1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 1: because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: months and it's just time. It's time for you to 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart. 5 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: What's up, guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Guest today. 6 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: My brother Parker, longtime guest on this podcast, always throws 7 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: out the bombs of wisdom. Every time you're on, we 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: get the best tiktoks. Oh you have just throw out 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: the bombs, man, it's good to be back. We started 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: a lot of you guys. I know a lot of 11 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,639 Speaker 1: y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast, 12 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast 13 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. And I believe it started 14 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: because of a show that you were on with me 15 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: and you were just throwing out these bombs about being 16 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: content or single or something actually when you were single, 17 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: and we posted it and it started going viral on 18 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,040 Speaker 1: TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these, 19 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: and now we do them, you know, three times a week, 20 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to 21 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: figure out either who their person is, or how to 22 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral, 23 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it. 24 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 1: I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions. 25 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. 26 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can 27 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll 28 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy 29 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: five percent of the emails that are coming in or 30 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a 31 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem. 32 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I 33 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: then now it makes me think a lot about it, 34 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll 35 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting 36 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 1: that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday, 37 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really, 38 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic. 39 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are 40 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which 41 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: is why, you know, so many of them come to 42 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well, 43 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: I've done this and this and this, I might as 44 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: well also email the podcast and we'll get into it. 45 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an 46 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,959 Speaker 1: entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is 47 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: kind of about that. But maybe you could record an 48 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks, 49 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah, 50 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,359 Speaker 1: but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks 51 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario. 52 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and 53 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,920 Speaker 1: it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me. 54 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: And it said, I know that you talk about this 55 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: every week, but this one's different. And I thought that 56 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his 57 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:17,639 Speaker 1: question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact 58 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know 59 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different, 60 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: like she really was the one and now she's gone 61 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people 62 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that 63 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: goes to show you too that when you listen to 64 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never 65 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: that bad until it hits you, and then you go, 66 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway, 67 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one. 68 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: First one in the docket here says pick me, pick 69 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur. 70 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently 71 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: had a break up and this isn't the first time 72 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very 73 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing 74 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay 75 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 1: being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm 76 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,679 Speaker 1: overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally 77 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a 78 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 1: dental school interview next week. And I have a lot 79 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 1: going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and 80 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: all I want to do is love someone and be loved. 81 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I 82 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,679 Speaker 1: feel like I'm the only person on the planet even 83 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 1: when others are in the room. I don't know what 84 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's 85 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 1: twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we 86 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: just said. So we have these are the key things here, 87 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet, 88 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 1: like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you 89 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking 90 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like, 91 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your 92 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce 93 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: and find a mate, and now you're done. And so 94 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: it's like the animal part of our brain. I may 95 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: mess this up, but it's like the older part of 96 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's 97 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain 98 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most 99 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: in those first few days of grief. That is basically 100 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you 101 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the 102 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 1: loss of this person and it's hard to just view 103 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 1: it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex, 104 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: the newer part of your brain to be able to 105 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing 106 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting. 107 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,840 Speaker 1: It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this, 108 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body, 109 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:13,280 Speaker 1: the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring, 110 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on 111 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a 112 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 1: scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications 113 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,799 Speaker 1: that your brain says, good to go. So you scan 114 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 1: the world and you scan everyone around you, and your 115 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match, 116 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: found mate, and and then you go latch on. And 117 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: then you try everything you can to get the mate 118 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 1: so that you could the animalistic side of you can 119 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 1: make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And 120 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever 121 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song, 122 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 1: She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against 123 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 1: that and makes you sick, which is why we call 124 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your 125 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her 126 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 1: at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die. 127 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not 128 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So 129 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: go getter or you die. Or two, you better you 130 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,239 Speaker 1: better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone 131 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic 132 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do 133 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's 134 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 1: three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm 135 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 1: not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually 136 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else. 137 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 1: But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And 138 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has 139 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 1: a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl, 140 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to 141 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships 142 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe, 143 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: you know you know whether or not that's true or not. 144 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence. 145 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: You knew this was a huge problem for you when 146 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too 147 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 1: overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do 148 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question 149 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where 150 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from 151 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: yourself or do you have to find somebody else to 152 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving 153 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to 154 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 1: answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe, 155 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone 156 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The 157 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship 158 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,079 Speaker 1: is supposed to add to you and add to your 159 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: life and add to the joy and happiness that you 160 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: already have, but not complete a half of joy that 161 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: you have or a half of happiness that you have. 162 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not 163 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: walking around right now as an incomplete human like if 164 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: you give an X ray of your body, you know, 165 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: a cat scan of everything going on in your body. 166 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you, 167 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 1: including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece 168 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: of you is whole already. And so we have to 169 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 1: come to grips with that as humans that we don't 170 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 1: need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into 171 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before, 172 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've 173 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 1: talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It 174 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 1: was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when 175 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: they were created was cut in half, and they were 176 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: created as half, as half a person, and their mission 177 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: was to go find their other half what to complete themselves. 178 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,840 Speaker 1: So this is something that's been brought into our minds 179 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: that it's the biggest lie of the world that you 180 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: are not complete on your own, you have to go 181 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with 182 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,079 Speaker 1: that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person 183 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: that you can find that would come work. What that 184 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: says to me too, is that back way back then, 185 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It 186 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: was a problem then and it's still a problem now. 187 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we 188 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: haven't figured out a way around this at all. For 189 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just 190 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying 191 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: because you girls stood him up. And I need to 192 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,599 Speaker 1: say to you because I feel like, I feel like 193 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say 194 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: of can a spouse that you love create more happiness 195 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 1: in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that 196 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: a family. We need community, we need people around us. 197 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be 198 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 1: married to our best friend, and that will bring you 199 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're 200 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else. 201 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And 202 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: that's the question. And this is something you have to 203 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 1: you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate 204 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: being alone. You have to find this out on yourself. 205 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: You have to figure this out because because and I 206 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: would put I would put a hold on any relationship 207 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: right now, I would stop anything from coming your way 208 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 1: until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker, 209 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,559 Speaker 1: and I would say that you could find your answers 210 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really, 211 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know 212 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 1: if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead 213 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he 214 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 1: found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm 215 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then 216 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 1: you could take it for what you want. But it 217 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and 218 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: millions of others to be able to look at the Bible. 219 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day, 220 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus, 221 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,839 Speaker 1: Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He 222 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 1: saved the whole world what he was single? So what 223 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single? 224 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He 225 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: was single. So Joe, the I know the end result 226 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: for you. The end result is you're going to find 227 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably 228 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go. 229 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've 230 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: had four years of being single by yourself, and you go, 231 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: you know what, you know what? I figured out. I 232 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I 233 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 1: got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm 234 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,559 Speaker 1: doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out 235 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,679 Speaker 1: that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life 236 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's 237 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's 238 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: going to be to a really good mate, a really 239 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I 240 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or 241 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own. 242 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 1: And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn 243 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: off than someone that is needing someone else to feed 244 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 1: them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to 245 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: put off. So even though you say you're a good 246 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a 247 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of 248 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse. 249 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on 250 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a 251 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man, 252 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 1: this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm 253 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help 254 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think 255 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: we I think we got that one. Next one says 256 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan, 257 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop, 258 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and 259 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: meditation and all that, what does it take to do 260 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: right by you? I find myself doing everything I can 261 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 1: to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like 262 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: if I do anything for myself to improve my own 263 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed 264 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but 265 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm 266 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 1: not sure what else I could do, because, to tell 267 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my 268 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and 269 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 1: your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance 270 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is 271 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself 272 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself. 273 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 1: But I feel like if I do anything for myself 274 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family. 275 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: I hear this a lot. It's the person who says, 276 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: what happens if you help so many people along the 277 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like 278 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I 279 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: help so many people that I completely forgot about myself, 280 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like 281 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,480 Speaker 1: that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that 282 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything, 283 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before, 284 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: is it's like the paradox of of you find your 285 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about 286 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 1: others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what 287 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do 288 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: you think is going on there? I think I don't 289 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think, 290 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,280 Speaker 1: and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect. 291 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: I appreciate the email. And people know if you if 292 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like 293 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you, 294 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: and it's late at night, and we're going to walk 295 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: through it. And I want to. I want to get 296 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 1: to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I 297 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: want to kind of tag you a little bit here, 298 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: and and I want to say that because it's no 299 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's 300 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: getting at is I think there. I think you're looking 301 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 1: to help people so that you could feel good about yourself. 302 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: And that's no way to help people. You have to 303 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people 304 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,400 Speaker 1: and helping people and doing things for others is that 305 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 1: if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine, 306 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why 307 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,880 Speaker 1: that's why so many people go out and just make 308 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and 309 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: giving back to the community. That's why we do it 310 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch 311 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 1: that we do every season to launch at e a Perl, 312 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: we give a big portion back to the community, to 313 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:01,960 Speaker 1: some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately, 314 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 1: why do we do it? Most of the people we 315 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: give to we don't really know personally, we don't really 316 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 1: see the result of it. It's not like it's a 317 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately 318 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: is because it feels good. Like when we could go 319 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,159 Speaker 1: cut a big old check to some hospital or to 320 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 1: some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut 321 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: a big check and we hand it to them, we 322 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That 323 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 1: feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that 324 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan, 325 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,960 Speaker 1: you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming 326 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring 327 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 1: into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I 328 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: just helped this old lady across the street. I got 329 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: her to the other side, and when I left and 330 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,879 Speaker 1: waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I 331 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: felt so good. And if you don't, if you think 332 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,360 Speaker 1: I help this old lady and she didn't even say 333 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 1: thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for 334 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way. 335 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward, 336 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 1: that was looking for some kind of payment back. And 337 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 1: so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does 338 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,399 Speaker 1: the old lady not even have to say thank you 339 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,640 Speaker 1: at all? Does she not say anything and you walk 340 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 1: away and go that's a good thing, Then you know, 341 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many 342 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: she has lived a selfless life of giving back to 343 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life, 344 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: she has done nothing but pay it forward to when 345 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: she was a little girl, to her family working on 346 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: the farm, to when she started having babies, to when 347 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she 348 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch 349 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 1: people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow 350 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,919 Speaker 1: across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She 351 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,400 Speaker 1: does this for ninety six years. She has done this, 352 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive. 353 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 1: And I think it's a big reason why she's so 354 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 1: she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and 355 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: love's life because she has spent a life of servitude. 356 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on 357 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: the right path of serving others. But I don't know 358 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 1: if your heart's all the way into it, because you 359 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 1: keep going back to what about me? And at the 360 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best 361 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox. 362 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right. 363 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children, 364 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 1: your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't 365 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 1: know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife, 366 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 1: and if we're talking about children, then the serving of 367 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 1: your family is your duty as the husband and father. 368 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, if you don't 369 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 1: get any respect, if you don't get anything in return, 370 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,959 Speaker 1: that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ 371 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter 372 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect 373 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it 374 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 1: because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because 375 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: Jesus says so so at the end when he says 376 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,679 Speaker 1: that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if 377 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,720 Speaker 1: he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I 378 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: don't really know, I don't really know the whole story. 379 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: Let me put it in perspective of myself and music. 380 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: And as much as we've gone out and played music 381 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so 382 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: many times I can go play a show for me 383 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,359 Speaker 1: like I need a reward, I need a crowd to 384 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: applaud me, I need I need some kind of self 385 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times 386 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,719 Speaker 1: I can get on an airplane and leave my family 387 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: on an early flight and go out to tour to 388 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times 389 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: I can get on the bus and drive for three 390 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: days all the way across the country on minimal sleep, 391 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,400 Speaker 1: and go play a show so that I can get applause. 392 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: But when we switched as a mentality as a band 393 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 1: that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out 394 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 1: to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going 395 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,919 Speaker 1: to be the corridor for music that could bring a 396 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well, 397 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: that mattered even more that a lot of these people 398 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,119 Speaker 1: haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so 399 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: we put this mentality in our minds as a band 400 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: that we're going to go out and play music for 401 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,399 Speaker 1: a purpose, for one person to hear a song, to smile, 402 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: to remember something they haven't thought about in a long time, 403 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: to forget something that don't want to think about anymore, 404 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: to have just a little bit a piece of joy, 405 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: three minutes at a time, song by song for ninety minutes. 406 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 1: And then when we walk up the stage, knowing we 407 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: did that without anything in return, we go it mattered. Okay, 408 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: that's why we have to leave our families to go 409 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: do this, because we're doing something that's greater than ourselves, 410 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 1: greater than anything we could do on our own. And 411 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: if I walked away every time and thought, man, that 412 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: crowd didn't cheer very loud, and that's that can happen 413 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: to me. It can, but I have to dismiss it 414 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: and go that's not why I'm here. I'm here to serve. 415 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 1: That's that's why God gave me this gift to serve 416 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,680 Speaker 1: and serve, and serve and serve until I die, servants 417 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: until we die. I heard someone say the other day 418 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: Paul the Apostle, after being beaten, shipwrecked, thrown in jail. 419 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,439 Speaker 1: Do you think he was like, Man, I need a 420 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: self care day. I need me, I need I need 421 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 1: to go to the spa. I need to get my 422 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: shoulders rubbed. I need some green tea. I mean maybe 423 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 1: part of him thought that I would love to catch 424 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 1: a break here, But it's like this guy had been 425 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 1: through everything imaginable. No wife, no children, no sex, none 426 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 1: of the food that he liked. Probably, I mean, he's 427 00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: been through everything, and he had such fullness of and 428 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 1: peace and hope that everybody in the world today is like, 429 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: where do I find that. I'm not finding it anywhere. 430 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: It's not at the spa, and it's not in your 431 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: own desires. Yeah, Dylan, keep on serving, brother, keep on 432 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 1: serving back, and do it from a whole heart. Open 433 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: your heart up to your family, serve others. You'll get 434 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 1: that joy. You'll get it back. We're gonna take a 435 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:29,239 Speaker 1: break and come right back. Podcast is brought to you 436 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: today by Raycon. 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Now, 471 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: movement has expanded into blue light glasses, which I actually 472 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,960 Speaker 1: really love. They protect your eyes from screens, minimalist jewelry, 473 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 1: and more style essentials that just don't break the bank. 474 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: They're really really affordable, all designed right out of their 475 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 1: California headquarters. I love their field Watches. That's kind of 476 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: my go to. I have three of them that I've 477 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: been using since I've been reading about Movement. I found 478 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: out about them and I was like, these are actually 479 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 1: really cool. I love field Watches, but they have all 480 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 1: kinds of other watches that you would love to I 481 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: also love the blue light glasses with my lifestyle always 482 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,560 Speaker 1: looking at screens. In fact, I'm looking at a screen 483 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 1: right now as I'm reading this, and I'm wearing the 484 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 1: glasses and they really helped me out a lot. So 485 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: they look like four or five hundred dollars watches that 486 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,159 Speaker 1: you see at the department store, they actually cost a 487 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 1: fraction of that price because of their online presence and 488 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: they don't have that storefront cost. So you get a 489 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,479 Speaker 1: beautiful watch ship right to your door for free, and 490 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: if you don't love it, then you could ship it 491 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 1: right back. If you want to elevate your look with 492 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: style that doesn't break the bank, then join the Movement 493 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 1: and get fifteen percent off today with free shipping and 494 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: free returns by going to Movement dot com. That's MVMT 495 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:34,879 Speaker 1: dot com slash Granger again. That's MVMT dot com slash Granger. Okay, 496 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,119 Speaker 1: back back in here. If you have a question for me, 497 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll get to 498 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: it on the podcast. We love your questions. This one 499 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,160 Speaker 1: subject line is called moving Forward. It says, hey Grangerin'm 500 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 1: gonna make this brief as I can. I love the podcast, 501 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: love the music, been a fan for a while. My 502 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: name is Nick. I'm from Northwest Washington, thirty five years old. 503 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,520 Speaker 1: Me and my ex broke up about nine months ago. 504 00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,719 Speaker 1: I've been coming to grips with the loss about her 505 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 1: not coming back, but still to this day, every day 506 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,360 Speaker 1: I hurt. I need some advice to move forward. I'm 507 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 1: one hundred percent not ready to go out and date. 508 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: I would say that I still love her, or as 509 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,199 Speaker 1: you say, the thought of her help me please, I 510 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:21,879 Speaker 1: still feel like I'm drowning. Nick, Okay, I'll say this. 511 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,359 Speaker 1: I'll try to keep this concise. I don't mean to 512 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: be unempathetic with this, because I've been through breakups where 513 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cry all the time. 514 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 1: I mean three four five days, losing weight, losing hope, 515 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,480 Speaker 1: like what am I going to do. And I've thought 516 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: about this a lot, Like you said, you've thought about 517 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,120 Speaker 1: this a lot, I would say a few things. First off, 518 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: I think that when a breakup completely shatters you, you 519 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 1: let yourself emotionally surpass the level that that relationship was 520 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: actually at. You didn't guard your heart. That's what That's 521 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: why the bye says above all else, guard your heart. 522 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: You need to be like at the gate with a 523 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: spear like. That's not to say you're going to be distrusting. 524 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: That's not going to say you're going to be disrespectful, 525 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 1: but maybe you'll be a little more cautious before you 526 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 1: say I love you and you look into someone's eyes, 527 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,400 Speaker 1: maybe that's going to be you protecting your heart. In 528 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,520 Speaker 1: terms of the conversations that you're having. Maybe I'm not 529 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,400 Speaker 1: going to talk about how many kids I'm going to have, 530 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 1: or where we're going to live, or wedding plans and 531 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,920 Speaker 1: let myself fall into that prematurely in the next relationship. 532 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 1: And I'm really telling this to people who either are 533 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: single or are early on in a relationship that haven't 534 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: gotten to that point, because it's going to save you 535 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: so much heartache. Don't let yourself get to that point, 536 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 1: especially if you're being physical with someone that you're not 537 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 1: married to. That's why God made sex to literally bond 538 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 1: a husband and a wife together so that they would 539 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: not leave each other, so that they would be chemically 540 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 1: bonded together. And so when you're physical before marriage, that's 541 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: why it makes the breakup so hard. So if you're 542 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,720 Speaker 1: able to keep those boundaries emotionally and physically, it's going 543 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 1: to save you so much down the road. Number two 544 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 1: I would just say, in terms of like practical advice. Okay, Parker, 545 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 1: I already got to this point. I am emotionally shattered, 546 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 1: I cannot eat, I still love her, I can't stop 547 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: thinking about her. Just some practical advice that I would 548 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: say is Number one. Try not to wallow in the past. 549 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 1: Don't think about it. Don't think about all these situations scenarios. 550 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: What could have been. She just told me she loved me, 551 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: and now she just doesn't ever want to see me again. 552 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 1: What the heck? Don't work. Don't try not to wallow 553 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 1: in that. Number two, you don't need closure. Don't go 554 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 1: try to meet up with her. You don't need to 555 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: go get your sweater back from the house. Getting lunch 556 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: with her is not going to solve anything or make 557 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: you feel better. That's just you wanting that relationship back, 558 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: and same thing. If they're wanting that from you, don't 559 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 1: let them give you any excuses to come back. It's 560 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 1: just going to make it harder. Focus on your sleep, 561 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,520 Speaker 1: Focus on your diet, Try to eat healthy, give yourself 562 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 1: some physical activity. If your body's moving, your dopamine's going 563 00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: to be flowing in your brain, you're gonna be feeling better. 564 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,480 Speaker 1: And try to surround yourself with other human beings. Don't 565 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 1: be alone. This is not the time to be a 566 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,479 Speaker 1: lone wolf. That's when the mistakes happen is when you're 567 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: by yourself. You don't like what we were talking about earlier. 568 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: That old part of your brain is just running going, 569 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody again. 570 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:23,719 Speaker 1: You need people who are emotionally unbiased. Going, dude, there 571 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 1: are three point five billion girls in the world. You're 572 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: going to be completely fine. Get involved with the church. 573 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: If you're not, go shake somebody's hand, join a sports team, 574 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: get around people's that's awesome. I'm glad you went practical too, 575 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 1: because the first you know your first point. You know, 576 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,040 Speaker 1: my mind immediately went to what if they were married? 577 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 1: You know, what if they were married and you did 578 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 1: give your full self all in because that we get 579 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: just as many of those questions on this podcast too. Yeah, 580 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: that was that was if you are unmarried, that's when 581 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: you can. If you're married, you are all in, Your 582 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:04,440 Speaker 1: heart's all in, there's no going back. Man. Somehow I 583 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 1: just lost that question. It just disappeared on my phone. Okay, 584 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: but I remember what he said, So this is where 585 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: I would go. I would I would say nine months 586 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,360 Speaker 1: is a long time. Like that's a long time. I 587 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,400 Speaker 1: would guess that the reason it's gone so long is 588 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: you're still perpetuating it somehow in your mind with something 589 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 1: like do you have a folder on your phone of 590 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 1: her pictures? You know, like is there something Is there 591 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: a gift that she gave you for Christmas one year 592 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: and you have it in your closet and you go 593 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 1: touch it every day before you go to sleep, Like 594 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,920 Speaker 1: is there anything connected with her that you are still 595 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 1: perpetuating your brain? You're still training your brain that this 596 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: is still my life, this is still my life. There's 597 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 1: a necklace she gave you and you still wear it. 598 00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: There's those shoes that she bought you a couple of 599 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: years go and you still wear them. Man, if you're 600 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 1: nine months in and you feel like you're drowning, then 601 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,960 Speaker 1: it's it's time to get serious about this. It's time 602 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 1: to get it's time to get serious. I would suggest this. 603 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,960 Speaker 1: I would suggest I would suggest journaling a journal every 604 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 1: morning and Parker. Parker gets a lot of screenshots of 605 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 1: my journals from years ago because they're funny. But you 606 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: could see your progress so well through journaling, and you 607 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,160 Speaker 1: could you can compartmentalize what's going on in your head 608 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 1: through journaling, So I would I would encourage you to 609 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:39,240 Speaker 1: write down what you're thinking, how you're thinking it, and 610 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 1: what triggered it, and then also write down what triggered 611 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: the downfall, so you're gonna it's it's very similar to grief. 612 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,720 Speaker 1: Grief and heartache are like close brothers. Parker and I 613 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 1: were just talking about this. So in grief, you think 614 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: about it in terms of of like a pattern, like 615 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 1: a waveform, and there's a crest and there's the trough, 616 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: and you're always moving. It's grief is never constant, the 617 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:10,360 Speaker 1: same level. Never there's times when you're like, I don't 618 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,919 Speaker 1: feel that bad right now, and then an hour later 619 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 1: you're like, I'm dying. I'm literally dying right now. And 620 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,880 Speaker 1: that's the flow of it. So recognize the flow, Recognize 621 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: where you are in the flow. Are you up? Are 622 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 1: you down? Why are you down? Is that it was 623 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,959 Speaker 1: there a reason, and there might not because the flow 624 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,880 Speaker 1: just continues to happen. But nine months in, you're still hurting. 625 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: You're doing something. You're doing something to keep your brain attached. 626 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 1: So go through and start writing this down. And I'm serious, man, 627 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: I'm serious. I think you're looking at a picture on 628 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 1: your phone. I think you're you're wearing a necklace or 629 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 1: a ring. I think you're maybe you're living in the 630 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,759 Speaker 1: same apartment where you guys lived. Move out, dude, it's 631 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,080 Speaker 1: time to change apartments. It's you have a dog that 632 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,720 Speaker 1: you got with her. It's time to give the dog away. 633 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,280 Speaker 1: It's time to start erasing this because you're not getting well. 634 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,400 Speaker 1: Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity 635 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,560 Speaker 1: Because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine months, 636 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 1: and it's it's just time. It's time for you to 637 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart. 638 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: So put your heart aside because your heart, your heart 639 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:21,399 Speaker 1: is giving you that animalistic idea of lost mate, need 640 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 1: find and breed like that. That's what your heart is 641 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,440 Speaker 1: telling you, and your brain needs to go, Okay, I 642 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,520 Speaker 1: need to I need to figure out what is happening. 643 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: Parker said. Some great things community, stay around, community, nourishment, 644 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:43,320 Speaker 1: keep nourished. Exercise could help facility facilitate the nourishment. Stay 645 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 1: in light. I was just in Alaska and it was 646 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,799 Speaker 1: dark for three days and all of us that my 647 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,320 Speaker 1: whole band and crew were missing the sunshine because humans 648 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: need light. That starts playing tricks on your brain when 649 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: you're in darkness. So make sure you got the shades open. Hey, 650 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: spend some and go to Florida and take a couple 651 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 1: buddies and you guys, go to Pensacola or whatever and 652 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 1: get some sunshine with your buddies and set out, go 653 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,960 Speaker 1: to some restaurant where you're sitting on a pier and 654 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 1: you get a cold beer with your buddies and the 655 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: sun is just blasting you. And then tell me, tell 656 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: me in that moment if you're still drowning in that moment, 657 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: because I promise you you're gonna find these patterns your 658 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,480 Speaker 1: brain is in and you're gonna be able to defeat it. 659 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 1: But only if you recognize search yourself and recognize what 660 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 1: you're thinking and what you're feeling, and write it down 661 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: and calculate it like it's a serious problem. Cool. I agreed. Okay, 662 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 1: here's another one subject line many issues family, God and relationships. 663 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,759 Speaker 1: Dear mister Smith, I'm seventeen years old. I would like 664 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,239 Speaker 1: to remain anonymous. My biggest question regarding issues with my 665 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,960 Speaker 1: is regarding issues with my father and my mother. They've 666 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 1: been split up for a while now, but I could 667 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:05,959 Speaker 1: always I can't always pick sides. How could I help 668 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 1: myself in this situation? Also, I was wondering how I 669 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,400 Speaker 1: could work on my work ethic because my grandfather is 670 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 1: very sick and I cannot balance school and ranch as 671 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,080 Speaker 1: easily as I want to. My second question is about God. 672 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,600 Speaker 1: I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't attend 673 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,480 Speaker 1: CCD as regularly as I wish. Is there any way 674 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,480 Speaker 1: I could help with this, as well as anything else 675 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,080 Speaker 1: I struggle with. My last question is my inability to 676 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:35,000 Speaker 1: maintain a relationship that is healthy. I try to help 677 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 1: anyone I can. I try to help my grandfather and schoolwork, 678 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: and I can't keep up. I can't fit the time 679 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,400 Speaker 1: to talk to anyone to get to know them. But 680 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,759 Speaker 1: things talk about girls here. Either they don't like any 681 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 1: of my ideas or this or that, or she refuses 682 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 1: to let me use any type of methods to relieve 683 00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: my stress. I'm not sure what that means. Sure as 684 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 1: a pickaxe and beat, not a hay bill. All right, 685 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,319 Speaker 1: what other ways can I release my stress? Okay, I'm 686 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,279 Speaker 1: gonna stop there, Anonymous. This is what I feel like 687 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,960 Speaker 1: when I read you. When I'm reading your email, I 688 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 1: feel like this is what you told me. Dude. I 689 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 1: have this fe this sharp pain in my kidney and 690 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,719 Speaker 1: it's like crushing me. And every time I walk, I 691 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,760 Speaker 1: feel a sharp pain and it's moving around. And also 692 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,400 Speaker 1: I have my lower spine there is this pinching and 693 00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 1: it grabs my muscle. And then also my last thing 694 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 1: is there's something that my headaches are getting worse, and 695 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: every time I wake up, my headaches are worse. And 696 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: also I don't ever go to the doctor. So how 697 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 1: can you help me like I feel like that? That's 698 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:51,080 Speaker 1: the question, right, Summed up like, Bro, you're you're sick 699 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:55,799 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, and and full respect to you, 700 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,919 Speaker 1: you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and you're 701 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,279 Speaker 1: not going to the doctor. How do I know? Because 702 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: you said it right here. I don't pray, I don't 703 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 1: attend church, I don't go to CCD. Is there any 704 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 1: way I could help with this? Go to any of it? 705 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 1: Start today. It's like someone that wants to get into jogging. 706 00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,000 Speaker 1: How do you start jogging? You know you want a jog, 707 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,279 Speaker 1: you know you need a jog for your health. How 708 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,839 Speaker 1: do you start by putting on your shoes? Like you 709 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,799 Speaker 1: put on your shoes and you tie them up. That's 710 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:33,200 Speaker 1: how you start. So the same thing, man, how do 711 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 1: I pray? Will get down on your knees and start 712 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:41,920 Speaker 1: and you say, God, it's me. I don't know. I 713 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,480 Speaker 1: haven't I haven't spoken to you in a long time. 714 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 1: But I'm coming to you because I'm struggling and I've 715 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: got a lot of issues. I'm struggling with my mom 716 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:56,560 Speaker 1: and dad and my grandfather and balance in school and 717 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,080 Speaker 1: ranch work, and I don't know what to do. I 718 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,839 Speaker 1: don't have anywhere to turn, and so I'm coming to you. 719 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start doing this daily, multiple times a day. 720 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: And when I think about struggling, I'm going to you. 721 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it to you. And then you go in. 722 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,839 Speaker 1: You open up your Bible, say John one. I'm reading 723 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: John right now. So that's where I'll go. John one, 724 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,719 Speaker 1: Open it up, John one one. Start there. I'm gonna 725 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,520 Speaker 1: read one paragraph in the morning. One paragraph. You're gonna 726 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:30,800 Speaker 1: start small and start digging into that. So instead of saying, 727 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,280 Speaker 1: I've got this pain in my back, it's like pinching, 728 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 1: so I think I'm gonna try a band aid. No, dude, 729 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 1: you need to go to a doctor that looks at 730 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 1: your spine. That pain you have in your side, you 731 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,279 Speaker 1: need to go to a specialist that has an X 732 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 1: ray that looks inside. Don't try to fix it with 733 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,719 Speaker 1: anything else. So I'm not gonna try to fix it 734 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:54,839 Speaker 1: with you and your question any other way besides the 735 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,920 Speaker 1: main question. You're sick. It's time to go to the doctor. 736 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,680 Speaker 1: In other words, it's time to start praying to God. 737 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,400 Speaker 1: What would you say if if someone's listening to that 738 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,840 Speaker 1: and going grangel, what does God have to do with 739 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:15,080 Speaker 1: any of this? He asked it. I don't have time 740 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,000 Speaker 1: for my work. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I can't find 741 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,160 Speaker 1: a girlfriend, I'm not happy on my own, I'm discontent. 742 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,239 Speaker 1: But what does God have anything to do with that? Like, 743 00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,440 Speaker 1: I need real life solution. You're talking about someone that's 744 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,760 Speaker 1: listening because he asked it. Specifically, you're talking about another 745 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,399 Speaker 1: listener that wouldn't have asked that. Yes, someone who hears 746 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:38,279 Speaker 1: that and goes, what does God have to do with that? Well? 747 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,680 Speaker 1: Why is? Why is why is the Why is God 748 00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 1: the doctor in that situation that's going to that's going 749 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 1: to solve the rest of it? Why is that going 750 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,840 Speaker 1: to be the first domino? Do you think? Well, the 751 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:58,840 Speaker 1: only way to heal the human heart is by going 752 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:06,160 Speaker 1: to the one that created it. Just like if you 753 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,120 Speaker 1: have a serious computer problem in your Ford truck, the 754 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:14,440 Speaker 1: only one that could fix it is the manufacturer that 755 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,359 Speaker 1: created it. Why Because they know the blueprints of it 756 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,800 Speaker 1: and so they know how to fix the computer problem 757 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:26,840 Speaker 1: in your Ford truck. And Joe at the body shop 758 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,040 Speaker 1: down the street can't do it. You can't sit there 759 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 1: on YouTube and do it. If it's a serious computer problem, 760 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,520 Speaker 1: only the manufacturer can do it. And so when we 761 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,960 Speaker 1: look at ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, are 762 00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:45,440 Speaker 1: our depression, our anxiety, our stress, and every other human 763 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: problem that we all share. The only one that could 764 00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,640 Speaker 1: fix it is the one that created it. And you 765 00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:56,480 Speaker 1: realize that your body was created for a purpose and 766 00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:03,920 Speaker 1: a very intricate, complicated, mysterious, perfect way by a creator. 767 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,839 Speaker 1: Unless you think you came from Amba's unless you think 768 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 1: you came literally from some kind of bacteria, And if 769 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,719 Speaker 1: you do, If you think you came from some kind 770 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,560 Speaker 1: of bacteria, then in all due respect, I would say 771 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 1: good luck with that. Then I can't help you in 772 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,840 Speaker 1: your question. I can't help you in any of this stuff. 773 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,880 Speaker 1: But if you're coming to me saying my question is 774 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,880 Speaker 1: about God, I don't pray. I would say, you're driving 775 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,799 Speaker 1: around in a pickup truck with a blown computer that 776 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,640 Speaker 1: keeps throwing your transmission out of whack, and you're not 777 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 1: going to the dealership. Pull it into the dealership and 778 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,480 Speaker 1: say take it it's yours. You made it. Please, whatever 779 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,040 Speaker 1: it takes. I need my truck back. Look at it. 780 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,879 Speaker 1: Dig into this, please. You made it, You know how 781 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:56,040 Speaker 1: to do it, you have the blueprint. I don't That 782 00:43:56,120 --> 00:44:00,880 Speaker 1: was great. It reminds me of a John Piper sermon 783 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 1: I watched the other day where in Jeremiah, God the 784 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 1: Father is saying, I have the flowing water of life. 785 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,200 Speaker 1: I have the wellspring of life, and they've turned their 786 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:14,920 Speaker 1: backs on it and they're digging wells with where the 787 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,360 Speaker 1: water doesn't hold. It just flows right through it. And 788 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,319 Speaker 1: so he's like, the ultimate evil is not just the 789 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:27,960 Speaker 1: murder and the theft and the adultery, it's fundamentally the 790 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,200 Speaker 1: cause of all those evils is you turning your back 791 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,040 Speaker 1: and saying you can take a trip. Creator. I'm gonna 792 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,800 Speaker 1: suck on this dirt and I'm gonna dig here because 793 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,600 Speaker 1: I think I can find the solution right here in 794 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,239 Speaker 1: this dirt. And then I'm gonna die and I'm gonna 795 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,040 Speaker 1: hate you forever. When he's just like, I have it. 796 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:52,320 Speaker 1: I made you, Yeah, I have the answer. Yeah. What's crazy, 797 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:59,600 Speaker 1: Anonymous here is that we have a roadmap to our lives. 798 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:04,320 Speaker 1: Have the construct, the instruction manual. It's called the Bible, 799 00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:09,440 Speaker 1: and it is laid out beautifully and and concisely and 800 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:14,439 Speaker 1: very understandable, and you could dive into it at any 801 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,200 Speaker 1: at any point really, and you could dive into your 802 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:21,480 Speaker 1: your own personal instruction manual, and go Okay, if I 803 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,600 Speaker 1: if I think this way, if I if I position 804 00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,080 Speaker 1: my heart this way, if I humble myself this way, 805 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,000 Speaker 1: and I believe this way, and then I see the 806 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:38,320 Speaker 1: results of this, then things will slowly start becoming more clear. 807 00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:42,640 Speaker 1: I'll slowly start feeling more joy, more peace, more love, 808 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:47,160 Speaker 1: more contentment, more happiness. And we could start the list 809 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,360 Speaker 1: of of the results of this, of people that have 810 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:53,640 Speaker 1: experienced this, But you really have to do it yourself. 811 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,560 Speaker 1: And I would say, I would say, right off the bat, 812 00:45:56,840 --> 00:46:00,239 Speaker 1: your first step. Your first step is when you to 813 00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,920 Speaker 1: this podcast, you hit your knees and then you be 814 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 1: as casual as you can and go God, I'm so 815 00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:10,759 Speaker 1: sorry that I have turned my back on you. I 816 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,360 Speaker 1: have these problems mounting, but you created me, and you 817 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,319 Speaker 1: know you know how to how you know how to 818 00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,839 Speaker 1: guide me through these problems. You're not gonna eliminate them 819 00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,000 Speaker 1: from me, you're not gonna wipe them out of my life, 820 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: but you're gonna guide me through it and then give 821 00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,360 Speaker 1: me peace through it and guard my heart and mind 822 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:33,359 Speaker 1: through it. And your second step is go to church 823 00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:37,759 Speaker 1: on Sunday. Just show up whatever you're wearing. Just show up. 824 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,399 Speaker 1: Sit down, hey, sit down on the back, sit down 825 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:45,920 Speaker 1: on the very back, and just know I'm here, I'm present, 826 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,279 Speaker 1: I'm showing up. I've got too many problems to not 827 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,120 Speaker 1: And if you're thinking this at seventeen, what do you 828 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,200 Speaker 1: think you're gonna think when you're twenty seven? What do 829 00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,960 Speaker 1: you think you're gonna think when you're thirty seven? Just 830 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,600 Speaker 1: saying you think these problems are gonna start going away 831 00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,759 Speaker 1: and you're gonna figure it out by the time you're 832 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,279 Speaker 1: twenty or do you think they're gonna start compounding and 833 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:09,279 Speaker 1: getting worse. That's my question to you. Your grandfather, your 834 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 1: grandfather's sick. Is he still gonna be sick when you're 835 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,680 Speaker 1: twenty seven thirty seven? No, he's not going to be here. 836 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:25,720 Speaker 1: Then what are you gonna do? That's another question for you. Okay, 837 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:32,760 Speaker 1: moving on, take a break. Wow, the subjecline here is military. Hello, 838 00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,680 Speaker 1: mister Smith. My name is Tanner Moore. I live in 839 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,360 Speaker 1: Post Falls, Idaho. I'm seventeen thinking about joining the military. 840 00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,880 Speaker 1: I come from a very religious family. Do you have 841 00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:44,440 Speaker 1: any thoughts on this? I don't if he should join 842 00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:48,440 Speaker 1: the military. Yeah, it's the classic idea of should I 843 00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,919 Speaker 1: join something so violent that has potential of killing. Oh, 844 00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,280 Speaker 1: he's saying that that could I think that's what he's thinking. 845 00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,160 Speaker 1: What do you think about that? It's it's very justified 846 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,960 Speaker 1: biblically to be a military, Yeah, law enforcement military. I 847 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:07,000 Speaker 1: mean greater love. There is no greater love than this 848 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,279 Speaker 1: than the lay down your life for your friends. Like 849 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,600 Speaker 1: that's that's one of the first things. Like that's what 850 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,359 Speaker 1: police officers get tattooed on them. There is no greater 851 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,840 Speaker 1: love than laying your life down for your friends. Would 852 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:22,560 Speaker 1: you say that's if your country is is fighting for 853 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,359 Speaker 1: the right cause, because there could be a situation where 854 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,480 Speaker 1: it was it wouldn't be justified, right, I think. So, 855 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:32,279 Speaker 1: it's it's important to remember, you know ten commandments do 856 00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:37,040 Speaker 1: not murder. Well, it's it's commonly misunderstood is do not kill. 857 00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:41,920 Speaker 1: But killing is justified in the right way. It's murder, 858 00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,000 Speaker 1: that's not Yeah. So if your your motive is everything, 859 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,920 Speaker 1: motive is everything. If you're in the military and and 860 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,799 Speaker 1: you have to kill somebody, you're not breaking a law here, 861 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:55,279 Speaker 1: you're not breaking a biblical law. It's murder. It's the 862 00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,880 Speaker 1: it's the evil intent of murder. That's the problem. So Tanner, 863 00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,000 Speaker 1: I would send you, I would send you go straight 864 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,800 Speaker 1: to YouTube with this. I mean, there are some really 865 00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:10,680 Speaker 1: beautiful sermons and videos of people explaining, whether it's law 866 00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:16,799 Speaker 1: enforcement or military, the honorable position to take to take 867 00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:21,840 Speaker 1: your faith into the military and to do it in 868 00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:25,480 Speaker 1: a very faithful, honorable way to God and be a warrior. 869 00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,719 Speaker 1: And then look in the Bible. There's so many warriors 870 00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,880 Speaker 1: your subject line, you know, military, There's so many warriors 871 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,600 Speaker 1: starting with David. Go read go read David all through Samuel. 872 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,880 Speaker 1: I mean, the dude was a warrior, and he was faithful, 873 00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:44,400 Speaker 1: and he was honorable. So yeah, absolutely. I would also say, 874 00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,799 Speaker 1: and this is saying I was okay, I'll say two 875 00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:54,719 Speaker 1: of my best friends are marine pilots, and I have 876 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,279 Speaker 1: an amazing respect for the military. I think it could 877 00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,520 Speaker 1: be an amazing option for you. And then I would 878 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:04,719 Speaker 1: also just say, be aware of the foundational desire of 879 00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:09,560 Speaker 1: a man, young man's heart to want respect and to 880 00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,000 Speaker 1: want to stand for something greater than himself. Not saying 881 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,919 Speaker 1: that women don't have that, but fundamentally, men have this 882 00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,719 Speaker 1: desire when there's a war, when there's conflict, to be 883 00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,239 Speaker 1: honored to be respected to they like, I need to 884 00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:25,480 Speaker 1: be in that. I need to be a part of that. 885 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,440 Speaker 1: I need to be putting my life in that. And 886 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,160 Speaker 1: so ask yourself, am I trying to find my ultimate 887 00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,600 Speaker 1: meaning as a human being through my military service? Because 888 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,040 Speaker 1: there's a lot of old kernels in generals that have 889 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,040 Speaker 1: a lot of respect in the military, but they don't 890 00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,960 Speaker 1: have a relationship with Christ. And so make sure that 891 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:48,319 Speaker 1: you're fundamentally getting your identity from from God and not 892 00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,399 Speaker 1: just filling that void with military service. Not to say 893 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:55,040 Speaker 1: that you can't do both, but it's just something to 894 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,200 Speaker 1: be aware of. Yeah. Absolutely, I would say go for it, brother, 895 00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,680 Speaker 1: go for it wholeheartedly. It's a great career and you're 896 00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:07,120 Speaker 1: going to inspire so many and ultimately you're you're protecting 897 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:10,840 Speaker 1: me and my family and and we owe you that debt. 898 00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,160 Speaker 1: So I hope that you do, and I hope you 899 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:16,640 Speaker 1: don't have any kind of hang ups with it because 900 00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:21,480 Speaker 1: of a religious family. Also understand that when you say 901 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:26,200 Speaker 1: religious family, you might not mean Christianity, So there's that 902 00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,239 Speaker 1: it might be. My only point was I remember, like 903 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,640 Speaker 1: three or four years ago, I was definitely going to 904 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,400 Speaker 1: go into the marine, Corps and I and I looking back, 905 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,399 Speaker 1: was trying to find some sort of meaning from my 906 00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,840 Speaker 1: life that I think that I am in a better 907 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,800 Speaker 1: spot where God needs me now, not being the military. 908 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,719 Speaker 1: Not to say that I couldn't find purpose doing that, 909 00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,400 Speaker 1: and I think it would have been amazing, But I 910 00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,040 Speaker 1: was trying to fill a void with the military at 911 00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,560 Speaker 1: that at that time in my life that can only 912 00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,400 Speaker 1: be filled through God. That's that's great. I forgot. I 913 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:05,000 Speaker 1: forgot about that, and then we stole you away for eeg. Yeah, 914 00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,719 Speaker 1: so many good questions here today and so many more 915 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,640 Speaker 1: in the inbox that we can't get to because we're 916 00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:14,000 Speaker 1: out of time. But thank you guys for listening. Grangersmith 917 00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:16,279 Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Shoot me an email, we'll 918 00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,360 Speaker 1: put it here in the list and we'll see you 919 00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,840 Speaker 1: next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. 920 00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,360 Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me 921 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:28,000 Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, 922 00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:31,480 Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and 923 00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:35,320 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 924 00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:37,840 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 925 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,879 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at 926 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,319 Speaker 1: gmail dot com, yig