WEBVTT - The Power of Small Changes 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:03.920 I think if you're going to create self care in 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:07.600 your life, it needs to be continuous. The biggest mistake 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:10.800 we make is it's like I've got this stressful life, 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:14.200 and self care is akin to taking a vacation from 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:17.840 that stressful life. Do the things that make you feel 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:21.599 good about life daily. The reason why we struggle with 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.200 our mental health is because we put ourselves last, and 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:29.320 we deal with everything and everybody else until we're truly 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:32.159 genuinely drained and burnt out, and then we take a 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.519 trip to Disneyland to try to recuperate. Make sure that 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:39.520 the things you enjoy are continuously available in your life, 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:41.920 even if they're in small doses, they'll still make a 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:57.640 massive impact. Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliakhani. 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.720 What's been better in your life since you listen to 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.039 the previous episode. This is not just any podcast. This 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:08.720 is a podcast to inspire healing in your life. So 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.240 please get used to that question because I want you 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:14.080 focusing on what's been better in your life as a 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:17.120 result of listening to this healing journey. And I'm going 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.280 to ask you that question constantly to help you shift 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:24.080 your focus. Every week, I learned something else about Jay 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:28.480 that blows me away, that genuinely impresses me. But it's 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.480 important that Jay be able to recognize these things in 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:36.039 herself and give herself credit for her amazing attributes. Once 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:47.480 she does this, her ability to create change will increase. Jane, 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:53.200 how are you? And I'm doing well? So what's been 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:54.480 better since we last met? 0:01:56.520 --> 0:02:01.040 That's been better? Relly Garry? Things pretty much the. 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:06.000 Same, Okay, So I can ask you a weird question 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.800 like how can you tell it's the same? Like what 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:10.959 is happening that tells you things are the same. 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.160 I mean I felt the same as I did last 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.800 time we talked. I've definitely thought about what we talked 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:21.959 about a lot, but I don't know that there's been 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:29.240 any change in my activities. Yeah, I mean pretty much 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:30.320 still doing the same thing. 0:02:31.480 --> 0:02:33.640 Uh, what what things did you think about? 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:39.520 Just like when you were asking me, like what is 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:43.000 my what is the ideal version of Jay looks like? 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:48.639 And how do I know that I'm reaching towards that 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:52.560 that that perspective? I guess I've thought about it. I've 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:57.200 thought about, you know, waking up in the morning, working 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:00.760 out and praying more and doing all those things. But 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:03.760 it did it actually happened right? 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.840 Right? And you said you thought about it a lot, Like, 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:08.280 how would you quantify a lot? 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:11.799 Well, I mean, I mean I thought about it. I 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.320 don't know if a lot is the right term, but 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.239 I thought about what we talked about more than I've 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:22.120 thought about those things previous to our conversation. 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:27.040 Right, And even though like you still were doing the 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.400 same things you just thought about it, were there any 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:32.920 times where you felt even a little bit more like 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:36.720 the jay you wanted to be? You know, like, did 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:40.160 you did you catch yourself at any moments feeling a 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.720 little bit more like that that version of Jalen? 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:59.040 I guess, I guess so, I guess there was moments 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:03.920 where I told myself to be more present in the 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:09.600 moment and allowed myself to be that yeh wow. Like 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.280 I went and took my son for a walk, well 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:13.680 not for a walk, but I was walked him to 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:20.159 daycare versus driving, okay, and I felt and enduring that walk. 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.800 I felt like, okay, like I'm present in this moment. 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.680 I'm filling the breeze, I'm enjoying the walk, I'm looking 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:33.560 at the scenery, you know, I'm checking on him and 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:38.320 seeing what he's doing, so I felt present in that moment. 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.240 How unusual is it for you to walk instead of drive? 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:46.640 I started walking over the summer, trying to like force 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.920 myself to walk versus driving. So that was something that 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:53.880 I did start, but when the weather changed, I stopped 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:58.279 so But even though the weather wasn't that great, I 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.440 still walked him to twice this past week. 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.599 What led to the decision that this would be a 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:05.440 time when you would walk even though the weather wasn't 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:06.880 super ideal. 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:08.840 I don't know. I just told myself to get off 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:13.480 my ass and walk. I'm not sure. 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:17.919 And how much like the old Gene is that to 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.159 just like, you know, get off your ass and do something. 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:25.240 Yeah, that's definitely more the old Jay for sure. But honestly, 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:28.200 like it's it is part of my personality to be 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:34.120 like that in general. Like even now, it's just I 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:37.479 guess sometimes I just more now than I have in 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.000 the past, I let myself kind of get in my 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.960 own way and like hume up with excuses. But you know, 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.880 there's definitely aspects of that in my present day too. 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:54.440 I just you know, keep allowing the negative thoughts, I 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.360 guess to kind of stop me from doing things as 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:58.240 much as I used to. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:02.440 Yeah, I mean that too. It's amazing to discover, even 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:06.600 to hear you talk about, even in the current environment 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.479 with some of the netive thoughts, the old Jane was 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:12.720 never really totally gone, you know. Some aspects of her 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:13.559 are still there. 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:23.120 Yeah, definitely. Yeah, but it kind of manifests more and 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.679 probably like projects that I take on versus the things 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.200 that I do for myself. So I'm just trying to, 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:33.200 you know, apply it to taking care of me too. 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:36.599 Yeah, it makes sense. And do you enjoy being the 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:42.440 type of mom walking to daycare with her happy baby 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:44.880 because you're being a little bit more present? 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:52.719 Yes, I do, especially because I well, I mean this 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:55.680 is not really relevant, but there's another mom that takes 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:58.839 her kids to the same daycare and she's always so 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:05.000 freaking angry mm mmm, like sh Like I sometimes I 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:07.640 just hope that she sees that I'm like happy, because 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:11.119 maybe it might rubble off on her. How come because 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.440 children are so precious, Like why would you want to 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:17.640 be you know, so mean towards them, you know, And 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:21.560 she's she just seems so so angry, so mean, and 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:25.080 who the hell wants to spend their day like that, Like, damn, 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:26.880 I just want to give her a hug, Like, girl, 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:27.880 it's gonna be all. 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:34.320 Right, Jamine, I completely agree. Yeah, prior to you and 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:39.320 this woman going to the same daycare, did you know her? No, Jayleen, 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:43.320 I want to ask you a very unusual question, is that, Okay, sure, 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:47.040 why would you care? This is a complete and total stranger. 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:49.960 You don't know her, never matter. Before you guys started 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:54.760 going to the same daycare, you observe her being angry 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.440 all the time and mean and and this and that. 0:07:57.480 --> 0:07:59.000 And by the way, I completely agree with you. That 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.360 is not a great way to live your dad. When 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:05.280 you were saying that, I was like, yeah, it's totally true. 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:09.200 But like, why why does Jaylen care? What is it 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:12.800 about Jaylen that makes your care about the daily experience 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:14.000 of this woman and her children? 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.040 I mean, because we're a community. I care about other people, 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:25.160 and I certainly care about vulnerable populations, and children are 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:28.840 the most vulnerable in our elders as well. Like I 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:34.680 don't No one is deserving of being around negative energy 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:38.000 all the time, you know, particularly babies. So I just 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.720 I just think it's like, right, you know what I mean, Like, 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:43.440 I just I just don't like it. 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.440 I don't like it, by the way, Like everything you're 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:52.040 saying it's like resonating in my spirit, Like I love 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:56.360 that you're saying these things and that's important you and 0:08:56.360 --> 0:09:00.640 and that's that's true for you, Like keep using this 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:02.640 phrase until you tell me to stop. But that's that's 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:04.880 cool for you as the old Jalen and who you 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:10.160 are currently right right, Okay, Jalen, can you think of 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:13.600 another time in this past week when you felt more present, 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:21.280 more like yourself? Not really no, so that was the 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:32.280 biggest standout time? Yeah, okay, how would you notice more 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.760 of Jalen Jalen coming back? Like what would be assigned 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:39.520 to you as you go about another week that would 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:41.880 tell you, like, all right, more of me is showing, 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.280 Like it doesn't come on like a light switch, like oh, 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.000 all of a sudden, you know, but it was just 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.280 like gradually coming more back. Like what would be assigned 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:51.480 to you that it was coming coming back? 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.760 Mm hmmm, probably be. I would probably be more productive 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:03.240 like during the day. I don't know, it's weird because 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:07.400 it's like I feel like I was more like am 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:11.760 like just more productive, Like I would get shit done, 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:13.439 I would take care of my business. I would do 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.200 what I needed to do, and I felt more like 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:22.120 just you know, clear on what my task were for 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:27.960 today and actually execute. Now nowadays, I feel like I 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:32.320 do get things done, like I'm not a slacker, well 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:34.800 in a sense that like I'm a slacker in my 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:40.200 mind because I feel like, Okay, you give like sixty 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:44.400 percent of yourself if that to the projects that you 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:47.480 need to work on. If you gave more like eighty 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:51.160 or ninety, then you would be even more ahead of 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.800 the game. But then when I compare myself to other people, 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.680 it's like, and I know you're not supposed to compare, 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:03.160 but I know it's like, but it's like, damn you 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.200 still like you still got you know, your properties, and 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:09.120 you still started. I'm part of an investment group and 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:12.480 we just recently bought a laundromat. You're still doing that. Wow, 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:15.640 you know you still like go to work every day 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:18.680 and your kids are still taking care of Like, like 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.880 I see all of those things, but I also feel 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:26.479 like I also spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing. 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:32.040 Like like playing on my phone or scrolling and so yeah, 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:34.760 so that's the kind of the things I kind of 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:39.040 struggle with like, are you as productive as you could be? 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:42.920 And you feel like the old J would be more productive? 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:43.400 Is that right? 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:44.600 Yeah? 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.360 Can I tell you the thing you said a minute 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:50.560 ago that I really like? You said something I really 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.239 like and I want to ask you about it. You said, 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:57.400 right now, you're functioning at about sixty percent, right, and 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.800 then you said, if I can get to eighty or 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.640 nine ninety percent, it would be you know, so much better. 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:05.679 And I love that you didn't say one hundred percent, 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:09.080 because no one is at one hundred percent, right, Like 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:13.000 that's just not real, right, Like everyone scrolls every now 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:15.040 and then, and everyone wastes a little bit of time 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:19.120 on you know, Netflix or you know whatever it is, right, 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:21.080 So I love that you would say that. So how 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:24.800 would you notice that that percentage was going higher and 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.880 getting closer to that eighty or ninety percent? 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:30.360 I guess, I mean, I guess I just would be 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:35.559 spending more time working on the things that I need 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.480 to work on versus being on my phone. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.760 Okay, Like, what what would be the what would be 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.480 the type of thing that I'm focusing on what I 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:46.160 need to work on. I'm still going to be on 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.120 my phone because I'm not one hundred percent, because no 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:51.680 one is right. But I'm just working on the things 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:53.880 I need to work on with a little bit more 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.320 focus or attention or you know what I mean, or 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.600 or a little bit that percentage just a little bit higher. 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.160 How would you notice My personality is like if I 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.520 see something needs to be done, I do it and 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:10.400 then I kind of stop. So but in that stopping, 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:15.160 it's like, well, what else needs to take place? And having, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.120 you know, taken a moment to kind of dig a 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:19.640 little deeper and not just address the things that are 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.679 on the surface that are clear that need to be done, 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:25.160 I would spend a little more time saying okay, like 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:29.960 let me really really understand what we're doing and identify 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:30.960 some of the holes. 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.079 So wow, And would you be pleased with yourself if 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.760 you caught yourself doing that, like just paying more attention 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.040 than laundromat beyond the surface things that you just kind 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:40.959 of have to do and start figuring out ways to 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:45.200 get more clientele into the laundrobat and finding flaws or whatever. 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:46.840 Would you be pleased to catch yourself doing that? 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:47.760 Yes? 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.560 How would the other people in the investment group know 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:57.320 that they're now partnering with this kind of a Jaylen, 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:58.160 How would they know that? 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.840 So it's hard to say because if I took it 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:07.240 to another level, I don't know that they would, Like 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:09.959 they don't notice the things that I feel like I 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.240 could do more. I don't know that they realize it 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:17.000 because they don't really see the weaknesses in my approach 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.080 the way I see it. So they're like, Oh, she's great, 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.600 she's doing great, you know, like we know we can 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:24.520 count on her, she knows how to get stuff done, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.160 blah blah blah. But me sitting back, like, I noticed 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.120 where I could be you know, where I can improve. 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:33.160 You know, it's interesting, Jalen, because you know what I'm 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:34.080 learning as you talk. 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:34.680 What's that? 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:40.400 It sounds like the old versus the current Jane. The 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.800 current Jane is actually still pretty awesome. Like if I 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.040 called your your investment group and I said, tell me 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.000 about jan and they wouldn't say, oh, she's asleep at 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:52.640 the wheels, she's she's not dependable, She's like, they wouldn't 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:56.960 say those things. But this shift you're talking about, it's 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:00.640 like an internal shift, right that it might not be 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:04.720 outwardly huge, but to you would be massively huge. Right, 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.280 Is that right, Am I picking this up? Okay, yes, 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.280 so maybe I should ask what else would you notice 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:15.320 as this internal shift happens you pay more attention to 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:20.320 the laundry mat that percentage of how much focus would 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.800 go up from sixty percent closer to eighty to ninety percent. 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:24.560 What else would you. 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:35.480 Notice that I'm taking more care of myself physically and spiritually? 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.760 I don't. It's like I know how to get stuff done, 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.520 but it's taking care of me that I feel like 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.480 it's lacking. It's like, yeah, I worked out when I 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.520 was pregnant, but then as soon as I had the baby, 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:50.160 I stopped working out. You know what I mean? Because 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.120 I was working out, Like I tend to do a 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.400 lot of things because I need to do them for 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.000 someone else, but I don't really do a lot of 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.120 stuff just for me. 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:00.000 Gotcha that makes sense? 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.200 Yeah, So I guess that's what I'm struggling with. So 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.520 I think it's if I took more time to just 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:11.400 focus on me, then I would notice that shift internally. 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:14.760 What's the first thing you would notice that you focused 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:15.000 on you? 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:21.920 That I took like specific time throughout the week for 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:28.320 just me doing something that I enjoy. But the challenges 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:30.280 that I don't sometimes I don't know what that is. 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:34.640 It's like, I know what people say, oh you know 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:38.960 self care, go, yeah, you know, go to have a 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:43.600 spa day or you know shit like that, and it's like, yeah, 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:48.720 I mean that's cool, But is that really the care 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:50.840 that I need? Do I need to light a candle 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:53.240 and take a bath? 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:53.520 Like? 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.280 I don't know, Like I don't know if that is 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.960 what self care needs to look like for me, So 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.680 I don't. I'm trying to. I know, like I like 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:02.800 to work out, and I feel that is self care 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.800 for me. But until I get to a point where 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:10.119 I am working out, what else can I be doing? 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:14.040 What are the things that you enjoy that would feel 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.919 to you like you're taking care of yourself if you 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.040 had done them? 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:25.200 Mmmmm, I mean I know that when the weather is different, 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:29.000 I really do like to be outdoors and I like 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:32.040 to grow stuff. 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:37.200 So grow stuff like like what do you mean, I. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:41.800 Mean like plants like a party, like tomatoes and peppers 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:42.760 and stuff like that. 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.040 Oh well, do you have that like on your property 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:46.840 like available to you? 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:49.320 Yeah? I have the space for it. 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.399 Wow, Okay, all right. 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.960 I mean it's not enough space I'm not about to 0:17:56.000 --> 0:18:00.920 be like at the farmers market selling rights in space 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.439 to grow you know what I need. But I'm from 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:04.040 the family. 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:07.800 I am not trying to turn you into a farmer, Jayalen, 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:08.840 I promise well, I. 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:10.040 Actually would not be against that. 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:13.600 Do you think you'd be happy as a farmer? By 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:15.480 the way, I do, you know? 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.720 Oddly enough, I told my sister. I was like, I 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.919 think I'm gonna try to find a farm that I 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.520 can volunteer at for a week and see if I 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:24.960 like it. 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:25.560 What. 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:31.160 Yeah, I'm like, I'm such a random person, but I do. 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.679 I do feel like I really enjoy being outdoors. I 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:38.919 like the idea of being close to nature. But I 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.240 don't know if I would like being a farmer person. 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:43.600 So I figure, you know, maybe I can volunteer and 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:47.480 figure out if that is something that I truly would like. 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:49.600 But the idea of it sounds awesome. 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:54.280 I've always been I've always been fascinated like people who 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:59.680 who like transform themselves, you know, mm hmm. And sometimes 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.320 a big transformation like becoming a farmer or kind of 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:06.159 like we're talking about here, like sometimes a small transformation, 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:08.159 like you know, I'm going to focus more on the 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:12.240 laundry bat. But I've always been fascinated by, like the 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:14.720 act of doing something different, you know. 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:16.520 Yeah, me too. 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:19.840 And you said I'm a random person. Did I hear 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:20.320 you say that? 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:27.600 Yeah? I like. I like random stuff, Like I like spontaneity. 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:32.840 I like thinking outside the box. I miss being more spontaneous, 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:37.760 like I don't know, I just I like, you know, 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:40.879 like life is supposed to be lived, right, Like I. 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:42.880 Could not agree with you more. 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:46.640 We do the same thing over and over and over, 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:49.639 and honestly, that's one of the challenges I have with 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.600 being a mom, Like I know that it's supposed to 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:56.520 be like this miraculous time in my life, and it's 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:59.760 so full of love and joy. Yeah, it's that, but 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:05.119 it's also like kind of mundane, like how many diapers 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:08.240 do you need to change? Bro? Like it's it's so 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.879 much of the same thing over and over, right, that 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:19.200 sometimes I miss the I don't know, I guess I know, 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:22.760 like you know, watching my son learn how to talk more, 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:27.280 you know, becoming more independent, my oldest son asking me 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:30.919 all these silly I ask questions and making me laugh 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.440 like that is beautiful, it is right, but it also 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:37.440 feels very like the same thing over and over. 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.840 You know, if I said to you, I want you 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:46.280 to do one random thing this week, what are you 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:46.919 reading you do? 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:52.800 M I don't know. I gotta think about that one. 0:20:54.200 --> 0:21:00.480 Because as you as you talk about this, I start 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:06.320 wondering if, what if? What if self care to Jayleen 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:11.080 looks like not being a mom for a few minutes, 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.000 you know what I mean? Or and not that you 0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:17.080 don't enjoy being a mom, but like, what if self 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.840 care to Jayleen looks like I'm just gonna do something 0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:25.199 completely spontaneous and crazy. M M for a second, like 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:29.439 I'm just gonna I'm gonna do something off the rhythm? 0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:31.639 Does Does that make sense? 0:21:32.359 --> 0:21:34.080 Yeah? No, that's that's interesting. 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:42.160 I never thought about it, right, So introducing spontaneity is 0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:43.840 probably the self care that you need. 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:46.840 Yeah? 0:21:47.200 --> 0:21:54.040 Maybe, hhmm maybe, Jayleen, that's an interesting thought that I 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:55.800 didn't think about until I heard you say that. 0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:00.280 Yeah. I think so. You know, we get so caught 0:22:00.359 --> 0:22:03.760 up in what self care looks like andy to you know, 0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:07.280 personalize it and really think about what that looks like 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:11.399 for the individual based on you know, what they're sharing. 0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:16.200 I think is good for you. Good job, counselor, that's 0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:17.119 very insightful. 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:25.240 Well, thank you. Maybe self care is once a week, 0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:29.280 I'm going to do something completely random because I don't 0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:32.680 like the feeling of routine. So like one week, I'm 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:38.040 going to go to the local bar, the next week 0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:40.440 I'm going to go to a park, and the next 0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:44.600 week I'm going to try a restaurant that's completely not 0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:46.720 the kind of place I would normally go, or you know, 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:47.800 so on and so on. 0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:50.040 Yeah, yeah, I like that. 0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:53.920 So I kind of want to push you if you'd 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:57.040 allow me to, okay, and I want you to pay 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:03.320 more attention to how other people might experience you when 0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:07.520 you're at your best. Then another example is the people 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:10.320 in the investment group. Now, you're a pretty awesome person, 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.359 so I believe you're telling the one hundred in truth. 0:23:13.840 --> 0:23:16.359 If I called the people in the investment group and 0:23:16.400 --> 0:23:19.560 I said, tell me about Jay Lenn, they wouldn't say, oh, 0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:22.840 she's not dependable, we can't count on her. She's you know, 0:23:23.119 --> 0:23:26.000 not paying attention. They wouldn't say that. But I'll bet 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:29.000 you if you were on the ball and you started 0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:32.080 noticing things and you started getting more clients to go in, 0:23:32.680 --> 0:23:36.440 they would still notice the transformation, you know, like, yeah, 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:39.800 sometimes we think people only notice the transformation if they 0:23:39.880 --> 0:23:43.800 notice the problem, and that's not actually true. That's not 0:23:43.840 --> 0:23:46.840 actually true. I don't have to know the problem in 0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:51.800 order to see the growth, right, So I want to 0:23:52.200 --> 0:23:56.960 I want to challenge you to notice how other people 0:23:57.080 --> 0:24:01.359 notice you, you know, even if they don't say anything, 0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.159