WEBVTT - #126 Your heart is killing you 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.560 Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.360 because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:08.520 months and it's just time. It's time for you to 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:11.240 start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart. 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:25.040 What's up, guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Guest today. 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:30.560 My brother Parker, longtime guest on this podcast, always throws 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.000 out the bombs of wisdom. Every time you're on, we 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:36.159 get the best tiktoks. Oh you have just throw out 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:39.000 the bombs, man, it's good to be back. We started 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:41.199 a lot of you guys. I know a lot of 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:44.639 y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast, 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:48.920 and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:51.760 a couple of years ago. And I believe it started 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.000 because of a show that you were on with me 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:56.760 and you were just throwing out these bombs about being 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:59.960 content or single or something actually when you were single, 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:03.160 and we posted it and it started going viral on 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:05.040 TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these, 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:07.000 and now we do them, you know, three times a week, 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:12.720 especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:16.480 figure out either who their person is, or how to 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:22.000 get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral, 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:24.160 it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it. 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.920 I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions. 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:31.000 You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:33.880 They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:35.600 I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:40.640 be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.720 five percent of the emails that are coming in or 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:48.680 about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.680 you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem. 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:56.320 Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.080 then now it makes me think a lot about it, 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:01.800 and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:05.040 dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.359 that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday, 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:13.160 it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really, 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:15.480 I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:19.400 It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:23.480 walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:25.680 is why, you know, so many of them come to 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:28.040 this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well, 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:29.640 I've done this and this and this, I might as 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.200 well also email the podcast and we'll get into it. 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:37.040 But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:40.959 entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:42.840 kind of about that. But maybe you could record an 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:46.120 episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks, 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:49.200 you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah, 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:52.359 but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:56.000 that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario. 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:57.720 I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:01.920 it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me. 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:04.880 And it said, I know that you talk about this 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:10.120 every week, but this one's different. And I thought that 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.800 was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:17.639 question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.200 that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:24.960 you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different, 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:28.600 like she really was the one and now she's gone 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.480 and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.560 said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:38.160 goes to show you too that when you listen to 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:42.400 questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:46.120 that bad until it hits you, and then you go, 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:50.840 I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway, 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:54.560 welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one. 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.200 First one in the docket here says pick me, pick 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:02.080 me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur. 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.120 My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:05.640 had a break up and this isn't the first time 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:09.760 I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:13.680 heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.400 my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.520 being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:23.679 overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:26.560 have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:30.039 dental school interview next week. And I have a lot 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:33.040 going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:36.560 all I want to do is love someone and be loved. 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.000 But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.679 feel like I'm the only person on the planet even 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.480 when others are in the room. I don't know what 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.720 to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:54.760 twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:59.440 just said. So we have these are the key things here, 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:02.680 heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet, 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:06.159 like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:09.400 mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.520 before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like, 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:15.160 it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.360 brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:21.800 and find a mate, and now you're done. And so 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:24.560 it's like the animal part of our brain. I may 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:26.359 mess this up, but it's like the older part of 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.960 your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:30.800 the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:35.120 that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.200 in those first few days of grief. That is basically 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.640 the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:43.400 were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.600 loss of this person and it's hard to just view 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:50.479 it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex, 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:52.200 the newer part of your brain to be able to 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:55.560 be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.160 this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting. 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.840 It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:07.760 in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body, 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:13.280 the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring, 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:16.800 and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.400 a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:22.600 scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.799 that your brain says, good to go. So you scan 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:27.960 the world and you scan everyone around you, and your 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:32.440 brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match, 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:37.360 found mate, and and then you go latch on. And 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:40.400 then you try everything you can to get the mate 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.920 so that you could the animalistic side of you can 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:46.279 make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:50.400 then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:54.360 whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song, 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:59.159 She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.720 that and makes you sick, which is why we call 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:05.560 it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:10.320 brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.480 at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die. 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.480 You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:18.320 gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:23.400 go getter or you die. Or two, you better you 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:27.239 better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:32.520 equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:36.760 demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:40.160 you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.560 three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:47.680 not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:52.080 I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else. 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.320 But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:59.160 that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:04.480 a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl, 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:07.680 then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:12.720 him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:17.720 because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe, 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:20.960 you know you know whether or not that's true or not. 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.640 You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence. 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:26.440 You knew this was a huge problem for you when 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.880 you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:36.200 overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.280 we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:42.760 is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:47.840 do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.640 yourself or do you have to find somebody else to 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:58.080 fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.480 We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.840 answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe, 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.800 that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:13.040 else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:19.480 answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.079 is supposed to add to you and add to your 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.240 life and add to the joy and happiness that you 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:29.040 already have, but not complete a half of joy that 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.480 you have or a half of happiness that you have. 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:34.320 I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:37.280 walking around right now as an incomplete human like if 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.080 you give an X ray of your body, you know, 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.160 a cat scan of everything going on in your body. 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:46.560 The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you, 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:50.840 including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:54.480 of you is whole already. And so we have to 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:56.480 come to grips with that as humans that we don't 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:01.960 need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.960 the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before, 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.280 which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:10.000 talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.880 was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:15.839 they were created was cut in half, and they were 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.720 created as half, as half a person, and their mission 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:22.640 was to go find their other half what to complete themselves. 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:25.840 So this is something that's been brought into our minds 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.360 that it's the biggest lie of the world that you 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:30.240 are not complete on your own, you have to go 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.080 find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:36.079 that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.240 that you can find that would come work. What that 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:42.040 says to me too, is that back way back then, 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.560 thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:48.080 was a problem then and it's still a problem now. 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:51.400 Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.360 haven't figured out a way around this at all. For 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.560 thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.200 some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:03.920 because you girls stood him up. And I need to 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:05.599 say to you because I feel like, I feel like 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:07.800 I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:12.880 of can a spouse that you love create more happiness 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.640 in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:21.040 a family. We need community, we need people around us. 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:25.000 We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:29.440 married to our best friend, and that will bring you 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:33.160 more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:37.360 saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else. 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.439 And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.160 that's the question. And this is something you have to 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.240 you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.720 being alone. You have to find this out on yourself. 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:54.280 You have to figure this out because because and I 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.840 would put I would put a hold on any relationship 0:11:56.920 --> 0:12:00.120 right now, I would stop anything from coming your way 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.560 until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker, 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.559 and I would say that you could find your answers 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.120 in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really, 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.760 it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.040 if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:20.760 you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:24.000 found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:26.800 gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:29.720 you could take it for what you want. But it 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.280 has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.360 millions of others to be able to look at the Bible. 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:39.520 And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day, 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:45.040 who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus, 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:51.839 Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:56.680 saved the whole world what he was single? So what 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.520 could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single? 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.080 Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:09.400 was single. So Joe, the I know the end result 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.079 for you. The end result is you're going to find 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:15.640 out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:19.360 seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go. 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.400 Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:27.480 had four years of being single by yourself, and you go, 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:29.960 you know what, you know what? I figured out. I 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.120 figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.920 got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.559 doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.679 that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:44.880 and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.280 crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.600 going to be to a really good mate, a really 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.920 good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.520 don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or 0:13:57.640 --> 0:14:03.040 woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own. 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:08.600 And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:13.240 off than someone that is needing someone else to feed 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:17.240 them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.800 put off. So even though you say you're a good 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.520 looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a 0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:25.040 good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.880 dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse. 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:31.720 A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.600 its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.240 girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man, 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:43.360 this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:46.400 out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:51.000 you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:55.040 we I think we got that one. Next one says 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:56.840 hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan, 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.840 originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop, 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:02.760 just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:06.480 meditation and all that, what does it take to do 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:09.880 right by you? I find myself doing everything I can 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:13.240 to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.280 if I do anything for myself to improve my own 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:20.200 mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:21.720 and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:23.920 I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:25.920 not sure what else I could do, because, to tell 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:27.600 you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.560 rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.400 your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:39.680 for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:44.880 saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.200 doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself. 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:51.360 But I feel like if I do anything for myself 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.120 to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family. 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.480 I hear this a lot. It's the person who says, 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:00.600 what happens if you help so many people along the 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.920 way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.160 it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.240 help so many people that I completely forgot about myself, 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.640 But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:17.480 that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:19.880 he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:23.440 but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before, 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:29.160 is it's like the paradox of of you find your 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:34.560 most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:38.200 others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:40.840 he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:44.640 you think is going on there? I think I don't 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.560 think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think, 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:51.280 and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect. 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.080 I appreciate the email. And people know if you if 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.520 you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.760 we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you, 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:01.160 and it's late at night, and we're going to walk 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:03.400 through it. And I want to. I want to get 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:06.080 to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:07.720 want to kind of tag you a little bit here, 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.320 and and I want to say that because it's no 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:13.320 it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:16.399 getting at is I think there. I think you're looking 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.200 to help people so that you could feel good about yourself. 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.840 And that's no way to help people. You have to 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:29.320 go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.400 and helping people and doing things for others is that 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:34.840 if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine, 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:39.600 selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:41.880 that's why so many people go out and just make 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.280 a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:47.440 giving back to the community. That's why we do it 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:51.320 at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:53.440 that we do every season to launch at e a Perl, 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:56.080 we give a big portion back to the community, to 0:17:56.160 --> 0:18:01.960 some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately, 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:03.919 why do we do it? Most of the people we 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:06.760 give to we don't really know personally, we don't really 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.760 see the result of it. It's not like it's a 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:13.760 tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:16.840 is because it feels good. Like when we could go 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:20.159 cut a big old check to some hospital or to 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:24.680 some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.080 a big check and we hand it to them, we 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.920 walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:35.200 feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:40.000 you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan, 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:42.960 you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:46.240 from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:51.440 into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:54.359 just helped this old lady across the street. I got 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.560 her to the other side, and when I left and 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:58.879 waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:02.320 felt so good. And if you don't, if you think 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:04.360 I help this old lady and she didn't even say 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:07.720 thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.200 the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way. 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:13.080 That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward, 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.600 that was looking for some kind of payment back. And 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:18.640 so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:20.399 the old lady not even have to say thank you 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:22.640 at all? Does she not say anything and you walk 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.919 away and go that's a good thing, Then you know, 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:32.040 then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:35.840 she has lived a selfless life of giving back to 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:40.240 her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life, 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:43.440 she has done nothing but pay it forward to when 0:19:43.440 --> 0:19:45.240 she was a little girl, to her family working on 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:48.600 the farm, to when she started having babies, to when 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.080 she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.600 has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:59.960 people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow 0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:02.919 across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:06.400 does this for ninety six years. She has done this, 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.080 and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive. 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:10.840 And I think it's a big reason why she's so 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:13.720 she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:17.639 love's life because she has spent a life of servitude. 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:23.840 So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:28.680 the right path of serving others. But I don't know 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:30.280 if your heart's all the way into it, because you 0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:32.639 keep going back to what about me? And at the 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:35.359 end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:38.800 for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox. 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:43.600 Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right. 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:48.080 It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children, 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:51.800 your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:53.640 know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife, 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:57.639 and if we're talking about children, then the serving of 0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:02.840 your family is your duty as the husband and father. 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:04.080 And at the end of the day, if you don't 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:05.879 get any respect, if you don't get anything in return, 0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:08.959 that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:11.560 tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:14.040 if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect 0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:16.320 or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.760 because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:23.960 Jesus says so so at the end when he says 0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:25.679 that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if 0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:27.720 he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:29.560 don't really know, I don't really know the whole story. 0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:32.760 Let me put it in perspective of myself and music. 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:35.280 And as much as we've gone out and played music 0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:38.960 for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so 0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:40.760 many times I can go play a show for me 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:43.359 like I need a reward, I need a crowd to 0:21:43.400 --> 0:21:47.720 applaud me, I need I need some kind of self 0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:52.000 gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:54.719 I can get on an airplane and leave my family 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:57.000 on an early flight and go out to tour to 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.359 get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:02.520 I can get on the bus and drive for three 0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:05.840 days all the way across the country on minimal sleep, 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:09.400 and go play a show so that I can get applause. 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:12.320 But when we switched as a mentality as a band 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:15.120 that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:17.919 to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:20.919 to be the corridor for music that could bring a 0:22:21.000 --> 0:22:24.000 smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well, 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:26.080 that mattered even more that a lot of these people 0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:30.119 haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so 0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:33.040 we put this mentality in our minds as a band 0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:35.520 that we're going to go out and play music for 0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:38.399