1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: This show contains adult material and swearing. 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 2: You have been warned that man has a girlfriend and 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,720 Speaker 2: he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,879 Speaker 2: me like sex size. 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: So halfway through I was going. 6 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 3: He's like, oh god, her gag green is Zeremo Terrebo. 7 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 2: Around me? 8 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: I'm a savage. Are you bored of modern dating? 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,279 Speaker 2: Meeting the same people from the same apps in the 10 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 2: same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your 11 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 2: house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's 12 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,840 Speaker 2: time to change the narrative on how we find love. 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: It's time to start looking for love in all the 14 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only 15 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 2: picking people who were the total opposite of my type. 16 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 2: And after twenty eight of these dates in two months, 17 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 2: will I find that special someone? Or well, this experiment 18 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 2: proved I should just give up on dating altogether. 19 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: It's time to find out. 20 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 2: I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later. 21 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 3: Grace, How are you? 22 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: I'm good? How are you? 23 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 3: I'm good? I'm looking forward to this week's date, but 24 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 3: I've been worried about how much you like some of 25 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 3: these guys. 26 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 2: That's the thing, like I'm I'm I'm gonna go on 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 2: dates and think Ross is going to hurt this guy. 28 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 3: No, and you know what, like. 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: She's going to fucking hate this guy. 30 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm really turned on. 31 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 3: You know what. What's funny is we do actually have come. 32 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 3: I think we are very safe friends and that if 33 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 3: we went to a club we wouldn't be trying to 34 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 3: fight for the same guy. 35 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: As Yes, yeah, not at all, not all. 36 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 2: But also because you're in a relationship, so you can't 37 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 2: get with anyone, you can't even talk to them. 38 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 3: I can flourish first. There's nothing wrong with that. 39 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: No, I have a bit of healthy flirting. 40 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's good, just to check in that. 41 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: He's so goddess it is. 42 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 3: I mean, no, I know it's important. So go on, 43 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 3: go on, tell me about who's up next. 44 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 2: Yes, I met Chris and it's about Chris with a 45 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 2: Why I presume maybe because he's Welsh. 46 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 3: Hi? 47 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: Hi, oh bye, how are you? 48 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 3: I'm good? 49 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 4: Nice to meet you in So do you go by 50 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 4: she or day or hey? 51 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 3: Okay, what do you do? 52 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 2: So? 53 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,679 Speaker 4: I work for a clothing company? Oh okay, I work 54 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 4: in the custoller and product relations. 55 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 5: So are you Polly yes, so I have a primary partner. 56 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 6: Okay, I'm obsessed with it. 57 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, we've been together for like fourteen fifteen months, sixteen. 58 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 4: We're going to say it is no. 59 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 5: You invented it very ahead of the car. 60 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 6: And you are twenty eight. 61 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 1: So when I came in, he asked me what my 62 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: pronouns were. 63 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 5: Oh my god, Layton. 64 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 2: But so he let me tell you about him, right, okay, 65 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 2: because this is so interesting. 66 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 1: I found him on Field. Do you know about Field? 67 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 3: Tell me quickly? 68 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:27,119 Speaker 1: Both. 69 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 3: Field. 70 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 2: It's like a sort of I used to think it 71 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 2: was like a kink based app and but it's basically 72 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: a lot it's like people in polyamorous relationships, Like you know, 73 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: it's a sort of like more open minded app and 74 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 2: like hinge. So like it's the kind of place that 75 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 2: you can, like I don't know, expect to like talk 76 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 2: to people who are like in open relationships or just 77 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 2: looking for slightly like off the beaten track concept, so 78 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 2: like very like out of my comfort zone. He is 79 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 2: in an open relationship. So he said he had a 80 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 2: primary van. I was really like as a concept jarbed me. 81 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 2: It was like I just kept thinking of like primary 82 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 2: care giver. I was like, oh my god, it's can 83 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 2: I ask Cara was. 84 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 3: Its primary person male or female? 85 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: Female? 86 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 5: Okay? 87 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 2: And I think he said they started their relationship open. 88 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 2: And then I was like really interrogating it because I 89 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 2: am so interested in polyamous relationship. And he said that 90 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 2: he had like different people for different things, So he 91 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 2: was like, you can really. 92 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 4: Vary it however you want it to be, Like you 93 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 4: could have like I have a primary partner and I 94 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 4: date the people to what degree of intimacy I have 95 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,679 Speaker 4: of these people, whether like we go on dates and stuff, 96 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 4: or we just have sex or eventually just like hang 97 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 4: out and just like have be a cuddle buddy and 98 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 4: someone to be like friends with, Like it really depends 99 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 4: how That's quite interesting, Yeah, but like not necessarily like 100 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 4: sex or like kissing or whatever, or you just have 101 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 4: a friend that you do activities with because everyone else 102 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 4: is boring. 103 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds like a friend or like he was like, 104 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 2: you know, but people that I don't actually get with, 105 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 2: we just sort of like cuddle. 106 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: I was like, why, Like the thing that I kept 107 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: thinking is like. 108 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 3: That man needs a dog. 109 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 2: Yeah exactly one hundred percent, But also like what did 110 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 2: you just do that with your girlfriend. Yeah, Like that's 111 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 2: the kind of intimacy that if I was in the 112 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 2: open relationship, I think I'd be like, listen, you can 113 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 2: have like maybe sex when you're on holiday, but like 114 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 2: the concept of like lying and watching TV just sounds 115 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 2: way more intimate than anything else. 116 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 3: And I've known real skills required to just snuggling on 117 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 3: the couch, so h I find that's strange and just 118 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 3: do it alone. Yeah, what did he look like? 119 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 2: He looks like he looked a bit like you know, 120 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: he did his Bible wasn't this, But he looks a 121 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: bit like Jack Grealish the football player. 122 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 1: Okay, and he wasn't political. 123 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 2: He didn't know who my dad was, which is actually 124 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 2: quite an dick if I'm honest, because that's my litmus test. 125 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: If you don't know who Alie the Gambler is and 126 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 2: you don't really know anything about politics, and then I'm 127 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 2: not sure if I fancy it. 128 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 3: And maybe you live in a little bit of a bubble. 129 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. 130 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 2: It's such like I always find it when people like, 131 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 2: I'm not very biscal It's such like I don't know 132 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,599 Speaker 2: that it's not like such a privileged position to be in, 133 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 2: but it just it just makes me feel like, oh, 134 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,599 Speaker 2: you've probably never voted, and therefore, like I don't respect 135 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,359 Speaker 2: you as much as I would someone else. 136 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 4: So what's it like having a dad as a politician? 137 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 4: Does he like ground it into you from Yeah? 138 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 2: I think I am, but I think it just is 139 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 2: really ground into me? 140 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 5: Was he Alisa Campbell? 141 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 6: No, you don't know you're not into politics? 142 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 3: I know that the recent guys. 143 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 5: But I don't. 144 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 4: I don't pay too much because like they all lie. Basically, 145 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 4: you just have to pick up the most friendly liar. 146 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:49,360 Speaker 1: That's true. 147 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 2: But he was like he was like Tony Blair's like 148 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 2: director of communication, So his job was to literally like 149 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 2: right speeches and like talk to journalists, and he got 150 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 2: a reputation for being quite like aggressive. 151 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 1: Have you ever watched The Thick of It? 152 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 2: It's a comedy and it was the main character, Malcolm Tucker, 153 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 2: who's played by Peter Caldi, was made was based on 154 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 2: my dad. 155 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 6: But it's a comedy. Yeah, influence, Yeah, what's the different? 156 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,239 Speaker 4: Being infamous kinda can be bad? 157 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 5: Oh really, I think. 158 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 4: So, don't quote. 159 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: Did you hear that guy? 160 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 2: The vibe of the date was like he wanted to 161 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 2: have sex to me like it wasn't like he was 162 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 2: one of those people you know when you meet someone 163 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: like you're very intense. 164 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 1: He was like looking at me with that like intense look, 165 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: like he like, do you. 166 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 3: Know what I mean? You? 167 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: Which made you think that it's really. 168 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 2: Intense in a good way, Like that's why eye contacted 169 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: so mad. 170 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 3: He brainwashed you basically one hundred percent. 171 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 2: But the vibe was very I don't know if it's 172 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 2: because his eye called that was intense, but and this 173 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 2: is what kind of baffles me about open relationships is 174 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 2: that that man has a girlfriend and he's out here 175 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 2: at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size, 176 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 2: And that's like whoa, Like, how do you find the 177 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: energy to like upkeep these many like connections with people, 178 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 2: because I, like, I haven't got the time or the 179 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 2: energy to like date one person. 180 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 3: So did you ask him how many pregners his primary 181 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 3: pregner has? 182 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 2: He said, it's very equal because in they both sort 183 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 2: of are doing the same thing. 184 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: It's not like one of them is doing it more. 185 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 6: Is your primary your primary partner? Is it a woman? 186 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 3: Yeah? 187 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 6: Is she the same? 188 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 2: What do you mean? 189 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,559 Speaker 6: Like, does she have the same thing? Yeah? 190 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, so she has. 191 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 4: Other relationships to with both male and. 192 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 3: Females, right, Okay, Yeah, Like I I'm so happy that 193 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 3: it's equal on both sides, and like, obviously I love 194 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 3: him for someone tells me they're in an open relationship, like, 195 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 3: I want to know so much more, abud. I find 196 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 3: it's so fascinating and like whatever anyone's comfortable doing, that's 197 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 3: great for them. But I do think if I went 198 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,559 Speaker 3: on a date with someone and they were like, yeah, 199 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 3: I have a primary partner and I've lost different partners, 200 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 3: I don't think I would actually be secure enough to 201 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 3: enter into that situation. 202 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: No, I see that. I completely agree with. 203 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, the idea that I would date someone who is 204 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: in a relationship with someone else, I just that, Yeah, 205 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,839 Speaker 2: like you said, it doesn't make me feel secure enough 206 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 2: and I would always be feeling like second best. 207 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: I just couldn't do it. 208 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 4: So the you're asked, two boyfriends, are you're also like 209 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 4: open to you have like multiple relationships? 210 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 6: No, I haven't ever before. 211 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 2: Okay, Basically, when I for a period when I was 212 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 2: breaking up with my ex, we were open, but. 213 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 6: It wasn't in a healthy way. 214 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 2: It was like in a last attempt to make the 215 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 2: relationship work. See, well, it was like I think we 216 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 2: weren't ready to like pull it. 217 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 6: We've broken up for a bit and then we were 218 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 6: like trying to get back together. 219 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 2: But I think neither of us all it's like recommit 220 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 2: to like let's be like opening. 221 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 5: But it was just the worst. 222 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 6: It's the worst we like to do that. 223 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 5: Would you have a day someone who's in a relationship, hm, hm. 224 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 3: Hm, don't even. 225 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 5: Don't even dignify this with. 226 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 3: You know what, stop pretending. I kind of think honestly, 227 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 3: if I was single now, I love what you're doing, 228 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 3: which is like I want to explore. I think it's 229 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 3: really important for everyone to go do that. Would this 230 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 3: be something I would explore? Probably not, because I've been yeah, 231 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 3: so conditioned to probably like be with one person that 232 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 3: I'd find it really difficult. 233 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 5: I would struggle as well. 234 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 6: I would. 235 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: And so it's you know, where. 236 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 3: Would you come in the lineup, like on a podium 237 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 3: where you like silver braz That's. 238 00:10:56,559 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 2: What I'm saying. I'm not a second fiddle? Was scenario 239 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 2: in life? Have I been the second choice? 240 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 3: If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't switch off 241 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 3: your feelings if you think someone's got look and you 242 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 3: think they're good looking. If you have the odd flert like, 243 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 3: it's not the end of the world, but like there 244 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 3: is a barrier where you can't cross the line, so 245 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,440 Speaker 3: you'd have to you'd have to establish what that line. 246 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 5: It's yeah, exactly. 247 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 2: But it's kind of cool that there are so many 248 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 2: people are like exploring the different boundaries and relationships because 249 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 2: I do if it works for you, I'm like, I 250 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 2: really respect it. 251 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 5: I just don't know if it would actually work for me. 252 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 3: One of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship and 253 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 3: they like, literally their relationship is so solid, they have 254 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 3: a danger ty. They communicate so well, and I'm. 255 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 2: Always like, go you exactly, and sometimes it means that 256 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 2: the communication is way better than in a monogamous relationship. 257 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 3: Did his primary partner know who's going on a date 258 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 3: with you? 259 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 6: Yeah, that's good. 260 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 3: That's good honesty. 261 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: No, it's it's good. 262 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 2: And you know, like the good thing about polyamorous people 263 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 2: is they're more honest. 264 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, because I guess they can be. 265 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: But you know, do you think she would have been intimidated? 266 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 5: Why you wro. 267 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 3: No, solid, solid, No. 268 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 4: The thing I like about it the most is like 269 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 4: everything is like black and white because you have to 270 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 4: be honest, no reason to hiding, yes exactly. 271 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 6: So that's what really is appealing to me. 272 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 4: So whenever there's like a gray area, you notice it 273 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 4: right away and it feels sketchy and you're like, what 274 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 4: is like, I don't have this in my relationship with you, like, 275 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 4: and then you address it, so. 276 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 6: You get used to, really you get used to. 277 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 4: Having like really difficult open conversations like on a regular 278 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 4: because it doesn't work otherwise. 279 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: That's see. 280 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,920 Speaker 2: That is basically the thing I find appealing about an 281 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 2: open relationship is the idea that there are no secrets, 282 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 2: that we've basically agreed if you communicate what you're doing, 283 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 2: it's fine. Because in the past, my biggest issues have 284 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 2: been trust. And so that's why sometimes I think, oh 285 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: my god, maybe I will be in an open relationship 286 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 2: because then like you don't need to lie to me. 287 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, But then also, are you have you just always 288 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 3: been in a relationship where people have lied to you? 289 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, You're You're definitely right, because I think certain relationships 290 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 2: like you're probably in now, which is what I hope 291 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 2: to being, is one that just like instills trusting me 292 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 2: from the get go, So then it doesn't need to 293 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 2: be an open relationship because I just trust you completely. 294 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,560 Speaker 3: And can I just say so every relationship I've had 295 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 3: up until now, I didn't trust them, and I had, 296 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,440 Speaker 3: you know, like maybe like I was doing what a 297 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 3: lot of people are, looking through phones all that kind 298 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 3: of stuff, and I felt really like something like that 299 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 3: gray area, whereas it's different than when you actually have 300 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 3: a relationship where there's no trust issues whatsoever. And I 301 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 3: know Chris is obviously speaking about you know, you have 302 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,199 Speaker 3: these really frank and open conversations, whereas actually, when you're 303 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 3: in your relationship that you both trust each other, you 304 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 3: don't have to because there's nothing to worry about. 305 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, because I think you shouldn't be in an 306 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 2: open relationship just because you don't trust someone. Basically, it 307 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 2: shouldn't be like a last resort. It should be because 308 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 2: you want to do that. 309 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 3: You should be in an open relationship because you just 310 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 3: don't believe in monogamy and you want to have multiple partners, 311 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 3: and you're someone who possibly will never want to just 312 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 3: settle with one person. And also I'm saying this as 313 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 3: someone who's always been monogamists. I don't know either, but 314 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 3: that's me looking from the outside in. 315 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 2: But do you know what I would love is to 316 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 2: meet his primary partner. Yeah, because I feel like now 317 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 2: that I've met him and got an idea of like 318 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 2: him on a day, I'd love to meet her and 319 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 2: sort of there are so many layers of like being polyamorous, 320 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 2: and it's so complicated. One of my really good friends 321 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: is in like a polyamorous relationship or like, I don't know, 322 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 2: there's so many different versions of like non monogamous relationships. 323 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 2: There's another phrase for the relationship she's in. But she 324 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 2: was like to me, she was like, you have to 325 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 2: have so much time to commit to it because the 326 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 2: level of communication that you have to have and the 327 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 2: conversations you have to have, like weekly check in with 328 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 2: each other talk about what's going on, is very time consuming. 329 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 2: It's like you're not always like arguing, but you're always 330 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 2: having these like really deep conversations and that I'm just like, God, 331 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 2: I just wanted like an easy live. 332 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what, I actually think how you've described 333 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 3: it there. The reason I could never ever be in 334 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 3: one is like I can hardly manage having one partner exactly, 335 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 3: and keeping on top of like fucking Valentine's Day and 336 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 3: actually just seeing each other and having time for each other. 337 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 2: That's what I mean, Like where do you find the time? 338 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 2: Where do these people find the time. 339 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 3: It's funny because I'm just picturing you and Jack rellis 340 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 3: jack Ja. Yeah, you know, I'm from I don't support 341 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 3: UK stactor him having crazy eye contact for you on 342 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 3: a couch summer having coffee is really unsettling. 343 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: No, I know. 344 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 2: And also my coffee they gave me soy milk instead 345 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 2: of oat milk, which I'm like very mildly allergic to. 346 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: So halfway through I was going because I was like 347 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: making mind bright really ed. 348 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 3: I was like, He's like, oh god, her gag reflects 349 00:15:53,720 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 3: is terrible, terrible. So you're having a nice time on 350 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 3: a day with me? 351 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 4: Do I have to say? 352 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 2: No? 353 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 3: You can be honest. 354 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 2: Give me feedback, Chris, what did you think of our day? 355 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 4: I think it went well, Like you're funny to talk to. 356 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 4: He gave me good eye contact, and that's good feedback. 357 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 4: It was easy to talk to you, and likewise, and 358 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 4: I'm going to come to your show so I get 359 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 4: to see you again in some capacity. 360 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 3: So I want to know would you go on a 361 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 3: second day with him? Like did you change numbers or 362 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 3: what we did? 363 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 2: This is a really funny right, So like afterwards I 364 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 2: was like, Okay, maybe, like I'll see him again because 365 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 2: it was a good day and like I said, like 366 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 2: there was written intense eye contacting going on, and then 367 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 2: I left and then he texted me, and then as 368 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 2: a few days afterwards, I was like, you know what, no, 369 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 2: because I thought about like what we were just talking about. 370 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 2: That whole concept just was overfilling my brain and kind 371 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 2: of stressing me out. And like I can definitely date 372 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 2: someone who's like shagging around, but someone who's in a 373 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 2: whole relationship with someone else, I'm just like, that's not 374 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 2: really where I'm at. 375 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,399 Speaker 3: I get you, it's kind of hard knowing because if 376 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 3: you do develop feelings that you're a the side person. 377 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. 378 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 2: And then the other day someone was telling me that 379 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: she had a friend who had really pushed for an 380 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,919 Speaker 2: open relationship, but then her boyfriend ended up falling in 381 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 2: love with someone else that he started seeing, but it 382 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 2: had been like her idea, and then he'd come back 383 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 2: and been like, I've developed feelings sin this girl, and 384 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 2: she was like that's okay, Like should we like meet her? 385 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: And then she met the girl and the girl was like, look, 386 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 2: it's fine, Like I'm not trying to steal your man. 387 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 2: We do have feelings for each other, but like I 388 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,199 Speaker 2: wouldn't you guys stay together? And then he was like, 389 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 2: do you know what, No, like I'm in love with her. 390 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 3: Oh that's kind of nice that he fell in love 391 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 3: but also. 392 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 2: I know but it's like, yeah, that's what I would 393 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,200 Speaker 2: be freaking out about the whole time. You're going on 394 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 2: a date with someone whole we're gonna fall in love 395 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 2: with them? 396 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I find the whole cancel of really really interesting. 397 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 3: And as I said, like, I'm like, whatever makes someone 398 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 3: else happy in their relationship, I'm so happy for them. 399 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 3: Like I am just vanilla light monogamous bitch here, right, 400 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 3: But what I will say is, you know, I would 401 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 3: be afraid to do it for a number of reasons, 402 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 3: and one of them would be losing your partner. Yeah, 403 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 3: what if you fail for someone else? 404 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,040 Speaker 2: I mean, and you have to be so secure and 405 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,400 Speaker 2: you're like love for each other to think that there's 406 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 2: no chance that he's gonna like end up falling in 407 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 2: love with someone else, you have to be so secure. 408 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 3: Which, yeah, so it's no to Chris. Chris is gone, 409 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 3: I think, so I'm afraid. But Chris is not forgotten, 410 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 3: never forgotten. And he's got plenty of plenty He literally 411 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 3: has plenty of so many options, He's got a lot 412 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 3: of team players on that field. 413 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 5: So he's fine. 414 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,199 Speaker 1: He's well, so many options. Obviously none of them are 415 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: as interesting as me. 416 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 3: But no, I would love to have like a family 417 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 3: tree of their relationship though I know. 418 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's such a good idea. The thing 419 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 2: I'll say is he also he's every this is cyrn. 420 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 2: But he sent me a message after just being like, 421 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 2: let's go for another drink, and then I was like, yeah, sure, 422 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 2: and then I just decided not to do And then 423 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 2: the next week messaged me like, hey, like, I just 424 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: want to let you know my week's gotten really full now, 425 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,200 Speaker 2: so like I haven't really got any time to see 426 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 2: you this week, but would love to get in sometime 427 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 2: next week. 428 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 1: Not even followed up with. 429 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 2: Like the first proposition of seeing you again, and now 430 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 2: you've gotten in touchdown me, you're so busy with so 431 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 2: many other dates. 432 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 3: That's like you know when you like have your monthly 433 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:29,879 Speaker 3: wax appointment and then they mess you got Look, I 434 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 3: know you haven't booked in yet, but my week is 435 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 3: getting real full. It's like, listen, he's got a lot 436 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 3: of people to see. 437 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 2: I know, but it's very like I didn't ask, and 438 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 2: you're telling me how busy you are, but I didn't ask. 439 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris gone. 440 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,440 Speaker 1: Next time. On twenty eight dates Later. 441 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 2: There is nothing more ick to me than people referring 442 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,880 Speaker 2: to themselves and as a conner sort of anything, but 443 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: mainly why. 444 00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: Unless you're won number one in the world. Even then, Oh, girls, 445 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 1: you around for me. I'm a savage obout it. 446 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 3: They can help it. 447 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 2: Twenty eight Dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. 448 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. 449 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 2: The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help 450 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 2: from Roz Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way. 451 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 2: The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithilely 452 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 2: Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and 453 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 2: Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.