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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 1: Real quick, we got a two minute break from our

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Speaker 1: lovely sponsors, keeping this ship sailing. I caught my fiance

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Speaker 1: on a dating app while we are still living together.

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Speaker 2: Just check it out our options.

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Speaker 1: My fiance thirty mail and I thirty female, have been

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Speaker 1: together a year and a half. We moved in with

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Speaker 1: one another a few months ago. Lately he's been a

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Speaker 1: bit distant. By the way, this comes from busted him.

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Speaker 1: Now what and if you want to spend your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay Storytime separate it. I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 1: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice goofy,

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Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 1: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

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Speaker 1: do in the comments. And Opie says, I've been cheated

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Speaker 1: on in the past and have been really insecure with

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Speaker 1: his change in behavior. He has assured me he's just

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Speaker 1: stressed about work and because his car broke down a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago and he hasn't gotten a replacement yet.

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Speaker 1: Literal like psychonists, of telling your partner who's been cheated

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Speaker 1: on before, who's a little bit insecure, who comes to

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Speaker 1: you and says like, hey, you know, I'm just you

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Speaker 1: know my past history. Yeah, just feeling a little bit,

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Speaker 1: you know, anxious about your behavior change. And he's like, no,

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Speaker 1: why me, You're crazy?

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Speaker 2: And he's actively on dating apps.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't let the nagging feeling go, so I did

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Speaker 1: a little investigating. I didn't stoop in his phone or

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Speaker 1: personal accounts, but I made a fake profile on a

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Speaker 1: popular dating site and found him there. He was last

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Speaker 1: online July first dies pretty tough.

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Speaker 2: Did we get a heads up on what month it

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Speaker 2: currently is?

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Speaker 1: No? But they'd raised together a year and a half.

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Speaker 1: So but yeah, yeah, still not good. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do. How do I confront him? What do

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Speaker 1: I say? Can our relationship be saved? Do I even

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Speaker 1: want to save it? I feel like I'm a wreck

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Speaker 1: right now? And there are some comments, But what do

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Speaker 1: you have to say at.

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Speaker 2: Opie, you don't want to save it?

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Speaker 1: Oh, don't get married to a guy that was literally cheating, right,

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Speaker 1: this is perfect time. I mean, it's terrible, but.

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Speaker 2: It's way better that you found out now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, than after the wedding. Ooh, and I mean, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how close you are to the wedding,

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Speaker 1: but maybe you haven't paid for everything, or maybe you

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Speaker 1: can get refunds on things. It's terrible, but you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe better timing than than it could have been. We

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Speaker 1: told you not to tell. Says honestly, I would catfish

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Speaker 1: him under your fake profile before confronting him so that

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Speaker 1: he can't later claim he never talks to women on there. Okay,

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Speaker 1: old account, he was looking on behalf of a friend,

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Speaker 1: et cetera.

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Speaker 2: I hate that whole thing of like, well, I wasn't

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Speaker 2: actually like you made the account.

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Speaker 1: You have an account, but like you were mad on

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Speaker 1: it in July. Right, it doesn't matter if you were

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Speaker 1: actively talking to women. You had the intention, right, and

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Speaker 1: that's enough.

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Speaker 2: You made an account on a site that is meant

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Speaker 2: for dating. Whether you're just talking to them or going

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Speaker 2: on dates or just having one is all the same.

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Speaker 1: Opie says, thank you. I am considering trying to catfish him.

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Speaker 1: I go to bed at nine says you don't need

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Speaker 1: proof to leave him. This isn't a court case exactly.

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Speaker 1: You know what you saw and you know why he

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Speaker 1: was on there. I'm so sorry he did this to you.

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Speaker 1: I agree. I don't think we need to go to

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Speaker 1: all the trouble of catfishing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's just gonna hurt you more in

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Speaker 2: this moment.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you need to do that. No, if

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Speaker 1: you want to, I think I think honestly, your time

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Speaker 1: should be spent finding a new place to live. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: hoping to thrive says, don't marry someone who's still out

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Speaker 1: there dating unless you're okay with an open relationship. If

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Speaker 1: you confront him, he'll say.

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Speaker 2: It belongs to a friend.

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Speaker 1: It was just a joke. I forgot. I even had

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Speaker 1: it test him out on the website and see if

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Speaker 1: he's active or if it really does belong to someone else.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is, like all of these people are

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Speaker 1: saying that he'll just lie. We already know that he's lying.

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Speaker 1: You know, you don't need to prove it, Opie says,

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Speaker 1: I think that's what I'm going to do. I texted

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Speaker 1: an old high school friend he's never seen Picks of

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Speaker 1: to ask if I could use her for my profile.

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Speaker 1: Get off your eye Horse says, if you have to

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Speaker 1: go through all that, I mean, come on, jump to

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Speaker 1: the dump you caught him.

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Speaker 2: Jump to the dot, jump to the dumb. Also, like

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Speaker 2: the fact that you didn't trust him enough that you

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Speaker 2: made the profile in the first place, already showed that

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Speaker 2: you knew that he was going to be up to

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Speaker 2: something exactly.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know that you had passed experiences and

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Speaker 1: maybe already felt a little more insecure than others might

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Speaker 1: who haven't experienced that, But yeah, it was still to

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Speaker 1: the extent where you had to search it up. Oh,

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Speaker 1: he says, he has never cheated on me before. That

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Speaker 1: was an X that you know of. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why I was so insecure about him

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Speaker 1: acting weird that I did some digging around and read

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Speaker 1: Amid says, don't listen to people saying you should catfish him.

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Speaker 1: That's very immature. Print out the profile and ask him

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Speaker 1: to explain. His reaction will tell you what you need

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Speaker 1: to know. If someone is using his photo online. I've

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Speaker 1: seen this happen on catfish, he'll be shocked and horrified.

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Speaker 1: If it's actually him, ninety five percent chance he'll be uncomfortable, evasive,

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Speaker 1: or give you a BS excuse. Then you can leave him.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he says, I'm one hundred percent sure it is him.

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Speaker 1: All the interests and favorite food, movies, music, plus life

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Speaker 1: aspirations match. I just don't know when he wrote the profile,

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Speaker 1: not recent picks, it was active in July. It doesn't matter,

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Speaker 1: it does not. It doesn't matter. And all of those

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Speaker 1: people who are like I didn't, I like, I forgot

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Speaker 1: to delete the account. That's not how those dating apps work.

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Speaker 1: It's just not how they work, right.

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Speaker 2: It wouldn't be actively showing saying that you're in July.

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Speaker 1: If you delete it, it will not be active. That's

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Speaker 1: just how they work. So anyone who tells you all,

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Speaker 1: I just do not like.

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Speaker 2: No, it will stay active for like a little bit,

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Speaker 2: like a week, maybe maybe a week, but they go

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Speaker 2: away quick.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like they they do. They will.

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Speaker 2: They're not gonna be on that account, like they know.

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Speaker 1: Edit one says thank you. Everyone. Further investigating is leading

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Speaker 1: me to believe that this is an older profile. The

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Speaker 1: picks aren't recent, and I can positively date eight out

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Speaker 1: of nine of them to before our relationship. The last

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure in the date. I think that means

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Speaker 1: a hacking signing in to try and delete the thing.

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Speaker 1: Scenarios is a little more plausible. I don't think that

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Speaker 1: in itself is enough to break up over what.

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Speaker 2: I think she's saying, Like, I think he just had

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Speaker 2: the account like paused, but the app deleted, and she

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Speaker 2: thinks that he went back in to fully delete the

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Speaker 2: account and that showed the like day of activity, which,

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Speaker 2: like I have heard of happening before. But that is

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Speaker 2: such a stretch to not tell your partner, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: by the way, realize I still had this paused. You

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Speaker 2: can even watch me download it and delete it.

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Speaker 1: Nah, because the thing is you have to unpause, Like

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Speaker 1: so okay, when you delete the app, it pauses and

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Speaker 1: you go back in and you have to actually unpause it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think I think she's saying. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: think stretch of the thing could be that he went

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Speaker 2: back in unpaused it to delete it.

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Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, Like I agree with that, Like that

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Speaker 1: you are reading what you saying. I'm just telling her

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Speaker 1: you're wrong. It's a stretch, Dude, you're wrong because he

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Speaker 1: would have to unpause it for you to have seen it,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I guess it is time to either

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Speaker 1: confront or catfish. I will post an update thread to

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Speaker 1: let y'all know the outcome, whatever that may be. Edit

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Speaker 1: two says, well, people here are kind of split on it,

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Speaker 1: but I took the advice to catfish. I need to

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Speaker 1: know for sure you do. We'll update when and if

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Speaker 1: anything comes of it. Edit three says kind of major update.

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Speaker 1: His profile is gone. I will be confronting him when

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Speaker 1: he gets home from work and there is an update

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Speaker 1: three days later. What do you think he's gonna say.

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Speaker 2: He's just gonna deny.

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Speaker 1: I think he's gonna yeah, it's gone now. It wasn't there.

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Speaker 1: That must have been a glitch.

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Speaker 2: I don't even think in this case that when people

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Speaker 2: are just like confronted with that kind of stuff, majority

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Speaker 2: of times they're not smart enough to be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: going into this elaborate like oh, it's because I unpaused

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Speaker 2: it to delete it, Like no, they just get flustered

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Speaker 2: and then it comes out kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: It would have been really obvious. I think that the

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Speaker 1: confrontation thing would have been a lot better. Yeah. Three

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Speaker 1: days later, op says, I posted a few days ago

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Speaker 1: because I found my fiance on an online dating site.

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Speaker 1: I took Reddit's advice and catfished him a few hours

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Speaker 1: after I set the bait I found that his profile

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Speaker 1: had been deleted. When he came home from work, I

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Speaker 1: showed him the screenshot and asked him what was up.

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Speaker 1: Long story short, he was hanging out with his coworker

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Speaker 1: and the coworker was frustrated with figuring out how to

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Speaker 1: navigate am dating site. My fiance signed into his old

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Speaker 1: account opened in twenty thirteen try to help his friend

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Speaker 1: figure it out. Apparently a lot had changed on this

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Speaker 1: particular site, and he realized that his knowledge on the

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Speaker 1: site was too out of date. So we logged out

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Speaker 1: and that was it.

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Speaker 2: Liar. It's just the fact that if like there's that

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Speaker 2: much trouble, why aren't you using the friend's account?

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Speaker 1: Literally he's such a liar.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And then also, why aren't you immediately said saying, hey,

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Speaker 2: I logged into this by the way, like if something

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Speaker 2: comes up, oh my god, is what happens?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely go to my boyfriend and be like, hey, like

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Speaker 1: my friend needed help. I like, is it okay? If

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Speaker 1: I just like do this to help her. I don't

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Speaker 1: even think I would I would get to that.

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Speaker 2: I think I would fully be like, okay, pull up

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Speaker 2: your account. I would never.

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Speaker 1: Log into a dating account to help someone with their

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Speaker 1: dating account.

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Speaker 2: Also, how old are these people?

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Speaker 1: Thirty?

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Speaker 2: You can figure it out. You can figure it out.

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Speaker 2: Do you understand that you have tech capabilities?

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Speaker 1: Yeah. A few days later, he saw in his email

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Speaker 1: that he had gotten a message from a woman on

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Speaker 1: the site, and he then deleted his account.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: He obviously couldn't show me his dating side account, but

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Speaker 1: he did volunteer to show me his email account. With

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Speaker 1: all the alerts from the site, the only woman that

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Speaker 1: had messaged him recently was clearly my fake account. He

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Speaker 1: also realized when we were looking through his email that

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Speaker 1: he had an unused old profile on another dating site. Huh,

221
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,400
Speaker 1: what why did that get there?

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00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:06,640
Speaker 2: Oh my god? What I should just I should download

223
00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,280
Speaker 2: them all to make sure to check, just to check.

224
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,640
Speaker 2: What if I made one in my sleep or something

225
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:12,720
Speaker 2: and I don't remember.

226
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:16,760
Speaker 1: I didn't Why they even get this, It's crazy. He

227
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,720
Speaker 1: signed in and deleted that one in front of me.

228
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,120
Speaker 1: I fessed up about catfishing him. He wasn't upset at all,

229
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,719
Speaker 1: said he understood completely considering my history. Goodline.

230
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 2: I know, don't believe this mess.

231
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,559
Speaker 1: He's literally going, yeah, no, I totally understand because you

232
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 1: have a history. So it makes sense that you would

233
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,200
Speaker 1: be insecure, Like, don't even worry, I'll forgive you. That's

234
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,720
Speaker 1: not crazy. Oh my god. He was more upset with

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Speaker 1: himself for not realizing that his behavior would make me

236
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Speaker 1: so insecure. God, you're a liar. I apologize for not

237
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,840
Speaker 1: trusting him and catfishing to apologize for being so distant

238
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Speaker 1: and not deleting his dating profiles age ago, you freaking liar?

239
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,760
Speaker 1: This is this is not even the thing? Is He's

240
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,920
Speaker 1: not even a good Liar's ope, he just really wants

241
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,320
Speaker 1: to believe him. And that's the heartbreaking up. And I

242
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:11,000
Speaker 1: get it.

243
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:17,520
Speaker 2: I get wanting to believe you're about to lying? Is

244
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,920
Speaker 2: he is? But you also have the history and trust

245
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,640
Speaker 2: your dang got It's usually right.

246
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,320
Speaker 1: He offered an open phone social media email policy between

247
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,320
Speaker 1: us in case we ever stumble across another trust but

248
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,640
Speaker 1: verified type of situation. Top relevant comments, Oh you're about

249
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:41,600
Speaker 1: to get red sooo bad. Shutter Speed says, what were

250
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,200
Speaker 1: you doing on this dating site? If you don't mind

251
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,880
Speaker 1: me asking, don't turn this around on her right now?

252
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,320
Speaker 1: Damn it, Charity said, we already know, he said. Opie says,

253
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,600
Speaker 1: I was looking for him. I have had a history

254
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Speaker 1: of being cheated on, and even with a few years

255
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: of therapy under my belt, I still have issues with

256
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,720
Speaker 1: implicit trust in my romance partners. He had been acting

257
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,800
Speaker 1: off lately and I thought he might be cheating.

258
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,720
Speaker 2: He was, he is. I don't trust him.

259
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,040
Speaker 1: So I signed up for the site and immediately searched

260
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,760
Speaker 1: for him by adjusting the search filters for his age, ethnicity, height,

261
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 1: zodiac sign, et cetera.

262
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:15,680
Speaker 2: Day.

263
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:16,960
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

264
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,360
Speaker 2: That's like when people go like right next to the

265
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,800
Speaker 2: person they want and send it to like zero miles.

266
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:27,199
Speaker 1: That's genius. Also, usually for like the like those added things,

267
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,800
Speaker 1: you have to pay extra, like I've never seen like

268
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,240
Speaker 1: on a dating site, like for ethnicity, height, for age

269
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,760
Speaker 1: it's free. But usually for like ethnicity.

270
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Speaker 2: Sch it or to have it on your profile.

271
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,920
Speaker 1: To like have it like only show you those people,

272
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,120
Speaker 1: it's usually extra.

273
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,320
Speaker 2: Some of them are pretty it's for different Yeah, maybe

274
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,240
Speaker 2: it's probably different. I don't know how AMI works.

275
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also don't know how that works.

276
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,680
Speaker 2: But yeah, typically age is the big one and location.

277
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Speaker 1: I found him on the first page of results. That

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00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,720
Speaker 1: was the only reason I was on the dating site.

279
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,000
Speaker 1: So just here says, so you found out why he

280
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,080
Speaker 1: was acting off if he wasn't cheating. Opie says, yes,

281
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,400
Speaker 1: he found out that his harmful father, who he is

282
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: in no contact with, has been diagnosed with the terminal

283
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,440
Speaker 1: illness and wants my fiance to contact him. He's been

284
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,280
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time in his own head and

285
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,680
Speaker 1: a lot of alone time trying to decide what he

286
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,120
Speaker 1: wants to do about it. Liar, he might.

287
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,000
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, he might have true be very sad.

288
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,520
Speaker 1: It could be true. But my point that he's lying

289
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,360
Speaker 1: about is that he's spending a lot of time in

290
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,760
Speaker 1: his own head, trying to say.

291
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,840
Speaker 2: I'm spending a lot of time in other women's head

292
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,840
Speaker 2: on those data.

293
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,199
Speaker 1: Now he totally this could be the reason why he

294
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,120
Speaker 1: started cheating, But that's what I am the only reason. Yeah,

295
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,720
Speaker 1: he's probably like, he's like, oh wow, I'm having all

296
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,520
Speaker 1: these thoughts. I use self sabotaging. I'm sure that's like

297
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,800
Speaker 1: the reason why he's still lying. He created the account

298
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,680
Speaker 1: with the plan to cheat. When he got the message,

299
00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,680
Speaker 1: he balked and deleted the account. The fantasy of cheating

300
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,920
Speaker 1: was more appealing than the reality. Why are you doubted?

301
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,040
Speaker 1: Why are you bulling their right spinning facts. You rather

302
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:03,360
Speaker 1: right up vote that man. I'm for him or person,

303
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,840
Speaker 1: please call him, come on op. He says he created

304
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:13,080
Speaker 1: the account in twenty thirteen, confirmed via email history he

305
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,960
Speaker 1: was single when he created it.

306
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 2: I don't care when he created it, he was using it.

307
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,680
Speaker 1: Why are we forgetting that it was the last active

308
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:21,320
Speaker 1: in July?

309
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 2: Why are we freeting that he had two two?

310
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,200
Speaker 1: Yes, you had to pitheistic says. Life is good, but

311
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,200
Speaker 1: you're so insecure you can't trust your boyfriend enough to

312
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,920
Speaker 1: have an adult conversation about this and instead go straight

313
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:38,000
Speaker 1: to catfishing. Why are we blaming this girl? Why are

314
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,480
Speaker 1: we blaming her? We should be blaming her for trusting

315
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,960
Speaker 1: him more. Stop trusting him, all of you guys trusting

316
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,240
Speaker 1: me like this is this is not the redded.

317
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,320
Speaker 2: I know the redit I know, and I know this

318
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,520
Speaker 2: is a freaking liar the reded I know which on.

319
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,520
Speaker 1: A median is they would find his other profile another

320
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 1: red that I know?

321
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,560
Speaker 2: Are you so forgiving about these people?

322
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,040
Speaker 1: I not only give this relationship six months tops unless

323
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,440
Speaker 1: you start handling problems in.

324
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 2: Help my God, like like how he handled the problem

325
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,480
Speaker 2: that he found out from his no contact father that

326
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,560
Speaker 2: he was passing and didn't tell you and just started

327
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,280
Speaker 2: getting into his head and not talking to you and

328
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,240
Speaker 2: stressing you out.

329
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,920
Speaker 1: Also didn't tell her, Yeah, one, that's real healthy communication.

330
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,600
Speaker 1: Literally didn't tell you about this. He's about to marry

331
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 1: you and didn't tell you about it, right, and you're

332
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:23,800
Speaker 1: out here being.

333
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,480
Speaker 2: Like, babe, what's wrong? Like you just seem really Awfulately,

334
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,160
Speaker 2: I want to help.

335
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:32,720
Speaker 1: He freaking blamed you again. He said he was like, oh, nothing, nothing,

336
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,200
Speaker 1: and you're like, what's going on? What's going on? He

337
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,000
Speaker 1: was like nothing. He's like, I haven't had a car

338
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,400
Speaker 1: for a while. Yeah, come on, this kind of situation

339
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,040
Speaker 1: will keep happening. Opie says, We've already been together a

340
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 1: year and a half and have picked a wedding date.

341
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:44,880
Speaker 2: A year and a half is nothing.

342
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 1: It's nothing. R zzz says op He may be Marriage

343
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,320
Speaker 1: at a time when trust and communication needs to be

344
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,240
Speaker 1: rebuilt is not a great idea. You both need time

345
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,840
Speaker 1: to develop a way to communicate and trust each other.

346
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,080
Speaker 1: The situation can be way more intense when married. What

347
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 1: if he decides snooping is a bad quality. What if

348
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 1: you realized you really can't trust him? Hope he says

349
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,520
Speaker 1: our wedding date isn't until twenty twenty. Okay, so this

350
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 1: was probably twenty nineteen.

351
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 2: And a shout out probably didn't get married that you're like,

352
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,200
Speaker 2: they play and.

353
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 1: Not because really, yeah, the universe said you're getting married.

354
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 1: Don't it happen?

355
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,400
Speaker 2: Because the universe is like, these two can't get me.

356
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,080
Speaker 1: They cannot. We've got plenty of time to work things through,

357
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:35,120
Speaker 1: and you'll have even more. You sure do. You don't

358
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 1: even know yet. This is so weird reading stories like

359
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,680
Speaker 1: this where you're like no.

360
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 2: Stop, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait, And.

361
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 1: This is replying to a deleted comment. Sorry, I don't

362
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 1: think you can speak for all men. My fiance has

363
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 1: been super understanding of the situation. He wants to work

364
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,520
Speaker 1: through it. He's not upset with me in the slightest.

365
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 1: Upsetting you for what I wanted to write. Sorry, nothing,

366
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 1: Sorry that two people choosing to stay together and work

367
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,680
Speaker 1: through things even when mistakes were made is so upsetting.

368
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god, girl, you're gonna look back on this

369
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,280
Speaker 2: the next time he does it, and you're gonna you're

370
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 2: gonna feel a little sip and listen.

371
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 1: I've been there, we felt listening before I've never felt

372
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 1: so gas lit story. This is crazy, MDP says, Sweet Babe,

373
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 1: Low Jesus. A lot of people on this thread and

374
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 1: need therapy, Opie Savior sanity and delete these threads, Opie says.

375
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,159
Speaker 1: And I thought I was the crazy and secure and

376
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 1: trusting one lol. But seriously, there were a few people

377
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 1: in my original ape and private messages who are very

378
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 1: helpful and just plain awesome. We asked for updates. I'll

379
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,080
Speaker 1: leave this thread up for them. At the end of

380
00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 1: the day, I won one hundred percent believe that my

381
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 1: fiance has been faithful and that our relationship is now

382
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 1: stronger for the experience. So I'm okay with letting the

383
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,720
Speaker 1: grumpy mcgrum persons continuing to whine about how much of

384
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:57,879
Speaker 1: a dog he is.

385
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 2: So maybe they're just not including those they must be there.

386
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,560
Speaker 2: And you know what, I'll take the role of grub

387
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,159
Speaker 2: payment grumbas. I'll take it.

388
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 1: I will wear that crowd pride and how stupid I

389
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: am for believing him, or that I'm an insane piece

390
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,760
Speaker 1: of stalker trash and whatnot. There is a little bit

391
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,679
Speaker 1: left to the story, but oh my goodness, gracious.

392
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,920
Speaker 2: And listen, now we're at the point she's doing it,

393
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 2: she's just staying and married well, and you're about to

394
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 2: have so much time to think. And I really I'm

395
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 2: gonna check after this if we have an update.

396
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 1: I need to know during the VIN I need to

397
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,480
Speaker 1: know if their relationship was able to to test like

398
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 1: that hard, to that hard, because you're about to test

399
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 1: harder than you've ever tested before. And I don't believe

400
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:44,960
Speaker 1: in you.

401
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: But maybe you made it through and then it gets

402
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 2: back to like okay, and maybe I'm just putting my

403
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 2: past experiences into her and maybe it'll work out and

404
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,440
Speaker 2: for you, girl, I hope it does. I don't have

405
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 2: any little faith and.

406
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: I have no faith I have I have no bias

407
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 1: on this. I just don't have faith in this relationship, hope,

408
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: he says, replying to another deleted comment. I did come

409
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 1: here looking for advice. That was what my entire ope

410
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,160
Speaker 1: was about. I took the advice to catfishm that wasn't

411
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 1: our advice, to be clear, So then the advice to

412
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 1: confront him after following that advice, the fact that he

413
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 1: did not fall for the catfishing, that he deleted the

414
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:24,199
Speaker 1: account on his own accord. Listening to his explanation, hearing

415
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 1: the sincerity in his voice, recognizing his attempts to make

416
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,480
Speaker 1: sure no misunderstanding like this happens again, seeing the hurt

417
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 1: in his eyes because he recognized how upset I had been,

418
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,119
Speaker 1: his willingness to be open with his phone, an email

419
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 1: going forward, in a host of other things. I do

420
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 1: not believe he was cheating on me. It is as

421
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: simple as that. I believe him. I think you're projecting

422
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,360
Speaker 1: a lot here, especially with that comment about getting pregnant.

423
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 1: And I don't know what that comment said, downloaded to

424
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 1: comment or a deleted comment. But that's the end of

425
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 1: the story. So we have no idea what happens next.

426
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 1: Maybe there's an update we can find, but I don't

427
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 1: have a lot of hope seeing as this was posted

428
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 1: before twenty twenty.

429
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 2: I just want to know if the wedding happened or

430
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 2: not in twenty twenty, like it could have been like

431
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 2: a January February wedding.

432
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 1: I kind of think, because if there is no post,

433
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 1: either they're outrageously happy they broke up and now they

434
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 1: have nothing more to updated.

435
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 2: But those would be the two options. My fiance openly

436
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: talked about our private matters and dismissed me being heard

437
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 2: about it.

438
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 1: Dude, shut up. Trigger warning for tribic language.

439
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 2: I thirty two male, have been with my fiance, thirty

440
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,120
Speaker 2: four female, for two years now, and I found out

441
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 2: recently that she's been sharing intimate details about our spicy

442
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 2: sleep life with pretty much anyone who asks, including friends,

443
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 2: co workers, and strangers she's just met.

444
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the yikes.

445
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway Drag eleven and

446
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 2: if you want us meet your own stories, go to

447
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 2: the r slash okay storytime subreddit and we're here to

448
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,360
Speaker 2: give good advice scoofully, but we don't have all the answers.

449
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 2: We only know what we would do, so let us

450
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 2: know what you would do in the comments. And Opie

451
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,359
Speaker 2: says for backstory, I was fat and depressed most of

452
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 2: my life and at twenty nine, I finally stuck with

453
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 2: a diet an exercise plan that works with me and

454
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 2: the results have been great.

455
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: Without trying to.

456
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:21,400
Speaker 2: Brag, I have a lean, toned body, okay or right,

457
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 2: without trying to brag, ah, I've got in shape. Oh yeah,

458
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 2: think of a swimmer's body with some free weights added.

459
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 2: Since these activities are my favorite ways to work out.

460
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 2: Last year's Halloween was the first time I felt confident

461
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 2: enough to wear a revealing outfit to try and show

462
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 2: off a bit. I have pretty curly hair and I've

463
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 2: always admired men that could pull off androgynous looks. That Halloween,

464
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 2: I went as doctor Frank and further up, I love you,

465
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 2: You're great, You're great.

466
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 1: Oh and we have a description stop it.

467
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 2: My outfit was a corset, fishnets, heels, a fake pearl necklace,

468
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 2: and a biker jacket in case I got cold.

469
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: You're exactly who you think you are, exactly know who

470
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: you are, rock and It's true.

471
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 2: My fiance absolutely went wild when she saw me in it.

472
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: Joy, don't we all want our partners when Doctor Frankenfurner

473
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: outfits and you know, hadn't thought of it before. Yeah,

474
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: my boy friend and I went to zee Rocky Horror

475
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 1: and I said, and you should try that.

476
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 2: And was probably the spiciest I'd ever seen her that night.

477
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 2: So we had spicy sleep while I was still in

478
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 2: the outfit, heels and all.

479
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 1: I hope dam.

480
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 2: Since then, she's asked me if I would occasionally dress

481
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 2: in lingerie for her. I don't really get any spicy

482
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 2: related pleasure from wearing them, but she likes it, so

483
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 2: it became a semi regular part of our spicy sleep life.

484
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 2: Now I have a collection of corsets, garter belts, fishnets, stockings, thongs,

485
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 2: and pantyhose.

486
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 1: You are exactly, oh you think you are.

487
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 2: I don't wear them regularly, and I wouldn't wear them

488
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 2: at all if it wasn't for my fiance. I guess

489
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 2: she must have told her friends about it, because one

490
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 2: of my friends is dating one of her friends, and

491
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 2: he shared a screenshot of their text saying that I

492
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 2: like to dress and drag.

493
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: Okay, see that that is inappropriate at that point, because

494
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: the most that I thought this, like, yeah, that I

495
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 1: think is like an acceptable thing is like maybe your closest,

496
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: most trusted friend or maybe a small group of them

497
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 1: get some like details of like, oh my god, guess

498
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: what's happening kind of I think that. So personally I

499
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: think that's okay. It varies, you know, relationship to relationship.

500
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 2: I should not be making it out of that.

501
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: No, No, absolutely not. And also those friends should have

502
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 1: never told their partners. That's incredibly inappropriate. Yeah, I wouldn't

503
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 1: if my friend came to me and told me something

504
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,199
Speaker 1: that they were intimate that they were doing with their partner.

505
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: I would not go and then tell my partner or

506
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 1: other people that's completely inappropriate.

507
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 2: And also though, if you did your partner, I would

508
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 2: hope that it was because maybe they were also there

509
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 2: and were also just receiving the information. Yes, if I

510
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 2: was the partner and got that information that person, I

511
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 2: would never go back to my friend originally and be like, so.

512
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 1: You like to do this? Yeah?

513
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 2: No, gross, you're just jealous because he's hot, freaking hot.

514
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 2: You're not.

515
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: You couldn't pull off that course at any sir. You're

516
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:26,239
Speaker 1: not who you think you are.

517
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 2: He asked me if it was true, making sure to

518
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 2: let me know he wasn't going to judge me.

519
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: Then why are you asking then? Literally? Why? Oh, I'm

520
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: not going to judge you. But is it true? Is

521
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 1: it true that my girlfriend goes wild for me?

522
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

523
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: I know, honestly, you respond like, oh, hell yeah, my

524
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: girlfriend loves it. Yeah you should try it, dude. Yeah,

525
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: that's how you respond.

526
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 2: And I told him when I typed above. But obviously

527
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 2: I was pissed that so many people knew the intimate

528
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 2: details about our spicy sleep life. I confronted my fiance

529
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 2: about it, and it's important to know that she's a

530
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 2: pretty free spirit when it comes to spicy proclivity, and

531
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 2: I asked her why she shared that information. She said,

532
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 2: we all talk about our spicy sleep lives in the

533
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: group chat.

534
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 1: I don't love. I think that when you have close friends,

535
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: I think, especially before you get into like a committed relationship,

536
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: I think there is a level of like honesty, especially

537
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: in like female relationships. I can't speak on male but

538
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 1: where you are telling a lot of what happened in

539
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: detail on these dates that you went on. However, when

540
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: you then get into a relationship, you should start tell

541
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 1: a little less. There are certain people I think that

542
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: you can.

543
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 2: It still depends on friend of friends. No, it does,

544
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 2: and you need to know both your partner's comfortability with

545
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 2: it and your friends.

546
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: Yes, I think there are still people in my life

547
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: that I am a lot more honest with than you know. Everyone.

548
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 1: You should know who to tell and who not to tell. Yeah,

549
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: and also like if you should, you know what to tell. Yeah,

550
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: and your partner clearly doesn't know that.

551
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 2: I asked who else knew and why she thought it

552
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 2: was okay to share, and she said, st I'm blowing

553
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 2: this up. I've only told a few coworkers and my

554
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: friends whenever we talk about spicy sleep. I got really

555
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 2: mad and left to stay at a friends that night,

556
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 2: and I told her that I was seriously reconsidering whether

557
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: I wanted to be in this relationship or not. Now

558
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 2: she's alternating between trying to get me to come home

559
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 2: so we can talk and telling me that I'm blowing

560
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 2: things out of proportion because there's nothing wrong with what

561
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 2: we do. I know there's nothing wrong with what we do,

562
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 2: but I consider it private and I honestly feel a

563
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 2: bit emasculated.

564
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 1: No, No, you know who you are.

565
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 2: You know you know are you know who we are.

566
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 2: I know whearing lingerie doesn't make me any more or

567
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 2: less of a man, but emotionally I still feel that way.

568
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 2: I'm not even really sure why I'm here. I think

569
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 2: I just need to talk to people on the internet

570
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 2: because it's not comfortable to talk about this stuff with

571
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: anyone in real life. See. So now I'm feeling too

572
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: like you and your fiance are at opposite extremes of

573
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 2: the scale of comfortability and it just wasn't talked about.

574
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 2: And I think like personally from me, I would say, dude, like,

575
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 2: don't requestion the whole relationship, but definitely be like and

576
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 2: going forward, here's my comfortability with this.

577
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: Do not talk about this stuff and.

578
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 2: Then if you still hear of it happening, then a

579
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 2: boundary's when crossed. I agree, I'm just wondering, fully, if

580
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 2: she just didn't realize.

581
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: I think there is a level of that because some

582
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: people are a lot more open. But I think that

583
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: you should talk to your partners about one hundred percent.

584
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,119
Speaker 2: Should and you are totally valid for still being uncomfortable

585
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 2: and if that is your breaking point, sure, but I

586
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 2: feel like if you wanted to, you can set that

587
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 2: and keep going.

588
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like usually there's like a lot I

589
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like that it's kind of not

590
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: maybe easy, but it does seem kind of easy to

591
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 1: know which things should be told and which not. And yeah,

592
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: but I guess she didn't pick that up.

593
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 2: I really don't know how to get over this, if

594
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 2: I should get over this, or if I'm just being

595
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: too sensitive. I love her more than anyone in the world,

596
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: but she show and she doesn't care if her actions

597
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 2: make me feel bad. My head's a mess and any

598
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 2: advice is appreciated, and we have some comments deleted. It

599
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 2: says it's literally emasculating you for her spicy hobby, which

600
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: you're willing to do to appease her desires. It's literally

601
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,479
Speaker 2: emasculating you for her spicy hobby.

602
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out if this person is anti

603
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: drag from that sentence, because it kind of sounds like

604
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: you're anti drug. Do you think that it's emasculating for

605
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 1: him to be in drag, which you're dead wrong with?

606
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 2: That is exactly what it's saying. A you're telling you're telling.

607
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 1: Me Tim Curry as doctor Frankenfurter is not a freakin'

608
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: man like piece a hunk in that role. Not that

609
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: doctor Frankenfurter is man, but that Tim Curry is not

610
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: hot in that role. You're lying, You're lying to me.

611
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 2: That's a heck of a sacrifice. She isn't even capable

612
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 2: of admitting. She shouldn't have shared that without your permission.

613
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: She is wrong in every way possible. That would be

614
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 2: a one way ticket to make me walk on eggshells

615
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 2: around her, so you can do things for her, But

616
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: she isn't willing to do things for you like keep

617
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 2: it private. She needs to apologize, understand boundaries, and be

618
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: better person. I do think that she could apologize and

619
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 2: understand boundaries half right, But I don't think that she's

620
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: like I think she's just that kind of person. I

621
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 2: think she's just open.

622
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: I agree she is crossing boundaries. She is an a

623
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: hole for saying, oh, like what, what's a big deal?

624
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 2: And not doesn't need an apology.

625
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: But this person is coming from the idea that this

626
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: is a like sacrifice, right, I mean literally said sacrifice

627
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 1: for op.

628
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 2: Op was like, I'm not really like against doing it.

629
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: Oh he dressed as doctor Frankenforter by choice choice because

630
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 2: he felt hot.

631
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 1: Yes, because doctor Frankenfurter is hot. I don't what are

632
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: we getting here.

633
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 2: The funny part is, I don't really think doctor Frankenferter's

634
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 2: said it's okay where we have to fit. But now

635
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 2: every time you see her friends and coworkers, they're going

636
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 2: to see you in a skimpy lace. Now, because they're

637
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: probably normal people who aren't imagining their friends partners in lingerie.

638
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: Strange comment one they haven't seen a picture of him,

639
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,959
Speaker 1: and three like OPI went out as doctor Frankfurter. Why

640
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: I've seen it. They've seen it, they've seen it.

641
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 2: Good luck, man. She sucks for that, But I don't

642
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 2: know if it's relationship ending. She just needs to ask

643
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 2: you first.

644
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, last cent, dude, you're confusing me.

645
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 2: There's more than this commenter.

646
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: This commenter makes no sense. I'm like, yeah, okay, no, yeah,

647
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 1: that's a good point. No side.

648
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 2: Also, don't do anything you don't want to anymore. I

649
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 2: know you say you don't mind it's for her, but

650
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 2: if a part of you doesn't want to do it,

651
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: don't do We not read the story.

652
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 1: Opie said, he's not turned on by it. It doesn't

653
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: mean that he doesn't want.

654
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 2: To do it. Opie says, I think you were able

655
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 2: to articulate some of the things I feel in a

656
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 2: way I couldn't. Thanks for comment. Okay, well deleted responds.

657
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: What happens behind closed doors must stay behind closed doors.

658
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 2: I understand if she talked about it to close friends,

659
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 2: maybe she didn't know your boundaries. But invading your privacy

660
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 2: and degrading your dignity to strangers co workers by talking

661
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 2: about something so intimate is not okay. It really shows

662
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 2: the lack of morality.

663
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: And boundaries on her part.

664
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 2: To top it off, she has been trying to make

665
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. The

666
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 2: issue may be deeper than you anticipated if she's more

667
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 2: inclined to gaslighting you rather than trying to solve the

668
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 2: issue and apologize. And we have an updated a little

669
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: over two months later. Only comment I fully agree with

670
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 2: that was the same dude what dude?

671
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: Well, I agree with that comment. I don't agree with

672
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: your other comments.

673
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 2: I think that was the same deleted account responding to

674
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 2: Ope's response, goat you.

675
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: Okay, well that comment you were right. The other comments

676
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: were only half right.

677
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 2: The other comments were just him really hung up that

678
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 2: he thought that men wearing landree was a masculine.

679
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: You wearing lingerie? Oh my god, I would never do that.

680
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: I can't believe you did that for your girlfriend and

681
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: then she betrayed you, which she did betray him. It's

682
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: not a sacrifice for him to do it. He never

683
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: said that. Stop putting words in his mouth. Hey it's Sam.

684
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

685
00:31:59,040 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes back.

686
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 2: It's from her sponsors. Update a little over two months later,

687
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 2: I decided to break up with my fiance, and it

688
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 2: started a crap storm. It seems like probably, she continued, Yeah,

689
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 2: so I think that commenter might have come after this

690
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 2: update and we just got it beforehand. Okay, I could

691
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 2: be wrong. I told her I felt disrespected and it

692
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 2: was effed up that she would try to pass off

693
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 2: her spicy hobby as mine, especially when she knew that

694
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 2: the only reason I participated was for her sake. Okay,

695
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 2: ing it, she begged and pleaded for me to take

696
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 2: her back, but I just couldn't view her in the

697
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 2: same way and I couldn't feel comfortable around her. After

698
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 2: she realized I wouldn't take her back, she started calling

699
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 2: me a little witch and a sissy, which struck me

700
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 2: as off because I don't know many people who use

701
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: the word sissy, and said she'd make sure everyone knows

702
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 2: how much of a witch I was.

703
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: You suck girl this.

704
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 2: You had a kind of a partner, You had a

705
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 2: man that willing dressed as doctor Frankenforter because he felt

706
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 2: hot as that.

707
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: And then you freaking do this, you like suck you

708
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: freaking suck you what I'm.

709
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 2: An I'm way on the other commenters thing. Now me

710
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: to say, for the fact that I still don't think

711
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 2: that him doing this was a mask.

712
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: L No, No, I don't think that. I don't think that,

713
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: and I think that you, like I want you to

714
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: like get into the headset or the mindset of being like,

715
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: go back to a strong you.

716
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 2: Know, Yeah, go back to your frank inforter mindset.

717
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: Yes, go back to that mindset. However, I do fully

718
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: agree now because you've said I only did it for her,

719
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: and then she lied, saying that it was she sucks

720
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,959
Speaker 1: all the way, she's an a hole. Yeah, get rid

721
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: of her own up to your own spicy wine.

722
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 2: Come on. This whole confrontation happened in our apartment and

723
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 2: it was after she said all that that I decided

724
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 2: to leave. She told everyone she could think of that

725
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 2: I had a laingdrie spicy hobby and I loved wearing

726
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 2: women's underwear. Okay, so she was just what I read,

727
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: a head and we can't we can't say that word.

728
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 2: But she also started using some language, specifically calling me

729
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 2: a slur for a person. Lucky for me, I never

730
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 2: allowed her to take pictures of me while I was

731
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: in lingerie, and.

732
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 1: You get a suitor if she shared it. Oh yeah, easy.

733
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 2: So when some family members and friends asked, I just

734
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 2: told them she was crazy and trying to get back

735
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 2: at me for breaking up with her. Maybe it would

736
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 2: have been better to explain the situation, but I'm still embarrassed.

737
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 2: I didn't think anyone really needed to know any specifics

738
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:30,800
Speaker 2: about the situation.

739
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: I just want ope, she sucks. She's a terrible person.

740
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 2: We didn't have all this info earlier.

741
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: She sucks. She's a terrible person, And I just want like,

742
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: you are no less of a man for wearing like

743
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: if I don't have gender.

744
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 2: You were like low key moore of a man for

745
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 2: being so in my thing for her.

746
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: You were a better partner for doing something for your partner.

747
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: This is what she wanted, and you probably looked freaking

748
00:34:58,760 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: hot doing it.

749
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, screw her. Her family was sure to let me

750
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: know that I was a pos and weird and slur

751
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 2: for trip. I blocked her and thumb though, so that

752
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: didn't last for long. Our lease was almost almost up

753
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 2: and I have a friend who owns his home, so

754
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: it was relatively easy to move out. I burned all

755
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: the lingerie eye bought, so now there is no real

756
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 2: evidence of that particular activity, which is a weight off

757
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 2: my shoulders. I mean, I will say, I don't think

758
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 2: you needed to burn it, but like I can understand

759
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 2: you don't need it anymore because it wasn't really your thing.

760
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: I do kind of just hate the implication that OPI

761
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: feels shame for this to the point where you like

762
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: you have to burn it. This there is nothing shameful

763
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 1: about this.

764
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 2: She's just a terrible person.

765
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 1: She just is a terrible, awful person.

766
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 2: I really wish I could forget the whole relationship, to

767
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 2: be honest, I'm looking into buying my own house since

768
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 2: I have a decent amount of savings and my friend

769
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: is only charging the utilities so I can save up

770
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 2: even more.

771
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: There's just a little bit less any thoughts, Just that

772
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: this woman is like such a piece of trash, so

773
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,839
Speaker 1: much to the point where like she found this perfect man,

774
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: this truly perfect man who like was willing to listen to,

775
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 1: you know, her needs and desires, and then she went

776
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 1: and freaking destroyed that relationship.

777
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 2: So weird of her too to be spreading these like

778
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 2: oh my god, can you believe he does this? Like, girl,

779
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 2: all you had to do was just not say anything

780
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 2: about it and no one would have known. Thank god

781
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 2: you did low key so that he could get out

782
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 2: of here because you suck. Oh yeah. A bright note

783
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 2: in all of this is that she lost her friends nice.

784
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 2: It turns out that her friends didn't like how she

785
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 2: was talking about me, so they recruited my other friend

786
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 2: to ask me about the text I mentioned in the

787
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 2: previous post.

788
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 1: I take it back that guy who texted you props

789
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 1: to him.

790
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: After we broke up, I got several messages from them

791
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 2: saying they thought how she treated me was efta and

792
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 2: that they'd all stop talking to her. I think it's

793
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,439
Speaker 2: cool that they stood up for me, despite not knowing

794
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 2: me all that well. These past couple of months have

795
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 2: been really hard on me, and though I got out

796
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 2: in a relatively easy way, I still can't seem to

797
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 2: move past it. I've been drinking more than I should

798
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 2: and turning to psychedelics to try and process the whole situation.

799
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 2: I know these actions are self destructive, but it's so

800
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 2: hard to face the world. I feel embarrassed, emasculated, and unattractive.

801
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: You never feel unattractive.

802
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,760
Speaker 2: You know who you are. Go back and listen, now, Sophia,

803
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: things frank Inferteries rewind the tape. I can't see how

804
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to open up to a partner in the

805
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,320
Speaker 2: future when my trust has been broken in such a

806
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 2: uniquely painful way. Oh Pe, God, there are good people.

807
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: Out there, anyone dim spot Let them do it please.

808
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: I really wish I could turn my emotions off and

809
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 2: just live in a state of apathy. I know I

810
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 2: should probably try therapy, yes, but this intent shame makes

811
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 2: it really hard to talk about anyway. I'm just updating

812
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 2: Reddit in effort to get all these feelings out somewhere.

813
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 2: I hope this update offered some closure for anyone interested

814
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 2: in my story. And that is the end of that story.

815
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: Pe, devastating this is that was a devastating story.

816
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: I was devastating. Oh Pee, I'm sure you're hot as

817
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 2: f and go out into the world and continue to

818
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 2: be that same confident person if you can, because there's

819
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 2: there's people that are gonna think you're the coolest person ever,

820
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 2: and those are the correct people.

821
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 1: There are other women out there who think you're hottie,

822
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 1: so go find those laters.

823
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 2: There are other people out there that know you're how

824
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 2: hot talking right, Furter is yeah, but that is the

825
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 2: end of that story. And we've got another one.

826
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: My ex demanded fifty to fifty custody after cheating on me.

827
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 2: Hopefully you're not in a state that demands that.

828
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 1: I thirty three female, dated Paul thirty he eight mail

829
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: for about seven years. When I got pregnant with my

830
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,800
Speaker 1: son six mail, we were both very excited. He wasn't planned,

831
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,800
Speaker 1: but we both wanted him. We made plans, he proposed,

832
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: and we were talking about just going to the courthouse

833
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 1: or having a wedding after the baby was here. But

834
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: when I was seven months pregnant, he left me for

835
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: a co worker. By the way, this comes from complex

836
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: ass and if you want to submit your own stories,

837
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 1: go to the r slash. Okay, storytime subbured it and

838
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: we're here to give good advice. Goofy. But we don't

839
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

840
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the

841
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: comments and op says I had no backbone then, even

842
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 1: though it was our apartment, he kicked me out and

843
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: I tried making it work, staying in our city. I

844
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,439
Speaker 1: didn't want a random roommate with a baby, and even

845
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 1: studio apartments in bad areas were crazy expensive. One of

846
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: his couple friends were letting me stay with them, but

847
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,320
Speaker 1: I really didn't have any other friends who had stayed

848
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: in the city. I gave birth there and I did

849
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: really try to make it work, but when my son

850
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 1: was six months I had to move back to my

851
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: hometown in the Midwest. Me a lot for it, and

852
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 1: I ended up having to put him on formal child

853
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: support for him to send me any money. I stayed

854
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: with my parents for a while, but now own my

855
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: home and we really made a great life here. Sometimes

856
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: Paul would fly in and see our son. He's probably

857
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:19,439
Speaker 1: only ever had him overnight like five times though, thank god. Anyways, Yeah,

858
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: that's the background. But Paul and his new wife are

859
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 1: moving to my town in a few weeks, which is great.

860
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: But the other day he texted me saying that it

861
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: would work best for him and his wife, Angie, to

862
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: do switchovers every Wednesday. I'd been asking him about where

863
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: they were going to live, like the area, to see

864
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 1: about custody stuff, and this was the first thing he

865
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 1: said about it. To be clear, I'm fine with going

866
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: to fifty to fifty custody over time in a reasonable way.

867
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to keep my son from his dad

868
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: at all, but everything I've read says that starting it

869
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: slowly is best for my son. We're obviously very close,

870
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: so this is going to be a fragile transition for

871
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: him to not always be living with me. I want

872
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 1: this to be a positive experience for my son and

873
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 1: not traumatic. I think starting with every other weekend and

874
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: then school nights to help transition it. But he's been

875
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 1: really rude about it. I'm okay financially, but things are

876
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: still hard. I'd rather not have to resort to lawyers

877
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 1: and waste money when I'm willing to go towards fifty

878
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 1: to fifty. He just keeps calling me bitter and ungrateful

879
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: and saying I just want child so bort thank God,

880
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: which he hardly ever pays. By the way, I was

881
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 1: venting to a coworker and he told me that what

882
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: Paul was doing was so impressive and I needed to

883
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: put more effort into making it work. He said I

884
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 1: should be more grateful that Paul is moving here for

885
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 1: his son and to be more easy going.

886
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 2: No, because Paul is not taking his son into account

887
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 2: at all, so he's already being a bad death.

888
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: Exactly, and it doesn't matter where he has been showing

889
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 1: up to the place that his sons lives.

890
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,720
Speaker 2: She is not saying that fifty to fifty custody won't

891
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 2: eventually be a thing. Yeah, she's just saying, Hey, what's

892
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 2: best for our son is that he has a transition

893
00:41:57,719 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 2: period for this, because this is a lot.

894
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 1: It's like crazy for this guy to just kind of

895
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 1: show up after seven years and say, oh, well, now

896
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: I want to know I want a.

897
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 2: Parent and every Wednesday, Yeah, that'll be the transition. That's

898
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 2: mid school week, dude.

899
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: So now I'm wondering if I'm the ale and being

900
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: bitter and ungrateful. No, common one says, not the ale.

901
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 1: Go to court and sue him back for child support

902
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,399
Speaker 1: and don't agree to change your custody arrangement. Make him

903
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: go to court to get that done. You owe him nothing.

904
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: Letting the court sort it out is your best course

905
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,399
Speaker 1: of action. And there is an update John here. We're

906
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: gonna get back to this juicy story, but a quick

907
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: three minute break of ads from our sponsors. Things have

908
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: been weird. My ex Paul was pretty rude and cruel

909
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,439
Speaker 1: towards me when I posted I see his parents every

910
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 1: so often so that they can see our son, and

911
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: during one of these times before they moved here, I

912
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: basically told them my concerns. I didn't want to keep

913
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,320
Speaker 1: our son from Paul. I just wanted the transition to

914
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 1: be positive. His dad said that he believed basically Paul

915
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: doesn't understand how attached kids this age are to their parents.

916
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,880
Speaker 1: They see every day like he's fine going to school

917
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 1: and even sometimes has sleepovers. He's not a mama's boy

918
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: or anything. He's just a regular kid. His parents said

919
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: they'd talk to him, but keep it discreet. I don't

920
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 1: know how hard they tried to keep it discreet, but

921
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Paul stopped pushing the fifty to

922
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: fifty custody attacking me and was being much nicer. That's

923
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: good of his parents, then, yeah, go parents. He said

924
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: he wanted us both to come over and see the

925
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: new house together and I could meet his wife. I

926
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: wasn't thrilled about meeting his wife or anything, but I

927
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 1: do think it's important that we meet. If I ever

928
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 1: date again, I would introduce someone to Paul before our son,

929
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: so I got some information before they moved here. From

930
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: my ex mother in law. I had asked her how

931
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 1: many kids his new wife, I'll call her Shelley, had,

932
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 1: what she did, etc. She's forty four in sales and

933
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: has two daughters with her ex husband, who are thirteen

934
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: and eleven. They divorced after their son passed away a

935
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: few years ago. Wow. Her daughters stayed back in New

936
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: York for the school year with their dad, but we'll

937
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: be here on breaks. It felt weird knowing so much

938
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 1: about her before meeting her, but I'm sure Paul told

939
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 1: her all about me. Anyways, after they got settled in,

940
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 1: they invited us over for dinner. Their house is nice,

941
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: It's in a safe neighborhood. Shelley made a point to

942
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: say that their neighbors with a pool have a fence,

943
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: and she's already talked to them. I kind of left that.

944
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: Paul was nice, almost too nice, you know, when you

945
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 1: know someone is being nicer or on their best behavior,

946
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 1: Like I know you don't actually act like this, please

947
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: be serious. But he remembered my food allergies after all

948
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: these years. Shelley seems nice, kind of anxious, but sweet.

949
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 1: She seems to like my son a lot. Last time

950
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 1: he'd gone there, he came back talking about some treat

951
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 1: I guess it's a recipe she has and she made it.

952
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: She offered me the recipe, but I told her it

953
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 1: could just be her thing. I did thank her, but

954
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: I don't like baking. She remembered his favorite shows in

955
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,959
Speaker 1: characters and played with him while Paul and I talked.

956
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 1: His work week is Sunday through Thursday, so his weekends

957
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:50,320
Speaker 1: are Friday and Saturday. He agreed that fifty to fifty

958
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 1: would be too much, too fast, and actually apologized. He

959
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,879
Speaker 1: said he was just excited. We agreed that he'd pick

960
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 1: our son up from school on Thursdays and drop him

961
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,720
Speaker 1: off at my place before work on Sundays. The first weekend,

962
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: my son did great. The second he asked me to

963
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: pick him up on Saturday, but then asked to go

964
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 1: back that night. I know it's a bad precedent, but

965
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: he's a little guy and going through a chain, so

966
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: I brought him back. He's been really happy ever since.

967
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: Paul also paid me the money he's owed me. I

968
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 1: asked him why he didn't pay me before and got

969
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: mad when he wouldn't tell me, and he admitted he

970
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: borrowed it from his parents.

971
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 2: This is like low key though turning around great.

972
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like his parents really had an effect

973
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:30,240
Speaker 1: on him.

974
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 2: And I'm very I was like, very happy to hear that,

975
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 2: even though Paul really wasn't around that her ex in laws.

976
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're daid around so much. Yes, super active and

977
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: in their lives.

978
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 2: And I just like the idea that. I feel like

979
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 2: the little guy was testing, like we would you pick

980
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 2: me up whenever I wanted? And then he got picked

981
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 2: up on everyone and he was like, okay, picking up

982
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 2: back now He's like that's fine, Great, that's sweet. I

983
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 2: like that.

984
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 1: After we had that clean slate, we reworked child support

985
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 1: since he has physical custody and parenting time. I told

986
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 1: him it was his job to file the custody with

987
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,399
Speaker 1: the courts, and I don't know if he's done that yet.

988
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: I'm sure if I asked Shelly, she'll take care of it.

989
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 1: She's not terrible, kind of annoying, and her energy can

990
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 1: be a little frenetic. But I don't have bad vibes

991
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 1: from her, if you know what I mean.

992
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 2: Okay, I kind of feel.

993
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 1: Bad for her. I do obviously feel bad for her

994
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. I don't feel possessive of my son

995
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: over her. She sends me pictures when he's there and

996
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,919
Speaker 1: gives me updates and recaps. Thing can be a bit much,

997
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: but I guess it's better than the alternative. I don't

998
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: do the same for them, and sometimes I feel guilty

999
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: should I be doing that. There is a little bit

1000
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 1: left to this story, any final thoughts.

1001
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 2: Seems like everything's good now, seemingly okay. Yeah, that went

1002
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 2: as well as it could have.

1003
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, it seems like, oh, he's a

1004
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: little wary, but rightly so very fair, very fair.

1005
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 2: But it seems like everything's fine, You're doing great.

1006
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: I'm actually better about all of it than I've thought

1007
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: it would be, don't get me wrong. The first night

1008
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,280
Speaker 1: he was there, I cried myself to sleep and watched

1009
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 1: his favorite movie. But it got better. There's a Thursday

1010
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: class at the local school. Well next semester I want

1011
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 1: to take. And I've been seeing friends at night and

1012
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 1: on weekends. More holidays will be weird. Shelley's girls will

1013
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 1: be here for the week of Thanksgiving, and they asked

1014
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 1: if my son could go over that week after he

1015
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 1: gets out of school Tuesday. I know it's weird, but

1016
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: my family doesn't do Thanksgiving. Like when my son was younger,

1017
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 1: I invited some family over and did the whole dinner

1018
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,919
Speaker 1: thing and worked myself ragged and realized why we don't.

1019
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: They invited me to come to their house for Thanksgiving,

1020
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: and I got super anxious about it, so I told

1021
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: them I already had signed up to volunteer, and now

1022
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,239
Speaker 1: I need to find somewhere to volunteer. So, yeah, not

1023
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 1: the most exciting update, but I'm hoping things stay on

1024
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 1: dramatic and that is the end of that story, and

1025
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 1: I hope things do too. Me too. This all seems great, lovely.

1026
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: Yeah ten out of ten. Yeah, you figured it out

1027
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: and I'm proud of you for it. Yeah, but that

1028
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 1: is the end of the story and the end of

1029
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: the episode. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1030
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow.