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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. The last time we saw each

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Speaker 1: other was at the Wheel Turn at my show in

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles. It was so exciting to see you actually

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Speaker 1: doing your thing. Did you come to the first show

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Speaker 1: or the second show? The second show okay, good? The

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Speaker 1: second show was an A plus plus amazing. You were fantastic.

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Speaker 1: Oh that was so fun. Thank you. It was. It's

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Speaker 1: always a nerve wracking in l A because I have

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Speaker 1: so many friends and family and industry that come that

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Speaker 1: you're just like, funk funck fuck. And we did two

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Speaker 1: shows in one night, and then we went to San

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Speaker 1: Francisco the next night. I did two shows there. By

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Speaker 1: the end of that, I was like, I can't think

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Speaker 1: anymore spent. I'm sure spent, But I want to promote

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Speaker 1: my Nashville show. Oh. I just announced a whole slew

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Speaker 1: of news stand up. Yeah, and announced twenty five more

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Speaker 1: dates to the Vaccinated and Horny tour. So if you haven't,

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Speaker 1: if I haven't come to your city, check my website

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Speaker 1: Chelsea Handler dot com for new dates. And there are

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Speaker 1: tickets available for my second show in Nashville, where I

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Speaker 1: will be taping my special on June tenth at the Rheman.

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Speaker 1: So we also have merch for sale at Chelsea Hamler

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Speaker 1: dot com. We have Dear Chelsea merch and vaccinated in

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Speaker 1: a horny merch and that is all all really cute.

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Speaker 1: We're not selling flip flops. Contrary to popular belief. We

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Speaker 1: thought about it just to say fuck you, but we

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Speaker 1: did not do it. We did not pull the trigger

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Speaker 1: on that. Yes, COVID shipping delay has really made that

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Speaker 1: not possible. Yeah. One other thing I was going to

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Speaker 1: tell you about your show is that, totally randomly, my

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Speaker 1: husband accidentally bumped into a woman and then the person

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Speaker 1: she was with said, in a fun jokey way, do

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Speaker 1: you know who this is? This is Chelsea Handler's housekeeper.

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Speaker 1: And I was like my bell and gave her a

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Speaker 1: huge hug in this huge crowd of like thousands of people.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, of course, he steps on my fucking my bell.

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Speaker 1: I went to my bell. Is so funny. I went

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Speaker 1: to a pet psychic. I'm hosting Jimmy Kimmel Show the

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Speaker 1: week of June and we were doing some pre tape segments, right,

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Speaker 1: So one of them was me taking Bert and Bernie

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Speaker 1: to a pet psychic, and the pet psychic told me

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Speaker 1: that Berniee loves me more than anyone, that she's just

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Speaker 1: upset that I leave all the time, and that she

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Speaker 1: loves me the most, and that she's always playing hard

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Speaker 1: to get, which is has been my suspicion. I've always

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Speaker 1: been suspicious because Bernice is tricky and just like a girl.

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Speaker 1: Right she comes in. She'll come into my room, come

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Speaker 1: right up to my bed, sniff around, and when I

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Speaker 1: put my head down to scratch her nose or her face,

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Speaker 1: she runs out in Hall's ass like like I'm accosting her.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, bitch fucking came in here, and but I

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Speaker 1: know that that's it's her. She's insecure and she's just

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Speaker 1: trying to get my attention, and then she wants me

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Speaker 1: to come out and play with her. So the psychic

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Speaker 1: confirmed all of those beliefs for me, and I told

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Speaker 1: my Bell and ever since then, my Bell has been

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Speaker 1: treating Bernie's differently. Yeah, she's definitely. She sent me two

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Speaker 1: pictures of them at the park this weekend. Bert was

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Speaker 1: on a blanket and Bernice was in the dirt. So

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Speaker 1: is my Bell jealous? Now? Well she should? Yeah, she

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Speaker 1: she was jealous when I told her that she didn't

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Speaker 1: smile or laugh. She takes her ownership of pretty seriously.

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Speaker 1: And when I came home from filming that bit, I

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Speaker 1: said to Joe Coy, I was like, so I went

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Speaker 1: to this pet psychic and she said this, And then

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Speaker 1: Joe goes, well did she He goes, do you think

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Speaker 1: she looked you up beforehand? I'm like, Joe, it's a

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Speaker 1: pet psychic. I don't give a funk what she did. Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going there for some real information and feedback.

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Speaker 1: Even though the one piece of information I did like,

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Speaker 1: I decided to take. Yeah, keep what works for you,

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Speaker 1: get rid of what doesn't. Right. Yeah, it's very exciting

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Speaker 1: to be in New York City together. Yes, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe it. It was this weird thing where you had

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Speaker 1: today available. I was randomly going to be here in

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Speaker 1: New York and I'm heading to a plane in a

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Speaker 1: few minutes after this. But there was like a one

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Speaker 1: hour and a half window where we could come and

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Speaker 1: also our fabulous guest today could be here. I know,

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Speaker 1: we're very excited about our guests today because we've been

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Speaker 1: trying to do this but in person only. Because she's

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Speaker 1: the type of person you only want to be in

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Speaker 1: person with because she's that kind of girl, and we

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Speaker 1: made it happen here in New York today. She is

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Speaker 1: a supermodel, a body activist, an entrepreneur, global ambassador for Nicks.

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Speaker 1: She just launched a new lingerie campaign with Nixt and

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Speaker 1: it's called a Big Strong Woman campaign. And she just

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Speaker 1: joined a skincare brand where she's an investor and partner

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Speaker 1: and it's called Big One. Please welcome Ashley Graham. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for having me. Oh my god, thank you for coming,

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Speaker 1: because well we're in New York today and we wanted

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Speaker 1: to do this in person. And I know that you

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Speaker 1: have been a baby making machine for one. Seems like

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Speaker 1: she's had about eight babies in the last It's what

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Speaker 1: it feels like. And every time I look at them,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, there's more of you, and it feels like

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Speaker 1: they're just they're just they're growing and growing. Anyways, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're good. Thanks are you leaving? He's just supervirising always.

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Speaker 1: It's like, now you're like really working people that you're

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Speaker 1: sleeping with. I love it. Any other way to do things.

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Speaker 1: The guy who was just on on screen there, he's

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Speaker 1: my husband sleeping with him. Now that women, now that

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Speaker 1: women are allowed to. Is that your mom? Yes, that

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Speaker 1: is my mom. Yeah, and my sister she looks just

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Speaker 1: like you. How cute. Oh, it's a family affair today.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Did you dye your hair and you

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Speaker 1: have your eyeshadow in the same tone on purpose? I

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Speaker 1: was telling my mom used to have to tell her

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Speaker 1: not matchy matchy. It's not in anymore, like after the nineties.

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Speaker 1: It's over and you know, we were just talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm sorry, mom, matchy matchy is back in again.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I just learned to stop doing that. Like

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Speaker 1: it's called monochromatic. Now. I love a monochromatic mama. I

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Speaker 1: feel cute. Your mother must be stoked though. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: there's you know, she's like there's grandma and then there's

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Speaker 1: caretaker Grandma, and she's caretaker Grandma. So she really likes

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Speaker 1: her days off. Oh it's different. It's different like being

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Speaker 1: granny who just comes in and sees the babies and

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Speaker 1: like leaves. She's like, okay, another day for you know.

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Speaker 1: I had Isaac in and then I had my twins

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Speaker 1: the top of this year in two and it's like,

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Speaker 1: right when I stopped breastfeeding, I got pregnant with the twins.

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Speaker 1: It was just boom boom boom, my body. I've given

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Speaker 1: it up to love. That's what Justin said, You gave

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Speaker 1: your body up to love. I'm just I'm ready for

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Speaker 1: it to come back, like to see myself again. But

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Speaker 1: I look at my little angels and I said, I

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Speaker 1: did it for you. So were you planning on getting

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Speaker 1: pregnant that soon after or did you? We talked about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we said, okay, if we're going to do this again,

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Speaker 1: let's do it. And it wasn't like a hard decision

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Speaker 1: because we knew we wanted a second. But I didn't

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Speaker 1: know it's going to happen that quickly. And I did

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Speaker 1: not know it was going to be twins. If I

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Speaker 1: would have known it was going to be twins, I

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Speaker 1: probably would have waited maybe another year. I am glad

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Speaker 1: I got it over with. I always wanted three kids.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want a middle child. I didn't know how

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Speaker 1: that was going to work. But why do you say that?

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Speaker 1: Are you? I'm the oldest, and I am the boss eest,

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Speaker 1: I'm the loudest. I run the show and I have

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Speaker 1: seen how my baby sister acts and my middle sister acts,

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Speaker 1: and I just never wanted a middle child, didn't want

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Speaker 1: anyone like your middle sister. I'm a middle child. You are,

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Speaker 1: and do you feel like you're a handful um? Maybe

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Speaker 1: last than my sister who's in the other room right now.

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Speaker 1: Love you, Diana. It's hard when your family is listening

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Speaker 1: to the podcast in the next room, to be quite frank.

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Speaker 1: I love my sisters, but I have met so many

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Speaker 1: middle children, and I just that was my one request.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like God was on my side and

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Speaker 1: he said, Boom, you get twins. And there are two

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Speaker 1: hours and seven minutes apart. Two hours and seven minutes.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, that sounds like what happened in those two hours,

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Speaker 1: and literally laboring in a tinyess in New York City

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Speaker 1: bathtub because I was having my birthpool set up and

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Speaker 1: it just wasn't happening fast enough. And then boom, Roman

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Speaker 1: was like I'm coming out, mom, Oh my god. So yes,

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Speaker 1: I have been pregnant for two years, breastfeeding for freaking

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Speaker 1: two years. I'm on their four months now, I'm looking

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Speaker 1: at six months, and I'm going to check in mentally

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Speaker 1: with myself, see how I'm doing, and then either stop

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Speaker 1: or yeah, but I'm supplementing with formula, so it feels

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Speaker 1: like there's no formula shortage. So don't worry about that.

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Speaker 1: It is such a thing. But yeah, it's a tough

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Speaker 1: situation right now for all those families that need formula. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: Well tell me a little bit about what your experience

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Speaker 1: has been, because it's not just like you had one baby.

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Speaker 1: It is kind of like you had three babies and

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Speaker 1: you're done now. Because you know the statistics. If you

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Speaker 1: have three boys in a row, you automatically get a girl.

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Speaker 1: Because my mom. Yeah, well everybody keeps telling me, you

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Speaker 1: know you're gonna have a fourth if then it's going

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Speaker 1: to be a boy. Oh no, No, once you have three,

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Speaker 1: if one sex, the chances are higher that you're going

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Speaker 1: to have the opposite sex. My mom and all of

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Speaker 1: her sisters had three boys and then girls. Yeah, my

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Speaker 1: mom had three boys and three girls. Okay, so you're

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Speaker 1: telling me maybe I should try it again. Well, if

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Speaker 1: you want a girl, you know, I mean, unless you're

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Speaker 1: counting one of the kids to transition, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Right, you have to hence your bets, Like,

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Speaker 1: if you really want a girl, I think three is

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Speaker 1: a great number. For kids in a family, but four

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Speaker 1: is also a great number. I come from a big

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Speaker 1: family like you company are there there six? And you

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Speaker 1: come from like you either make what you had or

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Speaker 1: you abstained all together. You have a sister, Yes, we're

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Speaker 1: but we're two of four, so we have brothers on

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Speaker 1: either side. And my brothers are actually fourteen years apart.

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Speaker 1: Same parents, like same mom and dad were released spread apart.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, we'll like each other. So I could just

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Speaker 1: wait another ten years, maybe exactly have a caboose. How

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Speaker 1: does Justin feel? What is it? What are his thoughts about?

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Speaker 1: He got a vasectomy? Oh, well I guess that answered, Well,

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Speaker 1: then I guess you're not having another baby. You can

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Speaker 1: reverse it. The doctor who gave it to him said

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Speaker 1: he's done as many reversals as he's done actual vasectomies.

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Speaker 1: So that's like where we're standing right now. I knew

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Speaker 1: I love Justin for a reason. You know what, It

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Speaker 1: really takes a real man to get a sect to me. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I think that it's important to have that conversation in

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Speaker 1: your relationship. But he didn't have to have the conversation

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Speaker 1: with me. He just told me, I'm going to do it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want You've done enough. He said, you carried

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Speaker 1: these children, you pushed them out, and I saw what

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Speaker 1: you went through. I can get a vasectomy. I know.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even have to ask him. I wish there

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Speaker 1: were other straight men listening to this podcast to take

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Speaker 1: this advice, you know what I mean. That's a real man,

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Speaker 1: and you guys have a beautiful, beautiful relationship that anyone

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Speaker 1: who's ever met and either one of you or even

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Speaker 1: watched you on social media can glean. He's such a sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: I feel so blessed to have him as my husband's

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Speaker 1: We're about to celebrate eleven and a half years, so

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Speaker 1: I guess no, we're about to celebrate twelve years. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and three kids later. I mean, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do for that twelfth year celebration, but it's

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Speaker 1: going to be something fun. I mean, you're about to

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Speaker 1: have one year celebration was a lot different. You have

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Speaker 1: to celebrate one year. Oh, Joe will want to celebrate

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Speaker 1: one year. He's all about celebrating. Is he the romantic? Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's the romantic. And I have a hard time. Oh well, actually,

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Speaker 1: you know the first time Joe and I got together.

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Speaker 1: I went to Nashville. I was performing in Nashville and

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Speaker 1: I was staying at a friend's house and I got

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Speaker 1: there and my assistant called and she goes, walk outside,

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Speaker 1: there's a delivery for you. And I went and I

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Speaker 1: saw three dozen long stemmed roses, and I immediately my

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Speaker 1: first instinct was like cringe, like roses. Don't send me roses.

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Speaker 1: And then I thought, no, Chelsea, Chelsea, that's the old

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Speaker 1: you you've been to. This is a man who's demonstrating love.

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Speaker 1: Accept it, he loves you. I had to say it

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Speaker 1: like in my head three times, like this is a

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Speaker 1: nice thing you like, and I was like, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: I love this. And then I embraced them, and thankfully

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Speaker 1: I did, because he kept sending them over and over again.

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Speaker 1: And then we started sending them back and forth to

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Speaker 1: each other before each other's shows and performances. And then

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Speaker 1: finally I was like, hey, can we put a pin

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Speaker 1: in this? It's getting really expensive. It's like fucking dollars

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Speaker 1: every time. I'm like this is some ways like we're

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Speaker 1: not taking them with us, We leave them at the venue.

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Speaker 1: Have you figured out what that thing is in us?

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Speaker 1: Because my mom has it too, and it's like she's

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Speaker 1: she's not a romantic so and then I feel like

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Speaker 1: I picked it up from her, like I don't. I

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Speaker 1: feel like there's a part of me that wants the

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Speaker 1: romance but I don't. But I don't want to see

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Speaker 1: it overtly in my face. And I'm more like acts

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Speaker 1: of service. Right, we all know the five love languages? No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: actually what are they? Because I always forget the fifth one? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So acts of service, physical touch, time spent, gifts, and

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Speaker 1: words of affirmation, and mine is definitely acts of service

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Speaker 1: and maybe words of affirmation, like I don't need to

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Speaker 1: hear that I'm great because I know I am, but

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Speaker 1: it isn't I see it from my husband like I'm

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Speaker 1: really proud of you, or you did a great job.

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Speaker 1: We're getting a vasectomy, right, that's an act of that.

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Speaker 1: That's why I was like, Wow, you're amazing. There is

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Speaker 1: like this period after you get a vasectomy, though, you

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Speaker 1: have like sixteen ejaculations that you have to go through

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Speaker 1: before the sperm is dead. So we're literally like we

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Speaker 1: have one to show during those sixteen you can still

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Speaker 1: get pregnant, yes, And did you freeze any eggs? Just

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Speaker 1: he actually put some sperm in a in a bank.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, there you go. He's not making me do anything.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you, it's amazing. He did all the hard

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Speaker 1: he did that part. I did my part. I was

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Speaker 1: gonna say he did the hard part, but his part

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Speaker 1: was definitely not that hard at all. That's so interesting

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Speaker 1: that you get sixteen. That's what the toxic number. He said.

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Speaker 1: It's like sixteen or like three months something like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I guess it's like in three months, maybe people

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Speaker 1: have sex sixteen times. That's what I was, like, whoa,

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Speaker 1: we have three kids. That's not happening. So anyways, back

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Speaker 1: through the love languages, that's where I am so confused

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Speaker 1: at myself, Like Justin is like Joe, he's Mr Romantic.

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Speaker 1: And now what I have noticed, and my mom has

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Speaker 1: had to train herself with her boyfriend is to accept

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Speaker 1: the love right except the romance. Otherwise, we train our

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Speaker 1: partners to to not be romantic, and then we start

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Speaker 1: looking for it and we're like, wait, you're not being

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Speaker 1: romantic anymore? Why are you? Where is that? So I've

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Speaker 1: actually had to reel back my like hard shell and

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Speaker 1: and accept it and then try out to step outside

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Speaker 1: of my comfort zone and send him flowers or like,

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Speaker 1: you know, just write little cards and put them under

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Speaker 1: his pillow, you know, like things that you think of

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Speaker 1: people in their late teens do in the early teens. Whatever.

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Speaker 1: I like that I didn't really have a boyfriend in

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Speaker 1: my early teens. I think that's it's it's really all

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Speaker 1: about accepting, you know, like Joe has melted me. Everyone

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Speaker 1: says it, everyone like sees it, and I usually I

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Speaker 1: would be resistant to that. I'd be like, stop it,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, but I've just given in because why not?

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Speaker 1: Why fight it? And but I think it's just being

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Speaker 1: a tough chick. You want to be a tough chicken,

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Speaker 1: you don't, you know, it's a very common thing for

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Speaker 1: anybody who's independent, fears and really successful. You don't show

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Speaker 1: a lot of vulnerability because that's not what it took

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Speaker 1: to get you where you are. So I think that

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Speaker 1: bleeds over into our relationships. What once you know, somebody

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Speaker 1: means what they're saying and it's not bullshit. I think

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Speaker 1: what irks me a lot about that is that it

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Speaker 1: feels insincere many times, and when it is finally sincere,

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Speaker 1: then you can be like Oh, like, I had a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend this he he was a real asshole, and he

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Speaker 1: would send me flowers like anytime we got into a fight,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't. I hated that. It's like, don't send

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Speaker 1: me flowers. You say you're sorry and mean it. I'm

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Speaker 1: not just like some chick on the side. We're together.

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Speaker 1: So when flowers are coming from an act of love

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Speaker 1: and it's just saying, oh, here, I'm demonstrating more and

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Speaker 1: more love to you, then it's easier to receive. I think.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, I always wondered if it was a

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Speaker 1: learned behavior from my mom, But I like your explanation.

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Speaker 1: But I'm sure has learned from your mom, because your

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Speaker 1: mom is a tough cookie. Also, yeah, and yes, yes

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Speaker 1: she is. You're a gem. You're a gem, you are

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Speaker 1: and Joe is such a sweetheart. The two of you together.

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Speaker 1: I love it, and I know everybody's expressing it on

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Speaker 1: social media, like, oh my god, you guys are so

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Speaker 1: like it's so true though, it's so sweet. We were

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Speaker 1: walking through the city last night and I mean a

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Speaker 1: dozen people must have run up to us. They're like,

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Speaker 1: you don't understand. We love you together. We love you,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like we're like, oh thanks, so like you

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Speaker 1: don't understand, We're like we do, we understand we're together.

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Speaker 1: But it's nice because women especially you know, like that

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Speaker 1: are my age or like oh wait, if you melted

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Speaker 1: and you found someone I was the ice green, then

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Speaker 1: anybody can. You know, it can happen. And it also

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Speaker 1: makes me believe in that for everyone. I believe everybody.

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Speaker 1: As long as you don't settle and you say like

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Speaker 1: these are my standards, these are not moving regardless of

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Speaker 1: whether I'm with anyone or not, then somebody will meet

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Speaker 1: you right up there. And you know, standards with men

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Speaker 1: the last few years have had to get lower and

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Speaker 1: lower and lower. That's that's why it's so funny that

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Speaker 1: I ended up with like, you know, a Filipino man,

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Speaker 1: because I was just so out of gas with white guys.

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Speaker 1: I was like, listen, I have no more juice left

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Speaker 1: for you guys. It's too much. You know, you're to

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Speaker 1: a black man. I know, did you have a non

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Speaker 1: negotiable list? Like this is my non negotiables and if

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Speaker 1: if he doesn't have this, like I'm not even going

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Speaker 1: to see him. No. I made a list once with

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Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman and She and I and my sister actually

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Speaker 1: all made lists because somebody had told me that they

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Speaker 1: had made a list and they had met their person.

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Speaker 1: That's what I did. You did before you met justin. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was important. I had just broken up with a guy,

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Speaker 1: and then I realized that if I didn't make a list,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't going to meet the person that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to And then I also wanted to be single. And

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Speaker 1: I got basically everything on that list. I don't remember

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Speaker 1: the list because it was over twelve years ago, but

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Speaker 1: I wish I still had that list. Oh yeah, now

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Speaker 1: you probably wrote yours in your phone minds in my

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Speaker 1: notes section on my phone. So my list everything I

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Speaker 1: put skiing, and it's like you have to be a skier.

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Speaker 1: But I made it. It was a really long list,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't shallow at all, Like it was deep

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Speaker 1: stuff like values, morals, la la la. You have to

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Speaker 1: be willing to stick your neck out for people. Don't

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Speaker 1: be an idiot, you know, the interest in traveling and

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Speaker 1: the ability to make it happen and the desire to

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Speaker 1: make it happen. But the one thing I put on

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Speaker 1: my list, said a man with a full head of

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Speaker 1: hair that was that was the one, the one shallow

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Speaker 1: thing that I vote, and so I fucking circle that

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, I sent it to Joe.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, that is so funny that I sent a

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Speaker 1: full head of hair, Like I don't even think that

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Speaker 1: that was important to me. And then obviously it's not,

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Speaker 1: which is why we're making Joe a hairpiece. We're not.

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Speaker 1: We're not. I would never I only date bald Filipino

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Speaker 1: men from now on. That's my that's I think. But

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Speaker 1: he looks good, yeah, exactly, Well you'd have to. And

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Speaker 1: he has some hair that grows in, but it's he

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Speaker 1: just shaves it, which is exactly what I would want

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Speaker 1: a man to do, you know, just once things start

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Speaker 1: getting dicey, just shave it off. Yes, agreed. Okay, So Catherine,

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Speaker 1: tell us what we have in store today. Actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: we take callers some of our lives, some right in

387
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,720
Speaker 1: and then we just give them life advice. It's really good.

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Speaker 1: I think you guys are really good at this. By

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Speaker 1: the way, Well we all try, right, yeah, right, Well,

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00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 1: we have some extremely exciting cheating questions. We have two

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Speaker 1: people from the Midwest calling in, Uh, some moms stuff

392
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Speaker 1: dealing with friendship. Oh god, we have some weight loss

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00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,399
Speaker 1: stuff and some booty stuff, all kinds of questions. But

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Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll come back with

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Speaker 1: some callers. Okay, sounds good, and we're back. Actually, let's

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit about Nicks before we go in,

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Speaker 1: because I know you have a partnership with Nicks and

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Speaker 1: you're promoting your new lingerie line with them. Tell us

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Speaker 1: a little bit about that. First of all your boxes

400
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 1: in the mail. I cannot wait to shoot that lingerie.

401
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 1: Oh baby, it's come please, I mean talk about rocking

402
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Speaker 1: body and you are such goals your boobs. You don't

403
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Speaker 1: even know the conversations I've had with my mom about

404
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: your boobs. Now you have no idea. Oh I love that. No, seriously,

405
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,680
Speaker 1: it's just like the perfect handful. Anyways, Nis and Ashley Graham. Yes,

406
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 1: we just launched my collaboration. Nix is really an amazing company.

407
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 1: They actually started with the period panti and it's like

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Speaker 1: a leakproof panty and they turned it into the leggings

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00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 1: and they've got amazing bras and underwear, but everything is supportive.

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Speaker 1: They go up to five X and they go down

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Speaker 1: to an extra small, so we're very inclusive, but it

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Speaker 1: really like I wanted to have something a little bit

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Speaker 1: sexier because they're very performance and solution based, so this

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00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: is their sexiest line yet, but also my most intimate

415
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 1: line because this is one of the first times I

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Speaker 1: came out after you know, shooting three kids out, first

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Speaker 1: first lingerie campaign, embracing my stretch marks, embracing my postpartum body,

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Speaker 1: but also just excited to have something that feels sexy

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Speaker 1: and cozy. You can wear it wherever. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you have done so much for women in promoting your

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Speaker 1: body and accepting your body and loving your body, and

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00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: it's inspiring to me to women everywhere. I mean, you

423
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,159
Speaker 1: really have opened the door for people to really be

424
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: themselves and to embrace all their little shortcomings or anything

425
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 1: that they think isn't deemed worthy by a man. Joe

426
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,959
Speaker 1: once said to me. He said, we were in Hawaii

427
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 1: and I was putting on a bathing student and said,

428
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: how bad is my cellulate And He's like, honey, cellulite

429
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: is what makes a woman a woman. The more cellulite,

430
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 1: the merrier. I don't think he said the mayor here,

431
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 1: but he said something like that, and then I, and

432
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: I was like, honey, I didn't even know that was

433
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 1: a sentence. I thought, I said, every woman needs to

434
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 1: hear that, because who doesn't have fucking cellulite. I mean,

435
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 1: there are anomalies out there, but the stretch marks, the

436
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: cellulite that the you know, we all fluctuate up and down,

437
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 1: you know, and what we see isn't seen by the world.

438
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: It's all like an inside job. So you really are

439
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,199
Speaker 1: I know you know that already, but I wanted to

440
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: tell you that personally, because yeah, it's good to hear

441
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: it now, especially living in my postpartum body and like

442
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 1: trying to get out of out of my head. Even today,

443
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: I showed up and I wasn't supposed to wear these

444
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 1: pants with this shirt, and I was running out the

445
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: door and they're really baggy on me, and my my

446
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 1: stretch marks are just hanging out today and that was

447
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 1: not the plan. And I called my stilace and I said,

448
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: meet me outside of Chelsea Handler immediately with new pants,

449
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,199
Speaker 1: and he said, babe, I'm not in town. And I

450
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: did not realize that, so I just I just sucked

451
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,399
Speaker 1: it up, but I embraced it, and I'm just like,

452
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 1: here we go. And it's probably something neither of you

453
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: even notice, but it's in the back of my head.

454
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,159
Speaker 1: And that's the whole thing with body confidence, with the

455
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: body neutrality and just loving where you are in your

456
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: life is it's in your head. It's not in the

457
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: person's head that you're speaking to or that you're around. Yeah.

458
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: Something I've done more recently, and this is partly influenced

459
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: by you, is when I'm looking through photos for approvals

460
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: for some shoots, you know, or press photos, when they

461
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 1: send me a selection, I don't even look anymore like

462
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: to go and pick through them. I just let my

463
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: publicists pick what they think the best one is. And

464
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: I don't go nuts like over if I don't like

465
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: a photo of myself and it's out there, it's like

466
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: who cares? Who gives a ship? You know? So that's

467
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: important and I think that also comes with age. It must,

468
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 1: I mean for me, it definitely has. I can only imagine,

469
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: like walking into my forties, how much more confident I'm

470
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: going to be. I'm kind of excited. I'm not one

471
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: of those girls. It's like, Oh, I'm gonna be thirty

472
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,479
Speaker 1: five and I'm gonna I'm going into my forties, isn't it.

473
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm so excited to to get older. Yeah.

474
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: I think that's the right attitude to have because I'm

475
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: forty seven and I was like, I just keep thinking

476
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be fifty soon, and I'm like, I can't

477
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: fucking wait to be fifty. How I feel about sixty

478
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: is going to be a different story. But I'll get there.

479
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: I'll get there when I need to get there. If

480
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: I make it that long, then I'm going to be

481
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 1: happy on the live last. Okay, so should we take

482
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 1: a caller? Well, our first email, the subject line is

483
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 1: we both cheated. It's from Maureen. She's a bartender in

484
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: her twenties. She says, Dear Chelsea, A couple of years ago,

485
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: when I was twenty one, I was bartending at a

486
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: big bar where I live as on brand as ever.

487
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 1: I hooked up with my manager for a while. Later,

488
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 1: I found out he was still dating his girlfriend, who

489
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: had told me he'd broken up with. I did have

490
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: my speculations, but I honestly wasn't serious about him and

491
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: wasn't thinking about her enough to find out. I was selfish,

492
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 1: she found out. Fast forward to now they have a

493
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: kid are engaged and he's almost two years sober, which

494
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: I'm sure had something to do that. I'm happy for them.

495
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 1: My problem is she goes to my gym. Now it's

496
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,239
Speaker 1: awkward and obvious. We both know who the other is,

497
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 1: and sometimes I wonder if I should confront her and

498
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: apologize for the whole thing. Complicating things, she started a

499
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: blog and in one of her posts discusses his alcoholism

500
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: and their relationship story. I support the blog, but it's

501
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: hard because I'm the undertone as the toxic person in

502
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: the posts, while he's seen as the alcoholic boyfriend that

503
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: was just quote going through so much. I'm willing to

504
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: admit that sucked up. But what are your thoughts on

505
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: the narrative that I'm the monster? Do I reach out?

506
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: Her whole blog is based around kindness, and it doesn't

507
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: make sense how she can give so much forgiveness and

508
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: understanding toward him then paint me to be toxic and

509
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: horrible all in the same post. We both cheated in

510
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 1: respect for her, I've often not gone to events I

511
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: know she'll be at since we have mutual ends. I'm

512
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 1: no angel and I've made lots of mistakes in my twenties,

513
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,719
Speaker 1: but I'm also willing to admit them, especially if they

514
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: hurt someone. I finally want to stand up for myself.

515
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: But then again, a part of me wonders if I'm

516
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 1: being selfish and just want to defend myself. I can't

517
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: be the only one out there that's felt this, Maureen,

518
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: do you want to go first, Ashley? I actually really

519
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: want to know what you think. I've never cheated and

520
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: I've never been cheated on. I don't think, yeah, I've

521
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 1: been cheated on, and I don't think I've cheated, but

522
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: maybe who knows. Um. First of all, no, don't do

523
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 1: anything because it's all in your head, like you're you're

524
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 1: having this whole narrative. You're letting her dictate how you

525
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: feel about yourself, and just let her go. Do her

526
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: blog first all, stop reading her blog, you know, block

527
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 1: yourself from that blog, and don't try to correct the situation,

528
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: because that's ego, and that's any sort of defense is ego. Like,

529
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: you don't need to be bigger than that. That was

530
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: a long time ago. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were.

531
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter that he was an alcoholic or was

532
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: going through an alcoholic phase, or however she wants to

533
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: frame it, and however she wants to frame your relationship.

534
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 1: She's just trying to make herself feel better about that

535
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: period of time, and there's nothing you can do to

536
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: change her narrative. So the only thing you can do

537
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: is demonstrate that you're also a different person and act

538
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: like a bigger person, and then be a bigger person.

539
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: I think sometimes when you start acting like a bigger person,

540
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: it naturally happens that you become that. You know, It's

541
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 1: kind of like fake it till you make it. It

542
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: works like that. So yeah, you don't want to go

543
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,199
Speaker 1: and correct the story. That's only going to result in

544
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 1: more icky behavior. And I think it's good that you

545
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: don't show up to parties that she's at, but that

546
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: also shouldn't be your rule of thumb. She's irrelevant kind

547
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: of to you. You've moved on. You both had a

548
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 1: past and that's not the present. I think that I

549
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,239
Speaker 1: would just erase the blog, never go back on it.

550
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: She's she's tormenting herself. I don't even know how to

551
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: read a blog, Like, how do you find blog is

552
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 1: a blog? Or she like posting this blog? So I

553
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: didn't know people still did that, right, I don't know.

554
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 1: It's not on my Space geo cities. I mean, it

555
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 1: definitely feels like this is my problem, and I'm twenty

556
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 1: years old, because as you get older, as you mature,

557
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: this is not going to become your problem, right. And also,

558
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 1: it's not her problem, it's his problem. If she really

559
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about it, she should go to him,

560
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: not her. Yeah, she knew what she was doing was wrong,

561
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: but like I kind of take umbrage with the phrasing

562
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: of we both cheated because he's the one who cheated.

563
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: She wasn't in a relationship. You know, she knew what

564
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: she was doing, but the phrasing is a little funky

565
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: for me. And anytime you want to go correct a

566
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 1: situation where you screwed up and so much time has elapsed,

567
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: all you're doing is reminding people what you represented and

568
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: during that time, instead of setting new impressions on those people,

569
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: which it sounds like you have the opportunity. It sounds

570
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: like she has the opportunity to do. Between the gym

571
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 1: and mutual friends parties, it's like, just go in there

572
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: and be your new self and so that they know

573
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: that's not who you are anymore, and you don't have

574
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: to correct any of that narrative. I was talking to

575
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: a friend the other day and it's like, oh, I

576
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: should apologize about this thing that happened like three months ago.

577
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't bring it up again. No, but you know,

578
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: you're just kind of doing the opposite of what your

579
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: intention is. So yeah, zip it, get off her blog

580
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: and then find out why she still has a blog exactly. Well.

581
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Shannon, and she is calling

582
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: in from Iowa. She says, Dear Chelsea, and I'm a

583
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 1: twenty five year old new mom to my daughter, Salem.

584
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm looking for advice on how to handle my friendships

585
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: because not one of my friends have come to meet

586
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: my baby. I'm stuck wondering whether or not it's my

587
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: responsibility to schedule these meetings, or if my friends are

588
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: being kind of shitty towards me by not making an

589
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: effort to meet her. Salem is now five months old.

590
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: I have a very small group of friends too, from

591
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: high school and three from college. They were all either

592
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: in my wedding or in attendance, and they all attended

593
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: the baby shower. One lives five hours away. Everyone else

594
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: is a one to three hour drive. The two from

595
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: high school come home every couple of months, sometimes more.

596
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: All of these friendships are pick up where we left

597
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: off types, but I regularly snapchat all of them and

598
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: send pictures of Salem. I sent everyone a message when

599
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: she was maybe two months old, saying that I was

600
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: sad none of my friends have met her yet, and

601
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: I hope they get the chance to meet her soon,

602
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: even if it's just for a quick lunch. Everyone responded,

603
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: of course, and that they were so excited to meet her,

604
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: and yet nothing has happened in the three months since.

605
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: I told myself that that message would be the last

606
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: time I would try to force meeting her on them,

607
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: and if they chose to not try to see us,

608
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: then it's their loss. But I'm still sad that the

609
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: people I consider my friends haven't shown up for me.

610
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: I understand that we're in different phases of life, none

611
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: of them having kids and only one being married, but

612
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: I'm confused as to why I haven't had any support.

613
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: Not everyone is excited about kids, but this is such

614
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: an important part of me. My husband says I need

615
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 1: to drop them, but I don't want to do that

616
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: and be left with no friends. And I do care

617
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: about these people. I hate that this is negatively affecting

618
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: my mental health during such a special time in my life.

619
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: Lots of love, Shannon, Hi Shannon, Hello, Hi Shannon. This

620
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 1: is our special guest, Ashley Graham. Today. You've got two

621
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: of us, well, you've got three of us because Katherine Sarah,

622
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: She's she's running the whole operation. Yeah, good morning everyone,

623
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: Good morning. I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah,

624
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 1: it's been kind of tough. I totally understand where you're

625
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: coming from. Sorry to jump in here, but this is

626
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: exactly what happened to me just f y I. I

627
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: had a very very very small friend group and the

628
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: people who wanted to meet Isaac they came over and

629
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: they met Isaac and they said when can I come?

630
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm coming. And the few people who didn't really reach out,

631
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: they're just not a part of my life anymore. And

632
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: it's really bizarre how these big life moments can cut

633
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: out the weeds. And when I say the weeds, I

634
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: mean the people who really aren't in it for you.

635
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: I will say I did have to put it on

636
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: myself and say hey, hey, if you want to come over, like,

637
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: here's your parameters. I would give everybody like two hour

638
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: windows because when you have when you know you're a

639
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: new mommy, you're exhausted, your baby is tired. People like

640
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: to overstay, they're welcome. So I definitely gave people two

641
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: our windows. But the few people that were excited to

642
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: come over made an effort. Some people even flew in.

643
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: It was some of the local people that didn't make

644
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: an effort. And I will also tell you I only

645
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: speak to two people in my wedding and I had

646
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: six bridesmaids, just to put in perspective for you, so

647
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 1: that also happens. It sucks, and it feels so isolating.

648
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: You feel like you have no one. You feel like

649
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: they're it's kind of this place where how am I

650
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: going to get out of this? Who else can I

651
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: speak to? You will get out of it, You just

652
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: have to stay strong. And I started journaling, like actually

653
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 1: like pen to paper journaling instead of on the computer.

654
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: I mean, you're in such a transitional part of your life.

655
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: I know when I lived in a different city than

656
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: my friends, it was like when you're home and you

657
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 1: have just a couple of days or a week it's

658
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: really harder than you think to see everybody, you know.

659
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I would say, like giving them

660
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: that specific time of like, you know what, why don't

661
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: you come over on Tuesday, We'll have a little brunch,

662
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,719
Speaker 1: come over for momosas or whatever. Giving them those specifics

663
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: I think might make it a little more accessible for

664
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: them to to take you up on the offer, rather

665
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: than having it just be a broad invitation of like

666
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: come over whenever. Yeah, And I think coming from somebody

667
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: who doesn't have kids, whose friends have kids, like anyone

668
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: who is meaningful to me, I would make the time.

669
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 1: There definitely have been friends of mine that have a

670
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: baby and and it's all consuming, which it is. It's

671
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: totally is, but it doesn't feel like there's gonna be

672
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 1: any friend time. So I feel like everything we do

673
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 1: is always going to be around the baby, right, which

674
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: is totally reasonable. I mean, you're we said you your

675
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: baby is five months old, right, so obviously that is

676
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: going to be all consuming. But I think for your

677
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 1: friends that don't have babies that maybe can't relate to that,

678
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 1: you can offer them up like, hey, I want to

679
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: see you guys, regardless, I want you to meet the baby.

680
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: We don't have to spend the whole day with the baby,

681
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,439
Speaker 1: but I want it's meaningful to me, as you guys

682
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: are my close friends, for you to meet the baby,

683
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: and then we can have a nice group lunch or

684
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: do our own thing, you know, and you can have

685
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: the baby. If you have a babysitter, your husband can

686
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:28,839
Speaker 1: watch her for a couple of hours, so you guys

687
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: can go to lunch and catch up. But you know,

688
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: so that you can get both of those things in

689
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 1: so that you still have your individuality within that group.

690
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: And they're also paying you the respect of meeting your child,

691
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: which is an important thing for you to have them

692
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: do because it's important for you to have your own

693
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: individuality outside of mommy world. Two yeah, I think sometimes

694
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 1: single women who aren't parents are sometimes overwhelmed by people

695
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: when they have babies because of their inability to relate

696
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 1: to that. So just keep that in the back of

697
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 1: your mind and just try to like give them specific options.

698
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: I when can we do this. Let's set up a

699
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 1: time you guys can come over and meet the baby

700
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: and then we can either have lunch at the house

701
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: or we can go out do our mimosas whatever. You

702
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: and your girlfriends like to get up to. Yeah, I

703
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: mean that sounds good. I have just been struggling with

704
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: the fact that I have reached out and I have

705
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: been like, please tell me when you're in town so

706
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: we can try to schedule something, and then they never

707
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 1: say anything that's specifically. Like my high school friends, my

708
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 1: college friends, on the other hand, they don't have a

709
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: reason to be here other than for me, And you know,

710
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,439
Speaker 1: they all say that they're so excited to meet her,

711
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: and then just nothing ever happened. So it's kind of

712
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: a weird predicament that I'm in whether or not I

713
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: need to be the one stepping out all the time,

714
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: or if they need to take this on their backs too.

715
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 1: I feel like, I mean, speaking from experience, it's going

716
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 1: to be on you because you're the one with the gift,

717
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 1: right your your child was a gift to this world,

718
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,320
Speaker 1: and you want to share your gift with the people

719
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 1: that you love so much, and the people around you

720
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 1: are going to be so excited, But they also don't

721
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: understand what you're going through. They don't understand the sleepless nights,

722
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: they don't understand what you're going through with formula breastfeeding,

723
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,399
Speaker 1: whatever is going on in your relationship, and so they

724
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: can't see that. So you really have to put yourself

725
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: out there in a way that feels maybe uncomfortable for

726
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 1: you right now. But if you are so adamant about

727
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: these college friends meeting your gorgeous little daughter, which I

728
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: love her name by the way, um, yeah, that is

729
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 1: truly going to be on you to show your gift

730
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: to the people that you love so much. And then

731
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: once that door is open, then you will see who

732
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: really like wants to be a part of her life

733
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,839
Speaker 1: and still be a part of your new life, because

734
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: your life is completely changed now and there are probably

735
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 1: some people in your life or that were in your

736
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: life that you don't want in your life anymore. And

737
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: this is just showing you everybody's cards. And I don't

738
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 1: think you should be offended by it. I think that

739
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: you're young and you're figuring it all out now and

740
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: you should actually be grateful. Yeah. Yeah, definitely is going

741
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: to be very eye opening to see who is wanting

742
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,760
Speaker 1: to stick around in our lives and who just really

743
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: doesn't care anymore. And that's what my husband has been

744
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: saying to me. But I think it's just been kind

745
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,919
Speaker 1: of hard to come to grips with the fact that

746
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 1: those people who have always been here for me so

747
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: consistently just haven't made the effort. And that's just been

748
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 1: hard to come to terms with big life events. Big

749
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: life events weddings, kids, divorce, and funerals. That's where you

750
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 1: figure out who your real friends are. Yeah, and you know,

751
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: I like that you said that, actually, that you're not

752
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,799
Speaker 1: speaking to half of your bridal party anymore, because I

753
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: think that's that's so true. It's so true, and it's like,

754
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 1: it's definitely true for me. I I have friendships that

755
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: have ended throughout my entire life, and I always have

756
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: new ones sprouting up, so there's always a revolving door

757
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 1: in my life. I have some very old friends, but

758
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 1: a lot of my friendships, you know, our first short

759
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 1: periods of time or ten years, and then we kind

760
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: of drift off or something happens and we get into

761
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: an argument or you know, who knows, And but I

762
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: think you should just I know it hurts, but it's

763
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: also the cycle of life, Like people come in and

764
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: out for different reasons, and you should be open. Also

765
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 1: as a new mother. I'm sure you're doing lots of

766
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: things that involve other new mothers. You know, you have

767
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,359
Speaker 1: the opportunity to meet new friends and make new relationships

768
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: and cultivate those things, and there's going to be exciting

769
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: relationships within those relationships as well, So you're holding onto

770
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: kind of holding onto the past in a way, and

771
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,439
Speaker 1: you can definitely call them out and say like, hey,

772
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: this is it. I really need you guys to step up,

773
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: and then now's the time, and just be prepared for

774
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,479
Speaker 1: some of them not to be able to do that. Yeah,

775
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: I'm definitely prepared for my heart to be broken a

776
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: little bit by those friendships. And I guess this is

777
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: just kind of where we're at in life. I'm just

778
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: in such a different place, I think than everybody else.

779
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: And you know, they go out naval party and everything

780
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 1: like that and take trips and enjoy, you know, not

781
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: being tied down like this, and I'm at home and

782
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: I'm really content doing that. I just wish, you know,

783
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: I had a little more support. But I have a

784
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: great family system around me. My husband's parents are in town.

785
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: My parents are really close by, so we do get

786
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: a lot of time with them, and that's been really

787
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: supportive over you know, these past five almost now six months.

788
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: That's what you have to focus on. Yeah, be grateful

789
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 1: for the things that you do have. So many people

790
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 1: don't have their parents right when you're raising a child.

791
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 1: You have two sets. I mean, that's really lucky. So

792
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 1: focus on the positive. You know, you like your in laws, Wow,

793
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 1: that's really great. Yeah, No, they're they're an awesome support

794
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 1: system for us. And my mom takes for multiple days

795
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: a week, and you know, I couldn't ask for anything better.

796
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: There really are the best. And also these phases they

797
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: go away, like enjoy this phase and then the next phase.

798
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's all about the phases. I'm That's

799
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: what I keep telling myself at least, and always remember

800
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 1: like whenever you're going through a difficult time, there's sunshine

801
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 1: around the corner, Like you don't know how quickly things

802
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 1: are going to turn and who's going to show up

803
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: for you surprisingly or what new people are going to

804
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: come into your life. No, like bad phase or feelings

805
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: hurt last for that long. It's always just a little moment.

806
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: It's ephemeral and it will move on and then something

807
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: else is just around the corner. Yeah, I definitely try

808
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 1: to keep that in perspective. It's kind of hard right now,

809
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 1: you know, losing all the people that I was so

810
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: close too. But that's great advice, and I hope I

811
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 1: can really remember that going forward. I wrote a farewell

812
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 1: letter to my one friend. I didn't give it to her,

813
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 1: but I wrote it to her, and it was heartbreaking.

814
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: It was actually on Thanksgiving before I gave birth to

815
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: the twins, and it was really hard for me to

816
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: write it, and it was like almost twenty year relationship.

817
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 1: And I will say, like, it's it's important to write

818
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: this out. It's important to get it out of your

819
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: body because you're storing trauma right now. And it's not

820
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: that big of a trauma, but it's trauma that's going

821
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: to build. And that's not something you want to pass

822
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: on to your kids because it's little now, but it's

823
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: going to be bigger later. So get it out of

824
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 1: your body. That's a great that's great advice. Actually I'm

825
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: going to take that because I have a friendship that ended,

826
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: a long one and a close one, and I have

827
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: so much I want to say. You get all this

828
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: stuff stored up and you just keep recirculating in your brain,

829
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: and like, who wants that energy inside them. No, and also,

830
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: you know, when you write an email, like I would

831
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,839
Speaker 1: suggest writing an email to all these girls you can

832
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: see see them all, or do it individually and just

833
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: put your heart on your sleeve and just be very

834
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:42,959
Speaker 1: honest without being necessarily needy in that you're more making Yeah,

835
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 1: you're making a statement, not accusatory. But this is how

836
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: this makes me feel. This is what happened. This is

837
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 1: I'm so disappointed. I really hope that you guys would

838
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: have more interest or you know, stepped up to me

839
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: my baby. But I understand if this is you're you're

840
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: not in this place in your lives. I get that,

841
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: but I think you should show them, you know, let

842
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: them know that you're hurt. Most importantly, Yeah, I definitely

843
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:11,280
Speaker 1: don't want to make anybody feel like I'm being accusatory

844
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 1: or super mean or anything like that, because I genuinely

845
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 1: am sad. And that's what I kind of told them

846
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: a couple of months after she was born, is that

847
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: I was just sad and I said it in a

848
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: nice way, but maybe I didn't say it directly enough,

849
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: and I might need to go out of my way

850
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: to say it a little more direct to them. People

851
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 1: cannot read your mind. I have learned that one. Yeah,

852
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 1: and it's back to what Ashley said about putting yourself

853
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: in a kind of like uncomfortable zone. You know, just

854
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,439
Speaker 1: put yourself in a situation that may not be you,

855
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: but you gotta stretch your legs a little to get

856
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: your point across so that you can feel good about

857
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 1: it ten years down the road or five years down

858
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 1: the road. I mean, I think that's the key about

859
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: getting older, is when you have these kind of confrontations

860
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: or conflicts, to handle them with grace and dignity so

861
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 1: that when you look back, you don't you're not mad

862
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 1: at yourself for acting childishly. Yeah, because I'm kind of

863
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: mad at myself right now for not saying stuff sooner

864
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 1: and not being direct enough. So yeah, I think the

865
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 1: email and maybe reaching back out again and giving them

866
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 1: more specifics is going to be helpful. You just tell

867
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: them you talk to your therapist Chelsea and Ashley, and

868
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: then maybe you'll get an email back. Yeah. I think

869
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: that will be super helpful. It's basically like talking to

870
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: Dr Phil and Oprah. Hello very much. Yeah, thank you, Shannon,

871
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 1: Thanks Sanna, get up with everything. Let us know how

872
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: it goes okay, follow up. Yeah, thank you so much, guys,

873
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Congratulations, Yeah, thank you, thank you. By bye.

874
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: That must feel so solitary, like so lonely. Yeah, you

875
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: feel isolated. It's a disgusting feeling. But at LEAs she

876
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 1: has her husband, like she said, her family, like that's

877
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: a big deal. But having that outside community also makes

878
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: a big difference. She just sounds like she needs to

879
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: go out with some friends, she needs to join a

880
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 1: mommy and me group or whatever the net without the kids.

881
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: One night, just one right, right, right. So when you

882
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: wrote that letter, you were you planning on just writing

883
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 1: it for yourself or did you think maybe you're going

884
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 1: to send it to your friend. So I'm worked with

885
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: my midwives. I did home births and one of the

886
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 1: biggest things in doing a home birth is trusting your body.

887
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: And my midwives actually make you go through this thing.

888
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:27,359
Speaker 1: It's therapy session called havening, and it's touch therapy where

889
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: you bring up past traumas that you deal with in

890
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: the moment before you walk into home birth. And this

891
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 1: is this is for any part of your life, like

892
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 1: it does. It's not just surrounded by birth, but it's

893
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,800
Speaker 1: surrounded by traumas, and but you do it on the

894
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: day you're going to give me, No, you do it

895
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: beforehand so that your body is in full trust mode

896
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: and that your baby, which epigenetics they can feel everything

897
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: you're feeling, also is in full trust mode. So my

898
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: twins were both head down and then one of them

899
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: went head up breach and he kept flipping and they

900
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: were like, are you going through something thing? And I'm like,

901
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: what do you mean going through something? And they were like,

902
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: is everything okay at home? Like what's up with your family?

903
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 1: And then justin kind of looked at me and he

904
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 1: said my friend's name. And I was like, it's not that,

905
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 1: and she looked at me and she said, so it's that.

906
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: And I just started crying. And she said, these things happen,

907
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: like big life decisions or changes in your life, like

908
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: having a baby are going to move people in and

909
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: out of your life. And she said the only way

910
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 1: to get around this and for you to have a successful,

911
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: not not unsuccessful birth, but like an even easier birth,

912
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 1: is to get this out. And and that's why I

913
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: told her. I was like, you need this is like

914
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: in you and it needs to come out. So that

915
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 1: you're not passing this along. And that's what I did.

916
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: That's when I wrote the letter to her, and it

917
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 1: was all on Thanksgiving and it was like surrounded by

918
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: the holidays because we've always been the holidays together and

919
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 1: I my intention at the time wasn't to send it

920
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: to her, It was just to get it out. I've

921
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: been thinking about maybe sending it because I want something

922
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:01,839
Speaker 1: like I want a door closed because it feels still

923
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: feels really wide open, but I feel so good that

924
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 1: it's out of my body. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

925
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: I have a similar situation, and I think I'm going

926
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 1: to do that because yeah, anytime I think about it,

927
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 1: it's just those thoughts that circulate, like how hurt I

928
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: am about this, and how I can't believe that and that,

929
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: and and it's like, God, I know better to to

930
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 1: then to have those kinds of toxic thoughts circulating in

931
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: your body, you're just doing damage everything you would say

932
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 1: and all those little it's like high school thoughts, you know.

933
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: I can only compare it to that kind of like

934
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 1: small small mindedness when we let those ideas corrode are

935
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 1: kind of like being and it builds up in your body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well,

936
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 1: our next caller is Quinn, she says, Dr Quinn Medicine woman.

937
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 1: Let's hope better be She says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently

938
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: struggled with losing weight and all its implications. I've been overweight,

939
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 1: or at least perceived to be overweight, most of my life.

940
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 1: Every time I begin my lifestyle changes and tried to

941
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,240
Speaker 1: be healthier, I always hit the roadblock of this question,

942
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 1: should I be losing weight to try and love myself

943
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 1: more in game confidence or focus more on loving my

944
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: current body and let the lifestyle changes follow. Dating also

945
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 1: plays a part in all of this. We're currently I

946
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: haven't had much luck dating. I fear that if I

947
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 1: lose weight, I will in the back of my head

948
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: always think would they have dated me when I was overweight?

949
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: I know, no matter what, I need to be healthy

950
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: and make these lifestyle changes, but I know that's not

951
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: going to happen until my mindset is in the right place. Quinn. Hi, Quinn, Hi,

952
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: how's it going good? How are you hi? Quinn? How

953
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: are you good? Well? We have the Body Positivity Guru

954
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,439
Speaker 1: studio today, so I'm gonna let you take the lead

955
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 1: on this I was just thinking, God, I've totally been

956
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: in your shoes, and I've always wondered, God, if I

957
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: lost weight, would he be with me because I lost

958
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 1: the weight? Or you know, it's like, should I get

959
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: even bigger and then start dating and you know, just um,

960
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: just out of spite for whoever I end up with.

961
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: And then I realized, God, I'm really going at this

962
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: the wrong way. I totally hear you, and I know

963
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: how your brain is going a million miles a minute,

964
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: and you go to sleep thinking about your weight, You

965
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 1: wake up thinking about your weight. When you go out

966
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 1: and you're eating, you think about your weight, You think

967
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: about your weight when you're getting dressed. I know that feeling,

968
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: and the best thing for you to realize is that

969
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 1: it's not going to go away until you face it

970
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:39,359
Speaker 1: head on. And there's so many different ways to face

971
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 1: it head on where you can actually write out your

972
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 1: affirmations that I have done and I have preached about

973
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,760
Speaker 1: a million times, you know, have them on your mirror,

974
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: have them on notepads, have them recorded into your phone

975
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: about how you feel and how you want to feel.

976
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: I always say, like, don't lie to yourself. Give yourself

977
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: attainable goals in in your affirmations. But you know, this

978
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: is something that's that's either going to plague you for

979
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:08,919
Speaker 1: the rest of your life or you can actually meet

980
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,359
Speaker 1: it where you are. And I had to do that.

981
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: And I have to say even now, like I just

982
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,240
Speaker 1: popped out a few kids and I'm forty something pounds

983
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: up and I think about that number and I don't

984
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,839
Speaker 1: get on the scale because of it. I don't put

985
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: on certain clothes because of it, because it's like this

986
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 1: like looming thing in the back of my mind, like

987
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 1: when is it going to go away? Will it ever

988
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: come off on my body? Blah blah blah. You know

989
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: exactly what I'm talking about. But it's something that a

990
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: You're doing a great job in coming here and talking

991
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 1: about it, because this is going to feel really good

992
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: when you get off of this call and be you

993
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: just have to like start an action, like whatever that

994
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: action is for you, whether it's the writing it down

995
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,959
Speaker 1: and actually seeing the words, or having the out loud

996
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: conversations with yourself, or making sure that you know you're

997
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 1: not changing who you are for somebody else. I think

998
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 1: that that's really important to remember. But by the way,

999
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 1: like no matter what your body is your temple, so

1000
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 1: take care of it. Don't change it because of of

1001
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 1: somebody else's perception or even the perception of yourself. Yeah,

1002
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,759
Speaker 1: and I think you know, your goal really is to

1003
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 1: be healthy and strong, right, Like, that's what we all

1004
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: want out of life. We want to be durable, we

1005
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 1: want to last a long time, and we want to

1006
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 1: be healthy and strong. So taking those steps to get

1007
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: there is going to help you feel better about yourself

1008
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 1: because you know that you're actually, you know, eating clean

1009
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: food and healthy food and not bullshit. I read this

1010
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 1: quote from Barack Obama once how he was He He's like,

1011
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 1: I eat for fuel, not for you know, Like, and

1012
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck you, you're a guy, you know,

1013
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: not everybody's eating for fuel. I don't understand people. But

1014
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 1: but what But there's a variation of that where it's like, what,

1015
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: what are you putting into your body that's going to

1016
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,960
Speaker 1: help you be strong and fit? And you know what,

1017
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean being a certain weight. It means being healthy,

1018
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 1: minded about yourself and your appearance, knowing that you're taking

1019
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 1: care of yourself. You know, I didn't drink water for

1020
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 1: the longest time, so I just hated the flavor of

1021
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 1: it because there is none. So I now have to

1022
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: doctor up my water with my little lemon packets every

1023
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,479
Speaker 1: morning like a psychopath in order for me to drink

1024
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: a liter of water every day. But every day I'm like,

1025
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: every time I take a sip of the water, I'm like,

1026
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 1: you're helping yourself. You're you know, you're hydrating your body.

1027
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: You're hydrating your body. Like it's whatever your bad habits are.

1028
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: If you can flip those, the mental game that that

1029
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 1: plays gives you a lot of self esteem and a

1030
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:32,319
Speaker 1: lot of self respect. But that takes a lot of work,

1031
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 1: I will say, because I'm at a place where, like

1032
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 1: I am a rewarder. Food is a rewarder for me.

1033
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: I don't know about you guys, but like this is

1034
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 1: how I was raised, and so the plate has to

1035
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: be clean and and if I did like a good

1036
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: job for whatever that thing was that day or week,

1037
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: it's like what am I eating? So I hear you,

1038
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:58,399
Speaker 1: but I'm still working on that because it's like, oh,

1039
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: fuel my body. Yes, I can feel my all day long.

1040
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 1: I've got like a charcuderie board in the car waiting

1041
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 1: for me when I get out of here. However, However,

1042
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 1: it's like, am I going to treat myself to a

1043
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 1: handful of peanut eminem's later? Yeah? Probably. So it's all

1044
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: about balance. Everything is balanced, and it's a hard place

1045
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 1: to get to. Yeah, And you're not going to be

1046
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 1: perfect all the time. I'm not. I mean, I was

1047
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: just telling Joe in my hotel room this weekend. I

1048
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: went to go open a bag of potato chips and

1049
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: I couldn't even be like a normal person about it.

1050
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,720
Speaker 1: I had to bite it open and then the whole

1051
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: thing fucking exploded all over my room. And then I

1052
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 1: was like, oh, funk those, I'll go get a chocolate.

1053
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: They had this chocolate toffee bar and I did the

1054
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: same thing. I ripped it open. The whole thing crashed

1055
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: open on the bed, and I just looked like a

1056
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 1: revolting pig. And I'm like, well, see this is what

1057
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 1: you get for like eating in haste like that, you know,

1058
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,840
Speaker 1: when you still eat it. No, No, I had to

1059
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: clean it up. It was all over the place. I've eaten, thanks, listen,

1060
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm eating things out of the Okay, let's not pretend

1061
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 1: that I haven't. I once had an egg McMuffin in

1062
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: my glove, come apartment overnight and ate it. So I'm

1063
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: not going to pretend I'm above that. But I think

1064
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 1: as long as you start to cultivate little healthy habits,

1065
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,359
Speaker 1: they don't have to be a mandate for your life.

1066
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: Little healthy habits, you know, like you're gonna end your

1067
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,399
Speaker 1: day with this meal, or you're gonna start your day

1068
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 1: with this meal, and just think about nourishing yourself and

1069
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 1: giving your Like last night we were at sushi and

1070
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 1: the last thing I wanted with spinach. But I'm like, no,

1071
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: I want something green at every meal, Like I have

1072
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: to do that for my health. You know, it's a

1073
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: good people have said instead of taking away, add to

1074
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,720
Speaker 1: the plate, right, Yeah, when you eat all that stuff,

1075
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, if you fill up on good stuff for

1076
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,120
Speaker 1: your body, your body doesn't crave all the bad stuff

1077
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 1: after a while. So you just have to just start

1078
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: cultivating healthier habits, and you know it will, it will

1079
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: get easier, and it will make it will do the

1080
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: thing for your mind that all the things that Ashley

1081
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 1: is talking about and work in conjunction with that, you know,

1082
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: giving yourself positive affirmations, reminding yourself that your body is

1083
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 1: here to carry you through so take care of it

1084
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,799
Speaker 1: and treat it with respect, and also just get out

1085
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 1: there start dating, right. It doesn't matter what size you are.

1086
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:06,319
Speaker 1: There is somebody who will be like into you for

1087
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 1: who you are. If you're ready to start dating and

1088
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 1: you're feeling good with yourself, yeah, and then once you

1089
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 1: start sucking somebody that you like, and you're not going

1090
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 1: to have that much of an appetite. Okay. Anybody who

1091
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 1: falls in love knows that lose ten pounds right off

1092
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,319
Speaker 1: the back because you're just like, all I want to

1093
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: do is have sex. Yeah, how much way did you lose?

1094
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: Joe's lost thirty pounds, so he's the hot body in

1095
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: the relationship, and I just do I keep putting on weight.

1096
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, but but back the funk up with your body, buddy.

1097
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 1: Then you start eating? Yeah yeah yeah, once you get happy,

1098
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 1: then you started eating. That's like, when can we eat again?

1099
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 1: I'm already thinking about food. You're talking about it. I'm like,

1100
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: what am I going to have? But anyway? You know

1101
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, I definitely start dating. That's gonna

1102
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,280
Speaker 1: be fun. You want to go have fun with guys

1103
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 1: or girls or who what whatever you're into? Yeah, I

1104
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 1: think I'm in listening to you guys stuff too. I've

1105
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 1: realized too that anyone that I want to be with,

1106
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,360
Speaker 1: it's also just gonna agree with like the values I

1107
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,360
Speaker 1: have and like my lifestyle, and like, I'm not going

1108
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 1: to choose someone who's like, no, you look bad or

1109
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: you know, I want you to get to this point.

1110
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 1: I obviously with just day one that's the red flag

1111
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't die with them day one. Yeah, I think, yeah,

1112
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 1: this very helpful and I will definitely start to do

1113
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 1: some of that. Are you on any dating apps, Quinn? Yeah,

1114
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: I'm on you know, like the typical three Bumble, Tinder

1115
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 1: and Hinge, and I go through waves. You know, it

1116
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,319
Speaker 1: gets kind of boring going through the same questions over

1117
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:32,960
Speaker 1: and over again, like oh, what do you do? How

1118
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 1: are you doing? You know, what have you been up to?

1119
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: And I also get kind of loyal for where if

1120
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 1: I'm talking to someone, I'll just like, oh, I'll just

1121
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: keep talking to them, and then I'll fizzle out and

1122
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, I just lost out on all

1123
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 1: these other matches or you know, no, you have to

1124
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 1: talk to like twenty people at the same time. This

1125
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 1: is what I left my mom. Like four years ago,

1126
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:56,439
Speaker 1: she finally started online dating, and she did a car

1127
00:55:56,560 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 1: ride from California to New York and she had her

1128
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 1: bumble on and went on dates throughout the country and

1129
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:07,359
Speaker 1: met and ended up meeting the guy she's with now

1130
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: and they've been together for three years. And I have

1131
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: to say, like, you have to talk to everybody at

1132
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,239
Speaker 1: the same time, because that's what everybody else is doing.

1133
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,320
Speaker 1: I don't have any experience in this. This is all

1134
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: watching my mother do this. That's a great idea for

1135
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: any woman. I could do a road trip across the

1136
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 1: country and just meet up with different guys. She was

1137
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:29,280
Speaker 1: with her friends. Yeah, yeah, perfect. Well, thank you so much, Quinn.

1138
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:33,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate having on. Thank you and congrats to actually

1139
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: on your twins and Chelsea. I saw you in December.

1140
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:38,919
Speaker 1: I believe in Madison here, so it was a great show.

1141
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 1: Thanks for that. Thanks for coming, Quinn. I love that. Yeah,

1142
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:47,439
Speaker 1: thank you, bye bye. Oh. Everyone just needs a little

1143
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 1: confidence booster, right Madison, Wisconsin. I love it there. You're

1144
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 1: from Nebraska. Yes, yeah, that's another great place. I've performed

1145
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 1: in Omaha. I was just I was just in Birmingham, Alabama,

1146
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 1: and I was like, it was one of the best

1147
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 1: shows I've ever had. Another one was oh maaha, and

1148
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 1: the other one was Louisville, Kentucky. Places where you think

1149
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 1: you're gonna go and you're just like, oh God, this

1150
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 1: isn't gonna be and every time it was awesome. Yeah,

1151
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: because there's those liberal pockets of people there that are

1152
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 1: dying for it, right. They need togetherness and progressiveness, and

1153
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: they're living in a state like those cities are all

1154
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 1: always like democratic and it's just the rest of the

1155
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 1: state that has issues. Anyway. Anyway, what's well? So? Our

1156
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 1: last question comes from Travis. Travis says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

1157
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 1: a thirty seven year old guy who got many of

1158
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: the Gay Jean's designed decor, theater, et cetera, but not

1159
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 1: the skincare Gauy jen. In short, I could give a

1160
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 1: shit about skincare. I use a moisturizer with SPF, but

1161
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 1: do nothing else for my face beyond an occasional splash

1162
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 1: of water in the shower. My skin is pretty normal,

1163
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 1: nothing problematic except my behavior. I recently heard someone complimented

1164
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 1: on his beautiful skin and thought how nice it would

1165
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: be to receive such praise One day do you have

1166
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 1: any products or regimens you'd recommend to stop my uncared

1167
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 1: for face from falling off or bursting into flames or

1168
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 1: whatever else is eventually going to happen as I slide

1169
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 1: into my forties. Travis, Well, I'm gonna let you go

1170
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 1: to the skincare thing because you have I'm sure more

1171
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 1: tricks than I do. I was gonna say, don't you

1172
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 1: have like skincare? Like, aren't you like into it? Your

1173
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: skin is always glowing? Oh well, thank you. But I

1174
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 1: would want to say to Travis, this is why you

1175
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 1: have everything to look forward to. I didn't start washing

1176
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 1: my face. I still don't wash my face, let's be honest.

1177
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 1: And I did my my sisters. I blame them and

1178
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 1: my mother for not teaching me how to wash my face.

1179
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 1: I didn't wash my face until I was in my thirties,

1180
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 1: and then I and then I just couldn't get into

1181
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 1: the habit because I never had it. So if you

1182
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 1: start taking care of your skin now, Travis, you're going

1183
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: to see such a difference because you have so many

1184
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: layers of like a dermist that you have not exfoliated.

1185
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: So all you need is a good exfoliator to wash

1186
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: yourself at night and then put on a moisturizer. I

1187
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 1: use a serum and moisturizer in the morning and at night,

1188
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 1: and that does the trick. I have to say. First

1189
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 1: of all, just go go get a facial like you're

1190
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 1: gonna feel a difference from like when you before you

1191
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 1: had it and then after. And then secondly, I am

1192
00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:26,919
Speaker 1: such a fan of this new line called fig one.

1193
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,680
Speaker 1: I invested in it. I'm not a celebrity indorser. I

1194
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: invested because it actually works. We should send you something.

1195
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 1: By the way, It's scientifically proven to work on so

1196
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 1: many different skin types whatever your quote issue is. And um,

1197
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: you can take an online test for free. Their dermatologistettle

1198
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: send me the whole regiment. But like they play nice

1199
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: in the medicine cabinet, so whatever you're already using, you

1200
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 1: just add this into the mix. But it sounds like

1201
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: he just needs like hyaluronic acid and maybe salonic acid.

1202
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 1: Good for everybody. I think it's not terrible for most people.

1203
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 1: Oh I thought it was. I thought some people don't

1204
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:03,760
Speaker 1: react well to that, but I could be misinformed. I

1205
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 1: mean I use it twice a week, and Justin uses

1206
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:10,080
Speaker 1: one once a week, so that's two completely different skin types.

1207
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: Justin's skin tone is like uneven and he wants it

1208
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,440
Speaker 1: to become more even. And then also being black on

1209
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: top of it makes it harder to figure out what

1210
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 1: products are right for him, and he's been using fig one.

1211
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 1: So anyways, Travis, I don't know what your actual skin

1212
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 1: type is, but it just sounds like he just needs

1213
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 1: a little TLC. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Once you start a

1214
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 1: little bit, you're gonna notice, like if your skin is

1215
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 1: okay now and you start taking care of it, it's

1216
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 1: gonna be good, and then you're gonna get that glowy,

1217
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 1: dewey feeling. And also, if if you have dry skin,

1218
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 1: you can use a serum and a moisturizer. If you

1219
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: have oily skin, you shouldn't use a serum. You should

1220
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: just use a moisturizer and then get the hyaluronic acid

1221
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:49,960
Speaker 1: from Big One. Hello. But also like props for using

1222
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:56,479
Speaker 1: the SPF. That's like the most important thing. Well, let's

1223
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:58,440
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be back to wrap

1224
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 1: up with Ashley and Chelsea, and we're back. Welcome back, girl. Well, Ashley,

1225
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask if you have any advice you'd

1226
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 1: like from Chelsea, Chelsea parenting, Do you want some parenting

1227
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: advice for me? Okay, So my biggest thing right now

1228
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: staying motivated in the gym. It's hard because I'm breastfeeding

1229
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 1: and I know you like to smoke weed, and like,

1230
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm sure that doesn't get you motivated to go to

1231
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 1: the gym, So, like, what's that motivator for you? Because

1232
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:33,880
Speaker 1: my crutch right now is breastfeeding? What just keeps you going?

1233
01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 1: Because your abs? I mean, oh you're so sweet. I mean,

1234
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,480
Speaker 1: I really do work out hard because I like to

1235
01:01:42,520 --> 01:01:44,919
Speaker 1: be strong, and it's I I like to be fit

1236
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 1: also and look lean, but I just love it's like addicting,

1237
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: you know. Now, even I'm on the road, I hit

1238
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:52,840
Speaker 1: the gym and I just do my own stuff with

1239
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:55,800
Speaker 1: weights and stuff. And what I've realized so much about

1240
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 1: after forty is that, like cardio is not the thing

1241
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 1: that keeps you lean. It's weights, heavy, heavy weights. And

1242
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 1: I think my motivation is just seeing the results, Like

1243
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 1: I know it works. I used to think weights, We're

1244
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 1: gonna make me bulky, even when I was heavier and

1245
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,680
Speaker 1: not as muscular. I thought, oh, I'm just I have

1246
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 1: to lose the weight first, and then do the weights

1247
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, I just started weight training and

1248
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 1: the fact kind of came off. So I know there's

1249
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 1: a lot of people think you have to do so

1250
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 1: much cardio, and it's like, don't kill yourself with cardio

1251
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: because it stresses your body out, especially when you're breastfeeding

1252
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 1: and you have like your cortisol levels. You want to

1253
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: keep them down not up, because that makes you hold

1254
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:36,680
Speaker 1: onto your weight. And the other thing that I think

1255
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 1: motivates me is I can do things that a lot

1256
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 1: of people that I know who work out a lot

1257
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 1: can't do. So when I keep getting stronger like that,

1258
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, I'm plus, I'm older, Like I'm

1259
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 1: the strongest I've ever been at forty seven I was,

1260
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 1: I'm stronger than I was when I was thirty five,

1261
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:54,560
Speaker 1: So like, you know, I can kick ass and I

1262
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,720
Speaker 1: fucking like that. You know, That's it's like a part

1263
01:02:56,760 --> 01:03:00,800
Speaker 1: of me now. The results, Like once you get yeah,

1264
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: you know, like you just feel like, yeah, it feels good.

1265
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:06,440
Speaker 1: Have you done plates? Are you into that? Yeah, I've

1266
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 1: done a lot of pilates. Yeah, there's a class in

1267
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,959
Speaker 1: l A that I love FORMA. Have you tried it yet? No,

1268
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 1: you'll have to go also into you Okay, yeah, yeah,

1269
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 1: but I guess that's my motivator. I just like I

1270
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:19,360
Speaker 1: like to feel, yeah, the results, and I like to

1271
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:21,440
Speaker 1: feel like a badass when I get in there and

1272
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:23,800
Speaker 1: I go, no matter what, it doesn't matter what shape

1273
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm in. That's how I was before babies, and I think,

1274
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:28,520
Speaker 1: I think I'll get back there. But it's nice to

1275
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 1: hear it again. Yeah. You know, once you start seeing results,

1276
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 1: like you're saying you're up forty pounds, I would not

1277
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 1: have known that. But if you're you know, once you

1278
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 1: start getting closer to what you want, you're like, oh,

1279
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: then you get really on the train. But I mean

1280
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,919
Speaker 1: you have little babies, so it's a different situation right now.

1281
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 1: Life is different. Yeah, So there you go. That's my

1282
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:50,800
Speaker 1: Those are my two cents and you can suck on

1283
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 1: that pipe. Okay, Well, all of our callers and writers

1284
01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:58,840
Speaker 1: in please keep in touch with us because we love

1285
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 1: follow ups. We love of progress reports and follow ups.

1286
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:04,120
Speaker 1: I didn't pay attention in school, so that's why I

1287
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:06,960
Speaker 1: feel like I like a curriculum and a structure. Now

1288
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 1: with this podcast, I like reportings after the fact, after

1289
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 1: we've talked to you. I want to find out what happened.

1290
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 1: And we've had so many positive outcomes come out of this.

1291
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 1: It's just like we're freeing the whole world. Yeah, thank

1292
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,640
Speaker 1: you for Asty Braham. We love you so much. I

1293
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:23,840
Speaker 1: love you, I adore you. I'm so glad we got

1294
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:26,640
Speaker 1: to see each other. Me too, Yeah, I love in person.

1295
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: I know. I'm so thankful to see you too. Yeah,

1296
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,480
Speaker 1: come out to Jesse. I will. I definitely will. I'm

1297
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:37,000
Speaker 1: performing in Montclair next week. I have two shows in Montclair.

1298
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: I'll be in Jersey. Fantastic. Bye bye. So if you'd

1299
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,439
Speaker 1: like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear

1300
01:04:43,520 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.