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Speaker 1: Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity

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Speaker 1: because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine

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Speaker 1: months and it's just time. It's time for you to

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Speaker 1: start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.

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Speaker 1: What's up, guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Guest today.

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Speaker 1: My brother Parker, longtime guest on this podcast, always throws

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Speaker 1: out the bombs of wisdom. Every time you're on, we

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Speaker 1: get the best tiktoks. Oh you have just throw out

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Speaker 1: the bombs, man, it's good to be back. We started

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Speaker 1: a lot of you guys. I know a lot of

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Speaker 1: y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast

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Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. And I believe it started

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Speaker 1: because of a show that you were on with me

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Speaker 1: and you were just throwing out these bombs about being

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Speaker 1: content or single or something actually when you were single,

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Speaker 1: and we posted it and it started going viral on

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Speaker 1: TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these,

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Speaker 1: and now we do them, you know, three times a week,

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Speaker 1: especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to

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Speaker 1: figure out either who their person is, or how to

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Speaker 1: get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral,

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Speaker 1: it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it.

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Speaker 1: I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions.

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Speaker 1: You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can

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Speaker 1: I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll

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Speaker 1: be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy

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Speaker 1: five percent of the emails that are coming in or

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Speaker 1: about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a

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Speaker 1: you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem.

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Speaker 1: Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I

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Speaker 1: then now it makes me think a lot about it,

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll

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Speaker 1: dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting

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Speaker 1: that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday,

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Speaker 1: it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic.

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Speaker 1: It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are

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Speaker 1: walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which

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Speaker 1: is why, you know, so many of them come to

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Speaker 1: this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I've done this and this and this, I might as

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Speaker 1: well also email the podcast and we'll get into it.

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Speaker 1: But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an

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Speaker 1: entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is

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Speaker 1: kind of about that. But maybe you could record an

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Speaker 1: episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks,

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Speaker 1: you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks

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Speaker 1: that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario.

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Speaker 1: I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and

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Speaker 1: it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me.

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Speaker 1: And it said, I know that you talk about this

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Speaker 1: every week, but this one's different. And I thought that

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Speaker 1: was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his

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Speaker 1: question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact

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Speaker 1: that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know

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Speaker 1: you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different,

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Speaker 1: like she really was the one and now she's gone

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Speaker 1: and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people

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Speaker 1: said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that

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Speaker 1: goes to show you too that when you listen to

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Speaker 1: questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never

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Speaker 1: that bad until it hits you, and then you go,

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Speaker 1: I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one.

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Speaker 1: First one in the docket here says pick me, pick

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Speaker 1: me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur.

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Speaker 1: My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently

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Speaker 1: had a break up and this isn't the first time

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Speaker 1: I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very

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Speaker 1: heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing

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Speaker 1: my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay

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Speaker 1: being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm

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Speaker 1: overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally

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Speaker 1: have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a

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Speaker 1: dental school interview next week. And I have a lot

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Speaker 1: going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and

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Speaker 1: all I want to do is love someone and be loved.

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Speaker 1: But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm the only person on the planet even

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Speaker 1: when others are in the room. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's

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Speaker 1: twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we

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Speaker 1: just said. So we have these are the key things here,

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Speaker 1: heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet,

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Speaker 1: like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking

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Speaker 1: before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like,

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Speaker 1: it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your

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Speaker 1: brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce

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Speaker 1: and find a mate, and now you're done. And so

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Speaker 1: it's like the animal part of our brain. I may

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Speaker 1: mess this up, but it's like the older part of

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Speaker 1: your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's

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Speaker 1: the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain

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Speaker 1: that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most

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Speaker 1: in those first few days of grief. That is basically

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Speaker 1: the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you

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Speaker 1: were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the

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Speaker 1: loss of this person and it's hard to just view

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Speaker 1: it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex,

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Speaker 1: the newer part of your brain to be able to

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Speaker 1: be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing

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Speaker 1: this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting.

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Speaker 1: It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this,

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Speaker 1: in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body,

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Speaker 1: the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring,

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Speaker 1: and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on

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Speaker 1: a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a

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Speaker 1: scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications

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Speaker 1: that your brain says, good to go. So you scan

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Speaker 1: the world and you scan everyone around you, and your

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Speaker 1: brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match,

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Speaker 1: found mate, and and then you go latch on. And

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Speaker 1: then you try everything you can to get the mate

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Speaker 1: so that you could the animalistic side of you can

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Speaker 1: make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And

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Speaker 1: then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever

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Speaker 1: whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song,

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Speaker 1: She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against

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Speaker 1: that and makes you sick, which is why we call

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Speaker 1: it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your

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Speaker 1: brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her

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Speaker 1: at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die.

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Speaker 1: You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So

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Speaker 1: go getter or you die. Or two, you better you

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Speaker 1: better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone

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Speaker 1: equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic

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Speaker 1: demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do

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Speaker 1: you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's

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Speaker 1: three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually

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Speaker 1: I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else.

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Speaker 1: But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And

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Speaker 1: that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has

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Speaker 1: a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl,

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Speaker 1: then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to

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Speaker 1: him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships

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Speaker 1: because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe,

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Speaker 1: you know you know whether or not that's true or not.

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Speaker 1: You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence.

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Speaker 1: You knew this was a huge problem for you when

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Speaker 1: you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too

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Speaker 1: overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do

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Speaker 1: we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question

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Speaker 1: is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where

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Speaker 1: do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from

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Speaker 1: yourself or do you have to find somebody else to

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Speaker 1: fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving

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Speaker 1: We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to

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Speaker 1: answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe,

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Speaker 1: that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone

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Speaker 1: else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The

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Speaker 1: answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship

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Speaker 1: is supposed to add to you and add to your

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Speaker 1: life and add to the joy and happiness that you

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Speaker 1: already have, but not complete a half of joy that

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Speaker 1: you have or a half of happiness that you have.

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Speaker 1: I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not

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Speaker 1: walking around right now as an incomplete human like if

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Speaker 1: you give an X ray of your body, you know,

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Speaker 1: a cat scan of everything going on in your body.

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Speaker 1: The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you,

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Speaker 1: including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece

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Speaker 1: of you is whole already. And so we have to

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Speaker 1: come to grips with that as humans that we don't

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Speaker 1: need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into

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Speaker 1: the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before,

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Speaker 1: which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've

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Speaker 1: talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It

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Speaker 1: was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when

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Speaker 1: they were created was cut in half, and they were

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Speaker 1: created as half, as half a person, and their mission

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Speaker 1: was to go find their other half what to complete themselves.

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Speaker 1: So this is something that's been brought into our minds

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Speaker 1: that it's the biggest lie of the world that you

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Speaker 1: are not complete on your own, you have to go

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Speaker 1: find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with

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Speaker 1: that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person

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Speaker 1: that you can find that would come work. What that

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Speaker 1: says to me too, is that back way back then,

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Speaker 1: thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It

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Speaker 1: was a problem then and it's still a problem now.

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Speaker 1: Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we

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Speaker 1: haven't figured out a way around this at all. For

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Speaker 1: thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just

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Speaker 1: some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying

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Speaker 1: because you girls stood him up. And I need to

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Speaker 1: say to you because I feel like, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say

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Speaker 1: of can a spouse that you love create more happiness

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Speaker 1: in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that

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Speaker 1: a family. We need community, we need people around us.

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Speaker 1: We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be

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Speaker 1: married to our best friend, and that will bring you

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Speaker 1: more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're

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Speaker 1: saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else.

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Speaker 1: And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And

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Speaker 1: that's the question. And this is something you have to

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Speaker 1: you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate

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Speaker 1: being alone. You have to find this out on yourself.

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Speaker 1: You have to figure this out because because and I

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Speaker 1: would put I would put a hold on any relationship

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Speaker 1: right now, I would stop anything from coming your way

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Speaker 1: until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker,

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Speaker 1: and I would say that you could find your answers

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Speaker 1: in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really,

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Speaker 1: it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead

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Speaker 1: you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he

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Speaker 1: found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then

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Speaker 1: you could take it for what you want. But it

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Speaker 1: has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and

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Speaker 1: millions of others to be able to look at the Bible.

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Speaker 1: And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day,

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Speaker 1: who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus,

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Speaker 1: Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He

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Speaker 1: saved the whole world what he was single? So what

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Speaker 1: could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single?

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Speaker 1: Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He

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Speaker 1: was single. So Joe, the I know the end result

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Speaker 1: for you. The end result is you're going to find

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Speaker 1: out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably

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Speaker 1: seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've

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Speaker 1: had four years of being single by yourself, and you go,

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Speaker 1: you know what, you know what? I figured out. I

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Speaker 1: figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I

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Speaker 1: got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm

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Speaker 1: doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out

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Speaker 1: that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life

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Speaker 1: and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's

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Speaker 1: crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's

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Speaker 1: going to be to a really good mate, a really

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Speaker 1: good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I

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Speaker 1: don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or

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Speaker 1: woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own.

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Speaker 1: And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn

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Speaker 1: off than someone that is needing someone else to feed

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Speaker 1: them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to

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Speaker 1: put off. So even though you say you're a good

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Speaker 1: looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a

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Speaker 1: good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of

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Speaker 1: dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse.

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Speaker 1: A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on

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Speaker 1: its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a

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Speaker 1: girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man,

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Speaker 1: this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm

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Speaker 1: out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help

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Speaker 1: you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think

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Speaker 1: we I think we got that one. Next one says

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Speaker 1: hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan,

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Speaker 1: originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop,

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Speaker 1: just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and

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Speaker 1: meditation and all that, what does it take to do

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Speaker 1: right by you? I find myself doing everything I can

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Speaker 1: to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: if I do anything for myself to improve my own

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Speaker 1: mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed

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Speaker 1: and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure what else I could do, because, to tell

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Speaker 1: you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my

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Speaker 1: rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and

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Speaker 1: your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance

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Speaker 1: for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is

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Speaker 1: saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself

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Speaker 1: doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like if I do anything for myself

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Speaker 1: to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family.

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Speaker 1: I hear this a lot. It's the person who says,

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Speaker 1: what happens if you help so many people along the

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Speaker 1: way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like

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Speaker 1: it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I

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Speaker 1: help so many people that I completely forgot about myself,

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Speaker 1: But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like

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Speaker 1: that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything,

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Speaker 1: but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before,

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Speaker 1: is it's like the paradox of of you find your

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Speaker 1: most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about

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Speaker 1: others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what

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Speaker 1: he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do

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Speaker 1: you think is going on there? I think I don't

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Speaker 1: think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think,

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Speaker 1: and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate the email. And people know if you if

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Speaker 1: you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like

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Speaker 1: we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you,

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Speaker 1: and it's late at night, and we're going to walk

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Speaker 1: through it. And I want to. I want to get

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Speaker 1: to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I

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Speaker 1: want to kind of tag you a little bit here,

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Speaker 1: and and I want to say that because it's no

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Speaker 1: it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's

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Speaker 1: getting at is I think there. I think you're looking

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Speaker 1: to help people so that you could feel good about yourself.

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Speaker 1: And that's no way to help people. You have to

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Speaker 1: go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people

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Speaker 1: and helping people and doing things for others is that

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Speaker 1: if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine,

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Speaker 1: selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why

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Speaker 1: that's why so many people go out and just make

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Speaker 1: a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and

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Speaker 1: giving back to the community. That's why we do it

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Speaker 1: at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch

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Speaker 1: that we do every season to launch at e a Perl,

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Speaker 1: we give a big portion back to the community, to

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Speaker 1: some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: why do we do it? Most of the people we

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Speaker 1: give to we don't really know personally, we don't really

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Speaker 1: see the result of it. It's not like it's a

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Speaker 1: tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately

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Speaker 1: is because it feels good. Like when we could go

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Speaker 1: cut a big old check to some hospital or to

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Speaker 1: some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut

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Speaker 1: a big check and we hand it to them, we

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Speaker 1: walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That

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Speaker 1: feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that

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Speaker 1: you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan,

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Speaker 1: you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming

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Speaker 1: from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring

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Speaker 1: into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I

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Speaker 1: just helped this old lady across the street. I got

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Speaker 1: her to the other side, and when I left and

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Speaker 1: waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I

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Speaker 1: felt so good. And if you don't, if you think

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Speaker 1: I help this old lady and she didn't even say

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Speaker 1: thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for

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Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way.

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Speaker 1: That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward,

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Speaker 1: that was looking for some kind of payment back. And

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Speaker 1: so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does

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Speaker 1: the old lady not even have to say thank you

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Speaker 1: at all? Does she not say anything and you walk

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Speaker 1: away and go that's a good thing, Then you know,

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Speaker 1: then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many

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Speaker 1: she has lived a selfless life of giving back to

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Speaker 1: her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life,

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Speaker 1: she has done nothing but pay it forward to when

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Speaker 1: she was a little girl, to her family working on

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Speaker 1: the farm, to when she started having babies, to when

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Speaker 1: she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she

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Speaker 1: has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch

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Speaker 1: people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow

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Speaker 1: across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She

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Speaker 1: does this for ninety six years. She has done this,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's a big reason why she's so

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Speaker 1: she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and

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Speaker 1: love's life because she has spent a life of servitude.

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Speaker 1: So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on

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Speaker 1: the right path of serving others. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: if your heart's all the way into it, because you

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Speaker 1: keep going back to what about me? And at the

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Speaker 1: end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best

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Speaker 1: for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox.

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Speaker 1: Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right.

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Speaker 1: It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children,

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Speaker 1: your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't

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Speaker 1: know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife,

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Speaker 1: and if we're talking about children, then the serving of

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Speaker 1: your family is your duty as the husband and father.

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Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, if you don't

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Speaker 1: get any respect, if you don't get anything in return,

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Speaker 1: that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ

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Speaker 1: tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter

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Speaker 1: if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect

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Speaker 1: or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it

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Speaker 1: because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because

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Speaker 1: Jesus says so so at the end when he says

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Speaker 1: that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if

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Speaker 1: he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I

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Speaker 1: don't really know, I don't really know the whole story.

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Speaker 1: Let me put it in perspective of myself and music.

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Speaker 1: And as much as we've gone out and played music

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Speaker 1: for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so

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Speaker 1: many times I can go play a show for me

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Speaker 1: like I need a reward, I need a crowd to

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Speaker 1: applaud me, I need I need some kind of self

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Speaker 1: gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times

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Speaker 1: I can get on an airplane and leave my family

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Speaker 1: on an early flight and go out to tour to

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Speaker 1: get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times

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Speaker 1: I can get on the bus and drive for three

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Speaker 1: days all the way across the country on minimal sleep,

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Speaker 1: and go play a show so that I can get applause.

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Speaker 1: But when we switched as a mentality as a band

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Speaker 1: that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out

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Speaker 1: to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going

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Speaker 1: to be the corridor for music that could bring a

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Speaker 1: smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well,

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Speaker 1: that mattered even more that a lot of these people

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Speaker 1: haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so

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Speaker 1: we put this mentality in our minds as a band

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Speaker 1: that we're going to go out and play music for

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Speaker 1: a purpose, for one person to hear a song, to smile,

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Speaker 1: to remember something they haven't thought about in a long time,

403
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Speaker 1: to forget something that don't want to think about anymore,

404
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Speaker 1: to have just a little bit a piece of joy,

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Speaker 1: three minutes at a time, song by song for ninety minutes.

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Speaker 1: And then when we walk up the stage, knowing we

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Speaker 1: did that without anything in return, we go it mattered. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's why we have to leave our families to go

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Speaker 1: do this, because we're doing something that's greater than ourselves,

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Speaker 1: greater than anything we could do on our own. And

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Speaker 1: if I walked away every time and thought, man, that

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Speaker 1: crowd didn't cheer very loud, and that's that can happen

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Speaker 1: to me. It can, but I have to dismiss it

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Speaker 1: and go that's not why I'm here. I'm here to serve.

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Speaker 1: That's that's why God gave me this gift to serve

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Speaker 1: and serve, and serve and serve until I die, servants

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Speaker 1: until we die. I heard someone say the other day

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Speaker 1: Paul the Apostle, after being beaten, shipwrecked, thrown in jail.

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Speaker 1: Do you think he was like, Man, I need a

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Speaker 1: self care day. I need me, I need I need

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Speaker 1: to go to the spa. I need to get my

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Speaker 1: shoulders rubbed. I need some green tea. I mean maybe

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Speaker 1: part of him thought that I would love to catch

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Speaker 1: a break here, But it's like this guy had been

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Speaker 1: through everything imaginable. No wife, no children, no sex, none

426
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: of the food that he liked. Probably, I mean, he's

427
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: been through everything, and he had such fullness of and

428
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: peace and hope that everybody in the world today is like,

429
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: where do I find that. I'm not finding it anywhere.

430
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: It's not at the spa, and it's not in your

431
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: own desires. Yeah, Dylan, keep on serving, brother, keep on

432
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,960
Speaker 1: serving back, and do it from a whole heart. Open

433
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 1: your heart up to your family, serve others. You'll get

434
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: that joy. You'll get it back. We're gonna take a

435
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:29,239
Speaker 1: break and come right back. Podcast is brought to you

436
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496
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 1: back back in here. If you have a question for me,

497
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll get to

498
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: it on the podcast. We love your questions. This one

499
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 1: subject line is called moving Forward. It says, hey Grangerin'm

500
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: gonna make this brief as I can. I love the podcast,

501
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: love the music, been a fan for a while. My

502
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: name is Nick. I'm from Northwest Washington, thirty five years old.

503
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: Me and my ex broke up about nine months ago.

504
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,719
Speaker 1: I've been coming to grips with the loss about her

505
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: not coming back, but still to this day, every day

506
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 1: I hurt. I need some advice to move forward. I'm

507
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 1: one hundred percent not ready to go out and date.

508
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 1: I would say that I still love her, or as

509
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 1: you say, the thought of her help me please, I

510
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: still feel like I'm drowning. Nick, Okay, I'll say this.

511
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: I'll try to keep this concise. I don't mean to

512
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 1: be unempathetic with this, because I've been through breakups where

513
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 1: I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cry all the time.

514
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: I mean three four five days, losing weight, losing hope,

515
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 1: like what am I going to do. And I've thought

516
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: about this a lot, Like you said, you've thought about

517
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: this a lot, I would say a few things. First off,

518
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: I think that when a breakup completely shatters you, you

519
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: let yourself emotionally surpass the level that that relationship was

520
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: actually at. You didn't guard your heart. That's what That's

521
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 1: why the bye says above all else, guard your heart.

522
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: You need to be like at the gate with a

523
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 1: spear like. That's not to say you're going to be distrusting.

524
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: That's not going to say you're going to be disrespectful,

525
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: but maybe you'll be a little more cautious before you

526
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: say I love you and you look into someone's eyes,

527
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: maybe that's going to be you protecting your heart. In

528
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: terms of the conversations that you're having. Maybe I'm not

529
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 1: going to talk about how many kids I'm going to have,

530
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: or where we're going to live, or wedding plans and

531
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: let myself fall into that prematurely in the next relationship.

532
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: And I'm really telling this to people who either are

533
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: single or are early on in a relationship that haven't

534
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: gotten to that point, because it's going to save you

535
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: so much heartache. Don't let yourself get to that point,

536
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: especially if you're being physical with someone that you're not

537
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: married to. That's why God made sex to literally bond

538
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: a husband and a wife together so that they would

539
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: not leave each other, so that they would be chemically

540
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 1: bonded together. And so when you're physical before marriage, that's

541
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: why it makes the breakup so hard. So if you're

542
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: able to keep those boundaries emotionally and physically, it's going

543
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: to save you so much down the road. Number two

544
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: I would just say, in terms of like practical advice. Okay, Parker,

545
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: I already got to this point. I am emotionally shattered,

546
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: I cannot eat, I still love her, I can't stop

547
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: thinking about her. Just some practical advice that I would

548
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: say is Number one. Try not to wallow in the past.

549
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: Don't think about it. Don't think about all these situations scenarios.

550
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: What could have been. She just told me she loved me,

551
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: and now she just doesn't ever want to see me again.

552
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: What the heck? Don't work. Don't try not to wallow

553
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 1: in that. Number two, you don't need closure. Don't go

554
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: try to meet up with her. You don't need to

555
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: go get your sweater back from the house. Getting lunch

556
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: with her is not going to solve anything or make

557
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 1: you feel better. That's just you wanting that relationship back,

558
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: and same thing. If they're wanting that from you, don't

559
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: let them give you any excuses to come back. It's

560
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: just going to make it harder. Focus on your sleep,

561
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 1: Focus on your diet, Try to eat healthy, give yourself

562
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: some physical activity. If your body's moving, your dopamine's going

563
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: to be flowing in your brain, you're gonna be feeling better.

564
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: And try to surround yourself with other human beings. Don't

565
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: be alone. This is not the time to be a

566
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,479
Speaker 1: lone wolf. That's when the mistakes happen is when you're

567
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: by yourself. You don't like what we were talking about earlier.

568
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 1: That old part of your brain is just running going,

569
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody again.

570
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:23,719
Speaker 1: You need people who are emotionally unbiased. Going, dude, there

571
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 1: are three point five billion girls in the world. You're

572
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: going to be completely fine. Get involved with the church.

573
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: If you're not, go shake somebody's hand, join a sports team,

574
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: get around people's that's awesome. I'm glad you went practical too,

575
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: because the first you know your first point. You know,

576
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: my mind immediately went to what if they were married?

577
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: You know, what if they were married and you did

578
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 1: give your full self all in because that we get

579
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: just as many of those questions on this podcast too. Yeah,

580
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: that was that was if you are unmarried, that's when

581
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 1: you can. If you're married, you are all in, Your

582
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: heart's all in, there's no going back. Man. Somehow I

583
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: just lost that question. It just disappeared on my phone. Okay,

584
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 1: but I remember what he said, So this is where

585
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: I would go. I would I would say nine months

586
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: is a long time. Like that's a long time. I

587
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 1: would guess that the reason it's gone so long is

588
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: you're still perpetuating it somehow in your mind with something

589
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: like do you have a folder on your phone of

590
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: her pictures? You know, like is there something Is there

591
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 1: a gift that she gave you for Christmas one year

592
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: and you have it in your closet and you go

593
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 1: touch it every day before you go to sleep, Like

594
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: is there anything connected with her that you are still

595
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: perpetuating your brain? You're still training your brain that this

596
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: is still my life, this is still my life. There's

597
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 1: a necklace she gave you and you still wear it.

598
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: There's those shoes that she bought you a couple of

599
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: years go and you still wear them. Man, if you're

600
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: nine months in and you feel like you're drowning, then

601
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: it's it's time to get serious about this. It's time

602
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: to get it's time to get serious. I would suggest this.

603
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: I would suggest I would suggest journaling a journal every

604
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: morning and Parker. Parker gets a lot of screenshots of

605
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: my journals from years ago because they're funny. But you

606
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 1: could see your progress so well through journaling, and you

607
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: could you can compartmentalize what's going on in your head

608
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: through journaling, So I would I would encourage you to

609
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 1: write down what you're thinking, how you're thinking it, and

610
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: what triggered it, and then also write down what triggered

611
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: the downfall, so you're gonna it's it's very similar to grief.

612
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: Grief and heartache are like close brothers. Parker and I

613
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: were just talking about this. So in grief, you think

614
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: about it in terms of of like a pattern, like

615
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: a waveform, and there's a crest and there's the trough,

616
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: and you're always moving. It's grief is never constant, the

617
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: same level. Never there's times when you're like, I don't

618
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,919
Speaker 1: feel that bad right now, and then an hour later

619
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm dying. I'm literally dying right now. And

620
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 1: that's the flow of it. So recognize the flow, Recognize

621
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: where you are in the flow. Are you up? Are

622
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 1: you down? Why are you down? Is that it was

623
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,959
Speaker 1: there a reason, and there might not because the flow

624
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: just continues to happen. But nine months in, you're still hurting.

625
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: You're doing something. You're doing something to keep your brain attached.

626
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: So go through and start writing this down. And I'm serious, man,

627
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm serious. I think you're looking at a picture on

628
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: your phone. I think you're you're wearing a necklace or

629
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: a ring. I think you're maybe you're living in the

630
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: same apartment where you guys lived. Move out, dude, it's

631
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 1: time to change apartments. It's you have a dog that

632
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,720
Speaker 1: you got with her. It's time to give the dog away.

633
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,280
Speaker 1: It's time to start erasing this because you're not getting well.

634
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity

635
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: Because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine months,

636
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 1: and it's it's just time. It's time for you to

637
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.

638
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: So put your heart aside because your heart, your heart

639
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 1: is giving you that animalistic idea of lost mate, need

640
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: find and breed like that. That's what your heart is

641
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: telling you, and your brain needs to go, Okay, I

642
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: need to I need to figure out what is happening.

643
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 1: Parker said. Some great things community, stay around, community, nourishment,

644
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 1: keep nourished. Exercise could help facility facilitate the nourishment. Stay

645
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: in light. I was just in Alaska and it was

646
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 1: dark for three days and all of us that my

647
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,320
Speaker 1: whole band and crew were missing the sunshine because humans

648
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: need light. That starts playing tricks on your brain when

649
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: you're in darkness. So make sure you got the shades open. Hey,

650
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: spend some and go to Florida and take a couple

651
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: buddies and you guys, go to Pensacola or whatever and

652
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 1: get some sunshine with your buddies and set out, go

653
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: to some restaurant where you're sitting on a pier and

654
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 1: you get a cold beer with your buddies and the

655
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: sun is just blasting you. And then tell me, tell

656
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: me in that moment if you're still drowning in that moment,

657
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: because I promise you you're gonna find these patterns your

658
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 1: brain is in and you're gonna be able to defeat it.

659
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: But only if you recognize search yourself and recognize what

660
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: you're thinking and what you're feeling, and write it down

661
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: and calculate it like it's a serious problem. Cool. I agreed. Okay,

662
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: here's another one subject line many issues family, God and relationships.

663
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 1: Dear mister Smith, I'm seventeen years old. I would like

664
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: to remain anonymous. My biggest question regarding issues with my

665
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: is regarding issues with my father and my mother. They've

666
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: been split up for a while now, but I could

667
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:05,959
Speaker 1: always I can't always pick sides. How could I help

668
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 1: myself in this situation? Also, I was wondering how I

669
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: could work on my work ethic because my grandfather is

670
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: very sick and I cannot balance school and ranch as

671
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: easily as I want to. My second question is about God.

672
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't attend

673
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: CCD as regularly as I wish. Is there any way

674
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 1: I could help with this, as well as anything else

675
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: I struggle with. My last question is my inability to

676
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: maintain a relationship that is healthy. I try to help

677
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: anyone I can. I try to help my grandfather and schoolwork,

678
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 1: and I can't keep up. I can't fit the time

679
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: to talk to anyone to get to know them. But

680
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: things talk about girls here. Either they don't like any

681
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 1: of my ideas or this or that, or she refuses

682
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: to let me use any type of methods to relieve

683
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: my stress. I'm not sure what that means. Sure as

684
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: a pickaxe and beat, not a hay bill. All right,

685
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: what other ways can I release my stress? Okay, I'm

686
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: gonna stop there, Anonymous. This is what I feel like

687
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 1: when I read you. When I'm reading your email, I

688
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: feel like this is what you told me. Dude. I

689
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 1: have this fe this sharp pain in my kidney and

690
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: it's like crushing me. And every time I walk, I

691
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,760
Speaker 1: feel a sharp pain and it's moving around. And also

692
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 1: I have my lower spine there is this pinching and

693
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: it grabs my muscle. And then also my last thing

694
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: is there's something that my headaches are getting worse, and

695
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 1: every time I wake up, my headaches are worse. And

696
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: also I don't ever go to the doctor. So how

697
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: can you help me like I feel like that? That's

698
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: the question, right, Summed up like, Bro, you're you're sick

699
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:55,799
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, and and full respect to you,

700
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,919
Speaker 1: you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and you're

701
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: not going to the doctor. How do I know? Because

702
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: you said it right here. I don't pray, I don't

703
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: attend church, I don't go to CCD. Is there any

704
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: way I could help with this? Go to any of it?

705
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 1: Start today. It's like someone that wants to get into jogging.

706
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: How do you start jogging? You know you want a jog,

707
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 1: you know you need a jog for your health. How

708
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 1: do you start by putting on your shoes? Like you

709
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 1: put on your shoes and you tie them up. That's

710
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: how you start. So the same thing, man, how do

711
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: I pray? Will get down on your knees and start

712
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: and you say, God, it's me. I don't know. I

713
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: haven't I haven't spoken to you in a long time.

714
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 1: But I'm coming to you because I'm struggling and I've

715
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: got a lot of issues. I'm struggling with my mom

716
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: and dad and my grandfather and balance in school and

717
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 1: ranch work, and I don't know what to do. I

718
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 1: don't have anywhere to turn, and so I'm coming to you.

719
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start doing this daily, multiple times a day.

720
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: And when I think about struggling, I'm going to you.

721
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it to you. And then you go in.

722
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: You open up your Bible, say John one. I'm reading

723
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 1: John right now. So that's where I'll go. John one,

724
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 1: Open it up, John one one. Start there. I'm gonna

725
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 1: read one paragraph in the morning. One paragraph. You're gonna

726
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 1: start small and start digging into that. So instead of saying,

727
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,280
Speaker 1: I've got this pain in my back, it's like pinching,

728
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: so I think I'm gonna try a band aid. No, dude,

729
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: you need to go to a doctor that looks at

730
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: your spine. That pain you have in your side, you

731
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: need to go to a specialist that has an X

732
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: ray that looks inside. Don't try to fix it with

733
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: anything else. So I'm not gonna try to fix it

734
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 1: with you and your question any other way besides the

735
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: main question. You're sick. It's time to go to the doctor.

736
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: In other words, it's time to start praying to God.

737
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: What would you say if if someone's listening to that

738
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,840
Speaker 1: and going grangel, what does God have to do with

739
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 1: any of this? He asked it. I don't have time

740
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: for my work. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I can't find

741
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 1: a girlfriend, I'm not happy on my own, I'm discontent.

742
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: But what does God have anything to do with that? Like,

743
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 1: I need real life solution. You're talking about someone that's

744
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 1: listening because he asked it. Specifically, you're talking about another

745
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,399
Speaker 1: listener that wouldn't have asked that. Yes, someone who hears

746
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: that and goes, what does God have to do with that? Well?

747
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: Why is? Why is why is the Why is God

748
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: the doctor in that situation that's going to that's going

749
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: to solve the rest of it? Why is that going

750
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 1: to be the first domino? Do you think? Well, the

751
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 1: only way to heal the human heart is by going

752
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: to the one that created it. Just like if you

753
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: have a serious computer problem in your Ford truck, the

754
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: only one that could fix it is the manufacturer that

755
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,359
Speaker 1: created it. Why Because they know the blueprints of it

756
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,800
Speaker 1: and so they know how to fix the computer problem

757
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 1: in your Ford truck. And Joe at the body shop

758
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: down the street can't do it. You can't sit there

759
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: on YouTube and do it. If it's a serious computer problem,

760
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: only the manufacturer can do it. And so when we

761
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: look at ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, are

762
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 1: our depression, our anxiety, our stress, and every other human

763
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: problem that we all share. The only one that could

764
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: fix it is the one that created it. And you

765
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: realize that your body was created for a purpose and

766
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: a very intricate, complicated, mysterious, perfect way by a creator.

767
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,839
Speaker 1: Unless you think you came from Amba's unless you think

768
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: you came literally from some kind of bacteria, And if

769
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 1: you do, If you think you came from some kind

770
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: of bacteria, then in all due respect, I would say

771
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: good luck with that. Then I can't help you in

772
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 1: your question. I can't help you in any of this stuff.

773
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: But if you're coming to me saying my question is

774
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: about God, I don't pray. I would say, you're driving

775
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 1: around in a pickup truck with a blown computer that

776
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: keeps throwing your transmission out of whack, and you're not

777
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: going to the dealership. Pull it into the dealership and

778
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: say take it it's yours. You made it. Please, whatever

779
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: it takes. I need my truck back. Look at it.

780
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,879
Speaker 1: Dig into this, please. You made it, You know how

781
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: to do it, you have the blueprint. I don't That

782
00:43:56,120 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: was great. It reminds me of a John Piper sermon

783
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: I watched the other day where in Jeremiah, God the

784
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: Father is saying, I have the flowing water of life.

785
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: I have the wellspring of life, and they've turned their

786
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 1: backs on it and they're digging wells with where the

787
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 1: water doesn't hold. It just flows right through it. And

788
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: so he's like, the ultimate evil is not just the

789
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: murder and the theft and the adultery, it's fundamentally the

790
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: cause of all those evils is you turning your back

791
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: and saying you can take a trip. Creator. I'm gonna

792
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,800
Speaker 1: suck on this dirt and I'm gonna dig here because

793
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: I think I can find the solution right here in

794
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: this dirt. And then I'm gonna die and I'm gonna

795
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: hate you forever. When he's just like, I have it.

796
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: I made you, Yeah, I have the answer. Yeah. What's crazy,

797
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 1: Anonymous here is that we have a roadmap to our lives.

798
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 1: Have the construct, the instruction manual. It's called the Bible,

799
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 1: and it is laid out beautifully and and concisely and

800
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:14,439
Speaker 1: very understandable, and you could dive into it at any

801
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 1: at any point really, and you could dive into your

802
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: your own personal instruction manual, and go Okay, if I

803
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 1: if I think this way, if I if I position

804
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: my heart this way, if I humble myself this way,

805
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 1: and I believe this way, and then I see the

806
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 1: results of this, then things will slowly start becoming more clear.

807
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 1: I'll slowly start feeling more joy, more peace, more love,

808
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: more contentment, more happiness. And we could start the list

809
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,360
Speaker 1: of of the results of this, of people that have

810
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: experienced this, But you really have to do it yourself.

811
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: And I would say, I would say, right off the bat,

812
00:45:56,840 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: your first step. Your first step is when you to

813
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: this podcast, you hit your knees and then you be

814
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: as casual as you can and go God, I'm so

815
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: sorry that I have turned my back on you. I

816
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 1: have these problems mounting, but you created me, and you

817
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 1: know you know how to how you know how to

818
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,839
Speaker 1: guide me through these problems. You're not gonna eliminate them

819
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: from me, you're not gonna wipe them out of my life,

820
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 1: but you're gonna guide me through it and then give

821
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 1: me peace through it and guard my heart and mind

822
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: through it. And your second step is go to church

823
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 1: on Sunday. Just show up whatever you're wearing. Just show up.

824
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 1: Sit down, hey, sit down on the back, sit down

825
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 1: on the very back, and just know I'm here, I'm present,

826
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: I'm showing up. I've got too many problems to not

827
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: And if you're thinking this at seventeen, what do you

828
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: think you're gonna think when you're twenty seven? What do

829
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna think when you're thirty seven? Just

830
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 1: saying you think these problems are gonna start going away

831
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: and you're gonna figure it out by the time you're

832
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 1: twenty or do you think they're gonna start compounding and

833
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 1: getting worse. That's my question to you. Your grandfather, your

834
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 1: grandfather's sick. Is he still gonna be sick when you're

835
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: twenty seven thirty seven? No, he's not going to be here.

836
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:25,720
Speaker 1: Then what are you gonna do? That's another question for you. Okay,

837
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:32,760
Speaker 1: moving on, take a break. Wow, the subjecline here is military. Hello,

838
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 1: mister Smith. My name is Tanner Moore. I live in

839
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 1: Post Falls, Idaho. I'm seventeen thinking about joining the military.

840
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 1: I come from a very religious family. Do you have

841
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:44,440
Speaker 1: any thoughts on this? I don't if he should join

842
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 1: the military. Yeah, it's the classic idea of should I

843
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,919
Speaker 1: join something so violent that has potential of killing. Oh,

844
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 1: he's saying that that could I think that's what he's thinking.

845
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: What do you think about that? It's it's very justified

846
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 1: biblically to be a military, Yeah, law enforcement military. I

847
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: mean greater love. There is no greater love than this

848
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: than the lay down your life for your friends. Like

849
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 1: that's that's one of the first things. Like that's what

850
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,359
Speaker 1: police officers get tattooed on them. There is no greater

851
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 1: love than laying your life down for your friends. Would

852
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: you say that's if your country is is fighting for

853
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 1: the right cause, because there could be a situation where

854
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 1: it was it wouldn't be justified, right, I think. So,

855
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 1: it's it's important to remember, you know ten commandments do

856
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: not murder. Well, it's it's commonly misunderstood is do not kill.

857
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 1: But killing is justified in the right way. It's murder,

858
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: that's not Yeah. So if your your motive is everything,

859
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 1: motive is everything. If you're in the military and and

860
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: you have to kill somebody, you're not breaking a law here,

861
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 1: you're not breaking a biblical law. It's murder. It's the

862
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: it's the evil intent of murder. That's the problem. So Tanner,

863
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: I would send you, I would send you go straight

864
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,800
Speaker 1: to YouTube with this. I mean, there are some really

865
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: beautiful sermons and videos of people explaining, whether it's law

866
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 1: enforcement or military, the honorable position to take to take

867
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 1: your faith into the military and to do it in

868
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 1: a very faithful, honorable way to God and be a warrior.

869
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 1: And then look in the Bible. There's so many warriors

870
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: your subject line, you know, military, There's so many warriors

871
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 1: starting with David. Go read go read David all through Samuel.

872
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 1: I mean, the dude was a warrior, and he was faithful,

873
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 1: and he was honorable. So yeah, absolutely. I would also say,

874
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 1: and this is saying I was okay, I'll say two

875
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 1: of my best friends are marine pilots, and I have

876
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 1: an amazing respect for the military. I think it could

877
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: be an amazing option for you. And then I would

878
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 1: also just say, be aware of the foundational desire of

879
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: a man, young man's heart to want respect and to

880
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: want to stand for something greater than himself. Not saying

881
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,919
Speaker 1: that women don't have that, but fundamentally, men have this

882
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 1: desire when there's a war, when there's conflict, to be

883
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,239
Speaker 1: honored to be respected to they like, I need to

884
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:25,480
Speaker 1: be in that. I need to be a part of that.

885
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 1: I need to be putting my life in that. And

886
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 1: so ask yourself, am I trying to find my ultimate

887
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 1: meaning as a human being through my military service? Because

888
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 1: there's a lot of old kernels in generals that have

889
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: a lot of respect in the military, but they don't

890
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: have a relationship with Christ. And so make sure that

891
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: you're fundamentally getting your identity from from God and not

892
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,399
Speaker 1: just filling that void with military service. Not to say

893
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: that you can't do both, but it's just something to

894
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: be aware of. Yeah. Absolutely, I would say go for it, brother,

895
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: go for it wholeheartedly. It's a great career and you're

896
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 1: going to inspire so many and ultimately you're you're protecting

897
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 1: me and my family and and we owe you that debt.

898
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: So I hope that you do, and I hope you

899
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: don't have any kind of hang ups with it because

900
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: of a religious family. Also understand that when you say

901
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: religious family, you might not mean Christianity, So there's that

902
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: it might be. My only point was I remember, like

903
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 1: three or four years ago, I was definitely going to

904
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,400
Speaker 1: go into the marine, Corps and I and I looking back,

905
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,399
Speaker 1: was trying to find some sort of meaning from my

906
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,840
Speaker 1: life that I think that I am in a better

907
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 1: spot where God needs me now, not being the military.

908
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: Not to say that I couldn't find purpose doing that,

909
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 1: and I think it would have been amazing, But I

910
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 1: was trying to fill a void with the military at

911
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: that at that time in my life that can only

912
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 1: be filled through God. That's that's great. I forgot. I

913
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: forgot about that, and then we stole you away for eeg. Yeah,

914
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: so many good questions here today and so many more

915
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 1: in the inbox that we can't get to because we're

916
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 1: out of time. But thank you guys for listening. Grangersmith

917
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Shoot me an email, we'll

918
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,360
Speaker 1: put it here in the list and we'll see you

919
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 1: next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast.

920
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me

921
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

922
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and

923
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:35,320
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

924
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that

925
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at

926
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 1: gmail dot com, yig