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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Samp this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two case story Time podcast hosts, and we have some

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Speaker 1: ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want

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Speaker 1: to hear the wisdom from two old heads that know

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Speaker 1: more than they know what to do with, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors

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Speaker 1: for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My sister is cheating and I want to tell her boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: Tell him, tell him now.

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Speaker 3: I nineteen female, have a sister twenty five female with

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Speaker 3: a long term boyfriend of four years. They were college sweethearts.

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Speaker 3: She suspects he will be proposing soon based upon how

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Speaker 3: he acts. By the way, this comes from users' stars

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Speaker 3: and all in the sky, and if you want to

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Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

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Speaker 3: story time subreddit. And Op says one year ago she

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Speaker 3: quote ended a relationship with a coworker once he got transferred.

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Speaker 3: They talked a little longer after that, but it faded

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Speaker 3: after a few months.

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Speaker 2: I told her I thought it was good. Her and

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Speaker 2: her long term worked through the affair, and then she

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Speaker 2: told me she never told him.

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Speaker 3: I told her, I don't think it's right. She wants

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Speaker 3: to marry him, and she never told him. She started

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Speaker 3: to get mad and said it's no big deal and

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Speaker 3: that it's in the past. That's when I told her

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Speaker 3: I will tell her boyfriend if she won't. She really

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Speaker 3: blew up at me, saying that I'm trying to ruin

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Speaker 3: her relationship over some guy across the country.

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Speaker 2: Who what he wasn't across the country.

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Speaker 3: When you cheat it on your boyfriend with it, no,

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Speaker 3: what are we talking about?

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Speaker 2: This is a not really a head scratcher here. You're like, Oh,

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Speaker 2: that's not that's not nice, and that's not right.

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Speaker 3: I'm suspecting this is like the nineteen year old, you know,

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Speaker 3: the younger sister dynamic is like, I don't know this

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Speaker 3: is This is not a situation in which you really

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Speaker 3: need your sister's permission. Your sister has done something wrong

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Speaker 3: and you have free will. You've been like, you can

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Speaker 3: do this.

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Speaker 2: You literally can do this without her. You don't need

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Speaker 2: her consent to be like, can I tell on you?

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Speaker 3: If your sister robbed a bank and you were like,

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Speaker 3: should I tell the sheriff? Your sister's gonna be like no,

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Speaker 3: but like that would be the correct move anyway. So

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Speaker 3: then I told her, quote, you only ended things because

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Speaker 3: he moved. It's been a week since and we've talked

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Speaker 3: very little. Last week we met again at a family

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Speaker 3: thing and her boyfriend was there. I told her again

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Speaker 3: that she needs to tell him or I will in

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Speaker 3: a week. She told me I was jealous and hated her.

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Speaker 3: All right, cool, and that's when you like, all right,

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Speaker 3: I I do, I do. And guess what I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: tell him right now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: She said, you must be doing this because you want

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Speaker 3: to hook up with him.

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Speaker 2: I am ace, by the way, I told my mom

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Speaker 2: and dad.

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Speaker 3: My mom said it's up to my sister to tell him,

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Speaker 3: and that I shouldn't interfere.

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Speaker 2: Bad.

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Speaker 3: She thinks my actions are wrong, but if she keeps

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Speaker 3: it any longer, the universe will work itself out. Ah okay,

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Speaker 3: so is this not I'm sorry? Am I not a

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Speaker 3: part of the universe? Is my desire to inform him?

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Speaker 3: Maybe not an aspect of the universe self out?

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Speaker 2: You're not in her universe, so you don't count. Ah,

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Speaker 2: that's right, that's right. My dad doesn't know how to feel.

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Speaker 3: AKA doesn't want to disagree with his wife and wants

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Speaker 3: to speak with my sister. Would I be the a

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Speaker 3: hole if I told my sister's boyfriend of her past. No, No,

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Speaker 3: it would be very detrimental to her future wedding plans.

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Speaker 3: But you wouldn't be the a whole you didn't cheat

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Speaker 3: on him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And do you really just want this to keep

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Speaker 2: eating at you? It seems like she's fine with it,

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Speaker 2: but it seems like it's affecting you more and more,

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Speaker 2: and you're like, Ah, I don't like this.

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Speaker 3: You gotta tell him save this man. Yeah, she's just

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Speaker 3: gonna do it again. She's gonna do it again. She

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Speaker 3: clearly has no actual remorse. She's just like, well, I

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Speaker 3: don't ever have to deal with this because I didn't

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Speaker 3: get caught and I never will.

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Speaker 2: And I love the double down from her of like,

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Speaker 2: you just want them for yourself? You just a hater? Huh. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: there's an edit to add. Thanks for all the comments.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting the question why I'm thinking of doing this

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Speaker 3: Besides the fact I believe cheating is wrong and he

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Speaker 3: has the right to know, there is a history of

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Speaker 3: cheating in our family that my sister knows ends up

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Speaker 3: super messy.

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Speaker 2: Oh, she probably preaches it too. She's like Cheating is bad,

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Speaker 2: Cheating is wrong. Cheaters suck. I'm gonna do it. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The cheating in our family is not direct family, but

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Speaker 3: with one aunt and one uncle. Both situations resulted in

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Speaker 3: divorces and major complications. She also has a very nonchalant

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Speaker 3: idea of cheating. She's joked to me she could kiss

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Speaker 3: another man and her boyfriend is so chill he wouldn't care.

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Speaker 3: She also leaves hard eyes on other men's Instagram posts publicly.

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Speaker 3: I talked to her about this two months ago, but

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Speaker 3: she says they're just friends.

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Speaker 2: For her friends who are girls.

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Speaker 3: It will be cute hearts, but for boys it's the

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Speaker 3: hard eyes emoji. And I've even seen the hot based

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Speaker 3: emoji on one guy. Her boyfriend doesn't have Instagram. I

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Speaker 3: don't think she would have ended the affair with the

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Speaker 3: other guy if he hadn't moved. Obviously, I can't confirm that,

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Speaker 3: but with what I have said above, I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update. I think we tell, we tell,

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Speaker 2: we tell, we tell. What's the worst that's gonna happen.

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Speaker 2: Your sister is gonna be I feel like she'd be

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Speaker 2: like kind of upset that you told on her and

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Speaker 2: she'd be like, oh wait, now I'm not dating him,

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Speaker 2: I can go see other people.

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Speaker 4: Uh yeah, it'll just be uh you know, I mean.

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Speaker 2: You did warn her. You literally said, if you don't

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Speaker 2: tell him by the end of the.

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Speaker 4: Week, I will saving everyone the trouble.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, there's an update. There are three clear camps.

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Speaker 3: Tell him, or be loyal to my sister, or just

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Speaker 3: mine my own business. I'm still uncertain what I'm going

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Speaker 3: to do exactly, but I'm making a new two part plan.

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Speaker 2: Part one, what do your need to make parts? Why

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Speaker 2: do you need to make a plan. It's as simple,

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Speaker 2: just do it.

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Speaker 3: Someone here suggests that I speak with both my parents

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Speaker 3: and sister about it together, and I'm going to do that.

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Speaker 3: I want to tell him if she genuinely thinks he

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Speaker 3: will propose, he deserves to know, but I think she

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Speaker 3: should get the chance to come clean. To be completely clear,

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Speaker 3: they are not engaged. She thinks he will propose. I

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Speaker 3: think part of the reason she thinks so is because

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Speaker 3: our families have been getting closer lately.

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Speaker 2: Part two.

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Speaker 3: I am Instagram friends with the boyfriend's sister. We send

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Speaker 3: each other memes and stuff. I'm going to send her

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Speaker 3: the public Instagram post my sister has commented on I'm

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Speaker 3: not doing.

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Speaker 2: This through her to avoid being the direct cause.

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Speaker 3: I'm fine if she tells him, and will be open

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Speaker 3: if he wants to ask me more questions, but it

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Speaker 3: should come from someone he really trusts. I'm getting a

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Speaker 3: lot of comments telling me this is a lose lose situation.

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Speaker 3: I really hate it, but I also hate lying, which

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Speaker 3: my sister seems to have no problem doing to those

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Speaker 3: saying I should be more loyal to her and family

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Speaker 3: is forever. These are her action. Cheating and secrecy should

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Speaker 3: not be normalized. There's an update too, go ahead and

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Speaker 3: get into it. Monday night, I had to sit down

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Speaker 3: with my sister. I talked to her again, telling her

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Speaker 3: if she wants to marry her boyfriend, he deserves to

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Speaker 3: know about the past so they can move on. She

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Speaker 3: just kept rolling her eyes and seemed so uninterested. Oh

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Speaker 3: my god, how fast I would be telling him I

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Speaker 3: would be texting, rolling your eyes at me.

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Speaker 2: Immediately like hey, we gotta talk send.

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Speaker 3: I told her, how would you feel if he did

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Speaker 3: that to you?

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Speaker 2: She said, it's different, it's in the past. Got up,

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Speaker 2: Shut up? What an annoying lady.

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Speaker 3: I tried to explain to her that that is not

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Speaker 3: different and asked why she thinks it is. She said

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Speaker 3: something like, it's different because I love him, and if

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Speaker 3: he cheats on me, he doesn't love me, and I

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Speaker 3: can love multiple people. It doesn't mean that I don't

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Speaker 3: love him. And I'm with him only right now, which

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Speaker 3: is all that matters. Those statements seem so contradictory.

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Speaker 2: Good job, o P.

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Speaker 3: They were so she can cheat in the past because

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Speaker 3: she loves him, but he can't.

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Speaker 2: I was truly baffled.

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Speaker 3: I asked her to clarify, but she just said again

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Speaker 3: that it's different and that I hate her happiness. She

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Speaker 3: tried to play it off like, oh, he won't care,

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Speaker 3: and then we went back and forth.

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Speaker 2: I said, if he doesn't care, why can't I tell him? Yes,

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Speaker 2: thank you, I don't care. I'm gonna tell him then,

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Speaker 2: do don't do that. You can't do that because it's

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Speaker 2: in the past. The past doesn't matter. But I love him.

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Speaker 3: The past doesn't matter. Just why can't I tell him then?

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Speaker 3: If he won't care, and it doesn't matter because you

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Speaker 3: hate me, she said, because it's in the past. I said,

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Speaker 3: you said the past doesn't matter, So shouldn't it not

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Speaker 3: matter to him? She said, you hate me? And repeat.

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Speaker 2: Ah, man, I want to put I want to take

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Speaker 2: her to like a philosophy class. You know. It's like,

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Speaker 2: so say that one more time. Yeah, this statement does

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Speaker 2: not equal this statement. What are we saying here? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I love Therefore I can never cheat. I then brought

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Speaker 3: up the Instagram comments. She got super defensive about that.

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Speaker 3: She said, those people are chest friends and I'm blowing

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Speaker 3: things up. I told her, all right, let him see

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Speaker 3: the comments. Then again, she said, you hate me, you're

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Speaker 3: Jella's repeat. It was a very unproductive conversation. Yeah. My

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Speaker 3: parents came in a few times, and my dad said

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Speaker 3: trust is the most important foundation of any long lasting relationship.

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Speaker 4: My mom said they would be okay. They didn't have

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Speaker 4: much to add.

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Speaker 3: Tuesday, I decided to send the Instagram post with the

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Speaker 3: comments to the boyfriend's sister. She didn't seem shocked. She

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Speaker 3: just said, wow, thank you for sending this. I sent

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Speaker 3: a brief text saying if he has any more questions,

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Speaker 3: I can answer, But I don't know if he's aware

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Speaker 3: of this or comfortable with it. I got left on

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Speaker 3: red Wednesday. The boyfriend's sister texted me saying, what happened.

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Speaker 3: I'll call her not sister in law for simplicity. As

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Speaker 3: I said, the boyfriend doesn't have Instagram. Not sister in

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Speaker 3: law showed him the comments maybe an hour after I

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Speaker 3: sent her the post. He had no idea about the comments,

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Speaker 3: and when he looked at the post, he had never

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Speaker 3: met these friends. She put thirst emojis under. Not sister

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Speaker 3: in law did something I didn't think to do. She

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Speaker 3: looked at my sister's tagged posts. She found more of

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Speaker 3: those thirst comments and more and more. On nights, she

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Speaker 3: had to cancel with her boyfriend because she was busy

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Speaker 3: at work.

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Speaker 4: She was tagged in party photos.

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Speaker 3: Not sister in law and the boyfriend had kind of

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Speaker 3: mapped out the lies for like an hour. Today, my

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Speaker 3: sister went to see her boyfriend at his family's house.

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Speaker 3: Not sister in law was there and described what happened.

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Speaker 3: The boyfriend asked my sister to see her Instagram. She

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Speaker 3: looked shocked and reluctantly scrolled her feet. Nothing off there,

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Speaker 3: but then he asked if it was okay to see

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Speaker 3: your texts. She shut it down immediately. According to not

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Speaker 3: sister in law The back and forth was something like this.

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Speaker 3: My sister asked, why don't you trust me? The boyfriend said, oh,

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Speaker 3: why can't I see it. My sister said, oh, why

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Speaker 3: don't you trust me? The boyfriend said, I know you

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Speaker 3: lied about work. My sister says, that's not.

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Speaker 2: A big deal.

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Speaker 3: I just wanted to be with my friend. The boyfriend said,

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Speaker 3: then why didn't you tell me. My sister says, it's

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Speaker 3: not a big deal. Why do you care so much?

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Speaker 3: Why are you so controlling?

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Speaker 2: And repeat? Why do you hate me? Why do you

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Speaker 2: hate me? Why do you hate me? Yeah? And not

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Speaker 2: my friends? Why you hate men?

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Speaker 3: Eventually my sister handed over the phone and oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: she is still texting the coworker.

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Speaker 2: Dont don't done. You're an idiot. You're an idiot.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like so over my coworker.

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Speaker 2: He like doesn't even live here anymore. He is like

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Speaker 2: five states away.

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Speaker 4: We've been talking every single day though, But it's fine.

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Speaker 2: But it's in the past, right. It happened like yesterday,

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Speaker 2: So it's in the past. In the it's in the past.

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00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:23,520
Speaker 2: While she's actively still texting. I texted him literally an

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Speaker 2: hour ago. That's in the past. So like it doesn't count. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like all in the past past.

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Speaker 3: Oh, there are texts with implied explicit images. The photos

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Speaker 3: on Instagram disappear, but the words and emojis imply it

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00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,720
Speaker 3: was daddy. Not sister in law said. The boyfriend said

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00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,120
Speaker 3: they were on a break. I texted not sister in

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Speaker 3: law explaining what I knew about the past coworker and

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Speaker 3: that I wanted to give my sister a chance to

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Speaker 3: come clean. She said she isn't shocked and that she's

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Speaker 3: going to focus on being there for her brother. That

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00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,880
Speaker 3: brings us to three hours ago. My sister came home

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Speaker 3: and was furious at me. I didn't know yet what

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00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 3: had happened, so when she was yelling at me, I

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00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 3: thought it was about the Instagram comments.

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Speaker 2: She said again that I hate her and I'm jealous.

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Speaker 3: I told her, I'm sorry this blew up, but it's

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Speaker 3: from her actions. She just stormed upstairs and we haven't

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Speaker 3: talked since. My mom and dad talked to her at first.

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Speaker 3: They had sympathy, but she refused to take any responsibility

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Speaker 3: for her actions. When I got the messages from not

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Speaker 3: sister in law, I was shocked. I didn't know she

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Speaker 3: was still cheating. I thought I had update because the

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00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,200
Speaker 3: comments kept on rolling in, and obviously I know a

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Speaker 3: lot of you think this is maybe not my place.

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Speaker 3: I made the i'm ace comment because I thought her

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Speaker 3: accusation was funny.

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Speaker 2: She said a lot worse stuff I didn't include.

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Speaker 3: I understand your points on loyalty, but how is that

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Speaker 3: fair to him?

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00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,199
Speaker 2: Uh? And there is a little bit more story left.

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Speaker 3: I got the advice saying I should reach out to

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Speaker 3: someone he knows and trust, like a friend with this information.

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00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,360
Speaker 2: So I talked to his sister.

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Speaker 3: The next day, I get comments saying why are you

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00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,719
Speaker 3: involving his sister? That's row you can't win everybody over.

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00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,280
Speaker 3: Another lesson that you'll learn as you get older. She's

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00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,360
Speaker 3: very protective of him, and they are twins. I knew

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00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,640
Speaker 3: she would want to know. The last thing I want

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00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,480
Speaker 3: to address is that people think I'm obsessed with my sister.

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00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,680
Speaker 3: Instagram has this feature where on reels you can click

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Speaker 3: a button in the corner and then it'll show you

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00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,520
Speaker 3: the posts that person liked and highlight their comments. I'm

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00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 3: not some kind of FBI agent. I clicked a button.

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Speaker 3: Moral of the story, don't post on Reddit.

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Speaker 2: Moral of the story don't cheat.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I refuse to.

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00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,440
Speaker 2: Tell my mother about my pregnancy because of my upbringing.

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Speaker 4: It's been a long time coming.

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Speaker 2: There is a trigger warning for emotional and verbal, so

300
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,200
Speaker 2: keep note of that. I'm thinking of going no contact

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00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,200
Speaker 2: slush low contact with my mother and not telling her

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00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,920
Speaker 2: about my pregnancy. Some background. My thirty eight female big

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00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,360
Speaker 2: brother Tom will be one Mail has always been the

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00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,040
Speaker 2: golden child. He was bullied in school and our mother

305
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,720
Speaker 2: always pitied him, telling him and all of us that

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00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,000
Speaker 2: the world is so cruel to him. If any of

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00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,280
Speaker 2: us siblings said or did something to him, we were

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00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,560
Speaker 2: always in the wrong and so mean to poor Tom.

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Speaker 2: Me a thirty four female, the youngest, was also kind

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Speaker 2: of the favorite after Tom. She was always very fragile

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00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,880
Speaker 2: and cried easily. It always came down to us middle

312
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 2: children being mean and stupid. By the way, this comes

313
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,800
Speaker 2: from user traditional set ninety one to fifty four and

314
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,520
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,120
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime, Separate and op He says,

316
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,840
Speaker 2: I always got the harsh words and was in the

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00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,240
Speaker 2: way no matter what I did. When I tried to

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Speaker 2: talk to my mother, I always got shut down, often

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00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 2: with very mean and hurtful things. I didn't realize this

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00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,480
Speaker 2: was wrong until I became an adult. As a child,

321
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 2: I was angry, hurt, and felt unloved and misunderstood. Later

322
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,880
Speaker 2: in life, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That explained

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00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 2: a lot of my feelings in trouble controlling my emotions.

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00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,040
Speaker 2: When I was younger, my little sister, em thirty seven female,

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00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 2: was struggling with an eating disorder, so we went to

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00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,840
Speaker 2: a family session with a psychologist. The psychologist told my

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00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 2: mother that I was in bad shape and really needed help.

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Speaker 2: Her answer was, I don't have time for her or

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Speaker 2: her problems.

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Speaker 4: Yo, as gonna be a big old yikes from me dog.

331
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Speaker 2: And what did the psychologist say after that? My mother

332
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:33,280
Speaker 2: recently told me herself she said those exact words back then,

333
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 2: so she doubled down. My feelings and mental well being

334
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 2: were ignored.

335
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 3: Well, let's what was Was your mom involved in some

336
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,480
Speaker 3: sort of plot to save the world or you know,

337
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,880
Speaker 3: like I don't what did she What did she do

338
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:49,440
Speaker 3: for work?

339
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 2: Did she save the planet?

340
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: That's the only reason I can think that would be

341
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 3: appropriate for saying something like that.

342
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it looks like Mama's got a couple of her

343
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,520
Speaker 2: favorites and her unfathts, that's for sure, and that's crazy.

344
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 2: I was in an unhealthy relationship, and when I asked

345
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 2: for my mother's help, she said, you choose to be

346
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 2: with him, that's not my problem. Over the years, she

347
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 2: said things like, I don't have time for you, I

348
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,640
Speaker 2: don't care, you shouldn't eat, that, you're already fat, you're

349
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 2: always in the way, and so on. Holy cow, wow, Yes,

350
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 2: I'm overweight and have a bad relationship with food. Now.

351
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell her she was hurting me. She'd always

352
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 2: get defensive, and I was mean to her for calling

353
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 2: out her bad behavior. She never talked to us when

354
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 2: we did something wrong. All she did was yell and scream.

355
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,639
Speaker 2: When I got older, I couldn't take it anymore and

356
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,640
Speaker 2: I wrote an email explaining why I needed to move

357
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,640
Speaker 2: on without her. With that, I lost my whole family

358
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,119
Speaker 2: because everyone thought I was insane and took her side

359
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,679
Speaker 2: without hearing me out. I had to go no contact

360
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,159
Speaker 2: for my own health and sanity. I was undiagnosed for

361
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,280
Speaker 2: bipolar disorder and couldn't express myself correctly and had anger issues.

362
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 2: But I was a child slash young adult. It didn't

363
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 2: understand myself or why I was like that. After seven years,

364
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,679
Speaker 2: I had a lot of therapy and finally contacted my

365
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 2: family again and I apologized for my behavior, wanting a

366
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 2: relationship with all of them. I was diagnosed and medicated,

367
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,640
Speaker 2: so I felt much better. I was ready to move

368
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,320
Speaker 2: on and let go of my old trauma. I didn't

369
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 2: need an apology, but that was never suggested by my mother.

370
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,120
Speaker 2: I accepted that fact and that she wouldn't change who

371
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 2: she is for me. I live in a city around

372
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 2: nine hundred kilometers or five hundred and sixty miles away

373
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 2: from the rest of my family and can only visit

374
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,719
Speaker 2: four to five times a year. My father is an

375
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:42,160
Speaker 2: amazing father, caring and loving, but he always took mother's side,

376
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 2: not even listening to anyone else's side of it. No

377
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:49,159
Speaker 2: matter how wrong she was, he stood by her side.

378
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,479
Speaker 2: Everything was okay, it felt better, but we all saw

379
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,880
Speaker 2: that nothing had changed with my mother. She's still toxic,

380
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 2: the toxic behavior where Tom was always hurt if anyone

381
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 2: said a simple thing like he did something wrong. We

382
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,880
Speaker 2: were mean and evil. She never let anything go When

383
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 2: I talked about something with her, I was angry and hysterical,

384
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 2: even if I'm talking calmly. I realized I will always

385
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 2: be the angry, dangerous, mean child. No, at any point

386
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 2: we disagreed I was the one who was angry and insane,

387
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,679
Speaker 2: when in reality she was the one screaming and couldn't

388
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 2: talk in a normal tone. Me and my husband tried

389
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 2: to get pregnant for over twelve years, and finally we

390
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 2: were getting a baby boy. Congrats. We were so happy,

391
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 2: and my mother seemed happy about it. My other siblings

392
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 2: all have their own children already. It was only me

393
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 2: who seemingly couldn't get pregnant. However, now we have a

394
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,720
Speaker 2: wonderful and amazing son. Tom is not diagnosed, but we

395
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,119
Speaker 2: suspect he is a self absorbed guy. According to a

396
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 2: list of symptoms of self absorbed people, he checks every point.

397
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 2: He always goes around saying I have such strong feelings.

398
00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 2: My gift to the world is my words. I am strong,

399
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 2: I could do anything I set my mind to, and

400
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,879
Speaker 2: so on. He always prioritizes himself first, even before his

401
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 2: own children, because guess what Mommy did that. Mommy allowed

402
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 2: that because Tom was the baby. He doesn't say, look

403
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 2: at my boy. He's so good with the soccer ball,

404
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 2: my cue the music. He says, my talent for sports

405
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 2: is my gift to my son. Or I am giving

406
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 2: my son the gift of music. It always is his gift,

407
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,120
Speaker 2: his talent. He got a tattoo that says I can

408
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:39,679
Speaker 2: be wrong.

409
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 3: What what a lame tattoo?

410
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 2: I could be wrong? I think you were wrong when

411
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,400
Speaker 2: you got the tattoo, buddy, that's insane. Is it a meta?

412
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: That's a meta tattoo? Where do you get it? On

413
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 2: his lip? He got a tattoo that says I can

414
00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 2: be wrong, but has never once actually apologizedcerely never. He

415
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 2: takes zero responsibility ever bars The last straw was a

416
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 2: short while ago. Tom is always late, whatever occasion, and

417
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 2: I mean always like Dakota. That's not true. The excuses

418
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,679
Speaker 2: are close to not existent. He almost never calls or

419
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 2: text to tell he's late or why. This time, he

420
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 2: wrote that he would be late because his son needed

421
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,240
Speaker 2: something from the store. I really hate when parents blame

422
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 2: their children for being late. If you have children, you

423
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,879
Speaker 2: have to plan your life differently. My sister, who hosted

424
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 2: the birthday party, wrote in the family chat, as usual,

425
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 2: Tom I told him that it wasn't okay to put

426
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 2: the blame on his children. I said, I wouldn't blame

427
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 2: my son for being late. It's my responsibility to plan better.

428
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 2: Maybe it was stupid to write, but I was fed

429
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 2: up with the tardiness and the lame excuses. This didn't

430
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 2: only set off Tom, it also got our mother to

431
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 2: come to his defense one hundred percent. He was so

432
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,360
Speaker 2: upset so said that he took his two sons Joe

433
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 2: forty minutes to the birthday party just to cry, scream

434
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 2: and complain that my sister and I are so mean

435
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 2: to him. He did this with his confused two boys

436
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 2: seven years old and nine years old, scared and unsure

437
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 2: what to do in the hallway, saying we are all

438
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,159
Speaker 2: against him, trying to hurt him, bully him. That he

439
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 2: immediately left and took his sons back the forty minutes home.

440
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 2: The whole family was there and could get a word in.

441
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 2: I wrote to him directly and explained myself that I didn't,

442
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 2: in any shape or form mean he was a bad father,

443
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 2: but it is disrespectful to always be late and not

444
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 2: to mention blame your kids for being late.

445
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: Nah, there's no explanation even needed for this here's call.

446
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 3: He say, I don't know what kind of stunt you think.

447
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: You just pulled pulling up to like win an argument

448
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 3: and then storm out, But like didn't have to be

449
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 3: an argument.

450
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,199
Speaker 2: I was just upset that you're late, and like then

451
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 2: you had.

452
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 3: To have an actual like toddler tantrum, meltdown about it

453
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 3: in front of your children.

454
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: Don't worry, Grandma comes to the rescue. But everyone else witnessed.

455
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 2: Whoa Tom han Ugh? I said, I understood. He got

456
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 2: upset and said I was sorry for that. I explained

457
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 2: that just like him, everyone else also has feelings that

458
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 2: are just as valid as his feeling. I was trying

459
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 2: to be as respectful as I could, but direct so

460
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 2: he couldn't misunderstand. I said that the world doesn't crumble

461
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 2: down because someone says something he doesn't like or calls

462
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 2: him out on bad behavior.

463
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 4: He's like, not yet, but I'm working on that.

464
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 3: I'm building a device that will implode the earth if

465
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 3: anyone disagrees with me.

466
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 2: No answer from Tom. I tried to call him twice

467
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 2: with no answer. I then called our mother to ask

468
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: for advice on how to move forward. So we could

469
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 2: resolve this bad place to go. I already, I already,

470
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 2: I see you, I already know where this is going.

471
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 2: I asked how they were doing first, then asked if

472
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: they were updated on everything. She immediately started to almost

473
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: scream at me that she wouldn't get in the middle

474
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: of this. I was surprised because I heard she had

475
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 2: said at the birthday party that neither she nor Dad

476
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,159
Speaker 2: would get in the middle. I just tried to explain,

477
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 2: I just wanted some advice, but she kept defending him

478
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 2: by saying I don't have a right to have an

479
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 2: opinion because it doesn't affect me. I said, not this time, maybe,

480
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 2: but I am part of this family and it has

481
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: affected me on other occasions. Either way, I'm still part

482
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 2: of this family and have her right to have feelings

483
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 2: and thoughts, just like Tom. She didn't listen at all.

484
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 2: She just said I didn't have a right to say

485
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 2: that in the family chat. I said, I wrote to

486
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 2: him directly and I didn't get an answer, hence why

487
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 2: I called her. Then she said I shouldn't write it

488
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 2: at all. I should have called if I wanted something.

489
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: My answer. I did call. He didn't answer. I was assertive,

490
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 2: but not angry. I said, we don't need to talk

491
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,360
Speaker 2: about this at all. We could talk about something else

492
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 2: if she didn't want to get in the middle. She

493
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 2: didn't even hear me because she kept going on saying,

494
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 2: both me and my sister wrote so many mean things,

495
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 2: and we're ganging up against him and bullying poor Tom.

496
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 2: I kept trying to explain myself, but every time I

497
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 2: was speaking, she was just quiet to let me talk.

498
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 2: She wasn't listening, just waiting for me to be finished

499
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 2: so she could say what she wanted to say. I

500
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 2: politely said, as calmly as I could, that's very good.

501
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 2: Thank you for staying out of this. I couldn't even

502
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 2: take a single breath before she continued to talk in

503
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: circles that Tom, her baby Tom, was so hurt.

504
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, a forty one year old baby forty one years

505
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 3: old never learn how to not be the center of attention.

506
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 2: I mean again, Thomas, big old Thomas was coddled.

507
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 4: Big old Thomas, coddle Thomas.

508
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 2: I was so angry. I wanted to scream at her,

509
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: but I was in public, so I said, we clearly

510
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 2: can't talk about this, so I won't anymore. Thank you

511
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 2: for talking to me for a moment, goodbye, and I

512
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: hung up. My mother always twists everything to her advantage,

513
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 2: and I mean always. She told everyone I was screaming

514
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 2: at the first word I said when I called and

515
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 2: didn't listen for a second. I was angry, hysterical and crazy.

516
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 2: I have been angry and I have screamed when I

517
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 2: was younger, so I know the difference. I did not scream,

518
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 2: not even once. My dad and niece wore in the

519
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 2: house when I talked to her mother. My niece hateen

520
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 2: female said she heard a word here and there for

521
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 2: our discussion, but not much. My mother said that our

522
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,919
Speaker 2: dad heard every word and that I that I was

523
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 2: screaming to her. My dad takes her mother's side every time,

524
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 2: but it started with him saying exactly like my niece,

525
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 2: he heard a word here and there. The next day

526
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 2: he said he heard me being mean and Mom was upset.

527
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 2: The next day, I was so angry and poor Mom

528
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 2: was so sad. The next day again he said I

529
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: was screaming so he could hear every word, and I

530
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 2: was insane and uncontrollable. Holy cow, again, your parents are

531
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,479
Speaker 2: in My guess would be that our mother slowly just

532
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 2: convinced him to this story of how I was so

533
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 2: mean and totally crazy over the phone. A week later,

534
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: I wrote to Tom again asked if he would own

535
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 2: up to his mistakes and apologize, at least to my sister.

536
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 2: I also asked, you have a tattoo that says you

537
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 2: can be wrong, but you won't admit that you have

538
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 2: done something wrong. I apologized again. If I heard him

539
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: and said I can't have a relationship with someone who

540
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 2: never realizes they could do wrong.

541
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 3: He's going to respond and be like, well, first of all,

542
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 3: the tattoo's clearly ironic because I'm never wrong about now,

543
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 3: he tells you.

544
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 4: And if you go understand that I'm never apologized.

545
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, Tommy boy is just in de Lululand yeah that's crazy.

546
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 2: Not much. You know, he got a tattoo that I'm

547
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: never wrong, that is, or I can be wrong. That's insane.

548
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

549
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 2: After a day and a half, he wrote, you have

550
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,199
Speaker 2: to elaborate what you think I did wrong so I

551
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 2: can understand. That was it for me. I was so

552
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 2: fed up. I had written him a long message about

553
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 2: what was wrong, and all he answered was, what did

554
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 2: you think I did wrong? I just said if you

555
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 2: couldn't understand that in the long messages I had already written,

556
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 2: we don't have anything left to talk about. That's now

557
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 2: four months ago. I don't have a closer relationship with him,

558
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 2: so I just dropped it. He's not worth it, He's

559
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 2: not It was harder for my sister, but she said

560
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 2: around a couple of months ago she gave up. She

561
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 2: deleted him from social media, and I did the same.

562
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 2: Since then, I have not been calling our parents and

563
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 2: only wrote a short happy Midsummer message. I'm one hundred

564
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,239
Speaker 2: percent of the time the one to call them and

565
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 2: take all the initiative to meet up. When I traveled

566
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 2: to our hometown, I was triving with my husband and

567
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: our year and a half year old son the whole

568
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 2: nine hundred kilometers to meet my sisters and possibly our

569
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 2: parents so they could see us. Just before we went

570
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 2: on a vacation, we found out I was three weeks pregnant.

571
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: Congrats again. Yeah. I called M right away. I was

572
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: so happy and needed to tell my best friend immediately.

573
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 2: We told my husband's family the day we left our

574
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 2: from my hometown, and they were so happy for us.

575
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: When we arrived at Emm's house, I was planning to

576
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 2: maybe call our parents, but I waited to see if

577
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 2: maybe they would reach out for once, if they wanted

578
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 2: to see us. They knew the exact day we were coming.

579
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 2: When the evening had passed and we sat outside, I

580
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: saw my sister Seem sad. I asked her what's wrong,

581
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 2: and she said she didn't want to tell me because

582
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 2: she knew I would be hurt. I said I wanted

583
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 2: to know anyway. She told me this. Just a couple

584
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 2: of days before we arrived. Our mother had visited EM

585
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 2: and again just wanted to complain about us being so

586
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 2: mean and disrespectful towards Tommy. Boy, is it again?

587
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 4: Get a new thing to talk about?

588
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 2: At least yeah, boring. She never once asked how Em

589
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: and her family were doing, or any other side of

590
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 2: the fight. She just listened to Tom's sad story and

591
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 2: accepted that as the truth. EM told her that she

592
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 2: had pleaded with Tom and tried to forget the whole

593
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 2: thing to start over, and he'd ignore her, didn't hear

594
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 2: a word of that, and said that she was disappointed

595
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 2: at us, only us, of course, not Tommy. And then

596
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 2: she said she thought I I was out of control, mad,

597
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 2: and crazy. At this point, it's the same three things,

598
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 2: and everyone knows it seems like well, at least the

599
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 2: reasonable people know that that's not true, not true, and

600
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 2: that Mom didn't care what I did or said anymore

601
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: because she doesn't really care about me at all. Uh.

602
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 2: She said she didn't love me, and that if I

603
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: was annoying and emotional, she could just block me and

604
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 2: go no contact with me because I was such an inconvenience.

605
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 3: Oh wow, I mean I'm gonna listen to your advice,

606
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 3: then I guess I guess you're getting blocked.

607
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, at there's no point. That's not your mom. She

608
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 2: never was your mom. She she always treated you like

609
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 2: some someone who always wasn't part of the family. And

610
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 2: your dad is just a robot to her commands and demands.

611
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 4: Ridiculous that you got to understand.

612
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 3: I can't disagree with her because look at how difficult

613
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: she is.

614
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 4: You think I'm disagreeing with that.

615
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 2: Ugh. After EM told me this, I was numb. I

616
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: didn't cry or get angry. I just realized the truth.

617
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 2: It all made sense. She doesn't care about me, he

618
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: doesn't love me. My whole life made sense. I would

619
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 2: never get the same mother as em Mia or Tom.

620
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: She would never be the mother I was longing for.

621
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: She couldn't even love me. Something inside me broke, something

622
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 2: was ruined forever. I thanked em for telling me, I said,

623
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 2: I wasn't really surprised. It was more like the last

624
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: puzzle piece was placed. I then decided to postpone the

625
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 2: pregnancy announcement. Why would I tell someone who doesn't care

626
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 2: about me such happy news. The next day, I broke down.

627
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: I cried because I realized what I had lost, the

628
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 2: relationship I thought we had again, OPI that relationship was

629
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: never really a good one. It sucks the love I

630
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 2: thought we shared, the hope that she would actually see

631
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 2: me for who I am today and not the sad,

632
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: confused and emotional kid I was. There's a little bit left, Dakota.

633
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's still it's a short term, Auchi, but a

634
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: long term victory.

635
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 2: You know.

636
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 3: It's like better to just be mourning that now than like,

637
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 3: I don't know, imagine the damage she could do to

638
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 3: your child.

639
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 2: I don't want you, you know, I don't want you.

640
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 2: Don't want Yeah, you don't want kids to go through

641
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously she's a grandmother, but at this point.

642
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: You don't want a toxic person in your children's lives,

643
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 2: not like this. There's zero support from her. It's whatever

644
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 2: you say is just countered with your crazy. You're you're

645
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 2: yelling at me, You're insane when you're not, no point

646
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 2: stick close to the family members that you love and

647
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: actually support you and care for you. Tom, your mom,

648
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,719
Speaker 2: your father, they're not They're not worth it. And it

649
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 2: sucks that you have to come to that reality. And

650
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: you've dealt with that for so long. But it's like

651
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 2: ripping off the band aid of you know, why prolong

652
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 2: it any longer, Why put in the effort, Why have

653
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 2: this band aid stick on you for so long? You

654
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 2: can live a happy life without them. But there's a

655
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 2: little bit left, So let's go ahead and finish the

656
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 2: store hope, he says. And the worst thing of all,

657
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: I would not have a relationship with my father either.

658
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 2: He would never take someone else's side or even listen

659
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 2: to me. So I told my other sister Mia the

660
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: news and didn't reach out to my parents. Mia and

661
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 2: her two children were so happy for us. That's crazy.

662
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 2: Her kids are genuinely happy. Oh, it's probably about the announcement,

663
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 2: not just pregnancy. Ye, yeah, for the pregnancy, Like, oh,

664
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 2: the kids are so happy that we're no longer talking

665
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 2: to Grandma and uncle Tom. But I told her and

666
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: everyone else to not tell anyone. Everyone has respected this. Today,

667
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 2: I'm ten weeks pregnant and haven't gone public yet, and

668
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 2: our parents still don't know. I didn't hear a single

669
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 2: word from them when I visited home, and I'm not

670
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 2: sure I with them in our lives anymore, at least

671
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 2: not our mother. But with a decision to go no

672
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 2: contact or low contact, I will not hear from our

673
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 2: father either. She clearly doesn't even prioritize our son over

674
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 2: her own hateful feelings for me. So why would I

675
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 2: let our son be around that? So now would I

676
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 2: be the a hole if I'd go no contact or

677
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 2: low contact with her and my father? Does anyone have

678
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 2: any advice? Thank you? If you read all of this,

679
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 2: thank you. Op, You're not No, You're doing the right thing.

680
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 2: You said it yourself best right there. You don't need

681
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 2: these toxic people in your life. It sucks that your

682
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 2: dad's a part of it, because you said he was

683
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 2: a great father.

684
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would just ask him straight up, be like,

685
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: why is it that you can never go against.

686
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 2: I would genuinely call him out like as like a

687
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 2: low contact and like do you have no thoughts or processing?

688
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: Like you are her little robot? You literally whatever she says,

689
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 2: you just say you're right.

690
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 4: You just co sign all of her behaviors.

691
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 2: Do you not have your own opinion?

692
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 3: Dad?

693
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 2: But at that point, it seems like he's so far

694
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 2: gone into it that what's that going to do?

695
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 5: Yeah?

696
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 4: I'll probably just be like, I mean, what am I

697
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 4: gonna do?

698
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 2: Yeah? It? At this point, just live a happy life

699
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 2: with your husband, with your kids, with your sisters who

700
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: actually respect and care for you. That's all. You don't

701
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 2: need to worry about Tom, because that's wasted energy. You

702
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 2: don't need to worry about your parents. If they reach out, great,

703
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 2: But at this point, why do it? Yeah? That is

704
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

705
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

706
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

707
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 5: My boyfriend is still obsessed with his ex even after

708
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 5: I gave birth.

709
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 4: That's an obsession.

710
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 5: I started dating my current partner twenty four year and

711
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,319
Speaker 5: a half ago, and we have a baby together. In

712
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 5: the first few months, we had a huge problem with

713
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 5: his obsession with what seemed to be with every woman.

714
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 5: A few months in, I had asked him if he

715
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 5: could stop lying making spicy related pictures of other girls,

716
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 5: not Instagram models, but girls in our city, as that

717
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 5: was a personal boundary for me in a monogamous relationship.

718
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 2: But Babe, I'm just being a feminist.

719
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 5: Babe, I'm supporting my local influencers, I'm supporting.

720
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,280
Speaker 2: Our community, I'm supporting women.

721
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 5: It took a lot of arguments for him to stop

722
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 5: doing it completely. And by the way, this comes from

723
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 5: throwaway basic trick on the two hot take subredit and

724
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 5: if you want to spit your own stories or the

725
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 5: r slash okay storytime subreddit.

726
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 2: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

727
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 5: Nop says through what I found out he was still

728
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 5: secretly using Bumble and Facebook dating behind my back for

729
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 5: the first few months because he had been hurt in

730
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 5: the past and thought I would hurt him as he

731
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 5: had never been in a serious relationship before me.

732
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 4: What Joep says, I called bs on to top it off.

733
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 5: I noticed that he was very fond of an old

734
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 5: ex and I noticed unclothed pictures of her saved on

735
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 5: his phone as he was scrolling one thing to add another.

736
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 5: He confessed he had been one hand clapping the pictures

737
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 5: of her while I was in the other room wondering

738
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 5: why he wasn't having spicy sleep with me. Six months

739
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 5: into being monogamous. He said she was his first love,

740
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,280
Speaker 5: but she never treated him right, and also sent unclose

741
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 5: pictures of him around the internet to choke about his

742
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 5: wiener's eyes.

743
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on.

744
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 5: The pictures he obtained of her were illegally shared through

745
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 5: another app. He had shared some too. Oh my gosh,

746
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 5: what is the story?

747
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,399
Speaker 2: Just this all alone just sounds like way too big

748
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 2: of a mess. You guys have been dating for what

749
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 2: six months? Yeah? Yeah, I'm out for that Sharks. I'm out.

750
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 5: Speaking of Sharks, I broke up with him, feeling devastated.

751
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 5: Later he apologized to both of us and we got

752
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 5: back together. I noticed he had put in significant effort

753
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 5: to change for me. Since then, I've tried to convince

754
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 5: myself that it was a mistake not to be repeated again.

755
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:59,280
Speaker 5: I tried everything from watching spicy content together a boundary

756
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 5: for me in the past, so learning how to give

757
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 5: a great.

758
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 4: Hey, we're learning. We're learning new skills.

759
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 2: Wiener whisper, okay, all right, a better whisper, yes, okay, But.

760
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 5: My self esteem is still hurt. He loves it, and

761
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 5: it has improved our spicy sleep life immensely. We don't

762
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 5: have problems, specially except for my bruised self esteem. For example,

763
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 5: my stomach turns over when he goes to the bathroom

764
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,720
Speaker 5: for a long time. To me, no, okay.

765
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 2: To me, he's chirping the gurkin. I thought it was

766
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 2: just chirking the chicken. Wiener whisper is worst sailor's shelley.

767
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 3: I think it's still why why Yeah, he's cooking up

768
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 3: jerk chicken. To his ex girlfriend, he's doing what they

769
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 3: don't take that man back?

770
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

771
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 5: No, to help me, he often spends the whole time

772
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 5: in there sending me reels.

773
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 2: I was never like this before.

774
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,439
Speaker 5: It's high self esteem and never let myself get hurt

775
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 5: like this. Recently I asked if he had been on

776
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 5: his excess profile while I was pregnant, and he said yes.

777
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 5: A few weeks before I gave birth, he showed her

778
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,479
Speaker 5: profile and her pictures to his coworkers because they asked

779
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 5: to see her, even though I thought she blocked him.

780
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 5: He said it was because they were talking about what

781
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 5: the biggest problem and their relationship had been, and he

782
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 5: spoke about the situation that happened with her. I haven't

783
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 5: been able to forgive what he did in the first place,

784
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 5: and that is destroying me mentally. If you can't forgive

785
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 5: what someone does to you, you don't take him back exactly.

786
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 2: We know this. Why did we do this? Why did

787
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 2: we do this? So up?

788
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,959
Speaker 5: Plus, my hormones are still crazy with baby at home.

789
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 5: I think they just amplify the feelings you're feeling When

790
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 5: you say hormones, I don't know. I don't know how

791
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 5: they work. I get scared of them.

792
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

793
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 5: Also, I have beef in the popular opinion, by the

794
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 5: way he said, what beef with you? So I just

795
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,959
Speaker 5: don't want to feel like a second choice when he's

796
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,439
Speaker 5: my first. He was my first love, and he makes

797
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 5: me feel like he's with me because he can't be

798
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 5: with her, even with him constantly reassuring me how much

799
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 5: he loves me. With the baby, I want him to

800
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 5: be in her life and he can't afford to move out.

801
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 2: Please help.

802
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 5: I'm in a foreign country and the majority of my

803
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 5: friends that I've met here have left. I will be

804
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 5: starting online therapy next week to deal with my postpartum

805
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 5: emotions too. An open relationship or quit the relationship completely

806
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 5: seems like the only options, but I know how rough

807
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 5: single moms have it in terms of dating, and we

808
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 5: live together. I always had a very romantic way of

809
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 5: looking at relationships. I just want to be with the

810
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 5: one person for the rest of our lives. He showed

811
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,720
Speaker 5: me in every way that he changed until I asked

812
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 5: about the X. The thing is he constantly shows love

813
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,879
Speaker 5: to me, constantly wants to be around me, knows every

814
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 5: little detailer about me, constantly does romantic things, acts obsessed

815
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 5: with me, still as little meaningful things every day, And

816
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 5: then just a few days ago he told me that

817
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 5: any advice would be appreciated.

818
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 2: We have an edit. I mean, not everyone deserves a

819
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 2: second chance.

820
00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 3: It feels like you've had rose tinted glasses about relationships,

821
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 3: but now they've turned into blinders. Yeah, and it's like

822
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 3: all he needs to do is do little things that

823
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 3: you know can be signs.

824
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 2: Of a good relationship.

825
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:16,760
Speaker 3: But like, this guy's clearly got like you know something,

826
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 3: he shung up on his X he's lying about it,

827
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:19,839
Speaker 3: and he.

828
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 2: Said that to you two days ago. You gotta go, Yeah,

829
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 2: you gotta go. You gotta get out of there.

830
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,800
Speaker 5: I remember the first time I had rose tinted glasses

831
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 5: in my last relationship. I was like, this is the one,

832
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:31,919
Speaker 5: this is everything I need. Blah blah blah blah blah.

833
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 5: When we broke up, I'm matured a lot. I didn't

834
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 5: take her back, but that was just you know, sometimes

835
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 5: you gotta go through something hard to really see what

836
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 5: reality is. Yeah, and it seems like this is the case.

837
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 5: I just want to thank everyone for validating what I

838
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 5: have gone through, and also the love and the advice,

839
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 5: which I desperately need. I'm not looking for sympathy. I

840
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 5: understand my mistake. I'm not looking to stay with him

841
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 5: long term.

842
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: Let's go. There are just many complications.

843
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 4: Well what do you mean, Okay, you gotta complications.

844
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 5: I forgot to add a bunch of little things, like

845
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 5: he has proposed to me which I rejected, and he

846
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 5: has been in therapy for a year. I have only

847
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 5: been speaking of the negatives, and I feel bad for

848
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 5: not telling the whole truth, which is difficult. In a

849
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 5: Reddit post, I was told by everyone around me that

850
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 5: these corn problems are normal and I was wrong from

851
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 5: stopping him from interacting, liking, following OnlyFans, et cetera with

852
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 5: their social media profiles.

853
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 3: You have this thing called free will, where you get

854
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 3: to decide what you're okay with actually, and a bunch

855
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 3: of people who just like tell you you should be

856
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 3: fine with something don't really matter.

857
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 2: If you're not fine with something, you're not.

858
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 5: As for the X, I thought he had gotten over

859
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,280
Speaker 5: her until recently, there is no problem with his attraction

860
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 5: to me.

861
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 2: Yes there is.

862
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 3: If his ex girlfriend walked in right now and said.

863
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:48,479
Speaker 2: Take me back, he'd leave you at the bus station. Yep.

864
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 5: Maybe he might leave you in the middle of nowhere too.

865
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 3: He would leave you wherever you were, and you'd never

866
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 3: see him again.

867
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 5: Visually, since we got back together, he prefers just watching me.

868
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 5: I try to put on spicy materia, but he ends

869
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,240
Speaker 5: up just preferring to focus on me. I feel so done,

870
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,439
Speaker 5: but I also feel like I don't have the help

871
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 5: around me to do something about it. Ideally, I'd like

872
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 5: everything to be over with and sorted and to be

873
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 5: co parenting by the time our daughter recognizes what's going on.

874
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 5: I'm not trapping him with the baby. It's the opposite.

875
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 5: And he doesn't want to break up. We have an update, of.

876
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 2: Course he doesn't want to break up.

877
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, He's like, I want the cake and I want

878
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 3: to eat it too.

879
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 4: I want this one and that one and that one

880
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 4: and this one.

881
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 5: Jazzy. He is attracted to Opie. Yeah, And I think

882
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 5: the complicated thing is like she has a kid, she

883
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 5: can't move out on her own. She wants to break up.

884
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 5: Like you're trying to select three options, but you can

885
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 5: only have two, got to pick and chee o pete.

886
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 2: All I've heard is you complying to his needs and wants.

887
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:50,240
Speaker 2: But what about your needs and wants? Yeah, I haven't

888
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 2: heard a single thing about what you want or know

889
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: what boundary you do? You know what?

890
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 5: I have also not heard a single thing about the

891
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 5: well being of the baby.

892
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 2: Bingo.

893
00:43:58,280 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 5: I'm a little concerned about.

894
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 2: Is there a baby or is it the pregnancy?

895
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 3: Isn't it pregnant they have a baby year and a

896
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 3: half or is it pregnancy?

897
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 5: I think she keeps referring to her as baby. She

898
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 5: doesn't say she was pregnant. She would say whenever the

899
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 5: baby gets here. She keeps saying, baby, I don't know,

900
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 5: you know, I don't know. We have an update. I

901
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 5: realized this is an early update, but I just want

902
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 5: to thank everyone for giving me a huge wake up call.

903
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 5: After I had been very stupid and naive. I had

904
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 5: the conversation with the father of my child about everything,

905
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 5: and we agreed on him moving out. WHOA I thought

906
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 5: he couldn't afford to move out.

907
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 2: There is a baby, by the way, Okay is the baby.

908
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 5: He said that bringing up the X and showing her

909
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 5: profiles to coworkers, as well as always going on her

910
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 5: profiles even days before I gave birth as normal and

911
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 5: to ask every man and they will say that they

912
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 5: have done the same, even if he shared images of

913
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 5: her before. I also saw that he was active on Telegram,

914
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 5: the platform where he accessed the illegal stuff a few

915
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 5: weeks ago, and he told me that it was to

916
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 5: receive videos for work. He also said that how she

917
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 5: unblocked him from Facebook means something. He also said that

918
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 5: he will not leave our daughter like mine left me,

919
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 5: so at least I won't be doing this on my own.

920
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 5: I exclusively front airbag feed, so obviously the load will

921
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 5: be heavier on my side. This is a huge relief,

922
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 5: and I look forward to not being miserable, feeling like

923
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 5: a second option, and not feeling appreciated. I need to

924
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 5: be a good role model for my daughter, and as

925
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 5: many of you have said, I need to teach her

926
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 5: self respect to not feel like a second option, and

927
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 5: that's what you're doing.

928
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 2: This is amazing.

929
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 5: So Monday, he will move out completely and I will

930
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 5: also get the chance to speak to a therapist. I

931
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 5: hope both will be a continuous thing. We're about to

932
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 5: get into Opie's milk production. But before we get into that,

933
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 5: how do you feel about the X seeing a sign

934
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 5: that his ex unblocked him? How do you feel about that?

935
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 2: How do you I don't even know you could do that.

936
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 5: Do you unblock someone?

937
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 2: Know that you could? Like tell when someone unblocks you?

938
00:45:59,160 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 3: Oh?

939
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 5: I think if your always checking their profile and it

940
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 5: says you can't see anything, and then one day you

941
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 5: see pictures, it's like a sign.

942
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 3: Oh, we already knew your boyfriend was a loser at

943
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 3: the very beginning of the story. You should have never

944
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 3: taken him back. Sorry, I'm glad that the Internet informed you.

945
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you got told the truth that your

946
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 3: boyfriend is not your boyfriend. He's actually still just his

947
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,479
Speaker 3: ex girlfriend's boyfriend in his head.

948
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 5: My milk production has completely tanked due to the stress,

949
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 5: so I have to work on that too. Thank you

950
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 5: so much for the tough love. I understand I made

951
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 5: a huge mistake. It's my fault too. I also realized

952
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,760
Speaker 5: I need better people around me. That were red flags

953
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 5: in the beginning, but I chose to believe he would

954
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 5: do better and believe that it was the first time

955
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 5: I fell in love. I had believed him for too

956
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 5: long and sacrificed too much of myself. I hope I

957
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 5: can come back in a year and say things are

958
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,880
Speaker 5: a lot better with a healthy environment for my daughter,

959
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 5: and we'll be able to warn other people who went

960
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 5: through the same thing as me.

961
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: My boyfriend's mother can't get over his ex because she's white.

962
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 2: That sounds wrong.

963
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 3: My boyfriend, twenty eight male, and I twenty seven female,

964
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 3: have been dating for close to three years. Before me,

965
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 3: he only had one major relationship with a girl he

966
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 3: met at school. They were together for six years through

967
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 3: their teens and early twenties and got engaged early on,

968
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: but didn't want to marry until they were older. It

969
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 3: never got to that because she cheated on him. This

970
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 3: left him destroyed and with trust issues. It took him

971
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 3: a long time to start dating again. We met four

972
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 3: years ago and were friends for over a year with

973
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 3: lots of mutual pining before we got together. Now we

974
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: are very happy, the only problem being his mother. By

975
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user Padre de Jalli on

976
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 3: the too Hot Take subreddit, and if you want to

977
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:47,800
Speaker 3: submit your stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

978
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley.

979
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 3: And I'm Keon and Op says for context, it is

980
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 3: important to know that he is a white man and

981
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 3: his ex is a white woman, and I am Eastern

982
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 3: and visibly not white. His mother kept in close contact

983
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 3: with his ex. They text daily and she invites the

984
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 3: ex to birthdays and holidays, which is crazy because.

985
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 4: She cheated on him.

986
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 3: Maybe she regrets to I know that she does this

987
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 3: because her husband told me after we first met, because

988
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 3: I was distraught that his mom didn't seem to like me.

989
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 3: At the time, I understood because she was grieving the

990
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 3: loss of the relationship. But now we can't go to

991
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 3: anything family related because I don't want to insert myself

992
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 3: in that situation, and my boyfriend understandably doesn't want to

993
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 3: see the woman that broke his heart. His mother has

994
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,240
Speaker 3: been blaming me for keeping him from his family because

995
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 3: he never told her that her behavior is hurting him

996
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 3: and to stop inviting his ex to everything. I tried

997
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 3: telling him that if he would put his foot down,

998
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,439
Speaker 3: his mother would listen to him, but I can't get

999
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 3: through to him. His idea of dealing with this is

1000
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 3: to move away and leave this mess behind us. But

1001
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 3: the rest of his family has been nothing but kind

1002
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 3: to me, and my family is also here, so I

1003
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,760
Speaker 3: don't want to move. That was my situation until yesterday evening.

1004
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 3: His sister called me to warn me that their mother

1005
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 3: wanted her to invite the ex to her upcoming wedding.

1006
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 2: Okay, just told one their wedding their rules, come on.

1007
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 3: She told her off, but said that there is a

1008
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 3: chance her mother would bring her anyway. My boyfriend and

1009
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 3: I are both in the wedding, so not coming is

1010
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 3: not an option, especially because I really like his sister.

1011
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 2: We talked again this morning.

1012
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 3: I broke down crying, and she consoled me with words,

1013
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,879
Speaker 3: I will never forget, don't take it personally. She her

1014
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: mother just can't let go of the idea that her

1015
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 3: son isn't dating a white girl.

1016
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 2: What h dude.

1017
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 5: It hangs me because of the layers of that sentence

1018
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,479
Speaker 5: and all the things that that probably means.

1019
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 2: I think it's probably both. I think it's two things.

1020
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 3: Yuh, Well, I don't know. It's gotta be partially the race.

1021
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 3: But then also, was she doing this the whole time

1022
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 3: after they broke up or just after he got with Opee? Yeah,

1023
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 3: but I feel like it's.

1024
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:02,240
Speaker 2: Been the whole time.

1025
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,240
Speaker 5: Hey, so it's probably that combo hate you're not dating

1026
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 5: a white person because I really like putting mayonnaise when

1027
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 5: I want to spice up my meal. Dang, I really

1028
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 5: hate you're not dating a white person, because how else

1029
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 5: am I supposed to match Stanley Cups with someone.

1030
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 2: That's a good one? Stanley Cup's over here.

1031
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 3: How are we already aware of this and we're not

1032
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:24,360
Speaker 3: like taking extra extra precautions to be like our mom's

1033
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:25,760
Speaker 3: not attending the wedding.

1034
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 5: Oh if you ever caught all of the guys of Beta.

1035
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 3: Even the sister though, is like I'm afraid she'll show

1036
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:31,239
Speaker 3: up anyway and bring her.

1037
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 2: It's like, hey, security, don't let her in.

1038
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 3: She's not allowed here. I don't know, all right, Well, okay, okay, anyway,

1039
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 3: I was dumbfounded, says Op. I thought the mom had

1040
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 3: a bond with the exit or some other reason to

1041
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 3: do this, but his entire family never showed any kind

1042
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 3: of bias against me. I confronted my boyfriend about this,

1043
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 3: and he agreed with his sister. His mother is treating

1044
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 3: his ex as if they never broke up because she

1045
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 3: is white. She doesn't see his current relationship as real

1046
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 3: because I am not white. That's the reason why he

1047
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 3: wants to move away and refuses to talk to his

1048
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 3: mother about it. He thinks this is never going to

1049
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 3: get better because his mother will never let go of

1050
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 3: the idea that he was going to marry A quote

1051
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 3: a nice waite girl. I'm a huge family person and

1052
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 3: the thought of leaving both of our families behind makes

1053
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 3: me sick. But being confronted with either facing his ex

1054
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 3: or missing out at every major life event of his

1055
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 3: family is starting to wear me down mentally, so I

1056
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:29,879
Speaker 3: don't know what to do.

1057
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 2: Small update.

1058
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 3: I've been in close contact with his amazing, wonderful sister,

1059
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 3: who apologize for not realizing sooner that this mess is

1060
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 3: taking such a huge toll on me. She offered to

1061
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 3: uninvite her own mother to her wedding and set up

1062
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 3: some sort of security to make sure me and my

1063
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 3: boyfriend can be a part of the wedding without running

1064
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,800
Speaker 3: into his ex, who apparently has been talking crap about

1065
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 3: me a lot lamu. But we never even met, so whatever.

1066
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,760
Speaker 3: I am shocked that she would go so far. I'll

1067
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 3: talk it over with my boyfriend once he gets home.

1068
00:51:57,719 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 3: How are you shocked by that?

1069
00:51:59,280 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1070
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 5: So this lets me know that if the ex has

1071
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:05,720
Speaker 5: a chance to get back with your boyfriend, she's gonna

1072
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:07,840
Speaker 5: take it. And I think she still is interested in

1073
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 5: the boyfriend. That's what I'm hearing the acts cheated on

1074
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 5: the boyfriend, yeah, and then texting them.

1075
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 2: Hey love you.

1076
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 3: I don't know if there was any texts, but it

1077
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 3: was like there was cheating.

1078
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 2: I would hope he doesn't.

1079
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 3: Definitely doesn't sound like he has any desire to if

1080
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 3: he's willing to just move across the country, yeah, to

1081
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 3: never see her again or his family, but uh mii old. Yeah,

1082
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 3: we need to really put the screws to the mom here. Yeah,

1083
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 3: the whole fam everyone aware of this.

1084
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?

1085
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 2: The look what?

1086
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 5: And the screws to the mom.

1087
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, being like, hey, your little arian fantasy going on

1088
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 3: over here? Very uncool, very not good, very bad. How

1089
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:48,800
Speaker 3: you are going to be excluded?

1090
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 2: Now? Oh? With words from everything and actions. Yeah, we're

1091
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:53,399
Speaker 2: on the same page you now.

1092
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 3: Comments Comment one, I'm sorry, sometimes it's better to just

1093
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 3: break off all contact.

1094
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: Trust your boyfriend, hope, he said.

1095
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 3: I do trust him, but moving would be leaving my

1096
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,720
Speaker 3: family behind as well. We live in a small city,

1097
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:08,320
Speaker 3: so cutting contact wouldn't work unless we move, especially because

1098
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 3: his sister lives down the road. I don't know, maybe

1099
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 3: I'm in denial, but I don't want to give up.

1100
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,839
Speaker 3: Comment too says I would be sup petty. I would

1101
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 3: show up to these family gatherings and be the happiest

1102
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,399
Speaker 3: couple in the world, flaunt the wonderful relationship you have,

1103
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 3: and I bet the X will stop coming. And yes,

1104
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:27,280
Speaker 3: I'm aware that this is immature, but you can't fix

1105
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 3: stupid and ignorant. So rather than cutting contact with an

1106
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 3: entire family that has been nothing but kind to you,

1107
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 3: except for the one make it really uncomfortable for the

1108
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 3: ex to come at all. I also understand your boyfriend

1109
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 3: doesn't want the drama of this, but this is personally

1110
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 3: what I would do. I'm not afraid of confrontation, though,

1111
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 3: and some people just can't handle that. Opie replies, dot

1112
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 3: dot dot. I can't believe I never thought of that.

1113
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 3: It crossed my mind to seek out his X by

1114
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 3: myself and ask her what she's doing.

1115
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:55,399
Speaker 2: But I like this idea more.

1116
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,479
Speaker 3: I'd have to force my boyfriend to do that, though,

1117
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:59,279
Speaker 3: and he really does not want to see her at

1118
00:53:59,320 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 3: any cost.

1119
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 2: I'll try to talk to him about this.

1120
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 3: Come on, number three, girl, you and your husband need

1121
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:06,720
Speaker 3: to rock up to family events and show the ex

1122
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 3: she isn't part of your husband's family. You two have

1123
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 3: done nothing wrong and you shouldn't have to move just

1124
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:14,879
Speaker 3: because your mother in law is a discriminatory. She needs

1125
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 3: to drink some humble tea and there is an update,

1126
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 3: So first order of business, we are not moving.

1127
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 2: Good.

1128
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 3: I like that we decided that leaving our friends and

1129
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,439
Speaker 3: family is not the way to go. Regarding the wedding,

1130
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 3: my future sister in law is marrying her husband to

1131
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,240
Speaker 3: be in the fall. Her mother will not be attending

1132
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 3: and there will be security present to prevent any drama.

1133
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 2: Wow. Yes, that's great. We continue. Sister in law has

1134
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 2: been a rock.

1135
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,000
Speaker 3: For me these past few days, and she has made

1136
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 3: it very clear that in the future she will also

1137
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 3: no longer show up to gatherings if her mother keeps

1138
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 3: inviting my boyfriend's ex. I love that people here are

1139
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 3: fans of hers because I am too. She is like

1140
00:54:56,160 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 3: a superhero or well a big sister. My boyfriend. Many

1141
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 3: of you pointed out he should stand up to his mother.

1142
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 3: I defended him in the comments and I stand by that.

1143
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:08,000
Speaker 3: But you will all be very happy to hear that

1144
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 3: after I showed him the post, he did stand up

1145
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 3: to his mother.

1146
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 2: He heard the wake up call inable. It is beautiful.

1147
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 5: See, sometimes people just need to explain the situation, hear

1148
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 5: a little bit of feedback, and then they act on it.

1149
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 2: This is beautiful. They probably don't know.

1150
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 5: Most of the stuff is an option too, Like the

1151
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,239
Speaker 5: boyfriend probably didn't know he could stand up to his mom.

1152
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,359
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, you know what are they in their

1153
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 2: early twenties.

1154
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 5: Still I don't remember so like twenty four but that

1155
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 5: was last ye.

1156
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, there does come a point where you realize, like, oh,

1157
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 3: I can just later eight twenty seven, Yeah, I can

1158
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 3: just stand on business right now.

1159
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 4: Actually, yeah, you know it's always good.

1160
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 3: As you may have noticed, I've been calling my boyfriend's sister,

1161
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 3: my future sister in.

1162
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:53,280
Speaker 4: Law, Mica the yeah he proposed, Oh.

1163
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 5: Wow, I got rid of one woman in my life.

1164
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 2: Let's I don't know that. He stands up to his

1165
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 2: mom and immediately, like after he defeats the final boss,

1166
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,759
Speaker 2: he turns around and gives you the ring.

1167
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 5: Well, you gave me the ring.

1168
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 3: He took me to one of our favorite spots and

1169
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 3: got out a ring he's apparently had for close to

1170
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 3: a year. I cried, he cried. His sister cried when

1171
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,760
Speaker 3: we told her. Her fiance didn't cry because he knew.

1172
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 3: And then we told his dad, and his dad told

1173
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 3: his mother and she was not happy. I wasn't there,

1174
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 3: so I can only tell you what others told me.

1175
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 3: She apparently threw a tantrum so bad her husband snapped

1176
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 3: and they are separated. I don't know if their marriage

1177
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,560
Speaker 3: can be repaired. I sure hope not. My boyfriend drove

1178
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 3: over and finally stood up to his mom, and they

1179
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 3: are going full no contact for now. It breaks my

1180
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 3: heart a little because I blame myself for their family

1181
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:46,360
Speaker 3: breaking apart.

1182
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,280
Speaker 2: But sister in law and boyfriend.

1183
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 4: Have both told me that it's been a long time coming.

1184
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 3: I don't know what's going to happen next, if this

1185
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 3: can be fixed at all. Call me naive, but I

1186
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 3: still have hope that this is the wake up call

1187
00:56:58,200 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 3: his mother needed.

1188
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 2: I don't want to go no contact.

1189
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 3: Forever, but I am beyond grateful that my boyfriend's father

1190
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 3: and sister have my back.

1191
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,319
Speaker 4: I like where we've ended up.

1192
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 3: Riley would also like where we've ended up, but he's

1193
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 3: a peepee boy right now, so he's unavailable.

1194
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 4: But peepee Land, we've really already broken it down.

1195
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, if your wife is doing a on your son's

1196
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 3: now fiance, probably.

1197
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 2: A deal breaker. Yeah for that relationship. Yeah we luciot,

1198
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 2: let's finish this story.

1199
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,320
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I are also going to therapy separate

1200
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 3: with a few sessions together, and I'm looking forward to that.

1201
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 3: I hope it doesn't sound stupid to go to couple's

1202
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 3: therapy right after an engagement.

1203
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 2: Not really.

1204
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 3: I think it will help us navigate the family stuff. God,

1205
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 3: I called him my boyfriend this whole post. I guess

1206
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 3: I have to get used to fiance. Feels weird calling

1207
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 3: him that, but good weird. I love this man so

1208
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 3: much my heart hurts a little. I'm sorry I never

1209
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 3: confronted his ex. We didn't push our love into her

1210
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:55,920
Speaker 3: and his mother's face, et cetera. I don't think you

1211
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 3: really needed to do that. I think, sadly, real life

1212
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 3: is often a lot less dramatic than people want it

1213
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 3: to be. Haha. I'm happy with how things turned out

1214
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 3: to be. Definitely didn't think i'd be engaged within the

1215
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 3: week when I wrote that first post.

1216
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 4: But it's good. Life is good, and that is the

1217
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 4: end of that story.

1218
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 1: John here og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,

1219
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from hops.

1220
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 2: From our sponsors.

1221
00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 5: My ex kept inviting my kids over without my knowledge.

1222
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 2: Do you know where your children are?

1223
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 5: I thirty seven Mal, have two kids fifteen mal and

1224
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 5: twelve female with my ex wife. I'm on pretty good

1225
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 5: terms with my ex wife. We are co parenting and

1226
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 5: the kids spend every other week at my place. By

1227
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:36,919
Speaker 5: the way, this comes from a low throw sixty four

1228
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 5: and if you want to spit your own stories. What

1229
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 5: are the r sash Okay story time subreddit? I'm Riley,

1230
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 5: I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and Op.

1231
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 2: He says.

1232
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 5: Several years after our divorce, I started a relationship with

1233
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 5: a friend thirty six female. Now about six months ago,

1234
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 5: I decided to break up with her after being with

1235
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 5: her for almost five and a half years and three

1236
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 5: years of living together her property. The reason I decided

1237
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 5: to break things off, in short, it was because she,

1238
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 5: through words and actions, made me feel like she considered

1239
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 5: me inferior instead of an equal. I had talked to

1240
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 5: her about it many times, but she had never seemed

1241
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 5: to be too open to my concerns. I won't go

1242
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 5: into details concerning this for now in order not to

1243
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 5: lose track. I may elaborate on this later in the

1244
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 5: comments if people are interested or have questions. She would

1245
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 5: either deny the thing she did or say that would

1246
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 5: make me feel this way, get angry and start a fight,

1247
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 5: refuse to even listen and walk away, use what I

1248
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 5: was saying as a handle to start complaining about me,

1249
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 5: or just laugh at me, and proceeded.

1250
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 2: To tell me how pathetic I was.

1251
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 5: I let this behavior slide for years because I understood

1252
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 5: she had been at the receiving end of a toxic relationship.

1253
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 5: She had baggage. She really couldn't help it. So I

1254
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:48,040
Speaker 5: always felt like the red flags weren't inherited, but acquired,

1255
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 5: and we could work past it. Last February, however, I

1256
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 5: realized that these things weren't going to change because she

1257
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 5: didn't want them to change. She played the victim, and

1258
00:59:57,560 --> 00:59:59,919
Speaker 5: she wanted to play the victim. This was probably cause

1259
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 5: by the vast majority of her mutual friends, in their quotes,

1260
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 5: not believing her when she finally opened up about the

1261
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 5: toxic relationship she was in at the time. I feel

1262
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:12,120
Speaker 5: like she wants to be considered a victim to compensate

1263
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 5: for the lack of recognition for actually being the victim

1264
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:18,160
Speaker 5: back then. Yes, I've given this a lot of thought,

1265
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 5: and I'm an overthinker. Long story short, I decided to

1266
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 5: look for another place to live and tell her we

1267
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 5: were over as soon I had found somewhere to live.

1268
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 5: In the meantime, I give her a last chance to

1269
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,959
Speaker 5: show improvement, but without her knowing it was our last

1270
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:34,520
Speaker 5: chance to save our relationship. So she went to play

1271
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 5: nice for a couple of months before falling back into

1272
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 5: her toxic routine, as had happened at least once before. Yeah,

1273
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 5: so that seems fair. Can you please improve for me

1274
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 5: or improve for yourself? This is pretty solid.

1275
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 2: It's a good jump check. Yeah.

1276
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 5: However, this idea was cut short the next weekend, five

1277
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 5: days after I'd made this decision, when she told me

1278
01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 5: that I think we better break up in order to

1279
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 5: try and stay friends. I agreed and told her that,

1280
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 5: in fact, I was already looking to find a.

1281
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 2: New place to live.

1282
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 5: I also told her that this had been her last chance.

1283
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:07,560
Speaker 5: I then let my family and friends know, found a

1284
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 5: nice cozy house for rent, signed the contract, and moved

1285
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:12,720
Speaker 5: in less than a week after I received the keys.

1286
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 5: I've been happily living here for over four months now. However,

1287
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:17,800
Speaker 5: the end of June, I found out that my ex

1288
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 5: girlfriend had been inviting my children to come over to

1289
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 5: her place during the weeks they'd spend at their mother's

1290
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 5: place without my knowledge. Are they taking them hostage? She's

1291
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 5: taking them hostage?

1292
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 4: Isn't there like kids are fifteen or twelve?

1293
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 5: Just frustrating she didn't do this during the weeks the

1294
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:38,200
Speaker 5: kids spent at my place. After giving him more than

1295
01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 5: a little thought, I decided I was not okay with this.

1296
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,360
Speaker 5: My ex girlfriend had always gotten along very well with

1297
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,840
Speaker 5: my kids, and she had told me on more than

1298
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:48,840
Speaker 5: one occasion that she loved them and kind of considered

1299
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 5: them as their own, even though she realized they were not.

1300
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:55,320
Speaker 5: The thing is I'm recalling several disturbing things.

1301
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 2: Okay, let's get disturbed.

1302
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 5: One time we were short on money in our joint

1303
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 5: bank account for shared expenses. I told her I wouldn't

1304
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 5: be able to cover shared costs for my own money,

1305
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 5: as I did pretty much every month, because my daughter

1306
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 5: was ill and I needed my money to take her

1307
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 5: to a doctor. She then offered to take my daughter

1308
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 5: to a doctor and pay for it if I would

1309
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 5: cover the share expenses, to which I agreed. Then, at

1310
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 5: the moment of the doctor's appointment, she refused to take

1311
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,919
Speaker 5: my daughter on account of a fight we had shortly before.

1312
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:24,600
Speaker 2: I was out of cash.

1313
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 5: My daughter was zill and I couldn't do anything.

1314
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:31,920
Speaker 3: So bad, Mom, alert letting your pride in a fight

1315
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:34,920
Speaker 3: stop you from actually just having your daughter be medically

1316
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,479
Speaker 3: taken care of. That's crazy, that's crazy. And we're talking

1317
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:40,760
Speaker 3: about the ex wife. Yes, we're talking about the ex

1318
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 3: wifee Some comments be saying that the girlfriend, it's the

1319
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,600
Speaker 3: ex wife who has invited the kids, But I think

1320
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 3: is that the current girlfriend who brought them over.

1321
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:50,280
Speaker 2: Did the kids go over by themselves?

1322
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 5: I think she's inviting them over. Okay, Yeah, So another

1323
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:56,960
Speaker 5: time she let my daughter sleep in an unheated bedroom

1324
01:02:57,040 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 5: when she was having humonia. She never did the bedrooms,

1325
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 5: claiming it was unhealthy, But would you think she would

1326
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 5: make an exception for a kid with pneumonia? She did not.

1327
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 5: After we broke up, she gave me four weeks to

1328
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:10,720
Speaker 5: move out. I told her I would move out as

1329
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 5: soon as I found a new place to live, but

1330
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 5: I couldn't make any promises on how long that would take.

1331
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,560
Speaker 5: I've never been one to make promises if I'm not

1332
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,959
Speaker 5: sure I can keep them. Also, I was putting great

1333
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 5: effort into finding a new place, checking every real estate

1334
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 5: web sorry I could think of, and reacting to anything

1335
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 5: that seemed remotely suitable. I even offered to keep her

1336
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:32,360
Speaker 5: updated on this. Told her I realized it was far

1337
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:34,919
Speaker 5: from my deal and asked her to let me stay

1338
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 5: longer than four weeks for the kid's sake, under the

1339
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 5: conditions that I could prove I was making sufficient efforts

1340
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,600
Speaker 5: to find a new place. My friend had offered that

1341
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:45,520
Speaker 5: I could stay at his place to bridge the housing situation,

1342
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 5: but this was something I wanted to avoid at all

1343
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:51,440
Speaker 5: if possible, because there was no room for my kids,

1344
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:53,840
Speaker 5: meaning they wouldn't be able to stay with me. She

1345
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 5: coldheartedly rejected my request, claiming the kids could stay with

1346
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,400
Speaker 5: their mother after five years. Not a little bit of mercy.

1347
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 2: I'm confused, I got cod You're confused. What's up?

1348
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,960
Speaker 5: He's recalling some instances of what but this is the

1349
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 5: ex girlfriend and not the ex wife.

1350
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:13,680
Speaker 2: Ex girlfriend? The ex girlfriend is not in charge of

1351
01:04:13,720 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 2: your kids.

1352
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 5: Why what we're doing there's some one of their own.

1353
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 2: Doesn't sound like it, I know, Yeah.

1354
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 5: Not unconditionally. Sounds like conditions are in place.

1355
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. So another disturbing thing.

1356
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 5: During the time we had already broken up, but I

1357
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:31,280
Speaker 5: was still living at her place, she stopped washing the

1358
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 5: kids clothes. To clarify, we used to share household chores

1359
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 5: when we lived together. I'll admit that she did more

1360
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 5: around the house than I did because I worked full

1361
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 5: time and she worked part time one week out of four. Interesting,

1362
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,840
Speaker 5: but we had our chores which we did. The laundry

1363
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 5: had always been one of her chores. After breaking up,

1364
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 5: I kept doing my chores. We weren't a couple anymore,

1365
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:55,240
Speaker 5: but we still shared a household for the time being,

1366
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 5: so it seemed pretty self evident to keep doing the

1367
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 5: household chores as we had been doing for three years.

1368
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 5: At some point, I noticed she had stopped washing my clothes,

1369
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 5: which I found sort of childish, but I figured it

1370
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 5: wouldn't be worth another fight, so I just kept my

1371
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 5: piece about it.

1372
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:12,640
Speaker 3: No, brother, you're one thousand percent in the wrong for that.

1373
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:14,560
Speaker 3: You guys broke up and you think she's still going

1374
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:17,560
Speaker 3: to do your laundry? Are you crazy? I also would

1375
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 3: immediately just like assume, like, no, don't do my laundry. Yeah, whatever,

1376
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 3: we're basically roommates now, we're just strangers. Yeah, living in

1377
01:05:24,440 --> 01:05:26,720
Speaker 3: an apartment. Keon's not going to do my laundry. He's

1378
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 3: my roommate.

1379
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 2: Also, you asked nicely by lawn. Yeah, if I asked

1380
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 2: him extra, you paid me, not roommates. Not roommates noted.

1381
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 5: So sometime later, however, I noticed that she had also

1382
01:05:37,280 --> 01:05:40,120
Speaker 5: stopped washing my kids clothes. This is where I drew

1383
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 5: the line not wanting to do stuff for me. I

1384
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:44,600
Speaker 5: could understand to a certain degree, but this was between

1385
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 5: me and her. Leave my kids out of it. They

1386
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:46,800
Speaker 5: are no part of it.

1387
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 2: We haven't edit.

1388
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 5: Her not washing the kids clothes is weird because she

1389
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:52,880
Speaker 5: keeps inviting them over. If she didn't invite them over,

1390
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,000
Speaker 5: I wouldn't think this is weird. You should clean your

1391
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:57,120
Speaker 5: own kids stuff. But the fact that she still kind

1392
01:05:57,120 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 5: of wants a relationship with them but isn't willing to

1393
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:01,320
Speaker 5: clean up clothes, that's what feels weird to me.

1394
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:02,440
Speaker 2: Go have your X.

1395
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 3: This is not your girlfriend, it's your ex. Of course

1396
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 3: she's not gonna do your kids laundry. And it's like

1397
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,040
Speaker 3: she's like inviting the kids over to her place. Bro,

1398
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 3: you both live there. Yeah, she's inviting them to your

1399
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 3: place too.

1400
01:06:14,960 --> 01:06:16,200
Speaker 2: All right, so we gotta edit.

1401
01:06:16,320 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 5: I know this makes me feel and look like us

1402
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:22,920
Speaker 5: entitled office cleaner. But the thing is, while she had

1403
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:26,600
Speaker 5: stopped doing the laundry except hers and her sons, she

1404
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 5: still expected me to cook for them and do their groceries.

1405
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:31,880
Speaker 5: In my world, this should be a two way street.

1406
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:35,640
Speaker 5: I'm not upset about her no longer doing our laundry,

1407
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 5: but I'm not okay with me still having to cater

1408
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 5: to her. These and some other things most certainly don't

1409
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,800
Speaker 5: show affection towards my kids. She claims to love them

1410
01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:48,040
Speaker 5: as much as her own son, but her actions show

1411
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:52,120
Speaker 5: something different, and actions speak louder than words. Words not

1412
01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:56,120
Speaker 5: backed up by action are manipulation. Oh that's a bar.

1413
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:57,160
Speaker 2: That's a bar.

1414
01:06:57,360 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 5: I don't know why she kept inviting my kids for

1415
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 5: happy fun time at her place, but it's clearly not

1416
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,880
Speaker 5: about affection. The most logical explanation I can come up

1417
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,480
Speaker 5: with is she wants slowly poison my kids against me.

1418
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:14,120
Speaker 5: She has tried to manipulate me before, sometimes with success,

1419
01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:17,440
Speaker 5: sometimes without success. What are your thoughts about manipulation?

1420
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 2: Mind?

1421
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:19,120
Speaker 5: Manipulation?

1422
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,160
Speaker 2: Take care of your kids, bro. Both of these women,

1423
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,360
Speaker 2: I guess, don't take care of your kids. Yeah, because

1424
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 2: the hospital thing. The ex wife does take care of

1425
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 2: the kids. One did.

1426
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:30,520
Speaker 3: Why you ask your ex wife for money to take

1427
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 3: your dough to the hospital, bro?

1428
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:33,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, what are you doing? That is weird?

1429
01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 5: I think it was a weird couple of four weeks

1430
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 5: there whenever you found your new place, and you should

1431
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 5: kind of let it go and say I'm not comfortable

1432
01:07:41,520 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 5: with you being around my kids.

1433
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:46,040
Speaker 2: That's what I would do. Say it's over for real, skies.

1434
01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:48,000
Speaker 5: I feel like I need to protect my kids and

1435
01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:50,720
Speaker 5: myself against her. I want to move on with my life,

1436
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:53,400
Speaker 5: and I owe it to my kids to provide them safety.

1437
01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:56,800
Speaker 5: This includes not letting a vengeful ex stepmom sharpen them

1438
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 5: into a weapon against their father. I've discussed this with

1439
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 5: my mother and stepfather and they completely agree. I've asked,

1440
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 5: only asked, not required my children not to go to

1441
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:09,080
Speaker 5: her place anymore and avoid contact with her. I explain

1442
01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 5: the reasons behind this request, as I have done here,

1443
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:14,880
Speaker 5: and while they feel sad about it, they understand where

1444
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:17,120
Speaker 5: it is coming from and agreed not to spend time

1445
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 5: with her anymore. Still, I'm full of self doubt, which

1446
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,519
Speaker 5: isn't new to me, So I'll let all the good

1447
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:24,880
Speaker 5: people have read it do the judge. Am I the

1448
01:08:24,920 --> 01:08:28,280
Speaker 5: a hole for asking my kids to avoid contact with

1449
01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 5: my ex girlfriend on account of signs that she just

1450
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:34,400
Speaker 5: wants them to be against me? No, you were not

1451
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:37,120
Speaker 5: the ahole. You gotta look out for number one, which

1452
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:37,719
Speaker 5: is you