truck where we're on a road trip and you're like, hey,

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Speaker 1: can I run something by you? So with that perspective,

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Speaker 1: you're you're a friend of mine. I'm gonna say, right now,

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Speaker 1: this is not the marrying type, Like you're not shopping

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Speaker 1: for a ring right now. This is something that needs

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Speaker 1: to work out before you start thinking about long term.

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Speaker 1: She becomes your wife. Okay, don't marry this girl in

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Speaker 1: the current situation. You got to talk to her about it.

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Speaker 1: And if she can't relent to that, if she's just

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Speaker 1: like no forever, this is how it's gonna be, then

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Speaker 1: it's like maybe we need a little time. Maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: we need some time apart so you could feel more

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Speaker 1: comfortable alone. It's a tough situation. It's a good email, brother,

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Speaker 1: Thank you for thank you for listening. Next question says

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Speaker 1: subjecting learning to play guitar. Hey, grangdeer. My name is Matt.

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Speaker 1: I'm sixteen years old. Love watching the Smiths and listening

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Speaker 1: to your songs. I recently got an old guitar. I

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Speaker 1: put some nylon strings on it. I've been using a

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Speaker 1: free seven day trial on Simply Guitar to learn how

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Speaker 1: to play it. I like it, but it costs money.

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Speaker 1: My question is how did you learn how to play

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Speaker 1: guitar and did you teach yourself? If so, how did

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Speaker 1: you do it? Yeah, Matt, thanks for the email. Buddy

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Speaker 1: sixteen years old. I learned it fourteen, so we're right

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Speaker 1: about the same age. When I fell in love with

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Speaker 1: the guitar. I did not pay money for anything to learn.

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Speaker 1: I learned from a book. There was a book inside

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Speaker 1: the guitar that I had that my grandmother gave me,

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Speaker 1: and it said where to put your fingers to make

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Speaker 1: the chords, and I learned through that. I learned all

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Speaker 1: the chords. And then to today's world, you could learn

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Speaker 1: on YouTube. So I don't think simply Guitar. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what that is. I don't know how much it is,

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Speaker 1: but I would steer away from something you got to

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Speaker 1: pay money because YouTube is such a great resource. You

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Speaker 1: just need to learn like five or six chords right now,

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Speaker 1: maybe even three. You could learn three chords and have

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Speaker 1: a and learn a ton of songs. Learn one more

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Speaker 1: and have four. You could play every pop song and

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Speaker 1: pop song in the world. So don't pay money right now.

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Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says mental health and God. Pey Grangeer,

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Speaker 1: love the podcast, love your music. I'll cut straight to

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Speaker 1: the point I've been following since your transition into sharing

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Speaker 1: your faith, even watch your testimony you gave online here

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Speaker 1: in Bakersfield, California. I'm struggling mentally. I'm on the verge

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Speaker 1: of collapsing. I have three kids and a wife. What

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Speaker 1: verse in the Bible do you recommend looking up so

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Speaker 1: that I could get a little more clarity on this

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Speaker 1: thing called life? I need some guidance. I need to

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Speaker 1: know where to turn. I just don't know where to start.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for all you do, Daniel from Bakersfield. Okay, Daniel,

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Speaker 1: thanks for listening and writing. So let me dissect what

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Speaker 1: you said here. You're in a tough spot, you're stressed out,

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Speaker 1: You're struggling mentally. You're asking for a verse the Bible

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Speaker 1: that I could recommend to give you more clarity on

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Speaker 1: this thing called life. What's what's really interesting about this?

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Speaker 1: This is this is so interesting about your question? Because

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Speaker 1: when I gave my sermon, it wasn't a testimony. It

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Speaker 1: was a sermon that I gave in Bakersfield at a

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Speaker 1: place called Story Church. And do you know what the

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Speaker 1: title of that sermon was, Coffee Mug Verses. That's what

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Speaker 1: I wrote originally, Coffee mug Verses. And what I talked

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Speaker 1: about is we need to stop taking single verses out

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Speaker 1: of context that we read on a coffee mug, or

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Speaker 1: on a T shirt, on a wooden sign that we've

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Speaker 1: hanged we hang in our house, or on a bumper sticker.

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Speaker 1: We need to stop taking those little snippets from the

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Speaker 1: Bible and trying to live by that or trying to

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Speaker 1: use that one verse for clarity in this thing called life.

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Speaker 1: We've got to stop doing that, because you have to

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Speaker 1: read the verses before it, and you have to read

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Speaker 1: the verses after it, and you have to realize who

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Speaker 1: wrote it and who they were writing it to, and

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Speaker 1: in what context and in what time period and in

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Speaker 1: what culture. There's so much more that goes into it

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Speaker 1: than just taking a Bible verse, Like I could take

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Speaker 1: you to a couple of Bible verses that will just

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Speaker 1: terrify you about the wrath of God, and I go, look,

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Speaker 1: here's God, here's the wrath, the anger of God. And

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, WHOA, I don't want any part

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Speaker 1: of that. It's like, well, no, you dude, you got

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Speaker 1: to read. You got to read before it and after

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Speaker 1: that to understand that verse. And so I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to be the guy to tell you, ironically a coffee

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Speaker 1: MYNK verse, which is what I preached in Bakersfield. What

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Speaker 1: I will tell you this. You want to figure out

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Speaker 1: your way, You want to find your way, well, Jesus said,

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Speaker 1: I am the Way, the Truth, and the life. So

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Speaker 1: you want to figure out the truth way of living life. Well,

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Speaker 1: I will tell you who the truth, the Way, and

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Speaker 1: the life is. And that's what Jesus said. Now, you

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Speaker 1: can't take that verse and live by it because it

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Speaker 1: really doesn't make any sense unless you know who he

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Speaker 1: is and why he said it and what prompted him

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Speaker 1: to answer that question. When they say, well, how do

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Speaker 1: we find the way? And he says, I'm the way?

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Speaker 1: Why did they ask him that? And what did he say?

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Speaker 1: Right after? It's like taking a movie, taking your favorite movie,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go here's here's a clip from the

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Speaker 1: movie right here, boom, don't you love this movie? Don't

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Speaker 1: you love it? And you're like, well, I love the clip,

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Speaker 1: but I don't I don't know the story. I'm like, exactly,

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Speaker 1: I can't show you a clip of the movie and go,

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Speaker 1: is this your Is this your favorite movie? Do you

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Speaker 1: believe this movie is your favorite movie ever? From this clip? No,

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Speaker 1: you got to see the whole movie. You gotta see

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Speaker 1: the beginning, in the end. You gotta see the characters,

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Speaker 1: the development, the plot twist, the antagonist, the hero, See

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Speaker 1: the struggle they go through, see how they find their

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Speaker 1: way out of it. There's a clip in the middle right,

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Speaker 1: the same thing with the Bible. But I would I

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Speaker 1: would direct you first to go to the New Testament.

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Speaker 1: That's what I did. Start with the New Testament, Go

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Speaker 1: to Book of Matthew, the Book of John. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people say, start with a book of John. Start

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Speaker 1: right there at the beginning John one to one and say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm looking for a way in your

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Speaker 1: words too? What did you say to get a little

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Speaker 1: more clarity on this thing called life? And so I'm

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Speaker 1: going to dedicate because here here's the Bible, and it's

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Speaker 1: the it's the most read, the most the most printed,

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Speaker 1: the most purchased book on the planet. There must be

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Speaker 1: something to it, even if I'm an atheist. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna at least check this out because

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Speaker 1: it's so popular. I'm gonna at least see what it says.

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Speaker 1: And so I'm gonna dedicate every morning. Say I'm a

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Speaker 1: slow reader, I'm gonna go through just a couple of paragraphs.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna look at this huge bible and go,

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Speaker 1: how am I ever gonna read that. I'm gonna start

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Speaker 1: with the Book of John. I'm gonna go I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: do one page every morning. In the next morning, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna read the next page. What you're gonna see is

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna get to the end of a page

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna think, well, I gotta find out what

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Speaker 1: happens on the next page. This is crazy. He's talking crazy.

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Speaker 1: These people are acting crazy. Gotta find out what happens.

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Speaker 1: So you turn the page and then you could just

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Speaker 1: consume more and you're like, wow, the story is wild.

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Speaker 1: And then you reach a point and you're like, I

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Speaker 1: don't understand it. It's funny. You'll hit a point where

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Speaker 1: you'll go, I don't understand what Jesus just meant right out.

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Speaker 1: I guess what. The next paragraph it says the disciples

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Speaker 1: did not know what Jesus was talking about, so they

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Speaker 1: asked him, and he looked at him and said, let

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Speaker 1: me explain to you. You didn't understand what I just said,

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Speaker 1: let me explain it in a different way. It's like

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Speaker 1: we become the disciples in these stories and we're like,

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Speaker 1: I don't get it. Oh good, they didn't either. Good.

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Speaker 1: Now he's going to explain it again. If you still

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Speaker 1: if you still are losing the perspective of that the

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Speaker 1: context of it. YouTube is a great a great place

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Speaker 1: to go and just go Book of John chapter five,

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Speaker 1: explain you know whatever, type something then and then there's

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Speaker 1: a thousand YouTube videos that come up, and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: here's a bunch of videos. Now I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: say look to the videos for truth, but you could

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Speaker 1: look to the videos for consistency. So it's like you see,

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Speaker 1: you see a few videos and it's like, well, that

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Speaker 1: guy said something that disagrees with the other three guys.

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Speaker 1: Then you start going with the consensus here and go, okay,

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Speaker 1: I understand. I understand why he said it who he

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Speaker 1: was talking to. I'm giving you a long answer to

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Speaker 1: a very simple question you asked. But the simple answer

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Speaker 1: is no, I'm not going to give you one verse

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Speaker 1: because there's too many and you got to read them

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Speaker 1: in context. Okay, email me back, by the way, Email

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Speaker 1: me back and let me know how this journey's going.

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Speaker 1: Next question, I think we're getting. I think we're going

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Speaker 1: to be on the same subject here, but the subject

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Speaker 1: line says where is he? Hey, grandrumin name is Laura.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty four from Niagara Falls, Canada, but I live

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Speaker 1: and work in LA That's a long commute. Frequent listener

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Speaker 1: and supporter of your work. I was raised Catholic, but

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Speaker 1: truly found Jesus during the pandemic and it's really given

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Speaker 1: me a new lease on life. I really like and

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Speaker 1: believe in myself. But as a single woman inching closer

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Speaker 1: to thirty five with no real prospects, I worry that

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Speaker 1: I'll never find the one and the deepest desire of

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Speaker 1: my heart is to do life with a genuine salt

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Speaker 1: of the earth man. My friends pressure me and to

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Speaker 1: go into apps and to date for the sake of it,

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Speaker 1: but it feels so artificial to me. I felt like

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Speaker 1: God is telling me to wait on him, that he

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Speaker 1: has a purpose for me, but sometimes it's just so

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Speaker 1: hard to be patient and trust. Anyway, any of your

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Speaker 1: profound insights are greatly appreciated, Best Laura, Thanks Laura, thanks

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Speaker 1: for the email. Let me say something real quick because

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Speaker 1: I've talked about dating apps on a recent episode and

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Speaker 1: posted a clip on TikTok and I said, don't use

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Speaker 1: dating apps. Don't use dating apps. You're just presenting yourself

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Speaker 1: as like a used car salesman selling yourself and the

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Speaker 1: best qualities of yourself, and the person you're looking at

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Speaker 1: is doing the same thing, and so you're never going

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Speaker 1: to meet You're never going to see the true person

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Speaker 1: until a lot of time goes by that you have

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Speaker 1: to invest. When an easier path is talking to some

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Speaker 1: of your friends and saying, hey, introduce me to someone

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Speaker 1: that you know. So you get this network that goes

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Speaker 1: out from your friends that know the parents, that know

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Speaker 1: the where they grew up and know where they work

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Speaker 1: and know their boss, and you get a really good

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Speaker 1: reference of starting point. So I posted that on TikTok.

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Speaker 1: Basically and I got all this rejection. Everyone's disagreeing with me, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this guy's lost it, he's so out of touch, which

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Speaker 1: people say a lot on TikTok, And I started thinking

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Speaker 1: about that. I was like, Okay, the number one thing

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Speaker 1: that they said against my comment was I don't have

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Speaker 1: any friends. How am I supposed to meet somebody through

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Speaker 1: friends if I don't have any friends? So I got

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Speaker 1: to go to a dating app? So I started really

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Speaker 1: thinking about that. I thought about it for a long time.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, what's the deal. What's the deal?

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Speaker 1: One thing must be leading to the other, because it

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Speaker 1: wasn't always like this, like the problem of not having friends,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't always around, wasn't always this way. It's really

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Speaker 1: bad right now in today's culture. And so it's like

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Speaker 1: people say they don't have friends, then they go to

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Speaker 1: a dating app or social media. It's like, what if

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Speaker 1: it's the other way around. That's what I was thinking.

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Speaker 1: What if it's the other way around. What if people

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Speaker 1: don't have friends today today's culture like they used to

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Speaker 1: because of dating apps and social media? Like what if

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Speaker 1: that's that fails safe? Like what if that is the

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Speaker 1: safety net that people go to. They're like, well, I

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Speaker 1: don't have any friends, I'm gonna go to social media,

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Speaker 1: and what does that do? It prevents them from going

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Speaker 1: out and finding friends. Like I don't have friends, so

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna sit here and look at my phone.

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Speaker 1: There's surely there's friends there. And in the old days,

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Speaker 1: you didn't have that safety net. So you said, I

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Speaker 1: don't have friends, I better go make some. I know

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Speaker 1: this is off the subject, but I'm just thinking about

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Speaker 1: this a lot, Like I think there's a huge correlation

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Speaker 1: between having friends and having social media today, or lack

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Speaker 1: of friends and having too much social media today. Right

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Speaker 1: us think about that for a second. Everyone on TikTok

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Speaker 1: says I don't have any friends, but they're all on

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Speaker 1: TikTok talking to each other when they could be using

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Speaker 1: that time to talk to a real person. And it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to find a real person. You

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Speaker 1: follow follow your interest, follow your hobbies, follow your faith,

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Speaker 1: follow your school, your work. There's a million ways to

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Speaker 1: go find people that like the same things that you do.

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Speaker 1: That's a great place to start with friends. I was

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Speaker 1: in Detroit last week playing a show, and we were

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Speaker 1: playing to show in Lansing the next day. So we're

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Speaker 1: in Detroit the night before for a day off, my

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Speaker 1: tour manager, Chris and I. It was a Sunday night

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Speaker 1: and I looked up I was like, wonder if there's

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Speaker 1: any good churches around here in Detroit. So I pulled

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Speaker 1: up a map of the city of Detroit and I

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Speaker 1: typed in church and there was one of them. There

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Speaker 1: was a Bible t church that had a seven pm service,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, you want to go to

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Speaker 1: the seven pm service? He was like yeah, So we

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Speaker 1: go there. We took an uber. We go to this church,

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Speaker 1: little bitty church. Actually went to the wrong location first,

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Speaker 1: and it was a dance rave and the lady was like,

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Speaker 1: cover charge and I said cover charge for what? She said,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean? Cover charge for what? This is

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Speaker 1: where we dance And I was like, I met the

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Speaker 1: wrong place. I went around the corner. There's the church.

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Speaker 1: As soon as I went around the corner, there was

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Speaker 1: three people standing outside and they said welcome friends, welcome home.

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Speaker 1: What's your name? Come on in? And I thought about

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Speaker 1: this podcast right off the bat. I thought about this podcast.

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Speaker 1: I was like, here's perfect strangers that have a lot

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Speaker 1: in common. With me with church, and the first thing

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Speaker 1: they said when they met me was welcome friends. What's

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Speaker 1: your name? Now? If I lived there, if I lived

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Speaker 1: in Detroit, I'd be thinking I've just got three new friends.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, Hey, I'm Granger and I'm new here,

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Speaker 1: or I don't have very many friends, and I guarantee

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Speaker 1: you within thirty seconds. It's like, you want to do

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Speaker 1: coffee on Wednesday? Where do you live? I live down here. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I live down here. Let's meet in the middle. Let's

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Speaker 1: go to coffee. Sure, easy, that's easy. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to make I don't want to oversimplify this because I

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Speaker 1: know that making friends is it is not easy. But

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to show y'all a way that this a

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Speaker 1: way that this can make sense so that you're not

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Speaker 1: at home thinking, well, I don't have any friends. Might

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Speaker 1: as well pull up pull up Instagram or TikTok. At

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Speaker 1: least people talk to me there. And it's not healthy.

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Speaker 1: Where in the world did I get off get off

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Speaker 1: on this clan on this question? I got so far.

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Speaker 1: What I would answer to you, Laura on this question

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Speaker 1: is you are And I've said this recently. I think

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Speaker 1: it was the last episode. I'm going to repeat back

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Speaker 1: to you what you've said, that you've truly found Jesus

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Speaker 1: and it's given you a new lease on life. And

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Speaker 1: then you go down and you say, I feel like

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Speaker 1: God is telling me to wait on him. He has

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Speaker 1: a purpose for me. These are your words. I feel

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Speaker 1: like God is telling me to wait on him. He

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Speaker 1: has a purpose for me. Yet right in the middle

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Speaker 1: of your email is all this stuff about how it's

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Speaker 1: hard to be patient, it's hard to trust. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I'll ever find anybody. I'm inching closer to

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Speaker 1: thirty five. It's all a trust issue. If you truly trust,

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Speaker 1: if you've truly found Jesus, like your words say, if

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Speaker 1: you truly believe, he has a purpose for you, If

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Speaker 1: you truly believe he's telling you to wait on him,

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Speaker 1: why are you not waiting? Wait on him? Wait on

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Speaker 1: the Lord. He told you that, not me. It's interesting, right,

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Speaker 1: wait patiently, live your life for him, follow the path

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Speaker 1: you need to be on, and things will work out.

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Speaker 1: Take a break, you're right back. One of the best

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Speaker 1: ways to get a hold of me anytime is cameo

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Speaker 1: dot com, or you could download the Cameo app So

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00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 1: what happens is you pull up the app, you search

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00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: for me Granger Smith, and then I can give you

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00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: a video message saying whatever you want me to say.

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00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: It could be a birthday shout out to somebody, maybe

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00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 1: a little bit of encouragement, happy anniversary, happy graduation, whatever

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00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,199
Speaker 1: it might be. You tell me what you want me

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00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: to say, and I record it for you write on

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00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: my phone custom for you. Cameo is really cool. So

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00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: go to cameo dot com search for Granger Smith, or

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00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: download the Cameo app and search for me Granger Smith.

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Speaker 1: All right, pulling up the next question here, the subject

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Speaker 1: line says Christian dating boundaries. A Granger like to stay anonymous,

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Speaker 1: but I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend. We're

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Speaker 1: both twenty dating almost a year. He's a new believer

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Speaker 1: and came to faith shortly before we started dating. I've

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Speaker 1: grown up in a Christian home, but boundaries were never

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Speaker 1: something that was taught other than the obvious one of

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Speaker 1: waiting until marriage for sex. I hear so many different

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Speaker 1: Christian opinions on everything else that falls before sex. So

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Speaker 1: people don't even some people don't even kiss, and others do.

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Speaker 1: What I think is more biblically correct. But what is

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Speaker 1: considered right and what is considered too far? Are we

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Speaker 1: in the wrong for kissing and cuddling? Some say we

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Speaker 1: have fallen into other sexual sin, not to the full

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Speaker 1: extent of sleeping together. But we have asked for forgiveness

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Speaker 1: and we both agree it was a mistake and what

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Speaker 1: happened again after coming to that conclusion, my boyfriend has

426
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: been really struggling. Of course he is. I don't have

427
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: a strong answer to give him right now to encourage

428
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: him through struggling with sexual desires. And I'm struggling with

429
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: him too. I love him. We're both on the same

430
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 1: page about living a God centered relationship, but don't know

431
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 1: how to work around the sexual desires in a relationship

432
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 1: that I think everyone has when you love the other

433
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 1: person in are attracted, It's hard. I'm going to continue

434
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 1: to pray for guidance and wisdom throughout this, but would

435
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 1: love to hear your opinion. Hope to hear from you soon. Okay,

436
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: So this is an anonymous and it's a good question.

437
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 1: Dating almost a year, you're twenty, so you're pretty young.

438
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: But I would say my first question, if we were

439
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: in the cab of the truck. Just having this conversation.

440
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: My first question would be, you love him, you're crazy

441
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: about him, you have similar goals and dreams and aspirations.

442
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:05,959
Speaker 1: Where is marriage in this talk? Because the long engagement,

443
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 1: the dating for a year or two or three or

444
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:13,640
Speaker 1: four or five, that's a new thing to humanity. Right.

445
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 1: So when the Bible is written, it was a different culture.

446
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: It was a different society. People were getting in, putting

447
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 1: in and arranged marriages. Engagements were short. You fall in

448
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: love and you go get married. Have you seen the

449
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: movie Braveheart. It's like they just go get married in

450
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: the woods with a priest or in a church or something.

451
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 1: But do you move quickly? But today's culture is like,

452
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: no ride the breaks. Take your time. You're young, you

453
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: got to figure out stuff in your life. Meanwhile, you're

454
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: burning up with sexual desire. Basically, simply, what I'm saying is,

455
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 1: of course you have the course. You're burning up with

456
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: this desire. You're holding off for so long and you're like,

457
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 1: one day we're gonna get married, it's gonna be great.

458
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: How many more years are we gonna have to deal

459
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 1: with this? And that it'll drive a person insane. So

460
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 1: that's my first question, Like where's marriage in this talk?

461
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: Like is he ring shopping? Is this gonna happen soon?

462
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,199
Speaker 1: And if not? Why not? And if not? If not,

463
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: then are you gonna still date him? Do you guys

464
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: have a plan for twenty five? And then you're gonna

465
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: sit there for five years and deal with this burning

466
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: desire for five years when you're twenty five? Like is

467
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: that the goal? I'm just trying to make you see

468
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: long term here, because sometimes when we're stuck in a relationship,

469
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 1: we don't see really out that far outside. But I'm

470
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: trying to just open this because yeah, you're right, Bible

471
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: says no sex before marriage. And so when you're talking

472
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: about these desires, how far is too far? And all

473
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 1: these Christians are leading you in all these different directions?

474
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: What's really easy? It says you lust for another woman

475
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 1: in your heart. You've committed adultery in your heart. That's

476
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: including dating. Isn't that crazy? That's why you get married?

477
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: So if I was going to tell you, don't fall

478
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: off a cliff, don't fall off a cliff, would you

479
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: tell me? Okay, but how close can I get to

480
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: the cliff before I fall off? I'd be like, you're crazy,

481
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: why would you do that? And you're like, yeah, we

482
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: just want to see how close we can get to

483
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,120
Speaker 1: the cliff without falling off. Like we're just gonna get

484
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: really close to the We're going to hang on to

485
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 1: these branches and roots and just see if we could

486
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: hang on. We were definitely not gonna fall off. We

487
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: agree that we shouldn't fall off, but we're just we

488
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 1: really want to just live on the edge, and we

489
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,719
Speaker 1: might live here for a really long time. I'd be like, wo,

490
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: why would you do that? So that takes back. That

491
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: goes back to like your kissing question, if the kissing

492
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: is going to lead to something else, if it's a

493
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: domino that's going to lead to something else, because you

494
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 1: know you're on the couch and the lights are down low,

495
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: and it's like one kiss leads to a longer kiss,

496
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: which is a longer kiss, and it leads to this

497
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 1: and that, which you know that's already happened. It's like,

498
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 1: when are you gonna stop that? When are you gonna

499
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: stop the domino? And can you do you have the

500
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: ability to? Or is one night you're just gonna kind

501
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 1: of lose it a little bit and you're gonna lose

502
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: your self control a little bit more than you ever

503
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: have one time, and then you're off the cliff. I

504
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: didn't really give you a solid answer, but I gave

505
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: you a lot to think about. Next question, subject line

506
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: says failing to find love. Hey, Gandew. My name is

507
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: Josh and I'm from Tennessee. Been trying for three to

508
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: four years to find a girlfriend. I have a few

509
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: dating apps and I get a few matches, but it

510
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: never leads to anything. I try to message girls on

511
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 1: Instagram and try to start a conversation, but I get

512
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: left on red. I'm not the best looking guy, but

513
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: certainly not the worst. However, I'm only five foot four.

514
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: I worry that that's the main reason I can't find

515
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,959
Speaker 1: anyone because of my height. I just feel like I

516
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: have a monkey on my back and I can't ever

517
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: get it off. Do you have any suggestions tips on

518
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: finding a girlfriend? I really appreciate it means a lot. Okay, Josh,

519
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 1: thanks for the email, buddy. This is like right on

520
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: You're right on path on this episode, so I'm glad

521
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: you said this. For the first two thirds of your email.

522
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: You've been trying for three four years trying to find

523
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: going through dating app, being left on red on Instagram.

524
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: You're not the best looking guy, but you're not the worst.

525
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: Like right up until that point, it's like, Okay, you

526
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: just described everyone like you could have been talking about me.

527
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: You could have been talking about anybody until you said, however,

528
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: I'm only five foot four. That's the main reason why

529
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: I can't find anyone. So what you did there was

530
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: you described your identity, and anyone else would put their

531
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: their little self proclaimed identity there. So it's like I

532
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: would put my what I think is wrong with me

533
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: there in that sentence, and someone else would put their

534
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: they're struggling with their body image right there, and someone

535
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: else would struggle that they're too shy, and they put

536
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: it right there, and someone else says that they they're

537
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: they're too much of a loud mouth, and no one

538
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 1: listens to them because they're just always just and they

539
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: put it right there, and then someone else says they're

540
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: too tall and they're way taller than every girl and

541
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: they can't tell they put it right there. But that's

542
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: that place that two thirds of the way through your email,

543
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: that spot is where you're claiming your identity. Is who

544
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: what you are in the mirror. You're saying, you're looking

545
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: at the mirror and you're saying, this is who I am.

546
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: Five foot four. No girl likes a guy that's five

547
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: foot four, and that's me. And I'm looking at myself

548
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: in the mirror, and that's my identity. I am five

549
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: foot four. And I would say, no, dude, no you're not.

550
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: That's not your identity. That might be an attribute of

551
00:30:52,640 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: your of your chemical composition, whatever, but it's your identity. Like,

552
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: that's not who you are. It's not where you're from,

553
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: that's not how you were raised. That's not what your

554
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 1: your dreams and ambitions and goals are. That's just a

555
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: chemical attribute. It's just you're just a bunch of cells

556
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: put together and together they create five foot four. That's

557
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: not your identity, dude, and so don't claim that as

558
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: your identity. And if you're my friend and we're in

559
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: the truck right now, I'd be slapping you across the

560
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: back of the head saying stop that man, stop it,

561
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: stop saying that's the reason. Get that monkey off your back. Bro.

562
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: You even said it yourself. You feel like you got

563
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: a monkey on your back. I would hug your neck,

564
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: and I say, dude, tons of girls would be lucky

565
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: to have you, a guy like you. You've been trying

566
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: for three or four years, and you're a good dude. Man,

567
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: you got so many great things going for you. And

568
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: you're like, but I'm five foot four, Mike, you're telling me,

569
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: no girls shorter than five foot four on this planet.

570
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: There's three and a half billion girls. How many of

571
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 1: those girls are under five foot four? Okay, scratch that,

572
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: how many girls are over five foot four? And like

573
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: a guy that's five foot four, don't tell me that's

574
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: your identity. Don't claim that is your identity. You're so

575
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: much more than that. You're so much more than what

576
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: you are and who you look like in the mirror.

577
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 1: Stop that, man, So you need to have a hard look.

578
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: You don't have a hard look at yourself and who

579
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: you are and who who you are at the core

580
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: of yourself your identity, because guess what, man, everything that

581
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: you are right now in the mirror is just getting

582
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: older anyway, it's all going to wither away and fall away.

583
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: Accept your identity, your identity stays. That's who you are,

584
00:32:55,720 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: that's your soul, man, that's your heart. And all of

585
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: us are getting old and wrinkly, and we're gonna get

586
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: less agile, and we're gonna fall apart. We're gonna end

587
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: up dirt, right, but not our soul. Man. That's what

588
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: you have to offer. That's what you have to give.

589
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: That's what you have to put out to this girl

590
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: that you're gonna find in the future, and you will

591
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 1: find her. So then should should I say it? Should

592
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 1: I should? I address the beginning of the email. The

593
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: dating apps, you found a few matches, nothing leads to anything.

594
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 1: Talk to girls on Instagram, they leave you on red

595
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: Do I need to bring that up, man, because you're

596
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: better than that. Bro, You're better than that. Go to

597
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: that church, like I said, in Detroit, wherever you are,

598
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: go there be like I'm Josh and I came to

599
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,479
Speaker 1: be around like minded people, came to find some friends.

600
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: Watch them. They're gonna be like, Josh, welcome, man, where

601
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: do you live. Let's do coffee on Wednesday? And you're like, cool,

602
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: I'll do it. And so you go and there's three

603
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: or four people and they're like, hey, you know on Fridays.

604
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: We meet on the first Friday of every month and

605
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: we do like a movie night, Josh, you want to come,

606
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,840
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, I'll go show up on Friday.

607
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: Guess who's there, beautiful girl about five foot two sitting

608
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: in the corner. He says hey, and you say, I'm Josh.

609
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 1: All the while, you could be in contrast, sitting at

610
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 1: home on dating apps, being left on red on Instagram,

611
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 1: looking at yourself in the mirror, going I'm five foot

612
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:44,439
Speaker 1: four man. No one wants me. They're missing out man.

613
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: First Friday of every month. There she is hypothetical situation.

614
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: But I promise you I'm not too far off, buddy.

615
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 1: I'm not too far off. So I don't care what

616
00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 1: you look like. That is not your identity. Let's hit

617
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,919
Speaker 1: another one. Subject line says help. This should be fun,

618
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: says Hey, I'm riding in for someone for excuse me,

619
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: I'm writing in for some help. I've been married to

620
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: my husband for ten years together fourteen. We get along

621
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: for the most part. We hunt fish, we camp together.

622
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: We get along. But since COVID things have been a

623
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 1: little bit harder. My husband was so sick. I thought

624
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: he was going to be I was going to be

625
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:33,240
Speaker 1: planning a funeral. We just fight, nothing physical but words,

626
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: but I don't know what to do. He's my best

627
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: friend in the world. He's currently dealing with a lot

628
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 1: of long haul COVID issues. Thank you. This comes from

629
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 1: Melissa in Southern Utah. Melissa, I'm going to give you

630
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: an answer to this, like I've said several times on

631
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 1: this podcast, and I think it's going to work for

632
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: you because I don't think it ever fails. This answer

633
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 1: never fails, so I'll say it a million more times.

634
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 1: Love him, love him selflessly, pour into him. He's dealing

635
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: with long haul issues right now. He had a tough

636
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 1: break during COVID. Things were tough for him. Reality struck in,

637
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: Mortality struck in for him. You think it was hard

638
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: because you were maybe going to plan a funeral. You

639
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,439
Speaker 1: don't think he knew that. He knew that his own

640
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: mortality has now struck him in the face. He's like, man,

641
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: I'm not invincible like I thought I was in the

642
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: old days. I'm not nineteen anymore. I actually almost died.

643
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: I thought about leaving my wife all alone, the woman

644
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: I go hunt and fish and camp with, and I

645
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: almost left her from this earth and left her to

646
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,879
Speaker 1: deal with this and this life by herself. Now he's

647
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: still dealing with some of these long haul issues. The

648
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 1: dude is terrified. You see that pour into him, serve

649
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: him without expecting to be served back. That's the crazy thing, y'all.

650
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,320
Speaker 1: That's the crazy thing about loving in this way. Loving

651
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: selflessly means not expecting anything in return. You're just giving

652
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,839
Speaker 1: him grace. You're just like, what could I do for you?

653
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: And he's grumpy and he's like, you could leave me

654
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: alone for one hypothetical and you say, I will do

655
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: anything you need because I love you so much. If

656
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: that means leaving you on your chair for the rest

657
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: of the night, you just you tell me and I'm

658
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: in I'll do it. I just want you to get

659
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: better because I love you. How could he respond to that? Like,

660
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: what if he said that to him instead of fighting

661
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 1: and being like, you don't love me? How could you

662
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 1: say that to me? No one treats their wife like

663
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 1: you do. What is wrong with you? You're just different

664
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: now you've changed. You could do that to a fight,

665
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: and then one of you it's gonna fight till you're right.

666
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: Are you just be passive about it? You understand you'll

667
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 1: have to understand something when you're passive in an argument

668
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: with your spouse like this, Like what I'm describing that

669
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: is not weakness, That is not submissiveness. That takes incredible

670
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: strength to do that. It takes incredible self control. It

671
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:31,720
Speaker 1: is so admirable. And what feels like weakness and feels

672
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 1: like being submissive because you're loving selflessly, is actually more

673
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:40,359
Speaker 1: strength than anything else going on in that relationship. It's

674
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: an amazing thing to love selflessly without needing anything to

675
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 1: come back, without needing to be affirmed. It's so hard

676
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: because you want to be affirmed. You want something. You

677
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: want someone to serve you back. You want something to

678
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: tell someone, to tell you you're beautiful and that they

679
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: love you forever. And when you don't get it, to

680
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: fight through that and continue serving takes incredible strength. That's

681
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: how you fight. That's the war of your marriage. You

682
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 1: fight it with love, and you do that enough times.

683
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: Watch how things will change, Watch how he changes. It's like,

684
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't be mad at you anymore. You

685
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 1: won't let me be mad at you because you're just

686
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: too sweet. I've been grumpy, I've been sick, I've been tired,

687
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: my body hurts, I've been I've been a wretch to you,

688
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 1: and all you do back is just serve me and

689
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: love me. How did I deserve you? I'm the luckiest

690
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: man on the planet. You're not going to see those

691
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: results right off the bat, but you continue, You stay

692
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: the course. You love selflessly because guess what, you've been

693
00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 1: married for ten years, you've been together for fourteen. It's

694
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 1: worth the fight, the fight with love. Can you do it?

695
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: That's the question. Can you do it? Most people will

696
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: say no, I can't. I deserve better. I deserve to

697
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: be treated like a queen. I deserve to be right

698
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: all the time. If someone's sick, I don't care. Be nice.

699
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,240
Speaker 1: You got to be nice, be kind. That's like today's

700
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 1: culture says kindness is the number one virtue. Kindness. It's

701
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: not love anymore. You notice that it's like not love,

702
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: it's kindness. Be kind, be kind to everyone all the time,

703
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: be kind kindness. Kindness is not the definition of love.

704
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 1: Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is selfless. Love

705
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 1: keeps no records of wrongs. Love doesn't need to be

706
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 1: served back. Love just serves. Do that. Do it? You

707
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 1: do it? You'll see fruit to this marriage. You don't

708
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: You're gonna have struggles you're gonna fight. The choice is yours. Look,

709
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 1: I'm not always right on this podcast. I'm just giving

710
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 1: you biblical advice and that always is right. Love you guys,

711
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: See you next Monday, Gig. Thanks for joining me on

712
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You

713
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

714
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that

715
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

716
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a

717
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,

718
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Gig