WEBVTT - The Playbook: It is the thought that counts

0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000
<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:09.319
<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:11.960
<v Speaker 1>home office in Austin, Texas. It's good to be home.

0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:17.720
<v Speaker 1>We are zeroing in on our wedding day, LZ. And

0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:21.200
<v Speaker 1>that is what is going to take us to open

0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.520
<v Speaker 1>up the playbook today, not just to talk about our wedding,

0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:28.200
<v Speaker 1>but something very interesting came up. Somebody reached out to

0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:32.560
<v Speaker 1>us via the most Dramatic pod Instagram, left us say

0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:35.520
<v Speaker 1>a DM and asked this very important question and really

0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:39.239
<v Speaker 1>made a good point. And it's about getting gifts at

0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:42.960
<v Speaker 1>your wedding when it's not your first wedding. Should this

0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.720
<v Speaker 1>still be a thing? I think this came to us

0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:47.559
<v Speaker 1>because I think it's well known you and I have

0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:51.120
<v Speaker 1>had weddings before. We're about to do number two together,

0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:56.680
<v Speaker 1>and obviously we are older, we are successful, We've had

0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:58.640
<v Speaker 1>our success, we have our house, we have our things.

0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:01.000
<v Speaker 1>How do you feel about it?

0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, let's share what we're doing.

0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:05.880
<v Speaker 3>Which and we were both completely on the same page

0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:07.640
<v Speaker 3>right from the start. As soon as the words came

0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.640
<v Speaker 3>out of my mouth, I said to Chris, no, I

0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:12.160
<v Speaker 3>don't want to ask for any gifts at the wedding

0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:13.959
<v Speaker 3>and you right away we're like, yes, I was thinking

0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:18.039
<v Speaker 3>the same thing. So we are just we listed a

0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:20.080
<v Speaker 3>couple of our favorite charities.

0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:22.040
<v Speaker 2>And we do not expect anybody to give to those.

0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:24.959
<v Speaker 3>But if you would be the person, because you know,

0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:27.600
<v Speaker 3>sometimes even if you don't have a registry, your friends

0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:29.560
<v Speaker 3>still yeah feel like they should give you a gift,

0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:31.640
<v Speaker 3>and so then they get you something. No, like I

0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:33.560
<v Speaker 3>don't want that if you were going to put your

0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.319
<v Speaker 3>money towards anything, if you feel like you have to

0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:36.800
<v Speaker 3>please do a donation instead.

0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:38.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think a lot of Lauren's friends should get

0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:40.080
<v Speaker 1>her like a lot of kitchen stuff, a lot of

0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.720
<v Speaker 1>cooking like croc pot.

0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:44.680
<v Speaker 2>Gift certificate for golf lessons.

0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.560
<v Speaker 1>No, so we are no, it is our thing, is

0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:50.280
<v Speaker 1>we We immediately said we do not want gifts. We

0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:52.720
<v Speaker 1>just want people to come celebrate and be with us

0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:55.400
<v Speaker 1>and don't think about the gift thing because it is

0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:57.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, you're like, what do we get and we're

0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:59.400
<v Speaker 1>not going to register anywhere. So we thought the charity

0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.040
<v Speaker 1>thing would be a good idea if you want to give

0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:03.520
<v Speaker 1>to one of our favorite charities.

0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:04.520
<v Speaker 2>But I'll take it.

0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:09.960
<v Speaker 3>A step further us aside level of success aside. I

0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:11.840
<v Speaker 3>don't think you should ask people for a gift if

0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:14.880
<v Speaker 3>it's your second one either. I think you've already done

0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:17.920
<v Speaker 3>it once and you can't be doing it again. There

0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.760
<v Speaker 3>is a whole episode of Sex in the City about

0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:23.959
<v Speaker 3>how Carrie she goes to her friend's house for a party.

0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.920
<v Speaker 3>The friend asked everybody to take their shoes off at

0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.840
<v Speaker 3>the door, and you remember, Carrie Bradshaw has very expensive shoes,

0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:33.600
<v Speaker 3>shoes that cost hundreds of dollars. Somebody another party gifts

0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.079
<v Speaker 3>and she doesn't know who takes her shoes, and so

0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:38.800
<v Speaker 3>she says to her friend whose house it was, Hey,

0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:41.200
<v Speaker 3>I kind of think you should replace my shoes. And

0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:43.520
<v Speaker 3>the friend thinks that's ridiculous and says, well, Carrie, I

0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:46.360
<v Speaker 3>wasn't my choice for you to buy these expensive shoes.

0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.880
<v Speaker 3>And Carrie then adds up how much she spent on

0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:53.600
<v Speaker 3>getting this friend baby shower gifts for every baby wedding gifts,

0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.560
<v Speaker 3>and Carrie's like, wait a minute, I've never been married

0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:59.720
<v Speaker 3>and I've never had kids. Where's my equivalent of baby

0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.720
<v Speaker 3>shites and wedding gifts? Can't you at least replace my

0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:05.320
<v Speaker 3>shoes that were stolen at your house. And it's such

0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:11.600
<v Speaker 3>a good point because we celebrate certain things, right, I

0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.160
<v Speaker 3>said to my mom once, you know, Mom, I should

0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:15.920
<v Speaker 3>I throw a party for myself that I got a

0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:18.320
<v Speaker 3>new job, and people should people get me gifts for that?

0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:21.480
<v Speaker 3>It's not really fair. So all that being said, I

0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:25.040
<v Speaker 3>certainly do not think we should be asking people to

0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:27.960
<v Speaker 3>give us gifts for a second wedding.

0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.079
<v Speaker 1>I think there is out of necessity. And that's where

0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.560
<v Speaker 1>this came from. The whole tradition of it is.

0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:35.320
<v Speaker 2>It used to be it was like we're helping you

0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:36.000
<v Speaker 2>start your life.

0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:39.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, you're getting married. Especially used to get married much younger,

0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.120
<v Speaker 1>like that was a thing, you know, back when this

0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:43.960
<v Speaker 1>whole tradition started, and you're starting your life. And honestly,

0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.120
<v Speaker 1>it helps when I first got married, and probably it

0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:48.200
<v Speaker 1>did for you as well, because you get your pots

0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.640
<v Speaker 1>and pans and you get your dishes and that you're

0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.360
<v Speaker 1>starting your life and that's it's a fun thing and

0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:57.040
<v Speaker 1>you're registering. But as you're older, you got your pots

0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:58.600
<v Speaker 1>and pans and your bowls and your cups and all

0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:03.920
<v Speaker 1>that stuff. So yeah, I agree, first one fine, second one, no,

0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:05.360
<v Speaker 1>across the board.

0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.240
<v Speaker 2>People register for some weird stuff too.

0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:07.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.480
<v Speaker 3>When one of my friends and grants, we were like

0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.080
<v Speaker 3>twenty three, she got married right out of college. It

0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:18.000
<v Speaker 3>was like she just registered for not I mean, she

0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.440
<v Speaker 3>registered for toiletries. I remember on her registry there were

0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:24.680
<v Speaker 3>like razors and like chlorox, and I'm like, babe, register

0:04:24.760 --> 0:04:28.040
<v Speaker 3>for a mixture. You know, I'm just doing your grocery shopping.

0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:31.640
<v Speaker 1>Cornnuts and I need some milk or low on eggs.

0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:33.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, if you get on your way to the wedding,

0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:35.800
<v Speaker 3>stop and get some ice, that would be great.

0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:37.360
<v Speaker 2>It's always ice, It's always ice.

0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:41.919
<v Speaker 3>I don't think you should have gifts the second time around.

0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.040
<v Speaker 3>And I also think if you're going to ask people

0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.719
<v Speaker 3>to give you gifts for a wedding, I think you

0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.679
<v Speaker 3>have to factor in how much is your wedding costing someone?

0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:51.000
<v Speaker 1>Right?

0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:56.360
<v Speaker 3>I do think I kind of traveling well yeah, I mean,

0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.800
<v Speaker 3>which is hard because maybe if it's your wedding, you're arguing, well,

0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.720
<v Speaker 3>I'm giving them a great party in Italy and if

0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:02.120
<v Speaker 3>they don't want to come, they don't have to come.

0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:06.920
<v Speaker 3>But I am a believer in the your presence is

0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:11.200
<v Speaker 3>my present thing, Like I expect I'm going to throw

0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:15.480
<v Speaker 3>people a great party because I know they traveled, and yeah,

0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:17.600
<v Speaker 3>so for sure, on a second time around, I don't

0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:19.800
<v Speaker 3>think you need the gifts on top of it. But

0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.560
<v Speaker 3>I also no matter when I was getting married, I

0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.400
<v Speaker 3>would feel bad if people were like out.

0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:25.720
<v Speaker 2>Money for my wedding.

0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:28.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, no, we feel the same about this, and

0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:30.640
<v Speaker 1>I think that is the right call. So it is said,

0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:34.440
<v Speaker 1>So it is done, no gifts for second wedding, and

0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.080
<v Speaker 1>you could just say, just if you show up at

0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:39.040
<v Speaker 1>the wedding, you can just say. L Z and H

0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.679
<v Speaker 1>told me that is indeed the case. As we wrap

0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:46.560
<v Speaker 1>up this playbook, Wow, you know, l Z, I'm not

0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:48.839
<v Speaker 1>sure what we do now. You know we're empty nesters.

0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.400
<v Speaker 1>We were back, we're back in it with the kids

0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:54.840
<v Speaker 1>at school. They're both up at college. I guess we

0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.760
<v Speaker 1>got to go figure out. We go see Barbie and

0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:59.560
<v Speaker 1>Oppenheimer again. I don't know, we need some more three

0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:02.560
<v Speaker 1>hour move. But again, for all those parents that are

0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.440
<v Speaker 1>in the same boat, good luck to you and God

0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:09.400
<v Speaker 1>bless on a healthy, happy, successful school year ahead. And

0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:11.239
<v Speaker 1>I know it's hard to believe it's even the school

0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:16.120
<v Speaker 1>year now, because it's well not even September yet. Was

0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.919
<v Speaker 1>it just me or did we always start later in

0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.159
<v Speaker 1>September or is that just the old man and me

0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:24.240
<v Speaker 1>going you know, I walked uphill both ways to school

0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:26.839
<v Speaker 1>in the snow. I don't know, but anyway, school year started.

0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.279
<v Speaker 1>Wish everybody the best, and I wish you the best,

0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:32.479
<v Speaker 1>And thank you so much for tuning in. We love

0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:34.360
<v Speaker 1>a chance to sit down and talk with you, and

0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:36.960
<v Speaker 1>we'll do it again because we have so much more

0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.000
<v Speaker 1>to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram

0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.560
<v Speaker 1>at the most dramatic pod ever and make sure to

0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:45.320
<v Speaker 1>write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll

0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:46.200
<v Speaker 1>talk to you next time.