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Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you are listening to the

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Speaker 1: Velvet Edge podcast. This week, my guest is David Myisha,

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Speaker 1: which means goddess Maisha. Maisha specializes in showing men and

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Speaker 1: women how to release their trauma and shame around sex,

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Speaker 1: how to create better relationships and transform their lives into

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Speaker 1: abundance and ecstasy. She is a former certified personal trainer

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Speaker 1: and nutrition coach who combines her knowledge and study in

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Speaker 1: the areas of psychology, contra and sacred sexuality with her

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Speaker 1: training and energy work to facilitate growth and healing for

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Speaker 1: her clients. I know the topic of sensuality and sex

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Speaker 1: can be particularly uneasy for some. Some of us have

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Speaker 1: had trauma, some of us grew up in places where

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Speaker 1: many things were culturally unacceptable or religions that put confusion

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Speaker 1: and shame into our bodies. Whatever your experience has been,

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Speaker 1: I know it can be a scary topic to talk about,

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Speaker 1: but I strongly encourage you to listen to this podcast

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Speaker 1: without preconceived notions or judgments. Every one of us has

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Speaker 1: different wants and needs and sensuality and sexuality, and that's

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Speaker 1: what this is about. Tuning into your own body, your

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Speaker 1: own power, your own light and leaning into the places

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Speaker 1: that those things bring you. Misha is here to help

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Speaker 1: us all find peace in that. Here's our conversation. Okay,

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Speaker 1: what is sexual energy alchemy? Oh? Great question. So the

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Speaker 1: central energy alchemy is the understanding that in our human bodies,

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Speaker 1: we experience this world through our senses, and that we

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Speaker 1: use those senses to take in and integrate all of

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Speaker 1: our experiences, and that we are also energetic beings who

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Speaker 1: have the power to alchemize or shift and change our

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Speaker 1: energy at any given time, and we can especially shift

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Speaker 1: and change our energy using those five senses. So this

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Speaker 1: is not all about sex. Sex is just a piece

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Speaker 1: of this. Yes. Second, Well, when I first met you

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Speaker 1: in the workshop that we were talking about, I was

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Speaker 1: so excited because you were so openly speaking about sexual

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Speaker 1: energy and I think, as a woman, a lot of

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Speaker 1: times we're so um stifled in that area, and so

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Speaker 1: I've been trying to learn how to do it and

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Speaker 1: I just actually don't even know that I know, and

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Speaker 1: it's been this exploration process for me. And so the

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Speaker 1: way that you speak so fluently about it and so

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Speaker 1: such with such ease was so refreshing to me. So

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Speaker 1: I was like I gotta do more work with this lady, Like,

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Speaker 1: what is this sexual energy or sensual energy alchemy? How

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Speaker 1: do I get that? That's what I want? So let's

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Speaker 1: talk about that a little bit. Because you say on

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Speaker 1: your Instagram you're you're creating a space to live orgasmically, like, which, like,

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Speaker 1: of course, why wouldn't all of us want to live

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Speaker 1: that way? What do you mean by that? So the

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Speaker 1: orgasm is and the reason why this all ties into

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Speaker 1: sex because sex is the energy of creation. It's if

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Speaker 1: we've diminished it to to intercourse and intercourse, right, but

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Speaker 1: it's sex is also the energy of creation. It's it's

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Speaker 1: how everything comes into this realm. And so the idea

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Speaker 1: of creating an orgasmic life is the life that that

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Speaker 1: feels good. Again, it ties back into using your senses.

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Speaker 1: People think orgasms are just for the bedroom. And when

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Speaker 1: I say live orgasmically, I don't mean like you're just

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Speaker 1: like yeah, all day long. What I mean, though, is

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Speaker 1: you have that energy, the energy of orgasm, how relaxed

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Speaker 1: it is, how we let it slow, how we don't

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Speaker 1: hinder it, how we we allow it to just overtake us,

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Speaker 1: and the joy and bliss that comes along with that.

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Speaker 1: That's living orgasmically. I was just going to ask you

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Speaker 1: to describe what that means. So it's it's the calm,

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Speaker 1: it's the ease with which you would approach life. Is

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Speaker 1: that what you mean? It is? It is and the

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Speaker 1: and the and the arousal, right, of which we can

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Speaker 1: approach life like this. This life should arouse us. It

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Speaker 1: should make us feel juicy, be excited at the opportunities

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Speaker 1: that we have that we are creating on a daily basis.

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Speaker 1: And it can be difficult even even when we're facing challenges.

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Speaker 1: You know, the question to ask is what is this

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Speaker 1: growing within me? What is what is this creating for me?

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Speaker 1: What doors is opening for me? Instead of I can't

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Speaker 1: believe this is happening to me. Yeah, I actually love that,

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Speaker 1: it said when I when you were talking just then,

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Speaker 1: I just had the word intrigue pop into my brain,

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Speaker 1: which that's such a word tied to sex a lot

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Speaker 1: of times. But I love that if you tie this

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Speaker 1: to this living orgasmically, to approach life with more um

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Speaker 1: curiosity and intrigue, Yes, exactly, and just and just this

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Speaker 1: this wonderment. Yeah, so how do we find this orgasmic power?

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Speaker 1: Were within each of us. MM. Now, that's a really

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Speaker 1: good question. So the way I approach it, and it's

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Speaker 1: usually with with women. It's men it's a little different.

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Speaker 1: So I work mostly with women, and the way I

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Speaker 1: the way I approach it with women is by showing

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Speaker 1: them how they can really dip into their bodies and

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Speaker 1: showing them how creating that orgasmic pleasure literally for themselves

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Speaker 1: often because right there is a problem for for a

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Speaker 1: lot of women just allowing themselves to let go and

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Speaker 1: experience that pleasure and and opening their mouths and and

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Speaker 1: being able to make the sounds that go along with that,

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Speaker 1: to be able to then take that and transform that

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Speaker 1: type of energy into how they moved through the world

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Speaker 1: on a daily basis. So it can look like more

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Speaker 1: self pleasure and masturbation. It looks like wearing clothing that

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Speaker 1: just makes you feel really good, the fabrics, the colors,

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Speaker 1: What do you want to smell like today? You know what?

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Speaker 1: What is it that your body is calling for? What

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Speaker 1: does it mean more of? What does it mean less of?

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Speaker 1: It's about tuning into this deeper awareness of you. And

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Speaker 1: that's how I approach learning how to live life. That

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Speaker 1: way is by the little small things that we can do,

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Speaker 1: you know, on a daily basis that makes us just

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Speaker 1: feel excited about life. What are some examples of things

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Speaker 1: that you would tell women to do in search of

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Speaker 1: those kind of in that kind of power. Yes, so one.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm laughing because I think about some of the

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Speaker 1: things that I've I've asked clients to do. Um for

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Speaker 1: some of them, it's really as simple as journalist right,

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Speaker 1: like that, I just want you to get that on paper.

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Speaker 1: Some women I've had dance to naked and yes, actually

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Speaker 1: that was one of the things you suggested in the

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Speaker 1: workshop and I did that and it was so fun.

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Speaker 1: It was so fun, it was so interesting. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know why it would be any different than

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Speaker 1: dancing and clothes, but it felt different in my body.

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Speaker 1: I felt so free, right, there is this freedom and

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Speaker 1: it's like this joint exhilary. Yes, oh absolutely. Um. One

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Speaker 1: woman actually recently I just grew her an assignment of

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Speaker 1: of recording herself either looking at her volba or while

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Speaker 1: she was restating. Oh wow. So I told her, I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of women listening are like do what

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Speaker 1: I take a mirror to like look? And she up

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Speaker 1: calling it down there and different down there. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: a lot of women don't look don't look at that,

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Speaker 1: that the beautiful lips and how they opened up like

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Speaker 1: a flower. I always feel like we should know what

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Speaker 1: what our what our lovers are looking at, like how

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Speaker 1: your lips swell? That we can get still turned down

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Speaker 1: by our own selves. And the thing is is that

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Speaker 1: when we realize how much we can turn on our

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Speaker 1: own selves, we stopped looking for other people to do

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Speaker 1: it for us, which means we stopped getting into crappy

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Speaker 1: relationship looking for someone else to turn us on. That's

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Speaker 1: the thing. So if I can, if I can get

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Speaker 1: aroused by me, like I'm looking at my lips well

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, look what I did

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Speaker 1: for me, like someone else coming along to do it.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not impressed with you. I can

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Speaker 1: do that myself. But what I really want to know

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Speaker 1: is what is your character? Like, like you know, how

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Speaker 1: can I connect with your spirit? So, yeah, you mentioned

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Speaker 1: that it's different between men and women, and I want

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Speaker 1: to talk more about a woman's mentality and finding her

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Speaker 1: own power and all of those things. But why what

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Speaker 1: is the difference between men and women? Like what do

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Speaker 1: you see the most between your clients. Yeah, so men

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Speaker 1: are much more linear, and you know, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know people are trying to say that men and women

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Speaker 1: are kind of a shame, but we're really not. And

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Speaker 1: then most research has been done on the brains of

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Speaker 1: boys and girls before they've been about society, you know,

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Speaker 1: to show us that there's they're differentult different chemical compounds

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Speaker 1: in just different ways that we va to the world

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Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be different. And so men are

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Speaker 1: much more linear than women are. You know, they're much

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Speaker 1: more alike. That's why it, Like I always tell people,

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Speaker 1: the easiest example is to think of father time and

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Speaker 1: mother nature. There's a reason someone decided that that's what

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Speaker 1: that was. It's not mother's time, right. Mother nature is fluid,

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Speaker 1: she flows. You don't know if a season is coming

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Speaker 1: or going. We don't really know when it actually starts.

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Speaker 1: You know, fall can begin in November and the summer

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Speaker 1: can begin in March, and we've seen that actually happened,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, where as time, like, men are more linear.

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Speaker 1: They need to they have a stop and start, and

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Speaker 1: they see the world very very differently. It is very

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Speaker 1: logical the way they see it. It's like shapes and

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Speaker 1: blocks that must fit into certain places. And it's not

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Speaker 1: always that they're less emotional than we are, but it's

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Speaker 1: that they and it's not even if they're shown how

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Speaker 1: to be emotional, they just show their emotions in different

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Speaker 1: ways than we do. So the way I approach male

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Speaker 1: clients is not the same way. But I like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna tell a man to go dance make it

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Speaker 1: in a mirror to reclaim his sensuality, because he probably

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Speaker 1: doesn't need to do that. In fact, what he actually

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Speaker 1: needs to do is to connect his penis with his

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Speaker 1: heart and get more in touch with with with those

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Speaker 1: pieces of him. Like, so just's things are going to

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Speaker 1: be a little bit different, but there was a difference,

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Speaker 1: and that's okay. Do you see more men um having

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Speaker 1: the ability to own their power? I'm just thinking through

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Speaker 1: in my life and even in my dating life, the

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Speaker 1: men that I have dated, they always just know what

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Speaker 1: they want, you know, And like, I have found it

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Speaker 1: hard as a woman, And I don't know if this

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Speaker 1: is my personality, if this is because I'm a female

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Speaker 1: or what it is, but to find my voice and

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Speaker 1: within relationships specifically, and so like these kind of exercises

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Speaker 1: even getting to know my own body and my own

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Speaker 1: desires and my own wants and needs. UM has helped

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Speaker 1: me to find my power a little bit more. But

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Speaker 1: do you think that men naturally do that a little easier.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that men feel that they're powerful, but

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Speaker 1: they've been taught to project that they are. Oh yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, there are there are some

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Speaker 1: men who indeed do not feel like they're in power

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Speaker 1: and control at and their harboring you know, some of

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Speaker 1: the deepest hurts and wounds ever because they don't feel

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Speaker 1: safe enough to discuss that with anyone, and so they

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Speaker 1: actually become very rigid in a sense to try and

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Speaker 1: contain themselves. And that can look like power, but it's

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Speaker 1: really a denial of the self and those men they

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Speaker 1: still have to unravel as well and dig into those

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Speaker 1: hurts and those teams and those years that they have.

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Speaker 1: What does that look like to connect the penis with

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Speaker 1: the heart? I like that you said that. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: when I worked with male clients, it was physical hum

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Speaker 1: and you know, it's it's it's interesting that it's said

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Speaker 1: it's different. So men response to physical touch in a

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Speaker 1: different way, and it helps to open them up and

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Speaker 1: helps and helps them to um to feel safer us

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Speaker 1: just you know, just like talking, you know, talking to

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Speaker 1: a man or doing talk therapy with him. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not a therapist, but doing that didn't always seem to

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Speaker 1: connect um. And so I'm trained in race it's an

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Speaker 1: energy healing modality and also in contra energy other energetic

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Speaker 1: healing modalities. And I would literally just do like massage

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Speaker 1: on their body, conscious massage. I would whisper things in

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Speaker 1: their ear just to kind of reset their brains um

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Speaker 1: words of affirmation which men thrive off off, just to

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Speaker 1: help them be set. And then I would often do

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Speaker 1: a lingam massage or lingam is the sanscript words for

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Speaker 1: for penis um. Some clients really felt like they were

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Speaker 1: supposed to have the happy ending. That was not what

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Speaker 1: that's about. And what is it about, because that's what

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Speaker 1: I actually just thought too. Yeah, no, no, no, it's

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Speaker 1: really about learning how to harness that the same way

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Speaker 1: women harness their power for six magic. It's really about

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Speaker 1: learning how to harness that power, that arousal state it's

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Speaker 1: drought back up in the body to energize the body,

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Speaker 1: to energize his vitality, to energize his life force, and

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Speaker 1: so the men would actually leave feeling more refreshed, whereas

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Speaker 1: if I lest them just ejectually every word, they would

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Speaker 1: have been depleted. And so they thought there was a

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Speaker 1: way to to energize the life work back into their

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Speaker 1: into the body. It's also a way to help men

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Speaker 1: learn how to last longer in bed as well. So

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Speaker 1: that's a great side. So if a man is connecting

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Speaker 1: his penis to his heart, what is the work of

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Speaker 1: a woman that you see? In most cases? Is it

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Speaker 1: finding her power? It is? It is for most women.

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Speaker 1: Of what I've seen is that it is finding a

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Speaker 1: way to open the throat and after it is directly

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Speaker 1: conductional to the vaginal canal. And so it's been it's

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Speaker 1: been finding a way to take that creativity best harnessed

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Speaker 1: in our womb area and allow it to come up

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Speaker 1: out of us in the words that we say, and

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Speaker 1: our desires and speaking what we want and being clear

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Speaker 1: and being responsible for for our desires and for what

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Speaker 1: we want. What do you mean being responsible? Mm? So

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Speaker 1: A perfect example is a skit that I that I

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Speaker 1: saw a YouTube butt a friend sent to me as

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Speaker 1: a woman came over and she's sitting on the couch,

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Speaker 1: you know, and they're watching TV or whatever, and she

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Speaker 1: like screeches closely to the guy, you know, and and

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Speaker 1: and and she screeches closer, you know, to drop all

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Speaker 1: the hints, you know, and then he starts like kissing

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Speaker 1: her or whatever. And then she's like no, and she

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Speaker 1: and she stops him, and then they you know, they

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Speaker 1: get into this like it's a it's a honey comedic skip,

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Speaker 1: but they get into this argument or whatever, and then

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Speaker 1: she leaves and he's like, no, so she wanted to,

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Speaker 1: you know, get it in. She's like I did. The

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Speaker 1: man on the sofa. Yeah, She's like, she's like, I

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Speaker 1: wanted you to take me to the bedroom. He's like

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Speaker 1: what and and and I'm watching it, like see, this

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Speaker 1: is what happens when women don't say, Hi, I want

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Speaker 1: to come over to your house and I want to

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Speaker 1: have sex and i'd love to have sex in your beds. No, So,

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Speaker 1: because we don't want to look slutty or we want sex,

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Speaker 1: we'll we'll we'll approach a man like in this half

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Speaker 1: asked fashion, you know, and hope that he dropped him no,

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Speaker 1: own on it, to be responsible for it and then

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Speaker 1: go get the thing that you were Well, So, how

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Speaker 1: do you because I have a lot of questions written

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Speaker 1: down for you about just the shame that women feel

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Speaker 1: around sexuality. I know it's something I've dealt with my

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Speaker 1: and a part of my adult life that I'm feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm freeing myself from now finally at a at

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Speaker 1: thirty eight. Um. But there are so many roles that

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Speaker 1: were kind of put into just by the way that

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Speaker 1: our society teaches us. And I know that I've felt

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Speaker 1: a lot of shame. I know a lot of my

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Speaker 1: friends have discussed this too. And then I started to

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Speaker 1: think about like in my past. You know, it's like,

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Speaker 1: how was I, um, what was the dynamic between myself

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Speaker 1: and my partner And a lot of times like I

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Speaker 1: was getting satisfied from them getting satisfied, but I myself

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Speaker 1: and in my body was probably not feeling the same

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Speaker 1: satisfaction that they were, if that makes sense. Um, So

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Speaker 1: are you seeing like is there a shift in maybe

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Speaker 1: societal roles and and what you just said about the

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Speaker 1: way that a woman doesn't want to feel slutty? Like

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Speaker 1: are we kind of getting rid of that mentality? Are

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Speaker 1: we starting to or what are you seeing in that area,

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Speaker 1: I hope. So, yeah, so it looks like we are

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Speaker 1: m but there's always a balance, there's a balance, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: freedom is a beautiful thing, but with freedom does come

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Speaker 1: great responsibility. And and so I do believe that women

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Speaker 1: should not feel any shame whatsoever about their sexual desires.

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Speaker 1: The flip side of that is that there are some

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Speaker 1: young women who are taking their bodies places that they

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Speaker 1: don't always need to go, under the guise of saying,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm free to do whatever I want, but

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Speaker 1: really they're still trying to cover up in securities. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was such a good way to that. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: so there's a there's a balance there and and understanding.

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Speaker 1: No woman should feel ashamed for her sexual desires. And

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Speaker 1: this is all stems from you know, old puritanical views

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Speaker 1: about what women are supposed to be like, which really

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Speaker 1: stems from the fear of women and and how how

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Speaker 1: men react to women and how powerful women can be.

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Speaker 1: And there are some of us who will take that

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Speaker 1: that sensual nature that we have and and we'll use

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Speaker 1: it to turn a man into, you know, something that

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Speaker 1: he you know that it will not be his self,

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Speaker 1: you know, or some people like to say, maleiculate him

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Speaker 1: and keep doing things. And so there's a fear of

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Speaker 1: of women because we are very powerful, um. And that's

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Speaker 1: and that's what's been in in embebted in so many

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Speaker 1: of us from such a young age and forced us

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Speaker 1: to kind of like not explore, not do things of

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Speaker 1: being seen a certain way. Right. Well, So would the goal,

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Speaker 1: as someone asked me the other day, like what do

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Speaker 1: you define as a woman owning her sexuality? And I

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Speaker 1: didn't exactly have an answer, which made me feel strange.

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Speaker 1: So I've really been thinking about it. But would you

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Speaker 1: say the goal would be to own your sexual desires

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Speaker 1: without seeking um validation from someone else? Like is that

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Speaker 1: what we're where? We're mixing it up a little bit,

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Speaker 1: like still seeking that external validation, so maybe we're putting

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Speaker 1: ourselves in positions to get that from someone else versus

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Speaker 1: actually just listening to our own bodies. I would say

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Speaker 1: that's a pretty perfect way to say it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I mean only your sexuality to be as

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Speaker 1: simple as I don't even don't want to ask us

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Speaker 1: that often, and that's how I am. And I'm okay

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Speaker 1: with that your sexuality could be you know, I want to,

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Speaker 1: you know, have sex with every sign of the zodiac

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Speaker 1: because I just want to speak with the difference between

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Speaker 1: all two albums, like to know you only only your

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Speaker 1: sexuality could be. I'm waiting until I get married because

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Speaker 1: it's just that important to me to just be with

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Speaker 1: one person. There's so many different ways to do it,

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Speaker 1: as long as we're doing it from a place of

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Speaker 1: of of purity within ourselves and not simply because this

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Speaker 1: is the expectation, because that's when other things like shame

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Speaker 1: and guilt come in if we don't meet those expectations,

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Speaker 1: and then shame and guilt are the killers of any

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Speaker 1: sexual desire. Okay, that's good to know. UM. I have

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Speaker 1: another question. So I had a conversation about UM. I

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Speaker 1: was with two men and we were having the conversation

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Speaker 1: and one of them said, well, you know, though he's

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Speaker 1: a guy in his testosterone and blah blah blah. And

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Speaker 1: I've always hated that as as an excuse. I'm always

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Speaker 1: I've always felt somewhere internally like that's bullshit when men

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Speaker 1: say that. But I'm just now finally saying that out

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Speaker 1: loud a little bit. Um. But when we were doing

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Speaker 1: the workshop, you said that female sex drives are actually

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Speaker 1: often equivalent, if not more than male. Is that true

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00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: because I said that to them? Yes, Okay, tell me

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Speaker 1: more about that. Yes, several studies have been done. Um,

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Speaker 1: I think they're on like Psychology today or something like that.

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00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: If you're if you it, But several studies have been

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Speaker 1: done to st Yes, in general, drives are higher. We

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Speaker 1: want sex. We wanted a lot. We often deny ourselves

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Speaker 1: sex because we think we're not supposed to want it,

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Speaker 1: or we've been told that men wanted more than we do.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I've seen it in my own life. Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like COmON some money. He's like, I just need

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Speaker 1: a minute. Yeah, right, Like I'm tired headache. The teenagers,

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Speaker 1: when boy the teenagers and teasterone comes racing into their

377
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Speaker 1: body just as they get puberty, it hits them like

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Speaker 1: a rush, you know. And so yeah, from like thirteen

379
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: to twenty two, Yeah, they just want to get all

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00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: that out there. The reality is, it's most most of

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00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: them aren't having any sex until somewhere between eighteen or

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Speaker 1: nineteen to twenty two, and so they're missing out in

383
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Speaker 1: a lot of those good years. But somebody still fed them.

384
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Speaker 1: The line that you know they're test afterone is the

385
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 1: reason why they want to go run out and have sex. Meanwhile,

386
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 1: with women, it's just like from the time of the

387
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 1: Memphis Study, is just a gradual building of things. You know,

388
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: it's not it's not like all coming at one time,

389
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 1: but it's you know, as the mature and get older. Oh,

390
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: the desire is there. It's definitely there, and it's left

391
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 1: our own devices. It would be acted upon. Um but

392
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 1: to silent no ones tell us that we should do

393
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 1: nothing and the boys should do everything, which causes a

394
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: little flip flop. Well, it makes me really angry to

395
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Speaker 1: because honest, because I just think it's bullshit. I mean,

396
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 1: it's like I think it's an excuse for bad behavior,

397
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: that's like bad human behavior. And I don't I don't, like,

398
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: I don't agree with because I know, as a thirty

399
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 1: eight year old, I have never wanted more sex in

400
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 1: my life than I do at this point. Like that's

401
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: just my truth. Yes, yes, it continues, it continues, Yes

402
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: it does. It doesn't admit it. She keeps going exactly

403
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 1: and I but I don't feel that that gives me

404
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: the right to go. Well, you know, what. I just

405
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: want sex all the time. So I'm going to go

406
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: either cheat on my boyfriend or I'm going to check

407
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 1: out that guy over and over and over inappropriately, you

408
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, I still think as a

409
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: human being, especially if you're in a relationship, there's boundaries

410
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: around it. And I guess everyone's you know, able to

411
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 1: define that for themselves. But that old mentality, Man, I'm

412
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: just done with it, Like, I just can't handle it. Yeah,

413
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: it's a lot of pressure on men as well. I

414
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: think so too, thinking that they always have to want

415
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: to ask and what if they don't want to? Yeah,

416
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Speaker 1: And I've known woman who who have shamed men, right,

417
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: shamed them for not wanting to have sex. I mean

418
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 1: it's crazy because they're a woman out here saying, you know, hey,

419
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: don't approach me that way. And then they're a woman

420
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: who are on there saying, I can't believe you don

421
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 1: want you don't want to have sex with me? God?

422
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: Wrong with you? Right? It's like what do you want? Right?

423
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: That's very confusing. Yes, this, this, all of these ideas

424
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: damage all of us. Yeah, so what would you say

425
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 1: to and if you were in that situation that I

426
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 1: was in? Where someone said that, I mean with that,

427
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: I actually quoted you. I was like, actually, you know,

428
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: I just learned that women's sex drives are justice hizman,

429
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,439
Speaker 1: if not more, I just need to maybe I need

430
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: to go google it so I have some references next time.

431
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 1: And they're probably like, no, they didn't believe me. Both

432
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: of them said, now, yeah, yeah I would. I would have.

433
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 1: I would have said the same thing. And I probably

434
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 1: would have shrugged my shoulders at this point because I

435
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 1: I because they've had enough to think about it'll have

436
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: to rethink their whole entire life, right, because if women's

437
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 1: sex drives are higher, then what does that actually mean

438
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: for them? That's like they really have to read, they

439
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 1: have to really read think sexual encounters and it's really

440
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: not that you know, if they think back and they're like, no,

441
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: all these women didn't want to have sex, Like, well,

442
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: first of all, if we're thinking, think, you've got bigger

443
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: problems than a sex drive. If you think you have

444
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: to course all those women's having that's number one. Yeah.

445
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: And the other part about that is it's like were

446
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 1: they able to keep up? She wanted more enough? And

447
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: another thing is that men often feel so responsible for

448
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: trying to you know, make women come and give women

449
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: or guys and it's just it's a lot on the shoulders.

450
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: I guarantee they want't searched it, googled it, looked it up.

451
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: They had to figure it out, I hope. So not

452
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 1: rest with that, not no, no, no, no, Okay, let's

453
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: talk about self pleasure because you mentioned it earlier as

454
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 1: something that women You really really recommend this, and I

455
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 1: actually when we did the workshop, I asked you a

456
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: lot of questions about this because I was I'm super confused.

457
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: You know, I've had some trauma around this, and I

458
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,719
Speaker 1: talked about it on this podcast a lot, so the

459
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: listeners are aware. But that topic is so difficult for me.

460
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: And it's gotten easier and I've been working through it,

461
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: but over the years, it was just I blocked it

462
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: out of my brain, like it was just something I

463
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,959
Speaker 1: didn't think about. And now that I'm older and like

464
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 1: I said, craving sex more, it's because it's you know,

465
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find a healthy relationship there. Um. The

466
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: other point that I'm bumping up against is we have

467
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 1: a series on this podcast called at Casual that we

468
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: do on Fridays and we talk about sex and dating,

469
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 1: and the number one topic that we get questions about

470
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: from people either single or it's mostly in relationships is

471
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: about masturbation and like, what's a healthy amount? How do

472
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,719
Speaker 1: I do this, you know, in an appropriate way with

473
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 1: my partner or just like in general women exploring that Now,

474
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 1: So I want to know what you tell your clients are,

475
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: what your suggestions are, how you find a healthy relationship

476
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:52,719
Speaker 1: with self pleasure. No, that's a really interesting question because

477
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 1: I don't. And that's that I don't know what an

478
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship is. I'm sure that you know the they off,

479
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 1: they do exist, but because people are usually still repressed, Um,

480
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: they haven't. They haven't. Most people haven't even gotten to

481
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: the point of like and usually the question is how

482
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 1: much is too much? Yes, that really is really what

483
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: people are wondering. And I I mean I think every

484
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: day it's perfectly fine. Yeah, like that that there's no

485
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 1: issue with masturbating daily. I mean I don't. I often

486
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: wonder the question becomes what is the what is the

487
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,719
Speaker 1: thinking of another person if they find out that from

488
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: one master day to daily, Like if I said I

489
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: had sex with my partner daily, people probably wouldn't question it.

490
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: They'd be like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. Right, So

491
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: pleasuring myself daily, what is the issue that because of

492
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: doing it by myself? Is it kind of like drinking alone?

493
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah? I mean I know for me, Yeah,

494
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 1: I know, for me, it would be does it like

495
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: with I don't. I guess I don't see an issue

496
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: if you're single. And so that's another interesting This is

497
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: just me speaking completely freely about what what just popped

498
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: up in my brain. But and I wouldn't feel weird

499
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: about it with the single thing. I think it's within

500
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: our relationship. I wonder or I bump up against. Does

501
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: it affect your sex life with your partner? Is there

502
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: some sort of like in my past there was like

503
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: a secrecy thing about it that didn't feel very good

504
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 1: within their relationships? So what are the parameters? And like,

505
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 1: I guess each couple defines that for themselves. I don't

506
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: know why do you what? What is it that you

507
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 1: think is so important about self pleasure that you would

508
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: recommend it, especially to women? Right? So let me I

509
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: want to touch on a couple of things. When when

510
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: people are masturbating in shame, it's because they've been taught

511
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: to be ashamed of that, yes, and so they've come

512
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: to see this this dirty, secretive thing that they cannot share.

513
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: And and and and so they you know, they do it

514
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: in secret or because they were taught to be ashamed

515
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: of it. When they did masturbate in secret, it became

516
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: such a thrill for them. Then their brain became wired

517
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: in a way to receive the thrill from the secrecy

518
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: of it, like they're getting away with something naughty, right,

519
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: So and so they continue to seek that thrill even

520
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 1: if they have a partner, because it's it's just it's

521
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: become part of their makeup. And so the way to

522
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: help unravel that, it's just's to begin working through the

523
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: shame piece of it. Unfortunately, people who do that, you know,

524
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: kind of perpetuate the story because you and you know,

525
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: you want the partner who's like, why are you doing

526
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: that in secret? Which is right, which you know is

527
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: natural of course, So they're kind of perpetuating their own

528
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: trauma and drama in their mind by setting it up

529
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: that way. Um, some people with partners masturbate because they

530
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: are not satisfied sexually. I cannot tell you how many

531
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: times a woman has made jokes about, well, I had

532
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 1: sex with him and I took my toy and I

533
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: finished myself off. So you know, women do it, uh,

534
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm gonna assume that some men do

535
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,959
Speaker 1: it too, because the expectations that that are always satisfied

536
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 1: when they have sex um and maybe some men are not.

537
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: And so then, you know, I've known none who have

538
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: said they said or death, which I at first like,

539
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: I know, it's so funny. I learned that recently too,

540
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: and I was I was shocked, like like what how

541
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: So so, you know, I definitely recommend self pleasure as

542
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: a way just to stay in touch with one's own

543
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: body and what brings you pleasure. You know, man are

544
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: a woman because if you're a man and you're masturbating,

545
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: you know, and when I'm you know, performing oral sex

546
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: on you, you can better help me understand what brings

547
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: you pleasure. If my hand is running up and down you,

548
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 1: you can better help me understand when your pleasure. Same

549
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: for a woman. I mean, I can't tell my lover

550
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: what help what I like if I don't even you

551
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: know what I like. Now we're I guess we're both

552
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: kind of figuring it out. Um, so that's the way

553
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: that masturbation can work with in a relationship. Also can

554
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: be just really fucking kinky to just watch each other

555
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: do it, like you play this game of don't touch. Yeah,

556
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: I'll actually watch each other from across the road together too. Yeah. Yeah,

557
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: that's a fun way to do it. Or you know,

558
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: you know, you could be in your mouth while you're mastivating.

559
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: Men think it's hot when a woman masturbates in front

560
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: of them, So are they, at least of my expexes.

561
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: I'm curious about that because, um there's another friend of

562
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: mine was talking about that and she said at first

563
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: her husband was super threatened by that idea because in

564
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: her in his head, it was something about a toy

565
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: being a threat to like his manhood, you know. But

566
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: they got over the barrier and now it's like his

567
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: favorite thing. So it's so interesting. Yeah, because men really

568
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: like to see. Men are really hardwired to want to

569
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: see and and and assist women with pleasure. Yeah, Like

570
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 1: they really they really want to and so and and

571
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,719
Speaker 1: it's also something so powerful to them about seeing a

572
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 1: woman who's so comfortable and in her sexuality that she

573
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: can do that It arouses the funk out of them,

574
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: so to watch her whether it's with a hand or

575
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 1: a toy, and now she's all wet and ready. Yeah,

576
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: oh yeah, absolutely, um. Absolutely. Well let's talk a little

577
00:33:55,200 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: bit about Tantra because I was reading on your website

578
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: and I initially I love it so much because you're

579
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: just so you say everything just clearly, and you're like

580
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: when when you talked in the workshop, you were like, yes,

581
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: I like tontra. Sometimes I talk about B D S

582
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 1: M like key, uh, all these things that I know that.

583
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: I can just picture so many people reading, specifically women

584
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: and being like, oh my god, oh my god, oh

585
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: my god, oh my god. So I want to know.

586
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: I don't fully understand what tontra is, So can you

587
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: help us understand what that is? Sure? And after another

588
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 1: one on top and I'm polyamorous. Yes, yes, that was

589
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 1: the other thing I read that I was like, Okay,

590
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need to know more about that. All the

591
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: things exactly is uh, it's it's not a religion. It's

592
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: more of a philosophy. It's the way of life U

593
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: think of it, and it it doesn't center around sex,

594
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: but somehow Western culture has taken it and made it

595
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: about sex. It was an easy cell that way to

596
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: bring it back over here. But town show it's like Buddhism.

597
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 1: In fact, there's contract. There's there's contract Buddhism, Um, there's

598
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: I'm sorry Buddhist contract, and I'm actually studying to get

599
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: I'm studying to bet Buddhist contrast um and and so

600
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: it's really a way of connecting oneself with with your surroundings,

601
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: with your partners, with your own joy and your own bliss.

602
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:35,800
Speaker 1: And in doing so, your sex life gets better because

603
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 1: you've opened up portals and channels within you, and you've

604
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 1: opened up your energy to be able to receive it.

605
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: So it's not just about fact. It's about your health.

606
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 1: It's about um, your ability to to create the life

607
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 1: you want, it's about your connection to other human beings.

608
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 1: And and because all of those things are are being

609
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: done and I touched this high energetic level, obviously your

610
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: orgasms are going to be amazing as well. But the

611
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: focus of contract isn't so much bad as sex. Um.

612
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 1: It's about using sex as a way to heal, using

613
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: sex as a way to connect, using sex as a

614
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,879
Speaker 1: way to rejuvenate oneself. And there are techniques to do

615
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 1: that yeah, okay, because when I first read it, I

616
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: also saw that you you have a group called the

617
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: Black Contre Group, and you guys do workshops. I was like,

618
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: what the fund did these people do with these workshops?

619
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: Like you all having sex? You know? I literally was thinking, like,

620
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: what are the activities that you do? But then I

621
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: read more and I understood that it was not like

622
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: you just go have sex in a room with a

623
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 1: bunch of people or something. That's that's what a lot

624
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 1: of people thought that. Yes, and I heard it and

625
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to run toward and I've read the conversature

626
00:36:56,040 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: and I just thought, yes, we really teach people about

627
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 1: um breathing techniques. We people how to release pain because

628
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: pain and fear are big deterrent to a really great

629
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: sex life. That goes back to that idea of shape

630
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: and gilt, right, and so we teach people how to

631
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: release those those parts of themselves and to be their full,

632
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,800
Speaker 1: authentic self. And that's that's what you know. Some people

633
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:30,359
Speaker 1: those those from destructancy. But um the basic definition, because

634
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: there really is no literal translation, but the basic definition

635
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 1: of pancha um, as has been taught to me, is

636
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: the weaving of light and sound. It's the bringing together

637
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: of the physical and the spiritual. It's it's it's melding

638
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 1: at all, so that we don't think that we're just

639
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: these it's their spiritual beings who are all like love

640
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: and light. But we also understand that we are human

641
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: bodies that want to fuck and drink and and eat

642
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 1: decadent chocolate cake and just and experienced waves crashing over

643
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 1: our bodies and the breeze of the wind, that we

644
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: are all of that, and that is all holy and

645
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,240
Speaker 1: it's all good. M M. When you said to weave

646
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: light and sound, I got chills. That to me, I mean,

647
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 1: it's I think it's interesting because when you were talking

648
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: about some of the practices like meditation, popped into my

649
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: mind too as a way that I didn't tap in

650
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: in different ways. So is it a similar I mean,

651
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: obviously I know that the activities and the exercises would

652
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 1: be a bit different than that, But is it a

653
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: similar feeling of being in tune that you might get

654
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 1: from certain meditations? Oh? Absolutely, intactra was full of lots

655
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: of meditation, lots of different kinds of meditation is involved

656
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: in contras, So yes, yes, you can learn how to

657
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: achieve altered spaces. You can have orgasms from meditation. Um

658
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: what what tell me more? Oh? Yeah, I was. I

659
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: wasn't just the first time I had I had a

660
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: touch list. I had an orgasm just thinking about it.

661
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: I was eighteen and I was you know, I had

662
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 1: his boyfriend and he was my first sexual partner. So

663
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: my body was all just like, oh my god, and

664
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: we we've just been having sex a few months, and

665
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 1: I was like hook. And I remember sitting sitting and

666
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 1: at study hall somewhere in n y U. And you know,

667
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: I'm at the table just thinking about the sex and

668
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm and I was just I'm I'm thinking about how

669
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 1: it felt, and I'm running back through my mind experiences

670
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: that I've had with this guy. And the next thing

671
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: I know, my cutter was just like has gone off?

672
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: What it's like? Yes, it is just like it has

673
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: it is. I was like, oh my god, like I'm

674
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: shooting me and just trying to like I've got my

675
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 1: head down. I'm like, what are you going right now?

676
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: This is actually happening. Yeah, And that and that was powerful.

677
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: I did that with my mind. So you were just

678
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,399
Speaker 1: that to your body though, like your mind and your

679
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: body were so in tune that that could happen, I guess.

680
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 1: So believe me when I say it sounds cool, but

681
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: it's freaked the funk out of that. I mean, you're

682
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: just sitting there and you're like, what I brought myself

683
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 1: into orgasm? And now years later, you know, I'm like,

684
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 1: oh wow, part of me is like okay, like some

685
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 1: of us kind of no end up knowing this is

686
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 1: maybe what I was born to to kind of teach.

687
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,839
Speaker 1: And then I looked back and I got ah, I've

688
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 1: been doing this for a while, right, right, Yeah, So

689
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: you can really you can really meditate and and and

690
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: achieved the state of such relaxed bliss that yes, you

691
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: can feel the orgasmic waves just just coming just coming

692
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 1: through you. And it doesn't always necessarily feel like the orgasm,

693
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: but it does feel like an orgasm. I mean, I'm

694
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: gonna work on my meditations now. Another thing that you

695
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: said in the workshop is, and this is I've never

696
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: thought about this, but the clip is the only body

697
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: part between men and women that is designed purely for pleasure.

698
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: Like every other body part that we have that men have,

699
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: It's it produces pleasure, but it also does something else.

700
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: I find that fascinating, Like I'm thinking, why did the

701
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 1: universe I mean, is this some sort of maybe positive things,

702
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: since we go through childbirths, since we do all these

703
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: like painful things, maybe the universe was like, well, they

704
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 1: need to have a clip too. Why it's like crazy

705
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: that our bodies have that. I just think it's because

706
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: women are wonderful, lucky creatures. I we we are, we

707
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 1: are the portal. We are a portal for everything, and

708
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: and so much has been flipped upside down due to fear.

709
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: And it wasn't just men who did it. Women did

710
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,399
Speaker 1: it too, you know, like men and women have put

711
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 1: this society. We watched the hand based Tail like that's

712
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: like my that that show, that that show shows you

713
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: what happens when women Because it was a woman who

714
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: created that society, right, it was Selina who wrote the

715
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 1: paper that was the foundation for what they did. And

716
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 1: I found that so fascinating and so interesting, and so

717
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 1: even in history it has been women working with the

718
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:41,359
Speaker 1: men who have created a side of society that has

719
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 1: put women in a position that has said you cannot

720
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: enjoy such and you cannot have pleasure. You know, But

721
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 1: I truly believe that women are this, We are this

722
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 1: powerful vehicle. We are the opening. We are we are

723
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: the vastness of the universe. We are the dark, we

724
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 1: are the wound. We are through which everything comes into existence.

725
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 1: And that that mail his purpose. His part of it

726
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: is to make sure that we are good and safe

727
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 1: so we can create and make that happen, and to

728
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 1: make sure that we have the life force energy that

729
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: we need in order for that creation to find its

730
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: way into the physical realm, and so in doing so,

731
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,760
Speaker 1: that needs to be a pleasurable activity, right, and hence

732
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: the coutarus. Yeah, so you would want to do We

733
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 1: got it? Yeah, look at us. Yeah, we we absolutely

734
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 1: have it. I'm excited. Um. I love the way you

735
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: talk about sex and just in general, the way that

736
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: you live in relationships without shame, because I just think

737
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: that so many of us are just clinching onto I

738
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: have to do it this way because it was done

739
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: this way for so many years, or I have to

740
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,720
Speaker 1: do it this way because I live in the South

741
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: and that's just how we do it. That's kind of

742
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: like for me. You know, I'm thirty eight, I've never

743
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: been married, and um, I just have really like that

744
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 1: that programming has really participated in my shame around what

745
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,839
Speaker 1: dating and sex should look like in my life, and

746
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 1: it's just not going to look the same as everyone

747
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: else I'm around. So I think it's really important to

748
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,359
Speaker 1: keep talking about that thing you said earlier where you're like, well,

749
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 1: you can choose to this can be no sex before marriage,

750
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 1: just can choose to be like whatever your sexuality is

751
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: is about you and getting to know yourself and you

752
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: deciding that. Um So, I do want to hear about

753
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:41,919
Speaker 1: the polyamory because I personally don't think I could live

754
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 1: my life that way, but I love the way because

755
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm I feel like I'm a jealous person because of

756
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 1: some other stuff I've been through, and so I would

757
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: kill me. I can't imagine it. Like maybe I just

758
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 1: don't have the freedom yet to think that way. But

759
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 1: tell me what that means for you. Yeah, and so

760
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: you know couple of things. I know people who think

761
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: like polyamory is an advanced with being in a relationship.

762
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, mother, funk, it's not. It's just it's just different, right.

763
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: I don't like, I don't. I don't subscide to that

764
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: at all. Um So, polyamory is, yes, just it's loving

765
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,720
Speaker 1: or being in a relationship with more than one person.

766
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:24,760
Speaker 1: There are a variety of ways to do it everyone.

767
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 1: I don't know that everyone is polyamorous. I think that

768
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: most people probably are to some expense. Um. But again

769
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: because of style norm there's this idea of no, I

770
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: could never live that life and I could never do that.

771
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: Jealousy is normal and it is a part of polyamory.

772
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: Polyamorous people are not do not not get jealous absolutely,

773
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 1: It's just it's how we view jealousy. Um. The one

774
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 1: thing that we take into any relationship is the understanding.

775
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: And there are people in monogamous relationships do this by

776
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,320
Speaker 1: the way as well, they just don't have other partners.

777
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 1: Is the understanding that my partner does not belong to me.

778
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 1: And then, in our society, especially in Western culture, and

779
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:14,240
Speaker 1: especially um since the advancement of the idea of romance,

780
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 1: which did not always exist, right because marriage used to

781
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 1: be about survival and all, someone started marketing romance and

782
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 1: making money off of it. That you know, my partner

783
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: is supposed to complete me, belong to me, be my person,

784
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 1: and that whole thing. Um, that part is actually codependency.

785
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: Whether you're monogamous or polyamorous, it doesn't matter what you

786
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 1: are that and so I I know that I can

787
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 1: be a codependent person. I'm currently reading Codependent No More,

788
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 1: which is a very yeah and I and I know

789
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: that I have codependent tendencies. Um, and I've been I've

790
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: been working through those. I also realized when I look

791
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: back at relationships that I you know, that there were

792
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 1: times and I always felt like, why do I have

793
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: to choose the one? I want both of them? Like

794
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: it was never in my mind like I only I

795
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 1: was only supposed to be with one person. I decided

796
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: to be with one person when I got married because

797
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well that's I guess that's what

798
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: you do. But I never I never wanted to be

799
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,719
Speaker 1: with just one person. And I found myself, even when

800
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: I was in relationships, struggling to to to be in

801
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 1: that one relationship and honor it. So for me, I'm

802
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: probably one of those people who had again kind of

803
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: like other things, has just always been a polyamorous person.

804
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in only being with was one person. Um.

805
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 1: Some people discover that they are kind of you know,

806
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,320
Speaker 1: by accident, but it's it's definitely a journey into learning

807
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: about the self. I will say that much. I'm fascinated.

808
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: I just like, so, what does it look like like

809
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 1: in there? Like will you date multiple people and you'll

810
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 1: know that they're they're dating other people as well, but

811
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: it's not just like a surface kind of dating, like

812
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship, Oh my god, and it is

813
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: still free and yes, and it is still free. Like

814
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: so I was just I just started seeing from one

815
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: and so most of most of the people that I

816
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: that I consider my lovers are what we would call comments.

817
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: They live in other places, so I see them when

818
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: I see them. Um, this person happens to be in

819
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 1: New York City, which excites me. It's very difficult to fine,

820
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: at least in my experience, because fine, then we're open

821
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,359
Speaker 1: to poa emory without way that it means that you're

822
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: having yes because they yeah, because they first of all,

823
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: men don't seem to mind when they're the ones sleeping

824
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 1: with that That's what I was thinking, right, But if

825
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,719
Speaker 1: you're willing to sleeping with other people that are just

826
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 1: like wait, what okay, okay, okay, okay, I can't I

827
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: can't do that, okay, or or they think it means

828
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,560
Speaker 1: we haven't took tonight, and I'm like, no, I didn't

829
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: say I was a swinger. I feel probably Everest says

830
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 1: a difference, right, um, And there is a difference, um.

831
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 1: But so no, I was just fine at his house

832
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: and had a beautiful, wonderful experience. So I was listening

833
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 1: about all day to day and on the side of

834
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 1: the bed these slippers that are like they've got these

835
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 1: little sparkly things on them, and I was like, I

836
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: love your partner slippers and he's like, yeah, thanks, you know,

837
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 1: I'll let her know. I like that. To me, it's

838
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:32,319
Speaker 1: like that for me feels it feels like freedom, it

839
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: feels like Heaven. For him to say, yeah, I told

840
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 1: her you were coming over, and she was asking me,

841
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 1: are you excited, and he's like, I don't know, you know,

842
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: We're just gonna see how it goes. And I'm like, yeah,

843
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,879
Speaker 1: this is so cool. Versus a guy that I met

844
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 1: who was so amazing, who I really liked, and he

845
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 1: told me that he was seeing someone and I was

846
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 1: like cool. He's like, yes, long distance, great, no problem,

847
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:58,320
Speaker 1: except she assumed that they were in a monogamous relationship,

848
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: and she found out that he was seeing me, and

849
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: then she reached out to me and we had a

850
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 1: really nice conversation. But then I said to him, I

851
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: was like, why didn't you tell me that you know,

852
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 1: she didn't know. He's like, I'm sorry, He's like, I really,

853
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to learn what I want, what this

854
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,879
Speaker 1: thing is. I was like, all right, well, you've got

855
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 1: to go have a conversation with her about it, you

856
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 1: know what I mean, But don't see me and not

857
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: tell her like I'm not. I've done that. I've done this.

858
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: That's just shady that yeah, yeah, it is. It is.

859
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: I've done a complete mistress side chick whatever. I've done

860
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 1: all the things. And that's how I know, Like I

861
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 1: know what feels good and that's not that's that's that's

862
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: a no for me. Right decided that I can't dat

863
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: monogamous men, Well I do. It's not something to hear

864
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 1: a lot of women say. I mean, I think I do.

865
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,959
Speaker 1: Here in that so much um communication and honesty, which

866
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 1: is refreshing because I think sometimes maybe like what you

867
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: said in a second example, it's like he's exploring, but

868
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 1: he doesn't know how to be honest with his partner,

869
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 1: which is really what the scary stuff in relationships is,

870
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: at least for me, is when you don't have that

871
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: kind of connection or um foundation to be able to

872
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: be that vulnerable and honest with your partner. And so

873
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 1: in what you're saying, I hear a lot of honesty,

874
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 1: which is I mean I would have been like who

875
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 1: the fox slippers are those? But but that I like

876
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: that you're you guys both had responses that honored the situation.

877
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 1: And I think that's actually really beautiful. Yeah, And I

878
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: think that's the thing that I love about it is

879
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 1: that for for for whatever reason, and I think it

880
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: does have to do with what you were saying in

881
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: the beginning, Kelly about the shame and the guilt. I

882
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: think people have so many different ideas, Like I know

883
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:55,080
Speaker 1: so many men and women who have sexual proclivities and

884
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, did you tell you a partner like

885
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,800
Speaker 1: I can't, like they're gonna look at me funny that

886
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: they're gonna say something. I've had I've had women tell

887
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 1: me that they've tried to tell their partners that they

888
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: want something and they're like no. And I've had a

889
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 1: lot of them tell me that they're trying to tell

890
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 1: their their women in their lives that they wanted. They're like,

891
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 1: that's disgusting, You're a pervert. And then what happens is

892
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: people still have this need. And I'm not excusing cheating,

893
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 1: but what I have found is that most people don't

894
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: cheat because they're greedy or looking to have lots of

895
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:33,320
Speaker 1: spress with people, But they are cheating because they're desiring

896
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:37,320
Speaker 1: a connection with someone who understands them, and that person

897
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,799
Speaker 1: understands them in that way where they cannot, for some

898
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,319
Speaker 1: reason to communicate with their partners. Now I'm still deeping

899
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: to go back and find a way to either communicate

900
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: with your partner or come to some other kind of agreement,

901
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: because the cheating does, it just wretched it for everybody.

902
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 1: The person who and I've cheated too, like I've done

903
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: a lot of the things, you know, it makes it.

904
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: It makes the trust more difficult, you know, on the road.

905
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: It just it makes the person who cheated. I know,

906
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:06,000
Speaker 1: I was wrecked with guilt, you know, my doing it, it

907
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,239
Speaker 1: it just did and feel good. So there are lots

908
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: of discussions to be had around that, and that's one

909
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 1: of the things that I try to encourage people to

910
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 1: do is talk. Talk a lot, a lot, a lot.

911
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 1: Don't just like someone You really have to talk about

912
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 1: who you are and be honest with who you are.

913
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: I'm not going to date a guy and pretend like

914
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to be spank your choke, because what's

915
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 1: gonna happen is we're gonna get into a relationship. And

916
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: then after three months, I say, sub bats, do you

917
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: think you might want to chose thas gonna be? Like?

918
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 1: What not? Transition? All? Right? Right? Are you? Do you

919
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: still you ever want to try something like that? Now?

920
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: This man has never hurt me, none of them, right,

921
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: And now what do I do? Do I do I

922
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: go cheat because I want to be spanking it with

923
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:57,919
Speaker 1: my responsibility to let him know within the first couple

924
00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: of days that this is what I was into and

925
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: if you wasn't the one for me to let him go,

926
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 1: which goes back to that thing about us so wanting

927
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,479
Speaker 1: to be in relationship with someone that will deny first

928
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: of ourselves, just to have someone I would rather be

929
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 1: alone than lie about who I am, just to have

930
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,400
Speaker 1: someone day next to me who ends up being a

931
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:22,360
Speaker 1: stranger anyway, Because there's nothing worse than being alone in

932
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 1: a relationship that's a sucking, ugly feeling. It is. That's

933
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 1: the loneliest feeling. I think it really is. It really is,

934
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 1: And I think too many people are afraid to be

935
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:42,359
Speaker 1: by themselves and enjoy their own company. I think it's

936
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: hard because then you have to face yourself, and so

937
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 1: sometimes the things that we've been denying are repressing. They're

938
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: ugly at first until you can get to the other

939
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,320
Speaker 1: side of it. I know I've dealt with that, like

940
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: I don't want to face something, and the second I

941
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 1: finally enforced to, usually it's usually the most freeing moment.

942
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: Want to finally just accept or face or look at

943
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 1: and then it's like the other side's beautiful in the

944
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: most peaceful, serene place I can find. But until I

945
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: get to that place, yeah, it's not pretty. Yeah exactly,

946
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: Well I like it. Yeah, Masha, where can people find you?

947
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:23,880
Speaker 1: I know I was listening to your podcast today? So

948
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: are you gonna keep recording that? I know I need to.

949
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 1: I need to people on. I know my plate is

950
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 1: in my dance car is extra f I will get

951
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,840
Speaker 1: back to the podcast. I do enjoy doing it. I

952
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 1: think I enjoy being on other people's podcasts more. By

953
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: the way, this is like the I like this. I

954
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: want to come back any time, but people can find me. Um,

955
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm mostly I'm most active on Instagram okay, or I

956
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: can do the most and be the most free. Um.

957
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 1: So it's Sensual Energy Algemy across all social media platforms

958
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 1: um and you can also find me on my personal

959
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:04,840
Speaker 1: Facebook page, Debi Misha. I've not been banned so far. Again,

960
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 1: I'm very excited. Uh I was banned all summer, so

961
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: I'm being very very cheerful. Energy Alchemy Yeah everywhere, on

962
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 1: all even TikTok. I'm everywhere and that's also your website,

963
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 1: right Sensual Energy Alchemy dot com. I'll put this in

964
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 1: the description for the bias that people can find you.

965
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 1: Would you say, like what would be sort of um,

966
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: a person who's listening to this that maybe they have

967
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 1: questions about what that you would be the right person

968
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: for them to call. Oh yay. So I've seen myself

969
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 1: as like the kindergarten teacher of like sacred sexuality. I'm

970
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: here for people who are like I want to explore this,

971
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 1: but I'm not really quite sure how you want to start. Yeah,

972
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,400
Speaker 1: you know, like I love even when I was a

973
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:57,719
Speaker 1: personal trainer. I love I love the newbie people and

974
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:02,640
Speaker 1: just and just broadening the new Yeah. So, and another

975
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 1: thing I thought throughout this whole thing was, um, just

976
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: if you're feeling unsatisfied and I don't even know if

977
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 1: I mean sexually, but just like out of touch with

978
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 1: your own body and your own self and in your

979
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 1: own life. I feel like you would be a really

980
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 1: great person for people to reach out to. Yes, come,

981
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: come with a very simple you start with the basics

982
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 1: for the next thing. You know, you're creating your own

983
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: porn of yourself. I named my pussy is what you

984
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: told us we had to name our volva. I never

985
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: expected to be doing that, but she has a name. Now.

986
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: So have you shared I haven't shared it. Maybe that's

987
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 1: our next episode. Yes, that's so exciting. Yes, well, thank

988
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: you so much for being here. You guys go check

989
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 1: out Sensual Energy Alchemy dot com or Sensual Energy Alchemy

990
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: on Instagram or all the social media. Yeas, I think

991
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: that you guys will really appreciate it. I just really

992
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 1: appreciate you being here and talking so openly with us,

993
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: and thank you so much. Thank you. I really appreciate

994
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 1: you having me on. It was an honor. Thank you

995
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 1: so much and so much fun. All right, thank you

996
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 1: guys for listening.