1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: What's up everybody, Hi, it's been a few days. Welcome 3 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: back to Jay dot Ilga podcast. It's me Joe Scott 4 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: and I'm here with my friends Lah st Clair. How 5 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,319 Speaker 1: many of us have them? Oh Ada graydon dance? Look 6 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 1: what about your friends? Yeah, I don't know, she said, 7 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:43,240 Speaker 1: be Hona, Yeah, yeah, it's to this day it bugs 8 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: me out how they sold so many records that had 9 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: so many souls out tours and ended up, you know, 10 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: not making money. Yeah, just talking about t l C. 11 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: You know, three famous friends. Just just listen to that song, like, 12 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: I know so many people sing that song like I 13 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,759 Speaker 1: know I did, I still do. Those those songs are classic. 14 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls like that's good ship, big biggest 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,759 Speaker 1: song probably in the history of music, is up there 16 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 1: with the big biggest songs ever. So yeah, I mean 17 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: it's always it's always kind of wild how that happens. 18 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: But you know, we know this business, we know how 19 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: it works, we know how the artists end up on 20 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,759 Speaker 1: that that bottom part of the totem pole. And they 21 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: really just came out of the time period where you know, 22 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: if you weren't the songwriter, the producer or the label. Yeah, 23 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:42,679 Speaker 1: can shame on you, shameful you. Yeah. Look, today we 24 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: are actually gonna be talking about when friendships go left. 25 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: You know, you think you've got something good with someone, 26 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: like you've been completely vulnerable and honest and even laughed 27 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 1: a lot. You know, we shared some real deep ship, 28 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: like you know, and all of a sudden, the friendship 29 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: just dissipates and you can feel it, you can see it, 30 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 1: you can damn near smell it and taste it, but 31 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: you can't quite put your finger on what it is. 32 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 1: I know that's happened to me a couple of times 33 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: in this life where I'm like, what happened? What's going on? 34 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: And my mom would say things like, well, did you 35 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: do anything? And I'm like, not that I know of, 36 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: Like if I don't know, it's an entire because it 37 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: has you like in a spiral. You're like in a spiral, 38 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: like did I do something? What I do? What did 39 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: I say? What? What happened? I have been there. I 40 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: had a situation some many many years ago. This is 41 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 1: like the first time that's ever happened to me, And 42 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: to this day, like we just never really addressed it. 43 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 1: And and it's funny because we're friends with a lot 44 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: of the same people and we just have not addressed 45 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: it has been twenty four years. It wasn't worth it then, right, 46 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 1: Like I mean, at the end of the day, if 47 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: you neither one went to try to save it, attempted 48 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: to save it, wasn't really uh. I think I tried 49 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:18,399 Speaker 1: to save it once and I don't know what happened. 50 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 1: Like I mean, at the at the end of the day, 51 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: I had I was a new mom, and so I 52 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: was really trying to navigate a lot of big changes 53 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: in my life. And so there's a possibility and and 54 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: I mean, I can only own up to this because 55 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,639 Speaker 1: it has been the one friendship in my life that's 56 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: ended that still kind of haunts me to this day. 57 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: Like I've gotten to the point now in my life 58 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: where I've experienced the end of a friendship and I'm 59 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: actually fine with it. But this is one that ended 60 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: when I was quite young, and I still don't really 61 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: know what was the deal. And it did haunt me 62 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: for a while because I kept thinking like, well, did 63 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: I just not put enough time and energy into it? 64 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: But did I have that time and energy you know, 65 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: my life was changing at the time. And some years 66 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: later we d m on Facebook and I mentioned I'm 67 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,119 Speaker 1: just not sure why we're not friends anymore or why 68 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 1: we don't talk, and she just never responded wow, And 69 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: I was like wow, And it's funny because, like I said, 70 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: to this day, we're still friends with the same people 71 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: and we really just we exist in the same space, 72 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 1: but we just do not talk. Did you find your 73 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: help thinking more about why it happened? Then? Damn I 74 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 1: miss it. I spent more time saying why did it happen? 75 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: Because I did a mind job on me trying to 76 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: figure out like was I wrong and my bad person? 77 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: It was I did I do something that I shouldn't 78 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: have done? And in my doing that still because for 79 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: a long time I felt like and it really made 80 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: me look at my other friendships because I was like, 81 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: well and my selfish, did I'm not give enough? And 82 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: I think I overdid it in friendships with other people 83 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: in the following years because I was afraid that it 84 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: would happen to me again and it was just really 85 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: kind of trauma to eies and to be honest, because 86 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: this was like, I mean, I won't get into too 87 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: many details. I don't know who listens to this podcast. 88 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 1: I ain't Trump put nobody business and I know, right, oh, 89 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: a couple of a couple of times, we guess. I 90 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: have had to have some long conversation and mend some friendships. 91 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: I've had to mend some friendships in which I'm so 92 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 1: grateful for and I'm so glad she is listening. Okay, 93 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel like this is one 94 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: of the things. This is one of the things they 95 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 1: were Yeah, yeah, we're gonna get in trouble. Yeah. I mean, 96 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: I feel like this is so specific that she, if 97 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: she is listening, she knows who I'm talking about. But 98 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 1: the thing about it was that it was just really 99 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: hurtful for me, And even to this day, I sometimes 100 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: will think like I wonder what did I do. But 101 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,039 Speaker 1: now I'm older, and I feel like I've had so 102 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: many other relationships and I feel like, Okay, I'm I'm 103 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: clear on the type of friend I am, So you 104 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: gotta do nothing like sometimes these friendships, I mean, not 105 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: for that. Sometimes it happens when you start living your 106 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 1: life in certain ways. Some friends are envious and they 107 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: don't want to admit to that. And they can't. They 108 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: don't want to feed the monster, but the monsters feeding 109 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: it anyway. And that's how it chooses to do it 110 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 1: by disassociating itself. And I've always struggled with the jealousy thing, 111 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: right that. This has always been a struggle and Lah 112 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 1: knows this because we've had this in personal conversations. I 113 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: struggled with that, Like I just feel like, just then 114 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 1: you must not know me. We must really not be friends, 115 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 1: because you could never I don't understand jealousy, Like of 116 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: what because if you're really up close on my life, 117 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: you understand that all the beautiful things that exist come 118 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 1: with a little extra package. Amen. So if you know me, 119 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: then you can reconcile your jealousy if you need to be. 120 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: You really should be able to like, oh, I'm jealous 121 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: because she has X, Y and Z, but I know 122 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 1: it comes with this, Like you should have that inner 123 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,799 Speaker 1: conversation with yourself if you know me, if you don't 124 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: on me, then you can come up what other narrative 125 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: you want to right, because you're not looking at the 126 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: question is if you're a friend? Should you're not? Should 127 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: you not even be having these thoughts? Like that's the 128 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: whole thing. I think that most of the time, like humanity, 129 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: like people get jealous and stuff is how you handle it, 130 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like that's a damn, that's 131 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: a nice car. I'm car. Damn that's a nice car. Whoa, 132 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: that's a nice car. Now, when you get grown or 133 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: when you wake up, you realize you celebrate the person 134 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: because you know they put in the effort to get 135 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: that thing, to earn that money, to pay that bill. 136 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 1: You ain't got that, you know what I mean. So 137 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: you have to put things in in the order perspective 138 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: for yourself and be like, wow, congratulations for you friends. 139 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: You're doing your friend. That's when you bump your friend 140 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: up like you, you know what I mean, like instead 141 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: of but don't say too many times or else you're 142 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: reach it. And I know that you jealous. You know 143 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: that one too. I'm just saying that the most that's nice. Girl. 144 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: Yeah you girls doing it. Girl, you're doing it. As 145 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: long as it's genuine right, as long as it's coming 146 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: from a real good place, then it's okay. But when 147 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: you start, when the when the girl you're you're doing it, 148 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: you know, I see you you know something there like man, 149 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 1: you may keep that. I'm like, what's that ship? That's 150 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: so funny? It's not real congratulatory, that's that's nasty, got 151 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: a little I call it snarky. But again, as we 152 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: go through this ride of life, were also figuring out 153 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: who is really our friend in that way? Right right, 154 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: Like even if you have those moments when you feel 155 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: that way, you talk it out, like you like, I'm 156 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: sorry I was who I was snarky and I was 157 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: just hating girl because I'm going through some ship, you 158 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: know something just and everybody, you know what, it's funny 159 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: because we all need to be in that place because 160 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: you can't really call a person on it because a 161 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: lot of times that just puts them on the defensive. 162 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: And I will, I'll admit my sure it coms in 163 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: that I'm just I don't know a bit of an avoider. 164 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: It's like if you're not really if I don't feel safe, 165 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: I just fall back, you know, like I'm not really 166 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: the type to say, you know what, you hurt my 167 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: feelings that time, or you did such as such and 168 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 1: that upset me and I know that that's you know, 169 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: I just gotta put it out there because I feel 170 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: like we want to believe we can be healthy in 171 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 1: certain situations, but it just takes a certain kind of personality, 172 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: Like I feel like like he is like that, Like like, yeah, 173 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 1: I like that about you because I feel like you're 174 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: the type of person who's like you feel uncomfortable. You're 175 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: gonna say that. I didn't like that. I'm not gonna 176 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 1: do it. I'm like, uh, it's funny the phone ring. 177 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: I won't talk. I'll just like fall back, find something 178 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 1: else to do. But we need that for it's funny. 179 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: And when we were talking about having this conversation, I 180 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: thought about the three of us right and funny enough, 181 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: like because we tell the truth on this on this show. 182 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: And I was like, I've been in situations with the 183 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: both of you where things could have been things could 184 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: have went left, Like we could have just been like 185 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: fuck it right and handled it two different ways, Like 186 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: Jill called me on some ship once and I was like, 187 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: oh ship, and then I had And it's funny, Asia, 188 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: because you're right, when I was feeling some type of 189 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 1: way about something with us, I had to call you. 190 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 1: But the point of all that to me is is 191 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: that we worked it out, and that's what makes those 192 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: friendships worth it. That's why I went back to what 193 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,679 Speaker 1: you said about that other friendship, and I was like, 194 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 1: if it was really something worth fighting for, you fight 195 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: for it, right, even if there's some type of misunderstanding 196 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: that you think you can't ever get over, you know 197 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: what I mean? And not that that that wasn't that. 198 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 1: We we just addressed it, you know, and then it 199 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 1: was over. Oh and then when you know, like she 200 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: was like, well, you know, I don't want to pits 201 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: you off, you know how you are. And I was like, girls, 202 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: shut up. I don't want nobody to be mad at me. 203 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: I gotta think I do have a thing. That's why 204 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: I got I probably had too many friends in my 205 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: life because I really don't want people to be me 206 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 1: mad at me. And I'm like, I never intend to 207 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 1: hurt people, but sometimes I say stuff or I do stuff. Now, 208 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: let me say that if I'm in the wrong. If 209 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm in the wrong, oh, I will address it now. 210 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 1: If it's somebody who I feel wrong me, I'm gonna 211 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: slide back. But if it was me, if I did it, 212 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: then I like to nip that in the bud, I'd 213 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: be like, yeah, hello, um what had happened. Was like, uh, 214 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: because I don't. I don't. I don't want to be 215 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 1: nobody did in a conversation. You know what I'm saying, 216 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: I ain't trying to do that. You are, but but 217 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: you aren't there at all us Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere you are. Trust. 218 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 1: Trust It's fine. Actually, somebody trolled me once on the 219 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: internet one time, and I figured it with somebody, I 220 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 1: must have piste off at some point in my life. 221 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, wow, for you, I said 222 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,680 Speaker 1: a little I got a little crew of them. I'm 223 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: pretty sure, yeah I do. I'm like, I don't know, 224 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: I never really liked you like that, so I don't know. 225 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: Be be what you are, be mad. I'm I'm pretty great. 226 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: I'm all right, we're gonna take a quick break and 227 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. I think like when you 228 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: have these vulnerable moments, if you can't have them, then 229 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: the relationship is like screwed ay, that's one. I mean 230 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: you you become friends off a vulnerable moment anyway, Yeah, yeah, 231 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 1: like real friends because we're candid and naked and you know, 232 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: in a sense with each other. But the other thing is, 233 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 1: see with layah or real mean, since we talked about it, 234 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 1: I know your intentions are could m hm. I know that, 235 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: So you know I might be like, god damn it, 236 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 1: lie here. You know, then I don't calling you and 237 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: say exactly that, God damn lie here. You know what 238 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: I mean? But I know your intentions are good. You 239 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: know that's different's intentions. Yeah, you might want to Yeah, 240 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: so let's talk about those persons and you think what 241 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: their intentions because I don't want to make a quick judgment. 242 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 1: But um, and I also think, I mean, it's it's 243 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,280 Speaker 1: it's really important to acknowledge the fact that, like in 244 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: jail situation, it can be even more difficult because it 245 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: just comes with so much weird stuff with people's intentions 246 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: and stuff that is like uh, you know, yeah, you 247 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 1: you gotta ask some extra additional questions and give people 248 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: some extra additional buffer time. I'm sure you know what 249 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,199 Speaker 1: I mean. I don't know. I've had the same friends 250 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: for such a long time. I go into fast. It's 251 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: like if I feel, you know, like, let's just say 252 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: it's all in the course of a workday, Like I'll 253 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: feel it and be like what was that? That was odd? 254 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: And then the next time I feel something else in 255 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: the same kind of energy, like mm hmm, okay, you 256 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: know I'm not bugging. I see this, this is actually happening. 257 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: And then it happens again, and I'm like all right, 258 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 1: and I could literally hear a sound in myself like 259 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, listen, what the is going on? You're like, 260 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: you're starky, funny acting what's up? And I get real fooly, 261 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: like what's going on? Like it something you need to 262 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: tell me? Like, cause because this energy is not it 263 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: We're better than that. When did when did we stick 264 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: to this still? And then that, of course is not 265 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: probably the right way to handle it. Um, I mean, 266 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: at least you're handling that. I mean, it's probably I 267 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: probably need to go somewhere down for a while and 268 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: take a couple of breaths or whatever. But by the 269 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: time the sound gets all the way too, I'm there, 270 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: I think. So I'm like, so, yeah, you're gonna get 271 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 1: three strikes, You're gonna be you out. Let's talk what's up? 272 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: He can? Can? We can we talk about whatever's going 273 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 1: on here? Because I feel it. And that's one of 274 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: the things that I appreciate about this age is that 275 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: I feel some ship. I feel it. Okay, I'm not 276 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 1: gonna it's not me tripping or being extra or bugging 277 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: or whatever. Like something is off. Something is off. I'm 278 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: aware of it. Maybe you're not aware of it. Maybe 279 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: it's not even my place to make you aware of it, 280 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: but it's affecting me and that that we can't do. 281 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: You know. I've had I've had the same best friends 282 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: since birth. Basically my mom was best friends with her 283 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: mom and now and we've been friends my whole life. 284 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 1: And her name is I ain't gonna give her last 285 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: name because I don't want to put her whole gout 286 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: men out there, but am did she listen to us? Um? 287 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, we were first, And I really want to 288 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: shout out because, like you know, we've been friends for 289 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: so long, We've been through so many stages of life, 290 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: you know, and we've had some really difficult conversations in 291 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: terms of like the way that we relate to each 292 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: other and and and kind of tweaking that over the years. 293 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: And I remember one thing that happened with us that 294 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: was U I guess fairly recent and that um, she 295 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: was going through some things, you know, just life things 296 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: you know, and we tend to talk about it a lot, 297 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: and I was just kind of starting to feel over 298 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: time that our friendship was like really kind of centered 299 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 1: around what was happening in her life, and I didn't 300 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 1: even at least say anything about it. You know. Sometimes 301 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,880 Speaker 1: I think she kind of noticed that I would confide 302 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: in other people, and I think it started to become 303 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: clear that I wasn't really confiding in her. And she 304 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: came back to me and was like, look, I want 305 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: to hear about what's going on in your life, because 306 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 1: I realized that we have spent a lot of time 307 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 1: on what's happening with me, and and it was rightfully so, 308 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: you know, there were things happening that needed to be addressed, 309 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 1: and she needed friendship, love care, extra care, because we 310 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 1: all go through times when we need that bit extra, 311 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 1: you know. And so but there were things going on 312 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,719 Speaker 1: in my life that were pretty you know, pretty intense also, 313 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And and so one of 314 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: the things that I that I really like about her 315 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: is that she was able to step back and kind 316 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: of assess without me having to be so again, do 317 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: the extra labor of saying, oh, well you did or 318 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,399 Speaker 1: can you do? Or X, Y and Z that dope 319 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: a self audit, That's what I'm saying, Like, I think 320 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: a lot of times in order if if if a 321 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,159 Speaker 1: friendship goes left, if you want to save it, or 322 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: even if you don't think it can be saved, there 323 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 1: is still rooming there for a self audit to say 324 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: not what did I do, but just to be thinking 325 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 1: about how you're functioning within the relationship, because it's not 326 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: really that different from your lover or you know what 327 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: I mean. It's like you still have to figure out, 328 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 1: you know, how are you showing up? Because really, in 329 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,880 Speaker 1: a lot of ways, how you show up in this 330 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: one might very well be the way you're showing up 331 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: in some of your other friendships. And folks just ain't 332 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 1: saying nothing about it. Let me slide. Yeah, Can I 333 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: just tell y'all I had I had a friend tell 334 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: me once and it's funny. She said, she put me 335 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: aside and she was like, you're just not being a 336 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: good friend to me right now, and you need to 337 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 1: be a better friend. And I was like, this is interesting, right, 338 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 1: because of course I did like Asia, And I was like, 339 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: what I do? I started, you know, and she she 340 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: had told me still, but also just like, am I 341 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 1: really doing this? And then I started checking with some 342 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: other friends and some people be like, no, see it. 343 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: And then I also thought about how different friends are 344 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 1: different people and you have to attend to them and 345 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: that's way in that way accordingly right, so although uh 346 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: most especially well it's funny. I asked I rise one 347 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 1: of my best friends. I was like, is im I 348 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,919 Speaker 1: really like that? She was like, no, I'm good, Like 349 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: it's good, and I said, but you know what, you 350 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: ain't her, and so if she requires something different, and 351 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 1: if I can self auder and think of our relationship 352 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: in the last couple of years and what I've done 353 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,920 Speaker 1: and how many calls I've made and birthday as I'm 354 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: out of missed and things like that, I was like, 355 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: you know what, she might be right, I could call someone, 356 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I was like, and 357 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: this is a relationship worth saving. This is you know, 358 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: a twenty something in your relationship, and this is a 359 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 1: person that when I call, I know she will be there. 360 00:19:55,560 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: So bucket. This is the forties. I think most of 361 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: my friendships they kind of get me, get me so 362 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: they know that I grew up as a job ah witness. 363 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: So birthday slide by, like you know, like hot butter 364 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 1: on the sidewalk, they just just melt away. I really 365 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 1: don't think about them. Um, I'll even forget mine. I mean, 366 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 1: Jets was obviously a big moment, so I don't forget his. 367 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: But I don't forget a birthday. Man, It'll be the 368 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: day or the day after or three days after. And 369 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, ship, I sucked. And then I started 370 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 1: my sittings off when I sucked. I'm sorry. You know, 371 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,639 Speaker 1: do you have like one friend, Jill, do you have 372 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: like one friend that's like that. You know, we all 373 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,880 Speaker 1: got that one friend. It's like, it's my birth it's 374 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 1: my birthday, is my birthday? Mom? I want like all 375 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: of that. And you know this is this one friend. 376 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,360 Speaker 1: You have this one friend who's like, come on, Jill, 377 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: come on you every year, come on, I do it, 378 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,919 Speaker 1: every I do it. I'm terrible at that. I'm just 379 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,640 Speaker 1: terrible at it. And then I'm not on face book anymore, 380 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: so I don't have Facebook to remind me. You know 381 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: somebody you know, so I don't. I don't. I don't 382 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,880 Speaker 1: play with her. Well, you don't have Facebook, so that's 383 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:15,679 Speaker 1: actually a good cop out. I mean my bad. I 384 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: know man people, and you know I ain't got Facebook 385 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: like everybody else. That's a good that's right there, that's 386 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:24,640 Speaker 1: your out. I want to know my girlfriend, a very 387 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:29,160 Speaker 1: close girlfriend of mine. She has been amazing, like just 388 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:35,679 Speaker 1: she's strong. She is completely hilarious and helped me to 389 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: laugh in some really really dark times and has gone 390 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: out of her way for me in a way that 391 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: I just wait, like above and beyond in a in 392 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: a very very challenging time in my life. And all 393 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 1: of a sudden, she stopped answering my phone call all 394 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 1: of a sudden, like she you know, I'm sending text messages. 395 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 1: They go on for for months and I'm like, what 396 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:05,879 Speaker 1: the hell is going on? And finally finally she called 397 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 1: me and she was like, did anybody ever tell you 398 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:20,119 Speaker 1: you're inconsiderate? I was like no, and she was like, 399 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,160 Speaker 1: well they should, And I was like, why she didn't 400 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: tell you sooner? Before she got on the fat up 401 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,199 Speaker 1: she probably She said she had some other ship in 402 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: her life to do, okay, And I was like, well, okay, 403 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 1: I guess I understand that, but I took that. I 404 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: definitely took that. And I sat with that thing, and 405 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 1: I rolled it around quite a bit, like are you 406 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: inconsiderate of other people? I would be devastated because I'm 407 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: that person where once or something gets in the mind 408 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: with me, it's hard for me to quiet that, especially 409 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 1: like that. That a definitive statement like that, girl, you 410 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 1: did that. Let me just say this, Let me first 411 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,719 Speaker 1: say you did that is to be able to know 412 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: what I'm serious, to be able to set with that 413 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 1: and get through it, girl. And I hate that I've 414 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: allowed people to have that kind of power over me. Oh, 415 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,160 Speaker 1: I thought about it quite a bit. I thought about 416 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: it a lot, and because at first I was like, 417 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,160 Speaker 1: I just I disagree. That's not the conversation that we had. 418 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 1: You know, you said this to me and I thought 419 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,439 Speaker 1: you meant and you know, I didn't know that that 420 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 1: wasn't what you meant. Basically, we had a miscommunication. But 421 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: I understood how she felt and how she looked at it. 422 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: And I don't want to say I internalized it, because 423 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: that's not that's too deep, that's too heavy. But I apologized. 424 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 1: I apologized. I can see where you're coming from. At first, 425 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: I could not, but since I know it starts with 426 00:23:55,160 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: a miscommunication and a misunderstanding. Okay, that's fair enough. I 427 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: am so sorry, and that will not happen again. That's 428 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,440 Speaker 1: fair enough. And then later on, later on, maybe about 429 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: a year or two later, a very similar situation happened 430 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: with me. So what it was was I was invited 431 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,439 Speaker 1: to come over and kick it, and I had my 432 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,120 Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time with me, and I told her 433 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 1: that that's what I thought. She said. I said, it's 434 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: okay if he comes with. She said, bring who you want. 435 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: That's what I heard. Maybe that's not what we're saying, 436 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:38,120 Speaker 1: but that's what I heard. So I brought him and um, good, 437 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: my good brother. So we came over there, laughing, cheesing 438 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 1: and talking and hanging out and and that. She was like, 439 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 1: is he even your boyfriend anymore? And he wasn't. So 440 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,680 Speaker 1: she was like, you know, you can't just go bring 441 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 1: into willy nilly to my career. And I was like, 442 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,120 Speaker 1: fair enough, fair enough. I didn't know he was gonna 443 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: be willy nilly. You know, I had no idea. I 444 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 1: wonder what you know, we have discussed these friendships that 445 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: we have preserved, but when it goes left and you 446 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:19,679 Speaker 1: let it keep on going, Yeah, yeah, I mean, I 447 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,879 Speaker 1: don't know. I've had a hard time like kind of 448 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: asserting my needs in in various relationships. And I want 449 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,359 Speaker 1: you to. I so want you to. I have I 450 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,400 Speaker 1: want you to. Want you to tell me and tell 451 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 1: lie and tell anybody else what you need because again, 452 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,120 Speaker 1: I think you're awesome. I think you're awesome. Thank you, 453 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:48,920 Speaker 1: love bugs, thank you. All right, I've gotten better. We 454 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: love you to. Like, no, Liya, is that work? And honestly, 455 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,879 Speaker 1: let me just say this before I even tell the story, 456 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: but it's like, Liya, is that work? Because like I said, 457 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 1: she's a very very solid asked woman, a very very 458 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 1: solid woman in that she is not going to lie 459 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: to you, but she has compassion and consideration, and when 460 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,920 Speaker 1: she when she feels as if she's abandoned that that 461 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: she's very quick to say I'm sorry or I didn't 462 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: mean to do that, or I was speaking from this 463 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 1: place or X, Y and Z. But still very grounded 464 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 1: in who you are. You're not a person who's gonna 465 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 1: flip flop depending on who's around. You're grounded in who 466 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 1: you are, but yet very solid human being. So I 467 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 1: don't know who has anything else to say about it? 468 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: But you know whatever I said, what I said, more 469 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:55,200 Speaker 1: real talk after the break. When you lose the benefit 470 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: of the doubt with a friend, I think the friendship 471 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: so when when you're yea, I think you know the answer, 472 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 1: when you know the answer and the answer ain't good 473 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,439 Speaker 1: with you. You know what I'm saying. I don't let 474 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: many friendships go, but I have one. I had to 475 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: let it. I let it fade away because I was like, oh, 476 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 1: I know the answer. You he was visiting anyway, So okay, 477 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,640 Speaker 1: that's cool. I don't want no visitors. Maybe I'm wrong, 478 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 1: but I will. I will let a friendship go over 479 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 1: money too. Mm See, Jill, you don't I don't even. 480 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 1: I don't even, but you know that you know that. 481 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:33,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, I listened that my shoes a year, barely 482 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,720 Speaker 1: having tokens to get to school. It sad, I know, 483 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: empty empty cupboards, cabinets. Yeah, what I'm saying, like, what 484 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: what what's seven hundred dollars to you? The same thing 485 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,879 Speaker 1: when we took you, The same thing it is to you. 486 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: But if somebody says that you ain't the one, that's 487 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,159 Speaker 1: my point. Like, if you're gonna say what's that you 488 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 1: ain't you ain't the me. I feel like you've parted. 489 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,719 Speaker 1: We parted ways over over seven hundred dollars, and I 490 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: bought my freedom, I supposed, so it's one of the 491 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: seven hundred dollars. I think the seven hundred dollars is 492 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: just like the icing. It's not really the seven hundred dollars. 493 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 1: It's a situation about considerations. Yeah, it's consideration and respect 494 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 1: those kinds of things. Because I feel like I've had 495 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 1: situations where people where I'm very giving of my time 496 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,600 Speaker 1: and energy and and and and folks will feel like 497 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,800 Speaker 1: entitled to that because I'm so generous with it. I 498 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 1: never said that it wasn't valuable or that I wasn't 499 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,399 Speaker 1: sacrificing something to give it. I just said I was 500 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: willing right. So if you when when I give it, 501 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: and then it's like you think you owed that because 502 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: you think I have it to give or because and 503 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 1: that's not money, that's just time, energy, effort, and accessibility. 504 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 1: And I think that the respect level is gonna exist 505 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: no matter what it is, is that whatever that currency 506 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 1: is that you bring to the relationship, if people don't 507 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 1: have any respect for that, they're gonna use it. They're 508 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: going to abuse it. They're going to treat it like 509 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: it's nothing. And then that's like you and say, well, 510 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: what's that to you? You know, what's it to you? 511 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: And why did you change? You were you were so loving, 512 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: you were so giving. Why did you change? Because I'm 513 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: not getting it in return? And the it's just the respect. 514 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: It's just the respect. It's just the respect. It's a 515 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: good way to weed out giving our gifts and doing 516 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 1: stuff and haven't given it getting all that energy and 517 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: emotional energy from somebody else in these conversations that ain't 518 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: really sincere good, Yeah say that to me now I 519 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: can Okay, good, you're gonna oh okay, I get you 520 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:38,360 Speaker 1: know what I have to give? Yeah, okay, Yeah, that's 521 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,640 Speaker 1: what I'm saying because that's the thing is that now 522 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: we were understanding that being in relationship with anyone is labor, 523 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: and I'm and you want to You're only gonna use 524 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: it when it it's worth it. And it's like, well, yeah, no, 525 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 1: I'm not about to give you this extra labor. No, 526 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. And like I said, for me, 527 00:29:58,160 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: I've had a hard time with this. So I just 528 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,479 Speaker 1: wanted to all the listeners out there that that you know, 529 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 1: you know, we all talked about on the internet. People 530 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: talk big talk on the internet. I'll block, I'll put 531 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: you out my life, I'll stop talking to you, I'll 532 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: such and such, such and such. I'm sorry, I can't relate. 533 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: I've never been that person. I've had a hard time 534 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: with that. So I know that asserting oneself in a 535 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 1: way that says that you're honoring your own boundaries, and 536 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 1: particularly with someone who you would call a friend. When 537 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: I was socialized to believe friendship meant sacrificing and being 538 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,040 Speaker 1: there and doing for people and blah blah blah blah blah, 539 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: and that's what you do. You show up, you know 540 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 1: what I mean, and me having a really really pull 541 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: back and decide, like how much of that is really true? 542 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? I could have done some 543 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 1: of that. Yeah, I gotta go. Some of that has 544 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 1: to go. And many people, many people have benefited from 545 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: my inability to do that. I've been many many have benefited. 546 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: It takes a lot for me to get there. It 547 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: takes a lot, Oh, it takes a lot. I'm not 548 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 1: the I'm not the one that comes out swinging right 549 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: away like it takes a lot. Yeah, I kind of 550 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 1: want to forgive you because I'm just like, oh, whatever 551 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: you're going through, I didn't do it, you know what 552 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, Oh, I feel sorry for you all 553 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: you're hurting this side. Oh you know, but once you 554 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,240 Speaker 1: get me to that place, I don't have a problem 555 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: never speaking to you. I don't have a problem walking 556 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 1: past you like you never existed. Like there's literal uh air, 557 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 1: just space where you are. I could look directly through 558 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 1: you once we get there, Once we get there. One 559 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: more fact that since we talk energy, have you ever 560 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: had a friend that you've had to distant yourself with 561 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: because their energy was so consistently drawing? Yeah, and they 562 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 1: didn't they weren't doing anything about it, right, Because that's 563 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 1: the key. I mean, people have got the depression that 564 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: got issue all. But I want to say that because 565 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,840 Speaker 1: don't want to be insensitive. No, I have to say 566 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: I think I know exactly what you're talking about, and yeah, yes, 567 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,280 Speaker 1: And I ventured to say that because of that, I'm 568 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: more cognizant of it doing that myself when I'm in 569 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: a space draining other people, draining other people, like because 570 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: I experienced it before, and I know the person who 571 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 1: did it to me was not aware, and they yeah, 572 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: they were not aware. And I was like, how do 573 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,240 Speaker 1: I create boundaries but then still let this person know 574 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:43,480 Speaker 1: I love them and care about them, but still create 575 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,080 Speaker 1: some space for myself so that I'm not walking away 576 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 1: totally depleted. You know. But at the end of the day, 577 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 1: I have a cousin that my cousin d D and 578 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: I call her. We call her Yoda, And because she 579 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: always has the answer okay, And Yoda is always telling 580 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: us that, you know, everybody has the ability to make 581 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: a decision. That person made a decision to do what 582 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: they're doing, and so you have your own decisions to make, 583 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 1: and you cannot make your decisions based on what it 584 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,120 Speaker 1: is they're doing. You have to do it based on 585 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: what it is going to be comfortable for you, because 586 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: they're not going to decide one day to make you 587 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 1: a part of their of of of that equation. They're 588 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: going to continue to make decisions for themselves about themselves, 589 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 1: with themselves in the center. And that's just a fact. 590 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 1: We can have a portion of the show where we 591 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:37,280 Speaker 1: ask Yoda, oh, very now you stop would be honey, 592 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: everything Yoda is everything. I was on phone with Yoda 593 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 1: yesterday because because and it's funny because we all are 594 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:50,400 Speaker 1: on a group text. It's about seven of us, and 595 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,000 Speaker 1: we all take terms corner and be like, yeah, I 596 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: talked to I talked to DD the other day, or 597 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: I talked to Yoda yesterday, b blah blah blah blah. 598 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 1: And we talked to each other about talking to Yoda. 599 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 1: So it's like knows this, she already knows. You might 600 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,960 Speaker 1: not want to share, but what you know, like just 601 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 1: uh like maybe somebody asked us a question or where 602 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: we have a question, like let's call Yoda that Yeah, 603 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: that'd be nice. But I do think again, it's that 604 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: thing about making decisions. It's it's part of it self care. 605 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,080 Speaker 1: That's it's part of self care, part of it. Yeah, 606 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,439 Speaker 1: when you get older, you just don't have the room 607 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: like you hadn't know. Yo. This is so ill, Yo. 608 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 1: Consciously aging is so ill in that way where you 609 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,359 Speaker 1: acknowledge these things. Asia. I always I'm always get kind 610 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,200 Speaker 1: of like in a conscious shock of again like yeah, 611 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,880 Speaker 1: when I was twenty, I wasn't thinking like this. It really, y'all, 612 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: it really does happen. I'm sorry, my girlfriend's son when 613 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,959 Speaker 1: he was a little he came over. He was like, 614 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,919 Speaker 1: I made dinner, and he said, I'm not hungry for that. 615 00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 1: And then first, you know, my mind was like that 616 00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:06,200 Speaker 1: the fuck, what kind of extra spoiled you know, like 617 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,919 Speaker 1: the same thing you're talking about, I'm not hungry for that. 618 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 1: I was like, well, what might you be hungry for? 619 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: You know? I was like, but I feel like it's 620 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,239 Speaker 1: that way with our with our friendships too, Like I'm 621 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:25,120 Speaker 1: not hungry for that whatever, whatever that energy is that 622 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: you're giving off where it doesn't quite feel like friendship 623 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:34,120 Speaker 1: or love, it doesn't quite feel like support. It kind 624 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 1: of feels jealous, it kind of feels hurtful, you know, 625 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,080 Speaker 1: it's a little you know, you got a little snark 626 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,440 Speaker 1: in that in that energy. For whatever reason, it turns 627 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 1: into something nice for a few minutes, and then it 628 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 1: goes back to this thing. Well, I'm not hungry for that. 629 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:54,759 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna tell you this right now, what you 630 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:59,879 Speaker 1: have been I call it some bit shit. You call 631 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,480 Speaker 1: of what it is, because at the end of the day, 632 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,759 Speaker 1: it's like I feel like I've been thoroughly loved in 633 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:09,359 Speaker 1: my life. I feel like in friendships, in particular. I've 634 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: been loved. I know what love feels like, so I'm 635 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 1: clear on that. You make it easy, that feels like. 636 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: So I'm like, when it don't feel like that, I'm 637 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: playing my own self because it's like aga, it's not 638 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: like you're in a situation where you don't know what 639 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: that's supposed to feel like. And that's why I was like, 640 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: I had to shake myself, you know, I'd be like 641 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 1: I shake you, to shake my old self, like, girl, 642 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,280 Speaker 1: stop pretending like you are wasting our time, like cut 643 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: it out, cut it the hell out. And I'm like 644 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,839 Speaker 1: I said, I'm only saying this because I feel like 645 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,200 Speaker 1: sometimes even in this moment, that we're our best selves. 646 00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,400 Speaker 1: I know we're really honest on this podcast, but I 647 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,279 Speaker 1: feel like we do present our best selves. But this 648 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 1: is something y'all hit it. I'm sorry, y'all really really 649 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 1: hit something for me because I struggle, okay with that, 650 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,160 Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful to not be in that place 651 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: anymore because it's like, oh gosh, I would let people 652 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,880 Speaker 1: say things to me. I've let people say things to 653 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:17,640 Speaker 1: me out their mouth that when I think about it, 654 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,399 Speaker 1: it upsets me. You know what, I'm saying, and I've 655 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 1: let people do things in the name of oh I 656 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,920 Speaker 1: know where that comes from, or that's all right, they 657 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:30,239 Speaker 1: just or I'm good or that's okay, or they're this 658 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:34,879 Speaker 1: so that, and it's like, yeah, nah, nah, I'm never 659 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,960 Speaker 1: doing that ship again, never getting back on that. But 660 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: imagine if that's your family, you know, if that's your people, 661 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:49,359 Speaker 1: your people, that it's some kind of underbelly of nastiness. 662 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,399 Speaker 1: I don't really I don't really care. I've well, I've 663 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,319 Speaker 1: I've definitely walked away from some friendships and I have 664 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:02,040 Speaker 1: walked away from from something Emily as well. Yeah, sometimes 665 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,080 Speaker 1: it's more hurtful away from the friendships. The family just 666 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:08,920 Speaker 1: blood connected anyway, so you feel my friends didn't done. 667 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,399 Speaker 1: You got memories though, you know, it's like that's that's 668 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 1: summer when we all win. This is who you are, 669 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,239 Speaker 1: who I am, right, I can't I can't take that. 670 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 1: And family sometimes it's like super triggering. Like you were 671 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,239 Speaker 1: in a part of a family and they didn't talk 672 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: about certain things or do certain things, and you went 673 00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: off on your own and and did your personal work, 674 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,240 Speaker 1: you did your inner work. You can't come back into 675 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 1: that circle and be all kiki ha with a bunch 676 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,200 Speaker 1: of people who are gonna say anything out the side 677 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,319 Speaker 1: of their mouth and do anything and then justify it 678 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,759 Speaker 1: by the fact that that's just the way that they 679 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:51,759 Speaker 1: do things within that structure, like the family, and so 680 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, no, we were not doing that, and honestly, 681 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 1: for real, for real, and with my children. I've allowed 682 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,600 Speaker 1: my children to make that decision for themselves too. And 683 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,240 Speaker 1: if they come to me and say I can't interact 684 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:08,400 Speaker 1: with so and so, and they tell me why, and 685 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, that's your choice. You do not have 686 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:15,920 Speaker 1: to do. You do not have to now now, Wymnut, 687 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: you don't need you don't hit the trigger here. When 688 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,000 Speaker 1: when that happens? Because I mean, I'm currently in a 689 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: situation like that and my kid has told me I 690 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: don't ever need to see them ever again, and I'm 691 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,880 Speaker 1: good with making sure that that doesn't occur. What do 692 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:36,879 Speaker 1: I say on that note? We are going to um, 693 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:41,200 Speaker 1: We're gonna take a couple of breathing moments and come 694 00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,799 Speaker 1: back and talk about this. This next level of of 695 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,160 Speaker 1: when when friendship goes left, but also when family does, 696 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: what do what do you do? What do we do? There. 697 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to the podcast Jay 698 00:39:56,160 --> 00:40:00,640 Speaker 1: dot Ill. Please be blessed and look up, look up 699 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:11,600 Speaker 1: at the sky today. Thanks. How do you Eat an Elephant? 700 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:17,480 Speaker 1: One by it TI? Hey listeners, it's Amber here, the 701 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,840 Speaker 1: producer of jd i Ill and this episode, the ladies 702 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,640 Speaker 1: talked about letting go of toxic relationships and that sometimes 703 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: includes family and friends. There's a lot to unpack there, 704 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:32,759 Speaker 1: from pain, to griefs to guilt. I want to leave 705 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,800 Speaker 1: you with an awesome article from the Pragmatic Parents on 706 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,400 Speaker 1: letting go of toxic family members. They cover everything from 707 00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,560 Speaker 1: the signs to look out for and the steps to 708 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,080 Speaker 1: take when cutting off a harmful relationship. I'll drop the 709 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:59,719 Speaker 1: link in the show notes. Hi. If you have comments 710 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,959 Speaker 1: on something we said in this episode, call eight six 711 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,759 Speaker 1: six Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, 712 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:11,359 Speaker 1: that's eight six six nine five four five five. Don't 713 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 1: forget to tell us your name and the episode you're 714 00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: referring to. You might just hear your message on a 715 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,400 Speaker 1: future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents 716 00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: Jay dot Ill. The podcast JA dot Ill is a 717 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. For More podcast from I 718 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,839 Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, 719 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,720 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.