WEBVTT - CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2055: A Bestiary of Beasts 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:08.239 Cool Zone Media book Club, book Club, book Club, a 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:10.320 couple of we'll like what about It's the Cool Zone 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:13.000 Media book Club, and I am your host, Margaret Kiljoy. 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.040 And this week, like we've been doing for the past 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:21.000 several weeks, we've got a report from the future. That's right, 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:23.720 we have a podcast sent to us from the year 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:30.159 twenty fifty five from me, because guys still work for 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:35.320 this show or a different show in twenty fifty five, 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.959 and I sent a thing back in time to myself. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:41.320 Don't think too much about the time paradox part of it. 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:45.600 The important thing is that it's another episode of Cool 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.560 Zone twenty fifty five, How to Survive the dinoh War. 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:55.560 Good morning and or evening, one and all, and welcome 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:57.720 to another episode of Cool Zone twenty fifty five How 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.200 to Survive the Dino Wars. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy, 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.479 here to say, Hey, we're going to get through this. 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:08.200 Maybe not as individuals, but none of us were going 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:13.640 to survive being alive anyway, terminal condition being alive. This 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.600 week on how to Survive, we're going to go over 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:18.480 some of the threats we're facing and talk about some 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:21.880 of the specific concrete actions we can take to counter 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:24.840 those threats. It's going to be a good time. But 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:29.160 first some headlines. The Canadian war took a turn for 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.840 the better of this week. First Nations fighters and their 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.400 allies announced on Tuesday that they have secured Vancouver Island. 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.000 If you haven't seen the videos of troops storming the 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.360 Doom Facility and the University of Vancouver in Victoria, you 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:45.720 are missing out. Every one of those Nazi scientists surrendered 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:49.400 and thousands of human and non human test subjects were released. 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:53.040 This comes after months of bad news out of the 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:56.320 western half of Canada. With the capture of Vancouver Island, 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.279 it is only a matter of time before internationalist forces 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:04.520 step onto the mainland again. Unfortunately, news out of Egypt 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:07.960 is not as good. Islamist forces backed by the Aryan 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:11.600 Empire and the New IDF have stormed the capital of Cairo, 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:14.800 making heavy use of the Israeli government in Exile's favorite 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.840 lab grown weapon of terror, the half sentient land jellies. 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:23.720 This right wing alliance has ousted the democratically elected Council 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:27.400 of Cairo and replaced it with a strong man. This 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:31.120 marks the fifth reversal in the area in only two years. 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.679 The Internationalist Forces defending the city was a coalition built 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.679 from the anti Zionist New boond the pluralist Islamic group, 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.800 the Brothers and Sisters Alliance, and of course the SDF. 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:43.760 There is no word yet from the Internationalist Forces about 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:46.720 the hopes of a counterattack, and protests within the city 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:51.959 have been met by immediate violence. In other news, wildfire 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.320 is ravaging much of the continental US, including rare East 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:59.440 coast winter fires the recently coined Christmas fires that have 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.640 been effected in the mid Atlantic in particular, Listeners are 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.200 reminded to keep a weather alert radio running twenty four 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:07.440 to seven if you live in one of the affected areas, 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:12.080 keep a go bag packed and your car charged. The 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:15.640 flooding through Central Africa has been particularly extreme this year. 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:18.359 Climate change is of course drying the southern portion of 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:21.800 the continent, while wettening is is that a word wettening 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.919 I don't know, while making Central Africa substantially wetter. We'll 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:27.560 have links in the show notes on how to support 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:32.440 mutual aid efforts there. And finally, it would not be 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.280 a cool Zone media podcast in World War three point 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:38.560 five if we did not shout out our most generous 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:44.120 sponsor Dino Cadence. Dinocadence is the world's fastest growing chain 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:47.680 of dino rider academies, offering classes on everything from trick 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.720 shots to Stegosaurus fire fighting. If there's not a Dinocadence 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:56.560 academy in your area, then you yes, you listener. You 0:03:56.680 --> 0:04:00.000 can start one. Contact Dino Cadence and they'll get into 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:03.000 instructures out to your area. Because we are all in 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:07.240 this together, human and dinosaur, and together we're going to win. 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.320 We just actually have to do it. You can't win 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:14.800 this fight by avoiding it. Tuition is free, but spots 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:22.360 are limited, so apply to Dino Cadence today. So the 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:25.960 oldest military strategy book in existence is still one of 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:29.400 the best, The Art of War by Sun Zoo. It 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:32.799 was written during the Warring States period of Chinese history. 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:36.360 It's mandatory reading still more than two thousand years later, 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.800 for more or less anyone considering military strategy on every 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.640 side of this conflict. The capitalists who did a good 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.919 job of destroying the world used to read it for 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:49.559 lessons in corporate warfare. The best and the worst people 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.240 in the world read The Art of War. I'm not 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.160 going to quote the whole thing at you. Though. It's 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.320 not a very long text and you should read it, 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.679 but there's a part that's particularly relevant what we're talking 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:04.440 about today. Note that most translations, including the one I'm 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:08.800 about to read, use the pronoun he throughout, but classical 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.719 Chinese did not make use of gendered pronouns. Mandarin Chinese 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:16.240 adopted gendered pronouns in the twentieth century after contact with 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:19.760 Western languages. In case you wanted another reason to be 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:23.640 mad at Romance languages, there you go. But that's unrelated. 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.840 Here's a quote from the Art of War. We may 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:33.080 know that there are five essentials for victory. One he 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:35.880 will win who knows when to fight and when not 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:40.000 to fight. Two he will win who knows how to 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:43.240 handle both superior and inferior forces. 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.560 Three he will. 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:49.240 Win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:54.400 all its ranks. Four he will win who prepared himself 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:59.720 waits to take the enemy unprepared. Five he will win 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:03.200 who who has military capacity and is not interfered with 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:07.600 by the sovereign. So those are the five main principles 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:09.919 we're operating under. When we discuss how we're going to 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.760 get through this. Know how to pick your battles, know 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:15.400 how to adapt to the enemy, know how to maintain morale, 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:19.920 know how to time your attacks, and celebrate our decentralized 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:24.479 command structure. But the next section of the Art of 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:27.960 war is even more specifically useful to what we're talking 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:28.599 about today. 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:29.960 Quote. 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:34.480 If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:37.800 not fear the result of one hundred battles. If you 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.520 know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained, 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.919 you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:49.760 the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:56.080 So we must know the enemy and ourselves. That's easy. 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.400 You might think we're the good guys in there, a 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:03.800 bunch of evil Nazis. That's all I need to know. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:07.200 That is what the enemy wants us to think. They 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:10.200 want us thinking and purely black and white, because they 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:14.680 want us ignorant. We need to know ourselves, our strengths 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.560 and our weaknesses alike, and we need to know them 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:22.320 their strengths and weaknesses alike. That means knowing how they tick. 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:27.280 That means knowing what spirit animates their armies. There is 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.440 a reason that mindcom the Principles of the Elders of 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.720 Zion and the Turner Diaries and all those sorts of 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:38.920 horrible texts are required reading in internationalist officer training programs. 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:42.239 There's a reason that cool Zone media has been talking 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:45.600 about how bad people think since the very start, also 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.600 how reasonable people end up thinking bad things, and how 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.360 we need to be aware of that and learn to 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.320 distinguish between the two. The Art of War gets into 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:54.960 way more about that, but I'm not going to get 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.600 into it right now. I promise this isn't a purely 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.880 art of war for the Dinoh war Atpiside. Oh, that 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.920 would be fun. We should do it in an addition 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:05.600 that just takes the art of war and adapts it 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.120 to the Dino war. What do you think you should 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.520 let us know on the various Internet things if you think. 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:12.000 We should do that. 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:18.800 So this week we're going to talk about the enemy forces, 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:21.800 and in particular we're going to talk about the living 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:25.920 weapons that they bring to the battlefield. But first we're 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:28.480 going to talk about the goods and services that support 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:33.679 this podcast. Are you tired of bonky bonnks that boink 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.480 your big bonk? Do you wonder why you were issued 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.520 a helmet and your bronto wasn't. Do you want to 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:43.200 show your main reptile that you love them, then you 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:46.920 need to talk to Big Boingos Ballistic anti boink Barting. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:47.559 Today. 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.800 The bros and bro ettes at Big Boingos know everything 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:55.360 about how to equip your steed with ceramic plating. They 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:57.680 know how hard it is to build helmets for brontos, 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.760 but they're not afraid to do it. If your bronto 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:04.320 can't think, it can't fight, so guard that big boy 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:08.560 or boyette and their brain. Today, this week and this 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.640 week only, Big Boingos is offering a special deal for 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:15.400 Cool Zone listeners. If you purchase a set of braided barting, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:19.199 they'll throw in one of their patented Bronchi brodals or free. 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:24.319 That's right for free. Who's on media had slight reservations 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.439 about accepting this ad. Big Boygos Ballistic anti Boinkbarting has 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:30.000 been categorized by the Strategic Alliance Department of the Baltimore 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:33.920 Commune as an opportunistic corporation whose loyalty to internationalism is 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:37.120 currently in question. Ongoing investigations are looking into potential financial 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:39.439 ties between Big Boingcos and an outfitter who serves the 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.560 other side of this war called massive Maus Monstrous Monster munitions. 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.520 Cool Zone Media would like to remind its listeners that 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.640 it cynically takes money from advertisers in order to finance 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:49.080 the production of anti fascist content and suggests listeners do 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.400 their own research into the goods and services. It advertises 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.520 that said big boingos dino armor has been field tested 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:56.760 by people we trust. Their quality is good and their 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:02.960 prices are competitive. Are you a millennial still in this war, 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.400 figuring it's your generation that should have done a better 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:08.600 job of stopping the rise of fascism worldwide? Are you 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:12.360 a gen xer in uniform using your trademark cynicism to 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.200 bolster a sort of nihilistic morale among your younger comrades. 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:20.400 Are you a zoomer refusing to slow down? Maybe you 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:23.800 are a proud member of the Gray Brigades, fighting alongside 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.679 your not young peers in this desperate winner take all 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:31.320 showdown between fascism and internationalism. If you are forty five 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:34.200 years or older, you are more than welcome at this 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:39.760 summer's Old Bastard's Ball in Belfast, United Ireland. Here is 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.720 your chance to socialize with the other ancient warriors and 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.760 to tell ancient war stories. Cool Zone Media's Maya Wong 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:50.240 will be presenting the Wokies, the award for combat veterans 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:54.520 old enough to have called things woke unironically for security reasons, 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.360 all attendees must RSVP and a vouch system will be 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:58.199 in place. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:17.840 And We're back. 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.760 While climate change scientists in Helsinki were de extincting animals 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.400 in the twenty forties, they were not the only people 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:30.320 developing ex vitro genesis. In Toledo, Ohio, there was a 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:35.000 pharmaceutical startup that was originally called the Crusader's Grail. Their 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.719 odd name was part of that wave of counterculture, right 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:43.240 wing Catholic converts that happened right before the Disconcordant. Mostly 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:47.360 they made their money selling knockoff pharmaceuticals and infringing on 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.000 other companies patents, which won them a lot of support 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.520 during the era of the insurance Riots, But it soon 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:56.559 became clear that they were adulterating their products with drugs 0:11:56.559 --> 0:12:00.000 that they hoped would quote reverse the homosexual and transsexuals 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:03.200 of the US and make kids straight. 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:07.120 Instead, it sort of made people lose their minds. 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.760 It was bad, a whole bunch of behind the bassards 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.320 episodes about them before we knew how real bad they 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:15.439 were going to get. The FDA tried to shut them down, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:17.480 and there was that arms stand off at their compound, 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.080 and it was a whole big deal. You probably remember it. 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.200 If you don't remember the standoff, check out Molly Conger's 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.600 twenty thirty six episode of Weird Little Guys titled make 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:32.280 the Frogs Straight Again. And so the Crusader's Grail. They 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:35.040 changed their name in their business model, but not their 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:40.720 overall mission. The Crusader's Grail became Substantiation, which is of 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:44.960 course trans substantiation the Catholic belief that the crackers and 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:47.680 wine they eat turned into literal body and blood of 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.800 Jesus when they eat them, but without the trans in 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:52.800 the name. Because there are a bunch of right wing 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:58.200 culture war zealots, Substantiation set about trying to well raise 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:03.960 the dead and breed monsters like that was their mission 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:09.880 statement in internal paperwork, or to quote it directly. Substantiation 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:13.160 is a for profit organization dedicated to spreading the Word 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:18.040 of Christ and spreading Christian nationalism by use of unliving bioweapons. 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:21.000 It is God's plan that we recreate the Miracle of 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.680 Lazarus and arm the resurrected with flaming swords with which 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:28.520 to strike down the sinful. Which look, we did a 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:30.720 whole two week series on the Disconcordant and you can 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.160 go check that out for more information. But this statement, 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.559 once it leaked, it pretty much split the Christian faith 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.199 and it was a huge reason why a series of 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.160 anti popes started popping up all over the world, because 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:45.080 a lot of people were like, wait a second, isn't 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.680 the whole point of Christianity not to strike down the sinful, 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.240 like with flaming swords, but. 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.199 To forgive them? 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.880 And other people were like, but we want zombies with 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.200 flaming swords to kill gay people, and those are the two. 0:13:58.160 --> 0:13:59.199 Sides of Christianity. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:05.000 Ever since substantiation got mystery funding, which ed Zitron actually 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.960 proved the source of it was the Republican Party. Do 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:10.280 you remember the Republican Party. There were a bunch of 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.520 right wing bastards who went mask off fascist in the 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.839 twenty tens before most of you were born, who picked 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.080 a really strange name for themselves, since Republican means leftist 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:20.960 everywhere else in the world. But then again, I guess 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:22.880 when the Republican Party picked it, they were actually the 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:25.400 anti racist whatever. It's a whole bunch of history about this. 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.960 I've done so many episodes over the past several decades 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.640 that talk about the Republican Party and when it switched 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:34.280 over and blah blah blah blah blah. That's unrelated, Okay, unrelated. 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:39.920 Substantiation never really made money. They just ate up resources 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:45.040 developing living weapons what we call biospawn today. They developed 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:47.640 ex vetro Genesis, which is that cloning that isn't really 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:49.720 cloning because it doesn't require a living host that everyone 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:51.560 else just costs cloning. But if you don't say X 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.840 feature genesis and podcasts, then people get mad at you 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:54.640 on social media. 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:55.800 Anyway. 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.240 They developed this around roughly the same timeline as Cold 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:06.000 Lab Cooperative in Helsinki did. Substantiation's first big success was 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:10.320 the hellhound, a sort of half dog, half rabbit monstrosity 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:14.760 that is still in production today. Like most biospawn, especially 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:18.600 monster hybrids, hellhounds live for only a year or two 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.000 at most, and they spend all of their waking hours 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:25.440 in tremendous pain. Screaming and crying. They were sold first 0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:26.280 as guard. 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.200 Dogs to the ultra rich. 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.240 It was this whole fad, but owners kept them so 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:32.200 full of pain meds to get them to shut up 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.600 that the hellhounds mostly slept all day and were not 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:39.800 really useful even for intimidation. Plus, there was that beautiful 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.440 day when hellhounds ate Bombboy, the white rapper turned past 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:46.800 her white nationalist billionaire at his estate in front of 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.760 a live news crew. Some of these hellhounds were even 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:54.280 utilized in World War Three, mostly just for their impact 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.040 on the enemy's morale, but in an era of drones, 0:15:57.080 --> 0:16:01.680 the hellhounds weren't particularly impactful on a larger scale. If 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:05.040 you find yourself up against hellhounds, which you might have already, honestly, 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.080 here's what you need to know about them. They have 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.560 the jaws of a pit bull, and once they've latched 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.520 onto you, realistically the only way you're getting it off 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:16.600 of you is to shoot it in the head. They 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:21.000 can jump ten feet vertically or thirty feet horizontally. Even 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:24.560 the most ardent animal lover instinctively knows that it is 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:28.360 a favor to kill these creatures. Hellhounds have a death 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.720 wish as strong as their prey drive. They live to 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:35.040 kill and die. Their main weakness is that they are 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:41.800 never quiet, even sleeping. Hellhounds are suffering crying in their sleep. Unfortunately, 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.160 it really is a drive to kill and not a 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:47.920 drive to eat. Most distraction techniques that work on dogs 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:52.280 do not work on hellhounds. But on the plus side, 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:56.800 they somewhat regularly attack their own trainers. Due to their volatility, 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:01.280 hellhounds are rarely used in field battles, which is good 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.680 because they're reasonably. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:04.440 Effective against dinosaurs. 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:09.000 Otherwise they just attack their own side too much. Hell 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.520 Hounds are often guarding the perimeter of nationalist bases, trained 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:14.879 not to wander too far and to attack anything living 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:18.960 that they run across. They're also used to flush out 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.639 buildings in urban warfare. A pack, usually three to twelve 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.720 dogs will be let loose in the front door. These 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.840 hounds are also often equipped with suicide vests that explode 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:33.119 if shot or Recently, since dogs cannot open doors, some 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:35.560 hounds have been trained to self detonate their vests if 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:38.520 they find a door they cannot open, which clears the 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.879 path for the remaining creatures. I know I said earlier 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:43.679 about how we shouldn't see these things in terms of 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.920 black or white. But our enemy, at least its scientists 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:53.040 and its generals, truly are evil. If you encounter hell hounds, 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.040 it is useless to run, even on dinosaur back. These 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:00.320 fucking things are fast. You need to fight. They are 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.679 physically weaker than you and your mount. At the end 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.479 of it, if you can shoot them, shoot them. If 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:08.040 they're masked and you have access to a flamethrower, use 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:10.880 that if you're alone. There's an old trick people use 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.119 to fight dogs. I'm sorry to say that this is 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:16.159 the thing that people have had to do, where you 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.760 offer your forearm, the forearm of your non dominant arm, 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.000 and the hellhound will lunge and bite that. 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:25.280 Use your dominant arm then. 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:27.760 To shoot or stab the creature to death. If you're 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:31.240 expecting hellhound trouble, van braces are worth adding to your kit. 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.200 For those of you who didn't grow up obsessed with 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:37.520 swords and armor, that's a forearm guard. After the development 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:39.600 of the Vishnu Shield at the end of World War Three, 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:44.200 substantiation itself actually collapsed. I wish we could take credit 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.480 for this, but basically one of the founders detransitioned from 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:51.439 Catholicism back to mainline Evangelical Protestantism. And then one of 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:53.560 the Catholics got mad, and then the two killed each 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:56.600 other in a literal duel, and the whole organization was 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:59.960 so hierarchical that it fell apart with two of its leaders. 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:04.000 But it's core ideas of using ex vitro genesis to 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:09.040 develop super weapons. That idea is spread and spread and spread. 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:10.000 It's all over the world. 0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:12.800 But you know what else is all over the world, 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:17.640 products and services. This podcast is brought to you by 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:21.119 the Council for Total War on Boredom, the makers of 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.720 the finest board and card games in the twenty first century. 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:26.640 When you've got some downtime in the trenches or the lab, 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:28.720 or the warehouse, or the factory or the mess hall 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:32.120 or wherever you do your part to kill fascists, why 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.800 not pass the time with a board game. You could 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:38.520 try last year's breakaway hit Please the Plesiosaur, a semi 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:41.840 cooperative game for two to seventeen players that teaches battle tactics. 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:43.480 Why you're just having fun. 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:47.800 Or maybe you'd like to try something new. 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Remember, just because we're 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:21.719 in total war doesn't mean we should get total bored. 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:27.080 This podcast was brought to you by reticent Randy's Rodent Rescue. 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.680 Why is he rescuing all these rodents? He won't say, 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:32.199 But if you need to rescue a rodent, Randy is 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:34.600 the man for the job. This advertisement barely past our 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:36.960 editorial board. None of us are exactly sure what service 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.359 has been offered by this advertiser. It seems likely, perhaps 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.720 even probable, the appearance of this advertisement is a code 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:43.840 that communicates meaning to some portion of the listening audience. 0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:44.440 Who's on media. 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:46.040 Would like to remind the people who play such ads 0:20:46.040 --> 0:20:48.679 in order to communicate internationalist fighters behind enemy lines that 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:50.960 such coded messages are more effective that they appear to be, 0:20:51.119 --> 0:21:09.600 which have been advertisements, and we're back. 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:12.760 Soon enough. 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:17.360 Nationalist scientists were reanimating the dead. There was no religious 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:20.120 motivation this time, not really. It was a tech startup 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:23.800 Brains with a Z and two exclamation marks that really 0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:27.600 pushed for the reanimation of the dead. Zombies would Brains 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:30.480 hoped be able to replace living workers in any number 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:34.399 of industries. After all, the unliving require weekly injections in 0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:37.359 order to stay animated, and so if the workers were sentient, 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.080 that could have been held over their heads to make 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:40.800 them loyal to whatever company they were. 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:41.280 Leased out to. 0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:45.000 Because Brains was a subscription service, as was the style 0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:48.760 at the time. Early on, there was some optimism about 0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:50.440 bringing people back as well. 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:51.359 People. 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:55.240 There would have been some brain damage, people assumed, but 0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:58.880 they might still have you know, sentience, memory, and personality. 0:22:00.000 --> 0:22:03.159 A few famous counterfeit attempts. Do you remember Jesus the 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:05.239 blonde haired, blue eyed preacher who claimed to have been 0:22:05.280 --> 0:22:10.119 resurrected after self crucifixion. No one ever managed a true resurrection. 0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:14.159 The dead stay dead, or at least their souls or 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:17.320 personalities or whatever you want to call it. Do the 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:20.399 very very freshly dead were able to be resurrected and 0:22:20.440 --> 0:22:24.520 merged with other creatures, creating bipedial biospawn with roughly the 0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:28.600 intelligence and demeanor of the hell hounds. Most corpses, though, 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:33.640 are resurrected as what we call zombies, slow shambling creatures 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:37.920 without even an animal self awareness. The zombies cannot be trained, 0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:41.760 only herded. They walk and moan until they find a 0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:46.040 warm blooded creature that they then rip to shreds, trying 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:50.080 to consume every bit of its blood and warmth. Fortunately, 0:22:50.640 --> 0:22:54.080 unlike the zombies of screen and page, real life zombies 0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:57.199 lack the ability to self replicate. You get bit by 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:00.240 a zombie, you're not going to turn into a zombie. 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:03.239 The real life zombies even tend to rip people up 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:06.840 so badly that their kills cannot be resurrected by the necromancers, 0:23:07.000 --> 0:23:12.080