WEBVTT - Mr. Michael Oppenheimer Clams For You

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<v Speaker 1>Don't answer the phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tapp.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, scary, it's the return of mister Michael Oppenheimer. Yep,

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<v Speaker 3>here we go. Jack wants a phone tap his grandfather, Jim.

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<v Speaker 3>Jim hates being interrupted watching his afternoon TV programs by

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<v Speaker 3>telephone telemarketers. So Jack wanted me to call him as

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<v Speaker 3>Michael Oppenheimer, our resident relentless telephone telemarketer. And then later

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<v Speaker 3>coaster boy Josh makes a cameo, Oh my gosh, jealous,

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<v Speaker 3>this is a good day after all in his phone

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<v Speaker 3>tap day doo.

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<v Speaker 2>Josh.

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<v Speaker 1>And really he's never been on a phone type before.

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<v Speaker 1>I think he has. Yeah, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer

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<v Speaker 1>phone tap debut. All right, here we go today's phone

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<v Speaker 1>tap listening. Hello, good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer

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<v Speaker 1>with clamsfreu dot com. How are you doing today.

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<v Speaker 2>Sir, clamscreeo dot job. I'm fine, I'm fine. What do

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<v Speaker 2>you want?

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<v Speaker 1>It is becoming a problem to get fresh seafood.

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<v Speaker 2>You're selling me something, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Our clams sell themselves, sir.

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<v Speaker 2>Who the hell are you?

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<v Speaker 1>We are the leading seafood processing and distribution company and

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<v Speaker 1>we ship seafood direct to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't want no package seafood for you. Send

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<v Speaker 2>package seafood.

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<v Speaker 1>We send you seafood fresh, it is caught and shipped.

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<v Speaker 2>Listen to me, buddy, I don't have any time to

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<v Speaker 2>these all right? Goodbye?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't you gotta be after six years?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, man, you gotta pair of balls calling me

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<v Speaker 2>back again? What the hell's the matter with you? I

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<v Speaker 2>told you I wasn't interested. I don't want any seafood.

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<v Speaker 1>I eat clams.

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<v Speaker 2>I eat clams. You know you like Italian food.

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<v Speaker 1>I love Italian food.

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<v Speaker 2>Sir, eat my graziano. Give up the damn phone. Goodbye.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer. So we didn't even

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<v Speaker 1>tell you.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you guys? Do you only cold during lunch

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<v Speaker 2>and dinner? Don't you guys ever eat? Why didn't you

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<v Speaker 2>get a real got my wife's sake?

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<v Speaker 1>We have a special today, sir?

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<v Speaker 2>Who the hell cares? Will? I don't care about your

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<v Speaker 2>spec How do I get through to you? Are you

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<v Speaker 2>hard at heeling?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you throwing a party anytime soon? Sir?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'll throw a party in your mouth, Get the

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<v Speaker 2>hell off the fall and lead need along way.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the daily staff of sixty nine clam shuckers working

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<v Speaker 1>round the clock to give you.

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<v Speaker 2>Why did you go shut yourself a get the hell

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<v Speaker 2>out of it, moron, Get a real job. Hello, this is.

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<v Speaker 1>Mister Michael Oppenheimer with clams for you dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>You got a set?

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<v Speaker 1>We have a daily catch for just forty nine ninety

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<v Speaker 1>nine for two dozen little necks and thirty nine ninety

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<v Speaker 1>nine for three dozen cherries.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think I'd like to put my hands around

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<v Speaker 2>your little neck and squeeze it a little bit. You

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<v Speaker 2>How did you get my phone number? Anyhow?

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<v Speaker 1>You we are calling Italians today? Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>You call it all Italians? What's the matter with everybody

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<v Speaker 2>else who says I'm Italian? And what if I am?

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<v Speaker 2>And what if I'm not? Frederice son of a bitches?

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<v Speaker 1>We did a computer generated search for names that ended

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<v Speaker 1>in vowels, and yours came up at el.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe your computer's not working right. I think your brain's

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<v Speaker 2>not working right. You know that's just something wrong with you.

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<v Speaker 2>How can you keep pulling the same person back time

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<v Speaker 2>and time again when they say that I'm interested because

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<v Speaker 2>you need a lobotomy or something. You are a crazy

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<v Speaker 2>son of a bitch.

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<v Speaker 1>Our research finds that Italians consume more clams than any

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<v Speaker 1>other nationality.

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<v Speaker 2>If I am Italian, I'm gonna find out where you are,

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<v Speaker 2>you stupid, and send somebody over there and break your kneecaps.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, then we'll see who's Italian and who is it.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't need yours. My wife goes to the fish

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<v Speaker 2>market every Friday and she gets French fish right off

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<v Speaker 2>that dock. What do I need your frozen clams?

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<v Speaker 1>Your wife has the freshest clams.

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<v Speaker 2>My wife gets the freshest plans. She gets the freshest tuna.

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<v Speaker 2>Everything my wife's got.

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<v Speaker 1>How's your wife's snapper?

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<v Speaker 2>My wife snapper enjoyed the people lazy? It's solectic.

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<v Speaker 1>If you act now, I'll throw in a free jar

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<v Speaker 1>of puntanesca sauce.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, sir.

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<v Speaker 1>Our credo is to satisfy the customers.

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<v Speaker 2>Manager on a phone, would you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in charge here? Sir?

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<v Speaker 2>No, you're not in charge. They can't have an like

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<v Speaker 2>you in charge, but put your manager on the.

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<v Speaker 1>Phone transferring call Hello, Who is this is Marty Schottenheimer?

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<v Speaker 2>I told you. I want to speak to your boss.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're thinking of mister Michael Oppenheimer. I am mister

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<v Speaker 1>Marty Schottenheimer or.

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<v Speaker 2>What you guys? You sound like zombies or something.

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<v Speaker 1>Who can I help you today? Sir?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you know that Dishmark has called me six times

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<v Speaker 2>already to sell me some bones and plans. I told

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<v Speaker 2>you guy ten times I'm not interested, and he just

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<v Speaker 2>keeps calling and calling. Now I want to register a complaint.

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<v Speaker 1>You sound Italian, sir, and Italians enjoy class? Is this

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<v Speaker 1>with you?

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<v Speaker 2>Guys? With the Italians? Do you sell to anybody but Italians?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you there? You zombie? Can you hear me?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I can hear you. I can hear you.

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<v Speaker 2>I think you're a robot.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Marty Schottenheimer. I'm Michael Oppenheimer.

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<v Speaker 2>I fell around. I think somebody's strolling with me here, sir.

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<v Speaker 1>It sounds like you need to keep clam and carry on.

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<v Speaker 2>But who is that? Who is there? This is Michael?

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<v Speaker 2>Who's that what you clams? Today? Jack?

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<v Speaker 3>Hey, Jim, this is Scary Jones with Elvis Duran in

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<v Speaker 3>the Morning show. And your grandson Jack is phone tapping you.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, Jack, you son of a dog. You know

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna get you back for this, your little bastard.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm a Frank Colaster boy. Josh is Marty Schottenheimer.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up, Jim?

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<v Speaker 2>Guys, you know the second he said, Marty shot and

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<v Speaker 2>like a bell went off and I'm thinking I'm being

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<v Speaker 2>punk kids. Okay, well, this is Peyton Manning when you're

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<v Speaker 2>guying a bunch of schmucks.

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<v Speaker 1>This pale table was pre recorded with permission granted

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<v Speaker 3>By all the Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis

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<v Speaker 3>Duran in the Morning Show