Speaker 1: What's up, everybody. I'm Gammy and this is positively gam
Speaker 1: something that's been on my mind lately. It is always
Speaker 1: on my mind self doubt. I go through it a
Speaker 1: lot and have spoken about it some of my insecurities
Speaker 1: on this podcast and on Red Table Talk. I know
Speaker 1: we all go through self doubt regarding different things, and
Speaker 1: so I wanted to talk to someone who can shed
Speaker 1: some light on why we go through this self doubt
Speaker 1: and ways we can become more confident in ourselves. So
Speaker 1: let's get into the episode. Dr Alfie am Brillian Noble,
Speaker 1: known professionally as Dr Alfie, is a pioneering psychologist, scientists, author,
Speaker 1: and mental health correspondent. As an in demand expert in
Speaker 1: BIPOC mental health, she hosts a video podcast, Couch and
Speaker 1: Color with Dr Alfie, and it's a regular broadcast, digital
Speaker 1: and print media contributor for various outlets including NBC, CNN, PBS,
Speaker 1: and The New York Times, and she's been a guest
Speaker 1: on our own Red Table Talk. So welcome Dr Alfie.
Speaker 1: Depositively gam Thank you, Gamy. Yeah, I'm so glad to
Speaker 1: see you again. It was such a joy to have
Speaker 1: you on Red Table Talk and you know, I just
Speaker 1: enjoyed our conversation so much. It just felt a need
Speaker 1: to talk a little bit more about some things that
Speaker 1: I feel a lot of people go through and definitely
Speaker 1: me personally so. And it's so interesting because I looked
Speaker 1: at my daily own the other day, I give the
Speaker 1: email and it was recognizing your value and I was like,
Speaker 1: how approse, Like this is karma or something, because that's
Speaker 1: what came up, and it's changed You're thinking to knowing
Speaker 1: that your life matters and that you are import too,
Speaker 1: and you know it can be it says it can
Speaker 1: be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion of our
Speaker 1: own insignificance a couple of things. So just thinking about
Speaker 1: coming into this space and having this conversation with you,
Speaker 1: it made me think of both of us as black women.
Speaker 1: Let's start there, right, and then I think start extrapolating
Speaker 1: out to all people who have these marginalized identities. So
Speaker 1: I I want to start there right. So when you
Speaker 1: have an identity where you're not always in spaces where
Speaker 1: people look like you, or think like you, or talk
Speaker 1: like you or share your experiences, I think for many
Speaker 1: of us, particularly, I think about the world that you
Speaker 1: live in and how we we all see you publicly,
Speaker 1: I would imagine that they are. Oftentimes, when you're in space,
Speaker 1: you might be the only person of color in the room.
Speaker 1: There are times maybe when you're in spaces where you're
Speaker 1: the only woman in the room. There are times when
Speaker 1: you're the only representative of your generation. Not always, but
Speaker 1: sometimes so. I think a lot of us go through
Speaker 1: that and have those experiences. And when we're looking to
Speaker 1: round and we don't see people who mirror us, right,
Speaker 1: one thing I feel is really important is you need
Speaker 1: your mirrors. That's why parents are so important and caregivers,
Speaker 1: because that's somebody who you can look at them and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: so they've had X, y Z experience and they made
Speaker 1: it through. Maybe I can. But when we don't have that,
Speaker 1: I think we tend to internalize and think there's something
Speaker 1: wrong with us. That's always the immediate thought, there's something
Speaker 1: wrong with us. And then the final thing I'll add
Speaker 1: is that gets reinforced when you watch things in all
Speaker 1: types of media, whatever kind of media it is. Let's
Speaker 1: not just pick on social media and everything you see
Speaker 1: does not reinforced you positively. So the whole name of
Speaker 1: the show positively gam right, that's a positive reflection of
Speaker 1: who you are and what you represent in the world.
Speaker 1: But we don't all always get that, and you don't
Speaker 1: always get it either, neither do I. So that's what
Speaker 1: contributes to ourselves doubt, right, and we don't always feel that.
Speaker 1: And I have to say that even being on Red Table,
Speaker 1: I mean there's sometimes when, first of all, me being
Speaker 1: at the table with Jada and Willow, Willow who is
Speaker 1: so prolific and so far above her years in her
Speaker 1: thinking and the way she expresses herself and just their
Speaker 1: experience and their comfort level in front of the camera.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm sitting at the table and I actually shrink right,
Speaker 1: and I just I can't find my voice. I can't
Speaker 1: find my words to fit into the conversation. So there
Speaker 1: have been several episodes that I've watched and I'm like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm actually not saying anything, and it's just my own
Speaker 1: self doubt that I don't feel like that I have
Speaker 1: anything to contribute to the conversation, and sometimes I actually don't.
Speaker 1: And so I know when to be quiet. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't need to talk if I ain't got nothing to say,
Speaker 1: you know, But there are sometimes when I feel like
Speaker 1: I have that I want to say things, but I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's the right thing to say, you know,
Speaker 1: And it's a once again that self doubt. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like what I'm thinking is important enough to even share.
Speaker 1: And so that's been challenging for me, even in that setting.
Speaker 1: And people assume that, you know, I'm very comfortable, and
Speaker 1: I am not. But I also feel like this is
Speaker 1: something This is not new for me. This is something
Speaker 1: I swear to you. I've always felt this way, even
Speaker 1: as a child. I just have always been uncomfortable in
Speaker 1: my own skin, and I don't know how to combat.
Speaker 1: And I've been in therapy and therapists have tried to
Speaker 1: delve into my childhood. Was there something in how my
Speaker 1: mother and father raised me, how I was treated. It's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I was the youngest of four. That's the
Speaker 1: only thing that that I can think of. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I was neglected. I was the youngest. I
Speaker 1: have a sister who was two years ahead of me.
Speaker 1: We were very close and typically I would not do
Speaker 1: things without her right So, I mean I would go
Speaker 1: to school, of course, and be in in class, but
Speaker 1: when it came to our outside activities, I you know,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be wherever she was, so we went
Speaker 1: to the y. I wanted to be in the same
Speaker 1: classes that she was in. And it didn't always happen
Speaker 1: there world classes that we took separately, but it was
Speaker 1: always that comfort to me that when we were switching,
Speaker 1: like if she was taking Spanish dance, I might be
Speaker 1: in uh ballet. But I knew, like when it was
Speaker 1: time for us to switch and go to another class,
Speaker 1: either I was gonna pass her in the hallway or
Speaker 1: I was gonna see her or meet up. We're not
Speaker 1: taking this class together, but then the next class will
Speaker 1: be in the same you know what I mean. It
Speaker 1: was just like and I mean that has gone on
Speaker 1: for into my adulthood. It was just always this don't
Speaker 1: want to do anything by myself. Mhmm hmmm. I think
Speaker 1: damn some of that. Think about it, like this one
Speaker 1: thing I will I hope that you will carry with
Speaker 1: you the first thing I thought of. And I'll come
Speaker 1: back to this because I gotta say both of these
Speaker 1: things is your feelings are always valid, but they're not
Speaker 1: always accurate. Think about that, right, and so you have
Speaker 1: these feelings, Sometimes feelings come up my Mom's used to see.
Speaker 1: She used to say, and my grandma, the devil, you know,
Speaker 1: is better than the devil you don't know. You know
Speaker 1: that Black folks say that, and so that idea that
Speaker 1: it's still a devil, but you know it. So it's comfortable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: about that, So that feeling sometimes you're used to having
Speaker 1: that feeling, so when it comes up, we just accept it.
Speaker 1: This is accurate because I always feel like, how often
Speaker 1: do we say that's just how I am. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: just like that, right, And so I think part of
Speaker 1: it is. So that's a piece of it. I want
Speaker 1: to come back to that. Before that, I want to
Speaker 1: say this, I wonder if you and your listeners and
Speaker 1: your viewers can think about reframing it so that you
Speaker 1: focus on those aspects that I'm just listening to you
Speaker 1: talk that you shared, where you talked about what you
Speaker 1: do know. Sometimes I'm gonna reflect it back to you.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I said at the red Table and I have
Speaker 1: nothing to say because there's nothing for me to contribute. Damn,
Speaker 1: how many people can say that. How many people literally
Speaker 1: just talk and talk because they're just trying to fill
Speaker 1: up the space. Whereas what you shared is I know
Speaker 1: that there are times when there's nothing for me to contribute,
Speaker 1: so I don't contribute anything, right, So sometimes all you
Speaker 1: need to do is just acknowledge those aspects of who
Speaker 1: you are and what you bring to this world that
Speaker 1: are positive and that are enough. Right. So those are
Speaker 1: two pieces I want to share, and then I gotta
Speaker 1: throw one thing in there because it just made me
Speaker 1: think of it. I really believe this idea that we're valuable,
Speaker 1: and I think we talked about this at the Red Table.
Speaker 1: Just because we exist, you don't have to do, have
Speaker 1: be say anything. You're valuable. I remember this vividly because
Speaker 1: you made it here to be on this planet, and
Speaker 1: there's so many people who did not. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: it says that in the daily home too. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't you know. I didn't make that up,
Speaker 1: but I remember when it would shared with me. It
Speaker 1: just it was life changing for me. So I think
Speaker 1: this idea that you can acknowledge what your strengths are.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's enough to just acknowledge that strength and just
Speaker 1: sit with that, and then to remember your feelings are
Speaker 1: always valid in the moment you feel them and they're real,
Speaker 1: but they are not sure feel accurate. They do feel accurate,
Speaker 1: And I think part of it is practicing. How do
Speaker 1: we practice being in the space where I acknowledge this
Speaker 1: is what I'm feeling and not but and I find
Speaker 1: ways to bring myself to a more positive plane when
Speaker 1: I'm feeling those things. So think about yourself sitting at
Speaker 1: the table and you're thinking to yourself, I don't have
Speaker 1: anything contribute to this conversation. Maybe remembering me or somebody,
Speaker 1: or remembering yourself saying that's okay because there's nothing for
Speaker 1: me to contribute right now, and when the time comes
Speaker 1: to me to contribute, I'll be ready. What if you
Speaker 1: could remind yourself of that in those moments, then there's
Speaker 1: less pressure to feel like I should be saying something,
Speaker 1: I should be doing something, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So just reframing it in the moment sometimes it's what
Speaker 1: you need until that practice becomes automatic. Because at this
Speaker 1: point your automatic thought is right, and I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: probably talked about this in therapy. You're automatic thought is
Speaker 1: I'm not saying anything, and then it devolves into I'm
Speaker 1: not worthy should I really hear? Why anything to say? Right?
Speaker 1: That's automatic? So what if the automatic starts to become
Speaker 1: I had this conversation with somebody and they said to me,
Speaker 1: maybe it's okay that I don't have anything to say,
Speaker 1: because that means I know myself well enough to know
Speaker 1: when do I contribute and when do I hang back?
Speaker 1: M Yeah, that's that definitely would have to be in
Speaker 1: reframing from me because I always go to you don't
Speaker 1: even need to be sitting here because you ain't even
Speaker 1: saying nothing right and thin. But think about this, gam
Speaker 1: Think about what you represent just by being at the table.
Speaker 1: Think about a generation of women right who, like like
Speaker 1: I said, Jade and are gen X. When Jada is
Speaker 1: at the table, I know she's only speaking for Jada,
Speaker 1: but there's so many gen X, Black women and women
Speaker 1: of color and women in general who look at her
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, she's saying stuff that resonates with me.
Speaker 1: Saying with Willow Right as a gen z er, it's
Speaker 1: the same for you for your generation. You just your
Speaker 1: presence and as gorgeous and as radiant as you are,
Speaker 1: and how you just show up. You are giving voice
Speaker 1: and visibility to so many women who are in your
Speaker 1: generation who might have felt they didn't have a voice
Speaker 1: and nobody was reflecting their experiences and you do that
Speaker 1: just by showing up. Speaking of generations, do you think
Speaker 1: that self doubt and these um insecurities are feelings that
Speaker 1: are passed down through generations? Because I feel like I
Speaker 1: was born that way, my mother was, it was not
Speaker 1: this way, my father was not. I just don't know
Speaker 1: where it came from. But do you feel like those
Speaker 1: kinds of issues and fears are passed down through generations?
Speaker 1: I mean not only are they passed down internally through generations.
Speaker 1: So you think about intergenerational trauma, but you also think
Speaker 1: about societally, what kind of messages do we get from society?
Speaker 1: So even if it wasn't happening in your house that
Speaker 1: you were aware of, think about this. We don't know
Speaker 1: what was happened internally with our love that we don't know.
Speaker 1: All we know is what they tell us. So I
Speaker 1: guarantee you there's somebody in the family somewhere, probably close
Speaker 1: first egre relative who's struggling with the same stuff, but
Speaker 1: just never verbalize those things. So I think there's this
Speaker 1: internal part where we pass it generationally. I also think
Speaker 1: society gives us these messages. Think about where end up
Speaker 1: your generation and what women were told they could and
Speaker 1: could not do. Think about that, right, I think about
Speaker 1: women of my generation, we could do a little bit
Speaker 1: more because of the sacrifices that you all mad. And
Speaker 1: then I think about Willows and my daughter's generation, right,
Speaker 1: they do even more. So I think it's a little
Speaker 1: bit of both internal passing down but also external messaging
Speaker 1: as well. Now, we also did a show on anxiety,
Speaker 1: and I never thought of myself as being somebody who
Speaker 1: is anxious. Is anxiety and self doubt connected? But they're
Speaker 1: not the same, right, They're not the same. They're not
Speaker 1: the same. But anxiety and self doubt can absolutely be connected.
Speaker 1: So when you think about anxiety, I tend to think
Speaker 1: about anxiety as worried, right, just making in plain English, worried.
Speaker 1: That's out of proportion to whatever the stimulus is that's
Speaker 1: presented to you. Right. So if something happens, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: like somebody cut you off in traffic, many people who
Speaker 1: don't have anxiety, Oh they just cut me off in traffic.
Speaker 1: Maybe they get annoyed. An anxious person starts thinking stuff,
Speaker 1: what was that in the wrong lane? What did I
Speaker 1: do wrong? Why did they cut me? Off, this is
Speaker 1: just the worst day ever, right, and it just starts spirvuling.
Speaker 1: And so I think it's this idea of think about
Speaker 1: fight or flight. We all have fight or flight, right,
Speaker 1: It's just it's is born into us anxious people. Their
Speaker 1: fight or flight isn't overdrive, right, and it's varying degrees
Speaker 1: or overdrive. So it's not like everybody's that attend in
Speaker 1: flight all the time. But I think when you're anxious,
Speaker 1: you're in my because I'm anxious too, has a little more,
Speaker 1: you're a little more reactive. And so I think absolutely
Speaker 1: self doubt contributes to that. They feed each other, right,
Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily know which came first, but they
Speaker 1: absolutely feed each other. So I'm gonna give you an example.
Speaker 1: I had a situation recently where I had an opportunity
Speaker 1: to attend an event, right, and they only had one
Speaker 1: ticket though, so that man, I was gonna have to
Speaker 1: go by myself. And it was an important event, something
Speaker 1: that I really would have loved to attend, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go by myself, and I had all
Speaker 1: of these reasons why I couldn't go. I can't go,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be at the table by myself. I
Speaker 1: won't know where to sit. I won't there's not gonna
Speaker 1: be anybody there. I just I can't do it. And
Speaker 1: my husband was like, Adrian, you absolutely are going to
Speaker 1: know some people at the event, and what will happen.
Speaker 1: What would be the worst thing that would happen if
Speaker 1: you go and you're sitting at the table by yourself.
Speaker 1: You know how to talk to people, you know how
Speaker 1: to have conversation, and guess what, if you don't like it,
Speaker 1: you can get up and leave. And he really had
Speaker 1: to talk me into it. My r rap was like
Speaker 1: I will be there. I will be there and I
Speaker 1: can greet you and make sure that you get in
Speaker 1: your seat and all that and you know, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I can do it. I can
Speaker 1: do it. And then it turned out I had to
Speaker 1: work and I couldn't go anyway. But then I got
Speaker 1: all ramped up, and you know, ready I wanted to go.
Speaker 1: I was excited about going. It was an event that
Speaker 1: I actually really wanted to attend. I was just I
Speaker 1: let my fear take over, so I see that anxiety
Speaker 1: because my head I went to all of this, just
Speaker 1: all these reasons why I absolutely could not do it.
Speaker 1: I just I can't do it. I can't do it,
Speaker 1: you know. And my husband was I mean, I love
Speaker 1: him so much, he just he is a grounding force
Speaker 1: in my life. You know. That was I think a
Speaker 1: really good example of anxiety and self doubt, like the
Speaker 1: two of them like combusting and creating such a you know,
Speaker 1: a negative force in my mind. It wasn't real. It's
Speaker 1: just it's you know, I just went left immediately. What
Speaker 1: about codependency Does that that trigger yourself out as well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because think about it like this, codependency is you can't
Speaker 1: It's an extreme version of I am half a person
Speaker 1: and I need another half a person to be whole. Right,
Speaker 1: It's not I'm at a whole individual. This other person
Speaker 1: as a whole individual, and together we can be a
Speaker 1: whole couple or a whole partnership, or you know, whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be, whatever your relationship is to that person.
Speaker 1: Codependency is really about we have to really sort of
Speaker 1: lean on each other so much that neither one of
Speaker 1: us can stand on our own. And of course that's
Speaker 1: going to feed self out because you think about it,
Speaker 1: if they're things that you should normally be able to do,
Speaker 1: without any difficulty. I think in our minds, the codependency
Speaker 1: really sort of feeds this idea. Of course, I can't
Speaker 1: do that unless I have this other person to do
Speaker 1: whatever that thing is, So we don't give ourselves an
Speaker 1: opportunity we are. Part of working through self doubt is
Speaker 1: giving yourself enough data to see that when you're faced
Speaker 1: with a difficult situation, you can get through it. But
Speaker 1: if you're codependent and you always need that other person
Speaker 1: to help you get through whatever it is, when do
Speaker 1: you ever learn the lesson that you alone, like you
Speaker 1: said in your daily own, are good enough by yourself
Speaker 1: just as you are. You don't give yourself an opportunity.
Speaker 1: So to me, of course, that naturally is going to
Speaker 1: feed self doubt. And I think that's a natural tendency
Speaker 1: for those of us who have anxiety, especially if it's
Speaker 1: really high level anxiety where it's with us all the
Speaker 1: time and it's activated all the time. That's a natural
Speaker 1: tendency to go there because we're not trusting ourselves that
Speaker 1: we can do things on our own, and of course
Speaker 1: we can't. We just need practice. Yeah, So how do
Speaker 1: you think the pandemic has affected or triggered people when
Speaker 1: it comes to self doubt, just that being forced to
Speaker 1: be alone all the time. It is, Yeah, you're forced
Speaker 1: to be alone with your thoughts, and you think about it,
Speaker 1: you're you also don't have opportunities to practice. Again, My
Speaker 1: thing is always about you gotta practice behaviors to learn
Speaker 1: them and integrate them into your life day to day.
Speaker 1: When do you get to practice things like, say, for example,
Speaker 1: one of your things is you're socially shock, but you're
Speaker 1: really trying to work on engaging people. The pandemic forced
Speaker 1: you to be in the house more so, when do
Speaker 1: you get to practice and what do you do? You
Speaker 1: revert back to the stuff that makes you feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: and sometimes the stuff that makes you feel comfortable. Remember
Speaker 1: what it said, the devil you know, it's been in
Speaker 1: a devil you don't know, but it's still a devil.
Speaker 1: You're hanging out with that devil of self doubt and
Speaker 1: it just you're allowing it to grow. I think there's
Speaker 1: a part of it said that. I think there's a
Speaker 1: part of it where we think about things like depression
Speaker 1: and anxi siety often go together, right, So you're maybe
Speaker 1: frustrated because you're in the house anxious, your anxiety is growing,
Speaker 1: and then you get sad because your anxiety is getting worse,
Speaker 1: and then it's just a vicious cycle. So when do
Speaker 1: you get the opportunity to help pull yourself out of
Speaker 1: that if you're not out of the house doing things
Speaker 1: that help you relieve your anxiety. I remember one of
Speaker 1: the things you said was you like to be out
Speaker 1: in nature, Okay and right, and the nature and nature
Speaker 1: helps you. I'm the same way. I like to be
Speaker 1: outside running the walk, and especially we have like creeks
Speaker 1: and streams by where I live. I love being by
Speaker 1: the water. What happens if I can't get outside to
Speaker 1: be by the water, I'm just sitting with that anxiety.
Speaker 1: And one more thing I'll add is people who are
Speaker 1: able to do things like let's say you figured out
Speaker 1: that exercise really helps you with your anxiety, and you
Speaker 1: really like to go to the gym. During the pandemic,
Speaker 1: the gym was closed, right, so you couldn't go to
Speaker 1: the gym, And now that it's open, maybe you're worried
Speaker 1: about people are in there without masks. I don't go
Speaker 1: in there, get no germs. I don't want to get
Speaker 1: be exposed to COVID and so you keep yourself in
Speaker 1: the house. So I think there are lots of ways
Speaker 1: in which, to your point, the pandemic and isolation and
Speaker 1: quarantine have really fed people's anxieties, not intentionally, but it's
Speaker 1: just a byproduct. So what are the different things, Like,
Speaker 1: are there exercises or that we can do to just
Speaker 1: kind of help us with this, you know, things that
Speaker 1: we can do to build up our self confidence. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: so I think it's baby steps. So one of the
Speaker 1: things we teach people when you're teaching them how to
Speaker 1: manage anxiety is something called exposure treatment. I think that
Speaker 1: without getting too formal, we can expose ourselves to things
Speaker 1: step by step, in little baby steps to help us
Speaker 1: get more acclimated to doing those things and develop more
Speaker 1: confidence in ourselves that we can accomplish those things. So,
Speaker 1: for example, like when you said your husband was talking
Speaker 1: to you about going to this event by yourself, I
Speaker 1: think an example of that might be can you sit quietly?
Speaker 1: This is what I teach my patients when I work
Speaker 1: with patients. Can you sit quietly and just visualize what
Speaker 1: would it be like to show up at that event.
Speaker 1: Let's just start there, work on breathing, what do you
Speaker 1: need to do to help yourself be calm in the moment.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to count right, just count to ten.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to take deep breaths. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to give yourself some affirmations, but just
Speaker 1: pretend like you're in that moment and work yourself down
Speaker 1: away from that high level anxiety. That step one, it's
Speaker 1: just visualization. Step two might be, let's go to an
Speaker 1: event together together, and then you leave me by myself
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and let me work on what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be alone. But I know you're around
Speaker 1: here somewhere right until you work your way up to
Speaker 1: I actually can make an effort and make an attempt
Speaker 1: to go to an event by myself. So it's that
Speaker 1: visual visualization and practicing and baby steps. I always also
Speaker 1: say prevention is always so much better and intervention. So
Speaker 1: if you work on keeping your anxiety at a low
Speaker 1: level daily, every day, you're doing something to help you
Speaker 1: manage your anxiety. That and to build yourself confidence right,
Speaker 1: reflecting on something that's good about you, practicing affirmations, setting
Speaker 1: your intention. For some people, that's prayer. If you can
Speaker 1: find something that you can do every day, to reinforce
Speaker 1: your self confidence, reinforce something that you like about yourself,
Speaker 1: for multiple things that you like about yourself, those things
Speaker 1: start to become automatic. Remember how we were talking about
Speaker 1: the automatic thoughts where our brads go normally. Right, you
Speaker 1: got to build it up the same way you like
Speaker 1: sort of build yourself down into that self doubt. So
Speaker 1: it's building ourselves back up, and it's practicing it every day,
Speaker 1: so that it's prevention instead of waiting until we're in
Speaker 1: the throws of oh my god, I hate myself, I
Speaker 1: can't do it, and trying to talk ourselves out of it.
Speaker 1: It's that's too hard. So prevention first is always the key. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, I have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1: Really too, I have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1: Is there any other advice that you would want to
Speaker 1: give people who are dealing with self doubt like myself? Yes,
Speaker 1: I would say two things. Come back to remember what
Speaker 1: you said from the daily own and what I've learned
Speaker 1: a long time ago. You're valuable because you exist. Remember
Speaker 1: that daily. That's one thing too. Curate your news and
Speaker 1: curate the sources of information that you allow to come
Speaker 1: into your space. Right. So some people love watching like
Speaker 1: network news or you know, cable news, or whatever the
Speaker 1: case may be, but it triggers anxiety, it makes a worry.
Speaker 1: You gotta reduce the amount of news that you consume
Speaker 1: because you're really trying to calibrate and make sure that
Speaker 1: the stuff that you take in is not stuff that
Speaker 1: send in your anxiety spinning. So always be mindful of
Speaker 1: what you're consuming in all different kinds of ways. Exercise
Speaker 1: is important. And then the final thing I will say,
Speaker 1: it's just try to find that one piece of light
Speaker 1: within yourself. Think about that one thing that you know
Speaker 1: you do better than anybody else, and remind yourself of
Speaker 1: that constantly. If you can continue to do that, you're
Speaker 1: always coming back every day to something that makes you
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself, that makes you positive, that gives
Speaker 1: you a boost, And hopefully, if you do that enough,
Speaker 1: that thing becomes automatic and you have at least one
Speaker 1: thing to help counter any of those aspects of self
Speaker 1: doubt that you might be feeling. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us, Dr Alfie. That you know, I started
Speaker 1: out feeling anxious about just having the conversation, but I'm
Speaker 1: so glad that I did. I'm so glad that that
Speaker 1: you agreed to come on. So now it's time for
Speaker 1: this segment. Wouldn't you like to know? And I want
Speaker 1: to ask you three rapid fire questions before you leave.
Speaker 1: What book are you currently reading? Oh, that's a good question.
Speaker 1: I'm always in the Secret some version of that always. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm familiar with that book. What's one thing you want
Speaker 1: to get off your chest that I am? I have
Speaker 1: to remind myself of this. I am fearless, I am
Speaker 1: unapologetic about who I am as a black woman. I
Speaker 1: love myself and I demand that people show up and
Speaker 1: respect me exactly as I show up in the world.
Speaker 1: And don't ask me to change anything. Girl. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: and seen and cut. What's the model you live by? Oh,
Speaker 1: one of my favorites. I wish you lots of loving light,
Speaker 1: and I'm always hoping that your loving light and your
Speaker 1: mental health are informed by good, culturally relevant science. I
Speaker 1: love that. I love that model. And where can people
Speaker 1: find you on social media? Yes? Of course. So my
Speaker 1: kids and their friends call me drowthy d R A
Speaker 1: L L by E. They always called me dropping, and
Speaker 1: somebody called me that yesterday. And I'm picking up food
Speaker 1: and I put dr Alpha. They were like dropt I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, so drafty at all social media Instagram, Facebook,
Speaker 1: LinkedIn whatever. Then I have a website, dr Alfie dot
Speaker 1: com and then people can also follow my nonprofit, the
Speaker 1: a Coma Project a a k O M. A Comma
Speaker 1: Project one word on all social media. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us, Dr Alfie, thank you for using
Speaker 1: your platform for this, and thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: I am you know, I'm a forever, ever and ever
Speaker 1: fan and not just appreciate you and your team so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today. My most
Speaker 1: important takeaways from today's conversation is number one, your feelings
Speaker 1: are valid, but they're not always accurate. And number two,
Speaker 1: we're valuable because we exist. And join this episode of
Speaker 1: positively Gam, then subscribe to the positively gam series to
Speaker 1: catch up on all of season two. And that's our
Speaker 1: show for today. You can follow me online at Gammy Naris.
Speaker 1: Also help us out by leaving a five star review
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts and by hitting the follow button on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Stay great for you all. Positively Gam
Speaker 1: is produced by Red Table Talk Podcast and I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Executive producers are Adrian Banfield, Naris Valin, Jethro and Jada
Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith. Our audio engineer is Calvin Bailiff, and our
Speaker 1: associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger. Our theme song is
Speaker 1: produced by d Beats