WEBVTT - Ep 358: To Date A Bus Driver Or Not?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, hey, hey, I'm back.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm black today, I'm about myself, but I'm still black

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<v Speaker 2>and brown ambition ambition and Bisha d ambition the ambition.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey hey, hey, ba fan, It's me Tiffany the Bundanista.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here by myself and the stew today because our

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<v Speaker 2>good friend Mandra has baby. Things are bruin. Depending on

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<v Speaker 2>when you listen to this. She had the baby, is

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<v Speaker 2>about to have the baby something something baby related. Actually,

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<v Speaker 2>just came back from Mandy's baby shower yesterday. It was

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<v Speaker 2>really cute she had in the park, so she's doing well.

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<v Speaker 2>But she kind of had an impromptu thing she had

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<v Speaker 2>to do baby related today, so y'all just get me

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<v Speaker 2>in the stew.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was like, well, I'm gonna rogue.

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<v Speaker 2>No.

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<v Speaker 1>I figured we would talk about two different things. Thing one.

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<v Speaker 2>First half of podcast today, we're gonna talk about money

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<v Speaker 2>and relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>Mmm.

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<v Speaker 2>I know y'all heard about the Ebony K. Williams and

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<v Speaker 2>Ayaan La von Zant's interview. We gonna talk about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna give you what I think and I want

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<v Speaker 2>to know what you think. Second half of today's podcast,

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<v Speaker 2>we're going to talk business.

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<v Speaker 1>So many of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Guys ask me the same questions about business, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and how I've been able to grow my business, and

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<v Speaker 2>so I figured, I give you a little peek behind

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<v Speaker 2>the curtain. How does that sound cute?

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<v Speaker 1>Great?

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<v Speaker 2>So let's get started. It feels weird not to say, hey, man,

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<v Speaker 2>jer your curls was pop it. I'm like, I have

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<v Speaker 2>to just be pop it on my own today. Can

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<v Speaker 2>we just get into if you're walking on YouTube, which

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<v Speaker 2>you ought to this like hot pink sweater that I'm wearing,

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<v Speaker 2>it's popp it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not okay.

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<v Speaker 2>So unless you've been living under a rock or all

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<v Speaker 2>social which is probably good for your mental health, you

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<v Speaker 2>probably heard about this interview. I guess it was an

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<v Speaker 2>interview with Ebony K. Williams, who's attorney. She also, I

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<v Speaker 2>think is the first black woman on the Real Housewives

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<v Speaker 2>of New York that you know, that franchise.

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<v Speaker 1>She also has, like I think she like hosts the show.

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<v Speaker 2>So Ebanie is very successful, beautiful black woman. And I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know if she was interviewing I'm Leanla on her show,

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<v Speaker 2>but they were talking about relationships and the gist I

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<v Speaker 2>watched the interview.

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<v Speaker 1>The gist that I got that ebony, I believe who

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<v Speaker 1>is forty?

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<v Speaker 2>But girl child, don't look a day over thirty two

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<v Speaker 2>because black don't want correct. So Ebanie was talking about

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<v Speaker 2>how she kind of told herself if by forty she

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<v Speaker 2>was not married and didn't have children, that she would

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<v Speaker 2>reconsider her dating criteria. And I don't know if every

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<v Speaker 2>Ebony has ever been married or had children, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>but that's what she was talking about. And so Ayanla

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<v Speaker 2>was like listening to her talk and share you know

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<v Speaker 2>that you know, she does design your partnership like so

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<v Speaker 2>many of us do, and there's nothing wrong with that,

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<v Speaker 2>just like it's nothing wrong with not desiring partnership, but

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<v Speaker 2>that she did desire partnership, and she wanted to kind

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<v Speaker 2>of rethink how she thought about the type.

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<v Speaker 1>Of men that she would be open to relationship with.

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<v Speaker 2>And so Ayana listened, and Ayana asked her the now

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<v Speaker 2>infamous question, would you date a bus driver? And Ebdey

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<v Speaker 2>looked surprised, as you know, you know, I think that

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<v Speaker 2>many people would be and Abdey said, she started stuttering

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit and she said does he own the bus?

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<v Speaker 2>And Ayana said, see that's the problem right there, that

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<v Speaker 2>you would not be open to dating a bus driver,

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<v Speaker 2>And basically the underlying sentiment is and that's why you

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<v Speaker 2>ain't got nobody. That was the under like sentiment. And

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<v Speaker 2>so I wanted to talk about that. I wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about dating and money and finances and what you

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<v Speaker 2>should consider or what you do you consider and what

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<v Speaker 2>I think and just like the dynamic of what happened

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<v Speaker 2>in that conversation and how it has divided the interwebs.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, there's some girlies and men who are like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, hey, black women, you know, you should be

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<v Speaker 2>open to dating whomever, whatever. And there's some girlies who

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<v Speaker 2>are like, I have my standards. I will not settle,

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<v Speaker 2>even if that means being alone, you know, if that's

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<v Speaker 2>my choice. And so I'm curious be a fan, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>if you want to tweet us at the BA pod

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<v Speaker 2>cast on Twitter or hit us up on you know,

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<v Speaker 2>ig Brown a Vision podcast, or me the Budgetnista on

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<v Speaker 2>Instagram and Twitter. I'm curious on your thoughts about what

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<v Speaker 2>you thought about one that question, because some of the

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<v Speaker 2>pushback that I saw that the women were saying were like,

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<v Speaker 2>why is it that black women get asked this question

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<v Speaker 2>that I do not see specifically American black women. I

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<v Speaker 2>do not see this question asked of Latino women. I

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<v Speaker 2>do not to this question asked of white women. Why

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<v Speaker 2>isn't that black women get asked this question? So and

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<v Speaker 2>so I'm going to give you my take, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just interested in what your take is. And here's here,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm one of the caveat here is you're grown, do

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<v Speaker 2>what you want to do. It's your ooh, you know what, Mandy,

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<v Speaker 2>girl about to go wrong?

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<v Speaker 1>Girl? You right here, I don't even have.

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<v Speaker 2>A person in the stew So we're about to just

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<v Speaker 2>do all straight budgeties to sound.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my prerogative. You do what you want to do.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my prerogative. And say what you want to say.

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<v Speaker 2>Name that artist. I'll give you two seconds. One two,

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<v Speaker 2>Bobby Brown. Some of y'all not somebody y'all too young,

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<v Speaker 2>y'all don't even know my prerogative prerogative meaning is your

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<v Speaker 2>business right?

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<v Speaker 1>So this is this is my belief.

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<v Speaker 2>My belief is, girl, do what you want to do,

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<v Speaker 2>with who you want to do it, as long as

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<v Speaker 2>it's consenting. Now, do I kind of have issue with

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like the question of would you date a

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<v Speaker 2>bus driver? I mean I guess I was trying to

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<v Speaker 2>see what Auntie Ianla was saying.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know that I have issue with it.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess it's a question that can be asked, and

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<v Speaker 2>certainly Ebony could have said, I prefer I think that

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<v Speaker 2>question is not one that I'm interested in answering. Certainly

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<v Speaker 2>she could draw that boundary. But I will say this

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<v Speaker 2>as someone who quote unquotem trying to figure out how

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<v Speaker 2>to say it, because I want to be respectful of

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<v Speaker 2>my late husband, Jerrelle Smith, as someone who married someone

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<v Speaker 2>who made significantly less and would be quote unquote the

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<v Speaker 2>bus driver in this situation.

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<v Speaker 1>I can see both sides.

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<v Speaker 2>I can understand why any woman, black or otherwise is

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<v Speaker 2>looking for a partner that makes as much as she

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<v Speaker 2>does and more. I can totally understand that because who

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<v Speaker 2>you marry dictates so much about your life. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I can understand a woman wanting a man that's going

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<v Speaker 2>to provide for her and the potential future family financially.

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<v Speaker 2>I can understand, you know, the safety and the security

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<v Speaker 2>that's desired from such a union.

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<v Speaker 1>I can understand all that you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I'm not saying that you should not have

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<v Speaker 2>some criteria about I want my person to make a

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<v Speaker 2>certain amount of money if that's what you need. So

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<v Speaker 2>when I was looking for partnership, I had a long list,

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<v Speaker 2>as many of us do. And first of all, I

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<v Speaker 2>had a friend who was like, she's good, but she's

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<v Speaker 2>an awesome friend. And I remember I was thirty four

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<v Speaker 2>and the Budgetessa was just trying to take off a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was making six figures a year. The business,

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<v Speaker 1>not Tiffany.

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<v Speaker 2>And I kind of looked around my life and then said,

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<v Speaker 2>the Budgetese has taken off, but I'm kind of coming

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<v Speaker 2>home to myself.

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<v Speaker 1>By myself. I was dating, but nothing serious, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I just remember thinking, I desire partnership, like and

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<v Speaker 2>by partnership, I want to get married.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to have some kids.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. Well I wasn't one hundred percent sure about

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<v Speaker 2>the kids, but I knew I wanted to get married.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to be at the very least in a committed,

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<v Speaker 2>loving relationship, supportive relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>So I made this.

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<v Speaker 2>Long list, and I was telling one of my friends

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<v Speaker 2>and she asked me what was on the list.

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<v Speaker 1>She was like a dating coach, and she said, Tiffany,

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<v Speaker 1>you not half this stuff. I said, ooh, the shade.

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<v Speaker 2>But she was right that like some of the things

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<v Speaker 2>I had on the list, I was not, and so

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<v Speaker 2>I worked on those things. So some of the things

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<v Speaker 2>like I wasn't all that patient, but I worked out

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<v Speaker 2>being more patient. I wanted a good communicator, and Lord knows, child,

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<v Speaker 2>I was not a good communicator. I came from a

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<v Speaker 2>Nigerian background where the communication was you do what I

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<v Speaker 2>say and you be quiet about it and put a

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<v Speaker 2>smile on your face.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was not a good communicator.

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<v Speaker 2>And so there were things on my list that was

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<v Speaker 2>like that good communication, kindness, integrity, thoughtfulness, supportiveness.

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<v Speaker 1>But I also had you know docs, the lawyer, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>multiple six figures. I had all these things on my list.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of the things I were and some of the

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<v Speaker 2>things I weren't, and some of the things that I

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't I started to work on being. And most of

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<v Speaker 2>those things that I wasn't were like internal work things.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. So I was like, okay, dually noted.

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<v Speaker 2>But then as I started to like really kind of

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<v Speaker 2>look through some of the guys that you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>dated in the past, one name kept coming up for

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<v Speaker 2>the things that actually meant the most, like for me,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the things that made the most And because

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<v Speaker 2>I'd dated Jerrell briefly in the past and at the

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<v Speaker 2>time he really wanted to get serious. But I was

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<v Speaker 2>literally just starting the budgeanista, and I was like, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't do both. The budgetista is my baby, so I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't do both. So it just didn't work out because

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't have the capacity to start this, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>budding relationship and then also this budding business and I

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<v Speaker 2>chose the business. And I'm not sad about choosing the business,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. So but as I was kind of thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about moving forward about dating again, I thought like Jarrell

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<v Speaker 2>kept coming up, like he was like super sweet, kind

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<v Speaker 2>and funny and supportive. But Terrell worked for Newark Housing

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<v Speaker 2>Authority at the time. It's maintenance and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I as a Nigerian girl with her masters and her

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<v Speaker 2>bachelor's and you know, parents who like want of the

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<v Speaker 2>world for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like, I don't know none.

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<v Speaker 2>I said enough, I'm being candid, and so we dated,

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<v Speaker 2>but I definitely had if I'm being candid, the first

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<v Speaker 2>year year and a half of dating Darrell, I had

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<v Speaker 2>one foot in, one foot out because I was waiting

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<v Speaker 2>on my lawyer, doctor, engineer, accountant, physicists something. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>I was kind of waiting on that, and Durell just

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<v Speaker 2>kept getting better and better. Like he was already super kind,

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<v Speaker 2>so supportive, but not just kind to me.

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<v Speaker 1>He was kind to everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>He used to feed the neighborhood.

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<v Speaker 2>Kids on Fridays with pizza Fridays, you know, like he

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<v Speaker 2>would like fix them their bikes. I mean they would

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<v Speaker 2>be knocking on our back door. After I eventually moved

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<v Speaker 2>in with him, you know, mister Darell said I could

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<v Speaker 2>get dinner, missus Darel said, y'all got cookies. Mister drama, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>mister draw is giving us giving away everything in this house,

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<v Speaker 2>but not just that, all the elderly people. He would

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<v Speaker 2>make his rounds because we used to live like where

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<v Speaker 2>we were. He worked for housing and like it was

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<v Speaker 2>this cute little like townhouse, and so he had to

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<v Speaker 2>live on campus basically, and so he would make his rounds.

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<v Speaker 1>That had nothing to do with his job.

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<v Speaker 2>There were just elderly people who lived alone, and he

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<v Speaker 2>would make his rounds. Make sure missus such and such

0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:34.640
<v Speaker 2>eight today, mister such and such, you know, his garbage

0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.679
<v Speaker 2>was taken down that was him, and I remember like

0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:38.720
<v Speaker 2>the pivotal.

0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.880
<v Speaker 1>Moment when I was still one foot in, one foot.

0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:42.600
<v Speaker 2>Out, like this is cute today, but girl, I don't

0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.880
<v Speaker 2>even know that's a lawyer such figures because drum may

0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.920
<v Speaker 2>never made over sixty thousand. I just remember that there

0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:53.640
<v Speaker 2>was this pivotal moment when I forget what happened. I

0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.640
<v Speaker 2>just remember the shift in me that there was something

0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:59.000
<v Speaker 2>that I had done that wasn't the best, you know,

0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.800
<v Speaker 2>like I can't remember or maybe I said something or whatever,

0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:05.720
<v Speaker 2>and like Jarrell was accepting of me as I was

0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:07.920
<v Speaker 2>in that moment, you know, like oh, you know what

0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.840
<v Speaker 2>it was. I think we had our first real argument,

0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:12.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I wasn't a great communicator. I'm the

0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.120
<v Speaker 2>type of that I'm gonna play some sad music, the

0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:18.280
<v Speaker 2>song back to back to back, I'm gonna walk around

0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.440
<v Speaker 2>mopen and I'm gonna ignore you, and I'm not going

0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.880
<v Speaker 2>to talk about it like an adult. I'm just gonna

0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:26.120
<v Speaker 2>be like, you should know how I'm feeling. And I

0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:28.400
<v Speaker 2>remember him coming up to me and being like it's

0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.520
<v Speaker 2>obviously you're upset. Do you want to talk about it?

0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.400
<v Speaker 2>And I was like no, and him walking me through

0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:35.679
<v Speaker 2>what it looked like to communicate like a grown person.

0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:40.920
<v Speaker 2>And I remember in that moment thinking, this man accepts

0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.000
<v Speaker 2>you as you are, with all the stuff that you

0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:47.440
<v Speaker 2>come with, bossiness, not able to communicate yet you know,

0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:51.200
<v Speaker 2>not in a way that's healthy, you know, and that's helpful,

0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:56.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, always working, just like I was acting like

0:12:56.760 --> 0:13:00.760
<v Speaker 2>I came with everything to the table and that he

0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.720
<v Speaker 2>was coming with nothing to the table, and that wasn't true.

0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:05.920
<v Speaker 2>And it was in that moment I thought, Wow, he

0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.080
<v Speaker 2>accepts you as you are, Tiffany, as imperfectly as you are.

0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.720
<v Speaker 2>And if you cannot accept him as he is, which

0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 2>is fine. If you're wanting doctor, lawyer, engineer, pharmacist, then

0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:17.559
<v Speaker 2>you ought to go sist and get you one of

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.720
<v Speaker 2>them and let somebody else get this good man. I

0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:24.560
<v Speaker 2>remember thinking that, like, if that's what you're wanting, go

0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:27.280
<v Speaker 2>get that and let somebody else have this amazing man.

0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:30.240
<v Speaker 2>Don't have him like you halfway in, halfway out. Either

0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:31.600
<v Speaker 2>be in or be out. I felt like a black

0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:33.160
<v Speaker 2>mama when it comes to the summer time. Is you

0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.079
<v Speaker 2>in or is you out? You let my cold air

0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:39.800
<v Speaker 2>out right, And so I remember that I was like Tiffany.

0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:41.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm in.

0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:45.679
<v Speaker 2>I love him, and of all the things that are

0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.800
<v Speaker 2>necessary for me, I was like, I wanted somebody who

0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:51.680
<v Speaker 2>is intrinsically kind, kind because they're kind, not just kind

0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.520
<v Speaker 2>of me because you love me, because one day I'm

0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:55.040
<v Speaker 2>gonna get on your nerves how you're gonna treat me.

0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.600
<v Speaker 2>I wanted somebody who is thoughtful and supportive because I

0:13:57.600 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 2>need to be one hundred percent myself. I was a

0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.360
<v Speaker 2>worker hard that time, and I knew I needed somebody

0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.240
<v Speaker 2>who was going to be supportive of the fact that, like,

0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:06.600
<v Speaker 2>I have this big, big, big dream because I had

0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.840
<v Speaker 2>boyfriends in the past that were not and I wanted

0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 2>somebody who was obviously like loyal and somebody who was

0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:16.559
<v Speaker 2>able to communicate because I wasn't the greatest at that

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:18.840
<v Speaker 2>I had a list of things that meant the most,

0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.200
<v Speaker 2>like need to have, and then I had some like

0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.920
<v Speaker 2>to have, and like to have was you know, six figures.

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 2>Derreal did not have his college degree, but college degree

0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:31.800
<v Speaker 2>there were certain things that if I really broke down

0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 2>that it was this. It wasn't things I did not want.

0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 2>These were things I'd like to have, but these need

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.520
<v Speaker 2>to have. He over indexed on those need to haves

0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 2>of how I needed my partner to show up for me.

0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:48.440
<v Speaker 2>He over indexed on those things, and I thought, is

0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:53.000
<v Speaker 2>it settling or is it compromising? I mean, now, like

0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.080
<v Speaker 2>fast forward now forty three years old, you know, with

0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.600
<v Speaker 2>him like for like ten years, I know absolutely I

0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:04.520
<v Speaker 2>did not settle. Was an amazing, amazing, amazing boyfriend and

0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.680
<v Speaker 2>even better husband. I didn't think have to get better.

0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:08.800
<v Speaker 2>After we got married, he turned it up a notch,

0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:14.040
<v Speaker 2>you know. And so so I'm not here to say,

0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.320
<v Speaker 2>you know what you ought to choose. But what I

0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:20.160
<v Speaker 2>am here to say is, if I'm being honest, a

0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 2>lot of those want to have doctor, lawyer, six figure

0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.880
<v Speaker 2>plus whatever weren't really my choices. Is what the people

0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:33.400
<v Speaker 2>gonna say, you know, the people, mama, daddy, sister, brother, cousin,

0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:37.400
<v Speaker 2>social media, friend circle, church, What the people gonna say?

0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:41.720
<v Speaker 2>And if I really looked at what Tiffany wanted and needed,

0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:46.040
<v Speaker 2>like that's what I got in Jirell, And certainly the

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.400
<v Speaker 2>people had things to say. My parents were not like, Yay,

0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.240
<v Speaker 2>you're marrying somebody who doesn't have a college degree.

0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:53.200
<v Speaker 1>It's not as making as much as you. They weren't.

0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:55.040
<v Speaker 1>They were not happy about it.

0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:59.200
<v Speaker 2>At first, and then they got to know Jerrealm and

0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:03.880
<v Speaker 2>then like because if you just knew him, honestly, there

0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:05.760
<v Speaker 2>are some people they're just too good for this earth.

0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.320
<v Speaker 2>And I'm not just watching poetic because he's not here.

0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.400
<v Speaker 2>Everybody like this is this is what if you meet

0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.360
<v Speaker 2>anybody that knows him or knew him. This is just

0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.840
<v Speaker 2>the like he wasn't just like he just was not

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:19.880
<v Speaker 2>like regular people. He just navigated from the space of

0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:22.880
<v Speaker 2>like service and giving acts of service was like his.

0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:24.520
<v Speaker 1>Number one love language.

0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.600
<v Speaker 2>I can remember, like my parents, like I said, you

0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:28.880
<v Speaker 2>know Nigerian, all of us have all my sisters and

0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.280
<v Speaker 2>I have our college degrees, three of us have our masters.

0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.680
<v Speaker 2>One of my sisters is married to a doctor, and

0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:38.360
<v Speaker 2>so like I just they were just you know, they

0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.160
<v Speaker 2>were disappointed quote unquote in me, and I can understand why.

0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.480
<v Speaker 2>And when I first introduced him to Jirell, my parents

0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:45.880
<v Speaker 2>were like, okay, you know, they were nice enough.

0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 1>They called me back to the house the next day

0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:50.760
<v Speaker 1>and we're like, what is going on.

0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:52.960
<v Speaker 2>He seemed like a nice guy, but girl, now plus

0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:54.880
<v Speaker 2>two two, Jirell had a daughter, which I was like,

0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:55.520
<v Speaker 2>oh my god.

0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.000
<v Speaker 1>My dad was like, what have we done wrong? Where

0:16:58.040 --> 0:16:59.160
<v Speaker 1>do we go wrong? With Tiffany?

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.600
<v Speaker 2>And I can under that, although I was mad because

0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.560
<v Speaker 2>I felt like they weren't as warm to him as

0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.440
<v Speaker 2>they were to like my doctor brother in law. And

0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.600
<v Speaker 2>over time, Jarrell won them over. And I remember because

0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 2>he see it was on some old you better than me,

0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:16.840
<v Speaker 2>That's what I told Drew. I said, we ain't got

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:18.639
<v Speaker 2>to go back to my parents' house. You better than me.

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.240
<v Speaker 2>They're not gonna treat me different. And when black people

0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.240
<v Speaker 2>say you better than me, they indeed me and you

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:28.640
<v Speaker 2>are not better than me here. But Jirell was determined

0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.920
<v Speaker 2>to win them over. And I remember being like why

0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.280
<v Speaker 2>and he said, Tiffany, I understand I have a daughter too,

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:36.879
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, wait what. I remember when he

0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.399
<v Speaker 2>told me that, because I was like, I'm so sorry

0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:41.600
<v Speaker 2>my parents are you're not you know, they're cordial, but

0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:44.600
<v Speaker 2>they're not as nice to you. And he was like, Tiffany,

0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:46.920
<v Speaker 2>I have a daughter too. I know what it looks

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.320
<v Speaker 2>like on the outside. I know what your dad sees

0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:51.000
<v Speaker 2>when he sees me, and I get it. I want

0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:53.880
<v Speaker 2>my daughter to be with the best possible and I'm

0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:56.040
<v Speaker 2>gonna show them that, like you know that. I am

0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:58.000
<v Speaker 2>going to look after their daughter. I am going to

0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:01.400
<v Speaker 2>be here and pour into her and love on her, you.

0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:02.680
<v Speaker 1>Know, and he did.

0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:04.920
<v Speaker 2>I remember the first time they kind of clicked to them,

0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:09.000
<v Speaker 2>like one of my friends Linda, something happened in her house,

0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:10.000
<v Speaker 2>like Jarrell's super.

0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:11.440
<v Speaker 1>Handy, that's what he did for work.

0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:15.200
<v Speaker 2>And Linda's mother, my Auntie Esther, is really good friends

0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:16.600
<v Speaker 2>with my mother. They have like they're in the same

0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:21.000
<v Speaker 2>prayer group, the same like friend group. And Linda used

0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:23.040
<v Speaker 2>to call Jarell brother Darrell, and he would call her

0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.600
<v Speaker 2>sister Linda. They just became really good friends because Linda's

0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:26.119
<v Speaker 2>my best friend.

0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.040
<v Speaker 1>And she called him one day it was like brother drug,

0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:30.760
<v Speaker 1>something happened in the house, can you fix it? So

0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:31.360
<v Speaker 1>he came by.

0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.119
<v Speaker 2>Of course, once you get to fixing one thing, he

0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.880
<v Speaker 2>ended up been there for hours fixing the whole damn house.

0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:41.359
<v Speaker 2>And my Auntie Esther was like, because Jirell's just like

0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:45.000
<v Speaker 2>he always is kind and generous with his time and

0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:48.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, didn't charge them anything. She told my mother

0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:52.560
<v Speaker 2>about like h Tiffany's quote unquote friend. It's so nice.

0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:54.560
<v Speaker 2>He came here, he fixed all the see, he was

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:58.280
<v Speaker 2>so sweet. He was sold this so kind, so generous

0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:01.359
<v Speaker 2>with his energy and time and knowledge. And then something

0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.640
<v Speaker 2>happened in my parents' house. They had a flood and

0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.479
<v Speaker 2>the basement like it needed all new, like carpet had

0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:10.360
<v Speaker 2>to be ripped out, and so Jirell came and did

0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:15.240
<v Speaker 2>it himself and then repainted their basement. I still have

0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:17.480
<v Speaker 2>pictures of us in the basement. He was like, we

0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:20.440
<v Speaker 2>could just do it, Tiffany. I was like, we used

0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.439
<v Speaker 2>to be French. But there I was in the basement,

0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:27.960
<v Speaker 2>painting in the basement, and my mom was so thankful

0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.320
<v Speaker 2>for that. And that was kind of like the start

0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:33.719
<v Speaker 2>when they realized that, like, yo, we are misjudging this person.

0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.480
<v Speaker 2>And there would be times like, if I'm being candid,

0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:38.640
<v Speaker 2>I didn't talk to my parents all.

0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:40.399
<v Speaker 1>The time on the phone, like it's just I don't know.

0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:42.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I called them every once in a while,

0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:44.159
<v Speaker 2>but I would walk in the house and Jerred be

0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:46.600
<v Speaker 2>laughing on the floor and I'm like, who are you

0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:46.960
<v Speaker 2>talking to?

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.520
<v Speaker 1>He was like your dad. I'm like my dad. He

0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:51.960
<v Speaker 1>would call my dad and I'm regularly more than me

0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:54.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like wait what.

0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:57.800
<v Speaker 2>And so I just say all that to say that

0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.040
<v Speaker 2>had I not really looked at what the and I need,

0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:03.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, versus what the people are gonna say, I

0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:07.040
<v Speaker 2>would have missed out on this amazing, amazing, amazing human being.

0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:09.480
<v Speaker 2>So I am not here to say that you ought

0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.360
<v Speaker 2>not to need someone who makes a certain amount of money,

0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:14.280
<v Speaker 2>because you might need that that's on your needs list.

0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:14.959
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:17.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm not here to say that you ought to date

0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:19.680
<v Speaker 2>the bus driver or not. I don't know, girl, that's

0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:22.080
<v Speaker 2>your business. But what I am here to say is

0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:26.640
<v Speaker 2>to make sure those are your choices that you are deciding,

0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:28.840
<v Speaker 2>not the people what the people gonna say, because the

0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:31.399
<v Speaker 2>people gonna say, we'll keep you without an amazing partner,

0:20:31.760 --> 0:20:34.760
<v Speaker 2>without an amazing life, without the babies that you seek

0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:38.240
<v Speaker 2>so bad, Like what do you actually need in your partnership?

0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:39.040
<v Speaker 1>For me?

0:20:39.560 --> 0:20:41.800
<v Speaker 2>I knew that I was gonna over index on earning

0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:44.560
<v Speaker 2>and I have, so I knew that although it would

0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:47.000
<v Speaker 2>be nice, the truth of the matter is even now,

0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:49.639
<v Speaker 2>like considering dating now, you know, like I'm considering like

0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:51.960
<v Speaker 2>what that's going to look like now that Darrelle's not here.

0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:54.600
<v Speaker 2>It's been almost two years since he passed away, and

0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.399
<v Speaker 2>I've just been considering, like what do I need? What

0:20:57.560 --> 0:20:59.840
<v Speaker 2>kind of you know, like because when Jerrol met met me,

0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:02.440
<v Speaker 2>I was still teaching preschool and so that was a

0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:03.280
<v Speaker 2>different dynamic.

0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:04.880
<v Speaker 1>So now I'm like, well, what kind of man.

0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 2>I know, I don't necessarily need a man that's gonna

0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:10.439
<v Speaker 2>make a ton of money because I already make a

0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:12.160
<v Speaker 2>ton of money. I bring home seven figures a year,

0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:15.000
<v Speaker 2>and not in business. I'm talking about Tiffany. So even

0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:16.880
<v Speaker 2>if you make one hundred two hundred thousand, that don't

0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:18.520
<v Speaker 2>move the needle for me. I could bring that home

0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:21.439
<v Speaker 2>in a month, if I'm being candid, you know. And

0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:24.880
<v Speaker 2>so I don't, you know, I'm still wrapping my mind

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:28.320
<v Speaker 2>around you know, it's a different I'm a different person

0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.879
<v Speaker 2>now in what I'm needing, and I have not wrapped

0:21:30.880 --> 0:21:33.840
<v Speaker 2>in my mind around if I do want partnership again

0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:37.240
<v Speaker 2>one and then two what I need in my partner,

0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:40.359
<v Speaker 2>because what I needed then when I got with Jarell

0:21:40.520 --> 0:21:43.359
<v Speaker 2>is not what I need now. And so I'm just

0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:46.080
<v Speaker 2>considering what that is and not what the people gonna say,

0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:49.760
<v Speaker 2>you know. And so that's just that's my take on it,

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:51.760
<v Speaker 2>is that I don't think there's anything wrong with dating

0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:54.199
<v Speaker 2>the bus driver, even if you're an attorney or doctor whatever.

0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:58.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't think there's anything wrong with saying I want

0:21:58.200 --> 0:22:00.359
<v Speaker 2>someone to make a certain amount of money, you know,

0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:02.479
<v Speaker 2>I don't think it's wrong to say I don't need that,

0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:05.199
<v Speaker 2>I need this instead. I think the only way that

0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:08.760
<v Speaker 2>you can make a misstep is not deciding for yourself.

0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:15.040
<v Speaker 2>For yourself, what does that look like? You know? I

0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:19.439
<v Speaker 2>would love your take, Sissy Pooh's Brianna mission family, you know,

0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:21.480
<v Speaker 2>and the brothers here too, I'd love your take.

0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:22.359
<v Speaker 1>What do you think? You know?

0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:24.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm glad of the choices that I made. I would

0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:27.040
<v Speaker 2>not have chosen anything else. Even if I knew that

0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:29.399
<v Speaker 2>Jarrow was not going to be here, I would have

0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:33.080
<v Speaker 2>still chosen him ten times over because to experience.

0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:34.040
<v Speaker 1>What it is to be love well.

0:22:34.800 --> 0:22:37.520
<v Speaker 2>Man, I can't even tell you I was loved so

0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:40.119
<v Speaker 2>well that even now, two years later after him not

0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:44.160
<v Speaker 2>being here, I still feel his love. His love has

0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 2>reached into the future and it still holds me down.

0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:49.880
<v Speaker 2>And so to be loved well, I don't want. I'm

0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:52.240
<v Speaker 2>so glad I didn't miss out on that, because what

0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:54.840
<v Speaker 2>the people are going to say, you know what I mean? Like,

0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:57.160
<v Speaker 2>I was loved well. He taught me how to communicate.

0:22:57.840 --> 0:23:00.520
<v Speaker 2>He taught me like how to like and in my

0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:04.480
<v Speaker 2>own like, I was like not really good at setting boundaries,

0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:07.399
<v Speaker 2>Like I was loved so well. My sister lived with

0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:09.359
<v Speaker 2>us for two years and she was like, to live

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.800
<v Speaker 2>with you. And Jerel was really a masterclass in relationships.

0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:14.560
<v Speaker 2>She was like, you guys didn't even argue.

0:23:14.600 --> 0:23:16.719
<v Speaker 1>We didn't. Like in the beginning, we did, and then

0:23:16.760 --> 0:23:17.199
<v Speaker 1>we used to.

0:23:17.359 --> 0:23:19.879
<v Speaker 2>We would sit down and talk about, like, let's create

0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:21.520
<v Speaker 2>rules of disagreement.

0:23:22.320 --> 0:23:24.400
<v Speaker 1>No yelling, no cursing.

0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:26.720
<v Speaker 2>No, not that we cursed at each other, but like

0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 2>it was like, let's we decided early on and we

0:23:29.320 --> 0:23:33.000
<v Speaker 2>created these a safe word that once the conversation went

0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:35.000
<v Speaker 2>from helpful to harmful, you know, when you're in a

0:23:35.000 --> 0:23:36.879
<v Speaker 2>disagreement all of a sudden, now you're like, well, we're

0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:39.880
<v Speaker 2>talking crazy. Now. We had a safe word, which means

0:23:40.119 --> 0:23:43.600
<v Speaker 2>go to your corner, didn't be quiet, whether you got

0:23:43.600 --> 0:23:46.199
<v Speaker 2>to take a drive, go upstairs, go downstairs. And the

0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:48.920
<v Speaker 2>safe word for us was pineapples, and that just meant

0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:51.360
<v Speaker 2>like one once my neck got to roll and I'm like, well,

0:23:51.400 --> 0:23:54.000
<v Speaker 2>first of all, he would say pineapples, and I'm.

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:55.880
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh, you got me.

0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:58.560
<v Speaker 2>With that damn bite apples, because it meant Tiffany, you're

0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:00.919
<v Speaker 2>about to say something crazy, or you say something crazy

0:24:00.920 --> 0:24:04.359
<v Speaker 2>that you have to apologize for, shut it, walk away.

0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:05.240
<v Speaker 1>Same thing with him.

0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:07.119
<v Speaker 2>If I felt like he was about to get angry

0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:10.800
<v Speaker 2>and say something that I thought was hurtful, pineapples, and

0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:14.280
<v Speaker 2>we had to respect pineapples. And so those are like

0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:17.760
<v Speaker 2>because of that, we got so good. In the beginning,

0:24:17.800 --> 0:24:19.479
<v Speaker 2>we would be saying pineapples all the time, and then

0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:22.560
<v Speaker 2>we got so good at knowing when something was going

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:25.719
<v Speaker 2>to go left that you would literally self pineapple. So

0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:28.240
<v Speaker 2>like if I was gearing up in my head to

0:24:28.359 --> 0:24:30.879
<v Speaker 2>like dig into his behind because he was wrong about something,

0:24:31.080 --> 0:24:33.240
<v Speaker 2>I would literally hear pineapples in my own head before

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:34.280
<v Speaker 2>he said it, to.

0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:39.399
<v Speaker 1>Be like, Tiffany, you try to hurt your person, why

0:24:39.960 --> 0:24:41.479
<v Speaker 1>so you could be right girl.

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 2>So after a while we didn't even get to the

0:24:44.040 --> 0:24:47.560
<v Speaker 2>occasion of argument. It would just be like, you know what, Ben,

0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:49.919
<v Speaker 2>I love you, so it's not even as serious.

0:24:50.000 --> 0:24:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Let's just drop it. You know.

0:24:51.640 --> 0:24:54.480
<v Speaker 2>We didn't raise voices like in the very very beginning.

0:24:54.480 --> 0:24:56.760
<v Speaker 2>We had to learn because certainly they were yelling in

0:24:56.840 --> 0:24:58.760
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of the first two months because I'm like, wait,

0:24:58.800 --> 0:25:00.800
<v Speaker 2>this is not how I want this to go. You know,

0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:04.240
<v Speaker 2>we talked about finances openly. Jirell's biggest thing was always

0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:05.960
<v Speaker 2>I want to be able to pay the bills even

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:08.800
<v Speaker 2>if you're not here. So I we sat down and

0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:11.040
<v Speaker 2>looked at our finances in a way, like I said,

0:25:11.160 --> 0:25:13.720
<v Speaker 2>I know, I want a nice house, but the money

0:25:13.720 --> 0:25:17.280
<v Speaker 2>that you bring in can't necessarily afford a mortgage of

0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:18.680
<v Speaker 2>the kind of house that I want.

0:25:18.880 --> 0:25:20.320
<v Speaker 1>And so we saved and saved and saved.

0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:23.119
<v Speaker 2>So our thing was his money paid the bills, and

0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:26.119
<v Speaker 2>my money we saved it invested, you know, after we

0:25:26.160 --> 0:25:29.200
<v Speaker 2>got married, that's what we did. And then so because

0:25:29.200 --> 0:25:31.280
<v Speaker 2>we saved and invested the money that you know, the

0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:34.080
<v Speaker 2>Budgetiza was making and he paid the regular bills, which

0:25:34.080 --> 0:25:36.600
<v Speaker 2>meant I could save and invest even more, we were

0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:38.760
<v Speaker 2>able to purchase the house that I'm in now as

0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:39.520
<v Speaker 2>a foreclosure.

0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:41.920
<v Speaker 1>You know. It was I think it was at.

0:25:41.800 --> 0:25:43.520
<v Speaker 2>A time like three point fifty and we got it

0:25:43.560 --> 0:25:46.200
<v Speaker 2>for one eighty. But I had to pay that cash,

0:25:46.280 --> 0:25:48.119
<v Speaker 2>you know, and then we renovated a cash with us

0:25:48.160 --> 0:25:51.080
<v Speaker 2>savings and investing. So as a result, there was no mortgage,

0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:54.320
<v Speaker 2>which men that we can continue to afford the lifestyle

0:25:54.359 --> 0:25:57.000
<v Speaker 2>that he could pay all the bills. And because it

0:25:57.080 --> 0:25:58.960
<v Speaker 2>wasn't a mortgage to pay. Same thing with the cars

0:25:59.000 --> 0:26:02.560
<v Speaker 2>that we drove, we saved up and purchased them cash.

0:26:02.600 --> 0:26:02.800
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:26:02.840 --> 0:26:07.199
<v Speaker 2>They were certified pre owned cars. Use cars, girl, you know,

0:26:07.280 --> 0:26:10.160
<v Speaker 2>but really nice, like two or three years old and same.

0:26:10.280 --> 0:26:13.159
<v Speaker 2>So we didn't have a car note. So I was

0:26:13.200 --> 0:26:15.639
<v Speaker 2>able to structure our life in a way that the

0:26:15.640 --> 0:26:17.600
<v Speaker 2>money that he brought home could pay bills. Well, I

0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:20.480
<v Speaker 2>could still live the life that I wanted. And so

0:26:20.520 --> 0:26:23.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm just sharing all these things that like it's not easy,

0:26:23.680 --> 0:26:25.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, like if you decide that you are going

0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:29.879
<v Speaker 2>to navigate with someone who's mixed less than you, but

0:26:29.960 --> 0:26:33.480
<v Speaker 2>it's not impossible. And if you have your need to have,

0:26:33.560 --> 0:26:36.000
<v Speaker 2>you could work around the want to have. That's just

0:26:36.119 --> 0:26:39.680
<v Speaker 2>my perspective because when I tell you, I was as

0:26:39.680 --> 0:26:41.840
<v Speaker 2>stressed out as business and stuff made me. I was

0:26:41.920 --> 0:26:45.760
<v Speaker 2>wildly happy at home, wildly happy at home. He was

0:26:45.840 --> 0:26:48.800
<v Speaker 2>just such a good man, And like the loss is

0:26:48.840 --> 0:26:51.760
<v Speaker 2>so great because he was such a good man. I'm

0:26:51.840 --> 0:26:54.520
<v Speaker 2>so glad I did not miss out on him. I

0:26:54.520 --> 0:26:56.000
<v Speaker 2>don't care for how short of a period of time

0:26:56.000 --> 0:26:58.120
<v Speaker 2>I had him, so glad I didn't miss out.

0:26:58.880 --> 0:26:59.920
<v Speaker 1>Well, hope that was helpful.

0:27:00.200 --> 0:27:04.680
<v Speaker 2>Gonna take a quick break, pay some bills, and when

0:27:04.680 --> 0:27:07.600
<v Speaker 2>we come back, we're gonna talk about business, baby, because

0:27:07.680 --> 0:27:09.639
<v Speaker 2>y'all can't be asking me about business and I'm like, child,

0:27:10.240 --> 0:27:12.800
<v Speaker 2>let me answer some of your most most Well, I'm

0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:16.359
<v Speaker 2>just gonna teach a quick business lesson. Okay, Gay, be

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:23.320
<v Speaker 2>back in a moment, and we're back and blacker.

0:27:24.600 --> 0:27:25.040
<v Speaker 1>Ah.

0:27:25.280 --> 0:27:28.040
<v Speaker 2>So hopefully you listened to the first part of this

0:27:28.119 --> 0:27:30.920
<v Speaker 2>podcast when we talked about money and relationships.

0:27:31.280 --> 0:27:33.600
<v Speaker 1>Let's dig into some business. I don't know if you know,

0:27:33.680 --> 0:27:35.439
<v Speaker 1>but I'm a man tool or whatever.

0:27:36.040 --> 0:27:38.680
<v Speaker 2>Like literally I have huh, I don't know, child, maybe

0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:41.880
<v Speaker 2>like ten in person mentees that trek to Newark sometimes.

0:27:41.920 --> 0:27:43.639
<v Speaker 2>Literally I have like a mentee walk that I do.

0:27:43.640 --> 0:27:49.840
<v Speaker 2>There's there's this park like in another town where I

0:27:50.000 --> 0:27:51.800
<v Speaker 2>have like this really great lake. It's maybe like a

0:27:51.840 --> 0:27:54.240
<v Speaker 2>mile and a half or maybe two miles, like you

0:27:54.280 --> 0:27:56.560
<v Speaker 2>could walk like the trail around the lake and it's

0:27:56.640 --> 0:27:59.000
<v Speaker 2>really easy trail to walk and it's cute and then

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:01.200
<v Speaker 2>there's a really cute bat house restaurant next to it.

0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:03.760
<v Speaker 2>So anyway, whenever one of my mentees comes to see me,

0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.280
<v Speaker 2>we do like a mentee walking session, and then we'll

0:28:06.280 --> 0:28:08.879
<v Speaker 2>have like lunch at the boat house. And so I

0:28:08.960 --> 0:28:11.800
<v Speaker 2>just have mentees, especially women, that I pour into when

0:28:11.840 --> 0:28:14.399
<v Speaker 2>it comes to their finances, not their finances, when it

0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:17.160
<v Speaker 2>comes to their businesses, and they ask me all manner

0:28:17.240 --> 0:28:22.000
<v Speaker 2>of questions. But I also also awesome mentor digitally because

0:28:22.080 --> 0:28:24.480
<v Speaker 2>I cannot possibly mentor everybody who wants me to mentor them,

0:28:25.240 --> 0:28:27.760
<v Speaker 2>and so one of the ways I mentor digitally is

0:28:27.800 --> 0:28:32.359
<v Speaker 2>I have an online mentorship program via Patreon called my

0:28:32.840 --> 0:28:37.080
<v Speaker 2>Mentor Tiffany dot com. Right now, it's ten bucks a month,

0:28:37.440 --> 0:28:41.920
<v Speaker 2>and I teach a live lesson every single month, and

0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:44.680
<v Speaker 2>then right now, weekly the mentees meet up and work

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:46.840
<v Speaker 2>on their goals together, and I teach a lesson every month,

0:28:46.880 --> 0:28:49.240
<v Speaker 2>and then every Thursday, I give a resource or tool

0:28:49.680 --> 0:28:51.960
<v Speaker 2>to help you on your journey. So you get a

0:28:51.960 --> 0:28:54.200
<v Speaker 2>live lesson a month for me. Right now, they're meeting

0:28:54.200 --> 0:28:56.800
<v Speaker 2>weekly to work on their goals, and then every Thursday

0:28:56.800 --> 0:28:59.440
<v Speaker 2>I give you a resource or tool. So it's good

0:28:59.440 --> 0:29:01.400
<v Speaker 2>over the air for had bucks a month. Yeah, So

0:29:01.440 --> 0:29:04.760
<v Speaker 2>if you're interested, My Mentor Tiffany dot com. All right,

0:29:04.800 --> 0:29:10.000
<v Speaker 2>so let's get into like one of the biggest things, like.

0:29:08.800 --> 0:29:10.080
<v Speaker 1>Like what does it look like?

0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:13.000
<v Speaker 2>So one of the best things that you can do,

0:29:13.160 --> 0:29:16.080
<v Speaker 2>for like, if you're thinking about starting a business, you

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:19.200
<v Speaker 2>have a business, not sure if you want a business,

0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:22.000
<v Speaker 2>but one of the best things that you can do

0:29:22.280 --> 0:29:25.760
<v Speaker 2>is to establish yourself as an expert. So whether it's

0:29:25.840 --> 0:29:29.640
<v Speaker 2>you yourself personally or your brand, like you know, maybe

0:29:29.640 --> 0:29:33.320
<v Speaker 2>you make cookies, you know, or maybe like, so, how

0:29:33.360 --> 0:29:36.520
<v Speaker 2>do you position yourself as like the go to in

0:29:36.520 --> 0:29:38.600
<v Speaker 2>the space? So what I mean expert? I mean the

0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:40.360
<v Speaker 2>go to? So like, how are you the go to

0:29:40.440 --> 0:29:42.080
<v Speaker 2>chocolate chip cookie in the space? And maybe if it's

0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:44.680
<v Speaker 2>a if it's a product, or how are you an

0:29:44.680 --> 0:29:47.360
<v Speaker 2>expert on all things sneakers you know? Or how are

0:29:47.400 --> 0:29:51.440
<v Speaker 2>you expert like me personal finance. Now, one of the

0:29:51.440 --> 0:29:54.320
<v Speaker 2>reasons why establish yourself as an expert is so useful.

0:29:54.560 --> 0:29:57.320
<v Speaker 2>It's such a great marketing tool because when you establish

0:29:57.320 --> 0:30:01.360
<v Speaker 2>yourself as an expert, people listen, learn, love and trust you,

0:30:01.680 --> 0:30:03.680
<v Speaker 2>and then they look to you for solution and guess

0:30:03.680 --> 0:30:04.600
<v Speaker 2>what your solution.

0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Is my business?

0:30:06.400 --> 0:30:08.600
<v Speaker 2>You know. So there's a business that does this really

0:30:08.640 --> 0:30:12.240
<v Speaker 2>well called BLACKI Lotti's I think it's called blackallttis right,

0:30:12.280 --> 0:30:14.080
<v Speaker 2>it's just like super dope. I think her name is

0:30:14.120 --> 0:30:17.360
<v Speaker 2>Casey Asian lady. Hey Casey, please forgive me Casey. Your

0:30:17.400 --> 0:30:21.360
<v Speaker 2>name is not Casey. But I was introduced to block

0:30:21.360 --> 0:30:23.160
<v Speaker 2>A Lottis because I got one of her sweatshirts and

0:30:23.160 --> 0:30:25.360
<v Speaker 2>I love it. It's this cozy sweatshirt. And I got

0:30:25.400 --> 0:30:29.560
<v Speaker 2>it because I saw her post on social media, like

0:30:29.600 --> 0:30:34.040
<v Speaker 2>on YouTube, a YouTube clip where she talked about that.

0:30:34.240 --> 0:30:38.479
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't just here's my cute sweatshirt. She said, if

0:30:38.520 --> 0:30:40.640
<v Speaker 2>you're anything like me, you're tired of these sweatshirts that

0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:42.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm mostly made for guys, because she makes women's like

0:30:42.840 --> 0:30:45.440
<v Speaker 2>exercise clothes, right, And this is like she showed like

0:30:45.480 --> 0:30:47.480
<v Speaker 2>a video of like how a guy like a guy

0:30:47.560 --> 0:30:50.280
<v Speaker 2>sweatshirt laid on the ground, how it's laid out, and

0:30:50.320 --> 0:30:52.400
<v Speaker 2>she was like, the shoulders are up here, the waist

0:30:52.480 --> 0:30:53.600
<v Speaker 2>is here, blah blah blah blah.

0:30:53.640 --> 0:30:54.920
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, I never thought about that coach

0:30:54.920 --> 0:30:55.720
<v Speaker 1>who thinks about them?

0:30:56.240 --> 0:30:59.640
<v Speaker 2>And she said, I realized that, like women want something cozier,

0:30:59.680 --> 0:31:02.080
<v Speaker 2>So I dropped the seam on the shoulders here. I

0:31:02.200 --> 0:31:05.760
<v Speaker 2>cropped it here. I gave some extra room here, bigger pockets.

0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:09.640
<v Speaker 2>So she was walking us through here's what you're used to,

0:31:09.880 --> 0:31:14.560
<v Speaker 2>here's better expertise. Because if she just said, isn't this

0:31:14.600 --> 0:31:16.480
<v Speaker 2>a cute sweatshirt? I wouldn't even know why it's cute.

0:31:16.480 --> 0:31:19.360
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, oh, okay. But once she showed the difference,

0:31:19.480 --> 0:31:21.360
<v Speaker 2>I bought and then like the material that she used,

0:31:21.360 --> 0:31:23.880
<v Speaker 2>that's different. I bought the sweatshirt, and she was right,

0:31:23.960 --> 0:31:27.640
<v Speaker 2>it is the coziest, Like it makes you look so cute.

0:31:28.080 --> 0:31:29.520
<v Speaker 2>You look like what you think you look like when

0:31:29.520 --> 0:31:31.760
<v Speaker 2>you were wearing your boyfriend'swet shirt. That's not how you look.

0:31:31.960 --> 0:31:33.680
<v Speaker 2>This sweat sure looks like what you think you look like.

0:31:33.760 --> 0:31:36.880
<v Speaker 2>It is so cute that, like I remember, I went

0:31:36.920 --> 0:31:39.840
<v Speaker 2>to my sisters and I went to go see Usher

0:31:39.880 --> 0:31:42.640
<v Speaker 2>in Vegas, and like I wore in the airport and

0:31:42.680 --> 0:31:44.440
<v Speaker 2>my sisters were like, girl, Because you know, I'm not

0:31:44.440 --> 0:31:46.520
<v Speaker 2>the fashion niecea sister. They always playing me, talk about

0:31:46.520 --> 0:31:50.480
<v Speaker 2>I can't dress whatever, hate us, right, But they were like, girl,

0:31:50.640 --> 0:31:52.480
<v Speaker 2>this sweetshirt is hey, where do.

0:31:52.480 --> 0:31:53.680
<v Speaker 1>You get this from?

0:31:53.920 --> 0:31:56.160
<v Speaker 2>And as a result, like you know, my sister Tracy

0:31:56.200 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 2>into buying herself one.

0:31:58.000 --> 0:32:00.600
<v Speaker 1>But I remember thinking how gus is that?

0:32:00.920 --> 0:32:03.680
<v Speaker 2>And if you follow block A Lottis, it is so

0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:07.080
<v Speaker 2>genius because she will show you so now she has,

0:32:07.120 --> 0:32:11.560
<v Speaker 2>like exercise pants, Here's how exercise pants are normally done.

0:32:11.680 --> 0:32:15.120
<v Speaker 2>Here's what's wrong with this design. Here's how I've edited

0:32:15.120 --> 0:32:18.480
<v Speaker 2>this design. Go ahead and get them pants. That is genius.

0:32:18.680 --> 0:32:21.200
<v Speaker 2>And so if you are thinking to yourself, I want

0:32:21.240 --> 0:32:25.320
<v Speaker 2>to you know, be an expert, you know, or I

0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:27.800
<v Speaker 2>want to start a business. I have a service or

0:32:27.800 --> 0:32:31.200
<v Speaker 2>a product or whatever, Like, showing your expertise is one

0:32:31.200 --> 0:32:33.080
<v Speaker 2>of the best ways to do so because in doing

0:32:33.120 --> 0:32:35.520
<v Speaker 2>so you can you can sell anything on the background.

0:32:35.600 --> 0:32:35.800
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:32:36.000 --> 0:32:38.560
<v Speaker 2>An expert, you know, just for clarity, is someone who

0:32:38.640 --> 0:32:42.600
<v Speaker 2>has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge or skill in a

0:32:42.640 --> 0:32:43.480
<v Speaker 2>particular area.

0:32:43.760 --> 0:32:45.880
<v Speaker 1>Right. So it's important one that you know your stuff.

0:32:46.240 --> 0:32:48.440
<v Speaker 2>You have to identify like what you know more than

0:32:48.480 --> 0:32:51.920
<v Speaker 2>most right, So that means you're gonna have to keep learning.

0:32:53.080 --> 0:32:54.720
<v Speaker 2>And when it comes to expert I want you to

0:32:54.720 --> 0:32:58.160
<v Speaker 2>think a tree business versus a bush business. Most people,

0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:01.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, when they're trying to illustrate their expertise, they

0:33:01.360 --> 0:33:04.400
<v Speaker 2>doing like I could cook, I could clean, I could

0:33:04.400 --> 0:33:06.840
<v Speaker 2>do hair, I sew closed that's too much.

0:33:06.840 --> 0:33:07.680
<v Speaker 1>That's a busch business.

0:33:08.360 --> 0:33:10.760
<v Speaker 2>A bush business is when you have too many branches

0:33:10.760 --> 0:33:13.000
<v Speaker 2>and they explode at the same time and your growth

0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:16.680
<v Speaker 2>is stunted. A tree business or tree expertise is when

0:33:16.720 --> 0:33:20.320
<v Speaker 2>you have one core trunk. I think Casey started with, like, yo,

0:33:20.920 --> 0:33:24.160
<v Speaker 2>I make these sweatshirts, one core trunk that she got

0:33:24.200 --> 0:33:26.320
<v Speaker 2>really good at, built trust that, and then once she

0:33:26.400 --> 0:33:28.360
<v Speaker 2>did that, she started to branch out.

0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:30.320
<v Speaker 1>Now she has protein powder and target.

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:33.120
<v Speaker 2>She's got equipment because she could do the branches now

0:33:33.160 --> 0:33:36.800
<v Speaker 2>because the trunk of that one sweatshirt and she built

0:33:36.840 --> 0:33:40.320
<v Speaker 2>it over years, that trust that, that loved, that connection

0:33:40.880 --> 0:33:43.200
<v Speaker 2>with her audience that she was able to branch out.

0:33:43.240 --> 0:33:45.880
<v Speaker 2>So just think tree business versus bush business. Don't be

0:33:45.920 --> 0:33:49.000
<v Speaker 2>afraid to volunteer in order to practice your expertise too.

0:33:49.280 --> 0:33:50.080
<v Speaker 1>So let's just say for.

0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:52.120
<v Speaker 2>Me, when I did personal finance, you know, as a

0:33:52.120 --> 0:33:55.880
<v Speaker 2>budgeanisa as, I was like honing my expertise. I did

0:33:55.880 --> 0:33:57.840
<v Speaker 2>a lot of churches and things for free. I did

0:33:57.840 --> 0:33:59.600
<v Speaker 2>a lot of one on ones with friends because I

0:33:59.640 --> 0:34:03.040
<v Speaker 2>was honing my expertise skill to know does this actually work?

0:34:03.440 --> 0:34:06.080
<v Speaker 2>Do I know how to articulate it? You know, admit

0:34:06.200 --> 0:34:08.600
<v Speaker 2>that you don't know something and redirect when you do

0:34:08.640 --> 0:34:11.120
<v Speaker 2>when you're building your expertise. Right, So step in step one,

0:34:11.120 --> 0:34:13.759
<v Speaker 2>we're talking about knowing your stuff, you know, because it

0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:16.000
<v Speaker 2>is really important that, like I don't know all the

0:34:16.040 --> 0:34:18.600
<v Speaker 2>things and that's okay. I might say, well, I'm not

0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:21.600
<v Speaker 2>to invest in Lista, go to trade and travel with Terrium.

0:34:22.280 --> 0:34:24.880
<v Speaker 2>Go to trade you're nine to five with Tila, you know,

0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:28.319
<v Speaker 2>it's okay. You can also get a certificate or a

0:34:28.360 --> 0:34:30.640
<v Speaker 2>degree that can be helpful, not always, but it can

0:34:30.680 --> 0:34:33.040
<v Speaker 2>be helpful. So we're talking about, like how do you

0:34:33.120 --> 0:34:34.760
<v Speaker 2>establish yourself as an expert, which.

0:34:34.640 --> 0:34:37.719
<v Speaker 1>Is one of the best ways best foundations.

0:34:37.160 --> 0:34:39.839
<v Speaker 2>You can build when you're building your business because it's

0:34:39.880 --> 0:34:41.799
<v Speaker 2>always comes down to why should we listen to you?

0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:45.200
<v Speaker 2>So now, so step one is know your stuff. Step

0:34:45.200 --> 0:34:47.440
<v Speaker 2>two really is show your stuff in order to be

0:34:47.480 --> 0:34:49.080
<v Speaker 2>an expert. It's not enough for you to know a

0:34:49.120 --> 0:34:52.440
<v Speaker 2>thing you know. I also want you to show people

0:34:52.520 --> 0:34:55.319
<v Speaker 2>that you know a thing get pressed. One of the

0:34:55.360 --> 0:34:57.040
<v Speaker 2>things I used to do when I first started the

0:34:57.040 --> 0:34:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Bunch Ofista before I had a publicist was visit this

0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:05.240
<v Speaker 2>way website called help a Reporter Out, Help a reporter

0:35:05.320 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 2>out harrow and all these reporters from all around the

0:35:07.960 --> 0:35:12.759
<v Speaker 2>country are looking to quote people for articles New York Times,

0:35:12.760 --> 0:35:16.279
<v Speaker 2>Wall Street Journal insiders, sometimes smaller blogs and things, and

0:35:16.360 --> 0:35:18.920
<v Speaker 2>so help a reporter out is a great way so

0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:20.959
<v Speaker 2>you can get your name in the press to say,

0:35:21.120 --> 0:35:21.600
<v Speaker 2>look at me.

0:35:21.760 --> 0:35:24.000
<v Speaker 1>I am an expert. And so I like to go

0:35:24.040 --> 0:35:25.080
<v Speaker 1>to help a reporter out.

0:35:25.360 --> 0:35:27.239
<v Speaker 2>Don't use your regular email because they're going to get

0:35:27.239 --> 0:35:29.040
<v Speaker 2>sent you emails like three times a day, and you're

0:35:29.040 --> 0:35:31.080
<v Speaker 2>gonna get annoyed. So use your junk email that you

0:35:31.080 --> 0:35:34.920
<v Speaker 2>can look at. Help a reporter out daily. I like

0:35:34.960 --> 0:35:37.520
<v Speaker 2>to answer emails first thing in the morning because reporters

0:35:37.640 --> 0:35:41.560
<v Speaker 2>by midday have already been flooded with responses. So like

0:35:41.600 --> 0:35:43.640
<v Speaker 2>I like to look in the morning, answer it before

0:35:43.719 --> 0:35:45.880
<v Speaker 2>like ten am, Like, hey, my name is Tiffany.

0:35:46.719 --> 0:35:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Here's my quote.

0:35:48.320 --> 0:35:51.560
<v Speaker 2>You know, if you need more, share your phone number.

0:35:51.560 --> 0:35:53.080
<v Speaker 2>I can't tell you how many times a reporter has

0:35:53.120 --> 0:35:55.719
<v Speaker 2>called me, you know, like maybe the if it's called

0:35:55.719 --> 0:35:59.080
<v Speaker 2>the query, the query says looking to interview a woman

0:35:59.239 --> 0:36:02.120
<v Speaker 2>about why women don't save enough. And I'll say, hi,

0:36:02.640 --> 0:36:04.600
<v Speaker 2>my name is Ti Cheryl, my name is Tiffany.

0:36:05.040 --> 0:36:05.920
<v Speaker 1>I believe women.

0:36:05.760 --> 0:36:08.359
<v Speaker 2>Don't save enough because you know they're tasked with being

0:36:08.360 --> 0:36:09.800
<v Speaker 2>the caretakers of their family.

0:36:10.000 --> 0:36:13.240
<v Speaker 1>Blah blah blah blah. You know, hope this is helpful.

0:36:13.480 --> 0:36:18.480
<v Speaker 2>Please attribute me as this Tiffany Alice, founder of the Budganista,

0:36:18.920 --> 0:36:21.680
<v Speaker 2>New York Times bestselling author Get Good with Money. Get

0:36:21.719 --> 0:36:24.520
<v Speaker 2>your attribution how you want them to attribute, And then

0:36:24.560 --> 0:36:26.760
<v Speaker 2>I might put a note. If this is a digital article,

0:36:26.760 --> 0:36:28.879
<v Speaker 2>please link back to my site. You want that link

0:36:28.920 --> 0:36:31.800
<v Speaker 2>back the Budganista dot com because that link back is

0:36:31.840 --> 0:36:35.040
<v Speaker 2>going to grow your site's expertise in the i of Google.

0:36:35.800 --> 0:36:37.680
<v Speaker 1>And then you know, like live.

0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Rit erre, that's my sign off instead of sincerely the

0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:43.520
<v Speaker 2>liveature Tiffany. And then I put my cell phone number

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:46.520
<v Speaker 2>underneath my name because sometimes they have a follow up

0:36:46.600 --> 0:36:48.200
<v Speaker 2>question and they can easily.

0:36:48.320 --> 0:36:49.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, they're like, I have a deadline ten minutes.

0:36:50.000 --> 0:36:53.160
<v Speaker 1>Real quick question, Tiffany. Okay, I just dropped some jewels

0:36:53.200 --> 0:36:56.160
<v Speaker 1>on you right. Also to show your stuff to become.

0:36:55.920 --> 0:36:59.399
<v Speaker 2>An expert, get yourself on some podcasts. There's this great

0:36:59.400 --> 0:37:02.839
<v Speaker 2>website chartable Chartable you can see some of the top

0:37:02.840 --> 0:37:08.560
<v Speaker 2>one hundred podcasts in any area. Parenting, cooking, teaching, business finance.

0:37:08.920 --> 0:37:11.440
<v Speaker 2>You can see those podcasts and pitch them. Podcasts are

0:37:11.440 --> 0:37:14.160
<v Speaker 2>a great way to grow your expertise. Starting a blog

0:37:14.280 --> 0:37:16.040
<v Speaker 2>is a great way to grow your expertise, so people

0:37:16.080 --> 0:37:19.800
<v Speaker 2>see you as an expert. Certainly your social media obviously

0:37:19.880 --> 0:37:24.240
<v Speaker 2>you want to show your expertise there, your post going live,

0:37:24.680 --> 0:37:29.080
<v Speaker 2>posting educational content. You want to be trustworthy and genuine.

0:37:29.400 --> 0:37:31.880
<v Speaker 2>You want to protect your reputation as you're showing your stuff.

0:37:32.000 --> 0:37:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:37:32.520 --> 0:37:35.359
<v Speaker 2>Something else that helps to build expertise is like share

0:37:35.400 --> 0:37:36.240
<v Speaker 2>your origin story.

0:37:36.280 --> 0:37:37.680
<v Speaker 1>How did you get here? I used to be a

0:37:37.719 --> 0:37:38.839
<v Speaker 1>preschool teacher.

0:37:39.120 --> 0:37:42.200
<v Speaker 2>And I learned financial education at home. Like that origin

0:37:42.239 --> 0:37:44.240
<v Speaker 2>story helps people to see you as an expert.

0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:37:46.000 --> 0:37:49.120
<v Speaker 2>Step three is to just market market market market, always

0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:53.760
<v Speaker 2>be marketing. Update your social media bios, considering, consider making

0:37:53.760 --> 0:37:56.040
<v Speaker 2>sure that all your names on your social accounts are

0:37:56.040 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 2>the same.

0:37:56.840 --> 0:37:59.960
<v Speaker 1>The budget needs to across the board. But also rename yourself.

0:38:00.520 --> 0:38:04.880
<v Speaker 2>So I call myself America's favorite financial educator.

0:38:05.680 --> 0:38:06.960
<v Speaker 1>Who's that? I made that up?

0:38:07.000 --> 0:38:08.799
<v Speaker 2>So when but when the people have you on their

0:38:09.120 --> 0:38:12.319
<v Speaker 2>on their podcasts or on their television or whatever, they

0:38:12.360 --> 0:38:14.840
<v Speaker 2>call me that people will call you what you call yourself,

0:38:15.080 --> 0:38:17.719
<v Speaker 2>Like Muhammad Ali said greatest of all time. He made

0:38:17.760 --> 0:38:20.080
<v Speaker 2>that up and so people started to call him that.

0:38:20.480 --> 0:38:22.880
<v Speaker 2>So what you know, like, what is your America's favorite

0:38:22.920 --> 0:38:25.520
<v Speaker 2>greatest of all time? Like earn your Leisure calls themselves

0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:28.360
<v Speaker 2>the biggest ever. Who said earn your Leader is the

0:38:28.360 --> 0:38:30.280
<v Speaker 2>biggest ever. I don't know if that's true, but guess

0:38:30.280 --> 0:38:32.719
<v Speaker 2>what they've tagged themselves that And when they went on

0:38:32.719 --> 0:38:35.279
<v Speaker 2>today's show, guess what Holda said today, we have earned

0:38:35.280 --> 0:38:38.799
<v Speaker 2>your Leisure the biggest ever in personal finance, girl, you know,

0:38:38.960 --> 0:38:43.080
<v Speaker 2>so rename yourself. You know, plug your business in each interview,

0:38:43.120 --> 0:38:46.840
<v Speaker 2>every time you're in an interview or podcast, whatever, a

0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:50.920
<v Speaker 2>blog post. Plug your business every single time. Ideally your

0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:52.719
<v Speaker 2>business and the link that people can go back to.

0:38:53.440 --> 0:38:57.600
<v Speaker 2>Step four, Be consistent. Someone is always watching, so consistently

0:38:57.640 --> 0:39:00.640
<v Speaker 2>bringing value to your audience, whether you're know you collect

0:39:00.680 --> 0:39:02.759
<v Speaker 2>their emails and you send them like a weekly or

0:39:02.800 --> 0:39:07.560
<v Speaker 2>a monthly newsletter, you're posting regularly on social You want

0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:11.400
<v Speaker 2>to be consistent and you want to offer timely solutions

0:39:11.880 --> 0:39:14.880
<v Speaker 2>like earlier in the podcast today and you know, we

0:39:14.920 --> 0:39:17.239
<v Speaker 2>talked about something that just hit social media. You know,

0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:19.799
<v Speaker 2>people like to see when something happens that they can

0:39:19.800 --> 0:39:22.239
<v Speaker 2>rely on you. I don't care if it's cookies, you know,

0:39:22.520 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 2>like you know, if you're like if I was going

0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:26.960
<v Speaker 2>to offer a timely solution to cookies and people are

0:39:27.000 --> 0:39:29.719
<v Speaker 2>all about Keto. Now, how do you make keto cookies?

0:39:30.000 --> 0:39:32.440
<v Speaker 2>All these kids have nut allergies? Right, how do you

0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:34.680
<v Speaker 2>make cookies safe for the classroom?

0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:38.040
<v Speaker 1>You see what I mean? So you want to bring value.

0:39:37.880 --> 0:39:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Educational value, ideally to your audience and make them timely.

0:39:42.160 --> 0:39:45.200
<v Speaker 1>And that's but not least. You want to build an audience.

0:39:45.520 --> 0:39:47.360
<v Speaker 2>People want to ask, how did I build my business

0:39:47.400 --> 0:39:50.040
<v Speaker 2>to an eight figure business? Right? Because we've made over

0:39:51.480 --> 0:39:54.719
<v Speaker 2>approaching forty million dollars in the last fifteen years of business, right,

0:39:55.480 --> 0:39:58.360
<v Speaker 2>and how how Hell? One of the ways is that

0:39:58.400 --> 0:40:01.680
<v Speaker 2>we have an amazing community. You have to build an audience,

0:40:02.160 --> 0:40:05.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, like start with an email list, Like I

0:40:05.360 --> 0:40:08.000
<v Speaker 2>like to give away free resources in exchange for people's

0:40:08.040 --> 0:40:09.759
<v Speaker 2>emails so I can keep in contact with you.

0:40:10.360 --> 0:40:12.680
<v Speaker 1>Like there are apps not apps?

0:40:12.719 --> 0:40:14.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I guess it's an app like that you can

0:40:14.640 --> 0:40:18.839
<v Speaker 2>collect phone numbers called smartphone. It's a smartphone. Don't get

0:40:18.880 --> 0:40:22.560
<v Speaker 2>me the line superphone. That's what I use. Because what

0:40:22.640 --> 0:40:25.040
<v Speaker 2>I like about phone is that although it's a little

0:40:25.080 --> 0:40:28.200
<v Speaker 2>more expensive than email to navigate, the open rate meaning

0:40:28.600 --> 0:40:30.959
<v Speaker 2>the amount of people that open your text is about

0:40:30.960 --> 0:40:33.880
<v Speaker 2>eighty percent to email, maybe sixty percent if you're lucky.

0:40:34.360 --> 0:40:39.080
<v Speaker 2>You know, so collect phone numbers, create appointments for connection.

0:40:39.560 --> 0:40:41.759
<v Speaker 2>So if I was just starting out now, then I

0:40:41.760 --> 0:40:44.880
<v Speaker 2>would be going live every Wednesday at four. So people

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:46.399
<v Speaker 2>just know, like you have kind of like this must

0:40:46.400 --> 0:40:48.719
<v Speaker 2>see TV build an audience. It is probably one of

0:40:48.760 --> 0:40:51.560
<v Speaker 2>the most important things you can do to establish your expertise,

0:40:51.680 --> 0:40:55.839
<v Speaker 2>right so speaking teaching. You know what's so great about

0:40:56.520 --> 0:40:58.279
<v Speaker 2>once you create your expertise is that you can really

0:40:58.280 --> 0:41:02.120
<v Speaker 2>start to monetize it by speaking, by teaching, by selling

0:41:02.120 --> 0:41:05.880
<v Speaker 2>your products through affiliates, through joint ventures, like you partner

0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:08.920
<v Speaker 2>with someone else. You can create products and services related

0:41:08.920 --> 0:41:11.759
<v Speaker 2>to your community's problems because you connect with them regularly.

0:41:12.239 --> 0:41:13.919
<v Speaker 2>You know, you could be a spokesperson, do a brand

0:41:13.920 --> 0:41:17.520
<v Speaker 2>ambassador work okay, and so, like I'm just saying, like,

0:41:17.640 --> 0:41:21.359
<v Speaker 2>right now, help a reporter out, me, help a putter out.

0:41:21.640 --> 0:41:26.040
<v Speaker 2>Creating expertise before you start business or why you're starting

0:41:26.040 --> 0:41:28.160
<v Speaker 2>your business, or even if you're well into it is

0:41:28.200 --> 0:41:31.080
<v Speaker 2>one of the best ways to ensure that you will

0:41:31.080 --> 0:41:34.200
<v Speaker 2>be here. It's been fifteen years for me, and one

0:41:34.280 --> 0:41:37.040
<v Speaker 2>of the reasons why I'm still here is because I'm constantly,

0:41:37.080 --> 0:41:40.040
<v Speaker 2>constantly working on being an expert in my space, establishing

0:41:40.040 --> 0:41:43.080
<v Speaker 2>that expertise and just asserting that over and over and over,

0:41:43.160 --> 0:41:45.200
<v Speaker 2>and so it's allowed me to pivot in business. I mean,

0:41:45.360 --> 0:41:49.000
<v Speaker 2>I've written children's book of a children's book. I've sell published books.

0:41:49.080 --> 0:41:50.719
<v Speaker 2>You know, y'all know I got gegger of money, two

0:41:50.800 --> 0:41:54.120
<v Speaker 2>hundred and fifty thousand copies sold. I have an online school,

0:41:54.239 --> 0:41:57.799
<v Speaker 2>the Literature Academy. Because of my expertise, I can do

0:41:57.840 --> 0:41:59.560
<v Speaker 2>the budget these to ten different ways. We have the

0:41:59.560 --> 0:42:02.680
<v Speaker 2>possible podcast Brian Ambition. Do you see what expertise allows

0:42:02.680 --> 0:42:05.480
<v Speaker 2>you to do? It allows you to spread beyond your

0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:09.720
<v Speaker 2>initial offering and to offer different things to the same people,

0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:12.600
<v Speaker 2>and they're grateful for it because they want your expertise

0:42:12.600 --> 0:42:16.200
<v Speaker 2>in multiple ways. So hopefully that was helpful that, Like

0:42:16.200 --> 0:42:17.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, some of you guys are always asking me,

0:42:17.480 --> 0:42:18.040
<v Speaker 2>how do I start?

0:42:18.080 --> 0:42:18.760
<v Speaker 1>How do I start?

0:42:19.040 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 2>That's a free way to start, because you don't have

0:42:20.640 --> 0:42:23.080
<v Speaker 2>to pay any money to start establishing your expertise.

0:42:23.400 --> 0:42:24.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, with those five ways that.

0:42:24.600 --> 0:42:27.879
<v Speaker 2>I showed you if you found value in that, which

0:42:27.880 --> 0:42:29.600
<v Speaker 2>I know you did, and you're like, I want you

0:42:29.680 --> 0:42:32.200
<v Speaker 2>to mentor me, miss Tiffany, Miss Stefany, Miss Tiffany. I

0:42:32.200 --> 0:42:35.680
<v Speaker 2>cannot take on any more walking mentees. But you are

0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:39.359
<v Speaker 2>welcome to join our Patreon. There's like, I don't know,

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:42.279
<v Speaker 2>fifteen hundred people in there. You're welcome to join us

0:42:42.280 --> 0:42:47.719
<v Speaker 2>there at my mentor tiffany dot com. Like I said,

0:42:47.719 --> 0:42:49.520
<v Speaker 2>it's just ten bucks a month, although I think next

0:42:49.560 --> 0:42:51.680
<v Speaker 2>month is going up to twenty, but we grandfather the

0:42:51.719 --> 0:42:53.480
<v Speaker 2>people in. I'll let you know when it goes up

0:42:53.480 --> 0:42:57.360
<v Speaker 2>before it goes up. But yeah, and so hopefully that

0:42:57.400 --> 0:43:00.360
<v Speaker 2>was helpful today. We talked about money, we talked about

0:43:00.440 --> 0:43:04.480
<v Speaker 2>business talk, a little relationship talk.

0:43:04.640 --> 0:43:06.960
<v Speaker 1>It was cute today. How do you like it?

0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:08.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, because we're gonna be having guests. You know,

0:43:08.920 --> 0:43:11.480
<v Speaker 2>Mandy's having her baby and she's gonna be out for

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<v Speaker 2>a while. So I will certainly have guests in the

0:43:13.680 --> 0:43:15.680
<v Speaker 2>studio many days, but.

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<v Speaker 1>Some days it'll just be us chatting bout.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you liked it, you know, send me a tweet,

0:43:19.440 --> 0:43:22.160
<v Speaker 2>send me a message on ig the Budgetista on both

0:43:22.200 --> 0:43:24.640
<v Speaker 2>places and let me know how you felt about today,

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<v Speaker 2>You have any questions until next time, ba Fam. Oh

0:43:28.480 --> 0:43:30.440
<v Speaker 2>on Friday, We're gonna see you on baq Wad. That's

0:43:30.440 --> 0:43:34.000
<v Speaker 2>gonna be me too, Me too, all right, love y'all.

0:43:33.760 --> 0:43:37.239
<v Speaker 1>Bye, hey, ba Fam. We could not do this show

0:43:37.280 --> 0:43:40.320
<v Speaker 1>without your support or the support of our team behind

0:43:40.320 --> 0:43:43.840
<v Speaker 1>the scenes. The brown Envision podcast is produced by Imani

0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:47.240
<v Speaker 1>Crosby and Dennis and Plinsky is our in house tech guru.

0:43:47.760 --> 0:43:50.359
<v Speaker 1>I am your co host Mandy Woodrif Santos, and we

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<v Speaker 1>will see y'all next week, ba Fam.