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Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say

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Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to did

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Speaker 1: Kirsty You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 2: Welcome everybody to another episode of Decision Decision. I'm your girl,

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Speaker 2: Mandy baka dot Beach.

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Speaker 1: I'm your girl, Weezy, and we're back with another episode

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Speaker 1: with another guest. We are going to try to let speak.

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Speaker 2: No, she gonna speak. She gonna put y'all onto some things.

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Speaker 2: She gonna maybe put us onto some things.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited.

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Speaker 2: But before we start this week's episode, if you haven't yet,

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Speaker 2: make sure you pre order our book, No Holds Barred,

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Speaker 2: a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power So good.

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Speaker 2: That's right coming out June twenty fourth, and we need

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Speaker 2: your help to become New York Times bestsellers. And we

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Speaker 2: can only do that if you, guys assist with pre

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Speaker 2: ordering our book. So make sure you go wherever you

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Speaker 2: purchase books or wherever you listen to books now and

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Speaker 2: pre order our book. And Now, Baby but introdoxion of

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Speaker 2: de guess look at me accent I don't even know

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Speaker 2: what accents I am doing.

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Speaker 1: Hunh.

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Speaker 2: We have aligned with Alison, who is a certified dating

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Speaker 2: and relationship coach, a wife, a new.

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Speaker 1: Mom, and congratulating both congrats.

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Speaker 2: She focuses on single women and helping them find successful

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Speaker 2: relationships with secure partners that they deserve, specifically high achieving

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Speaker 2: women and.

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Speaker 1: What is it busy ass women?

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Speaker 2: But basically busy as busy as women who don't have

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Speaker 2: the time maybe to go on the speed dates, the

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Speaker 2: blind dates, the dates.

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Speaker 1: Dating becomes hard when you're working.

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Speaker 3: A lot, extremely time consuming, and extremely frustrating when you're

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Speaker 3: dating the wrong people.

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Speaker 1: Swiping becomes frustrated.

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Speaker 2: Like there's been times like where we've either been on

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Speaker 2: tour or just recording, and I'm like, swiping is a job,

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Speaker 2: talking to these motherfuckers and the DMS is a job,

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Speaker 2: and then setting up dates like ooh what am I.

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Speaker 1: Gonna have a break?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: Sorry, your matchmaker, dating coach? What's what's the exact title?

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Speaker 5: Yes, dating coach?

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Speaker 1: Dating coach? Yes? So what's your ideal client? Is it

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Speaker 1: when they have someone of interest? Is it when they're

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Speaker 1: just starting.

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Speaker 5: That's an excellent question.

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Speaker 3: So ideally I like to work with single as a

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Speaker 3: dollar bill, single dollar as a dollar bill. So this

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Speaker 3: is a person who's not trying to heal from heartbreak.

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Speaker 3: They've moved on from the last relationship that they were

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Speaker 3: involved in. They desire commitment, potentially marriage, potentially children if

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Speaker 3: that's in their vision. But they believe in a committed relationship.

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Speaker 3: They believe in the institution of marriage, and that's what

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Speaker 3: they want for themselves.

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Speaker 1: Why is the needing to believe in marriage important for

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Speaker 1: hiring a coach?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's an excellent question.

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Speaker 3: Again, So if you are serious about getting into a

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Speaker 3: committed relationship, you are serious about being dedicated to this person.

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Speaker 3: I believe in the institution of marriage. A lot of

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Speaker 3: the language that I use is going to be around marriage. Now,

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Speaker 3: my client doesn't need to be legally married or desire it,

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Speaker 3: but they have to desire committed relationships because that's what

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Speaker 3: I teach. I teach you how to navigate dating, both

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Speaker 3: online and offline. I teach you a questions to ask,

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Speaker 3: how to vet, how to discern, how to stick to

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Speaker 3: your standards.

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Speaker 2: How do you define a committed relationship? Like, how do

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Speaker 2: you define that? Because so, say someone comes to you

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Speaker 2: and maybe a committed relationship doesn't end in marriage for them,

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Speaker 2: would you then not take that person?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, absolutely, I would still work with them.

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Speaker 1: Like living together, does it mean monogamous? What's committed?

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Speaker 3: Yes, so, committed relationship means that we are not seeing

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Speaker 3: anyone else and we are exclusively seeing each other with

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Speaker 3: the intention of being together for a very long time.

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Speaker 2: If not, so, you wouldn't have a non monogamous I

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Speaker 2: would not.

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Speaker 1: Okay, tell me what if there were someone because a

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Speaker 1: lot of men are non monogamous right now.

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Speaker 5: You mean dishonestly or honestly.

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Speaker 1: I mean I know that there's a lot of dishonest ones,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of women are defining themselves as ethically

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Speaker 1: non monogamous as well. If they were looking for a

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Speaker 1: man like that, do you think you could coach them

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Speaker 1: or do you think it would require a different skill set, because,

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Speaker 1: for example, I would assume if you're looking first, if

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Speaker 1: you're generally coaching people that are monogamous, it's probably difficult

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Speaker 1: to help them ask questions to lead into funding the

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Speaker 1: right ethically non monogamous partner. Yeah, So tell me what

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Speaker 1: if that person was like, I don't need a monogamous man.

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Speaker 1: I also am open. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So really, what it boils down to is I help

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Speaker 3: find I help people find folks who want what they want.

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Speaker 1: Okay, it's just.

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Speaker 3: Been in my experience and with my audience that what

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Speaker 3: my audience wants is a monogamous relationship. They don't want

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Speaker 3: to share the niggas, right, So in that case, I

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Speaker 3: can help you figure out what you want, and I

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Speaker 3: can help you find someone who wants the same things

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Speaker 3: as you. So in theory, yes, I could help someone

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Speaker 3: who wanted the same thing as their partner.

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Speaker 5: I just haven't had that experience.

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Speaker 1: We had a really interesting conversation with Lexpia a few

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Speaker 1: weeks ago where we were talking about NEO and Mandy said,

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Speaker 1: we were disagreeing. I don't believe the women he's dating

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Speaker 1: want to be one of five. I believe they want

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Speaker 1: to be monogamous. I think, especially after watching his conversation.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember what show he was on, but he

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Speaker 1: was like, these are my rules, and if they don't

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Speaker 1: like it, you know, they can go. This is what

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Speaker 1: they have to do. I agree. I don't think most

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Speaker 1: women want ethically non monogamous relationships, mainly because they can't

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Speaker 1: fuck another man, and so the rule always goes, you

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Speaker 1: can be with another woman, and I think they settle.

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Speaker 1: Do you find in your experience that if you've had

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Speaker 1: any women in previous non monog mis relationships, that was

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Speaker 1: the case.

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Speaker 3: I don't think most women want to share. I think

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Speaker 3: that you're absolutely right. I think that those women want

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Speaker 3: a come up, and so they see Neo as a

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Speaker 3: come up, and so they're going to accept whatever his

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Speaker 3: rules and regulations are because that's what they like. I

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Speaker 3: don't even think that they're genimately interested in him romantically,

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Speaker 3: So I'm not even confident that a relationship with him

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Speaker 3: would last very long. I don't even know what if

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Speaker 3: they would even define this thing as a true relationship.

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Speaker 3: I think that women in those particular instances, the one

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Speaker 3: that you just mentioned, are taking what they can get.

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Speaker 2: Do you think they're I agree with Neil's girlfriends. I

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Speaker 2: only because and if I have to reiterate myself, y'all

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Speaker 2: can go back. I'm gonna say the same thing I

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Speaker 2: said from that conversation. I think that with the platform

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Speaker 2: we've curated, with the relationships we've shared specifically on this

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Speaker 2: platform with the people, and mind you, I know his

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Speaker 2: girlfriends and there's a friendship there, they're friends with each other,

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Speaker 2: So I hate even just keep bringing them up because

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Speaker 2: I do have a personal relationship with them. But I

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Speaker 2: think it's unfair to assume that a woman who does

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Speaker 2: share is settling or just doing so to be happy

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Speaker 2: because that's all she can get.

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Speaker 1: When we've sat here and.

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Speaker 2: Expressed that we enjoy sharing our partners, we enjoy threesomes,

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Speaker 2: I enjoy going to the sex club.

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Speaker 1: I enjoy these things.

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Speaker 2: And we also talk about how in ethically non monogamous relationships,

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Speaker 2: they're customizable.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's boundaries are different. There's not an umbrella term.

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Speaker 2: So because you don't focus on that, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to lean too far into that as much as I

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Speaker 2: want to lean into talking about how to date as

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Speaker 2: a successful woman. Yes, with you not being someone who

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Speaker 2: caters to an ethically non monogamous person and for us

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Speaker 2: being a platform that champions non traditional relationships, I don't

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Speaker 2: want to continue at this point to throw out the

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Speaker 2: narrative that people are settling or want to be monogamous

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Speaker 2: when they're choosing as well.

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Speaker 1: So be ethically no monogamous, also be honest about we

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Speaker 1: can be breaking barriers and stigmas, and we can be

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Speaker 1: the women that enjoy sharing partners and also know that

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Speaker 1: the rest of the let's just say American women that

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Speaker 1: listen to the show.

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Speaker 5: It's not the norm.

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Speaker 1: It's not a people.

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Speaker 3: And I understand it's not my air of expertise, So

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Speaker 3: that gets my air of expert you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: It's like we can see here in debated, but you

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Speaker 2: don't really lean into that. And so then I want

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Speaker 2: to get into because I know our demo is this,

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Speaker 2: whether they're monogamous or not, our audience, our demo is

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Speaker 2: high achieving ass fucking women.

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Speaker 1: So how do you define that? Like, how do you?

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Speaker 2: And I don't want to Kevin Samuel's this shit out,

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Speaker 2: but what would be considered a high achieving woman?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so a high achieving professional woman is a woman

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Speaker 3: who is doing well for herself financially right now. So

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Speaker 3: that's going to depend on where she is in the country,

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Speaker 3: right But someone who is established, who would define themselves

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Speaker 3: as established, they are doing well for themselves. They are

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Speaker 3: able to not only pay their bills, they're able to travel,

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Speaker 3: they're able to save, they're able to live life the

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Speaker 3: way that they see fit. Financially, they are financially sound okay, Oh,

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Speaker 3: that's our audience.

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Speaker 1: Now. When it comes to women that are doing well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of the conversation is that women that are

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Speaker 1: in high power jobs or whatever or financially independent are

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Speaker 1: always like, I don't need a nigga for shit. You

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Speaker 1: always hear men saying these are why those women are single.

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Speaker 1: How do you make sure to coach correctly, make sure

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Speaker 1: we're feeling validated, buy our money, feeling like accomplished, but

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Speaker 1: also not being so submissive. How do you coach for that? Right?

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Speaker 3: So I'm going to go back and say, that's what

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Speaker 3: they say, and the days are the ones who can't

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Speaker 3: afford that lifestyle anyway, So I don't listen to the days, right.

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Speaker 3: So the men who have the time to argue in

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Speaker 3: the comments are the ones who aren't busy working. They're

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Speaker 3: not financial, they don't tend to be financially sound or

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Speaker 3: financially secure, right, So I'm not too concerned about them,

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't mean that they're not being heard, so

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Speaker 3: I'll still address it. What I find is that busy

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Speaker 3: professional women don't tend to be assholes. They don't tend

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Speaker 3: to be extremely difficult or lack submission or any of

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Speaker 3: those things. The issue is is that they are not

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Speaker 3: going to follow foolishness. They're not going to follow any

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Speaker 3: old person, any old where or how because they are

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Speaker 3: intelligent enough to realize and recognize that that plan is

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Speaker 3: unreasonable that can't be executed. I have a better plan,

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Speaker 3: follow along with my idea, and let's do this thing together.

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Speaker 3: So that's where the real issue comes along. I want

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Speaker 3: busy professional women to recognize that listening to the folks

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Speaker 3: online is a waste of your time. There are plenty

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Speaker 3: of professional, polished, reasonable men who exist, who are more

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Speaker 3: than happy to date someone and be in a relationship

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Speaker 3: with someone who is their equal.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear you say there's plenty, because you know,

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Speaker 1: we talked shit a lot and joke on this pod

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Speaker 1: and act like the pool is so scarce, and it

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Speaker 1: feels good to hear someone say that it isn't it isn't.

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Speaker 3: It isn't it's a scarcity mindset. And again, going back

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Speaker 3: to that original point, there's a lot of conversation that

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Speaker 3: talks about, you know, marriage is terrible, relationships are so hard, right?

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Speaker 3: Who are the people who are saying that it tends

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Speaker 3: to be the people who are either not married or

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Speaker 3: they are actually unhappy in their marriage.

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Speaker 1: Adult.

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Speaker 3: So the thing is is that the happy married people

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Speaker 3: are too busy being happily married.

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Speaker 5: To be on somebody's internet to be arguing.

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Speaker 3: The men who are professional, the men who are working hard,

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Speaker 3: the men who have a plan, the men who are executing,

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Speaker 3: are too busy to be on the internet to be arguing. Hey,

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Speaker 3: I actually like a busy professional.

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Speaker 1: I like that. What is conversation that girls are having

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Speaker 1: with their other girlfriends about how marriage sucks or relationship sucks?

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Speaker 1: Do you think we're kind of infecting each other with that?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely?

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Speaker 3: And again, the happy people are too busy being happy.

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Speaker 3: I think it's fab who said like happy, hose ain't hating,

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Speaker 3: and hating hose ain't happy? Like when you are so

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Speaker 3: busy being upset, all right, like mad random Brooklyn shit right,

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Speaker 3: So when you're so busy being overwhelmed, upset, frustrated, you're

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Speaker 3: gonna want to share that. And then many times when

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Speaker 3: you're happy, you're too busy being happy. I mean, of

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Speaker 3: course you'll share something. Hey, my husband brought me some flowers.

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Speaker 5: That was so nice.

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Speaker 3: But I'm not gonna talk to you for twenty five

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Speaker 3: minutes about how beautiful these flowers are. If he pissed

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Speaker 3: me off, that's an hour long voice no conversation, right, I.

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Speaker 1: Mean, I think that's the difference too.

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Speaker 2: Right, there's discerning what you share with your home girl,

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Speaker 2: and a lot of times you want to vent about

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Speaker 2: things that bother you or things so unfortunately instead of

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Speaker 2: like boasting about all the great things, especially if your

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Speaker 2: friends aren't in healthy relationships or are single, you go

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Speaker 2: to them to vent just when things are going bad. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So that, again, I guess, creates this idea that everything

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Speaker 2: sucks and everything's bad.

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Speaker 3: But you know the other side of it too, is

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Speaker 3: that those men are literally busy.

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Speaker 5: So not they're too busy to be on the internet.

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Speaker 3: Right, but they also are literally building their empire. They're

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Speaker 3: working fifty sixty hours a week, they're looking in investments.

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Speaker 3: They don't have the time to be socializing as much.

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Speaker 3: So that might mean that the guys who are in

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Speaker 3: the club every Friday that ain't shit. Yeah, you're gonna

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Speaker 3: meet them frequently if you're in those places.

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Speaker 2: Can I ask you a question, does it make sense

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Speaker 2: for a woman who say, is at a C suite

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Speaker 2: level or who's very busy and all these things, specifically professionally,

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Speaker 2: do you actually feel like her match is an equally busy,

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Speaker 2: equally successful man.

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Speaker 3: Many times, really many times, And I'm going to tell

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Speaker 3: you why, really many times. Number one, that gentleman is

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Speaker 3: going to understand and appreciate her struggle.

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Speaker 5: So remember, there was a couple of years ago where

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Speaker 5: there was a.

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Speaker 3: Conversation online about entrepreneurs only dating entrepreneurs and not want

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Speaker 3: to state the nine to five man.

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Speaker 1: Someone said, yes, she didn't want to date to nine

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Speaker 1: to five.

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Speaker 3: And even though that wasn't received well because maybe the

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Speaker 3: messaging was off or the tone was off, it is

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Speaker 3: a reasonable conclusion. Now, I'm not saying that you only

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Speaker 3: date the C suite, you only date the entrepreneur, you

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Speaker 3: only date the investor, but they can have an appreciation

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Speaker 3: for your schedule, for your hustle like no one else can.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't mean the nine to five man can't be

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Speaker 3: supportive and can't see and value it, but it's a

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Speaker 3: lot easier with someone who's literally doing the work.

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Speaker 1: That you do, even though there may be a lack

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Speaker 1: of time. The two corporate two different things. Oh yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Yes, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that nine person is different than a person who

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Speaker 2: say partner and staff, because corporate, I call it corporate

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Speaker 2: in nine to five the same thing. So I guess

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Speaker 2: two things here. Like I'm just thinking about my last relationship.

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Speaker 2: Although it wasn't successful, he was very understanding of work.

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Speaker 2: My relationship wasn't successful.

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Speaker 1: He was he was high up in a bank, tech

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Speaker 1: level and was working virtually so he could support me,

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Speaker 1: travel with me whatever. I found that dating that nine

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Speaker 1: to five person, which I considered him to be, was

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Speaker 1: successful even though I was on my entrepreneurial journey, because

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Speaker 1: he still had the language to be able to talk

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Speaker 1: business with me. Now, my partner is in real estate.

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Speaker 1: He's an investor, so he's got way more time on

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Speaker 1: his hands because he's not doing something every single day.

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Speaker 1: Same amount of money, good money, But yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: For me, I think it's the time. So that's why

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Speaker 1: when Mandy made that comment, we've been talking a lot

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Speaker 1: about our relationship. He's like, yo, if I was still

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Speaker 1: a nine to five guy, I don't know how successful

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Speaker 1: our relationship could be because he's traveling with me so

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Speaker 1: much to be on set to do different things and

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Speaker 1: support me and so it's like how much I don't know?

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Speaker 1: Is there any way where the high powered woman could date?

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Speaker 1: Now my man isn't making less, but he isn't in

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Speaker 1: the office like I am, Is there a chance that

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Speaker 1: someone can go?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely absolutely?

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Speaker 1: So could you ever recommend that these high powered women

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Speaker 1: not date down but maybe aren't shooting for the stars

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Speaker 1: like where they're at? Is there advice with that too?

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Speaker 2: Like do you say, do you speak to a woman

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Speaker 2: and be like, actually, maybe you should consider the guy

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Speaker 2: who works at Target?

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Speaker 1: Is that ever advice? I don't know about Target? Okay,

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Speaker 1: thought we not?

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Speaker 2: We can shot on Target right now because they remove that,

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Speaker 2: so fuck Target. But also, like, do you recommend like

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Speaker 2: Weezy said saying, okay, maybe just getting someone who makes

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Speaker 2: just enough?

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Speaker 1: Like I dated a bartender right before this, before these

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Speaker 1: two men who are successful at what they do, and

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Speaker 1: there was a big gap. Yeah, you hated that shit.

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Speaker 1: It was verre what he does. It was really difficult,

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Speaker 1: like he loved his difficult for who I feel like

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Speaker 1: both of us And I'll say why. There were times

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Speaker 1: where I wanted to maybe go on vacation somewhere and

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Speaker 1: I knew it may not be as feasible. I was

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable with making recommendations. I felt like he had something

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Speaker 1: in his head with keeping up. He would constantly remind

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Speaker 1: me that he was happy with his life, as if

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Speaker 1: he was almost fearful that I wanted him to be

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Speaker 1: more ambitious. Yeah, I felt like there was a bit

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Speaker 1: of a clash. Yes, So that's why I'm curious what

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Speaker 1: that looks like. And he was a confident man in himself.

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Speaker 1: But I do think it can get a little bit

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Speaker 1: weird when the person you're dating is doing a lot more.

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Speaker 1: So I would ask then for those women that may

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Speaker 1: pass by the good guy or the great guy. And

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Speaker 1: he was a very good man, loyal. It just didn't

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Speaker 1: work out. Can it work?

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Speaker 3: So I don't recommend someone who is making significantly less

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Speaker 3: as a woman. I don't recommend significantly less. And so

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Speaker 3: one may define significant that's fifteen K, twenty k, thirty

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Speaker 3: k okay, right, or thirty k, depending on how much

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Speaker 3: they have right.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you know, the significant would.

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Speaker 5: Be have right right, So it depends on how much

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Speaker 5: you make right.

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Speaker 3: But I wouldn't. I wouldn't recommend it. And for the

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Speaker 3: exact reason that you said. A lot of the conversation is, well,

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Speaker 3: the woman is going to not respect the gentleman and

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Speaker 3: she's going to speak down to him, and he's also

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Speaker 3: going to give her a hell of a show. And

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Speaker 3: sometimes that hell of a show looks like okay, big

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Speaker 3: money or will you have the money? So you do,

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Speaker 3: And this constant trying to prove yourself, we're constantly trying

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Speaker 3: to done well. I don't think that's a good idea,

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Speaker 3: and you should write like it causes a lot of

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Speaker 3: conflict from either side. This is not a woman's issue

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Speaker 3: or a men's issue. It becomes it can be problematic

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Speaker 3: on either side. So I say, stay away from someone

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Speaker 3: who makes significantly less, and that's starting at like thirty

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Speaker 3: thirty thousand dollars different, right, or and again, which makes

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Speaker 3: a lot of sense if we even say the woman

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Speaker 3: makes a hundred k a man making seventy k with taxes,

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Speaker 3: or say he has other children, which is a case,

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Speaker 3: especially if you're dating in your thirties.

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Speaker 2: And I talked about this on another episode. A lot

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Speaker 2: of men have other children. There's child support, there's their

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Speaker 2: own bills, there's a lot of things coming out of that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there was something a friend told me recently

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Speaker 1: that I liked she makes more than her partner. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know by how much, but she said, I

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Speaker 1: always wanted my household income to be this amount, and

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Speaker 1: now it is, so I'm not going to complain about

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Speaker 1: him making less than me when total we can afford this,

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Speaker 1: And I really like that mindset. Let's just say the

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Speaker 1: number is she's making I don't know, two hundred and

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Speaker 1: he's making one twenty five right now, their households at

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Speaker 1: three hundred. They can get whatever type of vacations, etc.

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Speaker 5: A man her husband. I think they're engaged now, Okay.

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Speaker 1: But I liked that she said that because it gave

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Speaker 1: me a lot of insight as to how people see

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Speaker 1: finances when they're in a unit. And I can appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: And I know a lot of women kind of feel

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Speaker 1: like they're getting taken when that happens, you know. So

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Speaker 1: beyond that conversation of money you brought up, an were earlier.

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Speaker 1: He was the last time we had a dating coach

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Speaker 1: on was there anything you championed and kind of were like,

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Speaker 1: uh some of his episode where you were like, yes,

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Speaker 1: he's right.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So the deadlines, the timelines, I'm on par with in

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Speaker 3: terms of how long it should take a gentleman to

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Speaker 3: ask a woman out on a date, how long it

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Speaker 3: should take to get into a committed relationship, how long

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Speaker 3: and again we're talking about thirties and older. How long

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Speaker 3: it should take someone to decide whether or not they

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Speaker 3: want to commit to you.

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Speaker 5: How right?

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Speaker 3: All of those those timelines I think are reasonable. An

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Speaker 3: issue I have in the general dating and relationship space

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Speaker 3: for certified people who actually have degrees and they do

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Speaker 3: the work. Now people who create content and talk shit

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Speaker 3: just for the sake of talking shit, right, One of

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Speaker 3: the issues I have with the general dating space. And

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Speaker 3: it's hard, but there are sometimes huge generalizations, huge generalization,

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Speaker 3: and we just made a whole bunch of them.

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Speaker 1: But right, we just did huge generalization.

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Speaker 3: So you know, Nigerian men function like this and Black

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Speaker 3: American men, right, and so I like that.

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Speaker 5: And so there's a lot of conversation that.

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Speaker 3: Just groups millions of people together, and it's really hard

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Speaker 3: for you to be able to do that.

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Speaker 5: And that's that's the important thing about coaching.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 5: So we're here in a conversation that's going to be

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Speaker 5: an hour and change.

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Speaker 3: When you're working with someone, working with them for eight

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Speaker 3: weeks to six months. So the specificity of their life

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Speaker 3: is going to impact their results.

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Speaker 5: That's the beautiful thing about coaching.

442
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 3: But overall, it's really hard for me to listen and

443
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 3: engage in conversations that make such sweeping indictments of millions

444
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:40,399
Speaker 3: of people.

445
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 1: What about the thing about dating in different cities? How

446
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: did you feel about that? What do you think about that?

447
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,360
Speaker 1: Swiping in different cities too?

448
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 3: I think that there's some there's some legitimacy to that.

449
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 3: But I will say this, I believe that there is

450
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 3: more than one soul. Uh make me yes, I think

451
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: there's more than one. I don't believe that there's only

452
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,679
Speaker 3: one person. I just don't believe, like would do that

453
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 3: to you, that if you blink too long you missed

454
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 3: the guy who just walked past your life.

455
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I've dated an amazing woman. There was nothing

456
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 1: wrong with her. We were just in two different places

457
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 1: and amazing men. So I feel like, yeah, I would

458
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: agree with you. Yeah.

459
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,679
Speaker 5: So for that reason I shy away from can date

460
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 5: in Atlanta?

461
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,239
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody here? Can date in Houston? Nobody here?

462
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 3: Like every every woman that I see online says that

463
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 3: about their city. So then how so, then, how come

464
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,159
Speaker 3: last year there were over three million weddings in the

465
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 3: United States? If they ain't nobody good in La Miami,

466
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 3: New York, like Hawaii, nobody said, how come there's over

467
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 3: three million winns last year? Clearly two people decided that

468
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 3: this is worthy and that's just weddings. Forget about long

469
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 3: term committed relationships, engagements and all.

470
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 1: Why do you think the marital numbers are going down

471
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,639
Speaker 1: in the United States?

472
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,200
Speaker 5: Oh, for the same reason why we're here today.

473
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 3: Because women don't need the protection and the provision of

474
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 3: men in order to function in society.

475
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 1: Society, we don't need.

476
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 3: It anymore, right, and so you can talk about like

477
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 3: nineteen seventy four where that was when women need it

478
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 3: up until the point where women need a permission to

479
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 3: have a credit card over our bank account. Right, Like,

480
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 3: we don't need men to function in society, and so

481
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 3: there's no pressure to have to do it.

482
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 5: Now we do it if we see fit.

483
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 1: We love that. Why do you encourage me? I love that? Yeah?

484
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: If you guys, I don't know. If it's it's probably out.

485
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 1: By now.

486
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 2: We had to talk on selective ignorance about where marriage

487
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 2: sits in modern day Era, and you allowed me to

488
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: give my thoughts on marriage, and you came with some

489
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 2: really like facts on why the union is still very important.

490
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 2: And we still I agreed to disagree by the end

491
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 2: of it, because you know, it takes a lot to

492
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 2: convince me.

493
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 5: But have you ever been convinced?

494
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: No, not a much? Ye? Yeahs.

495
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 5: Why I would love to know the value of the

496
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 5: institution of marriage.

497
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it's gonna happen.

498
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 3: Okay, So again, busy profession women don't need men like literally,

499
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 3: we do not need men to in society, Okay, But

500
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 3: it's still an amazing wealth building tool. So the opportunity

501
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 3: for you to be able to execute and to create

502
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,919
Speaker 3: goals and to be able to achieve those goals is

503
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 3: so much faster and easier and better when you have

504
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 3: someone to do it with. So like the actual literal

505
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 3: financial benefits. So I'm just gonna leave with that because

506
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 3: that's okay.

507
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 1: Just like my friend said, right, household is.

508
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 3: So right, so I can purchase all right, perfect example,

509
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 3: I was looking to purchase a home in twenty eighteen.

510
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 3: I'm from Brooklyn. I don't want to leave New York

511
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 3: City just yet. Right, I couldnot afford a home in

512
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 3: any of the five boroughs by myself.

513
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 5: So at that time, with.

514
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 3: My little stinky w two, all I could do is

515
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 3: get the closest to New York as possible, which was Yonkers.

516
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,919
Speaker 5: Right now, I was looking at a house in Yonkers.

517
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 3: I'm talking to my mom and she says, well, you

518
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 3: know you're dating this guy who's not my husband. You

519
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 3: dating this guy Andrew. You want to ask him if

520
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: y'all want to put your maney together? I said, Mommy,

521
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 3: you're gonna let me buy a house with a man

522
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 3: who's not my husband? She said, I mean an old school,

523
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 3: traditional West Indian woman. I mean, if you could put

524
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 3: the funds together and you can live where you want

525
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,120
Speaker 3: to live and be where you want to be, it's

526
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 3: something to consider. So I said, hey, babe, do you

527
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 3: want to buy a house together? He said sure. He

528
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 3: wasn't gonna push me, he wasn't gonna pressure me. He

529
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 3: wasn't gonna make me do anything I didn't want to do. Eventually,

530
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 3: we got engaged, we got married. We ended up closing

531
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 3: on the house like a month after we got married

532
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 3: in Brooklyn.

533
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:23,439
Speaker 1: Couldn't couldn't you la from Mama form an LLC with

534
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 1: somebody like it.

535
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 2: To me, that's I think that is my problem also

536
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 2: with the idea of marriage again with my trauma and

537
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 2: PTSD from actually going through the end of a business

538
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: relationship and having to go through the divorce of splitting assets.

539
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 2: If it's just a money business just the first point. Ye,

540
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,639
Speaker 2: but yes, but I'm saying to me, even that idea

541
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 2: and there's religious reasons, and there are financial reasons, and

542
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,439
Speaker 2: to me, for the financial reasons that leans into it,

543
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: could just be a partnership on paper, y'all could open

544
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 2: an LLC.

545
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 3: Yes, you absolutely open it that way, and then the

546
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 3: breakup is just as stressful and it is overwhelming. But

547
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 3: then with the partnership with the LLC, per se, now

548
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 3: we're going into the emotional support, the emotional stability, the

549
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 3: accountability of this other person. I just had a baby

550
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 3: four and a half months ago. Okay, I risked my life.

551
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 3: I am not risking my life for any old body

552
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 3: who can't at the minimum say, Alison, my intention.

553
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 5: Is to be with you for the rest of our lives. Alison.

554
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 5: Here's a big ass rock to prove it. Alison.

555
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 3: I'm gonna profess this in front of all of our

556
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:30,880
Speaker 3: friends and family.

557
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 5: We're gonna get this legally documented.

558
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 3: So that I can have the comfort to say, Okay, well,

559
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 3: since you've promised these things to mean, you've given me

560
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,120
Speaker 3: these tokens to prove.

561
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 5: That you are serious, then I'm prepared to risk it all.

562
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: I'm not a relationship that are single moms today and

563
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: we could say he'll fuck you over if you're married. Whatever. However,

564
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: for me, I make jokes a lot. It's very doctor

565
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 1: umer Is, but I really do think we're kind of

566
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: wipe out a lot of black families, a lot of

567
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 1: black children. I like to joke about how the buck

568
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: stops here with me as the mixed kid, but black

569
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 1: families being married, black families building generational wealth. I'm not

570
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 1: trying to put another black little boy or girl into

571
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 1: the system with figuring out through documents, who's going to

572
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: get them for two weeks, who's going to do this.

573
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: I want them to be having my husband's last name.

574
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 1: I want them to be built into a family that's married,

575
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: and I think it really is important. We just sat

576
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 1: with Les Alfred from She's So Lucky used to be

577
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: Balanced Black Girl Pod and when she said her parents

578
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: were still married. It was mind blowing to me because

579
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: I don't hear it that often anymore. Yep, Like, I

580
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: think it's very special, and I think when someone can

581
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,719
Speaker 1: honor their relationship and their love that way and their child,

582
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: I really do believe it's more commitment. I think that

583
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 1: I would love to see more of us championing that

584
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 1: because I have so many friends that are doing well,

585
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 1: and because they are, they're taking the vac seat on

586
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: wanting love or families any.

587
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: I do want to lean into. Because we're still talking

588
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 2: high achieving women. I want to get back to marriage

589
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: and all those things. But I have a hypothetical that

590
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 2: I think can lean us into also distinguishing what our

591
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 2: desires end up really being as high achieving women looking

592
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: to date. So here's our hypothetical. I want y'all to

593
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 2: play along too. If you're sitting at your desk or

594
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 2: in your car, all the things, so here we go.

595
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,360
Speaker 2: You finally believe you've met the man of your dreams

596
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 2: and he just proposed to you. However, he has a

597
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 2: once in a lifetime opportunity that requires him to move

598
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 2: overseas for a year.

599
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,400
Speaker 1: While he wants you to join him.

600
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 2: You feel it's a crucial time for your own career advancement.

601
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: You must choose between supporting his ambitions and or potentially

602
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: jeopardizing your own career progression. Would you, as a coach

603
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 2: advise someone to do in this.

604
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 3: Situation, That's an excellent question. I would advise the gentleman

605
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 3: to go overseas. Okay, please pursue whatever your dreams are.

606
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 5: Get it done.

607
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 3: I'm staying my black ass here, Okay, I'm gonna continue

608
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 3: to do what I've been doing. It's a year that

609
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 3: is a joke in the comparison of the lifelong partnership

610
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 3: that we intend on having. What is one year out

611
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 3: of forty plus more that we could have together. You

612
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 3: go do your thing. I'm gonna stay here, will fly

613
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 3: every other month.

614
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: It'll work.

615
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 5: It's not a big deal.

616
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,119
Speaker 2: Now, what if it is to him and there's an

617
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 2: ultimatum like that's where the question sayt like do you

618
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 2: say for your own career?

619
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 3: It's an ultimatum, it's a it's a I want you

620
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 3: to be with me, mm hm.

621
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: And if you don't.

622
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 2: Come with me for this year, maybe that year is

623
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 2: a lot, mind you. We wolf said it takes a

624
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 2: year to even know if he likes a bit, you

625
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 2: know what I mean. Yeah, So don't be shaking shaking

626
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 2: your head leafting over there. To me, one year is

627
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 2: a lot if I look at where I was just

628
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 2: one year ago, so many things have changed. Yeah, again,

629
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 2: having a friend who woke up and had breast cancer

630
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 2: one day, Like seeing my friend literally go, my friend DeAndre,

631
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: we had Thanksgiving.

632
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: This next Thanksgiving she had a whole baby.

633
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 2: Like, There's all of these things that realistically though, happened

634
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 2: within the year of time.

635
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: So if this man is saying, yeah.

636
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 2: This is a long time for me not to be

637
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: with my partner, and you're choosing your job to stay here,

638
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: I don't know.

639
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 5: And he's choosing his job to go overseas, right, right.

640
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 3: And so that's why that goes back to the conversation

641
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 3: of making sure that the people that you're dating understand

642
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 3: and appreciate the work that you do, so that that

643
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 3: a gentleman, ideally a gentleman like that would not put

644
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 3: you in that position. But let me answer your question,

645
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 3: because I hate when people give hypatheticals a no answer

646
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 3: and they give the other option. So what I would

647
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: say is, I don't think that they are appropriately yoked.

648
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: I don't think that they make it, because that's why

649
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 3: I said ultimatum.

650
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 5: Okay, we're not even, we're not married, we don't have children.

651
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 3: He is proposed, right, he proposed, and we're already setting

652
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: up for ultimatums for things that are practical, like things

653
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 3: that we can work through. It's I know you said

654
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 3: that one year three but come on here, I agree,

655
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 3: and the.

656
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: Scheme of things is one year.

657
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: And you're telling me that if I don't put my

658
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 3: career on hold to trapes around the world with you

659
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: for your career, not you know, I need to care

660
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 3: for my mom, like this is my job, for your job,

661
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 3: I can ask.

662
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 2: You a real question then, just because to me it's

663
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: a long time. To a lot of our listeners, it's

664
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 2: a long time. Okay, I may not be able to

665
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 2: get away from my job because I'm a high achieving

666
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: woman more than maybe three or four times throughout the year,

667
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 2: because I'm a busy person.

668
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: Right.

669
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 2: Is there then the conversation around sex. Now, I know

670
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 2: you you deal with monogamy. Is it realistic to also

671
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 2: expect a partner to hold out or a year or

672
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 2: months on end because you don't have the ability to

673
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 2: be in the same city or same country. Even that's

674
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 2: what this hypothemy is giving. Like what then becomes the

675
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 2: conversation about my needs sexually?

676
00:30:58,880 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

677
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 3: Wait, especially all right, if we're talking about more traditional relationship,

678
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 3: we're talking about child bearing age, there are going to

679
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 3: be seasons that are sexless medically, right and energetically.

680
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 5: So what you're telling me is you can't wait two months?

681
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 3: But get the doctor told me I had to wait

682
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 3: too much to If you regard right, there's gonna be

683
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 3: times where we cannot do this thing for whatever reason.

684
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 3: So you're telling me you can't wait.

685
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 1: Ye, here's the problem, outrageous. What we're talking about sexual

686
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: needs to imply that someone is so thirsty they're going

687
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: outside of your initial rules or like the model of

688
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: your relationship, that's fucked up. Like what fucking weak ass

689
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: nigga can't wait too much? That's the same right now?

690
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: I mean that's what I said. No, no, no, no, no, no,

691
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: My man maybe not being able to wait too much,

692
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: and I probably can't wait too much because that's what

693
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: the fuck we do. But if let's just say we

694
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 1: talk about all the time closing our relationship during pregnancy,

695
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: let's just say I'm sick or something like that, and

696
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 1: you had to get pussy that bad. What a fucking

697
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: slap in the face to me.

698
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

699
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 1: I really think a lot of the times when we

700
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: think about time, we need to spend away the fear

701
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: of someone being with someone else just because we're unavailable

702
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: due to work and goals. Hey, no, when you were

703
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: reading this, I was gonna say the word ultimatum. I

704
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: don't agree with ultimatums for someone who loves me. Yeah,

705
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: I don't like when someone won't compromise for me. I

706
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: don't believe you should ever sacrifice, But knowing you can't

707
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: make a compromise for me, lets me know you don't

708
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 1: give a fuck. I agree, So I'm good. Yeah, if

709
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: there's ever like, deal with it, break up with me,

710
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: that type of talk, that's that manipulative, narcissistic like, I'm

711
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: good on you, right. So, I think a year in

712
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: the grand scheme is small if you're comparing it to

713
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: forty years. And I've also had successful long distance relationships

714
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: where I was comfortable and happy. I know that's also

715
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: finances too, being able to leave. Yeah, I'm gonna tell

716
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: you right now, if I really like my job too much.

717
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, maybe I'll go live and do bay.

718
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: I would, I'll practice being a housewife. Guess what else

719
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: I would do. I'll practice do on my side hustle.

720
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: Every high powered woman I know, even if they're in corporate,

721
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: they've got a dream about some side thing they want

722
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: to do. I would then say, hey, if I move there,

723
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 1: I want you to support me and this side venture.

724
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 1: And that's where the extra money goes into. I think

725
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: there's a lot of ways. However, I do understand women

726
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 1: feel like they have to sacrifice for a man a lot.

727
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: I would choose my career. I'm staying too, like you said,

728
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: I would stay and and my I love my career.

729
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: I would.

730
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 2: If there's an ultimatum, then, like you said, he's just

731
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 2: not the one for you.

732
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 3: Right, and you're setting yourself up for a shit show

733
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 3: of a life. If this is just your fiance, and

734
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 3: now the expectations that I have to give up everything

735
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 3: to chase your dreams, this is only going to become

736
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 3: more problematic.

737
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: Yo, that's right. A lot of the men today that

738
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: are quote unquote high value I used to kind of

739
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: joke about how they really don't date women that got

740
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: shit going on. But now I kind of see why. Yeah,

741
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: of course, because you really really do need someone who

742
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: can be available to you every single second, you know,

743
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: know what I mean?

744
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: They want that, right, they do what A woman probably

745
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 3: would not be attracted to a gentleman who could just

746
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 3: drop anything and everything, unless like, unless he works remotely, right, Like,

747
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: I don't think most women would be attracted to a

748
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 3: gentleman who could just trapes around the world following them.

749
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: Of course, yeah, that would be what the do you

750
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: have your own life?

751
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 5: Yeah?

752
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: I don't want that. Yeah.

753
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 3: But then but also on the same token, there's a

754
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 3: lot of conversation about these again high achieving men that

755
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 3: they would want someone who can easily just travel, who

756
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,439
Speaker 3: could leads you just But then sometimes they also want

757
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 3: someone that they can have intellectual conversation, who understands and

758
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,720
Speaker 3: appreciates the nature of the game you are sharing.

759
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 5: Like even though your partner.

760
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 3: Works quote unquote nine to five, he understands business. He

761
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 3: understands Oh yes, so the guy or the real estate gentleman.

762
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 3: He understands what it looks like to invest, he understands

763
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 3: what it's like to double down, how to make sure

764
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 3: that you are scaling your business. He understands the language

765
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 3: and he's excited about it.

766
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: Right.

767
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 5: He wants to go to conferences, he wants to know

768
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 5: what's going on. So again we talked about generalizations. You're

769
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 5: finding your guy. It's about you finding your person.

770
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 3: And that's why hiring a coach is ideal because I

771
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 3: don't want you wasting the time. You don't have dating

772
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 3: people who are just inappropriate matches, not bad people. Right,

773
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 3: the bartender wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't an appropriate

774
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 3: match for you. I want to get into our reactionary.

775
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna play a clip, and I want to know

776
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,720
Speaker 2: how you would navigate this conversation with someone that you coached.

777
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: Let me get my thoughts together. Yeah, what can you

778
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 1: repeat that? Yeah? How heavy has it been for people

779
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 1: trying to critique? Is this real? Is this for show?

780
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 5: It was never a fake.

781
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: My encounchment with God was real.

782
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 4: I was just really just in a space where I

783
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 4: was dating somebody.

784
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:10,439
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to say any names, but.

785
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 4: And I'm thankful for this person because it was never

786
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 4: that I never believed in God. It just wasn't really

787
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 4: close to him, and it was somebody that was in

788
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 4: my life that had an influence. And you know, I

789
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 4: was so focused on being a wife and being loved

790
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 4: on and being wanted that I was like, Okay, well

791
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 4: I have to change who I am in order for

792
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 4: this person to accept me. And I was more so

793
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 4: focused on that versus my walk with God. I was

794
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 4: doing it more for what that person wanted, you know.

795
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, well maybe if I changed my

796
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 4: image on Instagram or I change how I am, then

797
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 4: I'll be his wife or I'll do this. So it

798
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 4: was more so like, okay, Alexis, are you ready for this?

799
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 4: But I really wasn't ready. And it's not saying that

800
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 4: I wasn't ready to walk with God. It's just I

801
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 4: wasn't doing it the right way. I was more so

802
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 4: doing for somebody else. So it just happened overnight. So

803
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 4: next thing you know, I'm on the internet telling the

804
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 4: world like I stopped doing this, I stopped doing that,

805
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 4: I stopped doing that. But this is who Alexis really was,

806
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 4: and I was changing myself for somebody else and not

807
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 4: for me.

808
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask.

809
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 2: Basically, she went on a podcast and admitted to changing

810
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 2: her religious beliefs and becoming a Christian in order to

811
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 2: appear more as a wife for this specific person that

812
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: she was dating, and he still ended up leaving her.

813
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 2: So at the end of this, she says, I did

814
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 2: all of this, I changed all the ways, everything he

815
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 2: said he wanted. I felt like I became and he

816
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 2: still left me. And so I want to know the

817
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 2: conversation that you have with anyone that you're coaching, if

818
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 2: they're currently or if they start dating someone, and maybe

819
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 2: there's a difference in religious beliefs, a difference in political values,

820
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 2: a difference in morals. Do you feel as though those

821
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 2: people with differences in those places can be together? Do

822
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,240
Speaker 2: you feel like a woman can convert or can change

823
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 2: those and become a wife or a man and that

824
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 2: and that that's a healthy way to do it. What

825
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 2: would be your advice with that? Absolutely not, absolutely not

826
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 2: absolutely not to everything. You just do not change nothing

827
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 2: about yourself. So for somebody else, okay, absolutely not.

828
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 3: So through my coaching process, the first thing that we

829
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 3: go through is getting clear on what are some of

830
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 3: the behaviors and traits that you exhibit that you love,

831
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 3: and then what are some of the behaviors and traits

832
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 3: that you exhibit that you don't love so much.

833
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 2: How often are women able to give you that second part?

834
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 2: Oh yes, they're able to say what they're bad things?

835
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 2: Oh yes, for the women that you talk to. What

836
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,959
Speaker 2: are maybe some of the most common traits that women

837
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 2: are able to address about themselves?

838
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 3: Argumentative? Okay, argumentative? I come from that background of being

839
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 3: a very argumentative person. I should have been a lawyer.

840
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 3: I don't know what the hell I'm doing. My dad

841
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 3: told me that when I was ten, So yes, all right,

842
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: so being argumentative and I'm still working on it.

843
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 5: That's one thing.

844
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 3: Especially we're talking about people who are like lawyers and government,

845
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 3: So that's one issue that they work on that they're

846
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 3: actively working on with me and through therapy. Another issue,

847
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: which is ironic, would be poor spending habits, Like you

848
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 3: can make a shit ton of money and have poor

849
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 3: spending habits, and that makes being in a relationship more

850
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 3: difficult than what it should be. And so that's how

851
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 3: I frame it. What are some of the behaviors and

852
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 3: traces you exhibit that makes being in a relationship with

853
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 3: you more difficult than what it should be. So poor spending,

854
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 3: poor spending habits being argumentative and then for some.

855
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: Folks being needy right Like it could be.

856
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 3: Mother wounds, it could be daddy issues, but there's something

857
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 3: about this person that makes them realize and they've been

858
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 3: actively told that you rely on me too much, like

859
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,800
Speaker 3: an unhealthy attachment style unhealthy.

860
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: I'm definitely too emotional sometimes I can't get logical because

861
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: I'm so by something. I think I'm very unavailable, Like

862
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: I know that's not a characteristic, but it's very hard

863
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: for me to show up for things because of my time.

864
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: I'm definitely too emotional.

865
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say my placement on importance of other people,

866
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 2: Like in terms of being in a relationship, I think

867
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 2: people question constantly where they stand, but I think it

868
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,840
Speaker 2: comes from the unhealthy placement of a relationship or a partner.

869
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 2: Like so for me, my friends are always going to

870
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:32,720
Speaker 2: come first. My family then is second, a romantic partner

871
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 2: will come third. And so I think being able to

872
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,719
Speaker 2: still have them feel as though they have importance in

873
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 2: my life, but that I do care about them because

874
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 2: these other people come first. Outside of that, I would

875
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,839
Speaker 2: also say I mean only because it was just talked

876
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 2: about in a conversation and it felt like the room

877
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 2: felt like it was a bad thing. I still don't

878
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: my need for space. I'm actually way more detached. I'm

879
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 2: not a needy person. I don't need to be up

880
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 2: under a man. I don't want them under me. I

881
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 2: don't want to feel like they have to consume my

882
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 2: whole life. And so for most men, I think a

883
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 2: lot of women show up that way. They want to

884
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 2: be around. They want the men around. They want the

885
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 2: man to show up with everything. They want the man

886
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 2: always to be around in dates and all this. I

887
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 2: don't want that at all. And that's a conversation I'm

888
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 2: currently having with my partner now, dam Babe, can have

889
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 2: more time with.

890
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: You and me.

891
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 2: I know I need a lot of alone time to recharge,

892
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 2: and it doesn't I can't recharge with a person.

893
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: I have to recharge by myself. That's how I've.

894
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 2: Learned, and I've learned that through therapy. So for me,

895
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 2: those would be my two things. Is really having a

896
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 2: person feel important in my life when they are.

897
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I have a good way

898
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: to show you.

899
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,360
Speaker 3: So that's the first thing. You need to identify. What

900
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 3: are some of the behaviors and traits. That's not too great.

901
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 1: Right.

902
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 3: Once they've identified those things, they recognize it's a problem.

903
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 3: It's not a gentleman who's coming to them that they

904
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 3: love so much and they want to be with so

905
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 3: badly and has identified this is your problem and you

906
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 3: need to fix it. They already know that coming into

907
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 3: the game, which goes back to the original question who

908
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 3: I like to work with? Single as a dollar bill.

909
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 3: So this is not we're not conforming and we're not changing,

910
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,240
Speaker 3: and we're not transforming who we are for a particular person.

911
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 3: We're doing the work first recognizing that there's a behavior

912
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:18,479
Speaker 3: that's undesirable and changing that behavior. Therefore, once we've done

913
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 3: that work, and we continue to do it as an end,

914
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 3: we continue to do that work.

915
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 5: Once we start dating.

916
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 3: We're finding people who are an appropriate match, who's equally yoped,

917
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 3: meaning they have the same or similar morals and values. Okay, right,

918
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 3: and either you can match how that person presents in

919
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 3: the world or you can complement it. So what does

920
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 3: that mean? My husband is a social socialite. He is outside,

921
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,439
Speaker 3: he loves to be outside with his friends, he loves

922
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 3: to go out, he loves to drink, all the things

923
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 3: I like to.

924
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 5: Be in my house. So that would be an opposite behavior.

925
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 2: So those are opposite behavior, right, But Alison, what about

926
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 2: a Christian and a Muslim, right, A Republican and a Democrat?

927
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,839
Speaker 1: Right, those are like really.

928
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 2: Staunch differences that lean into litical, the church all those things?

929
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: Right? Can people in those opposite ends?

930
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 5: I don't recommend it, you don't write.

931
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 3: I literally had a client text me and say, text

932
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,800
Speaker 3: me a profile of a gentleman, ask me some questions.

933
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 5: I'm scrolling. I said.

934
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,959
Speaker 3: It says he's Buddhist, and you know that that's a no, no,

935
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 3: not Buddhism, but a different religion.

936
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 5: I don't recommend it.

937
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 1: That's so Crazyanism is the easiest I'm not Buddhist to

938
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 1: convert to. No, it's the easiest to align yourself with

939
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: because it's not another God. But it's a way of

940
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: life Jewish or Christian. By the way, my mom I

941
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: meant to speak when we were talking about Alexus. My

942
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 1: parents have been married thirty five years. My mom converted

943
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: to be with my father, and I remember when we

944
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: had a conversation about it. She started going back to church.

945
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: My dad's Jewish. She started going back to church, Like

946
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 1: when I was a teenager. I was like, is daddy

947
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: going to be mad? Like what do we are? We

948
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: doing something bad? And she's like, you know, your father

949
00:43:56,120 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: wanted me to convert because he really wanted to have

950
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 1: a Jewish wedding. Yeah, he wanted you to be Jewish.

951
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: This was something that was important to him. And I

952
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: didn't really care.

953
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: And Judaism goes through the mom's line, so she had

954
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 3: it to be a jew and of for you, okay,

955
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 3: but she was like.

956
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: But it didn't really matter to me. I just loved him,

957
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 1: wanted to be with them. So I actually think it

958
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 1: could if only one person's very well.

959
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 3: So that's what I was just about to get to, right,

960
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 3: So my recommendation is not to date people of a

961
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 3: different religion unless you are prepared to convert.

962
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: Now I know you think.

963
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 5: Also just saying that because I said that.

964
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 3: I No, that's unless you are prepared to convert. And

965
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 3: many times, like you mentioned with your dad, he may

966
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 3: have not been extraly passionate about Judaism in itself. But

967
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:43,239
Speaker 3: maybe sometimes it comes with parental pressures. Maybe it comes

968
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 3: with the style of wedding, Maybe it comes to where

969
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 3: you can be buried, right, how the child.

970
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 5: Is going to be raised.

971
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,919
Speaker 3: And so unless you were prepared to convert, which means

972
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 3: give up your identity, your religious identity, Y don't do

973
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 3: it because the individual may not have a problem, but

974
00:44:57,360 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 3: they mama and them do. And then now the relationship

975
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 3: is o or because the family has become.

976
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 1: And also, if you know, it's kind of like Sex

977
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 1: and the City is the way that we can look

978
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 1: at it if anyone's ever seen it. I know I

979
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 1: bring up Sex and the City a lot, but literally

980
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 1: I think they were dating and falling in love. He goes, oh,

981
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: you're like perfect, but you know I have to marry

982
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: a Jewish girl. When people start saying things like that,

983
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 1: off rip, then I know. Yeah. I actually went on

984
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 1: a few dates with a guy who was praying before

985
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 1: most meals. Yeah, which didn't bother me at all. Well

986
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 1: actually a lot of my close friends are religious. However,

987
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: I only could think to myself, this is something I

988
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: know you want to share with someone. I know my

989
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 1: homegirls that pray with their partner feel so whole. I'm

990
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: going to make you feel empty. At some point, I

991
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,439
Speaker 1: really believe that I could you let him go because

992
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: of that?

993
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 5: Oh I let a nigga go uh, because he prayed

994
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 5: before me, not the prayers.

995
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 2: I was talking to this football player last year and

996
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 2: he knew the podcast.

997
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:50,959
Speaker 1: He knew everything. We were talking.

998
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 2: We were dming each other and I was like, ooh,

999
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 2: I was already thinking because he was good looking. I

1000
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 2: was like, oh, we're gonna see da da da da.

1001
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 2: And I was like, so, what are you looking for

1002
00:45:58,400 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 2: in a woman? And he was like, oh, I want

1003
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 2: a woman of God. I said, well, I'm gonna go

1004
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 2: ahead and let you find her because the way in

1005
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 2: which if a woman says, if a man says that,

1006
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 2: I know you're looking for a woman that walks within

1007
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 2: the word and goes to church maybe on Sundays and

1008
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:16,280
Speaker 2: does all the way.

1009
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: That your boyfriend wants marriage and kids and you don't.

1010
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,280
Speaker 1: So it's like, that's different than my identity.

1011
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 2: Those are once through traditions and things which I've also said,

1012
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: and I've talked about this on the pod. I'll take

1013
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 2: the ring, we could have the ceremony, he'll align with that,

1014
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 2: but the children, children, we don't want it. And however

1015
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 2: that looks when we cross that road. He's not looking

1016
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,439
Speaker 2: for kids until at least four to four or five

1017
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,280
Speaker 2: more years he's focused on his career right now, he's

1018
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 2: for eight years different. What four years from now looks

1019
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 2: like for him will be completely not the same. To me,

1020
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 2: I'm still kind of in my ways. If four years

1021
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 2: from now he's a completely different person. We've enjoyed each

1022
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 2: other and he can go have kids like I don't

1023
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 2: want to keep that's different though. I mean, you know,

1024
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 2: I know I'm not going to church.

1025
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 1: I've been trying to go with my friends.

1026
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 2: I feel like they all motivational speakers. I don't want

1027
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 2: to be a no cult. I don't want to be

1028
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 2: a religious person. I was raised in Missions, I went

1029
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 2: to church, I had Christmases sponsored by the church growing up.

1030
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:15,720
Speaker 2: My relationship to the church has changed, and I can't

1031
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 2: be that for someone else.

1032
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: So I'm very aware, and I chose to walk away.

1033
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 2: I didn't choose to say and my boyfriend right now,

1034
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,720
Speaker 2: with him knowing how I feel about those things, he has.

1035
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: Every right to walk away from me and all allow it.

1036
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 2: He's we are really really and I'm not going to

1037
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 2: say the L word because we've been not trying to

1038
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 2: say the L word. We are enjoying the shit out

1039
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 2: of each other. It's not for anyone else to understand.

1040
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 2: But us just wanted to say that.

1041
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: So the religious part, don't.

1042
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,440
Speaker 3: I'm not even the person is willing to convert.

1043
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 5: That's only thing that I think.

1044
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: So this is a good one.

1045
00:47:55,280 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 3: Uh, pre Trump, I really didn't take political belief systems

1046
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 3: into account until recently, well until his parties, well, political affiliation, right,

1047
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 3: I didn't. It wasn't a part of anything that I

1048
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:16,439
Speaker 3: taught about or considered too much as as being stringent, right,

1049
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,959
Speaker 3: being stringent and thinking that you shouldn't date one person

1050
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,799
Speaker 3: or shouldn't right, I didn't until twenty sixteen. And so

1051
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:27,720
Speaker 3: I've now added political affiliation with the same actually worse

1052
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 3: or stronger religion, right, worse than religion, because you you

1053
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 3: would have converted, like converted, you would have changed political parties.

1054
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 3: With everything that we've seen over the last nine years,

1055
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 3: you would have changed already if you wanted to change

1056
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 3: in religion is different.

1057
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 5: Maybe you just weren't introduced.

1058
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Speaker 1: Come to my church, come to my temple, and you know,

1059
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 1: but not when it comes to political the person needs

1060
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: to be within.

1061
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 3: And now we can when I say within, that can

1062
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 3: be like from liberal to moderate.

1063
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 1: But I need you to be very clear about who

1064
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: you v even even in terms of friendships.

1065
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 2: Yeah me, Like, I'm not gonna hang with anyone who

1066
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 2: has a lot of the same ideologies that align with Trump.

1067
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 1: I'm just not.

1068
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,800
Speaker 2: We can't even be friends, bro, what are we talking about.

1069
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 2: You don't care about my rights as a woman to

1070
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 2: my body. You want like immigrants and people to be

1071
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 2: sent back into their homes, minding my dad is here

1072
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 2: on a green card. Like, there's just certain things that

1073
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 2: I literally cannot stand by, And I don't even want

1074
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: affiliation friendship wise to those people.

1075
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, damn sure, don't want to open my legs to them.

1076
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 3: So political affiliation these days has to do with morals

1077
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 3: and values. It's not about you know, how should the economy? Like,

1078
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 3: it ain't about that shit anymore like now. It has

1079
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 3: to do with morals and values than ever before. So

1080
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 3: as a result, that person is not going to be

1081
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 3: aligned with you anyway.

1082
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:39,759
Speaker 1: So I don't know.

1083
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 5: If you guys watch Love is Blind, let.

1084
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 1: Me say love is not blind. Love is blind, but

1085
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: longevity is not right, That's what we learned. I really

1086
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 1: do believe they're falling in love with each other over

1087
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 1: the phone or over the you know, theod I actually

1088
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,439
Speaker 1: really do believe it. I think that is a very

1089
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: real thing. I think what happens is sustainability wise. When

1090
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 1: you're having a tough time with someone, physical connection and

1091
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: chemistry kind of fixes it. Yeah. I noticed whenever I

1092
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 1: get a little annoyed with my boyfriend, he'll wink at

1093
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: me or touch me in a way and be like,

1094
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:13,360
Speaker 1: why you were playing? Like you mad at me? And

1095
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 1: it's like, now, if I don't want to fuck you,

1096
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 1: how's that gonna work? So what love is blind? What

1097
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: she's referencing is a really interesting moment. They were in

1098
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 1: the pods and this guy said to what there were

1099
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: two white people. She said, how do you feel about

1100
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 1: Black Lives Matter? And he said, I don't really know

1101
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 1: much about it. She's like, well, is that where you

1102
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 1: were going? Yeah? Oh, I mean it was a big thing.

1103
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: And she's like, well, what's really there to know? Like

1104
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 1: it's human rights. He's like, I mean I don't know

1105
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: all the facts. You know what?

1106
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 5: They go there once they use the other F word facts?

1107
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,720
Speaker 1: What's interesting about that? And she ran to a black

1108
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 1: woman to have that discussion about how she couldn't deal

1109
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: with it, chose him out of the pods but didn't

1110
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 1: marry him and said it was because of that.

1111
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 2: And it was like, well he told you in the

1112
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 2: first few dates, Mab, when did you think it was

1113
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,760
Speaker 2: also religion too? If I'm not mistaken, there was another factor.

1114
00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 3: She said, yes, well, she said that she'd be willing

1115
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 3: to go to church on holidays and he said he

1116
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 3: was fine with it. Her argument was is that they've

1117
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 3: been out of the pods for two weeks and he

1118
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:13,399
Speaker 3: didn't do any effort or research around those topics that matter,

1119
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 3: which I don't really know how much that is. But

1120
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 3: the point is is that when someone is conservative in

1121
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 3: this day and age, that's already telling you what you

1122
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 3: need to do no in regards to your compatibility and

1123
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 3: the end. So now I teach, I recommend, I suggest

1124
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 3: it's not a good match.

1125
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: Are there any other maybe? Can you tell us some

1126
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 1: uncommon matches I know we're nearing the end of the episode.

1127
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 1: Uncommon matches that you've seen work. When I was reading

1128
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,320
Speaker 1: Esterray's book years ago, she said something about how black

1129
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 1: women and Asian men were a great match. And I'm

1130
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 1: just curious, like, where have you seen some successful ties,

1131
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: whether there be jobs, religion, just something age, maybe older

1132
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 1: women and younger men, Like have you seen some trends

1133
00:51:56,920 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 1: lately That one's an interest.

1134
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,160
Speaker 3: I thought you were gonna go the other directions, the

1135
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 3: more obvious direction older men, younger women, and by younger

1136
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 3: and again depending on how old the person is. You know,

1137
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 3: I have a client who she is forty six and

1138
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 3: the gentleman that she's dating is fifty seven. Okay, she

1139
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 3: seems on part she is eleven years. I don't know

1140
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 3: she was concerned about it. Is the point, she is

1141
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 3: very well to do, and so again her dating someone

1142
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 3: who if she wants someone who's close to her in salary,

1143
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 3: who is as mature as she is, who doesn't well,

1144
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 3: I mean men can have children pretty much any age,

1145
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 3: but tends to not have young children. I'm telling her,

1146
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 3: you need to do around ten years plus ten years,

1147
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:42,840
Speaker 3: which in this case he's plus eleven.

1148
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 5: Now there's other fact works too, I need to write.

1149
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 5: So it worked out.

1150
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: I need the fitness.

1151
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 3: I need to know this health because I also don't

1152
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 3: want you to be a caretaker at fifty five years

1153
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: old to a sixty six year old man.

1154
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 5: But point being, I think.

1155
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 3: That large age gaps works well for busy professional.

1156
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: Women, So I was in either direction. No for older

1157
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: older men.

1158
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 5: So busy professional women dating older men, But.

1159
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 1: What about professional women when they date younger Just let's

1160
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 1: just say you have the money and you don't give

1161
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 1: a fuck about.

1162
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 2: Indeed, I'm dating younger and we have some like I mean,

1163
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 2: he's an actor, so I mean how we make money.

1164
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:25,799
Speaker 2: And it's funny because we'll both sit here and be

1165
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,839
Speaker 2: waiting on deposits the same way. I mean, I've never

1166
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 2: dealt with a younger guy that was broke. I mean clearly,

1167
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 2: I had a twenty two year old that played basketball

1168
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 2: like things like that to me. There's also a trend

1169
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 2: in what we're seeing in very successful women dating younger. Yeah,

1170
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 2: and it seems to also be working. I know that

1171
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 2: when I dated someone seventeen years my senior, and that

1172
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 2: is way over the age gap that you just gave.

1173
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 1: I understand.

1174
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 2: He almost didn't even understand because like my lifestyle or

1175
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: how I made money, He said, I made money on

1176
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:57,919
Speaker 2: the internet. He had no clue what I was doing

1177
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 2: because he came from a completely different generation. And I

1178
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 2: think even the younger guy now has more of an

1179
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 2: understanding of what I'm doing. We see share dating younger.

1180
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 2: Don't want to bring up Drea, but there's Drea. There's

1181
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 2: a lot of successful women who have attached themselves to

1182
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:12,399
Speaker 2: younger men as well.

1183
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it depends.

1184
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 1: You know, Drea is in that bucket right. Well, that's

1185
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: why I said I didn't. We don't have to.

1186
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,319
Speaker 2: She just came to mind because that's what everyone's been

1187
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 2: talking about. Yeah, but even like a share.

1188
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, there, you are right that there are busy professional

1189
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 3: women who don't care about because they're doing well for themselves.

1190
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 5: They don't care. However, like I said many times, it's

1191
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 5: still going.

1192
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 3: To come out later on with the slick comments and

1193
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 3: the you know you slept all day and it becomes

1194
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,319
Speaker 3: an issue that it didn't need to be if you

1195
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 3: didn't pursue it. I don't reckon all right, let me

1196
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,160
Speaker 3: take a step back. Yeah, when you say dating, you

1197
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:45,759
Speaker 3: mean having sex, having fun? No, I mean like me,

1198
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:46,800
Speaker 3: commit a relationship.

1199
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,800
Speaker 5: I mean a harsher like marriage, potential children.

1200
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 3: Sure, I would not recommend it. It doesn't mean it

1201
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 3: cannot work. It doesn't mean it cannot work. I just

1202
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 3: wouldn't recommend it, or the circumstances would have to be

1203
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 3: where this gentleman younger. Yes, but he has proven he

1204
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 3: is so much more mature than men his age, and

1205
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: he's so much more established than men his age. It

1206
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,359
Speaker 3: would have to be some circumstances that would make this

1207
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 3: thing be something that I would cosign.

1208
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: Got it. I will say this though, like just from

1209
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: the two recent co dating coach not to compare it

1210
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 1: in where it's just you know, it's good to hear

1211
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,839
Speaker 1: two differences. I like hearing that both of you are

1212
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 1: kind of on par with financial status matching. And I

1213
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 1: must say, even with friends at a moderate salary range,

1214
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: I'm seeing them being together my married friends making around

1215
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 1: the same, whether it be less or a lot. And

1216
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,879
Speaker 1: I get it because it really does help you one

1217
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: not feel that. And I don't believe love should have competition,

1218
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 1: but I can understand some men feeling emasculated. Yeah, and

1219
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:49,239
Speaker 1: I think it really is helpful to be able to

1220
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: kind of have this even feel Yeah.

1221
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely.

1222
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,399
Speaker 3: And then I think many times too, when you talk

1223
00:55:56,440 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 3: about women very generally speaking, giving so much so not

1224
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 3: only are we performing well professionally, but then we're also

1225
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,919
Speaker 3: wanting to make sure that our house is in order,

1226
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 3: that we're cooking and cleaning if you're not hiring people

1227
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,839
Speaker 3: to do so. But then we're right, right, and then

1228
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 3: we're planning everything, like every outing and every trip, so

1229
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 3: we give and give and give, and then damn, you

1230
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,760
Speaker 3: can't even meet me financially. I feel like the nature

1231
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 3: of women is that we give more than what we receive.

1232
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 3: So if I'm already giving you more, right to everyone, right,

1233
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 3: So if I'm already giving you more than I'm receiving,

1234
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,800
Speaker 3: and then you can't And you're a man, and that's

1235
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 3: the traditional role of a man is to provide, and

1236
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:40,279
Speaker 3: you can't even meet me there, it's going to brew

1237
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 3: a lot of conflict that then becomes bigger issues. Now

1238
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 3: there's less sex, now there's a potential for infidel It

1239
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:48,520
Speaker 3: becomes a bigger issue when the root of the problem

1240
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 3: is I'm mad because you're not performing on my level professionally.

1241
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:55,439
Speaker 1: I've got a final question for you about fidelity before

1242
00:56:55,440 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 1: I shouldn't. When you are seeing relationships budding or starting,

1243
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 1: Let's just say someone is married and there is a

1244
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: moment of infidelity. Being that high powered women don't need men,

1245
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 1: how do you feel about forgiveness? There was a clip

1246
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:15,239
Speaker 1: we played on Horrible recently of doctor Umar. I know

1247
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: I brought him up saying, if it's a good man,

1248
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: if it was a mistake, if he wasn't abusive, if

1249
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: he's financially stable, forgive him. I've heard some of my

1250
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: male friends be like, some women are too, you know,

1251
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 1: hard down with mistakes. Other women are like, fuck you out,

1252
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 1: don't need you, I'm out. What would you say, Like

1253
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: if there was a woman who was dating someone, whether

1254
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: long term or getting married, and there was a mistake

1255
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,960
Speaker 1: he started texting someone maybe from work, they fucked it happened,

1256
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 1: what do you do? So I'm.

1257
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 3: I was gonna say that, I'm going to say, I'm

1258
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 3: going to say something that's contradictois.

1259
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 5: I'm going to say some stuff that's contradictory.

1260
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:53,800
Speaker 3: So the first thing I'm going to say is it's

1261
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 3: not a mistake, right, Like the process even if it

1262
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:58,520
Speaker 3: was a whore, like a literal whore.

1263
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you've got to plan it out right. Come on.

1264
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 3: I so pulled up on on Pennsylvania Avenue and you

1265
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 3: picked up.

1266
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 1: A horror, there was a process.

1267
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 3: You went to the ATM to take out cash like

1268
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 3: you meditated.

1269
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 5: Come right, So it's not a mistake. It's a series

1270
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 5: of choices and decisions.

1271
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: So I want to say that.

1272
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 3: With that being said, I am not quick to say

1273
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 3: that you should end a relationship and definitely not end

1274
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:28,919
Speaker 3: the marriage off of infidelity, off of.

1275
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 5: One instance of infidelity.

1276
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 1: But do you think cheaters can stop?

1277
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 5: Yes?

1278
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 1: I do? You do? You don't cheater?

1279
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 5: No, I don't believe that.

1280
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 1: Why.

1281
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 3: I think that people decide to change their lives every

1282
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 3: single day they make a decision. You change your eating habits,

1283
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 3: you can change your sexual habits. People change elements of

1284
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 3: who they are and how they show up in the

1285
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 3: world every single day. You can absolutely choose not to

1286
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 3: be a cheater anymore. Absolutely, I won't even blink on that.

1287
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: That might be a part two. Well, I would never

1288
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: cheat that name, so maybe that's fair.

1289
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 5: Okay, so once a cheated, not a cheater.

1290
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,560
Speaker 1: I really wouldn't evidenced right here. I think I just

1291
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 1: didn't leave because it was a pandemic. I think I

1292
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: don't know. I think I was being selfish. I think

1293
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 1: I was doing what hurt people do doing it back.

1294
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: But now even if I wasn't just in love, I

1295
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,320
Speaker 1: don't know if I could cheat. I've just got so

1296
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 1: much language around. If I really wanted to sleep with

1297
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 1: someone else, and if I really wanted other male attention,

1298
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:36,440
Speaker 1: I think I would know what to say. But cheating

1299
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 1: seems so cheap to me now. My values of like

1300
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 1: honesty are different even from when I was younger. The

1301
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: things that I was honest about in a relationship or

1302
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 1: insecure about, I wouldn't say. I don't think I could

1303
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 1: ever cheat again. Actually no, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do

1304
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 1: want to go back just a step. And men are different,

1305
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:53,720
Speaker 1: I think. No.

1306
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 3: I think people men or women like literally wake up

1307
00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 3: the next day like not even hard, like eating.

1308
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 2: But the people that I know cheated, it's a part

1309
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 2: of them, like they are cheaters like. Which is why

1310
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 2: my conversations with even my homegirls, which is why I

1311
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 2: don't want to make this a man thing for my

1312
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 2: homegirls who have cheated on all of their partners or

1313
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:18,800
Speaker 2: multiple partners or whatever it's I'm trying to convince them

1314
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 2: that you are.

1315
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 1: Ethically non monogamous or not as able at all.

1316
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 2: I think that it needs to be introduced that you

1317
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:27,080
Speaker 2: are a non monogamous being because there are reasons for cheating.

1318
01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: Also didn't make sense.

1319
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 2: But there's a lot of women that cheat that just

1320
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 2: don't align with the fact that they're non monogamous being.

1321
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 2: And again it's maybe an unlearning, it's a rephrasing, but

1322
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 2: them holds be cheated and when I say it and

1323
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 2: cheated on one, it and cheated on all it's like

1324
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 2: a thing.

1325
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1326
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, But to go back to the video in regards

1327
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 3: to alexis about changing who you are for somebody that's unsustainable.

1328
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 5: It's never going to work. Okay, that's a bar.

1329
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a bar. Allison.

1330
01:00:55,400 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 2: Where can our listeners book you for a session? Yes,

1331
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 2: get coached by you? Where can they find you? Where

1332
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 2: can they follow you? Because you also put so much

1333
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 2: information on your Instagram.

1334
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:07,080
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1335
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 1: By the way, all of this.

1336
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 2: Information will be in the description of this episode, so

1337
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,160
Speaker 2: go ahead and run it down, baby.

1338
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely so.

1339
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 3: Again, my name is Alison Wellington, certified Dating and Relationship coach,

1340
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 3: and you can find me at a line with Alison

1341
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 3: that's one l dot com and align with Alison on

1342
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 3: every major platform Instagram, YouTube, TikTok.

1343
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 5: Everything that's right.

1344
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 2: And if you guys want to hear the episode with

1345
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 2: me and Allison talking about the importance of marriage in

1346
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 2: today in modern world, check out my other podcast, Selective Ignorance. Also,

1347
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 2: if you guys want bonus episodes and all the things

1348
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 2: here Horrible Decisions ain't go know well, we just saw

1349
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 2: on Patreon, so go to patreon dot com backslash horrid

1350
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,920
Speaker 2: bled deciones. Also we told you at the top of

1351
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 2: the episode, get your motherfucking book, Hope, get your motherfucking shit.

1352
01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:58,960
Speaker 1: By hold Somebody, No.

1353
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 2: Holds bar Manifesto, Sexual Exploration and Power. By the way,

1354
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 2: if you are my friend, if I know you and

1355
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: your birthday comes, this is what the fuck y'all all

1356
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:12,480
Speaker 2: get in this year. My motherfucking book is what's happening. Anyways, guys, Allison,

1357
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 2: thank you so much for joining us. Y'all, thank we

1358
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:20,520
Speaker 2: thank you for tuning in to another episode of Decision Decision.

1359
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 1: See you next week.