1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. 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Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonness, So let's again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: week's episode. So I am super excited to speak with 21 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,760 Speaker 1: my guest today. The last time we spoke was in 22 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: October last year, which seems like forever hold our first 23 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 1: conversation on her journey would become an a sister. Now 24 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: our conversation will be very different because she is no 25 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 1: longer a sister. So before we start, how are you doing? 26 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: I'm Jim, pretty good, thank you and you always well, 27 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: always cute. I can't compline. I was like she I 28 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: would have won the two jobs. I phone, I say, 29 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 1: she is getting to the bag, she's not playing no games, 30 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: no games, the things are good. Um. Yeah, like you said, 31 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: I got two jobs, so I like a joke, I say, 32 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: I have a job and a half because one is 33 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: my full time job. I'm working at a shelter for miners, 34 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 1: and then my like half job. I guess it's an 35 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: internship as part time and it's with like a environmental 36 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: sort of organization. I don't remember when you were a 37 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: sister that it was like, nah, stop for you. So 38 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,639 Speaker 1: are you able to rest a little bit more now? Yeah, 39 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: just by having two jobs. Yeah. Well, it's hard because 40 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 1: it's hard to say because I feel like it's still NonStop. 41 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: But in the end it feels like it's NonStop. But 42 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: at my pace, and so I figure out how to 43 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: set my day so that I can insert time for myself. 44 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: And sometimes, you know, it doesn't always happen. Life is life, 45 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: but it's still it's like it's busy in the way 46 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: that I've chosen for it to be busy. Mm hmm. Now, 47 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: the even me for the first day and when you 48 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: started to play with the idea of leaving. Um, actually, 49 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 1: I would say it was right around when you invited 50 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 1: me to do the first episode, and I was like, um, 51 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if this complicates things. Oh, I thought 52 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 1: around that time because when she came on. When she 53 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: came on we did the first conversation, I already knew 54 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: that she was I thought she was in the process 55 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: of leaving. So I didn't know that you was thinking 56 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: about it. Oh no, no, yeah, actually you're right now 57 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: that so with the timeline, because it was October you said, so, yeah, 58 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: I had just probably like a couple of weeks before that, 59 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: had just left. And so when you I think it 60 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: was when you invited me, which I don't remember when 61 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: that was like August maybe yeah, because I was I 62 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: was all hard. I was like, come on, now, come on, 63 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: I said, I promised I could see nobody. Yeah, so 64 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: I think that's when. So it was August that I 65 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: was like really seriously considering and thinking like Okay, I'm 66 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 1: pretty sure i'm gonna leave, and you invited me to 67 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: do it, and I was like all right, but I 68 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: was like, I don't know, yeah, you was a little nervous. 69 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,600 Speaker 1: We're talking completely understand. So what they do you want 70 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 1: to leave? Well, I don't know that there was anything like. 71 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: It wasn't like something made me want to leave or 72 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: that I stopped enjoying religious life. I think it was 73 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: just that I had I had been like we were 74 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: talking about, I've been so busy and before the pandemic, 75 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: so when I first entered, after formation and everything, I 76 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: was teaching for a while, so I was busy, you know, 77 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: at school, and then even after school sometimes we'd have 78 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: events and on the weekends, and and then even after 79 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 1: teaching and I was traveling. It was again, it was 80 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: just so busy, and I always had a reason to 81 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,479 Speaker 1: not be present for like community things. So it's like, oh, 82 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: well I just got home today. I was traveling all 83 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: day and so I'm not going to make it for 84 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,039 Speaker 1: prayers or you know what I leave on this day 85 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: and it's just too complicated, so I'm not going to 86 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: make it for Mass. And then when the pandemic hit 87 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,799 Speaker 1: and like everything kind of stopped for a few months, 88 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 1: and then, you know, before we figured out how to 89 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:50,160 Speaker 1: be busy again, but online might I in that slower 90 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,280 Speaker 1: pace was like I didn't have any excuses anymore. I 91 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 1: didn't say I couldn't say like, oh I have this 92 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 1: event or I'm going to be traveling. And but I 93 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: realized I didn't actually want to go for community prayers. 94 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,719 Speaker 1: I didn't want to go for Mass every day. And 95 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: I was like, well, I think I should pay attention 96 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: to that, you know, what is that? And um, and 97 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: knowing and realizing that it had been kind of that 98 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: way all along, and I was just making excuses and 99 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: using my work and my business for saying, oh I 100 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: can't make it and yeah, so it's just like I 101 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: had to be honest with myself and then try to 102 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: answer some questions for myself. I'm just curious. Yeah, this 103 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: just came into a myth style process. You are very 104 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: popular and the religious lifestyle. Do you think that the 105 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: reason why you were so busy is because you were popular? Um? 106 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, because I didn't start out popular. Actually, 107 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 1: I think that sort of it was. It was during 108 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: the pandemic when that popularity started to rise because I 109 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: had more time, and so I was like, well, I'm 110 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: gonna do things online. I'm gonna do things on social media, 111 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: and and I started speaking up more about black lives matter, 112 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: and so people were like, oh, well, this is a sister, 113 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: and she's young, and she's a woman of color, and 114 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 1: so it was like all these things that normal you 115 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: don't find in a person, you know, by like a 116 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: young nun, or you don't find like a young nun 117 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: who's a person of color, and so it was like, wow, 118 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: this is different. Yeah, what does she have to say? 119 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: When is she going to test? And yeah, like me, yeah. 120 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: So I think that that's when the popularity started to rise. 121 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: But and it was in the middle of that too 122 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: that I was like, I was busy with things that 123 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: mattered to me and then also trying to answer some 124 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: questions for myself. And it was like just a lot 125 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: of real world things happening and then a lot of 126 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: internal world things happening. M H. So what was some 127 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: of the fellas you were experience doing this transition, Um, 128 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: like transitioning from from religious life too, where I am now? 129 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: Or like the thought of should I leave? Both well, 130 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: that's a good questions, um, I think so in the 131 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: thought process of should I leave? And why why am 132 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,679 Speaker 1: I here in the first place? Um, it was really 133 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: hard to be that honest with myself because I uh, 134 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: in realizing that I didn't actually want to go for 135 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: mass or or for community prayers, I was like, am 136 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: I a bad person? I'm a bad sister? Should should 137 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:45,959 Speaker 1: I've never done this? You know? And but then realizing 138 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: that I I entered community with the best of intentions, 139 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: even if I didn't realize that a lot of those 140 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: intentions rose from my own fears, my own personal fears 141 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: of like I don't think I'm going to be able 142 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: to make it on my own, or I don't because 143 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: that I could be successful in a relationship because many 144 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: of the relationships I've seen fall apart and and I 145 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: just couldn't handle it, and you know, and so it 146 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: was like all those fears made me think, well, then 147 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: maybe this lifestyle is for me, and God is calling 148 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: me to this because I could manage that, I could 149 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: you know, be success not successful in terms of like, 150 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 1: you know, make a lot of money or have all 151 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: sorts of things, but successful is in like I could 152 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:33,439 Speaker 1: live a good and wholesome life in in that way 153 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,160 Speaker 1: because I don't think I could support myself or have 154 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 1: a relationship. And then later on, as I'm questioning myself, 155 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, those thoughts came from fear, and that's not 156 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: I can't stay here now that I know that. And 157 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: so then that too was a little bit scary because 158 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: it was like, well, now my whole world is going 159 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: to be turned upside down. Um, and then it did. 160 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: But it's now is I'm getting to build a life 161 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: that I I would have chosen if I wasn't so afraid. 162 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: M And and even though it's not easy, it is 163 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: a challenge as people who are working to support themselves. 164 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: Now it's hard to pay for all the things we've 165 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: got to pay for. You know, yeah, everything is expensive, right, 166 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, you want how much for a phone? I'm 167 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 1: going to do is talk to people in texts? Okay? 168 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: And I know you've got to late at small. I 169 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: sure did, and I was like, I mean, good thing, 170 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: they're payment plans for these kinds of things. But right, 171 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 1: it is, and at the same time, like, why do 172 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: I want to payment plan for a phone? Like it 173 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: justunt out. Yeah. Well, one of my friends was like, 174 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: just how Like when I was getting my car, she's like, 175 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,680 Speaker 1: tell me you're Anne. Telling me you were Anne. And 176 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: because the other thing is that I was in the 177 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 1: convent for so long I had no credit, I had 178 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: nothing to say, like, don't charge me twenty percent interest rate, 179 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: because it's not like I can't pay bills. I just 180 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:21,679 Speaker 1: never had to don't always work. But I was like, 181 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,839 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's complicated. So I would just tell 182 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: people like, well I was working for a nonprofit, because 183 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 1: whenever I did tell people it was and then they 184 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,959 Speaker 1: were like, um, all right, and sometimes they knew what 185 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: I was telling me about and other times they were 186 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: like and actually, when I applied for the first apartment 187 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: I applied for I did, I was like, I was 188 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: a nun and so I have no credit because I 189 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 1: didn't have to pay for anything. And he was like 190 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: all about it. He's like, you know what, I'm just 191 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,679 Speaker 1: gonna tell the management my girl was a nun and 192 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 1: so she I know, you got to prove that I did. 193 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: But then and then actually I didn't even take it, 194 00:11:55,640 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: but doing it like I was a nun. That is 195 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,079 Speaker 1: the reason why I was not able to work doing 196 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 1: these years. Yeah, it's just it's like two two such 197 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: different worlds that sometimes people understand it and other times 198 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 1: people don't. They're like, I don't know what that has 199 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 1: to do with me, but this is your interest rate, right, 200 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:32,559 Speaker 1: like darn it, Oh my god. Like every time we 201 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 1: got on the phone, we just giggled so straight because 202 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: you turn a nun or a priest or somebody down, 203 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: Like that's true, right. But that's another thing too, is 204 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: like I you know, as you say that, I realized 205 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: that I was. I was living a pretty privileged life 206 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: because it was like, oh, well, you're a nun and 207 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: you're so even you're going back to social media people 208 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: when I even when I was out spoken, like for 209 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 1: the most part, people weren't. I didn't get a lot 210 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: of backlash because it was like, well, you know, you're 211 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: a nun, so people are really respectful and or even 212 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 1: if they disagreed with me, they were still very kind like, 213 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: well you know what, sister, I don't really agree with that, 214 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:26,439 Speaker 1: but thank you for sharing. I'm not arguing with you. Yeah, 215 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: So now I'm like, what's it going to be like 216 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: when I'm outspoken and I'm not a nun a simp? 217 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 1: I think maybe a little different. M M. That's a 218 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: good question. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what 219 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: it's going to be like. But I'm curious about it, 220 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, me too, or even like I'm just 221 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: thinking about, like you being around certain people or like 222 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: social environments, like I don't wonder how that's gonna be 223 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: for you. M Yeah. And I get a little glimpse 224 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: of it because now that I I meta up and 225 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm not on a pedestal and I'm just 226 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 1: another another employee making some friends and and I've been 227 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: sharing my story, but not like you know, I don't 228 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 1: just start out meeting people like well I was a nun. 229 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: I left, Yeah, because you want to make friends. You 230 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: don't want to scare you. Yeah, it doesn't work the 231 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: same when you're trying to get an apartment and trying 232 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: to make friends. So yeah, but like, well, you know, 233 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: I get to talk with people and they get to 234 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 1: know me, and I'm just I'm just like them, you know, 235 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: And I had like to have a good time, like 236 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 1: to chat and they're like, wait, you were a nun. 237 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: They told you all they love Dirty Star. I know 238 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: you should tell people out front. I have a friend, right, 239 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: she's very religious, like she like she waits till she 240 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 1: had she waits till she got married to have sex. 241 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: Like she's like, oh, ament of faith. So around her, 242 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: I do not curse, like I'm very respectful. I'm very 243 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: respectful around her. So like even I don't even like 244 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: the key key too much for her about like personal 245 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: things because I just know that we don't have the 246 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: same lifestyle, want to come to the same certain things. 247 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: So does that make you uncomfortable when you be around 248 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: people and if they're like person or like become to 249 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: somebody want to smoke weed. No, not at all. And 250 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 1: actually one of my like I was, I kind of 251 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: feel like he's a little brother to me because he's 252 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: um and we've hang out a couple of times and 253 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: he'll talk to me about I don't know, his own 254 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:43,680 Speaker 1: personal issues and just his struggles with like not even 255 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: wanting to be alive sometimes or like he's like sometimes 256 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: I just need to chill out and I gotta do 257 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: some hardcore drugs, and I'm like all right, you know, 258 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: but and I'm not like cool, have fun. But when 259 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: we talk about it, you know, and I'm like, well, 260 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: what is it about that that helps you to to 261 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: allow or what you know? Why do you feel like 262 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: you would rather not be here? And like I care 263 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: about him like a little brother, and I'm not gonna 264 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna judge him for what he does, but 265 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: I you know, like even for me to understand a 266 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: little bit better about what he's going through, or sometimes 267 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: to help him understand a little bit better. M hm. 268 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: So yeah, no, I think I think what I like 269 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: is that even if people are at first or like 270 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 1: what you were NONE, but then it's not like they've 271 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,160 Speaker 1: just found out that I am still in NONE, because 272 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 1: then otherwise they would be like, well, I'll never tell 273 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: you anything again. But said it's like, well, all right, 274 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: well you were like this religious person, but I've already 275 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: let my guard down and you haven't judged me for it, 276 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: and so all right, And so they just keep sharing 277 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: and and I share too, or I'm honest about where 278 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: I was and where I'm at, And yeah, I think, 279 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: honestly is just I value it. And so I think 280 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: I think I help people to see that in our 281 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:04,639 Speaker 1: comfort stations and mhm. Then we just keep conversing and 282 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: keep being honest. Do you think that the club that 283 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 1: knew that you wanted to leave or were they shot? Um? 284 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 1: I think they well, I think for the most part, 285 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 1: they were shocked because because I was doing really well, 286 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 1: because I had you know, I was in my ministry, 287 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,359 Speaker 1: I was working hard. I was out there traveling and 288 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: talking with different groups and having a good time. Yeah, 289 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: getting and getting attention of people who normally don't notice 290 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: things like the convent or religious life, you know. And 291 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: so it was like to them, it looked like everything 292 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: was great and it wasn't like things were bad. I 293 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: just like I said, once I started being honest with myself, 294 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 1: it's like I can do this, but it's not. And 295 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 1: now I don't feel like I'm doing it honestly because 296 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: I didn't come with I came with fear. I came 297 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: with fear being the basis behind moving in this direction. 298 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,199 Speaker 1: And and so that's when I was like, you know 299 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: what if I stayed, like I would have to stay 300 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: as a different person. Um, but I I feel like 301 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 1: I need to go because I feel like I want 302 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: to know what life I would have built had I 303 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: not been so afraid. And here I am now. And 304 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: I think that's kind of cool though, because I always 305 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: feel like I always think it's cool when people can 306 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,440 Speaker 1: live more than one life in a lifetime. That, yes, 307 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: that's what it feels like. Fascinating. Yeah, I think it's amazing. 308 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: I feel like you're getting like a second wind of life. Yeah, yeah, 309 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,399 Speaker 1: it's true. And I I think in my mind it 310 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,240 Speaker 1: was like it had to just be this one path 311 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 1: and everything was smooth and went you know, straight, narrow, 312 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: and now it's like my path is kind of all 313 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 1: over the place. But mhm. At the same time, it 314 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:07,199 Speaker 1: means it's because I I was listening to something deeper 315 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,959 Speaker 1: inside of me and I wasn't just continuing with what 316 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: I thought I should be doing, And now I'm doing 317 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,440 Speaker 1: what I know I need to be doing. Mm hmm. 318 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 1: So local through the process, like, what was it like 319 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 1: for the part that you can tell, Yeah, it's um 320 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: it was like so because I had made final vows, 321 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: I had a choice to do one of two things. 322 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: So I could have either left right away, it would 323 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: have still been like paperwork and would have has to 324 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: all the papers and approval has to go through Rome 325 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 1: because the community I was in was like connected like 326 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,760 Speaker 1: legally through the church two like the you know, hierarchy 327 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,399 Speaker 1: in Rome. And so either I could have said, well, 328 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: I would like to just leave and then lud on 329 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: the paperwork I applied for that and you would have 330 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 1: been approved or whatever. Or I could have said I 331 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: would like a little extra time to like figure out 332 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: if this is where I really want. And then in 333 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: that case, like let's say I was gone for a 334 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: few months and was like, you know what, I actually 335 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 1: do want to be a sister still and I want 336 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,920 Speaker 1: to go back, then I could have just like went 337 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: right back to that life. Oh it's like taking a 338 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,880 Speaker 1: leaf from work. Yes, yeah, so um. That and that 339 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 1: process is called exclustration, which sounds super big and scary. 340 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: But yes, that's my next question because a lot of 341 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: people think it's scary. I'm like, what is this? I know, 342 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 1: and it's sound I told him, one of my friends 343 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: that I was going to do excloustration. He's like, it 344 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 1: sounds like they're going to take a limb a little painful. 345 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but really so that and so ex clustration 346 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,639 Speaker 1: is just like I think the term is meant to 347 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,120 Speaker 1: say like you're living outside of the cloister, like you're 348 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: living outside of the context of religious life, and so um, 349 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: you still, like I said, you sell like this connection 350 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: to community, so that if you wanted to go back, 351 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:25,720 Speaker 1: you could. And that process could last up to three years. 352 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: So a sister could say, yeah, so it could be 353 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 1: a long like you know, let's say she leaves for 354 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: a year and it's like, you know what, I don't 355 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,640 Speaker 1: think I'm ready to go back, but I don't know 356 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 1: that I actually want to leave, and could take another 357 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: year to really like pray about it, continue to experience 358 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:48,040 Speaker 1: like regular everyday life. And then again after that second year, 359 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 1: could say you know, I don't think I'm ready to 360 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: go back, but I don't think I'm I actually want 361 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 1: to leave, and take another year, and then after that 362 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: third year they're like, Okay, well gotta make a choice. Yeah, 363 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:03,360 Speaker 1: she could be after a hunt it's like come back 364 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 1: home right, or she was not too, but like you know, 365 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: you gotta go either way. So um, and then so 366 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: let's say then she says like I'm going back to community, 367 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: then she just would go right back into um religious 368 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 1: life could pick up a different sort of ministry lived 369 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 1: in a different area, weit or whatever, or go right 370 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:30,159 Speaker 1: back to where she was um, or let's say she's like, 371 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: you know what, I've chosen to leave. Then would have 372 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: to fill out the paperwork to say, okay, this is 373 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: what I'm applying for now officially and then again approved 374 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: by realm and the hierarchy, and then and then that's it. 375 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 1: Mm hmm mhm. So now that you love, did anything 376 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 1: shock you or was there something that you weren't wasn't 377 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 1: awareld because I know we talk about like credit report 378 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: or credit score, finding new clothes. Yeah, I know, I 379 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,880 Speaker 1: was like, why have nothing to wear to work? So 380 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: now I have to go buy clothes? Um, I always 381 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: like to close in the first place. So that wasn't 382 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: a problem. Like what are the things like that right now? 383 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 1: Or was it like I feel like they feel like 384 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 1: it was like rediscovering your body again if that makes sense. Yeah. 385 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 1: Actually that's a good point because in religious life, so 386 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 1: as a in the community that I was in, we 387 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,359 Speaker 1: we didn't have to wear the like full habit, but 388 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: we did have to wear skirts or dresses. Um. We 389 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: really never wore pants. That was like kind of a rule, 390 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: you don't wear pants unless you're in some sort of 391 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,600 Speaker 1: ministry where you have to because of the dress code 392 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 1: or or it's very active or something like that. But 393 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 1: why is that was the requirement skirts or dresses? And 394 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 1: I like, along the way started putting my own style, 395 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: in my own personality into the clothes that I was wearing. 396 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: And so I would find my dresses or skirts like 397 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: at the thrift store or on Etsy, and um, I 398 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,719 Speaker 1: just like I had like this fun little style. She 399 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 1: was sweggy in the most respectful way though, but kind 400 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: of lucky little well thanks. It was so funny because 401 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: sometimes women on Instagram would message me and be like 402 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: where did you get that dress? Or how can I 403 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:35,360 Speaker 1: find that? You know? And it was like, that's that's right. 404 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: So yeah. But so then I figured I was like, oh, 405 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,479 Speaker 1: well then that's just like my style. So when I left, 406 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,679 Speaker 1: I thought, well, I'll keep wearing things like that. I 407 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 1: like skirts and dresses. And then it turns out like 408 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: I live wearing pants, especially when you work at a job. 409 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 1: This is true. Yeah, I know, we're wearing my sweatpants 410 00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: when I'm doing my internships from home. You better believe it. Yeah, 411 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, even when I go into work, very rarely 412 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: will I wear a dress or a skirt, and even 413 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,440 Speaker 1: the ones that I had from the convent, I'm like, well, 414 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: this doesn't it doesn't just feel like me anymore. It 415 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,280 Speaker 1: feels like I was trying to be a certain version 416 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,919 Speaker 1: of me because it fits better in the convent. But 417 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 1: it was like, now I'm looking at what I wear 418 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: and it really doesn't match any of that. It's I mean, 419 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,919 Speaker 1: it's not like wild clothing, and I can't wear anything 420 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: weird at work anyway, you know. But it's like I 421 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: like wearing pants. I like I like wearing sweaters and 422 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: um fun bun up shirts or are you wearing jeans? Yeah? 423 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: So yeah work, I can wear jeans or I can 424 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 1: wear dress pants. Um, I don't like I don't like 425 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:54,119 Speaker 1: those like fancy dress pants, but I I like the 426 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 1: like cotton, like those fun little they look like I 427 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:06,360 Speaker 1: don't know how you would describe them. No, did you ever? 428 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: I feel like we're maybe around the same age. But 429 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: did you ever wear dickies those like black cotton? Oh? 430 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: Not what the what the creases in it? Um? No, 431 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: they didn't have creases in them, but they were like 432 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: M Dicky's as a V I C K I e s. Yeah, 433 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 1: and mostly they were color or something right. Yeah. But 434 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 1: and I think you could get them with creases or 435 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 1: they you could just get them like plain old yeah, 436 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 1: and it taks them out, but they used it in 437 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: the South. They will put like I don't know why, 438 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: but people from the home put like creezes in them 439 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: the right. Yeah. So it's just like that, Like I 440 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,880 Speaker 1: like casual. That would be I would say, describe myself. 441 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,640 Speaker 1: I also love getting dressed up for like I still 442 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: like in the math on Sundays. But it was just like, 443 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: I don't know what it was. Every day I was like, 444 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: this is too much. You know, I love you so 445 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: much that you're so because let's get me wrong. When 446 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,119 Speaker 1: I was done, I used to have to go to 447 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: church like every Sunday, and I used to be like 448 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 1: girl like, no, it was every Sunday, every Wednesday from 449 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 1: Bible study and it was something else for the week. 450 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,880 Speaker 1: And I used to be like girl like, if God 451 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:36,439 Speaker 1: not taling, I couldn't wait to get older, especially I 452 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: can only imagine for you. That's why I asked about 453 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: the about you being so popular, because you was doing 454 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: so much on top of being an advocate of black 455 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 1: lives matter. So I used to be like, how is 456 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: this girl like sleeping? I mean when we did last 457 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 1: call you was at the airport by the take off. 458 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: This was true, Yeah, it was, yeah, it was it 459 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: was something else, but and I think I was yeah, 460 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: and it's again, it's not like I justlike going to church. 461 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 1: I just wanted it to be not part of my 462 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 1: like Monday in every life. I wanted it to be 463 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:19,200 Speaker 1: something set aside that was like special in a way, 464 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: something that I could get ready for and look forward to, 465 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 1: and not just like, Okay, well I gotta go getting 466 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: today between right. Yeah, I'm like, okay, we're gonna pray 467 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 1: and then we're gonna go a mask and then I 468 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,120 Speaker 1: have to go to work. And it was just like 469 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: it was like another thing on my to do list. 470 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,439 Speaker 1: And I didn't like that. It felt that way to me, 471 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,720 Speaker 1: and I was like, there's I can't do like that. 472 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 1: I don't know, so can we still call you? So? Okay, 473 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 1: can still call you? They so at this point they 474 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: could technically because I have not decided right and well 475 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 1: and I'm still in the process of ex claustration. So 476 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: it's like I technically and still connected to the community, 477 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: and I could, like I could go back, but I 478 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: went into this pretty much knowing that I'm not going back. 479 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: But I chose it because some of my mentors said, well, 480 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 1: you know, that's like maybe you should do that. I 481 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,080 Speaker 1: was right, all right, but it just seemed like a 482 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: little bit slower letting go than just being like okay 483 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: bye um. But then but now I'm like, ding' not 484 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: have to say by like twice, right, yeah, so at 485 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: this point people can still call me a sister, but 486 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,720 Speaker 1: I'm going I was going by my name right now. Mhm. 487 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: But afterwards, like once I finish with ex claustration and 488 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: I'm like officially out of just life, then they could 489 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 1: not call me sister because I technically wouldn't be connected 490 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: to a religious community anymore. So flustration, that's just it 491 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: like it's it's a bibe and they's it like there's 492 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: no like, is there like a ceremony or something or 493 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:23,280 Speaker 1: you just out um. Maybe some communities do a ceremony. Actually, 494 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: I just saw one of my friends from like religious circles. 495 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 1: She just left her community and I don't think she 496 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: was in final vows, but they had a little ceremony 497 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,720 Speaker 1: for her and she posted that um on social media. Yeah, 498 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: but I don't actually think mine is going to do that, right. Yeah. 499 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: I mean it's kind of funny because even when I 500 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: was going into this process and they let the community 501 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: know that, it was like a single sentence in a 502 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: memo of like a bunch of other things, and they're like, 503 00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: and you know she is going into exclaustration and like 504 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: continued on with other news. So did that hurt j 505 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 1: Pills or did you expect more, especially for all that 506 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 1: you did? Well, I don't know, because because I think 507 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: they were also holding out hope that like I would 508 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,040 Speaker 1: come back. So maybe they were thinking, like, well, I 509 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: would just let people know, but like she'll probably be back, 510 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 1: or maybe she'll be back, or we hope. But I 511 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: so I did my own thing, and I it's kind 512 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 1: of my style. But I sent a letter to all 513 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:36,240 Speaker 1: the sisters what you did your personal color following up 514 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: with that lessie I will not be and actually pre same. 515 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: So funny because I have to say you now that 516 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 1: last email. I know you saw the memo, so here's 517 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 1: my words. I was almost did they say anything when 518 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: you when you circle back? Uh? So not like the 519 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 1: one who sent the memo. Never sent me anything back, 520 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 1: but actually some of the sisters did, and they were like, 521 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: thank you so much for sending that because we didn't know, Like, 522 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 1: and I made it clear in my little letter, I 523 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,800 Speaker 1: was like, none of you did anything that made me 524 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: arrive at this decision. Like I'm not upset with the community. 525 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 1: I'm not leaving because I'm mad about anything. This is 526 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: just my own personal discernment and like, this is what 527 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 1: I've realized about myself, and you know, this is what 528 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,600 Speaker 1: I feel like it's right for me, and um, but 529 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,560 Speaker 1: I don't regret any of the time I've been a 530 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 1: part of this community. And so there's it was really 531 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: genuine and actually wrote it in like ten minutes. It 532 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 1: all just flowed right out and it was you already 533 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 1: written out. I feel like it was like it was 534 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: inside of me and I just lend out and I 535 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 1: sent it to everybody. And then so the sisters, yeah, 536 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 1: a lot of them said thank you for that. We 537 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 1: didn't know if you were upset. We didn't know, you 538 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: know what, maybe it's something that happened, and so they 539 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: just said they were happy to hear it in my 540 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: own words, in my own voice. But I can only 541 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 1: imagine how that caused his fear and the other sisters. 542 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 1: Because after I was doing some research for this conversation, 543 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: I noticed that when someone leaves the religious lifestyle, you know, 544 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: people automatically think that that person is not bill for it, 545 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: or the person is making gods upset, and a lot 546 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: of sisters are nuns don't feel comfortable. Was speaking out 547 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: on the reasons why they live. So why do you 548 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: think this stigma it's connected to it, because I think 549 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: that plays a party in two when you don't give 550 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 1: people the space to like express why are they transitioning 551 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 1: out religious lifestyle? He left a really good point. Actually 552 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 1: i'ven thought of that, but you know, I'll come with 553 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: the resource. You you know, who's not playing you? Okay, 554 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: that's one thing we don't do, is play. But I 555 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: think it's only imagines. Mostly people who were friendly with you, 556 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,440 Speaker 1: people that you you know, engage will in the regular 557 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,000 Speaker 1: And then they just said that people are probably like, 558 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 1: oh my god, like what happened? Like yeah, yeah, And 559 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 1: you know, as you asked that, I'm thinking about one 560 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 1: of my friends. Uh. He helped me move into my 561 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: apartment and he had actually become like he entered the 562 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,720 Speaker 1: priesthood for a little while and then he left. And 563 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 1: so when I was sharing with him my own journey 564 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: a little bit, he was like, you know what, I 565 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,319 Speaker 1: just he actually started a tear up and he's like 566 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,520 Speaker 1: it is so he's like, thank you for sharing that 567 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 1: with me, And he said it just helped him to 568 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,320 Speaker 1: feel like you know, he's like everything is hush hushed, 569 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,279 Speaker 1: like when he likes no one was told anything. And 570 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,719 Speaker 1: he's like, so, I just thank you for letting me 571 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,440 Speaker 1: into this because it helps like it helps him journey 572 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: with me more fully, you know. And and so that's 573 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: why I decided even to post that I shared it 574 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,040 Speaker 1: the other day on my social media that I was 575 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: in this process um because it doesn't have to be 576 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,839 Speaker 1: scary and it doesn't have to be mysterious. It can 577 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,399 Speaker 1: just and you know, what are part of it is 578 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 1: how our society is like looks at failure and and 579 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,880 Speaker 1: how is like what they define as failure. So people 580 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,920 Speaker 1: might feel like, well, you know, she failed because she 581 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,839 Speaker 1: wasn't good at it, or she just couldn't do it, 582 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,360 Speaker 1: or you know, it was too hard or whatever. But 583 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,399 Speaker 1: and so a comment that was in your section, I's like, girl, 584 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:11,640 Speaker 1: I love your business. You know what com Yeah might 585 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 1: have been a page chat. Yeah, true, it's true. And 586 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 1: so and I because I don't feel like I failed, 587 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: because I don't feel like this is failure. And even 588 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,359 Speaker 1: if it was, failure is not bad feel It gets 589 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,280 Speaker 1: you where you're want, where you want to be. Failure 590 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 1: gets you where you're supposed to be. And so even 591 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,760 Speaker 1: if this was, I'd be like, Okay, well it worked 592 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:40,520 Speaker 1: out in my favor, right, But I still feel like, No, 593 00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:44,320 Speaker 1: I had a great life as a religious and I'm 594 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:48,760 Speaker 1: creating another great love for myself. And and it comes 595 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,560 Speaker 1: out of a continued discernment. It's not because I couldn't 596 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 1: or didn't want to do something. It was because I 597 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:59,279 Speaker 1: was called to do something different. Mm hmm. And yeah 598 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:08,400 Speaker 1: it doesn't scare Okay, let him know something. She's handling 599 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:13,920 Speaker 1: these comments so classy. I was saying, God, I seems 600 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,839 Speaker 1: to do for others, because I would have been like, girl, 601 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:24,560 Speaker 1: my God, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I got I got sold. Yes, 602 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 1: I got a lot of beautiful positive Almost every single 603 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,239 Speaker 1: comment comment, I think except for that one, people were 604 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,400 Speaker 1: like yeah. Everyone was like I support you, thank you 605 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,680 Speaker 1: for sharing. I'm so proud of you a way to go, 606 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,239 Speaker 1: like you know, I'll be praying for you. We got 607 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: you like all. And then there's that one if I'm 608 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,640 Speaker 1: saying playing there was advocate, I can see probably why 609 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: she asked it, because nobody really speaks up about this, 610 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,080 Speaker 1: especially the way you look like I like I said, 611 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,680 Speaker 1: I think another reason why people would take you towards 612 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 1: you because like I've never seen a black store before 613 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:08,240 Speaker 1: on y'all the movie to act or doing my research 614 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 1: for the first conversation we had, so maybe that's the 615 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,439 Speaker 1: reason why she wanted to act. But what she black? 616 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:22,239 Speaker 1: I can't remember. I don't think so, so never mind, Yeah, yeah, yeah, 617 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: you never know. But that's it reminds me. Actually it 618 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 1: wasn't in my comments, but recently I got a message 619 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:33,799 Speaker 1: from a brother and I think he's I think he's uh, 620 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: maybe from an African country, but he was saying, he's like, well, 621 00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,120 Speaker 1: you know what about all the women who were inspired 622 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:49,120 Speaker 1: because of you like to be consisters and and I 623 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,239 Speaker 1: was like, I'm not sure, but I'm And I was 624 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,680 Speaker 1: also telling you this one to one with one talking 625 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,319 Speaker 1: with one of my friends about this, like I am 626 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 1: not religious, like mm hmm, I don't define religious life. 627 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 1: I was just sharing a little bit of my my 628 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:11,359 Speaker 1: journey in religious life. Like and that's the other side 629 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 1: of things, is that I cannot live my life based 630 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: on what other people need from me, because then I 631 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: will be living a life where I'm trying to satisfy 632 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:26,359 Speaker 1: the whole world and that's not gonna work. That doesn't 633 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,959 Speaker 1: work for anything. No one can satisfy the whole world. 634 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 1: And I really can't even satisfy one other person completely 635 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,799 Speaker 1: because we're human beings. So I'm going to live the 636 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,319 Speaker 1: life that is the most true to me, and it's 637 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 1: gonna inspire who it's gonna inspire. So maybe they're going 638 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,239 Speaker 1: to be people out there who are in situations where, like, 639 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 1: you know, it's not a terrible place for me to be, 640 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,279 Speaker 1: but it's not really feeling like the right place. But 641 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,319 Speaker 1: everyone expects me to be here, and they're gonna maybe 642 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,319 Speaker 1: see my story and be like, you know what, if 643 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 1: she could do it, maybe I could do it. Yeah, 644 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 1: I agree. So you never know, were you able to 645 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:06,239 Speaker 1: connect what all the sisters said left? Uh, yeah, I've 646 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:12,040 Speaker 1: connected with so um I know you said your friend Yeah, yep, 647 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,399 Speaker 1: one of my best friends. And then I haven't. Yeh, 648 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: one of my friends that I saw recently who left 649 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 1: and I haven't reached out to her yet, but I 650 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,799 Speaker 1: I plan on talking with her. And then I just heard, 651 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 1: Like it's funny because I keep now hearing. I'm like, oh, 652 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,440 Speaker 1: just hearing about other sisters who left and so. But 653 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 1: again there's this weird stigma of like, don't talk about it, 654 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:42,439 Speaker 1: but it's happening and it's not a terrible thing. It's 655 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:48,840 Speaker 1: just is what it is. Yeah, if you wanted to, 656 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,400 Speaker 1: could you go back? Um? Yeah I could. Even so 657 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,400 Speaker 1: let's say I go through ex claustration and then I say, okay, 658 00:40:55,400 --> 00:41:00,400 Speaker 1: I'm leaving my papers. I leave if after the amount 659 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,759 Speaker 1: of time, I'm like, you know what that was meant 660 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:08,200 Speaker 1: for me, and I wanted to go back, I totally could. 661 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,879 Speaker 1: I'm just curious. We almost finished this there about. I'm 662 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,040 Speaker 1: just curious because we talked about in the last conversation 663 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:21,399 Speaker 1: how um religion is very whitewash, right, is there any 664 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,160 Speaker 1: like colmnists or orders as like all black or like 665 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:28,600 Speaker 1: all people of color? There are actually there used to 666 00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,600 Speaker 1: be more than there are now, but there they're like 667 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,240 Speaker 1: two that I can remember right now because I've actually 668 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,320 Speaker 1: been to their convents and visit with the sisters. M 669 00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:44,040 Speaker 1: Is it different than compared to the others it mm 670 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:50,399 Speaker 1: hmm sort of and then sort of not because it's 671 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:57,760 Speaker 1: almost like the structure and institution itself was formulated by 672 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:08,319 Speaker 1: European culture. So even still like it doesn't always it 673 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,759 Speaker 1: doesn't always feel like a place filled with people of 674 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 1: color because the organization aspect has come from from European 675 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:24,719 Speaker 1: and Western mindset. So I don't want to sound ignorant, ignorant, 676 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,520 Speaker 1: but it's the same to say this. It may be 677 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:31,959 Speaker 1: a little cold switcher. Is it suchthing? It called switching religious? Uh? Wait, 678 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,960 Speaker 1: can you tell me what you mean by that? So 679 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:40,399 Speaker 1: when in constant you know a close which it is, right, Oh, okay, yes, 680 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,719 Speaker 1: but maybe describe it a little bit because I know 681 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,000 Speaker 1: that I've heard that and talked about it, but it's 682 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,319 Speaker 1: been a while. So I'm thinking, like when it comes 683 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,840 Speaker 1: to religion, exprest, especially when it comes to people of color, 684 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,720 Speaker 1: Like you know, we just got say a little genii 685 00:42:54,800 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 1: qua about us, right, so that so I'll see, like 686 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:04,200 Speaker 1: there's a way that I know you have to carry 687 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:08,360 Speaker 1: yourself and lifestyle, But I just wonder is it different 688 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,120 Speaker 1: when it comes from like black women or people of 689 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:17,960 Speaker 1: color compared to like white women. Yeah no, so yeah, okay, 690 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:21,239 Speaker 1: thank you for that. Does that make sense? Yes, So 691 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:30,640 Speaker 1: I would say definitely there's code switching because even yeah, 692 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,000 Speaker 1: and I didn't spend like a lot of time in 693 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:37,560 Speaker 1: the communities where it is all women of color. Um. 694 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:42,040 Speaker 1: But because even then, you don't spend all your time 695 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 1: in that community like you do a lot of and like, 696 00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,200 Speaker 1: you know, because when you go out like and serve 697 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,200 Speaker 1: within the Catholic church, you're not just with your sisters 698 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:55,680 Speaker 1: of color. You're with all people, right, and then or 699 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 1: when you have conferences and things and you're with other 700 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,600 Speaker 1: sisters and most of them are white, then there is 701 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:06,400 Speaker 1: still this like, well, sisters and you know, Christians and Catholics, 702 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,640 Speaker 1: like there's a certain way you should be. And so 703 00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,919 Speaker 1: it's yeah, it is. It's like going back and forth 704 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: between well, this is who I am and this isn't 705 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,279 Speaker 1: my community who I can be, but this is how 706 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:22,279 Speaker 1: we're expected to be in general, and so then it's 707 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,239 Speaker 1: just kind of like, yeah, there's a back and forth 708 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:30,040 Speaker 1: between between that. But being a sister of color in 709 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:38,200 Speaker 1: a mostly white community, there's a lot. Yeah, yeah, when 710 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:44,120 Speaker 1: you said email, I'm sorry, and I'm just gonna leave 711 00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:48,120 Speaker 1: it there respectfully because I don't go against guys people 712 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:59,000 Speaker 1: because I let it tell some type away like like yeah, yeah, 713 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,960 Speaker 1: it's it's anything else. But yeah. But in the end, 714 00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:06,160 Speaker 1: like I wanted the sisters to know, it wasn't because 715 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:09,480 Speaker 1: you know, I didn't feel welcome or you know, experience 716 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:14,040 Speaker 1: like over racism, you know, on a daily basis, right, 717 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,120 Speaker 1: I mean there was, you know, on a daily basis, 718 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:30,839 Speaker 1: on a weekly thing. I could just see your faces. Yeah, 719 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:34,080 Speaker 1: because I only imagine with you, like being a young woman, 720 00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 1: like you know, I think that like you were the 721 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:42,880 Speaker 1: face for black sisters or people saying to think a 722 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 1: black sister on property like like me, like a sister, 723 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,040 Speaker 1: but like black silsters and nuns, as well as this 724 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:53,280 Speaker 1: religious lifestyle being compared to other women that's older and wider. 725 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:57,839 Speaker 1: So I can only imagine the most of the word 726 00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: I'm look before. I think it's only imagine which you 727 00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:04,000 Speaker 1: had to go through doing your journey there. And I 728 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,000 Speaker 1: don't think it was all bad, but I do think 729 00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,160 Speaker 1: that when it when it was that I think it was. 730 00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:13,120 Speaker 1: I can only imagine how it tends it was for you. Yeah, yeah, 731 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:17,160 Speaker 1: there was. It was like I think the hardest part 732 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:21,200 Speaker 1: was my my view of the world, and my view 733 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:27,200 Speaker 1: was was the least understood because I was one of 734 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,200 Speaker 1: the very youngest members and one of the only members 735 00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:33,360 Speaker 1: of color, and so it was like, well that's nice, 736 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,240 Speaker 1: but like from our understanding, this is you know, and 737 00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:40,279 Speaker 1: and I was like, that's not It was so hard 738 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:45,600 Speaker 1: to get sometimes the community to understand why we couldn't 739 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:49,879 Speaker 1: continue going about things like that. But yeah, it didn't 740 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:59,759 Speaker 1: make sense. Sound what was that sounds about? White? I mean, 741 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,600 Speaker 1: oh you imagine how you feel the want black lives 742 00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,520 Speaker 1: matter because you was really out there, Like I was like, 743 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 1: what's she doing? Where did this come from? Right? Yeah? Yep? 744 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:18,120 Speaker 1: And I think I mean, like I've I heard such 745 00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,359 Speaker 1: terrible stories from like in the past, you know, back 746 00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:25,400 Speaker 1: like Martin Luther King Junior days, and so it wasn't 747 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,399 Speaker 1: like it wasn't the same now as it was then, 748 00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: but it was still like, well, we just don't understand. 749 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:35,719 Speaker 1: And I'm like, what don't you understand? Right, It's like 750 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:40,120 Speaker 1: it's so much trying to explain and it's but it's 751 00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,360 Speaker 1: like a what we say, it's a microcosm of the 752 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:46,120 Speaker 1: rest of the world is just a smaller you know, 753 00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:50,799 Speaker 1: like there's maybe five of us, but it represents the 754 00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 1: wider population of Like there's this small population of people 755 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,399 Speaker 1: trying to say, why don't you get it? We keep 756 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,279 Speaker 1: trying to tell you, And then the larger population it's like, 757 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,239 Speaker 1: we don't have an experience. We don't know how you're 758 00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:08,839 Speaker 1: talking about, right right, So, now that you are on 759 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,839 Speaker 1: your new part in your journey, one of the things 760 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:16,320 Speaker 1: that you are looking forward to. M hmm, that's a 761 00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:19,319 Speaker 1: really I like that question. I haven't even consider that 762 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:23,840 Speaker 1: for myself. Um now you're already get into this bag. 763 00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:25,960 Speaker 1: You got a new phone, you got a car, your 764 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:29,000 Speaker 1: own place, right, I mean all I can think of 765 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:40,600 Speaker 1: his Destiny's child, builds, builds, builds. But I we ever meet, 766 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:45,120 Speaker 1: it's gonna be almost curse. I was gonna say the word. 767 00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,920 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, it will be. I really hope that 768 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,600 Speaker 1: we do get to me in person one day. I 769 00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:56,520 Speaker 1: do too. I do too. There definitely gonna keep you well. 770 00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:58,719 Speaker 1: I always keep in contact with those that I have 771 00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,520 Speaker 1: really good energy with because you know, I have other 772 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:05,000 Speaker 1: plans for this platform, and I definitely want you to 773 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:08,120 Speaker 1: be a part of it, since your story was able 774 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:12,279 Speaker 1: to inspire others and help me build, and you've just 775 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,680 Speaker 1: always been like a breath of fresh air and you 776 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:19,480 Speaker 1: also want to God, so just so I gotta have you, 777 00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:24,359 Speaker 1: gotta have you close by? Well thank you? Yeah, yeah, 778 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,319 Speaker 1: I love it, I think, and that kind of ties 779 00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,880 Speaker 1: into what I'm looking forward to on my continued journey. 780 00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:32,160 Speaker 1: It's just like where it's going to go and how 781 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:36,640 Speaker 1: how I'm going to I think, what dreams I'm going 782 00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:41,359 Speaker 1: to pursue now that I'm trying to live intentionally with 783 00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:47,080 Speaker 1: out fear as my driving force. M hm hm mm hmm. 784 00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:53,000 Speaker 1: Have anybody been trying to sliding your damns? Um about 785 00:49:53,520 --> 00:50:06,840 Speaker 1: just like yet? Oh wow, I'm surprised. Wait, they're like 786 00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:14,439 Speaker 1: give her some space, right, they're probably scared better watch out. 787 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,720 Speaker 1: It would be scared for the last and at least 788 00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:22,880 Speaker 1: is there any advice you could give to any sisters 789 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,920 Speaker 1: or those out there that is contemplating on leaving the 790 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:30,839 Speaker 1: religious lifestyle? Mm hmm, but you can you and your 791 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:40,040 Speaker 1: good questions? Um right, Yeah, I love it. Um see, 792 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:44,960 Speaker 1: I would say yeah, I would say either way, whether 793 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,920 Speaker 1: I guess even for people in general on the on 794 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,000 Speaker 1: the brink of trying to make a decision about life. 795 00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:56,360 Speaker 1: It's just like you have to do what you know 796 00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:00,200 Speaker 1: is for you, no matter what other people are ging 797 00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:05,480 Speaker 1: you should do or be. So it's sometimes it's going 798 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:09,319 Speaker 1: to cost a lot whether you decide to stay in 799 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,680 Speaker 1: what you're doing or whether you decide to leave it. 800 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:17,719 Speaker 1: Oh that's a fact. What a word? Yeah, But the 801 00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:21,520 Speaker 1: thing that actually the image go into the Bible that 802 00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,720 Speaker 1: keeps me on my course is the pearl of great price. 803 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,839 Speaker 1: And when I knew that that wasn't where I was, 804 00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,520 Speaker 1: that I wasn't feeling like I would leave everything for. 805 00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:34,520 Speaker 1: This was like, well then what what I give up 806 00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:38,880 Speaker 1: everything for? And in religious life, wasn't it? And so 807 00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:41,960 Speaker 1: that you know, like what would you give up everything for? 808 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:46,240 Speaker 1: If it's where you are now, then that's then that's okay, 809 00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,239 Speaker 1: that that's the place for you. And if it's not, 810 00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:52,279 Speaker 1: then it's okay that it's not. Oh, Chad, I don't 811 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:58,680 Speaker 1: take us a church now. Too late? Right there? You 812 00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,319 Speaker 1: don't normally I would actual to say a prayer book. 813 00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:08,839 Speaker 1: That was it. And I'm giving you a break, amen, man, 814 00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:10,879 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you. Was I the first person who 815 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:15,600 Speaker 1: had the interview with actually yes, since I okay, yeah, 816 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:21,640 Speaker 1: way to get in there. Okay, I have guys. People 817 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:28,520 Speaker 1: don't play with me. Well, this is actually my first 818 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:33,919 Speaker 1: episode back because it was my birthday in February. Thank you, 819 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,200 Speaker 1: and I took like a fake vacation and took a 820 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:40,000 Speaker 1: whole month off because I need time to recharge. Yes, 821 00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,520 Speaker 1: I'm super excited. She was the first person I spoke too. 822 00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:45,759 Speaker 1: Was excited to speak to you. Yeah, I loved it. 823 00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,120 Speaker 1: And my birthday was in January, so we're both doing 824 00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:56,400 Speaker 1: since celebrating this year. Happy birthday, Happy belated birthday. Thank you. Yes, yes, Well, 825 00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,640 Speaker 1: if I have any questions, comments or concerns, so you 826 00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,680 Speaker 1: want to just say hey girl, hey, please make sure 827 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,120 Speaker 1: to email me at hello at the p D podcast 828 00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,440 Speaker 1: dot com and sister as always, is such a pleasure 829 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:11,680 Speaker 1: to speak to you. And until next time, everyone Later, Bye,