Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, It's Sophia Bush, host of the podcast Work
Speaker 1: in Progress. I started Work in Progress because I'm a
Speaker 1: curious person, and I realized there are so many people
Speaker 1: I get to speak to that are fascinating and rare,
Speaker 1: and so I thought, why not take these conversations out
Speaker 1: into the world. You can join us and listen to
Speaker 1: Work in Progress on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine, Oh hello, Jelsey. Hi, I'm fresh off the boat.
Speaker 2: Fresh out the boat from Greece.
Speaker 3: I mean, you're even wearing a Chloe White shirt.
Speaker 2: Like headed back to Europe as soon as we get
Speaker 2: we were done with this, I'm going back. No, we
Speaker 2: actually did take a boat to Greece. We took a
Speaker 2: ferry boat from Athens to Paros, which was like three
Speaker 2: and a half hours. Oh yeah, So, and then I
Speaker 2: took the flight back. I took a flight from Paros
Speaker 2: to Athens, and so I can't decide which one was
Speaker 2: more unpleasant, the flight or the boat.
Speaker 3: Was the flight bumpy?
Speaker 2: No, it was just the airport. You know when there're
Speaker 2: those little, small, tiny airports and there's like a line
Speaker 2: and it takes like an hour to check in and
Speaker 2: there's nobody really there. It was just one of those.
Speaker 2: It was fine, we got there safely. I think that's
Speaker 2: probably the most important thing, but I'm not positive. I'm
Speaker 2: not positive that's the most important thing, but I think
Speaker 2: it might be the most important thing. I announced three dates.
Speaker 2: I'm doing three more stand up dates to close out
Speaker 2: the year because I decided that I wanted to spread
Speaker 2: a little bit more of joy and sunshine around this country.
Speaker 2: Since you know, things are in such a good place.
Speaker 3: We need a little escapism.
Speaker 2: Yes, So aside from my Vegas residency, my next date
Speaker 2: is July fifth, I'll be in Vegas, everybody, so hopefully
Speaker 2: you'll be joining me there. I'm going to do West
Speaker 2: Hampton Beach, New York on August twenty first. Then I'm
Speaker 2: going to headline the Fringe, a festival in Rochester, New
Speaker 2: York on September third, and then I'm going to be
Speaker 2: in Napa, California on October third. So I'm just adding
Speaker 2: those three dates. It's it's not like a tour. I'm
Speaker 2: just doing some stand up to round out the year.
Speaker 2: So I hope you get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 3: And it's fresh material, right.
Speaker 2: It's all new material. It's all a lot of LSD
Speaker 2: in there, a lot of stuff that we've touched upon
Speaker 2: on the show, and a lot of me smuggling LSD
Speaker 2: from country to country. Basically, I've just started leaving stashues
Speaker 2: in different countries that I visit so that I don't
Speaker 2: have to keep continue traveling with it. Now that I'm
Speaker 2: talking about it so publicly on stage. I mean I've
Speaker 2: always talked about it publicly, but on stage specifically, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I better stop talking about it and also continuing to
Speaker 2: carry it with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, traveling with it is not that's.
Speaker 2: The That's probably not the best idea.
Speaker 3: It's is going to be there waiting for you when
Speaker 3: you get there. That's perfect.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, So I'm assuming that at some point
Speaker 2: I'll be on some sort of list that will prevent
Speaker 2: me from returning to my homeland. I'm just making that assumption.
Speaker 2: But I've been to so many countries already and it's
Speaker 2: only June. I'm so excited. But I'm getting surgery when
Speaker 2: I get back on July seventh. I'm getting foot surgery
Speaker 2: on my little bunyan net I'm calling it a bunyan
Speaker 2: net because it makes it sound cuter.
Speaker 3: It's much cuter. Did your ear little toast spacers didn't
Speaker 3: do the trick?
Speaker 2: Now, the toast spacers probably would work if you're like
Speaker 2: twenty and you're really trying to nip it in the bud.
Speaker 2: I bet those are helpful. But I'm fifty and mine
Speaker 2: isn't on the inside of my foot. It's on the
Speaker 2: outside of my foot. I think it's related to my
Speaker 2: knee injury because I like lean a certain way on
Speaker 2: one leg, so I just can't look at it like that,
Speaker 2: I mean, and so I have to remove it. And
Speaker 2: it's apparently a little bit of a hectic recovery. But
Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see. I like recoveries.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you get to like take a bunch of fun
Speaker 3: drugs and like chill it home. Yeah, unless I'm making
Speaker 3: you work, because I'm like, you want to just schedule
Speaker 3: a bunch of podcasts while you're well.
Speaker 2: Ideally that would be me walking downstairs. But apparently my
Speaker 2: house will not be ready. For the fiftieth time in
Speaker 2: my life, my house is not ready for move in.
Speaker 2: I just got that news. It did not go over well,
Speaker 2: but we are in the home stretch.
Speaker 3: I'm being told, Oh, I'm very happy to hear that
Speaker 3: for you.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Cheles. It's really tough to be displaced for
Speaker 2: that long, and the gross and competence of it all
Speaker 2: is just mind boggling. I know, it's unreal. I can't
Speaker 2: believe it. I can't. I mean, I can't believe I'm
Speaker 2: even still talking about it. It's just absolutely absurd. My
Speaker 2: family's like, why don't you talk to a therapist? I'm like,
Speaker 2: about my house? You want me to talk to a
Speaker 2: therapist about my house? I did, actually a year ago.
Speaker 2: I had a conversation. It should I have the same
Speaker 2: fucking conversation I had one year ago. For some reason,
Speaker 2: I'm so resentful every time something happens with a house.
Speaker 2: I'm so angry towards my family. Like I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: always the one who's getting everybody out of bad situations.
Speaker 2: Yet here I am, and no one's getting me out
Speaker 2: of this situation. I keep waiting for someone to come
Speaker 2: and rescue me, but oh my god, no one's rescuing me.
Speaker 3: I mean, if anyone out there has advice on how
Speaker 3: to get RFK Judu out of a home. Have you
Speaker 3: tried a priest?
Speaker 2: I I haven't tried an exorcism, but I did have
Speaker 2: a healer and like a house cleanser come by that
Speaker 2: obviously didn't take. And I'm now in a lawsuit with
Speaker 2: my prior contractor. So it's just just the hitscheets on coming.
Speaker 2: But listen, you know what, It's just a house, and
Speaker 2: I have other homes, and obviously I don't I don't whatever.
Speaker 2: I can't complain about my life, so I won't continue to.
Speaker 3: Well, you know what, pretty soon you'll be out of
Speaker 3: the country anyway, and you'll have to be in Canada
Speaker 3: or Spain, so it'll you know, it'll just come on
Speaker 3: the wash, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm heading out here from as soon as we
Speaker 2: get off today, I'm going up to Boston. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: record mel Robins's podcast tomorrow morning. Nice nice, uh huh.
Speaker 2: And they gave me instructions, specific instructions not to arrive
Speaker 2: early because there's no waiting room. Well that's delightful, thank
Speaker 2: you for that warm, warm welcome.
Speaker 3: That's the worst thing they can say to a person
Speaker 3: who's always early.
Speaker 2: God, yeah, I know exactly who's our guest this week?
Speaker 3: Oh, our guest this week is your buddy, Sophia Bush.
Speaker 2: Oh Bush, She's a bush lover. Sophia Bush Lover is
Speaker 2: our guest this week. This week, I was gonna say
Speaker 2: this weekend, I'm already in Glastonbury in my head. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Sophia Bush. Oh, this is a great interview. I'm excited.
Speaker 3: Yes. And her new movie The Stranger in My Home
Speaker 3: is out now on video on demand.
Speaker 2: Love it. Hi guys, Oh baby, it's your baby. Hi, baby,
Speaker 2: baby baby, Hi. Videyback ribs.
Speaker 4: How are you and good?
Speaker 2: What are you doing?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: You know, just getting ready to talk to you. I've
Speaker 2: been seeing a lot of you. Actually, we've been seeing
Speaker 2: a lot of each other.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, not as much as I would like, but
Speaker 1: it has been fun to do well.
Speaker 2: It's never enough. It's never enough. Congrats on your interview
Speaker 2: with Michelle Obama on Sophia's podcast Work in Progress. She
Speaker 2: did a two part episode with Michelle Obama that was
Speaker 2: all over the place and it was a fucking great interview.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's so much fun. It's like hanging with her for
Speaker 1: that section of time, you know, felt a lot like
Speaker 1: when we all get together, like it's it's crazy to
Speaker 1: you know, look up to someone like her for so long,
Speaker 1: and to watch the way she navigates the global stage
Speaker 1: and then to like hang out and wish you had
Speaker 1: a cocktail to shoot the shit. I was like, God,
Speaker 1: the world must forget that you're also just this wonderful human.
Speaker 1: You don't always have to be like a leader or
Speaker 1: a figurehead. She's funny and sassy and has such great
Speaker 1: advice about life and love and parenting and all the things,
Speaker 1: and it was really cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think she does. It's so annoying
Speaker 2: when everybody always, like, you know, I'm in Canada, Everyone's like,
Speaker 2: why can't Michelle Obama run? I'm like, Michelle Obama doesn't
Speaker 2: want to be the fucking president of the United States.
Speaker 2: She didn't want anything to do with it the first
Speaker 2: eight years, like as if it's her responsibility to run.
Speaker 2: And I always just think about how annoying that must
Speaker 2: be for her to constantly hear that, as if it's
Speaker 2: that simple, you know, as if she's just supposed to
Speaker 2: give away the next eight years of her life.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think people don't understand what a service is required
Speaker 1: to be in public office, like any sort of real
Speaker 1: political organizing takes so much work, and you certainly can
Speaker 1: become a target for things. You have to give up
Speaker 1: a lot of things when you run for office. It's
Speaker 1: like it's not a one plus one equals two situation.
Speaker 1: It's like to the power of fifty. Everything is amplified
Speaker 1: and enlarged, and at the same time your life really shrinks.
Speaker 1: And I think people I don't know, probably because the
Speaker 1: internet's full of trolls who say shitty things that travel
Speaker 1: very far. But people are like, oh, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: they're doing it for the money or the exposure. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, they don't make any money and they literally
Speaker 1: can't go outside, like like she can't go for a
Speaker 1: walk anymore without guards. So everybody take it just relax.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like she's really kind of, you know, since
Speaker 2: she left office, also really letting her hair down and
Speaker 2: being more of herself to the public and yeah, which
Speaker 2: is really you know, she doesn't have to do that either.
Speaker 2: She doesn't have to like bother with at the public.
Speaker 2: She doesn't have to do anything. But when I mean,
Speaker 2: that's just how devoted they are to public service, is
Speaker 2: that they all are over you know, they're always involved.
Speaker 1: I think so and I really think it's also something
Speaker 1: when you have to bite your tongue for so long,
Speaker 1: when you have to put your you know, sort of
Speaker 1: professionalism or decorum first. I think, yes, decorum is something
Speaker 1: we should aspire to have, especially in public life. I
Speaker 1: think they are people of incredible class and integrity, and
Speaker 1: I think eventually it gets really tiresome to always have
Speaker 1: to be quiet or be perfect or whatever. And She's
Speaker 1: kind of like, guys, I'm also just a lady and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have cocktails with my girlfriends, i want to
Speaker 1: go play tennis. My kids are out of the house.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go visit them, and then I'm going to
Speaker 1: enjoy my life like this.
Speaker 5: Is my time.
Speaker 1: And I think, I know, that's such an exciting example
Speaker 1: for me to see among my friends. Imagine the power
Speaker 1: that you know, a former first lady has to do that,
Speaker 1: let alone one with like Princeton and Harvard degrees. Who
Speaker 1: I mean, she's just like the coolest person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she really is the coolest person. Let's talk about
Speaker 2: your cool person. Tell me how that feels to be
Speaker 2: a hot considered a hot lesbian.
Speaker 1: Quite an honor. I mean, you know what's funny is
Speaker 1: you do this weird math like if you're dating, if
Speaker 1: you're a woman dating men, nobody wants to talk to
Speaker 1: you about your sexuality. They just want to either say
Speaker 1: like you're a prude or a slot. You know, if
Speaker 1: you date too much, they criticize you. If you don't date,
Speaker 1: you must be frigid, whatever. And then the thing that
Speaker 1: gets added when you're actually more fluid with your sexuality
Speaker 1: is the swing goes from nobody gives a shit who
Speaker 1: you're sleeping with too. You better identify exactly who you
Speaker 1: are so we can figure out what name to call you.
Speaker 1: And it's like okay, And you know, I sort of
Speaker 1: looked around and was like, has nobody been paying attention
Speaker 1: to like all the hot girls I've been kissing on
Speaker 1: camera and like, you know, maybe not in front of
Speaker 1: you off camera, but Hi, I've always been here.
Speaker 2: Right, But let's talk about that a little because that's
Speaker 2: that seems to be the kind of calculus or the
Speaker 2: consensus now that we have some retrospection of the election,
Speaker 2: and yeah, and people are talking about the identity politics
Speaker 2: of the left, and I know you talk a lot,
Speaker 2: you know, we both talk a lot politically together and
Speaker 2: you know, without each other what is your view on
Speaker 2: that of us focusing so much? Because my view is like,
Speaker 2: when we say, oh, you guys focused too much on
Speaker 2: the trans issue, you guys were too inclusive. It didn't
Speaker 2: have to be like that big of an issue, and
Speaker 2: it was like, well, but trans people were starting to
Speaker 2: have problems with other people and there were lawsuits and
Speaker 2: somebody has to get on the side of that, like
Speaker 2: on the right side of things. So it wasn't like
Speaker 2: it wasn't like liberals were like, oh my god, what's
Speaker 2: another issue we can tackle that's going to be really
Speaker 2: exclusionary to white supremacis. Oh, trans people will go be
Speaker 2: with them. That's not how it happened. Now, how do
Speaker 2: you think about when you reflect about that issue and
Speaker 2: LGBTQ rights issues and the left being too focused on that.
Speaker 2: In many people's opinions, I.
Speaker 1: Think it's all just such bullshit, Chelsea. Honestly, it's like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean, we're too focused on being nice
Speaker 1: to people? What the fuck are you talking about? And
Speaker 1: we're not too focused. To be clear, the Trump campaign
Speaker 1: spent something like it was either twenty seven million or
Speaker 1: fifty seven million dollars on those ads that were like
Speaker 1: she's for they them, and I'm for you, Like, ew,
Speaker 1: you fucking creepy sexual predator, stop talking about people's genitalia.
Speaker 1: They they have outsized an issue.
Speaker 5: In a way that makes me so sad.
Speaker 1: You know, just this week they're ranting on Fox News
Speaker 1: about like, oh, you know, all the athletes are trans,
Speaker 1: and it's like there are less than ten trans athletes
Speaker 1: out of five hundred and ten thousand athletes in the
Speaker 1: NC DOUBLEA leave these people alone. Like to be the
Speaker 1: smallest and most vulnerable group in the world and to
Speaker 1: constantly have people project all their shit and fear and
Speaker 1: anger at you, It's it's not only traumatizing for people,
Speaker 1: it's so dangerous. And when you start seeing these these
Speaker 1: rollbacks of protections, you know, homosexuality being criminalized in Trinidad
Speaker 1: and Tobago this year, when you see right wingers literally
Speaker 1: trying to encourage the Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality, Like,
Speaker 1: let me be clear, I've tried that with some dudes
Speaker 1: who turned out not to be great. I deserve to
Speaker 1: try to just to be just as miserable with any
Speaker 1: fucking woman of my choosing as I was in my past.
Speaker 1: Like what you think the lesbians don't deserve to be
Speaker 1: as unhappy as you all, like shut up, and it's
Speaker 1: you know, joking aside. It's like a right. It doesn't
Speaker 1: matter if it's not a right for everyone, because then
Speaker 1: you're not concerned with freedom. This is something Tim Wallace
Speaker 1: says a lot. He goes, you know, you can't say
Speaker 1: you're concerned with freedom and then try to deny freedoms
Speaker 1: for people, then what you really want is privilege, and
Speaker 1: like for what, And I don't know why the right
Speaker 1: has been able to so effectively weaponize the idea that
Speaker 1: a quality is somehow an attack, Like it's not, guys,
Speaker 1: I hate to tell you you, maga folks, nobody's thinking
Speaker 1: about you that much. We're all just trying to like
Speaker 1: raise our kids and pay our bills and do our shit.
Speaker 1: I don't care whose marriage makes you uncomfortable. Don't be
Speaker 1: in a marriage that makes you uncomfortable, and move along
Speaker 1: with your day. Same for people's healthcare, same for how
Speaker 1: people live. Like, maybe if you stop running around with
Speaker 1: baseball bats, attacking people antiki torches and beating up cops,
Speaker 1: like you could just live peacefully in whatever weird way
Speaker 1: you want to live, Like we're they're living well and
Speaker 1: kindly like back off. I just don't. I don't want
Speaker 1: to fall into the trap that we're supposed to abandon
Speaker 1: people to somehow seem more neutral, Like neutrality never got
Speaker 1: anybody anywhere.
Speaker 2: That's true. How do you feel about everything?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: What are you? What's your state of mind right now? Politically? I?
Speaker 1: Oh, man, I think things are very bad, and I
Speaker 1: think they're moving in such a terrible direction at such
Speaker 1: speed that in a way, a lot of people are
Speaker 1: looking around going look, I know it's a lot of noise,
Speaker 1: but nothing's really happening. And I'm like, you don't get
Speaker 1: where you're going to be in eighteen months, Like if
Speaker 1: as retribution because Gavin Newsom won't kiss the ring, Donald
Speaker 1: Trump clearcuts all of California's forests, Like do you understand
Speaker 1: what that's going to do? Not just to California, to
Speaker 1: the nation. You know, this guy wanted to crash the
Speaker 1: stock markets. His friends could make hundreds of billions of
Speaker 1: dollars and he said so in the Oval Office and
Speaker 1: bragged about it, and you know, pointed out how many
Speaker 1: billions they all made when he went JK, no tariffs.
Speaker 1: It's like I just want to know, honestly, how Martha
Speaker 1: Stewart feels about it. I'm like, bitch, you went to
Speaker 1: prison for so much less, Like how are you doing
Speaker 1: in Bedford? Are you mad? Are you getting stoned? Are
Speaker 1: you laughing?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: What is going on here? It's it's so crazy And
Speaker 1: what's coming? You know, the the RFK at you know HHS,
Speaker 1: and the dismantling of lead protection teams at the CDC,
Speaker 1: and like, I mean, it's about to get like so bad.
Speaker 2: And what would be the motivation for them poisoning people?
Speaker 2: Because that's effectively what they're doing by dismantling these agencies,
Speaker 2: Like people are going to get sick and die. What
Speaker 2: would be the advantage? What would their mo be going
Speaker 2: into that?
Speaker 1: They want everybody to get sick and die, Chelsea. And
Speaker 1: I know that might sound crazy, but you're not trying
Speaker 1: to defund Medicare if you don't want people to die,
Speaker 1: because dead people are less expensive to take care of.
Speaker 1: They don't care. These are people who have, you know,
Speaker 1: the fifty thousand dollars a year concierge doctor who flies
Speaker 1: to them. These are people who who have now the
Speaker 1: whole White House medical apparatus. Serving as their own personal dispensary.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you saw that writer's article about
Speaker 1: how during the last Trump administration they were handing out
Speaker 1: like I mean, amphetamines, opioids, like they were just prescribing
Speaker 1: shit to people who worked in the White House like
Speaker 1: willy nilly. They're going to get what they need, just
Speaker 1: like any mistress of Donald Trump who's ever been pregnant
Speaker 1: that he's wanted to have an abortion has had one allegedly,
Speaker 1: you know, allegedly allegedly. I'm like, I'm not about to
Speaker 1: get sued for calling an adjudicated rapist or rapist like
Speaker 1: what a ridiculous man he is and clearly a tyrant.
Speaker 1: But they're going to get what they need. They just
Speaker 1: don't care. They don't care if your you know, elderly
Speaker 1: grandparent doesn't get their Social Security check because if they did,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be Supposedly, this hit the news last week,
Speaker 1: moving all the comms for Social Security onto Twitter, like
Speaker 1: what what eighty year olds know how to use x
Speaker 1: dot com? Like the shock and awe is the goal,
Speaker 1: And you see it in the way that they behave,
Speaker 1: in what they're doing and in how they talk about people. Right,
Speaker 1: Like you see the way Donald Trump loves Putin, He
Speaker 1: loves dictators. He says, you know, oh yeah, the dictator
Speaker 1: of North Korea is people all really bowed to him,
Speaker 1: they really respect him. I want that. And then you've
Speaker 1: got JD. Vance using absolutely derogatory language, not only to
Speaker 1: insult our allies in Europe and you know, on the
Speaker 1: base in Greenland, but talking about China and saying, quote,
Speaker 1: these Chinese peasants and he says the word it's like
Speaker 1: dripping with judgment. They want to create a peasant class
Speaker 1: and an oligarchy in America so we can't ever get
Speaker 1: out from under it. Like they love this shit. They're
Speaker 1: like they're horny for oligarchs and kleptocrats, like they want
Speaker 1: to be that.
Speaker 5: And it's interesting now that.
Speaker 1: You sort of see a lot of people go, WHOA.
Speaker 1: I thought maybe the federal government was too big, maybe
Speaker 1: it wasn't efficient, But I didn't realize what they did.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize what their programs ran. I didn't realize
Speaker 1: how much of my life they took care of. And
Speaker 1: it's like, well, yeah, you didn't realize it. Because Mitch
Speaker 1: McConnell made it his mission over forty years ago to
Speaker 1: defund education in America because they started to see that
Speaker 1: uneducated people.
Speaker 2: Vote for them, and that's it.
Speaker 1: And I don't say that to judge people, Like it's
Speaker 1: hard to get a good education because they've made it hard.
Speaker 1: They make having an intellect seem like it's elitist. And
Speaker 1: it's like, that's the whole reason my great grandparents came
Speaker 1: here for a better life and to be like, we
Speaker 1: want to pursue the American education system. We want to
Speaker 1: give that to our children, Like my family built a great, big,
Speaker 1: beautiful American dream life for that. So when you start
Speaker 1: to really peel the layers back, and I think see
Speaker 1: that these folks have tried to tarnish everything that actually
Speaker 1: makes America any word you want to fill in the blank, great, exceptional, special,
Speaker 1: something worth fighting for. They want to break it down
Speaker 1: and sell it for parts. And once you start to
Speaker 1: look at these guys like a bunch of used car salesmen,
Speaker 1: I think it gets easier to understand why they behave
Speaker 1: the way they behave, and also why their suits are
Speaker 1: so bad.
Speaker 2: Oh, the suits are the worst. Oh, there's nothing grosser
Speaker 2: than seeing him in a suit. Honestly, all of them,
Speaker 2: all of them. They're also physically part of the part
Speaker 2: of the stipulation of being a member of that administration
Speaker 2: is being physically repugnant. Yeah, that is a number one.
Speaker 3: Isn't it funny? How like all the bad guys look
Speaker 3: disgusting like bad guys, like in a like villains.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because what you are on the inside starts to
Speaker 1: come out. It's like Mitch McConnell's neck has been trying
Speaker 1: to swallow his head for the last twenty years. Even
Speaker 1: his body is like we.
Speaker 2: Gotta go, and brain is gone. It's his head is
Speaker 2: unfortunately still there, sadly, but it's like, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I wonder what it must be like. Maybe they
Speaker 1: like it. Maybe it's the same kind of thing that
Speaker 1: they get off on a little bit that they're a
Speaker 1: group of people that when they walk in the room,
Speaker 1: all the women cover their drinks, like just instinctively. You're like, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: the roofie patrol is here, and it's like.
Speaker 5: This is our best and brightest.
Speaker 1: Really, just because people couldn't vote for the lady, just
Speaker 1: because they were like, oh my god, if gay people
Speaker 1: aren't getting assaulted or trans people aren't hiding, do I
Speaker 1: have any power, Like, what that's your metric? Come on?
Speaker 2: Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a break and
Speaker 2: we're gonna be right back with Sophia Bush. And we're
Speaker 2: back with Sophia Bush, who has the Wonderful Podcast a
Speaker 2: work in progress, and she also has a film coming
Speaker 2: out called The Stranger in My Hall, which is an
Speaker 2: adaptation of a Dell Park's novel. Okay, Sophia, we're going
Speaker 2: to give advice. We have callers calling in. I love that, Catherine.
Speaker 2: What are we focusing on today? What is our topic?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: We have so many things, you know what. We're actually
Speaker 3: going to start with a caller. So Lauren is thirty
Speaker 3: six and she says, how do I get on the
Speaker 3: friends with benefits to wifey pipeline? Dear Chelsea, I've been
Speaker 3: at a casual friends with benefits type relationship for a
Speaker 3: year and a half. It's worked out great for both
Speaker 3: of us, especially since I'm a solo parent to my
Speaker 3: young daughter and he's a workaholic. His dick is better
Speaker 3: than anyone else's. He's sweeter and more considerate than anyone
Speaker 3: I've dated, maybe ever, and I care for him deeply.
Speaker 3: Here's where I need the advice. For the last few months,
Speaker 3: I've been having feelings of wanting more from him. I
Speaker 3: want him to stay longer, to come over more often.
Speaker 3: I want us to be more official. Essentially, I want
Speaker 3: him to make an honest woman out of me. But
Speaker 3: I'm so scared to talk to him about it because
Speaker 3: I don't want to ruin what we have. When I
Speaker 3: think of these things, I usually end up reconciling with
Speaker 3: myself that this is the relationship I can handle right now.
Speaker 3: But what do you think? Is it because this dick
Speaker 3: is so good that I want him to wipe me up?
Speaker 3: Or is it a sign that I need to end
Speaker 3: things with him so I can pursue a quote unquote
Speaker 3: serious relationship. Will it be worth sacrificing what I have already?
Speaker 3: Thanks so much, Lauren, hi Lo, Lauren hi there.
Speaker 4: Thanks so much for taking my call.
Speaker 2: You're so welcome. This is our special guest, Sophia Bush
Speaker 2: is here today.
Speaker 4: Wow, amazing, We're here.
Speaker 2: To assess your The dick that's so great. I don't
Speaker 2: think ever, you know, I honestly, I'm just thinking, like
Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever dated anyone where I thought
Speaker 2: the dick is so great, Like it's usually if an
Speaker 2: emotional relationship that makes you love the sex, Yes, but
Speaker 2: you're saying you just love the sex, and then that's
Speaker 2: bringing you in emotionally, I mean both.
Speaker 4: Really, it's all it's all good. It's been really great.
Speaker 2: And so what's the vibe? He just you? He only
Speaker 2: comes up, did you guys ever time together that's not sexual?
Speaker 4: We did in the beginning a little more, but our
Speaker 4: schedules are kind of crazy, and so we got into
Speaker 4: a bit of a routine of just getting together at
Speaker 4: night and enjoying each other's company.
Speaker 2: And do you get the impression from him that that's
Speaker 2: all he wants.
Speaker 4: It's a tough read. It's a real tough read because
Speaker 4: he doesn't talk too much about his feelings and that's
Speaker 4: kind of worked for us, I think. So, yeah, it's
Speaker 4: really tough to read at the moment. And that's why
Speaker 4: I'm like a little scared about bringing it up, because
Speaker 4: I don't want to lose what we have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's how you can bring it up. You
Speaker 2: can just say, you know, hey, I like one night
Speaker 2: when you're not having sex, or when you're done having sex,
Speaker 2: or when just you know, you can say hey, I
Speaker 2: really enjoy spending time together, and I know this is
Speaker 2: kind of a sexual thing, but if you're ever interested
Speaker 2: in more than that, I'm down for that. And make
Speaker 2: it light like so that there's not a huge like repercussion.
Speaker 2: If he doesn't feel the same way that you can't
Speaker 2: continue to have sex unless you think, I mean, Ken,
Speaker 2: do you think you can handle continuing to have sex?
Speaker 2: If his answer is.
Speaker 5: No, I hope, so, I really hope.
Speaker 2: So yeah, right, Sophia, don't you think you should just
Speaker 2: you have to bridge that, you have to say something
Speaker 2: at some point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think to Chelsea's point, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, it's always a good idea to
Speaker 1: tell people how you feel. It can be really scary,
Speaker 1: I mean, especially when you know you're considering shifting a
Speaker 1: dynamic into perhaps a more serious one, whether you're going
Speaker 1: to tell a friend you have fallen for them, or
Speaker 1: you know you're gonna you're going to tell mister dickmatized
Speaker 1: that you want more than just that. Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I think it's I think the advice of just
Speaker 1: sort of start there is good to say this is great,
Speaker 1: nothing's wrong. I'm having a great time with you, and
Speaker 1: if you're open to more than that, I am as well, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe after you guys sleep together the
Speaker 1: next time, like ask him if he wants a girl
Speaker 1: cheese and like eat a snack, talk to each other
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and see what happens.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did broach very delicately the idea of him
Speaker 4: meeting my daughter. We had dinner out one time, and
Speaker 4: you know, I got the impression like, you know, she's
Speaker 4: almost four, so she's kind of wild right now, and
Speaker 4: I I don't know if it was like the vibe,
Speaker 4: but he was.
Speaker 2: Well what what did he What was his response to that?
Speaker 4: He's so caring and generous and like he just kind
Speaker 4: of went with the flow. And so that part of
Speaker 4: that reaction of his makes me think like he's kind
Speaker 4: of taking my lead. But at the same time, maybe
Speaker 4: he's like, oh, this is too much for me.
Speaker 2: So well, you don't have to have him meet your
Speaker 2: daughter right away. That is a lot. That's a big
Speaker 2: jump from just away. It was right away, but but
Speaker 2: I mean there's this in between there somewhere, So like
Speaker 2: the next time you bring it up, you can bring
Speaker 2: it up more lightly, and also you should bring it
Speaker 2: up because you want that, Like you have to go
Speaker 2: after what you want. It's not just gonna like not
Speaker 2: necessarily happen without you saying it and facilitating it. And
Speaker 2: also just to have like a conversation with yourself beforehand,
Speaker 2: Like I know, it's like a little bit like you know,
Speaker 2: we get nervous to say these things, but they're so
Speaker 2: important for us to express ourselves. It's very important as
Speaker 2: a woman. Just like think of your daughter, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Think of doing it for your daughter,
Speaker 2: like standing up for what you want, saying what you want,
Speaker 2: and if you don't get it, then okay, fine, and
Speaker 2: then you can continue having sex with him if that's
Speaker 2: what you want to do. But yeah, just do it
Speaker 2: with a little sense of female empowerment like yeah, I
Speaker 2: got this, I want this, I'm gonna ask for it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And on the meeting the kid thing, if I may,
Speaker 1: I think there's also something it's a big deal for
Speaker 1: somebody to meet your kid, you know it It signifies
Speaker 1: I think, a certain level of a relationship. So if
Speaker 1: you want to go from the friends with benefits with
Speaker 1: him to see if you guys are compatible for a
Speaker 1: real relationship, work on building the relationship between you two
Speaker 1: as adults, and if that really does take off, then
Speaker 1: he can meet your kid. You know, your kid is
Speaker 1: is the center of your world and the reward for
Speaker 1: him actually showing up as a partner. I agree with Chelsea, Like,
Speaker 1: I think skipping to that probably would feel a little
Speaker 1: overwhelming for someone you know, center as she's advising you, like,
Speaker 1: center yourself. You deserve that.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like this desire for something more serious
Speaker 3: is because of him or because maybe you're just like
Speaker 3: ready for a relationship that's a little more traditional.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's part of what I think as well. It
Speaker 4: could be that it could be like because my daughter's
Speaker 4: getting older, it could be like a little bit of
Speaker 4: a sign that I'm ready for something. But you know,
Speaker 4: I tested the waters with other people and dating like
Speaker 4: more seriously, and he's still he's kind of it. He's
Speaker 4: still it. That's why I want to try it out
Speaker 4: with him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think he should. Okay, Yeah, you definitely should
Speaker 2: do it. Get come up with a plan and do
Speaker 2: it and be you know, be proud of yourself for
Speaker 2: like and pushed forward. Like if you do this act,
Speaker 2: regardless of the outcome, you just have to like try
Speaker 2: to detach from the outcome. I know what you want,
Speaker 2: you know what you want. You can say that, but
Speaker 2: it's a good exercise period, you know, to start asserting
Speaker 2: yourself in that way.
Speaker 4: That's excellent advice. That's totally what I need to hear.
Speaker 4: I was kind of hoping you guys would give me
Speaker 4: some like feminine wiles that I can tap into and
Speaker 4: convince him to yeah, to wipe me up.
Speaker 2: But you're right.
Speaker 3: I think the feminine whiles come from the casual approach
Speaker 3: that Chelsea mentioned, just like, hey, like, what do you
Speaker 3: feel about this?
Speaker 2: This sounds good to me if that's where we're going
Speaker 2: to take it.
Speaker 3: You know, I think that is like a perfect way
Speaker 3: to do it, rather than being like, here are two choices,
Speaker 3: do we do this or is it over? You know?
Speaker 3: I think that puts a little too fine a point
Speaker 3: on it.
Speaker 4: Absolutely Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, good luck, report back, Okay, let us know
Speaker 2: what happens. Please, thank you so much.
Speaker 4: I will nice.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Why I want to get a dimple like Sophia? Why
Speaker 2: don't people try and get dimples when they get plastic surgery?
Speaker 2: Because you never see somebody just all of a sudden
Speaker 2: show up with a dimple like that should be a
Speaker 2: good request for plastic surgery, you know, like I would
Speaker 2: like a dimple on my left cheek, like like ordering
Speaker 2: it up like a cabbage patch.
Speaker 3: I do think there's a certain child actor that did
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: Oh I don't want to name any names. I'll have to.
Speaker 2: I'll have to bring that up with my next plastic
Speaker 2: surgery appointment.
Speaker 1: But I think a dimple is technically a deformity.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's so cute. Who cares?
Speaker 1: I mean, I like, I like mine, But it's literally
Speaker 1: I think it's like a I think it's some sort
Speaker 1: of a situation where like your muscles don't completely put
Speaker 1: together all the way and you just have like a
Speaker 1: hole in your face.
Speaker 2: So I don't know how they would.
Speaker 1: Make one for you.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they can make one for you. I'm sure.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they can come up with something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they can give you a whole new face. They
Speaker 1: can probably give you exactly right.
Speaker 2: Exactly right.
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Katie. It's kind of
Speaker 3: most of some of the political stuff that we have
Speaker 3: been talking about. So she says, your Chelsea, I have
Speaker 3: so much anger at the world. I have ADHD's justice sensitivity,
Speaker 3: which is a phrase I only learned a couple of
Speaker 3: years ago when I was first diagnosed. It explained a
Speaker 3: lot my whole life. I've been jokingly prodded at for
Speaker 3: my anger. It often comes out in exaggerated and dramatic jokes,
Speaker 3: where I'm known to be brutally honest, crass, and passionate.
Speaker 3: It's been a blessing and a curse where I've been
Speaker 3: thanked throughout my life for speaking up and calling out wrongs.
Speaker 3: But then I've also been seen in my family as
Speaker 3: constantly angry about something I know deep down anger is grief.
Speaker 3: I've seen therapists before, and I'm open to it again,
Speaker 3: but I can't help but shrug it off as futile.
Speaker 3: Considering a therapist can't fix the selfishness and stupidity of
Speaker 3: most humans. The pandemic, the elections, the denial of climate change,
Speaker 3: and the weaponization of marginalized communities weighs on me daily.
Speaker 3: I'm finding that I'm growing so angry I'm compartmentalizing just
Speaker 3: to operate. My faith in humanity is wrecked. I can't
Speaker 3: look at people who I love as worthy of my
Speaker 3: love because I feel their integrity has reached unfathomable lows
Speaker 3: and their support of a serial sex predator in the
Speaker 3: White House. All in all, people love me, and I
Speaker 3: know that I have enough support to be happy. Overall,
Speaker 3: I don't want to change the fiery passion I have
Speaker 3: regarding the injustices of the world, and I thrive on
Speaker 3: bullying the bullies. It feels good, but rage is unhealthy.
Speaker 3: I need a shift in perspective. I've related to Chelsea
Speaker 3: my whole life for being honest and calling people out,
Speaker 3: so maybe you can help. Thank you, Katie.
Speaker 2: Hi, Katie Hi, Katy Hi. This is Sophia Bush, our
Speaker 2: special guest today.
Speaker 5: Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1: I'm a fellow Justice Sensitivity girly. Thank you for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we can both relate to how you're feeling. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: I think a good word that you used is integrity
Speaker 2: in that email, and I think we should talk about
Speaker 2: that word because I think that when you have a
Speaker 2: lot of integrity and you see people that don't have it,
Speaker 2: we can be judgmental of that, we can be like
Speaker 2: in dismissive of those people, but we don't know that
Speaker 2: they're not acting within their own integrity, you know, like,
Speaker 2: to me, the genuflecting to Donald Trump after he's become
Speaker 2: elected is lacking integrity. He's supporting him from the beginning.
Speaker 2: That's a different set of rules, because that could be
Speaker 2: an integrity or that could really be your belief system
Speaker 2: and you believe you are acting with integrity. But the
Speaker 2: one thing I want you to hold on to is
Speaker 2: your integrity. And having integrity means being able to treat
Speaker 2: situations with respect even when you don't respect them. And
Speaker 2: when you have high levels of anger like you're talking about,
Speaker 2: you've got to harness that rage and turn it into
Speaker 2: something positive, and something like that is loving. And in
Speaker 2: order to do that, you've got to figure out where
Speaker 2: your deep anger is coming from. Because it's not like
Speaker 2: when this happened in twenty this happened in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 2: I was exactly what I was going off the rails.
Speaker 2: I was screaming at people, arguing with people if I
Speaker 2: didn't agree with them politically. They were no longer my friends.
Speaker 2: I was freaking out, and I realized when I went
Speaker 2: to therapy that that anger was that was just a
Speaker 2: place for me to put my anger, like that was
Speaker 2: an obvious place to store it. Now I had somewhere
Speaker 2: to direct it and a reason, but really what it
Speaker 2: was was a much deeper kind of delayed grief, delayed
Speaker 2: pain that I had never experienced from my childhood. Right, So,
Speaker 2: you really want to find somebody, a therapist that's going
Speaker 2: to be good. And it might not be the first
Speaker 2: one or the third one that you meet with. And
Speaker 2: I know that sounds exhausting, but like you're talking about
Speaker 2: your mental well being and your mental health for the
Speaker 2: rest of your life, because if you can invest some
Speaker 2: time into getting into, like getting in with a good therapist,
Speaker 2: it's going to yield so many benefits for your life
Speaker 2: moving forward when you have to deal with all of
Speaker 2: these unpalatable situations that we're all dealing with and conversations,
Speaker 2: because it's much more meaningful to be able to disagree
Speaker 2: with somebody without becoming rageful. It's much more powerful to
Speaker 2: have an argument without losing your shit, right.
Speaker 5: Right, and the rate, Like I'll put it this way,
Speaker 5: I stay articulate, I stay informed, I know what I'm
Speaker 5: talking about when I engage with people, and I try
Speaker 5: to approach it with respect. But it's like we keep
Speaker 5: reaching new lows every week, every month, every day. It's
Speaker 5: just new lows where the justification for this kind of
Speaker 5: cult mentality is driving me absolutely insane, where I'm like,
Speaker 5: you believe one thing, you know, you advocate for the constitution,
Speaker 5: and then all of a sudden, we're seeing that get
Speaker 5: bypassed and you're now justifying why it makes sense and
Speaker 5: why authoritarianism makes sense. And it's like I'm seeing just
Speaker 5: this like degradation in moral values in logic where I like, yeah,
Speaker 5: like I'm totally down for therapy, like that is something
Speaker 5: I've advocated for my whole life. But I just don't
Speaker 5: know like how to approach that from a sense of
Speaker 5: respect because I start to lose respect for those people
Speaker 5: because they're now almost hypocritical in what they've always claimed
Speaker 5: to be their values. And that's where I'm having trouble
Speaker 5: is reconciling, Hey, this is who you say you are,
Speaker 5: this is how you represent yourself, but how you vote
Speaker 5: and how you reflect or politics does not mirror what
Speaker 5: you claim to be. And it's happening with some loved ones.
Speaker 5: I've got a great support system, a lot of people
Speaker 5: who you know, support me and agree and we don't
Speaker 5: all have to agree, but it's getting to a point
Speaker 5: now where it's just so inhumane that that's where I'm struggling,
Speaker 5: Like degree, the sadness, the fear. I recognize that my
Speaker 5: rage comes from that, but getting it out in a
Speaker 5: healthy way, other than going online and trolling somebody and
Speaker 5: berating them or logically making an argument that holds up,
Speaker 5: like you know, sure, that'll give me some adrenaline, but
Speaker 5: that's not sustainable. We keep preaching these new lows, and
Speaker 5: only lately we're seeing people regret their decision because the
Speaker 5: markets are in turmoil. There's just chaos, and that kind
Speaker 5: of is another angle where I'm like, well, now they
Speaker 5: care because their wallets are getting hit, and I need
Speaker 5: that shifted perspective of like, okay, well maybe this olver
Speaker 5: lining is they're starting to regret the decision. They're starting
Speaker 5: to question their decision, but I need to get away
Speaker 5: from this. Well they're stupid and lazy and misinformed the
Speaker 5: end they're late.
Speaker 1: Can I offer you something on that? Absolutely, And I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say that it's like a magic solve,
Speaker 1: but something that I've really had to reckon with because
Speaker 1: I've I think I've had the exact verbatim conversation you're having,
Speaker 1: like we could, we could do a freaky Friday.
Speaker 2: Swap in this moment.
Speaker 1: Chelsea and I have both been in the thing, Like
Speaker 1: I think we all know what it is to be
Speaker 1: so angry at what is so apparent, and so let's
Speaker 1: be frank like hurt by it.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: The idea, you know, we were talking about this earlier.
Speaker 1: The idea of the American dream is that we built
Speaker 1: a democracy to allow for people to be free. Granted,
Speaker 1: we fucked up a lot along the way, but like
Speaker 1: we're supposed to be generationally getting closer and closer to
Speaker 1: those ideals. And when you see people take the collective
Speaker 1: agreement on the ideal and just torch it for personal
Speaker 1: gain or so that someone else can be the butt
Speaker 1: of the joke or the center of the target, it's
Speaker 1: really it's not just hard, it's like traumatizing. It's very
Speaker 1: destabilizing because you realize, like real isn't real. What's been
Speaker 1: helpful for me to understand about people is actually to
Speaker 1: do some of the nerdier research on confirmation bias and
Speaker 1: to understand that we're not having a conversation about logic,
Speaker 1: we're having a conversation about shame and when people have
Speaker 1: put all their eggs in a basket that operates like
Speaker 1: a cult, that is abusive, that is absolutely fascist, and
Speaker 1: they've been told that it is the most American, most
Speaker 1: patriotic thing. When they start to have facts that push
Speaker 1: up against their confirmation bias, it's more likely that they're
Speaker 1: going to double down on the lie that they believe
Speaker 1: than admit that it was a lie, because it's personally
Speaker 1: individually traumatizing, and it creates so much shame to realize
Speaker 1: you bought a lie, to realize you bought the snake
Speaker 1: oil from the salesman. And so I've had to take
Speaker 1: a deep breath and try to and I don't say
Speaker 1: this to be a dick. I really like I put
Speaker 1: myself in the space that I used to when I nannied,
Speaker 1: when I was a camp Counselor when I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: a three and a half year old who like irrationally
Speaker 1: doesn't want to eat even though they're having a meltdown
Speaker 1: because they're hungry, I have to remind myself that I
Speaker 1: know something about the irrationality that they're experiencing in their
Speaker 1: body that they haven't quite dealt with yet, and it
Speaker 1: gives me just enough pause and grace to say, the
Speaker 1: trauma's going to hit them too, and what are we
Speaker 1: going to do about it when they get here? And
Speaker 1: that's really a self present reservation tactic for me. It
Speaker 1: is a way for me to be more human instead
Speaker 1: of more enraged, because the angrier we are, the more
Speaker 1: they're winning, the more they get to be like, look
Speaker 1: at these fucking screaming, you know, screaming leftists, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not screaming. Actually, I'm desperate to save the American experiment.
Speaker 5: Right, And I will heartly agree with all of that.
Speaker 1: And so I think if you can give yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit of the psychology in your own personal interaction,
Speaker 1: it can help you. And then, honestly, one of the
Speaker 1: greatest things I learned from a friend was instead of
Speaker 1: doing the thing which you know many of us neurodivergent
Speaker 1: girlies do, which is like, I have every fact in
Speaker 1: every stat and I know this, and let me tell
Speaker 1: you about this. And if I can just give you
Speaker 1: enough information, you're going to see because math is not emotional,
Speaker 1: and then you won't be emotional, and then you'll know
Speaker 1: that this is true that and you get yourself like
Speaker 1: really psyched out. Sometimes you just need to lean in
Speaker 1: and go, well, why do you believe that? Where'd you
Speaker 1: hear that? Ask people question, because if they can't defend
Speaker 1: their own position, it'll do more for your conversation than
Speaker 1: you trying to defend yours. Right, those will be my two.
Speaker 5: I've definitely taken that approach of asking leading questions and
Speaker 5: the why and the how, and trying to relate of like,
Speaker 5: you know, at the end of the day, we want
Speaker 5: similar things for our country. We want safe communities, we
Speaker 5: want you know, good paying jobs, like we were not
Speaker 5: that different. And I try to kind of point that out.
Speaker 5: And I definitely am trying to take it from a
Speaker 5: standpoint of like, yes, they're a shame to admit that
Speaker 5: they've been wrong, or like nobody likes admitting they've been wrong,
Speaker 5: but it's just at what point, like how much longer
Speaker 5: will it take? And that is where I've been struggling,
Speaker 5: and I'm trying to approach it from a softer approach.
Speaker 5: My wife has kind of taught me about being vulnerable
Speaker 5: instead of being on the attack, you know, my whole life.
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, that's that's we don't portray vulnerability because
Speaker 5: then you'll you'll show who what you're afraid of. So
Speaker 5: I've in recent years kind of been trying to do that,
Speaker 5: but it's just I just feel like it just gets
Speaker 5: worse and worse and worse. And I do productive things.
Speaker 5: I nourish myself, I nourish my life, but it's just
Speaker 5: weighing on me, and I just don't know how much
Speaker 5: more I can take. Like I've been compartmentalizing, disassociating, throwing
Speaker 5: myself into my work, like just all of that just
Speaker 5: to get by. And I know that that's kind of,
Speaker 5: like you said, a trauma response and relating it to
Speaker 5: them having their own almost delayed trauma response is a
Speaker 5: helpful way to think of it, just because but then
Speaker 5: I'm like, well, I pity them and they're slow, and
Speaker 5: I have to shift. I have to get rid of
Speaker 5: that because that's still a negative look at somebody who
Speaker 5: deserves compassion as well.
Speaker 2: I mean, you remind me so much of myself, Like
Speaker 2: when I've went into therapy, because one of the first
Speaker 2: things I said to my psychiatrist was I think everyone's annoying.
Speaker 2: He's like, okay, let's talk about your childhood. I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's not important. I said, I find everyone very annoying
Speaker 2: and I have no patience for stupid people. This is
Speaker 2: my biggest issue right now. So it sounds a lot
Speaker 2: like you're echoing that kind of sentiment. And when you
Speaker 2: have that kind of attitude, something is deeper, deeper is happening,
Speaker 2: And I understand circumstantially what we're all dealing with. I
Speaker 2: completely get it. I completely understand being angry, being disappointed,
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. But there is stuff within you that
Speaker 2: you need to talk to someone about to help you.
Speaker 2: And even if you go in there and you're talking
Speaker 2: about fucking Donald Trump for an hour, that's okay, But
Speaker 2: just exhaust the anger, you know what I mean? So, like,
Speaker 2: learn how to get through your anger and learn how
Speaker 2: to turn that anger into positivity, because that's what tech
Speaker 2: therapy taught me, how to do, how to turn everything
Speaker 2: into like gratitude. Even when you wake up and you
Speaker 2: read the news and you're like, what the fuck am
Speaker 2: I going to be grateful for? There's plenty to be
Speaker 2: grateful for. There's always plenty to be grateful for. We're
Speaker 2: not at a point yet where we're all there's nothing
Speaker 2: to live for, Like that's not happening yet, So you
Speaker 2: want to be able to like, you know, and inject
Speaker 2: people with that, you know, and and when you're coming
Speaker 2: at people with a softer with a softer self, you're
Speaker 2: gonna get a lot farther.
Speaker 5: Right right, And you saying that, I mean, I've been
Speaker 5: watching you since I was a teenager, and like I
Speaker 5: kind of had the joke in my head that you
Speaker 5: were the first time I saw representation, because it was
Speaker 5: the first time I felt like.
Speaker 2: A woman's representation. You stop bags representation, You're like, this
Speaker 2: looks good.
Speaker 5: This is the first white lady that represented me. So
Speaker 5: but it was just like the first time that I
Speaker 5: saw somebody speaking their mind, being thoughty about it, and
Speaker 5: just being able to kind of just say things out
Speaker 5: loud that people are afraid to say. I need to
Speaker 5: probably get back into therapy. I've been in and out.
Speaker 5: My family's always advocated for it, like it, but it's
Speaker 5: just yeah, like getting that the passion out in a
Speaker 5: way that in acts change. And like I said, like
Speaker 5: like I have pride in my work and what I
Speaker 5: do is like semi political. Its related to the environments,
Speaker 5: related to plants, and it's just like that's helpful, but
Speaker 5: I need something just for myself because, like you said,
Speaker 5: it is probably deeper. It is probably something ingrained from childhood.
Speaker 5: But it's just like damn, like how much more of this?
Speaker 5: And yeah, watching your journey has helped a lot, because
Speaker 5: I was thinking, like, I do need to practice gratitude,
Speaker 5: and every day I'm trying to think of like like
Speaker 5: I am happy overall. Then of course I think of
Speaker 5: I'm happy in my little bubble. I've got all these things,
Speaker 5: and here we have all these people suffering, and it's
Speaker 5: getting worse for your average American and not enough Americans
Speaker 5: give a shit. And that's in like, yes, like it
Speaker 5: is external, but like the practice of which I express
Speaker 5: it is something that I need to seek therapy for.
Speaker 5: But I'm still just like, you know, like do I
Speaker 5: just keep disassociating until then.
Speaker 2: Like I don't know, but no, you really just need
Speaker 2: to get into a therapist.
Speaker 4: You do.
Speaker 2: You have to get this out because you can be
Speaker 2: happy and angry. That's not an uncommon combination. You can
Speaker 2: be happy and angry, But what you really want to
Speaker 2: do is learn patience for the other people and learn
Speaker 2: compassion for other people and not be so set in
Speaker 2: your own opinion, even no matter how right it is,
Speaker 2: just to be unable to understand and take in other
Speaker 2: people without it making you fucking angry, and without yelling,
Speaker 2: without screaming, just it's gonna give you the toolbox you
Speaker 2: need that you're gonna need to get through the next
Speaker 2: three years of this right.
Speaker 5: Patience is a good way to put it for me,
Speaker 5: because patience is something that I need a practice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something you have to cultivate too, like it
Speaker 1: really is to Chelsea's point, it's a practice. It requires work.
Speaker 1: It's like a muscle you have to build. And I
Speaker 1: also think you know, for a lot of us that
Speaker 1: are really justice minded, that can't kind of look away
Speaker 1: from the news, it's also really important to do something
Speaker 1: that isn't about activism, that isn't about learning a fact,
Speaker 1: that isn't about having a conversation, but that gives you
Speaker 1: a reminder of why those things matter to you. Like truly,
Speaker 1: if you can figure out where the Feeding America food
Speaker 1: pantry is closest to you, and like every other Sunday,
Speaker 1: for two hours, go volunteer with some people you love.
Speaker 1: It will shift your energy like therapy and service will
Speaker 1: be the two greatest things that will shift your energy,
Speaker 1: because when you get caught on the hamster wheel of
Speaker 1: I always have to be doing or fixing or learning
Speaker 1: or speaking, You're you're not existing, You're trying to solve
Speaker 1: something all the time. And like that is a way
Speaker 1: to stay in trauma. And so to go out and
Speaker 1: like hang with your neighbors and serve a meal, or
Speaker 1: go somewhere even with a family member you disagree with
Speaker 1: and agree on something for an hour. It really it's
Speaker 1: like a not to sound like the most la person,
Speaker 1: but it's like a psychic kind of healing too, right.
Speaker 5: I did start looking into volunteer opportunities, but then there
Speaker 5: was one that was like political, climate change and all that,
Speaker 5: and I was like, maybe maybe I shouldn't go there.
Speaker 2: You're doing enough of that. You're doing enough of that.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, So but I have looked into a few
Speaker 5: volunteer opportunities and it is something that I thought would
Speaker 5: nourish my soul. But I just, you know, ADHD procrastinated.
Speaker 5: Haven't done it yet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's great advice. Do that. Do that, look
Speaker 2: for a therapist, go and just start getting this out
Speaker 2: so that you're just you're just gonna bring yourself. You're
Speaker 2: going to be so much more centered so that it
Speaker 2: doesn't feel like this all the time, Like it's at
Speaker 2: the level where it's going to fucking blow. Like I
Speaker 2: know exactly what you're talking about, and you just want
Speaker 2: to break you. You're going to be so much more
Speaker 2: valuable to all the people in your life when you
Speaker 2: are able to really ground yourself and center yourself right,
Speaker 2: And that involves a lot of self awareness, and that's
Speaker 2: where therapy comes in. You know, it's like the it's
Speaker 2: it's like you're purchasing the gift of self awareness, right absolutely,
Speaker 2: So I'm glad you called. I'm glad you called. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: this was perfect, perfect time, perfect guests for you to
Speaker 2: speak with and you know, do what we say, okay,
Speaker 2: And because we want you to be useful, we don't
Speaker 2: want you to burn out.
Speaker 5: Right right then, that's the main thing. I have been
Speaker 5: operating at just this high frequency of just ready to
Speaker 5: respond whenever I needed, like like almost like I'm ready
Speaker 5: to be called the action. And that is exhausting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, hypervigilance, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5: Hopefully we'll see better news ahead.
Speaker 2: Let's hope. So that would be great news.
Speaker 5: Would Yeah, we'll all get that text some day.
Speaker 1: So, yes, we're all in it together, that's the thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yes, and I do. I'm again great community
Speaker 5: around me, and I'm leading on my friends more than ever.
Speaker 5: It's just feeling it so deeply. I'm exhausted.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're lady.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, do you take solace in that.
Speaker 2: Let's do it. Okay, keep us updated with your with
Speaker 2: your progress.
Speaker 5: Okay, absolutely, okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: To meet you, k ry Katie. Yeah, oh god, I
Speaker 2: mean that's she's speaking for half the world right now,
Speaker 2: how everybody feels. Let's take a break and we'll be
Speaker 2: right back with Sophia Bush. And we're back with Sepia Bush.
Speaker 2: I do we have time for one more? Let's do
Speaker 2: a little yeah, collar a quickie.
Speaker 3: Well this one isn't a caller. I try to get
Speaker 3: her a call in, but she is currently staying with
Speaker 3: the person question, so I wasn't able to. So this
Speaker 3: is a good, juicy one, she says. Dear Chelsea, this
Speaker 3: is Shannon. I need some advice. I have a slow
Speaker 3: burn crush on my long term best friend. I met
Speaker 3: her eight years ago through work on a trip abroad
Speaker 3: at the time, I was assigned to travel one on
Speaker 3: one with her to visit business partners in another country.
Speaker 3: She's a few years older than me, and I was
Speaker 3: so attracted by her intelligence and powerful presence and confidence.
Speaker 3: Every time we went out for dinner, I would get
Speaker 3: butterflies whenever I made her laugh. However, my stomach dropped
Speaker 3: when she said I reminded her of her favorite gay,
Speaker 3: younger brother. At that point, she also had a long
Speaker 3: term boyfriend and I assumed she was straight, so my
Speaker 3: crush faded, and we've developed a solid friendship over the years,
Speaker 3: going on trips and I visited her a few times.
Speaker 3: I never thought much more of these feelings because she
Speaker 3: was always in a relationship. Two years ago she ended
Speaker 3: things with her boyfriend, and last year she told me
Speaker 3: she was attracted to women and wasn't completely straight, although
Speaker 3: I don't think she has explored this since. After staying
Speaker 3: with her for a month, my feelings came rushing back,
Speaker 3: and since then I've moved to her city for work,
Speaker 3: living in the same place for the first time. We've
Speaker 3: been spending a lot of time together and my feelings
Speaker 3: for her and those butterflies are only growing. Sometimes when
Speaker 3: we're together, I catch myself thinking my girlfriend and quickly
Speaker 3: remind myself that she's just my friend.
Speaker 2: I'm torn.
Speaker 3: On the one hand, I feel this intense attraction and
Speaker 3: just want to be around her more. On the other
Speaker 3: I'm unsure.
Speaker 2: If she feels the same way.
Speaker 3: She's a generally flirty person, so sometimes I wonder if
Speaker 3: it's just me reading too much into things. I don't
Speaker 3: want to risk ruining our friendship or making things awkward,
Speaker 3: but I also don't want to look back and wonder,
Speaker 3: what if what should I do?
Speaker 2: Chelsea Shannon, Well, you know what I'm going to say, Sophia,
Speaker 2: what are you going to say?
Speaker 1: No, I want to know what you're going to say.
Speaker 2: I'm going to say, go for it. Always go for it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, hello, I don't like when people wait around
Speaker 2: for things. You know, it's your life. You got to
Speaker 2: grab it, grab life by the balls, get after what
Speaker 2: you want. And if she doesn't feel the same way,
Speaker 2: that's not a loss, that's like, oh okay, it's a disappointment.
Speaker 2: Then you know, then you have even more information moving forward,
Speaker 2: so she's not an option moving forward, and then you
Speaker 2: like and then you can decide if you want to
Speaker 2: spend time with her, but like, always go for it.
Speaker 2: I feel, what do you think?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's nothing worse than to wonder, you know,
Speaker 1: and listen, I think all of us we were talking
Speaker 1: earlier about hindsight, like you look back and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I should have let myself wonder about that one,
Speaker 1: you know, Like, but but if you had, who knows
Speaker 1: what would have happened? And I think I think, no
Speaker 1: matter what, to throw yourself toward what you want to
Speaker 1: be willing to risk for love, Like what else are
Speaker 1: we here for? And so yeah, I kind of think
Speaker 1: it harkens back to the way you advised our first
Speaker 1: caller to you know, maybe don't read that whole letter
Speaker 1: to this person, but just say, hey, I could be
Speaker 1: off base. I feel like there's a little bit of
Speaker 1: a shift in our dynamic. I don't know, it feels
Speaker 1: like there's something else going on here. And if I'm
Speaker 1: misreading it, we can pretend we never had this conversation.
Speaker 2: But if I'm not, I want to.
Speaker 5: Talk about it.
Speaker 1: And I'm kind of liking it, and like, just see,
Speaker 1: I think it's always worth saying is there something happening here?
Speaker 1: If there is what might happen next?
Speaker 2: Like, also one thing to think about is like I
Speaker 2: understand you want to preserve the relationship and that you
Speaker 2: don't want to ruin the relationship in case she doesn't
Speaker 2: have those mutual feelings. But when you go after something
Speaker 2: in life and the reason, the thing that's stopping you
Speaker 2: is what if it's what if the answers know, then
Speaker 2: you're not going to find out a lot of things
Speaker 2: in life, like you have to be ready to accept
Speaker 2: a no. Then you now you have the truth, and
Speaker 2: then you could move on with your life in a
Speaker 2: different way and knowing she's not an option. So it's
Speaker 2: like thinking that, oh, what if the answers know if
Speaker 2: this guy, if I bring up our relationship in this
Speaker 2: guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with me
Speaker 2: from our earlier caller, he doesn't want to go from
Speaker 2: a booty call to something more serious. Okay, Well then
Speaker 2: you have that information. That's an advantage, not a disadvantage.
Speaker 2: So we all have to look at nose with a
Speaker 2: more positive outlook, Like that's one step closer to getting
Speaker 2: where you're going.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One thing that also like just popped into my mind
Speaker 3: is like every woman who dates other women that I know,
Speaker 3: Like if there is like a dating situation and they
Speaker 3: break up, like generally people stay friends, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. Like women often stay friends with exes who
Speaker 3: are other women in my experience, so I don't think
Speaker 3: it's a bad thing.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the theme of today's episode. Everybody, go for it. Okay.
Speaker 2: The whole world could end in about fucking six months.
Speaker 2: We don't know what the fuck's gonna happen, so definitely
Speaker 2: get after it. Go for it. Make sure you tune
Speaker 2: into Sofia's podcast if you're not already a listener. It's
Speaker 2: called Work in Progress and her new movie is coming
Speaker 2: out in June, and it's up to you to go
Speaker 2: find it.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: We did it, We did it. I got so I'll
Speaker 2: see you soon.
Speaker 1: You, I will see you soon.
Speaker 2: Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates
Speaker 2: for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be
Speaker 2: in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
Speaker 2: We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
Speaker 2: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
Speaker 2: one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
Speaker 2: Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 2: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
Speaker 2: thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
Speaker 3: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
Speaker 3: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.