Speaker 1: First of all, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm good. It's good to see you.
Speaker 1: You too. I think what keeps coming back that people
Speaker 1: don't talk enough about people dating. The topic of dating
Speaker 1: is a lot of external. We went there, We did that.
Speaker 1: I met him, he's like this, he said this, he
Speaker 1: bought me that. It's very transactional and it's very like
Speaker 1: we can list all the things that happen, just like
Speaker 1: if you're on the phone with your therapist. We went there,
Speaker 1: I did this. Even if it's about work or anything,
Speaker 1: you're always describing versus how do you feel? Like what's
Speaker 1: really going on? And what I'm saying is you're kind
Speaker 1: of saying overall, like we don't need to talk about
Speaker 1: dating at all unless you're coming into this as a
Speaker 1: person who's working on yourself. Like the number one thing
Speaker 1: you're saying is and it would be against your entire
Speaker 1: business because you're trying to get paid to match people.
Speaker 1: But you're saying, before you get to baseline, they're relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself is number one. You need to date yourself.
Speaker 1: You need to know who you are and work on yourself.
Speaker 2: Absolutely and be roded in reality about who you are
Speaker 2: and what you're looking for. And that you're healed and
Speaker 2: ready for that. I truly believe that in relationships you
Speaker 2: are co CEOs, and I think that's also the mindset
Speaker 2: you have to have, is like, hey, how are we doing?
Speaker 2: It's like having those conversations about not just the things
Speaker 2: the places you want to go, but like my giving
Speaker 2: you what you need and being honest about some of
Speaker 2: those things. And so you have those conversations, you can
Speaker 2: make it fun like temperature read what can I do
Speaker 2: more of? Differently better? If you think about reviews and
Speaker 2: a corporate setting, you have those annually or even checking in,
Speaker 2: checking in like hey, how are we doing? What else
Speaker 2: can I do for you? What do you mean more
Speaker 2: for me? What could I what could you do more
Speaker 2: for me? And vice versa. And you know, I always say,
Speaker 2: like every relationship needs to be watered or decays. So
Speaker 2: if you're just having busy busy and going place to
Speaker 2: place and not like talking about your the we of
Speaker 2: the business, the view too, and the copplehood, it's going
Speaker 2: to decay because you're obviously perhaps sweeping things on the
Speaker 2: rug because it becomes once you like have sex and
Speaker 2: you get and it's still a fun phase and it
Speaker 2: becomes harder to talk about the real things. But if
Speaker 2: you talk about ongoing and it's just part of the
Speaker 2: fabric of your relationship, it's kind of baked in to realize,
Speaker 2: like we're going to talk about things.
Speaker 1: My therapist said today, she was saying, like literally, it's
Speaker 1: what she said today. She said, like people rush in
Speaker 1: to know what it is and want to defind it
Speaker 1: because it means you get to skip a step in
Speaker 1: the class, like you don't have to do the uncertain
Speaker 1: Are we going to be good for each other? Are
Speaker 1: we going to commit to each other? Like we're both
Speaker 1: insecure and scared. We're jumping to the next level. So
Speaker 1: now we're both safe, we're both in a committed relationship.
Speaker 1: But you don't go through that phase of like is
Speaker 1: this really gonna work? Where are we both going? Are
Speaker 1: we both in a car that's going in the same direction?
Speaker 1: Like that's what that was too. It was like hi,
Speaker 1: And then when everybody's feeding into it to your point,
Speaker 1: like the whole world's performative, Like everybody's feeding into it,
Speaker 1: but it's like how are you two? That's interesting, Like
Speaker 1: with people, we get excited on the fumes, on the frosting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also like the label. It's like you feel
Speaker 2: you're going off the fact that you're wee and you're
Speaker 2: the coupling of it and how you're presenting to the society.
Speaker 2: But if you're lonely inside and knowing that it's not
Speaker 2: what it is, like, who cares about that? If you're
Speaker 2: not getting your needs and that you're happy.
Speaker 1: Oh, nothing's worse, Nothing is worse. And everyone thinking you're
Speaker 1: happy and being miserable, that's not great.
Speaker 2: And now you're just victimizing yourself, right, Like that's just
Speaker 2: like a jail sentence and that's not happy. And so
Speaker 2: it's so much better to just be real with yourself
Speaker 2: and stop, like can't lie to yourself, Like you have
Speaker 2: to make that contract with yourself, like I'm not going
Speaker 2: to bullshit myself. It's just not it states or too
Speaker 2: quide and we're too smart and whyse but that and
Speaker 2: too of all?
Speaker 1: Like yes, also, I think that I think that it's
Speaker 1: a cautionary tale for people, even in small towns. I
Speaker 1: think to your point, the more that you're like sharing
Speaker 1: and performing your relationship for other people and allowing them
Speaker 1: in meaning like are you like telling everybody at the
Speaker 1: dinner about your amazing sex life, or he bought me this,
Speaker 1: or we're the queen couple everyone loves at the country club,
Speaker 1: and then like you end up like disappointing everybody, and
Speaker 1: they're invested in your relationship and they're gonna gossip more
Speaker 1: about your relationship. It's like the po we we are
Speaker 1: not involved in Harrison Ford's relationship. We're not involved in
Speaker 1: Michelle Fiber's relationship. We're not involved in George Clooney and
Speaker 1: a Mal's relationship. We're not really you know, we're not.
Speaker 2: Really involved, Sizzle. It's to your point. I think that's
Speaker 2: totally smart to realize because it's private and there's no
Speaker 2: there's no sensation there. But I bet they have a
Speaker 2: really healthy relationship. But there's probably a lot to be
Speaker 2: envious of.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but they're not. I'm saying they didn't take
Speaker 1: us on the way up and then want to get
Speaker 1: us out on the way down.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, And I think that's where you're just gonna
Speaker 2: be careful that you're also not living someone else's.
Speaker 1: Like vision of your relationship.
Speaker 2: Right, Like if your parents love the guy, but you don't,
Speaker 2: you feel conflicted because you want your parents to feel validated.
Speaker 2: Then you're making them happy. But if you're not happy,
Speaker 2: then it doesn't matter because eventually you're going to be
Speaker 2: disappointing your parents and yourself, so that's not worth it.
Speaker 1: Or the image of what it looks like. You get
Speaker 1: to look like the lady who lunches, You get to be,
Speaker 1: you know, the envy of your friends because you don't
Speaker 1: have to work or whatever. People are trying. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I will tell you that I said this before on
Speaker 1: this podcast. This is shocking and it's coming to fruition
Speaker 1: even more. I'm meeting an extraordinary number of men who
Speaker 1: have custody of their children as a result of getting
Speaker 1: into relationships with young, beautiful women. The women are excited.
Speaker 1: They don't really have to work. The men are providers,
Speaker 1: and the women have the life that they think that
Speaker 1: everybody wants, or that they think that they want, And
Speaker 1: then their kids get older and it becomes empty nests
Speaker 1: and they're drinking and they're popping pills and they're partying
Speaker 1: and they're bored. And the man has worked on his
Speaker 1: career and really dug in and still at fifty sixty
Speaker 1: seventy still has purpose like meeting somebody needs them to
Speaker 1: be somewhere somebody. Something's going on, some deals going on,
Speaker 1: some actions happening, and the woman is kind of waiting
Speaker 1: for him to come home, take her somewhere, buy her something,
Speaker 1: go on a vacation. And the friends don't feed that enough,
Speaker 1: and the kids off away with their own lives don't
Speaker 1: feed it enough, and neither will pilates for an hour.
Speaker 1: I neither will lunch, and neither will shopping for outfits
Speaker 1: for pilates. Like it's hard to fill a day with
Speaker 1: lack of.
Speaker 2: Purpose, right, Well, that's why I always say is stay
Speaker 2: interested and interesting because that will That's like the key.
Speaker 2: The ingredients are making you happy and feel fulfilled, because
Speaker 2: you do need to have purpose. And that's why I
Speaker 2: feel blessed that I work, because I would be so
Speaker 2: bored if I wasn't. And I do think you as
Speaker 2: you stay in a relationship, it's it's less pressure on
Speaker 2: the relationship. Everything has to be from someone else, like
Speaker 2: it has to come from within that you're your own person,
Speaker 2: the rescue and yourself. You're not waiting for someone else
Speaker 2: to fill you. I think is important.
Speaker 1: I think it was Anne Hathaway. It was Anne Hathaway.
Speaker 1: And I think Michelle Pfeiffer reinforced a similar concept was like,
Speaker 1: but I think Anne Hathory really said it. I think
Speaker 1: she was saying I believe it was her. It doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: it's about the concept. But she said, we individually are complete.
Speaker 1: We individually have our own full lives and are complete,
Speaker 1: and we choose to be together. Like It's like, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't even know that some is maybe maybe the
Speaker 1: sum is greater than its parts, but maybe not. They're
Speaker 1: each individual whole parts, but that just like love to
Speaker 1: be together and share their whole part with the other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you both have things to contribute right into
Speaker 2: exchange and like teach each other. It's not just teacher.
Speaker 2: It's like you're both coming whole, holistic to the relationship,
Speaker 2: whether it's friendship or anything I could apply.
Speaker 1: And I'm finding that a lot of the men that
Speaker 1: have been with those women in those situations are saying
Speaker 1: they want a woman who has their own thing going on.
Speaker 2: I mean, this is not new, but yes, it is
Speaker 2: one hundred listes, but this.
Speaker 1: Is not but women, but young girls want to get
Speaker 1: the ring, get the dress, get the thing, like get
Speaker 1: the jealousies.
Speaker 2: They think that's going to make it happy. They have
Speaker 2: no idea that, unfortunately, it's going to start a very
Speaker 2: sad life of being unfulfilled and about continuing to make
Speaker 2: their life worthy and they have meaning in other ways.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, My guy Breck said to me, you have to
Speaker 1: be with someone who is something or is going to
Speaker 1: be something like.
Speaker 2: Because of how you are, because that's who you are.
Speaker 2: You need that and everyone shouldn't have their own thing
Speaker 2: going on. It'll make them happy as a person and
Speaker 2: more interesting and exciting at the end of the day
Speaker 2: and fulfilled because, like you said, once you get the ring,
Speaker 2: have the wedding, have the lifestyle. Eventually you have to
Speaker 2: have more than that, Like you have to have purpose
Speaker 2: and feel like you're giving back in some way.
Speaker 1: So there's another thing I would done XCES. So let's
Speaker 1: say someone was in a twenty year marriage, a fifteen
Speaker 1: year marriage, and then they come into another relationship. Now,
Speaker 1: you're always going to be curious about not on the
Speaker 1: first date, I know that I'm saying, but you're gonna
Speaker 1: be curious about what they're coming in from. Did she
Speaker 1: cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Do you
Speaker 1: why did they have religious differences, did was he a workaholic?
Speaker 1: Did he feel unloved? Something that can inform you. So
Speaker 1: there's like a blanket rule where people are like, don't
Speaker 1: talk about exes, and I actually disagree with that. I think,
Speaker 1: not like, oh I miss how James bought me flower
Speaker 1: like not that, but I think that a past relationship
Speaker 1: informs positive and negative things about a current I think
Speaker 1: it informs, wow, this is really nice. I'm not used
Speaker 1: to this. I'm used to that, like yeah, and this
Speaker 1: is feeling really good like that if you're validating something,
Speaker 1: So what do you think about that?
Speaker 2: I think as long as like that's an advanced move,
Speaker 2: not on the first like a couple of dates, I
Speaker 2: think it's more important to get to know each other
Speaker 2: and stay in the present and not go into the
Speaker 2: past because unfortunately, not everyone could land talking about it
Speaker 2: unemotionally or without anger. But if you could tell, if
Speaker 2: you could talk about it, where you learned about yourself,
Speaker 2: you learned unemotionally about like it's almost like saying we
Speaker 2: weren't a good match and this is why without the
Speaker 2: of anger, because.
Speaker 1: No, like why the job was great. I was ready
Speaker 1: to he was ready to move on. We hadn't. It
Speaker 1: was a nut y eggs. I learned a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah he is amazing, but he's more this way and
Speaker 2: I needed more of that, and we learned about that.
Speaker 2: I have nothing but great things to say about him.
Speaker 2: But we were the right. We weren't properly matched. We
Speaker 2: were a good match for each other.
Speaker 1: Well that's an okay, So another nugget, Barbie.
Speaker 2: So positive, positive because.
Speaker 1: I feel that all of these things that are like
Speaker 1: rules in life, you get into onto the playing field
Speaker 1: and then you find something's happening that's drawing in the moment,
Speaker 1: and you're going to bring up something that happened in
Speaker 1: the past. And if you're in your own head about
Speaker 1: the fact that you're not supposed to be talking about an X,
Speaker 1: then it's like even worse. And my point that the
Speaker 1: point that you're bringing up is a that it's how
Speaker 1: you're doing do it, But you're really saying that the
Speaker 1: reason that you don't want to bring up an X
Speaker 1: is that you don't want to appear that you're still
Speaker 1: in love with or interested or obsessed with the X,
Speaker 1: or that you're angry about it. Like I did have
Speaker 1: a guy talk to me about his divorce and how
Speaker 1: she took him for everything and like talking bad and
Speaker 1: then you're realizing that this is a person who's talking
Speaker 1: bad about his X. So that's a character flaw. But
Speaker 1: you're not talking about just that someone should blanket statement,
Speaker 1: never refer to a previous life. You're talking about why, right.
Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is, like you know, your audience, like,
Speaker 2: do not talk to this person if you're in therapy,
Speaker 2: you're not. This is not a therapist and they're not
Speaker 2: They don't have the contact to understand that maybe this
Speaker 2: person really was not a human, right, it could have
Speaker 2: been a bad actor or bad actress. So I think
Speaker 2: the biggest thing is if you're able to talk about
Speaker 2: it unemotionally, not playing victim, not being seeming wounded where
Speaker 2: we're some who the way WHOA she either has holding
Speaker 2: a lot of anger, she seems unwounded or unhealed, then
Speaker 2: that will backfire. But if you say it from a
Speaker 2: you know, informational like, yeah, we had a great you know,
Speaker 2: I have nothing but great things to say about we
Speaker 2: just weren't compatible. Unfortunately she was, you know, in just
Speaker 2: counting it that way and having it more of like
Speaker 2: an elevator pitch, not where you're going on on an eye.
Speaker 1: No, I agree with you, it's it could be anecdotal.
Speaker 2: You have to like know you have it like sharp
Speaker 2: and quick and not like going on because then they'll
Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh, this person.
Speaker 1: Is shut up. I don't want to hear about your ex.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's too much, And like you want to create
Speaker 2: your own memories and your own experiences. And I give
Speaker 2: this advice out a lot for someone that's widowed where
Speaker 2: they might have had this amazing relationship and they're talking
Speaker 2: about the past because they had decades together. But at
Speaker 2: some point you want to start. The more time you're
Speaker 2: with someone, the experiences will be shared and you'll have
Speaker 2: more things to talk about for your present, your future.
Speaker 2: But you can't just be dwelling them the past, because
Speaker 2: someone will think that you your heart is still filled
Speaker 2: by the past person.
Speaker 1: Yes, like you have to.
Speaker 2: Make sure that it's positive and they feel that you
Speaker 2: are evolved and ready for something new and not a negative.
Speaker 2: Especially they'll be thinking, if you're talking angry about men,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be the next person you're talking angry
Speaker 2: about her. I don't want you to treat me that way.
Speaker 2: So you have to be careful what you're sharing. But
Speaker 2: if you could say so much how I learned that's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or about why something is just different, like oh,
Speaker 1: at that job, we never got to go outside, and
Speaker 1: at this new job that I have, this is interesting
Speaker 1: that we're going outside. That's something that's a positive. That's
Speaker 1: not saying a trashing. It's just a different dynamic that
Speaker 1: might be something you are better suited to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you just don't want to compare because that
Speaker 2: might all make someone feel insincture about them too, Like
Speaker 2: you don't want to say good things about your ex
Speaker 2: versus them, like oh my ex took me no, not that.
Speaker 1: But if you do the opposite, if you say that
Speaker 1: that was no.
Speaker 2: But as long as it's compliment, like this is so nice,
Speaker 2: like I so appreciate you being so verbal, or I
Speaker 2: so appreciate you being the man with the plan and
Speaker 2: maybe your reservations.
Speaker 1: I'm not used to being treated this way. I'm not
Speaker 1: used to thoughtful. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think
Speaker 1: you can say that stuff.
Speaker 2: COUCA is a positive. Yes, it compliments compliment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing that's when it comes up. Wow,
Speaker 1: this is really nice because I'm at you. That's great,
Speaker 1: that's very helpful. And also, every single person makes the
Speaker 1: ex the villain, and there's always somebody on the other
Speaker 1: side of it no matter what it is, and you're
Speaker 1: never going to know the truth. It's like a divorce.
Speaker 1: There's a thousand divorces. So it's just not worth it
Speaker 1: for anybody to do it. It's not worth it for
Speaker 1: you to talk about how insane your ex was because
Speaker 1: most people aren' going to believe because everybody's at a
Speaker 1: table talking about how and staying their X was.
Speaker 2: Absolutely and I think that you will be a breathly
Speaker 2: fresh air if you don't villainize your ex.
Speaker 1: Especially someone like me, because I've had a very serious divorce.
Speaker 1: But and I still I'm just like, it took a minute,
Speaker 1: it was a long it was a you know, it
Speaker 1: was not it was challenging, but I have my beautiful
Speaker 1: do you know we've said this.
Speaker 2: So there was a time and a place to tell
Speaker 2: people and unpack the things that you lived through and
Speaker 2: that you had to go through. I think that absolutely
Speaker 2: I'm not saying she, but I think until someone understands
Speaker 2: the context of like you, I think that you shouldn't
Speaker 2: share it until it doesn't have to be a certain
Speaker 2: amount of dates or anything like that. But I mean,
Speaker 2: I would say at least the two or three dates
Speaker 2: ear build on your relationship together, versus focusing so much
Speaker 2: on anything negative oversharing a negative in general, negative anything
Speaker 2: about your family, your friends, your career, anything that you're
Speaker 2: not happy with. This is not a therapy session. This
Speaker 2: is not the place. It's just gonna lead to it'za
Speaker 2: gona lead to a second date?
Speaker 1: And how do you navigate and advise navigating quote unquote dating,
Speaker 1: like meaning when someone says I'm dating someone, so because
Speaker 1: there's meeting people, I went on a date, I liked him,
Speaker 1: I went out the next time. I don't think it's it.
Speaker 1: You know, that's like that's that's not really that's you're
Speaker 1: dating overall as like a sport and you're meeting different people,
Speaker 1: but nothing is really landed. But then you're like regularly
Speaker 1: dating one person, and like there's always like a sniffing
Speaker 1: out of like when do you have to like when
Speaker 1: do you feel like you're lacking integrity in that practice
Speaker 1: because there's sex involved, there's intimacy involve there's a time
Speaker 1: when and that's also not a silent contract, meaning you
Speaker 1: could sleep with seven people at the same time on
Speaker 1: seven different nights. It's your own body and your own choice.
Speaker 1: You don't have to disclose that unless someone asks, and
Speaker 1: then you're gonna be honest. You're allowed to do what
Speaker 1: you want. So what is people are on the Bachelor
Speaker 1: and they're sleeping with multiple people, and it's like, but
Speaker 1: then how would they know who they liked more if
Speaker 1: they don't sleep with the multiple people because they're in
Speaker 1: a concentrated program. And I know that's not life, but
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it makes sense that someone would want
Speaker 1: to be doing more intimate things, not even including sex,
Speaker 1: but like sometimes they're like they're meeting people's parents, they're
Speaker 1: doing more like these things are very personal. So how
Speaker 1: do you navigate the between just meeting people and going
Speaker 1: out to dinner and then that no man's land between
Speaker 1: that and relationship?
Speaker 2: I mean, I do think part of the secret sauce
Speaker 2: is staying in your own power, in your own confidence
Speaker 2: that like you know you're worth and leading with your
Speaker 2: charm and your charisma of why they even like you,
Speaker 2: and not even having to in your head or rebally
Speaker 2: even have to put a label on it and just
Speaker 2: continue to have fun. That's how you're going to catch someone.
Speaker 2: But what if they don't want that from you. There's
Speaker 2: two people in it, right, But then eventually, if you
Speaker 2: have paid attention, are you just booty call girl? Are
Speaker 2: you not? Have you not advanced where you're meeting each
Speaker 2: other's friends and families like you have to pay attention
Speaker 2: collectively to all the cues to see how you're fitting
Speaker 2: into someone's wife.
Speaker 1: Oh so it doesn't have to be said. It's it's
Speaker 1: more actions and words. It's actions, and I think it's actions.
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to have the conversation. I
Speaker 1: mean for some they.
Speaker 2: Do say like, hey, just so you know, what are
Speaker 2: we I'm choosing to have sex with you? But I
Speaker 2: just say, you know, I'm not comfortable having sex with
Speaker 2: anybody else. I'm not suggesting me to talk about what
Speaker 2: this is, but to me, I'm wanting to get to
Speaker 2: know you and I'm always choosing this. So like you could,
Speaker 2: you could have conversations about it, whether it's before or after,
Speaker 2: that could help frame it.
Speaker 1: And I think that's weird because I think someone's not
Speaker 1: gonna know how connect there to someone until they have
Speaker 1: sex and you're saying that and it puts the silent
Speaker 1: contract on the sex.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but I think afterwards you could say not
Speaker 2: right away, but at some point discuss it.
Speaker 1: Oh, once you've been intimate and you feel connected, Yeah, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're going to start sleeping with them regularly and you're
Speaker 1: going to be like, I'm not doing this with five
Speaker 1: other people.
Speaker 2: But I do think it's more about like knowing your
Speaker 2: own boundaries, knowing what you need, and instead of just
Speaker 2: having the labels of the talks, just leading with actions
Speaker 2: and then making sure that you're in time, sharing what
Speaker 2: your needs are because they're.
Speaker 1: Not, and what you can handle. You could have an
Speaker 1: intellectual idea of what you're going to do, but what
Speaker 1: can you it's on a movie, what can you actually handle.
Speaker 1: You might be able to sleep before guys. At the
Speaker 1: same time, you might be able to not sleep with
Speaker 1: one without you know, getting a ring.
Speaker 2: Well. The other thing is like be careful what you
Speaker 2: ask for, because like, what if you don't want to
Speaker 2: be in a full fledged committee, excuse a relationship with
Speaker 2: one person just because you don't even know them. So
Speaker 2: you want to be sure that you're taking your own
Speaker 2: time to get to know them. Again, you are the
Speaker 2: one selecting. It's not just about being chosen. That's great
Speaker 2: that he has great taste and wants to be with you,
Speaker 2: but maybe you haven't decided of one hundred percent you're
Speaker 2: ready for that. So it's like, hey, I am with you.
Speaker 2: Take this as a compliment. I love our time together
Speaker 2: and I'm so excited to get to know you. But
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be defined because it might backfire
Speaker 2: you and then your relationship and then you're not getting
Speaker 2: to know other people either until you know that it's
Speaker 2: your person. So I think it's but I think it
Speaker 2: also to celebrate, like, oh my gosh, I met someone,
Speaker 2: Like that's such an exciting thing. Sometimes people race and
Speaker 2: they're like then they start getting insecure about well, I
Speaker 2: don't know. He hasn't asked me. If I don't know
Speaker 2: you're boyfriend, girlfriend, I don't know where we stand. And
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, you can just keep looking for it's
Speaker 2: the action, mind everything, and just enjoy the season. It's like,
Speaker 2: you don't have to know. Maybe the more you even
Speaker 2: to know him, you'll realize, oh, I don't like what
Speaker 2: we're not combatible for each other.
Speaker 1: Also, that's what you just said. Is part of the
Speaker 1: thing that happens in the future with the woman waiting
Speaker 1: around for the man, is that I see a lot
Speaker 1: like the girls waiting around and hanging on every word
Speaker 1: and everything that is or isn't happening because they don't
Speaker 1: have purpose and you don't have enough going on, and
Speaker 1: you really have got to be busy, bitch, Like you've
Speaker 1: got to be busy because you're getting your own head
Speaker 1: and you it's it's it's great to be like to
Speaker 1: have something that you have to be at that you
Speaker 1: have to and you're not just hanging on what they're doing,
Speaker 1: and why are they dictating what's happening? Like why can't
Speaker 1: you just be in your own two shoes, like being
Speaker 1: like I don't need to know from you what I am.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna give me the green light?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's also your overthinking, like your beautiful brain
Speaker 2: is now going to places and creating plots and you
Speaker 2: know the scene that never even happened, and that's where
Speaker 2: your friends flement in a crowd source and start telling
Speaker 2: you all this like done.
Speaker 1: Thiss, oh yeah he should have done this, you should
Speaker 1: know this. Yeah, exactly, by the way, great.
Speaker 2: And then you're completely disjoining your own relationship with your
Speaker 2: own happiness. It's like, doesn't have to be that way?
Speaker 1: Yes, amazing, Okay, Well I recommend to everybody to have
Speaker 1: somebody that they can talk to, but make sure that
Speaker 1: like a therapist or someone else has validated that they're
Speaker 1: giving good advice. Like I literally have listened to things
Speaker 1: that you have said and the other girls on here,
Speaker 1: and my own therapist has said, I actually think that
Speaker 1: she's giving great advice, meaning you can't listen to everybody.
Speaker 1: And I've actually talked to my therapist about one woman
Speaker 1: that I work with who we joke my chief Dating
Speaker 1: Advice or my CDA, and she has validated she's like
Speaker 1: that she's giving good advice. Like you don't want to
Speaker 1: just go half cocked. And every girl who's willing to
Speaker 1: listen to you when you're drunk is going to, like,
Speaker 1: you know, tell you what you want to hear. You
Speaker 1: could be really it's going to a shitty doctor.
Speaker 2: You know. It's also it's so dangerous because they could
Speaker 2: either they're not informed, or there could be jealousy. There's
Speaker 2: could be so many things that play. But if people
Speaker 2: are giving like angry advice.
Speaker 1: Yes, it could be also what's going on in their
Speaker 1: own life too negative, jealousy you cannot.
Speaker 2: Yeah that they feel, say, I, you just can't go there.
Speaker 1: Misery wants company, you're too nosy of Other things don't
Speaker 1: really matter, like what do you get you for your birthday?
Speaker 2: And like where did you go for dinner? It's like
Speaker 2: that's not relevant to like probably makes you feel and
Speaker 2: what you need. That's just like that is just fishing
Speaker 2: for things that are putting to the aufster what to
Speaker 2: do to the upst