1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: Call it what it Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Lettington, 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast. Oh my, oh my, what a beautiful day. Hello, 3 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 1: Caamelle Lettington. 4 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 2: Hello Jessica Capshaw and welcome everybody. Welcome. Call it crude 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 2: to another episode of Short and Sweet. 6 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: Keep it short and sweet, Keep it sweet sweet. If 7 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: I want to make it long and sour. 8 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 2: Long and sour, that'll be. You know what, we can 9 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 2: call the other episodes long and sour. 10 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe a little different one about that. You know, 11 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: what you just reminded me of as we started was 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: that you are one of the only people in my 13 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: life that calls me Jess. Did you know that? 14 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 2: No? Yeah? Really? 15 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: Yeah? 16 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 2: Who else calls you Jess? 17 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: Now I have to know well to be honest, now 18 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about it, and I'm drawing a blank. 19 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 2: You. 20 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,199 Speaker 1: You definitely are the only person that's in my life 21 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: on the regular that calls me Jess. Who else calls 22 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: me Jess? 23 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 2: I feel like everybody on set called you Jess. 24 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: No, no, no, that was your own special that was 25 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: your own special name flair. Yeah yeah, I mean my 26 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:27,919 Speaker 1: my family in Missouri say they called me Jesse Jesse. 27 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,559 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm Jesse. There, I'm Jess with. 28 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 2: You, Duayne to a revert, try calling Joey. 29 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 1: The reason I thought of it was it's short and sweet. 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: You just you made me. You were one of the 31 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: first people to make me short and sweet. Oh jeez, oh, Jess, 32 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,759 Speaker 1: guess what we're talking about today. 33 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 2: M tell me boundaries. Yeah, we are. 34 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: Didn't even know what the word was until I was 35 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: in my thirties. 36 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 2: No one did. It was kept from women for centuries. 37 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: Oh, this thing called boundaries. Nope, you don't get to 38 00:01:59,640 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: know about. 39 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: They're like, don't worry about what that is and look 40 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 2: the other way. Yeah. 41 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: A boundary is just a line on a map, Yeah, 42 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: or exact the territory boundary. That's what you learn about. 43 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 2: In history, geography, and movie. 44 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 1: Yes, it's a geography. It's a it's a geography term 45 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: that that that that that I'm very happy has turned 46 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: into a what would you call it? An emotional a psychological? Uh, 47 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: A feelings term that we have started to accept and 48 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 1: understand is something that you create in order to let 49 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 1: other people know where you feel respected, safe, understood. Yeah. Yeah, 50 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: so it's a line between what is okay with you 51 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 1: and and then what is not and if it crosses 52 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: a line, it's not okay with you or you haven't 53 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: given uh a person or people permission or consented to 54 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: people crossing it. 55 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly right, Yes, it is. This. So it's funny 56 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 2: because Jessica and I and I'm sure you guys do 57 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 2: we talk about boundaries privately, you know, with friends, and 58 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 2: we've talked about on the pod before. But this particular 59 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 2: episode was inspired by I'm not gonna call her Chapelle 60 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 2: Chapel Rohan's statement that came out recently and well, she 61 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 2: made some maybe a story of reels initially about boundaries, 62 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 2: and she got a ton of backlash about it, and 63 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 2: I found it kind of fascinating. 64 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: Well hold on, but hold on, just let's just back 65 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: every one second. So when you say backlash, I feel 66 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: like that's negative. 67 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 2: I would definitely characterize as backlash. 68 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 1: Right, But I'm saying she got a ton of feedback. 69 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: Is there any way of understanding because I knew a 70 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: lot of people that were like, fuck yeah what she said, 71 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: Like what she said was great, and then I know 72 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: that there were a lot of people who were like, oh, 73 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,040 Speaker 1: I don't like what she said. So it was but 74 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: do we understand it to be predominantly negative how people 75 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: felt about her post. 76 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 2: I think that she wouldn't have had to feel like 77 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 2: she had to release a sort of statement at it 78 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 2: after to explain herself further. Had the majority of the 79 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 2: feedback been positive. I think the majority or the loudest voices, 80 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,799 Speaker 2: which can happen all the time on social media, were negative. 81 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 2: So first off, we should just talk about what she said, 82 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 2: and then we can talk about our own experiences. And 83 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 2: then we did throw this out to the crew, and 84 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 2: we can we threw out the boundaries your experience boundaries too, Okay, 85 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 2: So let's talk about what she released. And my understanding 86 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 2: is that she has been around for a very long time, 87 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 2: working very hard, and it's exceptionally talented. Obviously, However, in 88 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 2: the past, I love her, I love her, but I 89 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 2: didn't know about her up until about six months ago. 90 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: And I feel like this explosion that has launched her 91 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 2: into the stratosphere of the public domain the world. Yeah, 92 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 2: the fame machine is very new to her and so 93 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 2: she has some thoughts and feelings about it. 94 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's a seven page slide in which she 95 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,239 Speaker 1: I mean, this is the greatest thing about social media 96 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: is that this is directly from her right, so no 97 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: one's speaking for her. This is there's no filter on this. 98 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 1: This is her thoughts to people who sign up to 99 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: care about what she has to say. So she starts 100 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,840 Speaker 1: it with saying that for the past ten years, I've 101 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: been going NonStop to build my project, and it's come 102 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 1: to the point that I need to draw lines and 103 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: set boundaries. Well, here's the here's the major here's the 104 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: major point of the beginning of her her her post, 105 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: which is that she explains that she won to be 106 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: an artist for a very long time. I've been in 107 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: too many non consensual physical and social interactions that I 108 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,919 Speaker 1: just need to lay it out and remind you. Women 109 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: don't owe you shit. I chose this career path because 110 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: I love me. It's like an art and honoring my 111 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: inner child. I do not accept harassment of any kind 112 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: because I chose this path, nor do I deserve it. 113 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 2: Yes, people had a lot of feelings. Some of the 114 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 2: feedback I read that was negative was was that you 115 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 2: haven't been famous long enough to pull this kind of bullshit, 116 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 2: and people asking you for a picture is not invading 117 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 2: your space or you know, or saying hi to you. 118 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 2: And I think one thing that we have to address 119 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 2: off the top is it may not feel if someone 120 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 2: asked you for a picture. It may not feel to 121 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 2: you as a person like it's an invasive thing. But 122 00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 2: everyone feels differently. Everyone has different boundaries, and she's letting 123 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,840 Speaker 2: people know that for her, this is that it does 124 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 2: feel invasive. So I think that, like, I think, something 125 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 2: we run into all the time is not being able 126 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 2: to relate to someone else's boundaries, but it doesn't mean 127 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 2: they're not valid. 128 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because everyone's are different. Yeah. I think that 129 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: that's that's the main and key piece. And I think 130 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: that it's made really hard to understand in this particular 131 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: example because I think that when you're in a relationship 132 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: with someone who you know, it's a conversation. Boundaries are 133 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: a conversation like hey, can I do this? Would you 134 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: like to do that? It's a contract you're saying, you're 135 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: signing up for it when you're in real time with 136 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: a real person and you can have, you know, a 137 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: back and forth where you can understand each other. And 138 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: in this situation, you know, she's larger than life, and 139 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: she's on stages and she's you know, on your on 140 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: whatever device you're looking at. She's she's got this whole 141 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: other thing that's her performance, which is her job. 142 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 2: She's at work, and also is maybe her persona the 143 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 2: it's not her right, Like we have to sometimes like 144 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 2: split the artist from the everyday person who's going to 145 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 2: get their groceries, who just wants to go out and 146 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 2: have dinner with their friends. 147 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is very very different, and I 148 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: think that that is where a lot of it's like 149 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: a very ripe environment for people to have different feelings 150 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: about it, because again, you feel like you have access 151 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 1: to someone because they're performing and you're receiving the information, 152 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: you're seeing it, you're enjoying it, you're loving it, you 153 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: feel a closeness to this person whatever. 154 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 2: I mean. 155 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: It's funny because she goes on to say that she's 156 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: you know, it's not just that she's not. I don't 157 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: think it doesn't seem like she's talking about like, hey, 158 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: can I take a picture with you? She says, you know, quote, 159 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: I am specifically talking about predatory behavior disguised as quote 160 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 1: super fan behavior that has become normalized because of the 161 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,680 Speaker 1: way women who are well known have been treated in 162 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: the past. So I mean, I think that that's what 163 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: is Again, it's a one way conversation. It's her, you know, 164 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 1: her her voice to the public. It's not. No one's 165 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: in a real relationship here. That's the hard part. It's like, yeah, 166 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: you can't have this isn't a conversation. And I think 167 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: that that is what happens quite often in any of 168 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: these situations, which is what I actually just learned about this, 169 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: by the way, is parasocial relationships where you're feeling like, oh, 170 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: I see you. I think this happens a lot on 171 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: Gray's Anatomy. 172 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 2: I think it does. 173 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: I think when you're on a television show where you're 174 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 1: in someone's living space and they're watching you, and they're 175 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: watching you act, and you're creating this character, and this 176 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: character has the ups and downs and all arounds, and 177 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: you and and and hopefully if the if the actor 178 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 1: and the show is doing their job, they're making you 179 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: feel all these things as a viewer. And oftentimes people 180 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: can blur the lines and they think that they truly 181 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: know you by the way that you would be your character, 182 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,479 Speaker 1: and then they are in this you know, parasocial relationship. 183 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: I again, this is new to me. It was a 184 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: new phrase, and I but it makes complete sense. I 185 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: get it. I have another question, which is just I 186 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,079 Speaker 1: don't know, thrown it out there, because what she's talking 187 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 1: about is very specific when she's because she talks about 188 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 1: being a woman and in that you know original quote 189 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: where she says women don't know you shit, she's speaking 190 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: as a woman. And and I'm wondering if a man 191 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: had posted this would be received differently. I don't know 192 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: the answer to that. By the way, I'm just throwing 193 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: it out there. 194 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: I have a feeling that if my instinct is that 195 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 2: if Harry Styles posted something like this, yes, there's always 196 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 2: going to be backlash. I have a feeling though, that 197 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 2: it would not be received in the same way. Just 198 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 2: my opinion. 199 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 1: Well, and it's funny because when you say that, it 200 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: makes me think of I mean again, this is my interpretation. 201 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: When you think about you know, the like they give 202 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: the quintessential you know, like superstar, rock rock and roll, 203 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: pop star, whatever man or male figure or group band 204 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,839 Speaker 1: like you look. Do you think back on like you know, 205 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: the Beatles, until like in Sync, Boys, Men, Backstreet or whatever. 206 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: You think about these bands? You think about all the 207 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: video footage of that made that actually contributed to making 208 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: them larger than life and seem even greater and bigger 209 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,920 Speaker 1: and sexier and hotter, which was the throngs of people 210 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: that were teaching them wanting to be with them, like 211 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 1: totally crossing boundaries. I mean like or you know, back 212 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: to like you know, like slipping them their number, giving 213 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: them hotel rooms, like total boundary crossing. 214 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 2: No, you think of like Elvis Presley, it's like everything 215 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:50,960 Speaker 2: like you know. 216 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: Yes, but that was that was framed as like that 217 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: person was so so hot like these that these people 218 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: couldn't like, they couldn't stop themselves from you know, how 219 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: hot these these performers were in So it was a 220 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: mark of how effectively hot they were. Yeah, And this 221 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:16,719 Speaker 1: is a woman saying, I get it, this is my persona, 222 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 1: this is who you see, and I don't want that. 223 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: And she goes on to say she very much wants 224 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 1: to be in the position that she's in. She loves 225 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: doing what she's doing. She doesn't want the inappropriate behavior 226 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: and the inappropriate boundary crossing that can occur when you're 227 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: just a human being walking around the world. 228 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 2: I also feel like, though, what's interesting about this though, 229 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 2: is that in her initial story she kind of did 230 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 2: say like that she you know, about the picture taking 231 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 2: part of it, like she doesn't really feel like taking 232 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 2: a picture. Okay, so let's pretend that it wasn't even 233 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 2: the super fan predatory behavior. Let's just talk about if 234 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,679 Speaker 2: she did not feel like taking pictures with fans, like 235 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 2: that's just not her jam, she doesn't feel comfortable with it. 236 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 2: It's so interesting to me that it bothers people, like, honestly, why, 237 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 2: why would that be something that you really care about? 238 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 2: Like if I see someone like Britney Spears, who I love, 239 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 2: and I have seen her in real life, I haven't 240 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 2: asked her for a photo. If I also knew that 241 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 2: she was someone that didn't want to take pictures, it 242 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 2: wouldn't piss me off. I find it so interesting that 243 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 2: we feel like once you get to a certain stage, 244 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 2: some people feel like they're owed something That is so 245 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 2: interesting to me, because even if she's like, you know what, 246 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 2: I don't even want to take pictures. It's just not 247 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 2: my thing. It doesn't make me feel comfortable. Who cares? Okay, great, 248 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 2: Like I love your music, like I'm gonna go to 249 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 2: your concerts. I'm excited, but it's not a slight to me. 250 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: I have another perspective that I grew up with, which 251 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: was being the child of an actress and a director 252 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: and walking around the world with them and having people 253 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: come up to talk to them or ask for a 254 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: picture or whatever it was. And again I was a 255 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: child and then a teenager, and I'm still today. It 256 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: was so interesting because as a child it felt really 257 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: disruptive and to me, again being a child, I was like, 258 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: this is this is this is this is boundary crossing, right, 259 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: Like this is I'm with my mom or my dad 260 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: and someone is kind of coming in and inserting themselves 261 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: and wanting to take this moment to say something. And 262 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: by the way, there's different ways to do it. And 263 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: sometimes people were really kind and really sweet and very 264 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 1: tentative and like hey, you know, and they actually did contract. 265 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: They were like, may I do you mind if I 266 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 1: bought it? And then there were people who were super 267 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 1: aggressive and didn't care at all what you wanted or thought, 268 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: and they just kind of came in And that's and 269 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: and that's worth mentioning because it's a it's a really 270 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: big difference. And when I watched it happen as opposed 271 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: to if it were to happen to me now. I 272 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: remember observing that most of the time people thought it 273 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: was like I didn't see so much like you owe 274 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: me this picture or you owe me this conversation. 275 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 2: It was. 276 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: This is my only shot, like I'm likely never going 277 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: to see you in person again. I have this one 278 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 1: moment and something takes over their body and they're like 279 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: going for it. They're just like going for gold and 280 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: something about the impermanence of it, and like the one 281 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: last shot literally just turns them into someone that's like, well, 282 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go for it. And it doesn't it's 283 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: just it's just like an extra perspective on it. It's 284 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: not it doesn't make it worse or better. I think 285 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: it's just something that I observed, and I think that 286 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 1: I sort of have taken it with me into my 287 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: life now because you know it because people do come 288 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: up and you know, either to say something you know, 289 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 1: super kind, or to ask for a picture, and it 290 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: comes at different times, and sometimes it's super convenient and 291 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 1: it's the easiest thing in the world to like, you know, 292 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: like lean over and take a cute little selfie with 293 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: someone or whatever. And sometimes I've been holding a baby. Yeah, 294 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 1: I can't like put down to go take a picture 295 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: with someone, but I don't want to be you know, 296 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,160 Speaker 1: in my mind. I again, I guess this is boundary setting. 297 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: Clearly I'm not so advanced in this department, but I've 298 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: found that hard to say, you know, oh my gosh, 299 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I'm with my baby that I can't 300 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: put down and come take a picture with you. And 301 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: I'm not going to take a picture with my baby, 302 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: so oh, I'm so sorry. The times I actually have, 303 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: which have been very very few, I have been surprised 304 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: by people's negative negative I'll have that too, and just 305 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: like not understanding and being either hurt or upset, and 306 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: and that always weighs on me because I because I'm 307 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 1: a people pleaser and I want everyone to be happy. 308 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: I want everyone to leave every experience happy. But that 309 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: that that feeling and that people pleaser part of me 310 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:25,320 Speaker 1: is it really is. It's like the anti hero to 311 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 1: boundary setting. 312 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 2: It's interesting though, because I feel I'm like listening to 313 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 2: what you're saying, and I under of course we've been 314 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 2: together in these situations a million times, and I get 315 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 2: that feeling of like this is my shot. I've felt 316 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 2: that way, Like I've seen people that I'm like, oh 317 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,159 Speaker 2: my god, this if I do it, it's now, right 318 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,479 Speaker 2: now or never, And a lot of the times I 319 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 2: just don't do it because I'm too shy and I'm like, 320 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 2: I don't want to do it. I'm too scared. 321 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: Always for me, always always okay. 322 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 2: So I feel like, so I get that feeling, I 323 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 2: get that impulse. I think that what we need to 324 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 2: be aware of and remember is that you can have 325 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 2: that impulse, but it's it's this is this is a 326 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 2: this is consent, right, It's a two way street of 327 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 2: that person also can get to say no in the moment, 328 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 2: so you have to be okay with that. And someone 329 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 2: like Chapel right now is setting her boundaries really early on, 330 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 2: because by the way, we see people enter into the 331 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 2: fade machine and completely burn out or worse because of 332 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 2: all of that noise. And if she's able to set 333 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 2: her boundary now and cut it out, maybe she has 334 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:43,680 Speaker 2: a much longer, healthier career producing all this incredible music 335 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 2: for everybody. And she won't tap out early because she's 336 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 2: like it's too much. I don't know. 337 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, and by the way you see it play out, 338 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 1: because you I mean, you see it play again. We 339 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: already talked about our swifty, our swifty status, you know, 340 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:02,200 Speaker 1: I mean Taylor talks about it in multiple documentaries and 341 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,840 Speaker 1: I think in interviews I've seen where it's like, so, okay, 342 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: you know, a boundary today is you know, don't touch 343 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,119 Speaker 1: me if I don't know you, or don't cross you know, 344 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,920 Speaker 1: an actual physical line to to you know, and get 345 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,639 Speaker 1: whatever I'm imagining her in her rockstar life right, but 346 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: not only could because because if that's okay, then all 347 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: of a sudden, a fan breaking into your apartment yea, 348 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,239 Speaker 1: to like struggle with your cats is okay. So it's like, 349 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 1: I do think it's a slippery slope, Like, you know, 350 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 1: I think we actually should maybe look at how or 351 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,919 Speaker 1: ask some questions about how to get a little cozier 352 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: with the idea that someone's saying I don't like that, 353 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: like I don't want you to do that, and having 354 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: that be okay as opposed to you know, having all 355 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 1: this you know, backlash or negative whatever, Like why don't 356 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,959 Speaker 1: we just get a little curious, like, okay, great, I 357 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: love chapel rone. I'm pretending I'm someone else. I mean, 358 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 1: I love Chapel Roone, but let's pretend I'm someone else. 359 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: I love her. I love her, I love her, I 360 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 1: do anything to be near her. Great, well, okay, what's 361 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,679 Speaker 1: her What does she have to say? She doesn't want 362 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 1: to be touched? 363 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 2: Great? 364 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 1: Well, if I love her so much, why would I 365 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 1: try and do the thing she doesn't want me to do. 366 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,159 Speaker 2: It's very bizarre. It is really interesting. 367 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: I had a lot of people come up to my 368 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: parents when I was younger, and I just normalized that 369 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,199 Speaker 1: and bake that into my understanding of it. And so 370 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,159 Speaker 1: we all grow up and then I end up becoming 371 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: an actress and then I'm you know, here, there and whatever. 372 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: But then all of a sudden, I get to a 373 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: place where people, you know, do recognize me or notice 374 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: whatever and would come up and say hi or ask 375 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,679 Speaker 1: for a picture or whatever. I have also had that 376 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: moment where someone comes up to me with their phone 377 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,400 Speaker 1: like to like, will you take a picture? And I've 378 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 1: been like, yeah, totally, we do. Where do you want 379 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,680 Speaker 1: to take it? And they've then said can you take 380 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:46,440 Speaker 1: this picture of my mom? 381 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: And I, oh, yeah, yeah, I've had that too. Matt's 382 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 2: so many times where it's like I'm like, oh god, 383 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 2: another one, okay, fine, and they're like could you take 384 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 2: a picture of me and my husband? I'm like sure. 385 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 2: Or I've had this too. I've had this too, where 386 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 2: they're like I know you from somewhere and I'm like 387 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 2: I know, I know, and it's like no, they literally 388 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 2: know me because I go into Ralph so many times. 389 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 1: Or they think you like dated their cousin. 390 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like we used to date. We had a 391 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 2: horrible first state. I'm like, no, are you sure it's 392 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 2: not Joe Wilson Grays now? I mean no, I'm like no, 393 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 2: it's actually not that at all. Okay. So we had 394 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:47,439 Speaker 2: so many submissions. We're going to read one today on 395 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 2: Short and Suite, but we've decided because we have so 396 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,400 Speaker 2: many amazing ones, voicemails, I mean so much. You guys 397 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 2: really came through that. We are going to dedicate a 398 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 2: long episode to this too. So we're going to get 399 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 2: into it just with one person this time, and then 400 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 2: we will come back. We're going to circle back to 401 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 2: this because you guys have a lot of opinions and 402 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,679 Speaker 2: a lot of experience and stories that you're wanting to 403 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,160 Speaker 2: share and we want to share it with the rest 404 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,199 Speaker 2: of the call it grow. Okay, so Carrie wrote, I 405 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 2: had to set a boundary on physical touch with my family. 406 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 2: I'm just not a fan of hugs or physical touch. 407 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 2: As I get overwhelmed, no one in my family listens 408 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 2: or takes it seriously. I just get brushed off for 409 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 2: not wanting to hug my family. It's not that I 410 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,320 Speaker 2: just hate the feeling and I'm not sure what to do. 411 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 2: If you have advice, I gladly take it. But I'm 412 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 2: struggling to try and enforce his boundary that I have 413 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 2: set for years that no one will listen to with 414 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 2: countless reminders, it just seems very disrespectful. Yeah, it's super disrespectful. 415 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,439 Speaker 1: I get this by the way, I have you my 416 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: life like this, that this is how they feel. 417 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 2: That they and well, here's the thing that I want 418 00:22:56,280 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 2: to say. We grew up where like uncle Bobby is 419 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 2: coming over and give him a hug and a kiss, 420 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:03,400 Speaker 2: and it's like it's a. 421 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: Kid his voice for uncle Bobby. 422 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,680 Speaker 2: No, this is like I don't know whose voices is, 423 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 2: but this this voice loves uncle Bobby, and this voice 424 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,239 Speaker 2: needs you to give him My middle juicy kiss on 425 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 2: the cheek, and you're five and you're like, Uncle Bobby's 426 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 2: kind of gross. 427 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 1: He smells like listerine and he's. 428 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 2: Not even my uncle. Like, I don't know why we're calling. 429 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: We just took a hard right, I'm sorry. Carry back 430 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 1: to you. Back to you, my performer in her is 431 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: my point, Dad, say save the drama. 432 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:45,000 Speaker 2: Save it for the screen. Screen. My point is is 433 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 2: that we grew up feeling like we had to give 434 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 2: uncle Bobby a juicy kiss on the cheek, and it 435 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 2: was expected of us, whether we felt comfortable or not. 436 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,199 Speaker 2: And we're now so many of us are raising our 437 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 2: kids to be like, you know what, you don't feel 438 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 2: like hugging whoever today, Uncle whoever, or grandpa whatever, you 439 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 2: don't have to, It's okay. And so we're like weaving 440 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 2: in that idea of if you don't feel like doing 441 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 2: that with your body, no one has to tell you 442 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 2: to do that with your body. Yes, And so I 443 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 2: think this is hard. I think people struggle with this 444 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,679 Speaker 2: though when people have opinions about it. 445 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's also sort of what in 446 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: your family culture or in our culture or whatever culture 447 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:33,440 Speaker 1: you live in, like, what's an expected tradition or behavior, 448 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 1: and then it's just sort of indoctrinated and we all 449 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: grow up in it and some of us bump up 450 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 1: against it and we're like, again, yeah, exactly what you said, 451 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,119 Speaker 1: Like I don't that doesn't feel comfortable to me, or 452 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 1: I don't like that, And you know, ultimately what those are, 453 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: those cultures and those customs, right, they're just kind of 454 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: their habits and they are you know, you got you 455 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,359 Speaker 1: run into the habit of hugging someone or kissing someone 456 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: or whatever that is. And I think that if I 457 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: were in your situation, I think that it likely. I 458 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 1: think I would feel more a chance at success. Speaking 459 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: to my family members one on one, like if you 460 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: just become the person who's like, oh gosh, she doesn't 461 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 1: want to save the drama, right, save it for the screen, 462 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: like you get cast as the person that's touched or whatever, 463 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 1: then the group mentality sort of makes you other and 464 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,400 Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're like, oh, she doesn't want 465 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,639 Speaker 1: to be chou Yeah exactly. But I think that if 466 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: you actually went to you know, one by one, and 467 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: you'll know best who to go to first and said listen, okay, 468 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: Aside from what I know we all what I get 469 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: from you all. Every time I bring this up, I 470 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:43,199 Speaker 1: just this is what it is like, there's something about 471 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,240 Speaker 1: hugging that makes me uncomfortable. And if they're a really 472 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 1: beloved family member, you could even go into the specifics 473 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: if you want to, like I feel like my stomach hurts, 474 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,199 Speaker 1: or I get sweaty, or I don't know what to 475 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,000 Speaker 1: do with my right arm, or I don't whatever it's. 476 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 1: I mean, the more specific, the better I think when 477 00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 1: you're trying to explain to someone how you feel. But 478 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: I think that one on one, if you were able 479 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,640 Speaker 1: to say to them how you feel that if they 480 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: love you, which they clearly obviously most likely do clearly 481 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: obviously most likely I don't know. I mean, don't they 482 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 1: love you? But I'm hoping that they do, and I 483 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:19,360 Speaker 1: will love you not to make it conditional, but because 484 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,360 Speaker 1: they love you, they will try harder to understand where 485 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 1: you're coming from. So I think that would be my 486 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 1: advice is find them one on one and say like, 487 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: this is it that I know I get made fun 488 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 1: of or I know you don't respect it, or I 489 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: know you don't feel the same way, but this is 490 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,199 Speaker 1: really how I feel and I really would like for 491 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,199 Speaker 1: you to stop and see what happens then. I don't know. 492 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I think that would be my first pass 493 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:41,239 Speaker 1: at it. 494 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 2: I like that. I definitely, I definitely agree with the 495 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,120 Speaker 2: one on one And honestly, if there's a point where 496 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 2: they're like still ignoring it, I'm just gonna pretend that 497 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 2: I have a cold for the rest of my life. 498 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 2: I mean, like I'm sick, don't hug me, yeah, or you. 499 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,639 Speaker 1: Turn into the emoji with the two crossed arms in 500 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 1: front of your You're like. 501 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 2: No, physically like hand in front of me, like I 502 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 2: don't want. 503 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: To hug yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 504 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 2: You're very strange about this all. But I really respect 505 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 2: because it's hard to the Sometimes the hardest people just 506 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 2: have boundaries with is your family. And I really respect 507 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:21,959 Speaker 2: that you are doing it. Yeah man, yeah, please listen, please, family, 508 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,920 Speaker 2: please be fucking cool. 509 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:25,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. 510 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,440 Speaker 2: You don't have to hug Carrie. 511 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,320 Speaker 1: No, you don't have to hug Carrie. 512 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 513 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,120 Speaker 1: The other thing that we do to kids is like, oh, 514 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: look the look the adult in the eyes. 515 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 2: Really, Oh I don't do that? 516 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,000 Speaker 1: Why well that was how I I mean again, the 517 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 1: culture and custom that was thought of as like you 518 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 1: were thought of as being a respectful younger if you 519 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: when you met elders, you shook their hands and you 520 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,360 Speaker 1: look them in the eye. And now I'm like, no. 521 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 2: No, no, that's done. Nope, all right, I really love 522 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 2: this episode. 523 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 1: Oh there's so much more to talk about it again, So. 524 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 2: This is this is a teaser. This is really a 525 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,440 Speaker 2: teaser to the big episode because we're gonna dive straight 526 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 2: straight into so many you guys gave us great stuff. 527 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 2: We're going to dive into it. 528 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 1: You know what. And I would add also that again 529 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: I've already admitted that I didn't really understand or hear 530 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,479 Speaker 1: about what boundaries were for you know, I just it 531 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: wasn't so long ago. But I've also come to understand 532 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: that while it's so important to implement boundaries, there's actually 533 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: a real negative consequence to boundary less relationships. 534 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. 535 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: If you don't have boundaries, if you don't do this work, 536 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: if you don't stand up for yourself, if you don't 537 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 1: tell people how you best feel in relationship, there's a 538 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:48,400 Speaker 1: very negative consequence. And I think that that's really another 539 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: way of finding your way into it. If you don't 540 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: completely understand or you think that this is silly or 541 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: you're like, ugh, Carrie just doesn't want to be hugged. Yeah, 542 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: you know so, so I think it's worth everybody. I'm 543 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: curious about it. So I'm loving learning more. Love it 544 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 1: short and sweet, Short. 545 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 2: And sweet, or we're gonna make it long. Sort of 546 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 2: that sounded. So that's what she said. We are going 547 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 2: to be back on this. Thank you guys for tuning 548 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 2: into our short and sweet today and yeah, thank you. 549 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 2: Thank We love discussing these subjects with you guys. 550 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:30,200 Speaker 1: Absolutely all right, let's call that the end of the episode.