WEBVTT - Salma Hayek's Best Advice 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.080 Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:10.239 Facebook watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.360 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:19.160 on Apple Podcasts. I like this set up. Oh my gosh, 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:24.119 little dinner a little different. It's awesome. It's gonna be 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:29.080 like she's right here with us, upfront and personal. Yeah, 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:37.760 so I get to have a very special woman on today. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:41.720 I've waited to have her for a very long time, 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:46.520 for three years. Okay, because this woman has been an 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:53.760 inspiration for this table. Okay, and her name is Selma Hillo. 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:03.360 It's so exciting. It's so good to see you finally 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:07.320 I paid it to the Red Table. Yeah. I wish 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.200 we could have you here in person, but I know 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:16.360 you're in London. I'm in London. I want to say congratulations, girls, 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:24.319 thank you. Fantastic job, amazing idea, amazing concept. We have 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:27.440 all been craving for a safe place where we can 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:30.199 be real and that it can have the amazing the 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:34.040 dynamic that the three of you create. Well, s Imma, 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:38.840 thank you because you know you were an inspiration for 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.479 why this happened, you know, and I was going through 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:44.240 that really difficult time and you just took me under 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:47.240 your wing and you just schooled me on so much, 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:54.920 and you shared your testimony with me. I gotta say, Jada, 0:01:55.520 --> 0:02:00.520 you leave inside of me every day. I am so 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.360 proud of your beautiful family, and I'm so proud of you, 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:06.440 and I'm so proud of what you're doing in the world. 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.880 I follow you on Instagram and you always make me laugh, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:14.400 and you always make me think, and something about you 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.440 makes me fall in love with life. That's how I 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:20.720 feel about you. I don't care if you're in the 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:26.040 roller skates or if you're saying something deep, if you're dancing. 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:31.679 Did you do some weird stuff? Man? So how does 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:36.440 she come up with so much? It's always like, oh 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.919 my god, there's my girl. I mess you so much. 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.040 We haven't seen each other in so long. We've got 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:44.600 so much to catch up on. How did you guys meet? 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:50.320 We were one of the four finalists for the Matrix, 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:55.240 and so we had jumped through many hurdles and you know, 0:02:55.400 --> 0:03:01.680 screen testing and many auditions, and they brought these stunt 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:07.600 coordinators from Asia and it was the physical test. Now, 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:14.440 I'm flexible, I'm my child, but I'm lazy. I never 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.160 really went to the gym, and they said to me, 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.080 you have to run. I go to wear around, you 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.680 have to run around. I couldn't even go around the room. 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:28.720 Once I was like, in comes Jada and mean, lean, 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:37.920 sexy machino. When oh my god, she was so good. 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:43.880 It was so embarrassing. She was so fat, she was 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:51.320 so focused, she was so dcibly, she was so capable, 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:56.640 she was so gracious. And I just looked at this 0:03:56.680 --> 0:04:00.280 woman and I thought to myself, that's why I want 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:09.960 to be when I grow one. Yeah, I was impressive, 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:13.480 she was really impressive. I didn't get the part. Yeah 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:16.320 we didn't get the party. They never call me again 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:20.359 after that day. But you know, I always tell carry 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:22.920 and I'm like, she she was perfect for that one. 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:26.279 So now when I'm gonna every time, I'm gonna do action, 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:28.479 I said, no, no, no, I better start like getting 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:32.680 a little bit of stamina and I better practice the routines. Yeah, yeah, 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:34.560 you gotta be like Jade. That you gotta be like Jade. 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:41.760 I remember when I did Wild Wild West and I 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:46.560 became friends with Jada and with Will. I was always 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.920 very impressive of what a good step mother you were, 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:54.880 because I know you before your kids came came along, 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:59.239 and I know you bregg you were pregnant also and 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:07.000 really young, and I'm sorry, but you really had together. 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.680 You've never been fake. You never went and follow what 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:15.840 everybody else were doing. You got to do things for conviction. 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:21.080 I think I really got to know some. You know, 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:25.599 many years ago when I called her to direct a 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:30.080 video for me, I was still on human trafficking advocacy 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:36.400 and she was gracious enough. Two. Yeah, you know, we 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.880 had known each other by now. She was very dear 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.640 to me. She called me and she said, what are 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:46.880 you doing? She goes, I did the song, I sang 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:54.000 it in Spanish, and you're directing the music video. Her 0:05:54.120 --> 0:06:00.279 Spanish was perfect, and that's coming from so Ha Hones 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:04.200 was like impeccable. And I said, who wrote this for you? 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:08.800 On top of everything else? She goes, I did, But 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.479 I do have to tell you. Some said that she 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:13.520 would do the video, but she said only if I 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:30.120 did it naked. Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, Nate and Anita, and 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:34.440 she said you're gonna be naked. She made sure you 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:49.640 is so nusty, eat it all. Yeah, deep. It's a 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:55.520 love song about sex trafficking, and the story is about 0:06:55.880 --> 0:07:01.640 trusting a man that destroys you, luring you into sex trafficking. 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:06.279 And I said, I think it's important that you are 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:11.960 as vulnerable as these women, because the obsession that men 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:17.560 have with women's bodies, it's really threatening for us. And 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:22.040 so she accepted to be snaked with her body as 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:25.840 she was with her voice, and so she was very brave. 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:29.640 She had never done it before. No, but awesome. So 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.840 something you've been married for like twelve years and you're 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:37.360 like one of the wisest women that I know. What 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:41.560 are some of your tips for deeper connection and a relationship? 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.920 I will tell you what My best advice is that 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:49.640 I think I love it that I have it with 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:53.200 my husband. When there is conflict, we put all the 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:58.600 energy in solving the problem, never finding who to blame 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:01.640 or you should have done these or that. No, all 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:06.160 her energy goes into how do we solve this? And 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:10.240 so because of this, we've never said anything nastitude. That 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:14.800 is beautiful summer. No resentment, that's a good that is 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:18.240 a good way focus on the problem. And I'm not 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:23.000 figuring out the problem and figuring out together. Yea Valentina, 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:30.880 she's thirteen. She's thirteen. Now, how how many languages is 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:36.400 she speaking? Now? She speaks the three, Spanish, English, and French. 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:40.360 That she always spoke sounds a lot of Italian Portuguese. 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:45.160 But I tried to get her to do Chinese. Yeah. 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:48.520 I always loved like when I would see her and 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:51.360 listening to it, like, I was always fascinated. She was 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:54.079 so young and she was trilingual. I was like, damn, 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:56.400 I'm up here first of all, trying to master English 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.480 and trying to figure out space. And she got it. 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:04.000 She got the three, Jada, I'm still trying to figure 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:11.720 out the English. But thirteen, some how has that been? 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:15.240 I remember when miss Willow was thirteen. Let's not remember that. 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:18.679 I want to I want us to have all amnesia 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:23.920 about that now. But Willow, she was always so proud 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:28.600 of you. Thank you. Such an interesting time, you know, 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:32.880 as our daughters are transitioning into young womanhood, and so 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.679 I always think that that journey between mother and daughter 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:40.320 is a fascinating one. You know, hasn't been teaching you 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:44.120 anything so much. I've been learning to get out of 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.679 the way, and I've also learned a lot of that 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:50.480 from you, Uh to get out always take let them 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.840 be who they are, to give them the chance to 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:59.320 take the chance to be unique and dad. It's not easy. 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.320 And when you give them a voice, the first person 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:08.280 they use it for it's you, you know, yes. Empowerment 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:13.240 also comes with understanding boundaries. That's what I'm talking about, 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:19.600 You know what Willow that? I mean, it's just good 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:24.000 Mothers are always gonna wonder am I doing the right thing? 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.400 Am I did I do the right thing? Should I? 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:31.240 Should I have? Should I? Always? Because we care and 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:35.520 because we want to be are very very very best 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:39.760 for you. Sometimes when your children go away, because I 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.079 have stepchildren that are older, there's such a void that 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:46.080 you really don't know who you are anymore. There is 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.960 a sense of not only of laws, it's like who 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.920 am I without them? Like? What is my family? Now? 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.320 I think every woman goes through that, what is my place? 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.480 I remember when they start growing. I remember being in 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:02.920 the bad room and saying, wait a minute, nobody's knocking 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:09.040 at the door. Mommy, You're like in the bathroom and 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:14.840 somebody's like, mommy, just silence, No, nobody's interrupting my private 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:18.079 moment of peace, and then you go, okay, and what 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.080 do I do with this moment now that I don't 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:23.880 have to hurry off? It's even hard to know how 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:28.400 to chill. It's hard, like I'm chilling. I'm chilling, my god, 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:33.680 I am making an effort to chill that transition where 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.480 just like I don't know how to actually relax, I 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:40.679 really don't know what to do with myself. It's true. 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:43.360 And then you It takes a process and just learning 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:47.040 how to just be still and then remembering what is 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:49.959 it that I like to do again? What is the 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:53.720 things that bring me joy again? Yeah, it's a process. 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.400 I want to tell you that I watched the movie 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:00.920 that you just did, hip Man's Wife, badding so exciting, 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:07.040 that's so fun. Always excuse me, I've seen a game 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:13.600 with a woman, but never be sold. No, don't don't laugh, 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:37.880 and you my age, I'm fomished. Shall we go now? 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:46.640 Some of you are whooping kicking. As for your funny, beautiful, 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.680 witty self, I mean, it is such a pleasure to 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.760 see you in a role like that. And what was 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.600 really impressive is like you would like bunk that I'm 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:59.520 letting people know I'm fifty four and yes, and we 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.160 need to see more of this. You know, there's always 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:06.640 the silver fox guy getting in the car and doing 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.400 his business. We need more women in that role. I 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:13.200 feel less. It was conceived as maybe a girl in 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:17.640 her forties, But the truth is that I said why 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.800 and I say, let's let's make it a a woman 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:24.240 in her fifties. And I think we should make her 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.520 about her having to do all this action while she's 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:33.920 going through menopause. I love that hilarious. And we have 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:37.240 to convince some people, but they're like, do we have 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:41.319 to say the word, And I'm like, it doesn't matter 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:46.920 about words. What matters is that we go through it. Yes, 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:50.760 that's so interesting why it's such a like a problem 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.640 When I think about it as a woman, you think 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:57.520 that's hilarious. Hilarious, love that there's a very important message 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:01.840 behind it, because well we're saying here is that there's 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:07.320 no expiration dates for women. That has because you can 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.200 kick us at any age, you can call your own 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:14.040 at any age, you can dream at any age, you 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.079 can be romantic at any age. We have the right 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:20.880 to be loved for who we are at the place 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:24.640 that we are. We're not just here to make babies. 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:28.160 We're not just here to baby the man. We're not 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:32.120 just here to you know, service everything and everyone around us. 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.920 And then when you when the kids go away or 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:37.480 where there is no kids and you hit that age, 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:42.920 its songs like expiration date for the eggs. That means 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:46.400 expiration date for you as a woman. There's a lot 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:51.400 of ages. M it's missunderstanding that that has been going 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.960 around for centuries. And you know what, you don't look 0:14:56.000 --> 0:15:01.160 at day not a day fifty exactly. I just gotta 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:04.840 put that on the table right now. Well, thank you, 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:09.360 But even if I did, I could still kick us 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:13.800 straight up. Are you experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause? 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.560 I've been for a long time, okay. I think it 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.240 was my meat forties. I had to take a test 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:27.480 and the questions were terrifying. They were asking me things like, 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:33.400 are your ears growing and there's hair coming out of them? 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:40.240 Are you growing mustache and a beer? Are you easily irritable? 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:45.720 Are you crying for no reason? Are you gaining a 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:48.720 lot of weight really fast that doesn't go away no 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:54.040 matter what you do. Are you shrinking? And then they 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:58.280 ask you it's your vagina dry? And I thought to myself, 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.440 it doesn't matter if you have hair coming out of 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:04.360 your ears and nose and a mustache and a beer 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:08.360 and you're shrinking and you're getting big, and you're in 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.120 a bad mood all day but crying at the same time, 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:15.840 nobody's coming here, you vagiant, you have to be coming here. 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:20.720 That thing makes no difference. What I'll tell you what 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:25.000 they didn't tell you. Are your boobs growing? WHOA Do 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:29.280 boobs grow during menopause? Yes, the boobs grow a lot. 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.600 For some women they get smaller. But there are some 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:37.760 women that when you gain weight, your boobs grow, and 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.880 other women that when you have children and you breast 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.480 with your boobs grow and they don't go back down, 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:47.360 and then in some of the cases when you are 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:51.120 in menopause, they grow again. And I just happened to 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:54.160 be one of those women that it happened in every 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:59.400 single step when I gained weight, when I got pregnant, 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.960 and when I'm in menopause. A lot of people say 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:06.159 that I had breast augmentation. I don't blame them. My 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.919 booms were smaller was the rest of my body. But 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:16.280 did just have kept growing many many sizes, and my 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:20.600 back has been really suffering from it, and not a 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:24.479 lot of people talk about this. I didn't even know 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.240 that that could occur. Yeah, I mean either me neither. 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:31.560 What about mood swings? I have gone through those periods, 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:34.840 Maybe I still am, But you gotta kind of notice 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:39.439 and take a deep breath and say, Okay, it'll pass. 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.320 You gotta hold it together. And also, the hot flashes 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:47.080 are not fun, definitely not. I'm gonna be fifty this year. 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:49.280 Some of that. Maybe that's why I'm crying all the time. 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.760 Maybe that's why I've cried all the time. You're just sensitive. 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:58.879 Now you know why you're crying all the time, Jada, 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:03.080 You are only rying all the time because you have 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:06.960 so much to be grateful for. Yes, you know that's 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:11.800 not a lot, and gratitude can't move you to tears. Yes. 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:20.159 As you grow older, also you feel things deeper. We 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:24.760 let ourselves be more sensitive because we don't feel as threatened. 0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:30.400 As you get stronger, I think you get the luxury 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:37.119 of letting yourself feel everything. Yeah. There, you stronger, gain 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.560 the luxury of plating yourself. You see why I love her? Yeah, 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:47.640 let me down every time I'm around Selma. I guess 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:50.640 school and there's not a lot of people that can 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.320 school you exactly. Sounds a good one, but she schools 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.680 me every day. Even when I don't talk to her, 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.480 I hear her voice in my head, I feel her 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.320 energy around me. I feel her too. It's crazy, I 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:06.600 really do. It's the depth of your spirits al must 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:10.760 where just permeates and just engulfs. And that's the part 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:14.119 of you I love so much. Selma. We have the 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:19.720 fish bowl. Okay, now, the fish bowl is a red 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.399 table tradition. When our red Table family heard you were coming, 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:27.160 people lined up for questions. We wanted to pass along 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:32.120 the gift of Selma. First, we have a Diana from 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.600 New York. What's going on? Hi? How are you? Beautiful lady? 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:40.400 So excited to see you. So. I'm a curvaceous Latino 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:44.199 with a busty body type, and one of the biggest 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:47.640 challenges I've had is the assumptions that people are making 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:51.320 about me all the time. Like, even in professional environments, 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:54.960 I've had people make fun, you know, comments about my breast, eyes, 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.560 what I look like, and just assume that like I 0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:00.480 want that sexual attention because of what I look like. 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:05.240 So my question is, how can I navigate and find 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:07.600 ways to get people to respect me for who I 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:11.640 am and take me a little bit more seriously. Okay, 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:14.359 So the first thing is when you have big breast, 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:17.840 it's really hard to dress. And one of the tricks 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:21.680 is that they say, oh, you, you showed a lot 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:26.520 of cleavage. Yes, because if you cover all the way 0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:30.360 up to here, they just look bigger and you look bigger. 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:34.679 You need to have like some space, you know, otherwise 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:37.879 they take over your entire Dorso all these seeds, like 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.840 the head, and then like the thing. One thing that 0:20:42.040 --> 0:20:46.760 I suggest emphasize your eyes because it's also hard for 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:54.680 them to look up. Maybe we're laughing, but this because 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:58.800 your eyes are smart. They're gonna hear what you have 0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:03.920 to say to connect. To make a connection, the strongest connection, 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.679 I think it's through the eyes. Try to make it 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:10.000 a focus. But I'll tell you a very good trick. 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:13.240 Drop your voice a little bit not so high. Try 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:17.679 to talk from the god of your stomach. Own your voice, 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:22.400 command with your voice the respect that you deserve. Do 0:21:22.520 --> 0:21:26.560 not be afraid of your voice. See if I start 0:21:26.600 --> 0:21:28.959 talking like this, and you can make the jokes, you know, 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:32.639 but it's very different if I said, yeah, my babies 0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:37.320 are huge and great, you know, but like if you yes, 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:43.080 my books are huge and great. Like high your voice 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:47.439 on your voice, drop it projected and feel it in 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:50.440 your God and it's where your strength is. So do 0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:54.000 not be afraid of your voice. Do not have a 0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:58.080 not here, you know, like relax your neck and speak 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:01.080 your truth. And they have to listen to you, and 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:04.600 they have to look into your eyes because then they 0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:07.600 know that you're forced to be reckoned with and the 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:13.119 whole package is there. Why not? Yeah, but thank you, 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:17.800 thank you so much. That is amazing already better. I've 0:22:17.800 --> 0:22:19.720 always wondered how I can get my voice to like 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:22.760 sound a little more confident. I'm doing it now a 0:22:22.800 --> 0:22:25.560 little bit. You are, and you know what, that's your 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.560 real voice, right, You're not used to it, but it 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:32.359 is explored through your voice. You changed my life in 0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:36.879 like a minute. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to the club. Welcome 0:22:36.920 --> 0:22:44.480 to the club so much. Next we have Emily from Cleveland. 0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:48.760 Hey Emily, Hi ladies, what do you have for us today? 0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:53.159 I'm approaching my thirtieth birthday and I've been feeling a 0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:57.080 lot of pressure to get a boob en marchment as 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:00.160 you can see, there's really not a lot going on here. 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.640 I've had my boyfriend makee a couple of comments about it. 0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:05.800 It's really getting to me, but I really don't want 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:08.480 to go under the nights. And I guess my question is, 0:23:08.800 --> 0:23:12.560 in today's day, h how does a woman with no boobs, 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:17.120 tiny waists, no but due to feel sexy. First of all, 0:23:19.040 --> 0:23:22.399 you said there's not much going on here, and it's like, wow, 0:23:22.640 --> 0:23:26.960 I see a lot going on there. I see. I mean, 0:23:28.119 --> 0:23:31.199 you're really striking. So I'm gonna tell you a fast story. 0:23:31.600 --> 0:23:35.879 I have a very close friend who got a breast 0:23:35.920 --> 0:23:39.280 augmentation because the boyfriend really wanted her to get a 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:47.280 breast augmentation and they were engaged actually, and she got 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:53.919 them and she didn't marry her and she's had to 0:23:53.960 --> 0:24:02.560 have eight operations because of it. Right, right, Okay, if 0:24:02.560 --> 0:24:07.840 it's what you want, it's what you want. But don't 0:24:07.960 --> 0:24:15.160 let anybody dictate what to do with your body. Okay, 0:24:15.200 --> 0:24:20.119 if it's your choice, it's your choice. But it's really 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:23.280 hard to leave with someone else's choice that didn't even 0:24:23.320 --> 0:24:30.160 stick around. You know. You know, the mind is super powerful, 0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:34.439 So what can you do to be sexy? You know, 0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:39.439 if you're not volocked uous. I dream of wearing T 0:24:39.560 --> 0:24:43.320 shirts without a bra. You have to find what is 0:24:43.359 --> 0:24:46.080 it that you love about your body let it expand 0:24:46.119 --> 0:24:48.600 to other places. Vita used to say, I am my 0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:52.200 own work of art. That's right, and I can see 0:24:52.240 --> 0:24:54.800 that in you. I can see what you do with 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:59.000 your hair, with your makeup, your tattoo. You are your 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:03.280 own canvas. You are so nobody freed that would never 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:06.239 let somebody come and do any other painting. And you 0:25:06.280 --> 0:25:10.760 know that's what's sexy, your own confidence. That the way 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:15.000 you move because you're comfortable in it, because you like it, 0:25:15.080 --> 0:25:19.800 because you accept it, small breast, that it's something very 0:25:19.840 --> 0:25:25.120 sexy too. Everything is sexy. It's not about the size 0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:28.879 of the bullboards that make it work for you, girl, 0:25:29.720 --> 0:25:33.600 work for you. There is sexy in every science and 0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:37.920 every style and every color of women. Just the side 0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:42.440 to be that sexy within what you are coming from 0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:45.040 someone who has struggled with that for their whole life. 0:25:45.040 --> 0:25:49.560 I mean, I've been very small for my entire life, 0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:54.399 and you know that really takes a hit to my 0:25:54.480 --> 0:25:57.640 self esteem, you know, because the world that we live in, 0:25:57.880 --> 0:25:59.879 I mean, what a woman is supposed to look like 0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:03.520 is always changing. We're always supposed to just hop on 0:26:03.600 --> 0:26:06.800 what the new cool thing is. What I've realized is 0:26:07.720 --> 0:26:13.160 like almost taking away that sexual perception of my body, 0:26:13.200 --> 0:26:15.960 like taking away like looking at myself naked and taking 0:26:15.960 --> 0:26:20.400 away the sexual perspective and just seeing all the different 0:26:20.400 --> 0:26:25.440 ways that my body serves me so well, like as 0:26:25.720 --> 0:26:28.680 I feel like, as women, we just get so zeroed 0:26:28.760 --> 0:26:31.720 in on am I going to be wanted by someone else? 0:26:32.000 --> 0:26:37.920 Sometimes lose the basic fundamental reason for having a body, 0:26:38.000 --> 0:26:40.879 which is to take you through this world and to 0:26:41.200 --> 0:26:45.600 experience things that don't have to be centered around sex. 0:26:45.920 --> 0:26:48.000 And I want to tell you one more thing from 0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:52.040 a spiritual perspective. Always remember that your body is simply 0:26:52.080 --> 0:26:56.679 a casing. It is casing your spirit. The most valuable 0:26:56.760 --> 0:27:02.680 part of you is your heart art right, and your spirit, 0:27:03.320 --> 0:27:06.560 your soul. And let me tell you something. I've always 0:27:06.560 --> 0:27:09.600 been a tiny girl too. I've always been small, small 0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:13.560 everything small and stature, small breast, small butt, small legs, 0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:21.560 small everything right. But let me tell you spirit, soul, laughter, connection, 0:27:21.880 --> 0:27:26.680 spirit girl right, Okay, And I think how you feel 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:29.640 about yourself is so much more important than how somebody 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:32.920 else feels about you. So if he's not happy with 0:27:32.960 --> 0:27:37.119 who you are, then maybe he needs to because, you know, 0:27:37.560 --> 0:27:41.560 be with someone else. I don't know, I'm really uncomfortable 0:27:41.680 --> 0:27:47.480 with him after having to change your physicality for somebody else. 0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:50.640 If it's not something that you're really interested in doing 0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:54.080 it and you're happy with your body, honey, walk with it, 0:27:54.760 --> 0:28:00.480 be with that who you are? That again? Do you go? So? 0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:04.280 Thank you, so much, so welcome. So we have a 0:28:04.400 --> 0:28:07.840 video question now, our ladies. My name is Kia. I'm 0:28:07.920 --> 0:28:12.280 forty four, divorced, and I recently started dating again. But 0:28:12.520 --> 0:28:14.720 every man that I meet seems to want a twenty 0:28:14.800 --> 0:28:18.080 year old. So my question is how can I meet 0:28:18.119 --> 0:28:23.080 an age appropriate man. You don't know how many friends 0:28:23.160 --> 0:28:27.159 I have in their forties and in their fifties that 0:28:27.240 --> 0:28:31.040 are going through the same problem. It's become an epidemic 0:28:32.000 --> 0:28:35.760 because now with the access you know, through the dating 0:28:35.880 --> 0:28:40.160 sides and all these and want to commit less than ever, 0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:44.800 just so much axes you know out there, and they 0:28:44.840 --> 0:28:50.400 have so many choices, and it's become a real problem. Problem, 0:28:50.520 --> 0:28:55.600 It's become a real problem. I have one advice for you. 0:28:56.120 --> 0:29:01.680 Instead of really looking for men, look for new interests, 0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:07.719 find an adventure that you want to learn how to do. 0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:10.960 Let's say you want to learn how to do judo. 0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:15.880