Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky Glazer, here's Nikki Yeah popping
Speaker 1: that ZeVA. Hi guys, Nicky Glazer here, I am welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. It's Thursday on the Nicki Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 1: Coming to you straight from St. Louis. Um by Curious
Speaker 1: from St. Louis. I should say, um, Andrew Collins in
Speaker 1: the next room with his uh with his girlfriend Brenna.
Speaker 1: Miss you so much, Brenna. UM, I just missed her
Speaker 1: when I leave the room. She got into town yesterday.
Speaker 1: We had a really fun hang last night with the family.
Speaker 1: UM My parents came over, Kirsten was here. We went
Speaker 1: on Instagram live. Maybe some of you saw that. If
Speaker 1: you missed it, it's because you don't follow Nicki Glazer
Speaker 1: pod on Instagram. We had a good freaking time on there.
Speaker 1: It's been a while since we've done a live on there,
Speaker 1: but we gotta bring him back. I've just been so
Speaker 1: bzzy that it's um I haven't thought to do it,
Speaker 1: but I love going live on there. It's just it's
Speaker 1: so much. I don't even go live on my own ever.
Speaker 1: I don't think. I just love giving it right to
Speaker 1: the besties. How are you all doing out? There. Noah,
Speaker 1: how are you today? I'm good? Wait? Why did you
Speaker 1: swit your eyes like that? Was I? Did I seem
Speaker 1: not well yesterday? No? It did make it sound like
Speaker 1: I was like concerned about you and like it was
Speaker 1: like based on some kind of information. What kind of
Speaker 1: vibes am I putting it out? Asked you yesterday? How
Speaker 1: are you? How have you We've been so like, just
Speaker 1: get in here, record no kind of pleasantries, boom boom
Speaker 1: done go, Like there's been no um interaction because I've
Speaker 1: just been running around. How have you been lately? Um?
Speaker 1: You know, I was trying to I was thinking about
Speaker 1: it yesterday. I've just been feeling very unmotivated and Obvio
Speaker 1: asked me, He's like, are you depressed? And I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm depressed. I'm not suppressed. And then I've just
Speaker 1: kind of like had that in my mind, like am
Speaker 1: I depressed over something? And like I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: out why I just don't feel motivated? You know, what
Speaker 1: is there something on your mind that you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I get that done? Is this the thing that you
Speaker 1: would have spent a hundred thousand dollars on yesterday? Like?
Speaker 1: How stuff? Maybe that's adding to my depression because of
Speaker 1: like a big burden. But um, I just don't feel
Speaker 1: motivated to do anything extra, like even with jiu jitsu,
Speaker 1: I'm not like in it like I was two years ago.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like going and exploring Tucson, you know,
Speaker 1: like I don't. I'm not doing this the things that
Speaker 1: I enjoyed before. I don't know what I like. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know the symptoms of depression on a zolof to dad,
Speaker 1: are you enjoying things you once enjoyed? Are your family
Speaker 1: members asking if you're depressed? No, it's I mean whenever
Speaker 1: I kind of feel depressed, Like there's always symptoms where
Speaker 1: you go, why do I feel fat today? And like
Speaker 1: it's why do I Why am I comparing myself more?
Speaker 1: Why am I getting in? Why why am I not curious?
Speaker 1: I feel like that is a sign of it, of
Speaker 1: like not being curious about the world. And I think
Speaker 1: that's a symptom of depression, Like, um, like you're not
Speaker 1: wanting to explore Tucson or just are you just tired? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel so like burnt out. I think same, yeah,
Speaker 1: and fe guilty over seas and then the guilt doesn't
Speaker 1: help anything because more sad and yeah, I mean the
Speaker 1: guilt is like, uh, I think that's a definite like
Speaker 1: like that the guilt causes so much of the feeling
Speaker 1: that we're feeling guilty about. It's just such a self
Speaker 1: fulfilling thing, you know, Yes, like never have I felt
Speaker 1: guilty and felt better for feeling guilty, you know. Like
Speaker 1: I think it's we feel guilty so we can feel
Speaker 1: like we were acknowledging that we're what we're doing is wrong,
Speaker 1: so that it lifts some of the burden of being wrong,
Speaker 1: because if you're just in denial of it, that's not good.
Speaker 1: But it's like it's less about feeling like guilty. Whenever
Speaker 1: people feel guilty, I'm just like, I mean, what what
Speaker 1: does that give you? It just gives you. It just
Speaker 1: adds to it. It never solved anything, And I know
Speaker 1: that's just easier said of like anxiety has never made
Speaker 1: someone like worrying about something doesn't solve it. Sometimes it
Speaker 1: does because you like think about it a lot and
Speaker 1: then you figure it out, I guess. But the guilt
Speaker 1: is is like you have the guilt of like I'm
Speaker 1: being lazy. I mean, I feel like that's what everything
Speaker 1: comes back to is like, especially for Americans, I think
Speaker 1: we're just so scared of feeling lazy. It's because what
Speaker 1: what what do you have guilt over of not exploring
Speaker 1: Tucson like or whatever. It is. So for me, it's
Speaker 1: like feeling guilty over the possibility of being depressed. Like,
Speaker 1: m I I have it really really good right now
Speaker 1: in my life that I should not like feel depress
Speaker 1: you know, I just deserve to feel depressed because I
Speaker 1: don't deserve it. Yeah, I write that a lot, but
Speaker 1: it's almost like, you know, depressions like a cold, like
Speaker 1: you caught your it's not your fault, and it's like
Speaker 1: in your brain and it's and yeah, there are things
Speaker 1: you could be doing to get out of it. Oh,
Speaker 1: go for a walk outside, meditate, call a friend, like
Speaker 1: there's all these like things you could do, but sometimes
Speaker 1: those things are too difficult to do, and a symptom
Speaker 1: of the sickness that you have or like the little
Speaker 1: about your going through is not being able to do
Speaker 1: those things, you know, Like it's it's like asking someone
Speaker 1: who has a cold just breathe clearly through your nose.
Speaker 1: That's the same as telling a depressed person just go
Speaker 1: for a walk outside or you know, and I think
Speaker 1: just with mental illness things, it just seems like so like, well,
Speaker 1: you have legs at work and there is outside and
Speaker 1: it's not raining, just do that and it's just or
Speaker 1: take a shower, or get out of bed and make
Speaker 1: your bed. Like those things are just as difficult as like,
Speaker 1: you know, telling someone who has a broken leg just
Speaker 1: walk on it. But but it's it's it's nearly impossible.
Speaker 1: So it's like I would say, forgive yourself. I would
Speaker 1: say that I think you should be allowed to say
Speaker 1: that you're depressed even though your life is good, but
Speaker 1: on paper, um, because I don't know, you know what,
Speaker 1: I think a lot. And I hate I hate saying
Speaker 1: it's PMS for me um sometimes because that takes that
Speaker 1: kind of makes men not be able to have that excuse,
Speaker 1: or it makes it feels like you're just giving an excuse.
Speaker 1: And then when you feel depressed and you're not I'm
Speaker 1: about to start your period, you're like, well then it's
Speaker 1: just me being wrong. But like anything that is you,
Speaker 1: you can't you don't want to be depressed, like if
Speaker 1: you could like check a box and like tomorrow it's
Speaker 1: like wake up depressed or not, you would like check
Speaker 1: the box that said not depressed. Like no one wants
Speaker 1: to be depressed. I mean some people do, maybe because
Speaker 1: sometimes they get depressed. And I do want to stay
Speaker 1: depressed because I feel like it's my depression makes me
Speaker 1: feel like I'm seeing things the way they are because
Speaker 1: it's often a very negative outlook. The world is ending,
Speaker 1: you know, climate change, what's the point We're all gonna die?
Speaker 1: Nothing matters, Like I feel like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: see things like so clearly, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: be happy and delusional and walk around like nothing's wrong
Speaker 1: when everything is wrong, Like I don't want to be
Speaker 1: one of the sheep. So sometimes I fight it because
Speaker 1: it just feels right. But um but I don't think
Speaker 1: anyone wants to feel depressed. So that's it's. It's just
Speaker 1: so hard when things aren't a physical like manifestation of
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and when you're just like I can't
Speaker 1: I can't track the source of it because you even said,
Speaker 1: you go, what's going on in my life right now
Speaker 1: that's making me depressed? And sometimes it is nothing. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just a hormone change that is like at a
Speaker 1: molecular level, and you don't have anything, you don't have
Speaker 1: any say over it, or you wouldn't be able to
Speaker 1: see it or point at it. But I definitely feel
Speaker 1: that way about um. Yeah, lately, I've just felt what
Speaker 1: was I doing last night? That was just some I've
Speaker 1: just felt I did the same fucking thing last night. No,
Speaker 1: I was such a I was kind of a brat
Speaker 1: to my parents, which is just you know, their cameras
Speaker 1: filming me, and after my parents leave, like the people
Speaker 1: with the cameras are like, that was great. I mean,
Speaker 1: you didn't even need to say anything. We can see
Speaker 1: it on your face how annoyed you were. And I
Speaker 1: was just like, I'm gonna come off like such a
Speaker 1: twat in some of these things because my and I've
Speaker 1: always felt that way, like when I get like Braddy
Speaker 1: with my parents my friends who are like on paper,
Speaker 1: your parents are great, they're so cool, they're so nice,
Speaker 1: they're fun, But to me, they don't see the little
Speaker 1: things like they're my parents, so they're super annoying. And
Speaker 1: last night Kirsten was like, no, you know, if people
Speaker 1: end up seeing this thing and they judge you for
Speaker 1: being a brat to your parents, they'll understand that everyone's
Speaker 1: like your own parents make you crazy, no matter how
Speaker 1: good they are. But the thing is, I don't agree
Speaker 1: with that. Like, even though we all know that, we
Speaker 1: still think, well, if I had her parents, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be like that, because I you know, when we're talking
Speaker 1: about it yesterday, my friend Sarah Lena the girl like I.
Speaker 1: Even though I know that her life, she still has insecurities.
Speaker 1: I've heard them. I still secretly think if I were her,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have those if I had Nikki's parents. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm addict to my parents, but and I know
Speaker 1: that everyone is it has triggers with their parents. I
Speaker 1: don't think people are kind of um empathetic enough to
Speaker 1: understand that. So I think I just come off looking
Speaker 1: like a bit. But I was asking my mom to
Speaker 1: tell me why, because they were we were all like
Speaker 1: freestyling a song about me moving back to St. Louis
Speaker 1: or whatever, which already feels self indulgent that we're all
Speaker 1: talking about me. But that's kind of like the It's
Speaker 1: just it's uncomfortable to have this thing, these cameras around me,
Speaker 1: because all the conversation kind of has to be about me,
Speaker 1: and I'm already like worried I'm a narcissist and all
Speaker 1: these things, and now you know, I have people being like, hey, um,
Speaker 1: can you talk about the pressures of Hollywood as a
Speaker 1: female comic? And I'm like, my parents don't want to
Speaker 1: hear about me shifting it to like so in l A,
Speaker 1: I really feel like it's just like I just have
Speaker 1: to steer the conversation back to myself all the time,
Speaker 1: and it just feels so self indulgent. I bet people
Speaker 1: that watched whatever might the cameras might be capturing might
Speaker 1: thank god, she is really full of herself. So last
Speaker 1: night we were singing about my return to St. Louis
Speaker 1: and I want to know what you think about this.
Speaker 1: My mom kept going like, we're so glad to have
Speaker 1: you back, like we're just like She's just like, we
Speaker 1: love having Nikki back. And I just kept going why,
Speaker 1: Like I just want to detail, like why. And I
Speaker 1: wasn't saying that to be like I don't trust that
Speaker 1: you do, because I know they do, but like why
Speaker 1: and she's like, because it's just great having you back,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like that's not an answer, and so
Speaker 1: I kept going why, and then it led to like
Speaker 1: when then we joked because it's because I bought her
Speaker 1: a car and that was funny, and then I just
Speaker 1: kept Then it got to be like I almost got offended,
Speaker 1: Like can you give me one answer that you like
Speaker 1: having me around? Because what I the conclusion I came
Speaker 1: to was like they're like it's fun having you around.
Speaker 1: I'm like again, um, way, like in what like is
Speaker 1: that weird of me to want a specific I know
Speaker 1: that's crazy, but I just want to know, like why,
Speaker 1: Like last yesterday, my mom we went to go get botox,
Speaker 1: which is the whole other thing, but we went to
Speaker 1: go get botox and my mom got like filler, which
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of her. It was like so weird
Speaker 1: and exciting. She's so cute when she got done. She's adorable,
Speaker 1: but and she's never had anything on her face before,
Speaker 1: you know, any work done, and you know, um, this
Speaker 1: was kind of she wouldn't have done this had we
Speaker 1: not been participating in whatever thing we're doing. And um,
Speaker 1: she looked at me yesterday we were like kind of
Speaker 1: close up waiting for, you know, something to be set up,
Speaker 1: and she was like, what are on your teeth? And
Speaker 1: I go the attachments from her own visilin like these
Speaker 1: little like plastic dots and she goes, what what is that?
Speaker 1: And I go, that's my visilance. She goes, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's no, it's not and I go, yes it is,
Speaker 1: and she go I go, I have had these on
Speaker 1: my teeth for six years and she's like no, and
Speaker 1: I go, mom, yes, and she was I have never said,
Speaker 1: I go, you've never looked at me like I just
Speaker 1: don't and it's not like I just don't think and
Speaker 1: and like okay. So like after we shot this, or
Speaker 1: like after these cameras where you're the people with the
Speaker 1: cameras came in and we're kind of like debriefing, like
Speaker 1: I said, and they're like, oh my god, that was
Speaker 1: so amazing you guys working out like your family issues
Speaker 1: and song blah blah blah. And I was like, isn't
Speaker 1: it interesting? She could not. I mean, and I kept
Speaker 1: bringing we kept laughing, like she had no reason for
Speaker 1: why she liked having me home, and then I would
Speaker 1: literally go no, I'm serious, like why like give me
Speaker 1: one reason do you like me? She like couldn't come
Speaker 1: up with one, and I was like, an example might
Speaker 1: be you're funny um, she goes, why do you like
Speaker 1: being with us? And I go because we like the
Speaker 1: same TV and you guys make me laugh at how
Speaker 1: you take it apart with me, because you um make
Speaker 1: really delicious food, because you guys are both hilarious, because
Speaker 1: you are both UM. And then I really couldn't come
Speaker 1: up with reasons because I'm like, we don't really I
Speaker 1: like talking like serious things with people. I don't like
Speaker 1: having like surface conversations. And I realized that like my
Speaker 1: parents just like surface kind of taking, so I don't
Speaker 1: think we really know each other. So then I wanted
Speaker 1: to play a game where if Andrew or my parents
Speaker 1: know me better, and I think Andrew would win, and
Speaker 1: so um, I bought a game from Uncommon Goods, one
Speaker 1: of our sponsors, called the Best Friends Game, and just
Speaker 1: it's kind of those questions of like, who knows me better?
Speaker 1: And I guess it is very self serving to be like,
Speaker 1: let's do a game about me what you know? But
Speaker 1: there's some part of me. Do you ever feel like
Speaker 1: no one like your parents don't know you, or like
Speaker 1: don't really care about the detail of your life? Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, yes. If I had to ask my dad
Speaker 1: the same question. He would just respond with either you're
Speaker 1: good or like okay, Like that's as emotional as he
Speaker 1: can get. And that's why I don't understand when they
Speaker 1: want to hang out with me. I go, why if
Speaker 1: because you made me? That's not a good enough reason,
Speaker 1: Like because like at least they want to hang out
Speaker 1: with you. Yeah, they that's a good point, all right,
Speaker 1: Well at least I have that, But like it needs
Speaker 1: to go beyond that. Like for I was even talking
Speaker 1: to Andrew about this other day. I don't I don't understand.
Speaker 1: You know, this was kind of going off of our
Speaker 1: conversation about having guests, say, and a lot of times
Speaker 1: guests are just family members that are coming through town,
Speaker 1: like ants or cousins. Wild wild opinion here. I don't
Speaker 1: think I should have to go hang out with answer
Speaker 1: cousins just because I'm related to them by blood. I
Speaker 1: don't think that it should be required. I if I'm
Speaker 1: an adult woman, if I don't really have much in
Speaker 1: common with my aunt or uncle or my cousin, and
Speaker 1: I don't like care to like them, I don't just
Speaker 1: because there's some blood that we both share or like
Speaker 1: lineage or whatever. I unless I want to, I don't
Speaker 1: think I should have to. I'm tired of this like
Speaker 1: familial like duty because like, well he's your uncle. Okay,
Speaker 1: so your mom had sex one more time and made
Speaker 1: another kid, and now I have to go to a
Speaker 1: lunch where I don't and then I hang out with
Speaker 1: these people and they don't ask anything about me. They
Speaker 1: have no interest in my life. They don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about anything real. It's like, what did we do
Speaker 1: this for? I could have listened to a podcast where
Speaker 1: someone shared more. I could have listened, you know, like
Speaker 1: I could have taken a nap where I learned more
Speaker 1: about myself or about you, Like at least in a nap,
Speaker 1: I might have dreamt that we got we had an
Speaker 1: interesting conversation. This is fucking torture. I just don't understand
Speaker 1: why people want. I think people want to do things
Speaker 1: so that they can say they did them, and it's
Speaker 1: not really about the experience. It's saying I went to
Speaker 1: lunch with my niece, I I am a good aunt,
Speaker 1: or I'm a good uncle, or I'm a good niece
Speaker 1: or nephew. And it's like that's not enough reason unless
Speaker 1: these were getting real enjoyment out of this, Like I
Speaker 1: like seeing my parents because I like they are funny
Speaker 1: and they're smart and interesting, and I like hearing their
Speaker 1: thoughts about shallow things because we're not getting too deep.
Speaker 1: And sometimes with my mom I get her alone and
Speaker 1: we do to get deep. And I learned a lot yesterday.
Speaker 1: I learned that, Um, she always wanted kids. Didn't know
Speaker 1: that because I had never asked because I didn't want
Speaker 1: to know. I guess I never wanted to ask, why
Speaker 1: did you have kids? Um? She always wanted kids? And
Speaker 1: I asked, Noah, as I do with like you and
Speaker 1: Kirsten and people in my life who want kids and
Speaker 1: just know they want kids. I asked her why and
Speaker 1: she said, oh, because I kids are so cute. Okay.
Speaker 1: My mom literally had the same reason that I made
Speaker 1: fun of in my special perfect about why women have
Speaker 1: babies because they want a baby because babies are baby? Like,
Speaker 1: who doesn't want a baby? It's a baby. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: do you know that someday that baby is gonna be
Speaker 1: some dude named Doug who's gonna need to like get
Speaker 1: health insurance And like be like, mom, what's your main
Speaker 1: and name? I forgot my past word to my like
Speaker 1: you get on nutflix, Mom, can you pay my bilt?
Speaker 1: Like it's just gonna be a guy something? Do do
Speaker 1: they do? They think they're going to have a child
Speaker 1: that like never grows up, Like that's what people get
Speaker 1: dogs because they're like, I like puppies. It's like, so
Speaker 1: that that kind of disturbing that my mom just wanted
Speaker 1: kids because we're cute, because God only knows. And then
Speaker 1: she goes and I don't know where you got this
Speaker 1: idea that your sister was like beautiful. I never told
Speaker 1: you girls that you were beautiful. And I go, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean that is true. But why she goes because
Speaker 1: I didn't want you to get a big head, And
Speaker 1: I go, I thought it was gonna because I didn't
Speaker 1: want you to like that, like think that that was
Speaker 1: something of value and to make yourselves feel like that
Speaker 1: was why you're special. But it's because she didn't want
Speaker 1: us to feel special. My mom is doing her best,
Speaker 1: and I love her so much, and I actually learned
Speaker 1: a lot about her yesterday that I didn't before. But
Speaker 1: maybe someone relates to this. I really do love my mom,
Speaker 1: but it was interesting to hear that she only wanted
Speaker 1: kids because we're cute because God that phase only lasted
Speaker 1: a couple of years. For Old Glaze Dog, Let's get
Speaker 1: Andrew in here. Andrew, what up? And had you sleep
Speaker 1: last night? Bro? I said, good with baby Old Brennain
Speaker 1: next to me. Yeah, actually we woke up. We both
Speaker 1: woke up in the middle of night, and uh, she like,
Speaker 1: I was hard, and I really just thought you were
Speaker 1: guys We're gonna eat some pizza in the dark. But okay,
Speaker 1: so you were hard in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: and she like, sorry, give me a hand job, but
Speaker 1: not like sexually. It was kind of like she was
Speaker 1: like sleep like it was like a sleep handy And
Speaker 1: then how did this even get started? Were you like,
Speaker 1: I'm hard, babe? No? I think was it non verbal
Speaker 1: like everything? Yeah, it was pretty much not. We were
Speaker 1: like zombies. And then I go should we have sex?
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to walk and I was like, I
Speaker 1: was like, should we have sex? She goes, can we
Speaker 1: just skip that parting get get to get to sleep?
Speaker 1: Like like it was just funny, like she was like,
Speaker 1: can we just skip over that part? And you mean
Speaker 1: the part that is the thing that wait? What did
Speaker 1: she just want you to drink off? She meant no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: just like nothing sexual. She just wanted to get back
Speaker 1: to bed, and I wanted to get back to bed,
Speaker 1: but I thought maybe sex sometimes when you have sex
Speaker 1: then it leads to falling asleep, and she's like, let's
Speaker 1: just skip over that. Didn't you guys have sex earlier? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: why you heard it? No, I'm just guessing that you
Speaker 1: like jumped each other's bones when you first saw each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then we had a little bit of ironment because
Speaker 1: the baseball game was on while we were having sex,
Speaker 1: and the game increasingly got better. Sex was great, but
Speaker 1: ninth inning one one walk off home run, so you
Speaker 1: were like not present at all if you were able
Speaker 1: to hear the score and the innings and the how
Speaker 1: many people were on bases and stuff. Yeah, for a
Speaker 1: couple of thea for a couple of innings, I was
Speaker 1: in it, and then the game how many How long
Speaker 1: were you having sex? A long time? Really? Oh wow?
Speaker 1: All right, well that's fine. Yeah that's what I thought.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, it's fine, we're fine. It was just funny.
Speaker 1: It's funny to compete because you know, she say, she like,
Speaker 1: are you playing attention? Like did you call you out
Speaker 1: on that? Or were you just like She's like, I
Speaker 1: could feel you're not paying attention because where were you looking?
Speaker 1: Like what? Because I mean I really am reluctant to
Speaker 1: ask for more details, but no, I kind of want
Speaker 1: to understand, like, yeah, we were doing, um like this
Speaker 1: is where the problem I think lives. Did you go
Speaker 1: get your Yeah? I got, I put on my jersey
Speaker 1: and my I put on my stirrups and I called
Speaker 1: my dad and he didn't answer, but I dug up
Speaker 1: my grandpa and we went to the game together, just
Speaker 1: like sha stadium back. So that's true. Yeah, okay, well
Speaker 1: we didn't dig him up, but we went to the Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's probably I can you up? And he
Speaker 1: wasn't even dead yet. That's where you like to sleep,
Speaker 1: get away from. My gran was a hoarder. You want
Speaker 1: to go wake him up and dig him out of
Speaker 1: the trash, okay? So um yeah, so it was gonna
Speaker 1: We're gonna do doggy towards the wall. And then I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, why don't we no way? And I
Speaker 1: didn't no way? You go? Can we shift? Did you act?
Speaker 1: This is the annoying part. If you acted like you
Speaker 1: wanted to do that just because of another reason other
Speaker 1: than the game. No, I said, I go, there's two
Speaker 1: outs in the bottom of an eighth or whatever. So
Speaker 1: I dredged it and we laughed about it. So I
Speaker 1: thought it was cool, but it was more like, okay,
Speaker 1: but you're not. Do you have sexed? Honestly, I can't
Speaker 1: believe you lasted a couple of innings? No way, what
Speaker 1: were you doing for that amount of time? We were everything.
Speaker 1: You know, when you're not with someone for a while. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. You break out all the stops right right,
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, that makes sense, and you can last.
Speaker 1: Did you take a bague? I did take okay, and
Speaker 1: then and then you um, so you took one of
Speaker 1: those and then um, and you can last. Zolof makes
Speaker 1: it you can't finish, but it doesn't help you not last.
Speaker 1: It actually makes you last way longer. I'm yes, I
Speaker 1: become a human dildo because I can't orgasm and I
Speaker 1: can't not not get hard. So I'm just like I
Speaker 1: might as well. Just my penis is dead. It's just
Speaker 1: rigor mortar. When do you when do you know when
Speaker 1: to stop? Then when the sun comes up? I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: like I mean when Joe Buck says, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: great game tonight. Like what when the ten o'clock news
Speaker 1: finally starts? I guess when? When when I hear the
Speaker 1: rooster crow no I, which actually sounds like Joe Buck
Speaker 1: a little bit. Uh No, I honestly no. I I
Speaker 1: do have orgasm and it's just harder for But but
Speaker 1: if you're not having one, when you know you're just
Speaker 1: you're just done. Hopefully she does and then I'm done, right, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it ends on her. Not I don't just go hey,
Speaker 1: no boys, hanging it up. I was like, I do
Speaker 1: everything I can to please her, and then when cheese please,
Speaker 1: and I feel like there's just no way old dead
Speaker 1: Penis is gonna walking dead head. Yeah, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: I call it a day. I just hang up the cleats. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've had cursed in here the past couple of nights.
Speaker 1: It's good, but I can't mask. There's no where to.
Speaker 1: I can't masturbate when you have someone sleeping in your
Speaker 1: bed with you. And I've been like wanting to, Like
Speaker 1: I've just been kind of depressed and wanting to do.
Speaker 1: I don't smoke wheat anymore. I don't I've been eating
Speaker 1: a little bit more than I've wanted to because I'm
Speaker 1: just that's a way to like anesthetize my feelings a
Speaker 1: little bit, but like there's nothing I can do to
Speaker 1: just jove me to have a jolt of like feeling
Speaker 1: that might like disrupt the thing in my brain saying
Speaker 1: like you're not good enough, You're pale, you're spray tan
Speaker 1: is gross, You're keep picking at your skin like all
Speaker 1: the things that I'm just like last night, even my
Speaker 1: dad was like, what is that like on my leg?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, pick up my skin because
Speaker 1: I'm having anxiety. And then she's like moved on like
Speaker 1: he wanted to like some answer that was gonna be
Speaker 1: like not disturbing, and I go, I just pick at it,
Speaker 1: and he was just like once, like I think my
Speaker 1: I honestly think it was like and that I think
Speaker 1: that honestly bummed me out. Like when other people see
Speaker 1: the things in me that are like like he doesn't
Speaker 1: know about my when people call it out, that know
Speaker 1: that like that's why I'm out about it. So if
Speaker 1: you call it out, I'm like, oh, it's because I
Speaker 1: told you about it. But when someone who doesn't know
Speaker 1: about it is like, what the funk are you doing
Speaker 1: to yourself? I'm like, shit, I've got a problem. And
Speaker 1: I think that's why I kind of spiraled because I
Speaker 1: was thinking about it last time. I'm like, why am
Speaker 1: I in such a fucking bad mood after my parents left?
Speaker 1: And it was just like I was just so down
Speaker 1: for some reason. And I think it was because yesterday
Speaker 1: was just a long It's been a long life. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's been a long life. It really adds like I
Speaker 1: can't even you know, I haven't taken a break and
Speaker 1: I haven't had a day off and I don't I
Speaker 1: don't even know when I'm picking at it again. I
Speaker 1: just I don't even know. When people see the actual
Speaker 1: like physical like a physical thing that represents your whole
Speaker 1: life and you can't and they go, what is going
Speaker 1: on there? And I mean that's pretty much like what's
Speaker 1: going on with your life and like and that can
Speaker 1: be like that's why you don't have or like to me,
Speaker 1: that's like why I don't have a boyfriend, not because
Speaker 1: of that thing, but because I'm crazy and like I
Speaker 1: can't stop picking up my leg Yeah, I mean I agree,
Speaker 1: I just like how much it hurts. I think it
Speaker 1: really hurt my feelings that my parents couldn't articulate why
Speaker 1: they like having me around. No, But then after the song,
Speaker 1: I go no truly, and then my dad kind of
Speaker 1: took me aside, was like, we love you because you're
Speaker 1: funny and you're fun and he like kind of told
Speaker 1: me some things. But he had to like go in
Speaker 1: the next room and like think about it and like
Speaker 1: spending I had to give him extra time, like on
Speaker 1: the S A T S to come up with why
Speaker 1: he likes his daughter. Well, you did give him multiple choice, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and I think he chose D not in
Speaker 1: the above. But I know, but I think, like I think,
Speaker 1: like sometimes it's hard, like if you if I have
Speaker 1: trouble articulating why I love someone or like trouble articulating
Speaker 1: the But I think maybe your mom might be kind
Speaker 1: of similar though, you know, it's like it's not always
Speaker 1: easy to like pinpoint, you know, I'm sure they could
Speaker 1: come up with specific stories where the thing is, I
Speaker 1: just don't think that they actually like me, and that
Speaker 1: might be the case, Like I don't think they I
Speaker 1: think that they probably talk massive shit about me behind
Speaker 1: my back. What do you think they're saying and why
Speaker 1: do you think I think famous? I think they like me.
Speaker 1: They tolerate me because I'm like that. They're like they
Speaker 1: love me off asleep because that their I'm their daughter,
Speaker 1: and they want to protect me and make sure they
Speaker 1: let me live at home because they love me and
Speaker 1: they want me to be safe. But it's less about
Speaker 1: like we like who you are and more about like
Speaker 1: your and I know they do like who I am.
Speaker 1: My dad is like because you're positive and you and
Speaker 1: my dad like sometimes cries when he like, here's how
Speaker 1: much I their daughter like affects people's lives and like
Speaker 1: makes people feel special. And they see me meet my fans,
Speaker 1: like sometimes I want them to see like my meet
Speaker 1: and greets so they can see like people love me,
Speaker 1: like really appreciate what I get do for them, and
Speaker 1: like I'm not just some because every I think every
Speaker 1: time we hang out, I I feel like they're just
Speaker 1: like gott Nikki and her like just bettering herself and
Speaker 1: all these like woo woo new age like love yourself,
Speaker 1: accept yourself, like I've accepted myself. They just kind of
Speaker 1: roll their eyes and they're like that's for you, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't work for us, and stop projecting your own
Speaker 1: like they don't understand that it's a big your thing
Speaker 1: and that it that. But I mean, I think you're
Speaker 1: saying things that like, okay, if how do I put
Speaker 1: this where? It's like they're pretty simple people in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways, and I think like everything you're saying,
Speaker 1: like I'm bettering myself, I'm doing and they just like
Speaker 1: want to eat their oreos and not hear about that
Speaker 1: at ten am. You could see why they could go, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're being a little a lot right now, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that they don't love you. I
Speaker 1: mean they show you through their actions all the time
Speaker 1: how much they love you. They show up, they take
Speaker 1: your dog when you need it. They like they do
Speaker 1: things for you. If you call on your mom right
Speaker 1: now and you know I need you, she would do
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck it takes to be like I just don't. Um,
Speaker 1: that's not what my love language isn't like showing up
Speaker 1: for me. My love language is like how are you feeling?
Speaker 1: Like what? Um, oh you why why do you like
Speaker 1: that kind of shoe? I mean like even like not
Speaker 1: like oh my god, you're always so cute. You look beautiful,
Speaker 1: like my mom, you said yesterday when we were getting botox.
Speaker 1: She's like because one of the questions I had to
Speaker 1: ask her for the fact that there were cameras there
Speaker 1: to just like prompt conversation, was um, you know, mom,
Speaker 1: what made you get botox? And she goes, well, you Nikki,
Speaker 1: because she was like, ever, I've just seen you get
Speaker 1: so beautiful lately. And I just looked at her and go,
Speaker 1: what did she do? She's so beautiful all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: You're just like so And all my friends they constantly
Speaker 1: are writing me saying, Nicky, so beautiful, Nikki looks so gorgeous,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, that's like I think she liked
Speaker 1: like I think that my parents, my mom, Like yesterday
Speaker 1: I said that, Um, you know, I'm at a place
Speaker 1: in my life where I feel like maybe I'm not
Speaker 1: fully there, but I could be. I could you know,
Speaker 1: have serious like facial disfigurement or something terrible, could take
Speaker 1: all my looks from me or whatever, and I could
Speaker 1: still like be okay and like myself and not want
Speaker 1: to like die and not be a part of this world.
Speaker 1: It would be very hard about saying it would be
Speaker 1: like it's the same, but like, yeah, but I feel
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, and I think you love
Speaker 1: me just as much if I were you know, extremely
Speaker 1: overweight or whatever it is. And the truth is, I
Speaker 1: don't know that that's true. I think that my mom might.
Speaker 1: She would just be she would be disappointed, and that
Speaker 1: makes I think, that makes me sad. Is that I
Speaker 1: got more love from my parents when I became famous
Speaker 1: and beautiful. And that's what Why Why wouldn't I That's
Speaker 1: why when as a kid and I wasn't that. My
Speaker 1: mom even said yesterday, Andrew, I just said this one.
Speaker 1: I guess she never told me and my sister we
Speaker 1: were She goes, I don't know where you got this
Speaker 1: idea that Lauren was so much more beautiful than you.
Speaker 1: I never told either of you girls you were beautiful.
Speaker 1: I never I made a point never to say it.
Speaker 1: And I was like at first, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's kind of I'm never I never tell Poppy she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I always say you're so cute, and you're so smart,
Speaker 1: and you're so like fun and funny, and I just
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't say things about looks
Speaker 1: um or try not to sometimes it's hard because she
Speaker 1: is so beautiful, but I don't still want her to
Speaker 1: like have that value on that. And I thought, that's
Speaker 1: why my mom said she didn't say we were beautiful,
Speaker 1: But I go, why did you not say that? And
Speaker 1: she goes, because I just didn't want you getting a
Speaker 1: big head and thinking you were better, like, which is
Speaker 1: kind of the same idea, but it's more of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's because on the flip side, now she's telling
Speaker 1: you you're beautiful all the time, and I hate it
Speaker 1: and hate it, so obviously there's somewhere in the middle.
Speaker 1: I'm glad she didn't say we were beautiful as a kid,
Speaker 1: I just think that her motivations for doing so, we're
Speaker 1: not the reasons you're not think like a big head
Speaker 1: in the sense that she was competitive with you. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: she just didn't want us thinking we were better than people, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, like it's the same, it's the same
Speaker 1: idea of like there's then you have value on that,
Speaker 1: but it's not about like I don't want my daughters
Speaker 1: to like think to think that that matters so much.
Speaker 1: It's more about I didn't want them to think I
Speaker 1: didn't want them to know how much power they could wield,
Speaker 1: because it's almost like I didn't want you going around
Speaker 1: thinking you were hot shit. Nick. Yeah, well see that's
Speaker 1: tough too because then it's like that created different kind
Speaker 1: of problems where you Because my dad heard I was
Speaker 1: said I was beautiful all the time, so I thought,
Speaker 1: that's that's weird that one parent says it all the
Speaker 1: time and the other never says it. And also my
Speaker 1: mom used to say she was ugly all the time,
Speaker 1: so my mom clearly has knows what is beautiful and ugly.
Speaker 1: If my mom is able to say it to herself
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I don't hear it from her
Speaker 1: about me, I think I probably internalized I probably ugly
Speaker 1: because if I was beautiful, my mom would tell me
Speaker 1: because she told herself she's ugly all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so tough because like my mom does the same thing.
Speaker 1: She will say, oh, you're so hand and when I
Speaker 1: feel my ugly sometimes my handsome boy, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: not not this year, like or not this month, Like
Speaker 1: I know how I'm looking right now, so I and
Speaker 1: she she comments on my looks a lot. Then my dad,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's ever been like, you're a handsome boy.
Speaker 1: Obviously it's different with father son. But like I think though,
Speaker 1: it's stem problems. If you don't hear that from your mom,
Speaker 1: then it's like, it's not that you want to be
Speaker 1: better than other people, you just want to be equal
Speaker 1: to other people. You don't want to feel less than
Speaker 1: if you never hear from her, if you're putting a
Speaker 1: lot of value on your looks, well I was smart
Speaker 1: enough to know my mom isn't someone that walks around
Speaker 1: and doesn't judges people's looks because I hear her do
Speaker 1: it all the time. And to have no opinion of
Speaker 1: what my looks, I'm guessing if I were beautiful, she'd
Speaker 1: probably say something, So her absence of saying something leads
Speaker 1: me to just I always think a thousand steps ad.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit. I was, I'm a little um.
Speaker 1: I have the brain. I have a weird brain, and
Speaker 1: so I think that I was like, okay, if this
Speaker 1: equals this, then this, and my dad tells me I'm beautiful.
Speaker 1: So obviously that's not a for boden thing to say
Speaker 1: in my house. If it if you wanted to say it,
Speaker 1: you could. My dad says it every day and my
Speaker 1: mom sits there quietly. It might be that I my
Speaker 1: mom doesn't think I'm beautiful. She wasn't wrong, I wasn't
Speaker 1: as a kid, and she goes, yes, you weren't. To go,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if I wasn't, but I got the
Speaker 1: idea that it was. Like, But here's the thing. If
Speaker 1: you then ask her what she was doing and she goes, well,
Speaker 1: you were beautiful as a kid, and then you go, no,
Speaker 1: I wasn't. You already have an idea of what you
Speaker 1: look like or who you were as a kid. So
Speaker 1: it's like, it's got to be frustrating to be on
Speaker 1: the other side when they do feel like that they're
Speaker 1: opening up or being honest and being either supportive or
Speaker 1: however they're talking to you, and then you're denying what
Speaker 1: they're saying. It's got to be frustrating because then they're like, well,
Speaker 1: why am I even gonna tell her anything if she
Speaker 1: doesn't believe me, because it's you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like on their end to to go, well, yeah, she's
Speaker 1: she's practicing communicating with you, and I guess maybe if
Speaker 1: you give her like positive feedback, it might she may
Speaker 1: feel more open to being more emotional towards you since
Speaker 1: it's hard for her to. Yeah, I mean I on
Speaker 1: them like obviously, no, they're they're trying there. I mean,
Speaker 1: they not want nothing but the best for me. I
Speaker 1: know that, and so I'm just but I'm saying that,
Speaker 1: Like I think that if I have kids someday and
Speaker 1: my husband is and I don't want to say anything
Speaker 1: about the kids beauty or looks, and my husband's constantly
Speaker 1: saying that they look beautiful, I might even I would
Speaker 1: have a conversation with my husband, like, can we get
Speaker 1: on the same page about we don't comment on their looks?
Speaker 1: Or I need to get on your page because it's
Speaker 1: gonna seem weird if I say nothing, because in this house,
Speaker 1: you're setting the tone that we talked about those things,
Speaker 1: and the absence of talking about them equals you're gonna
Speaker 1: go do ugly. I'm ugly because you don't tell someone
Speaker 1: they're ugly. I know that, I'm smart enough kid to
Speaker 1: realize you don't tell someone to their face they're ugly,
Speaker 1: unless it's your own face in the mirror. But I it.
Speaker 1: But um, but if I was beautiful, my dad says it,
Speaker 1: my mom would say it, so the absence of it,
Speaker 1: I think made me realize and the fact that this
Speaker 1: even matters. I mean this, this is a topic I've
Speaker 1: become obsessed with when I'm depressed, but it really it
Speaker 1: hurts me and it it um it just And then
Speaker 1: the denial that my sister was more beautiful than me,
Speaker 1: and that my mom didn't notice and things like that,
Speaker 1: It's like that makes me feel sad because I believe her.
Speaker 1: I believe that she did not see a difference between
Speaker 1: our looks because she does look at her girls the
Speaker 1: same way and we were both beautiful and she didn't
Speaker 1: want to give us either a big head, but I
Speaker 1: literally had a big head. Um No, I think that
Speaker 1: she just it makes me sad she didn't notice like
Speaker 1: I think I would like to be. And this is
Speaker 1: uh like subjectively speaking, like when I see pictures of
Speaker 1: you as a kid, I don't I think you went
Speaker 1: through a couple of awkward years like we all do,
Speaker 1: like around like puberty time, where like you started to
Speaker 1: look you look older than now. You cannot deny that.
Speaker 1: No one can deny that my sister was more beautiful
Speaker 1: than me, and my mom denies that there was there
Speaker 1: was a time I saw a couple of photos where
Speaker 1: I go I didn't see I saw you being more
Speaker 1: attractive than you're just get a weird little Lloyd Christmas,
Speaker 1: she got beautiful. It was before and I'll tell you,
Speaker 1: I used to hear I was skinny and beautiful and
Speaker 1: all the things when I was little, and then it
Speaker 1: stopped abruptly and I got super depressed. And the fact
Speaker 1: that they weren't tuned into that. But dude, I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: there's like other positives that came from that. Like I
Speaker 1: was told I was little, but I was. I was
Speaker 1: a very cute kid, Like I was like model cute kid.
Speaker 1: My older brother was not as attractive. I think I
Speaker 1: got called out cute more than him. He wasn't ugly
Speaker 1: by any means, but he didn't have anything on me.
Speaker 1: I was cute as fuck. That dude is doing pretty good,
Speaker 1: Yeah he is, And I'm doing pretty good for I'm
Speaker 1: saying so, I guess I just I think it comes
Speaker 1: back to I just want people to acknowledge and asked
Speaker 1: me how I feel like I think that would have
Speaker 1: solved a lot as being like Nikki, how do you
Speaker 1: feel like it seems sad? What's going on? Lauren gets
Speaker 1: that host has told Lauren that she should be a
Speaker 1: model and looked at me and didn't say anything, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it means I'm ugly instead of being
Speaker 1: like I might have said that to them and they go,
Speaker 1: just shut up. I'm not listening to this right now.
Speaker 1: Shut up. That is so ridiculous. That's what I got,
Speaker 1: other than well, tell me about that. That really seems
Speaker 1: hard to feel that way about yourself. What do you
Speaker 1: think that means about you? What? What? Like? I just
Speaker 1: wish I would have had a little bit more of that.
Speaker 1: But the gift is that now I can give that
Speaker 1: to other because I've been through that. I can give
Speaker 1: it to myself. I can talk that way to myself
Speaker 1: because otherwise I'm lucky that I've done the work to
Speaker 1: be like something's wrong here. I didn't get something as
Speaker 1: a child, and I need to find it, and I
Speaker 1: found it, and now I can give it to myself
Speaker 1: more and other people could give it to me. And
Speaker 1: also I can give it to other people. And so
Speaker 1: maybe someone is listening to this, and maybe we'll hear
Speaker 1: their kids say the same thing, and instead of going,
Speaker 1: shut up, you're beautiful, they can go I felt that
Speaker 1: way before, and it's really hard and I don't see
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. And I think you're beautiful, But
Speaker 1: tell me about how that makes you feel and and
Speaker 1: some of your feelings and just like hold them and
Speaker 1: let them cry instead of telling them. I agree. Like
Speaker 1: I can't remember one time in my childhood where like
Speaker 1: how are you like there were no conversations like that
Speaker 1: because they were in their own head. They were dealing
Speaker 1: with their any of this I don't want to hear. So,
Speaker 1: you know what, I love talking about our feelings. Now
Speaker 1: that's all we talk about. I know. I sometimes think
Speaker 1: like my only thing is like for you, I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's not about a day off from work or like
Speaker 1: all that stuff. I just want sometimes I just wish
Speaker 1: you had a day off from your own brain, like
Speaker 1: I really and I know, um that's what I used
Speaker 1: to do drug for and yeah that's drink. Let's get
Speaker 1: to the news. Oh man, it's Thursday. You know what
Speaker 1: that means. It is Thursday out there, and boy are
Speaker 1: they having all the swells. Thursday means it's Thursday. Would
Speaker 1: not be able to get there ourselves. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: sometimes it takes a break. Funny that you just said
Speaker 1: you wish I had a vacation from my brain, Like
Speaker 1: that is so sad to me that my that a
Speaker 1: friend of mine is just like I wish you just
Speaker 1: like didn't have to be you for Yeah, pretty much,
Speaker 1: that's pretty much when I'm saying, oh boy, but I
Speaker 1: feel like I get what you're saying once every like
Speaker 1: like I whatever, anyhow, but would I do that? Let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. I think even on a beach,
Speaker 1: you're getting like you're finding something wrong with the sam
Speaker 1: Oh god, I hate the beach and the sun will
Speaker 1: like highlight all of my spray tan areas that I'm like,
Speaker 1: why can't I just accept my skin tone? And then
Speaker 1: I get mad about a spin tone and then I
Speaker 1: feel guilty about the guilt. No, we talked about the guilt.
Speaker 1: I guess when you get your foot rubs, that's the
Speaker 1: place where if you got a foot rub for twenty
Speaker 1: four hours. Maybe that I know, and that goddamn foot
Speaker 1: massager I bought socks, you know, one man's trash. Okay,
Speaker 1: Virginia woman left hospitalized and hallucinating after venomous spider bites
Speaker 1: her lip she was kayaking down. I forget what which lake,
Speaker 1: But she was kayaking. She got bit by a spider
Speaker 1: and it ended up being a brown reclusive, brown recluse
Speaker 1: recluses those have you ever googled what those wounds look like?
Speaker 1: They're like gunshots that looks like your mom's lips yesterday.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you have to scot the filler. Um Wow,
Speaker 1: what's so? Was she camping and this spider just like
Speaker 1: she was kayaking and then I guess the fighters probably
Speaker 1: on the boat or on a tree and like dangled down.
Speaker 1: I mean, so many times we get bit by bugs
Speaker 1: and we're just like it's just a bug, you know,
Speaker 1: and then like sometimes it's a fucking bug. So she
Speaker 1: started hallucinating, hallucinating. I feel like I was hallucinating looking
Speaker 1: at the picture. Yeah, black hole, so black ole lip.
Speaker 1: I look at this your Oh honey, she looks like
Speaker 1: she has like one of those mustache. She looks like
Speaker 1: she has a mustache. It's like a like a like
Speaker 1: a I don't know, accountant in the eighties isn't so
Speaker 1: weird too? Like some spid Like there's very few, I
Speaker 1: guess venomous spiders. But it's like God was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make this one a fucking badass, Like like,
Speaker 1: why did this one get venomous? And daddy long legs
Speaker 1: over there? It's like, can I get a little venom
Speaker 1: daddy long like? I seriously would brown recluse. This is
Speaker 1: what I hate about daddy long legs. They'll be like
Speaker 1: click click click click click. They'll be like tapping along
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, watch if go watch
Speaker 1: the video on our YouTube for this demonstration, They'll be
Speaker 1: like click click click click clack click click, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they just go and they like
Speaker 1: spread out on the wall and they're just like flat
Speaker 1: on the wall, and I just hate that flatness. I'd
Speaker 1: love to give him little shoes. I actually i'd love
Speaker 1: to see them type Stephen King book on a typewriter.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't that be fun? That would be adorable. But their
Speaker 1: bodies are just these little dots. And then they daddy
Speaker 1: lung legs are so gross. I just hate when they
Speaker 1: go and they just like all they're like splay out
Speaker 1: flat on like a sighting of an old house. I
Speaker 1: hate it. I want them to stay likely. How are
Speaker 1: there so many different things? What is our world? So
Speaker 1: I don't even let my brain. Did you get bit
Speaker 1: by brown recluse? Are you loosening right now? Brown eye clue?
Speaker 1: So what did she What did she do? God seventh
Speaker 1: things stretch fit it in. What did she do? She
Speaker 1: she's dead? No, she lives. She went to the hospital. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, she was just hospitalized. It didn't really
Speaker 1: go into the fact of like how fucked up she got.
Speaker 1: The article wasn't that long. It just talked about how
Speaker 1: she hallucinated and obviously she lived. But I think these
Speaker 1: are these could be fatal. I would think being closer
Speaker 1: to your brain because you can get um, you know,
Speaker 1: leak into your like you can get infections from I mean,
Speaker 1: these wounds are horrific. They look like just all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, there's a sinkhole in your skin, Like it
Speaker 1: just creates a giant hole that gets black and infect
Speaker 1: It's so gross. I mean there's a time in my
Speaker 1: life if I got bit by a brown or clues
Speaker 1: and it was getting bad, I would just go, I know,
Speaker 1: Scabi story, Yeah, I mean yeah, man, all right, next story.
Speaker 1: Jake jyllen Hall says filming love scenes with Jennifer Aniston
Speaker 1: was torture because he had a crush on her, So
Speaker 1: she had to put an old pillow in between the
Speaker 1: Genitalia before they started Home and the Good Girl. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that movie is so good. She's great in that and
Speaker 1: so is He was not like her first thing after Friends.
Speaker 1: It was her first like dramatic. No, she did Pitch Perfect,
Speaker 1: she did Um that one movie with Paul Rudd. She
Speaker 1: did Um. There was a couple of that was like her.
Speaker 1: She's the one that was her first, like Oscar Gras
Speaker 1: Sandler did that one, the Punch Drunk Club. Yes, that
Speaker 1: was her first, like dramatic role. She's great. And I
Speaker 1: love that movie. That's a Mike White. That's the guy
Speaker 1: that made White Lotus. He wrote that movie. It's so good.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've ever watched. I watched it.
Speaker 1: I love it. She plays like a small town when
Speaker 1: she was married to Um. What's this the guy John
Speaker 1: See Riley who talks wait, hold on John's wait, I
Speaker 1: can do an improtestion of John Riley used to be
Speaker 1: able to hold that. South doesn't sound right at all.
Speaker 1: Let's see, let's see what he actually No, don't don't
Speaker 1: I know. I can hear it in my head and
Speaker 1: I can't do it. But um, he's her husband, which
Speaker 1: is just like right, and she has an affair with
Speaker 1: Jake Jill and all, who's like this young guy who
Speaker 1: she's like, I shouldn't be doing this, and like Jake
Speaker 1: falls in love with her and it becomes a little torrid.
Speaker 1: And that makes sense that he had to everyone has
Speaker 1: a crush on jennif Ranson. I mean it's got to
Speaker 1: be so. I mean he was talking about how there's
Speaker 1: forty people in the room. The usually guys don't get
Speaker 1: bonus because they're so nervous and it's just so not
Speaker 1: sexual because they're acting, you know, they're doing a job.
Speaker 1: I mean, why is it not just them too? And
Speaker 1: the and the director goes, Okay, I'm gonna hit the camera.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit record because it's it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of people to make a production. Why because I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to play camera action. Yeah, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like, once you've set it up, like
Speaker 1: this is set up, we don't need thirty other people
Speaker 1: in here, Like what is going on here? Like why? Why?
Speaker 1: I guarantee it could get rid of twenty five people.
Speaker 1: It's like when you go buy a photo shoot in
Speaker 1: New York City and there's a model and then there's
Speaker 1: seven people, Like I don't know, for me, it would
Speaker 1: make me more comfortable doing a sex scene if there
Speaker 1: were more people there than just like one director, like
Speaker 1: kind of like a threesome, Like, what's a good number
Speaker 1: than eight? What are we talking about, legs, I'm getting
Speaker 1: cornier by when we added um um yeah, that's but
Speaker 1: that must have meant he was like he crushed on
Speaker 1: are so hard that it was like he couldn't get
Speaker 1: out of that, he couldn't separate the two. You know,
Speaker 1: because I've heard a lot of times with these sex
Speaker 1: scenes that you know, you don't get horny during them
Speaker 1: because they're so you're just you're at work. I know.
Speaker 1: It's like a weird line because it's because you want
Speaker 1: them to you want the woman to think you're into her,
Speaker 1: but at the same time not doing there like you
Speaker 1: don't want it to seem too sexual. Yeah, it's gotta
Speaker 1: be fucking tough unless you go to the partner and
Speaker 1: be like, look, let's let's get it the funk on,
Speaker 1: like we're hooking up. Well, then a lot of times, though,
Speaker 1: like the people that are you know on set, doing
Speaker 1: these romances, they do start hooking up because you make
Speaker 1: out all day, You're like touching each other. It's like
Speaker 1: that stuff leads to you make out with someone enough
Speaker 1: you just start kind of maybe feeling things for them,
Speaker 1: maybe like uh if you do it on camera and
Speaker 1: you're like, really go for it. But then you kind
Speaker 1: of feel like icky because you're like, wait, we're just
Speaker 1: doing this for work. We might as well do it
Speaker 1: for real, for real, you know what I mean, like
Speaker 1: if you were, because it's like I already did it.
Speaker 1: I already did it. Also, like it's not cheating. I
Speaker 1: don't want to practice in a hotel room alone with
Speaker 1: this person. Yeah, with just the director that they're like,
Speaker 1: we only need to do to hold hands for the scene.
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, we wanted to um have anal just
Speaker 1: to really get Nickelodeon. We're doing them. What's the technique?
Speaker 1: The meisner? No there they Whenever I hear meisner, I
Speaker 1: just see like my Jewish aunt being like, oh you
Speaker 1: gotta act better. It's me here, Like that's all I hear. Like,
Speaker 1: I just hear like an old Jewish woman yelling at me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've I've done makeout scenes for like
Speaker 1: acting before and it's you. I'm not good enough actor
Speaker 1: to to separate the two, and so I the only
Speaker 1: way I can act is to just like try to
Speaker 1: get into this. And then because a lot of times,
Speaker 1: even you know, back in my days, when I would
Speaker 1: make out with someone or be hooking up with someone
Speaker 1: that I didn't really like because it was in the
Speaker 1: morning and it was I was sober at that's acting like,
Speaker 1: I would seriously fake it till I made it. So
Speaker 1: I would kind of pretend like I was an actress
Speaker 1: and a thing and go like pretend I was a
Speaker 1: porn star, just like get out of my own head.
Speaker 1: By pretending I'm a character, and then by faking it
Speaker 1: you make it. You end up like sometimes I like
Speaker 1: can't have an orgasm, so I go, what would it?
Speaker 1: What would it look like to have an orgasm? Or
Speaker 1: like um act as if that's the thing that we
Speaker 1: talk about in recovery A lot is like, Okay, so
Speaker 1: you don't believe in God, why don't you just pretend
Speaker 1: there is a god? Pretend like you're someone who does
Speaker 1: believe in God. What would you do right now? Who
Speaker 1: would you talk to? What would you say? Just pray
Speaker 1: like you do believe even though you don't. What if
Speaker 1: you did? And then you end up being able to
Speaker 1: find that kind of thing and it goes somewhere though,
Speaker 1: it goes somewhere inside you, if you so. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: act as if I'm having an orgasm and I get
Speaker 1: I have one, because a lot of times they elude
Speaker 1: me so much. So sometimes maybe you try that, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: manifesting it a little bit. But like, just okay, I
Speaker 1: can't have an orgasm right now? What if I was
Speaker 1: a woman who could? What would it feel like? What
Speaker 1: would if my vagina feels literally numb? But if I
Speaker 1: could feel my vagina, what what would that woman feel
Speaker 1: right now? And then it kind of happens. Well, sometimes
Speaker 1: you could like train your brain into feeling, you know,
Speaker 1: like when you like there's certain parts of the body
Speaker 1: that has more sensation, like more feeling, more nerves, and
Speaker 1: sometimes your penis, you're vagina like kind of like dead,
Speaker 1: it's like not really connected to you. So you have
Speaker 1: to like like localize your thoughts. Oh man, Emily Sex
Speaker 1: with Emily. She taught me um when I was listening
Speaker 1: to a podcast of like when you're having sex and
Speaker 1: you're feeling really detached, like put your brain in your
Speaker 1: like really like only try to feel with your vagina.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm so tapped out of my genitals. I
Speaker 1: am like they are not in the room. I am.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just don't you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: then sometimes you go, oh my god, wait a second,
Speaker 1: let me just stop and like actually put all of
Speaker 1: the feeling in there and only feel down there, and
Speaker 1: then it's like, what the fuck? Whoa, I just flipped
Speaker 1: a switch. I mean, our brains are fucking wild. It
Speaker 1: is wild how you can really focus on like like
Speaker 1: that trick that we learned from Ben Glee. When you're cold,
Speaker 1: remember that your blood is nine point six degrees. There's
Speaker 1: something that's nearly a hundred degrees, which if it was
Speaker 1: that hot outside, you would be hot. It's pulsing through you.
Speaker 1: So when you're cold, focus on your blood and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you start to feel warm. It's fucking trippy, dude.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's uh and it's yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: The generals are a weird thing, man. With me, it's
Speaker 1: it's a weird thing. No, just like the feeling of
Speaker 1: like I have to like sometimes they are in sex,
Speaker 1: I have to like I get it. I get I
Speaker 1: just think, I get like rebbed up, and then I
Speaker 1: get like, I get like a meditative state where like
Speaker 1: I don't feel You would think i'd be more present,
Speaker 1: but it's like when you're eating food when you're super
Speaker 1: hungry or supers you don't taste the food, you just
Speaker 1: chew it, and all of a sudden it's gone. You're like,
Speaker 1: what did I even just do? And there's sauces everywhere,
Speaker 1: and you go, did I were extra sauce I had?
Speaker 1: And it's like, I ate that when the fund did
Speaker 1: I eat that? It's the same thing when I Sometimes
Speaker 1: I see you or even myself eating and I'm like
Speaker 1: that person, you aren't even there's no enjoyment happening right now.
Speaker 1: It's not enjoyment. It's just stuffing a hole, which a
Speaker 1: lot of times sex is like you're not like you're
Speaker 1: not present. Okay, so the next time we have sex,
Speaker 1: not you and I together, next time we have sex,
Speaker 1: let's try to focus on like the feel of it.
Speaker 1: At some point in the middle of it, when we
Speaker 1: start to go thinking about like something else, the baseball game,
Speaker 1: what we're gonna eat later, or what we're not. We're
Speaker 1: going to shove into our faces later. Um use that
Speaker 1: as a reminder to go, wait a second. I'm let
Speaker 1: me just focus on my gen's and if you can't,
Speaker 1: just imagine a Jewish aunt going, come on, come on,
Speaker 1: use the miz nap. All right, let's take a break.
Speaker 1: We'll be back with our weekly sports moment. Here we go,
Speaker 1: your favorite time in the week. Here we go. It's
Speaker 1: time for the weekly sports moment. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, this one I think you might like. Okay,
Speaker 1: I hope you stay sitting down. Okay, Jaguars coach Urban Meyers,
Speaker 1: that's the thing that's on your arm. Okay. Urban Meyer
Speaker 1: says he's sorry for the distraction. Apology Okay, his team
Speaker 1: after video surface of him dancing with a woman who
Speaker 1: wasn't his wife, He caused a distraction. He's apologizing for
Speaker 1: the distraction. It cause I know he's getting grinded on.
Speaker 1: So he's essentially not grinding on her. His hand is
Speaker 1: he kind of looks like a quarterback under a center,
Speaker 1: Like he has his hand covering kind of his generals,
Speaker 1: but it's in her. But crap, is he like bent
Speaker 1: over like squatting almost well, he's sitting on a barstool.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, barstool like the sports Um, okay, we feel
Speaker 1: about that is a cheating if you're getting grinded on. Also,
Speaker 1: this is I'm sorry if your husband's can grind it
Speaker 1: on at a bar. Why is your husband at a
Speaker 1: bar like with women around dancing like time, this is
Speaker 1: just the one time I did that, babe, I mean
Speaker 1: it's insane. Um kids and his grandkids earlier that at
Speaker 1: a dinner, like yeah, like three minutes before that, dude,
Speaker 1: which is pretty badass um Um. I like that he
Speaker 1: apologized for the distraction it caused, Like, it's not about
Speaker 1: like I apologize to my wife. I'm sure he did
Speaker 1: that on his own time. And also we don't know
Speaker 1: the arrangement they have. It could be open. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: it could be. And if I were with this guy,
Speaker 1: I would not mind for the staff. And I don't
Speaker 1: know how I would feel if I was with the
Speaker 1: kids and the grand kids and everything and having to
Speaker 1: take care of that. But maybe my husband wants to
Speaker 1: go get a little ass on a bar stool, and
Speaker 1: maybe I was like, maybe i'd be like, I can't
Speaker 1: wait to watch TANZ sports later and see this, then
Speaker 1: fuck you because it's so hot. What do you think
Speaker 1: is it? Is it cheating if you're getting grinded, if
Speaker 1: you know, if it's you know, you can't say yes
Speaker 1: or no to these things, even though I just did.
Speaker 1: But it's like if if if a woman, I would
Speaker 1: say for most women in a monogamous relationship, that would
Speaker 1: be cheating. I mean I can't. Noah, please, I mean
Speaker 1: if you saw. I'm not saying that it's not. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm just wondering what I would be appalled me
Speaker 1: to be some kind of uh explanation for sure. Okay,
Speaker 1: would you rather this? Would you rather him get grinded
Speaker 1: on like that in public? Or get a blowy in
Speaker 1: private where then you're not embarrassed because it's not in
Speaker 1: public and no one knows. Oh I don't. It's for me.
Speaker 1: It's more about my feelings that are hurt, not other people.
Speaker 1: But you're feeling would be hurt more by the more
Speaker 1: people that knew that your husband. I guess one is
Speaker 1: like an actual sexual act, so that uh would not
Speaker 1: bode well. But I don't know, like the guy could
Speaker 1: have stopped, like he could have stood up and walked
Speaker 1: away or something, or have been like, excuse me, any
Speaker 1: spaced grind in public blow I private. I'd rather didn't
Speaker 1: get a blow job in private, just because I'd rather
Speaker 1: hear about I think that's hotter and the public that
Speaker 1: makes Well. The thing is like when I if I
Speaker 1: ever get like into a relationship and I engage in
Speaker 1: this kind of the thing that I like, which is, yeah,
Speaker 1: the thing that I like, which is guy's kind of
Speaker 1: fooling around with other women and then telling me about it,
Speaker 1: I will I unless I'm out with it everyone about
Speaker 1: my open relationship. I'll feel embarrassed because I'm like, people
Speaker 1: are gonna think that you did. You're like sneaking around
Speaker 1: on me, and then I'm like not in control of them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I would be annoyed at that. But um, in general, Lake,
Speaker 1: I I would assume this guy, if you're getting grinded
Speaker 1: on at a bar by a random woman in front
Speaker 1: of thirty minutes after you're with your family, you're definitely
Speaker 1: getting blowtubs in private. Like it's it's one and the same.
Speaker 1: I do think though, that, um, you should apologize to
Speaker 1: the Cardinals for the distraction the blow job and the
Speaker 1: sex you were having caused that team. Actually, you need
Speaker 1: to apologize to Brenna for the distraction the baseball game.
Speaker 1: Because you'd have in your sex look last night, things
Speaker 1: got out of control. I want to apologize not only
Speaker 1: to my lovely girlfriend Brenna, but to the whole organization
Speaker 1: of the Cardinals. I'm just a man, Okay, I'm just
Speaker 1: a man. Andrew Collins, just a man, that's all I am.
Speaker 1: And sometimes men do things that they don't even want
Speaker 1: to do. And I'm sorry about the distraction. I won't
Speaker 1: happen again. If it does happen again, I will take
Speaker 1: ownership again. I'm not blaming this on the team. I'm
Speaker 1: not blaming This is almost better than you when your
Speaker 1: mother night. You were showing me what it looks like
Speaker 1: when an athlete throws a ball versus when an actor
Speaker 1: being an athlete, and that wasn't even that was a
Speaker 1: better portrayal. I mean character, I really like this. I
Speaker 1: feel like men practic. You practicing your golf swing in
Speaker 1: the mirror is almost like you've been practicing that. You've
Speaker 1: seen it so much. We've seen apologies from athletes so
Speaker 1: many times. You just nailed that. Comedians I'm a man.
Speaker 1: I'm just a man, and if it happens again, I
Speaker 1: will take accountability, Like yeah, if no one else's fault,
Speaker 1: my own, if it happened, you know, I'd like to
Speaker 1: keep this private matter between wife and my family. And
Speaker 1: I'm ashamed. I never want to say it, but I'm
Speaker 1: also I'm dealing with some mental issues of my own.
Speaker 1: I try to keep it. Man of God, Man of God, Jesus. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's God's fault. Um. Oh, he's fine because he's a
Speaker 1: man of God. Never mind, we forgive him. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: get to fan thrack fitturing Ivy like in the living room,
Speaker 1: just doing that and no h just recording him. That's
Speaker 1: exactly how it happened. How many takes did he do? Um? He?
Speaker 1: I think he gave me like seven. Oh that's cool.
Speaker 1: That's nice. That's pretty good. We got it in one.
Speaker 1: Let's hear how love you to go track? It's really good?
Speaker 1: All right, let's t Fan tracks are a weekly fan
Speaker 1: letter voicemail dump. Okay, so our first one comes from Abby, Hey, Nikki, Noah,
Speaker 1: and Andrew. This is Abby. I just wanted to drop
Speaker 1: in and tell you this little story. So this um
Speaker 1: I am in the middle of taking yoga teacher training
Speaker 1: and this past week we had an anatomy lesson and
Speaker 1: the teacher brought in a skeleton and all I I'm
Speaker 1: thinking was and so I was kind of chuckling to myself,
Speaker 1: and the girl to do next to me asked what
Speaker 1: was so funny, and so naturally I had to tell
Speaker 1: her that my bestie, Nikki Lazer, has a hilarious joke
Speaker 1: about how skeletons are always smiling, which made her laugh too,
Speaker 1: And so thank you for helping me make a new
Speaker 1: friend um in a room full of thirty people that
Speaker 1: I had never met before. And also, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be at your Kansas City show this weekend, and I
Speaker 1: can't fucking wait. My husband just informed me that he
Speaker 1: got us meet and greet ticket because he knows how
Speaker 1: obsessed I am with you guys, and so I you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just so freaking pumped. I will see you guys
Speaker 1: this weekend. Bye. Oh my gosh, what's her name? Mandy, Abby? Abby? Abby?
Speaker 1: We're both way off. Abbey, will see you this weekend.
Speaker 1: That's so exciting. Oh my god, we gotta we gotta
Speaker 1: take a picture like skeleton. Yeah, yeah, or a little video. Um,
Speaker 1: I love that. Uh yeah, use any kind of joke
Speaker 1: I've made to be like, yeah, my friend did this
Speaker 1: joke and it's to make friends. That's a great idea. Also,
Speaker 1: it's like she's probably stretched out, she's in a class.
Speaker 1: The skeleton comes in and then she sees it and
Speaker 1: it's just like if someone laughs at the joke, you know,
Speaker 1: they're cool, Like you know, they get it and they're
Speaker 1: kind of weird and like they just yeah, instant friends.
Speaker 1: I see her turning one person. Especially in the yoga
Speaker 1: training class. People can kind of be too cool for schools,
Speaker 1: you know, just covering from addiction and they're like need
Speaker 1: something to sweat but without like a real dring. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Well that's so cool. I'm always so like
Speaker 1: flattered that, like people who are like into yoga, like
Speaker 1: listen to the show because I'm so not. I mean
Speaker 1: I could really benefit from some yoga probably, but it's
Speaker 1: so slow for me. I need fast yogas. Wait, is
Speaker 1: there fast yoga Nasa? Oh? That's that Really it's NASA,
Speaker 1: but you could probably get even speedier. You can put
Speaker 1: it on two times. Yeah that's podcast. Um no, Abby,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to meet you this weekend, and um,
Speaker 1: I love you can always tell when there's besties at
Speaker 1: the meet and greets versus just Reggie's. There's some great people.
Speaker 1: I never read that note from that one guy who
Speaker 1: gave us a note yesterday. I'll go get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one second, let me just go get a quick fan
Speaker 1: thrax that we got at the meet and great last week,
Speaker 1: this guy came up. He was wearing a Dustin Poirier
Speaker 1: shirt and uh so he was in you know, he
Speaker 1: was the bestie and uh he was so nice. He
Speaker 1: wrote as handwritten letters like oh yeah, he wrote, you
Speaker 1: are maybe well when you come here you'll read it.
Speaker 1: It was so nice and sweet. Oh I only have
Speaker 1: no H's. I don't have mine for some reading. All right,
Speaker 1: let's read Noah. I lost my own from this guy,
Speaker 1: but I do have Noah's car. Okay, when we put
Speaker 1: my head and thank you for being a crucial piece
Speaker 1: of something I look forward to every day. I always
Speaker 1: appreciate we put together in your perspective on things and
Speaker 1: your consistency and saying here's Nikki is something every person
Speaker 1: should aspire to obtain, whether it be their professional life
Speaker 1: or hobbies. Speaking of hobbies, your love of metal and
Speaker 1: jiu jitsu make you among the biggest badasses I know.
Speaker 1: B j j is something I'd like to start student
Speaker 1: myself presulian jiu jitsu, as I would love to be
Speaker 1: more knowledgeable on applications of what I watched every Saturday.
Speaker 1: The two line events I have tickets for are the show,
Speaker 1: this show, and you have two six eight next month,
Speaker 1: and I feel like that pretty much sums up my interest.
Speaker 1: I just adore all three of you because you guys
Speaker 1: keep me laughing and make me a better better as
Speaker 1: a person. Your attitudes and views inspire me to continue
Speaker 1: to work on myself and improve. I am indebted to
Speaker 1: all of you, and I wish you all the best
Speaker 1: in the world. Love you, bestie, all the swells, Derek,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so freaking sweet. Noah was like covering
Speaker 1: her face the whole time. Isn't it so intense to
Speaker 1: get letters addressed to you? I feel the same way now.
Speaker 1: I was telling Andrew this other day that I honestly
Speaker 1: fan tracks. Every time you press play, I get a
Speaker 1: lump in my throat because I get nervous that I
Speaker 1: just can't stand all the like I the love feels
Speaker 1: too much, right, Yeah, I know we have to find
Speaker 1: like that perfect balance. I think that's been like the
Speaker 1: theme of the episode. I know all I want is love,
Speaker 1: and yet when I get it, I go no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't deserve that. Please don't give that to me.
Speaker 1: I'm I promise you. I'm ship that is so nice
Speaker 1: is the one to dust from dustin. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: from Maria. I also got a thing from Maria. I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to write you because I figured so many
Speaker 1: people do. Then I remember what you said on the
Speaker 1: pot about by a standard effect, everyone assumes everyone else
Speaker 1: is doing it. I feel compelled to write for so
Speaker 1: many reasons. I feel like we're swell mates. I like
Speaker 1: that I'm also vegan for the animals because I truly
Speaker 1: love them more than people. And I eat and eating
Speaker 1: meat is so kid. Speaking of Vegas, the most kid place,
Speaker 1: capital of kid but I do it for do love
Speaker 1: it here? This I got her, this note from Maria
Speaker 1: in Vegas. I'm from Canada, close to Niagara Falls, another
Speaker 1: kid place. Another thing that makes us swell mates is
Speaker 1: I also have a gay male bestie, just kidding. I
Speaker 1: know Andrew is straight, but like you, I sometimes wonder
Speaker 1: if I'm by women don't see capable of hurting women
Speaker 1: like men do. Lastly, here's what I admire the most
Speaker 1: about you. How transparent you are. Fuck is she calling
Speaker 1: me pale? Fuck? The negative? The negative losers on Reddit
Speaker 1: similar to you. I have struggled with um things and
Speaker 1: admittedly still do. You have helped me realize how fucked
Speaker 1: up the diet and exercise industry is. I have used
Speaker 1: a lot of your strategies and continue to do so
Speaker 1: in my battle. I just wanted to thank you. You
Speaker 1: are my Taylor Swift, and I mean that. I hope
Speaker 1: you enjoy the Smarties. Oh, this girl gave me Smarties
Speaker 1: from Canada. The um the chocolate treat that I love.
Speaker 1: That's like the Eminem's of Canada. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1: And I have a couple of notes also that I'm
Speaker 1: going to say for next week that people have given
Speaker 1: me in person. So if you want to write me
Speaker 1: a note in person for the meet and greet um,
Speaker 1: I will read those on the fan trax um eventually.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much, Maria and Derek. Let's get
Speaker 1: to some voice memos or some more voice memos if
Speaker 1: we have time. Yeah, Okay had written so nice see
Speaker 1: them writing it by candlelight. So this one comes from Kelly. Okay,
Speaker 1: I know Jukie, This is Kelly from Tennessee. UM. I
Speaker 1: wanted to start by saying how much I love all
Speaker 1: three of you and how much I love the podcast,
Speaker 1: so thank you for doing this every single day. UM,
Speaker 1: But I wanted to tell you about a mispronunciation that
Speaker 1: I had. UM. So, I was with a group of
Speaker 1: friends and there was a board game sitting on the
Speaker 1: table and I was kind of looking at it for
Speaker 1: a long time throughout the night as we were talking,
Speaker 1: and it had dark figures on it, but I was
Speaker 1: confused by the name of the board game. So anyway,
Speaker 1: once I finally one of my friends held it up
Speaker 1: to play it, I go, what the heck is codon
Speaker 1: MS And everybody looked at me. I started laughing so
Speaker 1: hard because the title of the game was code Names.
Speaker 1: I had no idea. I love one word, but it
Speaker 1: clearly said code names. Once they said that, love you guys,
Speaker 1: Thanks Candy. UM. Code Names is so fun. I've played
Speaker 1: it so many times. It's really fun. It's um It's
Speaker 1: a bunch of words that you put on like a
Speaker 1: board like five by five their cards and their words,
Speaker 1: and then you have each of words and you try
Speaker 1: to I try to get you to guess what the
Speaker 1: words are by so I have five cards that five
Speaker 1: of the cards that I have match five of the
Speaker 1: words on a board of like thirty words, and I
Speaker 1: want you to guess. I need to guess, get you
Speaker 1: to guess my five and by saying but I can't
Speaker 1: say the word, I have to say a word that
Speaker 1: might connect like three of you know, as many as possible.
Speaker 1: So if three of the words are coffee, um brab, bear,
Speaker 1: and uh garden, I might say brown, and then you
Speaker 1: might go, okay, brown is a bear, coffee is brown,
Speaker 1: maybe garden is brown. I don't know what I'm like
Speaker 1: black black bear, black coffee by black garden, like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get but you might so you might say that,
Speaker 1: like she might say black old sun and then sound guarded.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if that's good enough, and I
Speaker 1: have to like look at you be like please know
Speaker 1: that I meant it's really fine. Final thought, let's do
Speaker 1: one more fan rax you yet. I don't know if
Speaker 1: there's tickets still available, but we're coming to des Moines can. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll be in De moin tonight. Yeah, right now, Kansas
Speaker 1: City and Chicago this week. There's two shows in Chicago
Speaker 1: seven o'clock and nine thirty, so make sure you know
Speaker 1: that and then but you might might be single tickets available,
Speaker 1: but Kansas City tomorrow and Friday, definitely you can tickets available,
Speaker 1: but definitely mean I think so okay. So this one
Speaker 1: an important message. Andrew Nolla and Nikki us is Maddie
Speaker 1: or so we just wanted to say it. And I'm
Speaker 1: so happy your dad is okay now and doesn't have cancer. Um,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share my story because it's kind
Speaker 1: of weird, but I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when
Speaker 1: I was really young. I was like twenty two or
Speaker 1: three in and I had no idea anything was wrong
Speaker 1: with me. And um, my regular doctor found a lump
Speaker 1: in my neck that I hadn't noticed and she felt it,
Speaker 1: you know how they feel your neck at the beginning
Speaker 1: of a physical checkup, and I got the lump diop seed.
Speaker 1: The doctor kind of brushed it off and told me
Speaker 1: it wasn't very likely that I had thyroid cancer. U.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it came back that I did and my
Speaker 1: thyroid was taken out. But I'm okay now, And yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really crazy how you're gonna have cancer and just
Speaker 1: have no idea because thyroid cancer goes very slowly and
Speaker 1: so I probably had that lump growing there for years
Speaker 1: and if my doctor had found it, I could be
Speaker 1: a way war sauce. So yeah, he sounds like the
Speaker 1: girl from Chasing Amy. Yeah, she has a great voice.
Speaker 1: I mean I thought it. I thought a seven year
Speaker 1: old stold her mom's phone. No, She's what a thing
Speaker 1: to go through at that young an age, and you
Speaker 1: never think in your early twenties that you're going to
Speaker 1: have are especially a type of cancer that you don't
Speaker 1: about the doctor kind of like I love when doctors like,
Speaker 1: probably not gonna And then they got to come back
Speaker 1: in and be like ship I was, you know, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and they were googling back in the s kitchen area. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they do always feel You're like when they're feeling, they
Speaker 1: like feel things, and you just are like apple, dude, No, No,
Speaker 1: I have like a real lump on there. But my
Speaker 1: dad felt it and he said it's like I know,
Speaker 1: as soon as she we started talking about cancer, I
Speaker 1: was like Gody Andrew is going to get scared here.
Speaker 1: You always the cancer stories, like my pinky started to
Speaker 1: hurt a little bit, and then I found out it
Speaker 1: was ankle cancer. Yeah, um no, I know. I mean,
Speaker 1: thank god, girl, but that's crazy. I wonder, um, how
Speaker 1: many more years you could have had that and it
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been like if it's very slow, And she
Speaker 1: said she would she's already had it for years. And again,
Speaker 1: like we were talking, I'm guessing she left this message
Speaker 1: after the other day when we were talking about like
Speaker 1: these appointments that you make to go get your cancers
Speaker 1: checked out, and it's like, okay, well, it's so funny
Speaker 1: because I tried to make an appointment. You remember the
Speaker 1: other day, we were like, let's make our doctor's appointments,
Speaker 1: called the place April April, and I go and I
Speaker 1: and I made them check before I gave them my
Speaker 1: insurance information. I go, I'll pay out a pocket, let's
Speaker 1: just get the let's get let's get the date. And
Speaker 1: then I go, okay, now, And I wasn't really going
Speaker 1: to pay at a pocket. I was just going to
Speaker 1: give them my insurance after they gave me the date.
Speaker 1: But that's ridiculous. I mean, what kind of doctor vagina
Speaker 1: April April, dude, what are these people doing? And how
Speaker 1: did you yesterday? I asked that are the doctor friend
Speaker 1: we have in the building if they could recommend anyone? Oh,
Speaker 1: that's good idea. Yeah. And then the person that came in,
Speaker 1: she was fantastic, but she was a nurse practitioner that
Speaker 1: looked over the doctor didn't even I was like, what's
Speaker 1: going on here? You see? That's what they said to me.
Speaker 1: They go, we can have a nurse to you when
Speaker 1: I go, I see nurses all the time in my building,
Speaker 1: and I don't want these people looking at me to
Speaker 1: check for cervical cancer. No, no offense to nurses. I'm
Speaker 1: sure nurse practitioners they pretty much like I know as
Speaker 1: much as the doctor. Just trust me. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm I want you just why do we have doctors then,
Speaker 1: you know, for peace of mind? Nurses? Yeah? It's um,
Speaker 1: it's it was. It was. It's an interesting I mean
Speaker 1: April that's and they say it was, oh, this was great.
Speaker 1: So I go they're like, oh, so you're you look good.
Speaker 1: This one about the ear thing, it was something like
Speaker 1: it sounded grosser in cancer. You ever get that. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a scapy itis, a certain tipidus your ears disgusting.
Speaker 1: I go, okay, can you just tell me how that
Speaker 1: what you had? It's like, uh, I've heard of it before.
Speaker 1: I know exactly like there's a really gross word. Oh
Speaker 1: and then they like describe. I was like enough and
Speaker 1: digg wood could be. I get it. It's not dig
Speaker 1: with the girl's bigger. We can take it off. Did
Speaker 1: they say, You're just like it's from like not showering. No,
Speaker 1: it's not like a weird growth, because I've heard of
Speaker 1: that of like not shower but like a fung. Oh. No.
Speaker 1: They asked me if I was German, and I go, well, okay, uh,
Speaker 1: maybe we should get the doctor in here because no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I said I was from Eastern Europe jew And they're like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, these kind of skin conditions in that region. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: So then they go. Then the they get done and
Speaker 1: they're like, how's a year from now? And then you
Speaker 1: check out and then goes okay, how's October uh six
Speaker 1: Wednesday around? I'm like, yeah, yeah, you go work perfect.
Speaker 1: The only things that are scheduled that far in advance.
Speaker 1: Our weddings, Like that's the only thing where you're like,
Speaker 1: I might have I've saved this date for something else,
Speaker 1: nothing like we might be underwater by that. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about? It's crazy sometimes the dates for these things.
Speaker 1: I go, they go, oh, your special is coming out
Speaker 1: and you know at whatever it is, and like just go,
Speaker 1: We're not even gonna be around. What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: That's not a real date. Why do we even the
Speaker 1: calendar shouldn't even go that far. We should just be
Speaker 1: like penciling in calendar. It should be a there shouldn't
Speaker 1: be calendars being made to last that long. But this
Speaker 1: is the problem, because this is why you're till April,
Speaker 1: because people are have already scheduled so so many people
Speaker 1: A people filling up these schedules. Let's just why aren't
Speaker 1: walkins welcome exactly? Well, there are in urgent care, but
Speaker 1: you don't want to go to an urgent care. Why.
Speaker 1: I've been to urgent care for so many things and
Speaker 1: it's been like boom boom, get looked at by an
Speaker 1: urgent care doctor. You see what happens. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that happens. I don't think they do, Like like
Speaker 1: a generic checkups at the like O B g N
Speaker 1: for you. The woman by the way, when I tried
Speaker 1: to do the O O B by N, they go,
Speaker 1: are you, um, is this for like um pregnancy? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'll have If it was, my baby
Speaker 1: would be born by April talking this is ridiculous. It
Speaker 1: would already be in preschool, it would be driving. You
Speaker 1: know what, I'll hold off. I'll tell the baby to
Speaker 1: chill out, like and you're like, you're on your fifth
Speaker 1: week of maybe thinking you're pregnant. You right, April, No,
Speaker 1: I need to just done within six days or my
Speaker 1: life is over red tape. Well, this is the thing
Speaker 1: I think, because so many people schedule a year ahead,
Speaker 1: all the schedules filled up with people from ten months
Speaker 1: ago that might cancel that day. Also, like also think
Speaker 1: about COVID and have backed up the system is all
Speaker 1: the people who avoided appointments. Yeah, I mean, I just
Speaker 1: don't think there are enough doctors to see us all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I gotta. But the thing is, it's
Speaker 1: really weird when one doctor is backed up till April
Speaker 1: and then you call another doctor and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we can give you in at a two pm today
Speaker 1: and are bad. You're a bad doctor, right, Like why
Speaker 1: are you alone? There's gonna be some difference here, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's gotta be that's yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I Mean
Speaker 1: that's why these people I kind of felt good about
Speaker 1: because they gave me November. Yeah initially I'm going to
Speaker 1: so I got in at an obi dr fist is
Speaker 1: gonna really doctor O B y g N doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like one of those I test. Just whenever I hear that,
Speaker 1: I just think of an eye test, like oh, like
Speaker 1: the letters are just like I always think of like
Speaker 1: a gym, like you got you like you think like
Speaker 1: the ob gym, like you're going in. And I remember
Speaker 1: Tommy JOHNA gant at a joke that one time as
Speaker 1: a young boy was going into the doctor and he
Speaker 1: went to an OB gay and he like literally like
Speaker 1: signed up and like he was just sitting in the
Speaker 1: waiting room with all these women, just like very confused.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you probably went in because you
Speaker 1: thought it was like a gym, Like you thought it
Speaker 1: was like for boy, like a boy getting a physical
Speaker 1: for your sports. And you were like, oh, because I
Speaker 1: think that's what it was. And he was like, I
Speaker 1: think that probably was it. Well when they asked him
Speaker 1: to cough and they're like you have a penis? Or
Speaker 1: he's like you do you want me cough? Is there
Speaker 1: a pussy and you don't have a pussy, sir, And
Speaker 1: I'm nine, why am I here? Like what is he doing?
Speaker 1: Like I think you were filling up the form and
Speaker 1: said the date of your last period and he was
Speaker 1: like when I wrote a sentence yesterday. Um, all right,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. Thank you so much for the fan trax.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you are alive and well. Kelly. I
Speaker 1: think it was Kelly that gives the advice. Um, I
Speaker 1: pretty much. The advice is go to the doctor, let
Speaker 1: them check your neck and and follow up on things
Speaker 1: that people think might be suspicious and trust your gut.
Speaker 1: And thank you to everyone else that's send into fantax,
Speaker 1: and especially for the handwritten notes. I'll see you this weekend,
Speaker 1: um Abbey in Kansas City and maybe I'll see some
Speaker 1: other besties. Ticket still available for those shows and a
Speaker 1: lot of dates on the books. Um, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to show you guys. We will see
Speaker 1: you on Monday on the Nikki Lazer podcast. Don't be