WEBVTT - I Used To Be A Pick-Me Ft. Via 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.480 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.560 She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.360 man of the house, and of course. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:09.639 She didn't talk back. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:10.600 She was both. 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.200 Obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.600 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.960 That we're good mom's bad choices? Who single mom? Who said? 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.639 But the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.280 out they were so bad after all, we're experts. Overhairs 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:28.000 and your new vestie. Sit back and near the ride. 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:34.360 I can do a pat on my I can do 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:42.800 on my Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:47.360 Erica and I'm Mela. Happy hump Day, Beaches, Happy hump Day. 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:59.080 How are you feeling? I feel good good. Yeah, yeah, 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.720 how are you feeling? I'm pretty good. Yeah, you look cute. 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:04.600 Thanks got new boots. You know, I'm a boot bitch, 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.039 so thank god you've let those other pink boots go. 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.240 It's time, babe, I'm gonna look for new ones. I 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:16.440 still need pink boots, like entirely. This is like a 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:22.000 crazy amount. Okay, well let's try that again. Maybe just 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.640 cut to the jeep. Do something about jeep, do things 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.360 my face here, just a blog. If you can just 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.160 put my nice smiling face over my nipple, that's her 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.720 saying hello. If you don't follow us or watch us 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.680 on YouTube, you're missing out. My small bee titties are 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:43.480 saying hello again. I love it. I think this week 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.520 I decided I want to get my boobs done this week. 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.000 Like this week, I was like, yeah, this, we gotta 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:52.960 do that. Okay, well use your influence. Okay, yep, Hey, 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:56.360 so I have a podcast, please give me free boobs. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.720 I will tell everyone, well listen, thank there speaking of 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.400 boobs and and plastic surgery and just doing whatever the 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:06.000 fuck you want. You very special guest. Ye I love 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:10.639 fake titties. You guys. I'm really excited about this week's 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:14.080 guest because this was actually someone that from the tribe, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.079 made us aware of who you were, and now you're 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.160 in my Explore page. Every time I fucking opened up 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:21.200 my Explorer page, I'm like, there she going, you where? 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:26.959 Shout out to Christina. Today we are joined by the 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:32.040 Hello guys, thank you for having me on. I'm super 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.760 excited to have you on. I love your content. I 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:37.680 love you. You're so funny, you're so real, You're beautiful. 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:41.240 Did you find as mom like us? Oh we love 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:45.919 Mamas is the house of finance. Mamas. So from Louisiana 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:48.120 to La, from La. 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:51.520 To La, this is just L. I like this LA 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.080 better though, take me back please? 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.079 LA is boring. You should try the other one. 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:00.400 I mean want I'm gonna come visit better phone when 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.520 we get there. Oh yeah, absolutely, do a whole New 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:04.040 Orleans saying oh it'll be fine. 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:05.680 I want to do like a witch tour. I want 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.280 to do all the things. You know what, We've been 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.160 saying this for so long. Maybe this is the year 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:12.680 that we go to New Orleans for Halloween. Yeah? 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.640 Absolutely, Yeah. I haven't honestly done any of the witchy 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:16.919 or the ghost tours. 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:19.440 But I do it in a group setting. Okay, then 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:20.799 do you need to a retreat? Do we need to 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:24.919 do like a witchy Halloween retreat because it's our favorite holidays. 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:27.600 Who was I talking to about the witchiness of New 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:29.080 Orleans and they were like, you don't want to delve 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.560 into that. It's dark. No people, You're like, they're like, 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.120 you sound it sounds fine, it sounds cute. It's not well, 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.680 the energy, the energy is thick. I was gonna say, 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:37.480 the energy is different. 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.960 So like as someone who microdos is mushrooms regularly. When 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:45.200 I started doing mushrooms in New Orleans, like specifically out 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:47.760 like on a parade or one day, the trip never 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.240 went well, It never went terribly, but it was like 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.160 intense where I was like, I only micro dose style. 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.160 I won't even touch a macro dose like in New Orleans. 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:58.320 Just the energy is different. And then the bail lifts 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:01.280 and you're like, oh, everybody can see everything never mind yeah, 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.640 especially in the quarter there. Yeah yeah, wait, so what 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.440 happened was what did you say? I didn't see anything. 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.040 It just became really intense, real fast, and I had 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.520 to sit on the stairs. This happened more than one occasion. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.120 And I do mushrooms, you know what I mean, but 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:18.320 like doing it in the French Quarter, it just felt 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:19.120 completely different. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:23.440 It was weird. Okay, Well, note to self, don't yeah, 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:25.800 maybe don't even do spirits. 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:27.839 Just stick to care that's what they say, I mean 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:33.680 spirits And yeah, yeah, the last time I was there, 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:35.320 I was like, I don't know how anyone lived can 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:36.200 do this all the time. 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:38.120 We were also there for us ands Fest and it 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:41.040 was a shit show, so it was like New Orleans 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:44.320 on crack Yeah, with a bunch of tourists and a 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:50.880 bunch of rowdy ass yeah people. Makes sense. So, yeah, 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:52.880 where did you come from? All of a sudden you 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.359 were just all over my feet and I was like, yeah, 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:59.200 like what's the trajectory of like where? Like how did you? 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:01.760 How did you get here? Tell us your internet, your 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:05.320 internet fame, coming to coming to store, coming to age story. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:09.159 You know it's funny. Actually I started creating like content, 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.440 like normal normal content, like only fans content. 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.840 I started creating like normal content in twenty twenty three, 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.440 and I went viral then, but so it was like 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:17.880 only like a six month run. I used to give 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:22.600 dating advice. Hmmmm, it was weird. It was weird. So 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.280 it was the dating advice, but it was more male 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:26.600 centered dating advice. 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.839 I've come along with Okay, what are you talking about? 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:30.040 Yeah? 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:32.040 Wait, I don't I don't understand under what. 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.200 So So I've been very open about my pick me journey, 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.159 about how I went from pick me to to like 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:39.000 liberated woman. 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.200 I had no idea. I'm so shocked, Please tell us more. 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:45.680 I'm scared. No, So, like I remember my first video 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:46.320 that went viral. 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.120 It was of me, And I was like, this is 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.320 the dating advice you probably never or you didn't think 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:52.240 you needed but needed to hear, or some stupid shit 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:54.120 like that, right, And I was like, very dead pan, 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:56.360 had these yellow glasses on sort of camera, and I'm 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:57.160 saying a bunch of. 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:58.880 Shit that actually rings true. Right. 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:01.039 But the last thing I said, and I don't know 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:03.680 why the fuck I said this is I said, men 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:05.720 have it harder than women in the dating world. 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.839 Oh, I know, I know it was it was a moment. 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:10.320 What did you mean by that? 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:14.360 I guess at the time, I meant like, because I 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:17.240 think that was the rise of That was the rise 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:20.159 of the conversations of the fifty to fifty provider mindset, 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:24.000 being your feminine energy, all that stupid shit, the shears, 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:25.000 the sprinkle sprinkle thing. 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:27.080 That was the rise of that kind of content. 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:30.839 So I was like, let me just because I truly 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:31.920 felt that way at the time. 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.480 I truly felt that way. I will not sugarcoat shit. 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:36.280 I did feel that way. But like that men had 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.320 to pay for more stuff, So yeah, like there was 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.520 more of a there was more of a. 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:45.760 What do you call it, a responsibility for demand to 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:50.040 show up. But now I understand that that's exactly fucking right, 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.960 as they fucking should there should be this big responsibility 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:54.640 and then when women create life and you know what 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:58.440 I mean. So I made that kind of advice at 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.120 the time, and like women did me multiple times on 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:04.120 the comments and I'm a comment reader, I'm a DM reader. 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:06.120 I read everything that comes my way. I have to 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.400 stop that shit because now it's becoming like it's too much, 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.640 and I actually, like I had to take a to 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:13.640 I had to take a second and be like, yeah, 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:15.520 I'm not doing this right, Like I'm just not I'm 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:18.360 not like it didn't even spiritually feel aligned with me, 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:21.080 and I knew I was fucking up. So I stopped 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.840 making that kind of content. I continued making like just 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.720 regular like lifestyle content here and there, but I wasn't 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:31.200 really in it. And then I dated this man. This 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.920 was last year. I dated this man for years when 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:36.320 I was living in New Orleans, and I started going 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:38.280 to therapy as well at the same time. So I 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.080 started dating this man and then eight months later I 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:43.800 started going to therapy and my therapist, actually, I want 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:47.840 to say her her thesis was about like toxic masculinity, right, 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:53.040 So I picked this therapist very you know, carefully, and 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:57.040 over the time of dating him and going to therapy, 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.920 it started to like shift, Like my viewpoints on relationships 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:03.280 and my viewpoints on being a woman started to shift right. 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.640 And like I said, I've always I'm a very self 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:09.520 discovery type person, so I'm always looking for a way 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.559 to be better. Like my friend, I was at dinner 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:13.640 one time with my friend Jasmine, and she would always say, 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:16.440 She's like, Via, You're always like learning something about yourself. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:18.200 You're always like here for growth. 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.120 So I might be fucking up, but I know when 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:21.560 I'm fucking up, and I know I could be better. 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.560 So I'm on this discovery or this this discovery with 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.440 my therapist, and you know, I'm telling her about all 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.600 my relationship problems and da da da dah, she brings 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:32.200 something to light that I swear to God, it was 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.560 like a moment that clicked and she was like, you know, 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:37.240 we can change your reactivity. 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:37.880 Because I have BPD. 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:42.160 It's BPD borderline personality disorder. It comes from like years, 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:45.480 years and years of trauma disordered growing up, all that 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:49.120 kind of stuff. And you know, she was like, yeah, 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.199 we could work on your reactivity. Like you're a little crazy, 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:54.000 You're kind of a crazy bitch, But the things you're 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:58.319 being crazy about are actually kind of valid, do you. 0:08:58.240 --> 0:08:58.800 Know what I mean? 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:02.319 Like someone someone checking you for what you're wearing when 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:05.560 you're going outside, you flippin' out. Maybe let's work on 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:12.839 how you address it. But like you actually have resourceful rage, right, 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.600 Like she's like the things you're getting upset about, you 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:18.679 should be getting fucking pissed off about what these men 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.240 are saying to you or doing to you. But let's just, 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.680 you know, let's just change the way we react, you know. 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:28.600 And so this, the man that I was stating at 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:32.600 the time, was very, uh I would say, mentally abusive, 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:36.960 not emotionally, not really physically, not verbal, but mentally the 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:41.840 mental games you play. So I just and then I 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:43.719 went to an acupunctual It was just so it's all 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:46.840 this stuff so right, So like locking, I was doing 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.480 a bunch of unlocking during over that past year, and 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.040 I just decided to share the journey with the internet. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:55.600 And then that's where it all kind of started. 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:57.480 Was I had this like I call it like my 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:02.640 feminine rage awakening moment. And then literally like one day 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.680 I had acupuncture and my whole life just like I 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.280 awoke and like I swear to God, like therapy is great, 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:11.640 but I am a I carry my shit in my body. 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:15.760 So somatic therapy like acupuncture was what really did it 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:19.040 and threw me over the rate, over the over the edge, 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.400 and I just started making content. 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:21.800 That was the thing. 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:23.640 There was no plan with this kind of content, with 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:25.640 this content that I started making last year. 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:26.760 There was no plan. 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:29.640 And that was intentional because I told like the biggest 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.080 thing about it was I would date men that would 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:35.400 the whole like you know, free free bird. There the 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.760 caged bird theory where like a man will come into 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:39.839 your life they see your this. 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.839 Like free, open, crazy woman. 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:44.880 And they like love that about you, and then they 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.400 get you and all yeah, and they want you to like, 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:48.640 you know, wear your hair diff and they don't want 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:50.360 you to dress as holl we. They wanted that they 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:52.319 you need to wear make if you've got themand don't 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.320 wear makeup d da da. They want to like, you know, 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:56.200 make you a shell of the person that you wear. 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:58.520 And that that did it for me. Every time I 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:00.800 would go through these like expand to phases. Then I 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:02.920 get a man and then I go through another expansive 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:04.400 phase and I'd break up with them and I get 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:07.520 a man, and it just kept happening. But this time 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:11.720 I was like, no, I have to stay single and 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.560 I need to listen to me right because I feel 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:16.600 like as women, we have a bunch of different voices 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.560 that are in our heads, whether it be our moms, 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:21.679 our grandmas, our dads, and it's just it's not our voice. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:25.240 So we live life based on you know, who we're around, 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.319 who we grew up around. We have all these ideals, 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:29.360 but a lot of times it's not our voice. So 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:36.079 after the acupuncture the appointment, I just went into life 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:37.719 with this. I broke up with this ass two days 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.600 after the acupuncture appointment, by the way. 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:42.839 And an accupuncture on Friday, I'm sorry, it's not gonna work. 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:48.800 On Monday, the second at the right place, Like I 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:49.840 literally woke up it was. 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.240 I had the acupuncture on Tuesday. Wednesday was the first 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.559 day of my ludial phase. Ladies, your luteal phases when 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:58.199 your body is like at its most uh, your intuitions 0:11:58.200 --> 0:11:59.920 at its highest, so you listen to it. And I 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:01.679 remember I woke up and it was my day one 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:03.280 of my ludio face and I woke up. My body 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:05.400 said you got to break up with this man. So 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.600 I broke up with them that Thursday, and I told 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.599 myself my number one rule was a I'm going to 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:14.439 be single, but be most importantly, I need to listen 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:15.920 to me. And I didn't know what that looked like. 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.120 And it was wild because I was like, that's what 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:19.360 a baby banks came from. 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:21.080 I was just looking at my. 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.559 Yeah, I was just looking at myself one day and 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:27.920 I was like, I don't like my hair, Like, hey, bitch, 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:29.000 what do you want? And I was like, I want 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.560 a shat cut and I want baby Banks. And I 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.200 put the phone down. I was like, let me record 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:34.720 this too, because actually I might regret this and this 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.360 might be a terrible idea. So I sat the phone 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:38.920 down and I recorded it, and it was the best 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.240 idea I had. Made your own banks, I cut my 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:44.199 own hair, I made my own banks, and I said, oh, 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:45.280 this was it so like? 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:46.400 So I started. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:48.800 That's honestly how I started making. I guess this kind 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.319 of empowering content for women. But that was the thing too, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:54.640 is I didn't plan to be an inspiration to women 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:58.119 at all. I was just My goal was just I guess, 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:00.800 I don't know what being inspiration to myself. 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:02.240 Like making them, keeping your promises to yourself. 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.520 Yeah, And I was like, well, let me sink I'm 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:06.000 gonna go to Brazil for my thirtieth birthday. 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.360 And I thought about it. I'm like, which, now you 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:10.120 got to go to Brazil for your thirtieth birthday. 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.079 So then I booked the trip. I went to Brazil 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.599 for my thirtieth birthday. So you know, how did I 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:15.640 end up on your for you page? 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:15.880 Don't know. 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:17.559 I just did whatever the fuck I wanted. I guess 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.760 that is legit all it was. And then women would 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:22.719 come to me and be like, you're so inspiring r 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:24.719 da da dada'm for long time I was like, I 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:25.440 don't understand. 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:26.000 What do you mean? 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.120 Like, I'm just it's not doing anything crazy. I'm not 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:31.680 out here like feeding the hungr I'm not feeding the children, 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:31.880 you know. 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:36.280 I'm just like the women. I guess. Yeah, So that's 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:40.079 that's how that journey happened. Did your adult content journey 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.320 come before or after the breakup with that guy? Oh? 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:42.880 Way before? 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:48.479 I've I've been in sex work since I was twenty. 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:48.720 Okay, so I'm just so interested because you said you 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.760 were a previously a pick me and then you had 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.400 this awakening and then you were in like back and 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.240 that back to back relationships. But you noticed like in 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.079 relationships you became a shell of yourself, which that happens 0:13:58.080 --> 0:13:59.679 to a lot of strong women, because the men go 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.199 hard for the women that they know. We're like you, bitch, 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:06.120 I want to cage you. How did that coexist? Like 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.400 sometimes like for a pigmy, like I never do that 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.280 because da da da dad, because you want to be 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.480 picked so badly. So how like that seems like it 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:18.160 was almost like contradicting, Like was it difficult to date 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.680 men and being doing adult content and wanting to like 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:24.640 dim yourself to be in a relationship. But also it's 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.200 weird how that like can coexist? Yeah, I want to know. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.440 Well, A I talk about like I did sex work 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.480 because a out of like trauma. It's it's literally just 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:36.120 what I thought I could do. I knew I was 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:38.440 good at fucking. I'll tell you that, like a llegit 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:41.360 when I started porn because twenty was stripper years, twenty 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:45.160 twenty twenty two was stripper years. Took a break, became 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.480 a mom, and then went, I did like sugaring, you 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.240 know stuff like that, like the undercover sex work or whatever. 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.360 Sugaring undercover sex work. Sugaring is like sugar babying, right yeah, 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:57.560 oh I thought sugar I thought sugaring like esthetician. Oh no, 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:01.880 I was like, I was just such. And then guys, 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:05.120 I remember what are we doing right right out? 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:11.520 No? Yea, no, sugar baby and sugar baby. So I've 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:14.440 done like kind of like all forms. And then I 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:16.120 was at my I had just gotten out of this 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.760 like terrible relationship. And then I was at my lowest 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.000 and I needed to pay rent in four days. That 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.360 was kind of how that happened. And I said, this 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:25.960 is the last thing I can do. Was you know 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:27.600 how like some men go into the military. It was 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:28.440 like the last option. 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:35.320 Now, no men men sell drugs. Women's saw that's they 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:36.880 were selling drugs. Is like, you gotta know where to 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:40.520 get the drugs, and you could just go there. I 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:42.360 don't know how to become a drug dealer tomorrow. I 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.440 really you don't watch movies, You get front from your friend, 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:49.200 you go to the locals, get frighted something. I'm just kidding. 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.320 I'm learning something for sure. 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.720 So, and then and then I joined joined porn, and 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:56.520 then and then. 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:58.680 I dried. 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.080 But no, honestly, like so, the sex work thing was 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:05.120 just because a the ease of money, and I didn't 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.640 have a good I wasn't showing a good work ethic 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.000 growing up, and you know, I really just thought the 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:12.600 pussy was the only thing I had to offer. I 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:13.920 didn't think I was that funny. I think it was 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:15.560 that cute can be a model. I don't think any 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.120 of these things, you know. So I just like did 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:21.960 what was easy. But dating men on top of that, yeah, yeah, 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.200 that's always been hard, one hundred percent like it because 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:27.120 it was the men that like, I can save her captain, 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.120 save a hole tight motherfuckers, like the nice guys. Oh 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:33.760 I would date like nice men, but these nice men 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.239 were just undercover China. 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.880 You know, So would you hide your career from them? 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.120 I'd be open, you know, I do this and maybe 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:44.600 okay with the pigmy and the pigmy energy and the 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:48.600 sex work energy. Actually is interesting because I was thinking, 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.680 as you're talking, I'm like, well, it kind of makes sense. 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:54.600 It's like you you were trying to protect your image 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:58.520 around Yeah, I do sex work, but still I believe 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:02.480 in X y Z, which different, which is which, but 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.080 I'm a different yeah, which leans more into like, yeah, 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.880 like amasing whatever. Yeah, the man was like, when I. 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:09.600 Was important, I didn't have poorn girlfriends. 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.920 I don't do that. Yeah, those friends. I just had, 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.320 like friends who were directors makeup artists like you, which 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:16.600 I love them, you know what I mean. 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:20.480 But now I'm becoming friends more with more sex workers. 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:22.560 Even though I'm trying to leave sex work, I'm finding 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.399 myself surrounded by more sex workers, which is beautiful, you know, 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.160 and I'm like, they're amazing people. But at the time 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:29.439 when I was in it, you know, I was like, 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:32.720 I'm not one of you. Yeah, weird, right, fucking weird. 0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.960 Probably would have been way more successful if I actually 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:37.160 had some day friends in the industry. 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:42.399 But yes, it was Yeah, it was like or or 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.240 my favorite one was, Oh, you don't have to watch porn. 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.760 You got a porn you got a porn girl right here, you. 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:50.440 Know what I mean, Like, oh, okay, you got the porn. 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:55.080 Start home, I'm gonna make dinner and then we're gonna 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:58.679 watch me. Yeah, or I'm just yeah, so because of that, 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.119 like I'm just curious, like you're reallyationship with sex like 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.840 and like and how much you actually enjoy it and 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.520 how much of it feels performative for you. 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:09.280 So funny enough, I feel like I'm in a very 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:14.640 reserved moment now of my life. But let's see when 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:16.640 I was just because I always I had a boyfriend, right, 0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:20.199 like I've always I was a cerium monogamist. But when 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.320 I was single for those little three months three to 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:25.040 six months, maybe that i'd be single, I'd be fucking. 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:29.560 But when I got into porn, that is where my 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.080 relationship with sex. 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:34.200