Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you.
Speaker 1: Claim and give us time and a Turmano and gage.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome
Speaker 4: you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need ride.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris? Welcome to our podcast. Hi. Hi,
Speaker 2: I'm Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 6: I'm Karen Tilgara.
Speaker 7: We are leaving from Ogden Drive in West Hollywood in
Speaker 7: my two thousand and eight on a court. So we've
Speaker 7: decided to do a podcast in our car where we
Speaker 7: will go to and from the airport driving comedian comedian
Speaker 7: friends and acquaintances.
Speaker 6: And performers, maybe enemies.
Speaker 5: That that would be a very special episode is if
Speaker 5: we pick up an enemy and drive.
Speaker 2: Them to their gig.
Speaker 7: Right, it's like one of our nemesis, Yes, memesi nemeses
Speaker 7: someone we know with.
Speaker 2: A goatee and some sort of a flat hat. That
Speaker 2: makes some sinister.
Speaker 6: You hate Greg Fitzimmons.
Speaker 2: When you exhaled.
Speaker 7: I thought that we were going to hit either an
Speaker 7: them all or key bone a car and.
Speaker 6: This is what a podcast in a car is going
Speaker 6: to be.
Speaker 2: Like I'm on edge in a car in general.
Speaker 5: Here lane's ending, it is ending, and this there's a
Speaker 5: free couch. There, there's a helicopter. It's l a baby.
Speaker 2: See that's what our podcast is going to be.
Speaker 7: You can't see the things that we're gonna list, but
Speaker 7: our podcast is a list.
Speaker 2: It's basically a podcast of I spy.
Speaker 5: Objects and and it's a it's an active faith because
Speaker 5: we could be not really naming things.
Speaker 2: That are there. You just have to believe that we
Speaker 2: saw a couch. We're not lying it was it was
Speaker 2: a couch.
Speaker 7: It's believable that there would be a couch on the
Speaker 7: side of the street.
Speaker 2: You're a gardener and fountain, yeah, I think very believable.
Speaker 2: We're gonna do periodic intersection updates.
Speaker 5: I think people would like that because then they can
Speaker 5: see it in their minds, especially natives who are into
Speaker 5: you know, traffic podcasting.
Speaker 2: They'd be like, yeah, there existing fountain. I've my apartment
Speaker 2: used to be there. That sparks stories that I have
Speaker 2: in my own head about that interception. This is so interactive.
Speaker 5: They'll say, yes, They'll say, I'm going to have a
Speaker 5: podcast going on at the same time in my brain
Speaker 5: while I listen to their bullshit of my own bullshit.
Speaker 2: Right, we're of course talking about crazy people.
Speaker 6: And people with more than one personality.
Speaker 7: I am nervous. I'm less nervous driving, but I'm nervous
Speaker 7: in a vehicle now because I three weeks ago was
Speaker 7: in what I believe to be a horrific car accident.
Speaker 2: I guess horrific.
Speaker 7: Means you have to have broken bones at least, but
Speaker 7: I think I have a cracked rib for real. Oh
Speaker 7: my rib is worse than it was.
Speaker 2: Last week. It's not supposed to get worse. No, that's
Speaker 2: very true.
Speaker 5: That's terrible. And I saw the pictures. I think horrific
Speaker 5: is the perfect word.
Speaker 7: To do up there, right, is that because you also
Speaker 7: have a Honda fit And I was in a Honda
Speaker 7: fit that.
Speaker 2: Was crushed very well.
Speaker 5: The best was Chris was telling me about this terrible
Speaker 5: car accident and then he starts talking about his girlfriend's
Speaker 5: car and going, this little piece of shit that you know,
Speaker 5: crunched up like a coke can, and then I look
Speaker 5: at the picture and it's the same.
Speaker 7: Car, that same color, everything, exact same model.
Speaker 5: There's a bumper sticker of my initials on the back.
Speaker 5: Why just to scare me? Well, it worked.
Speaker 2: I honestly want to.
Speaker 7: Give her to that car now, I think you should.
Speaker 7: After the airbags didn't deploy, have we said what the
Speaker 7: car is? I don't want a lawsuit because I love
Speaker 7: my Honda Cord.
Speaker 5: Yes, no, Hondas are good cars, but this is, like,
Speaker 5: you know what it is. It's almost like a starter car.
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, it's a it's a Geo metro version.
Speaker 6: It's just a Honda. So it's but it's there. It's
Speaker 6: their cheapest car.
Speaker 7: It's yeah, it's just not what you want to be
Speaker 7: rear ended at forty five miles an hour while at
Speaker 7: a standstill. We were at a light and some uninsured Texter.
Speaker 2: I assume it was Texters.
Speaker 7: Well, I know we would have launched out the windows,
Speaker 7: at least one of the windows. I suppose parts of
Speaker 7: our bodies could have launched out a separate windows if
Speaker 7: you did. If we weren't wearing seat belts, which I
Speaker 7: believe is why my rib is cracked. I blame the
Speaker 7: seat belt, but I also give it credit for not
Speaker 7: letting me die.
Speaker 6: Do you have a very complex relationship with seatbelts now, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a given. It's always a relationship of give
Speaker 2: and take.
Speaker 5: Please wear your seat belts, by the way, everybody, even
Speaker 5: if you don't like it. I think Chris's experience is
Speaker 5: the perfect example of why you should always wear seat belts.
Speaker 6: Please, please wait your.
Speaker 2: Turn on left turns when you're on fountain, and we're
Speaker 2: gonna have a lot of just tips from it. Also
Speaker 2: called before you dig and then you're young if something,
Speaker 2: say something you've got, any touch can be a bad touch.
Speaker 7: That one, well, they utilities, common mark, underground lines or gas.
Speaker 2: That's right. There's so there's so much risk around us.
Speaker 7: Needless outages, possible explosions.
Speaker 5: When you think you've turned the oven on all the
Speaker 5: way but it's just gas leaking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you want to have a nice cigarette
Speaker 2: in the kitchen and you're wondering why your head is
Speaker 2: in the oven. These are all things we'll just tell you, yeah,
Speaker 2: that you're at risk for. Yeah, and two in about.
Speaker 7: We are now at a sunset and we're going to
Speaker 7: Burbank to hopefully pick up a comedian if we recognize someone.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're gonna drive around and see because we didn't
Speaker 5: really we didn't really lock anything down.
Speaker 2: We don't have a guest, we don't book anybody.
Speaker 5: But there's so many people traveling we figured we'd just
Speaker 5: go to the Burbank Airport.
Speaker 2: See who's there. Yeah, maybe a guy who's clearly a
Speaker 2: magician or an entertainer. That's right.
Speaker 5: A man in a top hat could be waiting by
Speaker 5: the luggage area.
Speaker 7: Holding a bamboo cane that he uses to be pulled
Speaker 7: off stage, and the catskills someone that's clearly an entertainer.
Speaker 5: I've never heard of magicians being given the hook off stage.
Speaker 7: Bob Hope Airport. All it's just magicians flying in and out.
Speaker 2: That's their hub, if you will.
Speaker 7: Anyone who does USO tour work goes in and out
Speaker 7: of the Bob Hope More Memorial Airport, or I guess
Speaker 7: people that live in the area. I guess people do
Speaker 7: live in that area.
Speaker 5: Hey want to hear a really good story about me
Speaker 5: at the Bobboob Airport last weekend.
Speaker 2: That's why we're podcasting, Hi.
Speaker 5: Real good stories told with the windows down. So I
Speaker 5: went to sketch Fest last weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how was it?
Speaker 5: It's super fun, really good, really great shows.
Speaker 6: I was bummed because we missed the party.
Speaker 2: The second show I did at.
Speaker 5: The Punchline went until almost two in the morning, okay,
Speaker 5: and there was some kind of a last party, but
Speaker 5: I did get to go, which I was sad about
Speaker 5: because I do enjoy a festival party.
Speaker 2: Much more than regular life parties. Yes, yes, there always
Speaker 2: more fun.
Speaker 5: Anyhow, on my way up, I saw a man named
Speaker 5: Owen Burke in the airport who I've worked with.
Speaker 2: He's hilarious man improviser.
Speaker 5: I think he's one of the founding people from UCB
Speaker 5: and uh So he and I are talking and I
Speaker 5: look over shoulder and Gene Simmons is walking toward us,
Speaker 5: and like you could spot him anywhere because his hair.
Speaker 5: His hair looks like like one of those Halloween wigs
Speaker 5: that cost two dollars like that, it's it looks like
Speaker 5: it's polyester, but then it's been shaped into like a helmet.
Speaker 7: Yeah, or like in a cartoon if something bad electrically happens,
Speaker 7: like with a toaster.
Speaker 2: That's what his hair looks like. Cartoon electrocuted hair.
Speaker 5: Yes, he also looks like do you ever watch Brendan
Speaker 5: Small's cartoon Met?
Speaker 2: I do watch me only because of how much I
Speaker 2: like to say it with ease and without having we
Speaker 2: both said it wrong. Yes, I put a couple of
Speaker 2: extra jeans in there.
Speaker 5: But uh, there's a character on that, the guy with
Speaker 5: the with the musta hud. Right, that's exactly what Geene
Speaker 5: Simmons looks like, except for his hairs dyed black. So
Speaker 5: you see this guy coming from miles away if you're
Speaker 5: if you're a sharp eyed gal like me, So I
Speaker 5: see him coming, and so I'm just saying to one's
Speaker 5: telling me a story, and meanwhile I'm.
Speaker 2: Going Geens, gens, it's like that, and he exercise. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he didn't. I was warming up for my weekend. I
Speaker 2: do improv too. I usually say carrots potatoes. I love
Speaker 2: New York, I need New York.
Speaker 5: So, uh, I think Geensman saw me doing it.
Speaker 2: So he had this look on his face, like you're
Speaker 2: welcome type of things. And he came up and he's like,
Speaker 2: you guys.
Speaker 5: Are standing in the middle, And then no one turned
Speaker 5: around and saw that it was Gene Simmons, and we
Speaker 5: both stood there and just stared at him because he's
Speaker 5: one of those people.
Speaker 2: Yes, and he yeah, he stills fear.
Speaker 6: He's scary looking, he's crazy looking.
Speaker 2: He's got metalocalypse hair. It's crazy.
Speaker 7: And was at the improv one night and I madame
Speaker 7: as well. He said I was a handsome and powerful man.
Speaker 7: Oh that's what he left me with, and then left
Speaker 7: the building.
Speaker 2: Straight out the roof, just like a sinister superhero. He
Speaker 2: slid up a fireman's hole and out of my life.
Speaker 2: You're a powerful what does he say? Powerful? And what
Speaker 2: you're handsman? Powerful man? Oh, that's kind of awesome. And
Speaker 2: they turned to Michelle Balloon, whose party I was at
Speaker 2: last night.
Speaker 7: She's a friend of mine who's leaving, and he said,
Speaker 7: I'm not sure what you do, but I'm sure you
Speaker 7: do it well.
Speaker 2: He just made us feel good.
Speaker 5: That's nice and he knows he can like I didn't
Speaker 5: think I cared about Jean Simmons or kiss right. And
Speaker 5: when he walked away from us, so he said, you
Speaker 5: guys are standing in the middle, and then he said,
Speaker 5: I want to hang out in the middle.
Speaker 2: With you guys.
Speaker 5: And I'm not sure if it was that's the exactly
Speaker 5: that kind of gets lost on me.
Speaker 2: You have to be a little bit more direct in that.
Speaker 7: I didn't even get it when he was saying let's
Speaker 7: let's put the X in sex.
Speaker 2: That went over my head. You were like, Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: called spelling. Yeah, of course, what's that's what's flirting? Are
Speaker 2: all of kisses songs about grammar or rocks? Yeah? So
Speaker 2: what was the Oh I'm sorry? Yeah? What after that? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I guess after that? Nothing? Really, he just still had
Speaker 2: wiry hair and he was out of your life. Oh.
Speaker 5: The reason I brought it up was because maybe that's
Speaker 5: the kind of potential star sighting that we will have
Speaker 5: at the bribon Gara and.
Speaker 2: We will ask do you need a ride? Is that
Speaker 2: the name of our podcast? By the way, we haven't
Speaker 2: named it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it should be do you need a ride?
Speaker 2: Hey Mac? Should we put Hey Mac? Who's Mac? Mac?
Speaker 2: Like just anybody like said back in the fifties? Okay
Speaker 2: it was a bad it was a bad idea. How
Speaker 2: about I didn't need to negate you? No, do you
Speaker 2: need a ride? It's probably gonna be the name. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I feel like if we start in giving actual names,
Speaker 5: that's going to confuse people.
Speaker 2: Yeah everyone.
Speaker 6: Oh I'm Mac. My name isn't Mac. I can't get
Speaker 6: a ride that bullshit.
Speaker 5: All you need to be is a Canedian that's either
Speaker 5: leaving town to go do a gig or coming back
Speaker 5: from a gig. We will pick you up from either
Speaker 5: the Burbank or Los Angeles Airport.
Speaker 2: We cannot go to John Wayne. It's it's unrealistic, is that.
Speaker 5: Maclamore's no, No, he does.
Speaker 2: The back was filled with knee boards. That's a specific
Speaker 2: lyric because he he went to buy a knee board
Speaker 2: and then he bought a kneeboard. I think he bought
Speaker 2: a keyboard and then he bought a kneyboard. Either way. Oh,
Speaker 2: I always saw he was saying keyboard twice. What is
Speaker 2: a knee board?
Speaker 7: I think a knee board that's behind a boat. It's
Speaker 7: kind of obsolete. Oh, you would find it out a
Speaker 7: thrift story. They're bad for your back. You take all
Speaker 7: the I've done a little behind the boat action sports
Speaker 7: and with a knee board all the entire Yeah, it's
Speaker 7: in your spine, so you're on your knees and they
Speaker 7: are so you're sitting on your ankles and so all
Speaker 7: the impact when you catch air and I.
Speaker 2: Caught some mare on a knee board. In my life,
Speaker 2: it goes straight to your spine. It's a flawed sport.
Speaker 2: So you find those things that drift stars and then
Speaker 2: you wrap that. Four people can can. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: have much going for you. If you're looking for a
Speaker 2: cheap used shirt that already has bo in it, how
Speaker 2: about some scoliocids.
Speaker 6: Do you like spots McKenzie? Do you hate your spine?
Speaker 2: You're gonna love this towel with a stain on it,
Speaker 2: and you're your morning pain.
Speaker 5: Back when I was in college though, And if you
Speaker 5: see the left, we don't have to get the freeway.
Speaker 2: Just okay, this is the road that I was rear
Speaker 2: ended on. Okay, let's just work through it. Just talk
Speaker 2: about your feelings. I'm glad we're not in You're hand
Speaker 2: to fit. Yes, me too.
Speaker 7: I'm going uphill rather than downhill, yes, And I'm I
Speaker 7: will drive aggressively. I'm not is that the answer, though?
Speaker 7: I mean I I'd rather be the one rear ending
Speaker 7: than get rear ended.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I feel like.
Speaker 7: That's the wrong ass I'm going to drive like a
Speaker 7: goddamn lunatic because I don't want to get hurt.
Speaker 6: This is exactly what's wrong with everyone in America.
Speaker 7: If someone's going to get hurt, it's not going to
Speaker 7: be me, It's going to be someone else.
Speaker 6: I'm going to do the hurting, and that's going to
Speaker 6: solve my problems.
Speaker 2: It simply doesn't make sense. I've been hurt, so now
Speaker 2: I'm going to hurt you.
Speaker 6: I wrote on a keyboard. Now I want to buy
Speaker 6: a keyboard.
Speaker 2: Keyboards.
Speaker 5: I drive on this strip of road a lot, and
Speaker 5: there was a time where I had a lot of
Speaker 5: anxiety about driving myself.
Speaker 2: As you know, I have ablepsy This is right where
Speaker 2: it happened. Are you serious? It's still there?
Speaker 5: I feel okay, what party part of your body is
Speaker 5: tense right now?
Speaker 2: Which are cracked? Which there's nothing love that.
Speaker 7: That's just a physical aftermath. But yeah, no, I'm not
Speaker 7: even playing it up. It is hard to drive by.
Speaker 2: That spot, I bet it is. Yeah. It's a scary night,
Speaker 2: very confusing. I was a shock. It's huge. The police
Speaker 2: did not come because you have to die for the police.
Speaker 7: Is anyone dead, sir? And I said no, no, I'm
Speaker 7: We're okay. I think sorry, we're not coming. You have
Speaker 7: to say that, oh, there's a bone sticking out of
Speaker 7: my neck. That's what they only will come if you
Speaker 7: are injured.
Speaker 2: But then don't they need a police report for insurance.
Speaker 2: That's why we had to get an accident lawyer. Oh accident.
Speaker 7: So that puts you through a routine process where they just,
Speaker 7: you know, put you through this insurance machine of seeing
Speaker 7: a doctor who doesn't really look at your X rays,
Speaker 7: send you to a physical therapist who thinks they just
Speaker 7: think that you're working the system, when really I want
Speaker 7: to know if my ribs are broken.
Speaker 6: Yes, that would be good information.
Speaker 7: You're still When I press on them, I make the
Speaker 7: sounds of a cat, scared cat.
Speaker 2: It's just a high squeak, and I'm just squeezed by
Speaker 2: that guy that made all of us nervous.
Speaker 5: I trust you, but you know you have to remember
Speaker 5: that strip of road, that whole feeling.
Speaker 2: That you have.
Speaker 6: This is very interesting.
Speaker 2: Information to me I learned from my therapist. The brain
Speaker 2: doesn't know time.
Speaker 5: So when you go past a thing like that, your brain,
Speaker 5: when it remembers it, it remembers it like it just happened.
Speaker 6: It's not like it knows that it happened.
Speaker 2: Three weeks ago.
Speaker 5: So your brain like when it sends back all the
Speaker 5: memories and the messages and stuff like that, it's it's
Speaker 5: as if it's either going to happen now or that
Speaker 5: it just happened.
Speaker 2: It felt.
Speaker 7: The feeling in my head was a fresh feeling. Yes,
Speaker 7: but I know that my brain is conscious of time passing.
Speaker 2: And that it was three weeks and now.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm here to tell you is you don't
Speaker 2: understand time. I am. I'm in a constant state of
Speaker 2: continual being. Yes, you uh.
Speaker 5: It is not unlike Groundhouse's Day the film, except.
Speaker 2: For just your scenery change is a lot more. That's
Speaker 2: why there's been this song in my head. That's why
Speaker 2: I use a clock radio.
Speaker 7: I am going are being pulled over? No, I'm going
Speaker 7: to signal and pull. I don't know what the siren means,
Speaker 7: but it makes me nervous. Hopefully they're helping someone that
Speaker 7: was in an accident.
Speaker 2: Now they're gonna come up over this hill. Oh oh,
Speaker 2: I hope we rolled up the windows sound purposes. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: good good. That was a fire truck. Everybody, You never
Speaker 2: know what that They're always first to respond. Wait, look
Speaker 2: at that. Look at that billboard.
Speaker 7: Maybe someone didn't call before they did. I know, did
Speaker 7: I really die?
Speaker 6: Did I really die? Resurrection ABC?
Speaker 7: If there's any billboard that has bothered me the most,
Speaker 7: other than half the movies that like Frozen, that one
Speaker 7: since the accident, I don't.
Speaker 2: Like seeing that. Oh yeah, I really don't like saying
Speaker 2: that that I really died.
Speaker 7: I also don't like seeing the one with Greg Kanar
Speaker 7: with raw meat on his face.
Speaker 6: Fucking Greg Kenannar, Man, I'm done with him.
Speaker 2: I guess saw him too. I'm done. You've had it.
Speaker 7: I didn't know I was done until I saw a
Speaker 7: stetch raw meat on his face. That's what you do
Speaker 7: if you have a black eye in a cartoon, Yes, that's.
Speaker 2: From nineteen forty four, go to a doctor. Uh well.
Speaker 2: And also Kimire's character Greg Kenre.
Speaker 5: I heard a great story of him when he worked
Speaker 5: with Harrison Ford on Sabrina. He went to Harrison Ford's
Speaker 5: fairly one day and Harrison Ford as everyone knows, the
Speaker 5: big Stoner, and Harrison Ford said, you want to smoke
Speaker 5: the pot? And Greg Kanner said, I'm going to call
Speaker 5: the police. Greg Kimure is like an old school like
Speaker 5: Republican Nazi Square.
Speaker 2: You're a kidding to the MS degree. This is what
Speaker 2: I heard.
Speaker 5: This is I love gossip, and I'm happy to pass
Speaker 5: it on on this podcast.
Speaker 2: Rather than saying, oh my god, I'm gonna get high
Speaker 2: with Indiana Jones. Right, he said, I'm gonna call the pillage,
Speaker 2: call the police. That weed belungs in a museum. That's
Speaker 2: what he said.
Speaker 5: After that, he said, I'll trade you that weed for
Speaker 5: this bag of sand that's the same.
Speaker 2: Waves very then he got a darkness neck and that
Speaker 2: was Sabrina, and that was the movie Sabrina. You're Sabrina everybody. Now.
Speaker 5: We're coming down past the Oakwood Apartments, very famous apartment
Speaker 5: complex for actors that go to Hollywood for a short stance. Really, yeah,
Speaker 5: that's where everybody lives, like when they first get to town.
Speaker 7: I think it's a famous driveway to do a you
Speaker 7: turn in when you give up on going up Barham.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's or if you're on your way to an
Speaker 5: audition at Warner Brothers and then you're like, why am
Speaker 5: I doing this?
Speaker 2: I'm never gonna get this part. We're coming up near
Speaker 2: a conan. I don't want to. I mean, my podcast,
Speaker 2: I could brag, but I was on the Conan program.
Speaker 6: Let's say we can always pry Ago always brags.
Speaker 7: I'm just gonna list some of my IMDb credits right
Speaker 7: back at your nuts. When I get mad in a
Speaker 7: car all of a sudden from New York, I've only
Speaker 7: spent a week there in my life, accumulated.
Speaker 2: But also that car was going the other direction, and
Speaker 2: he's four lanes away, but him.
Speaker 7: Now I hear your horn. Yeah, I get it. You
Speaker 7: got somewhere to be. That's opposite direction of me. I
Speaker 7: was leaving Conan when I got rear ended.
Speaker 2: I know. I keep mentioning that, no, you can't. This
Speaker 2: is all the relevant stuff, is what we're going to
Speaker 2: be talking about. Yeah, traffic, mental illness. I just threw
Speaker 2: that in there. You do trauma? Oh do you want
Speaker 2: to tell that story? Is that what you about last night? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Will you retell the plot of a Bell last night?
Speaker 2: That one will Rob Low film? Yeah, I certainly will.
Speaker 2: Or the new one with Kevin Hart. If you notice
Speaker 2: that they're making.
Speaker 5: They made it, Yeah about last night, I believe so.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, but still with Demi Moore right.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, in blackface, I think it's kind of offensive.
Speaker 2: That's not right. It isn't right. Maybe for me it
Speaker 2: would be set.
Speaker 7: We're getting very close to the Burbank Airport, yes, judging
Speaker 7: by how far away we are, I have exactly enough
Speaker 7: time to tell this story about last night. I was
Speaker 7: at a party, Michelle Balloon's friend of mine. I'm gonna
Speaker 7: want to take the left.
Speaker 2: You're gonna want to get over one lay, gonna do that?
Speaker 6: Sweet now, when you said Michelle Balloon is gonna leave again, her.
Speaker 2: Husband is a scientist, saying that right, and he got
Speaker 2: a fancy job, and uh, Philly, Philly, Philly, Delphia. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And they have a nice house.
Speaker 7: And we were having a nice get together in the
Speaker 7: backyard and a man approached the fence much in a
Speaker 7: home improvement style where we couldn't see his eyes. He
Speaker 7: just presented his eyebrows and held a bag of food
Speaker 7: over the edge. You said, anyone wants some French fries
Speaker 7: and a burger.
Speaker 2: I was hungry.
Speaker 7: I took this food from a stranger and started shoving
Speaker 7: it in my mouth.
Speaker 2: Red flag number one.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I could have been poisoned because the guy that
Speaker 7: came over looked like a murderer.
Speaker 2: He was a young kid. I could tell that just disheveled.
Speaker 7: It seemed upset, but he was smiling and trying to
Speaker 7: be nice. We let him go inside and have a drink.
Speaker 7: He sat down. Things were winding down for us. We
Speaker 7: were the party was coming to a close. And then
Speaker 7: he just starts arguing with me about skateboarding, whether or
Speaker 7: not I actually skateboarding, because it was just something.
Speaker 2: That came up, and you don't. I do skateboard quite
Speaker 2: a bit, you don't. Yes, this is how he was.
Speaker 5: You're just like him, my same accent.
Speaker 2: He called me a lying son of a pitch. Oh,
Speaker 2: but he immediately turned on you.
Speaker 7: And there was knives all over. There was ten knives.
Speaker 7: He could have stabbed me so many different ways because
Speaker 7: we are cutting cake and hot dogs and things, and
Speaker 7: so there's knives. So I started gathering the knives. Michelle's
Speaker 7: husband was like, hey, it might be time for you
Speaker 7: to go.
Speaker 2: And he's like, no, I'm not ready to go. Oh
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stick around here for a bit. Hey.
Speaker 5: You know what if you're at a party and someone
Speaker 5: says it's time for you to go, the only answer
Speaker 5: is sounds great, yeah.
Speaker 2: Not for him? And then ready to go? And then
Speaker 2: soon I came up my girlfriend. She said, oh, you're sad.
Speaker 2: You're a sad man, and he when killman's crazy and
Speaker 2: indeed sad. They do not want to hear that. No, no,
Speaker 2: no no. So that's when he said, get her away
Speaker 2: from me and.
Speaker 7: Start calling her names. I'm like, am I going to
Speaker 7: fight this guy? But he seemed scary. I was very
Speaker 7: scared of very big. A lot of people are bigger
Speaker 7: he was.
Speaker 2: He was a big kid. He lives next door with
Speaker 2: his seventy eight year old parents.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 7: He went into the front of the house and he
Speaker 7: was drinking at soda. At this point, I'm like, should vomit?
Speaker 7: I think he poisoned us.
Speaker 2: He would not leave.
Speaker 7: We kept telling him to believe Michelle's kept calling the cops.
Speaker 7: All these cops showed up, tasers out. He was yelling
Speaker 7: at the cops, said he was gonna this isn't over,
Speaker 7: This isn't over, yelling at the house. I'm gonna sue you.
Speaker 2: I don't know what his grounds were for suing us
Speaker 2: for being a skateboard fraud. Yeah, he's gone.
Speaker 7: Really, I swear to god, I've skateboarded since the nineties
Speaker 7: and it was so sad because his parents have dealt
Speaker 7: He clearly was unstable.
Speaker 2: This wasn't just a bad night for him. His parents
Speaker 2: were elderly.
Speaker 7: His dad was a eighty year old white haired man
Speaker 7: that was on the porch and they were just sad
Speaker 7: and they said, please come in, Miho. And then the
Speaker 7: cops said no, he can't come in, and they rested
Speaker 7: him and they he was calling them motherfuckers and yelling
Speaker 7: at them, and it was scary. He was a crazy
Speaker 7: person who.
Speaker 2: Was in the same room as I mean, Michelle's baby
Speaker 2: was asleep.
Speaker 7: He could have like, you know, that's what makes him
Speaker 7: scary is there's babies everywhere, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they surrounded by babies. There's crazy people. There's
Speaker 2: babies you can't even see. There's a mentally ill man
Speaker 2: near a knife, and then ten feet in the other
Speaker 2: direction there might be a sleeping baby sleeping be world.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of risk. I think
Speaker 5: it's probably the reason you shouldn't go ragging about all
Speaker 5: your skateboarding. I mean, it seems like you started it.
Speaker 2: Hey, I like to mix it up. He said, what
Speaker 2: kind of trucks do you skate? And I'm like, all
Speaker 2: different kinds. I don't believe you. You haven't picked a
Speaker 2: brand of truck. Oh hey, I like to I like
Speaker 2: different brands of things. I don't stick with a brand
Speaker 2: like Yeah. I just feel like you could have answered.
Speaker 2: I should have given him what he wanted. I should
Speaker 2: have just said, you're right. Say fans, Oh yeah, fans everything, fans, fans. Ope.
Speaker 2: I wear a lot of ocean fishes, of course, because
Speaker 2: time is irrelevant. Oh, yes, that's made it on a map.
Speaker 2: Maybe we are so weird. I've never seen those before.
Speaker 2: We're close to the Burbank Airport. Yeah, we're getting close.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see what comedian is waiting curbside.
Speaker 2: If somebody actually is there, I will go in and
Speaker 2: see someone is getting in this car. Do you think so?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm on edge. I feel like everyone's crazy.
Speaker 5: Wait, that's what I was going to ask you when
Speaker 5: that guy wanted to fight you, because I know that
Speaker 5: happens to guys occasionally, which I have to admit I love.
Speaker 7: I love it if he was a dude just being
Speaker 7: a dick because there was a little club there. I
Speaker 7: like to have find a weapon when someone's bigger than me. Yes,
Speaker 7: I was holding it. He knew I was holding it.
Speaker 7: It only made him angrier and more excited. And that
Speaker 7: you can always tell him when someone has nothing to lose. Yeah,
Speaker 7: and I can pretend to act crazy, but when someone
Speaker 7: legitimately is, they trump me, and I'm like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 7: I don't know what this guy's capable of. I thought
Speaker 7: maybe he had a gun. He definitely they had stuff.
Speaker 2: He had stuff in his pockets that the police put
Speaker 2: in evidence. Fact, so who knows it's so crazy? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: he was. He was scary. Now this brings up my
Speaker 2: other point that I was saying earlier, which is I
Speaker 2: think you need to go.
Speaker 5: To a shaman or some kind of a psychic healer
Speaker 5: a person. Yeah, between that car accident and in this event,
Speaker 5: I think you need to get some.
Speaker 2: Stuff cleansed off of you.
Speaker 7: So I should go into one of those Urtz sweat
Speaker 7: lodges and take health.
Speaker 5: Cynogenics, yes, or like maybe the scientology center.
Speaker 2: Okay, just maybe too many body seats. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't want these things to keep happening to you. Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I bet it's because of all these emotions
Speaker 7: that are conjured through the ghosts of alien beings.
Speaker 2: Right, that's probably what's been bothering me.
Speaker 6: They got knocked out of your spine when you were
Speaker 6: rear ended.
Speaker 7: You know what, I think it knocked a few space ghosts.
Speaker 2: I love that show. Oh god, damn, it was funny.
Speaker 2: It was really a good show. It was a good show.
Speaker 6: Nobody cares Moby.
Speaker 5: Did you ever see the one where they interview Moby
Speaker 5: and the end he just ends the interview by guy.
Speaker 2: Nobody cares Moby. Nobody cares the best. Don't we all
Speaker 2: want to tell Moby.
Speaker 6: That Let's talk about the TV shows?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh, come on, Chris, Let's see the forest. Wow,
Speaker 2: we are very close to the airport. I'm quit navigating
Speaker 2: because I didn't.
Speaker 6: Want Yeah, I can get you there. This is actually
Speaker 6: my hood.
Speaker 2: I believe in Burbank. Oh wow, maybe we can pretend
Speaker 2: we're picking you up. M h So where you have to?
Speaker 5: Oh I'm going to I'm gonna go to the lapstop
Speaker 5: in Houston.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, it's been close for four years.
Speaker 7: If you're gonna lie on a podcast, at least make
Speaker 7: sure you mention things that exist.
Speaker 5: You better have your fact straight, lady, because people will
Speaker 5: check them.
Speaker 2: The leftop has been closed for a number of years.
Speaker 2: I was doing a character of a person yelling at me.
Speaker 2: That was pretty extreme. When was that? I didn't hear
Speaker 2: you yelling, just.
Speaker 5: No, not really yelling, but yeah, well I'm not listening.
Speaker 2: No one's fake upset with you. What about that guy?
Speaker 2: He looks like you need a ride.
Speaker 6: He's got some high jeans and a sweet ass belt on.
Speaker 2: You're right, I don't trust those high waisted jeans. You're
Speaker 2: on your own, buddy.
Speaker 5: Sorry, great, can't deal with another potential taser situation.
Speaker 7: You're not getting in this Honda with those signature jeans
Speaker 7: from Kirkland.
Speaker 5: He's got forty nine other pairs of those jeans, bottom
Speaker 5: and bulk.
Speaker 2: Yeah, along with some batteries and muffins and a Donald
Speaker 2: Trump book.
Speaker 7: He man, this podcast is gonna have so much costco humor.
Speaker 2: This might be the last mustard I ever buy. My
Speaker 2: dad walked in with a two gallon jug of mustard.
Speaker 2: We laughed. Potentially you will die before the mustard's gone.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, Wendy, it's summertime. Maybe you use it
Speaker 2: twenty times. It's the kind of on how many hot
Speaker 2: dogs you can sell? I guess that's true.
Speaker 5: Mustard is only for use on hont This is kind
Speaker 5: of an interesting shopping center that they built that's all
Speaker 5: fast food and bad food right by the airport.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a little kiss of a of the Midwest,
Speaker 2: a small town call let's turn out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like you can go there specifically to go
Speaker 5: there's a dryer's ice cream place.
Speaker 2: There.
Speaker 5: There's a Panda Express drive through, which I never saw
Speaker 5: that before.
Speaker 2: That's bad news for me. I didn't not eat a
Speaker 2: Panda Express.
Speaker 7: After their billboard that said we've been bamboozled, I showed
Speaker 7: U pandas near some bamboo.
Speaker 2: I mean, I like wordplay, but that's a big.
Speaker 5: L Yeah, well, because what are they was there some
Speaker 5: kind of bamboo dish that they were making.
Speaker 2: It doesn't even make sense it really. I think they
Speaker 2: used bamboo, they chop it on. I don't know. I
Speaker 2: don't think. I don't think we eat bamboo. I think
Speaker 2: people eat bamboo. Sometimes there's bamboo in a soup or something.
Speaker 2: Listeners eat around it. Listeners, Yeah, call in. We're gonna
Speaker 2: say just the Bamboo Hotline is live.
Speaker 6: Let us know if we eat bamboo or not.
Speaker 2: We are if we do we do. It's in like
Speaker 2: fun Foh no, I think you're Bamboo fun. I might. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're here.
Speaker 7: We are at the Bob Hope International with the pastor,
Speaker 7: and I'm just gonna get closer to her side, just
Speaker 7: see if we recognize anyone, maybe a star.
Speaker 2: Comedian. So far, it's just regular people, those guys saying goodbye,
Speaker 2: very sweet. Yeah, people taking it easy. Okay, I don't
Speaker 2: know him. Okay, well, like he's stone Golf.
Speaker 5: Wow, it's pretty empty actually, yeah, Sunday afternoon, you think
Speaker 5: people would be either coming back.
Speaker 2: Or going to somehow. I think they're on the podcast time.
Speaker 7: We're going where most most often going to be going
Speaker 7: to and from lax And you agree.
Speaker 5: That's most Yeah, I think so you know why because
Speaker 5: you can't really get I think you have to pay
Speaker 5: a little bit.
Speaker 6: More for flights at a burbank and or they just
Speaker 6: don't have as many.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I I never understand if it's for any reason
Speaker 2: other than you live nearby here. I can never understand leaving.
Speaker 2: Should we go back around? Yeah?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I say let's make the security here nervous and
Speaker 7: just do some loops.
Speaker 2: Well, then I'm going to pull out my peas. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll just good. You've been here before quite a few times.
Speaker 5: I actually like to balet my car because I'm late
Speaker 5: for everything, the tea, very late, okay for everything, all
Speaker 5: at least twenty minutes later all the time.
Speaker 2: And you can just pull up there. They'll take your car.
Speaker 2: It's so la. They'll take your car. And it's like
Speaker 2: twenty bucks a day, so you don't have to drive
Speaker 2: out to like Lot B and then take a tram. Sure,
Speaker 2: twenty bucks a day if you have that kind of money,
Speaker 2: and they'll wash it for you. See, these are the
Speaker 2: kind of tips we give you.
Speaker 5: So it's it's not just driving comics to the airport,
Speaker 5: but then also just how to deal with the airport.
Speaker 2: Be at the airport logistic airport logistic airport logistics. Don't
Speaker 2: bring water, yeah, I still to this day. I mean,
Speaker 2: how long ago is nine to eleven?
Speaker 7: I kind of like to stick it to them a
Speaker 7: little bit and bring exactly under four ounces of water.
Speaker 2: And who do you think you're sticking it to?
Speaker 7: That's the man, the man, either if she's a lady
Speaker 7: or a fella, I'm sticking it to the man. If
Speaker 7: you've got a uniform and I'm drinking water right in
Speaker 7: front of your face.
Speaker 2: You've been had.
Speaker 6: That is classic skateboarder attitude that it didn't.
Speaker 2: Just like a kickflip in your face. Oh oh, that's
Speaker 2: interesting look at it. Because it's a tiny airport are
Speaker 2: all the way around. This is such a mon pop airport.
Speaker 7: That really is just like Bob Oak's comedy, so accessible,
Speaker 7: so accessible, so racist.
Speaker 2: So easy to not laugh at, so evil to Koreans?
Speaker 2: Was he? Yeah, he's very famous in the Asian community.
Speaker 2: He came into the Los Angeles area. He bought up
Speaker 2: a bunch of.
Speaker 5: Burbank from he basically repossessed it from people who were
Speaker 5: either somehow Asian.
Speaker 2: I can I think they.
Speaker 5: When they when they in turned Koreans during the Korean War.
Speaker 5: He went in and bought up all their all their property.
Speaker 5: So he owned acres and acres of like fruit trees
Speaker 5: and orchards and stuff that had belonged to Korean people who.
Speaker 2: Had lived here and settled here. He is definitely an
Speaker 2: old school comic. I'm just gonna I mean, that's so
Speaker 2: old school comedy. Just to come and take your orchard, well,
Speaker 2: to buy a neighborhood from a race of people. That's so,
Speaker 2: that's like something Shecky Shacky Burfler would have done, or
Speaker 2: maybe a young Sammy Shore.
Speaker 7: So we're we're pulled over. We're just if I recognize anyone,
Speaker 7: we're gonna give them a ride home. Okay, that's the
Speaker 7: premise of our podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna force it. Do you see that yellow corvette
Speaker 2: up there? Yeah, you don't see those often being used.
Speaker 2: Why don't you go up right now and buy us
Speaker 2: some cocaine. That'd be great. That is such a coke
Speaker 2: ironcoom than that woman who's dressed like a bumblebee. I
Speaker 2: guess that that she's she's just into yellow. That'd be
Speaker 2: kind of amazing. If you got your coke at the airport,
Speaker 2: that's where your dealer, well.
Speaker 7: It's kind of a high risk place to get any
Speaker 7: kind of illabel substance.
Speaker 2: It's it's a high risk place to park.
Speaker 7: But people are practically given it away because you bring
Speaker 7: a bag of coke.
Speaker 2: And you're like, oh, I can't go through security with this.
Speaker 2: That's right, I better get rid of it herbside.
Speaker 5: Might be even cheaper than if you went into your
Speaker 5: normal coke areas to get it.
Speaker 7: Every once in a while when I do the baggage check,
Speaker 7: you know, it's more convenient on the sidewalk.
Speaker 2: I'll just tip the guy with a bag of coke.
Speaker 7: Yeah, two birds with one stone, because then you're not
Speaker 7: bringing it on the plane. And he's like, oh sweet,
Speaker 7: I was about to go to a high octane dance
Speaker 7: club tonight.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, this is important.
Speaker 7: Support any suspicious behavior, support it, support it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so just say hey, good job, buddy with you
Speaker 2: love what you're doing over there with your suspicion. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're hunched over. I like the sunglasses a weird shuffle.
Speaker 2: So you're gonna get tips from us, and then also
Speaker 2: from just anything over loud speakers that might be in
Speaker 2: the area.
Speaker 7: It's sure to support suspicious behavior.
Speaker 5: I have to say that the music that they have
Speaker 5: here at the Burbon Airport, like that plays on their
Speaker 5: system is excellent.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's about it in lax lax seems. It's always like,
Speaker 7: listen to.
Speaker 2: This rat jam from Phil Collins. Can we get that
Speaker 2: cleared right now? We have to get Phil Collins money.
Speaker 5: What if Phil Collins came out of the Burbank Airport
Speaker 5: and needed a ride to Beverly.
Speaker 2: Hills, uh Ibia I'd say, do you need a ride
Speaker 2: out of STU STU Studio City.
Speaker 7: That's always a joke that I wanted to say, specifically
Speaker 7: to him at this specific airport.
Speaker 2: All of your dreams are coming true on this podcast.
Speaker 2: This is really excellent. Mm hmm, it's coming together. I
Speaker 2: can't wait.
Speaker 5: If I saw him, I'd say, you've got a groovy
Speaker 5: kind of luggage.
Speaker 2: A groovey kind of luggage. I love it. It's the
Speaker 2: only one. It's that's the only Phil Collins song I
Speaker 2: can think of it, and it's not even his song.
Speaker 2: I would offer to help him with his luggage and
Speaker 2: then and then retract it and say, oh, no, you
Speaker 2: got it, you know, out of multitask and that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean make sense, but he would know that it's about
Speaker 2: the fact that he can sing and drum oh at
Speaker 2: the same time. I like it.
Speaker 5: So it's you're no longer quoting songs, right, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: Just uh, you know, specifically in a roundabout way, complimenting
Speaker 2: his ability, right, because a lot of people can't do that.
Speaker 5: I think it's as yes and not sound like you're
Speaker 5: playing the drums while.
Speaker 7: You're singing, right, And he did all the Ronald Reagan
Speaker 7: claymation in that music video.
Speaker 2: Is that true he made those puppets? That joke is
Speaker 2: for someone exactly our age.
Speaker 5: If you graduated high school anytime after nineteen ninety you, sorry, pal.
Speaker 2: You probably aren't even laughing. You're just like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I remember that.
Speaker 5: You're Like, God, if I didn't love Airport so much,
Speaker 5: I would not be listening.
Speaker 2: To this bullshit. Remember that sweaty Ronald Reagan's puppet, Yes,
Speaker 2: scared the hell out of me.
Speaker 5: Well, because he woke up in like a puddle and
Speaker 5: then they slow mode the shot.
Speaker 2: Remember that when he like woke up and it was we.
Speaker 5: Grew up in it under the threat of constant threat
Speaker 5: of nuclear nihilation.
Speaker 2: No one ever talks about that, we being children of
Speaker 2: that era. Yeah, it was really fucked up. Red Dawn
Speaker 2: was like a documentary to me.
Speaker 6: It was straight up real, like get ready for this somehow.
Speaker 2: Some people are just like, oh, that's just one of
Speaker 2: Patrick Swayzey's early movies, Like no, No, it was caused nightmares.
Speaker 5: That was the kind of thing you would think about
Speaker 5: in high school of like and if and if the
Speaker 5: parachutes came, now, what would I do?
Speaker 7: Russian parachutes will come to your high school and shoot
Speaker 7: into the windows.
Speaker 5: I have to tell you, though, is that is that
Speaker 5: Dane Cook in that super sport?
Speaker 2: It might be that seems like a car. What if
Speaker 2: we picked Dane Cook up out of his own car?
Speaker 2: He would not be happy to see me.
Speaker 7: I went up after he was bragging about having sex
Speaker 7: with Marisa Tomey and doing the joke was that he
Speaker 7: took her oscar and stuck it in her vagina.
Speaker 2: That was sick. Yeah, that's a no. The audience didn't
Speaker 2: recognize it at its one good, but he did. They
Speaker 2: did appreciate.
Speaker 7: That he was doing a low energy, dark version of
Speaker 7: Dan Cook. He stopped pacing around and saying things in threes,
Speaker 7: that guy needs a ride?
Speaker 2: Are you funny, sir? I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 2: that hat's funny anyway.
Speaker 5: Wait, I'm still insanely disturbed by statue rape.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 7: And then at the end of it, I went up
Speaker 7: after him and said, wow, how many people here really
Speaker 7: liked Mercy Tomain until they heard that she had sex
Speaker 7: with Dan Cook and he.
Speaker 2: Was still in the room and so whatever. I could
Speaker 2: have been friends with that X mega star. No, no,
Speaker 2: so plus he's already in this car. I was driving already.
Speaker 2: I know, I was saying. It was like a power move.
Speaker 2: We would pick him up from his car. Oh, like
Speaker 2: my Honda is better than you're charging. Yeah, yeah were.
Speaker 5: I think maybe part of Dame Cook's problem is because
Speaker 5: he got so popular. I don't think he learned from
Speaker 5: enough people, like anyone that would do a comedy bit
Speaker 5: like that first of all, kissing and telling comedy aside,
Speaker 5: yeah ross.
Speaker 7: He also talked about how how much money has and
Speaker 7: how easy it was for him to get there.
Speaker 2: Excuse me to get what I think.
Speaker 7: I puked in my mouth, which is bad for a podcast,
Speaker 7: but I you know, I just tried yourhead.
Speaker 2: I swallowed and this is leftover trauma from when we
Speaker 2: drove by your car accidents. I am so uncomfortable in
Speaker 2: this car.
Speaker 7: I'm sweating and I have vomited ten times during this podcast.
Speaker 2: But also could it be because you're sweating because it's
Speaker 2: hot now and have air conditioning and you're wearing a
Speaker 2: very thick flannel shirt because what am I? The brawny
Speaker 2: paper towel man. It's another classic skateboarder move is to
Speaker 2: dress like a man who chops. What for a living? Yes, so,
Speaker 2: Jen Xley, it is extreme.
Speaker 5: No matter what the weather, You've always got to have
Speaker 5: your Pendleton's shirt on.
Speaker 2: It is I flannel.
Speaker 7: Hey, if you were ever questioning it warm body warming abilities,
Speaker 7: I'm here to say I'm very uncomfortable in sweating.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for clearing up those doubts.
Speaker 7: Certainly there's no one at this airport. Is it condemned.
Speaker 7: It's like a ghost airport. All the airplanes are ghost planes.
Speaker 7: They're like transparent Wonder Woman planes that have ghosts.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love to fly in one of those.
Speaker 7: It would be great, except you know, people can see
Speaker 7: up your skirt if you fly low enough.
Speaker 5: I give you close pins skirt up yep.
Speaker 2: I remember that in every Wonder Woman cartoon they would
Speaker 2: have that moment where she closed pinder skirt. She'd be like,
Speaker 2: watch it, aquaman.
Speaker 7: See, I better not fly low over any construction sites
Speaker 7: or I'm gonna get.
Speaker 2: Cat called an invisible tier. Yeah, she still gets sick.
Speaker 2: Flee your ass.
Speaker 7: She might be wonderful, but she's a woman.
Speaker 2: Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.
Speaker 2: I don't know any of these people she has wonderful
Speaker 2: with hair I find out on the road. If we
Speaker 2: would maybe.
Speaker 5: Say, yeah, they just d yeah, we'd say, like we
Speaker 5: would get out and hug them, right, because you need that,
Speaker 5: Like if you're about to go do either a week
Speaker 5: or a weekend somewhere in a town that you don't know, right,
Speaker 5: there's nothing worse. That's part of the way that we
Speaker 5: thought of this and decided to do this podcast.
Speaker 2: Is there's really nothing worse when you're a comedian.
Speaker 5: And maybe this does loop back around to Dan what
Speaker 5: I was saying about Dane Cook randomly that now I think,
Speaker 5: I mean, which is your alone a lot? You get
Speaker 5: a lot of weird ideas when you're alone a lot.
Speaker 5: And I think the idea of dropping someone off and
Speaker 5: kind of trying to bolster.
Speaker 2: Them on their way to a place might be nice. Yeah,
Speaker 2: when you're sitting alone in a hotel. Okay, I'm going
Speaker 2: to get left. Turn yep. Oh, I'm sorry. Well we're
Speaker 2: leaving the airport. We did our business. It's done here.
Speaker 2: I did I know, But now you're on this weird thing. Oh.
Speaker 7: I'm not from this area. I'm a beach living man.
Speaker 7: I lived by the beach areas, am I going, am
Speaker 7: I are we in DANGERO?
Speaker 2: Is that why you're sometimes when the trains come, you're dir.
Speaker 7: That's why you're laughing maniacally. It's just how you deal
Speaker 7: with trauma.
Speaker 6: It is, actually, can I tell you it is?
Speaker 5: I have a laughing problem anyway, And I learned that
Speaker 5: on podcasts.
Speaker 2: When I listen to my podcasts, I just laughed like
Speaker 2: an idiot the whole time if something is going horribly wrong.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just a nice cover, you know, it's a
Speaker 5: release and it makes people feel a little bit better.
Speaker 2: But I often mean it like sixty percent of the time.
Speaker 2: But no. I was once with Jay Johnston.
Speaker 5: And our are We were both with our respective boyfriends
Speaker 5: and girl, uh huh, and he was driving down the five.
Speaker 5: We were on our way somewhere, and he was speeding
Speaker 5: and did this thing where like basically, all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: all the lanes were closed and we were heading straight
Speaker 5: into like a cement barrier.
Speaker 2: Oh I don't need that, And it happened.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, it happened really really fast, and so everybody,
Speaker 5: like the guy always was, screamed, his girlfriend screamed, and
Speaker 5: I burst out laughing, and then he couldn't stop.
Speaker 2: Like when it was all over. He because it was like, Karen,
Speaker 2: what's wrong with you?
Speaker 5: That you started laughing and that, And I was just like,
Speaker 5: I don't know, that's just that's just my I don't know.
Speaker 2: I learned a lot about myself that fence mechanism. I
Speaker 2: when shit hits a fan. I once visited my dad
Speaker 2: at the hospital.
Speaker 7: He was bleeding that we thought he was gonna die
Speaker 7: and wouldn't stop bleeding. Internally, he's okay now, he's a healthy,
Speaker 7: happy man. But at the time we thought he was
Speaker 7: gonna be.
Speaker 2: Tits up, and so we I visited him.
Speaker 7: We were so funny. Yeah, we were just riffing. My
Speaker 7: dad and I have never had better jokes. Yes, And
Speaker 7: it's because we thought this is horrible.
Speaker 2: This is how we deal with it.
Speaker 6: That's exactly right. That's how my family is too.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's the most productive.
Speaker 5: No, I mean it depends on what what is product
Speaker 5: what you see as productive.
Speaker 2: Creepy.
Speaker 6: That place was so creepy. It was called Kid's Castle.
Speaker 2: Did you see it?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: Is it like a medieval times etery for children for children?
Speaker 5: So it's all blue and yellow and white, but it
Speaker 5: looked like, if my mom dropped me off there, I would.
Speaker 2: Never see kids work there.
Speaker 7: Of us, I hope children don't work there as waitresses
Speaker 7: and dressed like slutty barmaids.
Speaker 2: It's totally for adults, but they call it kids Castle
Speaker 2: and I get yee some milk.
Speaker 5: We just we stumble upon some strange pedophilia ring on
Speaker 5: our podcast.
Speaker 2: Never been done.
Speaker 7: Before that, that would be that would be a standout episode.
Speaker 7: This is our inaugural episode. I've been wanting to say.
Speaker 2: That, yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 7: We are when we when we wrap it up, and
Speaker 7: we should soon, we're gonna smash a bottle of champagne
Speaker 7: on the front of my car.
Speaker 2: Christen this episode, I like it is the ss Yeah,
Speaker 2: do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 7: We're gonna call it do you need to ride? Question mark?
Speaker 7: Of course that's the appropriate punctuation.
Speaker 5: I mean he must have broken up with Marsa Tommy
Speaker 5: at this point, right before he stuck the statue in
Speaker 5: your puss, well, I mean before he started doing a
Speaker 5: bit about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think he just wanted to brag.
Speaker 7: I feel really uncomfortable about seeing pussy and I've done
Speaker 7: it twice now, well he I think he just wanted
Speaker 7: to brag about back when he had it going on
Speaker 7: and he was dating Maris.
Speaker 2: Oh, so this wasn't a current story.
Speaker 7: No, No, it was nostalgia back in the old days.
Speaker 7: I was dating an Oscar winner maybe.
Speaker 2: It was Marisa time. Everybody we did like that hand thing,
Speaker 2: like it's between you and I. But was there a joke?
Speaker 2: Was there an actual joke? It was just I think
Speaker 2: he just wanted to get it off his chest that
Speaker 2: he I don't remember.
Speaker 7: He wanted to shock everyone with I think the joke was, uh,
Speaker 7: did you see the oscar when you were dating her?
Speaker 2: And he said, see it? I would hold it while
Speaker 2: I fucked her, which.
Speaker 7: Is kind of it's a visual of someone having sex
Speaker 7: and holding the oscar. Yeah, that's somewhat recognizable as a joke, sure,
Speaker 7: And then as an ad lib ken.
Speaker 2: He said, yeah, I stuck.
Speaker 7: It in her okay, And so everyone was a little
Speaker 7: horrified when we were you know, armful.
Speaker 2: Of swallowed man, what take it? But that's his first.
Speaker 7: Album, it's called what Armful of Swallowed? Oh, Like a
Speaker 7: lot of those jokes, it's like, hey, hey, you better
Speaker 7: have an extra glass of water, because this is a
Speaker 7: big pill. You're about to down some of my observational
Speaker 7: joke of how our body positions when we vomit at
Speaker 7: a party.
Speaker 5: Album trigger warning, it just be all about if you
Speaker 5: ever raped with a bottle.
Speaker 2: Don't listen to this. You're not going to like it.
Speaker 7: I'm going to describe some of my behavior in the past,
Speaker 7: so you know, as a lady what to avoid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I kind of love that.
Speaker 5: It's almost like he doesn't know what to leave in
Speaker 5: the locker room anymore. I think that's kind of That's
Speaker 5: kind of what I'm at where it comedy can be
Speaker 5: so that way, it's like no holds barred or everything's allowed,
Speaker 5: but everything really is allowed.
Speaker 2: Really at the end of the day, the audience tells
Speaker 2: you what's allowed and it's not allowed.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you don't decide that. It's decided by people laughing hopefully.
Speaker 5: Well, and also it's like you probably could get away
Speaker 5: with that joke wonderfully if you're on some late show
Speaker 5: or some self declared edgy show, which is always so
Speaker 5: very edgy.
Speaker 2: I'm not at the improv it. What time was it
Speaker 2: a vaginal entry themed show?
Speaker 3: Sorry?
Speaker 2: Well, finally, you mean the one. I'm booking storytelling rape
Speaker 2: shows where.
Speaker 6: People really get to stay their side of the story.
Speaker 2: Finally, finally, what you weren't allowed to do in the courtroom?
Speaker 2: All right? Of the road, God, leave it to a
Speaker 2: plumber to jump in the road on a Sunday. He's
Speaker 2: got rusty pipes on the brain. Triple overtime. Wait, is
Speaker 2: that something dirty? No? No, I just think he was
Speaker 2: doing alone.
Speaker 7: He was working on some plumbing. Rusty pipes. Yeah, now
Speaker 7: was all that.
Speaker 2: It seemed like a sodomizing She had rusty pipes on
Speaker 2: the brain. You know what I mean? I do, no man,
Speaker 2: a disgusting episode. This has been God, damn it. It's
Speaker 2: our it's our darkest. Uh, it's rapius for sure. Any
Speaker 2: describing word you can think of. This episode is the
Speaker 2: most that because our first. Yeah, it's the hottest. It's
Speaker 2: very hot.
Speaker 5: It's been like it to spring, kind of a nice
Speaker 5: color to my cheeks, like a natural.
Speaker 2: Natural blush. Actually, I was gonna ask if you were
Speaker 2: having a stroke, you might think it looks nice and natural.
Speaker 5: But it seems like I hear that you become your
Speaker 5: most beautiful right before you stroke out.
Speaker 7: That's why it's they that's the deciding factor for a
Speaker 7: lot of open casket funerals.
Speaker 2: That's how pretty you look, right when you got stiff.
Speaker 2: Well that was I'm sorry. I just that was. I apologize.
Speaker 2: I don't like talking about death.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, well, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know what happens when we die. I just did.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't be discussing it so flippantly.
Speaker 5: Figure, yeah, but you're fine with breaking someone with an oscar.
Speaker 2: I never thought twice about it. You know? Wait, is
Speaker 2: that the rock in front of us? Because that's a
Speaker 2: fucking white Lamborghini.
Speaker 7: I think we are behind the rock in a sweet
Speaker 7: ass lambou.
Speaker 2: That would be I love the rock, I do too,
Speaker 2: and I like lambos. Wait, I can see, I can
Speaker 2: see the review. He's got the rock eyebrows. I can see.
Speaker 2: I can smell when he's cooking. I smell something. Is
Speaker 2: it what the rock's cooking? And his lambos?
Speaker 5: Yeah, those cars, it's very sad because there's look how
Speaker 5: low it is, like any bump you go over, you
Speaker 5: scrape that.
Speaker 2: That's the sad part of a Lamborghini and the only
Speaker 2: reason now own one clearance? Poor clearance? Where is that
Speaker 2: want of fit over there. Look how high?
Speaker 8: Oh god, I can't even look at it. Death trapped toaster,
Speaker 8: toaster filled with blood. You gotta trade that thing in, Karen,
Speaker 8: I absolutely will. I'm not gonna lose another thread to
Speaker 8: a Honda Fit.
Speaker 2: If we were going to get a sponsor for this podcast,
Speaker 2: it's sure as hell isn't gonna be hand. Well, maybe
Speaker 2: Honda could come back Honda Fits. You know it would do.
Speaker 5: It would almost be like that exact point counterpoint where
Speaker 5: there would be a sponsor that'd be like, yeah, you
Speaker 5: heard what they said, but.
Speaker 2: What the do they know? Yeah, drive to the airport
Speaker 2: for no reason. Their side of the story. We make
Speaker 2: cars and half for a really long time. I think
Speaker 2: now is a good time for me to say I
Speaker 2: really have enjoyed my two thousand and eight Corp. It's
Speaker 2: a great car.
Speaker 7: Started as a lease, transferred that into a bank loan.
Speaker 7: I still have a lot of money on this thing.
Speaker 7: But you know, it runs like a new runs like
Speaker 7: a champ.
Speaker 5: What would be amazing is if in the middle of
Speaker 5: that speech you're just giving you.
Speaker 2: Rear ended the rock in his white Lambo. It's kind
Speaker 2: of hard to talk and drive. I am gonna I
Speaker 2: bet it is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because wait, I drove that other time that we
Speaker 5: did a test run.
Speaker 2: I don't remember. I was very drunk during that. Why
Speaker 2: you d time I was nervous. I was nervous. You
Speaker 2: were nervous. I was nervous. I thought I got, but
Speaker 2: mostly nervously.
Speaker 7: When I get it's like a nervous tick where I
Speaker 7: allow of people tap their phot or snap their gum.
Speaker 2: I go by whiskey and drinking and it helps, right,
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, help. He takes the edge off.
Speaker 7: Sure, it takes the edge off of having workable friendships,
Speaker 7: takes the edge off of not getting arrested.
Speaker 2: I'm just following at Lamborghini now I've decided, yeah, not,
Speaker 2: let's just.
Speaker 5: Go where he goes, Okay, I mean that's what he wants.
Speaker 5: That's what people who drive cars now.
Speaker 2: When you drive a flashy exotic, you know you just
Speaker 2: want people to go to your house. You're you're asking
Speaker 2: to be trailed. We understand that you're peacocking.
Speaker 7: Sir, and we are falling for it time we are
Speaker 7: hot on your trail.
Speaker 5: Did I ever tell you the story about when I
Speaker 5: was I was turning somewhere in Hollywood, like like Center Hollywood,
Speaker 5: like near the Arkway, and I was taking a right
Speaker 5: around this corner and there was a guy that was
Speaker 5: going to take a left off the street. I was
Speaker 5: turning out too, So basically as we passed each other,
Speaker 5: we were face to face kind of. And he was
Speaker 5: a very good looking man who looked like me did
Speaker 5: in an extra in uh uh, what's that movie that
Speaker 5: Will Ferrell and Chris Catan were in together? Yes, so
Speaker 5: he was if you go straight through this light, will come.
Speaker 2: Around Riverside Drive. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go under this
Speaker 2: underpants stop. I'm gonna it's a yellow So what You're
Speaker 2: not gonna go in the underpass? You're gonna go over there. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're gonna merge to the I don't know what that's called.
Speaker 2: It's it's kind of just taking him right. You're listening
Speaker 2: to traffic talk caring it, Chris.
Speaker 5: So I passed this guy and as he looked kind
Speaker 5: of like the Rock, he kind of looked like a guy.
Speaker 6: He was wearing a silk shirt at noon that was
Speaker 6: open as far as.
Speaker 2: I could say. And you and I bone that both,
Speaker 2: No silk shirt is even anywhere. That's exactly right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he looked very fancy for being like a Saturday
Speaker 5: mid morning. Sure, and as I turned, he pointed out
Speaker 5: the window at me and pointed at me as I
Speaker 5: made my turn.
Speaker 2: All the way around, he was selecting you, kind of
Speaker 2: like he was picking me.
Speaker 5: It was really one of the more incredible things, because
Speaker 5: that's the kind of guy that doesn't I'm not usually
Speaker 5: the type that registers with a guy like that. I
Speaker 5: would assume I'm right now, I'm wearing a pair of Brooks.
Speaker 5: I'm very low.
Speaker 2: Because he didn't know you were wearing Brooks. You couldn't
Speaker 2: see my feet. There's a woman that wears comfortable shoes.
Speaker 2: I don't there she is. Did you want to pull
Speaker 2: over and redeem whatever your prize was gonna be?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 5: Because he was actually hot. He was hot in the funniest,
Speaker 5: like jokiest way.
Speaker 2: I can't even explain it, but it was.
Speaker 5: It was a pretty powerful experience, enough so that it
Speaker 5: was that boring of a story and I still told
Speaker 5: it on our inaugural.
Speaker 2: Pot No, it's giving me.
Speaker 7: I should we do an episode in the future where
Speaker 7: we just pick up a male prostitute. Yes, and you
Speaker 7: can relive where you feel like you didn't indulge that
Speaker 7: I feel.
Speaker 2: Like, but this guy didn't have a prostitute feel as
Speaker 2: much as he.
Speaker 5: Had like he's an open silk shirt care I'm saying
Speaker 5: club owner. He's the guy that the the people that
Speaker 5: they tried to get in and they're like, can we
Speaker 5: see Maurice And they're like, no, Maurice isn't seeing anybody.
Speaker 2: And that was fucking.
Speaker 5: Maurice in his car, who was just like you lady
Speaker 5: and I And also it felt like he was doing it.
Speaker 2: Maurice is just a cat. This is Morris.
Speaker 5: Okay, if you get over there at that next light,
Speaker 5: I was.
Speaker 2: I was in a car accident right here.
Speaker 5: Really, there was an intern when I worked on Ellen
Speaker 5: many years ago.
Speaker 2: There was an intern who was supposed to be driving
Speaker 2: me somewhere. No, but I think he worked with her.
Speaker 5: And she was looking down like I was like, can
Speaker 5: you turn this down a little bit or whatever? She
Speaker 5: looked down, she turned the radio down and for way
Speaker 5: too long, and when she looked up, there was a
Speaker 5: guy making a U turn and we basically hit his
Speaker 5: car right there.
Speaker 2: It was a little bit crazy. I know, Okay, left, yeah,
Speaker 2: just will take us back over to.
Speaker 7: Help riverside all is a very popular Burbank street, isn't it.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's one of our it's one of our greatest streets.
Speaker 2: It's one that Jay Leno mentions a lot. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: the right. I love Popeye. I think cartoon and the Chicken.
Speaker 5: I think he's a really unsung cartoon character. He's hilarious.
Speaker 5: That's stuff he muttered under his breath. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 5: know what he would mutter, but stuff like that. A
Speaker 5: little insecure.
Speaker 7: He would just say things under his breath. And we're
Speaker 7: headed back the way we came. This is I don't
Speaker 7: want to toot my own navigation horn.
Speaker 2: Here, but I feel like I did pretty well driving
Speaker 2: and having conversation. Yeah, you did great. Actually, the Taco
Speaker 2: be went out of business. Isn't that weird how a
Speaker 2: bell go out of business?
Speaker 7: So that was one of the old ones where they
Speaker 7: actually made it look like a Pleblau with a bell tower, right,
Speaker 7: And I think those they're made of asbestos chips or
Speaker 7: so they just are like, Nope.
Speaker 2: That's why the food's so good. Yeah, extra chemical. It's
Speaker 2: the we shaved a little off the ceiling and give
Speaker 2: you the savings now.
Speaker 5: And remember taco lights, they were the chacos with flower
Speaker 5: shells that they tried.
Speaker 2: It was right when light food quote unquote was getting popular.
Speaker 2: L Yeah, so they called them taco lights, but they
Speaker 2: were no less chloric than anything else. They just they
Speaker 2: were actually light or weight exactly.
Speaker 5: They were fluffy, fluffy or And the reason I loved them,
Speaker 5: they were actually really good.
Speaker 2: And the reason they stopped a campus because they all broke.
Speaker 2: They were truly two lights. Oh really? Yes, what that's
Speaker 2: a weird noise? Yeah, you know what it is. You
Speaker 2: can't shut only a couple of windows to get those.
Speaker 2: That's interesting. That can only happen on a podcast in
Speaker 2: a car.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're not gonna find that on What the fuck
Speaker 5: with Mark Mare.
Speaker 2: And everybody irritating flappy noises caused by the wind and
Speaker 2: a high speed. I thought my ear drum is going
Speaker 2: to burst it for one second. Well, but I just
Speaker 2: kept on talking about taco light.
Speaker 5: I didn't it didn't talk up your story, No, no,
Speaker 5: because I'm trained actress.
Speaker 2: My projection was good the whole time. You lot stage work,
Speaker 2: you can't. Yeah. Yeah, I've painted scenes and todd a
Speaker 2: lot of taco monologues.
Speaker 5: Jud could never stop talking about his tacos and talk
Speaker 5: about that's my podcast talking about tacos.
Speaker 2: Don't get Karen started it on tacos. See, this podcast
Speaker 2: will be go until.
Speaker 7: The sun goes down. Speaking it Up'm going to apply
Speaker 7: my sunglasses.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that we should wrap it up, for sure.
Speaker 2: I think we should edit out the past seven minutes. No, no,
Speaker 2: I mean we can do that. Sure. I thought that
Speaker 2: was uh's for the best, the best work we've done together.
Speaker 2: But you know, you mean the taco chunk. This is
Speaker 2: an unedited podcast. I'm gonna go ahead. Wow, No, I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna say that. What Well, why not? I think
Speaker 2: that's exciting, Like it's almost like we're saying we're.
Speaker 7: Live people, like the ups and downs of a conversation
Speaker 7: the walls.
Speaker 2: Yes, for sure.
Speaker 5: Well, also, I finally understand what podcasts the value that
Speaker 5: they hold, which is that you like usually I listen
Speaker 5: to them when I'm by myself, and I just it
Speaker 5: feels like you're hanging out and so.
Speaker 2: Thanks for hanging out with us. Yeah, thanks for hanging
Speaker 2: out with us, because we're great. Yeah.
Speaker 7: You We're like a warm blanket and a cozy movie
Speaker 7: and we're always.
Speaker 2: Here in this car.
Speaker 5: Were always driving around.
Speaker 2: I don't know how I'm gonna pay my bills. I
Speaker 2: gotta get out of this car at some point. No,
Speaker 2: you stay in this car podcast? Yes money, Yes? Uh
Speaker 2: should we stay until you pass your accent point again? No?
Speaker 7: No, I think we Uh I might have a breakdown.
Speaker 7: I think that we should.
Speaker 2: Uh, you can do that off. I kind of want
Speaker 2: to get on the freeway, which is no, Okay, we're
Speaker 2: gonna go down and planet.
Speaker 5: We'll add it well, because the freeway won't really.
Speaker 2: Help us, right, No, you're right. That's accidents just get
Speaker 2: more severe on a freeway. See some things. That's the lawyer.
Speaker 2: I got the mustache guy on the back of the bus.
Speaker 2: You literally called that number. He also had a silky shirt.
Speaker 2: Maybe the guy had selected you just wanted to defend
Speaker 2: you in court. Oh that's so romantic. Yeah, it was
Speaker 2: the way it was flapping, like god that has is
Speaker 2: in court. But this shirt is unbuttoned to his belt.
Speaker 7: And then when he says this case is closed, he
Speaker 7: does a little salsa dance.
Speaker 5: He snaps under each elbow, this case is closed, Snap, snap,
Speaker 5: and we're done.
Speaker 2: Had a sombrero with salsa in it. He dips a
Speaker 2: chip in there. I don't know. No nobody does. That's
Speaker 2: the beautiful part. No one knows. Okay, we are we uh,
Speaker 2: we're done. We are done. We're done with this. This
Speaker 2: was a good episode. You need a ride, which is
Speaker 2: what we're gonna call it. Should we end every episode
Speaker 2: by finding out what songs on radio? I think we'll
Speaker 2: end it with a song that you recorded. Okay, we'll
Speaker 2: play that right now. I leave.
Speaker 1: Then I want way mad you do. We want to
Speaker 1: be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you time and
Speaker 1: turning on and gay.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off inside. Do you want to
Speaker 4: welcome you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it? We scared? He was it? Fine?
Speaker 2: Now porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 2: and Chris