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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Keon.

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Speaker 2: And this is your host, Riley, your favorite Okay storytelling host,

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Speaker 2: and we've got some great stories coming up from you.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My in laws

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Speaker 1: banned my daughter's boyfriend from Christmas because they're living in sin.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, not the sin. Our daughter and her boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: let's call him Dan, moved in together in August. It

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Speaker 1: was fast. They'd only been together for six months, but

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Speaker 1: they're old enough to make that decision and are discussing marriage.

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Speaker 1: How old are they? I fully believe they're going to

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Speaker 1: end up together. Dan had to move away for training

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Speaker 1: this month, so they're going to be long distance for

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Speaker 1: a little while, but plan to live together as soon

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Speaker 1: as they're in the same city again. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Goufus Malufus, and if you want to

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Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, I'm Carly,

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Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice goofy, but we

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Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 1: and some of us are just dogs anyway, let us

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Speaker 1: know what you would do in the comments, and Opie says, now,

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Speaker 1: my father in law can be a lot. He's your typical, rich,

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Speaker 1: old white guy who's used to getting his way. He

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Speaker 1: and my mother in law visited my daughter in November,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, father in law took an unreasonable

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Speaker 1: dislike but Dan. No reason was given. He just doesn't

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Speaker 1: like him personally. I think it may be because they

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Speaker 1: moved in together so quickly, and or because Dan is

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Speaker 1: a person of color. Our family is white, but father

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Speaker 1: in law would never admit it. So here's where it

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Speaker 1: gets sticky. Dan will be spending Christmas with our immediate

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Speaker 1: family at our house. His parents will be away and

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Speaker 1: he was going to be alone. So of course we

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Speaker 1: invited him to stay with us. As far as we're concerned,

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Speaker 1: he's going to be family and we treat him as such. Now,

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Speaker 1: my in laws live about two hours away. Typically we

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Speaker 1: would do an overnight visit at their house for the holidays,

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Speaker 1: and we're planning one. When we invited Dan to stay

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Speaker 1: with us, my partner was on the phone with his

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Speaker 1: dad ironing out the details, and he told his father

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Speaker 1: about Dan staying with us. My partner was very careful

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Speaker 1: to say he understood that it was his parent's decision

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Speaker 1: whether they wanted to include Dan or not. It honestly

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Speaker 1: never occurred to me that they'd leave him out. Well,

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Speaker 1: my father in law had a hissy fit, said he

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Speaker 1: didn't want that boy he's twenty four in his house,

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Speaker 1: didn't discuss it with his wife, who loves Dan, just

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Speaker 1: flat out refused to include him my partner. And I'm

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Speaker 1: so proud of him for this. Told his dad that

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Speaker 1: Dan would be staying with us and would be a

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Speaker 1: part of our holiday plans. He agreed that of course

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Speaker 1: his dad had a right to decide who to have

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Speaker 1: in his home, and he wasn't going to push that.

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Speaker 1: He suggested his parents could talk about it separately, like

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Speaker 1: not well on the phone with him before making any

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Speaker 1: final decisions. Then he suggested that if father in law

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Speaker 1: truly didn't want Dan in his house, we could all

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Speaker 1: meet for lunch or dinner halfway between our houses, all

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Speaker 1: including Dan. What what I think? That's kind of a

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Speaker 1: silly thing to say. It's like, Oh, if you don't

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Speaker 1: want him in your house, we can we can go

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Speaker 1: get dinner. Why wouldn't he come? What I feel like

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Speaker 1: if someone doesn't want that person in their house, they

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Speaker 1: probably don't want to be them around, be around them

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Speaker 1: at all.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like suggesting dinner is just like the same.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that doesn't really that doesn't really make sense to me.

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Speaker 1: It did not go over well. My father in law

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Speaker 1: immediately became defensive and snapped about how it was his

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Speaker 1: house and his choice and he didn't need to talk

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Speaker 1: to his wife. His word was final. Uh huh, he's

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Speaker 1: that guy. The hilarious part to me is my in

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Speaker 1: laws are devout Christians. So much for the season of

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Speaker 1: love and acceptance right Anyway, My dilemma is how do

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Speaker 1: you address this with our daughter and Dan. I'm furious

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Speaker 1: and disgusted with my father in law's behavior, and if

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Speaker 1: it were up to me, i'd tell exactly what her

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Speaker 1: grandfather said and that he told us Dan isn't welcome.

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Speaker 1: But my partner said he'd rather just tell her daughter

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Speaker 1: the overnight visit didn't work out, so she doesn't get

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Speaker 1: mad at her grandparents. I disagree she should be mad

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Speaker 1: at her grandparents. Yeah, I'm sorry. If your grandpaparents are

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Speaker 1: acting whack, you should be like, hey, grandpa, you're being sucky.

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Speaker 1: Stop stop living in sing Grandpa. Yeah, No, I think

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Speaker 1: that's ridiculous. I think that you should tell her. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think she should know the truth and get mad

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Speaker 1: if she wants to. I know, I am so My

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Speaker 1: question is this, how would you address it with your

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Speaker 1: daughter personally? I don't care if she gets angry because

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Speaker 1: of the truth, but these aren't my parents, and I

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Speaker 1: want to respect my partner as well. What would you do? Edit?

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Speaker 1: Holy crap, this got bigger than I expected. I'm reading

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Speaker 1: every comment and will respond as much as I can,

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Speaker 1: and my partner and I are married. I just tend

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Speaker 1: to call them my partner instead of husband.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 1: Also, I dad that my father in law does refer

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Speaker 1: to my brother in law as that boy as well,

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Speaker 1: and my brother in law is white. That's part of

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Speaker 1: why I'm not sure father in law's dislike of Dan

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Speaker 1: is race related. Edit three. Because it's coming up a lot,

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Speaker 1: we aren't going to the in laws even if father

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Speaker 1: in law changes his mind. Lunch is still being debated.

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Speaker 1: Comments Virtual choir boy. If she's adult enough to live

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Speaker 1: with Dan, she's adult enough to hear the truth about

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Speaker 1: what her grandfather said. Added bonus is that it means

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Speaker 1: she'll be better prepared for any additional fallout from father

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Speaker 1: in law if they proceed to an engagement and or

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Speaker 1: eventual wedding. Don't embellish anything, just present the truth. Father

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Speaker 1: in law is indicated he doesn't want Dan to join

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Speaker 1: the family for Christmas. That means that you're not going

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Speaker 1: to father in law's house for the day and are

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Speaker 1: trying to arrange a lunch or dinner meet up somewhere

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Speaker 1: in between both homes. Once a decision has been made,

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Speaker 1: you'll give your daughter and Dan an update, and there

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Speaker 1: is an update as they we just get into Let's

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Speaker 1: get into it. I've gotten a lot more responses to

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Speaker 1: my first post than I expected. Since my original post,

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Speaker 1: I've had several conversations with my husband, none of which

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Speaker 1: have gone well, that's not good. I've explained I'm not

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Speaker 1: comfortable with the lie of a mission only telling her

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Speaker 1: daughter the date didn't work out, and feel she should

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Speaker 1: be told to ask her grandfather why we won't be going.

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Speaker 1: I don't like that either, Honestly, Yeah, I don't think

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Speaker 1: that she should have to go through the whole thing

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Speaker 1: of asking her grandfather and then having to deal with

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Speaker 1: that whole you know, just insulting rant or the meaning

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Speaker 1: language from him about I feel like it's not gonna

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Speaker 1: be Yeah, like she has to deal with that whole

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Speaker 1: conversation where he's just gonna be aggressive with her. I

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Speaker 1: feel like, just tell her and then she can decide

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Speaker 1: whether or not she wants to have a conversation. A

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Speaker 1: conversation with her grandfather go through like sending her in blind.

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Speaker 1: He's like, Grandpa, what's this about? And he's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I hate your boyfriend, no reason in particular, he just sex.

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Speaker 1: My husband still disagrees. He maintains that he's protecting her.

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Speaker 1: I'm still arguing that he's protecting his father and therefore

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Speaker 1: rewarding his behavior. He argues that my in law's missing

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Speaker 1: our overnight visit is the consequence. I finally told him

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Speaker 1: I won't be lying to our daughter if she asks

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Speaker 1: me why we aren't going, I'm going to tell her

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Speaker 1: she needs to talk to her grandfather about that. He

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Speaker 1: can explain his decision to her. Well, I want to

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Speaker 1: simply tell her father in law said Dan isn't welcome.

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing his dirty work for him. Frankly, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to make sure she asks me because I'm not

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Speaker 1: okay with her and Dan attending a lunch with someone

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Speaker 1: who doesn't approve of Dan. It doesn't matter what my

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Speaker 1: father in law's reasoning is. She has a right to know,

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Speaker 1: and he has a responsibility to tell her himself. He

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Speaker 1: can then make an informed decision about whether they want

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Speaker 1: to attend. Well, but she wouldn't be attending because he

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Speaker 1: said Dan can't come, yeah, which she said, if he's

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Speaker 1: not going, then I'm not hmmm. And even more honestly,

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Speaker 1: if they don't go, I don't go. She needs to know.

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Speaker 1: I back her unreservedly. Right now, things at home are

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Speaker 1: I see between husband and I and I have no

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Speaker 1: idea how this will turn out. I'll update again once

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Speaker 1: there's more info. And there are some comments. I think

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Speaker 1: you're in the right herop, except I think you should

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Speaker 1: go one step further and actually tell her what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And I think that your dad or your husband is

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Speaker 1: trying trying to save the relationship between his daughter and

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Speaker 1: his dad, because you know, if you have, even if

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Speaker 1: you have issues with your parents, a lot of people

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Speaker 1: don't want to cut them off completely. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people I just end up kind of accepting those faults

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Speaker 1: in those you know, more difficult parts of their parents.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sure he doesn't want to just completely blow

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Speaker 1: up that relationship between his daughter and his dad.

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Speaker 4: Um.

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Speaker 1: However, she has a right to know. Yeah, you shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: She gotta know. Stop Look Listen decides, says, if she

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Speaker 1: is old enough to have a living boyfriend, she is

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Speaker 1: old enough to be told if they remain together or married.

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Speaker 1: Is dad just going to keep making excuses and lies

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Speaker 1: of a mission that's not going to work? First eight

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Speaker 1: point eight says, you're right that your husband is protecting

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Speaker 1: his father rather than his daughter, and that is going

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Speaker 1: to be a much bigger long term problem. It's possible

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Speaker 1: that your husband privately agrees with his father, which is

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Speaker 1: why he's protecting him. You need to get to the

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Speaker 1: bottom of why your husband is taking this line. If

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Speaker 1: it turns out that he's secretly discriminatory, that's going to

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Speaker 1: have massive ramifications for your marriage and family. Don't wait

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Speaker 1: for your daughter to ask. She's a grown up. She

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Speaker 1: can handle hearing about who her grandfather really is. Give

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Speaker 1: her the respect of telling her outright what has been

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Speaker 1: going on. Let the chips fall where they may for

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Speaker 1: your husband and his father. Ad kvet says, lying to

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Speaker 1: your children is a red flag barring doing it further

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Speaker 1: safety or something. Your husband should recognize that if he

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Speaker 1: needs to lie to his child, something is inherently wrong

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Speaker 1: with the information he's seeking to hide. Update two, Well,

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Speaker 1: here we go again. I haven't had a chance to

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Speaker 1: talk to my daughter yet. We were supposed to chat yesterday,

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Speaker 1: but we weren't able to, so that conversation is on hold.

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Speaker 1: I did, hoever, talk to my husband again. We got

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Speaker 1: a lot deeper into his thinking on what's happening, and

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Speaker 1: I have to say I was surprised he's more upset

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Speaker 1: than I thought he was about this situation. He was

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Speaker 1: very angry at his father. The fact that my father

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Speaker 1: in law apparently rejected Dan for no good reason infuriates him.

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Speaker 1: He confirmed he my husband himself likes Dan and didn't

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Speaker 1: understand why his father was acting this way, So now

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Speaker 1: my husband doesn't share his father's views. My husband talked

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Speaker 1: about how hard it's been all his life to have

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Speaker 1: to be the mediator in his family. As many suspected,

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Speaker 1: this is a role he's played for a long time.

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Speaker 1: It's always been his job to pat things down between

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Speaker 1: his parents, between his siblings and parents, even between his

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Speaker 1: parents and I. My husband's family is extremely conflict avoidant,

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Speaker 1: and somehow he took on the responsibility for keeping it

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Speaker 1: to a minimum between family members. He hates it, but

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Speaker 1: says he feels stuck. I knew this about them, but

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Speaker 1: didn't realize just how bad it was. So we talked

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Speaker 1: about it, and I think both of us felt better afterwards.

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Speaker 1: But that's not the real update. That's just all bake update.

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Speaker 1: That was just the update before the update, A little

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Speaker 1: amuse bush update. Apparently after our last conversation, he did

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Speaker 1: talk to his dad again. I know a bunch of

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Speaker 1: you are waiting in the wings to scream father in

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Speaker 1: law's prejudiced, and I'm sorry to disappoint, but that isn't

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Speaker 1: the problem. Why are you not a disappointment? That's good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry glad that he's not. He's not sorry. And no, Dan,

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Speaker 1: our daughter's boyfriend, isn't a con man and didn't say

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Speaker 1: anything unforgivable. My father in law is just a grumpy

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Speaker 1: old man who thinks young people shouldn't be living in sin.

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Speaker 1: That's a direct quote. Now, before anyone suggests father in

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Speaker 1: law is lying, because I thought that too. My husband

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Speaker 1: did ask his dad directly if the fact that Dan

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Speaker 1: is a person of color had anything to do with

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Speaker 1: father in law's dislike. When I suggested this as a

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Speaker 1: possibility to my husband, he didn't think so, but wasn't

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent sure. Well, apparently my father in law

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Speaker 1: was horrified. He asked my husband if he'd said or

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Speaker 1: done anything to give us or Dan that idea. That's

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Speaker 1: so funny, that's sobody. He's like, oh my.

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Speaker 4: God, No, I hate Dan, but not because he's not white,

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Speaker 4: just because.

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Speaker 1: I hate him. No, he has bad taste and music.

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Speaker 1: It's just ah, he likes this terrible band. He likes

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Speaker 1: jazz music.

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Speaker 4: No, I just you know, you should like classics like

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Speaker 4: Johnny Cash and Mozart. Mozart, everyone loves Mozart, but Dan

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Speaker 4: he hates Mozart.

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Speaker 1: But that's not because he's a person of color. And

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Speaker 1: when we talked about it after their conversation yesterday, frankly,

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Speaker 1: neither of us could come up with anything specific other

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Speaker 1: than the boy comment that father in law didn't want

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Speaker 1: that boy to come for Christmas. As I said in

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Speaker 1: my other posts, that was my suspicion, and I take

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Speaker 1: full of responsibility for it. In my head, I put

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Speaker 1: too much emphasis on father in law calling Dan that boy,

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Speaker 1: assuming it was discriminatory. As I said in both my

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Speaker 1: other posts, my father in law refers to my white

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Speaker 1: brother in law as that boy as well. So I'm

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Speaker 1: the one who added that meaning and I'm the one

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Speaker 1: who suggested it to my husband. I feel awful again.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you need to feel awful.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was I mean, it was a reasonable response.

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Speaker 3: And I feel like anyone with mind would also be like, hmm,

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Speaker 3: old man, young person of color.

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Speaker 1: Like most old people are a little bit yeah, just

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Speaker 1: a little bit like that. And yeah, sometimes they don't

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Speaker 1: think they should get with the times. Yeah. And even

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Speaker 1: if they don't, like they aren't necessarily you know, discriminatory,

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Speaker 1: it probably will say it's things that aren't necessarily the

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Speaker 1: most PC. Yes, it's generational. Umm, and you kind of

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Speaker 1: have to call them out on it and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you can't say that. Yeah, I can't say that word anymore.

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Speaker 3: Don't do it.

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Speaker 1: And I apologize if I'm a slat anyone. That was

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Speaker 1: never my intention. I really did think my father in

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Speaker 1: law could be a bigot. I'm ashamed to be honest,

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Speaker 1: because it was one stupid sentence in almost thirty years

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Speaker 1: of knowing him. Okay, I don't we don't need to

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Speaker 1: let him off the hook entirely, like he was still saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't have Dan over because they're gonna live in shin.

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Speaker 1: He's still being a little bit Yeah, not great. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I made a mistake, and I've apologized to my husband,

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Speaker 1: and yes, I'll apologize to my father in law. Well,

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Speaker 1: they were talking. My father in law actually offered to

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Speaker 1: speak directly to Dan and a daughter if they thought this,

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Speaker 1: and my husband explained that no, we were the ones

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Speaker 1: who suspected his issue could be racially motivated. That would

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Speaker 1: be so funny. He goes to if he's daughter, he

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Speaker 1: goes to hope he's daughter, and he goes, now, let's

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Speaker 1: name her. What's her name? Stacy, Stacy, it's your, it's your,

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Speaker 1: it's your pipa Here, I'm not I don't like Dan,

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Speaker 1: but not because he's a person of color, because I

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Speaker 1: think you guys are going to because you're living together. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I love him. I'd love him if he were white.

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Speaker 1: I'd love him if he were black. But I don't

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Speaker 1: love you guys, living together, and you're going one way

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Speaker 1: or another, but not because you're black, not because the

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Speaker 1: color of your skin, but the color of your mind

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Speaker 1: and the color of that apartment that you're renting together.

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Speaker 1: That bright red doesn't work. It doesn't work, but it

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Speaker 1: sure would work in an apartment. I think that's a

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Speaker 1: perfect conversation. His dad is understandably angry that we could

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Speaker 1: think that of him, and I have damage control to do.

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Speaker 1: I'll be calling my father in law today to apologize

305
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 1: for that and talk about what's happening. But back to

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Speaker 1: the reason father in law doesn't want Dan in his

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Speaker 1: house for Christmas. He doesn't approve of Dan and her

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Speaker 1: daughter living together. He says they're too young, it was

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Speaker 1: too fast, and since they aren't even engaged, it isn't appropriate.

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Speaker 1: As I've said before, my in laws are devout Christians,

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Speaker 1: so the living in sin aspect is very real to them.

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Speaker 1: I swear the man is still living in the sixties.

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Speaker 1: But that's his main issue. As an extension of that,

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Speaker 1: he thinks they moved in together too quickly. I can

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Speaker 1: see why he'd think that they've only dated for six

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Speaker 1: months before, but they've been together for a year now

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Speaker 1: and are talking about marriage. My daughter says it will happen.

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Speaker 1: They're just waiting until they're both finished with their training. Well,

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Speaker 1: Dan was paying his own way with his savings while

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Speaker 1: he waited for his full time vacational training to start.

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Speaker 1: Dan's actually moved for that, so he and our daughter

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Speaker 1: will be long distance until he starts his very secure

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Speaker 1: full time job. Father in law didn't know that either,

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Speaker 1: So does he approve of Dan now? No, he still

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00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 1: got a stick up his nether regions that they were

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Speaker 1: living together before marriage. Is he now willing to host

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Speaker 1: Dan for the overnight visit? No, he still just approves

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Speaker 1: of their choices. Is he a discriminatory knucklehead? Also? No,

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Speaker 1: just an old fashioned eighty year old who doesn't understand

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Speaker 1: the world has changed. That's where we stand. We still

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Speaker 1: aren't going to the in laws for Christmas. Dan still

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Speaker 1: isn't welcome at my in laws. But now we know why,

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Speaker 1: and what are we going to say to our daughter

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Speaker 1: the truth that our grandfather isn't comfortable having Dan stay

335
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Speaker 1: over when they aren't engaged. That it's his house and

336
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,159
Speaker 1: we have to respect that. But like, couldn't they just

337
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Speaker 1: stay in separate rooms? Yeah?

338
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Speaker 3: I feel like that, would you know, help the situation?

339
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,399
Speaker 3: Like he yeah, like he could still come.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you just can't stay in the same room, yeah, granddaughter.

341
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Speaker 3: Just like one can sleep upstairs, whene can sleep downstairs

342
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Speaker 3: type of situation.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like there's there is

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Speaker 1: like a clearer, like a solution. I feel that who knows,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that We're going to try to meet

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Speaker 1: for lunch instead, and she and Dan are welcome to

347
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 1: join us, and we'll let them decide. I'll be suggesting

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00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,159
Speaker 1: she talked to her grandfather directly. Update three. First, the

349
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 1: conversation with my father in law. It was short and

350
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Speaker 1: mostly cordial. I apologize for assuming his boy comment. Then

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Speaker 1: he had an issue with a person of color dating

352
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Speaker 1: his granddaughter. I explained that the term is often considered

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Speaker 1: a slur against people of color, hence my reaction. Well,

354
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Speaker 1: it's not like it's just like, very demeaning. He grudgingly

355
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 1: accepted my apology. He pointed out that that's what he

356
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 1: called my brother in law too, who incidentally is white,

357
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: and he didn't think it meant anything other than a

358
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,240
Speaker 1: male younger than himself. As a few people suggested. I

359
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 1: pointed out that even if he didn't intend it to

360
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 1: be an insult, it still was one. He sounded surprised

361
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 1: and asked if I thought my brother in law was

362
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 1: offended when he called him that. I asked if he'd

363
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,239
Speaker 1: ever called brother in law that to his face, and

364
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: he went very quiet. So I pointed out that if

365
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 1: father in law didn't think it was an insult, why

366
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,440
Speaker 1: didn't he openly call brother in law that. He sort

367
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,399
Speaker 1: of hurrump and muttered something about how people are too shenshitive. Dude,

368
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: you're literally like getting all up in arms about two

369
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Speaker 1: people sleeping over in your house. Yeah, pretty sensitive. Like

370
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: I don't know, just h but I'm pretty sure he

371
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,880
Speaker 1: got it. We moved on. I then asked if Dan

372
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,320
Speaker 1: was welcome in his house at all or or just

373
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Speaker 1: not overnight. That really seemed to surprise him because he said,

374
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,119
Speaker 1: of course Dan could visit, just not sleep over, so

375
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 1: that was a relief. He then said that we jumped

376
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 1: to suggesting a lunch so quickly he didn't have a

377
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 1: chance to suggest we just visit for the day. Talk

378
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 1: about miscommunication. So the call ended with us agreeing that

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00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: this year meeting in a neutral restaurant was for the

380
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: best and we'd plan better for next year if Dan's

381
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 1: still around. He felt the need to add, but he

382
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 1: ended the call by saying he missed us and was

383
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 1: looking forward to lunch. So all good. There. Then the

384
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 1: talk with our daughter. She brought up the visit herself

385
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 1: and asked when we were going to our grandparents. Her

386
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 1: dad and I had agreed on our response, which was

387
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: we were going to meet halfway for lunch instead. He

388
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 1: was disappointed and asked why. As gently as possible, I

389
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 1: told her not everyone is comfortable with having someone they

390
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 1: don't know very well staying in their home. Before I

391
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 1: could say anything else about my father in law's reaction,

392
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,199
Speaker 1: she made me laugh by asking if Grandpa still had

393
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,959
Speaker 1: a stick up his butt about her and Dan Livington,

394
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 1: Everyone who said she already knew was spot on. Then

395
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 1: we had a bit of a giggle about old fashioned

396
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 1: values and how not everyone thinks the way we do.

397
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 1: We talked about how people react when a relationship moves

398
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 1: so fast. Her father's in mine did too, and that

399
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 1: attitudes change in time, and that Grandpa just didn't know

400
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: Dan yet. I let her know I wasn't invited to

401
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: sleep over until her dad and I were engaged either.

402
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: That helped. She laughed and said, at least her grandfather

403
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: is consistent. Then I reminded her that her dad and

404
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 1: I support her and them one hundred percent, and she

405
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,719
Speaker 1: said she knew that, and that was about it.

406
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 3: I mean, I just think, I mean, it's just like

407
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 3: old fashioned values and whatever. Like if the grandpa's not comfortable,

408
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: it's his house, you know, whatever, you can't.

409
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: Really do much, you know, so I think it's fun.

410
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 3: It's whatever, and you know, if it ends up being

411
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,120
Speaker 3: a thing, then yeah, then like maybe you know down

412
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 3: the line, when you are engaged or married or whatever,

413
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 3: then yeah, cool. But I guess just for right now,

414
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: follow Pete Paul's rules.

415
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, my grandpa's like that. But he never really said

416
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 1: much about my because, like I think, all of my

417
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: dad and like his siblings you know, were living with

418
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: their most of them were living with their partners before

419
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 1: marriage and stuff. My grandpa was like, well, I didn't

420
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: agree with it, but it's their life, which I think

421
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 1: is a pretty good way to go at it. Yeah,

422
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 1: I'm sure some people will be disappointed that there wasn't

423
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: a big explosive confrontation where we cut father in law

424
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 1: out of our lives because he's a secret member of

425
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 1: a white surpronacist who But that's just not what happened.

426
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: There was a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, and some judgmental attitudes

427
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: from both my father in law and I. We're still

428
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 1: going to see my in laws and Dan will be coming,

429
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: it just won't be overnight. And things are okay with

430
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: us and our daughter and with us and our father

431
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 1: in law. As to father in law's relationship with our daughter,

432
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 1: we're leaving it to them. This will be the final

433
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: update because the issue was basically resolved. Merry Christmas to

434
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: all and to all a good night, and that is

435
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 1: the end of that story. Great ending, everything's fixed. It

436
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: just fo Yeah.

437
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 3: I feel like it was just blown out of proportion,

438
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 3: like they just made they assumed they did things, and

439
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 3: then it.

440
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: Was like, oh wait, actually my bass It's like it's

441
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 1: just the living in sin stuff. Okay, well that makes it.

442
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 1: I I give a sin part. I didn't get the

443
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 1: person for. It's like I can excuse, uh, I can excuse.

444
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: Have you like the community quote, maybe it's like I

445
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: can excuse, but I draw the line of the animals,

446
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: you can excuse me. Yeah, yeah, but it's it's you know,

447
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 1: replaced that with living in sin. And that's the end

448
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: of this story. We're gonna go to the next one.

449
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,479
Speaker 3: My sister in law thinks everything I do is wrong,

450
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 3: and I don't know what to do.

451
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: Maybe do something right. Here's a point.

452
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 3: I am very lost and have never been in this

453
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 3: situation before. Hopefully someone on here has had a similar

454
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 3: experience and can lend some guidance. Two years ago, I

455
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 3: began to notice my sister in law, who is now

456
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 3: thirty eight female, seem to be getting quieter and quieter

457
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,479
Speaker 3: around my family. I am thirty five female.

458
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: Now.

459
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 3: She married my brother, who is now forty male, about

460
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: eight years ago and they have had four adorable kids together.

461
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,719
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Tawak sixteen and if

462
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

463
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime subredded. I am Savannah, I'm Sophia,

464
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and we are here to give some good

465
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 3: advice goofully, But obviously we don't have all the answers.

466
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 3: We would only tell you what we would do in

467
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,239
Speaker 3: this situation, but we would love to know what you

468
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:53,880
Speaker 3: would do in the comments below. As Opie says. They

469
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 3: are a super sweet family. My brother adores his wife.

470
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 3: She loves him very much, and overall we all get

471
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,479
Speaker 3: along really well. She is a nurse, super smart, kind, funny,

472
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 3: and has one of those infectious laughs. I was thrilled

473
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 3: when they got married. I really look up to her.

474
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 3: It was bothering me that she seemed to be going

475
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 3: through something. She was not joining in on our conversations anymore.

476
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 3: For the past almost two years, she has been coming

477
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 3: over on Sundays, not always in a row, but sometimes

478
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 3: every other or every few weeks. But when she is over,

479
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 3: she just sits in a corner and does not seem

480
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 3: to want to be around us, and she ignores all

481
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 3: of us. I have a sister thirty seven female, and

482
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 3: her husband forty one male. They have two kids. My

483
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 3: parents are still together, both sixty two. We do not

484
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 3: have a big family, so it is noticeable when someone

485
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 3: is not engaged or present. Spoke with my parents and

486
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 3: we agreed maybe we were unintentionally being clicky, so we

487
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 3: agreed to make more of an effort talking with her

488
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 3: when she is over. We tried to make her feel

489
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 3: noticed special and gave her extra attention. We tried that

490
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 3: for a while and nothing changed. We got one word

491
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 3: responses and nothing back for months.

492
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: Hey, that yeah, worse. Yeah, it's like, you know, there

493
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 1: are some people that are shy and stuff just not

494
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: com you know, until they're comfortable around people. Yeah, but

495
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: she's been around for she's been around for years. And also,

496
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 1: if I were her partner, I'd be pretty upset that

497
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: my partner is not engaging with my family.

498
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like a big thing for me. You gotta

499
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 3: like my family in order to be with me.

500
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 1: Sorry, Yeah, family's everything.

501
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:28,959
Speaker 4: M hm.

502
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 3: We became frustrated and hoped she would just snap out

503
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 3: of it. Nothing changed, of course, and it seemed to

504
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 3: get worse. I spoke again with my parents about it,

505
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: about how this was not okay. I want her to

506
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 3: be happy and feel comfortable and be a part of

507
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 3: this family. She is my sister.

508
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: Now.

509
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 3: I live an hour away from them all, and they

510
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 3: all live about a ten minute drive apart from each other.

511
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 3: My mom said she would talk to my brother to

512
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 3: see if there was something personal going on or if

513
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 3: we had done something to offend her. She was able

514
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,119
Speaker 3: to get im alone, and he said, yes, there was

515
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 3: something wrong.

516
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:03,959
Speaker 1: It was me.

517
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 3: She does not like me when I'm around. She dislikes

518
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: me so much that she would rather sit in a

519
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 3: corner and not talk to anyone. I was completely stunned.

520
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 3: I asked my sister if my sister in law acted

521
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 3: different when I was not able to make it on Sundays,

522
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 3: and she said that, now that she thought of it, yes,

523
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 3: he's like, now that you mentioned it, she loves she's

524
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 3: a chatterbox.

525
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's just the center of attention without you.

526
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,360
Speaker 3: N my sister in law is much more open, talkative

527
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 3: in her usual happy self. She had never noticed that before.

528
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 3: I have been feeling so hurt and surprised. I have

529
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 3: not said or done anything too or about my sister

530
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: in law. I love her and I think she is wonderful.

531
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 3: This completely caught me off guard. My mom asked my

532
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 3: brother why his wife feels this way. Did not want

533
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: to say much, but he did say a couple of things.

534
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 3: Here we go, Uh, oh, she does not like that

535
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 3: I got a divorce. Okay, well it's not really not

536
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 3: really up to you, but it's not your problem. You

537
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 3: can have an opinion, but yeah, I don't like you

538
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 3: because you got divorced. Yeah, she felt my ex husband

539
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 3: was good for me, and then I should not have

540
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 3: divorced him, and that I have commitment issues.

541
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: Okay, I can't wait to get the backstory of this marriage.

542
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 3: Say, she never asked me, but my ex husband was manipulative, awful,

543
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 3: and I was not happy. Divorce was an extremely difficult

544
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 3: decision to make and to go through. She says, Sometimes

545
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 3: people just do not get along, and I guess she

546
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: just does not like me.

547
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, some people's Sometimes people don't like each other, but

548
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: you still have to be nice, still have to be.

549
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 3: Respect and also like during like a family event, you know,

550
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 3: like I don't know, Yeah, like be be presentact like you.

551
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: Know, I don't know. I'm personally advocate of like, just

552
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: be respectful to everyone, regardless of Like, you don't have

553
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: to like everyone. I don't like everyone. Yeah, there are

554
00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: a lot of people I really don't like. I don't

555
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: like lot. It's true. Savannah tells me all the time

556
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 1: about the people that she doesn't like me. It's just

557
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: very vocal about it. But to those people, it's just nice.

558
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: My news was alectionis to not be pushed over anymore.

559
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm growing a background. Guys, give me a second, Just

560
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 1: give timing to me or yet take a minute to grow.

561
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: We have to water its to water it.

562
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 3: She thinks I am selfish and does not understand mental health.

563
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 3: I was traumatized when I was a teenager and more,

564
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 3: and I have been on and off in therapy since

565
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 3: I was twenty five for the aftermath. I do not

566
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 3: talk about it with my family, but my mom and

567
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 3: sister know about it all.

568
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: Maybe they said something to her.

569
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 3: I keep trying to replay any conversation we have had

570
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 3: in the past, which is very few, to see if

571
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 3: there was anything I could have done or said to

572
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 3: upset her or make her dislike me. We have a

573
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 3: lot in common. He works a lot of nights, so

574
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 3: I see my brother and his kids more often. When

575
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 3: we talk about TV shows, movies, countries to travel to,

576
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: or that we have been to her colors, music and more.

577
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 3: My sister in law and I like all the same things.

578
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 3: We seem to have the same sense of humor as well,

579
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 3: and like the same board games.

580
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: That's a big one. Well, if you like the same

581
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: board games gamble up.

582
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 3: We both do not drink booze either.

583
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: I love that like bringing up the most superficial reasons

584
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: and she's like, why doesn't she like me? We like

585
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: the same board games. What could possibly be both like

586
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: Monopoly and we don't drink. We're both so s That's

587
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: like kindergarten rules. That's like, this is why you become

588
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: friends with someone in kindergarten, Like, oh, you you like

589
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: to play with dolls? Best friends. Yeah, it doesn't work

590
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: like that anymore. Ope.

591
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: I do remember when they first were dating and engaged.

592
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 3: We all went camping to the same campground we have

593
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 3: been going to since we were kids. I was staying

594
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 3: on my parents' campsite as they were. I went up

595
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 3: a day early with my parents. I said their tent,

596
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 3: help my parents with the trailer, and then they asked

597
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 3: if I could set up my brother and his Beyonce's tent.

598
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: I said sure.

599
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 3: I set up their tent by myself and blew up

600
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 3: their air mattress and helped my dad with their tarp.

601
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 3: They were arriving the next day, so it would make

602
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 3: their arrival nicer. I had to leave earlier than everyone

603
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 3: else because I was going back to work sooner. When

604
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 3: the day came for me to leave, my parents told

605
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 3: me not to worry about taking down my tent, that

606
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 3: they would do it later, I said, okay, thank you.

607
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 3: When they got back home from camping, I helped them

608
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 3: unpack and they set up my tent in their front

609
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 3: yard to clean it out. My mom was on the

610
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 3: phone and upset. All I remember from that was something

611
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 3: about my sister in law complaining to my brother that

612
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: I was lazy and selfish for not taking down my

613
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 3: own tent. My mom snapped at her. My mom never

614
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 3: snaps at anyone, so she must have been really mad.

615
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 3: She told her that they had asked me to leave

616
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,479
Speaker 3: my tent up, and that I had set up their

617
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 3: tent by myself. I had not told them because it

618
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 3: did not matter to me who set it up. She

619
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 3: never apologized to me, just to my mom.

620
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: I think.

621
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 3: The only other situation I can think of is when

622
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 3: it was my grandpa's birthday party and they were taking

623
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 3: generational photos school. They asked me to take the pictures.

624
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 3: I am not a photographer by any means. I took

625
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 3: a few and asked my brother to come take a

626
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 3: look because the screen was dark.

627
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: Opee, that's when you turn up the brightness, said, the

628
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: lens cap is still. Actually like, I can't see anything?

629
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: Is that is not normal? It's dark, but but it

630
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 1: comes out later.

631
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 4: Right.

632
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just we're just like developing these, right, he said, No,

633
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: so this is a digital camera.

634
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: Develop in real time.

635
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

636
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 3: He said that the pictures were fine and that he

637
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 3: could fix them later.

638
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 1: Oh they weren't fine. These are fine, man.

639
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 3: My brother had previously said his wife felt I was

640
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 3: not very interested in their kids, so I made sure

641
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 3: to play more with them and hold their baby more often.

642
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: I do love my nephews very much. I am just

643
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 3: not good with kids. My mom passed me their newest baby,

644
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 3: and after a little bit he began to cry. My

645
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 3: sister in law was talking with my aunt and said,

646
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 3: you can give him here. I smiled and replied, I'm okay.

647
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 3: Maybe he just needs a new position, and I held

648
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 3: him differently.

649
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: He was okay for a minute. Then he tried to

650
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: kill one second.

651
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:21,719
Speaker 5: Just maybe you just need to your head goes here, donut,

652
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 5: maybe just maybe, then cried again.

653
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 3: My sister in law said he might be hungry, and

654
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 3: I said, oh, sorry, I didn't know. Here you go,

655
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 3: and passed her my little nephew. A few days after that,

656
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 3: I got a call from my brother saying his wife

657
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 3: was very upset and that I was being selfish and

658
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 3: hogging the baby, and then I completely ruined all the photos.

659
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: You can't win, way, Yeah, girl, can't win. I'd be like,

660
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: you know what, invoice me all your complaints it is,

661
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: Just send me an invoice. Wait until the month's over.

662
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: I don't want all the all the complaints separately. Just

663
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: clump them together.

664
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, I don't really get it that I should

665
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 3: have told them the pictures were dark. I explained how

666
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: I did ask him about the photos and that I

667
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 3: would call my sister in law to apologize about my nephew.

668
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 3: I called her twenty minutes later and said how sorry

669
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 3: I was, that I did not mean to hog the baby,

670
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: that I wanted her to see that I do care

671
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 3: about my nephews, and that I had spoken to my

672
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 3: brother about the photos. She said, nothing is wrong, nothing

673
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 3: to be sorry for.

674
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 1: It's so confusing. I was very confused. I kept apologizing anyway,

675
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: and then we said goodbye. Honestly, I think, Ope, you

676
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 1: need to stop apologizing for all these things because it's

677
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 1: not obviously it's not fixing it. I think you just

678
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 1: say to your brother, hey, it seems like your wife

679
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: has an overarching problem with me and is nitpicking kind

680
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: of everything I do. Uh, And if we need to

681
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: figure that out, I'd be glad to. But this is

682
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 1: getting a little ridiculous.

683
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, it just seems like she's impossible, Like she's one

684
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 3: of those people that's impossible to please no matter what

685
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 3: you do, Like you can bow down to them, you

686
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 3: can kiss the groundy walk.

687
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: On and then well you kissed it wrong.

688
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, she'd be like, M too much, spit. You missed

689
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 3: a spot, You missed a spot. I wanted you to

690
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 3: lick that, but you just kissed it no wrong, snd

691
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 3: it back, dent it back wrong.

692
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: Here we are today.

693
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 3: I do not know if I should speak to my

694
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 3: brother about the things he said to my mom to

695
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 3: get more background and details on why she dislikes me

696
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 3: so much, or if I should speak directly with her

697
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 3: to see if there is some calmon ground we can

698
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 3: come too. My family cannot keep having her sit in

699
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 3: the corner silently. We are a close and loving family.

700
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 3: We like to sit around, laugh, talk and play games together.

701
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 3: It does not feel right when she is not involved.

702
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 3: I own property in not Savannah. I could move there.

703
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 1: It's true, it's not Babana.

704
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you can own property wherever you want, just

705
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 3: not there. I could move there and be out of

706
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 3: the way so they can all be happy together.

707
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: Oh oh pie, don't don't like, don't change your life

708
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: to please this one woman who is not pleasible.

709
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when I come back to visit, I could

710
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: make sure she is not there. A part of me

711
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 3: wants to let it go. Another part of me wants

712
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 3: to stand up for myself. I get angry with how

713
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 3: she's treating me and my family when I have not

714
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 3: done anything to her to deserve this silent treatment. Then

715
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 3: I also get sad any thoughts, Yeah, you need to.

716
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: Stop apologizing to her, and if she gets mad, you

717
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: just ignore her that you treat her like you treat

718
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: a child who's having attendrum. You don't give them attention.

719
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 1: I feel like you will.

720
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 3: Like eventually there's gonna be like a point, like a

721
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 3: blow up point that is gonna be like, oh, like

722
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 3: she's gonna like get mad at something and it's just

723
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 3: gonna be the breaking point of like okay, like come done,

724
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:54,919
Speaker 3: you know type of thing.

725
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: So I think, yeah, yeah, but uh, don't change your

726
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: life to you know, fix her tantrums because she's not

727
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: never gonna be happy. Yeah, but that's the end of

728
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 1: that story.

729
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 2: Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern bail. We're gonna

730
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 2: get back to these stories, but here's three minutes worth

731
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 2: of that for our sponsors.

732
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: My husband prioritized his job over us and now our

733
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: marriage is beyond repair. No no, no, sir, no no

734
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: trigger warning for mention of mistreatment. I female, thirty five,

735
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: have been married to my husband, male thirty seven for

736
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: almost fifteen years. We have two kids, aged thirteen and nine.

737
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: Without trying to sound braggy, we are very blessed. We

738
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: are financially comfortable and provide a wonderful life for our

739
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: kids and ourselves through our combined sacrifices and hard work.

740
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: I am a stay at home mom and always happen.

741
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from smart or gullible And

742
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 1: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

743
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 1: the r slash. Okay, storytime, supared it. I'm Sophia and

744
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice skoofully.

745
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers, really know what

746
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: we'd do, so let us know what you would do.

747
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 1: In the comments. It wasn't something I thought I wanted

748
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: until I was pregnant with my first child. I realized

749
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 1: my husband's job didn't allow for me to work and

750
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 1: for us both to give the time and attention we

751
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: wanted for our kids, so I gladly stayed home. I'm

752
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: still happy with my choice and don't regret it at all.

753
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: I love being with my kids and always being available

754
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: for them, but the cost of my own independence and

755
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: identity has been very dear, and I have to manage

756
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: my mental health carefully because it's easy for me to

757
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 1: fall into depression and anxiety struggles. I live in love

758
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: in my to do list. There are no sick days,

759
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,399
Speaker 1: no time off, no recognition. The only reward is if

760
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 1: your kid is healthy, happy, and decides to behave that day.

761
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 1: I wouldn't give it up for the world, because I

762
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: love my kids more than anything, but it is incredibly thankless.

763
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: Throughout the years, my husband and I have struggled to

764
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: maintain a strong relationship. For the most part, I do

765
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 1: believe he is a good person to the people he

766
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 1: cares about. He is dependable and very self driven. If

767
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:59,399
Speaker 1: all we needed in life were material things, we would

768
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: be in getibly happy. Unfortunately, he could be very immature, selfish, impulsive,

769
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,280
Speaker 1: and is not at all trustworthy. Our friends and family

770
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: think we have it all. From the outside, he comes

771
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: across as a very considerate and caring husband, and I'm

772
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 1: sure he is in comparison to many other spouses. He

773
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: travels four to five days a week for work, but

774
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 1: when he is home, he gets up with the kids

775
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: to take them to school so I can sleep in.

776
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 1: He also does their nighttime routine and handles whatever sports

777
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 1: practices and games are occurring when he is in town.

778
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 1: He goes on dates with me when I ask him

779
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 1: to go out, and rubs my feet when they hurt.

780
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: We go on a couple's trip each year with just

781
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: the two of us to exotic places internationally. He even

782
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 1: took me on a designer shopping spring. It all sounds

783
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 1: and looks like a dream life, and for the most part,

784
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: it is. But last night I had an epiphany and

785
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: it shook me to my core. I need to open

786
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: up to someone about it in case I'm going crazy.

787
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 1: I think we are the secret family and his marriage

788
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: to his job, and we will never be his main priority.

789
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can live with that. I

790
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: admittedly have a history with trust and intimacy issues based

791
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 1: on mistreatment growing up from a bipolar and manic depressive

792
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 1: parent and a mom with codependency issues who never stood

793
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: up for a kids or herself. As a middle child,

794
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: I learned that no one would prioritize my well being

795
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: except for me. I learned to stand up for myself

796
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: and the people I cared about. I have definitely brought

797
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,720
Speaker 1: that into my marriage and family life. I will always

798
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: speak up when there is a problem and advocate for

799
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: what I think is best. I attribute the majority of

800
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,280
Speaker 1: the life we have been able to give our kids

801
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,839
Speaker 1: to that. In the past, my marriage has suffered from

802
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 1: infidelity online only to the best of my knowledge, constant lying,

803
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: and my husband prioritizing work over everything else. We have

804
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: been to counseling multiple times to try and work through

805
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 1: these issues, but the lying and prioritizing work only gets

806
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 1: better temporarily, and then he returns to his workaholic ways.

807
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: He's in sales and is the typical salesman. Lying is

808
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 1: a huge trigger for me, but he is so good

809
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: at his job because his gas lighting skills are incredible.

810
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: He's able to easily take a negative and twist it

811
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: to make you think it is actually the best thing

812
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: to ever happen to you. For example, we had a

813
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: vacation plan for the week of Thanksgiving at our time share.

814
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 1: We go once a year to decompress and spend time

815
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 1: together as a family, making quality memories with our kids.

816
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: He is not supposed to work on those trips, but

817
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: he always does. He excuses it by waking up before

818
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: the rest of us to do meetings or emails, but

819
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: he always has some client emergency he needs to handle

820
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 1: at least a few times during the day. It is

821
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: the best we get. Though. This year, we planned our

822
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 1: trip and not a week later, he has a conference

823
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: in the same place at a different resort at the

824
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: same time as our trip. But he explains that it

825
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: is actually perfect because we can just change our trip

826
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: to after the conference and stay at the resort his

827
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,320
Speaker 1: conference is at in the beginning. That way, our vacation

828
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 1: is longer. Sounds great, right until he adds that we

829
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: cannot bug him during the day because it's a very

830
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: important work conference. We probably won't see him much because

831
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: he will need to get up early to answer or

832
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: work emails, and the conference will have planned activities during

833
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: the day and dinner receptions in the evenings. In the

834
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: couple of hours between that, he'll need to catch up

835
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,879
Speaker 1: on the work phone calls, meetings, and emails he missed

836
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: during the conference. So we are on our own. But

837
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 1: the amenities are so nice, so just go enjoy the resort.

838
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: It will be great. But if we see him when

839
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: we are out and about and tell the kids to

840
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: pretend to not know him because that's not professional. Yes,

841
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 1: the other employees have their own spasts here, so it's

842
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 1: not a huge deal, but his boss specifically does not

843
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 1: like it. His boss doesn't like when other people have families. Yeah,

844
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 1: because he's just so jealous that he's like, no, what

845
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 1: else can have a wife or kids? Because I want that.

846
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 3: Maybe it might be like kids are annoying, like you know,

847
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 3: they put a bad taste in my mouth, or something

848
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 3: like there's people who just generally don't like kids.

849
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 1: So we need to pretend not to know him in

850
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,680
Speaker 1: case it gets back to her and looks unprofessional. Blah

851
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: blah blah, Okay, whatever. I'm very used to him being

852
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: over the top concerned about his professional image. I hang

853
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: out with the kids and it's fine, fine, until we

854
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: all end up super sick with colds like no voice,

855
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 1: can't breathe. The kids get over it in a day.

856
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: I stay sick. I'm still sick. I still take them

857
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: on an entire day tour by myself for twelve hours

858
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: because I do not want them to miss a thing.

859
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,840
Speaker 1: Since this resort is in an area they haven't been to.

860
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 1: I take them to the pool, I take them to

861
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,280
Speaker 1: the beach. We conk out every night by seven because

862
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: we're so exhausted and in my case sick. Then yesterday

863
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,479
Speaker 1: I woke up too sick to get out of bed,

864
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 1: no voice, sore throat, migrain, and severe head congestion. I

865
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 1: had to stay in the room with the kids on

866
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: their tablets all day while they begged every two seconds

867
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 1: to go to the beach, the pool, anything, but my

868
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 1: body had just given up. Long flight, long day's single parenting.

869
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 1: It didn't matter how nice the surroundings were, my body

870
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: was done. It also coincided with the last day of

871
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: the conference. I saw my husband for all of thirty minutes.

872
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: He told me I looked and sounded awful, and he

873
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: was so sorry. I asked if he would drive me

874
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,919
Speaker 1: to the store to get medicine. He said he did

875
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 1: not have time. I had to order it from door dash.

876
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: He couldn't even order it. He couldn't even have ordered

877
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: that for you, I know, So I thought.

878
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I can't do it, but like,

879
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,280
Speaker 3: I will get someone to do it.

880
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: It arrived and I felt well enough to get ready

881
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: and take the boys to dinner at the hotel restaurants

882
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: since they had been cooped up all day. I sent

883
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: my husband a picture of my son sushi, and he

884
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 1: came and said hi. For two minutes, commented that I

885
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: look pretty, and left the kids and I finished up

886
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: and went back to the room to crash. I woke

887
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: up several hours later and noticed my husband was not back.

888
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 1: I checked the time on my phone and it was

889
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 1: after one am. I called him and he answered, saying

890
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 1: he was just walking back to the room. He was

891
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: networking in the lobby bar with a client he was

892
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,360
Speaker 1: trying to complete a deal with. And why am I

893
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: so upset he is here to work. That's when I

894
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 1: lost it. He goes to these conferences as the time

895
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: of his life, eating fancy dinners and doing private fancy

896
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 1: tours and ATVs going to catered receptions at night, then

897
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: closes down bars with his clients because he's network, not

898
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 1: one check in text with his sick wife, who couldn't

899
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: even get out of bed until seven pm when she

900
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 1: got the medicine she had to door dash because answering

901
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,439
Speaker 1: work emails was more important to him. Regardless, he saw

902
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 1: no issue with drinking until the lobby bar shut down

903
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: at one am and justified it as work. This is

904
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 1: not the first, last, or one hundredth time there has

905
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 1: been an incident like this either. This is just the

906
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 1: time it has been so blatantly obvious that I cannot

907
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:31,400
Speaker 1: ignore it anymore. He will always prioritize himself and his

908
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: career over our family, and I will always have to

909
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 1: prioritize our family for the both of us. But my

910
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: epiphany is that I don't have to prioritize him anymore.

911
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: Is that a holish? I am in a place at

912
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 1: this point where to me it is not enough for

913
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 1: a divorce. My kids love their dad, and he is

914
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: a great dad when he's actually around. He also superficially

915
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 1: takes care of my needs better than I think a

916
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: lot of other spouses do. But I have never been

917
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: anyone's important person or priority, and it is the thing

918
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: I have always wanted most. I grew up having to

919
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: be strong and stand up for myself, but I wish

920
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: so badly that I could put that responsibility down and

921
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 1: let someone else handle it for a change. And I

922
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: feel like I keep giving him opportunities to do that

923
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 1: and stupidly expecting him to do it because he's my husband,

924
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: but he does not unless it is convenient for him

925
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,439
Speaker 1: and works with his own priorities to himself and his job.

926
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 1: Is it okay if I give up on that expectation

927
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: and stop letting him in so I stop getting hurt, Like,

928
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: no more couples trips, no dates, no watching the same

929
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:34,320
Speaker 1: show at night, no more intimacy physical or emotional, nothing

930
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 1: that could build back our relationship and bond, just for

931
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 1: me to let him in and get hurt and disappointed again.

932
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: He is a salesman and everything, so when he does

933
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: those things to build our bond, it is always to

934
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: benefit himself. I know it will cause a lot of

935
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: emotional distance and damage our marriage even more, but we

936
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: have been to marriage counseling three times and it has

937
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,719
Speaker 1: been brought up every single time. He always acts apologetic

938
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 1: and gets better for a month or and then we're

939
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 1: back here again. I feel like a shrew all the time,

940
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 1: trying to force him to spend time with us, to

941
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 1: let work go for a minute, or even to just

942
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 1: proudly show us off instead of hiding us and making

943
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: it seem unprofessional. Shouldn't that actually be more recommendable. I

944
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 1: feel like Stuart from SNL, begging for attention, like look

945
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 1: at me, look what I can do. It's exhausting, and

946
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 1: I'm so tired. I'm sick of being what is essentially

947
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 1: his secret family on the side to his marriage with

948
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: himself and his company like a boothy call when he

949
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: has time for my own mental health. I need to

950
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 1: stop prioritizing him constantly at my own detriment. I need

951
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 1: to become my own person. I plan to start taking

952
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: steps to have my own career when we get back.

953
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 1: I have looked at some options. I am canceling the

954
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 1: activities we had planned as a couple for the remainder

955
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 1: of the trip. I booked them anyway, because heaven forbid,

956
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: he made the effort for one on one dime that

957
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: isn't physical. I'm getting my very first tattoo. What okay,

958
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: mommy stepping out of her composts jew it is going

959
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: to be a small script and say, when you rely

960
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: on someone to feed you, you give them the ability

961
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,320
Speaker 1: to starve you. I need the reminder on my body

962
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: constantly to stay strong, to only rely on myself. Is

963
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: this unfair or too harsh? Is there a better way

964
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:15,839
Speaker 1: to handle this? I cannot divorce him while the kids

965
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 1: are still living at home as their mom. I know

966
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: it would not be the best thing for them in

967
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: this situation, and read it will have to trust me

968
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 1: on that. It would also be a waste because after

969
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 1: my childhood, this marriage, and everyone I knows relationships, I'm

970
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: pretty convinced I am too emotionally needy for the kind

971
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,919
Speaker 1: of relationship I want. Book boyfriends are unrealistic. I will

972
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:37,800
Speaker 1: never get married again or open myself up emotionally to someone.

973
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 1: Enough is truly enough? I actually desperately want the freedom

974
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 1: of only relying on myself for my own happiness. Is

975
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 1: there even another path to this situation besides that? Honestly,

976
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 1: I'm not open to being vulnerable anymore. I just simply

977
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 1: cannot be. I would love some advice on how to

978
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 1: handle this. I do not need or want a moral judgment.

979
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: I would love to know if this has been anyone

980
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 1: else's experience and what they have done, or even if

981
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: they have been on the other I am a huge

982
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: proponent of trying my best to look at both sides

983
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 1: when making decisions. But that is the end of that story,

984
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:07,799
Speaker 1: and we've got another one coming right up.

985
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 3: My ext refuse to support our daughters, so I'm claiming

986
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 3: full custody.

987
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:14,320
Speaker 1: She's not your daughter anymore.

988
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:18,240
Speaker 3: I forty one female, have four children with three different fathers.

989
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 3: I was married to my first husband for fifteen years

990
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 3: and we have two children together. We divorced and I

991
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 3: moved across the country and met the main subject.

992
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 1: Of this post.

993
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 3: We'll call him Beckett forty five male, who I have

994
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 3: my daughter May ten female with and now I am

995
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,800
Speaker 3: married to my current husband, Dean, forty male, with whom

996
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:37,800
Speaker 3: I have one child.

997
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: By the way, this.

998
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:42,880
Speaker 3: Comes from Aggressive Girl eight eight one two, and if

999
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 3: you'd like to submit your own stories, go to the

1000
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 3: oshlash Okay storytime subreddit.

1001
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: I am Savannah, I'm Sophia, and we.

1002
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 3: Are here to give some good advice goofily, but we

1003
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We would only tell you

1004
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 3: what we would do in the situation, and we would

1005
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 3: love to know what you would do in the comments.

1006
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 3: During my first divorce, I moved as far away from

1007
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 3: my husband as I could. I pulled up a map

1008
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 3: of the US, closed my eyes, and shook my mouse.

1009
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,879
Speaker 3: It landed on the state, and I did the same

1010
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 3: thing when I chose the city I moved to. To

1011
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,320
Speaker 3: say I didn't know anyone is an understatement. I transferred

1012
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 3: my job so I was able to start meeting people

1013
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 3: at work and learning the new city. After a while,

1014
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 3: I started using dating apps and Beckon and I match.

1015
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 3: After talking for about a week, he met me at

1016
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 3: my job when I got off and it was an

1017
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 3: instant attraction and connection. He let me know that he

1018
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 3: had literally just gone out of prison after ten years,

1019
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,760
Speaker 3: and that he was working on being a different person.

1020
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he just got out of prison after Okay, well,

1021
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: I was about to say, and he's like trying to

1022
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: get into a relationship. I would understand if you just

1023
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 1: got out of prison and you were like looking up

1024
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 1: looking to hook up with someone. I don't know if

1025
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: you're necessarily ready for like a permitted relationship.

1026
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 3: It's so weird to like think about like people in prison,

1027
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 3: being there for ten years of your life and then

1028
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:54,760
Speaker 3: coming to like the world again.

1029
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:55,799
Speaker 1: I am someone who.

1030
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,359
Speaker 3: Believes everyone should have a second chance, especially if they

1031
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 3: have served the time they were sentenced. He love bombed me,

1032
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 3: of course he did, and I quickly fell in love

1033
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 3: with him. We were great for almost two years before

1034
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:10,320
Speaker 3: things went sideways. He started using hard substances and it

1035
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 3: just snowballed.

1036
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: As you can imagine.

1037
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: I found out I was pregnant and not a month

1038
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,520
Speaker 3: later he was arrested for firearm by a felon in

1039
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 3: a parole violation. While he was locked up in federal holding,

1040
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 3: I went to see him every week like clockwork. I

1041
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,359
Speaker 3: put money on his books when he asked, and never

1042
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 3: missed a visit. The day after I had our daughter,

1043
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 3: we were there. After about a year in holding, he

1044
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 3: was sentenced to one hundred and twenty months ten years

1045
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 3: in federal prison. Another ten years, okay. We moved back

1046
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 3: to my hometown and he was sent to a prison

1047
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,359
Speaker 3: about four hours from us. It's important to note here

1048
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 3: that he has money, and my parents sold him our

1049
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,839
Speaker 3: family home so that the kids and I would have

1050
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 3: a stable place to live. He spent about sixty five

1051
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 3: thousand dollars on the home and property. Again, like clockwork,

1052
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 3: every weekend, we would pack up and make the for

1053
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 3: our trip to spend three to five hours with him.

1054
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 3: During this time, he would have me do things that

1055
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 3: were not legal, but I did them because I loved

1056
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 3: him and trusted him fully. Hindsight, I know after being

1057
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 3: in for about six months, he said he didn't love

1058
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 3: me and that I could keep the home since it

1059
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,479
Speaker 3: was bought for May and me as our family home.

1060
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 3: After this, he completely cut contact with me. I couldn't

1061
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 3: email him, letters were not returned, and there were no

1062
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 3: phone calls. It was a period of no contact. After

1063
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 3: about five months of this, I moved on. I continued

1064
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 3: to send him pictures and updates on her progress monthly,

1065
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 3: like a newsletter that basically stated what foods she liked,

1066
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 3: her favorite shows, new words, etc. I met my current

1067
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 3: husband and we moved slowly, but he and May absolutely

1068
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 3: loved each other.

1069
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 1: That's good.

1070
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,359
Speaker 3: When she started calling him daddy, I didn't stop it

1071
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 3: since Beckett had gone no contact. Beckett started calling again

1072
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:54,959
Speaker 3: when May was around four, but when he didn't get

1073
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 3: his way or I wouldn't give into his advances. He said,

1074
00:52:57,880 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 3: I can turn my back on her like I did

1075
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 3: my other three kids. Haul's happened for about three months,

1076
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 3: but after hearing for the third time that he could

1077
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 3: do it, I said, let me help you out with

1078
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 3: that and hung up. We were no contact again. When

1079
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 3: May turn nine, he started calling and emailing again. He

1080
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 3: apologized and said that he had been going through programs

1081
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 3: and realized how his actions and words were self absorbed, hurtful,

1082
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 3: and childish. After several conversations and learning of his upcoming

1083
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 3: release date, I set a few ground rules that I

1084
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 3: would stand firm on before allowing him to speak to her.

1085
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 3: I have never wanted to keep him away from her.

1086
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 3: I believe children deserve to have relationships with their parents,

1087
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 3: but I am also going to protect my children from

1088
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 3: unnecessary hurt and stress. First, if you're going to be

1089
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 3: in her life, be there. You don't show up and

1090
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 3: then drop off and magically appear later, it's not going

1091
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 3: to happen. If it happens once, there won't be another opportunity.

1092
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:53,360
Speaker 3: I will cut contact period. No substances booze, gang related

1093
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 3: or illegal activities at near or around our daughter period,

1094
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 3: no unhealthy relationships around her. I do not want her

1095
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 3: around anyone who was there long enough to get intimate

1096
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 3: and then leave. Keep that to your own time, he agreed.

1097
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 3: I again went through the driving to visitation and making

1098
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 3: sure they got phone calls and emails. By the time

1099
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 3: he was released, he had moved to another state about

1100
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 3: ten hours away. When he was released into a half

1101
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:20,399
Speaker 3: way house. I paid for us to fly up so

1102
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,879
Speaker 3: she could spend the week of his birthday with him.

1103
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 3: I was there the whole time. They have had constant

1104
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,839
Speaker 3: contact and we communicate regularly for school and other things

1105
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 3: May is involved in. During the summer, I let her

1106
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 3: spend the month of her birthday with him. He got

1107
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 3: her for one month, and I had her for the

1108
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 3: month before school. Then the week of Thanksgiving happened. This

1109
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 3: is where things get sticky. He moved in with a

1110
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 3: woman he's literally known for two months. I have no

1111
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 3: issues with her. She seems to be a good person

1112
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:49,280
Speaker 3: and mother as well. May wasn't thrilled with the idea,

1113
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 3: but I explained that I thought it was good for

1114
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 3: her dad, and that from our conversations she seemed to

1115
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 3: be a smart and friendly person. Initially, since I wasn't working,

1116
00:54:58,120 --> 00:54:59,799
Speaker 3: I was going to go up and spend the week

1117
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:02,440
Speaker 3: with the family and he could pick her up there. However,

1118
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 3: I had finally gotten a job the week before, and

1119
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 3: if I had asked for that week off, I wouldn't

1120
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 3: have gotten the job. Financial stability was more important to me,

1121
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 3: so I decided to meet them halfway on Saturday and

1122
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:18,280
Speaker 3: then again the next Saturday. My oldest Leah twenty one female,

1123
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 3: met me at the halfway point. He called me the

1124
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 3: next day Sunday to tell me I should have gone

1125
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 3: through her bag because she didn't have anything warm to

1126
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 3: wear and it was cold there. To be honest, this

1127
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 3: was partially my fault. I honestly didn't think about it.

1128
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,800
Speaker 3: The weather where we live had been in the eighties,

1129
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 3: so I didn't think about it being cold up there.

1130
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 3: He was basically complaining because he had to buy her

1131
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 3: some warm clothes. This is where the headline starts coming in.

1132
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 3: He doesn't pay child support. Every time I've asked for money,

1133
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,919
Speaker 3: he just doesn't have any, or he has to wait

1134
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 3: on the trust to deposit some money for him. I

1135
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:53,760
Speaker 3: stopped asking. I got so frustrated I sent sixty dollars

1136
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 3: and told him to pick her up some stuff. If

1137
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 3: my half went past that, I told him to send

1138
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 3: me receipts and I would send whatever else I owe.

1139
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 3: I apologized and let it go. Now he wants her

1140
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 3: for the entire Christmas and New Years school break. No,

1141
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 3: I said, no, He's had her for all the major

1142
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 3: holidays this year and her birthday, and that holidays are

1143
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 3: important to me too. I agreed to let her go

1144
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: up for the week of Christmas, but I wanted her

1145
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 3: home for New Year's, which I think is fair split holidays.

1146
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:22,920
Speaker 3: I don't mind letting her spend time with him, But

1147
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,439
Speaker 3: the problem is, I've always been the one who puts

1148
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 3: the effort and money into these things. I gave my

1149
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 3: oldest money for gas, food, and even money for their

1150
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 3: sibling date. When I asked for a little help, which

1151
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 3: is hard enough for me already, he says he.

1152
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: Just can't right now, or I'm waiting for the deposits,

1153
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: and when you say okay, you can't do it, then

1154
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 1: you can't have.

1155
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 3: Her for those days, and then nothing ever comes my way.

1156
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 3: It's frustrating, he says. It's hurtful that she calls my

1157
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 3: husband and daddy. I said, that's the only daddy she

1158
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:54,320
Speaker 3: has known most of her life. Also, not my fault.

1159
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 3: The only money he has provided was when he purchased

1160
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 3: the home about a lifetime amount of ten thousand dollars. Well,

1161
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 3: you have a lifetime of listening to full episodes and

1162
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 3: stories just like this. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, iHeartRadio,

1163
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 3: or your favorite podcast app and search Okay story time.

1164
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 3: I should also mention that since moving a little over

1165
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 3: a year ago, we have lived with my parents while

1166
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 3: in the process of purchasing a home close to them.

1167
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 3: They are not doing well health wise, and we moved

1168
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 3: here to help with basic everyday living. I didn't want

1169
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 3: them going into any nursing or assisted living facility. They've

1170
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 3: done a lot for me in my life, and my

1171
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 3: mom wanted and needed me here to help take care

1172
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 3: of my dad after he had fallen and broken his hip.

1173
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 3: Three months later fell and broke his neck. Oh, I

1174
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: didn't move because he was getting out of prison. May

1175
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 3: thrives in school here much better than she did in

1176
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 3: our hometown. Overall, it was really the best decision. Someone

1177
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 3: said it would be risky of me to do this

1178
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 3: because I am still living with my mother, and that

1179
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 3: he could try to take primary custody of her. I'm

1180
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 3: curious if this is an actual thing. My kids need

1181
00:57:57,480 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 3: for nothing and want for almost nothing. They are healthy,

1182
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 3: both physically and mentally. They are not They're not mistreated

1183
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 3: or getting into trouble legal or otherwise. I have never

1184
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 3: missed a day with her. I have been there from

1185
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 3: day one and want nothing but the best for her.

1186
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 3: He hasn't been around and is trying to step on

1187
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 3: lines that have already been drawn. Would I be in

1188
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 3: the wrong to go to court to get a child

1189
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 3: custody and support case open against him.

1190
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 1: No, absolutely do that. Absolutely should have done that ages ago.

1191
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 1: You've done that the second that she was born. Absolutely

1192
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: get a child custody agreement again, even though I think

1193
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 1: it is good that he has some measure of relationship

1194
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 1: with his daughter, and absolutely should be, Like you should

1195
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 1: have protection.

1196
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 3: Those things are put in place for situations like this,

1197
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 3: you know, so like if you feel threatened, if you

1198
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:50,080
Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable, if you you know, want to feel some

1199
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 3: sort of like comfort in stability, then yes, definitely going

1200
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 3: and get it. I don't think that you're the a

1201
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:58,520
Speaker 3: hole for wanting to protect your child or you know

1202
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 3: you in that sense. You know, I think this guy

1203
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 3: is very unstable and has been in and out of

1204
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 3: prison for most of his life, so it's kind of

1205
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 3: hard to be like, yeah, like he's coolly knows what

1206
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 3: he's doing when he obviously just has a lot of issues.

1207
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna

1208
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: go to the next one. Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd.

1209
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1210
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My wife's uncle

1211
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 1: moved in with us for years now and it's affecting

1212
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: our marriage. Uncle, it's time to go. So my wife's

1213
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:35,400
Speaker 1: uncle has been staying with us for close to eight years.

1214
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 1: He originally came down to stay for a few months

1215
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 1: when we first moved into our new house. We moved

1216
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 1: out of state, so it's about a nine hour drive.

1217
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 1: We said, okay, he got dropped off by a relative

1218
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: and brought all of his stuff, which was odd. By

1219
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,640
Speaker 1: the way. This comes from Burner thirteen eighty seven, And

1220
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1221
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: the r slash. Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia and

1222
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,840
Speaker 1: I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice. Goof Ley,

1223
00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

1224
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:02,680
Speaker 1: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

1225
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: do in the comments. We later found out he gave

1226
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 1: up his apartment. He said he didn't like it and

1227
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 1: we're going to go somewhere else. When he left our house,

1228
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 1: he didn't want to pay the few months rent, being

1229
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: he wasn't there and was planning on getting something else. Anyway,

1230
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 1: after a month or so, my wife's mom called and

1231
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: was like, ken, uncle, stay with you more long term.

1232
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,440
Speaker 1: He likes it there. He wants to stay for like

1233
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 1: a year or so. My wife was like, I guess,

1234
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,760
Speaker 1: and she sat a rent of two hundred dollars. It

1235
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 1: wasn't much, but we had the extra room anyway. Like

1236
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 1: two months later, my wife's mom called and asked, does

1237
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 1: he really have to pay rent? She said he helps

1238
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 1: out around the house and can't really afford it. My

1239
01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 1: wife said she'd think about it. A couple days later,

1240
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:44,480
Speaker 1: my wife's aunt called and said something along the same line. Basically,

1241
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:46,920
Speaker 1: the uncle was calling the family and trying to convince

1242
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,000
Speaker 1: my wife not to have him pay rent. Finally, she

1243
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: was just like, fine, he doesn't have to pet. He's

1244
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 1: not short on cash. He gets a fixed income of

1245
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:58,320
Speaker 1: one thousand dollars a month. He has no expenses beside

1246
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 1: one hundred dollars cell phone bill. He doesn't drive, so

1247
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 1: we have to drive him around. He used to live

1248
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 1: with the mom in different aunts before the apartment. He

1249
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,240
Speaker 1: would always pay them rent, and they charged more. Her

1250
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 1: mom used to charge like five hundred dollars a month.

1251
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,960
Speaker 1: So fast forward, he's basically been living rent free for

1252
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 1: eight years. You let him stay there for eight years?

1253
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 1: Eight that's on y'all.

1254
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 3: Sorry to say if he be like yeah, mom should

1255
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 3: have like been like, you know, you have to set

1256
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:27,600
Speaker 3: the boundary if you want someone to move out, especially

1257
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:30,560
Speaker 3: if they're like now, not paying rent, taking up your space,

1258
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:32,520
Speaker 3: eating your food, you know, doing all this stuff.

1259
01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:34,920
Speaker 1: Like, I mean, what what is he doing? Of course

1260
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to leave. The thing is he likes

1261
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 1: to cause problem? Oh god, why acause he does? He

1262
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,479
Speaker 1: does stuff to cause issues, doesn't listen to anything we say,

1263
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 1: and acts like he owns the house. I don't know

1264
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 1: if it's because he's the elder or thinks my wife

1265
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: is still a kid or something. It's like he'll purposely

1266
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 1: do stuff we tell him not to just to upset us.

1267
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,240
Speaker 1: He gets nasty with us if he doesn't get his way.

1268
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:00,480
Speaker 1: He wastes water and electricity. He talks on the phone

1269
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: all day. He's loud. He's so loud you could hear

1270
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:06,080
Speaker 1: it through the whole house. He will come downstairs and

1271
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 1: make all kinds of noise when we're trying to watch TV.

1272
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: We turned the TV up, and he'll be louder, like

1273
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 1: it's on purpose. That's just a few of the things

1274
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,919
Speaker 1: he does. I put up with it because my wife

1275
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 1: would get defensive if I brought up the issues, but

1276
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: at the same time, she would complain to me all

1277
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: the time. It was like she could complain, but I couldn't.

1278
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 1: Two years ago, my work schedule changed and I was

1279
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:27,959
Speaker 1: home during the day. I had to deal with him

1280
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 1: all day. I couldn't take it. I asked my wife

1281
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 1: when he was going to leave. It had been six

1282
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,000
Speaker 1: years at that point. She jumped down my throat and

1283
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: basically flipped out. She was mad for like three days.

1284
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 1: When it all settled, I didn't bring it up again

1285
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to start another argument. I'm the

1286
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:49,160
Speaker 1: kind of person who avoids confrontation. After about a year later,

1287
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 1: I was getting frustrated and brought it up again, saying

1288
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 1: thing happened. Mind you, She had been complaining about him

1289
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 1: constantly to me. It was during one of the times

1290
01:02:57,480 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 1: she was complaining that I agreed with her, and so

1291
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 1: maybe it was time for him to go. He flipped

1292
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 1: out again. Fast forward to about six months ago, my

1293
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 1: wife told me she was going to start hinting to

1294
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 1: him to leave. We are planning on having another kid

1295
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 1: and we will need the room back. She said she

1296
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,960
Speaker 1: would feel bad coming right out and saying it. I

1297
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: was just like, okay. I didn't want to push it

1298
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:20,440
Speaker 1: too much and cause her to get mad. Mind you,

1299
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:22,919
Speaker 1: he has no reason to leave. He hasn't made here.

1300
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:27,760
Speaker 1: He lays down all day watching TV, pays nothing, sleeps

1301
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:31,080
Speaker 1: till ten to eleven am, stays up all night as

1302
01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 1: a private room and bathroom. All his food is provided.

1303
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,959
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous. The hinting wasn't going anywhere then. Now. Fast

1304
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: forward to about four weeks ago, my wife called me

1305
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: at work crying and saying he has to leave. He

1306
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 1: was in her face, cursing and yelling because he asked

1307
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 1: her to stop at a store on the way home

1308
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: from work and she forgot. She said she couldn't take

1309
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: it and he had to leave. I said, okay, did

1310
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,240
Speaker 1: you tell him? She said she would tomorrow and not

1311
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,640
Speaker 1: to say anything. DWMN. The next day, I didn't say anything,

1312
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:00,400
Speaker 1: but he was talking in the kitchen and it was like,

1313
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 1: your wife forgot to go to the store, and I

1314
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:03,760
Speaker 1: had to tell her right to her face she better

1315
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,280
Speaker 1: go today. I didn't say anything and went upstairs because

1316
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:08,960
Speaker 1: I was ready to attack him. When she got home,

1317
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 1: we went for a walk and she called her mom

1318
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 1: and explained what happened. Her mom was like, just tell

1319
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:15,120
Speaker 1: him he has to go. Not only did she tell

1320
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:17,560
Speaker 1: her about the incident last night, but about all the

1321
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 1: stuff he does. Mom was like, yeah, he did that

1322
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 1: here too. We knew he lived with different relatives, but

1323
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:23,880
Speaker 1: we didn't know that he was told to leave each

1324
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:26,240
Speaker 1: time because he was causing problem. The mom said she

1325
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,560
Speaker 1: would call him and tell him to leave. About an

1326
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 1: hour later, she called back and said, he's leaving. Get

1327
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 1: ride set up for the sixth of July. It was

1328
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 1: the first time someone was able to get out of here.

1329
01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 1: So everything was set and I was happy as heck,

1330
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:40,880
Speaker 1: finally he was going to leave. A couple of days later,

1331
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 1: my wife and I still weren't talking to him much.

1332
01:04:43,520 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 1: We hear him telling the kids, your mom is making

1333
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 1: me leave. I don't want to go. Tell her you

1334
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:50,240
Speaker 1: want me to stay. So they come downstairs crying. She

1335
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 1: goes to him and tells him not to do that.

1336
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,480
Speaker 1: She also called her mom, and the mom called him

1337
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 1: and told him to stop. A couple of days later,

1338
01:04:56,280 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 1: I hear him do it again. Like I said, he

1339
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 1: does stuff on purpose. When we tell him not do

1340
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 1: he doesn't listen to anyone. Two weeks ago, I had

1341
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 1: to bring him to the doctor. In the car, he

1342
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 1: was like, I like this new doctor. He gives me

1343
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 1: three months worth of medicine. The old doctor used to

1344
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 1: make him go in monthly. He said, next appointment he

1345
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 1: was going to ask for the new doctor. I thought,

1346
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 1: what the f he won't be here in three months.

1347
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:18,960
Speaker 1: When I got home, I called my wife and told her.

1348
01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:21,520
Speaker 1: She said the same thing, like he's leaving in a

1349
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 1: few weeks. She called her mom and the mom said

1350
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,439
Speaker 1: he called her last week and canceled the ride because

1351
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 1: everything's fine now. No, it was the first time so

1352
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 1: we could get there. No, why would she can't. So

1353
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,440
Speaker 1: Mom canceled it without even saying. Mom was like, well,

1354
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:39,720
Speaker 1: uncle says, so my wife was like no, So we

1355
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,440
Speaker 1: set the ride back up. Last week, my wife started

1356
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:45,520
Speaker 1: saying she feels bad and everyone in the family's making

1357
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:48,520
Speaker 1: your feel guilty. I told her not to feel guilty,

1358
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 1: and that we took care of him for a really

1359
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: long time. We need the room back anyway. I said

1360
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 1: it a few times, but I talked her back into

1361
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 1: not feeling guilty. About four days ago, she came up

1362
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 1: to me and said that he sang she talked to

1363
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 1: him and everything's fine. No, I genuinely, genuinely, she says that,

1364
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 1: you say, well, I'm not Yeah, I'm not staying. I

1365
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:10,600
Speaker 1: question it again, and she flipped out again like she

1366
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:12,960
Speaker 1: did the other times. She said he has nowhere to

1367
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,840
Speaker 1: go and she doesn't want to throw him out because

1368
01:06:14,840 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 1: everyone will be mad. I guess the mom or someone

1369
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 1: called her to make her feel guilty. He was supposed

1370
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 1: to be going to the mom's house until he found

1371
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:23,200
Speaker 1: an apartment, but the mom doesn't really want him there either.

1372
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,360
Speaker 1: That's the thing. You need to talk to your wife

1373
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,960
Speaker 1: and say your family is trying to pawn him off

1374
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,360
Speaker 1: on you because they hate having him around too.

1375
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like, and it's also the fact that like, oh,

1376
01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 3: like he's trying to get an apartment and he's trying to,

1377
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:36,200
Speaker 3: you know, do this, like.

1378
01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:38,680
Speaker 1: We don't really want him bite and so yeah, what

1379
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:40,920
Speaker 1: do you guys want here? We've been arguing about the

1380
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 1: situation for the last few days. Finally she said, you

1381
01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 1: get your way, he'll leave. That's that is not too

1382
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:47,920
Speaker 1: you want this.

1383
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 3: Don't act like this was just like, you know, oh whatever,

1384
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 3: you get your way.

1385
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 1: No, you've been complaining for the last eight years. Or

1386
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:57,880
Speaker 1: she set up the ride again. She was using Facebook messenger.

1387
01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:00,800
Speaker 1: I went to use the computer and she left it open.

1388
01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:03,600
Speaker 1: She was messaging her family and the uncle saying that

1389
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 1: she wanted him to stay and it's all my fault.

1390
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:07,720
Speaker 1: She was throwing me out as the bad guy to

1391
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,440
Speaker 1: her whole family. Since then, she hasn't really talked to

1392
01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 1: me and is giving me dirty looks. Yesterday she comes

1393
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 1: up to be crying, asking, well, you can't stay. I

1394
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,000
Speaker 1: told her that I thought she wanted to leave for

1395
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: like six months. She said, yes, but not like this.

1396
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:23,520
Speaker 1: She wants it to be his decision. Why would he

1397
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 1: ever decide that exactly?

1398
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,800
Speaker 3: He has everything there, you like, the only way for

1399
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 3: him to leave is forcefully.

1400
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Then she said, what if he stays till I

1401
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:33,920
Speaker 1: get pregnant? Oh? And then what if you get pregnant

1402
01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 1: and you realize, oh, well, my family doesn't really want

1403
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:36,840
Speaker 1: him to leave.

1404
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:39,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just gonna be the same thing, Like, stop,

1405
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:40,640
Speaker 3: stop it.

1406
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 1: Then we can say we really need the room now.

1407
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 1: I don't see the difference. It's now or in a

1408
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 1: couple months. She'll feel guilty then too. I mean, it's

1409
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:51,760
Speaker 1: all set, get it over with. Finally, I said, if

1410
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:53,920
Speaker 1: she wants him to stay, do whatever she wants. A

1411
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:56,600
Speaker 1: couple of hours later, she said she told him to stay,

1412
01:07:56,640 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 1: and he said he's leaving because he's unwanted. Please. She

1413
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 1: told me to talk to him. I said no, yeah,

1414
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,240
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. She told you to go, like, convince him

1415
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: that you want him there. She wants you to be

1416
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:08,480
Speaker 1: a liar. This is just crazy. This story has gotten

1417
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:11,400
Speaker 1: so out of hand. I'm divorcing now. She's pissed off,

1418
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:13,440
Speaker 1: But I really don't want him to stay, and she

1419
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:16,320
Speaker 1: really doesn't either. She just feels bad making him leave.

1420
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:18,720
Speaker 1: If she's really serious, about having him leave in a

1421
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:20,920
Speaker 1: couple of months. I'm fine with that, but I've heard

1422
01:08:20,920 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 1: a couple of months before it turned into a year,

1423
01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 1: then into eight years. Yeah, no, hold your ground, say nope,

1424
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 1: I don't care. You can have him or me. That's it.

1425
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 3: Because also the thing is as soon as like they

1426
01:08:32,320 --> 01:08:34,840
Speaker 3: actually like pull the trigger. Yeah, as soon as it's

1427
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:37,360
Speaker 3: gonna it's done and it's over with, she's gonna.

1428
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:39,719
Speaker 1: Be she's gonna be like, oh way, this is great.

1429
01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:44,559
Speaker 1: But she's been blaming you for eight years. Yeah, unacceptable. Yeah,

1430
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:46,720
Speaker 1: it's just like it's time. It's either he leaves or

1431
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 1: I leave.

1432
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:50,880
Speaker 3: Honestly, I'd be like, listen, it's just it's gotten way

1433
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:53,200
Speaker 3: out of hand. We should have done this, like, you know,

1434
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:55,720
Speaker 3: he should have been here for a couple months. That's

1435
01:08:55,720 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 3: what he said. Fact, that's yeah. Now he's been here

1436
01:08:58,240 --> 01:09:01,519
Speaker 3: for eight years. You've stayed you very much overstate.

1437
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:02,080
Speaker 1: You're welcome.

1438
01:09:02,400 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 3: It's time to move on, go get a life without us,

1439
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:06,960
Speaker 3: Like this is not how you live.

1440
01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:10,000
Speaker 1: Sorry, but that's just not it. Bye. But that is

1441
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 1: the end of that story. So get that guy out

1442
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:15,559
Speaker 1: of that house. It is also the end of this episode.

1443
01:09:15,640 --> 01:09:18,320
Speaker 1: And we love you and see you tomorrow