Speaker 1: Don't answer the phone.
Speaker 2: Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tapp.
Speaker 3: All right, scary, it's the return of mister Michael Oppenheimer. Yep,
Speaker 3: here we go. Jack wants a phone tap his grandfather, Jim.
Speaker 3: Jim hates being interrupted watching his afternoon TV programs by
Speaker 3: telephone telemarketers. So Jack wanted me to call him as
Speaker 3: Michael Oppenheimer, our resident relentless telephone telemarketer. And then later
Speaker 3: coaster boy Josh makes a cameo, Oh my gosh, jealous,
Speaker 3: this is a good day after all in his phone
Speaker 3: tap day doo.
Speaker 2: Josh.
Speaker 1: And really he's never been on a phone type before.
Speaker 1: I think he has. Yeah, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer
Speaker 1: phone tap debut. All right, here we go today's phone
Speaker 1: tap listening. Hello, good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer
Speaker 1: with clamsfreu dot com. How are you doing today.
Speaker 2: Sir, clamscreeo dot job. I'm fine, I'm fine. What do
Speaker 2: you want?
Speaker 1: It is becoming a problem to get fresh seafood.
Speaker 2: You're selling me something, right.
Speaker 1: Our clams sell themselves, sir.
Speaker 2: Who the hell are you?
Speaker 1: We are the leading seafood processing and distribution company and
Speaker 1: we ship seafood direct to you.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't want no package seafood for you. Send
Speaker 2: package seafood.
Speaker 1: We send you seafood fresh, it is caught and shipped.
Speaker 2: Listen to me, buddy, I don't have any time to
Speaker 2: these all right? Goodbye?
Speaker 1: Hello, This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you.
Speaker 1: Don't you gotta be after six years?
Speaker 2: You know, man, you gotta pair of balls calling me
Speaker 2: back again? What the hell's the matter with you? I
Speaker 2: told you I wasn't interested. I don't want any seafood.
Speaker 1: I eat clams.
Speaker 2: I eat clams. You know you like Italian food.
Speaker 1: I love Italian food.
Speaker 2: Sir, eat my graziano. Give up the damn phone. Goodbye.
Speaker 1: Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer. So we didn't even
Speaker 1: tell you.
Speaker 2: What do you guys? Do you only cold during lunch
Speaker 2: and dinner? Don't you guys ever eat? Why didn't you
Speaker 2: get a real got my wife's sake?
Speaker 1: We have a special today, sir?
Speaker 2: Who the hell cares? Will? I don't care about your
Speaker 2: spec How do I get through to you? Are you
Speaker 2: hard at heeling?
Speaker 1: Are you throwing a party anytime soon? Sir?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll throw a party in your mouth, Get the
Speaker 2: hell off the fall and lead need along way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the daily staff of sixty nine clam shuckers working
Speaker 1: round the clock to give you.
Speaker 2: Why did you go shut yourself a get the hell
Speaker 2: out of it, moron, Get a real job. Hello, this is.
Speaker 1: Mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you dot com.
Speaker 2: You got a set?
Speaker 1: We have a daily catch for just forty nine ninety
Speaker 1: nine for two dozen little necks and thirty nine ninety
Speaker 1: nine for three dozen cherries.
Speaker 2: Well, I think I'd like to put my hands around
Speaker 2: your little neck and squeeze it a little bit. You
Speaker 2: How did you get my phone number? Anyhow?
Speaker 1: You we are calling Italians today? Oh?
Speaker 2: You call it all Italians? What's the matter with everybody
Speaker 2: else who says I'm Italian? And what if I am?
Speaker 2: And what if I'm not? Frederice son of a bitches?
Speaker 1: We did a computer generated search for names that ended
Speaker 1: in vowels, and yours came up at el.
Speaker 2: Maybe your computer's not working right. I think your brain's
Speaker 2: not working right. You know that's just something wrong with you.
Speaker 2: How can you keep pulling the same person back time
Speaker 2: and time again when they say that I'm interested because
Speaker 2: you need a lobotomy or something. You are a crazy
Speaker 2: son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: Our research finds that Italians consume more clams than any
Speaker 1: other nationality.
Speaker 2: If I am Italian, I'm gonna find out where you are,
Speaker 2: you stupid, and send somebody over there and break your kneecaps.
Speaker 2: All right, then we'll see who's Italian and who is it.
Speaker 2: I don't need yours. My wife goes to the fish
Speaker 2: market every Friday and she gets French fish right off
Speaker 2: that dock. What do I need your frozen clams?
Speaker 1: Your wife has the freshest clams.
Speaker 2: My wife gets the freshest plans. She gets the freshest tuna.
Speaker 2: Everything my wife's got.
Speaker 1: How's your wife's snapper?
Speaker 2: My wife snapper enjoyed the people lazy? It's solectic.
Speaker 1: If you act now, I'll throw in a free jar
Speaker 1: of puntanesca sauce.
Speaker 2: Hello, sir.
Speaker 1: Our credo is to satisfy the customers.
Speaker 2: Manager on a phone, would you.
Speaker 1: I'm in charge here? Sir?
Speaker 2: No, you're not in charge. They can't have an like
Speaker 2: you in charge, but put your manager on the.
Speaker 1: Phone transferring call Hello, Who is this is Marty Schottenheimer?
Speaker 2: I told you. I want to speak to your boss.
Speaker 1: So you're thinking of mister Michael Oppenheimer. I am mister
Speaker 1: Marty Schottenheimer or.
Speaker 2: What you guys? You sound like zombies or something.
Speaker 1: Who can I help you today? Sir?
Speaker 2: Do you know that Dishmark has called me six times
Speaker 2: already to sell me some bones and plans. I told
Speaker 2: you guy ten times I'm not interested, and he just
Speaker 2: keeps calling and calling. Now I want to register a complaint.
Speaker 1: You sound Italian, sir, and Italians enjoy class? Is this
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 2: Guys? With the Italians? Do you sell to anybody but Italians?
Speaker 2: Are you there? You zombie? Can you hear me?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I can hear you. I can hear you.
Speaker 2: I think you're a robot.
Speaker 1: I'm Marty Schottenheimer. I'm Michael Oppenheimer.
Speaker 2: I fell around. I think somebody's strolling with me here, sir.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you need to keep clam and carry on.
Speaker 2: But who is that? Who is there? This is Michael?
Speaker 2: Who's that what you clams? Today? Jack?
Speaker 3: Hey, Jim, this is Scary Jones with Elvis Duran in
Speaker 3: the Morning show. And your grandson Jack is phone tapping you.
Speaker 2: You know, Jack, you son of a dog. You know
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get you back for this, your little bastard.
Speaker 1: And I'm a Frank Colaster boy. Josh is Marty Schottenheimer.
Speaker 1: What's up, Jim?
Speaker 2: Guys, you know the second he said, Marty shot and
Speaker 2: like a bell went off and I'm thinking I'm being
Speaker 2: punk kids. Okay, well, this is Peyton Manning when you're
Speaker 2: guying a bunch of schmucks.
Speaker 1: This pale table was pre recorded with permission granted
Speaker 3: By all the Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis
Speaker 3: Duran in the Morning Show