1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,400
Speaker 1: Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before

2
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,680
Speaker 1: we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that

3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,399
Speaker 1: the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those

4
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,200
Speaker 1: of the hosts and guests and are intended for educational

5
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,960
Speaker 1: and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is

6
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,280
Speaker 1: off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can

7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,560
Speaker 1: be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

8
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,240
Speaker 1: celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,

9
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 1: providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will

10
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,640
Speaker 1: be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a

11
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,919
Speaker 1: reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do

12
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:48,720
Speaker 1: enjoy the show.

13
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:54,480
Speaker 2: Hey, professional home Girls, I love y'all for real. Okay,

14
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,400
Speaker 2: dishagarra Ebine here and we are back with one of

15
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:02,680
Speaker 2: my favorite episode. And also I know y'all can hear it,

16
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,160
Speaker 2: So before we continue, your girl is sick again. Okay,

17
00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,160
Speaker 2: I swear I have never been this sick in my

18
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,399
Speaker 2: entire life as much as I've been this year. So

19
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,759
Speaker 2: if y'all got any remedies or anything that your grandma

20
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,400
Speaker 2: used to give, y'all, please email me at Hello at

21
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,240
Speaker 2: thepsgpodcast dot com because listen, it is something going around

22
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,040
Speaker 2: New York City and my immune system. She is fighting.

23
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,280
Speaker 2: The baby girl is. She's a little worn out because

24
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:32,200
Speaker 2: I have been sick almost every other month. Child But AnyWho,

25
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,959
Speaker 2: the pictures in the Turkey Drive is finally up on

26
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,280
Speaker 2: the site, and y'all, the Turkey Drive was such a success.

27
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,160
Speaker 2: We were able to give out one hundred turkeys within

28
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,840
Speaker 2: an hour to everyone who emailed me and came around

29
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,520
Speaker 2: two three hours later. I am so sorry, but next year,

30
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,480
Speaker 2: y'all have to come early. People were already lining up

31
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,160
Speaker 2: and you know, it really made me proud. I was

32
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,720
Speaker 2: super happy. So to everyone who's supported, thank you so

33
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 2: much for supporting your girl. And also if you want

34
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,160
Speaker 2: to see the pictures, just click the link in the

35
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:06,080
Speaker 2: show notes below. Now, as you all know, December first

36
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,720
Speaker 2: is World Aid's Day, a day to honor those living

37
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,720
Speaker 2: with and affected by HIV, remembering those who we lost,

38
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,720
Speaker 2: and recommitting to ending HIV as a health threat. I

39
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,840
Speaker 2: also want to share the story to honor my Grama Rose,

40
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 2: whom I never met, but who passed away from AIDS herself. Recently,

41
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,080
Speaker 2: I've been reconnecting with my father's side of the family.

42
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,000
Speaker 2: And if you're new here, I should mention that I

43
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:35,360
Speaker 2: never physically met my father, but when I started talking

44
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,200
Speaker 2: to him and his family, they always told me how

45
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,959
Speaker 2: much I resemble my Grandma Rose and I want lie.

46
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 2: Sometimes I post pictures of her on my social media

47
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 2: page and people are always like, girl, where are you going,

48
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,360
Speaker 2: not even realizing like, girl, that ain't me. That's hr.

49
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:54,160
Speaker 2: But with all that being said, this episode is one

50
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,800
Speaker 2: of my very first episodes from back in twenty nineteen.

51
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,360
Speaker 2: I remember my guests being so nervous, and to be honest,

52
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,080
Speaker 2: I was nervous my damn self because I just knew

53
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,560
Speaker 2: I wanted to have these important conversations. But I also

54
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,400
Speaker 2: want my guests to trust me. But then I realized

55
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 2: in order for my guests to trust me, I had

56
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,480
Speaker 2: to trust myself and my ability to handle this. So

57
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,960
Speaker 2: I really do hope y'all enjoyed this conversation. And sometimes

58
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,360
Speaker 2: it's so funny, y'all. I listened back to my old

59
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:24,160
Speaker 2: episodes before, like in twenty nineteen when I first got started,

60
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:28,800
Speaker 2: and man talk about growth, y'all, I was saying, oh uh, Like,

61
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,040
Speaker 2: it's just so funny when you really stay at something

62
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 2: and you just keep going at it like you will

63
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,080
Speaker 2: get better. So like I don't know who that's for,

64
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,240
Speaker 2: but like just see it through, like it will get

65
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,880
Speaker 2: better over time and your desires will come true. So

66
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,320
Speaker 2: see what you're doing through and don't stop.

67
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:47,560
Speaker 3: Child.

68
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 2: I got passed that but they out here, child, But no,

69
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,200
Speaker 2: all jokes aside. I really hope you enjoyed this conversation

70
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,080
Speaker 2: and I also hope that it encourages you all to

71
00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,720
Speaker 2: know your status. Okay, that is very important. Please get

72
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,440
Speaker 2: ready to listen to this episode because I'm HIV positive. Stars. Now,

73
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,440
Speaker 2: what were your rooms on sex before you found out

74
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,119
Speaker 2: your results?

75
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,000
Speaker 4: My view of sex? Okay, So I was in this

76
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:20,200
Speaker 4: really voluntiy relationship from the age of like around thirteen

77
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,480
Speaker 4: to eighteen. You were young and very young, yeah, and

78
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,760
Speaker 4: that had a lot to do with my development as well.

79
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 4: So I had already lost my virginity by that age already, yes,

80
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,960
Speaker 4: at thirteen, and that was a voluntary time. Previous to that,

81
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,000
Speaker 4: I had been molested. I didn't put the term molestation

82
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,400
Speaker 4: on it until I've been older, but it was my

83
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:49,400
Speaker 4: lestation by two different women in my life. So those

84
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,479
Speaker 4: were you know, times that I did not agree for

85
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,200
Speaker 4: those sexual gs to be committed against me. So by

86
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,760
Speaker 4: the time I gat this relationship, that was five years.

87
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 4: But that was my whole teenage teenage times. So by

88
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,120
Speaker 4: the time I got out of that, I didn't know

89
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,719
Speaker 4: what to do. I didn't have any friends and I

90
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,479
Speaker 4: was very hurt.

91
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,000
Speaker 2: So and you didn't have anybody else that you can

92
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:12,480
Speaker 2: confine in.

93
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:18,279
Speaker 4: No, I wasn't confided in anyone, you know, not that

94
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,320
Speaker 4: I didn't have options, but you know, at that age,

95
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,599
Speaker 4: you feel like you know what you're doing.

96
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:23,880
Speaker 2: It was a lot too.

97
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:32,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I started, you know, I led a promiscuous

98
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,440
Speaker 4: like for about a year if it were that long,

99
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,440
Speaker 4: and I felt like the you know, the guys they

100
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,520
Speaker 4: accepted me because they were willing to have sex with me,

101
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,760
Speaker 4: So they must have meant that they loved me because

102
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,720
Speaker 4: they were willing to do these things, the things that

103
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:51,280
Speaker 4: I didn't accept about myself, they accepted it with their penis.

104
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,799
Speaker 3: So sex was good.

105
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,480
Speaker 2: Right, So tell us to day you found out you

106
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,880
Speaker 2: was buying knows with HIV.

107
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:02,799
Speaker 4: Girl.

108
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 3: Okay.

109
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,960
Speaker 2: So I mean I read it and I was like, wow,

110
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,000
Speaker 2: like but go ahead, go.

111
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,800
Speaker 3: Ahead, Okay.

112
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,880
Speaker 4: So this was in June of two thousand and eight

113
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:21,159
Speaker 4: and twenty years old. I had just turned twenty that February,

114
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,960
Speaker 4: so I had already made up in my mind that

115
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,200
Speaker 4: I was going to lead this better life, like I

116
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,600
Speaker 4: wasn't going to want to die anymore. I wasn't going

117
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,040
Speaker 4: to try to kill myself anymore. I was just going

118
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:33,599
Speaker 4: to walk.

119
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:34,360
Speaker 3: This narrow path.

120
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:39,440
Speaker 4: So the thing was always that what was preached to

121
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,320
Speaker 4: me was don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant. So cool,

122
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 4: don't get pregnant. I went to the clinic. I went

123
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,919
Speaker 4: to go get birth control, and this was on a Friday.

124
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,320
Speaker 4: They offered an HIV test as well as the other test.

125
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,520
Speaker 4: I said, sure, that's not a problem like HIV. That's

126
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,440
Speaker 4: the test that always comes to anugkett up.

127
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:00,559
Speaker 3: So cool.

128
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,279
Speaker 4: So I still lived my life up until that next Wednesday.

129
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,920
Speaker 4: They called me back from there town.

130
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,320
Speaker 2: On Friday to Wednesday.

131
00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,880
Speaker 4: Yes I didn't, but I wasn't worried about that because

132
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,200
Speaker 4: they's to test it and the other stuff you could

133
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:14,920
Speaker 4: get rid of.

134
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,080
Speaker 3: That ain't nothing.

135
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,720
Speaker 4: So that Wednesday they called me and I was at

136
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,600
Speaker 4: home with my mom and I said mine. They called

137
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,240
Speaker 4: me back from the clinic and we kind of like

138
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,360
Speaker 4: blew it off. Maybe it was, you know, one of

139
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 4: those other stvs, or maybe it was just a bacteria infection.

140
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 3: Who knows why they're calling back.

141
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 4: So I go and I get to the clinic and

142
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,280
Speaker 4: they called me into a room in the back of

143
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:46,640
Speaker 4: the building and the nurse walks in first, and I

144
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,120
Speaker 4: go in and I attempt to close the door, but

145
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,680
Speaker 4: then there's this older white man there too, So then

146
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,000
Speaker 4: it starts getting really creepy, like what is going Why

147
00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,240
Speaker 4: am I here there? Yeah, so come to find now

148
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 4: he's from like the Georgia Northeast Health Department something like that.

149
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:09,880
Speaker 4: And it's still beenn't dawn on me. So the lady

150
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,240
Speaker 4: starts like flipping through my charts or whatever and was like, well,

151
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 4: you were worried about you know, you're gonna rhea or

152
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,400
Speaker 4: whatever test it was. She said, well, that came back negative,

153
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,720
Speaker 4: but your HIV came back positive.

154
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,000
Speaker 3: Wow, what.

155
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:26,920
Speaker 2: Me?

156
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:27,720
Speaker 3: HIV?

157
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,480
Speaker 4: But that was in a very small city, a city

158
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:38,079
Speaker 4: that was not prepared to treat nor diagnose a elements

159
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,920
Speaker 4: such as HIV. Sometimes I get a little confused at

160
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,200
Speaker 4: what to call it. Like, I definitely know it's a virus,

161
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,280
Speaker 4: but a disease. I don't know this thing that I'm

162
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,640
Speaker 4: living with. They were not prepared to deal with it.

163
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,640
Speaker 4: I had to wait a month.

164
00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,920
Speaker 2: Before you know, then, was it really like of course,

165
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,000
Speaker 2: like most of us, like I thought that it was

166
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,560
Speaker 2: only like a homosexual disease. That's what they taught us,

167
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,480
Speaker 2: That's what they hid everything. So a lot of times

168
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,120
Speaker 2: when people were diagnosed they were heterosexual, they just did.

169
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,720
Speaker 2: They couldn't like wrap their mind around it. And I

170
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,560
Speaker 2: feel like back then, because I'm from the South too,

171
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,120
Speaker 2: a lot of people wasn't really talking about it.

172
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,080
Speaker 4: Oh no, we definitely wouldn't, you know, like the the

173
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,520
Speaker 4: jokes would come out, because you know, the health department

174
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,120
Speaker 4: puts out a map every now and then with a

175
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,600
Speaker 4: little red dots of incidents, so that would be a joke.

176
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:35,160
Speaker 4: But that still never hit home. And at that time,

177
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,960
Speaker 4: my perception of who was affected by HIV would have been,

178
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,920
Speaker 4: you know, the homosexual population or those kids in Africa,

179
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,920
Speaker 4: you know, because they were playing commercials around the time

180
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,360
Speaker 4: where the kids had like the big bellies and the

181
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,160
Speaker 4: flies flying around them and both of their parents just

182
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,199
Speaker 4: died from AIDS. Like so I was able to totally

183
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,800
Speaker 4: disconnect myself from it. I was never a risk at

184
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,120
Speaker 4: our at risk because I didn't live in Africa and

185
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:08,760
Speaker 4: I wasn't gay, you know, so my perception definitely changed

186
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 4: once I became diagnosed. Then it became real. But then

187
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,840
Speaker 4: I needed to start looking for other people that looked

188
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,840
Speaker 4: like me, because if I could get it, I knew

189
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,080
Speaker 4: that other people had.

190
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 3: To have it.

191
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:19,199
Speaker 5: Right.

192
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, so when you found out, Like, what were your

193
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,840
Speaker 2: thoughts like? Because I can't I can't imagine how you felt, like,

194
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,960
Speaker 2: I mean, by reading your blog stuff, I was just

195
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 2: like Jesus, like yeah, Like I like, what what were

196
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:36,400
Speaker 2: you going through?

197
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,880
Speaker 3: I cried? I cried, I cried.

198
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 4: I cried all the way from the health department back

199
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,000
Speaker 4: to my mama's room, which is when I then told her.

200
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,079
Speaker 4: I walked in. She was like, what was it? I said,

201
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,719
Speaker 4: Mama got it. She was like, you got what I

202
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,600
Speaker 4: said HIV. She sat up off of her bed and

203
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,960
Speaker 4: was like no, no, no, And we cried with each

204
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:03,679
Speaker 4: other for three days straight. Three days wow. And then

205
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,640
Speaker 4: after the third day she put on a gospel song.

206
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:12,400
Speaker 4: It is Yolanda Adams live in Washington. The bettle is

207
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:16,120
Speaker 4: not yours, it's the Lord's that song right there. I

208
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,360
Speaker 4: can remember that being a pivot in how I view

209
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 4: this situation, how I was going to live the rest

210
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,400
Speaker 4: of my life, like it just is what it is,

211
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,560
Speaker 4: what I'm I going to do. I was positive probably

212
00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,200
Speaker 4: a month ago, and I was able to smile a

213
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:36,440
Speaker 4: month ago. For the difference today, like because I know, okay,

214
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,480
Speaker 4: so since I know, what can I do about this

215
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,880
Speaker 4: to you know, cope to help other people to live

216
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,079
Speaker 4: because I'm not about to let this thing take me out?

217
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 2: No, right, do you know who gave it to you?

218
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,280
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure, Like that's such a big way to

219
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,120
Speaker 4: put on someone. But as I said, I was a

220
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,640
Speaker 4: little promiscuous. But I was always in the doctors, Like

221
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,679
Speaker 4: matter of fact, before I got diagnosed, I was experiencing

222
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,560
Speaker 4: some some issues, Like I had been in a doctor

223
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,640
Speaker 4: because of my swollen lyph notes on the side of

224
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,560
Speaker 4: my neck. I was given the explanation that my left

225
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,720
Speaker 4: notes were swollen because I had put a perm in

226
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,800
Speaker 4: my hair and somehow the perms seek down into my

227
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,680
Speaker 4: scalp and into my neck and that's what.

228
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:24,319
Speaker 2: Oh wow, you know they always said that perms and

229
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,679
Speaker 2: stuff is not good for you, Yes, good for yourself.

230
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:27,600
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

231
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,600
Speaker 4: Yes, so I sense I have locks now, so I

232
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,559
Speaker 4: stopped that. But that definitely wasn't the explanation for while

233
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,560
Speaker 4: my left notes were swollen at that time.

234
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,600
Speaker 3: What other experiences that I have?

235
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:48,959
Speaker 4: I did you ahead they tested my white blood cells

236
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,920
Speaker 4: that count was low it sometime, but I never got

237
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,360
Speaker 4: an explanation, and nor did I ever get offered an

238
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,880
Speaker 4: HIV test. Wow, so it could have been a few

239
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,880
Speaker 4: months that I had the virus.

240
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,080
Speaker 2: And do you think that pay just honestly didn't know

241
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:08,520
Speaker 2: why you were getting these tests or because it wasn't

242
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,960
Speaker 2: a big deal back in the day.

243
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.

244
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 4: I just something in me and I don't have this

245
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,240
Speaker 4: like back by research, but something in me just tells

246
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,920
Speaker 4: me that they don't offer us tests, like unless you're

247
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,079
Speaker 4: explicitly going in there requesting an HIV test, that can

248
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,440
Speaker 4: be something that's often you know, looked over, and me

249
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,440
Speaker 4: being a university student at the time, and you know,

250
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:37,559
Speaker 4: just probably that stigma around or the concept of who

251
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,720
Speaker 4: I should have been. I wasn't a risk at risk

252
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 4: for contracting HIV, so I don't think an HIV test

253
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,600
Speaker 4: will ever cross their.

254
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,920
Speaker 2: Mind, right, Wow, did you ever want to call a

255
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:50,920
Speaker 2: person who you think it was?

256
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,880
Speaker 4: Uh, yeah, I did, but then I ended up seeing

257
00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:01,640
Speaker 4: him in Oh he did not see me, but I

258
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,160
Speaker 4: saw him. And as I said, it's such a big

259
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,840
Speaker 4: weight to put on someone. But I started like putting

260
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,520
Speaker 4: things together. It was just so eerie.

261
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,880
Speaker 2: One time, Yeah, I'm gonna say, why do you think

262
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,400
Speaker 2: it was him?

263
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 4: One time we walked into his house and his cousin

264
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,800
Speaker 4: was like, hmmm, this is interesting, and I was like, yo,

265
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,280
Speaker 4: And now, looking back, you know, of course I live

266
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,680
Speaker 4: in this paranoia when I'm talking about that space, like

267
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 4: maybe she could have been referring.

268
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 2: To that, but it was a woman who said that.

269
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,080
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, a woman cousin.

270
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:41,120
Speaker 4: Damn yeah. And I always wonder what she meant by that.

271
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,280
Speaker 2: And I get frustrated with stuff like that because as

272
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,840
Speaker 2: a woman, like I mean, I know it can go

273
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,240
Speaker 2: both ways. Let's like, girl, you're a woman, like you're

274
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,120
Speaker 2: one of me, Like hold it down, like let me

275
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,280
Speaker 2: know what's going on, like.

276
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,400
Speaker 3: Say something, yeah, why did you.

277
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 2: Because that could have instantly changed a lot, you know.

278
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,600
Speaker 4: But then maybe this is my paths I'm supposed to

279
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,400
Speaker 4: walk down, right, So we go into I always think

280
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 4: of the movie The butterfly effects. So if you change

281
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,000
Speaker 4: one thing, then it changes everything that comes after it.

282
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,400
Speaker 4: And no, I would never like wish HIV on my

283
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 4: worst enemy. But this is what has been put on

284
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,400
Speaker 4: my plate, and I'm dealing with it, and I hope

285
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:27,360
Speaker 4: to inspire other people along the way.

286
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,760
Speaker 2: So tell us about the medication, because I know, like

287
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,800
Speaker 2: when I was in my research, I mean, there's like

288
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,320
Speaker 2: a lot of pills that person would have to.

289
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 4: Take right no extrallly from my diagnosis in two thousand

290
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:47,360
Speaker 4: and eight, they didn't even put me on medication. Immediately

291
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,120
Speaker 4: I hear that they're doing things differently.

292
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,960
Speaker 3: Now, oh wow, we waited a while.

293
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 4: Like my numbers, my blood got drawn to see how

294
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 4: much virus was in my blood and how many of

295
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 4: those T cells, which are the good cells we need,

296
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 4: how many I had, And after it reached a certain level,

297
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 4: that's when medication was introduced. So I'll say maybe a

298
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:11,880
Speaker 4: year it took before I got on medication, and I started.

299
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 2: With them that year you was on no medication, no.

300
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:18,160
Speaker 4: Meds, And that may be a large exaggeration, but I

301
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 4: know that within that first year I was not taking anything.

302
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,320
Speaker 4: Then I got onto a regimen that was one pill

303
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,520
Speaker 4: and a cup of a liquid, you know, like one

304
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 4: of those medicine cups. I did that twice a day.

305
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:38,960
Speaker 4: That regiment made me so sick. That would keep me

306
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 4: in the bathroom. It had me feeling really bad and queasy,

307
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 4: and I hate it taking it. I would take the

308
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 4: medicine at night and I would be able to taste

309
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,640
Speaker 4: it in the morning still when I woke up.

310
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,160
Speaker 2: Yah, you know what's so crazy? I read because I

311
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 2: love to read, right, So I read Magic Johnson's wife's book,

312
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 2: Cookie Johnson Believe in the Magic Yo. Such a great book.

313
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 2: He talks about when he got dia and thosed with HIV,

314
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 2: and you know, back then they didn't have anything, so

315
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 2: all these doctors and people were trying to come up

316
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 2: these mults and stuff. And she said the same thing,

317
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,960
Speaker 2: like in the beginning, I don't think he has to

318
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 2: take medicine. But then when he had to, it made

319
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,200
Speaker 2: him so weak and made him nauseous. He was doing

320
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 2: up all like he could keep nothing down.

321
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:24,800
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, And it was one day I remember specifically,

322
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 4: I had my son, he was about two, and I

323
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,159
Speaker 4: couldn't make it. I was we were trying to travel

324
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 4: somewhere and I had to stop at one face food

325
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,440
Speaker 4: restaurant to use the bathroom, and within the next five

326
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,959
Speaker 4: minutes I was having to stop again. So now with

327
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,560
Speaker 4: this two year old in a public restroom trying to

328
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 4: use it, it was the most disgusting experience ever. So

329
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,639
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not taking this nowhere, I'm not

330
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:50,160
Speaker 4: doing this. So I took myself off of medication, which

331
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 4: is probably it's probably one of the most disastrous things

332
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:54,639
Speaker 4: you could do.

333
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,120
Speaker 2: How was your cause I know you have a son.

334
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,000
Speaker 2: How was your pregnancy? Yeah, I read what you said.

335
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 2: It was awesome. You had like an amazing doctor. Were

336
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,440
Speaker 2: you nervous at any point.

337
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 4: Of course, of course, like just being a pregnant period

338
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,720
Speaker 4: like minus HIV that is stressful, or it can be

339
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,719
Speaker 4: because all of these changes are happening. But then with

340
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,640
Speaker 4: the edit factor of HIV. So now at the age

341
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,879
Speaker 4: of I believe I was like twenty two, y'all calling

342
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 4: me a high risk pregnancy, Like why I'm a high

343
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:31,199
Speaker 4: risk pregnancy And I was being watched very closely and

344
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,800
Speaker 4: I had to take you know, they made sure my

345
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 4: numbers were okay because undetectable that means that there is

346
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 4: no virus that is like in your blood.

347
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 2: So, oh, you was really going through a lot in

348
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 2: your early twentieschool.

349
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, y'all can't even know the half of it.

350
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 2: You don't know.

351
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was marvery at this time, as I'm pregnant

352
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,160
Speaker 4: and everything. We're going through a minor separation which turned

353
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 4: into a major separation. So I gave birth, did a

354
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,800
Speaker 4: child without my husband by my side? Like, yeah, I

355
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:04,639
Speaker 4: was really.

356
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 3: Going through it.

357
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,680
Speaker 2: And you was married and you also gave birth you

358
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 2: was pregnant. Did he know that you had HIV?

359
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 3: Yes?

360
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,879
Speaker 4: He was the first guy outside of HIV. Wow, And

361
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,720
Speaker 4: he accepted me. So I thought that that immediately meant love,

362
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 4: Like you gonna love me with HIV? You must really

363
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:29,200
Speaker 4: mean this right? And then it didn't turn out that way? Wow?

364
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,399
Speaker 2: Like how did you? How were you able to like

365
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 2: just keep it going to like from your childhood years

366
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,120
Speaker 2: to react age of twenty two.

367
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 3: That's a lot, girl, what you're going to do?

368
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 4: Like just yet me over and di Like I always

369
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 4: have this concept that this mantra of I can't give

370
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 4: God conditions on how I want to live this life,

371
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 4: Like I can't be like God. The only way I

372
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 4: want to be here is if I have a house

373
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 4: with the white picket fence and you know this perfect family,

374
00:19:59,320 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 4: I can't do.

375
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 3: So it is what it is.

376
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,159
Speaker 4: And I've realized that everyone has different, you know, things

377
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 4: on their plate, and we all have this strength and

378
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 4: tenacity within us. Because I could look at your story

379
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 4: and probably be like, WHOA, how did you make it

380
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 4: through that? While you looking at me like WHOA how

381
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 4: you made it through that? And to me it ain't nothing.

382
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, so are you on medication now?

383
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 3: Yes?

384
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 4: I am one pill one today. It's awesome. I have

385
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 4: no side of facts. It is awesome. And that's crazy

386
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 4: that that's just within the last eleven years, this year's

387
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 4: eleventh year, so that they've been able to develop the

388
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,400
Speaker 4: medicine to this extent, Like, I'm so grateful.

389
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 2: Right, you think they ever find a cure for it?

390
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 4: Yes, I really do, I really do. We probably aren't

391
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 4: even that far outside of a cure. If you can

392
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 4: get me to the point of being undetectable where I

393
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 4: am not a risk to my child as he comes

394
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 4: out of my vaginal canal, and then I'm not a

395
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:13,160
Speaker 4: risk to my partner, I feel like a cure has.

396
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 3: To be close.

397
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:19,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I know one of my gay homeboys, right,

398
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:25,920
Speaker 2: he was telling me that he was, so I guess

399
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 2: like him and when he hook up with guys, he

400
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 2: doesn't use condoms, right, So he was telling me that

401
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 2: he takes this like this, these pills or something, and

402
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 2: he's pretty much if the person has HIV or I

403
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 2: have any other type of disease, it goes undetectable.

404
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 4: Okay, So what I can The only thing I can

405
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 4: think of that he's referring to is a pill called

406
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,919
Speaker 4: PREP Wow, and PREP is actually it's a pill. I

407
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 4: think the name of it is true Vida. That is

408
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,719
Speaker 4: the drug that you're taking. True Vida is one of

409
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 4: my first HIV pills. When I had to take the

410
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 4: pill in the liquid, that was the pill that I

411
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 4: was taking. So they realized that if the person an

412
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 4: HIV negative person does take this medication sort of as prevention,

413
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 4: not sort of, but as prevention, that if you are

414
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 4: even exposed to the virus, that is able to like

415
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,159
Speaker 4: kind of kill the virus off before it has a

416
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 4: chance to wreak havoc in your body. So it's like,

417
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 4: I don't want to call it a plan vic B,

418
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 4: but it's something along the line it's just protecting you

419
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 4: and it's just HIV. I haven't heard that it protects

420
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 4: you against any other thing.

421
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's what he was talking about. Are

422
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 2: these pills expensive?

423
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 3: Yes?

424
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 4: Without insurance that my medicine is like over three thousand

425
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 4: dollars a month? What yea month?

426
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 2: And does mostly all insurance cover that?

427
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 4: Mostly? From my experience, I have, thank God, like I

428
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 4: have not been in a situation where I was not

429
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:14,239
Speaker 4: able to get my medication. So that was whether I

430
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:18,439
Speaker 4: was being covered by Medicaid insurance or employer insurance. And

431
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 4: then I know that some states it varies, but they

432
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 4: offer programs like out of Ryan White Funds where you

433
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 4: are able to still receive medicine if you don't hit

434
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 4: the insurance or the money.

435
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 3: To do a month a girl.

436
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's crazy. That's somebody's salary.

437
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, yes.

438
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 2: Yes, because it's like they really make it hard for

439
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 2: people to take better care of themselves.

440
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 3: Yes, that's three thousand.

441
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 2: That's stressful.

442
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 3: And that's just the medication.

443
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,879
Speaker 4: You're not counting the doctor's visits, the lab work. I believe,

444
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 4: like the lab work that I do probably three times

445
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 4: a year, it's about four hundred dollars a piece just

446
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 4: for the land work. Then you're not talking like the

447
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 4: visits in between where I'm going to go check in

448
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 4: with my doctor, the time that I'm missing out from

449
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 4: work because i have to go do these things.

450
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 3: Wow, it just changes your.

451
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 4: Life completely ways that you would never even think of.

452
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 2: Right, So, how have people treated you? Definitely when they

453
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 2: found out that you was HIV positive? Let's start with

454
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 2: your family and friends because we can. I broke it

455
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 2: down to like different parts after reading everything with your

456
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 2: blog and adult and if you want to read her blog,

457
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 2: you can email me at Hello at the Professional Homegirl

458
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 2: because I really do want to share her blog, but

459
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 2: since all of my guests are anonymous, but I would

460
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 2: definitely share her blog with you guys because it was

461
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 2: really good. Like I was up one night girl just

462
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 2: read and not stop oh like because I was just

463
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 2: like wow, like, and I mean you, So we've all

464
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: been through a lot of stuff. But I think that

465
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 2: when you look at somebody else and you see that

466
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: they've been through like mad shit and they're constantly going,

467
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 2: you're just like, yo, how did I give up?

468
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 3: Yeah?

469
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: But how have your family friends treat you differently?

470
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 3: Okay, So my family.

471
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 4: My family has been so supportive from the very beginning,

472
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 4: from the like, I believe that that's where my strength

473
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 4: comes from. Period, it's from my family. If no one

474
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 4: else in the world accepts me, my family accepts me.

475
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 4: They love me, they tolerate me. Like HIV ain't a

476
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 4: thing with friends. I want to say that some relationships

477
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 4: with some of my friends have been affected after my

478
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 4: HIV diagnosis. It would never be that that was the reason,

479
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 4: but there's definitely the nature of the relationship changed after

480
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 4: the diagnosis.

481
00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 3: But it is what it is. Fuck you real talk.

482
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,239
Speaker 2: And I just feel like, if you can't be at

483
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 2: me doing a son like this, and you damn sure

484
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 2: only to be with me at any other times mm hmm.

485
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 2: What about work?

486
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 3: Work?

487
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 4: That has been a struggle of mind And I don't

488
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 4: know if that is something that I just looked out

489
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 4: to be disappointed and but some jobs, like I was

490
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 4: a daycare teacher, I felt like I couldn't share with

491
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:29,360
Speaker 4: them my positive HIV status because if they did, then

492
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 4: the pearents would feel some type of way and they

493
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 4: wouldn't want me around their kids. Or I tried to

494
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 4: go teach English in a country outside of America, and

495
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,879
Speaker 4: one of the questions on the application was do you

496
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 4: have any communicable diseases? And once I disclosed it, then

497
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 4: I just gave up on an opportunity period because the

498
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 4: country did not allow people with HIV positive status to

499
00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 4: come down. One job I was working at, like, the

500
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: lady went and let me serve my own pizza one day.

501
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 4: She jumped in the middle of it because I guess

502
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 4: she was afraid of my hands being in the pizza box.

503
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 3: Oh wow, Yeah, it was crazy.

504
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,479
Speaker 2: Because I know I was. I read that you was.

505
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 2: I think it was a guy that was handicapped. Yes,

506
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 2: oh he was paralyzed.

507
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And I disclosed to one of my coworkers.

508
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 4: She came to relieve me on like a Monday morning,

509
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 4: and I disclosed to her. We were talking and whatever whatever,

510
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 4: and I leave and I go home, and within hours

511
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 4: I received a phone call from the HR department that

512
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 4: let me know that they had to let me go,

513
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 4: and I said, okay, and I hung up the phone.

514
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 4: But then I was like, no, wait, why. I already

515
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,360
Speaker 4: know why, but I needed them to tell me something.

516
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 4: So I called back and I'm like, can you give

517
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 4: me a reason for a why I just don't let go.

518
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 4: She was like, no, no.

519
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 3: We can't.

520
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 4: And for it to be at well to work state

521
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 4: like they can just do that, they can let you go,

522
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 4: but how can you prove it?

523
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 2: Oh, because she never gave you a reason.

524
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it just would have been too much stress

525
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 4: and pressure on may And those are types of things

526
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,439
Speaker 4: that I try to keep away from my life because

527
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 4: stress can take those same cells that HIV is trying

528
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 4: to take, so the T cells, yes, and stress is

529
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 4: going after those as well. So if I can eliminate

530
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 4: some stress and kind of I don't know, choose my

531
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 4: battles a little differently, then that's what I ought to

532
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 4: do because I'm trying to stay alive. What.

533
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 2: So, how has working been now?

534
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 4: It's been awesome, extremely, God has just been so amazing.

535
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 4: So I've been a caretaker for my family most of

536
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 4: my life and mostly without pay. I actually moved back

537
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 4: to Philadelphia in two thousand twelve to take care of

538
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 4: my sick grandma without pay. But now I'm in a

539
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 4: position to where I can still care for them and

540
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 4: get paid to do it. So that has been amazing.

541
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 4: So now I'm not in the workforce like begging nobody

542
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 4: to accept me and to you know, love me because

543
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 4: I'm with my family and I'm doing what I've been

544
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 4: doing the whole while God is so great.

545
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 2: But do you have to tell your employer your status?

546
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 4: No, there are certain instances where I think it would

547
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 4: be required. But if I'm not putting that person at risk,

548
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 4: like I don't have to disclose. But then it gets

549
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 4: really sticky when you get to a part of the

550
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 4: application where it asks you a question that you kind

551
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 4: of feel like you would be not telling the full

552
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 4: truth if you didn't answer yes to such as do

553
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 4: you have any communicable diseases?

554
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 2: But you say no? What can something happen?

555
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 3: I don't know. I've never tried.

556
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: Just like you put that in the universe. I'm always

557
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 2: trying to find a way. What if I say no?

558
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 3: When they find out, let me know?

559
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 5: Because no, man, that was funny.

560
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 2: Okay, what about your relationship with men? How has been

561
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 2: treated you differently?

562
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 3: How have they treated me differently?

563
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 2: Because I read some of your stories and I was like, girl, okay,

564
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: let's talk about the experience when you was you was

565
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 2: at a club or a bar, enjoy yourself.

566
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 3: Yes, girl, hell, you want to talk about that, okay, because.

567
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh he got some.

568
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 3: Fucking nurse, Yes he did.

569
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 4: So you know, I'm all, you know, enjoying myself at

570
00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 4: this whole dance talk place, and god, we started making

571
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 4: eyes whatever whatever. I don't know what was said, what

572
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 4: was done. It's a whole lot in between there. But

573
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 4: I end up at his house, in his bed with

574
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 4: hardy no clothes on. Now that never told this man

575
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 4: from the beginning of the night, I'm not giving you nine,

576
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 4: I'm not giving you nothing. But now I'm in his

577
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 4: bed with hardly no clothes on. Mistake, mistake. But so

578
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 4: then I disclosed to him my virus because of course

579
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 4: I have to. I'm not going to sleep with you,

580
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 4: whether protected or unprotected, without allowing you to make that

581
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 4: informed decision. So explain to him like, look, I'm undetectable.

582
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 4: You wouldn't catch it even if we use the cond

583
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 4: on whatever whatever.

584
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 2: So because of your demandicine that you're taking, yes, yes, yes,

585
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 2: so will you always be undetectable.

586
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 4: And that's why I get checked often. So I've been

587
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 4: undetectable for years. I have not developed like any medication

588
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 4: resistance or anything. So my medication and is still working

589
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 4: for me. Now, if I came off from medicine, no,

590
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 4: that would not be the same thing.

591
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 3: I would the virus.

592
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 4: Would begin to do what it is in my body

593
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 4: to do, which is the read that have it. And

594
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 4: then I would have virus in my blood, which in

595
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 4: my fluids would would make me susceptible to passing it

596
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 4: and stuff. So the medication is such a key component

597
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 4: to this. But this dude, he wasn't here with none

598
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 4: of it. He wasn't here none of it. So now

599
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 4: he wants me to play with myself in front of

600
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 4: him so that he can just yes, exactly, you.

601
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 2: Got it, girl. This got some nerves so.

602
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 4: Yo, and I just felt so like violated in that moment.

603
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,239
Speaker 3: I felt like, oh, how dare you so?

604
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 4: This dude from this club that probably would have given

605
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 4: something that night, but you from this club and you

606
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 4: want me to do what for you? And I don't

607
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 4: even know you like that to want you to get

608
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 4: off that much?

609
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 3: Like no, bye?

610
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 4: Wow?

611
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: What have been some other situations? I know you had

612
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 2: another situation that was crazy. I think you know what

613
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 2: I'm about to say. The one with the you was

614
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 2: kind of like Daniels, guy, you wasn't really feeling him.

615
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 2: And then next thing, you know, he kind of like

616
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 2: locked you in the bathroom.

617
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 3: Because that was wild.

618
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 2: But you know what, before you tell this story, you

619
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 2: made a really good point. You said something about how

620
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 2: like when people know like certain situations about you, a

621
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 2: situation that's very that's very dear to you and very sensitive,

622
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 2: people will kind of use that against you. Because he

623
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 2: lied and said that his mother had HIV.

624
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 4: Yes, And I was like, oh, like, your mom had it,

625
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: so you kind of will understand, right.

626
00:33:59,280 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 3: That's what I thought.

627
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 4: But it didn't take me very long to put those

628
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 4: pieces together. He was a whole thought. He was a

629
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 4: whole liar. Don't think his mom ever had it? And

630
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 4: I really.

631
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 2: No go ahead because then he said his mom like

632
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 2: passed away from it or like then he have like

633
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 2: a crazy lie.

634
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 3: Oh all of it was a crazy lie. I don't

635
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 3: even know which part.

636
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 2: Us about tell us about it.

637
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 3: Okay, So met this guy.

638
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,959
Speaker 4: He was the first guy that I met since moving

639
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 4: back to the city of Philadelphia, and I was on

640
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 4: like a dating site and I had put that out immediately. Look,

641
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 4: I'm HIV positive, I'm new to the city. I'm just

642
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 4: trying to get to know friends. So he was in

643
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 4: my inbox immediately and I was like, hey, my mom,

644
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 4: she has HIV. I'm not sure if he said that

645
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,879
Speaker 4: she died from it, but she has it. And it's

646
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 4: such a beautiful woman. And I believe in black love

647
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 4: and da da da da da.

648
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 3: So like the.

649
00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 4: Conversation started, we eventually began hanging out, and it came out.

650
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 3: Over time that he was a little thrown off. He

651
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 3: had a lot of issues.

652
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 4: And I remember being in this house one night and

653
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 4: he just snapped, like he snipped. I'm in the bathroom.

654
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 4: He's holding me by my locks, in my hair, and

655
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 4: it's threatening that he should cut my hair off right

656
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 4: now because I'm not strong, like I don't deserve them.

657
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: He'll take Zion's mom from him right now, and all

658
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 4: of this, Like that night was a night that I

659
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 4: felt like I was going to die. If I've never

660
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 4: felt that way before, that was the night and this

661
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 4: instinct of just they say, you're either going to fight

662
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 4: or fight, Like I ran, he ran outside after me.

663
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 4: It was so dramatic, and that is something I never

664
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 4: forget I would Yes, I never thought I would experience that, Like,

665
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 4: especially I met you off the premise of me having HIV.

666
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 4: I thought that this was going to be like more

667
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 4: of a understanding, you know.

668
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 2: And then the next day he called you talking about

669
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:04,919
Speaker 2: something you gave it to him?

670
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 4: Oh my god, girl, I was like wait what, No,

671
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 4: I didn't you, like, right, what is you talking about?

672
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 3: Dudes like, oh you crazy crazy?

673
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 2: But do you think that when you meet people, or

674
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 2: when you meet men, do you think they honestly be

675
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 2: wanting to like get to know you or they have

676
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 2: a moral of curiacy, a curiosity of oh wow, let

677
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 2: me see. Like I don't know, because I'm very weary

678
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 2: of people, like I always feel like people always have

679
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 2: a motive, and it's just like to me, it's just

680
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 2: like like with the guy who was interested came to

681
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 2: his band, It's like, why would you have me come

682
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 2: over that night if we wasn't gonna fuck? Especially if

683
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 2: I told like, what are you trying to do?

684
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 4: Dude?

685
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 3: The intent?

686
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 4: I often struggle with it, like what is your intention

687
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 4: with me?

688
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: Like why are you here? What?

689
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 4: Or like because I'm not trying to play no games,

690
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 4: all of that. But I think that a lot of

691
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 4: us women deal with that, even outside of the scope

692
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 4: of HIV Like, I was beating myself up for a

693
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 4: long time, like, oh my god, nobody gonna want me

694
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 4: because I got this, Nobody gonna want me because I

695
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 4: got this of the baggage whatever, whatever. But then I

696
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 4: talked to some single women who are HIV negative and

697
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 4: they're dealing with the same things, like they.

698
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, but then when you positive are my experience

699
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 2: of being positive?

700
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 3: I attribute everything to.

701
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 4: HIV So, oh, he must not want me because I'm

702
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 4: HIV positive when no, really, he probably wouldn't want me

703
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 4: if I was HIV negative either.

704
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 3: Hell, I probably wouldn't want him. Need this ship.

705
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 2: Some of these niggas are crazy, Yes, ma'am. If you

706
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: were when you were HIV negative, would you date somebody

707
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 2: else HIV positive?

708
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 3: Oh no, wow?

709
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 2: No?

710
00:37:53,880 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 3: Like, And I say, honest, oh, like, that is so scared.

711
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,240
Speaker 4: That why I understand that fight for this is so strong,

712
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 4: because that is scary. When you say HIV or AIDS,

713
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 4: you give a definition like that doesn't matter because it's scary.

714
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 4: We don't know anything about it, we don't like and

715
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 4: the images that you see about it are usually like

716
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 4: really scary ones or pictures of people that you're able

717
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 4: to disconnect from immediately because they do not like you.

718
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 2: And they don't depict a lot of stories that look

719
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 2: like yours.

720
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, right, but there are so many of us

721
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: living with it. In two thousand and eight, when I

722
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 4: started advocating after my diagnosis, the fastest growing group of

723
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,760
Speaker 4: incidents that was black and Latino women between the ages

724
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 4: of sixteen and twenty four. Now we're talking about back

725
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 4: in two thousand and eight, during the time that I

726
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 4: got diagnosed. I fit into that demographic. So if we're

727
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 4: the fastest group of incidents at that time, where are

728
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: we at. I know I'm not the only one with it.

729
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 4: You probably probably know somebody else living with the virus too,

730
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 4: but they just can't open up and say anything about it.

731
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 3: Which is why I talk like I know you.

732
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 2: I'm very olious because I read that you If you

733
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 2: feel like somebody's going to be in your life for

734
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 2: at least like a day or so, you've like bow,

735
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 2: my name is so and so, so and so, and

736
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 2: I'm HIV positive.

737
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 4: It is what it is, right, it is what it is,

738
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 4: and that is what makes my story so strong. No,

739
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 4: HIV doesn't doesn't find me, No, but what it does

740
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 4: is it does. It makes me move a certain type

741
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 4: of way, like.

742
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 3: I don't know.

743
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 4: I can't even think of an instance right now where Okay, yeah,

744
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 4: I take time off from work, I disappear for a

745
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 4: little while because I'm going to the doctor, Like I

746
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 4: shouldn't have to hide debt from someone that I'm close to,

747
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 4: Like I have a doctor's visit. It ain't nothing like

748
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go get my blood drawn. I don't want

749
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 4: to live in it secrecy or oh I need to

750
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,479
Speaker 4: take my pill. I forgot to take it at home.

751
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,240
Speaker 4: I can pop it out in front of y'all, because

752
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 4: it ain't nothing like. This is my medicine.

753
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,399
Speaker 2: This is my life every day.

754
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 3: So it is what it is. Right.

755
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 2: So are you in a relationship now? Answer yes, I am.

756
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 2: I got a dang and how's it going? Like how

757
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 2: has how was it when you first told him about

758
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 2: your stats? And how did he and he's HIV negative?

759
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 3: Right, yes he is.

760
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 4: So when I first told him about my mess my virus,

761
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 4: you know, he took a little minute to process it

762
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 4: and he came back with acceptance.

763
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 3: It was fine.

764
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 4: I thought that that was going to be the moment

765
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 4: that you know, he went his way and I went mine,

766
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 4: but he accepted it. He is so supportive. He's in

767
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 4: doctor's appointments with me. He wants to talk out about

768
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 4: how his woman is HIV positive and how he's He

769
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 4: was always ready.

770
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 3: To defend me.

771
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 4: He sent me a mean yesterday that was it was

772
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 4: kind of poking fun at HIV positive people and he

773
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 4: was like all on it mad and I was like, yo, bro,

774
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:02,879
Speaker 4: calm down right. But he's there. And so what they

775
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 4: call us are several discordinant couples. So that is yes,

776
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 4: that's the when one person is positive and one is negative.

777
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 4: And that's what we're living right now. I haven't been

778
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 4: pregnant for him and everything. I lost the baby, but.

779
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I read that.

780
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we're you know, condoms ain't a thing, okay girl,

781
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 4: And he's still negative, so they just want him to

782
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 4: get tested to make sure that it stays that way.

783
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 4: I continue to take my medication so that I remain undetectable.

784
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 4: And that option of prep that pill that we talked

785
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 4: about earlier, that's still an option because he could take

786
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,720
Speaker 4: that every day just as an extra layer of protection.

787
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 2: So what are some misconceptions that you want to clear up? Like,

788
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 2: because when I was in my research and a lot

789
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,320
Speaker 2: of stuff I already knew, but since I want to

790
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 2: be prepared for this episode, and I'm people are really

791
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 2: fucking stupid.

792
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 4: They are so some misconceptions that you can just contract

793
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 4: HIV and just casual content like a hug, a touch,

794
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: even as far as it kiss, like, it takes so

795
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 4: much saliva for HIV to be transmitted that it doesn't

796
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 4: make any sense. So those ways, like, you're definitely not

797
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 4: at risk for contracting the virus. Another misconception is that

798
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 4: HIV has a certain look to it.

799
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 3: No, it is not. It does not look like anything like.

800
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 4: It's my biggest advice to treat everyone as if they're

801
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 4: HIV positive, like.

802
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:46,240
Speaker 3: Because I know people whose situations.

803
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 4: Aren't in mine, where they've been doing following all the

804
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 4: rules in a relationship and then their partner still brings

805
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 4: backtavirus to them. So you know, when you go to

806
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,479
Speaker 4: have unprotected sex with someone, you're trusting your whole life

807
00:42:58,480 --> 00:42:59,240
Speaker 4: in their hands.

808
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 3: And it's all we do.

809
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 4: Get relationships where we feel that intimate, in that deep

810
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 4: and that's fine, but just realize that your life is

811
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 4: in their hands. And my biggest misconception was because this

812
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 4: was my biggest fear, was an HIV positive woman can

813
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 4: give her to an HIV negative baby. It happens, my

814
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 4: son came out of my body naturally and he's negative.

815
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 4: We just you're watched closely, make sure that your numbers

816
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 4: are where they're supposed to be. And then they gave

817
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 4: him a medication for like the first seven weeks I

818
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 4: believe of him being alive, and that just was an

819
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 4: extra layer of protection for him as well.

820
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 2: Mmm, where that's really good. You know what's so funny

821
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 2: because I go back to this book and when she

822
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 2: was pregnant, When Cookie Johnson was pregnant with EJ. You know,

823
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 2: they didn't have tests like how they have now to

824
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 2: the tech if he was going to be if her

825
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 2: song was going to be HIV positive, and so she

826
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 2: had to wait til baby got a certain amount of

827
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 2: age or like a sudden the trimaster or whatever for

828
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 2: them to detect it. And he was AHIV negative and

829
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,400
Speaker 2: everybody was like, well, how is that possible?

830
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 3: This and that.

831
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: So it was just like, like you said, I think

832
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 2: a cure will be on the way soon because if

833
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 2: they can do all this stuff, like it gotta be

834
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 2: a cure of coming soon. What are some ways that

835
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: you worked on your self love for yourself? Like, what

836
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 2: did you do because I knew that? I mean, I

837
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 2: know we all have our own demons that we have

838
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 2: to work on, and I think that was one of

839
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 2: the things that you appreciate out your blog is like

840
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 2: self love and all your self worth?

841
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 4: What is like along the way, It's definitely everyday battle

842
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 4: or struggle or something that I'm working on, because I'll

843
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 4: go back and be like, well, thanks operating out of

844
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 4: self love when you made this decision. So it's something

845
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 4: that I'm definitely more aware of now. I did not

846
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 4: have that awareness when I was younger. I've definitely started

847
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: looking the way that like and my relationships with other people,

848
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 4: like Okay, I can do this, this, and this to

849
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 4: this person to make them feel good and to be

850
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 4: feel nice. Like am I doing those same things for myself?

851
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 4: I've accepted every single flaw about myself, like it just

852
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 4: is what it is. It is not changing, it is

853
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 4: what it is. And once you accept it and have

854
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 4: this confidence behind it, other people just accept it too,

855
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 4: because best believe that person got a flaw too that

856
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 4: they can't talk about.

857
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 3: They got one too, And who are you to judge

858
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 3: me because my flaws can't be hidden?

859
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 2: Like?

860
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 3: No, So, what is.

861
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 2: Some advice you would give to your younger self? M.

862
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 4: Love yourself. It gets better, you are awesome, like it

863
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 4: will pass.

864
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:55,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, And last and not least, what is some advice

865
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 2: you would give to someone who just found out that

866
00:45:58,560 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 2: they are HIV positive?

867
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 4: All I could just want to give them a hug

868
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:06,359
Speaker 4: first off, and to let them know that life is

869
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 4: not over. You can definitely live on to live a

870
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 4: meaningful life. This just makes you have to operate a

871
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 4: little differently. Life is not over. You are so loved

872
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 4: and you are so valuable.

873
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 2: Well, guys, I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If

874
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 2: you have any questions for my guests, please email me

875
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 2: at Hello at the professional home during dot com. I'll

876
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 2: make sure that she gets those questions. Also, if you

877
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 2: want to know what her blog is, email me. I

878
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 2: will send you the link. I'm so happy that my

879
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 2: guests took the time out to educate everyone. I mean,

880
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 2: I kind of argue you everything because I was up

881
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,280
Speaker 2: late at night reading her blog.

882
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 3: Like girl girl, I edit some more too, so I'm ready.

883
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 2: So I'm going to be reading tonight. So on that note,

884
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 2: until next time, guys later YU. The Professional Homegirl Podcast

885
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 2: is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For

886
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 2: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

887
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget

888
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,240
Speaker 2: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect

889
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 2: with me on social media at the PG podcast