WEBVTT - Just Jennie: Quiet Strength in a Loud Season

0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:09.760
<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone,

0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:15.040
<v Speaker 1>it's me just Jenny today. I'm so glad you're here. Actually,

0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:18.239
<v Speaker 1>i'm so glad i'm here because for a minute there,

0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:20.079
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't sure I was going to make it to

0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:24.799
<v Speaker 1>the microphone today, you guys, I want to share some

0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:27.680
<v Speaker 1>of what's going on in my life right now. And

0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I'm sharing to connect or because

0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I just need someone to listen. So, if you don't know,

0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:39.200
<v Speaker 1>my mom moved in over the holidays. She's eighty three

0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:42.839
<v Speaker 1>and she needs full time care. Our family got a

0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:45.800
<v Speaker 1>new little puppy who needs full time care as well.

0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:50.000
<v Speaker 1>And to top it all off, I had a surgery

0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.720
<v Speaker 1>on my foot and have been very unable to do

0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:59.240
<v Speaker 1>all the things that I normally do. No cleaning really,

0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.560
<v Speaker 1>even though I try to clean up after everybody on

0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.160
<v Speaker 1>my crutches, which I'm not supposed to do, but you know,

0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.440
<v Speaker 1>no working out of any kind. I haven't seen a

0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:12.600
<v Speaker 1>gym since, uh, I don't know, before the holidays, which

0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:18.200
<v Speaker 1>has me feeling really blah and unhealthy and like I'm

0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:22.679
<v Speaker 1>really letting myself down. And did I mention Jiggly, Yeah,

0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:26.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling jiggly, like all my hard work at the

0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:30.600
<v Speaker 1>gym was for nothing. I know that's not true, but

0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:32.640
<v Speaker 1>does that make sense at all? Have you ever felt

0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:36.560
<v Speaker 1>that way? I haven't seen my friends in what feels

0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:40.679
<v Speaker 1>like forever, and everyone around me is sick with the

0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:45.200
<v Speaker 1>flu or some sort of cold or COVID. It's bananas.

0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:49.240
<v Speaker 1>If you could see my house right now, actually, ah,

0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:53.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm glad you can't, because there are constant dishes in

0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:57.080
<v Speaker 1>the sink. There are peepee pads everywhere for Dottie Puppy.

0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:01.080
<v Speaker 1>There are piles of things that needed to be moved

0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:07.400
<v Speaker 1>and dealt with. Oh wait, and I forgot one more thing.

0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.720
<v Speaker 1>We are in full construction right now. I've been saving

0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:15.280
<v Speaker 1>up money like a little squirrel to remodel our bathroom finally.

0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.640
<v Speaker 1>But little did I know that it all would be

0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:24.760
<v Speaker 1>happening at the very same time. And what sometimes makes

0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:28.919
<v Speaker 1>it harder is that this kind of season doesn't come

0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:33.839
<v Speaker 1>with instructions or clear boundaries. There's no finish line, there's

0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:38.600
<v Speaker 1>no ribbon waiting at the end, except maybe the new bathroom,

0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:43.280
<v Speaker 1>which I'm still looking forward to. It's just day after

0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:49.160
<v Speaker 1>day of showing up and adjusting Some days I feel

0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:55.160
<v Speaker 1>strong and capable and grounded. Other days I feel like

0:02:55.240 --> 0:03:00.440
<v Speaker 1>I am holding it together by a thread. And I

0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.880
<v Speaker 1>notice how quickly my mind wants to compare, you know,

0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:10.440
<v Speaker 1>the scrolling. I will look at the gram, the TikToker

0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.400
<v Speaker 1>for a second and I will see people traveling and

0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:17.360
<v Speaker 1>working out and launching things and looking all pulled together,

0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:22.200
<v Speaker 1>and my brain immediately goes to, what is wrong with you?

0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:26.000
<v Speaker 1>Why can't you handle this better? You know what that

0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:30.720
<v Speaker 1>comparison there, that trap is very sneaky. You know. The

0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:36.560
<v Speaker 1>expression compare despair is that it no compared to yes,

0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.280
<v Speaker 1>compare despair. So when you are comparing, it leads to

0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:47.440
<v Speaker 1>despair to unhappiness because that comparison voice doesn't ask if

0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:51.160
<v Speaker 1>what you're carrying right now is heavy? It just asks

0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:55.840
<v Speaker 1>why aren't you carrying it more gracefully? So I am

0:03:55.920 --> 0:04:01.080
<v Speaker 1>practicing not asking that question anymore. Instead, I am asking

0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:08.560
<v Speaker 1>myself different ones, like what actually matters today? What needs

0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:14.040
<v Speaker 1>to be done? And what can wait? And what would

0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:18.640
<v Speaker 1>support look like right now? Some days support looks like

0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:22.599
<v Speaker 1>asking for help, and I hate asking for help, but

0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:27.039
<v Speaker 1>it's really necessary. Some days it looks like letting the

0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:32.080
<v Speaker 1>house stay messy and choosing rest. Some days it looks

0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.159
<v Speaker 1>like making a plan with a girlfriend instead of all

0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.919
<v Speaker 1>the other stuff on my list of to do's. And

0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:45.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm really realizing that choosing yourself isn't always a big, empowering,

0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:54.080
<v Speaker 1>instagram worthy moment. Sometimes choosing yourself is quiet. It's choosing

0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:58.280
<v Speaker 1>not to pile on shame when you're already hurting. It's

0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:03.080
<v Speaker 1>choosing patience over it's choosing kindness when your inner critic

0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:08.560
<v Speaker 1>is allowed. This season is humbling me, for sure, it's

0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:14.360
<v Speaker 1>really frustrating me. But also it's teaching me that strength

0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:17.719
<v Speaker 1>doesn't always look like pushing through. Sometimes it looks like

0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:23.440
<v Speaker 1>staying present, staying open, staying gentle. I know, I know

0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.760
<v Speaker 1>this sounds like woe is me, but we all have

0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:31.240
<v Speaker 1>our stuff, right. It's been trying last month. I even

0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.200
<v Speaker 1>sort of blurred out the fact that a whole new

0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.680
<v Speaker 1>year rolled in, kind of like it didn't really happen. Actually,

0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.320
<v Speaker 1>the truth is, it has taken all of my learning

0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:47.000
<v Speaker 1>and my tools to stay up and moving forward. I've

0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:53.240
<v Speaker 1>been overwhelmed. I've been scared, exhausted, in pain, angry, emotional,

0:05:53.920 --> 0:06:00.320
<v Speaker 1>and frankly feeling defeated, which is not good, but also

0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:05.479
<v Speaker 1>full of love and gratitude, with a realization that I'm

0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.599
<v Speaker 1>so fortunate and I've learned that all of those things

0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:12.000
<v Speaker 1>can exist at the same time. And I'm telling you

0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.960
<v Speaker 1>all of this not for sympathy, but just to share

0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:20.159
<v Speaker 1>that my life has been lifing to the max and

0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:30.520
<v Speaker 1>maybe yours has two. So let me ask you. Have

0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:35.040
<v Speaker 1>you ever had one of these seasons where life doesn't

0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:38.000
<v Speaker 1>just give you a little hill to get over, it

0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:43.320
<v Speaker 1>gives you a big, giant mountain, like everything feels like

0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:46.560
<v Speaker 1>it's being thrown at you all at once. So today

0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.360
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about the voice that starts talking

0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:52.200
<v Speaker 1>to us when we're in this space this season, because

0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:57.200
<v Speaker 1>the way we speak to ourselves in the mess, that's

0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:01.800
<v Speaker 1>what determines our path forward. Lately, that voice has been

0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.920
<v Speaker 1>tough on me. It's been why, Jenny, the house is

0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:08.880
<v Speaker 1>a wreck. You're not being good enough at caretaking for

0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:12.760
<v Speaker 1>your mom. Your fitness routine is lacking, your relationship is

0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:16.240
<v Speaker 1>strained because you're too tired to even talk. Sometimes it's

0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:20.160
<v Speaker 1>like a runaway train of I'm not good enough. And yes,

0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:23.600
<v Speaker 1>being a caregiver for Mimi is an honor. It really

0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.440
<v Speaker 1>is a blessing to be able to spend this time

0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:29.600
<v Speaker 1>with her and be here to support her and take

0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:33.560
<v Speaker 1>care of her. But it's also exhausting, And if you've

0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.800
<v Speaker 1>ever been a caregiver, you know exactly what I mean.

0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.600
<v Speaker 1>And when you add on my own surgery recovery to that,

0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:46.200
<v Speaker 1>there is this physical frustration that I'm dealing with. I

0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:47.920
<v Speaker 1>want to pick up the laundry, I want to clean

0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:53.800
<v Speaker 1>the kitchen, but my body says no. And sometimes instead

0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:56.520
<v Speaker 1>of listening to my body with kindness, my brain starts

0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:00.400
<v Speaker 1>bullying me, kind of like it tries to control the

0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.400
<v Speaker 1>situation by making me feel guilty about the things I

0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:09.480
<v Speaker 1>physically cannot do or change right now. Oh and then

0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:14.679
<v Speaker 1>there's the construction. The construction, the noise, and the mess

0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:18.840
<v Speaker 1>of it all. It puts a strain on everything, including

0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:22.600
<v Speaker 1>my relationship. When you're living in a construction zone, it's

0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:27.040
<v Speaker 1>like your nervous system is constantly on high alert. If

0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:30.080
<v Speaker 1>you are in a season where you feel like your

0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:33.440
<v Speaker 1>best just isn't good enough, it's not cutting it. I

0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:37.000
<v Speaker 1>want you to take a breath with me. Actually, let's

0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.400
<v Speaker 1>just do that right now. Doesn't that sound good? Okay,

0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:42.000
<v Speaker 1>let's take it in for four. Hold it for four

0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:46.720
<v Speaker 1>and let it out for eight. Hold it for four

0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:56.760
<v Speaker 1>and let it out for eight. Ah. That's a good

0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:01.240
<v Speaker 1>way to address the bully in our heads. But how

0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.800
<v Speaker 1>do we change it? For me? It starts with interruption.

0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:07.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, when I'm sitting there and I'm looking at

0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.440
<v Speaker 1>the piles of stuff that needs to be handled, those

0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.680
<v Speaker 1>those thoughts pop up, you know the ones, the ones

0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.000
<v Speaker 1>that say, you're so far behind on everything, You're never

0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:19.920
<v Speaker 1>going to get it all done. You're going to lose

0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.520
<v Speaker 1>your business. The construction is stalled, just like you. You're not

0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:27.520
<v Speaker 1>taking good enough care of Mimi. But you know what,

0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.720
<v Speaker 1>I have to interrupt myself. I have to literally say

0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:36.400
<v Speaker 1>out loud, stop. And then I force myself to pivot.

0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.280
<v Speaker 1>And instead of you're not a good enough caregiver, I

0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.640
<v Speaker 1>try to say, you know what, my body is busy

0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.280
<v Speaker 1>healing right now, and when I'm back on my feet,

0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.480
<v Speaker 1>you'll be able to take even better care of Mimi.

0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.720
<v Speaker 1>And instead of my house is a disaster with all

0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:56.920
<v Speaker 1>these stacks of things to do, I say, Okay, calm

0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:01.360
<v Speaker 1>down right now. This house is for healing, and healing

0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:08.960
<v Speaker 1>is messy. So it's about moving from judging myself to

0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:13.720
<v Speaker 1>simply observing the situation. When I'm stressed about not exercising

0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:16.600
<v Speaker 1>or not seeing my friends, I have to remind myself

0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:22.520
<v Speaker 1>that I am choosing to prioritize caregiving and recovery right now,

0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:27.240
<v Speaker 1>that right there, it's and I choose me choice because

0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.560
<v Speaker 1>I am choosing the person I want to be in

0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.280
<v Speaker 1>this moment, a daughter who is there, a woman who

0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:39.080
<v Speaker 1>is honoring her body's need for rest. And since I

0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:41.160
<v Speaker 1>can't hit the trail for a hike or do a

0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:44.440
<v Speaker 1>heavy workout right now, I've had to really redefine what

0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.600
<v Speaker 1>self care looks like for me in a physical way.

0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:52.040
<v Speaker 1>It's been pulled back down to the basics. I'm talking

0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:57.120
<v Speaker 1>deep breathing and stretching. That is it. It sounds so simple.

0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:00.680
<v Speaker 1>I know it's almost too simple. But when the construction

0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:02.880
<v Speaker 1>is loud and the house is messy, I find five

0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:07.920
<v Speaker 1>minutes and I sit and I just breathe, big belly breaths.

0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:11.840
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I do the FOURG in four hold eight out

0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.640
<v Speaker 1>count and I stretch my arms up, I move my

0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:20.400
<v Speaker 1>neck and I'm telling you it's a form of prayer

0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:26.240
<v Speaker 1>or meditation. It's telling my nervous system we are safe.

0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:30.880
<v Speaker 1>We are okay. It's the only exercise I can do

0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:34.480
<v Speaker 1>right now, and it's actually the most important exercise I've

0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:37.840
<v Speaker 1>ever done, because it's the work of staying in my

0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:41.920
<v Speaker 1>body when my mind wants to run rampant, and I

0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:46.199
<v Speaker 1>want to be clear, I still feel overwhelmed. I'm allowing

0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:50.640
<v Speaker 1>myself to feel that in a very personal way. I cry, sometimes,

0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:54.240
<v Speaker 1>they get frustrated. I think it's important to let those

0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.559
<v Speaker 1>feelings have their moment. If you try to push those

0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:03.720
<v Speaker 1>overwhelmed feelings under the rug, you're just gonna trip on

0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:08.240
<v Speaker 1>it later. Here's the key. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I

0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.920
<v Speaker 1>don't let myself get lost in it. I'm keeping my

0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:17.480
<v Speaker 1>eyes on the horizon. We are in twenty twenty six

0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:22.600
<v Speaker 1>right now. There is a whole year ahead. This surgery

0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:27.240
<v Speaker 1>will heal, Mimi will be cared for. The construction will

0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.240
<v Speaker 1>eventually end. I hope, I hope, I hope, and the

0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:34.160
<v Speaker 1>dust will be cleaned. You know, my intention isn't on

0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:39.240
<v Speaker 1>the mess at my feet. It's on the path I'm building.

0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:44.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm choosing to believe that this moment and all it's chaos,

0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:51.680
<v Speaker 1>is just the foundation for something stronger. So if you're

0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 1>struggling with your inner voice today, try this one thing.

0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.320
<v Speaker 1>Try speaking to yourself like you would speak to your

0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:04.240
<v Speaker 1>best friend, and you would never tell her that she's

0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:07.520
<v Speaker 1>failing because she had surgery and is taking care of

0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.360
<v Speaker 1>her mom. You would tell her she is a warrior.

0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:16.160
<v Speaker 1>So tell yourself that today you're a warrior. I am

0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:20.959
<v Speaker 1>a warrior. We're doing this together. I choose me today,

0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.319
<v Speaker 1>and I hope you do too. I love you, guys,