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Speaker 1: We have to be a little bit quiet. It's one

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Speaker 1: more thing.

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Speaker 2: I'm strong, and.

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Speaker 3: So we are here in Chicago at the Democratic National Convention,

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Speaker 3: but there's an interview in being being performed like two

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Speaker 3: and a half feet from my right shoulder, and so

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Speaker 3: I'm being kind of quiet.

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Speaker 4: It is yet another in the parade of notables who

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Speaker 4: we have just verbally murdered on the air. Yesterday, Randy

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Speaker 4: Weingarten was within five feet of us.

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Speaker 1: Another person we hate right next to us.

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Speaker 4: Lori Lightfoot, former mayor of Chicago, her honor, the mayor

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Speaker 4: almost ruined the city completely. Brandon Johnson has bravely taking

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Speaker 4: the baton from her and being the people of Chicago

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Speaker 4: over the head with it.

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Speaker 1: Oh and during COVID it was ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, just unforgivable, absolute lap dog of the teachers'

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Speaker 4: unions that are ruining Chicago schools and the poor little

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Speaker 4: kids along with it.

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Speaker 3: Just without even comple depletely straightening out my arm.

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Speaker 1: I could tap her on the shoulder and say I

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Speaker 1: hate you.

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Speaker 2: I would be indelicate, but that would be a moment.

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Speaker 3: Okay, she walked further away, so no one, I'm in

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Speaker 3: the clear, Yes, yes, how do you how do you

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Speaker 3: judge whether or not a hotel is nice or not?

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Speaker 3: I have very low bar for a hotel being good

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Speaker 3: enough for me. If I'm by myself, perfectly fine with

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Speaker 3: like a Super eight, as long as it's not dangerous.

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Speaker 3: The neighborhood matters more to me than the hotel itself.

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Speaker 3: As long as it's not dangerous, I don't care. I

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Speaker 3: just need someplace to sleep. I'm getting back on the

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Speaker 3: road in the moon. If I'm with my kids, different situation.

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Speaker 3: If it is a you know, a romantic opportunity, assuming

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Speaker 3: I'll ever have that, I would be obviously a.

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Speaker 2: Different level, right, Katie.

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Speaker 4: This is yet another layer of the conundrum, within a riddle,

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Speaker 4: within an onion, within a something or other that Jack

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Speaker 4: Armstrong is. He stands next to me, worrying. It's just

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Speaker 4: a beautiful sport code, I mean, very nice, starched expensive.

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Speaker 2: Way did you have that shirt made? Tell the truth?

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Speaker 2: This one might be very cool.

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Speaker 4: Jeans and shoes that cost more than my car, but

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Speaker 4: he stays in fleabag motels.

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Speaker 2: I do, and it's proud of it. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if I'm proud of it, but I do it.

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Speaker 3: Well, you have you have stayed it through the years

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Speaker 3: with unmistakable pride in your voice. Then you will stay

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Speaker 3: at junkie hotel. Yeah, the chiefest hotel I ever stayed at.

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Speaker 3: I stayed at a hotel in Montana that was eight

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Speaker 3: dollars a night. Oh that place was gross. Sorry, just

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Speaker 3: to clarify, was this in nineteen twenty Did you get

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Speaker 3: a bath down the hall? Oh? It was?

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Speaker 1: It was actually gross.

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Speaker 2: Stay.

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Speaker 3: I had to share the room with another cowboy. Wow,

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Speaker 3: it was above a bar. You know, the memories are hazy.

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Speaker 3: This is back when I still drank. Memories are hazy.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure they normally rented out rooms. It might

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Speaker 3: have been more of a you seem like you need

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Speaker 3: someplace to stay. There's a mattress in the room. I think, Yeah, anyway,

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Speaker 3: this is the bathrooms hotel. The mattress was gross. I

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Speaker 3: like slept on top of the comforter or something I remember.

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Speaker 3: But anyway, back to how you judge a hotel? How

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Speaker 3: do you how do you judge a hotel? Whether it's

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Speaker 3: nice room? Oh boy, A couple of different things are

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Speaker 3: we talking about specifically in the room or when I

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Speaker 3: walked in the front door, Like the hotel we're staying

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Speaker 3: in right now, which I think is pretty nice. Some

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Speaker 3: other people that are staying at the hotel, one person

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Speaker 3: said to me, this is a yanky hotel.

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Speaker 1: Really, I think it's really nice.

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Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, wow, it's It's not a janky hotel at all.

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Speaker 3: They travel a lot for business, so maybe they have

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know, but I don't think

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Speaker 3: it's yanky doll.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, although it's funny.

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Speaker 3: Shortly after I had that conversation, I'm in the I'm

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Speaker 3: in the bathroom brushing my teeth or washing my hands,

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Speaker 3: because that's the only thing the person should ever do

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Speaker 3: in the bathroom. But for some reason, I reach for

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Speaker 3: the toilet paper roll and the toilet paper dispenser falls apart,

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Speaker 3: and the toilet roll rolls across the floor, and then

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Speaker 3: I have to get on my hands and knees and

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Speaker 3: crawl over and get it right.

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Speaker 2: And it was a it was in a state of vulnerability.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, was at a point where I must have needed

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Speaker 3: to blow my nose or something, because I really needed

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Speaker 3: the toilet paper roll the.

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Speaker 2: Only reason you're in there, and it rolled clear over

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Speaker 2: to the other side.

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Speaker 3: So I had to Yes, I had to go get it,

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Speaker 3: and I thought, this is not cool, like an animal,

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Speaker 3: This isn't cool. This had This hasn't happened at any

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Speaker 3: of my Super eights or Motel sixes or any other

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Speaker 3: numbered hotels. You gotta call the front desk, gentlemen of

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Speaker 3: your status, that it deserves better than that, better than to.

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Speaker 2: Be crawling around like Gollum after the precious trying.

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Speaker 3: To get some toilet paper. I'm aggrieved, I'm angered on

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Speaker 3: your behalf. You know, I'm alone in my room and

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Speaker 3: nobody's going to see it, so it doesn't really matter.

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Speaker 3: But I have the toilet paper roll now sitting on

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Speaker 3: the counter, kind of like college guy, crappy apartment style, right,

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Speaker 3: because your toilet paper thing's broken it it's years ago.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, broke years ago, and you've never fixed it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the most man conversation I've heard in a while. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I left a role in the ca exactly. You sit

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Speaker 2: it on the back of the toilet because your thing

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Speaker 2: doesn't work.

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Speaker 4: Oh.

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Speaker 3: You know what's changed is hotels are now back to

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Speaker 3: the housekeeping staff comes to your room and like does

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Speaker 3: its thing every day now unless you hang out in

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Speaker 3: the privacy. Thing kind of got used to the COVID

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Speaker 3: deal where they would come like on Tuesdays and Fridays

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Speaker 3: unless you ask them. I've actually found at the more

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Speaker 3: expensive hotels when I stay at like really nice places,

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Speaker 3: they don't because they're so into the environmental stuff.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you have to ask to have them come

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Speaker 2: do your stuff. They it's an opt in.

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Speaker 3: They assume because you care about climate change as much

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Speaker 3: as them, that you don't want your bed made or

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Speaker 3: anything like that. I don't need my bed made right,

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Speaker 3: But for me, that's like the joy of staying in

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Speaker 3: a nice hotel is that when I come back into

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Speaker 3: the room, it's perfectly made. I just want my coffee replenished,

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Speaker 3: and they have replenished. You don't care about the bed

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Speaker 3: being made. I really like to come into a room.

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Speaker 2: I know what you love that? Well, I make my

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Speaker 2: own bed every day.

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Speaker 4: I do it.

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Speaker 3: I've blatched onto that philosophy and I I don't. It's

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Speaker 3: weird and I don't quite get it. It made a

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Speaker 3: different good thing. It makes a difference. You walk into

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Speaker 3: your room and your bed is made as supposed you

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Speaker 3: get home and it's unmade. Just seems like your life's

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Speaker 3: a mess. Yeah, yeah, it kind of does uh anyway,

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Speaker 3: what was I gonna say? Oh, one thing about the

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Speaker 3: environmental thing and the maids coming every day housekeeping staff.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to say maids. Why is that the

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Speaker 2: meaning in some way that I called.

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Speaker 1: My cleaning person a maid in front of somebody and

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Speaker 1: got yeah, it's you're not supposed to say.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So my instincts were, right, clean person, yeah, house cleaner,

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Speaker 3: house house house, house cleaner. Yes, Arnold Michael, Michael, you

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Speaker 3: get the staff, tiny drop of the day.

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Speaker 2: That was beautiful, congratulations.

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Speaker 1: Arnold impregnated his housekeeper.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, the story he called her a maid. He

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Speaker 4: wouldn't have gotten that sweet, sweet loving.

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Speaker 2: That's right, and make it spicy. Right? Where was I something?

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Speaker 4: There was a house keeping the house every day, clean

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Speaker 4: your something something?

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Speaker 2: Oh, that's it.

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Speaker 4: Here we are in Chicago, Illinois, and West Coasters and

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Speaker 4: Hawaiians and and sun Belters and all. There is a

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Speaker 4: lake so effing big it might as well be the

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Speaker 4: ocean right over there, and it's never empty ever in

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Speaker 4: the last five million years.

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Speaker 2: So the idea of you've got to conserve water.

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Speaker 3: You're looking over there, you're thinking there's an f and

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Speaker 3: lake as big as an ocean right there.

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Speaker 2: There appears to be quite a bit and there is

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Speaker 2: so nobody cares.

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Speaker 3: So I tried to repair my toilet dispenser because I

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Speaker 3: don't like the toilet roll sitting on the counter in

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Speaker 3: the hotel room, right and it keeps breaking. It's done

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Speaker 3: it five times now, and I keep trying. I think

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Speaker 3: I got it fixed, and then I go to reach

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Speaker 3: for toilet paper and it breaks.

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Speaker 1: And it rolls across. I just keep doing it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you might get to call engineering.

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Speaker 1: You think I should have somebody to come to the room.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they've well yeah, they probably get like a

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Speaker 3: storeroom with five thousand of them.

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Speaker 2: I'll just screw it into the wall and keep moving.

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Speaker 2: And if you leave it that way, they're gonna think

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Speaker 2: you broke it. And nah, there's another charge.

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Speaker 3: That's a good point. Oh what in this hotel? Weirdly,

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Speaker 3: I'd never had a hotel do this before. You know,

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Speaker 3: you always have to put your card in for incidentals. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: usually it's fifty seventy five or one hundred dollars. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: this was seven hundred dollars. They ring up on your

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Speaker 3: card for incidentals are.

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Speaker 2: Like people stealing the entire bed door.

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Speaker 3: What are you having a party with sixty guests in

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Speaker 3: there in ordering room service and charging it all of

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Speaker 3: the room.

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Speaker 4: Is it a hundred dollars eating back to the days

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Speaker 4: of the Who and lead Zappelin or something. I don't wow,

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Speaker 4: wrecking the room, it's a little.

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Speaker 3: So they'd be happy to charge me one hundred bucks

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Speaker 3: for my broken toilet paper dispense.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I tell you how I discern whether it's a

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Speaker 4: good hotel or not.

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Speaker 2: No hars in the room. One hair, one hair, and

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Speaker 2: you've dropped from d at the highest. Oh yeah, yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: it's I'm out of there as soon as they get right.

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Speaker 2: That is the number one thing. Very clean hotel we're in,

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Speaker 2: very clean.

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Speaker 3: You go to a Super eight or a Motel six,

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Speaker 3: you gotta shave the bathroom before you go in it.

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Speaker 3: Oh lord, oh the well all right, I don't even

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Speaker 3: want to talk about it much less see it. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: in case they have lawyers, they probably do, and sometimes

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Speaker 3: not all the time.

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Speaker 2: One particular which has now been torn down.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking of a different hotel.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, whoops, you meant Motel seven. I did motels seven

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Speaker 2: through nine. The quality of mattress, also, I think is important.

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Speaker 3: If you get on the bed and is a bad

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Speaker 3: bed already, I'm in bad You know I'm in a

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Speaker 3: bad mood.

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Speaker 4: That's when I throwed a chain through the window. Get

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Speaker 4: my money's worth. They're putting blue tape on the floor.

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Speaker 4: I wonder, why what do.

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Speaker 1: You suppose that's for.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, anybody got a guess why they would

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Speaker 3: string blue tape all across.

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Speaker 4: The It's in front of the MJ statue, the Michael

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Speaker 4: Jordan statue now the one lady's commenting.

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Speaker 2: On the laying of the tape.

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Speaker 3: And they've got numbers there, like you're gonna line up

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Speaker 3: based on your number?

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Speaker 1: Like at the airport, who's lining up for?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 2: Are they gonna fly a Southwest flight out here for

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Speaker 2: pictures for who? That's enough?

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Speaker 3: We got to clear the speaking of got to clear

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Speaker 3: it for the next show. You're the picture is going

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Speaker 3: to be with the station here in beautiful Chicago. Who

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Speaker 3: was a big enough deal they're gonna get pictures with that?

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Speaker 3: They have have to have tape on the floor and

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Speaker 3: numbers going up to seventy to wait in line.

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Speaker 2: First name Barack, Well, we need to be here.

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Speaker 1: To see it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, somebody BIG's coming through. Hanson's checking into it

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Speaker 2: right now.

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Speaker 4: Barry Obama, Barry Obama misses, that's right, Hank.

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Speaker 3: I wonder it's going to be Barack Hussain, Michelle Bill

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Speaker 3: and Hilary Kamala and Tim and Trump is gonna drup.

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Speaker 2: I doubt it, Michael, we got to wrap this up. Well,

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Speaker 2: I guess that's it.