WEBVTT - Ep 3: The Guy With The Girlfriend 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:02.920 This show contains adult material and swearing. 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:07.400 You have been warned that man has a girlfriend and 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:10.720 he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:11.879 me like sex size. 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:13.920 So halfway through I was going. 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:19.079 He's like, oh god, her gag green is Zeremo Terrebo. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:22.079 Around me? 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:30.560 I'm a savage. Are you bored of modern dating? 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.279 Meeting the same people from the same apps in the 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.080 same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.400 house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:41.840 time to change the narrative on how we find love. 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:44.800 It's time to start looking for love in all the 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:49.920 wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:52.479 picking people who were the total opposite of my type. 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.840 And after twenty eight of these dates in two months, 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:59.600 will I find that special someone? Or well, this experiment 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.880 proved I should just give up on dating altogether. 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:05.080 It's time to find out. 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:10.119 I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later. 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:15.880 Grace, How are you? 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:17.280 I'm good? How are you? 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:21.560 I'm good? I'm looking forward to this week's date, but 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.720 I've been worried about how much you like some of 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:24.360 these guys. 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.600 That's the thing, like I'm I'm I'm gonna go on 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:32.080 dates and think Ross is going to hurt this guy. 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:34.160 No, and you know what, like. 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:37.040 She's going to fucking hate this guy. 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:39.920 Yeah, but I'm really turned on. 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.480 You know what. What's funny is we do actually have come. 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:44.920 I think we are very safe friends and that if 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:46.440 we went to a club we wouldn't be trying to 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:47.400 fight for the same guy. 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:50.960 As Yes, yeah, not at all, not all. 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:52.880 But also because you're in a relationship, so you can't 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:54.360 get with anyone, you can't even talk to them. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.720 I can flourish first. There's nothing wrong with that. 0:01:59.200 --> 0:02:01.400 No, I have a bit of healthy flirting. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:03.480 Yeah, it's good, just to check in that. 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:04.640 He's so goddess it is. 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.440 I mean, no, I know it's important. So go on, 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:11.320 go on, tell me about who's up next. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.600 Yes, I met Chris and it's about Chris with a 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:23.000 Why I presume maybe because he's Welsh. 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:23.240 Hi? 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:27.520 Hi, oh bye, how are you? 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:28.280 I'm good? 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.560 Nice to meet you in So do you go by 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:34.040 she or day or hey? 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:35.960 Okay, what do you do? 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:36.400 So? 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.679 I work for a clothing company? Oh okay, I work 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.640 in the custoller and product relations. 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:47.080 So are you Polly yes, so I have a primary partner. 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:50.160 Okay, I'm obsessed with it. 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:58.000 Okay, Yeah, we've been together for like fourteen fifteen months, sixteen. 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:05.799 We're going to say it is no. 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.840 You invented it very ahead of the car. 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:13.480 And you are twenty eight. 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:16.080 So when I came in, he asked me what my 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:16.880 pronouns were. 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:19.200 Oh my god, Layton. 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:21.280 But so he let me tell you about him, right, okay, 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:22.880 because this is so interesting. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.079 I found him on Field. Do you know about Field? 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:26.880 Tell me quickly? 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:27.119 Both. 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:27.360 Field. 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.200 It's like a sort of I used to think it 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:32.960 was like a kink based app and but it's basically 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:36.520 a lot it's like people in polyamorous relationships, Like you know, 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:39.400 it's a sort of like more open minded app and 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.640 like hinge. So like it's the kind of place that 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:44.280 you can, like I don't know, expect to like talk 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:46.680 to people who are like in open relationships or just 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.360 looking for slightly like off the beaten track concept, so 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.000 like very like out of my comfort zone. He is 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.840 in an open relationship. So he said he had a 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:59.440 primary van. I was really like as a concept jarbed me. 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:02.440 It was like I just kept thinking of like primary 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.120 care giver. I was like, oh my god, it's can 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:06.560 I ask Cara was. 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:11.640 Its primary person male or female? 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:12.200 Female? 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:12.720 Okay? 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:16.640 And I think he said they started their relationship open. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:19.719 And then I was like really interrogating it because I 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:23.120 am so interested in polyamous relationship. And he said that 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:25.760 he had like different people for different things, So he 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:26.880 was like, you can really. 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.480 Vary it however you want it to be, Like you 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.760 could have like I have a primary partner and I 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.960 date the people to what degree of intimacy I have 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.679 of these people, whether like we go on dates and stuff, 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:40.920 or we just have sex or eventually just like hang 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:42.880 out and just like have be a cuddle buddy and 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.520 someone to be like friends with, Like it really depends 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.279 how That's quite interesting, Yeah, but like not necessarily like 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:51.880 sex or like kissing or whatever, or you just have 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.839 a friend that you do activities with because everyone else 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:55.279 is boring. 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:59.719 Yeah, that sounds like a friend or like he was like, 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:01.479 you know, but people that I don't actually get with, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:02.920 we just sort of like cuddle. 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.960 I was like, why, Like the thing that I kept 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:06.640 thinking is like. 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:08.039 That man needs a dog. 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.240 Yeah exactly one hundred percent, But also like what did 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:13.839 you just do that with your girlfriend. Yeah, Like that's 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:15.480 the kind of intimacy that if I was in the 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.000 open relationship, I think I'd be like, listen, you can 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:21.080 have like maybe sex when you're on holiday, but like 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.880 the concept of like lying and watching TV just sounds 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:25.599 way more intimate than anything else. 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:29.440 And I've known real skills required to just snuggling on 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:32.080 the couch, so h I find that's strange and just 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:36.320 do it alone. Yeah, what did he look like? 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:39.960 He looks like he looked a bit like you know, 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.880 he did his Bible wasn't this, But he looks a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.800 bit like Jack Grealish the football player. 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.240 Okay, and he wasn't political. 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.560 He didn't know who my dad was, which is actually 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.920 quite an dick if I'm honest, because that's my litmus test. 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:54.320 If you don't know who Alie the Gambler is and 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.920 you don't really know anything about politics, and then I'm 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:58.120 not sure if I fancy it. 0:05:58.000 --> 0:05:59.920 And maybe you live in a little bit of a bubble. 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:01.000 Yeah, exactly. 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.360 It's such like I always find it when people like, 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:05.320 I'm not very biscal It's such like I don't know 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:08.599 that it's not like such a privileged position to be in, 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:10.480 but it just it just makes me feel like, oh, 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.599 you've probably never voted, and therefore, like I don't respect 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:15.359 you as much as I would someone else. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:22.600 So what's it like having a dad as a politician? 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.880 Does he like ground it into you from Yeah? 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.040 I think I am, but I think it just is 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:29.039 really ground into me? 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.080 Was he Alisa Campbell? 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:34.920 No, you don't know you're not into politics? 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:39.400 I know that the recent guys. 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:40.600 But I don't. 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:46.200 I don't pay too much because like they all lie. Basically, 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.440 you just have to pick up the most friendly liar. 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:49.360 That's true. 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:52.839 But he was like he was like Tony Blair's like 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.960 director of communication, So his job was to literally like 0:06:56.120 --> 0:07:00.240 right speeches and like talk to journalists, and he got 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.720 a reputation for being quite like aggressive. 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:06.920 Have you ever watched The Thick of It? 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:10.880 It's a comedy and it was the main character, Malcolm Tucker, 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:13.440 who's played by Peter Caldi, was made was based on 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:13.880 my dad. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:23.040 But it's a comedy. Yeah, influence, Yeah, what's the different? 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.239 Being infamous kinda can be bad? 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.280 Oh really, I think. 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:28.080 So, don't quote. 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:31.960 Did you hear that guy? 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:35.600 The vibe of the date was like he wanted to 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:37.640 have sex to me like it wasn't like he was 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:39.040 one of those people you know when you meet someone 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:40.360 like you're very intense. 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.880 He was like looking at me with that like intense look, 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:45.480 like he like, do you. 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:46.040 Know what I mean? You? 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:51.320 Which made you think that it's really. 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:55.040 Intense in a good way, Like that's why eye contacted 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:55.480 so mad. 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.160 He brainwashed you basically one hundred percent. 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:01.440 But the vibe was very I don't know if it's 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:04.240 because his eye called that was intense, but and this 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.720 is what kind of baffles me about open relationships is 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.600 that that man has a girlfriend and he's out here 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:13.360 at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size, 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.480 And that's like whoa, Like, how do you find the 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:21.600 energy to like upkeep these many like connections with people, 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:23.520 because I, like, I haven't got the time or the 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:25.200 energy to like date one person. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:28.760 So did you ask him how many pregners his primary 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:29.480 pregner has? 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:34.760 He said, it's very equal because in they both sort 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:35.880 of are doing the same thing. 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:37.840 It's not like one of them is doing it more. 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:43.480 Is your primary your primary partner? Is it a woman? 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:44.320 Yeah? 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:45.240 Is she the same? 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:46.560 What do you mean? 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:48.559 Like, does she have the same thing? Yeah? 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:50.120 Yeah, so she has. 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.400 Other relationships to with both male and. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:58.360 Females, right, Okay, Yeah, Like I I'm so happy that 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:00.720 it's equal on both sides, and like, obviously I love 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:02.559 him for someone tells me they're in an open relationship, like, 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.120 I want to know so much more, abud. I find 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.120 it's so fascinating and like whatever anyone's comfortable doing, that's 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:09.240 great for them. But I do think if I went 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:10.559 on a date with someone and they were like, yeah, 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:13.160 I have a primary partner and I've lost different partners, 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:15.280 I don't think I would actually be secure enough to 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:16.520 enter into that situation. 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:19.440 No, I see that. I completely agree with. 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:22.320 Yeah, the idea that I would date someone who is 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:25.880 in a relationship with someone else, I just that, Yeah, 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:28.839 like you said, it doesn't make me feel secure enough 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:31.000 and I would always be feeling like second best. 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:32.360 I just couldn't do it. 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:41.760 So the you're asked, two boyfriends, are you're also like 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:43.920 open to you have like multiple relationships? 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:45.760 No, I haven't ever before. 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:48.920 Okay, Basically, when I for a period when I was 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.760 breaking up with my ex, we were open, but. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:53.000 It wasn't in a healthy way. 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:55.920 It was like in a last attempt to make the 0:09:56.000 --> 0:10:00.720 relationship work. See, well, it was like I think we 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.160 weren't ready to like pull it. 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:03.800 We've broken up for a bit and then we were 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:04.720 like trying to get back together. 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.080 But I think neither of us all it's like recommit 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:08.520 to like let's be like opening. 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:09.640 But it was just the worst. 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.480 It's the worst we like to do that. 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.880 Would you have a day someone who's in a relationship, hm, hm. 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.400 Hm, don't even. 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.680 Don't even dignify this with. 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:28.840 You know what, stop pretending. I kind of think honestly, 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.920 if I was single now, I love what you're doing, 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.679 which is like I want to explore. I think it's 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:37.240 really important for everyone to go do that. Would this 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:42.920 be something I would explore? Probably not, because I've been yeah, 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:47.080 so conditioned to probably like be with one person that 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:48.720 I'd find it really difficult. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:50.400 I would struggle as well. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:51.080 I would. 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:52.960 And so it's you know, where. 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:54.720 Would you come in the lineup, like on a podium 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:56.760 where you like silver braz That's. 0:10:56.559 --> 0:11:01.000 What I'm saying. I'm not a second fiddle? Was scenario 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.240 in life? Have I been the second choice? 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.880 If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't switch off 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:08.280 your feelings if you think someone's got look and you 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.680 think they're good looking. If you have the odd flert like, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.679 it's not the end of the world, but like there 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:15.160 is a barrier where you can't cross the line, so 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:18.440 you'd have to you'd have to establish what that line. 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:19.480 It's yeah, exactly. 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:21.640 But it's kind of cool that there are so many 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:25.160 people are like exploring the different boundaries and relationships because 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.440 I do if it works for you, I'm like, I 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:29.439 really respect it. 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.280 I just don't know if it would actually work for me. 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.080 One of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship and 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:36.720 they like, literally their relationship is so solid, they have 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:39.240 a danger ty. They communicate so well, and I'm. 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:43.120 Always like, go you exactly, and sometimes it means that 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:46.480 the communication is way better than in a monogamous relationship. 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:49.000 Did his primary partner know who's going on a date 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:49.240 with you? 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:51.840 Yeah, that's good. 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:52.640 That's good honesty. 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:53.880 No, it's it's good. 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:56.760 And you know, like the good thing about polyamorous people 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:57.560 is they're more honest. 0:11:57.800 --> 0:11:59.040 Yeah, because I guess they can be. 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.839 But you know, do you think she would have been intimidated? 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:03.440 Why you wro. 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:09.679 No, solid, solid, No. 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:16.640 The thing I like about it the most is like 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.240 everything is like black and white because you have to 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.360 be honest, no reason to hiding, yes exactly. 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:25.000 So that's what really is appealing to me. 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.080 So whenever there's like a gray area, you notice it 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:31.280 right away and it feels sketchy and you're like, what 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.280 is like, I don't have this in my relationship with you, like, 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:35.520 and then you address it, so. 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:38.880 You get used to, really you get used to. 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:42.560 Having like really difficult open conversations like on a regular 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:44.160 because it doesn't work otherwise. 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:46.360 That's see. 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.920 That is basically the thing I find appealing about an 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:52.880 open relationship is the idea that there are no secrets, 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.199 that we've basically agreed if you communicate what you're doing, 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.120 it's fine. Because in the past, my biggest issues have 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.840 been trust. And so that's why sometimes I think, oh 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:04.800 my god, maybe I will be in an open relationship 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:06.480 because then like you don't need to lie to me. 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:09.280 Yeah, But then also, are you have you just always 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.000 been in a relationship where people have lied to you? 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:15.200 Yeah, You're You're definitely right, because I think certain relationships 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.640 like you're probably in now, which is what I hope 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.000 to being, is one that just like instills trusting me 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.560 from the get go, So then it doesn't need to 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.000 be an open relationship because I just trust you completely. 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:28.560 And can I just say so every relationship I've had 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.000 up until now, I didn't trust them, and I had, 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.440 you know, like maybe like I was doing what a 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.200 lot of people are, looking through phones all that kind 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.240 of stuff, and I felt really like something like that 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:41.520 gray area, whereas it's different than when you actually have 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:44.920 a relationship where there's no trust issues whatsoever. And I 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.240 know Chris is obviously speaking about you know, you have 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.199 these really frank and open conversations, whereas actually, when you're 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.080 in your relationship that you both trust each other, you 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.640 don't have to because there's nothing to worry about. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:57.640 Yeah, exactly, because I think you shouldn't be in an 0:13:57.640 --> 0:14:01.240 open relationship just because you don't trust someone. Basically, it 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.240 shouldn't be like a last resort. It should be because 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:05.080 you want to do that. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.000 You should be in an open relationship because you just 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.840 don't believe in monogamy and you want to have multiple partners, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:13.200 and you're someone who possibly will never want to just 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:16.040 settle with one person. And also I'm saying this as 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.400 someone who's always been monogamists. I don't know either, but 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:21.080 that's me looking from the outside in. 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:23.400 But do you know what I would love is to 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.560 meet his primary partner. Yeah, because I feel like now 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.600 that I've met him and got an idea of like 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:30.560 him on a day, I'd love to meet her and 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:35.120 sort of there are so many layers of like being polyamorous, 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.440 and it's so complicated. One of my really good friends 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.040 is in like a polyamorous relationship or like, I don't know, 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.680 there's so many different versions of like non monogamous relationships. 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:45.200 There's another phrase for the relationship she's in. But she 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:46.560 was like to me, she was like, you have to 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.800 have so much time to commit to it because the 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:52.040 level of communication that you have to have and the 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.680 conversations you have to have, like weekly check in with 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:58.440 each other talk about what's going on, is very time consuming. 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.840 It's like you're not always like arguing, but you're always 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:04.240 having these like really deep conversations and that I'm just like, God, 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:05.800 I just wanted like an easy live. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.320 Yeah, you know what, I actually think how you've described 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:10.960 it there. The reason I could never ever be in 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.280 one is like I can hardly manage having one partner exactly, 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.200 and keeping on top of like fucking Valentine's Day and 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:19.440 actually just seeing each other and having time for each other. 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:22.160 That's what I mean, Like where do you find the time? 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:24.320 Where do these people find the time. 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:27.960 It's funny because I'm just picturing you and Jack rellis 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:32.320 jack Ja. Yeah, you know, I'm from I don't support 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:36.520 UK stactor him having crazy eye contact for you on 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.640 a couch summer having coffee is really unsettling. 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:39.560 No, I know. 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.800 And also my coffee they gave me soy milk instead 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.160 of oat milk, which I'm like very mildly allergic to. 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.080 So halfway through I was going because I was like 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:50.320 making mind bright really ed. 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.640 I was like, He's like, oh god, her gag reflects 0:15:53.720 --> 0:16:02.280 is terrible, terrible. So you're having a nice time on 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:02.800 a day with me? 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:05.480 Do I have to say? 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:07.680 No? 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:09.720 You can be honest. 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:19.000 Give me feedback, Chris, what did you think of our day? 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.520 I think it went well, Like you're funny to talk to. 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:26.680 He gave me good eye contact, and that's good feedback. 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:32.920 It was easy to talk to you, and likewise, and 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:34.240 I'm going to come to your show so I get 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:36.840 to see you again in some capacity. 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:39.120 So I want to know would you go on a 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.400 second day with him? Like did you change numbers or 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:42.080 what we did? 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.760 This is a really funny right, So like afterwards I 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:48.560 was like, Okay, maybe, like I'll see him again because 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:50.280 it was a good day and like I said, like 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.960 there was written intense eye contacting going on, and then 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:57.880 I left and then he texted me, and then as 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.160 a few days afterwards, I was like, you know what, no, 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.000 because I thought about like what we were just talking about. 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:06.520 That whole concept just was overfilling my brain and kind 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:09.280 of stressing me out. And like I can definitely date 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:11.560 someone who's like shagging around, but someone who's in a 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.359 whole relationship with someone else, I'm just like, that's not 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:15.200 really where I'm at. 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:18.399 I get you, it's kind of hard knowing because if 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:21.639 you do develop feelings that you're a the side person. 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:22.320 Yeah. 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.000 And then the other day someone was telling me that 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.760 she had a friend who had really pushed for an 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:29.919 open relationship, but then her boyfriend ended up falling in 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.879 love with someone else that he started seeing, but it 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.240 had been like her idea, and then he'd come back 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.520 and been like, I've developed feelings sin this girl, and 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.480 she was like that's okay, Like should we like meet her? 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:42.800 And then she met the girl and the girl was like, look, 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:44.520 it's fine, Like I'm not trying to steal your man. 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.960 We do have feelings for each other, but like I 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:49.199 wouldn't you guys stay together? And then he was like, 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:50.760 do you know what, No, like I'm in love with her. 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.600 Oh that's kind of nice that he fell in love 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:54.480 but also. 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.080 I know but it's like, yeah, that's what I would 0:17:57.119 --> 0:17:59.200 be freaking out about the whole time. You're going on 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:00.800 a date with someone whole we're gonna fall in love 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:01.480 with them? 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.720 Yeah, Like I find the whole cancel of really really interesting. 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:08.000 And as I said, like, I'm like, whatever makes someone 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.480 else happy in their relationship, I'm so happy for them. 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.280 Like I am just vanilla light monogamous bitch here, right, 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:16.560 But what I will say is, you know, I would 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:17.880