WEBVTT - Advice Letter (Her Husband's Old Flame Is Back) 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:04.960 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:07.800 the Vitamin D with Dawnte podcast and I am your host, 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:10.440 Dawn Day, here to get you excited about your life 0:00:10.440 --> 0:00:12.240 so that you can live life on purpose and for 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:14.760 a purpose. And this is your first time tuning in 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:18.159 and welcome Vitamin D. It's upon of my name. My 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.400 name is Dawn, and you get Vitamin D from the sun. 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:22.799 So I'm here to shed light into your life. And 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:26.720 I do this with inspirational insights and conversations with celebrities 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:29.280 and everyday people like you and me, because if you 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:31.120 want to be better and you want to do better, 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:33.920 then you're going to have to be able to see better. 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:36.920 So join me on this journey of living our best 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:40.840 lives and understanding and realizing how you are your greatest 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:43.360 dass at, I said, this is another great day to 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:48.599 be alive, ain't it though? Another day to wake up 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.040 to see what's going to see what's happened, another day 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.720 to see yourself, see what you're liking, what you don't like, 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.520 and what you need to do better at it. That's 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:59.560 what I realized. And I'm coming with a lot of 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:01.800 gratitus as I reflect on the week. You know, I 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:04.200 talked about a couple of things. I talked about how 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:06.920 I'm in a situation right now while I'm looking at 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.920 food since the my funk of the dreams here, I 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.360 am getting mail where I got Chase Sapphire and I 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:16.360 got some from DPSS Department of Social Security. Isn't that 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:19.120 crazy because it's not like, you know, I don't know 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:20.760 how to keep my credit of It's just coming to 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.840 the fact when you're going after your dreams, and it 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:26.600 all boils down to making sure that I am on it, 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:32.200 pursuing opportunities, making sure to stay a point on point 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:35.440 with podcasts, with voice overs, with everything, so I can 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:39.480 be ready because something gorgeous about to happen. I feel 0:01:39.480 --> 0:01:43.000 it and I'm claiming it. I want it, and I 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.200 guess um, we all got to make sure that we 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:51.120 are intentionally like thinking that and putting that energy out there. 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.320 Like you've heard people all the time talking about, especially 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:56.960 in l A, in l A in general, everybody always 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.400 talking about the vibe. I gotta feel the vibe, which 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.960 it's not necessarily all putting because when you think about 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:06.080 a vibe, it's like a vibration of the energy and 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:10.720 we're like a bundle source of energy, right, So just 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.000 making sure I keep that vibrant. And you know, I 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:18.200 was editing on Premiere and I was going through m 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:21.280 a podcast episode I did. It was a check in 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.200 and it was entitled do you Really Want It? And 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:28.360 I was talking about how going after your dreams, going 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.880 after your ambitions of whatever it is that you say 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:34.760 that you want out of life, really asking yourself like 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.200 do you want it? And I have to really think 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.360 about it because I came in the studio today and 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:43.760 I was selling. Everybody was selling Jeremiah and Dr Laura. 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:49.799 I was like, y'all, I got an addiction and they 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.080 were like addiction. I said, no, I have an addiction 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:55.520 like to food. Like this is serious and I'm not 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:58.080 making lightly situation like I'm like I'm dead ass, like 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.639 something is really up and for someone like myself that 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.800 can you know, be gut home my dreams and gut 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.560 home working out to see an area where I have 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:09.760 to grasp it and I gotta hold onto it and 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:12.840 really understanding the relationship and I'm not gonna just sweep 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:14.720 this under the rug and not like it's nothing like no, 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:19.359 it's serious, like yo, I need to really get down 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:21.679 to the root of that. And I guess what else 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.600 made me really think about it. I was up there 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:29.280 watching on Apple TV. There's this new show. I think 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.000 it's yeah, I think it's a new show. It's called 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:36.120 Physical oh Child. So what really made me check it 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.080 out is because it was like a glimpse of this lady. 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:42.840 It's taking place in the eighties, eighties six to be exact. Hey, um, 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:45.200 this lady she working out with her role was like 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:47.240 getting and it was like the start of an empire. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:50.240 And you know me, I'm building my empire. So I 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:52.880 make sure that anything anyone is saying, I need to 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.880 pick it up. But in the flick or in the trailer, 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.680 this lady like she's just talking about like I guess 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:02.240 food is constantly talking to her in her head and 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:05.160 how her trying to get control of her life and 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:09.480 and and battling this addiction and channeling it into working out. 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:11.640 I wouldn't say, like, I'm not I don't have any 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:15.480 voices that's saying like, oh, you're stupid, you're fat, you're ugly. Da. No, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.120 I's just like I want the fool and it's like done, 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:22.800 chill chill. Um, so I'm gonna have somebody coming to show, 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:25.080 and I also have a lot of things I want 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:26.960 to share when it comes down to food and how, 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:31.719 not only how it's affecting me probably wait twise, but 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.040 there's some other areas we won't get deep and personal. 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.280 You know how I told you you're about to learn 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.680 some stuff about me, and UM, I guess this time 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.039 being I may learn some stuff about two or with 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:47.400 you right, get your right, MND right with me and 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:53.560 get excited about all Right, it's time to dive into 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.560 this vitamin Z email bag. I want to thank you 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.679 this individual for writing in. Thank you for your courage, 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:03.480 thank you for deciding to um seek out some support 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.880 because I think oftentimes we go do things in life 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:09.880 and for whatever reason, I feel ashamed, embarrassed not want 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:13.360 to ask another opinion. So I'm glad you did that, 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:15.400 and I also feel honored that you feel as all 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:20.599 my opinion matters. Here we go subject husband's old flame 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:25.560 is back. Dear Dawn. I am beyond exhausted by my 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:30.000 current situation and I would appreciate someone that hears me out. 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.080 I have no one to talk to about this because 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.599 everyone I know makes bad decisions. My husband and I 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:37.880 were friends in high school and we didn't start dating 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:41.640 until after we graduated. During high school, he had this 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:45.440 female best friend, Margot, and they had a weird romance 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:48.640 kind of thing. Everyone thought they were going to get 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:52.400 married and end up together. Every time they were both 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:55.479 dating other people, their partners would hate how close the 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:58.680 two of them were. Eventually they tried to be together, 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.760 but Margot ended up moving to Italy for school and 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:05.880 she didn't want to do long distance. They always stayed connected, 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:08.440 talking over Skype in this we love each other, but 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:11.920 we can't be together kind of way. As time went on, 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.039 Charles thought he should move on from Margot because she 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.719 never wanted to do the long distant thing and she 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:21.159 always dated other guys in Italy. So after a while 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.480 Charles and I started dating. We fell in love, and 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.120 about a year ago we got married. A few months later, 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.640 I find out that Margot moved back to the States 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:33.000 and texts Charles every now and again, but Charles reassures 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.560 me that he's moved on. I also found out that 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:40.239 she visits his mom often and she even calls her mom. Uh. 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:42.880 That hurt because I never felt like I was welcomed 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.719 in his family, and it just feels like charles family 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:49.640 still thinks he and Margot should be together. I tried 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:51.720 to tell myself that will be okay, but the other 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.200 day something happened where they thought Margot was dating someone 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.800 who was a bad apple, so the entire family freaked 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.680 out and called her panicking, including Charles. When she called 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:03.839 Charles back to see what was going on, they talked 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.280 for a while, then after Charles told me she's back 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.240 with her ex, my ex competition, and it just saw 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:12.840 felt wrong. She still calls Charles her best friends, even 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:15.400 though they haven't been that close ever since she moved. 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.000 I'm almost positive that she isn't over him, and I'm 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:21.800 scared Charles is just ignoring his feelings for her. I've 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:23.920 tried to be friends with her, but she didn't want 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:26.120 to because in the past, when she tried to be 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.640 friends with his past lover, she said that she ends 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:32.320 up the bad guy, whatever that means. I'm so tired 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.640 of feeling like a passive pile of crap. He doesn't 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.280 push for her to be friends with me, and they 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.040 have this weird dynamics still, and it feels like his 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.640 family is on her side, and it's waiting for me 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.200 and him not to work out. I've spent many days 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:47.840 in anguish over her for one reason or another, and 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.240 I felt like if she was over him, she would 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.960 have no problem becoming friends with me and speaking to me. 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.520 I thought she would eventually go away, but it feels 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:59.160 like their relationship trump's our current one, and he will 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:01.280 never let her go. I know he has a hard 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:04.240 time letting people go, but come on. I don't want 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:06.840 to give an ultimatum, but I feel like I have to. 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.720 If she can't be my friend, it just means that 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:18.240 she's not over him. Any help is appreciated, girl one 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.280 of the lovers triangle. Let's go in on one here. 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:25.320 I gotta sip some water shoe. First of all, thank 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:32.480 you for a fully expressing yourself. I reflect the sentiments 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:39.480 in your first sentence. I am beyond exhausted. First of all, 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:43.880 reading this letter, I felt like I was pulled in 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.600 so many directions, because it's like one of those things 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:51.200 where girl, you can see clear as day what is 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:56.280 going on. Two, you don't feel comfortable in the relationship. 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:59.840 Three The way that you've expressed yourself and how you 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:03.520 feel makes me question, do you even realize who you 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.640 are in the relationship? You said he was you were 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:11.600 his wife, but the way you acted, so I decided 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.000 to sell. We can dive in. Let's be cap a 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:16.480 little bit. And you said that you're beyond exhausted. I 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.320 don't know any relationship that should tire you out. If anything, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.679 relationship I feel should definitely be something that rejuvenates you. 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.120 You know, it's your safe haven, it's your ump. Every 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:29.199 relationship takes work, that's fine. Um, And even in you're 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:31.520 beyond exhaustion, you said you're coming to the point because 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:33.760 you need someone to hear you out. One of the 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:36.320 key things that I've always saying any type of relationship, 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:39.160 there needs to be some sort of communication, And if 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:41.680 you aren't being heard, that means you aren't being received, 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.560 And if you are being received words of communication, there's 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:48.160 a breakdown and communication. Then you said another thing that 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.800 stood out in mind. This is all in the same paragraph. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:55.760 You said, everyone I know makes bad decisions. Well, you 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.040 know I say this all the time. Birds of a 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:01.120 feather flock together, So what does that say about you? 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.200 And it's not bad. It just comes to a point 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.720 that it's time for us to see ourselves, because once 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:09.840 we can see better, we can do better. Okay, and 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:12.480 discern what kind of decisions needs to be made. Now, 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.839 you wrote in this letter because you have a situation 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.480 or a situation going on with this Um, I can't 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:21.160 even say ex best friend, this female best friend, this 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:25.240 real good friend of your husband. Her name is Margo. Now. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.440 The thing that's alarming is because I said, they did 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.400 not do anything for them to be feuding. Um, it 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:32.600 was just the fact that she was long distance. So 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.680 you said after a while, well after she had left 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:38.400 you and Charles, that's when y'all got together. Okay, y'all 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:40.960 fell in love. And now it's been a year and 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:42.640 a half that you've guys get married and now you 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:45.760 didn't got wind at home. Girl that had moved to Italy, 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:51.160 now she's back. Now. One thing that I thought was interesting. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.360 They didn't work out, but then y'all got together. The 0:10:55.400 --> 0:11:00.599 way you had phrased this, um whole, how they're situation 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.439 was that we love each other but can't be with 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.480 each other kind of way. And then because she was 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.520 dating these guys in Italy, and then after a while, 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.160 you guys fell in love. It almost made it seem 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:15.280 like you're an afterthought. Now I can't tell um as 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:17.600 of yet, but we're going through this letter together. I 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.120 can't tell of yet if there is some sort of 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:24.400 insecurity that's lying here, or indeed it is what it is. 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.480 You know, it can go both ways at this point. 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:31.400 Now you said after a while. It almost makes me 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.960 wonder how long after a while did you guys start 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.320 to pursue. I don't have any idea of how old 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.880 you guys are, how many years between leaving high school 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:44.000 and the school and probably college, um where that places 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.920 you guys, But it sounds like it's kind of still fresh. Okay, 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:51.559 So uh, you guys got married about a year ago. Okay, 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:53.760 Now here's the thing. Now that she's back in town. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.000 The thing that I'm like, I'm always like looking for 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.520 the flags. You gotta make sure that you're king. You know. 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.200 I just said that not long ago about using your 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.720 discernment and making sure you see the signs when you 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:06.840 see the signs. Now, you said, off the bag, you 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.240 don't have a relationship like that with her. But before 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.160 you reveal that to me, one of the things that 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:15.360 stood out is that she's visiting your mother in law 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.880 and calling your mother in law, mom, what a mother 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:22.640 that you are working on building your relationship a mother? 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:25.320 And would you are married to her son? The hold up? 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:28.440 Wait a minute, oh, work at work? It then there 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.720 was when that she was dating somebody bad. The whole 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.520 family is gonna call because of who she dated, even 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:38.040 your husband, the husband. Let me say, I said, your husband, 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.280 not her husband. I said your husband not her boyfriend. 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.320 I said, your husband calling a panic about who was 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.120 this guy? She's dead? And then come to find out 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.760 the guy that she's dating is her ex and which 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:59.560 your husband says, oh, my ex competition. Yeah, I just 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.720 gotta I stood by saying all that, because the first 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.599 thing I want to say is say, what, what in 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:10.520 the opportitive word ex competition is going on here? Do 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:12.120 we have to even look at the fact of the 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:15.040 choice of words that your husband used? Can we even 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:21.280 look at the fact, Charles, Charles, why are you suprised? 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:26.760 What did you think what's gonna happen? Charles? Was Marco's 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:33.240 life and danger? Huh? But I guess I really need 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:35.520 to be talking to you, you the one that wrote 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:37.760 the letter, because clearly Charles been doing what he's been 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:40.280 doing clearly. I can't even say I'm really surprised all 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.320 what I have read up to this point based on 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.400 what you had told me and the things that you 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:48.640 allowed yourself to stand for and stand with, because you're 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.440 not standing against anything. Notice I said for and with 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:54.160 how you stand with the fact of how your your 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:58.080 husband as this relationship with this woman, and you stand 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:01.280 for the fact that this woman has a relationship with 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.440 your mother in law that you don't even have. But 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:07.400 I'm not done yet. Now here's the thing. I think 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.480 we all have this thing called intuition about what we 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.079 feel like it's going on in our cut. You said 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:20.000 right here, you said, I'm almost positive she isn't over him, 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:26.400 and you think that he is over her. Huh. And 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.520 the reason you said that is because you said, I've 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:30.600 tried to be friends with her, but she didn't want 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.480 to because in the past she's trying to be friends 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.760 with his past lovers. She said that she ends up 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:41.200 the bad guy. Whatever that means, what you mean, what 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:46.080 you mean holds on. I'm not saying that whomever you're 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.560 with in the relationship that you got to have a 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:52.400 leash on. But there shouldn't be a thing there shouldn't 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:56.440 be a reason why I don't have a relationship with you, 0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:00.400 and that's my husband. Um, I just imagine that your 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:04.200 partner is your other half. They're an extension of you. 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.280 We're a package deal that becomes to us. The fact 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.680 that I don't have this relationship, and then the fact 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.400 of how she used her choice of words that she 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.280 has an issue with his past lovers. You aren't just 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:22.200 a lover, you're his wife. You said, I'm so tired 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.680 of feeling like a passive pile of prep. I have 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.760 a question, are you really? Because when you're really sick 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.880 and tired of being sick and tired with something, you 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:36.280 do something about it. Listen, I'm not judging you, because, listen, 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.040 we all got a thing. I was just talking about 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:41.040 earlier minddition of food. I've been talking about this challenge 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:43.360 of what I've been doing and trying to figure out 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:47.160 my balance with it. So I'm not sitting here trying 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:51.520 to say that everybody's stuff don't stink. We all got 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.040 our stuff, but I'm here to call you out on it. 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:56.400 So when you say that I'm so tired, are you 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:00.000 sure that you're tired? It's just like when I ask somebody, 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.840 how bad do you want it? Do you really wanted? 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:07.880 Are you truly tired? Because if you're still meddling in 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:11.760 the same water and you aren't choosing to kick your feet, 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:15.680 if you aren't choosing to move your arms, I'm not 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:22.320 sure you're tired, honestly. Then another thing you said, I've 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.080 spent many days and anguish over her for one reason 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:30.600 or another. What I don't know about you, but I'm 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:36.440 telling you um one the death of my mother. Two 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:40.960 just living on this earth, a little something some three 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:46.800 singing what we saw in and this whole COVID nineteen, 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:51.200 this whole pandemic. I ain't got time to entertain anybody 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:54.880 that's not charging my piece. You know, I was looking 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.520 at this clip in fact, earlier today. Was it last 0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:01.480 night or was it today? And and Will Smith, he 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.159 was talking about success, and he said, how a lot 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:06.879 of people, you know, you talk about this dream and 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:09.840 you you're going after something when you want to be successful. 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:13.879 He was like, but the true success isn't in the 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:19.080 process of acquiring things. Success is that peace. And even 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.560 when you're talking about relationship, and you talk about having 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.080 a successful relationship, if you are spending all of these 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:28.520 days in anguish over her for one reason or another. 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:34.639 Where is your peace? And when do you choose your peace? 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:37.600 I'm not trying to judge you. I'm just calling the 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:40.880 facts out and just saying what it is for what 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:44.119 it is. It comes to a point that you have 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:48.280 to choose yourself, whether it be somebody like Naomi Osaka, 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:52.240 whether it be someone bows, whoever it is, you have 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:55.879 to choose your piece that works for you so that 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.120 you can show up as your best self. And as 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:00.960 of right now, I don't see because every single moment, 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:03.800 it's one minute when she was over across the water 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:07.040 in Italy, Now she back in the hometown. Now she 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:09.320 up here meddling with your mother in law, who you're 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:11.919 working to have a relationship with, and you came over 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.399 the relationship with, and here you are sleeping in the 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.399 bed every day with this man who calls her current 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:21.879 boyfriend his ex competition, that doesn't even fight for the 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.400 fact for you to to be in a some type 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:28.920 of having communication or relationship with one another. What it's 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.879 so interesting that he can understand the whole competition and 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:35.240 opposing factor when it comes to her and her relationship, 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:37.840 but can't even understand why it's important for you guys 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.199 to interact with one another, so you guys know that 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.480 you are in competition because he claimed that you ain't 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:46.280 got nothing to worry about. But I don't know since 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.879 now it comes to a point of when you're gonna 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.600 cut your lights on and when you decide to see 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:55.360 what it is in front of you, and no one 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.919 else can judge you and tell you how, because no 0:18:58.000 --> 0:18:59.600 one else can talk about how you live in your 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:02.359 relationship ship, what y'all doing, how y'all doing, and what 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.680 kind of understanding that you guys have, because the thing 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:07.920 is is that you said off the bat, you said 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:10.320 you don't have a situation where you can be heard 0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:12.920 because you need somebody to hear you out. So I'm 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:15.960 almost wondering have you taken the time to have a 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:18.920 conversation with your husband about this to really get in there, 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:22.720 because you just said right here that you would appreciate 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:26.960 that someone can hear you out. So has he heard you? 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:30.280 Because maybe that explains why you got this letter, Because 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:32.160 have you had a chance to get it out yet, 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:36.560 because honestly, all you had to say was excellent town. 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:40.320 My husband is pressed to had this relationship. He doesn't 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:42.760 care the fact that we don't have the relationship, and 0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:46.600 his mama is and she calls his mama mom. Period. 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:48.399 We will need to get down to the bottom of it. 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:51.240 All this other stuff that was you letting that go 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:54.480 off your chest, and you know you said something else. 0:19:54.520 --> 0:20:00.320 You said, um, you feel like their relationship trump's your 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:02.960 current one, and he would not have never let her go. 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:04.639 And then you go on to say, I know he 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:08.480 has a hard time letting people go. What come on, sis, 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:12.439 how how how are you supposed to be? He's about 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:15.760 a half and you feel like he's putting someone before you. 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.119 They said, when a man finds a wife, he finds 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:22.040 a good thing, not a second thing, a good thing. 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:25.560 You're gonna have to teach people how to treat you. 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:28.199 But I think, um, I think we're gonna have to 0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:29.960 rewind this a little bit, and you're gonna have to 0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:33.400 work on your communication because I'm not sure that you're 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:37.680 communicating effectively in this relationship. Because if you can sit 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.120 quiet on this, what happens. Let's just say, for example, 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:43.480 say if you're just like, hey, I don't want to 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.120 deal with this and I'm leaving away from this relationship, 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.040 What happens for the next relationship that you're going to, 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.440 What happens if you guys were to have children, and 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:55.560 what are you teaching them about communication? There's a breakdown here, 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:59.600 and I think it came out perhaps in the first paragraph. 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:04.879 Hear me out and understand that when we talk about 0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:07.760 people hearing people out, when we talk about wanting to 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:10.879 express ourselves, not only do you have someone, have to 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:13.240 have someone to be able to receive what you're saying, 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:15.040 but then you also have to be the one to 0:21:15.080 --> 0:21:18.560 have something to say. And right now I'm not sure 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.040 you're doing your part and saying what it is that 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:25.720 you need to say. There comes to a point, Well, 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:27.280 you don't have to put your foot down as the 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:31.359 woman of your house. Okay, maybe you're gonna have to 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:34.639 lay some laws down about how things are going to operate. 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:39.119 How you do anything is how you'll do everything, and 0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:41.840 that includes what you allow yourself to put up with. 0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:44.760 Now you're talking about this is your happily ever after. 0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:48.200 And I say that because if you decided to marry somebody, 0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:50.320 you're looking at being with them for the rest of 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:53.040 your life. Is this is how you're gonna choose to 0:21:53.040 --> 0:21:57.679