WEBVTT - Ep 377: An Update On Your Financial Besties 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:21.799 Hey, hey, hey, we're black. We're back bread ambition, ambition, ambition. 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:24.880 Hey marew how you doing girl? 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:30.560 Hello, welcome to the farm. I'm I'm doing good. I'm 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.440 just a working woman in America. My employer doesn't provide 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:35.280 me a nice place to pump, so I got a 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:38.479 pump on the are y'all. Oh, So if you hear 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.800 little mechanisms in the background, just know that it is 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:43.320 mother nature creating. 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.920 I love that women be literally so dope that you 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.080 produce your own food for the babies. You don't know why. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.880 And they questioned it, like last night, my in laws 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:55.160 came because they've been helping out with the baby, and anyway, 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:58.480 the conversation of how big he has gotten came up 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:01.160 and what are you feeding him? You must be doing 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:05.000 more than milk. I'm like, actually no, and you know, 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:07.319 he's four months now. So people start trying to like 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:09.520 test to see how I feel about solids. I'm like, 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:11.800 do not try to tell me that, but just a 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:13.600 little bit of oat milk and his bottle, the mill 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:17.560 his bottle. Yeah, No, you can't give him water because 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:19.320 he has a hiccups. Nope, you sure can't. 0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:22.400 Yeah, because how do babies how old do babies have 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:23.479 to be before they can get water? 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.520 Well, I mean the advice is six months and beyond, 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:28.840 but even no, no, even after six months, their primary 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.480 their their liquid should be breast milk, I think, or 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:36.160 like formula. Yeah. Yeah, And it's so funny because like 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:38.280 I had a kid not that long ago, and even 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:41.280 I'm just like reminding myself google it real quick. What 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.160 is the women again? What can I feed him? And when? 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.720 Because not me in the dark at like three am, 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:52.200 stuffing an uncrustable down my gullet because I'm starving, because 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:56.240 breastfeeding makes you hell hungry and thirsty. Yeah, holding an 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.000 infant who I don't know yet has if a peanut 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.360 allergy or not, and I'm just like I'm gonna eat 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:05.640 this real fast. I'm trying not to touch you. 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:08.000 Oh that's right, because peanut allergies are not just ingested, 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:11.280 it's like literally like in your like in the air. 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:16.840 Okay, there's just so many ways to soild. 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:22.200 I tell you, My sister, like she sent me this 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.680 video and she was like, this is how I feel. 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:27.360 It was this video of this woman describing being a 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:31.160 working mom. She said, first shift is your actual job, 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:34.679 which wears you all the way out and you are depleted. 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:37.600 But oh no, no, there's second shift, which are your 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.600 children or child And she said, so now you have 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:43.959 to and she's like, second shift it's the most important shift. Meanwhile, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:47.960 you're already depleted navigating taking on this job of like 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.320 raising and did you eat? And then someone said, oh, 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.200 you forgot about third shift if you're partnered, because you 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.280 know they want to hug and dinner and you good. 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:01.120 She was like, I I can't imagine first, second, and 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:03.440 third shift every single day. I'm not gonna lie. I 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.680 think one of the reasons why I delayed trying to 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.480 start a family is because I taught preschool for so 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:13.120 long and I could not imagine loving on the babies 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.399 as much as I did, and then somehow going home 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.680 and having anything left over. I can imagine it. 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:21.680 Yeah, I mean you're kind of describing like I know, 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.240 you said working moms. But my husband, you know, he 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.079 has to he has such a long day because he's 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:30.360 a communterer. He commutes to the city. And I think 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:34.160 that in the first years of parenthood it's and you know, 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.200 I put myself in the category too. We're pretty hard 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.080 on dads. Making fun of them. You know, they don't 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:42.920 do enough. And it's true because like, society has not 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.400 prepared a lot of these men to be an equal partner, 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:49.400 and it's up to us to beat it into them 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.440 so the next generation can be different. Congrats to anyone 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:57.240 who marries my boys, You're welcome. But anyway, but like, 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:59.400 but I have to sit and acknowledge, like, you know, 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:03.320 he gets such a short end of the stick. I'm 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.520 an entrepreneur, you know, I work at home. I could 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:08.160 take a quick nap if I need to. Enrique, he 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:14.080 gets up at five thirty two, and usually Rio, my oldest, 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:17.120 is sneaking into our bed around between one and three am. 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:20.160 And he doesn't just come in and snuggle up, and like, oh, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:21.640 I just want to be next to mommy and daddy. 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:27.039 He roasts my husband, like physically roasts him, like kicks him, 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.640 and it's only him, not me. He leaves me alone. 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:32.360 But I just hear them fighting like an old married 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.279 couple over the sheets, over the pillow because he wants 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.640 to have the same pillow. And then he's kicking daddy 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.640 and I'm like and and Regue is livid. But it's 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.520 a three year old. But he is such a little asshole. 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:48.159 Why can I say that? Yeah, And like in kicking 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:50.320 Enrique and he can't sleep and he's not feeling. We're 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:52.760 both like sharing a cold right now. So I know 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:54.880 at some point he went to the couch last night. 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:57.120 But when I woke up, when I got up to 0:04:57.400 --> 0:05:00.160 get him up because he wasn't hearing his alarm, he 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:01.520 was back in the bed, So I don't know what happened. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:04.479 They must have made up. But then he's got to 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.360 commute an hour and a half to Manhattan do that 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.400 work all day. He leaves at five thirty because he's 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:12.800 been doing like this overtime because you know whatever, things 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.640 are crazy, and then he'll get home six thirty seven, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.320 and then I'm like, hey, can you do you know? 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:17.800 Can you do this? 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:18.320 Da da dad? 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:23.200 You know? And then he handles bedtime for Rio and 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.320 maybe we talk to each other. We're like see yeah 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:29.160 at like nine o'clock, back to school time, back to 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.839 work time. For him, it's been really hard, like on 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:37.240 a relationship. I'm just looking at him sometimes and I'm like, you, like, 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:39.520 we married each other, you like you like me? Right? 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:42.360 You like think about me? He's like, but we're both 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:46.640 just in it, like you're just you know, and I 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:48.760 think so, I yeah, I just want to acknowledge that 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:53.039 he has got a really, really tough day and having 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:58.600 help is essential, you know, and having his parents finally, 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:05.160 but providing childcare, you know, has definitely helped. But yeah, 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:06.440 we're I. 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:09.960 Just did myself. The women like single moms, oh my god, 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:13.360 Like what does that even mean? What does it mean? 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:15.280 How does it mean? 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.440 Well? And if you like just not having to do 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.320 it alone, you know, it takes it really does. Find 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:22.599 your village, make your village. Yeah, these day and age, 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.240 you got to. I had to make my village. I 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:27.080 don't have a bunch of family near here, so that 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.520 has my neighbors. Like I've mentioned my neighbors before, but 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.240 Auntie Lynn down the street has come many a morning 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.200 to come watch the baby for me so I can take, 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.400 you know, my eldest to daycare, just because you know, 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:41.080 I didn't. I didn't get lucky with him being awake, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.600 he was zonked out. I didn't make come up, you know. 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:47.840 So my neighbors, family, friends, et cetera. There's just so much. 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:51.279 It's like you're talking about just the physical components, you know, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:53.640 and we've of course you talked about the financial components, 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:57.320 but there's like the emotional component. So I always feel 0:06:57.360 --> 0:06:59.960 so bad, like when I do something and I leave 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.760 the kids in a worse state than how my sister 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:04.680 found them, and I'm like, okay, by, So I'll give 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:08.040 you an example. I went to like this toy store 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:09.760 and like the kids. You know, every kid goes through 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.360 your dinosaur phase where they love dinosaurs. So I was 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:14.240 at the toy store and they had this big like 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:16.680 t rex. It was like as tall as me, and 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:18.440 it was like, you know, like making all the noises 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:19.880 or whatever. So I had my friend with me and 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.000 I told her, oh, record me walking up to it 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:24.240 and petting it. So I said it to my sister 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:25.760 so she could show the kids, like look at Auntie 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:28.960 edto taming the t rex. This is q it goes well. 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:33.040 So I can tell that Amelia Mimi, she is six, 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.239 must have my sister's phone. So I sent the video 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:37.880 and she she sent me a voice note because these 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.400 kids don't do everything. She calls me Auntie Otto because 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.200 my African name is Adoci. Auntie Otto, where are you? 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:45.480 What is that? And I was like, it's a dinosaur. 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.680 But not a real one, because she knows extinct and 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:51.200 live and everything. I said, what kind of dinosaur do 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:53.840 you think it is? She wrote back, t rex. That 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:56.120 sounded great. I'm like, yeah, Auntieodo did a cool thing. 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:58.560 I'm out here petting t rexes. Call my sisters just 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.440 for a chit chat. I had noise in the background. 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:02.960 A million and her are going back and forth because 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.320 she doesn't want to eat dinner, you know, like because 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.720 just why yeah, yes, and so I say, put me 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:11.840 on speaker. Why did I do this? I said, Mimi, 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:14.040 you know how you want to go see t Rex? 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.400 You know the only kids who eat dinner can go 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.560 see t Rex. Why did I say that? Mandy the 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:24.920 howl that that girl released, I mean, oh, all her is? 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.120 I mean, because she really didn't want to eat. 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:31.760 And then she and then but she did want to 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:35.160 see t Rex. So she was so upset. 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:38.440 I was like, so now, because she knows it's impossible, 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.079 she's never gonna eat, which means she's never gonna see 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:44.719 the t rex, which means her world is destroyed. I 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:48.839 why she being punished for not eating? I guess a 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:50.560 good auntie to motivate her to eat. 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:53.520 Karen was like, meanwhile, though you could tell seasoned mama 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:56.160 versus like a because you know, a new bee. It's like, 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:57.280 oh my god, what have you done? 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:57.440 Here? 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:58.200 Go care a girl? 0:08:58.679 --> 0:08:59.560 I was like, I'm so sorry. 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.160 Do you want to come by? She's a girl, should 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:04.439 be all right anyway. So it's like, but there's a 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:06.760 lot of noise in the background. She's like, that's my 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:07.600 dramatic child. 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:08.360 Uh huh. 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.959 You know, but I just I felt so terrible, and 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:15.720 I thought to myself, how do y'all manage it? Damn? Damn? 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.480 You know, the temper tantrums that are they happy? Are 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.400 they sad? Do they have friends at school? You know, like, 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.280 are they adjusted? Did they sleep well? Are they the 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:28.360 level of worry that comes with like having this little 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:31.000 person that you need to take care of. Shot you know, 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.240 I mean, no, for for real, it's just show up today. 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:37.240 Does that mean? You know, it's just be real, let's 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.320 be having one hundred Because that thought passes my mind 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:43.160 every day and I have to do my whole exercise like, oh, 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:45.800 it's a thought, it can't hurt me. It's a leaf 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.679 floating down a stream. Just go to Dunkin Donuts and 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.480 pretend that that thought didn't just like that's what they're 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:55.240 you know, So yeah, it's fucking hard. Actually, you know what, 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:57.720 I even go take a nap now that you've maybe 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:03.160 said I did it again, just like I'm sorry. I 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.320 don't want to nip slip on the on the podcast. 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:06.200 I'm almost sadden. 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.040 If you got to go to the video, you could 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:08.439 have caught that. 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.760 I'm just joking, did I It's not cute when they're 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:13.800 all gorged and you don't want to know what it 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:14.840 looks like after you pump. 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.040 It's not cute. But I just think that, like sometimes 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:20.480 when people talk about kids, they only it's not only 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.520 so much of it just surrounds like how much would 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.400 have cost me, which obviously a lot, but there are 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:29.920 other things to consider, you know, Like I think about that, like, 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:33.480 you know, as I've been dipping my baby tow into dating, 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:36.719 you know, like I'm going to be forty four, and 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:39.679 so that means the men in my range, the likelihood is, 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.760 I would say eighty to ninety percent of them are 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:44.880 going to have kids of different varying ages. And that's 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:46.760 what I found, which that doesn't bother me, because girl, 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:48.679 I'm about to be forty four, like even though you 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:52.120 have to Superman exactly, but also too like a lot 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:55.800 of them their kids are like in their twenties or 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:58.360 you know, like ten left and twelve or above. So 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.480 I've just been kind of asking mysel so how young 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:06.160 is too young? Like there's definitely been people who are like, Okay, 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:08.199 I've got like a two or three year old, and 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:11.000 I'm like, oh, that seems pretty fresh, and also too, 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:15.160 I just know how much energy you need to expend 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.640 for that, and not that I'm like, well I want 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.559 attention because it's not even that serious. It's really more 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:23.280 so like honestly, your focus needs to be there. So 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:26.599 I've just been navigating like what, you know, like what 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:29.280 how young? So I'll give you the dep of this 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:31.360 guy who's kind of like interested. Hopefully he doesn't listen. 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:35.920 Hey he's got like he did used the surrogate to 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:36.719 have a baby. 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:40.480 And checking the pump. Sorry, that's right, he used. 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:44.920 The surrogate to have a baby. And so his baby's 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.400 really young, like you know, but intentionally so, but also 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:50.760 very well off, has a nanny, you know. So then 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.679 it's like, oh, then it's different, is it? So you 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:55.199 know what I mean? So these are kind of things 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.079 that have just kind of come up where it's not 0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:00.880 just the financial component. There's also this emotional opponent because 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:02.760 if you have a chilli old that's really really young, 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.719 I've just been thinking like, well, I don't want to 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:07.959 take take away, you know. The preschool teacher in me 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:09.840 is like, I want you to focus on the baby, 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.319 and I have to worry about like me and like 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.000 what I, you know, would like to do. And I'm like, 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:16.680 if the baby's gonna need you, the baby has a cold, 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.360 the baby has pink, I do that, you know. So 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:20.840 that's that's just has come. 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.280 Up a lot. Foolish to not know that, not foolish, 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.040 but naive to not think of that. And I know 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:28.040 people give this show a lot of shit, as they 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.880 should because some of it is so just bad. But 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.079 I still watch It's the Sex and the City sequel 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:36.680 on HBO. I know, did you ever watch the original? 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:38.160 You're like not very into TV? I did. 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.079 I did watch the original, not not all the episodes, 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:41.800 but yeah, because I didn't have HBO who had money? 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:46.240 But right, yeah, so I use my sister as max account, 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.160 you know, because we all share and yeah, so her 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:53.920 and Aiden the main character Carrie and her just for 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.880 if you don't watch the show, because it was Hella 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.319 Hella White for you know, and it has tried to 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:03.800 change and some hilarious ways hilariously bad. Anyway, she gets 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:05.920 back with her former flame who and they're both in 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.319 their sixties or fifties now and he has like teenage 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:11.920 children and spoiler alert, spoiler alert if you have not 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:14.960 watched the season finale, just mute the next thirty seconds 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.520 he ends up. They end up breaking up, like and 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.880 basically like he's like, give me five years. I need 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.360 to be with my teenagers because his teenager like went 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.240 and crashed a car and you know, really needed him now. 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:29.520 And there was a really bad scene when Aidan was 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:31.640 crying in the car. It just was not really well acted. 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.679 But anyway, and so they end up breaking up and 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:36.679 he's like, just give me five years. I'll see you 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:40.079 in five years. It was so weird, but just to 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.720 your point, like that was, you know, that's a real 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:45.319 thing when you're there's real life, if they're caretaking for, 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:47.960 you know, a parent, you know, even. 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:50.840 It's just funny you say that. I'm like turn ten 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:52.480 in my noser, but I'm like, actually, someone actually did 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:54.719 say that to me. They live out of state, and 0:13:54.960 --> 0:13:58.280 they're like, you know, I won't be really free to 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:02.559 move back to jury for five years, so not like, hey, 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.080 wait for me for five years, Like we we can date, 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:09.199 but it's gonna look like long distance basically, well relatively 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:11.000 speak because they're not that far away. It's a few hours, 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:15.719 but still you know that's a consideration. But I'm like 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.920 child who was living with me anyway, So I'm like, 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:24.440 so I'm like, yeah, you're like great, but these are 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.280 things that come up with I'm like, oh yeah, just 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.160 a dating as like an adult adult adult. Not that 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.640 I wasn't dating as an adult before, but it's just 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:36.680 so different now because I found that like a lot 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:38.640 of guys are actually finding like guess in their forties. 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.680 They're like, I wanna I wanna settle down. I'm like, oh, 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:44.960 were you at twenty five, twenty where were you at 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:48.520 thirty two? The very own serious not everybody want to 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:50.360 get serious. And now that I'm like I'm actually like 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.680 just kind of like light, they're like, I don't want 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:53.080 to hear about that. 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:56.920 Raz yeah, it's crazy, like so that others could run. 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:01.520 Nobody wants to date light. Everybody was like, partner up 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:02.120 and then get married. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:04.960 You're like, yeah, where they were just biding their time 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.760 until you know, older single women came on the market 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.640 for whatever reason and did I want commitment or weren't 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:12.880 looking for like something serious. 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:14.720 But I feel like as soon as you want commitment, 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:16.680 they don't want commitment. But when you're like, I'm actually good, 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.520 They're like, but wait, I would like to I would 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.720 like some some commitment, please, more commitment, please? 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.560 Oh goodness. Well, I love that we're in such different, 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:30.600 you know, unique places in our like in our lives. 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:35.400 I could not be more what's the word that Bell 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:40.000 uses in the intro of Beauty and the Beast provincial. 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.840 I'm like, I am. I am so many women's like 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.040 nightmare just like kids and pumping on the podcast and 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:51.440 all this kind of stuff. I'm here to tell you 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:53.320 it's great. I have so much fun. I love my life. 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.520 But at the same time as not, I'll just love 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:56.880 that you're in a different place in your life. And 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:01.480 since you brought up dating, let's get it. And I 0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.200 feel like I deserve a treat because I just coump 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:07.760 five ounces, Bay Bay, this is too bottle. 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:09.800 You know what that means. 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:13.760 So give me a treat. How's your dating live, what's happening, 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:14.520 what's the latest? 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:16.960 Maybe maybe act like I don't be talking her behind 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.960 the scenes. She was like, how hasn't had. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:22.280 An update in a while. We always have to like 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:23.720 end the phone call because I'm like, save it for 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:24.400 the podcast. 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:32.560 Waw I I mean I started dating a little not 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:34.920 too long ago, you know, like at first I started 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:36.920 off on the apps and I was like, I told 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:38.800 you know, I told you all. I did a Black 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:40.600 People Meet, which I was like, all your uncles is 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.440 on there, follow them, and your daddy's talking about Hagar Hagarl, 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:48.600 Hey Hagarl, Like it's really bad, Like, well, I'll say 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.760 this Black people Meet, you know, like it's if you 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:58.760 want volume, go ahead all the way. I mean, the 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:02.680 volume is unmatched. I mean they're literally hundreds of message 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.440 I've never seen anything like it. And then you know, 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:08.200 I'm cute, but girl, it's if you want volume and 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:13.040 you need yourself esteem to be boosted up, just like 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.159 the But it's the men there, it's most of them. 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.919 It's just weird because one they don't know to take pictures. 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.600 I'm like, sir, why do you have a picture of 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.320 with a mask on our masks? Sir? Who are you 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:27.080 protecting yourself against? I'm like so many COVID pictures. I'm like, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:30.159 let's see your face, Jesus, I have the. 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.240 Grossest sick cough right now that I want to laugh 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:33.080 so hard. 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:37.480 But I mean, there's been a handful of people. There 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.119 was one guy, I'll tell you for example. He seemed normal. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:42.720 He actually was good looking. He was in his fifties, 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.040 which is typically a little older than But I was like, 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:46.520 and I feel like my range because I'm going to 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:48.399 be forty four, my range is like thirty eight at 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:50.840 the youngest, because thirty eight is like really young to me, 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:54.120 but depends up until maybe like fifty five fifty six. 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:56.680 I don't mind. I prefer older than younger for me 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.200 in the stage I am now, whereas before I felt 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.200 like I preferred like younger, closer. 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:02.680 To my age. Not quite still I got her group back. 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:05.960 No, yeah, I'm just honestly, because I feel like I'm 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.320 not I'm in thirty eight is really pushing it. You'd 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.359 have to be somebody special. I prefer, quite honestly, like 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:13.479 the youngest really ideally forty and me being forty three now, 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.280 you know, but like I could go to fifty fifty five, 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:19.800 fifty six, I much rather pushed upwards. So anyway, so 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:24.560 there's one guy, let's call him Bob. So Bob seemed great. 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:27.560 He used to play pro football. I was like, okay, 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:30.320 and you could tell he's great physique although he's in 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:34.359 his fifty still really great. Shame dad of an older child. 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:37.639 He's a teacher. I'm jad like, one child is off 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.920 to college, one child is like middle schoolish ages, you know, 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.399 seems like a great dad. Blah blah blah. We had 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:47.520 one conversation that was like mind blowing, such a great, awesome, 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:52.000 like really just like you know, like super smart. I mean, 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:53.680 like all the things you could talk about. I was like, wow, 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.320 I remember literally at one point I looked at the phone. 0:18:55.359 --> 0:19:00.480 I said, wow, yeah, spoke too soon. So I go 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.960 away on my trip. Bob is texting like, oh, I 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:06.440 hope you're saved d you know, like and then his 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:10.560 text get progressively for lack of a bread word, fresher, 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:15.159 Oh no. It started off with me being like, oh, 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:16.760 you know, like what are you guys doing today? Like, Oh, 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:19.080 we're gonna go and make chocolate at them. You know, 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:21.359 we're taking like a chocolate making class. I hope you 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:22.280 say some chocolate for me. 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:24.199 And I'm like, hmmm, I. 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:25.600 See where he's headed. But I was like, okay, I 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:29.120 let that slide, and then it just got progressively fresher 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.679