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Speaker 1: First of all, how are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm good. It's good to see you.

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Speaker 1: You too. I think what keeps coming back that people

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Speaker 1: don't talk enough about people dating. The topic of dating

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Speaker 1: is a lot of external. We went there, We did that.

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Speaker 1: I met him, he's like this, he said this, he

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Speaker 1: bought me that. It's very transactional and it's very like

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Speaker 1: we can list all the things that happen, just like

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Speaker 1: if you're on the phone with your therapist. We went there,

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Speaker 1: I did this. Even if it's about work or anything,

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Speaker 1: you're always describing versus how do you feel? Like what's

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Speaker 1: really going on? And what I'm saying is you're kind

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Speaker 1: of saying overall, like we don't need to talk about

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Speaker 1: dating at all unless you're coming into this as a

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Speaker 1: person who's working on yourself. Like the number one thing

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Speaker 1: you're saying is and it would be against your entire

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Speaker 1: business because you're trying to get paid to match people.

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Speaker 1: But you're saying, before you get to baseline, they're relationship

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Speaker 1: with yourself is number one. You need to date yourself.

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Speaker 1: You need to know who you are and work on yourself.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely and be roded in reality about who you are

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Speaker 2: and what you're looking for. And that you're healed and

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Speaker 2: ready for that. I truly believe that in relationships you

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Speaker 2: are co CEOs, and I think that's also the mindset

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Speaker 2: you have to have, is like, hey, how are we doing?

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Speaker 2: It's like having those conversations about not just the things

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Speaker 2: the places you want to go, but like my giving

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Speaker 2: you what you need and being honest about some of

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Speaker 2: those things. And so you have those conversations, you can

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Speaker 2: make it fun like temperature read what can I do

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Speaker 2: more of? Differently better? If you think about reviews and

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Speaker 2: a corporate setting, you have those annually or even checking in,

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Speaker 2: checking in like hey, how are we doing? What else

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Speaker 2: can I do for you? What do you mean more

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Speaker 2: for me? What could I what could you do more

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Speaker 2: for me? And vice versa. And you know, I always say,

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Speaker 2: like every relationship needs to be watered or decays. So

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Speaker 2: if you're just having busy busy and going place to

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Speaker 2: place and not like talking about your the we of

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Speaker 2: the business, the view too, and the copplehood, it's going

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Speaker 2: to decay because you're obviously perhaps sweeping things on the

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Speaker 2: rug because it becomes once you like have sex and

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Speaker 2: you get and it's still a fun phase and it

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Speaker 2: becomes harder to talk about the real things. But if

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Speaker 2: you talk about ongoing and it's just part of the

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Speaker 2: fabric of your relationship, it's kind of baked in to realize,

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Speaker 2: like we're going to talk about things.

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Speaker 1: My therapist said today, she was saying, like literally, it's

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Speaker 1: what she said today. She said, like people rush in

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Speaker 1: to know what it is and want to defind it

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Speaker 1: because it means you get to skip a step in

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Speaker 1: the class, like you don't have to do the uncertain

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Speaker 1: Are we going to be good for each other? Are

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Speaker 1: we going to commit to each other? Like we're both

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Speaker 1: insecure and scared. We're jumping to the next level. So

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Speaker 1: now we're both safe, we're both in a committed relationship.

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Speaker 1: But you don't go through that phase of like is

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Speaker 1: this really gonna work? Where are we both going? Are

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Speaker 1: we both in a car that's going in the same direction?

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Speaker 1: Like that's what that was too. It was like hi,

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Speaker 1: And then when everybody's feeding into it to your point,

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Speaker 1: like the whole world's performative, Like everybody's feeding into it,

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Speaker 1: but it's like how are you two? That's interesting, Like

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Speaker 1: with people, we get excited on the fumes, on the frosting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also like the label. It's like you feel

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Speaker 2: you're going off the fact that you're wee and you're

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Speaker 2: the coupling of it and how you're presenting to the society.

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Speaker 2: But if you're lonely inside and knowing that it's not

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Speaker 2: what it is, like, who cares about that? If you're

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Speaker 2: not getting your needs and that you're happy.

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Speaker 1: Oh, nothing's worse, Nothing is worse. And everyone thinking you're

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Speaker 1: happy and being miserable, that's not great.

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Speaker 2: And now you're just victimizing yourself, right, Like that's just

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Speaker 2: like a jail sentence and that's not happy. And so

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Speaker 2: it's so much better to just be real with yourself

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Speaker 2: and stop, like can't lie to yourself, Like you have

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Speaker 2: to make that contract with yourself, like I'm not going

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Speaker 2: to bullshit myself. It's just not it states or too

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Speaker 2: quide and we're too smart and whyse but that and

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Speaker 2: too of all?

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Speaker 1: Like yes, also, I think that I think that it's

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Speaker 1: a cautionary tale for people, even in small towns. I

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Speaker 1: think to your point, the more that you're like sharing

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Speaker 1: and performing your relationship for other people and allowing them

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Speaker 1: in meaning like are you like telling everybody at the

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Speaker 1: dinner about your amazing sex life, or he bought me this,

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Speaker 1: or we're the queen couple everyone loves at the country club,

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Speaker 1: and then like you end up like disappointing everybody, and

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Speaker 1: they're invested in your relationship and they're gonna gossip more

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Speaker 1: about your relationship. It's like the po we we are

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Speaker 1: not involved in Harrison Ford's relationship. We're not involved in

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Speaker 1: Michelle Fiber's relationship. We're not involved in George Clooney and

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Speaker 1: a Mal's relationship. We're not really you know, we're not.

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Speaker 2: Really involved, Sizzle. It's to your point. I think that's

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Speaker 2: totally smart to realize because it's private and there's no

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Speaker 2: there's no sensation there. But I bet they have a

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Speaker 2: really healthy relationship. But there's probably a lot to be

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Speaker 2: envious of.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but they're not. I'm saying they didn't take

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Speaker 1: us on the way up and then want to get

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Speaker 1: us out on the way down.

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Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, And I think that's where you're just gonna

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Speaker 2: be careful that you're also not living someone else's.

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Speaker 1: Like vision of your relationship.

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Speaker 2: Right, Like if your parents love the guy, but you don't,

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Speaker 2: you feel conflicted because you want your parents to feel validated.

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Speaker 2: Then you're making them happy. But if you're not happy,

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Speaker 2: then it doesn't matter because eventually you're going to be

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Speaker 2: disappointing your parents and yourself, so that's not worth it.

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Speaker 1: Or the image of what it looks like. You get

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Speaker 1: to look like the lady who lunches, You get to be,

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Speaker 1: you know, the envy of your friends because you don't

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Speaker 1: have to work or whatever. People are trying. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I will tell you that I said this before on

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Speaker 1: this podcast. This is shocking and it's coming to fruition

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Speaker 1: even more. I'm meeting an extraordinary number of men who

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Speaker 1: have custody of their children as a result of getting

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Speaker 1: into relationships with young, beautiful women. The women are excited.

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Speaker 1: They don't really have to work. The men are providers,

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Speaker 1: and the women have the life that they think that

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Speaker 1: everybody wants, or that they think that they want, And

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Speaker 1: then their kids get older and it becomes empty nests

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Speaker 1: and they're drinking and they're popping pills and they're partying

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Speaker 1: and they're bored. And the man has worked on his

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Speaker 1: career and really dug in and still at fifty sixty

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Speaker 1: seventy still has purpose like meeting somebody needs them to

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Speaker 1: be somewhere somebody. Something's going on, some deals going on,

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Speaker 1: some actions happening, and the woman is kind of waiting

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Speaker 1: for him to come home, take her somewhere, buy her something,

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Speaker 1: go on a vacation. And the friends don't feed that enough,

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Speaker 1: and the kids off away with their own lives don't

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Speaker 1: feed it enough, and neither will pilates for an hour.

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Speaker 1: I neither will lunch, and neither will shopping for outfits

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Speaker 1: for pilates. Like it's hard to fill a day with

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Speaker 1: lack of.

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Speaker 2: Purpose, right, Well, that's why I always say is stay

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Speaker 2: interested and interesting because that will That's like the key.

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Speaker 2: The ingredients are making you happy and feel fulfilled, because

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Speaker 2: you do need to have purpose. And that's why I

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Speaker 2: feel blessed that I work, because I would be so

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Speaker 2: bored if I wasn't. And I do think you as

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Speaker 2: you stay in a relationship, it's it's less pressure on

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Speaker 2: the relationship. Everything has to be from someone else, like

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Speaker 2: it has to come from within that you're your own person,

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Speaker 2: the rescue and yourself. You're not waiting for someone else

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Speaker 2: to fill you. I think is important.

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Speaker 1: I think it was Anne Hathaway. It was Anne Hathaway.

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Speaker 1: And I think Michelle Pfeiffer reinforced a similar concept was like,

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Speaker 1: but I think Anne Hathory really said it. I think

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Speaker 1: she was saying I believe it was her. It doesn't matter,

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Speaker 1: it's about the concept. But she said, we individually are complete.

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Speaker 1: We individually have our own full lives and are complete,

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Speaker 1: and we choose to be together. Like It's like, it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know that some is maybe maybe the

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Speaker 1: sum is greater than its parts, but maybe not. They're

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Speaker 1: each individual whole parts, but that just like love to

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Speaker 1: be together and share their whole part with the other.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you both have things to contribute right into

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Speaker 2: exchange and like teach each other. It's not just teacher.

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Speaker 2: It's like you're both coming whole, holistic to the relationship,

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Speaker 2: whether it's friendship or anything I could apply.

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Speaker 1: And I'm finding that a lot of the men that

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Speaker 1: have been with those women in those situations are saying

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Speaker 1: they want a woman who has their own thing going on.

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Speaker 2: I mean, this is not new, but yes, it is

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Speaker 2: one hundred listes, but this.

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Speaker 1: Is not but women, but young girls want to get

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Speaker 1: the ring, get the dress, get the thing, like get

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Speaker 1: the jealousies.

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Speaker 2: They think that's going to make it happy. They have

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Speaker 2: no idea that, unfortunately, it's going to start a very

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Speaker 2: sad life of being unfulfilled and about continuing to make

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Speaker 2: their life worthy and they have meaning in other ways.

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Speaker 2: One hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, My guy Breck said to me, you have to

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Speaker 1: be with someone who is something or is going to

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Speaker 1: be something like.

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Speaker 2: Because of how you are, because that's who you are.

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Speaker 2: You need that and everyone shouldn't have their own thing

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Speaker 2: going on. It'll make them happy as a person and

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Speaker 2: more interesting and exciting at the end of the day

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Speaker 2: and fulfilled because, like you said, once you get the ring,

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Speaker 2: have the wedding, have the lifestyle. Eventually you have to

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Speaker 2: have more than that, Like you have to have purpose

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Speaker 2: and feel like you're giving back in some way.

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Speaker 1: So there's another thing I would done XCES. So let's

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Speaker 1: say someone was in a twenty year marriage, a fifteen

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Speaker 1: year marriage, and then they come into another relationship. Now,

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Speaker 1: you're always going to be curious about not on the

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Speaker 1: first date, I know that I'm saying, but you're gonna

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Speaker 1: be curious about what they're coming in from. Did she

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Speaker 1: cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Do you

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Speaker 1: why did they have religious differences, did was he a workaholic?

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Speaker 1: Did he feel unloved? Something that can inform you. So

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Speaker 1: there's like a blanket rule where people are like, don't

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Speaker 1: talk about exes, and I actually disagree with that. I think,

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Speaker 1: not like, oh I miss how James bought me flower

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Speaker 1: like not that, but I think that a past relationship

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Speaker 1: informs positive and negative things about a current I think

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Speaker 1: it informs, wow, this is really nice. I'm not used

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Speaker 1: to this. I'm used to that, like yeah, and this

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Speaker 1: is feeling really good like that if you're validating something,

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Speaker 1: So what do you think about that?

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Speaker 2: I think as long as like that's an advanced move,

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Speaker 2: not on the first like a couple of dates, I

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Speaker 2: think it's more important to get to know each other

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Speaker 2: and stay in the present and not go into the

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Speaker 2: past because unfortunately, not everyone could land talking about it

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Speaker 2: unemotionally or without anger. But if you could tell, if

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Speaker 2: you could talk about it, where you learned about yourself,

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Speaker 2: you learned unemotionally about like it's almost like saying we

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Speaker 2: weren't a good match and this is why without the

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Speaker 2: of anger, because.

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Speaker 1: No, like why the job was great. I was ready

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Speaker 1: to he was ready to move on. We hadn't. It

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Speaker 1: was a nut y eggs. I learned a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he is amazing, but he's more this way and

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Speaker 2: I needed more of that, and we learned about that.

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Speaker 2: I have nothing but great things to say about him.

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Speaker 2: But we were the right. We weren't properly matched. We

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Speaker 2: were a good match for each other.

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Speaker 1: Well that's an okay, So another nugget, Barbie.

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Speaker 2: So positive, positive because.

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Speaker 1: I feel that all of these things that are like

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Speaker 1: rules in life, you get into onto the playing field

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Speaker 1: and then you find something's happening that's drawing in the moment,

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Speaker 1: and you're going to bring up something that happened in

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Speaker 1: the past. And if you're in your own head about

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Speaker 1: the fact that you're not supposed to be talking about an X,

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Speaker 1: then it's like even worse. And my point that the

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Speaker 1: point that you're bringing up is a that it's how

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Speaker 1: you're doing do it, But you're really saying that the

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Speaker 1: reason that you don't want to bring up an X

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Speaker 1: is that you don't want to appear that you're still

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Speaker 1: in love with or interested or obsessed with the X,

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Speaker 1: or that you're angry about it. Like I did have

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Speaker 1: a guy talk to me about his divorce and how

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Speaker 1: she took him for everything and like talking bad and

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Speaker 1: then you're realizing that this is a person who's talking

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Speaker 1: bad about his X. So that's a character flaw. But

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Speaker 1: you're not talking about just that someone should blanket statement,

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Speaker 1: never refer to a previous life. You're talking about why, right.

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Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is, like you know, your audience, like,

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Speaker 2: do not talk to this person if you're in therapy,

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Speaker 2: you're not. This is not a therapist and they're not

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Speaker 2: They don't have the contact to understand that maybe this

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Speaker 2: person really was not a human, right, it could have

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Speaker 2: been a bad actor or bad actress. So I think

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Speaker 2: the biggest thing is if you're able to talk about

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Speaker 2: it unemotionally, not playing victim, not being seeming wounded where

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Speaker 2: we're some who the way WHOA she either has holding

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Speaker 2: a lot of anger, she seems unwounded or unhealed, then

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Speaker 2: that will backfire. But if you say it from a

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Speaker 2: you know, informational like, yeah, we had a great you know,

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Speaker 2: I have nothing but great things to say about we

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Speaker 2: just weren't compatible. Unfortunately she was, you know, in just

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Speaker 2: counting it that way and having it more of like

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Speaker 2: an elevator pitch, not where you're going on on an eye.

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Speaker 1: No, I agree with you, it's it could be anecdotal.

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Speaker 2: You have to like know you have it like sharp

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Speaker 2: and quick and not like going on because then they'll

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Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh, this person.

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Speaker 1: Is shut up. I don't want to hear about your ex.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's too much, And like you want to create

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Speaker 2: your own memories and your own experiences. And I give

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Speaker 2: this advice out a lot for someone that's widowed where

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Speaker 2: they might have had this amazing relationship and they're talking

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Speaker 2: about the past because they had decades together. But at

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Speaker 2: some point you want to start. The more time you're

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Speaker 2: with someone, the experiences will be shared and you'll have

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Speaker 2: more things to talk about for your present, your future.

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Speaker 2: But you can't just be dwelling them the past, because

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Speaker 2: someone will think that you your heart is still filled

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Speaker 2: by the past person.

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Speaker 1: Yes, like you have to.

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Speaker 2: Make sure that it's positive and they feel that you

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Speaker 2: are evolved and ready for something new and not a negative.

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Speaker 2: Especially they'll be thinking, if you're talking angry about men,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be the next person you're talking angry

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Speaker 2: about her. I don't want you to treat me that way.

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Speaker 2: So you have to be careful what you're sharing. But

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Speaker 2: if you could say so much how I learned that's.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or about why something is just different, like oh,

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Speaker 1: at that job, we never got to go outside, and

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Speaker 1: at this new job that I have, this is interesting

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Speaker 1: that we're going outside. That's something that's a positive. That's

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Speaker 1: not saying a trashing. It's just a different dynamic that

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Speaker 1: might be something you are better suited to.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you just don't want to compare because that

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Speaker 2: might all make someone feel insincture about them too, Like

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Speaker 2: you don't want to say good things about your ex

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Speaker 2: versus them, like oh my ex took me no, not that.

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Speaker 1: But if you do the opposite, if you say that

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Speaker 1: that was no.

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Speaker 2: But as long as it's compliment, like this is so nice,

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Speaker 2: like I so appreciate you being so verbal, or I

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Speaker 2: so appreciate you being the man with the plan and

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Speaker 2: maybe your reservations.

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Speaker 1: I'm not used to being treated this way. I'm not

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Speaker 1: used to thoughtful. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think

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Speaker 1: you can say that stuff.

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Speaker 2: COUCA is a positive. Yes, it compliments compliment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing that's when it comes up. Wow,

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Speaker 1: this is really nice because I'm at you. That's great,

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Speaker 1: that's very helpful. And also, every single person makes the

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Speaker 1: ex the villain, and there's always somebody on the other

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Speaker 1: side of it no matter what it is, and you're

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Speaker 1: never going to know the truth. It's like a divorce.

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Speaker 1: There's a thousand divorces. So it's just not worth it

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Speaker 1: for anybody to do it. It's not worth it for

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Speaker 1: you to talk about how insane your ex was because

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Speaker 1: most people aren' going to believe because everybody's at a

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Speaker 1: table talking about how and staying their X was.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely and I think that you will be a breathly

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Speaker 2: fresh air if you don't villainize your ex.

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Speaker 1: Especially someone like me, because I've had a very serious divorce.

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Speaker 1: But and I still I'm just like, it took a minute,

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Speaker 1: it was a long it was a you know, it

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Speaker 1: was not it was challenging, but I have my beautiful

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Speaker 1: do you know we've said this.

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Speaker 2: So there was a time and a place to tell

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Speaker 2: people and unpack the things that you lived through and

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Speaker 2: that you had to go through. I think that absolutely

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying she, but I think until someone understands

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Speaker 2: the context of like you, I think that you shouldn't

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Speaker 2: share it until it doesn't have to be a certain

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Speaker 2: amount of dates or anything like that. But I mean,

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Speaker 2: I would say at least the two or three dates

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Speaker 2: ear build on your relationship together, versus focusing so much

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Speaker 2: on anything negative oversharing a negative in general, negative anything

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Speaker 2: about your family, your friends, your career, anything that you're

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Speaker 2: not happy with. This is not a therapy session. This

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Speaker 2: is not the place. It's just gonna lead to it'za

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Speaker 2: gona lead to a second date?

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Speaker 1: And how do you navigate and advise navigating quote unquote dating,

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Speaker 1: like meaning when someone says I'm dating someone, so because

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Speaker 1: there's meeting people, I went on a date, I liked him,

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Speaker 1: I went out the next time. I don't think it's it.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's like that's that's not really that's you're

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Speaker 1: dating overall as like a sport and you're meeting different people,

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Speaker 1: but nothing is really landed. But then you're like regularly

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Speaker 1: dating one person, and like there's always like a sniffing

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Speaker 1: out of like when do you have to like when

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Speaker 1: do you feel like you're lacking integrity in that practice

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Speaker 1: because there's sex involved, there's intimacy involve there's a time

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Speaker 1: when and that's also not a silent contract, meaning you

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Speaker 1: could sleep with seven people at the same time on

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Speaker 1: seven different nights. It's your own body and your own choice.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to disclose that unless someone asks, and

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Speaker 1: then you're gonna be honest. You're allowed to do what

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Speaker 1: you want. So what is people are on the Bachelor

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Speaker 1: and they're sleeping with multiple people, and it's like, but

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Speaker 1: then how would they know who they liked more if

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Speaker 1: they don't sleep with the multiple people because they're in

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Speaker 1: a concentrated program. And I know that's not life, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying it makes sense that someone would want

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Speaker 1: to be doing more intimate things, not even including sex,

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Speaker 1: but like sometimes they're like they're meeting people's parents, they're

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Speaker 1: doing more like these things are very personal. So how

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Speaker 1: do you navigate the between just meeting people and going

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Speaker 1: out to dinner and then that no man's land between

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Speaker 1: that and relationship?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I do think part of the secret sauce

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Speaker 2: is staying in your own power, in your own confidence

365
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Speaker 2: that like you know you're worth and leading with your

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Speaker 2: charm and your charisma of why they even like you,

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Speaker 2: and not even having to in your head or rebally

368
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Speaker 2: even have to put a label on it and just

369
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Speaker 2: continue to have fun. That's how you're going to catch someone.

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Speaker 2: But what if they don't want that from you. There's

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Speaker 2: two people in it, right, But then eventually, if you

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Speaker 2: have paid attention, are you just booty call girl? Are

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Speaker 2: you not? Have you not advanced where you're meeting each

374
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Speaker 2: other's friends and families like you have to pay attention

375
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Speaker 2: collectively to all the cues to see how you're fitting

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Speaker 2: into someone's wife.

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Speaker 1: Oh so it doesn't have to be said. It's it's

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Speaker 1: more actions and words. It's actions, and I think it's actions.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you need to have the conversation. I

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Speaker 1: mean for some they.

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Speaker 2: Do say like, hey, just so you know, what are

382
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Speaker 2: we I'm choosing to have sex with you? But I

383
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Speaker 2: just say, you know, I'm not comfortable having sex with

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Speaker 2: anybody else. I'm not suggesting me to talk about what

385
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 2: this is, but to me, I'm wanting to get to

386
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Speaker 2: know you and I'm always choosing this. So like you could,

387
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 2: you could have conversations about it, whether it's before or after,

388
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,879
Speaker 2: that could help frame it.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's weird because I think someone's not

390
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Speaker 1: gonna know how connect there to someone until they have

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Speaker 1: sex and you're saying that and it puts the silent

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Speaker 1: contract on the sex.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but I think afterwards you could say not

394
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Speaker 2: right away, but at some point discuss it.

395
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Speaker 1: Oh, once you've been intimate and you feel connected, Yeah, like, hey,

396
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: you're going to start sleeping with them regularly and you're

397
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Speaker 1: going to be like, I'm not doing this with five

398
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Speaker 1: other people.

399
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Speaker 2: But I do think it's more about like knowing your

400
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 2: own boundaries, knowing what you need, and instead of just

401
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,800
Speaker 2: having the labels of the talks, just leading with actions

402
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 2: and then making sure that you're in time, sharing what

403
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 2: your needs are because they're.

404
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,439
Speaker 1: Not, and what you can handle. You could have an

405
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Speaker 1: intellectual idea of what you're going to do, but what

406
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 1: can you it's on a movie, what can you actually handle.

407
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,399
Speaker 1: You might be able to sleep before guys. At the

408
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 1: same time, you might be able to not sleep with

409
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Speaker 1: one without you know, getting a ring.

410
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Speaker 2: Well. The other thing is like be careful what you

411
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Speaker 2: ask for, because like, what if you don't want to

412
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,879
Speaker 2: be in a full fledged committee, excuse a relationship with

413
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 2: one person just because you don't even know them. So

414
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,400
Speaker 2: you want to be sure that you're taking your own

415
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,359
Speaker 2: time to get to know them. Again, you are the

416
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 2: one selecting. It's not just about being chosen. That's great

417
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,640
Speaker 2: that he has great taste and wants to be with you,

418
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 2: but maybe you haven't decided of one hundred percent you're

419
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Speaker 2: ready for that. So it's like, hey, I am with you.

420
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Speaker 2: Take this as a compliment. I love our time together

421
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Speaker 2: and I'm so excited to get to know you. But

422
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Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be defined because it might backfire

423
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 2: you and then your relationship and then you're not getting

424
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 2: to know other people either until you know that it's

425
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 2: your person. So I think it's but I think it

426
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 2: also to celebrate, like, oh my gosh, I met someone,

427
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,879
Speaker 2: Like that's such an exciting thing. Sometimes people race and

428
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 2: they're like then they start getting insecure about well, I

429
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 2: don't know. He hasn't asked me. If I don't know

430
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Speaker 2: you're boyfriend, girlfriend, I don't know where we stand. And

431
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Speaker 2: it's like, okay, you can just keep looking for it's

432
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 2: the action, mind everything, and just enjoy the season. It's like,

433
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 2: you don't have to know. Maybe the more you even

434
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 2: to know him, you'll realize, oh, I don't like what

435
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,640
Speaker 2: we're not combatible for each other.

436
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 1: Also, that's what you just said. Is part of the

437
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 1: thing that happens in the future with the woman waiting

438
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,879
Speaker 1: around for the man, is that I see a lot

439
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 1: like the girls waiting around and hanging on every word

440
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: and everything that is or isn't happening because they don't

441
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 1: have purpose and you don't have enough going on, and

442
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,640
Speaker 1: you really have got to be busy, bitch, Like you've

443
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 1: got to be busy because you're getting your own head

444
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,239
Speaker 1: and you it's it's it's great to be like to

445
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: have something that you have to be at that you

446
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 1: have to and you're not just hanging on what they're doing,

447
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: and why are they dictating what's happening? Like why can't

448
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 1: you just be in your own two shoes, like being

449
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 1: like I don't need to know from you what I am.

450
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 1: You're not gonna give me the green light?

451
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,119
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's also your overthinking, like your beautiful brain

452
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 2: is now going to places and creating plots and you

453
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 2: know the scene that never even happened, and that's where

454
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 2: your friends flement in a crowd source and start telling

455
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 2: you all this like done.

456
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,359
Speaker 1: Thiss, oh yeah he should have done this, you should

457
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 1: know this. Yeah, exactly, by the way, great.

458
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 2: And then you're completely disjoining your own relationship with your

459
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 2: own happiness. It's like, doesn't have to be that way?

460
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 1: Yes, amazing, Okay, Well I recommend to everybody to have

461
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,399
Speaker 1: somebody that they can talk to, but make sure that

462
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 1: like a therapist or someone else has validated that they're

463
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 1: giving good advice. Like I literally have listened to things

464
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: that you have said and the other girls on here,

465
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 1: and my own therapist has said, I actually think that

466
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 1: she's giving great advice, meaning you can't listen to everybody.

467
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 1: And I've actually talked to my therapist about one woman

468
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 1: that I work with who we joke my chief Dating

469
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: Advice or my CDA, and she has validated she's like

470
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: that she's giving good advice. Like you don't want to

471
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: just go half cocked. And every girl who's willing to

472
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: listen to you when you're drunk is going to, like,

473
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 1: you know, tell you what you want to hear. You

474
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 1: could be really it's going to a shitty doctor.

475
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 2: You know. It's also it's so dangerous because they could

476
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 2: either they're not informed, or there could be jealousy. There's

477
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 2: could be so many things that play. But if people

478
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 2: are giving like angry advice.

479
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 1: Yes, it could be also what's going on in their

480
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: own life too negative, jealousy you cannot.

481
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah that they feel, say, I, you just can't go there.

482
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 1: Misery wants company, you're too nosy of Other things don't

483
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: really matter, like what do you get you for your birthday?

484
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 2: And like where did you go for dinner? It's like

485
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 2: that's not relevant to like probably makes you feel and

486
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 2: what you need. That's just like that is just fishing

487
00:21:45,600 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: for things that are putting to the aufster what to

488
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 2: do to the upst