Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky here I am. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. It's Tuesday, the Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 1: You know what you're listening to? I don't have to
Speaker 1: say it again. Um, hey, no, uh, how's it going? Good? Good?
Speaker 1: I God, I'm like still kind of collecting my thoughts.
Speaker 1: This morning, I just slam a jammed um two bowls
Speaker 1: of oatmeal because I got podcast podcast podcast back to back,
Speaker 1: no time to eat until like two or something. So
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little bit. But I went down the hatch.
Speaker 1: Pretty sweet. Um, we're running out of Stevia, Andrew. The
Speaker 1: thing is Andrew went to the grocery store for us
Speaker 1: the other day, and um, I was like, I'll get
Speaker 1: you groceries. What do you want? Like definitely, uh, maybe
Speaker 1: sensed that I wanted him to do things for me
Speaker 1: more or like, you know, the last time I complained
Speaker 1: to him, like, don't go to the grocery store without
Speaker 1: thinking of getting me things too, um, because I always
Speaker 1: think to get him things. Even when we're at the
Speaker 1: same grocery store together. I will grab things from an
Speaker 1: aisle that I know he'll skip because he'll be like,
Speaker 1: I'm just not hungry for that aisle right now. I
Speaker 1: just what is it with boys that they don't anticipate
Speaker 1: their needs. Boys are so good about like planning for well,
Speaker 1: not Andrew, but like I'm talking about like men in general,
Speaker 1: or like I know my ex boyfriend has like a
Speaker 1: go bag. He's like ready for, like if disaster strikes.
Speaker 1: He has tools for every kind of dilemma that would
Speaker 1: arise in the apartment or like in his life. Um,
Speaker 1: and then when it comes to like food for like
Speaker 1: the next week. No, I'm mixing two people. Andrew's not prepared.
Speaker 1: Andrew picks what he needs. That's why he shows up
Speaker 1: to gigs with a limp backpack. I can't even believe
Speaker 1: this guy. I bring a hundred pounds of stuff, a
Speaker 1: hundred pounds of two huge suitcases fifty pounds each, and
Speaker 1: then my backpack. My carry on is packed to the brim.
Speaker 1: So is my guitar bag that has a guitar in it.
Speaker 1: But the little pouch that's supposed to just carry a
Speaker 1: capo and a pick as like you know, socks and
Speaker 1: lotions and whatever in it. And Andrew's backpack is like
Speaker 1: a limp back I don't understand. Sometimes you watch the
Speaker 1: baggage Carousel. When you go to collector bags and there
Speaker 1: is a loose duffel bag like a backpack, sometimes people
Speaker 1: will check like a loose backpack, and I just go,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is this? Why would you check that?
Speaker 1: I don't understand people. Um, but yeah, Andrew, I, UM,
Speaker 1: when we were in San Antonio, we got a ton
Speaker 1: of like my writer, which is the thing that you
Speaker 1: make a list of things you want backstage. It's the
Speaker 1: famous Like the first time I heard writers was like
Speaker 1: Mariah Carey needs everything, like you know, Beyonce needs everything
Speaker 1: on a writer to be white and Mariah Carey needs
Speaker 1: you know, roses in every toilet or I don't know whatever,
Speaker 1: like the Eminem thing, which was an interesting thing, you
Speaker 1: know when um there was that big there's always that
Speaker 1: one story or anecdote of only green Eminem's on someone's writer.
Speaker 1: It was either like the Rolling Stones or like led
Speaker 1: Zeppelin or something like and thank you yes, okay, only
Speaker 1: the brown ones. Um. They did that because they wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure that the venue was if they if
Speaker 1: they got that, if the venue read the writer that
Speaker 1: correctly and got that right, it would be indicative that
Speaker 1: they would get all the sound things right and all
Speaker 1: this like it's it's was a thing they put in,
Speaker 1: not because they like brown Eminem's or just to be assholes.
Speaker 1: It was like, okay, if we walk in the green
Speaker 1: room and there's only brown Eminem's. They were very detailed
Speaker 1: in this, and we can trust this venue. So I
Speaker 1: thought that was kind of interesting. It's it's you know,
Speaker 1: it goes from being like care brown Eminem's too, like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's actually like a good system. That's how like when
Speaker 1: I found out that Bill Burr said that people rev
Speaker 1: their motorcycle engines not to be care but so that
Speaker 1: they let people know pedestrians know they're coming. And I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, that just changed the way I looked
Speaker 1: at that. Now, what were you about to say before
Speaker 1: we get corrections? They wanted the brown Eminem's out, so
Speaker 1: they wanted the stuff to pick the brown Eminem's out. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's even more Yes, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: If people were going to write in about that, I
Speaker 1: don't want to listen to this podcast. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: Please keep listening. Um. So, yeah, so we got a
Speaker 1: bunch of snacks for the writer and I and and
Speaker 1: when um My tour managers wrote to me saying, Hey,
Speaker 1: what do you want on your writer? Because my writer
Speaker 1: used to be like very antarrextic and like always like
Speaker 1: feeding into my eating disorder because I would just I
Speaker 1: would starve all day and then I would get to
Speaker 1: my show and I would start like snacking on the
Speaker 1: veggie tray and I would get like veggies and like
Speaker 1: hummus and like salsa, but like note, I would get chips,
Speaker 1: but just so that no one would think I was
Speaker 1: weird for getting salsa and hummus without chips. But I
Speaker 1: wouldn't eat the chips because they're carbs. So I would
Speaker 1: just like get the chips for the illusion that I
Speaker 1: was a normal eater. And then and also like Andrew
Speaker 1: would eat them. But I never could figure out what
Speaker 1: chips Andrew wanted because he would never be hungry for
Speaker 1: chips when I would ask what kind of chips do
Speaker 1: you want, so he'd be like, I just don't want chips,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, this is for two months from now.
Speaker 1: This isn't for now when you just ate dinner. Um,
Speaker 1: But now I have a revised writer because I'm not
Speaker 1: uh in the depths of an eating disorder anymore. So
Speaker 1: I and and so I have like regular food on it,
Speaker 1: whatever I have. But the thing is when I sent
Speaker 1: in my writer, I literally I just say, give me
Speaker 1: Thai food, Like, just send whatever Thai restaurant. I want
Speaker 1: to papaya salads. I want a green curry. I want
Speaker 1: um green vegetable curry. I want rice cakes. I want
Speaker 1: vegan cream cheese, which, by the way, I just got
Speaker 1: Andrew and vegan cream cheese. He's freaking out about it.
Speaker 1: The guy is like eating, like you know, in one sitting,
Speaker 1: he'll eat a whole thing. Um. It's so delicious. Vile
Speaker 1: life is the best kind. It tastes exactly like cream cheese. Um.
Speaker 1: And Then I asked Andrew and Anya and Matt On
Speaker 1: his boyfriend, my tour manager, and Jen like, what other thing?
Speaker 1: What's next to you? Guys want backstage because this isn't
Speaker 1: just for me. And of course Andrew was like, I
Speaker 1: don't need anything to gen, you know, Jen, I said,
Speaker 1: Jen asked Andrew what he wants on the writer. He
Speaker 1: can get anything, and it's out of my money, by
Speaker 1: the way, or it's out of money that would go
Speaker 1: to me if it weren't spent on the backstage experience.
Speaker 1: But I want the backstage experience to be amazing for everyone,
Speaker 1: So like, get whatever the funk you want. You know,
Speaker 1: Andrew doesn't want anything, so I go, Okay, yes he does.
Speaker 1: Get him some popcorn with the words skinny on it.
Speaker 1: Get some drinks with the word fat burn on it.
Speaker 1: Get you know, snack wells, healthy choice, anything with healthy
Speaker 1: on it that just is like a word that will
Speaker 1: lie to you and convince you you're being healthy. Get
Speaker 1: that for Andrew because he'll eat it. He also likes dates,
Speaker 1: so I got him dates, I got him popcorn, whatever.
Speaker 1: So I get there. It's a smorgest board of food
Speaker 1: at San Antonio. We had two shows, so they doubled
Speaker 1: up the um, the writer order. We have no time
Speaker 1: to eat at all. It's just like all this food.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, it's going to waste. I
Speaker 1: was kind of like freaking out, but it was more
Speaker 1: about my stress of life and m Andrew left early
Speaker 1: because he was bored. After the show. I'm sitting backstage,
Speaker 1: and Andrew is Auntie a f and like just wanting
Speaker 1: to go back to the hotel which is just across
Speaker 1: the street. But Annie is out there selling her merch.
Speaker 1: Jen is out there selling my merch. Matt is out
Speaker 1: there like picking up cords and like figuring out like Howard.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like back there with Indur Andrews, like
Speaker 1: I can tell he wants to leave so bad, and
Speaker 1: he's like, do you mind if I go? And I
Speaker 1: go go it's fine. He's like, are you sure? And
Speaker 1: I was like yeah. He's like, do you want to go?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, I'm gonna wait for the rest
Speaker 1: of the team before I go, so we can like
Speaker 1: talk about how great the show is and stuff, but
Speaker 1: you go. So he leaves and I go to the
Speaker 1: I go to leave eventually, and I see that the
Speaker 1: table of food has like full bags of popcorn that
Speaker 1: I just are no or either gonna get thrown out
Speaker 1: or not. Like I'm just like mad when food goes
Speaker 1: to waste. So I take this full bag. I take
Speaker 1: a whole bag on top of all my bags, I
Speaker 1: start packing a bag of his dates, of his um
Speaker 1: that he ate one of. You know, he opened the
Speaker 1: bag and ate one of a popcorn that he didn't
Speaker 1: even open. Because we have a long flight the next day,
Speaker 1: a connective flight. I know that he doesn't plan for those,
Speaker 1: so I and I know that. It's like, why am
Speaker 1: I thinking about him? It's very alan on, it's very
Speaker 1: like controlling other people. But I just don't like when
Speaker 1: someone else is like starving all day around me. So
Speaker 1: I grab all the stuff. The next day, we're at
Speaker 1: the airport. I'm carrying this bag and I go, um,
Speaker 1: I have a big bag of pop. I had a
Speaker 1: huge bag of popcorn, skinny pop, and I'm thinking, I
Speaker 1: can't fit this anywhere on me. I don't even know
Speaker 1: where Andrew's gonna fit it. This is all to say
Speaker 1: that Andrew has brought this baggy little backpack that has
Speaker 1: like one shirt in it for his whole weekend's day.
Speaker 1: I don't even understand it. It definitely doesn't have a toothbrush.
Speaker 1: There's no way there was one in there. And I go, Andrew,
Speaker 1: I brought these for you for um, like the dates
Speaker 1: and the bag of popcorn for you for the for
Speaker 1: the day of traveling. Is like, oh thanks, and I go,
Speaker 1: do you have any room for this? He's the only
Speaker 1: man on earth that could fit a gigantic bag of
Speaker 1: unopened skinny pop that is like inflated into his backpack.
Speaker 1: With ample room. I put that in that baggy backpack.
Speaker 1: That's what those baggy backpacks are for there, for women
Speaker 1: to place food that they bring along for the men
Speaker 1: they travel with who have not thought about their needs.
Speaker 1: And that's why men have baggy backpacks and don't pack
Speaker 1: anything is because women are going to stuff it with
Speaker 1: food that you should have stuffed it with because you
Speaker 1: don't think about your needs. What's going on with me?
Speaker 1: I don't even know. People are going to write it
Speaker 1: and be like Nikki, that was a waste of our
Speaker 1: time listening to that, and guess what it was waste
Speaker 1: of my time saying it. But all I'm saying is
Speaker 1: that I don't understand these scrotum like backpacks that are
Speaker 1: like old men balls that men bring on long trips.
Speaker 1: What what are what are they packing there? Someday I
Speaker 1: want to go through Andrew's bag for a long weekend.
Speaker 1: We're going to Atlantic City this weekend. Maybe I will
Speaker 1: do it then and do like um, an Instagram video
Speaker 1: or something for it. Man. I have felt very uh,
Speaker 1: not wanting to be on social media, not wanting to
Speaker 1: post about myself, not wanting to there's sometimes I'm just
Speaker 1: a adverse a verse a verse. I feel like that's
Speaker 1: the word a verse to social media and like disgusted
Speaker 1: by it. I don't want to put anything out there,
Speaker 1: don't want heart emojis, don't want people telling me I'm hot,
Speaker 1: don't want to tell people telling me I'm great. I
Speaker 1: just like don't want to post anything. And right now
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of F boy promotion. I gotta
Speaker 1: do it. Um, I don't want to watch videos of myself.
Speaker 1: You know what. The best thing was, Okay, if you're
Speaker 1: gonna listen to anything, listening to this part. Okay. Last
Speaker 1: week I was talking, Dave Spade sent me a voice
Speaker 1: memo that's how we communicate, um, where he was like,
Speaker 1: I just saw the video you posted on Instagram where
Speaker 1: you said, uh, like these guys like do nice guys
Speaker 1: always come and last? And do f boys always come
Speaker 1: on your face? Or something like that, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: I said that to make everyone, to make everyone laugh
Speaker 1: in the moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I
Speaker 1: think they would air that. I'm not even joking you.
Speaker 1: That was like me just trying to like warm up
Speaker 1: the crowd. They used it. Okay. Dave wrote to me
Speaker 1: and was like God, I was just so on Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise, like we could they they told me I
Speaker 1: couldn't say this, and then or like you know, that
Speaker 1: was I can't believe you got away with that. And
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's the beauty of HBO, Max Baby,
Speaker 1: maybe you should jump over there, and he's like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if i'd want to say something
Speaker 1: like that, and I'm like, touche, I know it was
Speaker 1: really gross and I don't even know I wanted to
Speaker 1: say something like that. And then I go, you know what, Dave,
Speaker 1: To be honest with you, I didn't even know that
Speaker 1: I posted that clip because I just saw it on
Speaker 1: mute and I saw it looked pretty and I saw
Speaker 1: that people laughed at whatever I said, and I knew
Speaker 1: that I needed to post something, so I just posted it.
Speaker 1: I did not watch it. I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: my voice. I don't want to hear the joke. It's
Speaker 1: like my timing of that joke. By the way, it
Speaker 1: was like not my faith. So I posted it blindly,
Speaker 1: not knowing what I said. Then a lot of people
Speaker 1: wrote to me and I was like, oh, I guess
Speaker 1: that's the one I said, Um, and I go, I
Speaker 1: didn't even watch it. I'm embarrassed to tell you that.
Speaker 1: And I go, I don't like watching myself. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is, but I hate watching myself. I
Speaker 1: can't watch f Boys second episode because I'm not with
Speaker 1: my girls, who I watched the first one with. I
Speaker 1: can't bring myself to watch more of it, even though
Speaker 1: I want to because I want to be able to
Speaker 1: talk about it because I know things that didn't air,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to talk about those things. I
Speaker 1: want to know what people are seeing right. But I
Speaker 1: can't watch it. And so I wrote to David and
Speaker 1: I was like, do you relate to not watching things
Speaker 1: of yourself and like not wanting to see yourself? And
Speaker 1: he said, Nikki, people will send me things to watch.
Speaker 1: He's like, there's something right now. They sent me, um,
Speaker 1: they sent him some something he just shot. They sent
Speaker 1: him there, like take a look, tell us what you think.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I can't do it. I cannot do it.
Speaker 1: And it made me feel so good because it's David Spade.
Speaker 1: Everything he talks in like a perfect jokes, like there's
Speaker 1: nothing I would I would seriously murder Andrew right now
Speaker 1: with a blunt object to have of. I'm giving myself
Speaker 1: of half of David Spade's funniness. So that's about I
Speaker 1: don't even know what that means. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Um I would, I would, but for someone like that,
Speaker 1: who I project so much perfection comedically onto to say
Speaker 1: that they don't watch themselves. And I said to him,
Speaker 1: you know the when people, especially that when people are like,
Speaker 1: you look amazing in this, will you watch it? Or
Speaker 1: there's a photographer that's like, look these shots, Holy shit,
Speaker 1: look at these I don't have I go no offense
Speaker 1: to you. I know they're amazing. I don't want to
Speaker 1: see them. I'm so sorry. Or if someone's doing my makeup,
Speaker 1: I don't want to see it. I don't want to
Speaker 1: look in the mirror. I'd rather like be having my
Speaker 1: makeup not in front of him herror, and then they
Speaker 1: go look at it and they want to hear me
Speaker 1: go oh my god, but like I don't like looking
Speaker 1: up myself, And which is so ironic, because that's what
Speaker 1: I'm getting paid to do, is have people look at me.
Speaker 1: And it's just weird that I would expect others to
Speaker 1: enjoy it. I don't expect others to enjoy it. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm baffled why others enjoy it. But I'm going along
Speaker 1: with it because it makes me good money and it
Speaker 1: makes me feel loved by strangers to fulfill the needs
Speaker 1: of love that I didn't get met as a child,
Speaker 1: by no fault of my parents. They did as best
Speaker 1: as they could. I just was a child that needed
Speaker 1: more love than most. Um. But what I will say
Speaker 1: is that Spade said, I'm finishing this thought. Spade said
Speaker 1: that he uh what. What I meant to say was
Speaker 1: when when I know there's no I will watch something.
Speaker 1: When I was on Not Safe with Nicki Glazer and
Speaker 1: I had final say in the edit where I could
Speaker 1: watch something and then I give notes, it was hard
Speaker 1: for me to watch myself. But at least you know what.
Speaker 1: I edited the Degenerates, I edited Banging. I had to
Speaker 1: watch all of those and it was torture, but I
Speaker 1: did it because I had a say and what made
Speaker 1: it and what did it. But on something like f Boy,
Speaker 1: something like a podcast clip that someone's putting together, that's
Speaker 1: already put together and they're done with and they just
Speaker 1: want me to see it before it goes out, No,
Speaker 1: I don't need to see it. It's already done. Please
Speaker 1: don't show it to me. I'm good and to hear
Speaker 1: that David Spade also feels the same way made me
Speaker 1: feel so much less alone. If you are out there
Speaker 1: and you don't like looking at pictures of yourself, let
Speaker 1: me know too, or video of yourself or your voice
Speaker 1: or anything. Thank you for listening to my voice every day.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're wrong. I think I'm actually a
Speaker 1: lovely person to listen to. And I respect you all
Speaker 1: for being a fan of mine. It's just hard for me.
Speaker 1: Let's get Andrew in here. And by the way, talk
Speaker 1: about someone who loves to watch themselves and has no
Speaker 1: problem doing so. Andrew, Hey, Andrew, ni, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: your voice is like sexual. I was just talking about how, um,
Speaker 1: I hate to watch myself, and so does David Spade.
Speaker 1: I got confirmation that he doesn't watch himself either, even
Speaker 1: on like really important things like movies and stuff. And
Speaker 1: I was saying, speaking of someone who loves to watch
Speaker 1: themselves and like doesn't mind looking at pictures of yourself
Speaker 1: right away and posting things right away, I really envy
Speaker 1: you of like loving to post content as soon as
Speaker 1: you get it and like not needing, like I just
Speaker 1: what is that? What? What? What can I do to
Speaker 1: be better about? Like just you know, if you if
Speaker 1: you do a photo session and then you see a
Speaker 1: picture of yourself where you look way fatter or way like,
Speaker 1: not as funny as you thought you were, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's surely got to happen at some point
Speaker 1: where you see something and it's not what you thought
Speaker 1: it was going to be. What what goes through your head?
Speaker 1: And why don't you let it derail your day? Um hmm,
Speaker 1: Because I don't know. I guess because there's other pictures
Speaker 1: that I look good in. So it's like, but what
Speaker 1: if there's yeah, yeah, what if they're a lie? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean well, I think there's a difference between it
Speaker 1: being just between you and the picture and then you
Speaker 1: putting that picture online. I think there's there's some strength
Speaker 1: in just being like here I am at my ugliest state. Now.
Speaker 1: The hard part is when you're trying to look good.
Speaker 1: Well let me yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you're trying to look good and it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: There's a difference between making a quirky face and you're
Speaker 1: like trying to purposely look bad. But if you look
Speaker 1: bad while trying to look good, yes, it's tough. But
Speaker 1: I mean I don't I mean I try, I don't
Speaker 1: really post like you know, like Jore. We had this
Speaker 1: like photographer in San Diego or San Antonio this weekend
Speaker 1: who was amazing. I mean I've worked with a lot
Speaker 1: of photographers and a lot of good ones too, and
Speaker 1: this guy was up there with them because he just
Speaker 1: set up these really quick shots that usually would take
Speaker 1: most photographers forever to get the lighting perfected, and they
Speaker 1: look like, you know, the types of photo shoots that
Speaker 1: I would have to show up three hours after the
Speaker 1: photographer got there because they have to set up so
Speaker 1: perfectly and use a bunch of stand in. This guy
Speaker 1: would just like do it on the fly. And I
Speaker 1: was like, way do you see these shots? I mean
Speaker 1: they're amazing. I felt almost um I felt bad not
Speaker 1: being like putting enough effort into my looks for how
Speaker 1: much how beautiful these shots look, because it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: this should have like better makeup and hair instead of
Speaker 1: me just like scrunching my hair in the sink in
Speaker 1: my hotel room. Um, I like your hair when you
Speaker 1: don't do anything too and it's just natural, and you
Speaker 1: always say that it's almost uncomfortable. Yeah, like every time,
Speaker 1: my hair is just like wild and like just air
Speaker 1: dried pretty much like I've just been doing a curly
Speaker 1: not curly, but my hair naturally is like just have
Speaker 1: that hair like that. You should ride a horse without
Speaker 1: a saddle everywhere you go. Well, listen, I'm metaphorically I'm
Speaker 1: doing that all the time. Here, here's the interesting thing
Speaker 1: about that hair stuff. We'll get back to the picture thing,
Speaker 1: but the hair thing. Yeah, every time. So Noah, you've
Speaker 1: seen it like with the same kind of hair. No,
Speaker 1: that's like if you let it air dry and you
Speaker 1: were to scrunch it, I call it congealing. So what
Speaker 1: I do with my hair. Girls, if you have hair
Speaker 1: like mine, that you can blow dry it straight, but
Speaker 1: generally it wants to just be poofy and kind of
Speaker 1: it never really will get straight enough. I used to
Speaker 1: iron my hair with a literal iron in high school
Speaker 1: because I just could not get it straight, and then
Speaker 1: I would look like a cucumber because it would puff
Speaker 1: out around my the crown of my head and make
Speaker 1: my head look like a bigger cucumber shape, and then
Speaker 1: it would be I would just look like predator. It
Speaker 1: would just be like a like an old founding father
Speaker 1: like Quaker oats, because it would just be puffy, but
Speaker 1: like trying to be straight on the edges, but like
Speaker 1: puff out anyway, Now I can get it to a
Speaker 1: place where it looks like bone straight and like really smooth.
Speaker 1: With a blowout, you know and uh, cheese straightening irons
Speaker 1: and all those things, you can get like a straight
Speaker 1: looking look and people think that's, oh, that's Nikki's natural hair.
Speaker 1: My natural hair is um what like I guess it's
Speaker 1: called ship but um no, it's it's like like a
Speaker 1: hot lion exactly. It's like it is. It's kinky. It's
Speaker 1: like it um it's not curly, but it's like wavy,
Speaker 1: you get it. It doesn't matter what it is. It's
Speaker 1: like um Jason Momoa. Like it's like has texture and
Speaker 1: it can be a big old mess, but it's can
Speaker 1: sometimes look really great. So if you have hair like mine,
Speaker 1: eye mastered away to make it look the best possible,
Speaker 1: which is you know, when I was in San Antonio,
Speaker 1: I did not feel like I didn't bring my straightener
Speaker 1: I didn't bring a curling iron, so it was all
Speaker 1: going to be me blowing it out and using an iron,
Speaker 1: and I just didn't want to an actual iron with
Speaker 1: an ironing board. I didn't want to deal with it.
Speaker 1: It's so humid there it would have puffed out by
Speaker 1: the end of the night because I sweat on stage.
Speaker 1: So instead I was just like, Okay, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: do the air dry, which, by the way, it takes
Speaker 1: longer than doing my hair curling. Like I was, I
Speaker 1: was arguing, like in my own head, what people are like,
Speaker 1: her hair looks like ship It's like, well, this took
Speaker 1: two hours to air dry, as opposed to if I
Speaker 1: did it straight, it took an hour to get it curled,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I had to get Yeah,
Speaker 1: so what I do is I brush it. I get
Speaker 1: out of the shower and I dtangle it so I
Speaker 1: brush it straight. I know this is not interesting to anyone,
Speaker 1: but if you have hair like mine, this will teach
Speaker 1: you how to do the like kind of curly messy
Speaker 1: look in a way that looks the best. Because I've
Speaker 1: I've this took me years, years and years years to
Speaker 1: perfect and I actually met my best friend in college
Speaker 1: when I was doing this weird thing in the sink
Speaker 1: and in our freshman dorms. Um, you straighten your hair,
Speaker 1: you like, get out the shower. You put enough like conditioner,
Speaker 1: and then it's straight. But you get the conditioner out
Speaker 1: because you don't want it to be too sulky and conditioned.
Speaker 1: So get it out and then be able to brush
Speaker 1: it through so that you can run your fingers through
Speaker 1: it without any snaggles. Right, Um, use a dtangling spray
Speaker 1: whatever you need. Then you go to the sink and
Speaker 1: you fill the sink up to about a third with
Speaker 1: hot water or like not hot, but like warm hottish water.
Speaker 1: Then you dip your make sure your hair is parted
Speaker 1: in the way that you want it to be for
Speaker 1: the final look. Then you take each side and you
Speaker 1: dip it into the water, and then you run your
Speaker 1: hands through to make individual curls that you want those
Speaker 1: ones to be like the Because this is the thing.
Speaker 1: When you brush out your hair and let it air dry,
Speaker 1: it gets too stringy. All the pieces, especially with thinner hair,
Speaker 1: all the pieces it will be like three pieces of
Speaker 1: hair will be like a little curl and that's not enough.
Speaker 1: You need like a big thick curl. Right, So you
Speaker 1: do your you do your hair, and you go in
Speaker 1: the sink and you run your hands through it, uh
Speaker 1: with separate with your fingers, and you get it to
Speaker 1: a place where it's like, oh, that looks good. And
Speaker 1: then you go in the sink and you dip it
Speaker 1: in and then when it comes up, it should be
Speaker 1: individual really wet pieces of hair, right because you dumped
Speaker 1: it in the sink. Then you do a thing I
Speaker 1: called congeal, and you gently from the bottom bring it
Speaker 1: up and squeeze up and squeeze. You might put a
Speaker 1: little bit of mute moose in your hand, a very
Speaker 1: light light because you don't want it to get crunchy.
Speaker 1: Light moose mixed with a moving bomb. And then you
Speaker 1: can squeeze it again, make it even more congealed. Now
Speaker 1: do the other side piece, piece it with your fingers,
Speaker 1: then congeal and then let that air dry and see
Speaker 1: what happens for you. And then the top stays more
Speaker 1: straight and doesn't get too curly. Then by the time
Speaker 1: it starts drying, you can just like let it go
Speaker 1: and kind of congeal it and like and just scrunch
Speaker 1: it all over and it gives you a nice piece. Look. Now,
Speaker 1: the only problem with this is that your male best
Speaker 1: friend might start getting corny for your hair and like
Speaker 1: say weird things when you're literal tits are hanging out
Speaker 1: on camera and watching you and kind of drooling and
Speaker 1: saying your hair looks good. You and of course I'm exaggerating,
Speaker 1: but like you have mentioned my hair looking great, Yeah,
Speaker 1: both sides of my mouth. But you know I have
Speaker 1: a wet mouth. So if you really do like the
Speaker 1: curly hair. But here's the other thing I remember, and
Speaker 1: maybe some girls up there is funny that you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just natural. But I didn't realize. No, I mean like,
Speaker 1: that's no, it takes two seconds. It really does. In
Speaker 1: the scheme of things is so much easier. But I
Speaker 1: also don't do that every day. That was just for
Speaker 1: the San Antonio show. But the thing is, uh, oh,
Speaker 1: here's the thing most men do well. I learned from
Speaker 1: Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker. She used to yell at
Speaker 1: women about, um, how they should show up to these
Speaker 1: dates to meet the millionaires that she was setting them
Speaker 1: up with. And she would say, girls, no, it was
Speaker 1: so racist because this all goes back to like hair
Speaker 1: being like, you know, glossy, straight hair equals white, and
Speaker 1: then like anything that's not equals ethnic. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: pretty much what it is. And so she wouldn't get
Speaker 1: away with saying this, m bravo now, but she was like,
Speaker 1: men want hair that they can run their fingers through.
Speaker 1: Men do not want curly hair. So she would yell
Speaker 1: at these girls that would come to these functions and go,
Speaker 1: you're gonna straighten your hair, You're gonna get a carrotons treatment.
Speaker 1: You're like, men don't want curly hair, and um, I've
Speaker 1: found that men don't care. And if a man is
Speaker 1: going to care about whether or not you can run
Speaker 1: his hands through your hair, first of all, you can't
Speaker 1: run your hands through my hair no matter what, because
Speaker 1: I have a sensitive scalp and I'm scared of losing hair,
Speaker 1: So get off my hair. Um. But I do find
Speaker 1: that men like tend to like you know, or I
Speaker 1: guess media tend to like shiny, smooth hair more than like,
Speaker 1: you know, the messy, kinky hair thoughts. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it just makes it seem like
Speaker 1: you're more put together. Yes, so it seems like if
Speaker 1: you're dressed up, but I think there's something really hot
Speaker 1: about being dressed up and then your hair looking like
Speaker 1: natural and fun and vibrant, and it just you know,
Speaker 1: and this is who you are. You're being honest about
Speaker 1: it while looking great. I don't know, I don't like that,
Speaker 1: see that that that whole thing of like she's just
Speaker 1: being herself. That's like when you know, that's like no
Speaker 1: offense to lizz Oh. I'm just saying, like we we
Speaker 1: say that about Lizzo, you know, like I love her body,
Speaker 1: it's herself. We don't say, we don't go on to
Speaker 1: anything else. We just go that's her when really she's
Speaker 1: someone who has a body that is not normally seen
Speaker 1: in magazine. So like for you to say your hair
Speaker 1: is just yourself, that to me says like it's counter
Speaker 1: what we all want and it's you're just doing you Nikki.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I'm saying, no, it's your hair without product.
Speaker 1: It's like if I didn't put gel in my hair
Speaker 1: or like paste in my hair and I just went
Speaker 1: out and just had my regular hair. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't I don't see anything more than
Speaker 1: it's without product. Is what I'm saying. So it's just
Speaker 1: your natural hair, what it would be on an island
Speaker 1: when you got out of the beach. That like, no,
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. I like it too, and
Speaker 1: I like that juxtapose with a really nice outfit and
Speaker 1: like everything else perfect. It looks cool. But that's the
Speaker 1: problem is like it inherently to me. And I didn't
Speaker 1: mean to bring up the Lizzo thing. I'm just bringing
Speaker 1: up someone who you know, like any you know, when
Speaker 1: they're full figured women, which is anti what media has
Speaker 1: told us we should be. Right. That's what I'm talking
Speaker 1: about is when women are bigger and they're like, I
Speaker 1: love my body and everyone goes, yes, I love you
Speaker 1: being you. That's another way of saying like I'm not
Speaker 1: sure I want to be that, but good job for you.
Speaker 1: Like that's kind of what people say about that. And
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not saying I say that, but I
Speaker 1: think that's kind of like when I hear I love it,
Speaker 1: that's like saying, Nicky, you look really healthy, like I don't.
Speaker 1: I know that's a nice thing to say. I don't
Speaker 1: want to hear it. Or Nikki, that's just the real you.
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't feel good to me when we're talking
Speaker 1: about physical things. But that's just because everything we're told
Speaker 1: is don't be you if you want to look the
Speaker 1: best you can. So I reacted that you were talking
Speaker 1: about about how when people say you look great on
Speaker 1: f Way Island that you feel like it's fake that
Speaker 1: you have this. You have tanner on your hair isn't
Speaker 1: really like your clothes aren't really like you're like lying
Speaker 1: to people. And now when I say you're being honest
Speaker 1: because you're not doing any of that and you still
Speaker 1: look great, then it's like, well that's a problem too.
Speaker 1: So it's like I don't know. I oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's a problem. I really like that
Speaker 1: you said that. I'm saying that it only works if
Speaker 1: everything else is over the top, not you the hair
Speaker 1: with like no makeup and pale, like it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: so interesting. But but yeah, it's like, yeah, there's just
Speaker 1: like you can have one thing that's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she does doesn't wear make like Alicia Keys can look
Speaker 1: perfectly quake in every way, and then she doesn't wear
Speaker 1: makeup and everyone's like, oh my god, she's so amazing.
Speaker 1: But if she wasn't wearing like amazing clothes and have
Speaker 1: like perfect skin tone and perfect like shiny, like beautiful
Speaker 1: dewey skin, it might not work. It's like with me
Speaker 1: with it being a guy whose hair is receding some
Speaker 1: like I have to like finagle in a way where
Speaker 1: my hair looks like very thick. But if you peeled
Speaker 1: away a few it was so fun I got a
Speaker 1: haircut the other day and no one noticed. No, but
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. But okay, well you kept mentioning it,
Speaker 1: and everyone was just like, all right, I didn't keep
Speaker 1: mentioning in it. What are you talking about? But the
Speaker 1: lady shaved. I have four hairs that are trying to
Speaker 1: hold on on the front, and she just shaved and
Speaker 1: then just like, yeah, I just get rid of them,
Speaker 1: and uh and uh. It's just so funny because they're
Speaker 1: like sticking out a little bit, so at least four
Speaker 1: hairs that are trying to hold on that she just got.
Speaker 1: She's like, what are you doing? Why are you get
Speaker 1: rid of you? I really don't look at you as
Speaker 1: a guy with It's so funny, like the things that
Speaker 1: we are insecure about I don't notice on like you
Speaker 1: wouldn't notice the thing. Yeah, I mean, like, I guess
Speaker 1: I agree with you because you're just a man at
Speaker 1: that age that it would be insane if you had
Speaker 1: a gigantic, bushy head of hair, but you just don't.
Speaker 1: It doesn't look add to me. Yeah, I mean, but
Speaker 1: I'm saying noo. If I don't finagle it in a way,
Speaker 1: if I wake up in the morning, there'll be some
Speaker 1: mornings where I'm like, I'm a bald man, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And then I'm like, down, do you
Speaker 1: see it on the pillow or do you see it
Speaker 1: in the shower? It used to be in the shower
Speaker 1: when I would brush with my toothbrush with my hair.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you something? Did you bring a toothbrush
Speaker 1: with you to San Antonio? Yes, no, it's not the
Speaker 1: one on the floor. Was it really new one? It was? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was from another hotel where they gave me a
Speaker 1: package that I never opened. Oh nice, okay, Um, your
Speaker 1: baggy backpack? Yes, how do you have a baggy backpack?
Speaker 1: When you what do you mean? What did you take
Speaker 1: with you to San Antonio? In that backpack? I brought tooths?
Speaker 1: It was? Oh you did you brought a lot had
Speaker 1: a backpack in a a side backpack, a double backpack.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, that answers everything. That's why you could fit
Speaker 1: that giant bag of skinny pop I go, there's no
Speaker 1: one in no way would you be at the ticket
Speaker 1: terminal and have a bag of skinny, a gigantic bag
Speaker 1: of skinny pock that hasn't been opened, and someone's able
Speaker 1: to fit it in one of their carry ons except
Speaker 1: a boy you're traveling with with a baggy scrolled um backpack.
Speaker 1: It fit perfectly. I was like, this is a miracle.
Speaker 1: We gotta get to the news. But not a lot
Speaker 1: of things. Was your was your backy backpack? Jealous of
Speaker 1: your back other backpack, your side backpack? Do they not?
Speaker 1: They don't know that. I don't tell each does your
Speaker 1: bad getting jealous of your backpack because it has popcorn?
Speaker 1: It depends depends. What are we calling you, Mr Grums?
Speaker 1: Yeah that was a great nickname. Okay, Mr Crumb, bring
Speaker 1: it back, Yeah, let's bring it back. Bring it back now. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get to the news. The apparently your first first
Speaker 1: Oh man, I know, Tuesday could be a tough day
Speaker 1: for everyone, but hey, it's not the best day. It's
Speaker 1: not the worst day. It's just a day. Have a
Speaker 1: great day and have all the swells out there. Everybody
Speaker 1: um about Tuesdays? What happened to you on a Tuesday? Well, Tuesday,
Speaker 1: Monday always like, oh fuck, it's Monday. But Tuesday, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like a birthday, Like that doesn't matter. Like
Speaker 1: no one thinks about Tuesday. Tuesday never gets talked about.
Speaker 1: There's Taco Tuesday, which is fun, which you know, I
Speaker 1: guess see you next Tuesday as kunt Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's always fun. All right. I like Tuesdays. I think
Speaker 1: Marty Gras fat Tuesday. Alright, worst date ever. A thirty
Speaker 1: one year old woman who traveled from Massachusetts Arizona to
Speaker 1: meet a guy she's been talking to on Instagram for
Speaker 1: two months has died after dehydrating on a hike they
Speaker 1: went on together. Oh no, and know a great news article.
Speaker 1: Another reason why uh no, no hikes for me. Um,
Speaker 1: it's too dangerous out there. I'm not a ledge head
Speaker 1: and I'm not a flat flat earth. I'm not even
Speaker 1: what's the up? What's I don't even want to get
Speaker 1: in the vicinity of where ledges are. I don't even
Speaker 1: want to walk up a hill to where someone might
Speaker 1: find allege I hate hiking. Yeah, so they went. She traveled.
Speaker 1: First of all, she traveled. They were, you know, just
Speaker 1: talking long distance. She went. His first date was taking
Speaker 1: her to a hundred and four degree hike up a mountain.
Speaker 1: Degrees like there's staring height. Oh no no no, no
Speaker 1: degrees temperature okay, yeah, and I think would be like
Speaker 1: walking backwards, um okay. And so they're walking up right,
Speaker 1: she gets, uh, walking up right, like you're walking up
Speaker 1: right ones crawling um. Eventually yeah, and she walks up
Speaker 1: halfway she gets dehydrated. She says, you go get a
Speaker 1: photo for me from Instagram up top. He left her,
Speaker 1: he left. She ends up being found I think a
Speaker 1: little bit down the mountain, like off the trail, dead
Speaker 1: from dehydration. He was an e MT Police officer. Get
Speaker 1: out of here, dude, get out of here. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: And they didn't have extra water, which is like everybody
Speaker 1: knows to do that here in Arizona. Yeah, tragic being
Speaker 1: from Massachusetts to I'm sure she's not used to the
Speaker 1: dry heat, sure, but she wasn't like out of shape.
Speaker 1: She like apparently she drank a lot of water. In
Speaker 1: a regular light. Someone brought that up. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean he knows. She probably was just trying to go
Speaker 1: along with like what he wanted or I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm projecting a lot onto this, but oh he but
Speaker 1: she said to go ahead. And I mean that's his story.
Speaker 1: I mean she's not alive to tell all the story
Speaker 1: of like here, like I was just I was trying
Speaker 1: to get the picture she wanted of me alone, Like
Speaker 1: who wants that Google image? It? I'm sure was on
Speaker 1: the top of the mountain. That Yeah, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: what do you You can't you can't leave your date.
Speaker 1: You can't leave your date. You go, Look, the photo
Speaker 1: is not important. Your health is important. You're an E
Speaker 1: M T like like power perfect and you know what,
Speaker 1: he might have been not thinking clearly, and she might
Speaker 1: not have been thinking clearly. She might have said that
Speaker 1: like go ahead, I want you to go ahead, please,
Speaker 1: and like he's trying to please her, she's trying to
Speaker 1: please him. Um, she doesn't understand the dry heat. Maybe
Speaker 1: he doesn't either for some reason, because he's dehydrated. Like
Speaker 1: they're not thinking clearly, Like oh, this is just so sad,
Speaker 1: and this is like such a first date thing where
Speaker 1: you try to please the other person so much that
Speaker 1: you're not yourself. She's I can and then this is
Speaker 1: obviously the ultimate price. Uh do you think? Uh? No, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean what you're going on a first date? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Um on not hiking? No, but we we are going
Speaker 1: outdoors because of Delta COVID. I'm just like not taking
Speaker 1: any risks. Um and what are you guys doing? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say where because I don't want
Speaker 1: people to come find me in St. Louis, But we're
Speaker 1: going to um St. Louis outdoor spot that is flat
Speaker 1: and safe and it's my sister's chest. I'm just kidding. Um,
Speaker 1: ship shots fired, dude. I just picked someone who my
Speaker 1: sister has great boobs actually, and she's pregnant right now.
Speaker 1: So um and and yes that can be out. My
Speaker 1: sister is doing in in December. So excited. But um no,
Speaker 1: I uh yeah, I'm going on uh an outdoor um
Speaker 1: date on Thursday. And I'm actually stoked about it because
Speaker 1: I was realizing I didn't go on like I think
Speaker 1: I went on one, you know, hike with a guy
Speaker 1: that liked me, but I knew that I was just
Speaker 1: wanting to be friends with him. So I didn't really
Speaker 1: go on any dates last COVID where you had to
Speaker 1: keep things outdoors and stuff, And now that Delta is
Speaker 1: surging again, I feel like those kind of precautions of
Speaker 1: Like I had a joke in my act about it
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, oh no, I have to
Speaker 1: stay six feet away from anyone who might have feelings
Speaker 1: for me. I can't like swap spit with them. I
Speaker 1: can't hug them, I can't get like it's ideal, I
Speaker 1: can't be inside alone with them, like this is a dream.
Speaker 1: So I'm just going on um and and honestly, it
Speaker 1: just feels like two friends meeting up because we're we
Speaker 1: just um we met on UM, we met on bumble,
Speaker 1: but uh, we've just been text thing and it just
Speaker 1: has been like very friendly and not thankfully overtly sexual
Speaker 1: in any way on his part or mine, which makes
Speaker 1: me feel safe. And it just is getting to know
Speaker 1: someone who may or may not look exactly like someone
Speaker 1: from my past. My grandma Shirley, after my grandpa died,
Speaker 1: she kept dating guys that looked exactly like my grandpa.
Speaker 1: Was so weird. Well it's so it makes sense to
Speaker 1: me and I think that that happens more often than not.
Speaker 1: Of like, you know the person that this person looks
Speaker 1: like I had like unrequited love with, And then I
Speaker 1: saw this person on bumble Dude. I showed Andrew right away.
Speaker 1: I screenshot at him and showed all of my friends
Speaker 1: that know this person and sent them to all of them,
Speaker 1: and they're like, what the fuck? This is like spitting
Speaker 1: image of this guy? I almost do you do? I
Speaker 1: tell this person that he looks like someone from my past,
Speaker 1: but a taller and handsomer version. Well, that's actually that
Speaker 1: would be fine. I wouldn't bother me, it wouldn't mother
Speaker 1: me if but I don't. But we're not all the same.
Speaker 1: You know, it's on two way streets. So I know
Speaker 1: that if a guy bet up with me and goes
Speaker 1: you look like a girl I was in love with,
Speaker 1: but you honestly look like a taller and handsomer version
Speaker 1: of that girl, I'd be like, thank you. I would
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, even if I didn't like
Speaker 1: sometimes when I look at a guy's ex girlfriends and
Speaker 1: they're all like dark hair and dark complexion, and like
Speaker 1: I feel sad because I'm like, I wish they looked
Speaker 1: like me because I want to fit and that's just
Speaker 1: a sixth need to fit it. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: but maybe guys would be like not into that because
Speaker 1: guys hate hearing about other guys. But listen, if you're
Speaker 1: gonna be a taser, you're gonna have to deal with
Speaker 1: hearing about x is. And I'm not someone look almost
Speaker 1: like you or maybe even better than you, not better,
Speaker 1: but like almost a spin I would want a guy
Speaker 1: that looks nothing like a blonde hair, blue eyed man.
Speaker 1: You'd want her ex boyfriends to look nothing like you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would want them to look like me. See that's
Speaker 1: the difference. Noah, what about you? Nothing. I don't want them.
Speaker 1: I want to be a new thing on the menu.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be just a shittier steak for
Speaker 1: the guy is because I know that if I look
Speaker 1: like the what he's attracted to. I am so confident
Speaker 1: about my personality, like I can be a lot, as
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan said, and I have my definite personality flaws,
Speaker 1: but like I've said, I feel like I'm a supermodel
Speaker 1: of personality, even though I maybe I am a lot
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, but I feel like I'm always
Speaker 1: going to have a better personality than your ex, but
Speaker 1: you know, in terms of being funnier and like smarter,
Speaker 1: and not because I'm think I'm a genius, but emotionally smarter, funnier.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm funnier than literally every woman you've ever dated,
Speaker 1: no question about it, unless it's you dated Kurseden Forlorman
Speaker 1: or Taylor McGraw or Sarah Lena prosal or like my
Speaker 1: best friends who aren't comedians, I'm funnier than or another
Speaker 1: female comic because or female comedy writer. I'm always going
Speaker 1: to be funnier than these women. Well, I picked good
Speaker 1: friends that are funny. Um, yeah, I I sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel like if they if I don't look anything like
Speaker 1: the ex, like they win the opposite of what just
Speaker 1: broke their heart. So I could just be, like, you know,
Speaker 1: a rebound, you know what I mean? I would think
Speaker 1: about that a little bit so weird that I want
Speaker 1: to see I want to be no, no, no, it
Speaker 1: makes sense. I think it's healthier to want to be
Speaker 1: the opposite because I have such low self esteem about
Speaker 1: my looks. I want to just be secure that they
Speaker 1: are like what I'm into, whereas I'm not insecure about
Speaker 1: my personality. So I feel like I would like to
Speaker 1: be the opposite of that. I love when they're like,
Speaker 1: oh my ex girlfriend wasn't funny, she sucked. I'm like, good, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm gonna show you a whole new world um
Speaker 1: of pain. Let's get to the next new story. Uh.
Speaker 1: The FBI use photographs of lower level female employees to
Speaker 1: pose as bait for potential sex traffickers without proper consent.
Speaker 1: They did not document which websites their photographs were posted on,
Speaker 1: potentially placing the women in danger. They also started an
Speaker 1: only fans for these girls and all made millions. No no,
Speaker 1: no oh, I was like they did that too, and
Speaker 1: then gave the money to the women. Like, by the way,
Speaker 1: if you're upset about this, here's uh seventy it's a
Speaker 1: big check. Yeah. Uh, this doesn't surprise me that the
Speaker 1: FBI is doing. They're using like employees that you know,
Speaker 1: FBI employees, Yeah, FBI employees photographs they asked for lower
Speaker 1: they probably have access to these photos. They probably own
Speaker 1: these photos, because there's photos they asked for, like like
Speaker 1: risque photos. Well, then didn't these women know what this
Speaker 1: was gonna be used? For like, why would your boss,
Speaker 1: the FBI be asking for risk A photos? And I
Speaker 1: think the problem is that the low level employees are
Speaker 1: not undercover agents, so they weren't properly protected. And you know,
Speaker 1: they just didn't know that they were working the front
Speaker 1: desk at the fucking Pentagon and they're working like the
Speaker 1: Can I get some paper? And why don't you put
Speaker 1: your Yeah? You know what this reminds me. I was listening. Uh,
Speaker 1: this doesn't seem like something that would happen in America,
Speaker 1: But I'm not surprised. Last night I was on Reddit
Speaker 1: and you know we're doing Reddit ump today, but I
Speaker 1: didn't save this headline. A guy this is years ago.
Speaker 1: It happened. He was a medical student in um I believe,
Speaker 1: either Uganda or Nigeria, forget which one. And they are
Speaker 1: so low on corpses for medical students there that they
Speaker 1: use any kind of any anyone the police murders, or
Speaker 1: anyone that's like a cash guilty of gun viol like
Speaker 1: any criminal violence within the police unit there, they throw
Speaker 1: into a van and then they give to the medical
Speaker 1: students to dissect. A guy goes to dissect um for
Speaker 1: his class for his med school class um lifts up
Speaker 1: the thing and it's one of his best friends that
Speaker 1: was murdered, not because he was a criminal, like you know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't even matter if he was the victim or
Speaker 1: the assailant or not. He was had three gunshot wounds.
Speaker 1: And the guy, you know, he's his best friend on
Speaker 1: his and he got it. He got an f on
Speaker 1: the project because he ran. I'm just kidding, no, but
Speaker 1: he And it's because it's so corrupt there that they
Speaker 1: what a great show where you pay the Let's say
Speaker 1: you're a rich guy who needs a new heart, so
Speaker 1: you pay the cops to kill a guy that you
Speaker 1: know how your heart is. I don't know how you'd
Speaker 1: find out that. Oh yeah, that's a good plotline. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you take the heart from that's everyone biggest
Speaker 1: fear about being an organ donor is that you're gonna
Speaker 1: someone's gonna make sure you die so that they get
Speaker 1: your organ. Yeah. You know, I'd be so happy if
Speaker 1: someone like if I was a concident and I broke
Speaker 1: my finger and they're like, we need to put you
Speaker 1: to sleep because Megan Markel needs a new you know
Speaker 1: ear lobe, I'd be like, mine are great. I do
Speaker 1: have great earlobes. It's one of the best. I just
Speaker 1: sprained my wrist, yeah, exactly. You know girls that went
Speaker 1: on the date. By the way, like I feel like
Speaker 1: if you travel really far to see someone for the
Speaker 1: first time, there anything, yes, anything, anything, because you've already
Speaker 1: it's like you know what it is. It's the same
Speaker 1: psychological um phenomenon. Guys. I can't recommend enough The Psychology
Speaker 1: of Influence. It's a book that I read that I
Speaker 1: just retained. So many little tricks from that are I
Speaker 1: don't use because they're just so manipulative, but it teaches
Speaker 1: me how I become susceptible to these things. So the
Speaker 1: famous one is like if if Andrew and I are
Speaker 1: sitting at the same table and we're within the same
Speaker 1: arm's reach of a glass, and I go, Andrew, can
Speaker 1: you give me that glass? Andrew will get it. But
Speaker 1: he'll because he knows that I can get it myself.
Speaker 1: He'll convince himself that he likes me a lot because
Speaker 1: that's why he's doing it, because otherwise he's just a
Speaker 1: little pussy bitch that's doing something I could do for myself.
Speaker 1: So in his mind he goes it's because I love Nikki,
Speaker 1: and I want to get her this so it makes
Speaker 1: you like me more. For you get you, you convince
Speaker 1: yourself you like me more. So if you go to
Speaker 1: the lengths of flying somewhere for someone to do something
Speaker 1: that dressic, to grab a glass for someone that far away,
Speaker 1: essentially you got to convince yourself that this is love.
Speaker 1: And then what else will you be willing to do? Um,
Speaker 1: go on a hike that you don't want to go on.
Speaker 1: I mean, how many times I have girls done things
Speaker 1: don't want to do on a date and men. I'm
Speaker 1: not discounting you too, but I think generally women are
Speaker 1: taking the like the men are taking the lead and
Speaker 1: the women follow, and you just agree to something that
Speaker 1: you don't want to do because you want the guy
Speaker 1: to like you. Yeah, it's like even driving an hour
Speaker 1: for a date, like you're like, oh, maybe I'll just
Speaker 1: sleep over there because I'm already an hour away, or
Speaker 1: like all these like you know, depending on how far
Speaker 1: you get from your house, the more you're willing to
Speaker 1: do things that you might not want to do, like
Speaker 1: d and four degrees or it's like you know, that's
Speaker 1: how they get you to upsell on things They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're you're already spending thirty four tho dollars on this car.
Speaker 1: It's hundred dollars extra to get this extended warranty. I
Speaker 1: mean that is nothing. I mean, you're already doing this
Speaker 1: and you go, you know what, You're right, that would
Speaker 1: be foolish. But it's really like, no dollars by itself
Speaker 1: is a lot of money compared to thirty four thousand.
Speaker 1: It's not. It isn't, but let's not do it's all
Speaker 1: in comparison. So like it's like I already traveled this
Speaker 1: far for you. I don't also have to eat your ass.
Speaker 1: Like that's yeah, well, if you bought you the ticket,
Speaker 1: and if he didn't use miles, let him meet your ass.
Speaker 1: Just kidding. Don't don't do anything you ever don't want
Speaker 1: to do, including hikes. Next story. Oh why don't I care?
Speaker 1: Why do you care? Why do I care? Matt Damon
Speaker 1: says he stands with the LGBTQ community after the backlash
Speaker 1: over his use of the homophobic slur in a conversation
Speaker 1: with his daughter just months ago. I have never called
Speaker 1: anyone the F word in my personal life. I know.
Speaker 1: Why did he have to say personal life. I mean,
Speaker 1: and why because all that makes me think of he
Speaker 1: is going off in his private life is personal personal? Okay,
Speaker 1: what's okay? So impersonal life probably screaming enough the wind.
Speaker 1: Oh so public life if there's a microphone, or if
Speaker 1: it's in a script that he wrote with Ben Affleck, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you wrote that, you wrote those words. Wait
Speaker 1: a second, I mean, like, doesn't that stand up. What
Speaker 1: happened was he he told a joke to his daughter,
Speaker 1: but that had the F word in it. When he's like, first,
Speaker 1: get announced did he say this in an interview with
Speaker 1: a magazine or something He's just trying to do. He said, listen,
Speaker 1: we've all done interviews where we said some dumb thing.
Speaker 1: I'm being haunted by one right now. Thankfully it didn't
Speaker 1: get a lot of press. But like you say, one
Speaker 1: dumb thing and then they run with that. And this
Speaker 1: is the thing. Remember Liam Neeson he had that thing
Speaker 1: where he so, you know, a black person killed his friend,
Speaker 1: and so then any black person. And then so here's
Speaker 1: Matt Damon saying, look, I funked up in the past.
Speaker 1: I said the F word in front of my daughter.
Speaker 1: Here's a vulnerable thing that I'm being honest about I
Speaker 1: have flaws, blah blah blah. And then did you say that. No, No,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's like it's it reminds me of
Speaker 1: that you can't say something from your past that you
Speaker 1: have amended and realize is wrong. We will punish you
Speaker 1: for you saying that you once thought something like that, yes,
Speaker 1: or said something like that. So I didn't even read
Speaker 1: the details of this because I don't think Matt Damon
Speaker 1: is a homophobe or a racist. I don't know him.
Speaker 1: He just doesn't come off like that. I've heard he's
Speaker 1: such a nice guy from people, big guy in that
Speaker 1: movie in Princess to Boblo or whatever, I don't know
Speaker 1: what it's called. Yeah, Princess to Bablo. He won an
Speaker 1: Oscar for playing a gay guy. None of us know
Speaker 1: what the funk you're talking about. But no, I don't
Speaker 1: want to think about it. We gotta move on. So
Speaker 1: what So he shared this anecdote that he wants used
Speaker 1: the word maybe in a joke or something that he's
Speaker 1: telling his daughters, and his daughter said, Dad, the whole
Speaker 1: thing wrote like a thing for him of why this
Speaker 1: word isn't right even sharing this, and now we all
Speaker 1: all the headlines were about that Matt Damon didn't know
Speaker 1: until his daughter let him know that this was wrong,
Speaker 1: when he was really actually just showing how his daughter
Speaker 1: is to be more compassionate than him and has learned
Speaker 1: more than him in a shorter amount of time of life,
Speaker 1: and how he's changed his ways. So now he has
Speaker 1: to then address all of the headlines about how he
Speaker 1: says the F word, because you listen, I didn't read
Speaker 1: any of the details. I just saw the headlines and
Speaker 1: I knew that it was being blown out into something
Speaker 1: it wasn't. But listen I did. I I saw the headlines.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this is this isn't good. So then um,
Speaker 1: he goes So then he now addresses those headlines and says,
Speaker 1: let me clarify. What does What does he clarifying for us?
Speaker 1: He's clarifying that he when he said he never says
Speaker 1: it in private, and that he's not homophobic at all,
Speaker 1: and he supports the LGBTQ community. Oh and his daughter
Speaker 1: didn't teach him a lesson, like he already knew the lesson. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone's saying, oh my gosh, Mat Damon, your daughter had
Speaker 1: to teach you that the F word was bad. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing I like. I believe him, and I believe
Speaker 1: that people. That word, by the way, was used so
Speaker 1: much up until ten years ago, it was like the
Speaker 1: R word. I want to just say, that word was
Speaker 1: used a lot, and it was like the saying things
Speaker 1: were gay, which doesn't feel good anymore. Things change there
Speaker 1: are It's undeniable that we associate different meanings towards over time,
Speaker 1: based on the cultural interpretation and backlash that we see,
Speaker 1: and and and the feelings expressed by the communities that
Speaker 1: are marginalized by these uses of words. We all grow
Speaker 1: more empathetic and we stopped using them, but going back
Speaker 1: and punishing people for when they did use them, because
Speaker 1: it was just a part of the colloquialism. Even though
Speaker 1: we knew it was slightly wrong, it was still like
Speaker 1: I I proudly am someone who has never said the
Speaker 1: N word that I can remember, since maybe I was
Speaker 1: a kid. I accidentally said it once to say something
Speaker 1: that I heard someone say, and the shock of which
Speaker 1: it was brought to my attention by my parents of
Speaker 1: me saying that word just in you know, in private,
Speaker 1: and saying in repeating someone else story was like so
Speaker 1: bad the feeling that I never said again, and I
Speaker 1: don't I brush over it when I sing songs. It's
Speaker 1: I'm not one of you know, we all know as
Speaker 1: three white people, white people that say that word in
Speaker 1: private as jokes and say it ironically, like not really
Speaker 1: using it in a real way, but say it like
Speaker 1: I'm getting away with this, but I'm saying it as
Speaker 1: a joke because it's the most shocking thing to say.
Speaker 1: I'm not even one of those people. And I'm not
Speaker 1: patting myself on the back about that. I'm just saying that,
Speaker 1: like I am safe to know that I don't say that,
Speaker 1: but the the F word. I'm not sure that I
Speaker 1: didn't maybe float that word around ten years ago, um,
Speaker 1: not to not to cause hate, but because I didn't
Speaker 1: understand how hateful it was, and now I do and
Speaker 1: I would never use it again. But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to go back and fucking cancel myself and hate myself
Speaker 1: the rest of my life because I may have said
Speaker 1: it one time in the past. I just don't get
Speaker 1: why people can't forgive Yeah, I mean, if you, if you,
Speaker 1: if you don't see the error of your way of
Speaker 1: using it in the past, then fuck you. But if
Speaker 1: you really know how fucking hurtful it was and how
Speaker 1: thank god no one heard you say that that could
Speaker 1: have been affected and if they did you can go
Speaker 1: back and talk to those people, then then then yes,
Speaker 1: you deserve to be still homophobic and still races is
Speaker 1: not going to tell you a story from their past
Speaker 1: where they've learned ship, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: they're gonna be They're not gonna that kind of person
Speaker 1: that's honest about that obviously, isn't that anymore? And about
Speaker 1: when we've been unintentionally racist or homophobic. We need to
Speaker 1: be honest about those moments because if we earned denial
Speaker 1: of them, much like I was talking about yesterday, if
Speaker 1: we don't talk about if we don't talk about rape,
Speaker 1: if we don't talk about molestation, if we don't make
Speaker 1: jokes about these things, then we act like they don't happen,
Speaker 1: and they do, and then it lets people who do
Speaker 1: them in private still do them so and it makes
Speaker 1: it close people. So when you are in private with
Speaker 1: someone as a white person and they use that word,
Speaker 1: even ironically and they're trying to shock, you make a
Speaker 1: point if you can to say I don't tolerate that
Speaker 1: even in private. I know you're going to get away
Speaker 1: with it right now, but like, no, you know, like
Speaker 1: we need to we need to correct now, and don't
Speaker 1: We just need to be more compassionate because the only
Speaker 1: way to get better is to forgive, is to be
Speaker 1: able to have the capacity for forgiveness. I could forgive
Speaker 1: pretty much anyone for anything if they see the error
Speaker 1: of their ways. And I'm not even joking you anything.
Speaker 1: I could forgive anything if the person does the work
Speaker 1: and can see how wrong they were and explain what
Speaker 1: pre what caused them to say those things or do
Speaker 1: those things. Even I just I really think I could
Speaker 1: forgive anything, and that's a powerful place to be, and
Speaker 1: I wish more people could get there, but it's it's
Speaker 1: not so easy. And I also don't know what it's
Speaker 1: like to be a victim of these things because I'm
Speaker 1: a white, uh you know woman, So I don't pretend
Speaker 1: to understand people that are like I'm not ever going
Speaker 1: to forgive, So I'm not telling you to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm grateful that I I pretty much can forgive,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't always like that. You were the Zach
Speaker 1: Sherman episode I loved not forgiving, but um, and it's
Speaker 1: not my place to forgive Matt Damon. I'm not, you know,
Speaker 1: gay yet Let's get to the red dump. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: that yet is a huge part of this. You know,
Speaker 1: I ou't know for how long it took me to
Speaker 1: get into men. I don't question that my reluctance to
Speaker 1: get into women could be is the same thing I
Speaker 1: felt in middle school about men in high school, and
Speaker 1: then I finally got into men. So who knows. Um, wow,
Speaker 1: I just pulled up Reddit. It's Reddit dump, you guys.
Speaker 1: This is insane. There is a it's this isn't I
Speaker 1: didn't even mark this one to show you, but it's
Speaker 1: in Humans being Bros. This is the subreddit Humans being Bros.
Speaker 1: And they have on footage this woman. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: It says woman saves kittens after they've been thrown into
Speaker 1: a river. So there's I guess it's it's just a
Speaker 1: person running up to a river in the broad daylight,
Speaker 1: like up a pond almost uh that has like seating area,
Speaker 1: so it's like a public pond. And she tosses a
Speaker 1: bag into the pond and then runs away. Then all
Speaker 1: of a sudd and all these people come to the
Speaker 1: pond and a woman jumps in, strips off all her clothes.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's naked. A woman strips off all
Speaker 1: her clothes, swims out to the pond and saves them
Speaker 1: with a bunch of crew people waiting. Yeah, and the
Speaker 1: quick kittens are saved. This happens all the time. People
Speaker 1: dump animals that you know, litters of animals are grown,
Speaker 1: and they throw them in a sack and they dump
Speaker 1: them on the highway and then cars run over them.
Speaker 1: My aunt, you want to hear disturbatory, so this is
Speaker 1: a disturbatory dead air. I think I don't even want
Speaker 1: to tell this story, but I have to. If you
Speaker 1: don't like animal, no, I'm not gonna tell it. But
Speaker 1: I just don't understand why people put animals in bags,
Speaker 1: because someone might rest an animal. If you don't put
Speaker 1: it in a bag, just put it somewhere where it's
Speaker 1: not in a bag, so maybe someone can find it
Speaker 1: and give it a home. You fucking crazy person, who
Speaker 1: I can only imagine you've seen a horrible abuse in
Speaker 1: your life if you think it's good to put animals
Speaker 1: and bags. But my aunt one time was at a
Speaker 1: grocery store and saw a bag and like like kind
Speaker 1: of like uh walking out to the parking lot um,
Speaker 1: and you know how sometimes you just like jump on
Speaker 1: a bag to like make it deflate, just for fun.
Speaker 1: You're like a young child and you see a bag
Speaker 1: and you just jump on it. You can, you can
Speaker 1: finish that story in your head. Yeah, okay, let's get
Speaker 1: to my saved posts. Um. Oh this one is good. Okay, Andrew,
Speaker 1: I wanted to show you this. This was in this
Speaker 1: was this is this is a palate cleanser, this is
Speaker 1: a gift um, and this is from gifts Reddit Separate Gifts.
Speaker 1: It says this baseball player making sure that everyone knows
Speaker 1: that there is one out dot dot dot, including the
Speaker 1: praying man just hitching a ride on his hat. Did
Speaker 1: you see this? So this guy plays in the Nationals
Speaker 1: and he he there's a Peuge frame mantis on his hat.
Speaker 1: He says one out to the guys on the side,
Speaker 1: one out to the other people on the side, and
Speaker 1: then he does it right in front of his hats. Wait,
Speaker 1: hold on that. And then he does it right in
Speaker 1: front of his hat and he looks up almost like
Speaker 1: cross side. No one, let me show you this one
Speaker 1: out one out. Well, here's is he had it on
Speaker 1: and the dugout and the announcer for like, I wonder
Speaker 1: if he notices and then and and it just shows
Speaker 1: me though. It's like that's how comfortable these guys are.
Speaker 1: Like he's like, yeah, I'll just have a praying mantis
Speaker 1: on my hat. You know, like people die for these teams,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like they fight their kids
Speaker 1: for their This is our town, this is our team,
Speaker 1: and this guy is just like I never heard the
Speaker 1: Nationals being in any kind of play situation. Not more Well,
Speaker 1: I love I love this gigantic Bragmanda's Um here's one
Speaker 1: that I found. So I have a lot of visual
Speaker 1: ones and I apologize, but um, this will just make
Speaker 1: you guys maybe have to go to Reddit. This one's
Speaker 1: from Contagious Laughter and it's a it literally is me
Speaker 1: as a baby. It's called Impatient Baby, and it is
Speaker 1: a baby that's probably about two, and she's trying to
Speaker 1: put a straw into a Starbucks Hot Starbucks slid, you
Speaker 1: know where they have that little slit. It's like impossible
Speaker 1: for human to put a straw in there, much less
Speaker 1: a baby. So please just watch this, baby, She's trying
Speaker 1: to put it in and then she just crumbles it up.
Speaker 1: That's her mom just laughing at her, and she stares
Speaker 1: into the dark. Her mom. She's look at this. It's
Speaker 1: like me trying to get my dick in when I'm drunk.
Speaker 1: Does the way she throws it. So if you guys
Speaker 1: want to look it up, go to our Contagious Laughter
Speaker 1: and impatient Baby. It's one of my favorite things ever.
Speaker 1: Um okay, and then there's this other thing that I
Speaker 1: wanted to play. This is um this might take a
Speaker 1: second though. Let me see how long it is. It's
Speaker 1: three minutes long. Fuck um it. Do you know a
Speaker 1: woman named Mary Carrill Carrillo. She's a sports podcaster. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so. She looks like this. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: she's amazing. So um so this was in uh subreddit
Speaker 1: funny and it says Mary Carrillo's brilliant bad mitten rant
Speaker 1: And it's from like the two thousand three Olympics. And
Speaker 1: she's doing you know, she's talking about badminton and she
Speaker 1: starts talking about like, now this is a bad minten
Speaker 1: um racket that you usually play with in your backyard.
Speaker 1: Now this is the one they use in the Olympics.
Speaker 1: This is the birdie that they use in Olympics. Here's
Speaker 1: the one they use in your backyard. And then she
Speaker 1: starts talking about how uh playing with it in her
Speaker 1: backyard with her kids, and I want you to hear
Speaker 1: this because it's just turns into like a stand up
Speaker 1: bit the goose. I'm not making this up, so that
Speaker 1: so she's describing let me just get to the park.
Speaker 1: So she's describing the birdie of the players in the Olympics,
Speaker 1: and then she goes on to describe, um, what it's
Speaker 1: like playing in your backyard, and it turns into a
Speaker 1: comedy bit that no one sees coming. You cannot tell
Speaker 1: me that the birdie we use it home. This thing.
Speaker 1: You can lean on this as hard as you want.
Speaker 1: This thing isn't going two hundred miles an hour. It's not.
Speaker 1: And even though it doesn't look sophisticated, it has a
Speaker 1: tree seeking device implanted in It's somewhere I don't know where,
Speaker 1: but I've played a lot of badminton with my kids.
Speaker 1: By the seventh shot, this thing's up in the tree. Okay,
Speaker 1: so then what is your kids? Do? She just want me.
Speaker 1: I'll get it down, throws a racket up in the tree.
Speaker 1: Now your rackets up in the tree. Said, don't worry,
Speaker 1: I'll get that down. So now it kid goes into
Speaker 1: the garage and goes and gets the red rubber ball,
Speaker 1: which should come as standard equipment and any kind of
Speaker 1: backyard badminton set. Throws that in that immediately gets impaled.
Speaker 1: So she goes to gain something else to get the
Speaker 1: bed to get one of these things down. Okay, Now
Speaker 1: there are kids from all over the neighborhood that have
Speaker 1: come into your backyard and they're emptying at your garage,
Speaker 1: throwing stuff at your tree. All right, you realized suddenly
Speaker 1: you own eighteen basketballs. You've got nine footballs. Okay, there's
Speaker 1: softballs flying through the ears. The tree is now growning
Speaker 1: with children and equipment. All right, someone started on the hose.
Speaker 1: Badman is a water sport. They're trying to get this
Speaker 1: thing down with a hose, and somehow mothers from all
Speaker 1: over the neighborhood here that badminton is being played at
Speaker 1: Mary's house. They're dropping off. They know it's an all
Speaker 1: day affair. They know what it's going to be bought.
Speaker 1: Seventeen other sports they're dropping off their kids. They're even
Speaker 1: skin marks. Okay, you've got Colleen Clark up in the
Speaker 1: tree trying to get down a SpongeBob SquarePants beatball with
Speaker 1: a hockey stick. Okay, there's pool sticks flying through the
Speaker 1: air like javelins, and you hear yourself saying, somebody's gonna
Speaker 1: poke an eye out. It just never ends. So everything
Speaker 1: is going on right. Then you see Christopher Burr, and
Speaker 1: it's always Christopher Burke. He takes a roller blade, throws
Speaker 1: it up at the tree, hits your car. You got
Speaker 1: a dent in your jeep. You realize you better get
Speaker 1: your jeep out of the way, and you also realize
Speaker 1: that for the first time in seven years, you can
Speaker 1: actually pull your car into the garage because there's no
Speaker 1: sporting equipment there anymore, not even the inflatable raft that
Speaker 1: hasn't seen action. The Baby Duck rescue of you pull
Speaker 1: your car into the garage and as you do, your
Speaker 1: other kids coming out. He's on the phone with our
Speaker 1: team Murphy. He sizes up the situation and says, Hey,
Speaker 1: come on over, we're playing badminton. That is a sport
Speaker 1: that I know, and that's probably a sport that you
Speaker 1: know as Well's coming back after this. It was like
Speaker 1: Aristocrats for clean version of the I love that she's
Speaker 1: the A and Christine Burr and it's always Christopher Burr
Speaker 1: throws up a roll up. I mean that woman. I
Speaker 1: want to know everything she's done. Final thought. I was
Speaker 1: reading all the comments about this and it was great. Uh.
Speaker 1: People were saying, that is how you feel time, folks.
Speaker 1: And then uh, he says she slowly morphed from composed
Speaker 1: news anchor to Jersey mob boss in two point seven
Speaker 1: five minutes, and then said then people were saying, Um,
Speaker 1: the next thing, you know, there's money missing off the
Speaker 1: dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen in a
Speaker 1: hundred times. I guess that's a quote from some other thing. Um,
Speaker 1: this could have aired, as someone goes, this could have
Speaker 1: aired as the opening sketch of SNL, and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have thought it was out of place comedy gold. Um, yes,
Speaker 1: you would have. You would have been like, SNL sucks. Now.
Speaker 1: The reason why this is funny is because it's out
Speaker 1: of context for a comedy thing. This isn't actually as
Speaker 1: funny as things on SNL. Stop saying SNL is not funny.
Speaker 1: You're I'm so tired of that argument. Then someone wrote back,
Speaker 1: you're giving us an L too much credit here. Then
Speaker 1: someone said modern us No, but I thought it felt
Speaker 1: like nine S all the way, but it wasn't. And
Speaker 1: then someone said it totally felt like the old sn
Speaker 1: I honestly thought it was for a second. And uh,
Speaker 1: it's just like people just love being kid by the way.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, well, I was thinking. I was listening to Michaels.
Speaker 1: You like any SNL when you're fucking eighteen, like that's
Speaker 1: your I forbid my dad from saying SNL sucks now.
Speaker 1: I literally go, Dad, you can't say that anymore because
Speaker 1: you've been saying it since and I don't care. Um dude,
Speaker 1: they're not like You're not like when Eddie Murphy was
Speaker 1: on in the first episode. It's just like, yeah, things
Speaker 1: change like so edgy and now it's not ted last
Speaker 1: I was only going to go for three seasons and
Speaker 1: everyone's like no, and it's like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: think it's smart. Why would they stick around until you
Speaker 1: say that they used to be good and now they're
Speaker 1: not anymore. That's all anyone ever says of anything that
Speaker 1: lasts more than three seasons, So funk yourselves three seasons out.
Speaker 1: That's what I like, except for f Y Island. I
Speaker 1: want to run that thing into the ground. Um, this
Speaker 1: was a good one. I just want to close with uh,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. But this was from ask Men, and
Speaker 1: it said what have you been up to recently that
Speaker 1: you're proud of? This person wrote, I just got out
Speaker 1: of a wheelchair and and learning to walk again. What
Speaker 1: have you done that you're happy about or proud of?
Speaker 1: Someone said down eighty pounds going for more. This is
Speaker 1: just so sweet that men are just like saying what
Speaker 1: they're proud of. Someone said, I'm a healthcare provider and
Speaker 1: work in private practice. Worked up the balls to email
Speaker 1: my boss inquiring about partnership with the practice. Not only
Speaker 1: did I not get shot down, but he agreed to
Speaker 1: start discussing it. I'm not good at all at taking
Speaker 1: initiative on stuff. It might not sound like much, but
Speaker 1: it took a couple of months to work up the
Speaker 1: courage to send that email. Was a huge step for
Speaker 1: me personal and professional. I think it's just so sweet
Speaker 1: that you can these people are supporting each other. They're
Speaker 1: just strangers on the internet that are like this. Is
Speaker 1: what makes me feel good about Reddit. UM a lot
Speaker 1: of times. There's so many good things on there that
Speaker 1: make me feel connected people and less alone, so many communities.
Speaker 1: Whatever you're suffering with, there's a subreddit for it. I
Speaker 1: swear to God, Andrew. What's something you're proud of recently? UM,
Speaker 1: yesterday you hit Yeah, I shot at thirty nine again.
Speaker 1: I am just I just feel so proud of how
Speaker 1: much time I'm giving to golf and how much reward
Speaker 1: I'm seeking from it emotionally and physically. And the movie
Speaker 1: by Matt Damon was behind the Candabrea, I was a
Speaker 1: little off. What are you proud of? I am proud
Speaker 1: of um getting out of a depression that I was
Speaker 1: in two days ago and uh and and be and
Speaker 1: being very honest about it with my friends, even though
Speaker 1: it was hard for them to probably hear, and just
Speaker 1: like getting honest about my feelings and how just like
Speaker 1: awful I felt with people that were able to like
Speaker 1: hear it and not like tell me I was wrong
Speaker 1: or try to like commit me somewhere. Like just being
Speaker 1: able to express how sad I was and not struggle
Speaker 1: with it alone. That's what I'm proud of, Um, I
Speaker 1: hope you do the same for yourself if you're struggling
Speaker 1: out there. Yeah, thanks for thanks for noticing, uh that
Speaker 1: I was struggling. No, you've got me, ZeVA and that helped. Uh.
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow
Speaker 1: on the podcast. We are also going to be Um.
Speaker 1: I'm all over podcasts recently. Check them out. Just google.
Speaker 1: You know, Nikki Glazer on whatever pod cast searcher thing
Speaker 1: that you want. Um. I was on the The Ringers
Speaker 1: um Bachelor. Uh, I forget what it's called The Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I think it's called Bachelor Party. And I recapped last
Speaker 1: night's episode of the Bachelorette, which was insane. It was
Speaker 1: one of the best Bachelor att episodes I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: I gotta go. Uh, we'll see tomorrow. Delbeka and Jack
Speaker 1: to Jack bach Chaker for