Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and give us time and a
Speaker 2: turmano and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to.
Speaker 2: Send you off instead, you wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 7: With Karen and Chris? Hello, welcome to Do you need
Speaker 7: a ride? My name's Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: I'm Karen Kilgarriff. Can I turn this off?
Speaker 8: Yes?
Speaker 3: You can, thank you. I thought you meant the recording
Speaker 3: device podcast.
Speaker 1: I've had it.
Speaker 7: Can I turn off this? Zoom four six? Okay, you're
Speaker 7: you're cough speaking? Okay, so far.
Speaker 3: Off to a good start.
Speaker 1: We are in the red.
Speaker 7: We are occasionally, but I think it's looking good. We're
Speaker 7: on the two.
Speaker 3: Is this the two freeway?
Speaker 1: It's the two. It's four thirty in the morning.
Speaker 3: It is for real. Yeah, this is a it's a
Speaker 3: weird time of day.
Speaker 7: This is one of those times a day where I've
Speaker 7: told you I tend to question where my life is going. Sure,
Speaker 7: I don't know where the sun is, which makes me nervous,
Speaker 7: and I feel like I've made life choices that are wrong,
Speaker 7: kind of like being high. I feel like I'm high
Speaker 7: and a paranoid.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Now, if you watch the new.
Speaker 4: Uh that new Cosmo show, I bet they'll tell you
Speaker 4: that when the sun is gone, it's just on the
Speaker 4: other side of the world. It's not It's not gone forever.
Speaker 6: Wait.
Speaker 7: That kind of throws everything off because from what I know,
Speaker 7: the sun dips into the ocean.
Speaker 3: That's not correct.
Speaker 4: It doesn't away, it doesn't away. But we need to
Speaker 4: introduce our guests before we get any further into our
Speaker 4: philosophical rambling.
Speaker 1: Please jump in. We do you have a mic right
Speaker 1: right here?
Speaker 3: Next?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, talk into it.
Speaker 7: Stand up, Hello, radio, that's a little that's a little
Speaker 7: high at older.
Speaker 1: Get let fix these levels on the two.
Speaker 8: All down here, we're on the two. We're on the two.
Speaker 7: We're listening to the voice of in Carmel. Hello, Hello, Ian.
Speaker 7: How are you I'm doing I'm doing all right.
Speaker 5: I'm doing as well as one could be doing at
Speaker 5: four thirty am.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you do last night? Ian?
Speaker 5: I did a show at a country club in Brentwood,
Speaker 5: in all Jewish country club. Oh, and I too am Jewish,
Speaker 5: but they were. It was it was the worst. They
Speaker 5: were all like eighty years old.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 4: I saw your tweet about you talked about the Holocaust and.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it.
Speaker 8: I did.
Speaker 5: I like, I went into like, I went into material.
Speaker 5: I'm like, there is some good Jewish material that I
Speaker 5: wrote about being Jewish.
Speaker 8: Maybe they'll relate to that.
Speaker 5: And then in the in the middle of the joke,
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, this ends with a Holocaust reference.
Speaker 1: Oh, you only realized it like halfway.
Speaker 8: Through my choice of words.
Speaker 5: But the train had already left, the station had at
Speaker 5: that point, and I was like, well, maybe maybe they'll
Speaker 5: think because it's not it's it's not like making one
Speaker 5: of the victims or anything like that.
Speaker 8: It's making fun of me. And uh nope, still no way, no,
Speaker 8: not at all.
Speaker 1: Nook you straight to Auschwitz.
Speaker 8: It did directly.
Speaker 7: It probably makes them so uncomfortable. It's the same thing
Speaker 7: that's making me just not want to talk right now.
Speaker 7: I feel like I can't even make a comment.
Speaker 1: Oh does the does the Holocaust shut you down?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I usually get in the fetal position.
Speaker 5: It's not it's not rich to meedic territory.
Speaker 4: No, for a very few small group of people can
Speaker 4: joke about.
Speaker 5: It, maybe one more generation and then it's and then
Speaker 5: it's open. Yeah, then it's just copyright wears off the
Speaker 5: you know, holaso.
Speaker 4: Lucky children of the future that are going to get
Speaker 4: to reference one of the worst atrocities of all human kind.
Speaker 5: I would say bergen Belsen jokes for everybody.
Speaker 3: I wish it was already the future.
Speaker 5: So yeah, so that's what I did last night, and
Speaker 5: then I terrible, Wait were you alone?
Speaker 8: I was alone? I was alone.
Speaker 5: I had to dry like the shows at eight, so
Speaker 5: I had to drive from Glendale to Brentwood, which.
Speaker 8: Is far.
Speaker 1: As far as you can go, as far as.
Speaker 5: You can go without being in the ocean, and uh
Speaker 5: at like rush hour. So that led into me having
Speaker 5: to do that show so awkward. They were out of
Speaker 5: the salmon, which is what I wanted. So instead I
Speaker 5: had like kind of a very flavorless flank stake was.
Speaker 3: That would you consider that your holocaust?
Speaker 1: That was.
Speaker 3: See, I see, once you get comfortable, you can also
Speaker 3: make jokes about it.
Speaker 1: That's right. But we're pretending it's just the three of
Speaker 1: us in this car. But I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many letters are going to get al.
Speaker 8: The three of us and the Anti Defamation League.
Speaker 5: Driving to the airport, we pick up my lawyer on
Speaker 5: my way to the airport.
Speaker 8: Just a Jewish lawyer.
Speaker 7: I helped, and we are We're now taking you to
Speaker 7: lax where you will then go where.
Speaker 8: I'm flying up to Portland. Nowhere get where I'm from.
Speaker 7: That's a city that you reside in or you now
Speaker 7: live in Los Angeles?
Speaker 8: Now live in Los Angeles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I fly to Portland quite a bit. I'm going
Speaker 5: up to visit my girlfriend who still lives in Portland.
Speaker 5: Your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, her name is Amber and she
Speaker 5: is a girl.
Speaker 8: And my friend and my girlfriend.
Speaker 3: That's great. It's important to have both of those in
Speaker 3: one person.
Speaker 5: You need to have both. I mean, you can have either,
Speaker 5: but not for too long. I guess you could have
Speaker 5: the friend part friend.
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 7: But one of the things that we like to provide
Speaker 7: to all of our guests is a constant, steady fear
Speaker 7: of the end of their life.
Speaker 4: That honestly felt like I wasn't driving. I was just like, oh,
Speaker 4: I hope I'm going into.
Speaker 8: That wall like Universal Studios.
Speaker 7: Right, we need to get away from the wall somehow,
Speaker 7: launch right into an animatronic shark's mouth.
Speaker 1: Now, how did you meet Amber?
Speaker 8: We met?
Speaker 5: We met last summer talking on for the first time,
Speaker 5: talking on Twitter. Cute, very cute, very kid's cute. She
Speaker 5: was and still is incredibly funny on Twitter. And then
Speaker 5: that led to us text messaging each other, and then
Speaker 5: that led to us meeting, and then we kind of
Speaker 5: dated all last summer, but it was tumultuous because we
Speaker 5: both knew I was moving to Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: That's it was.
Speaker 5: It led to all sorts of dramatic events and flare
Speaker 5: ups and then uh, and then I moved to LA
Speaker 5: and we stopped dating, and like I, each dated other people.
Speaker 5: And then about a month ago we uh, we kind
Speaker 5: of rekindled it and decided that we had ruined each
Speaker 5: other for other people, at least for the time being.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 7: That's a sign. That's a sign that you're meant to
Speaker 7: be together. When when you realize you're ruining other people's lives.
Speaker 5: We had just by dating them because we each other
Speaker 5: weren't the other person.
Speaker 8: It's four point thirty.
Speaker 5: Like everyone everyone I dated in the meantime, I was
Speaker 5: like measuring up to her and it wasn't working out
Speaker 5: and she was going through the exact same thing. So
Speaker 5: we decided to try to make it work long distance
Speaker 5: for the time being until we could figure out.
Speaker 8: A better situation.
Speaker 3: That's term.
Speaker 7: That's that's how you know you've found love. That's how
Speaker 7: you find love is when you acknowledge the wake of
Speaker 7: despair you've left behind you.
Speaker 4: Seems like a gray lump of mashed potatoes. Compared to
Speaker 4: that one person, it seems like a neon sim when
Speaker 4: they walk in the room.
Speaker 5: Well, speedboat that crashed through a dock, and everyone who's
Speaker 5: left in that pile.
Speaker 8: Of flotsam and jetsam.
Speaker 5: They they'll swim the short, they'll swim the short, But
Speaker 5: check out the sweet boat. It's a pretty good boat.
Speaker 7: Are you doing anything else while you're there? Are you
Speaker 7: just having sex with your girlfriend? I feel like that's
Speaker 7: maybe the wrong Oh good, I'm glad you just kept
Speaker 7: talking Now.
Speaker 8: At mc.
Speaker 5: Mc n O R F I N And that was
Speaker 5: as a Nancy back there.
Speaker 1: Mc Is that her last name? Uh, No, Nancy, it's.
Speaker 8: Not no Amber.
Speaker 5: It is Amber and then the mcnorphan thing I think
Speaker 5: is the name of a troll doll. Cool that you
Speaker 5: got some book that you just had lying around when
Speaker 5: you know, when people were picking Twitter names, it was
Speaker 5: like the second coming of people picking that first email address. Yes, totally,
Speaker 5: which was always an embarrassing thing. Yeah, so that's what
Speaker 5: she went with.
Speaker 3: So that's not her given name. That's a Twitter chosen name.
Speaker 5: Is a Twitter chosen name. Yes, they changed it at
Speaker 5: Ellis Island.
Speaker 3: Of course, that's the only reason you go to You aren't.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm gonna just blurt stuff out.
Speaker 3: This is This is one of our more trancy episodes.
Speaker 1: It just feels like nothing's real.
Speaker 5: I know, right, That's what four point thirty am does.
Speaker 5: Yeah to me, Like when I woke up, I just
Speaker 5: feel like I'm moving, like like a slightly slower frame
Speaker 5: rate than reality.
Speaker 1: But I also love it.
Speaker 4: This reminds me why I love driving people to the airport.
Speaker 4: And I don't know if we've talked about this yet
Speaker 4: on the show, but my aunt Kathleen used to live
Speaker 4: right near the San Francisco airport All the time.
Speaker 1: You had a big thing of shit. Am I doing
Speaker 1: this wrong?
Speaker 8: I think we can keep going.
Speaker 4: Yeah, anyway, my aunt Kathleen used to drive everybody to
Speaker 4: the airport. That was you would basically she was like
Speaker 4: the hub and you'd go to her house first and
Speaker 4: she'd like make you breakfast or whatever, and then she'd
Speaker 4: drive you to the airport. So it was kind of
Speaker 4: like every trip was a weird family function and it
Speaker 4: was I don't know. It always left me with just
Speaker 4: like good fun feelings. The idea that people would go
Speaker 4: to and from the airport by themselves dry makes me
Speaker 4: kind of sad.
Speaker 3: That is aunt's nostalgic and sad.
Speaker 5: Yep, that's a wonderful story and wonderful also, and it's.
Speaker 8: A wonderful service.
Speaker 5: It is it is sad and lonely go to the
Speaker 5: airport alone, especially if it's on the way to a gig. Yes,
Speaker 5: like at least now I'm going into like someone's like
Speaker 5: open arms, which is nice, yes, But when you're like
Speaker 5: when it's like four thirty am and you're driving yourself
Speaker 5: to the airport so you can fly to Kansas City.
Speaker 7: And that was that was kind of our our mission
Speaker 7: statement with this podcast. It's to leave people with a
Speaker 7: with a feeling of you know that they're loved. Just
Speaker 7: a sort of security blanket, just that you can take
Speaker 7: to that whatever cold the hotel room or warm, depending
Speaker 7: on how they maintain the heat.
Speaker 8: Cold, cold hotel rooms and hot microphones.
Speaker 3: Isn't that That's what we shouldn't name this, it's we do.
Speaker 7: So we want to send you off with you know
Speaker 7: you'll you'll be fine once you're in your girlfriend's arms.
Speaker 7: But in the meantime, while you're on the airplane, at least,
Speaker 7: can you.
Speaker 8: Think only of you two?
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: We just want to promise a promise ring of some kind.
Speaker 5: I can make that promise right now, and I'll begin
Speaker 5: fashioning the ring out of this pellegrine of camp.
Speaker 1: Promise on the one ten new Harlequin serious.
Speaker 7: Handing over the letterman jacket you're wearing will do just fine.
Speaker 5: I'll bump that right off my shoulders and leave it
Speaker 5: right in there. Thank you.
Speaker 3: Oh he left his band pin on it.
Speaker 5: Promise on the one ten also almost sounds like one
Speaker 5: of those uh scream O bands that was around for
Speaker 5: a while.
Speaker 8: Yeah, like taking back Sunday.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, saves the day.
Speaker 7: Promise on the one I missed those bands. They'll be
Speaker 7: back o now have they gone anywhere. Maybe it's just
Speaker 7: me getting old and I'm not paying attention anymore.
Speaker 5: I feel like we live in the right place to
Speaker 5: see them live. Even those original ones, I feel like
Speaker 5: they were all from in and around Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: Shit, what what happened?
Speaker 1: I think I missed the one O five overpass.
Speaker 7: One thing about driving and podcasting, I found when I
Speaker 7: am the one behind the wheel, it's very hard to
Speaker 7: try and talk and then drive at the same time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think we're.
Speaker 8: Still I'm okay. I think so.
Speaker 1: I'm going sixty US.
Speaker 7: As long as we keep tailgating this diesel gas truck,
Speaker 7: I think we're gonna be fine.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna ride in his wake and we'll get
Speaker 4: better gas mileage.
Speaker 8: We're drifting behind a diesel gas truck.
Speaker 3: Just all Tokyo styles before we drop you off.
Speaker 8: We should we should Tokyo drift the whole way to
Speaker 8: the airport.
Speaker 1: That's idea.
Speaker 7: That's that's the reason I installed this new parking break.
Speaker 5: You guys should Tokyo drift me up to Portland. We
Speaker 5: don't even need to do this airplane for Yeah, it.
Speaker 1: Would be so fun to go on a road trip.
Speaker 8: Do you haven't been on one in forever.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, with a group of friends.
Speaker 7: Yeah, i'll be fun, so fun to pick the right
Speaker 7: mixtape and then.
Speaker 3: So imp until someone.
Speaker 7: It is it is important on a road trip to
Speaker 7: get in a fight. I think we're driving far enough
Speaker 7: to the airport that we can fight during this trip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that we should.
Speaker 5: I maintained that there are a couple of good Eagle
Speaker 5: songs and that's why I threw them on there.
Speaker 3: I totally disagree.
Speaker 1: No, I'm with you all that one.
Speaker 3: This is our first road trip fight.
Speaker 8: This is great. I love this to this bronze.
Speaker 3: I prefer Don Henley's solo work.
Speaker 1: Should I just skip over there and get arrested? Right?
Speaker 5: I went and I saw the Eagles in concert earlier
Speaker 5: this year, not on purpose necessarily.
Speaker 3: But kind of wandered in.
Speaker 8: I well, there was.
Speaker 5: Where I work, like my boss, Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 8: H Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 1: I've heard she's on television, Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 8: Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 5: Her manager also manages the Eagles. So the Eagles were
Speaker 5: doing like a series of concerts at the Forum where
Speaker 5: they reopened the Forum, and they were having like a
Speaker 5: big dinner and I got invited to that dinner. So
Speaker 5: we got to sit and eat like free ribs. All
Speaker 5: the Eagles did six songs and Joan Biez came out.
Speaker 3: That's terrific.
Speaker 8: A couple songs.
Speaker 5: And in addition to that, James Stolen who owns Cablevision
Speaker 5: and the New York Knicks, and he's like this rich kid,
Speaker 5: like his dad was the person who he's a kid.
Speaker 5: He said, well, no, he's like in the sixties, but
Speaker 5: his dad was the person who's a good distinction. He's
Speaker 5: this rich old man, but his dad was the person
Speaker 5: who did all the work. He has a band because
Speaker 5: of course he does. And Joan Bias went up first,
Speaker 5: and then James Dolen in his band, and then the Eagles.
Speaker 5: He had Joan Bias open for him. That guy, fuck
Speaker 5: that guy forever, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a fool.
Speaker 5: He's a fool. I can't believe. Like in his brain
Speaker 5: he was like, well this is okay to do. I'm
Speaker 5: better than Joan Biaz. I'm not the Eagles. I'm not
Speaker 5: you know, egotistical.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy.
Speaker 8: It was crazy.
Speaker 5: Joan BIA's best of the whole night. But the Eagles
Speaker 5: life sounded exactly like they do coming out of your
Speaker 5: dad's radio.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, their album, perfect album Perfect.
Speaker 7: Sorry the jesting so professional. This is a new zoom
Speaker 7: h six. I just dropped the uh. I don't know why.
Speaker 7: It's one of our sponsors. I guess is what I'm deciding.
Speaker 7: That's the only reason you mentioned brand names is.
Speaker 3: That they're paid.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well I gave them a little money. I guess
Speaker 7: that's not technically a sponsor.
Speaker 1: You're sponsoring them, actually, yeah, in.
Speaker 3: Slow little increments.
Speaker 8: Somewhere in their lunch room. There's a picture of you.
Speaker 3: The most valuable place.
Speaker 7: I'd love to be on a plaque one day.
Speaker 3: I've never had a real job.
Speaker 5: Does you mean not on any plaques anywhere?
Speaker 7: They sent When my album came out with Rooftop, they sent.
Speaker 3: A little plaque. Oh yeah, yeah, that was nice. They
Speaker 3: mailed it to the house. The glass was shattered.
Speaker 7: I replaced it, but it still meant a lot, still
Speaker 7: means a lot to this.
Speaker 1: Day, Right to this day. How long ago was it.
Speaker 3: Since my album came out?
Speaker 7: I don't really want to evaluate how my career is going,
Speaker 7: but it's been a couple of years.
Speaker 1: I guess I place to do it, you're going to
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 3: I should have a new album.
Speaker 4: I know one thing I was going to say about
Speaker 4: this podcast. Yeah, we keep talking about ways to get
Speaker 4: on the map. We all know that there's a thousand
Speaker 4: podcasts out there. I was thinking, what if we viciously
Speaker 4: gossip about people during the podcast?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 4: I love that, right, and it will be like a
Speaker 4: word amount did you hear what so and so said?
Speaker 1: Will be one of us three?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: Right, just vicious of totally erroneous, incorrect gossip.
Speaker 8: Oh, oh, I love that. Incorrect gossip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like someone's pregnant type of thing.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, I let you know, you guys know
Speaker 5: I live with Ronnes.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, is he's pregnant. Let's say it.
Speaker 5: Let's just say he's pregnant. He was when like he
Speaker 5: was still awake when I got up.
Speaker 1: He's pregnant with possibility that he.
Speaker 5: Is pregnant, with possibility. We have some pregnant pauses in
Speaker 5: that act.
Speaker 1: I love Ron just so much.
Speaker 3: I love his pauses. Yeah I did.
Speaker 7: That's one thing I learned from like watching people like
Speaker 7: take Notataro, that you can use pauses.
Speaker 3: As a as a firm.
Speaker 7: You don't have to just continually talk like I've always.
Speaker 1: Done your style, Chris.
Speaker 3: It is hard to do. I guess that's my style.
Speaker 1: I have to also continually talk.
Speaker 7: I do too, especially at like an awkward Thanksgiving dinner.
Speaker 5: Yo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just keep the ana the whole time.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I'll try to sink into anonymity during a Thanksgiving
Speaker 5: dinner and it never works. Does this do you guys
Speaker 5: experience this? My whole family is very fascinated with the
Speaker 5: fact that I have an entertainment career at all, So
Speaker 5: whenever I come home, every meal is like built around
Speaker 5: them asking me questions about that just means they're proud
Speaker 5: of you. It's very nice. It's very nice, but it's
Speaker 5: also like, well, I want to hear. I want to
Speaker 5: hear about how my brother's trucking business is going right,
Speaker 5: and I don't get too.
Speaker 1: Start the podcast. He wants people to know about his life. Yes,
Speaker 1: to start a.
Speaker 8: Podcast, he needs the airports.
Speaker 3: It doesn't stand up long enough to know that.
Speaker 7: Eventually they quit asking, really okay, and then you're just
Speaker 7: talking about the trucking company because we kind of run
Speaker 7: out of stories.
Speaker 5: Right, They kind of get it right. They don't want
Speaker 5: to They don't want to hear about how far it was.
Speaker 3: We already heard how Fargo was last year new eighteen
Speaker 3: wheelers the other the other son is just waking up
Speaker 3: from an app. It's my turn. Now.
Speaker 4: That's a classic my sisters to always say, because my
Speaker 4: family's keep keep.
Speaker 1: It up, sir.
Speaker 3: Yeah, drive like a murder with the city.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and I hope whatever utilities you're rushing to or
Speaker 7: in order.
Speaker 5: Are on fire, they better be on fire.
Speaker 3: He's got a meter to read.
Speaker 1: I think I was am.
Speaker 3: I no, No, you're you're driving perfectly.
Speaker 4: My sister used to do the thing where people would
Speaker 4: come up to both of us, but then go, which
Speaker 4: one of you is the comedian?
Speaker 1: Oh? No, And my sister used to always go, it's her.
Speaker 8: I just shaped your sister Margaret show.
Speaker 1: We had a wonderful melting pot of the family in
Speaker 1: San Francisco.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, interrupted, What would your sister say?
Speaker 1: She would say, yes, No, she's the comedian.
Speaker 4: I'm just the one that shapes young minds because she's
Speaker 4: a grammar school teacher.
Speaker 3: Oh perfect.
Speaker 5: You're very capable of shaping young minds yourself. It's just
Speaker 5: a matter of the uh where they see you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I'd like to think that some really young kids are
Speaker 4: sneaking onto the internet to listen to my punk rock comedy.
Speaker 7: You just got to get a lot of people are like, oh,
Speaker 7: I'm going to do some colleges this year, elementary schools.
Speaker 3: That's that's the gigs.
Speaker 1: I'm looking And you have to sneak it. They don't
Speaker 1: want you on their not with the language.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna use.
Speaker 8: You got a twenty one jump street. You into those grade.
Speaker 1: Schools, the grammar school.
Speaker 7: All that means is put on the right sunglasses and
Speaker 7: carry a gun.
Speaker 3: That's right, and then no one will ask questions.
Speaker 1: It worked for Channing Tatum.
Speaker 3: It doesn't look almost thirty.
Speaker 1: I love that movie, though, the goddam it. I laughed
Speaker 1: so hard.
Speaker 5: Wonderful movie. I'm looking forward to the sequel.
Speaker 1: I know me too.
Speaker 4: I I we went to that movie to hate watch
Speaker 4: it because we thought it would be so stupid, right,
Speaker 4: and we were crying, laughing, like so surprised.
Speaker 7: I think I had a similar experience, except I was
Speaker 7: already told it was terrific, so I was wired to
Speaker 7: not like it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so you had your arms crossed and you
Speaker 1: had to force them open.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I was hackling it like one of the
Speaker 7: old men in the Muppets. YEP, I was also in
Speaker 7: a balcony that no one knew was that I was
Speaker 7: really distracting during I may have ruined the movie.
Speaker 3: For other people. Oh, because I was like a puppet.
Speaker 5: I was yelling in tum more like boring, hate him,
Speaker 5: what came out of your brain to somebody, to you?
Speaker 5: But it was just you. No, No, I saw that movie.
Speaker 5: I was on the road with old old Kyle Kanaane.
Speaker 1: Oh he's so old.
Speaker 5: I like old he is one hundred forty three years old.
Speaker 1: I damn that guy.
Speaker 3: I remember young Kyle Kanan.
Speaker 8: I don't know much.
Speaker 3: Let's try and forget the young one.
Speaker 8: The young no beard Kyle kan No.
Speaker 3: I like the bearded old Nanny's.
Speaker 5: Become today, very sharp chin.
Speaker 8: Yeah, we were on the road.
Speaker 5: We watched it like outside of Boise, Idaho. I think
Speaker 5: like me him and Brian Cook Boise laying in a
Speaker 5: hotel bed together to watch Jump Straight, just giggling.
Speaker 3: It's not a poking and tickling.
Speaker 7: It's not a real road gig unless you're in a
Speaker 7: bed with a feature and the opener.
Speaker 4: That's why people love comedy so much.
Speaker 8: Charlie the Chocolate Factory style.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just asked to ask and waiting for a walk
Speaker 3: of bar.
Speaker 4: It was always obsessed with the grandparents all being in
Speaker 4: one bed.
Speaker 1: Little It was like I had eight thousand questions that
Speaker 1: I couldn't ask about that.
Speaker 7: I knew enough about my grand parents to watch that
Speaker 7: and just think, Man, it must be smelly under those sheets.
Speaker 8: Oh.
Speaker 3: I don't mean to be graphic, but old people, Am
Speaker 3: I right?
Speaker 8: They get stinky.
Speaker 5: Lots of olders, lots of owners that aren't available to
Speaker 5: us as younger, vibrant people.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, violet perfume. The powder.
Speaker 5: There's a sense of smell like probably fades, so they
Speaker 5: think that's inappropriate to er perfume. Yeah, they don't know, grandma.
Speaker 4: Just because your nose doesn't work anymore, mind does, and
Speaker 4: everybody else is stop wearing red door.
Speaker 5: Guys.
Speaker 1: We're almost at the airport. It's crazy.
Speaker 3: It's crazy. You're going to be too early. They're going
Speaker 3: to look at you like you're crazy.
Speaker 8: They'll send me home.
Speaker 4: Oh, sul we wait outside for thirty minutes.
Speaker 3: We should at least circle around.
Speaker 1: Are you early? Well?
Speaker 5: My flight's at seven, so I don't feel like i'm.
Speaker 3: Too No, you're not. We're doing okay, We're doing okay.
Speaker 5: I always get to the airport too early, though, and
Speaker 5: ended up sitting there and reading the magazine and I
Speaker 5: brought for the plane.
Speaker 7: Yes, the Highlights magazine.
Speaker 4: I can't recommend enough buying the worst book you can
Speaker 4: find at the Hudson newspaper stand, just.
Speaker 5: With some ghost sex in it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lady detective that's also a cowboy, I swear
Speaker 4: to God. My friend Sean Tadarachi found at a library
Speaker 4: book sale.
Speaker 8: He's so funny on Twitter.
Speaker 4: Yes, he's amazing, And he found a series of Harlequin
Speaker 4: novels that are based all around women being pregnant and
Speaker 4: getting pregnant. And this is one of the most upsetting.
Speaker 4: I was like, take those out of my house. It's
Speaker 4: the funniest, weirdest thing. One of them was called She's
Speaker 4: So Pregnant. Yeah, it's about like women that are pregnant
Speaker 4: that fall in love.
Speaker 3: What was Raven Simone in it?
Speaker 5: That's so pregnant, That's so pregnant.
Speaker 7: That's oh god, I didn't watch enough. I just got
Speaker 7: pulled rank. Oh here we go, Lax airport.
Speaker 1: No, it's sign is blue. That's different than the green.
Speaker 8: I'm a I'm on virgin Virgin.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 1: That's sexy. Yeah, is that why you did it?
Speaker 5: It's a night that's a nightclub airline.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like walking into an iPod.
Speaker 5: Oh that's perfect.
Speaker 3: Do you I wonder if they still have this feature.
Speaker 7: It's been a while since I had flown Virgin, since
Speaker 7: I's twenty one.
Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, get it. That was a sex anyway.
Speaker 7: I you for a while you could contact another seat
Speaker 7: just by and like text them.
Speaker 8: I think you can still do that.
Speaker 1: You should do that.
Speaker 3: Has that ever not been awkward?
Speaker 8: I can't.
Speaker 5: I can't imagine it's ever not been used to harass.
Speaker 8: Them some poor woman.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly what it's built for. Yeah, harassing some poor
Speaker 5: Richard Branson. I'd like to be able.
Speaker 8: To harass some pull a woman on the flight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Richard Branson was partying with Terry Richardson, like, hey,
Speaker 4: do you have any ideas for our airline?
Speaker 7: Yes, text the seat in front of you and say, hey,
Speaker 7: do you need a pillow or the two that you
Speaker 7: brought with you?
Speaker 3: Doing just fine? Something like that?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Good? Yeah, Yeah, I likes Yeah, I don't I don't know. Maybe,
Speaker 5: like if you if you're not sitting with the person
Speaker 5: who you came with, you know, and then like, no
Speaker 5: one around you is amenable to switching seats. Maybe then
Speaker 5: it's been used for something not creepy, but even then it's.
Speaker 1: A situation that almost never happens.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they put in an entire look.
Speaker 7: Yeah, just say, are you sure you are prepared to
Speaker 7: help in case of an emergency?
Speaker 3: Just send that to someone in the.
Speaker 5: I've been I've been watching you and you don't look ready.
Speaker 1: There was doubt in your voice and you said yes to.
Speaker 7: The lady, and the fact that you've just been napping
Speaker 7: this whole time. I don't feel like when we land
Speaker 7: on the surface of the water, you're gonna take that
Speaker 7: door and throw it out sideways, open that door.
Speaker 5: Giving you a five out of energy. Yes, but is
Speaker 5: it your fault for not bringing your own Yes, and
Speaker 5: what if.
Speaker 4: We went around the airport in the loop one time? Yes,
Speaker 4: we don't immediately use you.
Speaker 7: I just to feel like it went so fast, and
Speaker 7: I don't I don't want you to think it's for
Speaker 7: selfish reasons like oh man, we need more podcast time. No,
Speaker 7: it's so you aren't embarrassed being there because DSA is
Speaker 7: going to give.
Speaker 3: You a look like, oh, why you're here? So early.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 7: Maybe we should check your satchel more.
Speaker 1: Yourndal, They'll say, I tie it from the step.
Speaker 5: I do have a bendal. I do travel with a bendle.
Speaker 5: I learned that from old cow can. I It's just
Speaker 5: there's just a harmonica and a crumpled up picture of Sweetie.
Speaker 1: God. I love the airport.
Speaker 7: Airport sound right, sandwich is just so people know it's real.
Speaker 7: Let's get some airpoints. Sound airpoint?
Speaker 1: Airpoints.
Speaker 5: You guys like being at the airpoint.
Speaker 1: Do a cute voice because we're at the airport.
Speaker 3: Oh the cops, Oh the cops. That's the exact voice
Speaker 3: I did when I said airpoint. Okay, perfect.
Speaker 4: Now here's let's talk just very briefly about how this
Speaker 4: whole thing came about, which I love because this episode
Speaker 4: was made.
Speaker 1: Uh was it made possible at.
Speaker 4: My grant from the Joney found because he's the one
Speaker 4: that suggested me.
Speaker 1: Pick you up?
Speaker 5: He did a big, big thank you to Jane. Oh
Speaker 5: we need to make that more NPR. Oh yeah, yes,
Speaker 5: thank you to our sponsored Joana.
Speaker 1: Made this made this podcast possible. And a grant from
Speaker 1: the Catherine D. John T.
Speaker 3: Now, if you if you call in right now, you'll
Speaker 3: get a DVD of the Rolling Stones playing with the Beatles,
Speaker 3: very drug heavy concert.
Speaker 1: You're asleep.
Speaker 7: Everyone laid down now and drink the kool aid. That's
Speaker 7: what I always say. That's my that's my impression.
Speaker 1: I've never coaxed you into doing something over.
Speaker 3: The radio waves.
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, your parents are holding you back.
Speaker 5: What are you doing with yourself right now?
Speaker 1: Imagine how much money you'd get if they were dead.
Speaker 5: So they owned that house and you could own that house.
Speaker 3: You could sell it, or you.
Speaker 1: Could live in it, sell it.
Speaker 7: Think of all the options. Grab the pillow and place
Speaker 7: it over their old faces.
Speaker 3: Oh that's terrible.
Speaker 5: The best of our life is in the rear view.
Speaker 1: Man, you're doing them a favor of Next your.
Speaker 5: Father's back hurts so bad, it's not getting better.
Speaker 3: And we're going back through the airport.
Speaker 4: Return airport would turn I think I got We lulled
Speaker 4: ourselves to sleep.
Speaker 5: For that day.
Speaker 3: Tired.
Speaker 7: It's funny because it really does feel like we're podcasting
Speaker 7: at well now five twenty four in the morning.
Speaker 1: Can we really did it?
Speaker 3: Though it isn't five twenty four. That's wrong. I didn't
Speaker 3: want to, but.
Speaker 1: It's like five ten probably.
Speaker 4: Okay, we're doing one of those things where I pretend,
Speaker 4: Oh sure, I pretend that setting my clocket fifteen minutes
Speaker 4: helps me not always be twenty.
Speaker 3: It's funny.
Speaker 5: You look at you're like, oh god, I'm late, and
Speaker 5: then yeah you're okay, okay, okay, it's not It's don't
Speaker 5: really that far. Ae.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it makes me do math.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just constantly minusing fifteen when I sit in
Speaker 4: my car.
Speaker 8: It's so good.
Speaker 3: I don't understand how that works for so good at it.
Speaker 7: I immediately wake up and go, oh yeah, it's five minutes fast,
Speaker 7: and I can say it doesn't.
Speaker 8: I think you can sleep another five minutes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't trick myself that way. It doesn't
Speaker 3: work for me.
Speaker 1: You're too smart, You're a little magic in your heart.
Speaker 7: Maybe I should maybe i'm missing the match. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 7: you know what I need to open my heart to
Speaker 7: more magic?
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely magic Johnson, Chris Angel, Chris Angel.
Speaker 1: Magic shell. You could probably have a lot more of
Speaker 1: that in your life.
Speaker 3: Yeah I probably should. Yeah, yeah that I just I
Speaker 3: now remember what it is.
Speaker 7: It's a liquid. It takes solid form once it hits
Speaker 7: the ice. Cream. Yeah, probably not safe for ingesting. That's
Speaker 7: why you don't see it anymore.
Speaker 5: Give it to kids, Yeah, they're fine.
Speaker 3: That'll shut them up for a while.
Speaker 1: Poison instead of returns.
Speaker 8: Do this part? It is?
Speaker 7: It is a lot of times. It's I just like
Speaker 7: to see who's arriving at.
Speaker 8: Final What kind of riff raff is coming into our
Speaker 8: fast city?
Speaker 7: That lady she's been dicking around with her bag since
Speaker 7: noon to lady lady, Yeah, there's no bus that picks
Speaker 7: up people with dementia.
Speaker 4: All right, I know you, it would be awesome. We
Speaker 4: just saw Kyle Kanaane standing there with a bindle. Oh
Speaker 4: could you imagine just all by himself the rival.
Speaker 8: Club rich.
Speaker 7: Oh God. Impressions. You know, when people say they don't
Speaker 7: like them, I don't believe them.
Speaker 8: Uh uh, they're great.
Speaker 3: They are great. And that was a good one.
Speaker 8: Thank You're welcome. Its decent. He's an easy one to do.
Speaker 8: I'm not.
Speaker 5: I'm don't consider myself a master impression. It's despite what
Speaker 5: all the papers say, but I did.
Speaker 3: I was reading that in the paper.
Speaker 7: It's an extra extra in Carmel's impressions are sweeping the nation.
Speaker 3: Buy more war bonds.
Speaker 5: Yes, FDR orders troops to push further into the into Belgium. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and then be right underneath.
Speaker 4: And then have you ever heard Yeah?
Speaker 7: And then a joke article that said something about invading
Speaker 7: Turkey from behind, a joke that's it's it's early, Yeah,
Speaker 7: it's early.
Speaker 5: It's that part of the newspaper has a spinning bow
Speaker 5: tie that they built it.
Speaker 7: It's like, what's on this page squirting?
Speaker 3: I don't know about you, entertainment section, but I.
Speaker 4: Slip over to the can of nuts section. Nothing to
Speaker 4: worry about over there, like spring snakes.
Speaker 7: This newspaper, it's one dangerous two costs forty five dollars
Speaker 7: per issue.
Speaker 8: Logical, there's no actual news in here.
Speaker 1: Why would I pick up a trick newspaper?
Speaker 7: All things Well, maybe print wouldn't be dead if they
Speaker 7: did things like that innovation.
Speaker 3: Think about it.
Speaker 4: What if we just keep driving around and we never
Speaker 4: get to virgin Oh, we.
Speaker 5: Just forget, we just keep driving. Then I would need
Speaker 5: you to take me to Burbank Airport, Yeah.
Speaker 8: Which is where my car is parked.
Speaker 7: Which is what we do that all of a sudden,
Speaker 7: it's a two part episode.
Speaker 4: Here's the worst thing I could do as a podcaster.
Speaker 4: What are you doing in Portland again?
Speaker 1: That you said.
Speaker 8: That's pretty much it.
Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you had a show. No, oh, this
Speaker 1: is get out of the car.
Speaker 8: I'll be doing no stand up comedy. Is an attractor?
Speaker 1: Attractors in here?
Speaker 3: Why we just passed?
Speaker 5: Oh, it's a cherry picker. Okay, it's kind of a tractor,
Speaker 5: kind of a forklift. I just like to think somebody
Speaker 5: just dropped off his poor old wife.
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess like.
Speaker 1: A straight story.
Speaker 7: I guess you're not going to till the fields with
Speaker 7: me anymore. Geltel.
Speaker 1: It's a little old fashioned kind of farmery.
Speaker 3: Handsel the farmer.
Speaker 4: Okay, here's airport return. But is there a way to
Speaker 4: get upstairs? Or should I just go over there? Did
Speaker 4: I do well?
Speaker 3: I think you should just go straight yeah, and then
Speaker 3: like straight over here straight passing?
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, passing those cars, passing them, or just stay
Speaker 7: behind them passing hard to pass them.
Speaker 3: We'll do a U turn.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't know how to get from the bottom to
Speaker 3: the top.
Speaker 8: Drake does.
Speaker 7: Popular song Drake has about bunk beds bottom to the top,
Speaker 7: used the ladder. That's it doesn't really rhyme it's just
Speaker 7: a five second song. I haven't heard much Drake. I
Speaker 7: know he's popular with the uh you know, comedic interviews
Speaker 7: and stuff.
Speaker 3: He's becoming more of a.
Speaker 5: I met him briefly. Oh yeah, yeah, he played Jimmy
Speaker 5: he is in a wheelchair.
Speaker 3: You're kidding for real?
Speaker 7: And then he became a legitimate, legitimate hip hop artist.
Speaker 8: How did I?
Speaker 3: I didn't know that he did.
Speaker 5: He did uh filming de GROSSI up there in Toronto.
Speaker 5: MM decided he liked rapping. Eventually caught on with Lil
Speaker 5: Wayne's company, Young Money Cash Money. That's a good name,
Speaker 5: Young Money, Cash Money, Young Money Cash Money.
Speaker 7: It's amazing that that didn't ever affect his street credit.
Speaker 7: People knew that was his background, right, everybody knew it.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 4: I think people try to have it affect his street credit,
Speaker 4: except for then Nick Cannon will always come up in
Speaker 4: some way and he will be like.
Speaker 1: Drake's fine, Yeah, Drake's okay, don't worry about Drake.
Speaker 5: Nick Cannon, who for all we know, may have had
Speaker 5: a very rough upbringing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was probably tossed around the.
Speaker 1: Apartment and the Nickelodeon studios.
Speaker 5: Oh did he come up doing like Nickelodeon.
Speaker 7: Raised in Nickelodeon's Oh I had no idea by a
Speaker 7: janitor found him in a a hallway. Janitor, I'm going
Speaker 7: to raise you like you're my own, and the.
Speaker 1: Scripts of the Amanda Bond Show.
Speaker 3: He's laying on a pile of scripts. He's so cute.
Speaker 3: He looks like the Snuggles.
Speaker 5: Fair Janeitor was so good at while him out. He
Speaker 5: passed it out long before it was ever a TV show.
Speaker 5: I'll teach you how to while out.
Speaker 1: For you'll make your way in this world. That was
Speaker 1: also Kyle.
Speaker 3: Here's how that sound. I couldn't think of anything it would.
Speaker 1: Say what if Howard Kramer was trying to do?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 7: I think it would sound a little bit like this. Huh,
Speaker 7: what do you think my impressions? I just say, hey,
Speaker 7: like it's an introduction.
Speaker 3: Here's a bunch of k cars.
Speaker 7: You know these are all government people, absolutely, mister President,
Speaker 7: so incognito, Okay, that's time we really are going to
Speaker 7: take you.
Speaker 3: You don't have to worry anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I won't mess it up.
Speaker 4: That was a that was kind of awesome to go
Speaker 4: to go to the departing upper deck and then accidentally
Speaker 4: find yourself on the very empty.
Speaker 1: Arriving lower deck. We really was as in heaven.
Speaker 7: His honor, Amen, saying you know the one that we
Speaker 7: used to say to each.
Speaker 3: Other from that book.
Speaker 1: We never that big book.
Speaker 5: People that.
Speaker 8: Shell Silverstine.
Speaker 5: That's a really fun name to say in an overly
Speaker 5: East Coast Jewish shall Silvis Si Sylvestin Silverstein will be here?
Speaker 8: Have you had with Shell Silvestine's We.
Speaker 1: Wrote another poem. It's hilarious garbage.
Speaker 5: It's it's awful, frankly, but apparently the children love itself.
Speaker 1: Children leave them alone.
Speaker 8: Leave them alone. He's writing, what are you doing?
Speaker 7: And they're very bewildered by the potential of a sidewalk.
Speaker 9: Ending the way sidewalks And I mean, I've seen sidewalks
Speaker 9: in there. I wish I knew thirty four thirty fourth
Speaker 9: Street turns right into a sea bearing wall.
Speaker 5: And that's that's the end of it. I don't know
Speaker 5: if that's where.
Speaker 8: He got it from.
Speaker 1: That's where we got the idea.
Speaker 5: My cousin Morris also lives near where a sidewalk ends,
Speaker 5: but that's because Morris lives in the wark.
Speaker 1: Yeah, several sidewalks have never started and Hoboken.
Speaker 5: There's a poem I would read the sidewalk had never started.
Speaker 5: There's nothing but potential there. You could you could, you
Speaker 5: could write about anything, but the sidewalk ends very limited.
Speaker 3: It's just a drawing and an engineer's little handbook. Here
Speaker 3: a jet Blue Airlines nowhere near.
Speaker 1: Is the next one.
Speaker 5: It's the next word up frontier.
Speaker 3: It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 7: Allegiant, made popular by their direct flight from Los Angeles
Speaker 7: to Missoula, Montana, is that you need a ride sponsored
Speaker 7: by Allegiant Airline.
Speaker 4: A Legiant Airlines when you're not sure if you need
Speaker 4: to fly somewhere, or if you need to pledge to
Speaker 4: a flag.
Speaker 3: It's so early, it's really hard to make your brain,
Speaker 3: that says a Less. I mean, I think we've done
Speaker 3: great so far.
Speaker 8: Either we've acquitted ourselves very nicely.
Speaker 4: I wish we had done the whole podcast as shel
Speaker 4: Silverstein's aunt.
Speaker 1: That really something really satisfying about it.
Speaker 7: I think that our sidewalk reft pretty great. That's probably
Speaker 7: better than most sidewalk refts.
Speaker 8: Absolutely, it was.
Speaker 1: Better than the gossip plan that I had earlier.
Speaker 8: Gossip play would have been great. It's just we just
Speaker 8: never we just never really went anywhere with it.
Speaker 5: Right, I will tell you this, what else what was
Speaker 5: beginning to say about Ron Funch is tax evator?
Speaker 3: Oh me too?
Speaker 1: Everybody tell everyone.
Speaker 8: Yeah, he's not actually a taxivator.
Speaker 7: Nobody pays taxes, he says, odd it all over that
Speaker 7: guy's face.
Speaker 5: You don't have to in your comedian right, No, no, no, they.
Speaker 7: Say, file your taxes. That just means put all your
Speaker 7: receipts in a filing cabinet. That's right, as far as
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 5: Throw it the ocean.
Speaker 3: Hey, say to your wonderful girlfriend.
Speaker 8: I will thank you. Guys, this was wonderful.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I had my back turned to you the whole time.
Speaker 3: But that's just the nature of a car.
Speaker 5: That's all right, that's all right. I didn't take it
Speaker 5: to this sign of disrespect. I didn't even notice it
Speaker 5: until now now I'm thinking.
Speaker 3: The wrong way. Well, now I've given you a peripheral
Speaker 3: peripheral vision. Hey, how about that?
Speaker 7: I did see you, buddy, wed because that didn't pick
Speaker 7: up on the mic. Thanks, I have a good flight, buddy,
Speaker 7: and travel say, oh, of course, of course, all right,
Speaker 7: here we go, there's an unplug. I take those out perfect,
Speaker 7: wrap those up for him.
Speaker 3: Off they are, they are off them up.
Speaker 7: Oh hey, I hope to see you again soon. Let's
Speaker 7: hang out when you're back. Let's go watch wrestling.
Speaker 8: Yes, yeah, yeah, comedy.
Speaker 3: Doings I used to light. He is delightful.
Speaker 1: The moon is all the way up, the.
Speaker 3: All the moon is all the way up.
Speaker 1: The moon is nowhere closed leaving. Yeah, it's still dark outside.
Speaker 3: There goes the car, there he goes. He's delightful. We
Speaker 3: forgot something way he had something left to say?
Speaker 1: What happened?
Speaker 3: Did you leave something.
Speaker 1: That's illegal? I'm gonna call the police.
Speaker 3: I can't believe it's just sitting there.
Speaker 1: He left his bag unattended, like a straight up bomb.
Speaker 7: Remember that that guy, that airport security guy in Burbank
Speaker 7: who looked like angry Shaquille O'Neill. Yeah, he really scared me.
Speaker 7: I don't know why, because I think that's more has
Speaker 7: something to do with my relationship with Shaq.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you and he you've had a you know, I
Speaker 3: mean a lot of people know about it. But he
Speaker 3: wronged me. I was supposed to be in the NBA.
Speaker 1: Wrong to me, wrong to me? Good?
Speaker 7: Uh oh this guy, NA go ahead, just you're unmarked
Speaker 7: white van, fucking kid Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, are you're taking those kids?
Speaker 7: I don't know if a kidnapper van would have a
Speaker 7: number ninety six, like he's a fleet of kidnappers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's uh oh, we can't kidnap you right now,
Speaker 1: but we can't send someone else to kidnap you.
Speaker 3: I thought of a funny idea.
Speaker 7: What if there's a kidnapper that had one of those
Speaker 7: stickers on the back that said how am I driving?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm with you, so people call in right, because
Speaker 3: he legitimately wants to know, But then that's how he
Speaker 3: gets in trouble.
Speaker 4: So he's he does need feedback on like getting away. Yeah,
Speaker 4: if he peels out, I'll tell you this. Here's a
Speaker 4: creepy thing that happened.
Speaker 3: Uh huh uh I was.
Speaker 1: I am actually kind of a weird sleeper. So I
Speaker 1: was awake at you know, two in the morning one night,
Speaker 1: really uh huh, And I know that sounds late.
Speaker 4: And I went and looked out my front door because
Speaker 4: my dogs were barking or something I can't remember, and
Speaker 4: I watched as a white panel van with the side
Speaker 4: panel door open.
Speaker 1: Turned down my alley.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, like right, at the end of my block,
Speaker 4: and it was one of the creepiest things I've ever
Speaker 4: seen because it's like, imagine a white panel van driving
Speaker 4: with the panel door.
Speaker 7: The only two I've seen that is when someone's delivering papers.
Speaker 7: Do you think maybe it was a paper delivery person. Yes,
Speaker 7: it very well could have been taking it slow because
Speaker 7: the papers are fragile, because they had squirting bow ties
Speaker 7: and some of the other things we mentioned earlier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's list off all of those things again. I do.
Speaker 3: I am in no state for a game of memory.
Speaker 1: I am in no way I am going to those
Speaker 1: things off.
Speaker 3: I am in no mood for this. I just get out.
Speaker 1: And then that's the day I left Chris at the airport.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think this was a great exercise and something
Speaker 4: we should never do again.
Speaker 7: But you have because I do feel like you were
Speaker 7: speaking haphazardly. That's how I feel I was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a moment a lot.
Speaker 4: There is a moment where I completely didn't understand something
Speaker 4: and said like as if it went through some kind
Speaker 4: of a coding machine, where I was like, oh did he?
Speaker 4: And it might have been a reference, or it might
Speaker 4: have just been my brain kind of switched off for
Speaker 4: a second where I was like, I don't understand that, like.
Speaker 7: Like it was a different language, and it probably was
Speaker 7: something completely take a left up here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think it was easy and simple. My
Speaker 1: brain was just like, let's hold.
Speaker 3: Off though it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's hard.
Speaker 3: Did did you sleep before this?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 8: I did?
Speaker 7: Okay, see I tried to pull an all nighter and uh,
Speaker 7: I'm afraid I I've cuite a bit of tequila in me.
Speaker 7: But still to this moment, to this moment, I have
Speaker 7: not yet urinated or vompetent. It is still I have
Speaker 7: not get vomited.
Speaker 1: Wait, and that was the party for Nate Craig's taping.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if it was a tape. I
Speaker 3: hope it was a taping. He did great. Nate Craig
Speaker 3: a comedian that I did a show with at the
Speaker 3: Nerd Mouth Theater.
Speaker 1: Nick Craig, Wait, is this sepulvido?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: No, we're oh it will be good.
Speaker 1: Just follow that because if I go through this airport again,
Speaker 1: I swear to God.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: And so who was there that was fun at that party?
Speaker 1: I was I never go to anything.
Speaker 3: It wasn't so much. It was just kind of a
Speaker 3: standard show. I'd like you to stop calling it a party.
Speaker 7: It was a yeah, just a show there. Kate Berlamb
Speaker 7: was on it. She's very funny. She makes me laugh. Yeah,
Speaker 7: I said when I was hosting, I haven't done that
Speaker 7: for a while. And when you're hosting, you have to
Speaker 7: say things in between comics, Yes, to like cleanse the
Speaker 7: palette of the audience, I suppose, But for me, I
Speaker 7: see it as an opportunity to blurt, just things that
Speaker 7: don't make sense.
Speaker 1: Blurt your blurtings.
Speaker 7: I think I said, Nate Gregg's up next, please. I
Speaker 7: think you're gonna love him. I think that's what's my
Speaker 7: intro for him. And when when Kate was done, I
Speaker 7: said she's great. I think she's smarter than me, and
Speaker 7: it seemed condess.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I was trying to say that I
Speaker 3: really do think she's smart, but it came off weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was the tone of your voice.
Speaker 5: Probably maybe it was I.
Speaker 3: Was yelling at with both my middle fingers.
Speaker 1: Out and you're in that snare, that mustache.
Speaker 3: I was playing a sneer drum. You know, puns there,
Speaker 3: there's always a place for them. No nuts.
Speaker 1: Should we end this thing? This guy is very pink
Speaker 1: right now?
Speaker 3: Oh it is.
Speaker 1: I think that smoke from those wildfires.
Speaker 8: Oh right.
Speaker 3: The more wild they are, the more pink they are.
Speaker 1: That's what they always said, drive by, That's what they
Speaker 1: always say.
Speaker 3: Should we go to our Taco bell location?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say, should we get the Sizzler?
Speaker 3: Of course we should go to the Sizzler. Are you
Speaker 3: kidding me? H?
Speaker 4: One of I believe it is Kurt Hopkins, who is
Speaker 4: a person that we know on Twitter, I know in
Speaker 4: real life, suggested that we.
Speaker 1: Do an all Sizzler episode from the airports.
Speaker 3: Is really based on our mention of Sizzler last episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and our borderline fight about going to Sizzler.
Speaker 3: I think it's a great. It depends on what you get.
Speaker 3: But their taco bar, come on, really for real?
Speaker 7: There's that show No Reservations with Anthony Bourdin Bourdain and
Speaker 7: in Koreatown they went to Sizzler and the guy he
Speaker 7: was with just made like a meat ball taco and that,
Speaker 7: and they loved it.
Speaker 3: They were like, this is delicious.
Speaker 7: And it's something about that show the way it's edited
Speaker 7: made me think Sizzler is pretty good.
Speaker 8: Even though I've been there.
Speaker 3: And it isn't.
Speaker 7: It isn't not No, but I I because of how
Speaker 7: well packaged that program is. I was like, I want
Speaker 7: to meet ball Taco, I swear to god.
Speaker 4: All I can picture is like months and months before
Speaker 4: that episode, them sitting down with like the head honchos
Speaker 4: At Sissler, like, we are going to give you five
Speaker 4: hundred thousand dollars. Can you please make it look like
Speaker 4: the food at our restaurant is edible and not the
Speaker 4: most depressing experience you'll have in your adult life, because that's.
Speaker 1: It literally looks like people drop their grandparents off there
Speaker 1: and leave them there all day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is. It's like a city of lost elderly
Speaker 3: it is.
Speaker 1: And then the Chicken has that kind of thing where
Speaker 1: they try to make it.
Speaker 4: Look like it was charboiled, but it absolutely wasn't. So
Speaker 4: it just like they stuck the black stripes of.
Speaker 3: Black shit out there.
Speaker 7: They are actually painted on. You see that a lot
Speaker 7: in a low grade grade f chicken. Yes, great up
Speaker 7: racing stripes. Yeah, oh chick, oh shit, oh the deep
Speaker 7: peaking process. Let's not think about it.
Speaker 3: That's it. I'm going vegan.
Speaker 1: Let's go vegan right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't. We didn't.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm on board. Let's not eat meat anymore.
Speaker 1: I like you were saying that, like we talked about
Speaker 1: it already, we never did it. So let's know, let's
Speaker 1: really do it this time.
Speaker 3: Let's really no more, no more just talking about it,
Speaker 3: which we haven't done yet. Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's skip the talking phase.
Speaker 3: Do not even.
Speaker 7: Do not even look at this McDonald McDonald's on the
Speaker 7: left here at Manchester and Skippity Airport.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm shutting down. Someone make me a
Speaker 3: bed so I can lie in it.
Speaker 1: Skippity. When you when you shut down, you turn into.
Speaker 5: Pop pie.
Speaker 3: McDonald's.
Speaker 7: Oh no, everyone loves impressions, everyone does.
Speaker 5: S.
Speaker 3: I mean, well, if we are, let's I think we should.
Speaker 7: We should wrap this up. What better intersection than La
Speaker 7: Tiara and A and airporty. Well, it was a pleasure
Speaker 7: driving with you, and you as well. I'm gonna get
Speaker 7: out here, Bye bye.
Speaker 1: You You going to the airport endoscopy Center.
Speaker 7: Yes, I'm going to the medical center. Airport endoscopy Center.
Speaker 7: Just ask what an endoscopy is. I hope it doesn't
Speaker 7: mean a camera in my p hole? All right, I've
Speaker 7: been Chris Fairbanks. That's Karen Kilgareff has made her laugh. Okay,
Speaker 7: bye I Leaven.
Speaker 1: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 5: Either way we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you clays, time and turning
Speaker 2: on Gaye.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off, installer. We wanna welcome
Speaker 1: you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine.
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 8: Porn Papa?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need ride?
Speaker 7: Do you need to ride? Do you need.
Speaker 3: With Karen and chriss
Speaker 5: Mh